Quaraun the Insane

Volume 12: 

Captain Quirk & The Pirate Ship Rent-A-Prize

Dark Fantasy Yaoi Novel Free Chapters To Read Online 



The series has been renumbered. This volume is now 12 not 9.

Volume 12: Captain Quirk & The Pirate Ship Rent-A-Prize

Thinking he's found a genie in a bottle, a thief steals a glowing green bottle from a DiJinn wizard, then stows away on a SpellJamming ship about to leave port.

With no time to search the ship before it leaves, Quaraun signs up as a Helmsman: a wizard capable of using magic to sail giant pirate ships between planets for intergalactic space travel, a task he has never performed by after having meet GhoulSpawn is convinced there is nothing too it.

Realizing the wizard he stole the bottle from is on board, the thief tosses the bottle into the bay.

Quaraun and the thief have picked the wrong ship to board, as it's crew of pirates mutiny and take the ship as their own. Quaraun thee thief and the captain must work together to regain control of the ship.

Only problem being Quaraun cares nothing for the ship or it's crew... he just wants Pocket Lich back and is willing to do anything to find her.


In his bag of holding, Quaraun carries a ship in a bottle. The bottle when uncorked, releases the imprisoned ship and it's crew.

This is the story of how Quaraun came to be a Helmsman, how he acquired the ship, and why he keeps it's crew imprisoned in a bottle.


Pocket Lich 



Wanted: One Wizard, Must Be Trained As An Experienced SpellJamming Helmsmen



Pirate Ship Rent-A-Prize, The Purple SpellJammer



Off To The Rock of Brawl



Elves In Space



Gang Rape of The Necromancer



The Paranoid Necromancer



Tinker Gnomes and Their Giant Space Hamsters



Dragons In Space



To Find A Lich









Thinking he's found a genie in a bottle, a thief steals a glowing green bottle from a DiJinn wizard, then stows away on a SpellJamming ship about to leave port.

With no time to search the ship before it leaves, Quaraun signs up as a Helmsman: a wizard capable of using magic to sail giant pirate ships between planets for intergalactic space travel, a task he has never performed by after having meet GhoulSpawn is convinced there is nothing too it.

Realizing the wizard he stole the bottle from is on board, the thief tosses the bottle into the bay.

Quaraun and the thief have picked the wrong ship to board, as it's crew of pirates mutiny and take the ship as their own. Quaraun thee thief and the captain must work together to regain control of the ship.

Only problem being Quaraun cares nothing for the ship or it's crew... he just wants Pocket Lich back and is willing to do anything to find her.

Please note, this site is the Home Site for The Adventures of The Pink Necromancer aka The Quaraun Series.

The Quaraun series is a set of 2,000 short stories and 130 Fantasy novels about a suicidal, drug addicted, serial killing, transvestite wizard.

Due to the content of the books, you must be 18 or older to buy them and they are sold under M18+ ratings in countries that require book ratings on the cover.

These morbid novels do not have happy endings, and main character Quaraun's depression, suicidal nature, and drug use gets worse as the series progresses. If you are looking for cheerful, happy stories, these novels are not for you.

Most pages on EelKat.com are either sample chapters from these Dark Fantasy Yaoi novels or how-to advice and Q&As about writing Dark Fantasy Bizarro Yaoi, and thus many pages feature mention of suicide, drug use, cutting, depression, BDSM fetishes especially CBT, schizophrenia, ritual murder, and thus many pages are probably NSFW.

Please be aware that this site is considered an "Adult Entertainment" website and by viewing it you agree that you are over the age of 18 years old.

Reader discretion of both the Quaraun novels and the pages of this website is advised.

The Quaraun Series 

Meet The Characters:

Quaraun's World:

Characters:

Culture:

Magic:

The World:

The Adventures of Quaraun The Insane:  First draft/sample chapters from the  novels.

NOTE: The scenes and chapters featured here, are from the unedited first drafts, and NOT from the finished published novels. This was done because many readers had asked to see what the first drafts looked like to see how different they were from the finished product. Because these are from the unedited first drafts, they contain spelling and grammar errors, typos, and sections that are still unrevised. These errors are corrected in the final published editions.

  • More sample chapters can be found here: (note, while these chapters are linked in chronological order, they are not continuing one to the next, they are chapters spanning from Volume 1 all the way to volume 119, of a series that has 130 novels/volumes.)

  • Pink Links are pages on this site. Green links go to the pages found on my DeviantArt account.

  • Chapter 1: King Gwallmaiic & The Sacred Pink JellyFish (Chapter 1 of the entire series)
  • BoomFuzzy's Gingerbread House From Hell
  • The Dying Elf, Gibedon's Head, and King Gwallmaiic's Elf Eating Mansion
  • Santa Claus: Lich Of The North Pole
  • An Elf Gone Mad: The Rise of The Pink Necromancer
  • I Loved My Children, But I Loved BoomFuzzy More
  • Doe'Uan and The Lonely Elf
  • Finding Finderu 
  • Kelim Meets Quaraun The Insane
  • Pocket Lich Unleashed: Quaraun Murders Findaru
  • Captured By The Lich Lord 
  • An Elf and a Lich in the Gingerbread Pit
  • The Lich's True Form Revealed 
  • Bullgaar the Vulgar 
  • The Enchanted Map
  • Waiter, There's a Head In My Soup
  • The Orcs and The Necromancer 
  • The Valley of the Katopas (Part 1)
  • The Valley of the Katopas (Part 2)
  • The Beginning of the End
  • The Witch Massimara Of Mount Yenka
  • Psychotic Dead Things
  • Six Days Earlier
  • There is no Mournful Lamb Inn
  • The Swamp of Death
  • The Dungeon Master & The 1974 AMC Gremlin
  • Introducing GhoulSpawn
  • The Demon Cultists & The Coming of The Darkness
  • EelKat and The Kats of Planet Ptarmagin
  • The Moon Elves of Ivujivik
  • The Return of ZooLock The Great
  • The Gremlin's Warning
  • A Field of Poppies On The Road To Witch Pond
  • The Road To Witch Pond (Part 2)
  • The Road To Witch Pond (Part 3)
  • Santa's Dead Floating Body
  • Worms!
  • GhoulSpawn and Quaraun Trapped With A Phooka
  • The Banshee Sisters: Bean-Nighe and Ben-Neeyah In the Swamp of Death
  • A Fourth Letter To Home - The Masochistic Elf With Stockholm Syndrome
  • GhoulSpawn and Quaraun Trapped With A Phooka
  • The Strange Village or I Love The Smell Of Decomposing Bodies In The Morning
  • The Golden Rooster
  • Meeting Mallac
  • Serial Killer At Large
  • The Summoner of Darkness
  • Corsets, Elves, and Undead Faeries.
  • Visiting The Scene of Murder #1 With An UnGelded Stallion
  • I Never Wanted To Be a Wizard
  • Sheep Again
  • Back At The Tavern and Still No Shrimp
  • A Tavern Scene Part 3 - Quaraun, Unicorn, GhoulSpawn, - Time Travel, Chastity Cages, and Whores
  • Tumbling Down Stairs With Slutty Elves and Angry Liches
  • Where Are You Hiding That Horse?
  • The Hostess Twinkie Aisle of Biddeford WalMart
  • Quaraun Meets HellBorne The Evil
  • The Map of the Town
  • Quaraun Meets BatDude & Pigeon Poop Boy
  • Pepperell Square, Saco, Maine, In The Year 2525
  • No Goldfish, Today?
  • Chocolate Covered Elves 
  • Evil Elves 
  • How To Kill A Lich
  • The Lover's Triangle 
  • At Gremlin's House / Kill The Baby
  • I Am Not GhoulSpawn
  • Sheep
  • Santa's Letter to Satan 
  • Going North To Head South
  • Alone
  • In Black Tower
  • You've Only Known Our World Through The Eyes of a Madman
  • "Sold! To Zebulon, for two million dollars."
  • The Last of The Moon Elves
  • FarDarrig and The Baby That Never Should Have Been 

  • Answering Reader Question About The Quaraun Series:

    Behind the Scenes:
    A Look At How I Write The Quaraun Series...

    The Quaraun series is a set of 130 Fantasy novels about a suicidal, drug addicted, serial killing, bi-sexual, polyamorous/polygamous, masochistic, time traveling transvestite Elf wizard, his sex crazed, sadistic, drug dealing unicorn, and their bloodthirsty sentient house. 

    The Quaraun series contains heavy use of the following:

    • suicide
    • drug use
    • cutting
    • depression
    • polygamy
    • BDSM
    • sex fetishes
    • CBT (cock and ball torture) 
    • sounding
    • knoting
    • barbed penises and toothed vaginas 
    • monsters eating Humans
    • blood thirsty Faeries
    • Elves eating Elves
    • Faeries eating Elves
    • squid headed aliens eating brains out of still alive victims
    • medieval torture
    • schizophrenia
    • stockholm syndrome
    • sadism
    • masochism
    • rape
    • incest
    • dub-con
    • necromancy
    • necrophillia
    • ritual murder
    • flaying (skinning a person alive)
    • child sacrifice
    • cannibalism
    • bloodletting
    • vampirism (the mental illness, not the mythical creature)
    • crude language (including an excessive use of the words fuck, cock, dick, testicals, balls, scrotum, and penis) 
    • interracial relationships
    • M/m/m relationships
    • gay men
    • bisexual men
    • transvestite men
    • men who have sex with unicorns(horses)
    • tentacle porn sex with squid headed aliens
    • shape-shifter sex
    • ménage à trois relationships
    • double dicked men
    • tripple dicked penitration gay sex scenes
    • bananas, pickles, candy canes, unicorn horns, and glass wizard wands used as dildos
    • main character Quaraun is a man with 4 wives (one of whom is also his sister, another of whom is also his daughter)  
    • Quaraun has 2 male lovers
    • Quaraun has 4 children by his sister
    • Quaraun has 3 children by his daughter
    • Quaraun has 1 child that is the result of him raping a woman
    • Quaraun has 37 children by prostitutes
    • the primary secondary character, Unicorn, is a chemist "candy maker" and detailed instruction of how he makes his drugs, including recipes to do so are included in the novels

    The Quaraun series has been banned by the following:

    The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints aka The Mormon Church 

    (1991) (Reason: too much sex)

    (Interestingly, there were no sex scenes in the series before 2014)


    The Arundel Christian Tabernacle, Biddeford-Arundel, Maine 

    (2001) (Reason: evil and influenced by Satan)


    New Life Church, Biddeford, Maine 

    (2003) (Reason: Too gay for the family friendly church)

    (Interestingly, there were no gay characters in the series before 2014)


    Fan-Fiction.net 

    (2012) (Reason: Too violent)


    Curtis Lake Church, Sanford, Maine 

    (2013) (Reason: Too gay for the family friendly church)

    (Interestingly, there were no gay characters in the series before 2014 and I added gay characters to the series BECAUSE of this false complaint)


    Old Orchard Beach Town Hall of the Town of Old Orchard Beach, Maine, a division of the United States of America Government 

    (January 4, 2016 via court order)(State of Maine, Biddeford District Court: Docket #BDDC-PA-2015-00574) 

    (Reason #1: Too gay for the family friendly town of Old Orchard Beach)(Reason #2: Contains transgender characters  depicted as living in Old Orchard Beach, in violation of the ordinance which states Old Orchard Beach is a "Family Friendly Town" by virtue of it's ban on LGBTQ+ residents)

    27 volumes of the Quaraun novels were forced to be unpublished/removed from Amazon by the government issued court order that cited these books as "Too Gay For Old Orchard Beach"

    NOTE: As a result of this ban, and my discovery that OOB had an ordinance banning LGBTQ citizens from living in our town, an additional court case rose up, and on October 21, 2016, Alfred Superior Court overruled the ordinance banning LGBTQs in OOB, AND overturned the town hall's ban on the Quaraun series, citing that both the ordinace baning LGBTQ residents and the court order ordering the Quaraun books to be removed from Amazon.comto be "gross violations of civil rights".)


    Did you notice how 3 different places used the exact same phrase of "Too gay for the family friendly..." In each of these three cases the exact same minister was behind the ban.


    Sample Chapters of Many of the Novels Are Available To Read Online:

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    Volume 24: The Dread Chant of the Fan Boys

    Volume 00: 000000

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    Volume 23: The Return To Fire Mountain

    Volume 00: 000000

    Volume 27: The Sorcerer's Tower of Cake

    Volume 00: 000000

    Volume 31: The Crystal Palace of Mt. Demontooth

    Volume 00: 000000

    Volume 00: 000000

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    Volume 00: 000000

    Volume 00: 000000

    Volume 00: 000000

    Volume 48: A Baby For The Necromancer

    Volume 00: 000000

    Volume 58: Zebulon's Captive

    Volume 00: 000000

    106: The Haunted Lighthouse

    Volume 00: 000000

    Volume 00: 000000

    Volume 107: The Battle of Ongadada

    Volume 00: 000000

    Volume 00: 000000

    Volume 00: 000000

    Volume 108: Friends Are Forever

    (Volume 1 of The Twighlight Manor series)

    Volume 119: My Two Favorite People


    Please Note: The Quaraun Series Is Rated M18+ and you must be 18 or older to buy it.

    Most pages on EelKat.com are about writing, publishing, marketing, and CosPlaying Dark Fantasy, Bizarro, Gorn,  Monster Porn, Torture Porn, CBT, Psychedelic Literature, Weird Lovecraftian Horror, Pink Humour Satire, & BDSM Yaoi.

    With this in mind, some pages may not be safe for work and are marked as: [NSFW].

    Reader discretion is advised.

    Why is the Quaraun Series Rated M18+?


    Book publishing hiatus: November 14, 2013 I was beaten up by a woman who claimed to be a unpublished author. I was paralyzed for 5 months and am still 4 years later relearning to use my legs & arms. While I was cripple, offline, and recovering these past 4 years, she next proceeded to hack my website and most all of my forum and social network accounts.

    April 2015 she returned, filled my motorhome with 1,000s of gallons of feces/raw sewage and cut my cats heads off nailing them to my door. 10 cats are currently still missing. 

    October 2006 she blew up my house with a bomb, in May 2013 put a bomb in my classroom at college, November 2015 put a bomb in my department where I work at Walmart, and June 2016 put yet another bomb in WalMart. The FBI is trying to identity of this woman. More info about these terrorist attacks on my family can be found here: https://www.eelkat.com/1667Words.html

    If you have any information about this woman, please contact the FBI agent in charge of the case, his contact info is on that page.











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