Summoner of Darkness:
A Tavern Scene -
Quaraun, Unicorn, GhoulSpawn, Chastity Cages, and Whores
Quaraun slid the mug across the table to GhoulSpawn.
"I don't drink," the half-Elf said, sliding it back.
Quaraun shrugged, took the mug and drank it himself.
"Elves don't usually drink," GhoulSpawn said.
"I'm not your usual Elf."
"You still fucking every whore you see," Quaraun asked.
"As I recall, last time we saw you, you liked fucking Humans. Lots of them. You were hiding from multiple angry husbands, because you were having yourself too many wives. None of them yours."
"Yeah. I don't like talking about that."
"There's no angry husbands in this town yet."
"Ah! Then there are whores in this town, yes?"
"You shouldn't use that word."
"Whores? Why not?"
"It's not nice."
"I'm the world's most feared Necromancer. Who ever said I was nice?"
"You're dressed Barbara Cartland!"
"She's an author. You wouldn't know her. From the future. In the 1960s. She wore pink dresses all the time just like you do. Except she was a women."
"Does my wearing dresses bother you, GhoulSpawn?"
"No... it's just... you... you look like a girl."
"You shouldn't say that word either."
"Horny? What's wrong with horny?"
"It's not polite."
Unicorn leaned closer to Quaraun.
"This one worse then de Gnome."
"BeLuna was na half so much a stuffy bitch."
"That's not a nice word either," GhoulSpawn said the the Phooka.
Unicorn glared at the Half-Elf.
"Did I says ya could speak to me?"
"Just because my Elf likes having ya ass around does no mean I has to be likesing ya."
"Unicorn," Quaraun placed his hand on the Phooka's shoulder. "He's not bothering anything. Leave him be."
"Him bothering ya cock."
"The chastity cage you put on me is what's bothering my cock."
"If would nay be bothering ya, iffy ya was no having erection over de Half-Elf."
"Your's is the only cock ever in me, so what difference does it make who makes me have an erection. You're the only one that's ever gonna fuck me."
"Ya keeps saysing ya wants him to fuck ya."
Unicorn shifted out of his Humanoid form back into his natural horned horse form, stamping his hooves as he did.
"You keep saying you want to fuck every one!"
Quaraun stood up and yelled at the little black pony. Every one in the tavern was now staring at the back table to find out what the Elf and the Unicorn were yelling at each other. GhoulSpawn was wishing he was any place else right now. Being the only three non-Humans in the building, didn't help matters any.
"I a horse. Fucking every one what we do."
"Have you ever even heard of a monogamous Elf. We live in large family units. Every one fucking every one else."
"Un dat makes ya want to fuck half-Elves now?"
"I can't fuck anyone and you know it. I had a damned sword stuffed up my dick, remember? I'm a eunuch now. All I can do now is be fucked by you and watch other people fuck each other!"
"Can you two stop using that word?" GhoulSpawn asked.
"What?" Quaraun asked. "Fuck?"
"Yis is damned fucking igit," Unicorn snarled at GhoulSpawn. "I can uses any fucking damn word I fucking damned well please. How dare ya tells me how to speak ya damned fucking half bred."
"You're a half breed yourself," Quaraun yelled at Unicorn.
"I is a Phooka."
"You're half Aswang and you know it."
"My fucking bitch of a whore mother abandoned me. I does nay acknowledge her kind."
"That doesn't change the fact that you are half Aswang and you have no right to be putting him down for being half blooded, when your half blooded yourself."
"Yis want ta be fucked by him."
"I like being fucked by you. You're a double dicked stallion. You think I'm gonna find another pair of barbed cocks like yours?"
"Than why ya getting horny over him?"
"Why the hell not?"
"I'm not cheating on you. I couldn't even if I wasn't mutilated. You put a damned chastity cage on me."
"I shoulds puts it on tighter next time."
"I'm sure you will next time."
"You two have strange dinner conversations," GhoulSpawn said, hoping the couple would stop talking about their penises.
A waitress with a new bottle of Fairy Wine was standing beside the table, not daring to speak to the 3 non-Humans.
"What?" Quaraun yelled at her.
"Your drink?" She held the bottle out, trying not to get close to the Elf. Elves were terrifying creatures after all.
Quaraun snatched the bottle from her hand.
"Get out of here," he snarled.
He watched the girl as she ran off, then he sat back down and poured himself yet another drink.
"You really shouldn't drink so much," GhoulSpawn said.
"I'm evil now. What does it matter any more."
"You're not evil, Quaraun. Though right now, I think you might be drunk."
"Drunk. Hhhmmmm. Probably. High Elf. I tend to not notice it."
"You drink too much."
"You don't drink at all."
"I like to know what I'm doing."
"Hmmm. Certainly does help with life. Knowing what you are doing. Of course I rarely know what I'm doing these days."
"What happened to you?"
"Didn't you used to be a wizard for hire. Helping people."
"Yep." Quaraun started drinking from the bottle.
"Your life is a mess Quaraun."
"Get used to it. I did."