Welcome to the New Space Dock 13! Helping Authors Write Weird, Bizarre, Absurd, Psychedelic Horror-Fantasy Since 1996! (We've Moved & Changed URLs; Space Dock 13 is now EelKat.com) (We are also novel-writing-tips.com, a-pink-unicorn.com, & of course are still SpaceDock13.com)
You have reached Maine's largest and most trafficked website.
As of February 2021, we are now getting up to 7 MILLION visits per day!
This is the home page of
Maine author, artist, Voodoo Priestess, Gypsy Queen, and art car designer:
EelKat Wendy Christine Allen.
This website started in 1996 and is updated, edited, and added to daily.
As of 2021 it has more than 10,000 pages. However, only around 2,000 pages are indexed by search engines (robot blockers and/or passwords, prevent the rest from being findable by Google/Bing/Yahoo/etc.). Around 8,000 pages can only be accessed by clicking on direct links to them. The links are found on other pages on this site. Confusing? Perhaps. But whenever one of those difficult to find 8,000 pages gets traffic, I know that you are VERY dedicated in reading what I wrote or doing some stalker level digging to reach those search engine inaccessible pages and I'd rather not waste my time writing stuff for uninterested parties, plus it's fascinating to see how deep some people are willing dig to find every last word I wrote.
I published my first novel in 1978. Since than I have published 138 novels, 30 non-fiction books, 2,000+ short stories, a dozen plays, a few comic book scripts for Disney's Uncle Scrooge and Donald Duck comics, a few dozen novellas, and 10,000+ non-fiction articles.
I am asexual and famous for 4 decades of writing 100% sexless stories, laced in extreme blood-gore-and-violence. But in spite of that, in recent years, most people classify me as an Erotica author. I don't know why, as I've never written Erotica of even any sex scenes, and as I am a nun, raised as such from the age of 3, I wouldn't even know how to write sex or Erotica. If you can here looking for sex, BDSM, Erotica, or Dominatrix's, please return to whomever sent you and tell them to burn in Hell where their immoral ass belongs. Also, do tell me their name so I can put a curse on them, so they will never enjoy sex ever again, to punish them for spreading lies about me and connecting my name to anything related to sex at all. I find sex vile and despicable and want no part of your perverse degradation near me.
All of my fiction works are about Alien Elf Wizards who live in Old Orchard Beach, Maine. All of my non-fiction works are about the history of Maine, it's Gypsy Clans, and most especially Old Orchard Beach the town which was settled and founded by my family.
Most of these pages answer reader questions on the worldbuilding, character creating, plotting, writing, editing, and publishing process of my work.
Others are on the history of my people, The Gypsies of Maine, our culture, our lifestyle, our cars, and our religion.
The rest of the pages are daily updates of the terrorist attacks by Maine's White Supremacists on my non-white family, including updates of the FBI investigation of the April 10, 2015 kidnapping and murder of my children.
The bulk of this website is a massive database of how-to articles for anyone looking to write and publish Dark Fantasy & Weird Horror.
Some stuff is indexed. Most stuff isn't. The links below take you to the most popular/most visited pages. Each of them contains more links to more pages. That should get you started.
UPDATE: April 7, 2021: The Art Car Building Streams Are Returning Soon! The Dazzling Razzberry is about to return, as we completely rebuild it on stream
Close-up on The Dazzling Razzberry II's 2.5million marbles and beads
The Dazzling Razzberry, April 7, 2021
Close Up The Dazzling Razzberry Hood - before and after the February 2019 vandalism done by fans of the PsychoBitch 4Chan QAnon Streamer & her simps who did $30,000 in damages to it:
The Dazzling Razzberry 2 aka The Autism Awareness Car, as it looked from May 2012 until it's destruction February 2019
The Dazzling Razzberry, April 7, 2021
The Dazzling Razzberry is back... now all black primer... Repaired, wielded back together, running, licensed, registered, and back on the road again... now primed and ready to be restored.
This car was obliterated by a PsychoBitch 4Chan QAnon Twitch streamer and 5 of her simps armed with baseball bats, in February 2019. They did $30,000 in damages, leaving it chop-shopped to pieces, smashed apart, and all of it's 2.5million beads and marbles scraped off.
This car was my daily driver and daily car vlog streams stopped February 2019 because the car was reduced to so many chopped up pieces, that it took up nearly 3 years to wield the pieces back together, and make the car drivable again.
Because it cost $12,000 for the 2.5million marbles that was glued to it, and took me 4 years to hand glue them on one marble at a time, and most of those 2.5million marbles were reduced to shattered powdered glass dust by the vandals, The Dazzling Razzberry will not be returning to it's former shimmering glory.
If you know the Twighlight Manor series and you know Etiole's brother Razzbury that the car was inspired after... know this... we are going Sea Wolf for the rise of The Dazzling Razzberry 3.
Out with the Green Moray Eels and in with the Piranhas
NOTE: Chat is set to emote only on my Twitch channel and my personal contact information has been removed from my website and every place else, due to the HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS of false reports of "information", along with vile hateful memes about the murder of my family being sent to me by trolls who think mocking the murder of my family is funny.
FBI Agent Andy Drewer out of the Portland, Maine FBI office is in charge of the of the April 10, 2015 kidnapping of my 12 children by 14 Ku Klux Klan men who invaded our home and the subsequent May 15, 2015 murder of 10 of the 12 whom had their heads nailed to my front door. If you have information about the case, give it to him not me. He can be reached @ +1-(207)-774-9322
EXTREME SPOILER WARNING!
Please be aware that nearly every page on this website contains spoilers to something. I talk about a lot of fandoms, and go into great detail analyzing them when I do.
If I am talking about The Witcher series, InuYasha, Disney Ducks, the Quaraun series, or any other fandom, you WILL encounter spoilers about it.
If I'm analyzing an author's (Hemingway, Poe, Rowling, etc.) writing style you WILL encounter spoilers for their books.
If I'm talking about movies, cartoons, TV shows, comic books, novels, plays, short stories, video games, or pretty much anything else, you WILL meet spoilers along the way.
No matter who it is or what it is, if I am talking about it, I'm going to be talking about it WITHOUT avoiding spoilers.
This website is full of spoilers for lots of many things and this is your only warning!
Turn back now if you want to avoid seeing spoilers!
The Princess Bride predicting Covid-19?
Avallac'h's a Good Tutor? Of What? How to Better Bed Kings?
If you could recommend I watch one VOD that best represented your channel, which would it be?
Necromancy: Fact Vs Fiction; Or How Can You Be A Necromancer In Real Life?
What a Necromancer is and what a Necromancer is not. A look at real live Necromancy and how it compares to fictional Necromancers.
I have an interesting question here, which inspired me to write about the topic of Necromancy today.
I am a Hoodoo Rootworker & Voodoo Priestess rank of Medsan Fey Marjia Loa to Damballa Weddo. This means of course that amoung other things, I practice Necromancy. This also means that I get a lot of strange emails from a lot of strange people...including the one I received today.
A reader said:
"Where do you get off calling yourself a Necromancer? I know you are not a Necromancer because Necromancy is the art of bringing the dead back to life and that's impossible. Once you're dead, you're dead. No coming back. You do realise that if we actually had the ability to raise people from the dead, everyone would be doing it? We would all have our loved ones back, the world would be way overpopulated and yeah, it's not going to happen. I don't know what fantasy books you enjoy reading, but remember it's just a book. Do you actually believe in what you are saying? you are very crazy! There is no possible way to summon the deceased in any way, shape or form. When you are dead, you are dead. Necromancy is a myth. If the dead could be summoned at will, no one would worry about dying."
Ah. Now see, you are someone who has not got access to a dictionary. Nor have you got your head screwed on right. You are being bigoted, irrational, hysterical, judgmental, and are jumping needlessly to false conclusions, and over all, simply making a fool of yourself, while proving you can't tell the difference between your ass and a hole in the ground. Tip: go to the store and buy yourself a dictionary before you send me another message. Okay?
I'm sorry to have to say this, but, you my dear, are an idiot, if you think Necromancy has anything to do with resurrecting corpses. You clearly don't know the difference between fact and fiction, and therefor you falsely assume that I don't either. Judge not, lest ye be judged.
Never assume, for it makes an ASS out of U and ME.
You THINK you know what a Necromancer is and thus you spew your angry, bigoted, judgmental hatred and false accusations, based entirely on your false information. I'm sorry, Honeybuns, but you obviously haven't got a clue what a Necromancer is. Necromancy has absolutely nothing to do with raising the dead, that would be Alchemy. Alchemy is the art of transferring an object from one form to another form. Usually Alchemy is thought of turning lead into gold, but turning a dead corpse into a living body is another aspect of Alchemy.
The confusion between Necromancy and Alchemy is usually caused by RPG games and Fantasy novels, written by people, who did not do their research. The problem is then compounded when, gamers and readers who likewise did not consult a dictionary, falsely assume that the authors of the D&D books and other games and novels based off said books, actually knew what they were talking about.
Authors do have the responsibility of knowing the meanings of the words they use, word being their career, however, that is sadly not the case, and often a word which means one thing, becomes confused with another thing because and author was careless. Words such as Gypsy, Voodoo, and here Necromancy mean one thing in popular slang culture and something else entirely in both the dictionary and actual practice.
Dungeons and Dragons is largely the culprit when it comes to describing Necromancers incorrectly. Many gamers, readers, and authors use the D&D books as reference points and assume that how a Necromancer is describing in D&D is correct and accurate. (If you want to see how seriously messed up some of the descriptions in D&D are, check out what the Monster Manual has to say about Gorgons vs Medusans.)
In D&D a Necromancer is described as an evil wizard who robs grave, resembles corpses, and uses said corpses to create armies of zombies, vampires, ghouls, etc. Do note the part where I said: in D&D, meaning within the FICTIONAL UNIVERSE of the Dungeons and Dragons fantasy realms, this is what the word Necromancer means, BUT this meaning ONLY applies within the D&D gaming world and does not apply to the real life meaning and usage of the word.
Many Fantasy authors then use D&D as a reference tool, incorrectly use this error in their novel writing, and then readers incorrectly come to the false conclusion that Necromancy is the art of raising the dead.
ONLY in fiction, does Necromancy = raising the dead.
In real life practice, Alchemy is the art of raising the dead.
Definition: Necromancy is the act of conjuring the dead for divination. The word necromancy derives from the Greek (nekrós), "dead", and (manteía), "divination".
In real life practice, Necromancy is the art of COMMUNICATING with the dead and petitioning spirits of the dead to help you in various activities.
The stories of what we Necromancers can do are wildly exaggerated.
I am constantly having to explain the art to people who are too lazy to pick up a dictionary. What is it a Necromancer does is probably not what most people think we do. A Necromancer, by true definition, is one who communicates with the dead. Only this and nothing more. We talk with spirits.
In theory an Alchemist who is also a Necromancer, (called Cryonics via Cryogenics) with enough scientific skill, could raise the dead. To raise a single corpse, takes decades of study and practice before perfecting it. In spite of the rumours you will be hard pressed to find a Necromancer who has ever successfully reanimated a corpse.
In ACTUAL Necromancy, a magic art that has been practiced for more than 7,000 years, the Necromancer communicates with spirits of the dead, ghosts, daemons, Di'jin, and Faeries, usually for divination purposes.
Having a seance to communicate with a dead loved one, is Necromancy.
Using a OuiJa board to ask questions of the spirits, is Necromancy.
Performing an exorcism to cast spirits out of haunted houses, is Necromancy.
Casting a spell that uses graveyard dirt (gopher powder), is Necromancy.
Casting ANY type of spell in a graveyard, tomb, crypt, or cemetery, is Necromancy.
Any spell, chant, ritual, or prayer requiring you to ask on the help of the ancestors (such as the loa, gede, your grandmother, a beloved pet, etc) is Necromancy.
In fact, many of the things thought of as "common practices" used by witches, are Necromancy. Necromancy simply means "to speak with spirits" ONLY this and nothing more.
Most people fear Necromancers and believe Necromancy is evil, simply because they do not know what Necromancy actually is and are confused by the differing definitions used in Fantasy Fiction vs Real Life Practice.
Necromancers are not evil; they are just people, just like you. For some Necromancy is a hobby, for others it is a career, and then there are some who have no control over it. Natural born Necromancers are often use the "less scary" terms Psychic, Clairvoyant, Clairaudient, etc.
A Psychic is simply a TYPE of Necromancer. A Psychic is a Necromancer who contacts the spirits in order to gain information about future events.
Clairvoyant is simply a TYPE of Necromancer. A Clairvoyant is a Necromancer who contacts the spirits and receives messages in the form of visions. Clairvoyance is the Necromantic art of receiving messages from the dead, via seeing them (seeing ghosts).
Clairaudient is simply a TYPE of Necromancer. A Clairaudient is a Necromancer who contacts the spirits and receives messages in thought form. Clairaudience is the Necromantic art of receiving messages from the dead, via hearing or listening for their voices.
Clairsentience is the Necromantic art of receiving messages from the dead, via feeling or touching things that belonged to the dead person.
Clairalience is the Necromantic art of receiving messages from the dead, via smelling or recognizing scents.
Claircognizance is the Necromantic art of receiving messages from the dead, via knowing or receiving mental intuition from the dead person. It is the ability to know something without a physical explanation why you know it.
Clairgustance is the Necromantic art of receiving messages from the dead, via recognizing tastes (without having anything in your mouth). It is the ability to perceive the essence of a substance from the spiritual or ethereal realms through taste.
Because of the negative stigma (and violence, vandalism, and hate crimes towards Necromancers and their families) most who practice Necromancy, prefer to call themselves Mediums, Spiritualists, Psychics, or Clairvoyants.
Necromancers don't seem quite so scary (or glamourous) when you strip away the HUGELY inaccurate Hollywood media myths of resurrecting dead bodies and take a look at what they REALLY do, now do they?
Now, that question out of the way, I have a few other questions here, some asked to me quite some time ago, but I simply never got around to answering them, because 1) I get way more emails than I have time to read and it can be 1 year or more before I get around to reading yours, and 2) life is busy and hectic and I simply do not have time to answer every email I get. But, questions sent to me, do all get tossed into a folder where they are sorted by topic and wait for the day to come when I am discussing that topic for whatever reason, and eventually I do get around to answering them, sooner or later, and today's topic being Necromancy, I decided to sift through my folder and pull out some of those old unanswered Necromancy related questions fro way back whenever it is they got sent to me, so, here's some more Necromancy questions answered:
"What is the difference between a Magician, Necromancer, Sorcerer, Warlock, and a Enchanter? If I become a Necromancer does that mean I am also a Warlock? How do I know if I am a Necromancer or a Warlock?"
A Necromancer works with and/ or raises the spirits, energy, or essence of the dead usually for use in divination practices, as previously stated earlier in this article. Note that I said 'raises the SPIRITS of the dead' NOT resurrects the dead. You will know if you are a Necromancer or not because you will see and or hear dead people (ghosts). If you do not see or hear ghosts, you are not a Necromancer, simple as that.
Enchanter is another name for Hypnotist. An Enchanter is someone who "enchants" or hypnotises people.
A Magician is a member of the Brotherhood of the Order of the Magi. Many modern members of the Brotherhood of the Magi use their magic arts for stage performances (for example, David Copperfield.)
Sorcerer, Wizard, Witch, and Mage all mean "one who practices magic". Any of them can be either male or female. The titles are different only because they originate from different cultures.
A warlock is NOT a magic user, but rather a liar who is not to be trusted. The actual meaning of the word warlock is "oathbreaker" (modern translation: "One who tells a lie and breaks promises") and has nothing to do with witchcraft, magic, or anything remotely spiritual.
You CAN be both a warlock and a Necromancer, ONLY if you are a Necromancer who breaks oaths/ promises and tells lies.
A warlock is any man who has betrayed vows, contracts, and/ or oaths taken with/ to his family, country, business, employer, clan, church, coven, military, god/ gods, or anything else.
A man who vowed an oath to a woman (marriage vows during a wedding ceremony) but then later breaks those vows by committing adultery is a warlock. He has committed the sin of breaking a sacred vow to his wife.
A man who vowed an oath to a military (became a soldier) but then later breaks those vows by deserting during battle is a warlock. He has committed the sin of breaking a sacred vow to his country and superiors.
A man who vowed an oath to secrecy (signing a contract with his employer) but then later breaks those vows by selling company trade secrets to a competitor is a warlock. He has committed the sin of breaking a sacred vow to his company.
A man who vowed an oath to his church (becomes a priest and swears to a life of celibacy) but then later breaks those vows by by entering into a sexual relationship with a member of his congregation is a warlock. He has committed the sin of breaking a sacred vow to his God and church.
You begin to get the idea, yes? It has nothing to do with witchcraft or magic on any level at all. And outside of movies, RPG games, and Fantasy novels, it never has.
You can always tell a witch who is not a real witch and has no clue anything about real witchcraft, by the the titles they use to call themselves.
For example, there is a local man, here in Maine, who introduces himself to people "My name is ---, I'm a Warlock you know, and a Christian too." He is very proud of this. I found this quite puzzling, for being a warlock is nothing to be proud of. The title of warlock is one fraught with great shame, it means that you are a liar and a cheat, one not to be trusted, it is nothing to be proud of.
He lives next door to my dad in Biddeford, and I asked him one day, after he said this yet again, what it is he thought a warlock actually was. His answer was: "I am a male witch and a Christian, I have been to the white room three times."
White room? Interesting term. Explains a lot, considering this man also claims to be a graduate of medical school, and yet, a few months ago he asked to read one of my Quaraun books and I told him there were no print copies of it, only ebooks available on Amazon Kindle, to which he said: "I ain't driving all the way to South America to by evil books! Why are you only selling your books down there?"
I explained that Amazon was a website and he went off on a rant, citing the evils of computers and there dark influences on the mind, saying that he would never allow one in the house.
He later proved that he had not gone to medical school, after my 5 months being bedridden and then walking with a cane. He stopped to ask, why I had the cane (which he refers to as "that evil thing"). I told him what had happened, I have Chronic Tendonitis, my muscles slip off the bones if I run, fall, lift more than 20lbs, ect. The cane is because I tripped and fell, and I caught myself and did not hit the ground, however, the slight movement was enough to rip the muscles off of my spine, hip, and knee, resulting in my being paralyzed for 5 months and then having to relearn to walk. (Thus way from November 2013 through August 2014, you say me not online and not releasing new books on a monthly basis as is normal for me. And it was during this time period when I was not online, that someone decided to hack my online accounts and did so for several months without my knowledge, seeing how I was paralyzed and unable to use the computer.)
In any case, he stopped and asked me what had happened, why had he not seen me in so long (normally I visit my dad every day) and why was I now on a cane, and I explained it to him and his response was: "Oh so your cartilage melted off the bones and disappeared, see I went to Medical School I told you I know all that stuff."
No. No, the cartilage did not melt off my bones. Chronic Tendonitis has absolutely nothing to do with cartilage. It means my tendons are no longer functioning properly and they rip apart if I make any type of sudden movement. My muscles and ligaments peel apart in layers and curl up under my skin and require physical therapy and surgery to put them back in place. And I have a muscle, tendon, or ligament slip off the bone about 5 times a year on average.
This is the same man, who upon learning that I owned a meditation garden named "Laughing Gnome Hollow" (named after the David Bowie song of the same name), he walked up to me and said "I used to be a Gnome you know." Really. Fascinating.
He also when finding out I was a Mormon, while holding a beer can in one hand, and two cigarettes in the other, said to me: "I'm a Mormon too!" Interestingly, I told him I was a Mormon, in answer to his question. The conversation was this:
I was getting out of my car, to visit my dad, and this guy walks over and says: "You're damn hot I want to fuck you."
I said: "I'm married."
He says: "So what, that don't matter."
I said: "I'm a Mormon."
He says: "I'm a Mormon too! And a warlock."
Ah. Yes, well that's rather obvious, I think as I watch this drunk, chimney stack, glorify adultery. Mormons do not drink or smoke or do drugs or sex outside of marriage. Mormons vow to give up drugs, drinking. smoking, meat, sex, and public schools, among other things, when they enter into their vows of becoming a Mormon. To be a pearl to swine, a dog returning to his vomit, by commit any of those sins once you have taken those sacred vows, yes, that does make you a warlock, because you have broken the oaths you made to the church.
Here is a man, claiming to be a Mormon, while drinking, smoking both a tobacco cigarette and a weed cigarette at the same time, while trying to convince a married transvestite she should cheat on her husband of 28 years...and then he calls himself a warlock. Or, yes, yes, THAT THERE is in fact the TRUE and PROPER definition of a warlock.
This is why I asked him, what it is, he thought a warlock was, because, he is standing here very proudly proclaiming to be a breaker of his oaths to the LDS/ Mormon Church, which indicated him to be a typical ignorant know-nothing who had never read a dictionary and had no clue what warlock meant outside of Hollywood movies.
So I ask him: "What do you think a warlock is?"
He says: "I am a male witch and a Christian, I have been to the white room three times."
I'm thinking "white room"?
Well, this crazy old drunk man, who looks and smells like he just rolled out of a gutter and hadn't bathed in decades, and claims to have graduated from medical school, should know what the term "white room" means if he did in fact graduate from medical school, and yet, I got the impression he meant something else so I asked him what this "white room" was.
He said: "I'm a prophet. I talk to Jesus. I died 3 times and Jesus took me to the white room and told me how to live my life..."
He kept talking, but he lost me at that point. Jesus taught him how to live his life? I suppose Jesus told him to drink beer and smoke pot and cigarettes too? Oh yes, and Jesus MUST have been the one who told him it was okay to make sexual advances to another mans wife. He didn't have much credibility with me to begin with, no one who drinks or smokes does, and his lies about medical school and being a Gnome sunk his credibility even lower, and now, he's trying to tell me he is a Mormon and he lives the life Jesus told him to live?
If he truly does talk to Jesus, that would in fact make him a Necromancer, because Jesus is dead and only a Necromancer would be able to talk to him or any other dead person, seeing how that's what a Necromancer does. He continued to yap for 2 long hours about all his trips to the white room and his conversations with Jesus and how Jesus ordained him and made him a prophet and that's why he has no need to attend church any more, blah, blah, blah...
As soon as he said "white room" THIS song starting dancing through my head:
If you're a long time reader of mine, you KNOW what song I'm gonna put here ;)
All I can say in response to this man's claim, is that life in Southern Maine, sure has been interesting ever since Pine Land Center lost it's funding and shut down and just let all the crazy people, who used to be straight jacketed in little white padded cells, loose in Biddeford.
Americans may see me as crazy, but fact is the nice young men in the little white coats did come to take me away Bishop Paul Morgan of the Cape Elizabeth Ward of the Augusta , Maine Stake Center of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, armed with more then 200 handwritten double sided 64 page long letters written by Major Richard Merlin Atwater, contacted Pine Land Center, and then the following week a whole team of psychiatrists and body guards stormed into the church building one Sunday, oh that was a mess. No one had any clue what was going on.
And the Bishop is standing there screaming at the top of his lungs "There she is, she's demon possessed! Take the witch! There she is the one wearing the skulls" ... This is the 20th century and he's standing there screaming about demon possession and "get the witch out of our site, I command you in the name of the Heavenly Father!" I don't think the doctors liked being commanded what they should do and who they should take. It was plainly obvious that they were very pissed off by the way the Bishop was pushing them around and giving them orders.
Me? I was just sitting there. a little Autistic girl, only 14 years old. Sitting. Silent. As always. I don't talk, remember? I have Autism. I'm sitting, silently reading my Bible, totally oblivious to what is going on. I have Autism, I tend to get drawn into whatever I'm reading and neither see nor hear anything going on around me until someone (in this case the Bishop) grabs my arm and starts physically shaking me to shake me out of my "reading trance".
I didn't know who the men were at the time. They were all dressed in white and here we are sitting in a Mormon Sacrament meeting, nothing unusual there. Mormons love their whitity, white, whiteness, to the point that one of their commandments says "No non-White shall ever inherit the Kingdom" (The Prophet Brigham Young from The Discourses of Brigham Young.) One of the reasons the Bishop did not like me is that at the time, the Cape Elizabeth Ward had a decree that no one could wear any colour other then: white, navy blue, dark brown, or hunter green. (It was not an official ruling of Church Headquarters in Salt Lake City; it was one of the many, little "mini" rulings that this one particular Bishop had set in place for his congregation only - SIDE NOTE: The Church Headquarters in SLC strictly forbid Bishops from making their own rules and he lost his job of Bishop when they found out he was doing this.)
In that time period I was going through my Xavier Logan (Twighlight Manor Series: The Wild Years) phase and thus was often wearing neon day-glow eye-popping yellow bell bottom pant suits with fuschia godets and ruffles. It was a very Elvis look, only it wasn't a one-piece jumpsuit and it was yellow and pink instead of white and gold. (I did mention, I really love the clothes of the 1970s, didn't I?)
Well, the Bishop, was not in approval of the fact that "young people" were wearing very bright colored clothes. While I was melting away in my psychedelic colours, there were others in the youth group who were following after the British Punk Rockers of the time period, and wear dressed all in black and chains and spiky Billy Idol style hair.
The Bishop was of the opinion that all the youth of the congregation were going to Outer Darkness (Mormon word for Hell) and that it was his duty as "the right hand of God" to "chastise the few to save the many". This calling PineLand Center to the church building, during church services, was not the first time this Bishop had done something like this. It was just the first time that I was his target. Usually it was police officers coming in. This was the first time it was a team of doctors...who...I don't know what exactly he told them, to get them to come all the way down here (Pineland Center was in New Gloucester, a 4 hour drive)...but they came down in a hellfire fury all armed and ready to carry out some dangerous, criminally insane psychopath.
No. All they found was a little, mute, Autistic child, with limited mobility, slow movement, who was blind in one eye from having been hit in the face with a tree branch at age 8, and was so "out of touch" with the world around her that she had not noticed the team of doctors storm into the building.
Needless to say, they were rather piissed when they got all the way down here and found out, there was no dangerous criminally insane psychopath trying to kill church members. (That's what they said they had been told, and why they came so urgently.)
The head administrator of PineLand Center took me aside and interviewed me, or attempted to, the Bishop had neglected to inform them that I had Autism and to talk to me requires you read my written words of response. They hadn't expected that. They also had not expected me to be only 14 years old. They thought they were coming in looking for some dangerous criminal who was murdering babies and sacrificing them to demons. (Because that is what RMA wrote in several of his letters to Bishop PM.)
The line of questioning went like this:
"Do you eat babies?"
"Do you sacrifice dogs?"
"Have you murdered any church members?"
"Are you a witch?"
"Do you have sex with dead bodies?"
This Bishop, was the man who original branded me "The Sea Witch of Old Orchard Beach." Or rather, more specifically "That white trash sea witch from the Old Orchard Beach trailer park." He addressed me in that manner for 11 years, before his house got hit by lightning and burnt to the ground, and the following week he broke both arms and both legs in a skiing accident. He moved out of state after that, claiming that I had sent the lightning bolt after him and that it was my fault he went on the wrong trail and ran into a tree.
But when a church leader, addresses you by anything for 11 years, in a congregation of 750 members, 350 of which in active attendance every week, people in the congregation start to use the term as well, and soon, everyone in a five town radius, church members or not, start using it too. of the 64,000 people in the area, almost none of them knows my name, but nearly everyone of them, know I'm the Sea Witch of Old Orchard Beach, thanks to this Bishop, who started calling e that when I was a child.
The head administrator of PineLand Center did inform me that wearing skulls was not legal in Maine, even if they weren't human. The bishop had told him I was wearing the skulls of dead babies, whom I had sacrificed. They were in fact snapping turtle skulls, A swamp borders our land an snapping turtles are constantly getting hit by cars, so I have access to a lot of turtle skulls, and I had a black velvet robe at that point, which had turtle skulls sewn all over it. The Bishop had told them that they were human baby skulls. Turtle skulls look nothing like human skulls I don't know how he mistook one for the other, but that is why I don't wear skulls in public any more, because Maine has laws saying you can't. I can still wear them on my own land during rituals, just not in public.
The head administrator of PineLand Center called the Bishop in to talk with him while I was in the room, and he asked the Bishop to explain himself and why he was wasting their time. Why had he lied to them about me? And why hadn't he informed them that I was both a child and had Autism? The Bishop responded with a rant on how there was no such thing as Autism, that Autism was merely what the evil satanic doctors told people to cover up the fact that I had a demon living in me. He ended his rant with: "She's evil! Look at the way she dresses! You can see she's evil! She's going to kill us all!" He then started flapping RMAs letters around and reading them out load saying: "This is her uncle, he knows her he knows what she's like, he's told me all about her, read this, look what he says she does!"
Guess who they actually took away, ha, ha... it wasn't me. Ask me again how RMA made it ONTO THIS LIST.
oooh.. Let's laugh at Paul and Richard now...
I've had more than 30 psychiatrists interview me over the years, nearly always because I'm a Necromancer and a Gypsy Queen and a Voodoo Priestess and people often don't believe me, think I'm making it up and send for somebody to come talk to me. The psychiatrists do their interview thing, hours later they head off to look up my family, my home, etc, etc, and then they come back:
"OMG! You are the Queen of a Gypsy clan. You are ordained a Voodoo Priestess, you do practice Necromancy and real Necromancy isn't what it's said to be in movies. You're free to go."
I've never been in any mental institute or psych ward more then 4 hours, however, in every case, my accusers have been court ordered to receive several years of weekly psychiatric counselling for believing in such things as demon possession.
Think you want to be a Necromancer? You better be ready for the teams of psychiatrists, who often arrive with police and arrest warrants, to come and take you away a few times a year, to verify that you are not insane and are not killing people, sacrificing animals, eating babies, robbing graves, or having sex with corpses - all accusations which locals have gone to the police with. Once people find out you're a Necromancer, expect the police with search warrants and arrest warrants to be knocking at your door every few weeks, every time someone breaks a fingernail and blames it on you.
Every few months someone calls the police and reports that "We have a Necromancer living down the street. She kills dogs and eats babies! She's robbing bodies from graves! Blah, blah, blah."
And then the police come over and tear everything apart, turn everything upside down and inside out, searching for body parts and evidence of blood sacrifices. I have to go through that a couple times a year at least. Once time (May 9, 2006) they came storming into the house, video camera in tow, took the wood stove, and dumped it out ashes and all in the middle of the floor, looking for burned bones.
April 10, 2015, people stormed in, dumped buckets of cat feces (buckets as in, it was more then three inches thick) on the floor, counters, tables, couch, chairs, walls, and windows, beat my black cats' heads in, and then, slapped me with animal cruelty charges, claiming that that the feces where there when they got there and that I had beaten my cats up for necromancy purposes.
So, you'll have to deal with frame-ups like that to.
Honey if you want to be a Necromancer, this is the type of stuff you're gonna have to live with. Because people are scared of Necromancers and they make up all sorts of wild, crazy ideas about who and what you are, and they run to the police with those ideas, and the police have to investigate every report, no matter how false it is... AND don't trust the police, because half the time there IS NO report. The police are required by law to give you a copy of the complaint: with the name of the complainer, and 9 times out of 10, the police are faced with having to admit there was no complaint, they were just acting under suspicion. (In other words they were bored and decide, "Hey let's go pick o that crazy woman again.")
This is the REALITY of life as a Necromancer. It's NOT glanourus. People WILL hate you. People will throw rocks at you. They will paintball your house. On October 18, 2006, someone built a grease fryer bomb and blew up my house, at 1AM, with me and my family asleep inside. My dad was in a coma for months. I'll never walk without a cane again, and it took plastic surgery to reconstruct my face.
Do you STILL think you want to be a Necromancer? Think very carefully, how you will be seen by the world and how the world will respond to you. I live up here in the hick, sticks of Maine. I'm told the locals are more wild, more superstitious, more violent, then people found in the lower 48. I wouldn't know, I've never been out of state. I don't know what non-Maine people are like. I can't judge by the tourists, because the tourists are too busy taking pictures and screaming: "OMG! IT'S STEPHEN KING'S GYPSIES! THEY'RE REAL! HONEY GRAB THE CAMERA!!!!"
Yes, Honey, please, grab the camera, whack him over the head with it and shut him up! We know we are Gypsies. Stop pissing your pants just because you met us.
Every time a tourist meets us, they act like they just saw Bigfoot or the Loch Ness Monster. "They're real! They're real! OMG! Gypsies are Real! I thought they went extinct years ago!"
How the hell do you think w Gypsies went extinct? Tell me that? We are Humans you know. Even if you non-Gypsies don't treat us like Humans.
Oh, but then, now that that they've found Stephen King's Gypsies, now they want to to see the "old Gypsy witch" (me) made famous by Thinner. You do know I'm NOT in that movie right? Whoever it was in the movie, that was an actor, not me. And then it's "Cast a spell for us! Put a curse on someone! PLEEEEASE!" What am I? A trained monkey? I don't go around casting spells and curses all willy-nilly. Good God! The things some tourists request of me.
Life as a Necromancer: people will never let you live in peace. EVER.
Which brings me to a question I get asked over and over and over and over again:
"How do I become a necromancer in real life? Can you teach me how to do what you do?"
I suppose that depends largely on what you think a Necromancer is and what you want to do, coupled with WHY you want to be a Necromancer.
It's unlikely you actually want to be a Necromancer. real Necromancy is NOTHING like what you see in RPGs, books, and movies. It's not "cool" or "evil" or going to make you "powerful". Most people come to Necromancy expecting some cool, evil, glamorous stuff they will get to do, and then they find out that real Necromancy is far duller and less exciting than they were expecting. Most who attempt to learn Necromancy soon give up from disappointment.
If you are looking to be cool and dress in black robes and prance around with plastic skulls, you can just leave because you're wasting my time. Go to a custom shop, get yourself some robes and skulls and then head out and find yourself a nice Goth Club to hang out at, because that's what you really want.
If you are looking to resurrect the dead, create zombies, vampires, wraiths, liches, chouls, or any other reanimated dead thing...uhm...yeah, you better just go back to your video games. That stuff ain't real.
If however you are looking to get a message to your dead grandmother or receive a message from her or seek the guidance of one of the loa or gede or wish to communicate with Faeries, well now that I can help you with.
Becoming a Necromancer actually isn't difficult, nor is it as dangerous as most "teachers" would have you assume. There are dangers of course, as there are with any magic arts practice, and Necromancy is perhaps more dangerous than some of the other forms of magic, but it's not all dark and spooky and scary and there are no blood sacrifices or eye of newt or jars of eyeballs or robbing graves or sex with corpses or any of those other things you see Necromancers doing in movies and D&D game sessions.
Unlike what some would have you believe there aren't any schools to teach you Necromantic arts. And you don't have to spend decades studying before you begin practice, or doing 101 days of circles or any of that other stuff. It's really not as complicated as all that. And remember, the sites that tell you those things, are just trying to use scare tactics to get you to send them all your money - they have something to sell (usually "classes" or "courses") and they have to make you think you are going to be "punished by the spirits" if you don't buy their courses and learn to do spell casting "properly". Honey there is no proper way to do magic. Magic is largely about improvisation and using whatever you have on hand. Necromancy is no different.
Me? I'm not trying to sell you anything. I have no classes or courses to offer, so no incentive for warnings to the tune of: "BEWARE! BEWARE! TURN BACK BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE! Ooooooh! Scary, evil, darkness ahead! Ooooooh! You're going to lose your soul if you you don't do it right! Oooooh!"
If you run into a site with a warning that Necromancy is evil, dark magic, or black magic and better do it right or else, it's that site you should be scared of, because no LEGITIMATE Necromancer is going to classify Necromancy as either dark or black. Only the scam artists and the tutti-fruitis are gonna be parading around with "Look at me, I'm doing dark magic! I'm a black mage! I'm cool because I'm evil!" Yeah, you're cool alright. Go soak your head and get out of here.
Necromancy is NOT evil.
Necromancy is NOT dark magic.
Necromancy is NOT black magic.
There is NO SUCH THING as dark magic.
There is NO SUCH THING as black magic.
There is NO SUCH THING as black mages.
There is NO SUCH THING as white magic.
There is NO SUCH THING as light magic.
There is NO SUCH THING as evil magic.
There is NO SUCH THING as good magic.
Magic has no color and no alignment.
Magic just is.
Anyone who tells you anything to the contrary is lying to you.
So, if you are going to learn to be a Necromancer, a REAL one, the first step is to dump all that black magic vs white magic, good magic vs evil magic fluffy bunny load of tutti-frutti crap out of your head, because you ain't gonna get anywhere with the spirits with that load of shit blocking up your energy flow.
Ah, but you want a warning don't you? Everyone does. I start telling people how to be a Necromancer and the first thing they do, every time, is interrupted me and say: "But aren't you gonna give me a warning? Aren't you gonna try to stop me? Aren't you gonna tell me this is evil and dangerous and there's no turning back?"
No. Why would I? But it doesn't matter how many times I say they don't need a warning, they still pester me asking for one. I don't know why, but, let's just get it over with so we can move on, here you go a warning:
Dark Arts Warning:
I am a Necromancer. I work with spirits of the dead, ancestor spirits, ghosts, Dark Fae (including Phookas, FarDarrigs, Kelpies, Unicorns, and Brackish Water Faeries) etc. All of my spells are cast with graveyard dirt and in a graveyard.
Most magic practitioners call the magic arts I do "Dark" or "Black" magic. Some call it Chaos magic. If such things bother you, you may wish to avoid me, my site, and you will especially wish to not antagonize or annoy me as I think nothing of casting curses, vengeance spells, retribution spells, and mirror box death wangas.
I specialize in gris-gris ("voodoo dolls") both "good" and "evil" types. I am NOT what people call a "white" witch who's scared to cast curses antagonize me and I WILL cast one on you. I'm Maine's most famous and most feared "witch" or so I have been told...I'm not sure how the people doing the telling came to that conclusion. Personally I thinks it's all in their head (Same way I don't believe them when they talk about demons which I also don't believe in.)
Of course, I don't believe in "good" or "evil" magic, nor do I believe in "white" or "black" magic, or that there exists any such thing as "dark" arts. I believe things are only as good or as evil as you see them, and that if you are seeing magic as evil, then you need to do some Soul searching to find out why you are translating things as evil. If you see evil things all around you, it might be saying something about how you feel about yourself.
By their fruits Ye shall know them. If you see me as evil, that would be because evil exists in your own heart and you are reflecting your feelings towards yourself at me because you can't face the real you.
So, no I don't Believe in "dark" arts or "demons", but the law required me to put this warning here, to protect myself from the people who do believe in such things.
There you go. I even made it nice and black and bloody, just the way you expected it would be. Happy? Can we move on now? Yes? Good. Thank you.
Can we continue now, without the stupid, ignorant, stereotypical, evil, black arts mumbo-jumbo clogging up your brain?
Oh but the heading was pink.
Yes, I know. I like pink.
But you are Necromancer.
Yes. And I wear pink rhinestoned robes while doing rituals. What of it?
But aren't Necromancers supposed to wear black?
No. Why should they?
Because that's how it's done in Dungeons and Dragons.
Honey, this ain't Dungeons and Dragons. This is the real world, and I don't like black. I only wore black for a brief period of time during my "Alice Cooper" phase. I believe I was 16 when I stopped.
I like pink. Most of my clothes are pink. Pink is a good colour. Pink speaks to me. Draws me in. Pink is good. See? Here is a picture of me in my ceremonial robes. This is what I look like while doing Necromantic rituals.
But you're smiling.
Yes. I do that. Often, in fact. What of it?
Necromancers don't smile.
Really? Why not?
Because Necromancers are evil!
Necromancers are evil?
Really? But I thought you said you wanted to be one?
Yes. I do!
Are you telling me that you want to be evil?
Yes! I do!
*Twiddles thumbs. Looks up at ceiling. Rolls eyes. Thinks about how incredibly annoyed I am by this ignorant imbecile who is sitting in front of me wanting to become evil.*
So, you are only here because you are seduced by the idea of dart arts and black magic and desire to be evil and assume the evilest thing out there is Necromancy, thus you sought me out to request I teach you how to be a Necromancer?
Yes! That's it! Exactly!
You think I'm evil?
Of course you are! You're a Necromancer!
Yes. Well, Your lesson is over. Please show yourself to the door. You've wasted enough of my time.
But you haven't taught me anything yet.
No. And I'm not going to.
Because you don't have what it takes to be a Necromancer.
Yes I do. I've been studying all I can find on dark arts and black magic. I'm already a black mage. I know how to curse people. I'm so close to being evil already. I just need some help in getting started with Necromancey. There's so little information out thee o how to get started...
No. I'm sorry, but you'll never be a Necromancer. You don't know what a Necromancer is. You don't want to be a Necromancer. You want to be evil. That's not the same thing.
You do not respect the dead. You are nothing but an ignorant, arrogant fool, looking to be powerful so you can show off to your friends. You do not have the right personality or mindset to take up Necromancy. A Necromancer must be humble and reverent and have a deep respect for the spirits of the dead. You must not be proud or boastful nor must you be seeking power.
You will never be a Necromancer because do not seek knowledge or wisdom, you do not seek to make the world a better place, you do not seek to better yourself and the world around you, you only seek power and therefor you are not the right candidate for learning Necromancy.
When someone like you walks down the path of Necromancy, they try to capture the spirits and hold them as captive prisoners. They abuse their powers of communicating with the dead and seek to do harm. I will not help you on that path. Please leave. I don't want you around me. By calling me evil, you have deeply offended me and I don't ever want to see you again.
Evil is as evil does and I want no part of it.
Leave now, before I put a curse on you.
I have yet to teach anyone the art of Necromancy. Not one single person, and for exactly the reason stated above. I've had dozens of people come to me over the years, requesting I teach them to be a Necromancer and in every case the conversation goes just like that. They are all hyped up over becoming some big bad evil super villain and they haven't got a clue what REAL Necromancy is or what a REAL Necromancer does. It's incredibly annoying how ignorant they are. They always claim that they have studied and researched...what have they studied? what have they researched? Not the Keys of Solomon. Not the writings of John Dee or Edward Kelly. Not the Book of Enoch. Not the Apocrypha. That's plain and obvious. I mean if you want to research and study Necromancy those are the places to start.
If I ask them about those books and which translations of them did they read, they just stare at me with this blank look on their face and go: "Huh? I never heard of them, what are they?"
You never heard of them. REALLY? You just told me you studied and researched everything you could find and you haven't read the primary instruction manuals of Necromancy? What in the world have you read and studied?
Oh, well I read Lord of the Rings and The Hobbit and Terry Brookes books and I've played a Necromancer in Dungeons and Dragons and Pathfinder and World of Warcraft and...
Have you done any NON-FICTIONAL reading and research into Necromancy?
No, well, I didn't know there was any non-fiction books on Necromancy out there.
Let me repeat this then:
Keys of Solomon
The writings of John Dee
The writings of Edward Kelly
The Book of Enoch
Those are the basic handbooks used by REAL Necromancers. Get them. Read them. And you'll be well on your way and most likely won't need my help at all. Everything you need to know is in those ancient Medieval text books that you are REALLY going to have to have a high IQ if you are ever going to make it through reading them and also understand what they say. If you can't read those books AND understand what they are saying, then you will never become a Necromancer, because you need to learn the speak and read the language of the Grigory Angels in order to call up the spirits of the dead, and it's not an easy language to learn.
Rarely do any of them come back, but if they do, they come back in a raging fury, screaming and yelling:
"Those were books out of the Bible! And writings of Medieval priests! I don't want to read that load Christian crap! I wanted to learn about Necromancy! Why did you have me read that Christian crap! I'm not a Christian! I don't want anything to do with Christians! I HATE Christians! I'm a Pagan/ Atheist/ Satanist/ Druid/ blah, blah, blah..."
Oh, Sugar Pie, you're more foolish and idiotic then I thought. Why would you want to be a Necromancer if you hate Christians? Didn't you know that ALL Necromancers are ALWAYS Christians? They always cast their spells "By the Blessed Blood of Jesus" and close all their circles "In the name of the Heavenly Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost".
I thought you said you studied? Necromancy is a Medieval CHRISTIAN art of the Magi. The Magi as in the three wise men who predicted the coming of Christ and followed the star to worship in the manger at his birth. The same Order of the Magi which was created/ founded by Daniel of the Lion's Den fame. Necromancers are always Magi Priests of the Brotherhood of the Magi, a Christian Sect of Wizards, who's most famous member was Merlin, who may or may not have been a real wizard.
How is it possible for you to have studied and researched anything about Necromancy and not know the history of the practice or that it was a group of Christian priests. I do seem to recall saying something about Necromancers NOT being evil workers of the dark arts. You remember me saying that right?
"How do I become a Necromancer? I mean in real life not on some game. I want to become a real Necromancer raising real minions."
This is one of my favorite questions, of all the questions I've ever been sent regarding Necromancers.
Minions is a fascinating concept, and if you play a Necromancer in D&D you can have minions to do your bidding. You can raise up armies of zombies or ghouls or vampires or even a few liches, heck, if you reach high enough levels, you can turn yourself into a Lich. But here's the thing: Dungeons and Dragons is a game. It's fiction. It's not real.
While it's fun to play a Necromancer with armies of minions in an RPG, you got to understand that real Necromancers don't have armies of undead minions any more than real newspaper reporters jump in phone booths, turn into Superman, and fly off to save damsels in distress.
You have to use your brain about these things. There is a little thing out there called common sense and logic and the ability to think for yourself. In other words; use your brain and your common sense to logically figure out what is fact and what is fiction.
In other words: minions are not real. Minions do not exist. Minions are a figment of the imagination. Real Necromancers don't have minions. Sorry to burst your bubble, but you really need to grow up and learn the difference between facts and fiction.
"I need your help right away. I want to control the dead. I really need to control the dead. You gotta help me. Please, you gotta tell me how to control the dead. I need to know right away. It's urgent."
Uhm...what? You need to control the dead and you need to do it urgently? You lost me with that one Sugar Pie. Why would you need to control the dead? And how could such a thing possibly be urgently needed?
I simply can not understand the sense of urgency so many place on their so called 'need' to control the dead.
Okay, first off, let's get one thing straight: Necromancers do NOT control the dead. Necromancers communicate with the dead. There is a difference. You can't control the dead. This is the biggest beginners mistake, newbie Necromancers make. The dead are not your slaves nor your servants, and more often then not, they are going to be pissed off over being disturbed.
There are many problems involved in contacting spirits, the biggest being that it is not like picking up a phone and getting a direct call through. There are thousands of spirits all around you at any given time, and each and every one of them is going to be trying to jump on that line and have you pull them out of the spirit world back into the physical plane.
But not all spirits are trying to reach the physical plane. Contented, happy spirits, are not. They have moved on. And the happiest, kindest, most helpful, best and goodest spirits are the HARDEST to reach, because they are the farthest away from the physical plane. The spirits you MOST want to get in touch with are the MOST difficult ones to contact, which is why you hear so many stories of failed seances and nightmarish ouija board experiences.
The spirits gathered in the physical plane are not content, they are not happy, they want to escape and will do or say ANYTHING to get a chance to enter the physical plane again, and the moment they realize you are calling for a spirit, you'll have them all on you, every one of them, fighting, shoving, pushing... and you better pray that you are firmly grounded to this plane and have cast all the proper protection spells, drawn the correct sigels, are guarded by the correct angels...because if you aren't, you'll have hundreds of lost, angry souls jumping into your head, and the ones that'll jump in first are the ones you least want to contact: the spirits of dead criminals.
The spirits of dead criminals are the easiest to contact, because they are roving in our plane of existence, desperately seeking a body. Criminal spirits are quick to jump into seances and ouija boards and answer you, saying anything they THINK you WANT to hear, hoping to get your guard down so that they attempt to possess your body. "Demon" possession in this manner is something you risk. They will sneak in and pretend that you have control over them, but once they got you convinced, they will turn on you and then it will be you who is in their control.
The problem is you won't know they are spirits of dead criminals. They will answer to whatever name you call. That is why when starting out you should only call on someone you know (a dead friend or relative) so that you can "test" them (ask them questions, not easily guessed and most wouldn't know.) The problem with communicating with spirits is they can change their voice to sound like anyone they want to. If you see their form, they can change their form to look like anyone they want to. So unless you are really, wicked experienced, you can not tell WHO it is you are talking to.
THAT is why Necromancy is dangerous: because they can trick you and deceive you and convince you that you are talking to your dear sweet granny, when in fact you are talking to a murderer or a rapist or a other criminal or worse - they might not even be the spirit of a dead human. It could be a daemon or you could be talking to a Phooka. You don't want to mess around with Dark Fae.
That is why, before you start the ritual, you must know the name of the person you are calling, call them by name, and have prepared and list of questions, that only that person would know the answers to.
You are sadly mistaken if you think you can communicate with the spirits for the purpose of gaining control over them. If at any point you think you have control over a spirit: RUN! That's the time you need to be afraid. Very, very afraid. Because you can NEVER have control over a spirit and any spirit that allows you to control it, is only doing so in order to draw you into a trap.
This is not a game, Sugar Pie. You do not want to be contacting the spirits all willy-nilly. You have to have a reason, a damned good reason, for pulling a contented, helpful spirit out of their happy place, because, Honey, they are going to make your life a living hell, if you bring them back to this world just for the fun of it.
And you must always keep in mind that, just because you are calling for the spirits of dead humans, doesn't mean it's a human that's gonna be answering you. The spirit world is filled with many spirits: people, animals, birds, plants, flowers, trees, mountains, angels, loa, demons, tricksters, and the Dark Lords of the spirit kingdom: the Faeries.
I have worked with the Dark Fae for 39 years. I know what I am talking about. You can become their friend and ally, but you will NEVER have control over them. They will "serve" you on a limited basis, if you prove yourself worthy. It is YOU who is the servant of the spirits, not the other way around. And don't you ever forget it, because the moment you do, you put yourself, your family, your friends, your home, your land, your town, in very great danger. They won't just take possession of your soul: they'll take possession of everything and everyone around you.
Know too, that wither or not they are, the Dark Fae see themselves as gods and they expect to be treated as such. They WILL demand you worship them and build altars to their honour and glory. They will expect gifts and offers and for you to set aside sacred land and build a shrine where they will visit you often. Serve them well, and they WILL do whatever you ask: They will change the weather, they will protect you, they will kill for you. You will become, like me, untouchable. No harm will prevail against you, and all who seek to harm you, will suffer, long, slow, in way you could never imagine, for you don't know what hurts their mind, but the Fae do. They Fae know all. See all. Hear all. They know your heart. they know your thoughts. And they will either reward or punish you according to the worthiness they see in your soul, heart, and mind.
When you contact the spirit world, you don't just open a pipeline to ghosts and spirits of the dead, you open a pipeline to EVERY spirit out there. You send a bright beacon of light up into the sky, and they ALL see it and they ALL come running, vying for their chance to live in a physical body: your body.
That is why people call Necromancy "dark", "black", or "evil" magic. It is not one or the other. It is Chaos Magic. Chaos Magic is called Chaos, because you can't control it. The Spirits have free will and they have more then you could ever imagine, and when you mess with them, they are in control, and you are but their humble servant.
The moment you seek to control a spirit, you condemn your soul and you'll never get it back.
If you are not willing to respect the spirits, you have no business being a Necromancer.
If you are not willing to be humble and submissive and obediently serve them, then you will never get far as a Necromancer.
You are a fool, if you think you can use Necromancy to control spirits. You are an egotistical idiot and you'll live to regret the day you contacted the spirits if you are not humble before them.
People often mistake what I do for curses. No. I do not cast curses. A curse is an ill intent to do harm. No, what they call me "casting a curse" is actually, me praying to my gods, asking for judgment upon evil doers and protection from their harm. I merely use the term "curse" because it's the only thing the ignorant understand.
But the thing is, it works. Oh, it works good. The man who built the grease fryer bomb that took my house, he was a big man: over 200 pounds. Look at him today, 9 years later: a skeleton, whithering away, from the the death of a thousand hungers. No matter how much he eats, he grows thinner and thinner. Stephen King based the book and movie The Thinner on my clan for a reason. I am protected, guarded by by FarDarrig and Phooka. Attempt to harm me, and they WILL go to the ends of the earth to find you and THEY WILL KILL YOU.
Phookas are Tricksters who relish in causing pain and suffering, while FarDarrigs lust for human blood. They are feared by demons of hell and angels of heaven. Even the gods fear the Phookas. and they are at my beck and call, because I serve them, worship them, build altars and shrines to them. While you pray to your Christian god who does NOTHING for you, my gods will turn over and heaven and earth for me. They love me and protect me, because I love, respect, and serve them faithfully and without question, and I have for 39 years. I am the most powerful Necromancer on the planet, and THAT is why. You mess with me, you mess with my masters the Dark Fae, and you better be ready to die, because if you hurt me, they will show you no mercy.
I live at the edge of an old growth forest that has been untouched since the 1500s. The trees are monstrous. Over 200 feet tall. Four of those giant unnaturally tall, white pines sit on my land. My land is likewise surrounded by a swamp. A peat swamp, filled with patches of quicksand. You don't walk out there if you don't know where to step. I know where to step. I move freely through those swamps. Brackish water and giant trees all around me, with the raging ocean to the front of me. The land is wild and untamed, and ancient Faeries roam these woods, stalk these swamps, and dance among the ocean waves. They are wild spirits, old as time itself. They see me as their pet. Their little Human. I am but a toy to the Fae of this land. I know this. I accept this. I do not over step my bounds. I do not try to control them. I do not try to tame them. I only serve them, and because I serve them, they will do anything I ask. They will do anything to keep me happy.
For great service, there are great rewards. But if you want to do what I do: know there are also sacrifices. The spirits feed off of your energy and it WILL destroy your health. My health is not good and that is why. I used to be able to bench press 78lbs, and I can't even lift 20lbs today. 39 years of service takes it's toll. Expect that. There are consequences to magic.
That is the thing which separates "dark" magic from "white" magic. Consequences. Magic has no colour. Magic is always the same. But magic does have levels. Lower levels of magic have very little power, don't really do much, and likewise have few or seemingly no consequences. Magic ALWAYS has consequences, but the "whiter" the magic, the more insignificant the consequences.
Necromancy if a "high" magic. It is very powerful. Some go so far as to say it is the most powerful magic there is. but, they will also tell you, that it is powerful, because it is also the darkest, blackest magic of all, and by that they mean, it is the form of magic which comes with the greatest and most dire consequences.
You can't escape the consequences. Never fool yourself into thinking you can. For every action there is a reaction. You can't escape it. You can't outrun it. You can't avoid it. And you'll only make it worse for yourself if you try.
"I found the ancient latin name of the spirit I want to control and I keep chanting the name over and over while pouring oil all over my naked body and also burning incense and I made a pentagram while chanting the name and read a latin prayer and I was told that would make me be able to command it, but nothing is happening. What am I doing wrong?"
Okay...uhm...can I first ask why you are pouring oil all over your naked body? That is not a Necromancy technique I have ever heard of or used. I'm not sure where you got the idea that you were supposed to do that. I've only ever heard of one group that does something like that. They are a group of Wiccans who call themselves The Skyclad Gardnerians of the Golden Temple, or something like that.
Unless you are calling up an Incubus or Succubus, I can think of no logical reason for you to be naked while calling up spirits.
And while oils are often used in rituals, they are used to anoint, not bathe. To anoint yourself in oil, means to drip 2 or 3 drops of oil on your head (or hands or feet, depending on the ritual).
There are rituals which require physical cleansing of the body, and in these cases, you would bath in a bathtub, adding 7 drops of oil to the running water as you fill the tub.
The ancient Latin name thing, ONLY works if you are calling up and ancient Latin spirit. So if you wanted to call up a Welsh FarDarrig or a Japanese Oni, using a Latin name isn't gonna work. You'll need to use ancient Welsh for the Welsh spirit and ancient Japanese for the Japanese one, ecte and so on and so forth.
The pentagram is a Wiccan/ White Witch tradition. Necromancers don't use it. Likewise Wiccans and White Witches strictly forbid the use of "dark arts" (including Necromancy). I'm a Mormon not a Wiccan so I have never used a pentagram during any ritual.
When burning incense, you have to burn the right ones. Each spirit has kinds they like and knds they hate. It's up to the personal preference of the individual spirit. For example, if you knew your grandmother's favorite perfume was lilac, then burning lilac incense when calling her spirit will help attract her spirit to you. Likewise anointing your lilac coloured candles with lilac oil, will help, and so will filling vases with fresh cut ilacs to place on your altar.
Know what the spirit likes and offer those things, to help attract that particular spirit.
I'd guess, based on what you've said, that the spirit you are attempting to contact, may be offended (or embarrassed) by your being naked, and/ or does not like the type of incense you are using, and/ or is confused about the pentagram, and/ or possibly does not understand you are talking to him/her because you are talking in Latin and yet he/she may not know Latin.
My advice? Put some clothes on. Learn the use oils properly, and learn which oils to use when. Research the history of the spirit you are seeking contact with and leave gifts appropriate to the spirit in question.
If you want to contact the spirits you have to achieve "power" through deep meditation. You have to perform what is known as 'The Thirty Day Ritual": for 30 days and nights, you MUST give up all forms of 'corruption': you must abstain from sexual pleasure, drinking, smoking, drugs, chemicals (such as soap, make-up, body lotions, or shampoo), and the eating of any death thing (become vegan, eat ONLY fruits and vegetables). You must give up TV and cell phones and iPods for 30 days, you must have NO outside influences of ANY kind entering into your personal energy sphere. And you must do this for 30 days, cleansing and purifying your body and soul. The spirits will know if you cheated. You can hide NOTHING from them. They see all. They hear all. They know all. Even you deepest, innermost thoughts. NOTHING is hidden from them.
Throughout those 30 days, you must meditate: morning, noon, night. Not for a few minutes, but hours on end. You must sit, silent and motionless for 7 hours, each and every day, for 30 days.
Wear lose non-constricting, lose flowing robes, in the colours of the spirit in question, to accentuate the flow of energy around you.
Ground yourself. Each of those 30 days, you MUST be grounding your soul to the physical plane.
You are NOT going to be lighting a candle by the light of the full moon in a graveyard, and expect to moments later have spirits come calling. This isn't Hollywood, Honeybun. If you REALLY want to contact the spirits, you have actual work to do. Few ever make it to 7 days, let alone 30. Like I said before, most people come into Necromancy expecting quick and instant results, after doing a few exciting and glamorous chants and gestures. They do not expect the have to fast for week, to drink nothing but water for an entire month. To eat nothing but white rice, egg whites, milk, and white bread, for 30 days.
You must prepare yourself to become a conduit. You are the outlet by which they enter into this world and the more corrupt your own spirit is, the more corrupt the spirits you will attract to you. Like attracts like. If your soul is unclean and clouded by cigarette smoke, you will attract unclean spirits. The type and quality of the spirits you raise up, is dependant totally upon the cleanliness of your own soul, mind, and body.
Even your emotions effect it. If you are a bitter, angry person, then you will attract bitter and angry spirits (or poltergeists). If you are kind, gentle, and loving, you will attract the warm, motherly, guardian angels. If you desire to fight for truth and justice, you will attract the Watchers, the Grigory, and the Avenging Angels.
This is why you meditate for hours and hours and days and days for an entire month, before you even begin to call up the spirits: to empty your mind and soul of any corruption, so as to not influence 'other' spirits. You want to call a specific spirit: just one, by name...but no matter who you call or how you call them, you WILL attract hundreds of other spirits as well, and you MUST protect yourself from those spirits, and you do that, by physically, spiritually, mentally, and emotionally cleansing yourself of all things.
"Can I use a ouija board to contact spirits?"
Yes. Yes, you most certainly can. The question is: Do you really want to?
The ouija board works really well, because as soon as you set it up, you have hundreds of spirit all gathering at your shoulder waiting to answer you. The ouija board has been used for so many years now, that spirits just know immediately when they see it, so come running. And therein lays the problem.
You will often here people tell you the ouija board is evil. No. the board itself is nothing but word or cardboard or sometimes metal depending on the edition you have. It is only this and nothing more. But, it is a recognized tool, and that is the danger of it, because, the spirits who see the board and come running, are NOT the spirits you want to be messing around with.
It is very, very, VERY difficult to contact spirits. They don't like coming to the physical plane. They are happy in the spiritual plane and they want NOTHING to do with the physical world.
The easier it is for you to contact a particular spirit, the less you should trust that spirit. A spirit that you can call up instantly with nothing but a ouija board, is not to be trusted on ANY level. They are NEVER who they say they are and they tell you whatever they have to, in order to suck you into their trap.
The spirits who hang around waiting to answer ouija boards tend to be the darkest hearted, cruelest, vilest, most corrupted, evil spirits of them all. They are also very rarely actual ghosts or spirits of the dead. More often then not, if you get an answer on a ouija board, you are talking not to a ghost but rather to a demon.
Demons learned long ago how easy it was to trick people into thinking they were talking to a lost loved one, and they learned too to hover around ouija boards and just bid their time and wait for the silly human to start calling.
Yes, you can use a Ouija board to contact spirits.
Yes, contacting spirits with a ouija board is super simple and super easy and nearly always works.
But beware of the spirits who are willing to answer a ouija board call, for they are rarely who or what they say they are.
"Does talking out loud when you're alone attract spirits?"
I corrected your spelling. I have Autism and text talk irritates my senses.
I'm not sure that talking out loud when alone attracts spirits. It might. I suppose it depends on the both the person doing the talking and the spirits in question. Not all spirits are alike. Different things attract different spirits. I am only familiar with the handful of spirits that I personally deal with. But their are millions, billions of spirits out there. Which means there are billions of different ways to attract them. I would therefor assume that, in all likelihood, yes, there are some spirits out there who would be attracted to you talking to yourself when alone.
On the other hand, I am often perceived as talking to myself, when in fact I am never talking to myself. While I RARELY speak vocally to people, I'm a regular chatter box with them whom I trust: my dog, my cats, my rabbit, my rose bushes, my hosta, my daffodils, my brook, my lilacs, my moss, the ocean, the sand on the beach, the snails, the sea gulls, the rocks in my garden, my huge pine trees, the grass, the dirt, my cars, my computer, my machete, my house - when I had one...everything has a spirit and I do talk to all of them. I talk to everything, except people. I have Selective Mutism, I lose the ability to speak whenever I am addressed by a human. People often falsely assume that I am deaf and mute and that I have no ability to speak at all. No. I can speak fine, so long as what I am talking to is not Human. I don't know why. The doctors don't know why either.
I am more relaxed around animals and plants. Doctors have hooked me up to a machine that monitors my heart rate, to see if they could determine a possible cause. They said that normally my heart rate stays around 50 to 70 with a blood pressure of 70 over 60, which they say is quite low, but is normal for me and if a sign that I am normally very relaxed, unusually so. However, when confronted by a Human, my heart rate immediately jumps to 122 and a blood pressure of 140 over 90, nearly double what it normally is. They said this is why my speech disappears, because my heart rate is too high (and changing to be be too high, too fast, especially for a standing/resting rate, for a person of my age, gender, and height) and it constricts my ability to breath, thus, causing my ability to speak so suddenly vanish completely. They say this is also why I pass out around Humans and why I pass out so much in general (I pass out pretty much every time I stand up, and also whenever the temperature reached 68F or more - I go into heat stroke if the temperatures reach 82F and have had multiple strokes - the doctors say this is also not normal, because most people can tolerate those temperatures with no trouble.)
Doctors say that I am unusually relaxed, to the state of being euphoric, around plants, animals, nature, and spirits, but I am dangerously agitated, to the point of dangerous levels of stroke inducing panic (they also say I have one of the worst cases of PTSD they have ever seen) in the company of Humans. Doctors say it is best if I have as little contact with Humans as possible, because the extreme fluctuations in my heart rate in blood pressure are very bad for my health and I have to avoid the triggers.
"You're a Mormon aren't you? Will dissenters in general Conference be punished? How? And how does all this Voodoo and Necromancy stuff sit with your fellow Mormons? How can you be both a Mormon and a Voodoo Priestess and practice Necromancy. Those things just don't seem to go together. Do they?"
Yes, I am a 5th generation Mormon.
I have not attended general conference since 2003. My husband doesn't allow it, so I actually, do not know what happened or why, I just Googled it to find out what you were talking about. But I raise my hand in opposition all the time. They ask for sustaining votes for something or another every fast and testimony meeting (first Sunday of each month), my latest opposing vote was for the known child rapist (who had raped 3 primary children all under the age of 12) that the Sanford, Maine Ward of the Exeter Stake of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, made as Cub Scout Leader. I wasn't the only one who voted against this "calling".
The Bishop was furious at us, me especially, as mine was the first hand to go up, but the man himself, admitted to the Bishop he "did have problem once and probably shouldn't accept the calling" (he had originally accepted the calling before the woman voted against it). The Bishop decided to instead make him the High Priest Quorum Leader AND a temple priest at the Boston Temple. Don't think the women of our ward aren't protesting that. How does a man like him get a temple recommend? That man should be excommunicated, not put in even higher ranking positions.
I know Church leaders get all in a twist if any member opposes a calling, but if the man is unworthy of the calling, it IS a member's duty to cast that opposing vote and not stand by in silence while a sinner is given a calling he is not worthy to hold.
I know the Bishop gets upset about me, like I said I raise my hand in opposition a lot, but I am not going to sit by and let a pedophile be cub scout leader. That is wrong, wrong, WRONG!
Needless to say my husband rarely allows me in church, seeing how I oppose something pretty much every time I'm there. He says I'm an embarrassment to him and I interrupt his... uhm *cough* 'job'. It is why I set up the meditation garden in my backyard where I pray and worship God on my own.
No Mormon who actually is a Mormon would stand by a let something like that happen.
General conference is no different. If those people felt there was a good cause to vote against, then it IS their duty to exactly that, damn the consequences.
How will they be punished? Don't know. Most likely they'll be excommunicated from the Church and shunned by their family. It's what happens to NEARLY EVERYONE who raises their had in an opposing vote. It's WHY most are too terrified to raise their hand against. But their scare tactics don't stop me.
And how does all this Voodoo and Necromancy stuff sit with your fellow Mormons?
Most local members (Sanford Ward) actually don't know about it, but the ones who do (Saco Ward and Cape Elizabeth Ward), are really ants in the pants over it. For a while they were marching around in my driveway carrying signs. Police made them stop, thank goodness.
You remember the man who built the grease fryer bomb that blew up my house in 2006? He was the Bishop's First Counsellor. In his defences he claimed that he was "justified" in his actions because "God commanded that all witches be killed". That was the Saco Ward, Augusta Stake of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, which is why I don't attend it anymore at all. His Bishop, is also the one who refers to me as "the cape wearing, gay loving, looney tune." The Relief Society president of that same ward, throws rocks at me. The Primary president (wife of the bomb builder) is the one who slashed my tires and used a rock to smash out all the windows. Gotta love the Saco Ward and their violent, self-righteous indignation. They were my friends for 27 years, I attended every meeting, EVERY meeting - 5 hours on Sunday, 3 hours on Wednesdays, volunteered at every function, cooked for every dinner, helped with every fund raiser - for 27 years. and the moment they found out I was what they perceived to be a "witch" they let their true fly high.
The Sanford Ward doesn't know, so I'm not yet treated like an unworthy piece of shit.
The "Pineland Center Bishop" mentioned earlier and the HUGE 750 member congregation, that was the Cape Elizabeth Ward, and that was more than 20 years ago.
Yes, they are not accepting of me on any level whatsoever and they do not hide it. They make their opinions of me well known.
How can you be both a Mormon and a Voodoo Priestess and practice Necromancy. Those things just don't seem to go together. Do they?
Contrary to popular misconception, Voodoo is not a religion. Vodu is a religion. Voodoo is different then Vodu. There is also New Orleans Voodoo, which is also different and Haitian Vodu with is likewise different from the rest. The original religion from Africa is Vuvu, which is even more different. All of them have similarities and cross-overs, but each is different from the other in many ways.
Voodoo, the one I practice, is not a religion, but rather more of a lifestyle. It combines the magic practice of Hoodoo, with the ancestor reverence of Haitian Vodu and loa petitioning of New Orleans Voodoo. A practitioner of Voodoo can be a member of any religion, most are in fact Catholic. Voodoo practitioners don't leave their own religion behind when taking up Voodoo, rather they combine the two into one melded practice. Voodoo accepts all regardless of race, culture, religion, gender, sexual orientation, age, disability, etc, etc, etc.
Necromancy, likewise is not a religion and can be practice by anyone, however it is predominantly a Christian practice and most who do it are some form of Christian with Gnostic Christians being the most common. All of the sacred texts (Keys of Solomon, Book of Enoch, The Apocrypha, etc.) used by Necromancers are Gnostic Christian texts. It is rather difficult to be a Necromancer without also being a Christian, seeing how all the ancient rituals are written using Bible quotes and done in the "Blood of Christ" etc. If you are not Christian you have to dramatically alter the rituals to remove the Christian references.
"You're a Necromancer, right? I need you to cast a spell on someone for me."
Well a great big, whoop-dee-doo to you.
I RARELY take on cases and I'm not cheap when I do. And when I say rarely, I mean rarely as in I only do 1 or 2 outside cases every 10 or 12 years or so.
In all likelihood, you not only don't need a Necromancer, you probably don't need a spell caster at all.
Why, you ask. Well, if you go back up the page a bit, you'll see where I mentioned something about, not controlling spirits, not keeping them as my servants or slaves. While I can imprison them in bottles, I don't. I let them walk freely as they were meant to do.
In order for me to be casting spells for hire, I would have to be commanding a spirit to not only serve me, but now also to serve you. And I don't know you, your past, your history, how you got yourself into this mess that you think you need magic to get out of. The spirits trust me to not use or abuse them. The spirits I work with, if I asked them to help you, they would, because they trust me, but then, what if it turned out you were not trust worthy? It would reflect madly on me and I would lose the trust they have for me. I'm not willing to damage the relationship I have with the Dark Fae, just to serve your purpose, which in all likelihood doesn't require the help of the Dark Fae at all.
It's why you don't see me selling spells or curses off my website. I do, from time to time, make available "smaller" more "limited" types of of spells, ones that don't require the help of the Dark Fae. And, as a general rule, I am more likely to put together a spell kit for you, with instructions on how to summon up spirits on your own.
Like I said, there are consequences to this type of magic, and I'm not willing to take chances with my life, on your behalf. I MIGHT tell you how to do it on your own (I most likely won't) if, your situation seemed appropriate to require magic (which it probably doesn't. It rarely does. There are far to many people seeking to turn to magic, simply because they are too lazy to take responsibility for their own actions.)
Do I seem mean and cruel, uncaring of your plight? People often tell me I am these things. Well, you got to remember, I am a Necromancer after all, I'm not a fluffy-bunny White Witch, waving wands of love and happiness over your head. I'm not the good Witch Glinda. You are not my priority and simply put, I have absolutely no reason to care about you at all.
I will help friends, family, and neighbors, if they have been true friends and treated me with kindness. But I don't help strangers without a reason, and believe me, Honey, money means nothing to me, so, piling up your bribes of "But I'll pay you blah, blah,, blah..." have no effect on me whatsoever. I have Autism, remember? I have no concept of money. Money is stupid and foolish. You think you can sway me with it and I just laugh in your face.
You seriously misjudge me if you assume I am in this practice for either money or power. I desire neither. I love the spirits. I love my Fae companions, and when push comes to shove, I'll shove you off a cliff before I betray them.
I am the High Priestess of The Faerie Faith of the Scottish Gypsies. Nothing is more important to me then the Fae themselves. I serve the Fae. If you were to call me a religious fanatic, with an unmovable devotion to my gods, well, yes, that would be correct. My only desire is to serve and please my masters, the Fae, and thus I have no desire for money or power, and thus how whenever I need either, they always come to me.
I have no money, no income, and yet, I paid the town the $15,000 they demanded be paid for clean up costs, caused by the vandalism, that resulted of the Kboards Incident. Where did the money come from? I don't know. A man simply arrived and said: "I will pay the bill."
Everyone who has ever hurt, is dead. How? I don't know. They get struck by lightening. Every one of them. 34 of them.
My god protects me. My god provides for me. I am a true and faithful servant, and for that I am rewarded by his protection. He loves me, because I first loved Him. And that is why I am such a "powerful witch". I have no power. I merely serve. He has the power. I take no credit for it.
If you want to be a Necromancer, find a spirit being whom you love, more then anything else in the world and devote every fiber of your being to him or her and they will watch over you. THAT is the TRUE power of being a Necromancer: serving the spirits, seeking no reward, no favors, showing them only love and devotion. Love is the greatest power of all. True and unconditional love. If you do not love the spirits who guide you, you'll never be successful as a Necromancer.
Ah, we interrupt this page for a response.
As you know, if you've read straight down to this point, I started this page on April 6, 2015, in response to a rather hateful, bigoted, email written by what I like to call a Super Christian Troll. It is now four days later, April 10, 2015, and the Super Christian Troll has responded with the following:
"Necromancers are Not Christians. You are a satanisti and you know it. If I get pissed off at a satanist, should I tell that person to go to Heaven? Why are satanists such hipsters? Lets face it. They are a bunch of Catholics and Christian kids looking for something new to showoff! HEY! ANSWER THIS! YOU CANT? If god doesn't exist, then how is their rain and thunder? If thunder is god's farts and rain is god's pee, then how can he not exist? You people need to educate yourself, no offense. Jesus is the god I am speaking of!!"
Well, that a made a lot of sense. I'm not sure exactly what kind of a come that is, but kind of sounds like this particular troll hasn't got much of a brain to function with. Pitty. And people call me retarded, because I have Autism. This person can not even string a full paragraph together logically.
I especially like how they can't tell the difference between there and their, and follow it by the phrase "you need to educate yourself". That's just hilarious.
Also, if god was god, you would capitalize His Name and all pronouns referencing Him. I think it is YOU who needs an education.
That is so annoying, let's correct it.
"Necromancers are not Christians. You are a satanist and you know it. If I get pissed off at a satanist, should I tell that person to go to Heaven? Why are satanists such hipsters? Lets face it. They are just a bunch of Catholics and Christian kids looking for something new to show off. Hey, answer this. You can't. If God doesn't exist, then how can there be rain and thunder? If thunder is God's farts and rain is God's pee, then how can He not exist? You people need to educate yourself, no offense. Jesus is the God of whom I speak."
There, that is much better. Illiteracy is so irritating and annoying when it comes from someone trying to sound better then you.
Poor little idiot. But let's respond to what the fool had to say, shall we?
First off, what is a hipster? I've never heard of that term before. I'm going to assume it's American street slang and that I must be talking to an American here. I do so hate talking to Americans. They do nothing but spew out illogical, ill researched, inaccuracies. It is so annoying trying to have a conversation with a country whose entire population is made up of juvenile delinquents who can't string a full thought together. Hipster. Well, I've never been call that one before. Let's go ask Google what it means. Be right back...
The hipster subculture typically consists of white millennials living in urban areas. The subculture has been described as a "mutating, trans-Atlantic melting pot of styles, tastes and behavior" and is broadly associated with indie and alternative music, a varied non-mainstream fashion sensibility (including vintage and thrift store-bought clothes), generally progressive political views, organic and artisanal foods, and alternative lifestyles. Hipsters are typically described as affluent or middle class young Bohemians who reside in gentrifying neighborhoods.
The term in its current usage first appeared in the 1990s and became particularly prominent in the 2010s, being derived from the term used to describe earlier movements in the 1940s. Members of the subculture typically do not self-identify as hipsters, and the word hipster is often used as a pejorative to describe someone who is pretentious, overly trendy or effete. Some analysts contend that the notion of the contemporary hipster is actually a myth created by marketing.
Well that provides some answer, but results in more questions, such as what is a millennial? Don't know that term either.
Millennials (also known as the Millennial Generation or Generation Y) are the demographic cohort following Generation X. There are no precise dates when the generation starts and ends. Researchers and commentators use birth years ranging from the early 1980s to the early 2000s.
Ah, so my accuser is a brainless twit with his head up his ass. Niiiice. Let's review what his accusation says:
"Necromancers are Not Christians. You are a satanisti and you know it. If I get pissed off at a satanist, should I tell that person to go to Heaven? Why are satanists such hipsters? Lets face it. They are a bunch of Catholics and Christian kids looking for something new to showoff! HEY! ANSWER THIS! YOU CANT? If god doesn't exist, then how is their rain and thunder? If thunder is god's farts and rain is god's pee, then how can he not exist? You people need to educate yourself, no offense. Jesus is the god I am speaking of!!"
First off, I am not now, nor have I ever been a member of the Church of Satan (whose headquarters, last I knew, were in California.) Nor do I worship Satan, or serve Satan. In fact I'm not sure if I even believe in Satan. I've certainly never seen any evidence of his existence. He's just as invisible and do-nothing as his buddy the God of Abraham. It is rather hard to believe in something that doesn't at least do SOMETHING to make it's existence know. There's more proof that Bigfoot is real then there is proof that Satan or his brother Yahweh are real. So we can discredit everything you said about satanists, as none of it applies to me. Sorry. You might want to take your head out of your ass and look up the meanings of the words you are throwing at me Sugar Pie, because, you've really made yourself (and the religion you are trying to represent) look very stupid.
Hipster: "white millennials living in urban areas"
Millennial: "birth years ranging from the early 1980s to the early 2000s"
Oh my. You are so off the mark with that remark aren't you? Why? Let's count the ways:
I'm not white; I'm half Native American (Kickapoo) and half Scottish Gypsy (Persian)
I'm not a millennial; I'm old enough to be the grandmother of a millennial
I don't live in an urban area; I don't even have a house. I live under a 8x6 tarp, in a swamp, in the forest, on the edge of a beach, way up in the isolated boonies of Maine
I've also never been Catholic, wouldn't even know a Catholic, unless it was nun in robes, and know absolutely nothing about the Catholic religion at all. Sorry, but you missed the mark with that too.
With your immature, juvenile way of talking, your use of American street slang that did not exist a decade ago, and you inability to coherently string together a full thought logically, I'm going to guess that you yourself are in fact a "kid", far, far, younger then me.
I actually find the logic of this troll to be absolutely fascinating. Retarded, but fascinating.
Oh well, like I said before, when you have a job like mine, you attract some weird people.
He does sound rather hysterical, don't you think? Well, let's move on to the topic of god's pee now shall we?
I live in a swamp on the edge of an ocean. It rains almost every day that it isn't snowing. It snows from October to April (got four inches of snow yesterday April 9th) and it rains from May to September. I've yet to see yellow rain or yellow snow coming down from the sky.
I don't suppose you have ever heard of weather patterns and meteorology, right? Places that have a lot of water, like swamps, have a lot of fog and clouds (water vapor rising) and thus, have a lot of rain.
Thunder is caused by hot air and cold air compressing together during a storm.
Yeah. You should have learned that in 3rd Grade. It's very basic Earth Science. Sorry Sugar Pie, but I think you are the one who needs an education.
(To be continued...I have more to say on this, but, have some errands to run.)
This article was originally written on: Monday, April 6, 2015