EelKat Wendy C Allen - Dark Fantasy Author


The Princess Bride predicting Covid-19?

Avallac'h's a Good Tutor?
Of What? How to Better Bed Kings?


EXTREME SPOILER WARNING!

Please be aware that nearly every page on this website contains spoilers to something. I talk about a lot of fandoms, and go into great detail analyzing them when I do. If I am talking about The Witcher series, InuYasha, Disney Ducks, the Quaraun series, or any other fandom, you WILL encounter spoilers about it. 

EK's STAR LOG
CATEGORY ARCHIVES:

The Autism & Me Squidoo Article

An Autistic Person Speaks Out On
What It Is REALLY Like To Live With Autism

How Disgusted She Is With Asperger's People Pretending To Have Autism

And Why Authors Who Write An "Autistic" Character With Asperger's Symptoms Are Doing More Harm Then Good

The 10th Anniversary Return EelKat's Biggest "Big Lens"

Autism & Me
A Plea To NaNoWriMo Overachievers:
If You're Gonna Write Autistic Characters,
Then Stop Research Asperger's And
Start Researching Autism For A Change!

As has been requested (endlessly) EK's Star Log is returning to the internet. You can still read the original archive here... https://eelkat.wordpress.com 

The reason you couldn't find it is because I set it to private un-index mode, meaning it no longer shows up in Google search results and can only be accessed by a direct link.

Meaning, if you didn't have the url for it, no amount of searching for it would tell you how to find it. Anyone who had the url could still access it though.

I had set it to private September 23, 2013, intending to move each page here to EelKat.com... however, November 14, 2013, after only moving about 30 pages, I was beaten up and left paralyzed for 5 months, then spent 18 months relearning to walk. I am still crippled and have limited mobility.

Below is one of the blog posts that originally appeared on EK's Star Log. The original articles are still online but no longer indexed in Google. Links to the original article, are included with this post, as is the original posting date. Clicking the links will take you to the original site, where you can see the old Space Dock 13 website still online. Space Dock 13 as it looked when hosted on WordPress from 2003 to 2013.




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Resources:
Where to find ACTUAL (Accurate) Information on ACTUAL Mental Illnesses

Every year since 2004, I post in the Mental Illness thread on NaNoWriMo, a list of places where authors can find actual/accurate information on a variety of mental illnesses and physical disabilities to help them write their characters more accurately. Most of these site also have lists of other sites as well.

Here for you now, is that list:


Act Early on Developmental Concerns: Partnering with Early Intervention 

Action on Mental Illness 

ADDitude 

Adolescents with autism spectrum disorder at risk for bullying

Advancing Futures for Adults with Autism 

Advice for autistic adults about work - NASAlmost half of kids with autism are bullied, study shows

American Association of People with Disabilities 

American Association on Intellectual and Developmental Disabilities 

American Council of the Blind 

American Diabetes Association 

American Foundation for the Blind 

American Lung Association 

American Medical Association 

American Psychological Association 

American Psychological Association's Trauma Psychology Division 

American Psychologist® 

American Trauma Society 

Americans Disabled for Accessible Public Transit 


An Anti-Bullying Intervention for Children with Autism 

Anxiety and Depression Association of America 

AnxietySocialNet - Agoraphobia support groups and more 

Arc (formerly known as Association for Retarded Citizens of the United States; the oldest mental health advocacy group, founded in 1953)   

Archives of Scientific Psychology®

Are Autistic People More Sensitive To Trauma

Asian American Journal of Psychology 

Asperger’s and Bullying | National Centre Against BullyingAsperger’s versus the Bullies: 8 Important Tips for Coping

Aspies For Freedom 

Assistance Dog Advocacy Project  

The Association Between Bullying and the Psychological

Association for Applied Psychophysiology and Biofeedback 

Association for Real Change 

Association of University Centers on Disabilities 

Australian Centre for Posttraumatic Mental Health 

Australasian Society for Traumatic Stress Studies 

Autism Awareness.com  

Autism Awareness Online 

Autism and Asperger Syndrome Educator’s Guides, Organization for Autism Research (OAR) 

Autism And Bullying | Aspergers: Through My EyesAutism and Bullying, Bullying Autistic Children

AutismCares 

Autism Genetics Initiative Data Archive 

Autism Genetics Resource Exchange 

Autism National Committee 

Autism Network International 

Autism NOW 

Autism, PDD-NOS & Asperger's fact sheets | BullyingAutism, Ptsd, And Emdr | My PTSD Forum

Autism Society 

Autism Society of Maine 

Autism Speaks 

The Autism Speaks Transition Tool Kit 

Autism Spectrum Disorder and Bullying, Case ReportAutism Spectrum Disorder and Bullying | NCABAutism Spectrum Disorder Explained - NoBullyingAutism Spectrum Disorder in Children - Child Mind InstituteAutistic adults bullied and not supported at work, poll

Autistic Self Advocacy Network 

Autism Source, Autism Society of America (ASA) 

Autism Spectrum Disorder and bullying 

Autism and Trauma: My Story | Autism Research Institute

Autism Wandering Awareness Alerts Response Education (AWAARE) 

Behavior Analysis: Research and Practice 

Biofeedback Foundation of Europe 

BC Schizophrenia Society Foundation 

Brain Poke 3.0 

Brian Othmer Foundation 

Bullying | Autism SpeaksBullying Among Adolescents With Autism Spectrum DisordersBullying & Abuse | Life on the SpectrumBullying and Autism: Helping Kids Cope

Bullying and Autism - Medical Home Portal 

Bullying and Autism Spectrum Disorder | The Arc’s AutismBullying and ASD | Interactive Autism NetworkBullying and autism spectrum disorders - a guide

Bullying and Autism Spectrum Disorders: guidance fo

Bullying and Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD): How to HelpBullying and autism spectrum disorders - NAS

Bullying and autism spectrum disorders - Norfolk Schools 

Bullying and Students on the Autism Spectrum - IIDCBullying and Students on the Autism Spectrum 
Bullying: children & teens with autismBullying, disability and mental health

Bullying Experiences Among Children and Youth with Autism 

Bullying For Parents 

Bullying Involvement and Autism Spectrum Disordersbullying - National Autism Association - Autism Safety

Bullying No Way! 

The bullying of people with autismBullying Prevention - Autism Society

Bully Stoppers - Victorian Government

Canadian Foundation for Trauma Research & Education 

Canadian National Institute for the Blind 

Canadian Psychology / Psychologie canadienne 

Cannon (1942/1957). "Voodoo" death. (Walter Cannon's seminal article on death through the shock of terror.)

Care For Disabled Veterans: Acknowledging Post-traumatic Stress Disorder from Iraq War Experience 

Caring for Children With Autism Spectrum Disorders: A Resource Toolkit for Clinicians 

CDC’s Disability and Health Program 

CDC’s National Center on Birth Defects and Developmental Disabilities Funding Opportunities 

The Center on the Social and Emotional Foundations for Early Learning (CSEFEL) 

Center for Evolutionary Psychology 

Child Abuse Prevention Network 

The Child Survivor of Traumatic Stress [newsletter] 

The ChildTrauma Academy 

Child Trauma Institute 

Children and Adults with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder 

Children’s Health Insurance Program 

Children with Disabilities and Special Needs - Patricia E Kefalas Dudek - Advocate For Elders, People With Disabilities, and Their Families:  

Choices In Recovery 

Clinical Practice in Pediatric Psychology® 

ClinicalTrials.gov 

Code of Federal Regulations, Title 45, Part 46 

Combating Bullying | Families and Adults

Community Alliance for the Ethical Treatment of Youth 

Council of Parent Attorneys and Advocates 

Cultural Diversity & Ethnic Minority Psychology® 

Data Resource Center for Child and Adolescent Health 

Davidson College - Abnormal Psychology in the Department of Psychology - (not a group, but lots of info about a wide range of mental illness - great if you need a general definition of what an illness is, written in non-medical language) 

The Decline in Child Sexual Abuse Cases. 

Department of Education 

Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance 

Developmental and Behavioral Pediatrics Online 

Developmental Screening/Testing Coding

Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders 

Disability Rights Education and Defense Fund 

Disability Rights Movement - Patricia E Kefalas Dudek - Advocate For Elders, People With Disabilities, and Their Families:  

Disabled American Veterans 

Disabled Peoples' International 

DisAbled Women's Network Canada 

Down Syndrome Advocacy Foundation 

Dreams for Kids 

Drew Westen's Lab of Personality & Psychopathology 

Easter Seals 

Eastern Association for the Surgery of Trauma 

EEG & Clinical Neuroscience Society 

The Effects of Psychological Trauma on Children with Autism

Elder Care - Patricia E Kefalas Dudek - Advocate For Elders, People With Disabilities, and Their Families:  

Emerson Training Seminars 

The Empowerment Council 

End of Life Issues - Patricia E Kefalas Dudek - Advocate For Elders, People With Disabilities, and Their Families: 

Equal Employment Opportunity Commission 

ERIC - The Experience of Friendship, Victimization and Bullying in Children

Eric H. Chudler's Home Page 

European Federation of Associations of Families with Mental Illness 

EFORT European Federation of National Associations of Orthopaedics and Traumatology 

European Society for Trauma and Dissociation 

European Society for Traumatic Stress Studies 

The experience of friendship, victimization and bullyingExploring Bullying with Adults with Autism and Asperger

Exploring the Nature of Traumatic Memory 

Family Association for Mental Health Everywhere 

Families for Depression Awareness 

Family Council - Empowerment For Families 

Find Your Local Trauma Center 

Focus on Bullying and Autism Spectrum Disorders | Starr

Foundations of Positive Psychology 

Freedom From Fear 

F.R.I.E.N.D.S. Down Syndrome Advocacy Group 

Friends for Mental Health 

From "Bully" to Bullied - Autism Spectrum Explained

Galloway's Society for the Blind 

The Growing Concern of Suicide and High Functioning Autism

Handicap International 

Health Psychology® 

Health Resources and Services Administration 

how to deal with adult autism behavior

Human Behavior and Evolution Society 

IAN Research Report: Bullying and Children with ASD

Infinite Ability 

Information Sheet Bullying and Autism Spectrum Disorders 

International Bipolar Foundation 

The International Classification of Diseases 

International Consortium for Brain Mapping 

International Disability and Development Consortium 

International Society for Neuronal Regulation 

International Society for Traumatic Stress Studies 

International Trauma Studies Program 

Internet Mental Health (a database of links to mental health websites - not a professional organization - very old site, some links broken/some info outdated) 

Journal of Abnormal Psychology® 

Journal of Applied Psychology® 

The Journal of Injury and Violence Research (JIVR) 

Journal of Personality and Social Psychology® 

Journal of Rural Mental Health® 

Leaving the Mentally Ill Out in the Cold (newspaper/blog post) 

Learning Disabilities Association of America - Disability Rights and Advocacy 

Lew Goldberg's International Personality Item Pool 

Life Journey Through Autism Series, Organization for Autism Research (OAR) 

Lyme Disease.org 

M-CHAT 

M-CHAT Scoring Instructions


M-CHAT Scoring Template


M-CHAT Follow-up Interview 

Maeve: Psychiatric Service Dog and Mental Health Advocate 

Maine Autism Alliance 

Marriage Advocates - Infidelity and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder 

Mencap (The Royal Society for Mentally Handicapped Children and Adults) 

Mental Disability Advocacy Center 

Mental Health Advocacy Inc 

Mental Health Advocacy Services 

Mental Health America 

Mental Health for Youth in Armed Conflict 

Mental Health Services Locator, National Mental Health Information Center 

Mental Wellness Today (magazine - has large article database) 

MindFreedom International 

MIT: OpenCourseWare 

Mood Disorders Society of Canada 

Mood Disorders Association of Ontario -  Helpful Links 

Muscular Dystrophy Association 

Naropa University: Somatic Counseling Psychology 

National Advocate for People with Down Syndrome 

National Association of County and City Health Officials 

National Association for the Education of Young Children (NAEYC) 

National Alliance on Mental Illness 

National Association of the Deaf 

National Association of Special Education Teachers 

National Autism Association | Help and Hope for Families

National Autistic Society 

National Centre Against Bullying - The Alannah and Madeline Foundation

National Center for Education Statistics 

National Center for Health Statistics 

National Center of Medical Home Initiatives for Children with Special Needs 

National Center for PTSD

National Child Traumatic Stress Network 

National Database for Autism Research 

National Dissemination Center for Children with Disabilities (NICHCY) 

National MS Society 

National Network of Adult and Adolescent Children who have a Mentally Ill Parent 

The National Professional Development Center on Autism Spectrum Disorders 

A National Survey on Bullying and Autism Spectrum

NCP Clinicians Trauma Update Online 

Neuropsychology Central 

NeuroScience Center 

New Data Show Children with Autism Bullied Three Times More Frequently ...New Research on Autism and Suicide | Psychology Today

North American Society for Childhood Onset Schizophrenia 

Office of the Children's eSafety Commissioner - Australian Government

Office of Special Education and Rehabilitative Services 

Open Culture: Free Online Classes 

Open The Doors 

Operation Autism for Military Families 

A Parent’s Guide to Evidence-Based Practice and Autism 

Parkinson's Disease Foundation 

Personality Theories 

Pet Partners - Denied Access, Now What? 

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - Patricia E Kefalas Dudek - Advocate For Elders, People With Disabilities, and Their Families:  

PTSD - AUTCOM - The Autism National CommitteePTSD | Autism SpeaksPost-Traumatic Stress Disorder | The Scott Center

The PTSD Alliance 

The Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Alliance 

PTSD and Autism - The Thinking Moms' RevolutionPTSD and Autism It has amazed me how... - Autism

PTSD Research Quarterly 

Prejudice. No way! - NSW Government

Primate Handedness and Brain Lateralization 

Psychological Trauma: Theory, Research, Practice, and Policy® 

Psychology of Violence 

Questioning Answers: PTSD and autism

Racism. No way! - NSW Government

Raindrop: Death Education for Children of all Ages 

Recovered Memories of Sexual Abuse: Research and Resources 

Reflections on The Problem of Psychic Trauma 

Research Autism | Issues | Bullying

ReThink Mental Illness 

Retrieving, Assessing, and Classifying Traumatic Memories 

Risk factors for bullying among children with autism

Sane Australia 

Schizophrenia and Related Disorders Alliance of America - SARDAA 

Schizophrenia Awareness Association of India 

Schizophrenia News and Information 

Schizophrenia Society of Canada 

Schizophrenia Society of Ontario - Official Site

School Accreditation, National Association for the Education of Young Children (NAEYC) 

School Bullies Prey on Children With Autism

Society for Neuroscience 

Special Education Advocacy 

Special Education Technical Assistance and Dissemination Network 

Spina Bifida Association of America 

Stigmatization of People with Autism Spectrum Disorders

Stress, Trauma and Sleep in Children 

Suicide.org 

Suicide Awareness Voices of Education 

Survey finds 63% of children with autism bullied - CBS News

Teaching Tips for Children and Adults with Autism 

Terrorism Injuries: Information, Dissemination and Exchange (TIIDE) 

Time To Change (personal stories about mental health stigma and discrimination, written by people with mental illnesses - updated daily) 

Trauma.org 

tips for educators 

Trauma Clinic, London 

Trauma Intervention Programs, Inc. 

Trauma Pages 

The Traumatic Stress Centre (Wales) 

Trauma Survivors Network 

Treating Trauma: The latest technqiues to heal PTSD

UCLA Brain Mapping Center 

United Cerebral Palsy 

UK Psychological Trauma Society 

University of Washington - Fact Sheets - Facts About Mental Illness and Violence 

Using Drawing as Intervention with Traumatized Children 

Visible Human Project 

VOR (formorly known as Voice of the Retarded; one of the oldest mental health advocacy groups, founded in 1983)  

Washington Autism Alliance & Advocacy 

Webcast Berkeley: online courses & speakers at UC Berkeley

When Bullies Target Autistic Kids | Support for Special Needs

The Whole Brain Atlas 

Why Autistic Kids Make Easy Targets for School Bullies

William Calvin's Page 

Young Children with Challenging Behavior 

Zero to Three 

100 Days Kit, Autism Speaks 





Autism store Shop Where It Matters!

Autism & Me:
The Squidoo Lens
10th Anniversary
(2007 to 2017)

During NaNoWriMo 2007's novel writing contest, a forum thread was started... a young author wanted to write an Autistic main character and asked on the NaNoWriMo forum if any one could tell her how to write a mental illness that she did not have and also knew no one with... the result was a 700 page non-fiction book, called "Autism and Me: On Being An Adult With Autism, A Look Into My Everyday Life."

Originally published on LuLu as a book for sale, a month later I unpublished it and released it as a free to read online series of articles on Squidoo. I continued to add new articles to the series on a near monthly basis in the 10 years since then.

The series of pages linked below, are those articles, the 2007 originals, the ones written in the years since, and the 2017 10th Anniversary updates on what has changed in the decade since those first articles were released.


Don't Know Where To Start?
Start With These Two First



"People deserve a break. The stressed and unorganized person who doesn’t have the same priorities as you. They may be dealing with an autistic child, abusive spouse, fading parents, or cancer. Don’t judge people until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes. Give them a break instead." 

— Guy Kawasaki


I'm a woman who has had 7 miscarriages, and wears "elaborate clothes". Because I have no children, the residents of Old Orchard Beach, beat me up, calling me a transsexual, claiming only a man would dress like I do, claiming that the reason I have no children is because I'm not really female.

They left me paralyzed and crippled. 

They crushed my hips, my pelvis, and my spine, and took away, what little chance I had to carry a pregnancy to full term.

I'm crippled for the rest of my life. I can barely walk now. It's why I'm now on a cane. Any hope I had of having children is gone now.

That's the reality, of the gay hatred of this town. 

I have Autism. I wear pink. I wear glitter. I talk with a "funny gay sounding voice".

Acording to the people in this towm:

I walk like a fag...

talk like a fag...

dress like a fag...

act like a fag...

and therefor must be treated like a fag...

I need to be taught my place...

I deserve to be shot in the head...

I look gay, and therefore I must be, 

because no one but gay men, talk in this voice

no one but gay men wear pink

no one but gay men wear glitter

no one but gay men prance instead of walk...

so they beat me up, because I'm "too gay" for Old Orchard Beach

they cut my car in half, because I'm "too gay" for Old Orchard Beach

they put a bomb in my house, because I'm "too gay" for Old Orchard Beach

they filled my motorhome with feces, because I'm "too gay" for Old Orchard Beach

they kidnapped my cats, because I'm "too gay" for Old Orchard Beach

they drove a back hoe over my house, because I'm "too gay" for Old Orchard Beach

they cut my cats heads off and nailed their heads to my door, because I'm "too gay" for Old Orchard Beach

because I have Autism

and that makes me "too gay for the family friend town of Old Orchard Beach"

I used to dance when I walked... but after 5 months paralyzed, 18 months relearning to walk, and now 4 years later, my leg is lame and I am crippled, barely able to stand, dragging a lame leg, I'll never dance again.

Do you know what that's like?

Can you even begin to imagine?

To be an Autistic person, who can no longer dance when I walk?

They hate gay men so much, that they are willing to beat up a childless autistic women, in ill health, accusing her of being a transvestite.

Because these evil people took away my ability to have children, I had cats; but they took my cats, and cut off their heads, and nailed them to my door.

Welcome to Old Orchard Beach. The gay-hating capital of Maine.

This is the reality of how Autistics are seen by the world.

This is the reality of how Autistics are treated by "normal" people.

This is the reality of being transgender in Old Orchard Beach.

This is the reality of what bullies do to someone with mental illnesses, they do not understand.

This is the reality of living with Autism.

Find out more here.


Do You Know The Identity 
of the People Who Did These Things?
Have Information? 
Please Call FBI Agent 
Andy Drewer @ (207) 774-9322  


“Don’t turn your face away. 

Once you’ve seen, you can no longer act like you don’t know.

Open your eyes to the truth. It’s all around you.

Don’t deny what the eyes to your soul have revealed to you.

Now that you know, you cannot feign ignorance.

Now that you’re aware of the problem, you cannot pretend you don’t care.

To be concerned is to be human.

To act is to care.” 

― Vashti Quiroz-Vega


"Ignore and ignorance share the same root." 

— Kathryn Erskine


“With ignorance comes fear- from fear comes bigotry. Education is the key to acceptance.” 

― Kathleen Patel, The Bullying Epidemic-the guide to arm you for the fight


A Plea To NaNoWriMo Overachievers: 
If You're Gonna Write Autistic Characters,
Then Stop Research Asperger's And 
Start Researching Autism For A Change!

"Can anyone tell me how to write characters with autism while avoiding stereotypes? Thank you."

Here is my response to a question from the NaNoWriMo forums on avoiding the stereo types when writing about characters with Autism:

"Can anyone tell me how to write characters with autism while avoiding stereotypes? Thank you."

My response, resulted in a 700+ page non-fiction book on living with autism. 

The response, went off into a rant, not because of the person asking the question, but instead, because of the 300+ Asperger's patients who responded to the question to tell her how to write ASPEGER'S characters, all while claiming their Asperger's was the SAME THING as Autism.

More then 2,000 forum posts were added to the thread, by these 300+ people, boldly spreading huge amounts of extremely inaccurate misinformation about what Autism is and is not, and helping to spread the urban myth that Aspergers is a type of Autism.

Sadly after taking 3 days to read every post on the thread, I finally reached the end to find that not even ONE of the more then 2,000 posts had given her ANY information about Autism.

My response is too long for one page, all pages are being linked to here:

Think you know what it's like to live with Autism?

You might be surprised how little you really know.

A look at REAL Autism and the myth spread by those with a self-diagnosis.


Advertisement: Disney

Got An Autism Related Site Or Blog?
Want To Embed These Quotes, Memes, and Fact Sheets On Your Site?
Here's How:

  • Step 1: Go to this Pinterest Board:
  • Step 2: Click on the pin quote/meme you want to use.
  • Step 3: Click the 3 dots   "..."
  • Step 4: Click the word "embed"
  • Step 5: Select the pin size (I'm using size "medium" on these pages, in case you were wondering.)
  • Step 6: Highlight & copy the html code.
  • Step 7: Paste code into any html block on your blog or website.
  • Step 8: Save & publish your blog or website. And you're done!







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Quaraun & Autism In Fantasy Novels











QUESTION: Other characters call Quaraun insane, retarded, stupid, an idiot, or a dolt. He seems to have a mental illness. What is wrong with him?

ANSWER: I have Savant Autism, Clinical Depression, and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, and many people are quick to tell you that I am "insane" because of those things.  My entire life everyone has from my parents and relatives in my childhood, to my friends in my adults years, introduce me to people as "This is Wendy, just ignore her. She's insane." I long ago accepted the fact that I have those disorders and that I must be insane otherwise, why would so many people say it? Actually I came to accept the fact that I was insane at the ripe old age of 8 years old, so you can tell how long people, especially my aunts and uncles have been calling me that. I do not like that people call me insane and often ask people to stop saying that about me because it hurts my feelings. People laugh at the idea that a "retarded crazy person" could possibly have feelings, and continue to call me insane.

I have Autism. I write what I know. So, let's try that again, and see what we get this time, eh?

Quaraun has Savant Autism, Clinical Depression, and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. His entire life everyone has from his parents and relatives in his childhood, to his friends in his adults years, introduces him to people as "This is Quaraun, just ignore him. He's insane." He becomes known as Quaraun the Insane, because of the name calling. He does not like that people call him Quaraun the Insane and often asks people to stop saying that about him because it hurts his feelings. People laugh at the idea that a "retarded crazy person" could possibly have feelings, and continue to call him Quaraun the Insane. 

Yeah. There it is. Quaraun's character is based largely off myself. He sees the world as I see the world.

I am also mixed blood (red, brown, and black, but look white) married to a white man, who's family came from a very snooty pure-blood background (and are white supremacists) and are thus very much in non-approval of our relationship. Which is thus why I wrote Quaraun, from a very pure blooded race of Elves, with his lover Unicorn/BoomFuzzy being a black Asian mixed blood.

Other characters in the series are quick to call Quaraun stupid and idiot, because of his Autism, and they are also quick to point to his black skinned, Asian looking lover and say, "Here's proof he's stupid, he's white and he's got a coloured lover." (Yes, white people have actually said this to me and my partner.)

A lot of people don't understand what it is like to live with Autism. Most don't want to understand. Most don't care. Hell, the average person doesn't even know what Autism is.

Watch this video. This is what Quaraun has. This is what Quaraun is acting like. This is what he is talking like. This is why people are picking on him so badly:

Unfortunately, most people think Autism is synonymous with "retard or "crazy" or "insane".

CHAAAAAAAAAAAAARGE!

CRAZY!
Hahahahahahahaha!
CRAZY! CRAZY! CRAZY!
I see CRAZY people!
I see CRAZY people! CRAZY!
WOO-HOO!
Yee-HAAAA!!
They're coming to take me away, HaHa! They're coming to take me away, HaHa! They're coming to take me away, HaHa! They're coming to take me away, HaHa! Hahahahahahahaha! WOO-HOO!
Yee-HAAAA!!

dancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing banana There is a happy dale, far, far, away! There's 13 bodies in the basement! 13 bodies in the basement?!? I keep mine in the attic! There are only supposed to be 12! I put neon lights on mine! Oh, you're all crazy. But officer, it's true, there are 13 bodies in the basment. CHAAAAAAAAAAAAARGE!!!!! Insanity don't run in my family, it gallops. I'm not a taxi driver, I'm a coffe pot! There's an 8 foot tall rabbit over there. His name's Harvey. CHAAAAAAAAAAAAARGE! Honey, quick! Grab the camera! There's a CRAZY person over there!. CRAZY!
WOO-HOO!
Yee-HAAAA!!
Hahahahahahahaha!
WOO-HOO!
CRAZY!
We are all mad as hatters. Mad I tell you. CRAAAAAAAAAAZY!
CHAAAAAAAAAAAAARGE! It's CRAZY time! CRAZY! CRAZY! CRAZY!
CRAZY!!!!!!!!!!!! Yee-HAAAA!!
Zip a dee doo da, zippity ya, my oh my, what a wounderful day. CRAZY!
They're coming to take me away, HaHa! Look ma! There's a CRAZY person!
CHAAAAAAAAAAAAARGE!

dancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing banana dancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing banana CRAZY!
WOO-HOO!
Yee-HAAAA!!
They're coming to take me away, HaHa! They're coming to take me away, HaHa! They're coming to take me away, HaHa! They're coming to take me away, HaHa! Hahahahahahahaha! WOO-HOO!
Yee-HAAAA!!
If you're CRAZY and you know it clap your hands!
If you're CRAZY and you know it clap your hands!!!
If you're CRAZY and you know it and you're really proud to show it...
If you're CRAZY and you know it clap your hands!!


I see CRAZY people!
I see CRAZY people!


dancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing banana Ma I want a CRAZY person for Christmas.



dancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing banana I'm CRAZY!
Hahahahahahahaha!
CRAZY! CRAZY! CRAZY!
CRAZY!
WOO-HOO!
Yee-HAAAA!!
dancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing banana

And they only THOUGHT I was crazy before ... now they know it. ;)

Ah! But you see the problem with bullies is this: I've been bullied on a daily basis for over 40 years now. I have a very thick shell now. And, while you are calling me crazy, and making a fool of yourself on a forum, I can laugh, because I KNOW that I'm crazy, and being a carnival Gypsy circus clown I get paid to act crazy, and, I am purposely, intentionally, and professional crazy both online and offline, because crazy is what I'm known for. Crazy is what I do. I can turn it on and off at will. I go out of my way, to make a fool of myself ON PURPOSE. Crazy is my brand. My trademark. And I do thing to make people laugh, so you laughing at me, trying to make your laughter hurt, doesn't work on me anymore, and all you are really doing, making yourself look bad.

Let's go over some of the things people say about me, which inspired me to create this character.

Autism is not synonymous with retarded, but try to tell people that. They're not gonna believe you.

Autism is not synonymous with genius, but try to tell people that. They're not gonna believe you.

Autism is not synonymous with stupid, but try to tell people that. They're not gonna believe you.

Autism is not synonymous with Downs Syndrome, but try to tell people that. They're not gonna believe you.

Autism is not synonymous with schizophrenia, but try to tell people that. They're not gonna believe you.

Autism is not synonymous with insanity, but try to tell people that. They're not gonna believe you.

People with Autism, live very lonely lives because the average person, would rather tease, bully, pick on, push around, and slap mean lables on anyone who is "different."

While people with Autism CAN live an average lifespan of 70 to 90 years, 80% of all Autistics commit suicide between the age of 25 and 50. Most people with Autism are bullied so bad, that 70% of all Autistic adult commit suicide before the age of 35.  It is very rare to see an Autistic adult over the age of 35 for that reason. 

The #1 cause of death in Autistic adults is suicide. Autistics commit suicide because they feel alone, and in spite of the stereotypes, they HATE being alone. Autistic adults are always alone because every time they try to make friends with anyone they get told they are not allowed in public places with their "friends" because their "friends" don't want people knowing they know "retards. Autistics are single out and bullied because they are different. It's very depressing having no one willing to be seen in public with you, no one willing to be friends with you, and everyone else hitting you, punching you, pulling your hair, throwing stuff at you, and calling you names or saying they want you dead, just because you are different.

And not all different is created equal. There are "different" people who "normal" people consider okay, because they are trying to be different to stand out or be cool or whatever. That's "good different."

Then there's "bad different", which differance you are born with and have no control over, such as race, skin color, gender identity, sexuality, physical or mental disabilities, deformities...or  even war injuries, a soldier who's lost his legs, for example.  These are "bad" different, the type of "different people" who "normal" people, ignore, don't want to see, pretend don't exist, or worse: bully, abuse, take advantage of, tease, injury, or even kill...because they are different.

Quaraun is different on many levels. He's a race that is not well like by most races. Even within his own people he is not accepted because he is gay (in a culture that executes gay men and view them as a plague).  Most gay men in his culture hide it, however, Quaraun is a transvestite, more then that, he's practically an Elf version of Liberace, which makes it rather difficult to hide his "gayness".  And he's a Necromancer in a land that has laws forbidding Dark Arts. And he's not hiding any of these things.

AND...

He is Autistic. He has slightly more independence and self-care ability then say Rainman, but he's not high functioning like say Sheldon. Growing up he was seen as a "curse". Afflicted with a disability that no one around him could understand and no one, especially not his family, was willing to accept. As a child and into his young adult years he was horribly abused by his father and uncle, often locked in an empty room by himself for days on end. Forgotten and alone. His family hides him from society, ashamed of his very existence.

In his teen years Quaraun escapes the house on brief occasions, but is meet with bullying and teasing and being brutalized by everyone he meets, and so flees the outside world, back to the abusive family that hates him.

The series starts when Quaraun is an adult, on his own, and wandering from one end of the world to another, desperately wanting to find a place he will be accepted. All he really wants is to find someone, anyone, willing to spend time with him, for the loneliness he feels is unbearable and he's fast losing the will to continue to live in a world where not one single person cares about him at all. 

Oooh. The song stopped playing. Let's get it on there again. 

One of the problems with my Autism is the "Selective Mutism" which a lot of people do not understand at all. See, I can talk, but I rarely am able to talk. It confuses people, how it can be that I CAN talk but I CAN'T talk either.

Selective Mutism (SM) is an anxiety disorder in which a person who is normally capable of speech loses the ability to speak in specific situations or to or around specific people.

According to Wikipedia:

Children and adults with selective mutism are fully capable of speech and understanding language but fail to speak in certain situations, though speech is expected of them.[3] The behaviour may be perceived as shyness or rudeness by others. A child with selective mutism may be completely silent at school for years but speak quite freely or even excessively at home. There is a hierarchical variation among people with this disorder: some people participate fully in activities and appear social but do not speak, others will speak only to peers but not to adults, others will speak to adults when asked questions requiring short answers but never to peers, and still others speak to no one and participate in few, if any, activities presented to them. In a severe form known as "progressive mutism", the disorder progresses until the person with this condition no longer speaks to anyone in any situation, even close family members.

Selective mutism is by definition characterized by the following:

Consistent failure to speak in specific social situations (in which there is an expectation for speaking, e.g., at school) despite speaking in other situations.

The disturbance interferes with educational or occupational achievement or with social communication.

The duration of the disturbance is at least 1 month (not limited to the first month of school).

The failure to speak is not due to a lack of knowledge of, or comfort with, the spoken language required in the social situation.

The disturbance is not better accounted for by a communication disorder (e.g., stuttering) and does not occur exclusively during the course of a pervasive developmental disorder, schizophrenia, or other psychotic disorder.

Selective mutism is strongly associated with anxiety disorders, particularly social anxiety disorder. In fact, the majority of children diagnosed with selective mutism also have social anxiety disorder (100% of participants in two studies and 97% in another).[4][5][6] Some researchers therefore speculate that selective mutism may be an avoidance strategy used by a subgroup of children with social anxiety disorder to reduce their distress in social situations.[7][8]

Particularly in young children, SM can sometimes be confused with an autism spectrum disorder, especially if the child acts particularly withdrawn around their diagnostician, which can lead to incorrect treatment. Although autistic people may also be selectively mute, they display other behaviors—hand flapping, repetitive behaviors, social isolation even among family members (not always answering to name, for example)—that set them apart from a child with selective mutism. Some autistic people may be selectively mute due to anxiety in social situations that they do not fully understand. If mutism is entirely due to autism spectrum disorder, it cannot be diagnosed as selective mutism as stated in the last item on the list above.[citation needed]

Selective mutism may co-exist with or cause the child to appear to have attention deficit disorder. Many people with the inattentive form of ADHD show little or no interest in other people. People with inattentive ADHD may appear to be "space cadets" or "out in their own world", and may be slower to respond to social stimuli. Children with selective mutism, especially when they have severe social anxiety, may also display this behavior. In addition, many children with selective mutism are highly sensitive, and they may be distracted from the task at hand by sensory input or their anxiety.[citation needed]

The former name elective mutism indicates a widespread misconception among psychologists that selective mute people choose to be silent in certain situations, while the truth is that they often wish to speak but cannot. To reflect the involuntary nature of this disorder, the name was changed to selective mutism in 1994.

The incidence of selective mutism is not certain. Due to the poor understanding of this condition by the general public, many cases are likely undiagnosed. Based on the number of reported cases, the figure is commonly estimated to be 1 in 1000, 0.1%.[9] However, a 2002 study in The Journal of the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry estimated the incidence to be 0.71%.[10]

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This is one of the most frustrating and infuriating symptoms of my Autism. I can talk. I have the ability to talk, and yet there are exact seven people with whom I am able to speak with on a normal level. For everybody else, it doesn't matter how much I try to make words come out, I simply can not make the words exit my mouth. And it is extremely frustrating, because I WANT to talk, I'd like to talk, my mouth is moving, but nothing is coming out. You have no idea how frustrating this is for me.

It'd be one thing if I could speak, but the thing is I CAN speak, sometimes. I don't know why I can't speak all the time.

And it's not consistent. With the 7 people mention above, I can talk, fully fluently. There are other people, for example the various D&D game groups I play with, my teachers/professors in college, some of the locals here around town, whom I can talk to, but not well. It's different depending on who I'm talking to, where I am, and what the situation is.

Sometimes, my speak turns garbled, with words reversed and sentence spoken in the wrong order.

Other times I start talking really, really,