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Quaraun The Insane:
Volume 3 
(usually - I keep renumbering these)

Santa Claus: Lich Of The North Pole
(Includes NSFW 18+ CBT Yaoi scene)


Santa Claus: Lich Of The North Pole
(Includes NSFW 18+ CBT Yaoi scene)



M-Rated 18+ Chapter

Some contents of this page

may not be safe for work.


Santa Claus: Lich Of The North Pole
(Includes NSFW 18+ CBT Yaoi scene)

"Look at dat lack of a sunrise!" BoomFuzzy exclaimed as he looked out the window.

"What are you so cheerful about?" BeaLuna asked.

"I spent de night cumming on me favourite Elf."

"I didn't want to know that."

"Ya dragon sack of twinkies dragging me kiwis across yar face!"

"Why do you talk like that?"

"We should be two hours into daylight un it is as black as midnight out dere. I loves me blizzards!"

"You love blizzards? Are you crazy?"

"Aye, I is, I fucking out ta me gourd, but dat beside de point. I ai'na doing dis one. Dat be real snow un ya really trapped wid me now. Dis really be me favourite weader - I do'na live where I live for nay liking snow, ya knows! Haha! I used to live wid Christmas Elves."

BeaLuna turned to Quaraun and said: "He's crazy."

"I know."

"He's absolutely off his rocker."

"That's why I like him, BeaLuna."

BoomFuzzy ran for the front door, opened it and stood staring up at the sky.

"It be right on top of us," cried BoomFuzzy as he watched the snowflakes blowing outside. "We be stuck in here for de duration, now. Listen to de trees! I wish I could see it. Not crazy enough to step out into de forest un look - de winds."

BoomFuzzy closed the door.

"I should nay has opened door, now I be fucking freezin' cold."

"Yes," agreed BeaLuna. "And of course - living in an gingerbread house, on the bottom of a mountain, in a storm like this - you really got hope these winds don't lift the whole "house" off the ground. In case you hadn't noticed, the walls are shaking like there's a mob out there tearing your candy frosting off. Is it safe to be in this thing during a storm like this?"

"Well, no turning back now," said BoomFuzzy as he turned back to the room. "Ya try to leave to get to some ot'er shelter, ya will freeze to death before ya get a foot away from de front door. Like it or no, we is stuck in here for de duration, now."

"I can't believe I'm trapped in freaking gingerbread house, with two crazy Elves, during the biggest blizzard to hit us in 50 years."

"Well, at least ya will nay starve to death. Plenty of house to eet."

"You're crazy, BoomFuzzy. Who lives in an edible house?"

"I does. Un I fucking loves it."

"And what kind of a name is BoomFuzzy? Who names their kid BoomFuzzy?"

"Nobody. Tis nay me real name. I made it up."

"What is your real name?"


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 "What kind of a name is that?"

"Tis an aristocratic name o de Phookas. I used to be one o dem fancy pants aristocrats. I used to be a king. King Gwallmaiic. And I got sick o royalty un snootiness un keeping up appearances un doing de right t'ing for de wrong reasons un one day I says hell wid all of it, abandoned de t'rone, left me people widout a ruler, changed me name to BoomFuzzy, became a candy maker, un found me a lonely lil Elf who be desperate to be fucked. I be much happier now."

"Are you pulling my leg?"

"No! God! Tits! Suck a cock dick damn it! Dat be de truth."

"So you're telling me that you are a king?"

"Aye. It were frustrating as tits."

BeaLuna turned to Quaraun: "And you fuck him?"

"I'm a wizard of the Di'Jinn order. Thullids fuck no one."

BoomFuzzy raised a questioning eyebrow to Quaraun's Thullid reference.

BoomFuzzy whispered to the Gnome: "Iffy ya does nay gain dominance over a Thullid while dey is yang, ya'll never get an upper hand once dey are fully matured. Dere be not'ing more dangerous den a fucking Thullid Di'Jinn." 

"Quaraun's not a Thullid."

"I beg to differ."

BeaLuna stomped over to Quaraun. "Do you know he thinks you're a Thullid waiting to hatch?"

"Yes. I know. He keeps telling me."

"Are you?"

"I am a wizard of the Di'Jinn order."

"Which be no a very reassuring answer," BoomFuzzy pointed out. "Considering dere is nay such t'ing as a non-Thullid Di'Jinn."

"BoomFuzzy!" BeaLuna shrieked. "Look at him! He's a Moon Elf. He's a strange, insane, sexless Moon Elf who who thinks he's a Di'Jinn because he grew up with Thullids, but he's still a Moon Elf. Look no tentacles anywhere."

"Him be dressed like a Thullid."

"Yes. I've noticed. The whole village has noticed. Quaraun floats around the village acting and dressing like a Thullid, because he's insane and doesn't know any better."

"Have ya ever known a Thullid who was nay insane?"

"I've never known a Thullid."


"Nope. Never even seen one. Only seen drawings of them and heard stories. And what the hell is a Christmas Elf?"

"Say what?"

"You said you lived with Christmas Elves."

"Oh dat. Aye. I dids. Years ago."

"What are Christmas Elves and why did you live with them?"

"Ah, well. I is by race a Phooka, which be type o shape shifting evil trickster Faerie, dat normally spends me time pretending to be an injured shaggy pony to lure humans to get close to it so it can eet dem, however I developed a taste for Elf flesh un is known by ot'er Phookas as 'The Elf Eater because I eet Elves instead o Humans. I ends up becoming somet'ing o cult leader, gat'ering up a following o ot'er Phookas who likewise give up eetsing Humans to eet Elves..."

"You eat Elves?"

"Aye. I be also known as The Elf Eater o Pepper Valley, un I soon discovers dat different types o Elves taste different depending on deir diet. De forest dwelling Wood Elves, who be hunters un gathers, has a wild game flavour, while de city dwelling aristocratic High Elves has delicate buttery flavours, caused by deir rich diets of de baked goods un sweets..."

"Elves have flavours?"

"Aye, like candy. Very tasty. Well, I discovers dat de farder North we travel..."


"De Elf Eater Gang. Me un me followers, anyways de farder North we travel de richer de diets o de High Elves get, until one day we reach de North Pole region where we find Christmas Elves who feast on gingerbread, eggnog, sugar cookies, fruit cake, un candy canes." 

"Funny, you mention fruitcake."

"Prior to meeting Quaraun, I live for several centuries in Santa's Village up at North Pole..."

"Santa Claus?"


"You lived with Santa Claus?"


"Now I know your crazy."

"What for ya says dat?"

"Because Santa Claus isn't real."



"Him right jolly old Leprechaun."

"He's a Human myth. A bed time story."

"No. Him a great big fucking old fat Leprechaun King, strutting around in long red robes. Him live in big palace made o frozen eggnog. Has himself huge factory. Him keeps tens o t'ousand of Elf slaves up dere doing all him factory work. Right old tyrant dat one. Not at all like Humans says him is. Him got all dem Elves chains to de tables un chairs, doing all dat work, day after day, year after year. Hard slave driver, Santa Claus be. Un him do love cookies. Hmm."

"Okay, even if Santa was real, which he isn't, he's not some kind of tyrant slave master. He makes toys for children."

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"In de early days him dids. Before him started expanded his territory. In de early days, him was just wee lil Leprechaun making shoes for de child'en in his village. Dan he meet Krumpas. Krumpas was a fucking Phooka, like me. Krumpas wanted to eet de child'en, un de Leprechaun he was having hard time keeping up wid all de child'en. Took him whole year to make enough shoes. Him used to give out free shoes every month, but den he says, we do it once a year. But even den, too mony child'en in village. So Krumpas says, let us make list o de good un bad child'en - ya gives shoes to good child'en, un I do eet bad child'en, dat way we both get what we want un solve problem o too mony child'en."

"That's not the story of Krumpas."

"Have you ever meet Krumpas?"

"Have you?"

"Aye. Him be Phooka like me. So Santa un Krumpas dey go into business toget'er un it good business until de Humans wise up un child'en no more be bad, so Santa have to expand territory. He get himself team o caribou so him can travel farder un start visiting ot'er villages. Soon, child'en all over country be leaving old shoes out of doorstep every Christmas, in hopes dat Santa will bring dem new shoes. It get harder un harder for Krumpas to find naughty child'en to eet, so Santa put spell on sleigh un start using time travel portals to fly all over planet looking for naughty child'en for Krumpas to eet, un while doing so, he find all kinds o child'en who can nay afford shoes, so him try to make shoes for all o dem, because him can no stand see person who nay have good shoes."

"Santa gives children toys, not shoes."

"Aye, now him do, but in auld daes him give kiddies shoes. But dat be problem, because parents start to t'inks, dey can find Santa un steal shoes from him house whenever dey need shoes for deir child'en. Some people are just begging to be killed, ya knows? So Santa un Krumpas dey move to place no one can find dem, un now, because it take so long to make fancy shoes, instead him make soft red boots wid no soles, for de child'en to wear in bed at night to keep deir feets warm. And him put candy un coal un toys in boots un hang dem on chimneys..."

"Santa only gives coal to bad children."

"Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Ya gots it all wrong. Santa put coal in velvet boots, so child'en can have warm fire to sit near to on Christmas morning. He give dem warm velvet boots to warm deir feets, un lump o coal to light deir fire, un cookies to fill deir belly, un a fucking toy to play wid so dey forget how cold un hungry dey are once food be gone un fire go out."

"I've never heard it like that before."

"Well, Santa him want to take care of all child'en every where, all over planet, but dere just be too mony un him could nay find enough people what wanted to help him, so him, build big factory un him, send Krumpas out to find slaves. Krumpas knows of me, fellow Phooka, how good I is at capturing Elves. He have me help him round up Elves for Santa's factory. De Elves do no knows dey is slave."

"Really? How is that possible?"

"I be very good chef. I be best chef on planet. Santa, him dids like me. Him made me head chef un I spent me time perfecting making gingerbread, sugar cookies, eggnog, candy canes, taffy, un chocolate, all o which I used to fatten up Santa's Helper Elves which I later eet. Santa do nay care if he lose an Elf here or dere, so long as Krumpas keep bringing in more. Well one day, Krumpas find himself a whole fucking forest o Cookie Elves..."

"Cookie Elves?"

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"Aye. Tiny wee lil Elves, smaller den Quaraun here. Dey live in de hollow trees in de forests around Gichi-gami. Narcissistic lil t'ings. Dey make cookies shaped like demselves. Dey call demselves Keeblers. Gichi-gami Elves is among de tastiest."


"Dat big lake, few miles inland un south o us here. Krumpas found dis whole forest o giant deadwood trees, un all de trees was hollowed out un full o lil Elves who do not'ing but bake cookies all day. Krumpas herded dem all up, shipped dem up to de North Pole un now Santa got himself an entire factory full o tiny Elves making cookies un toys all dae long. Dey is addicted to eetsing cookies as much as dey likes cooking dem. Me? I loves to cook. And I loves to eet Elves. So I lived up dere wid de Santa Claus for a few centuries, baking cookies un eetsing Elves."

"You're crazy. Quaraun, he's crazy."

"Yeah, well, you think I'm crazy too."

"You're right. You're both crazy."

"Later, when I returns to de Deep North un finds de Moon Elf Village here a few miles south o Santa's Village, I sets up shop un once again goes to work fattening up Elves on sweets un eetsing dem. De secret to me success in getting Elves desperately addicted to eetsing me gingerbread un chocolate, be de greenhouse full o poppies at de back o me shop un de cave full o mushroom in me basement under me shop. Un all dose frogs in all dem tanks. Poison arrows. Me grandson sent dem to me."

"Grandson? You have children?"

"I has mony child'en. All over place. All o me candy, cakes, cookies, un drinks are brimming full o opium un fly agrillia un frog slime un causing de Elves to get uncontrollably addicted to eetsing only foods I makes."

"I've been eating your food for weeks."

"I knows it. I starts out intending to eet Quaraun, but finds de Elf too smart to eet me food, him knowsing it is drugged. In me decades o trying to get Quaraun to eet me food, I ends up falling in love wid Quaraun, un by de time Quaraun here finally does eet me cooking, I be no able to bring meself to kill Quaraun. Yis es correct. I may be crazier den even him is. We live toget'er as lovers for 30 years. During dat time, Quaraun eets not'ing but me drugged food un is no longer able to eet anyt'ing else, due to his addition to de opium in me food. It real reason him come prancing over here every dae."

BoomFuzzy stared at Quaraun with a wild look in his eyes and then said: "It being almost Christmas, I should ties ya up wid tinsel un stick a candy cane up ya ass."

Quaraun looked up from his book from the first time and stared wide eyed at the sex crazed candy maker.

"Nope. He's crazier then you are," BeaLuna said to Quaraun.

"Yes, I had noticed." Quaraun went back to reading his book.

"Why do I get the impression you'd let him do that to you?"

"What's saying he hasn't done that to me already?"

"Has he?"

"Would you want to know if he had?"

"I... no. I don't think so."

"Ah, dids ya knows him also does likes being rolleds in chocolate?"

"Rolled in chocolate? He rolls you in chocolate."

"He's a candy maker."

"Quaraun, what is wrong with you?"

"I like him licking chocolate off of me."

"Yeah. I'm starting to realize what it is you two do when you're alone."

"Him uncut Elf. I should stuff a candy cane up him dick. Peppermint oil burns like hell. Sensative nerves on his foreskin, would have him screaming. Oooh! Makes me all tingly in me kiwis! I love screaming Elves."

"Quaraun, are hearing what he's talking about doing to you?"


"Why don't you stop him."

"No reason to."



"You're gonna let him do that to you, aren't you?"



"Why not?"

"Why not! ... What do you mean, why not? You... you... he... YOU'RE BOTH CRAZY!"

"Well, take me eyes oot wid a melon baller und burn dem in hell for all eternity! Tell me somet'ing we does na knows."

"You are a sick, disgusting pervert. You have a filthy mouth and a dirty mind. I don't know how Quaraun can tolerate you."

"Habooski! We has a winner! Or was dat a whiener?"

"Don't make fun of me"

"Ha, ha, ha." BoomFuzzy laughed. "Insert coin for pissy tittieeeeeeees! Hell ya!"

"You're crazy, BoomFuzzy. You're crazier then he is. Do you know how hard of a thing that is to do?"

"Well, fuck titties dickeronnie! I be crazier den Quaraun de Insane? Oh my! Fright un shivers. I is sooooooo ofended."

"You are a horrible person and I don't like Quaraun spending time with you. You're a bad influance on him. You're just plain a bad person."

"Eat shitballs ya stupid cunt."

BoomFuzzy flipped both middle fingers in her face as he said this.

"I do not like you."

"Oh bananas! Poor wee lil Gnome. Is ya jealous?"

"Why would I be jealous of you? You are a psychotic. You are most certainly not something to be jealous of."

"Ahhh, but Quaraun spends too much time wid me, gets far too excited over me, un ya does seem to be hung up on him. I t'inks ya wants to be fucked by our pretty Elf here."

"I do not."

"Yes, you do," Quaraun said. "You said so. More then once. You keep talking about wanting to have my Gnomish half-Elf babies."

"I does nay rule out t'reesomes," BoomFuzzy said cheerfully.

"Why does that make you so happy?" BeaLuna snarled at the candy maker.

"I'll gladly fuck him, while him fucks you."

Eye of The Grigoi
Eye of the Watchers
Eye of God
Hand of God
Eye of Protection
Evil Eye
Gypsy Curse

"You... you..." BeaLuna sputtered. "I don't like being trapped in this gingerbread house with the two of you."

"Well, ya should have t'ought o dat aforeing ya came in here to get out o de blizzard, now, eh? Ya stuck wid us now. Now what was I talking about?"

"Eating Santa's Elves," Quaraun answered. "Eating Keebler Elves, feeding Human children to Krumpas, rolling me in chocolate, and stuffing my uncircumsised dick with candy canes."

"Ah Yes! Un dat excites ya. We shall try dat. So Krumpas brings back all dese Cookie Elves un, Santa his get addicted to dey cookies. So now Santa all he wants is cookies. He become like cookie monster. All t'inks aboot is de cookies. And so now he decides he will nay leave any t'ing for de child'en unlessing dey leave him out cookies. It de anise in de cookies dat does it, eh? Very addicting. So, very addicting."

"Isn't anise what you wash your hair with?"

"It is. It act as aphrodisiac. It why ya can no get away from me no more. Anyways, Santa him decide him need more cookies, un him get mad if him get to house un dey does no leave cookies. So instead o Krumpas eetsing de child'en, he tell Krumpas, eets de parents too, on acount o dem ones who dids no leave cookies. But den yeah kills too mony people ya start to get sloppy. Krumpas, he started getting sloppy. Leaving too much blood every where. Krumpas, him tell Santa, Ya large carcase is getting in de way of me murder here. Santa, him use him coat to wipe up de blood, un discover, hey, blood make good dye for coat."

"He's a FarDarrig?" Quaraun asked.

"Aye. Him is now. But him started out a Leprchaun. Dat be what I were saysing. Him got a taste for wearing blood.  And Satna was all like, 'Yay! I murdered him! Woo hoo!' Now him only wears red. Him wear big coat too big for him, so he can soak up more blood wid it. Un no one notice. Parents, dey greedy bastards, so long as yeah leaves lots o toys to keep child'en quiet un lots o coal to keep dey house warm, un lots o shoes un whoolen red sock to keep deir feeties warm, dey do nay care if ya eetss a fucking child or two here un dere on de side. Humans be strange like dat. Does nay care for deir own, very selfish, self centred beasts. Him try to do dat wid Dwarves now, un him have kit un kaboodle o dem on warpath. Dey strong family bonds, Dwarves does. Taste terrible t'ough. Ick. Horrible. Stringy, grainy, un full o hair. Dey does nay make good cookies. No one wants hair in deir cookies."

"When you say Dwarves don't make good cookies... you mean you kill the Dwarves and use them as ingredients, don't you?"

"Aye. What else would I mean?"

"I don't know."

"Anyways. Santa, him does get old, un him t'inks to himself, I does nay want to die. I will live forever. Him knows I be Necromancer..."

"You're a Necromancer?" BeaLuna asked.


"I told you he was," Quaraun said.

"Yeah, but you're crazy. You see Faeries and Unicorns around every corner too."

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"Right now I see a Gnome and a Phooka, that means I'm looking at two Faeries.

"I'm not a Faerie, he's not a Phooka. I'm a Gnome. He's a psychotic chef."

"I be Phooka," BoomFuzzy stated, but BeaLuna wasn't listening. She was too busy glaring at Quaraun.

"Anyways," BoomFuzzy continued. "Santa be getting old un him nay wants to die un he knows I Necromancer, so him come up wid idea him going to become Lich un live forever. Him were one o first Liches I ever made, before I made de Lich Lords, wid help of our crazy lil Elf here."

BoomFuzzy pointed to Quaraun.

"Now Santa be undead Leprechaun Lich, who spend his time zipping t'rough portals on flying caribou sleigh, giving toys to any one who gives him cookies, un letting Krumpas eets any one who does'na. Dat de real story of Santa Claus. De one which de Humans do nay knows of."

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 With the real blizzard snowing them in, BeaLuna and Quaraun now really were trapped with BoomFuzzy and spent the winter snowed in the gingerbread house. It wasn't until mid-Spring before the snow melted enough for BeaLuna to leave and head back to check on things in the Gnome village. She couldn't get out of that gingerbread house fast enough.

While in the fist couple of weeks, Quaraun had been too shy to allow BoomFuzzy to do anything to him with BeaLuna in the building, his inhibitions had quickly given way to his lusts and soon BoomFuzzy and Quaraun were all over each other, regardless of if the Gnome was in the room with them or not.

That Quaraun was so ready to submit to anything Boomfuzzy did to him surprised her, but it did not shock nearly as much as the things the sadistic candy maker could think of to do to the Elf.

It would not have bothered BeaLuna so much, had it just been BoomFuzzy doing things to Quaraun. She could have told herself the candy maker was forcing the Elf agaist his will. What bothered her, was that Quaraun was not just recieving pleasure, but givng it as well. As BoomFuzzy had rightly said, Elves did become very addicted to his opium infused chocolate, and Quaraun more so then others, and once BoomFuzzy realized he could get the Elf to lick chocolate off his dick, it became a daily activity for the couple. Both men had become addicted to sucking the other's cock.

The thing which bothered her the most, though, was how incredibly violent BoomFuzzy could get during sex. Quaraun, being a Thullid who had never felt physical sensation, living in the body of a species known for repression their response to physical sensation, was able to take quite a bit of pain, before he made any outward indication that he was actually hurting. The result was could tie up the Elf's penis and scrotum in ways that would have sent most men screaming for the door.

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 BeaLuna's initial horror at the thought of BoomFuzzy shoving a candy cane up Quaraun's ass, was quickly replaced by the realization that this was nothing compared to the other places BoomFuzzy could find to force the tingling menthol infused candy sticks into. She discovered this when one day she walked in on the amorous couple, to find Quaraun tied done to the bed with silver garlands of tinsel. She had gone in talking, but whatever she had to say was quickly forgotten when when she saw what BoomFuzzy was doing to Quaraun.

The room was filled with the scent of their cum, mixed with the scent of cloves and peppermint. The Elf was beyond recognition of anything going on in the room around hm, totally lost in the escasty of the lusts he was feeling, and the intense sensations caused by the burning feeling of the peppermint oil melting off the peppermint stick that was pushed several inches up into his dick. The Elf's body was rigid and a pain filled whimpering moan escaped his lips. He looked as though he were about to pass out from the pleasure he was feeling.

“I does no t’inks him gonna hears ya, Gnome,” BoomFuzzy said to BeaLuna.

“I can see that. What did you do to him?”

“Nothing him did no wants.”

“You're hurting him.”

“Aye. And him loving it.”

“How did you get that... it's too big to... why?”

Quaraun arched his hips up and moaned loader, twisting his feet and clenching his toes, as BoomFuuzy pushed the candy cane even father into his pee hole, while at the same time squeezing his testicles much harder then was comfortable for Quaraun.

“Because him likes it.”

Cum began to ooze out of Quaraun's swollen red slit, around the green and white striped candy stick and dripped down his cock. BoomFuzzy immediately licked it up, Without paying any farther attention to the Gnome, BoomFuzzy began puting ice cream on the Elf's chest, then drizzling hot melted chocolate sauce all over him, and was soon on top of Quaraun, licking the melting ice cream off the Elf's nipples.

BeaLuna didn't want to see what would happen next and ran from the room.

After that she made a point of avoiding the couple any time she thought they might be acting out one of the candy and sex fetishes, and when Spring came, melting the snow enough for travel, BeaLuna fled from the candy shop wondering how she would ever get the images she had seen there, out of her head.

The rest of this novel can be read here.

Volume 3: BoomFuzzy

Three Hundred years before Quaraun meet Unicorn in The Night of The Screaming Unicorn, he meet another Phooka, the same Phooka in another form, when an Elf eating candy-maker arrives in the Moon Elf Village and puts every one under a spell so that no one notices as villagers are one by one disappearing.

Young wizard Quaraun sees through the illusion, but instead of stopping it, helps the monster pick who to kill, and builds 13 phylacteries for the most infamous Lich making spell any wizard ever cast: the one that created the Thirteen Lich Lords, in the process falling in love with the leader of the Lich Lords, The Elf Eater of Pepper Valley himself.

Life is going good for the young wizard, until his best friend BeaLuna the Gnome alerts his father that there's more going on in the gingerbread house the making candy, and a mob of Moon Elves sets out to kill Quaraun in a public execution.

Enranged by the near murder of his lover, the illusions melt away revealing the Lich Lord and his innocent looking gingerbread house for the monsters they really are.

With the Twighlight Manor now threatening to eat every Elf in the village, the Moon Elves plot to destroy the suicidal Elf Eater and his sentient house, not realizing that worse things walked among then then Phooka's and Liches: a Thullid has taken up residence in the Pink Necromancer's head, remaining peacefully dormant until BoomFuzzy's death unleash's it's fury on them all.


Another of the stories banned by in 2012, this one contains three controversial scenes:

The torture scene when Quaraun receives his sex altering injury.

The graphically detailed suicide of BoomFuzzy 

The bloody murder of Quaraun's four children.

By far the bloodiest story of the series, this novel contains disturbing details of death, abuse, torture, suicide, and murder and is considered to be Gorn.

As you follow the series along, you find that Unicorn's obsession with Quaraun reaches a point where Quaraun gives up and simply allows himself to be sexually abused, daily, for years on end, by the Unicorn, because he's realized he can't get away from the extremely obsessive creature that follows him every where he goes.

One of the most disturbing scenes of the entire series is in volume 3, BoomFuzzy, when it is revealed, just how long the Unicorn's obsession has been going on. While most of the series takes place when Quaraun is an adult and is actually quite old, the novel, BoomFuzzy, is a flashback, that takes place when Quaraun was a child. 

As a young boy, about 9 years old, Quaraun finds an injured pony, badly abused, shackled in chains, and locked in a cage. Not realizing the little innocent looking Shetland Pony, is actually a Phooka (a type of evil Faerie Horse), he sets it free. Phookas a viscous black unicorns, fire breathing monsters who skewer people on their horns, and take delight in crushing people to death under their hooves. There is no such thing as a good Phooka, and they are killed on sight whenever they are found. That the boy let him go free, puzzled the demonic beast.

The boy went back to his life. The Phooka followed him. From that point on, Quaraun could not escape the black Unicorn that followed his every move.

When Quaraun was age of 15, the Black Unicorn took on a humanoid form, that of a candy maker named BoomFuzzy, and set up shop in Quaraun's village. Luring children to his gingerbread house, the beast set out to killing and eating every one who got near his candy shop... except for Quaraun.

Quaraun was small, sick, and liked wearing dresses, resulting in his being bullied by the other boys in the village. When one day the bullying got out of hand and Quaraun was nearly killed, the Unicorn swept in and slaughtered the bullies, saving Quaraun's life, then taking the injurged boy back to the gingerbread house.

From there the BoomFuzzy story took a darker turn, as the young boy now finds himself, both well care for by a loving protector, and sexually abused by an obsessed stalker. The duel nature of BoomFuzzy the Unicorn, both comforts and terrifies Quaraun, as he finds himself safe and protected, while simultaneously abused and kept under strict control.

The rest of the BoomFuzzy novel becomes a self battle, with Quaraun, both loving and hating the Unicorn that both protects and hurts him.

At it's core, BoomFuzzy is a novel that takes a dark look into the effects of child abuse, sex slavery, and the confusion caused by being a child who is both loved and victimized by a psychopathic adult.

Quaraun remains with BoomFuzzy for 30 years, with their relationship rocky, as Quaraun finds himself wanting freedom to choose to love someone of his own choosing, and at the same time his not wanting to hurt the beast that truly does love him, but is incapable of showing that love in none abusive ways.

After 30 years, Quaraun leaves. He finally escapes the monster that held him captive and sexually abused him for 30 years. A few weeks later Quaraun marries his first wife. And the next day, BoomFuzzy kills himself.

Quaraun finds the body of the dead Unicorn 3 days later and is devastated, realizing that had he not married, BoomFuzzy would not have commit suicide.

The theme of Stockholm Syndrome pushes front and center into the series from that point on, with Quaraun torn between the guilt of having caused BoomFuzzy's death, and the wife he can not look at because without her, BoomFuzzy would still be alive.

The wife, seeing that her husband cares more for his childhood captive than he had let on, takes to bullying Quaraun, belittling BoomFuzzy's memory at every turn. Quaraun grows to hate his wife. The more his wife, puts down BoomFuzzy's memory, the more defensive Quaraun becomes in protecting BoomFuzzy's honor and denying that BoomFuzzy had spent years sexually abusing him.

As the years go on, Quaraun starts to forget he was BoomFuzzy's victim, he forgets that BoomFuzzy was a child rapist, he forgets that he had spent those years wanting freedom from his captive. His memories become warped and he starts to think of BoomFuzzy as a past lover. On the anniversary of BoomFuzzy's death, Quaraun's wife writes a nursery-rhyme song, belittling BoomFuzzy, and teaches it too their 4 children. Unable to take the constant belittling from his wife anymore, in a fit of rage, Quaraun lashes out at her and murders both his wife and their 4 children. 

Horrified by what he's done, Quaraun flees into the mountains, not to be seen again for decades. When he does return to civilization, he's completly lost touch with reality, thus people begin to call him "Quaraun the Insane". When questioned as to why he killed his family, the only answer he gives anyone is: "I loved my children, but I loved BoomFuzzy more."

When the law tries to arrest him, he tries to escape and accidentally kills them too. Terrified, he flees again, now wanted for for multiple murders. Scared of his own temper, now afraid to be near anyone for fear he'll kill them, Quaraun becomes a wandering hermit, living on the run, never staying in any one place more then a day or two.

Several times his timing is bad and he arrives in towns, just as someone has been killed. Knowing he killed his family and the men who tried to arrest him, villagers are quick to blame him for any and every death, and soon reports calling him a serial killer are being spread across the entire country.

Chapter 1: King Gwallmaiic & The Sacred Pink JellyFish

The Gingerbread House From Hell (Part of Chapter 2)

Santa Claus: Lich Of The North Pole

The Hanging Tree

The Dying Elf, Gibedon's Head, and King Gwallmaiic's Elf Eating Mansion

BoomFuzzy's Death

An Elf Gone Mad: The Rise of The Pink Necromancer

"I loved my children, but I loved BoomFuzzy more..."

Interview With EelKat
On Writing The Quaraun Series

Old Orchard Beach's Nudey Shirts, Drug Dealers, Gangs, and Ivory Billed Woodpeckers -
Interview With EelKat About
The Real Life Town That Inspired
The Monster Porn Yaoi Novel "BoomFuzzy"
April 2 2016 Part 1 of 6

This novel was originally written on: 2007 & 2009 & 2012

This page last updated on: July 02, 2017



The Quaraun Series On Amazon:

I am wondering why has Amazon moved the Quaraun books to the category "Transgender Romance" and also "Gay Erotica"? The base story is a deeply depressed, suicidal, drug addict Elf who's lover commit suicide and he's trying not to do the same. It's an old Elf in a tavern, monologuing a lot of flashbacks and back story scenes of his youth. These stories are dark, bloody, angsty, full of drug use, murder, rape, Medieval torture, mental/physical/emotional abuse, and references to depression and suicide - no romance in it, unless you count the occasional (and usually brutally violent) rape scenes that show up in nearly every volume - sorry - no clue what Amazon is thinking or why they moved these to Romance and Erotica, but these books are NOT even close to being Romance or Erotica on any level at all. When I published these books I put them in "Dark Fantasy" and "Yaoi". If they show up in any category other then "Dark Fantasy" and "Yaoi", it's because Amazon put them there without my authorization or approval.


Author Interviews
On Writing The Quaraun Series:

Author Interviews
On CosPlaying The Quaraun Characters:

Author Interviews
Reacting To Old Orchard Beach's
White Power Gay Hating Over Reaction Ban
Of The Quaraun Series:

The 4 door white truck continues to sit at the end of my drive way (146 Portland Ave, Old Orchard Beach, Maine) near every night around sunset, reeving it's engine and squealing it's tires, with the driver yelling anti-gay threats and obscenities out the window. He continues to do the same thing at my dad's apartment building (Biddeford Maine) a few times a week, usually in mid to late afternoon time. He continues to follow me to shopping to various stores in various towns throughout the states.

Phrases he yells from the truck include:

"Kill or be killed remember Saco Shaws all transsexuals are alike"

"I keep a gun under the seat of my truck, I'm gonna use it to shoot you in the head, you transvestite freak"

if cars are going by he yells to them: "that thing is Ken's son, look at how's it's dressed; it's insane, it has autism, we can't allow that thing and it's gay cars in our family friend town of Old Orchard Beach"

He often babbles deranged ramblings about something he calls "the gay-pocalypse", raving lunacy about how "all the gays are gathering" on his doorstep. He raves some crazy nonsense about how Armageddon is coming and the war to end all wars will be "the gays against the Christians" and Christians have to be ready to "kill the gays"

My car is the Autism Awareness Car and had 2.5million marbles glued to it (I have Autism - savant - Kanner's syndrome) he claims tat my car "is gay" because of what it looks like. My car has been vandalized several dozen times, including to have the tires slashed 7 times in 6 months.

After dark often around 10PM, he stands at the end of the logging road across the street from me and shoots at my motohome (in February 2014 he shot holes in my neighbour's barn while doing this). I have video footage of 3 of his shootings at me here: and here:

This has gone on since August 2013 now, in addition to all the vandalism, hate crimes, pet beheadings, etc that has happened, including the bomb that blew up our house in 2006.

As you know, that whole time I had not been able to get a plate number on the truck. He as just here again, and I just realized why I could not get a plate number... there are no plates on the truck, either on the front or on the back. However, as he was driving away today... I noticed, there is a plate, stuck up in the back window of the truck, where it can barely be seen, deliberately obscured from view behind a silver tool box.

If You Like The Quaraun Series You Might Also Like:

Writing Resources I Use When Writing The Quaraun Books:

More pages you might like...

Books By EelKat
Currently Available on Amazon Kindle:


And why 27 books were deleted off Amazon after being banned by The Old Orchard Beach, Maine Town Hall, an American Government organization, on January 4, 2016, for being "Too Gay For The Family Friendly Town of Old Orchard Beach".

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The Top 202 Most Visited Pages of 2017

Seeing how on October 15, 2017, we reached 10,000 pages, I thought it'd be fun to update the Top 100 List and see where were were now.

Top 202 Most Viewed Pages Of 2017 So Far
(Out of 10,000 pages)

(January 2017 to October 2017)
(Excluding the Home PageAbout Page, and Site Map Page, which were the top 3)

  1. Amphibious Aliens: The Story of Etiole & The World's Most Haunted Car
  2. The GoldenEagle: An Auto-biography of the World's Most Haunted Car
  3. Medieval Servants: Their jobs and their place in historical fiction.
  4. How Long is 50,000 Words?
  5. On being a handicapped CosPlayer at PortCon Maine 2017
  6. Stephen King's The Thinner and The Gypsies Of Old Orchard Beach, Maine
  7. Writing Mute Characters
  8. Flamboyant Nipples: The KKK's New Gay Hating Site About Old Orchard Beach | The Site That Makes Fun of Terrorist Hate Crimes
  9. Writing Dares Random Generator
  10. Don't put flyers on people's cars...
  11. The Saco River Curse
  12. Our Primary Site Topic Is Small Penis? Reaching #1 on Page 1 of Google.
  13. Help FBI End Anti-Gay White Power Terrorist Attacks of Old Orchard Beach
  14. Creating Character Profiles | Meet The Characters | Who Is Quaraun?
  15. Introduction To The Quaraun Series: aka Too Gay For Old Orchard Beach
  16. The Dazzling Razzberry aka EelKat's Autism Awareness Car
  17. Autism, Asperger, PTSD, & Mad Cow: Writing Clinical Insanity Accurately | What is wrong with Quaraun? 
  18. Quaraun Free To Read Online Complete Chapter Index In Chronological Order
  19. Necromancy: Fact Vs Fiction; Or How Can You Be A Necromancer In Real Life?
  20. 600 Pages: Epic Big Super Sized Novels and Why You Should Never Write One
  21. Why Crude Adult Comedy and Pink Humor Yaoi Is Not Erotica
  22. The FBI In Old Orchard Beach, Maine Trying To Capture A Domestic Terrorist
  23. One Gypsy's Review of My Big Fat American Gypsy Wedding
  24. The Gypsies of Old Orchard Beach - page 1 (Online Release of Banned Book)
  25. Autism, Asperger's, And The Danger of The Self-Diagnosis
  26. Spell Casting Side Effects: Magic In Quaraun's Universe | Author Interview
  27. What Type of Music Does A Gypsy Listen To? My Top 10 Favorite Bands
  28. Beware of White Men In Gypsy Clothing: Fake Psychic Scams
  29. How long does it take to hit 1667 words?
  30. How to Write A Kiss
  31. Phookas
  32. Creating Character Profiles | Meet The Characters | Who Is GhoulSpawn?
  33. Albino Races - Moon Elves In The Quaraun Series
  34. Daily Writing Prompts (June 2017 Archive)
  35. My 30th Anniversary of Being Transgender
  36. Why Are The Quaraun Books Rated M18+
  37. How to Write Hot Sex - Tips For Erotic Romance Authors
  38. The Zaharam-Chapelle-Parunas Ethnographical World Building Questionnaire
  39. The Jiggler & The G-String Teddy Bears | The Adventures of Quaraun The Insane
  40. What exactly makes an Elf an Elf? (What is the definition of an Elf?)
  41. Online Income: The Reality vs The Fantasy
  42. World's Most Haunted Car Merchandise
  43. I Am Not GhoulSpawn | Excerpt From Rose Garden of The Pink Necromancer
  44. Old Orchard Beach Hate Crimes
  45. BoomFuzzy Chapter 1 (Novel Excerpt - Quaraun The Insane)
  46. How can your books have gay transvestite characters and not be Erotica? or Why are gay haters beating up elderly woman for wearing pink for breast cancer awareness and saying she's a transexual because only transexuals wear pink?
  47. EelKat's Guide To NaNoWriMo Featuring The 13 Step Method To Writing
  48. Autism and the Stigmas - Why Can’t You Accept Me As Me?
  49. Maine UFO Sightings
  50. Page 11 - The Gypsies of Old Orchard Beach - The Scottish Traveller Crime Family
  51. Psychedelics In A 'High' High Fantasy World (High Elves Getting High)
  52. KBoards, The NaNoWriMo ML Rumor & The Vindictive Stalker
  53. Writing Racist Characters VS The Ku Klux Klan In Old Orchard Beach, Maine
  54. Captured By The Lich Lord | The Night of The Screaming Unicorn
  55. How To Build A Magic System
  56. I've everything but a kitchen sink. Wait, how'd that sink get in my pocket?
  57. Stephen King's Thinner Gypsies & The Ku Klux Klan of Old Orchard Beach
  58. Autistic Characters In Fiction
  59. City of The Slushies | Chapter 7 | Quaraun The Insane
  60. Manuscript Reading Services or Will You Read My Book and Tell Me What You Think?
  61. Suicide, Rape, and Abuse In The Quaraun Series
  62. Wizards vs Witches vs Sorcerers: How are they different? | Writing Fantasy Books
  63. FRED: Google's Most Deadly Update Ever?
  64. How To Write A Novel: Question Everything Before Putting It In Your World
  65. Content writing: How long do you spend creating a quality blog post?
  66. SBI: To Review or Not to Review? That Is The Question
  67. Twerking Dragons: The Joys Of Writing A Novel With A Voice Recorder
  68. A Day At Witch Pond & Fleeing To The Forest | Summoner of Darkness
  69. Transgender, Transsexual, Transvestite, or Intersex: What Is Quaraun?
  70. Sheep | GhoulSpawn The Crazed & The Rose Garden of The Pink Necromancer
  71. Colour Magic - Gypsy Style
  72. Ideas, Ideas, Ideas (Where Do You Get Them?)
  73. Keywords & Pigeons: How I Do Local Business Marketing
  74. Quaraun & Autism In Fantasy Novels
  75. The Signs Of Old Orchard Beach & The FBI Investigation Of The Town Hall
  76. Tom Addams & The Warrior's Forum
  77. A Field of Poppies On The Road To Witch Pond | Summoner of Darkness
  78. An Elf and a Lich in the Gingerbread Pit | The Night of The Screaming Unicorn
  79. Markiplier Jacksepticeye and Pewdiepie Play Resident Evil 7
  80. Santa Claus: Lich Of The North Pole (Includes NSFW 18+ CBT Yaoi scene)
  81. A Motorhome named 'No Hurry' becomes Rosebud & The Story of Ten Kidnapped Cats
  82. Create Original Content aka I Hate Jackass Gutter Scum Thieves
  83. Lost In a Space That Isn't There: Going North To Head South
  84. An Elf Gone Mad: The Rise of The Pink Necromancer
  85. Aspergers is NOT Autism
  86. Is The Quaraun Series Erotica? - No! Here's why...
  87. Summoner of Darkness: GhoulSpawn and Quaraun Trapped With A Phooka
  88. The Dungeon Master & The 1974 AMC Gremlin
  89. The Lich's True Form Revealed | The Night of The Screaming Unicorn
  90. Using work you already started for national novel writing month?
  91. World-building In The Quaraun Series: Creating a Fantasy World
  92. Books in Vacationland 2017
  93. BoomFuzzy's Gingerbread House From Hell
  94. Lets Playing Is No Longer Fun
  95. Santa's Floating Dead Body | A Scene From The Summoner of Darkness
  96. The Banshee Sisters: Bean-Nighe and Ben-Neeyah In the Swamp of Death
  97. The Gypsies of Old Orchard Beach - page 2 (Online Release of Banned Book)
  98. What vlogging equipment is needed to get started as a YouTube vlogger?
  99. April 2015 Update: Too Gay For Old Orchard Beach: The Kidnapped Cats
  100. Betta Fish Aesthetic on Pinterest
  101. Domain Name Branding: Should You Put Your Brand Name In Your URL?
  102. Life As A YouTuber: How To Earn An Income From Making Videos
  103. Making YouTube Videos: How did you decide what content to make?
  104. Page 4 - The Gypsies of Old Orchard Beach
  105. Twighilight Not Twilight
  106. YouTube Index
  107. Amphibious Aliens: My health since the stroke and Etiole . . .
  108. Are You A Satan Worshiper?
  109. Average Typing Speed
  110. Custom Leggings - Designs By EelKat
  111. Ernest Hemingway Style of Writing Literary Fiction Used In Epic Fantasy Novels
  112. Google Flagged Your Site! What To Do? (Help For Web Masters)
  113. How valuable is a writer’s group?
  114. Lives Destroyed: Amphibious Aliens 10th Anniversary Update
  115. Lost In a Space That Isn't There: Santa's Letter To Satan
  116. Summoner of Darkness: Quaraun Meets The Gremlin
  117. The Terrorists of Old Orchard Beach Put My Dad In a Coma
  118. Using Yahoo Answers to promote your book and author website.
  119. What Is This Site?
  120. You Stole My Idea - I was writing a book, but you already wrote it 10 years ago!
  121. City of The Slushies | Chapter 1 | Quaraun The Insane
  122. Creative Writing Story Prompts: September 2017 Edition
  123. Dungeons and Dragons: The Joys Of Calculating Gold Weight In AD&D 2ed
  124. Fabric Designed By EelKat
  125. My Fave YouTubers Play: Dream Daddy - The Yaoi Dad Dating Sim Otome Game
  126. Necromancy: How will resurrection affect society as a whole?
  127. Page 7 - The Gypsies of Old Orchard Beach
  128. Pink Flowers Aesthetic on Pinterest
  129. The Gypsies of Old Orchard Beach - page 12 (Online Release of Banned Book)
  130. What will a traveler encounter on the roads in your world?
  131. Are you insane? Am I? Let's Find Out...
  132. Becoming A Better Writer: How to write interesting dialogue.
  133. Character Creation
  134. Copper Cockeral Cards & Gifts
  135. Elves, Drugs, and Opium: A Look At The Drug Use In The Quaraun Books
  136. How To Stay Motivated To Write | Writing Fantasy Books
  137. Jewelry Fashions in Moon Elf Culture | World Building | Writing Fantasy Books
  138. Keyword Marketing - What to do when your best keywords are low demand
  139. Magic Systems and How to Build Them | Writing Fantasy Books
  140. NaNoWriMo Overachievers: How did you do it?
  141. Quaraun Cover Art Gallery | Fantasy Novel Book Cover Art
  142. Quaraun The Insane : Zebulon's Captive: The Last of The Moon Elves
  143. SEO Advantages of Embedding YouTube Videos On Your Website
  144. Summoner of Darkness: A Tavern Scene - Chastity Cages, and Whores
  145. Summoner of Darkness: The Return of ZooLock (free to read online)
  146. Twighlight Not Twilight Part 2
  147. Vanishing Books Update - Why 27 of my books were deleted off Amazon
  148. What is a God in Your Universe? | World Building | Writing Fantasy Books
  149. Writing Maine: How To Write About Maine Life Accurately
  150. What the Ocean Gives Me (How Things In Your Life Affect Your Writing)
  151. City of The Slushies | Chapter 14 | Quaraun The Insane
  152. February 10, 2008 - Harassment Continues in Old Orchard Beach, Maine
  153. How does a bestselling book become a bestseller?
  154. Marriage in Moon Elf Culture | World Building | Writing Fantasy Books
  155. People are not interested in long winded copy
  156. September 26, 2017 - The Latest Attack By The KKK on The Thinner Gypsies
  157. Spending Money To Make Money Online? Should You Do It?
  158. Summoner of Darkness: The Demon Cultists and The Coming of The Darkness
  159. Summoner of Darkness: The Map of The Town (novel free to read online)
  160. The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt GOTY | Completionist Run: Episode 01
  161. Trespassers: April 2007 Updates
  162. Turning Scenes, Into Stories & Writing Travelogue Style Fantasy Books
  163. Where To Get Endless Ideas For Short Stories, Novels, and Articles
  164. Writing Controversial Books: Political Correctness & White Supremacists
  165. Are Bad Reviews Good For You?
  166. Branding Yourself While Avoiding The Scams | EelKat On Content Writing
  167. Child Sacrifice in Fantasy Novels | Writing Fantasy Books
  168. How to Handle Writing Fantasy-Horror That Features Violence Against Children
  169. How would you explain your Fantasy world to a stranger?
  170. Page 6 - The Gypsies of Old Orchard Beach
  171. Summoner of Darkness: HellBorne The Evil, Lord of Black Tower
  172. The return of Friends Are Forever - Banned and Burned it's about to be reborn!
  173. Why do Lovecraftian beings come to earth?
  174. Writing Prompts Syndrome?
  175. Autism = The Crazy Cat Woman of Maine
  176. Autism: Understanding what is really going on inside the child’s head.
  177. But what exactly IS a full time income?
  178. Content Marketing & writing: How I write content for my website
  179. Do you write a novel start-to-finish?
  180. GhoulSpawn and The Lich Lord's Lover: How To Kill a Lich
  181. How is it that the church leaders are claiming you do not pay tithes?
  182. How To Write A Novel: In what order do you create your world?
  183. I loved my children but I loved BoomFuzzy more | From Quaraun The Insane
  184. My Two Favorite People: FarDarrig and The Baby That Never Should Have Been
  185. Need help writing characters of color | EelKat on racist white readers
  186. Quaraun and the Amazon Adult Filter
  187. Quaraun GhoulSpawn and The Lich Lord's Lover: The Lover's Triangle
  188. Summoner of Darkness: Where Are You Hiding That Horse?
  189. Tired of people who don’t care. :( Tired of the harassment. :(
  190. What would happen if an Elf adopted a Human baby? | Writing Fantasy Books
  191. Page 10 - The Gypsies of Old Orchard Beach
  192. Page 3 - The Gypsies of Old Orchard Beach
  193. Page 8 - The Gypsies of Old Orchard Beach
  194. SCRIPT FRENZY 2010: I WON! & Psycho Stalker Attacks
  195. Wristlets, Wrist Bags, Mini Clutch, Cosmetic Bags, and Designer Mini Purses
  196. Writing Your Novel: Do you save chapters as individual files?
  197. Are old AD&D adventures still any use to current players?
  198. Autistics Have Feelings Too & Diverse Books Rant
  199. Be True To You: YouTube Gamers: "Faking" a personality until you make it?
  200. City of The Slushies | Chapter 10 | Quaraun The Insane
  201. HEA in Erotica (Should You Write Happily Ever Afters?)
  202. Stephen King's Thinner Gypsies

dancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing banana

“Karma comes after everyone eventually. You can't get away with screwing people over your whole life, I don't care who you are. What goes aroMy Two Favorite People: FarDarrig and The Baby That Never Should Have Been

Need help writing characters of color | EelKat on racist white readers

und comes around. That's how it works. Sooner or later the universe will serve you the revenge that you deserve.” 

― Jessica Brody

"By autistic standards, the “normal” brain is easily distractible, is obsessively social, and suffers from a deficit of attention to detail and routine. Thus people on the spectrum experience the neurotypical world as relentlessly unpredictable and chaotic, perpetually turned up too loud, and full of people who have little respect for personal space." 

— Steve Silberman

Attempt Something New Today! – too many people talk about doing this or that but few actually take action, it's the why behind why so few succeed and so many fail.


Fabulous and flamboyant...

who knew?

“If you're horrible to me, I'm going to write a song about it, and you won't like it. That's how I operate.” 

― Taylor Swift

Bullies should never force you to  suffer in silence. If someone has hurt you, let others know.

“One's dignity may be assaulted, vandalized and cruelly mocked, but it can never be taken away unless it is surrendered.” 
― Michael J. Fox

“I would rather be a little nobody, then to be a evil somebody.” 

― Abraham Lincoln


Be the hero, not the bully.

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“1. Bullying is not okay. Period.

2. Freedom of religion does not give you the right to physically or verbally assault people.

3. If your sincerely-held religious beliefs require you to bully children, then your beliefs are fucked up.” 

― Jim C. Hines

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