Thoughts on Reborn Therapy Dolls After My Son's Murder

Thoughts on Reborn Therapy Dolls After My Son's Murder



By Wendy C Allen
eelkat_red_scarf.jpgWendy Christine Allen, 2019, able to sit up in a chair for the first time in years, and able to raise up my arm and wiggle fingers. This was when I started playing Witcher 3 on Twitch as part of my physical therapy to regain finger movement. Playing Witcher 3 daily from 2016 to 2019, is how I regained the use of my thumb and two for fingers on my right hand... it is also why I stopped playing Witcher 3 in 2019, once I had strengthen my two forefingers enough to start typing again.

Wendy Christine Allen, Old Orchard Beach's Autistic Author, Artist, Illustrator, & Art Car Designer

Counting Down to the September 23, 2028 50th Anniversary of my first published book (September 23, 1978)

If you are here looking for The Twighlight Manor series, The Crystonite Wars series, The Wild Years series, The White Rock Asylum for the Criminally Insane series, The Twisted Tales series, the Captured By a MerMan series, The Space Dock 13 series, The Kats of Planet Ptarmagin series, the stories about Miss Citten the Eel-Kat, or the stories about Etiole... ALL of those series were combined and consolidated into The Adventures of Quaraun the Insane Pink Necromancer series in 2014, so ALL the different series, are now under one series title.

List of the published titles still in print:

The Index of over three thousand stories in The Pink Necromancer series

What the series is about, for those new here:

The introduction to The Pink Necromancer Series. 

If you want some stories to get you started in The Pink Necromancer series, reading these first will give you a good introduction to the 3 main characters:

My Elves Are JellyFish...and I asked Google AI and ChatGPT 5.6 what they thought of this.

As requested, my daily writing prompt series is now available print paperback editions on Amazon.

There are 20 volumes of this writing prompt series currently planned and in varying stages of finishing, hopefully all 20 will be published by the end of 2026. I likely will do a 2nd series of writing prompt books in 2027.

The first of the Visual Novels/Video Games for The Adventures of Quaraun the Inane/The Pink Necromancer series is published and available on Itch.io, there are 3 more planned for release in 2026, 6 more planned for release in 2027, and the big 60-hour 80k word 150 page one (Quaraun Goes To the Fair) is planned for a 2028 release.

There is a Pink Necromancer card game and a Pink Necromancer board game, as well as a Pink Necromancer table top RPG supliment for Dungeons and Dragons, all in the works, and to be released over the next couple of years as well.

Health update: August 4, 2026 - in recovery for 6 months+ (at least until mid-January 2027...all book and video game releases are pushed back at least 6 months) see video below for why...
@eelkat

health update #maine #disabilityawareness #wheelchairlife #wheelchairvlogger #multiplesclerosis

♬ original sound - Wendy C Allen | 📚 Author
@eelkat Health update: #chickenpox #bellspalsy #RamsayHuntsyndrome #paralysis #recovery ♬ original sound - Wendy C Allen | 📚 Author
@eelkat

I seem to have had another stroke (during the night while I was asleep?) #stroke #paralysis

♬ original sound - Wendy C Allen | 📚 Author

Update Sept 3, 2026:

I am able to get around enough to take Koko to dog park... today is 29 days since getting out of hospital. My diet is still mostly liquid, but im eating some solid food again, but its like rice or soft mushy baby food type stuff because I still can not chew yet, though I can swallow again. My jaw is still not functioning good so im having trouble talking still. So there's been slight improvement to my mouth, throat, and jaw, but, zero improvement to my eye, which is a major concern, be Im almost fully blind right now. im legally blind since birth in my left eye, so I have no ability to fall back on using my left eye. My right eye is the one injured and my vision in it is "40% decreased" according to my doctor, but it wasn't good vision to begin with, and right now my right eye is not much different from my legally blind left eye. Which I why I have to have someone drive my car for me instead of me driving my car myself right now, which is very frustrating, because, being a female, I had to fight for over twenty years to be allowed to drive. I started sneaking out at age 31 and dressing as a man to go to Old Orchard Beach high school to get a ged, because us females are not allowed to go to school. And i was 37 years old when snuck out to the DMV and got a driver's permit and started going to college. I was 42 and 8 months pregnant when my family found out I was going to college and thats when I was punished by the backhoe driving over my house and my spine broken with a golf club and my baby born right then and killed with same golf club. So it's very frustrating now, so soon after finally being able to drive , to now not be able to drive because of an eye injury, especially after 14 years of being paralyzed from the golf club and not being allowed to have a wheelchair, again, because i am female and we females are simply not allowed to do anything. I hate the culture I was born into. I wish I had the freedom to go to school and drive a car the way American women do. I wish having my spine broken with a golf club and my baby killed with a golf club and a backhoe driven over my house was not how men in my family punishment women in my family for learning to read and write. Its so frustrating not being able to to drive again, so soon after 14 years being paralyzed, and being paralyzed by the golf club was the punishment for getting a driver's license back in 2013 after 30 years of men not letting me have one. I hate my family's culture and how they treat us women.

I get so sick of Americans telling me how they wish they could be a Gypsy… they are either misogynist woman hating pigs, or delusional idiots who haven't got a clue how shittily we Gypsy women are treated by Gypsy men, because no one in their righ mind who knows anything about Gypsy culture would ever want to be part of it. I hate that I was born a Gypsy. 

update sept 7, 2026

"You would not make a good teacher"... what does that mean, and why are there so many people on Railroad Ave and Western Ave and Cutts St why walk up to me and say that to me?

I find it very confusing. I have low functioning Autism (the Rain Man type) and so i have very little understanding of words beyond the basic ones, and i never went to to school, so I never learned maths or sciences, and I only had remedial classes at Southern Maine Community College, because I did not have an education to enroll with regular, I was there taking every reading and writing class they had to learn how to read and write, and also took speaking classes to learn how to talk (i spoke Shetland Scottish language because that was language my grandmother spoke but she died when I was 8 so I only knew that language to speak and write, and I was 37 when I went to college and 42 when I learned English speaking and I still cant speak English good yet), all the other classes I took were art painting and cooking.

So the phrase "You would not make a good teacher" makes no sense to me because it seems to imply that I am trying to be a teacher, but I don't have anything close to the education ti be a teacher, and im not trying to be a teacher. So I don't know why people keep saying this phrase to me and I assume it must have some sort of a slang meaning, but I can't figure out what it could be of why do these people keep saying it to me.

see video below for more information: 


@eelkat "You would not make a good teacher"... what does that mean, and why are there so many people on Railroad Ave and Western Ave and Cutts St why walk up to me and say that to me? I find it very confusing. I have low functioning Autism (the Rain Man type) and so i have very little understanding of words beyond the basic ones, and i never went to to school, so I never learned maths or sciences, and I only had remedial classes at Southern Maine Community College, because I did not have an education to enroll with regular, I was there taking every reading and writing class they had to learn how to read and write, and also took speaking classes to learn how to talk (i spoke Shetland Scottish language because that was language my grandmother spoke but she died when I was 8 so I only knew that language to speak and write, and I was 37 when I went to college and 42 when I learned English speaking and I still cant speak English good yet), all the other classes I took were art painting and cooking. So the phrase "You would not make a good teacher" makes no sense to me because it seems to imply that I am trying to be a teacher, but I don't have anything close to the education ti be a teacher, and im not trying to be a teacher. So I don't know why people keep saying this phrase to me and I assume it must have some sort of a slang meaning, but I can't figure out what it could be of why do these people keep saying it to me. #mainelife #biddefordmaine #maine #disabilitytiktok #Biddeford ♬ original sound Wendy C Allen | 📚 Author

update Sept 15, 2026:

I have some slight movement in some my fingers again again after over a decade being paralyzed

you remember how I used to be a professional doll making, pattern designer, and embroiderer, back before I became paralized and before my son was murdered and being the backhoe drove over my house?

all my equipment, sewing machines, ect were all destroyed by the backhoe driving over my house, and I have been quardepelegic for over a decade because of it so could not use my hands to sew or draw or embroider, and so only continued to do my writing of novels since then because I could do that with dragon dictation software,

well, since 2016, I been playing Witcher 3 and don't starve video games on twitch livestream, one hand two fingers, as part of my therapy to regain nerve and muscle use of my fingers, and now after 10 years of that, I have somewhat more movement in my fingers and im thinking maybe I can try to do embroidery and doll making again, but not sure, anyways, now im rebuying all of my sewing and embroidery equipment that the backhoe destroyed when it drove over my house, and hopefully I can use my hand enough to embroider again.

waiting for stuff to arrive in mail, so soon I should find out if ten years of twitch gaming has given me enough muscle strength to use my fingers to embroider again.

update to the previous video, answering viewer question about lack of hospital vs broken spine

Wheelchair Fundraiser... I need to upgrade to a power wheelchair, the manual one just isn't enough anymore. But the power wheelchair is $25k. Yes, twenty five thousand dollars. Wtf? I can get a car for a quarter that price, why are wheelchairs so damned expensive? That's more money then I make in five years, so I need to start a fundraiser for it.

I found this video interesting and thought, maybe you guys might want to see it, so here it is, but also here is the comment I left for her video, that explains why I liked it…

https://youtu.be/yr5t0_cfrBc?si=XC8zeomvm27JD18c

I quite enjoyed your video, and see that you were wanting context from people who had these dolls, and I have one, and can give you some answers, at least from my own perspective of owning one of these dolls.

I am personally in the "mid range", meaning:

1: I am not a doll collector with art dolls on a shelf. So there is no "collection of many dolls."

2: I'm not role - playing, not making videos, not acting out feeding, not taking doll shopping trips, my doll does not have a room or bed or wardrobe, or anything like that, etc. So there is no "daily feeding routine".

I am in the therapy range in the middle. Mine stays in a cardboard box, wrapped in a soft blanket to protect the silicone from getting dirty/damaged by sun, etc, when not in use. When in use, the doll sits on my lap, or sits on the bed/chair beside me.

I do not refer to myself as a "reborn mom" nor call the doll "my baby", in fact, I've had the doll a few years now and have not yet given her a name. I never felt a need to.

I do however say "her" or "she", even though my doll technically could be with male or female as there are no "gender body parts" on the doll. I'm not sure why "she" is what I use, why not "he"? I have no logical reason for it because I did not actively think "I'll call it a girl", it was just I realized one day I always refer to her as "she". I think it must be because my real baby who was murdered, was a boy, and my mind subconsciously defaulted to "this baby is not him and not real therefore say "she"??? I don't know.

Perhaps an interesting note is that I DO, however take the doll with me when I go places. BUT, its not like going shopping or taking the doll for a walk in the park type of thing. My job is such that I go to a lot of events, conventions, festivals, fairs, carnivals, ect and sell items from a sales booth (think classic circus, sideshow, state fair type carnivals, and me selling handmade items out of a tent) Meaning, I'll be sitting for many hours, interacting with customers, and, sitting in my chair beside me or on my lap, is the doll. You should understand this better once I explain why I have the doll.

So, I have a reborn doll, but its the "child type" not the baby type. Mine is quite large, she is 25" (the size of a year old toddler) . Most are 13” to 18”(the size of a premie or newborn), so mine is a bit different then ones commonly seen. While there are others with toddler sized babies, we are the minority within the reborn community. It was actually quite difficult to find any 20” or bigger. She is just the right size to sit on my lap, which she does for hours a day, because:

1: I'm using an ambulatory manual (not power) wheelchair, and carrying a small, head-floppy baby-size is a bit inconvenient, meaning, it'll roll off my lap onto the floor when I'm using my hands/arms to roll the chair around, and then I'd have to deal with now not falling out of my chair while trying to reach the doll off the floor… so, for me, the larger toddler size works better.

2: I have a desk job that is 90% typing for hours on end. So she sits on my lap while I work. Being a toddler size, the doll is big enough to sit up by the table beside me, and doesn't have the "floppy head" feature found on most newborn types.

It is my only reborn doll, though I have considered getting 2 more, I simply can not afford them (the two others I wanted were mass produced Ashton Drake vinyl with cloth bodies and each in the $300 range, so on the "cheaper" side, but still way out of range for what I can afford.)

Mine is partial-silicone, meaning it's just head, hands, and feet made of soft squishy silicone. The body, arms, and legs are a waldorf type cuddle body, very soft velour, but also made "ball jointed" which is kind of uncommon to see cloth that is jointed. But it makes her very posable.

She is also quite heavy. In addition to the heft of the silicone head, the body is stuffed with a mix of glass beads and poly, and overall she weighs around 10lbs. VERY heavy for a doll (most reborns are only 2 to 4 lbs) but similar in weight to both a real toddler or a weighted lap blanket. She is a one - of - a - kind hand-sculpted (not from a mould) doll.

I have her for therapy reasons.

Previously I was using a weighted lap blanket, but she works better.

She is not a hyper realistic doll though. And that was deliberate on my part. When my therapist first suggested a reborn, I had never heard of them before and when I went looking for one, I was immediately creeped out, very uncanny valley type of creeped out, over how real they looked.

I REALLY do not like the hyper realistic baby dolls, because my mind just things "OMG! that's a dead baby!" even though I know it's a doll and not a dead baby, but there is also a reason my mind triggers this way.

So, trigger warning, I had a baby who died, but not like, just died from illness or something expected… my 8 month old baby was murdered in a parking lot, by a random stranger, November 14, 2013, and has not yet been caught or even identified, and the FBI murder investigation has been ongoing for now thirteen years.

I have MS and endometriosis and so getting pregnant at all is difficult I've had 7 miscarriages and then the 8th one the first baby who lives (named Xavier Octavian because he was my 8th baby… all the previous seven were also named Xavier with different middle names, Ocavian means "eighth".

Anyways Xavier Octavian died at 8 months old. He was murdered by a woman with a golf club, she also broke my spine and WHY I'm now in a wheelchair and told I'm unlikely to have more children due to injuries the golf club did to my ovaries (my left ovary is ruptured and has turned into a massive "tumour" that now weights almost thirty pounds. I can not afford the $37,000 surgery to repair my spine nor the $18,000 surgery to remove the tumorous infected ovary.

My doctor tells me that even if I did get pregnant again, it'd be very dangerous to my health and it is highly unlikely I would live through it.

There is an active FBI investigation trying to find the woman who did this to me and murdered my son, but as yet she has not been found and we still don't know who she is or why she attacked.

But also as I am in America and over 45 years old (I am over 50, but the law says 45), so I also can't not adopt a baby. (I am over 50 and when I tried to adopt, was immediately told by the Maine department of human and child services that America has a law where you must be under 45 years old to adopt a child who is not a teenager.)

So this is all very devastating to me. People are like, well get a dog. I have a dog and 3 cats and it is not the same and they just don't understand that.

Well, so, I check out reborn dolls because my therapist said it might help, and immediately I get creeped out by the fact that they look too real, so real that it actually makes me feel NOT comforted because my mind kept thinking “not another dead baby”. So it had the OPPOSITE effect on me, because they were so real that they made me think “dead baby” instead of cute doll. It didn't matter how much I knew these were dolls, my brain was just having gut reaction repelling me from them.

I really don't like the ones that are “sleeping” especially, because so much “omg that looks like my murdered son in his coffin” vibe it sends in me.

So, for me, the hyper realistic reborns are very stress inducing because they look too real and trigger PTsD attacks over my son's death.

The ones with eyes open are not as bad, because they look less "dead" to my mind, but still the ones that look too real even with eyes open freak me out.

So, I simply was not able to get one. And there was a period of close to a decade of my therapist continuing to tell me "try reborn dolls, just get one and see", before I actually ended up getting one. My mind was just registering them as "real dead babies" even though I knew they were dolls, because they just looked "too" real.

And while researching I found the roleplay videos and those creeped me out too. I don't understand the whole taking the dolls out in public thing, or changing diapers or feeding them.

And yet, I ended up with a reborn. Why?

But… then in my searching I found Fantasy Reborns. The demons, Fairies, and such, and these didn't creep me out. My mind registered that these were dolls not dead babies, and so these I could pick up and hold, no problem.

So, I changed my search to looking for Fantasy reborns and I finally found the one I got now. It's a “Christmas Elf”, white wool hair, huge super big eyes, exaggerated chubby cheeks, and little snowflakes painted on.

It's very cartoony, not realistic but also realistic at the same time. And as soon as I saw her, I just bought her immediately, I didn't even think about it. There was just an immediate reaction of “that's the one”.

Anyway, I bought her, not expecting she would help, but I figured why not give therapy dolls a try at least. If it doesn't work, well, at least I'll have a nice looking doll to sit on the shelf. So I was sceptical and not expecting much.

But then she arrived. And, while I never got into the roleplay aspect, and likely never well, because doll role-playing is just not my vibe, I was however surprised by the calming effects of just holding a baby doll, while I go about my day.

Because I'm in a wheelchair now due to the same attack that murdered by son, and have a desk job, she just sits on my lap for hours on end every day and I have her in a papoose sling on my chest when I'm up moving around doing chores.

I have about 4 sets/changes of clothes for her, so that when I go to events, her outfits is the same colour theme as whatever I'm wearing, and changing outfits before events is the only time I change her outfits. When I get back from an event she just wears whatever she had on at the event for the rest of the year until the next event.

So she's just sitting on my lap while I work or hanging in her sling on my chest while I work, and for some reason that's enough to have a calming comforting effect on me.

So, why she goes to events with me: I have post traumatic stress disorder. The attack that crippled me and killed my son, happened in public, in a parking lot, at Southern Maine Community College Buglight Lighthouse Art Studio, where I had just come out of the bathroom, and went out the beach side door, to my car in the first parking spot by the building, just in front of the dock to the lighthouse. I was born legally blind, almost deaf, and partly mute, so I did not see or hear the golf club woman come up, nor could I call out for help when she attacked.

So, in addition to the injuries I have, and having post traumatic stress disorder, i also have agoraphobia (which is NOT fear of going outdoors like media falsely says - it is fear of going into large public spaces with crowds of people and no roof/canopy over head). Meaning, there is a need for feel enclosed/covered which weighted blankets and a head scarf help, but still make my return to selling from a booth in festivals where there are large crowds of people extremely difficult.

Prior to the attack, I was at a different event every single weekend all year long, 50 events a year.

Since the attack, I have only been able to go to one event (PortCon Maine) each year… the addition of the doll, has given me a bit more freedom in that I can hug her while at the events, and so, she is now incorporated into all of my CosPlay costumes for conventions now.

It's really strange and I don't have an explanation for it, but it is just very comforting to hold the doll.

As for the TikToks you mentioned… I personally find many of them to be highly offensive. Not all of them, but, certainly the majority of the ones I've seen.

To me, most of the tik toks do NOT feel like a therapy thing. A few do, but most don't. To me, most of them feel like someone who thought "OMG I can cash in on a trend and make money by dressing up dolls and pretending they are real! Yay money, money, money, money!!!!!" That's just the vibe most of them give off to me.

Thing is I've never once thought of making videos with my doll or treating my doll like a real child. So, I really just can't wrap my mind around the idea of making those sorts of videos to begin with. Its like they are preforming for a stage play, and not doing any sort of actual therapy. I have seen a few that feel actually genuine therapy, but, for the most part, I just can't see putting a performance on tiktok, feeding formular to a doll on tiktok, ec as therapy. Maybe it is, but to me its like, uhm… why is showing off feeding real food to a doll therapy inducing? Like I get how feeding a doll is therapy inducing, but I don't get how doing it on a YouTube livestream is therapy inducing?

But also, most people (both online and offline) have no clue I even have a reborn doll, as I just don't talk about it.

If someone is visiting, I just put the doll in her box and back on the shelf, so she's not even out on display either. And when I've got her out in public, I'm dressed up in a huge elaborate CosPlay custom (due to my job) and so, people just assume her to be part of the CosPlay.

But anyways, yeah, hopefully that answers some of your questions about reborns from an inside the community perspective?


Do you have information about my son's murder and need the FBI contact information: 

If you have any information about my son’s murderer, please call FBI Agent Andy Drewer at 207–774–9322


Looking to find out more about my son's murder, that information is on these pages:


And if you're one of those lunatic jackass bullshitting alien abduction UFO freaks, looking for haunted cars, Stephen King, cryptids, or EBEs, first off, you can go fuck yourselves. I am so damned sick of you conspiracy brained motherfuckers harassing my family and turning my son's murder case into a circus of you psycho deranged bullshit. Here's some pages for you:





While there are around 20k pages on this website, most of them are blocked from search engines, with only around 800 of them available for appearing in Google/Bing/etc search results. The remainder can only be accessed via the various links found throughout this site. This was done deliberately on my part, and I did it because the bulk of the pages on this website are chapters from 138 novels and 423 novellas, so only the first page of each novel and novella indexed by search engines, and the remainder are linked in order, one page at a time, via clicking "next page" at the end of each. So if you are looking for a specific page from a specific novel, Google can't help you.



Thank you for stopping by and have a nice day! ꧁✨🌸🔮🦄🔮🌸✨꧂

And if it’s your birthday today: ִֶָ𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶָ🐇་༘࿐꧁ᴴᵃᵖᵖʸ☆ᵇⁱʳᵗʰᵈᵃʸ꧂🤍🎀🧸🌷🍭

Wendy Christine Allen 🌸💖🦄 aka EelKat 🧿💛🔮👻
eelkat_red_scarf.jpg

Wheelchair Fundraiser

@eelkat

i just found out there is yet another bizarre rumour going around. where are these wild rumours coming from? who is starting them? and why?

♬ original sound - Wendy C Allen | 📚 Author
@eelkat

since I've been flooded with hundreds of messages the past two weeks asking if I still own "the world's most haunted car", yes, and here it is, filmed today May 18, 2026… but my son Xavier is dead, i am crippled and given that people are AGAIN showing up calling my Dodge "haunted", calling my friend "an alien", calling me "transgender", and spreading wild defamation slander connecting me to Stephen King, I think I need to start taking down the contact information of every blogger, podcaster, youtuber, and social media account spreading these rumors, and sue every single one of them for CAUSING my car to be cut in half May 10, 2010, for CAUSING the backhoe that drove over my house August 8, 2013, for CAUSING my son's murder November 14, 2013, for CAUSING me to be crippled and in a wheelchair November 14, 2013, and for CONTINUING to CAUSE harassers to show up in person to harass me near daily, STILL now in 2026. EVERYONE telling you my car is haunted, telling you my friend is an alien, calling my car "the goldeneagle", calling my friend "Etiole", or trying to connect me or my car to Stephen King, is lying to you. They crippled me when I was 8 months pregnant, and a woman with a golf club, severed my spine and bashed my baby's head in, I spent 9 years relearning to walk, and the FBI is 13 years into the murder investigation and not yet identified the attacker who crippled me and killed my baby, both violently with a golf club and the FBI believes that it is friends and family of the woman who did it, are the ones who started and spread the rumors saying my car is haunted, saying I'm an alien abductee, saying all kinds of similar bs about aliens, ufos, ghosts, witchcraft, demons, and Stephen King connections, even though I don't believe in ghosts, aliens, ufos, demons, and had never heard of Stephen King before 30k of his fans showed up in my yard trying to find my car! FBI believes the backhoe driver and the murderer are the same person and it is a developer who wanted my land and so started the Stephen King, ghost, and alien rumors all in an attempt to drive me off my land, and when it didn't work they drove a backhoe over my house, and when that didn't work they crippled me and killed my son. Why are they doing this? How do I get them to stop?

♬ original sound - Wendy C Allen | 📚 Author






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Do you know who drove this backhoe over my house at 146 Portland Avenue, Old Orchard Beach, Maine on August 8, 2013? If you have any information, please give it to FBI Agent Andy Drewer at 207–774–9322 of the Portland, Maine FBI office.

My house at 146 Portland Ave, Old Orchard Beach, Maine, July 4, 2013, photo taken because we had just finished building a baby room on the back. vs My house August 8, 2013, when the same group of people (yes group, the golf club woman was not alone when she attacked November 14, 2013, nor was she alone with her second attack July 2016.) who murdered my son on November 14, 2013 at Southern Maine Community College and crippled me July 26, 2016 at scarborough WalMart,... they arrived the first time with a backhoe on August 8, 2013, that they used to drive over my house, during a time of day that I normally was home asleep... I had to work a different shift at the Waffle Cone Pizza Food Truck at George's Parking Lot by Bill's Pizza at the OBB Peir, that day, otherwise, I too would be at the bottom of a landfill, along with my house and everything I owned that was also in the house. I was 5 months pregnant at the time and have been homeless for just under 14 years, homeless ever since....

... which means it is now only a few weeks from the 14th anniversary of my son's murder. I was 8 month pregnant November 14, 2013, and a student ay SMCC, and coming out of the Buglight Lighthouse art studio after art class, when a still unidentifiedwoman wielding a golf club attacked me, severed my spine, while I was 8 months pregnant, triggered early labour, then killed my son minutes after he was born.

While accusing me of being transgender, screaming "transvestite freak" and "look at that thing, that's Ken's son in a dress"... while I was 8 months pregnant.

eelkats_house_before_after.jpgMy house at 146 Portland Ave, Old Orchard Beach, Maine, July 4, 2013, photo taken because we had just finished building a baby room on the back. vs My house August 8, 2013, when the same group of people (yes group, the golf club woman was not alone when she attacked November 14, 2013, nor was she alone with her second attack July 2016.) who murdered my son and crippled me, arrived the first time with a backhoe that they used to drive over my house, during a time of day that I normally was home asleep... I had to work a different shift at the Waffle Cone Pizza Food Truck at George's Parking Lot by Bill's Pizza at the OBB Peir, that day, otherwise, I too would be at the bottom of a landfill, along with my house and everything I owned that was also in the house. I was 5 months pregnant at the time and have been homeless for just under 14 years, homeless ever since.

The backhoe driver returned November 14, 2013, armed with a golf club, used it to break my spine and smash my baby's brains out on the ground

On November 14, 2013, my son was murdered. I was 8 months pregnant, leaving my college classroom, and just getting into my car, when 3 strangers, a man and two women, armed with golf clubs leapt out from behind my car screaming "kill or be killed, kill the transvestite freaks, kill them all before they kill us! look at that thing! That is Ken's son, look at how it's dressed! kill the transvestite freaks! kill or be killed"... while the bald man and the red haired woman chanted this over and over, the blonde woman, lunged with the golf club.

She severed my spine, I am now a quadriplegic, and been paralyzed arms and legs, and in a wheelchair for 13 years now. She broke my hips, my knees, my legs, ruptured most of my discs, and shattered three of my vertebrae so bad that the shards of bone acted like glass and embedded themselves into my spinal column nerve bundle.

The attack also triggered labour.

My son was born in that parking lot, and he lived only a couple of minutes, before the deranged blonde woman, beat his head in and smashed his brains out, with the same golfclub she had just used to sever my spine and leave me crippled for the rest of my life.

Realizing that I was not transgender, and they'd just murdered a baby, the man grabbed the 2 women and forcibly dragged them away to a 4 door white pickup truck, and they left me there to die.

The FBI told me later, that a few weeks before this attack, and transwoman, had murdered a cis woman, in a parking lot, abou 20 miles away from where I was attacked. The FBI, believes that my attackers, had somehow found out I wrote transgender fiction, connecting my real name to my penname, (my father's name is in fact "Ken", and I do have a brother) and believed that I wrote transgender fiction, because I was myself transgender, even though I'm not transgender. The FBI, believes the attackers, thought I was my brother, pretending to be a woman.

The FBI investigation, into my son's murder, has dragged on for 13 years, and still now in 2026, continues on, with the FBI, still not having yet identified my attackers, and only guessing at what their motive was.

Thus we come to 2014, and the full swing change of the series I write. WHY my series, went from just a transman main character living life, to the full blown Mpreg genre series that it now is today.

Before the attack, I had a chance of having a baby. I don't know. And because I'm in America, I'm too old to adopt. You have to be under 45 years old to adopt a baby. That is the law in America. I was informed this, when we tried to adopt, now that my injuries leave me unable to get pregnant a 9th time.

Thus began my obsessively writing, my transman main character, pregnant. Always pregnant now. Every time. Every story. Stories that now fully focus on pregnancy, labour, miscarriages, babies dying, babies living, raising babies... the whole series, since 2014 has devolved into an outright baby obsession.

Meanwhile, reborn baby dolls were suggested to me by my therapist, and have also become a deeply obsessive part of my life. Because 13 years ago my son was murdered minutes after he was born, because a transphobic bigot mistook me for being transgender, I'm STILL in a wheelchair, struggling to relearn to use my arms and legs, now 13 years later, and I'm still DAILY dealing with police officers and FBI agents who while they are trying to find my son's killer, they are also daily reminding me... oh, yeah, my son was murdered, literally ripped out of my belly, by a transphobe. Who still has not been located and walks free to kill again.

The golfclub woman as she looked during the golf club attack at Southern Maine community college November 14, 2013. She is about 20 to 30 years older then me and would be around 75 to 85 years old now in 2026.

Clairescreenshot.pngIf you have any information about the identity of this child murderer, please call FBI Agent Andy Drewer at 207–774–9322

The golfclub woman as she looked during the shopping cart attack at Scarborough WalMart July 26, 2016. She is about 20 to 30 years older then me and would be around 75 to 85 years old now in 2026.

zzzz999ClaireRed2016-screenshotIf you have any information about the identity of this child murderer, please call FBI Agent Andy Drewer at 207–774–9322

The 2nd woman as she looked at both attacks, her hair goes all the way down to her knees. She is about 20 to 30 years older then me and would be around 75 to 85 years old now in 2026.

Kendrascreenshot.pngIf you have any information about the identity of this child murderer's accomplice, please call FBI Agent Andy Drewer at 207–774–9322

Do you know who these two woman who crippled me and murdered my baby, at Southern Maine Community College at 10PM on November 14, 2013, are, and what their connection to the backhoe that drove over my house is? If you have any information, please give it to FBI Agent Andy Drewer at 207–774–9322 of the Portland, Maine FBI office.

I am a legally blind quadriplegic, and low verbal, I have also published 138 novels in the last 48 years. It's not as impossible as people think. The problem being blind and quadriplegic, medically have different meanings then how those two words are used medically.

Fewer than 3% of all blind people see nothing. While 97% people who are classified as fully blind are able to see up to two feet in front of them. Legally blind means I can see more then two feet in front of me but not far enough to see twenty feet in front of me. In my case I can see about eight feet.

Quadriplegic, has varying levels, it means having a damaged nerve bundle in the spinal column causing limited mobility of all 4 limbs, (in my case this was done by a women wielding a golf club, who also beat my 8 month infant's head to pulp on the parking lot tarmak, at the same time she severed my spine with the same golf club; both on November 14, 2013; the FBI investigation into my son's murder and my being crippled has gone on now for 13 years, a few weeks away from 14 years now, and the FBI has still not identified the killer or her motive). Contrary to popular misconception, quadriplegic does NOT mean ZERO movement, it means means limited movement, specifically in means unable to lift arms over head, unable to grip fingers around objects to pick them up, and unable to stand for more then 5 minutes to a time. Because there are so many thousands of nerves in each limb it is actually very rare for there to be 100% no movement, but how much, and to what extent varies by patent depending upon the specific point of injury to the spinal column.

Meaning typing is still possible for over 60% of all quadriplegics.

In my case, it was the lower spine that was severed, cutting off completly my ability to move my right leg, leaving limited feeling in my left leg, and an ability to stand but not walk, with crutches, for the first 9 years. I regained enough nerve growth in my legs by the 9th year to be able to take ten or twelve steps allowing me to get out of bed for the first time since the golf club attack; This in turn lead to me being able to start using a wheelchair, as I was able to sit upright for the first time as well.

Because the shattered vertebrae bone fragments are broken off completly and embedded into the nerve bundle just above my tailbone, doctors were saying I would never walk again, but now at 13 years, I am able to push mu wheelchair like a walker, a distance of almost a thousand steps a day. Though doctors are still doubtful I will ever walk "normally" again, I have proven them wrong, when their said 13 years ago, that I would never walk again at all.

But because of the placement of the damage to my spine, regaining hand use, was always thought possible, it was just a matter of waiting long enough for nerve regrowth, along side daily finger exercises. I was able to continue writing, after becoming quadriplegic, because I still have use of my right thumb, and 2 fore figures of my right hand. And can type 90 words per minute with those 3 fingers.

I however have no wrist strength, elbow strength, or shoulder strength, so I am not able to form a fist, or lift objects, or brush my hair, or my teeth, all thing I have to have my caretaker do. But, those things are not needed for typing. Unfortunately, my pinky and ring fingers are "nerve dead" and drag over the keyboard, and cause horrific spelling errors and typos, which are incredibly frustrating to deal with.

Unfortunately trying to edit errors myself, just makes the errors worse, because those same two fingers drag over the keyboard yet again. Prior to the golf club attack, I rarely had spelling errors; now I got more spelling errors then someone is learning English as second language. Editing is a challenge, that I've had to accept, I simply can not do myself, and I have to hire several editors to help with that.

Low verbal means sounds can still be made, sounds that software programs like Dragon can be trained to recognize and translate, and type into full words. More then half my novels were typed with this method.

I still have a long ways to go before I am anything close to being able to do the things I could do before the golf club woman beat my baby's brains out and shattered my spine. And you know what's more frustrating then how slow mu medical progression has been? The fact that it's been 13 years and the police and FBI are still coming up at dead ends as to who the woman who murdered my baby was, or why she even did it.

My son's 14th birthday is only a few weeks away, but he didn't even get to live long enough to celebrate his 1st birthday, I don't even know why. And I can't wait to regain my ability to walk again, because regaining my ability to walk, means gaining the ability to go outside and start looking for my son's murderer myself instead of sitting at home trapped in a wheelchair waiting for the police and FBI to to find her. So, writing isn't a big priority for me anymore. I only write now, as a way to exercise my hands, in between relearning to walk.

Never let a disability stop you. Plenty of writers, artists, athletes, do not let either blindness, speech impediments, or limited mobility hold then back from perusing their careers.

Do you know who these two woman who crippled me and murdered my baby, at Southern Maine Community College at 10PM on November 14, 2013, are, and what their connection to the backhoe that drove over my house is? If you have any information, please give it to FBI Agent Andy Drewer at 207–774–9322 of the Portland, Maine FBI office.

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