EelKat Wendy C Allen - zdark Fantasy Author



Twerking Dragons
Or
The Joys Of Writing A Novel With A Voice Recorder




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Twerking Dragons?
What The Hell Is A Twerking Dragon?
Can Dragons Twerk?

As you know, I vlog on a camcorder. However, I've only been vlogging for a little over a year. On the other hand, I've carried a voice recorder with my for close to  decade. Ironically, it's called Dragon. I say ironic because, dragons is the topic of discussion today.

I used to draw fine detailed portraits of people, now due to an increased degrading of my muscles, I'm lucky if I can draw stick figures. For the past several years, doctor thought it was A.L.S., but as of February 2017, they've chaged the diagnosis to Parkinson's. Either way, I can barely lift 10lbs, am on doctors orders not to attempt to lift anything 20lbs, and can not grip my hands. I can not open cans or jars as I can not grip can openers or covers. As an artists and author, that also means I'm losing the ability to grip pens and paintbrushes.

In 2010 I had a stroke. Since then, typing my novels has been difficult, as is the handwriting my first drafts long hand with pen and paper. In 2013, I was attacked from behind by an unknown person who left me paralyzed, further increasing my difficulty in using my hands.

The result of all of this, is my use of a voice recorder the past several years, for wrting my novels. I speak, it records, I upload to my computer, my word processor types it up. I edit it. Then off to publish.

If you've ever read the Quaraun series, you know the voice recorder can spit out some weird miss-spellings, insane typos, and crazed miss translations of words.

Heck, if you've ever read a page of my website here, you know the mass amount of miss-spellings, typos, and auto corrections to the wrong words, that the voice recorder can spit out and they then remain here sometimes for months before I realize it typed up something completely different than what I actually said.

The problem is due to the fact that:


  • #1: I have an accent, the voice recorder skips words I "don't accent correctly"
  • #2: I have Autism and the distinctive "autistic voice" (known as "the gay voice" by bigots)
  • #3: I tend to talk very fast, so it doesn't hear about 1 in every 3 words.
  • #4: American English is not my first language. Scottish English is my native tongue, and the words are different, many words I say, I forget the Americans don't use, and likewise, neither does the voice recorder.
  • #5: The voice recorder has identified me as "Canadian" and attempts to use "Canadian words", whatever those are.
  • #6: Once in a while the voice recorder identifies me a Irish, automatically changes setting to Irish English, and then tries to tell me it can't record because the GPS signal is coming from United States instead of United Kingdom. *sigh*
  • #7: The voice recorder refuses to acknowledge the existence of Scottish English. 



So much for writing my novels with Dragon voice recording software.

Seeing how my recording device is very old and no longer accepts the current software updates, and seeing how I for the first time in my life, now own a cell phone (since June 20, 2017), I decided to try the Dragon voice recording app. It HAD to be better then the old handheld microphone device, right?

So, I get the app, and last week, I'm walking around with my dog, talking into the phone about Quaraun and Unicorn. Ben comes over, interrupts me. I put it away and forget about it until this morning, 9 days later.

I can not remember what the hell I said, but I know I most definitely did not say "Twerking Dragons".

I thought the original voice recorder was messed up? Boy, it ain't nothing compared to the new app version.

Here's what it recorded:

Twerking twerking dragons going to Rings embedded that's hysterical it's with magical powers but is this Really. Chrome The Afflicted goosepond he could sense he had said something wrong what? You need them more than most. Do I? Yes you do. Why? Goosepond stared at unicorn dumbfounded croons silently thought about the thing these things for a moment and I got that wrong and it's part of everything I'm saying before responding. That would give you an excuse that would give me an excuse to rub them with honey and lick it off. Entering the castle the castle is about 4 hours ride from the village in the midst of the sick Oak Forest fall in the middle of a text to change that it's a squat done shaped single-story affair while there are many windows series human the only one entrance Looking Through the Windows from the outside reveals nothing but Smokey grey Mist attempting to bludgeon down deep Legend down tempting to bludgeon down the wall or break a window accomplishes nothing other than to prove that the entire Castle seems to be indestructible.  Barricades hi barricades block the hallways immediately immediately south of the heavy Dwarven door which is not a door window trying to be a brass door I like presto presto broken Timbers and Furniture brace with Boulders and heavy human blocks stand 3 to 5 ft tall through the entrance into the entire intersection anime figures ready Spears and take position to engage the newcomers on closer approach to characters see that their enemies are elves who have grown almost pure white in the darkness of the dungeon and the glimmer of fierce Madness shines in their eyes. 

What the hell?

What is that gibberish it spit out?

What is a twerking dragon? Do dragons even twerk? Why are they twerking twice?

And there are no dragons in this particular novel. I never once said dragon or twerking.

It translated Quaraun's name into "croons". This one I understand, as Quaraun is an obscure ancient Persian name and saying it does sound LIKE "CRAY-oon" (actual pronunciation is: KWE-rone), so it typing "croons" instead, actually makes sense. My question now is, how do I turn the voice recorder's mistake into a writing prompt that I can actually use in this novel? So, I guess now Quaraun croons? What does croons mean? I know it's a word. I don't know what it means.

Dungeon usually turned into bludgeon, though is understood dungeon as dungeon a few times. Again, this one is logical, given my accent and the fact that the two words sound similar.

Goosepond is obviously it's miss-translation of GhoulSpawn. Again, a logical mistake on the voice recorder's part. GhoulSpawn is actually a name that the 7th Sanctum's Evil name generator spit out years ago. It's completely made up, and GhoulSpawn does sound similar to Goose Pond, especially the way I say it. How to make this a writing prompt? I suppose I could send GhoulSpawn to a Goose Pond, but why would I do that? Should I add a Goose Pond to the story? In a frozen desert? How am I going to fit a Goose Pond into a story set in a frozen desert that's inhabitants worship slushies? Could it be that the source of Bazooloo's water for making slushies is in fact a Goose Pond in a cavern hidden below his church?

Why is the word "chrome" stuck in there for no reason? No idea what I could have said that it translated into "chrome". Quaraun, chrome, croons, do all sound similar. Is chrome another word it used in place of Quaraun's name? Possibly. Only logical thing I can think of. Quaraun loves glitter. Quaraun would love Chrome. Did they have chrome in the 1400s? GhoulSpawn drives a 1974 AMC Gremlin... it has chrome on it. GhoulSpawn is an LSD addicted time traveller from the 1970s stuck in the 1400s with Quaraun and Unicorn, he knows what chrome is, but I don't think either Quaraun or Unicorn would.

What the heck is this line talking about: "fall in the middle of a text to change that it's a squat done shaped single-story affair"? That's not even a sentence. It makes no sense at all. I've no clue what it is trying to say or how to make this a writing prompt.

Why is it using the word Dwarven? What the hell? There are no Dwarves or Dwarven anything in this novel, yet there it is, the word Dwarven for no reason. Since it is there near the door, I think I must have said brazen? The door is made of bronze, so brazen door is something I might have said. Why did it type Dwarven Door instead? Perhaps it should be a brass door made by Dwarves seeing how it decided to stick Dwarven doors in there instead a bronze doors?

What is this "sick Oak Forest" it speaks of? They are in a desert. No forest in sight. Why did it add that "sick Oak Forest" in the middle of my snow covered desert? And how does a forest get sick? Are the trees dying from lack of water? It is a desert after all. Hmmmmm.... interesting... does this mean that i wasn't a desert a few years ago? Did the desert magically arrive and bury a once majestic oak forest? I must think on this some more... it has possible plot twist points to imply that Bazooloo, is doing more then with holding water from the people...what if he is not a preist but a wizard and brought the desert with him?

What is "the smokey grey mist"? I can't figure out what I said that it translated into "smokey grey mist". Do mists exist in the desert? What if it was a magical mist? A miasma perhaps?

What are "heavy human blocks"? I had said something about a collapsed wall blocking their way, and it translated that into "heavy human blocks".

And what is "presto"? It typed presto several times. Is that even a word? I don't know American English well enough to know what the word presto is. I never heard of it before. "I like presto" it says. I suppose I could have Quaraun blurt out "I like pesto". Pesto is a word I know. It's some sort of food thing, but I've never tried it so no clue what it tastes like or how to go about describing it.

Why does it keep doubling words? "twerking twerking dragons", "the castle the castle", and "I like presto presto". And what the heck is presto? GhoulSpawn stutters when nervous. Perhaps this is an indication it should be GhoulSpawn who says these things? Does GhoulSpawn like pesto?

Unicorn did say he was gonna rub honey on Quaraun's nipples, then lick it off. It got that part right. Almost. The nipples vanished at some point in the translation. There is no word that resembles nipples anywhere. Did it just ignore that word for no reason at all?

Why is it randomly adding periods wherever the hell it feels like and not putting them at the ends of the actual sentences?

Why is it randomly capitalizing some words for no reason at all?

What the hell?

I was writing a scene for City of the Slushies.

What I actually said to it, was a scene were Quaraun, Unicorn, and GhoulSpawn, have found a hidden door in Bazooloo's church, and have gone down the stairs to a deep dark dungeon, and found some crazed half starved Elves who've gone mad from thirst and dehydration. The scene contained no dragons, no twerking, no oaks, no forest, and no Dwarves.

I'm left to stare at the deranged ravings my voice recorder spit out and wonder: "Should I use this as a writing prompt and actually add these things to the novel even though not one of them matches the plot or makes any sences at all?"

The answer:

Yes.

Of course.

Why not.

But how?

This novel is still in it's very early first draft plot as I go stage, so I can certainly find a way to add all these weird things the voice recorder has determined I should add to it.

How do I put a sick oak forest in a desert? Why would there be a goose pond in the desert? Are there Dwarves in this desert somewhere that I don't yet know about?

And do dragons twerk?

Seeing how it was a Quaraun novel, and he does have a pet dragon, and it is Bizarro... I suppose I could have his dragon twerking at some point.... boy the weird things my voice recorder thinks I say!

I like writing my novels using random generators off 7th Sanctum, but, this voice recorder seems to do just as well at spitting out random shit to inspire me to write with. Only problem is, it didn't write what I told it to write and now I can't remember what it is I told it to write, so I've lost an entire section of the novel.












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Volume 59: The City of the Slushies

Quaraun and Unicorn wake up in a frozen desert, with no knowledge of where they are and memory of how they got there.

Assuming that they have once again been sucked out of their own time and space by yet another of GhoulSpawn's unstable portals, the two wizards set off to find a way back home, and come across a strange isolated Human city, where a squid-headed priest controls all the water sources, forcing people to worship his god or die of thirst.

Slush Master Bazooloo of the 8 Arms has brainwashed the citizens to depend upon the magical properties of the life giving slushies. Generations have passed since the last Human saw a natural water source, and with Bazooloo handing out Slushies only to those he deems worthy of living, the citizens have divided off into sects, each controlled by their devotion to one flavour of slushie.

When Unicorn shows the people how to make their own slushies and introducing new never before seen flavors, disrupting the belief in the mythical 9th flavour, he is seen by some as the Slush God whose coming was foretold and by others as a heretic sent by the evil Slush Maid to destroy Bazooloo's reign.


We interrupt this novel to bring you: Twerking Dragons! (Twerking Dragons, coming soon to a City of Slush near you.)


NOTE:
These are not finalized chapters.

What you are seeing here is the unedited first draft as it is being written. The published version may be vastly different.

Expect what is seen here to change, be added to, and expanded upon during the editing and revision process.

Some parts may read awkward, as a simple sentence may be being used as a "place card" for an entire scene. The sentence will later be changed to a full scene in the published version.


Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

Chapter 16

Chapter 17

Chapter 18

Chapter 19

Chapter 20

Chapter 21

Chapter 22

Chapter 23

Chapter 24

Chapter 25

Chapter 26

Chapter 27

Chapter 28


Fire and Pearls by Brett Pierce

The premise of this story was created in a brainstorm session workshop at PortCon Maine 2017, in a panel called "Foundations of Worldbuilding" by Brett Pierce.

A group of about 60 people collaborated to create the basic structure on which this story was built.

Thank you to everyone who was part of this workshop and helped to create this portal world for Quaraun and Unicorn to visit!


More Details:

I was in a 1-hour writing workshop last month and we were given the challenge to write a story based of a set of ideas that the group made together. The idea was to come up with a theocracy that was not evil and did not involve the worship of a deity.

In the end, we agreed to write this:

  1. A Fantasy set in an isolated city in a frozen desert, where the people worship slushies, and the leader is a slushie seller who has been elevated to god-statues by the people due to their belief that magic slushies are sacred objects. While the Slush Master himself rules his theocracy peacefully, the members themselves have divided off into sects, each sect worshiping a different flavour slushie and shunning anyone who worships any other flavour. 8 flavours exist, but a mythical 9th flavour is said to soon be coming to save humanity. People in the surrounding countries refuse to do business with them, believing them to be insane, resulting in their complete and total lack of any trade or merchants.

I don't know if anyone else in the group has actually gone on to write a story based off this idea or not, but me, I'm 7 chapters into writing a novel based off this idea. It's fun to write because it goes against a lot of the norms you see in a fantasy theocracy. 

The world I'm dropping the story into is one I've already got several volumes published for.

The government system of the region is basically a group of wealthy, pompous bigot magic users (think, Ku Klux Klan, if they were Elf Wizards) who've declared every one who practices any form of magic (and you'd be surprised what they consider "magic" to be - like 1500s witch hunters they can "see" "magic" in everything, so long as it serves their purpose) without their permission, to be a traitor and must be executed. They started out as a wizarding guild, but then they killed off all the other guilds are are the only guild left (thus people refer to them simply as "The Guild"), they went on to over throw the government (a quasi-clanish-tribal-monarchy system) and declare themselves the law of the land.

I'm not sure what type of government you would call it - it's kind of like gangsters of the 1920s, where big bullies who can out bully the other bullies end up in power. Basically they are a gang style terrorist group that is slowly taking over all the governments.

They rule things similar to the Vogan in Hitchhiker's Guide, where they have documents and papers for everything and won't allow anyone to make a move without long lists of paperwork approvals and people who don't get the proper permits for something are executed. They are kind of terrorist/gangster/bureaucrats who are Elf wizards and basically want all none Elves dead ad all wizards who are not them dead because they don't want the competition.

So, tossing a wacky slushie worshiping theocracy into the mix... I don't know how the Guild is gonna react to that. They are used to overthrowing small "tribal" monarchies (not medieval style monarchies of kings in castles; rather I based them off the small clan kings of ancient pre-Celtic Scotland, which were very tribal). This'll be my first time writing them vs a theocracy and it ain't a traditional theocracy.

I have no plot, plan, or outline so no clue how this story is gonna end up going.

okay.... so according to this: https://www.pinterest.de/pin/305611524690656094/ (see image embedded below)

what I just described is a type of government known as a "Junta"

Junta: A group that takes control of the state after overthrowing the government by force.

Cool. Now I have a name for what type of government The Guild is.

Got An Writing/Author Related Site Or Blog? Want To Embed These Quotes, Memes, Infographic, and Fact Sheets On Your Site? Here's How:

  • Step 1: Go to this Pinterest Board:
  • Step 2: Click on the pin quote/meme you want to use.
  • Step 3: Click the 3 dots   "..."
  • Step 4: Click the word "embed"
  • Step 5: Select the pin size (I'm using size "medium" on these pages, in case you were wondering.)
  • Step 6: Highlight & copy the html code.
  • Step 7: Paste code into any html block on your blog or website.
  • Step 8: Save & publish your blog or website. And you're done!



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The Quaraun Series On Amazon:

I am wondering why has Amazon moved the Quaraun books to the category "Transgender Romance" and also "Gay Erotica"? The base story is a deeply depressed, suicidal, drug addict Elf who's lover commit suicide and he's trying not to do the same. It's an old Elf in a tavern, monologuing a lot of flashbacks and back story scenes of his youth. These stories are dark, bloody, angsty, full of drug use, murder, rape, Medieval torture, mental/physical/emotional abuse, and references to depression and suicide - no romance in it, unless you count the occasional (and usually brutally violent) rape scenes that show up in nearly every volume - sorry - no clue what Amazon is thinking or why they moved these to Romance and Erotica, but these books are NOT even close to being Romance or Erotica on any level at all. When I published these books I put them in "Dark Fantasy" and "Yaoi". If they show up in any category other then "Dark Fantasy" and "Yaoi", it's because Amazon put them there without my authorization or approval.

~EelKat



Author Interviews
On Writing The Quaraun Series:

  1. Question Everything Before Putting It In Your World 

Author Interviews
On CosPlaying The Quaraun Characters:


Author Interviews
Reacting To Old Orchard Beach's
White Power Gay Hating Over Reaction Ban
Of The Quaraun Series:

  1. Question Everything Before Putting It In Your World 

The 4 door white truck continues to sit at the end of my drive way (146 Portland Ave, Old Orchard Beach, Maine) near every night around sunset, reeving it's engine and squealing it's tires, with the driver yelling anti-gay threats and obscenities out the window. He continues to do the same thing at my dad's apartment building (Biddeford Maine) a few times a week, usually in mid to late afternoon time. He continues to follow me to shopping to various stores in various towns throughout the states.

Phrases he yells from the truck include:

"Kill or be killed remember Saco Shaws all transsexuals are alike"

"I keep a gun under the seat of my truck, I'm gonna use it to shoot you in the head, you transvestite freak"

if cars are going by he yells to them: "that thing is Ken's son, look at how's it's dressed; it's insane, it has autism, we can't allow that thing and it's gay cars in our family friend town of Old Orchard Beach"

He often babbles deranged ramblings about something he calls "the gay-pocalypse", raving lunacy about how "all the gays are gathering" on his doorstep. He raves some crazy nonsense about how Armageddon is coming and the war to end all wars will be "the gays against the Christians" and Christians have to be ready to "kill the gays"

My car is the Autism Awareness Car and had 2.5million marbles glued to it (I have Autism - savant - Kanner's syndrome) he claims tat my car "is gay" because of what it looks like. My car has been vandalized several dozen times, including to have the tires slashed 7 times in 6 months.

After dark often around 10PM, he stands at the end of the logging road across the street from me and shoots at my motohome (in February 2014 he shot holes in my neighbour's barn while doing this). I have video footage of 3 of his shootings at me here:  https://youtu.be/NUebzJ9sz9U and here: https://youtu.be/C4dZbgG-Smw

This has gone on since August 2013 now, in addition to all the vandalism, hate crimes, pet beheadings, etc that has happened, including the bomb that blew up our house in 2006.

As you know, that whole time I had not been able to get a plate number on the truck. He as just here again, and I just realized why I could not get a plate number... there are no plates on the truck, either on the front or on the back. However, as he was driving away today... I noticed, there is a plate, stuck up in the back window of the truck, where it can barely be seen, deliberately obscured from view behind a silver tool box.





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Writing Resources I Use When Writing The Quaraun Books: