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The Beginning of the End
Into The Swamp of Death (novel excerpt)

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Sample Chapter from:
Quaraun and the Vampire, Into the Swamp of Death
Volume 8 of
The Adventures of Quaraun the Insane

"I'm sorry I hurt you," Quaraun said to Unicorn.

"I know. I have forgiven ya, Quaraun. I just have to re-learn to trust ya agains."

"I feel like I'm losing control of myself. I worry that a day will come when I do kill you because I no longer have enough self control to stop myself. I don't want you to die and I can't trust myself to not kill you. There is a healer, Massimara, she lives on Mount Yen, in Baironi. We should go there. She knows powerful magic, maybe she can do something to restore your sight and ease your pain. We can be there in a few weeks."

"Baironi?" BeaLuna interrupted. "Are you crazy? That's halfway around the world! You have to find a ship to go across the ocean. That alone is gonna take months. It'll be at least a year before we get there."

Quaraun turned his attention to the little pink haired, green skinned Flower Gnome and the Dwarf. He'd nearly forgotten of their presence. These past few weeks he'd worried only of Unicorn's failing health and had barely said a word to either the Orchid Gnome or the Mountain Dwarf who'd been travelling with them.

"I have a ship," Quaraun said.

"You have a ship? Since when?"

Quaraun reached into his bag of holding and pulled out a tiny glass bottle. Inside was a ship, floating in water.

"It's a flying ship. Fully crewed. It only takes days to cross the ocean in her. We...uhm...we...commandeered her in your absence. It was the first thing we did after leaving the Vulgar Alchemist Inn."

"That ship? We are gonna cross the ocean, on a ship that's barely two inches long and corked in a bottle?"

"Yes. I lived with the Di'Jinn for decades. My speciality is Genie Bottles, Phylacteries, and Bags of Holding. Remember? I used to own a shop and that's what I sold. I inadvertently helped to create the Lich Lords because I'm so good at what I do and, so also so good at getting caught in Faerie traps. Apparently, I have a weakness for the Fae and their drugged food."

BeaLuna glared at Unicorn. 

"Yeah, I'd say you do. Especially when it's a psychotic Faerie trying to get in bed with you. You just fall for that one every time. That's how you got stuck with this crazy Faerie and that lunatic BoomFuzzy you used to fuck around with before you started fucking around with Unicorn. Damn you Quaraun, you need to stop drinking Faerie wine and getting yourself fucked over by Phookas."

"Maybe him likes Faerie wine un getting him bahookie fucked by the Phookas," Unicorn said.

"I wasn't talking to you," the Gnome screamed. "I'm never talking to you. You're a raving lunatic and I don't want you near me."

"Him do be insane un ya does not mind him." Unicorn pointed to Quaraun.

"No, you keep him drunk on Faerie wine and he doesn't know whether he's coming or going any more."

"Quaraun, are ya not wanting me keeping ya drunk on Faerie wine so I can fuck yar wee lil ass?"

Quaraun looked back and forth from the Faerie to the Gnome. "How do you two turn every conversation into an argument about my sex life?"

"Well,” Bullgaar answered. “You're a male Elf dressed like a female prostitute she-slut, eunuch who took of vow of celibacy, claims to still be virgin, and you likes whoring yourself out to unicorns and male Faeries. Everyone wants to talk about your sex life, because no one else has one quite like it."

"Yes, well, while you and BeaLuna argue about my sordid sex life, I'm gonna take Unicorn to Mount Yenka, in Baironi to see Massimara. And BeaLuna, what's happened to you? You used to like BoomFuzzy. The only reason you didn't die with everyone else is because you didn't hate BoomFuzzy with everyone else. When did you start hating BoomFuzzy?" 

"That thing there," BeaLuna pointed to Unicorn as she spoke. "He's not BoomFuzzy, Quaraun. You gotta get that through your head. BoomFuzzy's dead and this creature is not him. This THING is a monster. He's a trickster. He's drugging you with Faerie Food and playing tricks on your mind. He's NOT BoomFuzzy and I don't have to like him. I can hate him all I want."

"Bullgaar?" Quaraun stood up and turned to the Dwarf. "Do you agree with her?"

"I did not knows the BoomFuzzy, fellah, but that Unicorn there, he's crazy. I wouldn't travel with him by choice. Don't trust him. Never trusted no Phookas."

"So you both don't like Unicorn."

"No, Quaraun," answered BeaLuna. "We don't. And neither of us like travelling with him."

"But you liked BoomFuzzy."

"No, actually, I didn't. I put up with him, because you liked him and it became impossible to spend time with you, without also spending time with BoomFuzzy. The two of you were never out of each other’s sight, same way you are with Unicorn now. You’re very clingy with your lovers, you know that Quaraun? And I couldn’t stand BoomFuzzy. He was taking advantage of you, Quaraun. He admitted it. I asked him once. And he came right out and told me he was only using you to get you to make those 13 phylacteries. Quaraun he built the damned Lich Lords and he was only pretending to like you, so you'd help him. He used you Quaraun. He did not love you. He never did. He killed himself in a Lich making ritual. 

“Quaraun he did not love you. You need to open your eyes and face that. BoomFuzzy was a horrible person who took advantage of the fact you are too stupid to know when people are using you. I never liked that about him. You were so in love with him, you couldn't see it. You didn't want to see it. You did what you always do. You pretended not to see what was right in front of you. He was using you, because you was a wizard. And the worst part of it was you knew he was using you and you just turned a blind eye to it! 

“You completely ignored what he was doing. You’re always doing that. You won’t look at things you don’t want to see. Everyone knew he was an evil Necromancer, and you even knew it, but you overlooked it. You overlooked how people started going missing after he showed up. You knew he was killing people, Quaraun.”

“BeaLuna,” Unicorn interrupted. “Ya shoulds stop whiles ya ahead un while ya still has a head. Ya does not know what yis doing.”

 “SHUT UP!” The Gnome screamed at the Phooka. “I can't stand you. You are every bit as bad as BoomFuzzy. You use Quaraun, just like he did. All you care about is sex. You don't give a damn about him. You know he's desperately mourning BoomFuzzy and you're taking advantage of that to get him in bed with you. You're worse then BoomFuzzy...”

“BeaLuna ya really needs to stop belittling BoomFuzzy, ya does nah know what Quaraun him did...”

Bullgaar punched the Faerie. “Stop interrupting the Gnome. I wanta hear her.”

“She really needs to stop...”

“Why?” BeaLuna demanded. “Because he can't take hearing the truth?”

“No, him can no face what yis saying tos him, BeaLuna, he really can no, ya does not know hows de Moon Elves did died...”

“And you do?”

“I were there. I saws what him did. They push him too far. Like yis doing now. Him can no take anything bad said of BoomFuzzy. We is soul bound, I know what him feels, I know ya is hurting him too much with ya words. Ya have to stop talking. Ya have to stop saying bad tings of the BoomFuzzy.”

“Oh you know this, why, because you love him?”

“Aye, I do, BeaLuna. I does love him. I loves him very much.”

“No, you don't. You just want to fuck him because you know it's easy to get him bed with you.  He only let’s you fuck him as long as you keep playing with his mind and confusing him with your talk of being BoomFuzzy.”

“I is BoomFuzzy, BeaLuna. Quaraun is Necromancer. Him not wee lil Elf ya knew. Him change. Him brought me back, ya has to believe that, before he kills ya. Him kills people now. Him kills a lot of people. Ya been away from him too long. Ya knows not hows much him change.”

“Only because he hangs around with you. And he only does that because you lie about being BoomFuzzy.”

“I is BoomFuzzy.”

“No, you're not. You're nothing but a damned shape shifting monster. That's all you are. You are not BoomFuzzy. You are are nothing but a deceptive Phooka. You're a trickster Faerie, deceiving people is what you do.”

“I knows what I is. I knows what I do. That does not change who I is. Who I was in life un what him did to bring me back. I is BoomFuzzy, Quaraun is a Necromancer, him brought me back.”

“I knew BoomFuzzy, and he wasn't you.”

“BeaLuna, please stop, ya hurting him.”

“She ain't hurting the Elf,” Bullgaar laughed. He was enjoying seeing the hurt expression on the Phooka's face. He didn't care about the Elf, so long as the Phooka was upset.

“Please, BeaLuna, ya knows what his father did, he is hurt enough...”

“I don't care. Someone needs to wake him up to the truth. He's been living in a dream world. He won't face reality because he too hung up on some lost lover, who never loved him in the first place. BoomFuzzy was a vile, evil, perverted monster. That bastard of a wretch never loved Quaraun. He knew Quaraun was stupid and easy to take advantage of. He messed with Quaraun's head the same way you are doing now. Quaraun's too retarded to know when he's being used, it's some many people keep taking advantage of him. I hate seeing you do it, just like I hated seeing BoomFuzzy do it.”

“BeaLuna please stop,” Unicorn pleaded, now sounded frightened. “Ya do'na know what ya doing.”


“Ya do'na know whats he has done. What him is capable of doing...”

“Oh and you do? You don't even know him. I've known him his whole life. You've only been in his life less then a year. You don't know him at all.”

“I is soul bound to him. I has been for centuries. I knows what him feels, what him tinks, un I know what ya words are making him feels right now un knows ya need to stop, because right now him be seeing ya the same way he saws hims father. Please stop. Ya do'na know what happens...”

“Shut up and leave me alone, you perverted beast! I hate you! I hate the sight of you! I hate the thought of you! I wish you'd drop dead! I hate you as much as I hated BoomFuzzy.”

Unicorn sat on the ground and stared at his hands. BeaLuna continued yelling at him. Unicorn was in fact BoomFuzzy and he was soul bound to the Elf and he could feel everything the Elf was feeling and right now, Quaraun's heart was filled with an overwhelming sadness that was crushing his spirits. It upset Unicorn that BeaLuna's words were upsetting Quaraun so much and he didn't know how to stop her. Unicorn liked BeaLuna, he didn't like that she didn't like him. But the thing troubling Unicorn the most was the fact that BeaLuna was unaware of Quaraun's ability to kill people simply by wishing them dead and right now, Quaraun was wishing the Gnome was dead. And every time Bullgaar added a snide comment, Quaraun was wishing he'd die too. Quaraun was a Di'Jinn wizard, trained by the Di'Jinn themselves, granting wishes is what he did, but never well. He simply wasn't good at it. And when he started granting his own wishes things went wrong. Horribly wrong. They always did. Unicorn had seen it happen more than once. He's only heard rumours of Kelim's village, but he'd seen the deaths of the Di'Jinn and the destruction of the Moon Elf Village, he knew full well what Quaraun was actually capable of.

BeaLuna and Bullgaar both thought the Moon Elves had been killed by the Lich Lords. 

Every one thought the Moon Elves had been killed by the Lich Lords. 

The destruction of the Moon Elf Village had been so sudden and so violent. Whatever hit them, hit them fast. Swooping down on them without warning. A horrific Lich's frost that instantly froze everything and everyone – that's what people said. It had never occurred to anyone to think that Quaraun had killed his own people to punish them for driving BoomFuzzy to suicide. Quaraun was so timid. So quiet. So peaceful. He was too busy planting roses and embroidering pink hearts on everything to think an evil thought. He was too stupid to know what was going on around him. Everyone knew this to be true. 

But then there was Kelim's village. Kelim, about to marry the daughter of Finderu. Kelim alone had survived. Everyone knew the stories – a Necromancer had walked into town and unleashed a Lich on the village. A Lich unlike any Lich the world had ever known: a black dragon, and not just any black dragon, but the Elf Eater's Dragon from Fire Mountain, the most feared dragon of them all, owned by the most feared Lich of all time, both of Lich and Dragon controlled by a psychotic pink robed Necromancer.

Finderu was the leader of the Wizardry Guild. It had been on his word that the order to banish Necromancers from the Guild had gone out. He was the one who had been pivotal in setting BoomFuzzy on his vengeful path of Lichdom. Somewhere in Quaraun's twisted mind, Finderu had been to blame for BoomFuzzy's death and so, Quaraun had let loose a DracoLich on him, and everyone in his village. Unicorn insisted Quaraun was that Necromancer that destroyed Kelim's village, and Quaraun himself admitted to what he had done, but BeaLuna would not hear a word of it, nor would she believe Quaraun had had any part in the deaths of his people.

Quaraun's mind was broken far more than the Gnome realized and he simply could no longer listen to anything said against BoomFuzzy, no matter who it was who had said it. It never occurred to anyone to think that everyone whom had ever said an unkind word to or about BoomFuzzy had a nasty habit of turning up dead.

Quaraun could hear no word against BoomFuzzy. Not even from his children. Four small children. The oldest only 9. Had come in one night singing a song they had overheard and knew not the meaning of. A song about BoomFuzzy and the joys of the world without him. A song that rejoiced in his death.

They were the first to die. Four small children, who never knew BoomFuzzy and knew not the meaning of the song they sung. Murdered at the hands of their own father. For he loved his children, but he loved BoomFuzzy more.

“I loved my children,” Quaraun said quietly.

“We aren't talking about your children Quaraun,” BeaLuna yelled. “Will you stop drifting off and pay attention!”

“That were the breaking point,” Unicorn said. He sounded terrified.

“I loved BoomFuzzy more.”

BeaLuna didn't know about Finderu and Kelim or what had happened to their village. She didn't know BoomFuzzy had been kicked out of the Guild for practising Necromancy and so Quaraun murdered every last Guild member. More importantly, BeaLuna didn't know about the children. Four little Elflings, singing a nursery rhyme their vile hearted mother had taught them. A horrible song, about a monster named BoomFuzzy. A horrible song whose words cut through their father's heart like a knife. That night their father put them in bed and then as they slept sliced their throats, then in a rage, turned on the village and killed every last Moon Elf, for their crime of not only driving BoomFuzzy to suicide, but also turning his beloved children against the Faerie he had loved so dearly.

BeaLuna didn't know how the children had died. But Unicorn knew. Unicorn knew that Quaraun loved BoomFuzzy with a devotion that defied logic and Quaraun would do anything to anyone, to defend BoomFuzzy's honour. Unicorn knew the danger BeaLuna was putting herself in, with this rant against BoomFuzzy. Unicorn knew what Quaraun was capable of and it frightened him terribly the dark thoughts that were now surfacing on Quaraun's tormented soul. 

“I loved my children,” Quaraun said again, sounding horrified and mortified. 

The guilt of having murdered his children weighed heavy on his mind. He'd gone too far and he knew it, but he didn't know how to stop. He knew the thoughts rising up in his soul now. How much he wanted to shut the Gnome up – forever. 

BeaLuna had been his friend since childhood. He loved her dearly, but he loved BoomFuzzy more and every word she spoke now, piled on more hurt of the pain that was already crushing the poor Elf's mind.

Quaraun walked away from the group, looking dazed and confused. He could not bare to listen to BeaLuna's words any more. He needed to get away from her. He wanted to be alone, to not listen to the hurtful words she had to say about BoomFuzzy.  But she followed him and continued to belittle BoomFuzzy’s memory.

“BeaLuna leave him alone...”

BeaLuna ignored Unicorn and followed Quaraun, still screaming at him.

“BoomFuzzy only seduced you because you were the local wizard. He knew you was the only one who could stop him, and he knew if he toyed with your heart, that you wouldn't stop him. He used you Quaraun. You are are incredibly stupid Quaraun, it’s so damned easy for people to take advantage of you, because you haven’t got enough brains to know any better. I don’t know how you survive. Of all the Moon Elves to survive, why you? You are too stupid to live and yet you’re the one who keeps on going while everyone around you drops dead. It’s dumb luck is what it is, is certainly ain’t survival of the fittest, you’re the farthest from being the fittest, and you’re just about the dumbest danged Elf I ever met.”

“You’ve meet an Elf dumber then he is?” Bullgaar asked.

“No. Bullgaar’s right. You’re the stupidest Elf I’ve ever met. You know how to do one thing and one thing only. Magic. That’s it. You are damned good at being a wizard, you’re the best danged wizard anyone’s ever seen, but you don’t know your ass from a hole in the ground about anything else. You think you know love. You don’t know love. You don't know when someone loves you. 

“You know how to love. I’ve never seen anyone love someone as much you loved BoomFuzzy, but he didn’t love you, and you’re too stupid to see that. He didn't love you. He never did. He used you, Quaraun.”

“I does love him, BeaLuna,” Unicorn said, not moving from his spot on the ground, hoping she'd come back to him and let Quaraun walk away.


“Leave him alone, BeaLuna.”

“You leave HER alone!” Bullgaar yelled as he punched the sick Phooka as hard as he could.

Unicorn let out a cry of pain. The Phooka fell back to his knees again. He was too weak to put up a fight. But his sharp yelp of pain, struck a nerve in Quaraun.

Quaraun stopped walking. He turned and stared at Bullgaar. The big Dwarf was a bully. He was bigger than everyone else in their group and he liked picking on the little sick Faerie. He liked pushing Unicorn around. He took every opportunity he could find to hit Unicorn and push him around.

Quaraun’s mind reeled. BeaLuna and Bullgaar were his friends, but now they had both turned on Unicorn. They belittled BoomFuzzy’s memory, while they attacked the dying Faerie that resembled him so much.

Quaraun had already lost BoomFuzzy before. He wasn’t gonna lose him again.

The old Phooka was new to their group. A stranger. There was no logical reason for Quaraun to defend him. But he was BoomFuzzy. Back from the dead. Of this Quaraun was certain. And now that BoomFuzzy was back alive, he would not lose BoomFuzzy again.

 “They both used you,” BeaLuna continued to yell at Quaraun. “BoomFuzzy and now him. He used you because, you’re so stupid that it’s easy for people to take advantage of you. Your father was right about him. He was a really bad person and your father was right to want to get you away from him."

"You agreed with my father?" Quaraun asked, quietly, looking at BeaLuna for the first time since she had started yelling at him. 

“We all agreed with your father.”

“No one hated BoomFuzzy more then my father did.”

Quaraun was used to being belittled, put down, teased, and called stupid by everyone around him. He’d grown up with the entire Moon Elf village treating him that way. His entire childhood had been spent, burying his nose in magic books to try to pretend he couldn’t hear the person beside him calling him stupid and retarded. 

Had Quaraun lived in a time when such things were known, doctors would have told his friends that Quaraun had Autism, and he excelled in silently sitting in one spot for hours on end not crying or showing any emotion at all while people told him he was stupid. People thought their words had no effect on him, because he sat silent, not crying, not showing any emotion at all. But inside he was screaming. Inside he felt like they were tearing him apart. Inside he wanted to tear their tongues out of their thoughts and make them shut up. But no one had belittled him more than his father. It hurt when people called him stupid, but it was soul crushing when it father had done it. He tried shutting out most of BeaLuna’s cruel words now, until she brought up his father.

BeaLuna continued to scream and yell, but Quaraun was no longer hearing it. His thoughts were thrown back to his childhood and the horrible abuse he had received at the hands of his father. Then his thoughts went to BoomFuzzy. No one had hated BoomFuzzy more then Quaraun's father had done.

"You agreed with my father?" Quaraun said again, this time to himself.

"Yes. On BoomFuzzy I did. And I'd agree with him on this too. He'd hate Unicorn and you know it. He'd hate that you were sharing your bed with this vile, perverted creature."

"My father was evil."

“No. Quaraun. He wasn’t.”

“He hated me.”

“No, Quaraun, he didn't.”

“He wanted me dead.”

"Quaraun, your father cared about you. He wanted a better life for you, then the one you were chasing after. He wouldn't want to see you wasting your life worrying about a trampy fuck-crazy Phooka who ain't worth a piece of shit. You used to have a mission and a purpose, until you met him, and now all you do is lean over and let that thing fuck you. You used to travel to help villages from the Lich Lords, now all you do is not travel for weeks because he's too old to be travelling and can't keep up, so we have to stop and pamper him. What you really need to do is find a healer, and then leave him there so you can get on with your life without this interruption in the way of everything."

“He reminds me of BoomFuzzy.”

“Quaraun, he's not BoomFuzzy.”

“I don't care.”

“Quaraun, you need to care, you're just gonna get hurt again.”

“I want BoomFuzzy.”

“He's not BoomFuzzy.”

“I don't care.”

“You need to care...”

“I love him.”

“Quaraun, why aren't you listening to me?”

“I AM listening to you. For the first time. I am hearing you. You hated BoomFuzzy just like everyone else did. I thought you were my friend. You’re just like everyone else. I don't want to hear you any more, you're annoying me.”

“He's not BoomFuzzy.”

“I don't care.”

“You're father would have cared.”

“I don't care what my father would have thought.”

“You're father didn't want you throwing your life away and I don't either.”

“He hated BoomFuzzy.”

“Quaraun, BoomFuzzy was evil. Your father didn’t want you hanging around with evil wizards.”

“He was not evil.”

“Yes he was.”

“You hated BoomFuzzy?”

“No, Quaraun. I hated the way he was using you.”

“You hate Unicorn.”

“Yes, I can't stand, Unicorn.”

“You hated BoomFuzzy and you hate Unicorn.”

“Quaraun, that is not BoomFuzzy, that thing is a monster. He's not even a person. He just morphs into that form to blend in. He's a monster. An actual monster. You know that. You've seen his natural form. You're the only one who really knows what he looks like. Quaraun, you KNOW he's not BoomFuzzy. You know he's not even remotely a person.”

“I was there, when BoomFuzzy died. I saw what he turned into after the illusions were gone. BoomFuzzy was a Unicorn. I know what he really is.  BoomFuzzy was a horse,” Quaraun turned and pointed to Unicorn. “He's a horse.”

“He's an animal!”

“He's a Unicorn.”

“He's a vile, filthy, perverted monster.”

“BeaLuna, leave him alone!”

Quaraun was yelling now. He was losing his patience with BeaLuna.

“You need him out of your life.”

“He's sick. He needs our help.”

“He's evil.”

“He's not evil.”

“He's a monster, Quaraun.”

“I don't care what he is. I love him.”

“You don't love him, Quaraun. You love the idea of him. You love the fact that he reminds you of BoomFuzzy. You only want him around because he's a shapeshifter and he can be BoomFuzzy for you. He can be BoomFuzzy in bed for you and that's what you really want. He can be anything or anyone you want him to be and you want BoomFuzzy and he's doing that for you. But he's not BoomFuzzy, Quaraun.”

“I don't care, BeaLuna.”

“You should. You should care. He's just using you for sex. He knows how sad you are without BoomFuzzy and he's using that to get in bed with you. He's pretending to be something he's not, so he can take advantage of you.”

“I don't care if he is. I am happy with this. I like this. I like him. I like bedding with him and shouldn't matter to you who I bed with. It's none of your business.”

“I care about you.”

“I know you do. But I'm never going to bed with you. I do not like females and you should know that by now. I'm never going to bed with you BeaLuna, you need to accept that.”

“You shouldn't be bedding with him!”


“Quaraun what are you gonna do when he dies?”

“He won't die.”

“Yes he will. Quaraun look at him. You said it yourself. He's old. He's sick. He can't get around on his own. We can't travel any more because he can't keep up. You want to end your quest to help people, so we can go out of our way, around the world, to find him a healer.”

“How is that not still me helping someone?”

“Because he's not someone. He's not any one. He's not anything at all. He's just a Phooka. He's a monster, that doesn't deserve to live in the first place. We'd all be better off if you just left him here and let him die.”

“I'm not leaving him behind.” 

“Quaraun, he’s a monster. We kill monsters. Fighting monsters is what we do. Normally we’d kill a Phooka. This one got in your head. He’s playing mind tricks on you. He’s pretending to be BoomFuzzy so you won’t kill him. Why can’t you see that? He’s disrupted our lives.”

Quaraun stared at Unicorn who was sitting on the ground, sullen and silent. While he usually joked about these things and tried to laugh at them, the things BeaLuna said to and about him, did hurt his feelings, and these past few weeks he was becoming too ill, too weak, to laugh them off any more. Right now, the Phooka was crying. Quaraun couldn't remember ever having seen Unicorn cry before.

"She do be right," Unicorn whispered hoarsely. "I has disrupted yar life.”

“No,” Quaraun answered. “You haven’t.”

“They hates me un they'll convince ya to leave me behind. No one ever stand by a Phooka long. I is used to it. It is why BoomFuzzy did died. Him could not take it no more. No one ever loves Phooka. We have to hide what we are if we wants to live with others. BoomFuzzy pretended to be Moon Elf, because it were the only way him could enter Elven village without being killit on sight. I has destroyed ya life."

Quaraun knelt beside the old Phooka and hugged him.

"No. You gave my life a meaning. It's alright," said Quaraun as he kissed the Phooka's face. "Don't listen to her. Their words mean nothing to me. Ignore the naysayers, it’s the only way you can make from one day to the next when you are different like we are. I know I’m not smart, but that doesn’t stop people from telling me I’m stupid every chance they can get. You have to learn to turn a blind eye to your pain and a deaf ear to their cruel words. They don’t care how much they hurt others or they couldn’t say the things they do. They think because I’m not smart, I have no feelings to hurt. They think because I don’t cry, I’m not hurting. The people who every day said bad things about BoomFuzzy, where the same ones who every day, said bad things about me. That’s why I liked BoomFuzzy, because he understood my pain. He suffered at the sharp end of their tongues with me. Don’t cry, Unicorn. When you cry, they win. They know they’ve hurt yo. Don’t let them know their words hurt. Just turn around and walk away. That’s what I’ve done my whole life. I learned that as a children, I’d have killed myself, the same way BoomFuzzy did, centuries ago, if I hadn’t taught myself, to ignore pain. Just like BoomFuzzy, the bullies who tease you are the same bullies who tease me. You're the only thing important to me any more. and right now you're sick, we need to find you a healer. Don't worry. I won't leave you behind. I'll never leave you. We both need each other."

Volume 8: Into The Swamp Of Death

Quaraun wakes up in The Mournful Lamb Inn, with no memory of who he is or how he got there. Every one tells him he arrived covered in blood and collapsed, but no one can answer any other questions, save a gargoyle-like beast of a vampire, who tells Quaraun he is dead by suicide and wanders through the Swamp of Death, the holding ground between life and death, heaven and hell. The holding grounds for people too good for hell but too evil for heaven, as well as the place where lost souls wander until they can be set free: The Mournful Lamb being the resting place for murder victims and suicide victims.

Confused and alone, Quaraun tries to leave the inn, only to discover a vast barrier around it prevents any one inside from getting out.

The vampire tells him the only way out is to look into his own memories and seek out the truth: seek for the three friends, who never travelled with you, answer the question: why do always travel alone.

Unlocking his past reveal a horrifying truth: BeaLuna the Gnome, Bullgaar the Dwarf, and BoomFuzzy the Unicorn were never there - figments of his warped imagination or ghosts of the past, he can't tell which, but in all this time no one but Quaraun has ever seen any of them, for they are all ghosts who now haunt their murderer.


This novel is about a murder-suicide, in which the suicide victim is found still alive. 

This novel contains references to and graphic depictions of cutting, intentional drug overdose, suicide attempts, dismemberment, murder, and beheadings.

Some of these scenes are included in the free-to-read-online sample chapters.

Reader discretion is advised.

Possibly NSFW




This novel contains one of the most graphically detailed and brutally violent CBT barbed-knotting torture/sex/rape scenes of the entire series. No part of this scene is available free-to-read online.

Reader discretion is strongly advised.


The sample chapters listed below equal about 1/10th of the novel. No additional chapters will be made available free to read online.

The Mournful Lamb Inn

Everyone Is Dead?

Where Are Your Friends?

The Valley of the Katopas (Part 1)

The Valley of the Katopas (Part 2)

The Beginning of the End

The Witch Massimara Of Mount Yenka

Psychotic Dead Things

Six Days Earlier

There is no Mournful Lamb Inn

The Swamp of Death

TYPE: Long Novella/Short Novel

WORD COUNT: 61,449 words

PAGE COUNT: 164 printed paperback pages

POINT OF VIEW: third person; Quaraun’s point of view usually; a few times from Unicorn’s

HAPPY EVER AFTER? no, this volume does NOT have a happy ending; character death ending

CLIFFHANGER ENDING: Yes. Sort of. Almost. This volumes ends with a sort of “To Be Continued...” that doesn’t actually continue

CONTINUING SERIAL? Yes; this is volume 8 of 130

INTERRACIAL COUPLES? Yes; a white skinned cross-dressing male Elf and his black skinned male Phooka lover.

Genre: Dark Fantasy > Sword & Sorcery > Bizzarro > Literary

LITERARY FICTION WARNING: This entire series is Slice of Life Vignette Literary Fiction, meaning there’s a lot of dialogue, a lot of talking, a lot of thinking, a lot of monologue, and a lot of emotional introspective, but not much action going on in this heavily character driven series. Each story is a narrow focused look at a single event (often a single day or hour) in Quaraun's life.

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By EelKat Wendy C Allen

Books By EelKat
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And why 27 books were deleted off Amazon after being banned by The Old Orchard Beach, Maine Town Hall, an American Government organization, on January 4, 2016, for being "Too Gay For The Family Friendly Town of Old Orchard Beach".

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The Top 202 Most Visited Pages of 2017

Seeing how on October 15, 2017, we reached 10,000 pages, I thought it'd be fun to update the Top 100 List and see where were were now.

Top 202 Most Viewed Pages Of 2017 So Far
(Out of 10,000 pages)

(January 2017 to October 2017)
(Excluding the Home PageAbout Page, and Site Map Page, which were the top 3)

  1. Amphibious Aliens: The Story of Etiole & The World's Most Haunted Car
  2. The GoldenEagle: An Auto-biography of the World's Most Haunted Car
  3. Medieval Servants: Their jobs and their place in historical fiction.
  4. How Long is 50,000 Words?
  5. On being a handicapped CosPlayer at PortCon Maine 2017
  6. Stephen King's The Thinner and The Gypsies Of Old Orchard Beach, Maine
  7. Writing Mute Characters
  8. Flamboyant Nipples: The KKK's New Gay Hating Site About Old Orchard Beach | The Site That Makes Fun of Terrorist Hate Crimes
  9. Writing Dares Random Generator
  10. Don't put flyers on people's cars...
  11. The Saco River Curse
  12. Our Primary Site Topic Is Small Penis? Reaching #1 on Page 1 of Google.
  13. Help FBI End Anti-Gay White Power Terrorist Attacks of Old Orchard Beach
  14. Creating Character Profiles | Meet The Characters | Who Is Quaraun?
  15. Introduction To The Quaraun Series: aka Too Gay For Old Orchard Beach
  16. The Dazzling Razzberry aka EelKat's Autism Awareness Car
  17. Autism, Asperger, PTSD, & Mad Cow: Writing Clinical Insanity Accurately | What is wrong with Quaraun? 
  18. Quaraun Free To Read Online Complete Chapter Index In Chronological Order
  19. Necromancy: Fact Vs Fiction; Or How Can You Be A Necromancer In Real Life?
  20. 600 Pages: Epic Big Super Sized Novels and Why You Should Never Write One
  21. Why Crude Adult Comedy and Pink Humor Yaoi Is Not Erotica
  22. The FBI In Old Orchard Beach, Maine Trying To Capture A Domestic Terrorist
  23. One Gypsy's Review of My Big Fat American Gypsy Wedding
  24. The Gypsies of Old Orchard Beach - page 1 (Online Release of Banned Book)
  25. Autism, Asperger's, And The Danger of The Self-Diagnosis
  26. Spell Casting Side Effects: Magic In Quaraun's Universe | Author Interview
  27. What Type of Music Does A Gypsy Listen To? My Top 10 Favorite Bands
  28. Beware of White Men In Gypsy Clothing: Fake Psychic Scams
  29. How long does it take to hit 1667 words?
  30. How to Write A Kiss
  31. Phookas
  32. Creating Character Profiles | Meet The Characters | Who Is GhoulSpawn?
  33. Albino Races - Moon Elves In The Quaraun Series
  34. Daily Writing Prompts (June 2017 Archive)
  35. My 30th Anniversary of Being Transgender
  36. Why Are The Quaraun Books Rated M18+
  37. How to Write Hot Sex - Tips For Erotic Romance Authors
  38. The Zaharam-Chapelle-Parunas Ethnographical World Building Questionnaire
  39. The Jiggler & The G-String Teddy Bears | The Adventures of Quaraun The Insane
  40. What exactly makes an Elf an Elf? (What is the definition of an Elf?)
  41. Online Income: The Reality vs The Fantasy
  42. World's Most Haunted Car Merchandise
  43. I Am Not GhoulSpawn | Excerpt From Rose Garden of The Pink Necromancer
  44. Old Orchard Beach Hate Crimes
  45. BoomFuzzy Chapter 1 (Novel Excerpt - Quaraun The Insane)
  46. How can your books have gay transvestite characters and not be Erotica? or Why are gay haters beating up elderly woman for wearing pink for breast cancer awareness and saying she's a transexual because only transexuals wear pink?
  47. EelKat's Guide To NaNoWriMo Featuring The 13 Step Method To Writing
  48. Autism and the Stigmas - Why Can’t You Accept Me As Me?
  49. Maine UFO Sightings
  50. Page 11 - The Gypsies of Old Orchard Beach - The Scottish Traveller Crime Family
  51. Psychedelics In A 'High' High Fantasy World (High Elves Getting High)
  52. KBoards, The NaNoWriMo ML Rumor & The Vindictive Stalker
  53. Writing Racist Characters VS The Ku Klux Klan In Old Orchard Beach, Maine
  54. Captured By The Lich Lord | The Night of The Screaming Unicorn
  55. How To Build A Magic System
  56. I've everything but a kitchen sink. Wait, how'd that sink get in my pocket?
  57. Stephen King's Thinner Gypsies & The Ku Klux Klan of Old Orchard Beach
  58. Autistic Characters In Fiction
  59. City of The Slushies | Chapter 7 | Quaraun The Insane
  60. Manuscript Reading Services or Will You Read My Book and Tell Me What You Think?
  61. Suicide, Rape, and Abuse In The Quaraun Series
  62. Wizards vs Witches vs Sorcerers: How are they different? | Writing Fantasy Books
  63. FRED: Google's Most Deadly Update Ever?
  64. How To Write A Novel: Question Everything Before Putting It In Your World
  65. Content writing: How long do you spend creating a quality blog post?
  66. SBI: To Review or Not to Review? That Is The Question
  67. Twerking Dragons: The Joys Of Writing A Novel With A Voice Recorder
  68. A Day At Witch Pond & Fleeing To The Forest | Summoner of Darkness
  69. Transgender, Transsexual, Transvestite, or Intersex: What Is Quaraun?
  70. Sheep | GhoulSpawn The Crazed & The Rose Garden of The Pink Necromancer
  71. Colour Magic - Gypsy Style
  72. Ideas, Ideas, Ideas (Where Do You Get Them?)
  73. Keywords & Pigeons: How I Do Local Business Marketing
  74. Quaraun & Autism In Fantasy Novels
  75. The Signs Of Old Orchard Beach & The FBI Investigation Of The Town Hall
  76. Tom Addams & The Warrior's Forum
  77. A Field of Poppies On The Road To Witch Pond | Summoner of Darkness
  78. An Elf and a Lich in the Gingerbread Pit | The Night of The Screaming Unicorn
  79. Markiplier Jacksepticeye and Pewdiepie Play Resident Evil 7
  80. Santa Claus: Lich Of The North Pole (Includes NSFW 18+ CBT Yaoi scene)
  81. A Motorhome named 'No Hurry' becomes Rosebud & The Story of Ten Kidnapped Cats
  82. Create Original Content aka I Hate Jackass Gutter Scum Thieves
  83. Lost In a Space That Isn't There: Going North To Head South
  84. An Elf Gone Mad: The Rise of The Pink Necromancer
  85. Aspergers is NOT Autism
  86. Is The Quaraun Series Erotica? - No! Here's why...
  87. Summoner of Darkness: GhoulSpawn and Quaraun Trapped With A Phooka
  88. The Dungeon Master & The 1974 AMC Gremlin
  89. The Lich's True Form Revealed | The Night of The Screaming Unicorn
  90. Using work you already started for national novel writing month?
  91. World-building In The Quaraun Series: Creating a Fantasy World
  92. Books in Vacationland 2017
  93. BoomFuzzy's Gingerbread House From Hell
  94. Lets Playing Is No Longer Fun
  95. Santa's Floating Dead Body | A Scene From The Summoner of Darkness
  96. The Banshee Sisters: Bean-Nighe and Ben-Neeyah In the Swamp of Death
  97. The Gypsies of Old Orchard Beach - page 2 (Online Release of Banned Book)
  98. What vlogging equipment is needed to get started as a YouTube vlogger?
  99. April 2015 Update: Too Gay For Old Orchard Beach: The Kidnapped Cats
  100. Betta Fish Aesthetic on Pinterest
  101. Domain Name Branding: Should You Put Your Brand Name In Your URL?
  102. Life As A YouTuber: How To Earn An Income From Making Videos
  103. Making YouTube Videos: How did you decide what content to make?
  104. Page 4 - The Gypsies of Old Orchard Beach
  105. Twighilight Not Twilight
  106. YouTube Index
  107. Amphibious Aliens: My health since the stroke and Etiole . . .
  108. Are You A Satan Worshiper?
  109. Average Typing Speed
  110. Custom Leggings - Designs By EelKat
  111. Ernest Hemingway Style of Writing Literary Fiction Used In Epic Fantasy Novels
  112. Google Flagged Your Site! What To Do? (Help For Web Masters)
  113. How valuable is a writer’s group?
  114. Lives Destroyed: Amphibious Aliens 10th Anniversary Update
  115. Lost In a Space That Isn't There: Santa's Letter To Satan
  116. Summoner of Darkness: Quaraun Meets The Gremlin
  117. The Terrorists of Old Orchard Beach Put My Dad In a Coma
  118. Using Yahoo Answers to promote your book and author website.
  119. What Is This Site?
  120. You Stole My Idea - I was writing a book, but you already wrote it 10 years ago!
  121. City of The Slushies | Chapter 1 | Quaraun The Insane
  122. Creative Writing Story Prompts: September 2017 Edition
  123. Dungeons and Dragons: The Joys Of Calculating Gold Weight In AD&D 2ed
  124. Fabric Designed By EelKat
  125. My Fave YouTubers Play: Dream Daddy - The Yaoi Dad Dating Sim Otome Game
  126. Necromancy: How will resurrection affect society as a whole?
  127. Page 7 - The Gypsies of Old Orchard Beach
  128. Pink Flowers Aesthetic on Pinterest
  129. The Gypsies of Old Orchard Beach - page 12 (Online Release of Banned Book)
  130. What will a traveler encounter on the roads in your world?
  131. Are you insane? Am I? Let's Find Out...
  132. Becoming A Better Writer: How to write interesting dialogue.
  133. Character Creation
  134. Copper Cockeral Cards & Gifts
  135. Elves, Drugs, and Opium: A Look At The Drug Use In The Quaraun Books
  136. How To Stay Motivated To Write | Writing Fantasy Books
  137. Jewelry Fashions in Moon Elf Culture | World Building | Writing Fantasy Books
  138. Keyword Marketing - What to do when your best keywords are low demand
  139. Magic Systems and How to Build Them | Writing Fantasy Books
  140. NaNoWriMo Overachievers: How did you do it?
  141. Quaraun Cover Art Gallery | Fantasy Novel Book Cover Art
  142. Quaraun The Insane : Zebulon's Captive: The Last of The Moon Elves
  143. SEO Advantages of Embedding YouTube Videos On Your Website
  144. Summoner of Darkness: A Tavern Scene - Chastity Cages, and Whores
  145. Summoner of Darkness: The Return of ZooLock (free to read online)
  146. Twighlight Not Twilight Part 2
  147. Vanishing Books Update - Why 27 of my books were deleted off Amazon
  148. What is a God in Your Universe? | World Building | Writing Fantasy Books
  149. Writing Maine: How To Write About Maine Life Accurately
  150. What the Ocean Gives Me (How Things In Your Life Affect Your Writing)
  151. City of The Slushies | Chapter 14 | Quaraun The Insane
  152. February 10, 2008 - Harassment Continues in Old Orchard Beach, Maine
  153. How does a bestselling book become a bestseller?
  154. Marriage in Moon Elf Culture | World Building | Writing Fantasy Books
  155. People are not interested in long winded copy
  156. September 26, 2017 - The Latest Attack By The KKK on The Thinner Gypsies
  157. Spending Money To Make Money Online? Should You Do It?
  158. Summoner of Darkness: The Demon Cultists and The Coming of The Darkness
  159. Summoner of Darkness: The Map of The Town (novel free to read online)
  160. The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt GOTY | Completionist Run: Episode 01
  161. Trespassers: April 2007 Updates
  162. Turning Scenes, Into Stories & Writing Travelogue Style Fantasy Books
  163. Where To Get Endless Ideas For Short Stories, Novels, and Articles
  164. Writing Controversial Books: Political Correctness & White Supremacists
  165. Are Bad Reviews Good For You?
  166. Branding Yourself While Avoiding The Scams | EelKat On Content Writing
  167. Child Sacrifice in Fantasy Novels | Writing Fantasy Books
  168. How to Handle Writing Fantasy-Horror That Features Violence Against Children
  169. How would you explain your Fantasy world to a stranger?
  170. Page 6 - The Gypsies of Old Orchard Beach
  171. Summoner of Darkness: HellBorne The Evil, Lord of Black Tower
  172. The return of Friends Are Forever - Banned and Burned it's about to be reborn!
  173. Why do Lovecraftian beings come to earth?
  174. Writing Prompts Syndrome?
  175. Autism = The Crazy Cat Woman of Maine
  176. Autism: Understanding what is really going on inside the child’s head.
  177. But what exactly IS a full time income?
  178. Content Marketing & writing: How I write content for my website
  179. Do you write a novel start-to-finish?
  180. GhoulSpawn and The Lich Lord's Lover: How To Kill a Lich
  181. How is it that the church leaders are claiming you do not pay tithes?
  182. How To Write A Novel: In what order do you create your world?
  183. I loved my children but I loved BoomFuzzy more | From Quaraun The Insane
  184. My Two Favorite People: FarDarrig and The Baby That Never Should Have Been
  185. Need help writing characters of color | EelKat on racist white readers
  186. Quaraun and the Amazon Adult Filter
  187. Quaraun GhoulSpawn and The Lich Lord's Lover: The Lover's Triangle
  188. Summoner of Darkness: Where Are You Hiding That Horse?
  189. Tired of people who don’t care. :( Tired of the harassment. :(
  190. What would happen if an Elf adopted a Human baby? | Writing Fantasy Books
  191. Page 10 - The Gypsies of Old Orchard Beach
  192. Page 3 - The Gypsies of Old Orchard Beach
  193. Page 8 - The Gypsies of Old Orchard Beach
  194. SCRIPT FRENZY 2010: I WON! & Psycho Stalker Attacks
  195. Wristlets, Wrist Bags, Mini Clutch, Cosmetic Bags, and Designer Mini Purses
  196. Writing Your Novel: Do you save chapters as individual files?
  197. Are old AD&D adventures still any use to current players?
  198. Autistics Have Feelings Too & Diverse Books Rant
  199. Be True To You: YouTube Gamers: "Faking" a personality until you make it?
  200. City of The Slushies | Chapter 10 | Quaraun The Insane
  201. HEA in Erotica (Should You Write Happily Ever Afters?)
  202. Stephen King's Thinner Gypsies

dancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing banana

“Karma comes after everyone eventually. You can't get away with screwing people over your whole life, I don't care who you are. What goes aroMy Two Favorite People: FarDarrig and The Baby That Never Should Have Been

Need help writing characters of color | EelKat on racist white readers

und comes around. That's how it works. Sooner or later the universe will serve you the revenge that you deserve.” 

― Jessica Brody

"By autistic standards, the “normal” brain is easily distractible, is obsessively social, and suffers from a deficit of attention to detail and routine. Thus people on the spectrum experience the neurotypical world as relentlessly unpredictable and chaotic, perpetually turned up too loud, and full of people who have little respect for personal space." 

— Steve Silberman

Attempt Something New Today! – too many people talk about doing this or that but few actually take action, it's the why behind why so few succeed and so many fail.

I'm not made of money, I'm made out of glitter and kittens. 

~CinnamonToastKen 2017

“When people see you're happy doing what you're doing, it sort of takes the power away from them to tease you about it.” 

― Wendy Mass, Every Soul a Star

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Bullies should never force you to  suffer in silence. If someone has hurt you, let others know.

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“I would rather be a little nobody, then to be a evil somebody.” 

― Abraham Lincoln


"Do not fear people with Autism, embrace them, Do not spite people with Autism unite them, Do not deny people with Autism accept them for then their abilities will shine" 

— Paul Isaacs

Be the hero, not the bully.

“1. Bullying is not okay. Period.

2. Freedom of religion does not give you the right to physically or verbally assault people.

3. If your sincerely-held religious beliefs require you to bully children, then your beliefs are fucked up.” 

― Jim C. Hines

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