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Quaraun the Insane:
GhoulSpawn and The Lich Lord's Lover:
The Lover's Triangle 



Quaraun the Insane:
GhoulSpawn and The Lich Lord's Lover: 
The Lover's Triangle 

 everal very uncomfortable days passed between the trio. Unicorn was no longer sleeping with Quaraun at night, and Quaraun didn't dare get with in several feet of GhoulSpawn for fear of angering Unicorn. During the day, Unicorn kept a huge amount of distance between himself and both the Elves, refusing to talk to either of them. This went on for nearly two weeks.

One night, as Unicorn sat by the campfire cooking the arm of a Human he'd killed earlier that day, Quaraun cautiously crept up to the fire and sat down beside the undead Phooka.

“Unicorn?”

“What?”

“Are we okay?'

Unicorn looked up at Quaraun.

“We?”

“You and me, as a couple. Our relationship.”

“No,” Unicorn said and went back to poking the fire with a stick.

“Will we ever be okay?”

“We, ya, me, as a couple, our relationship. We is no okay. I has been faithful to ya. Ya has cheated on me. Ya can'na undo what ya did Quaraun.”

“You talk about cheating on me all the time.”

“Aye, I joke about it, but I has never done it. Nor would I. I love ya. I would no hut ya like that.”

“I'm sorry.”

“I is aware yis. We is soul bond. I feel whats ya feel, Quaraun. Ya does no hae to keep saying it.”

“How do we fix this?”

“I do'na knows that we can.”

“Can we try?”

“Does ya wants to?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“I love you.”

“I said that to GhoulSpawn too.”

“I... I know. I'm sorry.”

“Quaraun, will, ya stop saying that?”

“I want to fix us.”

“Us?”

“Yes.”

“I is Lich.”

“I know.”

“Do ya?”

Unicorn's illusionary flesh form melted away, replaced by the glowing blue crystalline skeleton that was all that was left of BoomFuzzy's physical body. Quaraun averted his eyes from the undead beast beside him. The Lich's cold, bony fingers grabbed hold of the Elf's jaw and forced him to look the skeleton in it's eyeless sockets.



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 “Ya can no even look at me Quaraun. This is who I is now. I be a pile of bones. This is what is real. This is real me with illusion gone. This is all the be left of ya BoomFuzzy. I has no real flesh on me body. I can no make loves to ya like ya wants un I never will, I can only love ya through the golem. Our physical love is but an illusion. The BoomFuzzy ya loved is gone. This is what is left un ya can'na even look at it.”

“I still love you.”

“I is aware ya do. I do not question ya love for me. I is fully aware yis in love with me.”

The Lich let go of Quaraun and transformed back into Unicorn once again.

“How do I fix this?”

“I does na know that ya can. Not as long as ya can no accept what it is that I is.”

“I do accept you...”

“Could ya live with me, if I remained in me Lich form all day long?”

“The bones?”

“Aye. The bones. Could ya sleep with the skeleton, Quaraun?”

Quaraun stared at his feet and said nothing.

“I take whatever form ya wants to please ya. I am always one who change for ya. Even when I were alive. I never demanded ya change, it were always me sacrificing who I was to keep ya happy. Quaraun, think about it. Yis most insufferable, obnoxious, stuck up, narcissistic, self loving, ego maniacal lunatic on planet. Yis greedy, selfish, pompous, racist, arrogant, ya think yis better then every one else, we can no get half travelling done we needs to get done, because we has to waits three hours every single morning while ya brush ya mile long hair, we has to stop so ya can bathe yarself every day, some times more then once, all that frilly clothes ya wear - it takes ya two hours to get dressed, put on ya make-up, as well as change AALLLL those ear-rings, nose rings as well as the chains the connecting them earrings as well as nose-rings all together, ya ears are a foot long un ya ten gold hoops as well as pink gem studs every inch of them un chains covered crystal drops connecting then back to the hoops in ya nose, ya could sleep with them on, but no, ya take them all out every night, another hour we get nothing done un put all back n again in the morning, another hour wasted. And ya never meet a mirror ya did'na like. Ya bitch un moan un fuss un complain about every wee little thing. Ya vain as a stuffed pink peacock. Ya was born in a royal family where ya servants had servants un ya expect every one ya meets to drop to ground un worship at ya feet. Nothing is good enough for ya. And iffy it does no meets up to ya expectations, ya kill it with dead things ya call up out of ground, just because ya can. Then to top that all off, yis scared of every damned thing under the sun, yis the biggest coward ever known, we are back tracking half the time because yis too scared of something un we has to find a road around it un that damned soldier was right, having ya around endangers us all, ya a frigging liability.”

“I'm sorry.”



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 The proud haughty Elf was in tears. Everything Unicorn had just said was true and he knew it but he hadn't known any of it bothered Unicorn. The Phooka had never complained about any of these things before.

“Stop crying.”

“I'm sorry.”

“Will ya stop saying that?”

“I'm sorry.”

“And ya can no stop apologizing for every wee little thing, because ya has no self esteem what so ever, which be illogical considering size ya self important ego in ya.”

“I'm sorry.”

“Stop crying, Quaraun, I is no mad about those things. I love ya un I puts up with things I do no likes about ya, because I loves ya. I woulds do any thing for ya un ya knows that. All I ever asked was ya love me in return. I never asked ya for anything else.”

“I do love you.”

“Do ya? Are ya sure ya does nae just pity me? Ya seem ta be confusing pity with love. I does no want ya pity.”

“I'm sorry.”

“Stop saying that. I accept ya as ye are. But ya can no accept me.”

“I do...”

“No, ya does not. And I heard what ya said to GhoulSpawn. Ya regretted being bonded with me. That is what ya said. Ya stay with me, not because ya love me, but because ya pity me. I is more mad about what ya said to Ghouly before him fucked ya, then I is about ya letting him fuck ya.”

“I've said a lot of things to GhoulSpawn...”

“I knows ya has. I heard alls of what ya said that night un the night after as well. I did'na go far from camp. I never go far away from ya. We in war zone un neither one of yis fighters. I did'na wish to leaves ya unprotected. I still care about ya. I do no want ya getting hurt. I never go very far away un ya forget I can be invisible. I could be sitting here being an Invisible Pink Unicorn un ya'd never know it.”



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 “You heard that too.”

“Aye.”

“You haven't said a word to me all week.”

“What is there to say? Ya did what ya did, ya can no undo it.”

“I don't like us not talking.”

“We is talking now.”

“You won't sleep with me.”

“No. I will not.”

“Why?”

“Ya know why.”

“I don't like sleeping alone.”

“Then sleep with GhoulSpawn.”

“I want to sleep with you.”

“Quaraun I only staying with two of ya right now, because we is stuck in this place un only way we getting back is iffy we go back together. The portal what brought us here together, when we find a portal out of here we hae to go back together. Other wise I would hae already left un not come back.”

“When we get back to out own time, are you gonna leave?”

“I might.”

Quaraun stared at Unicorn, not knowing what else to say. This he had not expected. He expected the anger, but the thought that Unicorn may leave, that never crossed his mind. Panic filled his heart at the thought of losing Unicorn. After several minutes of long silence passed, Quaraun moved closer to Unicorn and sat down beside him.

“Can we sleep together again?”

“Does ya wants to sleep with me?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“I miss you in bed with me.”

“I is dead thing. Him alive.”







 Unicorn pointed to GhoulSpawn.

“I'm not in love with him. I'm in love with you.”

“Ya was acting in love with him the other the day when ya told him ya loved him, while him was ramming himself inside of ya over un over again, cumming in ya while ya was cumming on him.”

“How much did you see?”

“I saw the whole thing. I heard the whole thing, the conversation before un howling during. I followed ya when ya left.”

“Why didn't you try to stop us?”

“Ya has been lusting after him for couple years now. It first time I ever saw two of ya alone together. I wanted to see how far ya'd go with him giving the chance. And I was too upset about what ya said, about ya regretting bonding with me. It hurt to hear ya say that. That hurt me more then what ya did with GhoulSpawn after ya said it.”

Quaraun looked away from Unicorn and stared blindly into the flames. He felt so terribly ashamed.

“I was very upset.”

“I know ya were.”

“You were drunk.”

“I know. I drove ya to him. I know part of this is me own fault. But it does no escuse what ya did.”

“Can we ever move passed this?”

“I remember a time when ya tried to kill me. Ya tried to separate the Lich from the golem. Ya put me on an altar to sacrifice me. Kill the Lich un send BoomFuzzy's soul to damnation forever. We got past that, but not together. I need time away from ya.”

“Fire mountain.”

“It took me long to get over that. I felt less betrayed then, then I does now. And now I knows why ya put me on that altar.”

“Do you still love me?”



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 “I still loves ya. I'd of already left if I did na. That why what ya did hurts so much. If I did no love ya, it would no hurt.”

“You haven’t touched me since we... I... since...”

“No. I has not.”

“Why?”

“Does ya need to ask? Ya not that stupid, Quaraun.”

“I want to have sex with you.”

Unicorn looked up at Quaraun again, then looked passed him to GhoulSpawn.

“Ya has him for sex now. Him hae real body. I just bones covered by a very realistic illusion.” Unicorn transformed back into the Lich's skeleton form.

“I want you.”

“Ya wanted him the other day.”

“I want you now.”

“So what does ya plan to do, hae me today un him tomorrow. Take turns with us. I does no like that, Quaraun.”

“It's what you did with me and Gibedon. And you did that from me.”

“I know it is. I hurt ya both, I is fully aware I did. I regret it. And look where that got us. I is undead un ya be carrying around Gibedon's head, while ya gets ya ass fucked by a Half assed Sun Elf.”

“I resent that,” GhoulSpawn said.

“Shut up, GhoulSpawn, before I eats ya.”

The Lich turned back into Unicorn again.

“I want to go back to the way things were.”

“We can'na go back Quaraun, I has images of his cum drooling out ya ass, stuck in me head now.”

“I'm sor...”

“STOP SAYING THAT!”

 Unicorn lept up and walloped Quaraun in the side of the head, knocking him off the log he was sitting on and to the ground. GhoulSpawn stood up, not sure what to do. Part of him was ready to run before the Phooka attacked him as well and part of him was ready to protect the fallen Necromancer from the undead thing that was suddenly turning on him. Quaraun lay on the ground, holding his hand over his mouth. Unicorn stood over him, reached down, grabbing his shoulders and started shaking him violently, then began punching him over and over again.

“I DOES NO WANT TO HEAR HOW SORRY YA IS FO BEING A JERK! IF YA WAS REALLY SORRY, YA WOULD NO HAS DONE IT TO BEGIN WITH!”

Unicorn let go of the frightened Elf and kicked him in the stomach, then stamped on his chest as hard as he could, which being an undead Lich was very hard. Quaraun let out a sharp cry of pain, and the accompanying dull snap told him Unicorn had cracked some of his ribs.

No one said anything after that.

Unicorn went back to sitting before the fire.

GhoulSpawn sat back down on the other side of the camp, clutching his sword and staring terrified at Unicorn, breathing heavily and waiting for the Phooka on pounce on him next.

Quaraun remained on the ground in the spot where he had fallen. Blood ran from his mouth and down his chin and a searing pain shot through his chest.

An hour or more had passed, before Quaraun slowly and gingerly got up and sat down beside Unicorn again.

“I love you,” Quaraun said, fighting back the tears. His face throbbed, his head pounded, and the tightening pain in his chest made it hard for him to breath.

“I just gave ya a black eye un broke ya ribs.”

“I know.”

Quaraun's voice was weak. It hurt to talk now. It hurt to breath.



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 “I is likely to punch ya again.”

“I know.”

Quaraun cringed at the thought of being hit again.

“Ya gonna sit here anyways?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“I love you and I am sorry.”

Unicorn turned to hit him again, and Quaraun cringed and closed his eyes. Unicorn saw how scared Quaraun was and that Quaraun was going to sit there and take Unicorn beating him, rather then run away. Unicorn sat back down without hitting the Elf.

GhoulSpawn watched the frightened Elf as he trembled waiting for the Phooka to beat him again.

“Unicorn he loves you,” GhoulSpawn said.

“I is not questioning that.”

“He is sorry, Unicorn.”

“He'll do it again. It way him is. Him think if him say him sorry, it make up for everything. That not being sorry. Him do not know sorry.”

“I don't know either one of you really well,” GhoulSpawn said. “But I know Quaraun is a very proud Elf and you've got him groveling at your feet absolutely stripped of every last shred of dignity he had. I'd say he's feeling pretty sorry.”

“I ought to kills both of ya.”

“I'm sorry I killed Gibedon,” Quaraun whimpered.

“Stop telling me ya be sorry.”

“Please forgive me.”

“Why?”

“I don't want you mad at me.”

“Ya do no want me mad? Ya selfish 'git. Yis only thinking about ya own feelings. That not ya being sorry.”







 Quaraun continued pleading with the angry Lich and Unicorn continued to brush him off in between outbursts of violence and threats of violence. GhoulSpawn stared up at the night sky and wondered what portals were and why they kept opening up over his head and transporting him to land in whatever place the pink Necromancer and his Lich lover were. He also wondered if this place was safe from the blood thirsty flying ink goldfish that often got spit out of portals to torment him. He wondered when the spell he had put on Quaraun and Unicorn would wear off so that they would stop fighting. He shuddered to think that the spell should have only lasted a day or two and they had now been fight for several weeks and perhaps that meant the spell had worn off and they really were fighting now.

GhoulSpawn had cast this spell hundreds of times, it had always worked before. It was a simply spell for someone like him. Most wizards could not cast it, he doubted if either Quaraun or Unicorn had the ability to. It required certain physical attributes on the part of the spell caster, that he knew neither of them had. In much the same was a Cupid spell draws two people together, the Chaos spell drove two people apart. The spell should have worn off after a few hours, allowing the couple to kiss and make up, but, weeks had now passed and Quaraun and Unicorn were still fighting. This meant that either their relationship was already rocky or something had gone wrong with the spell, perhaps due to Unicorn's being undead and thus spells affecting him differently. In either case, GhoulSpawn was beginning to regret having cast the spell on them.

The more Quaraun and Unicorn argued, the more GhoulSpawn let his mind drift. He tried to think of his Sun Elf family, but he knew they were probably happy he was gone. He was only a half-Elf after all. The Sun Elves were as bad as the Moon Elves when it came to purity. He thought about the Chaos Demons that had raised him and wondered if he'd ever see them again.

GhoulSpawn was suddenly brought back out of his own thoughts. GhoulSpawn had been half listening to their argument trying to find something else to think about other then their fight, pink goldfish, and portals, when Quaraun let out a sharp surprised cry of pain followed by a long drawn out moaning whimper, that brought GhoulSpawn back to the attention of their conversation.



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 “Gawrrrh! Oww! Ow. Nnmmm.”

What he saw, horrified him.

Both Unicorn and Quaraun were now standing up.

Quaraun was standing very still, too still, and looking very pale and very ill. It appeared that Unicorn was holding him up. His side was soaked in blood, so was the ground, and the log he'd been sitting on, and the stones on the ground around the campfire. More blood was spattered on Unicorn's face.

Unicorn let go of the Elf. Quaraun slumped down to the ground, landing on his knees, trying to hold himself up with one hand, while clutching his other hand to the gushing wound in his side. Unicorn was holding the black, ruby encrusted obsidian dagger in his hand. Both his hand and the dagger dripped red with the Elf's blood.

“What did you do?” GhoulSpawn asked, knowing full well what had happened but not believing it and now wishing more then ever, that he had not cast that spell.

Unicorn glared at him, still clutching the dagger in his hand, the Lich's eyes were glowing like blue lightening, and GhoulSpawn backed away petrified that he was next.

Quaraun weakly dragged himself away from the angry Lich, stopping when he reached a nearby oak tree. The wounded Elf lay huddled on the ground beneath the tree, as blood continued to flow freely from his body, his body shook uncontrollably from a combination of fear, pain, and blood loss. He struggled to breath. GhoulSpawn knelt beside him.

“Help him,” the half-Elf said to Unicorn.

“He has ya to help him now.”

“I don't know what to do.”

“Figure it out.”

 Unicorn tossed the dagger on the ground in front of Quaraun, then went back to sitting in front of the camp fire staring at it and ignoring the two Elves. Unicorn was not worried about Quaraun's condition. He knew he had not hit any vital organs and that Quaraun was fully able to heal himself. What he did not know was that when he had stabbed the Elf, he let go of the shield he'd put up blocking his emotions, opening the soul bound between them back up and sending a massive backlash of emotions into the poor Elf – a shock that he was not ready for. For the first time in weeks, Quaraun was actually feeling just exactly how hurt and betrayed Unicorn really felt, and that hurt his fragile mind far more then the wound had hurt his body.

“I don't know what to do,” GhoulSpawn repeated, this time talking to Quaraun.

“Don't do anything,” Quaraun answered weakly, his voice barely above a whisper.

“You're hurt.”

“I know.”

“Quaraun, you're hurt really bad.”

“I know.”

“You need help.”

“I need to rest.”

“You need a healer.”

“I'll be alright, GhoulSpawn. I'm an Elf. I'll heal.”

“But...”

“Please,” Quaraun placed his bloody hand over GhoulSpawn's. “I'll be alright. I just need time to heal... and think. I think he's hurting worse then I thought he was. He's been hurting a while. He's been overlooking me hurting him a lot. Just let me rest.”



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 GhoulSpawn did not understand an Elf's ability to heal themself. GhoulSpawn was only a half-Elf and lacked many abilities pure blooded Eves had, the ability to go into a trance-like state, shutting his body down while drawing on the Earth's energy to heal himself, being one of those things. What he could understand was that Quaraun was losing a lot of blood and Unicorn would normally have been fussing over the sick Elf and now he was ignoring him.

“Unicorn, he's gonna bleed to death.”

“I do no seem to care.” Unicorn did care, but he did not want to talk to GhoulSpawn. Unicorn had also seen Quaraun hurt far worse then he was now and heal himself in only a few days. The wound Quaraun had now, he could easily heal in only a few hours and so Unicorn thought nothing of it.

“You're having trouble controlling your anger, Unicorn, you know that?” GhoulSpawn stated.

“Oh, I wonder why that could be?”

“He's hurt, Unicorn. He's hurt really bad.”

Unicorn had not meant to hurt Quaraun. GhoulSpawn was right, controlling his temper was becoming a problem. Unicorn looked past GhoulSpawn to Quaraun. The Moon Elf lay on the ground, covered in blood and panting. Unicorn could feel the pain radiating through the Elf's side. He could feel the crushing pain in his lungs as the broken ribs pressed against them. Quaraun was suffering right now and Unicorn knew it. The soul bond between them was sending the Elf's pain back into his mate. He knew too that the Elf's ribs were broken and crushing his lungs and that that was more of problem for Quaraun right now, then the gushing wound in his belly. The Elf was struggling to breath, his breathing now erratic, with his breaths short, quick and gasping.

Quaraun trembled uncontrollably. The combination of not being able to breath with the large amount of blood lost had reduced his body temperature and in spite of it being a warm summer night, the Elf was now shivering from the dangerously cold drop of his body temperature. Unicorn had been a front line soldier most of his life. He knew the dangers of Quaraun's going into shock. A wounded Elf could heal itself, but not if it went into shock and lost control of it's will power. Unicorn did not want to see Quaraun hurt. Though angry at him, Unicorn still deeply loved Quaraun and was not able to watch the Elf suffer.

Unicorn got up and went to Quaraun, wrapping his thick black fur cloak around the Elf.

“Ya really do not know how to take care of him do ya?”

“I'm not a healer,” GhoulSpawn said.

“Nor am I. I could not help him when him were shot by the Humans, ya knows that.”

“You're the one who loves him. Love finds a way.”

“Ya been listening to him too much, ya starting to talk like him.”

“But you do love him. It's why you're so angry right now.”

“Does ya love him?”







 “No! I'm afraid love is not something I... I don't,” GhoulSpawn didn't know how to say it without telling them what he was. “I can't love. I'll never love anyone. I'm not capable of it.”

“Ya has no emotions?”

“Have you seen me have emotions?”

“Ya has fear.”

“Fear is not emotion. It's nothing but primal instinct. You fight or you run. You fight. Me and Quaraun, we both run. Either way is just preserving your own life. No emotion in that.”

“Ah, ya inherited that much from ya Elf kin, eh?”

“Elves have emotions, they just repress them, believing they get in the way of logic.”

“Aye.”

“I don't repress my emotions, Unicorn. I have none to repress.”

“I does no believe that. Everything feels something.”

“I feel nothing. I feel no guilt or shame in what I did to Quaraun. I feel no remorse or regret and if the situation presented itself again, I would likely take advantage of Quaraun again and feel nothing then either.”

“It not possible to not feel.”

“It is. I know. I do it every day. You two love each other. I can see that. You love him. He loves you. I'll never love anyone. I'll never know what love feels like. I think it is why I have so many lovers, so many wives, why I've spent so much of my life breaking up couples like the two of you. I want to know what it feels like to love.”

“Ya break up couples?”

“Bad habit.”

“What ya did here, ya done before? To others?”

“It's all I do. All the time.”

“Why?”

“I don't know. I can't stand seeing couples happy, seeing the love they have and knowing I'll never know what that feels like.”

“That jealousy.”

“Perhaps it is.”



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 “Is it?”

“How ya get that way?”

“I was raised by High Elves that didn't give a shit about me. They sent me to live in a Hell dimension. Hoped I would die there so they wouldn't have to be bothered with my worthless half-breed existence.”

“I met the Sun Elves. Me short time with them, tolds me they was more arrogant then the Moon Elves. I has no doubt they treated ya badly. Bullying half-Elves seems to be hobby of High Elves.”

“I wanted to be with my family. I saw them together. Happy. And I wasn't allowed to be a part of it. I was unloved. Unwanted. Told I was worthless. I watched them happy together. It hurt to not be a part of it. To have no one.”

“There be bitterness. And sadness is emotion. That two more emotions ya has.”

“Neither are love. Cupid missed me.”

“Is that what for ya spend time with us?”

“What?”

“Quaraun likes ya. Ya knows that. Him wants a family. Ya wants a family. I tinks Quaraun wants ya to be hims family.”

“I don't know. I never thought about it like that.”

“I does no mind ya with us. That do na make what ya did to me Elf right.”

“What I did to him, doesn't make your stabbing him right either.”

“Ya should no fucked me Elf.”

“It was only sex.”

“Only sex? Ya act like sex means nothing!”

“It doesn't. It means absolutly nothing to me. I'm not a psychotic possessive sex crazed lunatic like you. You practically worship sex. I've never seen anyone like you. You're more insane then he is.”

“Then why has sex a'tall?”

“Because I have a physical body that periodically needs relieving.”

“Then me Elf was nothing but release for ya?”

“Yes. He means nothing to me.”

“Yis bastard.”

“Yes, actually I am. I'm the result of rape. That's why they named me GhoulSpawn. So I'd never forget what I was or where I came from. Elves are cruel.”

“Ya grew up no being loved?”

“I grew up being told everyone wanted me dead. My father raped my mother and then disappeared from her life. He was a stranger. No one knew who he was or how to find him. When the Sun Elves realized she was pregnant, they tried to force her to have an abortion. My mother loved me, but she died too young to raise me. I was raised by her family. Her father, her mother, her siblings, who treated me like dirt. I don't remember my real name. I was too young when she died. Her family called me GhoulSpawn and made me their slave. I was a servant in my own house, beaten if I did not meet their unreasonable demands.”

“Aye. We spent time in the Sun Elf village. I saw how they treated ya. And that be more emotions ya have. Bitterness and frustration. Ya desired to be part of their community and they shut ya out. There no worse suffering for an Elf then to be made to live alone. Elves is not solitary.”



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 “I'm only a half-Elf.”

“Aye. And they never let ya forget it. But that no excuse for what ya did to me Elf.”

“You need to control your temper.”

“My temper is no the issue here.”

“It is a major issue in our lives, your not being able to control your temper. And you are unwilling to admit you have a problem and seek help.”

“Seek help? From who? An insane Moon Elf or a crazed half of a Sun Elf?”

“You stabbed him!”

“So did ya.”

“Unicorn, Quaraun loves you. I don't know why, but he does. He would be content following you around like a puppy, for the rest of his life. He'll go to Hell with you if you asked him to, and he's trying to do that. It's the whole reason he's a Necromancer. In case you hadn't noticed, he's a shitty Necromancer, he's very bad at being bad, he hasn't got an evil bone in his body, but he loves you and you're the evilest thing on the planet so he's gonna try and make himself evil just so the two of you can spend eternity in Hell together. You kick him down and he's gonna come right back and beg at your feet, even if you kick him again. I don't know why he does it, but he does. It defies all logic, but he loves you and all he wants to do is make you happy and you turn around and treat him like shit.”

“Running into yar arms to get his ass fucked does no make me happy.”

“Unicorn, you were drinking and drunk out of your head. He was trying to take a bath and you attacked him in some sort of uninstigated drunken rage. You scared him and he ran away from you. You ran after him and started beating him up and then you held him down and tried to get me to rape him. He was scared out of his mind. He was upset, I was trying to calm him down. I did not intend for what happened to happen, nor did he. And what happened wasn't his fault. He didn't do anything. I seduced him. He didn't come to me wanting sex.”

“Did'na stops him from cumming all over ya while ya was in him.”

“Unicorn, left to his own fee will, he would never cheat on you. It wouldn't even cross his mind. He's so damned loyal to you. And I don't know why. I don't know what he sees in you. Whatever it is, I don't see it. Unicorn, you punched him in the face and he got back up and went to sit with you again. Anybody else had hit him, he'd been running away. He's too damned stupid to know not to be with you.”

“Than why be with him? Ya do no sound like ya like him.”

“I don't. I don't like either of you, but I don't seem to have a choice in that. I can't get away from you. I try to go home and I just pop back here with you two. I get sucked into darkness and the clouds vomit me out in your lap.”

“If ya does no like him, why did ya fuck him?”

“Unicorn, I have been stuck here with you two for weeks now. I have five wives, a dozen mistresses, daughters everywhere, and who knows how many concubines – I've never counted. I like females. I like females a lot. Once in a while I have a male lover, if he's very feminine. LOOK AT HIM. He's not exaggerating when he says he is the most beautiful creature on the planet, Unicorn. He REALLY IS the most beautiful person of any race or species, that I have ever seen. And he's VERY feminine. I'm used to bedding with a lot of lovers, every day. I haven't had anyone in weeks. And you are constantly put him on display in front of me. You're not the only one that gets horny around here Unicorn. Ten minutes before I was in him, you were tearing his clothes off and molesting him in front of me, telling me to ..., Unicorn, you told me to rape him.”

“Yis polygamist?”

“Is that the only thing you heard?”

“Elves is monogamous.”

“I'm not... I... I'm only a half-Elf.”

“Aye, but most Humans is monogamous on some level.”

“I don't understand Humans either.”

“No?”

“Being loyal to a fault and blindly faithful, like he is, is not something I inherited from my Elven kin. It's not part of who I am. I have affairs and one night stands all the time. I don't understand the mind set of the kind of blind, loyal devotion he has for you. I am not the type of person be loyal or faithful to anyone.”

“Most Humans is as loyal to each other as Elves is. Fucking around with every one ya meets up with be a Faerie trait. Ya ain't half-Faerie is ya?”

“I'm not half-Fae. I'm just not someone who is loyal or faithful to anyone. It's not who I am. But he is. He is very loyal to you and he never would have been unfaithful if you hadn't been drunk out of your mind and scaring the shit out of him. He only ran to me, to get away from you, because you were hurting him. You slammed him into a tree, he had a bruise going down his whole side. I was massaging his sore muscles from you beating him, to help him feel better and I got carried away with it.”







 “Ya certainly did.”

“Unicorn, he did not initiate any of this. He was upset and he needed a shoulder to cry on. Usually that would be you, but you were the one upsetting him. He was very upset and I took advantage of that. If you want to be mad at somebody, be mad at me, not him. He didn't do anything.”

“No he did'na. That be the problem. Him made no attempt to stop ya at all. He did'na even try.”

GhoulSpawn suddenly realized what the problem was. It was true, Quaraun has not struggled against GhoulSpawn at all, and yet, there was always a struggle between he and Unicorn, before Unicorn could get Quaraun in bed with him. Quaraun wouldn't let anyone near him unless he felt a deep emotional connection to them. Quaraun had only known GhoulSpawn a few years, but it had taken BoomFuzzy decades to win the frightened Elf's trust. It was clear that Quaraun trusted GhoulSpawn more the he trusted Unicorn.

“He always struggles against you, doesn't he?”

“Aye. Always. Him never be willing. I always has to force him. He is scared of the Lich.”

“You two shared a bed while you were alive, but you died without ever being in him. I'm alive, you're dead and you can never truly be with him. That's the real problem here, isn't it?”

“Aye.”

Unicorn vanished. He didn't walk away, he simply blinked out like light.

“Where'd he go?” GhoulSpawn asked, fearing that a Portal had taken the Phooka.

“He turned into an Invisible, Pink Unicorn,” Quaraun said quietly. He was still laying on the furs, Unicorn had placed down for him to rest on. He was not trembling so much now. The furs wrapped round him was holding the heat around him. “He hasn't gone anywhere.”

“Are you sure?”

“Uh-huh.”

“How can you tell?”



JellyFish Art Images Provided By Amazon



 “I can feel him still here. We're soul bound remember? He didn't go anywhere. He's just invisible because he's hurting and he doesn't want to talk about it any more. He doesn't trust me any more. I don't know how to fix that. There's nothing I regret more then having put my priesthood vows on a greater level of importance then letting BoomFuzzy know what it felt like to fuck my ass. I held on to those vows like nothing else mattered and I lost everything that really did matter because of it. If I could change any thing from history, that's what I'd change. If we ever find a way to make the portals function so we can travel through them when we want to, where we want to, that's where I'd go. Give him the only thing he ever asked me for.”

“You're a strange Elf, Quaraun.”

“I know.”

“You're more un-Elf-like then me, you know that? You're the most un-Elf-like Elf I've ever met, and you're supposed to be a stuck up snooty, higher then every body else, High Elf.”

“I usually am higher then every body else. Poppy milk, is..uhm...that seems to be the root of most of my problems.”

“You willing to admit you got a poppy problem?”

“Yeah. I do.”

“Most Elves don't do that sort of thing either, do they?”

“No. They don't.”

“You do a lot of unElf-like things don't you?”

“Yeah. I know. I'm turning into a Feral Wild Elf. It's pitiful. I used to be so civilized.”

“I can get away with it because I'm a half-Elf. What's you're excuse?”

“I have a Jellyfish living in my head.”

“Of course you do. How could I forget that? I got one in my head too.”

“I'm sorry about the goldfish.”

“You're insane, Quaraun.”

“I know.”

 “At least you admit it.”

“Hmm.”

“Unicorn?” Quaraun asked.

“What?” Unicorn reappeared.

“Can I sleep with you tonight?”

“Quaraun, right now alls I wants to do is beats ya head in.”

“Okay.”

Unicorn shook his head.

“Ya stupid enough, ya'd let me beat ya to death, wun't ya?”

“Yeah.”

“GhoulSpawn be right with all his loyalty crap ain't he?”

“I don't know,” Quaraun said weakly, scared that Unicorn was about to beat him again. The Moon Elf was feeling very lightheaded and knew he'd pass out soon. Every inch of his body was sore and hurting. He wasn't sure how well he could take another beating on top of the ones he already had.

“Ya do'na know?”

“No.”

Unicorn nodded and sighed.

“He right about that too. Ya are like a little lost puppy, just found hims master and not gonna leave his side for fear of getting lost again.”

Quaraun closed his eyes and said no more. He was in too much pain to talk.

“Unicorn, let him sleep with you.”

“No.”

“Unicorn you’re mad at me. Don't punish him like this.”

“I does no want to sleep wid him.”

“Unicorn, he's in pain.”

“I knows him is. I can feels it.”


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Volume 22: GhoulSpawn & The Lich Lord's Lover

A portal opens up in their path and unexpectedly zaps Quaraun and Unicorn into the middle of the American Civil War, landing them right in the Confederate Army Camp. Mistaking Unicorn for an escaped slave and the French Canadian Quaraun for being an underground railway freedom fight for the North, they both find themselves in irons in front of a firing squad. 

But one should never try to fight the world's most powerful Necromancer in a battle field of dead soldiers, especially not when he also has a Lich at his command.

With the Americans left to fight hoards of zombies, Quaraun and Unicorn escape to the nearby woods, where they discover the past, isn't what they thought it was, and this war, is actually a thousand years in the future... when Humans have progressed too far and are fast destroying themselves and their planet.

In a future after the Battle of Ongadada has already happened, wandering through fields of crashed planes, downed rockets, and dead autos, and worrying about the moon that is now shattered into millions of asteroids, another portal opens up, this one dropping the Chaos Demon GhoulSpawn into the Pink Necromancer's bed.

The three must work together to find their way back to the 1400s where they belong, but the growing relationship between Quaraun and GhoulSpawn has Unicorn venting his Lichish fury on the locals. 


Trapped In The Civil War



The Scared Necromancer



Someone's Eating The Moon



Down By the River



GhoulSpawn and the Drunk Necromancer



Two Lovers, Two Armies, and an Angry Lich



How To Kill a Lich



The Lover's Triangle 



Things You May Not Have Known about GhoulSpawn & The Lich Lord's Lover


It took a grand total of 17 days to plot, outline, write, edit, format, create the cover art, and publish GhoulSpawn & The Lich Lord's Lover, making it my "fastest written" novel ever. 

The text itself was written in a single weekend.


This was the first story in the series to say what colour Unicorn's skin was. While other stories said he was "dark" and EVERY story describes his massive frizzy woolly dreadlocked hair, this was the first story to specifically call him "black" and has racist Civil War solider characters calling him "a niggar".


GhoulSpawn and the Lich Lord's Lover is the most returned novel in the series, with 97% of all copies sold to American readers being returned for a refund. However American sales make up only 5% of the total sales of the Quaraun series, with most of my readership being in Japan,  Germany, and Brazil.


GhoulSpawn and the Lich Lord's Lover is the first volume of the series to show Quaraun having sex with someone other then Unicorn.


I have received more then a 100 emails from angry white power Americans (most of them residents of Maine) who have informed me that upon the discovery the series contained a non-white character, they would read no further books of the series unless I rewrote them to make Unicorn a white man.

More then a dozen emails coplained that there was "no such thing as a black Scotsman", stating that all Scottish people were white.


Scotland has had black kings, and in the 1400s, the time period of the series, not only did Scotland have a black king, but you were MORE LIKELY to encounter a short/pygmy black or brown skinned NATIVE Scotsmen wearing furs, then a tall, red-haired white one wearing kilts, as the "British Invasion of Alba" had not yet happened and kilts (a British invention) would not be invented until the 1800s.


Several people have pointed out that silk kimono are Asian not Scottish and that a Scottish king should not be wearing them. Actually, in the 1400s Persian Gypsies lived in Scotland, and had brought bright coloured silk kimono with them. It was not uncommon for the black and brown skinned Scottish tribal leaders to wear silk kimono in the 1400s.

Meaning Unicorn's being a half-Asian and half-black man, wearing fur wraps and plaid great kilts over silk kimono, is in fact historically accurate for a 1400s Scottish king.


As stated in The Night of the Screaming Unicorn, King Gwallmaiic aka BoomFuzzy The Unicorn, was born in Scotland, but is not Scottish by blood. His father being a black man from the Sepik Region of Papua New Guinea and his mother being a Japanese woman.

His father is a Phooka (a black demon) and his mother is an Aswang (an Asian demon).

In every story he is described as "looking like a dark skinned Asian". Which makes me wonder how readers did not know he was not white, prior to the release of this novel in particular.










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The Quaraun Series On Amazon:

I am wondering why has Amazon moved the Quaraun books to the category "Transgender Romance" and also "Gay Erotica"? The base story is a deeply depressed, suicidal, drug addict Elf who's lover commit suicide and he's trying not to do the same. It's an old Elf in a tavern, monologuing a lot of flashbacks and back story scenes of his youth. These stories are dark, bloody, angsty, full of drug use, murder, rape, Medieval torture, mental/physical/emotional abuse, and references to depression and suicide - no romance in it, unless you count the occasional (and usually brutally violent) rape scenes that show up in nearly every volume - sorry - no clue what Amazon is thinking or why they moved these to Romance and Erotica, but these books are NOT even close to being Romance or Erotica on any level at all. When I published these books I put them in "Dark Fantasy" and "Yaoi". If they show up in any category other then "Dark Fantasy" and "Yaoi", it's because Amazon put them there without my authorization or approval.

~EelKat



Author Interviews
On Writing The Quaraun Series: