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Quaraun The Insane
City of the Screaming Statues
The Dungeon Master With The 1974 AMC Gremlin
City of the Screaming Statues
The Dungeon Master With The 1974 AMC Gremlin
Home / The Quaraun Series: Yaoi Novel Excerpts | Free To Read Online / Quaraun The Insane : City of the Screaming Statues-The Dungeon Master With The 1974 AMC Gremlin
Author of Cozy & Gothic Fantasy, Sweet/Fluffy M/M Furry Romance, Cosmic Horror, Space Opera, & Literary SoL genres. I write Elves, Fae, Unicorns, & Demons.
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Quaraun The Insane City of the Screaming Statues
The Dungeon Master With The 1974 AMC Gremlin
Free Sample Excerpt From The Novel
(No clue what chapter it is, it's anyone's guess)
The City of The Screaming Statues
The Dungeon Master With The 1974 AMC Gremlin
Quaraun opened his eyes and stared up at the high beamed ceiling overhead. He knew he had been in a forest and wondered where he was now. He considered sitting up and looking around to see where he was, but felt as though he'd vomit if he tried so didn't. He closed his eyes again and listened to the sounds around him to see if they told him anything about where he was. What he heard was lots of strange, yet familiar bubbling and boiling sounds, indicative of an alchemist's laboratory, along with the mixture of herbal, metallic, and chemical smells that came with it.
Quaraun opened his eyes again and slowly tried to sit up on one elbow, without hurting his wounded side. The room looked exactly as it sounded and smelled. Most definitely an alchemist' laboratory. Off to one side of the room, was a very young half-Elf.
The boy's long golden curls were the most unnaturally eye blinding shade of phosphorescent neon yellow he'd ever seen. An adolescent, the equivalent of a 16 year old boy, had he been a Human. He was sitting in a big red arm chair, something that he had brought back from the 1990s. Around him on the tables and floors were stacks of books.
Quaraun looked around the room. Every inch of it's walls were floor to ceiling with bookshelves, all packed full of books. Books unlike any books Quaraun had ever seen before. Books with bright coloured covers, and glossy paper spines. Most of which seemed to be written in the Human's English language and all saying the words Dungeons and Dragons on their spines.
Quaraun's attention went from the yellow haired half-Elf and his endless piles of books, to the big metal machine sitting at the end of the bed. It was as big as the bed itself, painted orange, with yellow flames down it's sides, and the strangest looking wheels Quaraun had ever seen. It looked like a statue of a monsters, with 2 big glass eyes glowing at him, and a shining silver grin on it's huge metal mouth.
"What is that?" Quaraun asked, pointing to the giant orange monstrosity sitting in the center of the room.
"It's a Gremlin," The young half-Elf said.
"A what?"
"A 1974 AMC. Very rare. Collectible. Made them in America."
"America? Where's that?"
"That's where we are. Or it well be, once the Europeans discover it. They haven't done that yet. It's too soon."
"Never heard of it."
Quaraun stared at the 1974 AMC Gremlin wondering what it was.
"What does it do?"
"The Gremlin? It takes you places."
"How?"
"Same way a wagon does. Only without oxen or horses."
"A magic carriage?"
"Something like that."
"It's looks like a giant pumpkin."
"Yes. It does. Right now it's out of gas. I have to go back and find some. Got to get the time right though. It takes leaded gas. They only made that short while. It's illegal after 1993."
"Why do you have it?"
"Every one has them."
"I've never seen one before."
"Oh no of course not. By the 20th century, everybody has one. Not Gremlins. Gremlins are rare. But motor cars. Every one has at least one. Most people have 2 or 3. They're dreadfully useful. They'll get you half way around the world in 3 days. Of course then the police arrest you for speeding and then you have to explain how you came to be in America without citizenship or driver's licenses or..."
"What are you talking about?"
"They haven't been invented yet."
"They ... haven't ... been ... invented..." Quaraun repeated the words quietly to himself.
"I brought it back from the future with me, after I realized it was easier to drive it here then try to get American citizenship so I could get a driver's licence. Plus I kind of disappeared out of the jail cell. Portal. And now I'm wanted for... I don't... everything I guess. Grand theft auto, car jacking, evading a police officer, but how was I to know what the blue lights meant? I'd never seen a police car before. Heck I'd only just seen this car for the first time. Then there was driving without a licence, being in the country without a green card. Got to find out what that is so I can get one. Driving 125 in a 25 zone... I get the impression 100 miles over the speed limit was rather frowned upon. Here, the police gave me a list of the charges. Where did I put it?"
The half-Elf began pulling things out of the dozens of pockets that were up and down the front of his long dark green velvet trench coat. Quaraun raised a questioning eye brow as he watched the things coming out of the coat pockets. Books. Dolls. Bottles. Candles. Plates. Bags of pastries. Books. Loaves of bread. Cookies. Candy. Apples. Oranges. Spare gas cans. Snow shoes. Snow shovels. Kites. Sheep.
The half-Elf stared that the sheep.
"Gretchen? How'd you get in there? I'd wondered where you went."
"Why don't you just put the Gremlin in your pockets," Quaraun said sarcastically. "You seem to have everything else in there."
"Normally I'd keep it outside, but, I have to hide it from people. They think it's a demon. 15th century minds you know."
"Ah. Yes. No. I don't know. I haven't got a clue what you are talking about. Are you saying you walk through time?"
"Yes. I'm sorry."
"For what?"
"The soldiers that hurt you. They were after me. I came out of a portal, right in front of a tank. Soldiers everywhere. I ran back through a portal to get away from them, and they were too close behind me, so some of them came through with me. Wow. It was a good thing the tank didn't come through. You'd be dead. Would have run right over you and crushed you flat. I gotta be more careful where I set up my portals. I've sent them back to the Persian Gulf where they belong, though... uhm... I'm not sure I got them back in the right year. I can't remember what year that war was. It was 1997 or 1979 or 1797? Oh dear. I should have paid better attention to what year it was. I hadn't expected any one would come through to here."
"You like to talk a lot don't you?"
"There's never any one around here to talk to."
"There's Gretchen," Quaraun said pointing to the sheep.
"Yeah. I rescued her from Proctor and Gamble."
"Proctor and Gamble?"
"Worst monsters on the planet. They build massive slaughter houses and torture animals to death in the name of science. I find families here in the 1400s who need cows for milk, hens for eggs, and sheep for wool, then head back to the 1980s, gather them all up out of the P&G test labs. Bring them back here where they are safe. Science should never hurt any one."
"You're an alchemist, aren't you?" Quaraun asked the young half-Elf.
"Something like that."
"What are you if not an alchemist?"
"I'm a wizard, but I do alchemy too."
"You're a wizard?" Quaraun could not hide the tone of disbelief in his voice.
"Yes. Why does that surprise you?"
"You look young."
"What does age to do with it?"
Here's The Original Release Cover Art
From 2012
"It takes decades to learn magic arts well enough to call yourself a wizard."
"My father was a sorcerer. I started my training young."
Quaraun laughed, and then moaned from the pain in his side.
"Oh, that hurt. I shouldn't laugh."
"Why do you laugh?"
"You just look so young."
"You look young," the half-Elf said to Quaraun.
"I don't age. I'm a lot older then I look."
"Why don't you age?"
"Thullid."
"You have Demon blood?"
"I suppose you could put it that way. I'm a full blooded Elf. But I have a Thullid in my head. It's a parasite."
"It stopped you from aging?"
"Yes."
"How old are you?"
"I... uhm... I'm not entirely sure. BoomFuzzy died about 300 years ago. That makes me around 400 years old. More or less. I don't keep track."
"You are very old."
"I am. Why do you compare my age to yours?"
"Are you not a wizard?"
"Do you know who I am?"
"No. But you look like a wizard."
"Most people think I look like a prostitute."
"Yeah, there's that too. But that does seem to be the standard way female wizards dress in the future. You should see the ones at ComicCon. Prostitutes wear more clothes, and far less trashier clothes then 20th century female wizards do. You're just ahead of your times. In a few centuries from now, every wizard is gonna be dressing in slit skirts and bustiers just like you are doing now. And compared to the rest of them, you're not that slutty at all. In fact most of them would say you were over dressed."
"Over dressed?"
"If people think you look like a hooker, they should take a look at string bikinis and mini-skirts."
"What's a bikini?"
"It's two strings, with three triangles. Two over your nipples and one over your crotch. Everything else completely naked. You should see it around here in the summer in the 1980s. Men are wearing bikinis by then too. And that's just regular people. So, yeah. you might look like a prostitute in this time period, but in the future you'd be way over dressed. No one would mistake you for a prostitute then. You kind of look like a Muslim actually. They wear a lot of layers of glitter and silks like you do. In the 1900s when women wear as much clothe as you got on, people call it modesty and covering up. People in this time period are so weighted down, that you look like you're running around in your undergarments to them."
"I AM running around in my undergarments."
The young half-Elf held up the book he had been reading: Dungeons & Dragons Player's Option Heroes of The Elemental Chaos by Richard Baker and Robert J. Schwalb. He flipped to page 36 where it said: Chapter 2 Character Themes.
"See? boobs on parade. And this is just every day dress. No one bats an eye at a woman dressed like that."
On that page was a picture of a female Elf wizard, with albino white skin, long white hair, and foot long thin pointed ears just like Quaraun's. She was wearing a very slutty, next to nothing dress that showed off her over sized cleavage, while she was throwing a lightening orb at a frost draco-lich. A red haired Elf wizard beside her, also skimpily dressed in even less clothen then the first, barely covering her nipples, leaving the rest of her boobage fully exposed, was using her staff to shoot fire bolts at a Frost Giant.
Quaraun started to say something but the sound of bleating sheep distracted him.
"Are there more sheep in the room?"
The young half-Elf looked towards the sheep.
"Yeah."
"Why are there sheep in the room?"
"I like sheep."
"Okay. I suppose that's an answer."
The young half-Elf stood up and left the bed side, to quickly return with a different sheep. Not Gretchen. It was no ordinary sheep. It's long Costwold curls, gleamed with glistening gold plating.
"That's a golden fleece," Quaraun stated.
"Yes."
"Where'd you find one of them?"
"I make them."
"You... how?"
"I'm a wizard."
"Why?"
"My father was."
"No. Why are you making golden fleece?"
"The Sun Elves like gold. They keep Dwarves as slaves to mine deep into the mountains, and Gnomes chained to their workstations to hammer gold into threads to embroider on their clothes. They would have no need for slaves... well, less need for slaves at least... if they had sheep that grew soft luxuriant gold. So I made some."
"Sun Elves are High Elves."
"Yes."
"Last I knew they shunned wizardry and banned magic and... they cast all their wizards into a Hell Dimension and seal up the portal."
The young half-Elf hung his head in shame, as though he'd just been scolded.
"Yes," he sad glumly. "I'm the last one."
"Last Sun Elf wizard?"
"Yes."
"Why didn't you get banished with the rest?"
"My mother. She's the king's favorite daughter. I'm allowed indulgences not afforded to others."
"A half-Elf in the royal family?"
"Yes."
"How'd that happen? Last I knew Sun Elves made a habit of enslaving, abusing, and torturing to death all half-Elves and their parents."
"My mother is the king's favorite daughter."
"So she's allowed indulgences not afforded to others too?"
"No. When the elders banished the wizards to Hell, one of them, the last thing he did, as they sealed up the portal, was to cast a blink spell on the princess."
"Ahhhh. Blinked her into the portal with him, then?"
"Yes."
"And what has that to do with you being a half-Elf?"
"He's my father. I was born in Hell. Raised there too. The Sun Elves, say he kidnapped her and raped her, but... I think they were lovers and... I think that's the real reason they banished the wizards. Nothing to do with magic. They didn't want their princess mothering a half-Elf. Tried to separate the lovers. Didn't work. And now here I am."
"And you're a wizard?"
"Yes."
"Do you specialize in anything? ... other then sheep?"
"I'm a Chaos Wizard."
"Chaos?"
"Time travel. Portals. Demons. Familiars. Faerie Magic. Chaos Magic."
"Chaos magic?"
"Yes."
"That's dangerous. And advanced. Very advanced. Not a lot of wizard's can master it. And no schools teach it. It's forbidden. Banned by the Guild. And it's not wizardry. It's sorcery. Where'd you learn Chaos Magic?"
"I told you. My father taught me. He was a sorcerer, but I'm not. I'm a wizard."
"You make a distinction?"
"You just did."
"Yes, but Chaos Magic is always sorcery. Never wizardry. So I'm confused as to how you call yourself a wizard and not a sorcerer."
"Sorcery is Blood Magic."
"It is."
"Sacrifices and blood letting. Death. Cutting up innocents. People and animals."
"Yes. Many a murder has been done in the name of magic. Which is why Chaos Magic is on the Guild's list of types of magic forbidden, banned, and practitioners of it are executed on sight, no trial."
"I've never shed blood. I don't kill anything. And I never will."
"You practice Chaos Magic without blood?"
"Yes."
"How's that going?"
"Very well."
"You're not very old are you?"
"You already asked that."
"Yes, but if you're father was any kind of a wizard worth his salt, I would know him."
"Would you?"
"Yes. I would."
"Are you sure?"
"You really don't know who I am, do you?"
"No. Should I?"
"Who was your father?"
"I'm not supposed to say."
"Why?"
The young wizard looked nervously around, then leaned close to Quaraun and whispered.
"He was evil. One of the Guild's top 10 most wanted."
"Really?"
"Yes."
Hamsa
Eye of The Grigoi
Eye of the Watchers
Eye of God
Hand of God
Eye of Protection
Evil Eye
Gypsy Curse
"Well, then I know I know him."
"How?"
"I'm the Guild's top most wanted wizard."
"Are you?"
"I am. It's why I can't stay any where long. Always on the run these days."
"My father didn't run. He fought back. He should have run."
"Who was he?"
"I can't say."
"Why not?"
"The king won't let me."
"Why?"
"Guild members live here."
"Do they? Hmm." Quaraun thought for a moment. "Good to know. And where is HERE, exactly?"
"This is Saco Bay Estuary at the Saco River Delta."
"You're in the Sun Elf village, the Garden By the Sea."
"Garden By the Sea? I've been here before. The Forest of No Return. How near are we to the blueberry fields? The ravine?"
"The ravine is right beside us. The blueberry fields are a 10 minute walk from here. You can walk to them through the ravine. We're in the apple orchards here. The beach is right there. Ocean's right at my front door."
"How'd I get here?"
"A pair of Sun Elves found you. I didn't bring you here. I would never have brought a wizard here. I don't think they knew you were a wizard or they probably would have gutted you right in the road where you lay when they found you. And this is my house. You're in my bed. I think they thought you were a she-Elf too. And I think they think you are an aristocrat. They wouldn't have helped you otherwise."
"No?"
"Oh no. You look wealthy. The way you were dressed. Had you been poor or dark skinned or not an Elf or... well, anything not them... they would have killed you themselves."
"Supremacists?"
"Yeah. Rather fanatical. Very extreme. It's why I live done here on the beach, kind of... not in the village. They don't like me. Half-Elf."
"Then why'd they bring me to you?"
"I'm the closest thing this town has to a healer, so they brought you to me."
"YOU'RE a healer?"
"No. Just the closest thing in the area to one."
"You're a kid."
"I'm smart for my age. Which, isn't hard to do in this time period. A 1980s kindergartener has a better education then the average adult does around here."
"Kindergartener?"
"Five year old Humans. Named after a type of school they have in the future."
"Are you saying no tended to my wounds, but you?"
"Yep."
"I hate to ask, but, how does someone as young as you, have the knowledge to stitch up my wounds, like this?"
"Books."
"Books?"
"Yeah. I went back to the future and I went to the hospital and I took a bunch of books off the shelves in the back rooms. I figured some of them had to tell me what to do. And then I went back and got ll the supplies and stuff to sew you up with."
"You're quite resourceful."
"Well I live here, don't I?"
"You live on the beach?"
"Yeah."
"Alone?"
"Yeah. Well, I have my sheep. Their's more in the pasture outside. And I have my books."
Quaraun looked around at the many thousands of books that filled practically every inch of the room.
"Where's your family?"
"My mom, she... she... she lives with her family."
"HER family?"
"Yeah."
"Her own son is not a part of her family?"
"I'm illegitimate Demon spawn."
"Demon spawn?" Quaraun shook his head. He'd heard that term before. It was common for Elves to toss hateful labels like that on half-Elves. "Where's your father? You said he taught you magic?"
"My dad... he got... banished. I've been trying to find him. I don't know what portal they put him in. Or what time period."
"Do you have any siblings?"
"My siblings are all pure blooded. My mum's husband, he's not my dad. I'm half blooded, unloved, and unwanted. My father wanted me, but my mother took me away from him, but then her father didn't want me."
"None of them cares enough... I'm sorry. That's not right. Elves are not solitary."
"I'm just a half-Elf."
"JUST a half-Elf? What kind of racist crap is that? Elves are communal creatures, we should never live alone. Not one of us. Not even a half-Elf. You belong with a family. So young living out here alone. Isn't that rather dangerous? Weather around here is rather harsh isn't it?"
"Yeah. Especially in the late summer, when the big storms hit and in the winter when the snow squalls hit and in deep winter when the blizzards hit."
"Why not move inland more?"
"It's safer here."
"Really?"
"Yeah."
"What dangers lay inland that could be more life threatening then the weather?"
"The Sun Elves."
Quaraun could see nervous fear shadow over the half-Elf's face. Fear that came from abuse and bullying.
"Are you not yourself a Sun Elf?"
"My mom was."
"They don't consider you a Sun Elf?"
"They call me... they... they..." Tears filled the boy's eyes.
"What would happen if you went into the Sun Elf village?"
"They'd tie me to a horse and let it drag me through the streets."
"Has that happened to you?"
"Yeah."
"Because you're a half-Elf?"
"Yeah."
"You're just a child."
"Yeah. But I'm a half-Elf."
"Racism that big of a problem around here?"
"Yeah."
"And you live here by yourself?"
"Yeah."
"Do you have any friends?"
"There's my mother. I see her sometimes. She sneaks away every few months to visit me."
"Where is she?"
"That big mansion, the one with the clock tower. You can see it from here."
"Is she a Sun Elf?"
"Yeah."
"I lived there for a few months with her."
"What happened? Why'd you leave?"
"Stocks. Bonds. Iron maidens. Judas chairs."
"They tortured you?"
"Yeah."
"Why?"
"They're full blooded High Elves. I'm a half-Elf. I have tainted blood. It's what they do. I escaped. After the horses. The horses, kept running, out into the woods. Rope broke. Horses kept going. I dragged myself down into the ravine. Found a cave. Hid there for a few weeks. Then, I found this little house here on the beach. It used to belong to an alchemist. He died. No one's lived here since. I found stuff I needed to heal my injuries and just never left."
"The Sun Elves don't bother you here?"
"No. They say this area is cursed. The swamps between the ravine and the beach. They say it's Fae territory. Don't dare to come out here past the Faeries, so they leave alone. I guess they figure, sooner or later the Faeries will get me. Funny thing is, though, whenever someone gets sick or injured, they bring them out to me for help."
"You said I was a wizard and a male. But they thought I was a wealthy she-Elf. How do you know things about me, but they don't?"
"Well, I had to undress you to tend your wounds and you got more between your legs then a she-Elf does."
"How did you come to the conclusion that I'm a wizard?"
"Your coin purse. That's a bag of holding you got there."
"Bag of holding?"
"Yeah, all I could get out of it was gold coins."
"That's all you should get out of it. Why were you poking through it to begin with?"
"I... uhm... bad habit."
"Bad habit? Opening other people's purses is a bad habit?"
"Yeah."
Quaraun looked at the car sitting in the bedroom and thought about the half-Elf's rambled story of police.
"Are you a thief?"
"Yeah."
"And you're stupid enough to admit it?"
"No. Not stupid... just... I... I'm used to moving things from one time period to another and... it... uhm..."
"I get the idea. You steal things from time period, to change history of another time period."
"I'm not trying to change time... I just... I gotta eat you know? And these books are expensive. Can't afford 'em."
"Do you not get enough to eat?"
The boy shook his head.
"You'd like the candy wizard. Or he'd like you. He likes fattening up children with sugary sweets. Of course he likes eating them once he's got them plump. It's trying times when children are forced to steal in order to not go hungry."
"That's why a bag of holding is good to have. You can pack it full of food and no one but you can see it."
"A bag of holding is very expensive. Takes a dragon's hoard to afford one."
"Yeah."
"You're coat seems to be made out of lots of bags of holding. Looks like every pocket you have is one."
"Yeah. I can carry whole house fuls of stuff with me and it adds no extra weight. Light as a feather."
"Where's you get it?"
"I made it."
"You made it?"
"Hmm,uh."
"Where'd you get all the bags of holding to make it out of?"
"I made them."
"You? Made a few dozen bags of holding?"
"Yeah."
"You're a child."
"Yeah."
"There are only a handful of wizards who've masters the technique. It takes a century or more just to learn how to do it. Each one takes years to make."
"Oh no. It only takes a few days to make one."
"Days? That's impossible! How do you make them?"
"I just make a pocket for my coat, and them I create a void space somewhere out in the galaxy, and then I put the portal entrance in my pocket."
"Void space? And portals? That's dangerous. Your coat could envelope you and suck you into a black hole. Where'd you learn to do this?"
The young half-Elf went over to his stack of books and pawed through them. After a few moments returned to Quaraun and handed him the book.
"SpellJammer. Adventures in Space?" Quaraun read the cover out loud.
"Yeah. It's the Dungeon Master's guide. Really rare. I had a hard time getting a copy of it. Bidding wars on eBay are crazy for this one. Hardly ever goes on sale. But it's got some of the best spells in the series."
"It's a spell book?"
"Yep. I'm a Dungeon Master."
"You're a what?"
"I've been teaching myself all the spells in all of these books. I'm gonna be the most powerful wizard on the planet some day and then I'll be able to find my father. You're one of the most powerful wizards there is."
"How can you tell?"
"You're bag of holding. You've got all sorts of protection spells on it. Can't break 'em."
"You tried?"
"Yeah. I'm good at picking any lock, mundane or magical, and I couldn't pick those. Not no way, not no how. Once I realized they were Lich spells and you were protecting a Lich and had it's phylactery in there."
"Which you discovered how?"
"He... I.... uhm...."
"He? Who?"
The half-Elf suddenly looked very frighted, realizing he had said too much.
Quaraun looked around the room. His clothes and his bag of holding were carefully placed on a table near the bed. He was now awake enough to be seeing more clearly and he was seeing very clearly that not all of his things were in the room with him. Anger suddenly boiled inside the Necromancer.
"Where's my Lich," Quaraun snarled at the half-Elf.
"They took him. I tried to stop them. They didn't know you were a wizard or they would have taken you too."
"Who?"
"The Guild."
"Why?"
"I don't know. I wasn't there. I don't know what happened. They said he was a Necromancer. They executed him. Or they tried to. The next day... At first they thought he was a vampire, so they executed him different the next day, but then the third day, he came back alive again. They just started killing him over and over again and they realized he was a Lich and they...
but they didn't suspect you. They thought he attacked you. They thought you were his victim. They're crazed with wizard hating and... at first I didn't realize you were a wizard, until... I realized, every time they killed him.... at the exact moment he died, you'd get worse. Not worse, but it hurt you. You suffering his pain with him and that's when I realized you were soul bound to him, and soul binding is forbidden and... and... I wasn't trying to pry into your business, I just, they were hurting him and it was hurting you and I hate to see any one suffer.... and... I went to see what you had in the bag to see if I could find anything that would help and, all it had in it was 10 gold coins. I set the coins on the table and put the bag with them.
That night, I remembered I hadn't put them back in your bag, so I went to do that and there were 10 more gold coins. I set them on the table. At first I thought I had missed them some how, but when I opened the bag again, there were 10 more gold coins. A few hundred gold coins later I started trying to break through the spell and... I recognized the spells as ones used by Liches and Necromancers who protect Liches, as a series of very powerful spells to hide a Lich's phylactery. And, after a few days of looking through books on Liches and Necromancy I found a reference to a wizard people called "The Pink Necromancer", said he built Liches.
I started thinking it might be you, given the way you were dressed. I couldn't help your Lich. I'm not that powerful enough a wizard to go up against the Guild. They'd have killed me for treason. They barely allow alchemy. As long as they think I'm an alchemist and not a wizard, I'm okay. I've been keeping them from you though."
"Are you even an adult?"
The half-Elf looked down at the floor and did not answer. Quaraun slowly climbed out of bed and unsteadily, tried to gain his bearing.
"How old are you?" Quaraun asked the half-Elf as he set about to redressing himself in his bright pink Thullid silks.
"Seventy-three."
"You're still an Elfling. You are as young as you look. Do you have a name?"
"I can't use my name."
"Why not?"
"My mother named me after my father."
"So?"
"The Guild doesn't know he had a son. If they found out who I am, they'd kill me just for that alone."
"You must have a name people call you?"
"My mother calls me Glinter. On account of my golden sheep."
"Glinter?"
"Yes."
"Well, then, Glinter. Thank you for helping me. Where is Unicorn?"
"Unicorn?"
"The Lich. Where did they take him?"
"His name is Unicorn?"
"No. His name is King Gwallmaiic. I call him Unicorn, because he's a Phooka."
"I don't understand. Why would you call a Phooka Unicorn?"
"Have you ever seen a Phooka's true form?"
"No. No one has."
"I have. A Phooka in it's true form, as it comes from it's mother's womb, is a tiny horse, only the size of a goat, not much bigger then your sheep there. Looks like a Shetland Pony. They have long shaggy black fur, black eyes with no whites and no pupils, rows of fangs instead of teeth, and talon claws instead of hooves. On their forehead grows a spiral horn that gleams as though made of silver. A Phooka is a type of a unicorn. It's a marsh unicorn, native to salt water swamps along the coasts. That's why I call him Unicorn. It's a lot easier to say then King Gwallmaiic, Elf Eater of Pepper Valley, Leader of the Lich Lords, every single time I want to talk to him."
"Elf Eater?"
"yes."
"He's the Elf Eater?"
"Yes. Now where is he?"
"The Guild has him."
"Where?"
What are you gonna do?"
"Get him back."
"You can't fight the Guild."
"Yes I can."
"No one can."
"I can. Tell me where they are."
"The Guild banished my father. They trapped him in Hell."
"They won't do that to me."
"You don't know how powerful they are."
Glinter began trembling with fear.
"I do know how powerful they are. And I can fight them. I've fought them before and they're royally pissed over it."
The poor half-Elf stared at Quaraun, though wide fearful yellow eyes. He was too scared to say anything.
Quaraun searched Glinter's face trying to find a reason for his fears. It was then, Quaraun realized, there was no such thing as a yellow eyed Human. That the half-Elf had metallic yellow eyes, with thin slatted reptilian pupils identified him immediately as a half-Elf. Glinter could have passed for a full blooded Sun Elf, were it not for his snake like eyes. Quaraun had noticed the eyes immediately upon waking up, but had passed it off as nothing of note, seeing how they were the eyes of a half-Elf. But Quaraun, had assumed half-Elf, meant half-Human. He had not stopped to think about the possibility that Glinter might have been half-something else.
"What are you?" Quaraun asked.
"I'm a Chaos Wizard."
"Why Chaos Magic?"
"It what my father taught me."
"What was your father?"
"He was a sorcerer."
"The Guild killed every sorcerer. Why didn't they kill your father?"
"He was too powerful."
"Why did they send to a Hell Dimension?"
"To punish him."
"Glinter. You're avoiding the question."
"Am I"
"Yes. Why Hell?"
"I don't know."
"Yes you do."
"No I don't."
"Was he a Demon?"
Glinter was shaking so bad, Quaraun thought the poor half-Elf would faint.
"Was you're father a Chaos Demon? Is that why he taught you Chaos Magic?"
Again Glinter said nothing.
"Was your father the sorcerer, who people called The Ghoul?"
Glinter closed his eyes and continued to not speak.
"Glinter. Look at me. I never meet the Ghoul. But I'm familiar with his work. He trained under Gwallmaiic. Before he was a Lich, Gwallmaiic was a warrior king. A tribal leader in Scotland. I don't know how much of a kingdom he actually had, but he had enough influence to scare people all over the planet. His undead army marched all over the world. They were practically unstoppable. It's hard to kill something that's already dead. The few who weren't dead were Demons or Necromancers or both. He had several very powerful Necromancer Generals who lead his army. Gibedon and The Ghoul were among them. I meet Gibedon."
Quaraun reached into his bag of holding and pulled out the severed head of a Dark Elf.
"I killed Gibedon."
Glinter stepped away from Quaraun.
"You're the wizard who killed Gibedon?"
"I am."
"You're Quaraun the Insane."
"I am."
"You killed Findaru."
"I did."
"You've been killing all the Guild members."
"I have."
"Why?"
"They killed my family. They destroyed my life. Now I'm going to destroy theirs. They took every thing I loved and everything I lived for away from me. I will hunt them for eternity, until every last thing they cared about is destroyed. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. It is the Human creed. The Guild is a Human organization. By their own creed, shall they now die. As they have done to me, so shall I do to them. And they are mere Humans. I am a full blooded Elf. I will be the thorn in the flesh of them, their children, their children's children... and I plan to do it for eternity... thus the Liches. I will never let them, their children, or their grandchildren forget what they did to me. The world will know, what they did and generations of their family will live in eternal shame. I will never let any one forget what those bastards did to me and my family. No where did they take my Unicorn?"
"You're hurt."
"That doesn't matter. I need to find Unicorn."
Interview With EelKat
On Writing The Quaraun Series
Random Thoughts On Writing Magic &
Wizards In Fantasy Worlds
A BookTube Reading AuthorTube Edition
Volume 9: The City of The Screaming Statues
Not fully recovered from his ordeal at the Mournful Lamb Inn in the Swamp of Death, Quaraun is rejoined by Unicorn and heads for the coast to rest. Unfortunately a portal opens in the road in front of them and out run Persian Gulf War solders, shooting at an enemy they can no longer see.
Critically wounded by a 20th century weapon, the 15th century wizard, is taken in by a fanatical tribe of High Elves, known as the Sun Elves. Unable to heal his wounds, Quaraun is forced into a deep sleep to save his life.
Timing is bad, as the Guild has just moved into the area, with their ever more violent and increasingly fanatical hatred of all things different then they are. With the Guild torturing to death all wizards, Dwarves, Gnomes, Humans, minorities, Common Elves, and LGBTQ citizens in their path, they now invade Saco Bay's Garden By The Sea in search of the infamous Pink Necromancer, as Quaraun becomes their latest target.
When the black skinned Unicorn is captured by white power fanatics, protecting Quaraun's body from harm is left in the hands of an absent minded half-Elf teenager from the future.
Seeing the the homicidal hate group as the saviors of the land, the Sun Elves join forces with the Guild and turn on the comatose Quaraun, with no one around to save him, but a teenage Dungeon Master from the 1980s, who is trapped in the 1400s, has got a hold of Quaraun's Rainbow wand, and was never told Dungeons and Dragons spells were not real.
Boom Sticks From The Future
To Kill A Lich
The Dungeon Master With The 1974 AMC Gremlin
Elf Against Elf
The King's Dying Children
The Screaming Statues
This novel was originally written on: 2012
This page last updated on: April 13, 2017
On Writing The Quaraun Series
World-Building In Bizzaro Dark High Fantasy Yaoi
Weird-Building In Bizzaro Dark High Fantasy Yaoi
Building A Magic System In Bizzaro Dark High Fantasy Yaoi
- Wizards vs Witches vs Sorcerers: How are they different?
- Magic Systems and How to Build Them
- Necromancy: How will resurrection affect society as a whole?
- Spell-casting Side Effects of Magic
- Necromancy FAQ - A Real Necromancer Compares Fantasy Necromancy With The Reality
- Colour Magic - Gypsy Style
- Beware of White Men In Gypsy Clothing: Fake Psychic Scams
- Child Sacrifice in Fantasy Novels
Plotting & Writing Bizzaro Dark High Fantasy Yaoi
- Ernest Hemingway Style of Writing Literary Fiction Used In Epic Fantasy Novels
- Do you write a novel start-to-finish?
- Ideas, Ideas, Ideas (Where Do You Get Them?)
- Should I plan for ending or just keep writing?
- NaNoWriMo Overachievers: How did you do it?
- How Long is 50,000 Words?
- Why Write 50,000 Words In 30 Days?
- How long does it take to hit 1667 words?
- Average Typing Speed
Character Creation In Bizzaro Dark High Fantasy Yaoi
Writing Sex In Bizzaro Dark High Fantasy Yaoi
Disabled Characters In Bizzaro Dark High Fantasy Yaoi
Drug Use In Bizzaro Dark High Fantasy Yaoi
Horror In Bizzaro Dark High Fantasy Yaoi
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The Quaraun Series On Amazon:
I am wondering why has Amazon moved the Quaraun books to the category "Transgender Romance" and also "Gay Erotica"? The base story is a deeply depressed, suicidal, drug addict Elf who's lover commit suicide and he's trying not to do the same. It's an old Elf in a tavern, monologuing a lot of flashbacks and back story scenes of his youth. These stories are dark, bloody, angsty, full of drug use, murder, rape, Medieval torture, mental/physical/emotional abuse, and references to depression and suicide - no romance in it, unless you count the occasional (and usually brutally violent) rape scenes that show up in nearly every volume - sorry - no clue what Amazon is thinking or why they moved these to Romance and Erotica, but these books are NOT even close to being Romance or Erotica on any level at all. When I published these books I put them in "Dark Fantasy" and "Yaoi". If they show up in any category other then "Dark Fantasy" and "Yaoi", it's because Amazon put them there without my authorization or approval.
~EelKat
Author Interviews
On CosPlaying The Quaraun Characters:
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Author Interviews
Reacting To Old Orchard Beach's
White Power Gay Hating Over Reaction Ban
Of The Quaraun Series:
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The 4 door white truck continues to sit at the end of my drive way (146 Portland Ave, Old Orchard Beach, Maine) near every night around sunset, reeving it's engine and squealing it's tires, with the driver yelling anti-gay threats and obscenities out the window. He continues to do the same thing at my dad's apartment building (Biddeford Maine) a few times a week, usually in mid to late afternoon time. He continues to follow me to shopping to various stores in various towns throughout the states.
Phrases he yells from the truck include:
"Kill or be killed remember Saco Shaws all transsexuals are alike"
"I keep a gun under the seat of my truck, I'm gonna use it to shoot you in the head, you transvestite freak"
if cars are going by he yells to them: "that thing is Ken's son, look at how's it's dressed; it's insane, it has autism, we can't allow that thing and it's gay cars in our family friend town of Old Orchard Beach"
He often babbles deranged ramblings about something he calls "the gay-pocalypse", raving lunacy about how "all the gays are gathering" on his doorstep. He raves some crazy nonsense about how Armageddon is coming and the war to end all wars will be "the gays against the Christians" and Christians have to be ready to "kill the gays"
My car is the Autism Awareness Car and had 2.5million marbles glued to it (I have Autism - savant - Kanner's syndrome) he claims tat my car "is gay" because of what it looks like. My car has been vandalized several dozen times, including to have the tires slashed 7 times in 6 months.
After dark often around 10PM, he stands at the end of the logging road across the street from me and shoots at my motohome (in February 2014 he shot holes in my neighbour's barn while doing this). I have video footage of 3 of his shootings at me here: https://youtu.be/NUebzJ9sz9U and here: https://youtu.be/C4dZbgG-Smw
This has gone on since August 2013 now, in addition to all the vandalism, hate crimes, pet beheadings, etc that has happened, including the bomb that blew up our house in 2006.
As you know, that whole time I had not been able to get a plate number on the truck. He as just here again, and I just realized why I could not get a plate number... there are no plates on the truck, either on the front or on the back. However, as he was driving away today... I noticed, there is a plate, stuck up in the back window of the truck, where it can barely be seen, deliberately obscured from view behind a silver tool box.
If You Like The Quaraun Series You Might Also Like:
Writing Resources I Use When Writing The Quaraun Books:
The Space Dock 13 WebRing
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What do you want to become?
What did you do today to step closer to that goal?
Whatever you do, be your best at it!
And remember to have yourself a great and wonderfully glorious day!
~EK
EelKat.com
pinterest.com/eelkat/
If you ever made fun of or had any part in the destruction of my farm, and the illegal selling of half of my land to Colliard, you shall lose your land.
If you ever made fun of or had any part in my being homeless since 2006 - YES, I AM still homeless in 2023, you shall become homeless.
If you ever made fun of or had any part in the backhoe driving over my house, you shall lose your house.
If you ever made fun of or had any part in my car being cut in half, you shall lose your car.
If you ever made fun of or had any part in my becoming crippled, you shall lose your health.
If you ever made fun of or had any part in the murder of my son, your child shall die an equally horrible death.Evil men go out of their way to try to drive a person to suicide.
Are you an evil man?
Are you sure you're not?
How many people have YOUR hate filled words killed?
Next time you go to do a mean thing to a fellow human, stop and really think about the consequences of your actions.
Did you ever notice how every one has a story to tell about me, yet not one of them ever speaks the truth?
What lies has YOUR gossiping tongue spread about me?
Did you know...
October 16, 2006, bomb blew up my house because of YOUR lies.
August 8, 2013, the house which replaced the one the bomb blew up, was driven over by a backhoe.
November 14, 2013, my 8 month old infant son was murdered because of your lies.
November 14, 2013, I was beaten up, paralized for 5 months, spent 18 weeks relearning to walk, I'm now crippled for the rest of my life, because of YOUR lies.
Are you proud of what you have done?
Enjoy your eternity in Hell. You earned it. You've certainly worked hard for it.
~EelKat
If you have any information about any of these events, please call FBI Agent Andy Drewer at 207-774-9322
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