The Bandits and the Pink Necromancer

The wind howled through the endless expanse of snow, carrying icy tendrils that snuck into every crack of the pink silk tent. 

Quaraun sat cross-legged on a pink velvet cushion, his long, silver jellyfish tentacle hair draped in neat coils around him,  slithering protectively. His gold mechanical hands, glinting softly in the faint candlelight, meticulously embroidered a rose onto a scrap of pink silk. 

The scent of gingerbread and clove wafted from the corner where BoomFuzzy stirred a pot of strange gingerbread stew. No one knew why gingerbread was in his stew, but he claimed it was the secret ingredient and Quaraun and GhoulSpawn had decided not to question the old Faerie’s logic.

"Ye’re too quiet, Love," BoomFuzzy said, his grizzled voice cutting through the eerie stillness. 

Quaraun grunted in reply. 

BoomFuzzy turned, his steampunk goggles fogged from the heat of the fire. Being legally blind he could not see Quaraun from this distance and so crossed the tent in a few short, muscular strides. His stocky form crouched beside Quaraun to get a closer look at the ancient Moon Elf. 

“What mischief fills that delicate wee head o’ yours, eh?”

“I do not feel well,” Quaraun muttered, not lifting his gaze. 

"Ya sick? Or aching?"

"Both."

The needle trembled in Quaraun’s hand, and he dropped it. His vision blurred for a moment, the room tilting. He swayed but caught himself with a groan.

BoomFuzzy’s strong fingers, smelling of gingerbread, clams, and peppercorns, pressed to Quaraun’s pale forehead. 

“Ye’re burnin’ up, Love. Ye’ve been working too hard again.”

Quaraun swatted his hand away. 

“I am fine. Do not fuss.”

BoomFuzzy grinned and kissed Quaraun’s temple, the scent of his smoky beard brushing Quaraun’s cheek. 

“Ye’re stubborn as a mule, JellyElf.”

Before Quaraun could retort, a distant noise broke through the wind—a crunching of snow, irregular and heavy.

“Hoofbeats?” Quaraun asked, his head snapping up.

BoomFuzzy stood, listening through the tent flap. 

“Nay. Footsteps. Many of ’em. Big'ons. Sounds like Human soldiers.”

The ground trembled, faint but distinct. A growling chorus of crude, Human voices carried through the gale. Their voices growing louder.

“Ah. Bandits,” BoomFuzzy spat. “Always sniffin’ ‘round for trouble.”

GhoulSpawn burst into the tent, his green velvet coat flaring behind him, the clatter of his hooves scattering snow from his digitigrade legs. 

“We’ve got company,” he said, his voice jittery. He clutched a contraption—a hodgepodge of gears and wires sparking faintly. “They’re armed. Barbed bats. About twenty of them.”

"Barbed bats?"

"Baseball bats wrapped in barbed wire. Nasty looking things."

Quaraun sighed, carefully setting his silk aside. 

“They are foolish to come here.”

BoomFuzzy snorted. 

“Aye, but fools make for grand entertainment.”

Before the bandits reached the camp, BoomFuzzy shoved a crystal skull into Quaraun’s hands. 

“Hold onto this, Love.”

“I do not need it,” Quaraun replied, his voice soft but laced with disdain.

“Ye’re in no shape to fight, and I’ll nae risk yer dainty white arse,” BoomFuzzy said. "Ya ain't hot a lick of muscle in ya."

His tone was gruff, but he planted a quick kiss on Quaraun’s lips before stepping outside.

The cold hit like a slap as the tent flap opened. 

GhoulSpawn followed the Faerie chef, muttering under his breath about energy fields and dispersal patterns.

"There’s a portal nearby," GhoulSpawn said. "I can feel it. The energy is close. Bet those Humans just fell through it. Probably confused and don't know where they are. Could make them worse."

"I hate these feral portals, showing up unawares all the time l," BoomFuzzy grumbled. 

"They seem to be getting worse. More of them lately--"

BoomFuzzy and GhoulSpawn continued their conversation as they left the tent, leaving Quaraun alone inside. 

Quaraun remained seated, wrapping his jellyfish hair around himself like a cocoon. It hissed and writhered angrily. His breath fogged in the icy air as he whispered a spell, the Rainbow Wand glowing faintly beside him.

Outside, the bandits had gathered, their mismatched armour clanking as they brandished barbed-wire-covered bats. The leader, a hulking brute with a scar splitting his face, sneered at BoomFuzzy.

“What’s this? A wee cook defendin’ a caravan?” the bandit jeered.

BoomFuzzy was still wearing his apron and carrying the large wooden spoon he had been using to stir the pot with.

BoomFuzzy laughed, low and menacing. 

“Aye, a cook I be. But one who’ll slice yer guts and bake ‘em into pie if ye take another step.”

Some of the Humans laughed, clearly thinking the Phooka was joking. 

"Ya don't know who I am do ya?" BoomFuzzy grinned wickedly. "I ain't just no chef. I am King Gwallmaiic Elf Eater of Pepper Valley, Lich Lord of Fire Mountain, King of the UnSeelie Court. We eat Humans and you've shown just in time for lunch."

The bandits' grins faltered as BoomFuzzy drew his twin obsidian daggers, the blades glinting like shards of frozen night.

"Twernt joking, Loves."

GhoulSpawn clattered loudly just then, startling all of them, BoomFuzzy included. 

“GhoulSpawn,” BoomFuzzy barked. “Ye gonna play or just gawk?”

GhoulSpawn hesitated, fiddling with his device. 

“I… I’m calculating the optimal—”

BoomFuzzy didn’t wait. With a swift motion, he hurled a dagger. It struck the snow at the bandit leader’s feet, crackling with dark energy.

“I gave ye fair warning,” BoomFuzzy growled.

The bandits laughed. 

"You missed!"

"I don't think so."

A wide grin spread across BoomFuzzy’s face.

The dagger evaporated, reappearing back in BoomFuzzy’s hand. In the spot where the dagger had cut the ground, a bony skeletal hand reached out of the ground. Dark magic crackled and sparked, as the bones turned to blue ice, a blue frost radiating from them, covering the ground around it. 

Before the bandit to react, the frost spread to his leg, which immediately turned to ice, spreading up his body, instantly freezing him into a solid block of ice.

"What the--?"

"It’s the Crystal Plague!"

"That’s a Frost Lich!"

Some of the the bandits surged forward, intent on attacking the Lich. Others turned and ran.

Inside the tent, Quaraun’s delirium worsened. The voices outside blended with memories of past battles, a deafening noise that made his head spin. He pressed the crystal skull to his forehead, feeling its icy coolness.

BoomFuzzy’s voice rang out, loud and commanding, cutting through the chaos. Quaraun closed his eyes, focusing on the sound, the familiar warmth it brought.

He whispered an incantation. His jellyfish hair began to writhe, glowing faintly. It slithered under the tent flap, invisible to the bandits in the storm.

BoomFuzzy dodged a swing, driving his elbow into a bandit’s ribs. The thug crumpled, but two more took his place.

“I could use a wee bit o’ help ‘bout now!” BoomFuzzy yelled.

GhoulSpawn yelped, narrowly avoiding a bat aimed at his head. 

“I’m trying!” 

He flipped a switch on his device, and a pulse of orange light erupted, knocking several bandits off their feet.

Then, from beneath the snow, Quaraun’s shimmering tentacle silver hair shot forth. It wrapped around the bandits like living vines, dragging them to their knees.

The leader thrashed, his bat useless against the jellyfish tentacles constricting him. 

“What is this sorcery?”

BoomFuzzy grinned. 

“Ye’ve met the Pink Necromancer, I reckon.”

The tentacles tightened, and the bandits screamed as they were flung into the storm, vanishing into the white void.

BoomFuzzy and GhoulSpawn returned to the tent, covered in frost and panting from exertion. Quaraun was slumped on the floor, his hair curling back around him like a shimmering veil.

“Ye overdid it again, Love,” BoomFuzzy chided, kneeling beside him.

“I handled it,” Quaraun muttered weakly.

BoomFuzzy scooped him up, wrapping him in his fur-lined coat. 

“Aye, ye did. But I still hate seein’ ye like this.”

Quaraun leaned into BoomFuzzy’s warmth, the scent of spices and smoke soothing his frazzled mind. 

“I told you not to fuss.”

“And I told ye I’ll always fuss,” BoomFuzzy replied, kissing Quaraun’s forehead.

GhoulSpawn busied himself with the pot of stew, his hooves clattering nervously. 

“Do you think they’ll come back?”

“Nay,” BoomFuzzy said, stroking Quaraun’s hair. “Not after that.”

The three settled into an uneasy quiet, the storm raging outside. Inside, the warmth of their bond held the cold at bay.

|©2025 Wendy Christine Allen | All Rights Reserved|

The Pink Necromancer, Moon Elf silk weaver & merchant: Quaraun on Noodle Beach. His master chef Phooka turned Lich husband: BoomFuzzy with his 1968 VW Bus Beach Noodle Food Truck. And their on again/off again mad scientist Sheep Demon lover: GhoulSpawn with his 1974 AMC Gremlin time machine. Time Travel setting swings back and forth between 40th century Maine after a comet hit the moon decimating the planet, and the 1970s, Maine. Quaraun in the main character, he and BoomFuzzy are a married gay couple. GhoulSpawn is their shared live-in lover. Art by Wendy Christine Allen.

BoomFuzzy King Gwallmaiic aka BoomFuzzy the Unicorn: Quaraun's husband, BoomFuzzy aka King Gwallmaiic, a Scottish Phooka, who is King of The UnSeelie Court. BoomFuzzy is a "classic fantasy type" Necromancer who uses sorcery to raise the dead. Being a Faerie he is also an illusionist and master of trickster magic. By profession, he is a Master Chef, owning the global monopoly on restaurants, taverns, pubs, and food trucks. Until his death, BoomFuzzy was regarded as the world's most powerful wizard. He is now a Lich. BoomFuzzy is also half-Human. His mother was a Mongolian/Chinese Human, which is why he wears distinctively Asian outfits, along with a great kilt worn as a cape. Known as BoomFuzzy the Unicorn, he often takes the form of a purple Unicorn. BoomFuzzy's exact age is unknown, though he was well over two thousand years old at the time of his death, and Quaraun resurrected him as a Lich around 500+ years ago, making him close to 3,000 years old. In his BlackBird form he is fifteen thousand years old. Art by Wendy Christine Allen

Quaraun Quaraun aka The Pink Necromancer: The F2M transgender Persian Moon Elf main character: The Pink Necromancer, Quaraun The Insane, with BoomFuzzy the Unicorn. F2M for those unaware = Quaraun was biologically born female, but transitioned to live as a male; this is why there are stories where Quaraun is sometimes pregnant, in spite of being male and using he/him male pronouns. Quaraun is a Necromancer by the actual dictionary definition of the word, meaning he is a psychic medium who sees and hears ghosts, and uses tarot, spirit boards, and seances to communicate with the dead. By profession he is a silk weaver/tailor/silk merchant. Quaraun is an Elder God JellyFish who takes the form of an Elf to blend in with society. His 12 foot long hair is made out of venomous, stinging jellyfish tentacles. Quaraun is BoomFuzzy's apprentice and regarded as the world's most powerful still living wizard. Quaraun's exact age is unknown, but he is somewhere around 750 years old. In his SunTa form he is twelve thousand years old. The Scared Pink JellyFish that lives in him, is stated to being over two million years old. Art by Wendy Christine Allen

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