~o0o~ Chapter ~o0o~
Unicorn called for the waiter to bring Quaraun a jug of ale, then went back to his argument with ZooLock. Quaraun ate quietly as he listened to the Phooka and the Thullid argue. Quaraun was so intently listening to his companions argument that he did not notice the young human soldier stride up to their table and stare intently at the three non-humans. Quaraun, as he did in every tavern, was not sitting in any of the chairs, stools, or benches provided by the tavern, but rather was sitting on an ornate, gold gilded, throne, covered with pink velvet cushions.
ZooLock," Quaraun interupted them.
"Your argument bores me."
"He is the one..."
"Go find me some food."
"Yes, my Lady."
"Stop calling me that."
ZooLock slipped out of his seat and set out to find food for the wizard.
With ZooLock gone looking for the food Quarun had requested, Unicorn turned his attention to the Elf.
"Eating Humans would be option," Unicorn said.
“Why are you sitting on a throne?” The solider asked.
“I'm a king.”
“Not a queen?”
“I'm the Grand High Emperor of the Triple Planets.”
“You're hair's touching the floor,” the young man said not letting Quaraun finish.
“Yes. I know. I have not cut my hair in three hundred years.”
“Are those real?”
The Human reached out and pulled on Quaraun's foot long ears.
Quaraun slapped the Human.
“How dare you touch me!” Quaraun screamed hysterically. ”No body touches me! I do not like being touched.”
“Are you an Elf?”
Quaraun was still screaming and not listening to the soldier.
Unicorn looked up at the young man and exclaimed: "Oh my! A tasty looking human. Look how him justs, brings hisself right over to us table for me to eats him!"
"You are not eating the humans," Quaraun scolded.
"Oh pooh! Suck a cock dick damn it! Yis one what can nah food ya wants. Eating Humans would be option," Unicorn said.
"If I was going to eat Humans, I wouldn't pick these distatfeul..."
“Do you eat Humans?” The wide eyed Human asked.
"I'm sorry," Quaraun said to the young man, who appeared to be a soldier. "What?"
"You were talking about eating Humans."
"I'm an Elf."
"We don't eat anything that was ever once alive."
The man thought silently for a moment.
"And him?" He pointed to Unicorn.
"He's a Faerie, their ways are different."
"I've never seen any of you before," the soilder said.
"No," Quaraun answered. "We just arrived. We only stopped for a meal and a place to sleep for a few hours. I hurt my leg outside of town, otherwise we wouldn't have stopped at all. I need to rest before we can continue. We will be on our way once we are done eating. Except he's never done eating, so we could be here a while."
The man looked around the room nervously, as though hoping to not be overheard, then pulled a chair up to their table and whispered to Quaraun: "You're new in town, right?”
“Yes. I just said as much. You weren't listening.”
“That means you didn't commit the murders."
"Murders?" Quaraun asked.
"Sssshhhhhh. Not so loud." The man looked around the room, then whispered: "I need your help."
"You don't even know who we are."
"I know you are not murderers."
Unicorn burst out laughing. He laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed and then fell out of his chair and continued laughing while laying on the floor.
"What's wrong with him?" The man asked.
"He's a Faerie," Quaraun said. "They do that."
"Oh." The man watched the Faerie as he continued to lay on the floor laughing uncontrollably.
"You were saying you needed our help?" Quaraun asked.
Quaraun kicked Unicorn.
"Stop it," he said to the Phooka.
Unicorn stopped laughing for a few seconds, and then started laughing again.
"Is he all right?"
"Oh, yes, he's fine. Faeries are very emotional creatures. Ignore him and continue, please."
"My name is Mallac. I am the chief of the Burgermeister's guards and he has assigned me to solve the mystery of the recent murders, but I'm no detective. I don't know what I'm doing, I don't know who I can trust, I need help..."
Unicorn sat up and pulled himself back up into his chair and said: "Un ya t'inks we looks likes, we be good upstanding, trustworthy, un-cannibalistic, non-murderous citizens willing for to helps ya, eh?"
"What be tripping ya up, dat we is cannibalistic or dat we is murderers?"
Mallac stared bugged eyed at Unicorn then sent a questioning glance back to Quaraun.
"Faerie," Quaraun said. "They say the first thing that comes out of their mouths, without stopping to think about what it is or how it sounds. Please, ignore him and continue with your story."
Quaraun popped a truffle into his pink painted mouth and waited for Mallac to continue.
"I don't know who I can trust and I've heard Elves are compassionate and willing to help those in need."
Unicorn started laughing again.
"Ya heard... hahahaha! Elves! Hahahaha!"
"Quaraun? Compassionate? Ha ha! Un willing to help! Ho ho, heh, ha!"
Mallac turned back to Quaraun.
"Faerie," Quaraun said.
"You are an Elf aren't you?"
"Yes. I am an Elf, but he's right. Faerie or no. You shouldn't trust strangers, not even an Elf. Especially not me."
"Why not trust strangers or why not trust Elves?"
“Why not trust Elves.”
“There do exist cannibalistic murdering Elves.”
“Have you ever met one?”
“You're talking to one.”
“Where is it?”
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