You have encountered an extremely old website that continues to exist in old web ways, the same way it has done for now three decades.
In spite of being now 30 years old this year, started in 1996, it is still heavily active and old pages updated daily, new pages added daily, still now in 2026. All hand written, all hand coded (no AI), all by me, same as it ever was.
We Still Exist: The Old Web Did Not Go Away, You Just Forgot How To Find Us
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This site was NOT designed for mobile devices (as they had not been invented yet when I created it) thus this site looks best on a computer, at 1280x768 or above. |
This is a very old website created in 1996, so, yes, javascript is needed for the site to work as it should. If things don't function, you may need to update javascript drivers on your device |
This site tries to be mobile friendly but it's been online since 1996, so old pages may not load right on mobile devices, and as this site has had pages added near daily for 30 years there are now over 20k pages here. |
Having started out in life as a GeoCities site, this site contains glitter, bright colours, blinkies, moving gifs, and other things the old web was known for. |
f you are here looking for aliens, ufos, demons, cryptids, haunted cars, curses, Etiole, the wild man of old orchard beach, the goldeneagle car, the white monkey, or any of that other weird bullshit, you want this video:
...and after that video, you want these ones:
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If you want some stories to get you started in The Pink Necromancer series, reading these first will give you a good introduction to the 3 main characters:
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My Elves Are JellyFish...and I asked Google AI and ChatGPT 5.6 what they thought of this.
As requested, my daily writing prompt series is now available print paperback editions on Amazon.
There are 20 volumes of this writing prompt series currently planned and in varying stages of finishing, hopefully all 20 will be published by the end of 2026. I likely will do a 2nd series of writing prompt books in 2027.
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The first of the Visual Novels/Video Games for The Adventures of Quaraun the Inane/The Pink Necromancer series is published and available on Itch.io, there are 3 more planned for release in 2026, 6 more planned for release in 2027, and the big 60-hour 80k word 150 page one (Quaraun Goes To the Fair) is planned for a 2028 release.
There is a Pink Necromancer card game and a Pink Necromancer board game, as well as a Pink Necromancer table top RPG supliment for Dungeons and Dragons, all in the works, and to be released over the next couple of years as well.
I shouldn't have to say this, but people keep contacting me, so apparently I do:
If you have any information about my son’s murderer, please give it to FBI Agent Andy Drewer at 207–774–9322 of the Portland, Maine FBI office.
Do you know who this woman is?
On August 8, 2013 she drove a backhoe over my house. On November 14, 2013 she arrived at Southern Maine Community College and crippled me with a golf club and murdered my son. One June 24, 2016, days after my first attempts to walk again, she attacked me with a shopping cart at Scarborough, Walmart, reinjuring the Nov 14, 2013 injury.
She crippled me when I was 8 months pregnant, a woman with a golf club, severed my spine and bashed my baby's head in, I spent 9 years relearning to walk, and the FBI is 13 years into the murder investigation and not yet id-ed the attacker who crippled me and killed my baby, both violently with a golf club.
Complete details of EVERYTHING she did is on this page here.
The golf club woman who called herself Clair as she looked November 14, 2013. Her hair is a weird chin leangth pageboy (very Medival style cut) platinum blonde with wide brown/black dyed stripes in it (like a reverse of Lily Munster, but the stripes are several, almost like a zebra). I am 5'6" and she was a LOT taller then me, like closer to the height of a man; she had thin lips like a man, and large nose like a man... she COULD have been a man disguised as a woman, given the ease with which she severed my spine....she's is a LOT stronger then is typical for a woman). She was wearing a chambre blue denim "blazer jacket over shirt" and a button up mens shirt (possibly flannel) and blue jeans. The bulk of her yelling was focused on accusing me of being transgender, even while ripping my baby out of my 8 month pregnant belly and bashing his head in with a golf club. |
The Claire woman as she looked during her shoping cart attack at Scarborough WalMart June 2016, the attack with left me paralyzed and in a wheelchair. Her hair was dyed dark red, and she drove away in a gold Volvo 240 Station Wagon of a late 1980s/early1990s model, with a "458" on the lisnce plate.... If you have any information about the woman who crippled me with a golf club, please give it to FBI Agent Andy Drewer at 207–774–9322 of the Portland, Maine FBI office. |
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If you have any information about the woman who crippled me with a golf club, please give it to FBI Agent Andy Drewer at 207–774–9322 of the Portland, Maine FBI office.
Good god! We just found out about yet another slanderous rumour this woman has been spreading? When does it end? How many more of these things are out there?
Video explains what else she's done ...
If you have any information about the woman who crippled me with a golf club, please give it to FBI Agent Andy Drewer at 207–774–9322 of the Portland, Maine FBI office.
If you encounter anyone claiming my car is haunted, demon possessed, or somehow connected to Stephen King please give the information of who, when, where/location to FBI Agent Andy Drewer at 207–774–9322 of the Portland, Maine FBI office.
If you encounter anyone claiming I believe in aliens or was an alien abducttee, please give the information of who, when, where/location to FBI Agent Andy Drewer at 207–774–9322 of the Portland, Maine FBI office. |
If you know who drove this backhoe over my house at 146 Portland Ave, Old Orchard Beach, Maine 04064-1520 on August 8, 2013 please give the information of who it is to FBI Agent Andy Drewer at 207–774–9322 of the Portland, Maine FBI office. If you know who drove this backhoe over my house at 146 Portland Ave, Old Orchard Beach, Maine 04064-1520 on August 8, 2013 please give the information of who it is to FBI Agent Andy Drewer at 207–774–9322 of the Portland, Maine FBI office. |
How can I write fantasy novel with elves and wizards that's not LOTR?
Uhm...if you wrote it, why would it be Lord of the Rings? You planning on plagiarizing it or something? I find your question somewhat confusing and baffling.
Are you afraid that you'll be tempted to write the same story, because you read Lord of the Rings and it is your favorite book?
You are not clear with your details. In fact, you've given no details at all, so I've really nothing to go on. You've given me one sentence with errors.
Why can't you just think of a story and write it? Why does it have to be anything other than your own creation?

You know, it's very much annoying me that you don't know to capitalize races. The words Elf, Elfs, Elves, Elflings, and Elvish should always be capitalized.
You also did not capitalize your genre, and you used abbreviations and you used a contraction in non-dialogue. Quite a few errors for just one sentence.
We as writers make mistakes, sure, but we should at least have a basic grasp on Grammar rules, enough to write a single sentence.
You are worrying about writing a novel that'll get mistaken for someone else's novel, but you don't even have a basic grasp on Grammar rules. There are four grammar rules you've ignored in your question, and that's just one sentence. If you have this much trouble with one sentence, how will you write a novel to begin with.
Harsh, yes, but, it shows that you've yet to sit down and write ANYTHING.
You have no practice in the art of writing, you have no knowledge of how to write, and you are already jumping ahead and worrying about writing a story similar to someone else's.
You have plenty of years to worry about that. Get some writing practice in first. Learn Grammar. Figure out the basics of storytelling. Then you can focus on writing your story, and then in 3 or 4 years, AFTER you've learned grammar, written a book, and edited and revised it a few times, THEN you can start worrying about your novel vs someone else's novel.
Horse before the cart and all that, you know?
But let's answer your question directly.
Uhm... you want to write a Fantasy novel.
You want to include Elves.
And you want to include Wizards.
You are afraid it'll be too much like Lord of the Rings.
Though I'm not sure why.
And you asked me.
Why?
Why did you ask me specifically? Because I write Elves and wizards who are nothing like LOTRs?
Is it because I write Fantasy? About Elves? And Wizards? But it's not like Lord of the Rings?
I write Fantasy.
I write Elves.
I write Wizards.
But I suppose the real question here is, is what I write like Lord of the Rings?
I don't know, let's find out...
Let's go and take a look at what it is I write...
It's about a transvestite wizard Elf who dresses like a female Liberace and whose primary lover is a purple Unicorn and secondary lover is a half-Elf/half-Demon who from the waist up looks like an Elf, but he keeps his legs and feet hidden because he has the legs and hooves of a Cotswold sheep, with long silkie white wool.
They are three Wizards.
One an Elf.
One a Faerie Horse.
One a half-Elf/half-Demon.
All three of them are horny as fuck, and spend an inordinate amount of time interrupting the plot by stopping to fuck each other.
“I don't think this is a good idea,” Quaraun whispered shakily.
“Why?”
“Unicorn. He'll kill us both if he found out. He's so violent. You don't know him. You don't know what he's like. You don't know his temper or how possessive he is of me.”
“Sometimes, it's good to live dangerously,” GhoulSpawn said as he shook Quaraun's hand off and began removing his own clothes.

“GhoulSpawn...”
“Shhhh,” GhoulSpawn hushed and leaned forward to kiss Quaraun softly over his open mouth, preventing any further objections from being spoken.
Quaraun felt the thick curly wool of GhoulSpawn's legs, brush against him. Quaraun forced GhoulSpawn off him.
"You're a sheep!"
"You knew that."
"Uhm... I... wow... I don't think I realized what that... oh my god. You're an actual sheep! You've never let me see you're legs before. I suppose this goes a long way towards explaining your sheep rescuing fetish."
Quaraun stared at GhoulSpawn, awed by what he saw. He had known GhoulSpawn was a Uruisg, and thus only looked like an Elf from the waist up and from the waist down was very clearly a Cotswold ram. Thick eight to twelve inch long curls of fluffy ivory white wool covered GhoulSpawn's hips and legs. His legs were not shaped like a man's, but instead had the deep curves of sheep legs. GhoulSpawn had no feet. Where there should have been feet, there were a pair of glossy black sheep hooves.
“Can I touch your fur?”
“Yeah.”
“It is so soft.”
“Are you any specific type of sheep?”
“Cotswold.”
“Your fleece is beautiful.”
GhoulSpawn’s fleece hung in locks, and the fibres had a lustrous, silky sheen and a slightly golden coloured wool. Quaraun’s hand wandered from petting the long curls, of GhoulSpawn’s legs, to stroking the short tight curls on his scrotum.
"Your balls are huge."
"Yeah. I'm a sheep from the waist down."
"You have the testicles of a ram."
"Yeah."
"I can see why women like you. Balls like that must swing quite a bit when you're fucking someone."
"It's easy for you to find out."
"You want to fuck me."
"Very much."
~From "GhoulSpawn and The Lich Lord's Lover" (Volume 22 of The Quaraun Series)
“I hate women.”
“Really? Wouldn't know it to look at you.”
“I resent that.”
“Why? It's the truth. You hate women, but you spend all your time trying to be one.”
“I am not trying to...”
“You're wearing a dress, Quaraun. A pink, beaded, embroidered, silk saree. And you paint your lips and your eye lids, and you have feathers glued to your eyelashes, and your hair is longer then Lady Godiva's. And pink, Quaraun. Did I mention pink? Pink. Look at you. You’re... pink!”

“I like pink.”
“You have pink feathers glued to your eyelashes.”
“What is wrong with that?”
“Your dress and lips are pinker then my hair is yellow. And Unicorn's right about those ridiculous earrings.”
“What is wrong with my earrings?”
“You look like a female earring merchant! Quaraun, your ears are foot tall over your head, and there isn't one space that isn't pierced, all the way from the bottom to the top. Have you looked at your ears in a mirror.”
“Are ya kidding? Him do never stop look in mirror,” Unicorn stated.
“That's true. He's right, we can't get you away from mirrors...”
“I am beautiful,” Quaraun said as he pulled out a silver mirror to look at himself with.
“And what you look like is all you care about. You don’t care about anything else.”
“I am the most beautiful creature on the planet.”
“We know, Quaraun. Every one knows. You are the most beautiful thing on the planet. We know. We don't need you to remind us. Quaraun, what would you do if something happened to your face?”
“Him would become hermit un never let any one look at him.”
“That’s true. Unicorn’s right. You would.”
“Apologize,” Quaraun demanded.
“For what?”
“For insulting me.”
“Why?”
“I am your king.”
“King?”
“Yes.”
“You?”
“Yes.”
“King? King? Ha ha! King! You! Ha ha! Ooooooh that's hilarious. You a king! Woo hoo! Ha ha! King! Ho heh ha ha ha!”
GhoulSpawn was suddenly laughing uncontrollably. Unicorn, knowing Quaraun's temper was about to flare up, tried very hard to resit laughing with the Sun Elf, but he wasn't very successful in the endeavour.
“Stop encouraging him,” Quaraun growled at the Phooka.
“I can'na helps it. Him be right. Ya looks nothing like king. Queen, maybe, but king? No!”
“You can't be a king,” GhoulSpawn said between laughter and tears. “You're too busy being a very shallow, quintessential, ditsy, damsel in distress, pink Princess without anything important to do but look pretty all day long. We should give you a mirror, lock you in a tower and rename you Rapunzel, your hair's long enough.”
GhoulSpawn continued laughing and was nearly to the point of falling over.
Quaraun glared at the half-Elf then spun around and snarled at the Human girl the three of them had been ignoring since her arrival.
“What do you want?”
~From "GhoulSpawn and The Lich Lord's Lover" (Volume 22 of The Quaraun Series)
They live in a Steampunk style universe set mostly in the 900s and 1400s and 1970s and the year 2525, in Maine & Quebec, where there exists portals to castles in Scotland, portals to the past (such as Ancient Egypt and Persia) portals to the future (such as the time they went head to head against 1920s rum running gangsters) and some portals zip them across the galaxy where they meet Lovecraft inspired squid headed aliens.
They frequently find themselves in a White Rock's insane asylum in the year 2525, when the world is on the brink of self destruction as the moon come hurtling towards the Earth.
They sometimes travel with a half-Dwarf/half-Troll and sometimes with a Vampire Leprechaun, and sometimes with green skinned, pink haired Flower Gnomes.
Several times they visit the North Pole to make attempts at rescuing the enslaved Cookie Elves from the sweat shop slave factories of the evil red robed Leprechaun Santa Claus who obsessively gives shoes to children and his blood thirsty Phookan partner Krumpas who obsessively eats children.
The creature races include Phookas, FarDarrings, EachUsty, Ghuillie Dhu, Tweegs, and other creatures from Scottish mythology. They fly around the world on a purple pirate ship named The-Rent-A-Prize, Captained by a Gnome named Quirk with his first officer Schlock, and a parrot named Dr Macaw. Some of the villains fly around in Zeppelins. Other villains ride in on ice powered stealth ships and shot 1960s style ray guns.
Humans are always evil, and in spite of it being the 1400s are armed with 20th century guns. In this version of Maine & Quebec, taverns and wild west saloons can be found in every city, yes, Maine & Quebec are teaming with cities in this alternate version of the 1400s Earth.
And the most feared Necromancer on the planet is scared of dead things and faints at the sight of blood and has a fetish for being tied to trees and BDSM tortured by Unicorns.
The Universe is ruled by talking cats, who are trying to find The Grand High Emperor of the Triple Planets, who is a Pink Necromancer who long ago was murdered by a tiny pink jelly fish from outer space that ate his brain and now lives in his head and controls his body.
The cats are being hunted by 8 foot tall bird men from Planet Ptarmagin, who live in gold plated palaces on top of floating islands, and toss their victims to the surface below, into the mushroom forest when mushrooms grow 100 feet tall and the deadliest thing you'll meet are man eating fuzzy caterpillars 30 feet long and cute fluffy, fuzzy wuzzy, blood sucking bunny rabbits.
Does that sound like Lord of the Rings to you?
I don't know.
Do you want to know why I don't know?
I have never read Lord of the Rings.
Shocking.
Yes.
I know.
So, I have no idea if the Fantasy I write is anything like Lord of the Rings or not, seeing how I don't know what Lord of the Rings is.
I am however a Dungeons and Dragons Dungeon Master who ran a SpellJammer session for well over a decade and kept detailed game session notes of every game and later used those notes to create the novels of the series mentioned above.
And there you have it: how I wrote an entire series of Fantasy novels that is NOT Lord of the Rings and yet, still has Elves and wizards in it.
The thing of it is, if you want to write a story, just do it. Just sit your ass down and write.
Create characters.
Build a world for them to live in.
Then write stories about their lives.
That's all you have to do.
Sitting around worrying that you are writing too much like this or that author, is nothing but you being lazy. It's you sitting around thinking up reasons NOT to write. It's you procrastinating. It's you not writing.
There comes a time when you eventually have to stop lazing your ass around, coming up with excuses why you shouldn't write.
The difference between you and all the published authors in the world is simple: they sat down and wrote a book, while you sat down and cam up with excuses why to not write a book.
Well, the above article, rant, or whatever you want to call it was written a year ago. Today is January 27, 2018 and over on Reddit I have found this same question asked differently, so I'm gonna update this page and add this to the end of it seeing how it fits and is more or less the same topic.
>>When writing in a medieval/fantasy setting, how appropriate is it to use the same terms George R. R. Martin uses so famously in his books?
Heads to Google to find out who he is.
...
Aha. Game of Thrones. Never read it. From what I've heard, it sounds incredibly boring. I've no interest in political intrigue or war.
>>Words like nuncle, your grace, mayhaps, name day, etc.
These are actual words from Medieval times. If he's using them in his work, I applaud him for his devotion to historical accuracy. It's rarely seen in Fantasy works. I wish more authors had that kind of initiative.
>>But every time I want to describe a garment as roughspun, or boiled leather, or say someone is wearing a leather jerkin or a tunic, I can’t help but feel like a fraud.
SIGH
I have a degree in Fashion History. I focused on 1300s to 1500s. These words were a part of everyday life. Again, if he's using them in his work, I applaud him for his devotion to historical accuracy. It's rarely seen in Fantasy works. I wish more authors had that kind of initiative.
>>How to Not Emulate GRRM?
Well, not having read his books. I don't know.
But reading your description, it sounds to me like he's a history buff and put a lot of work and effort into researching the real world language and names of real world items from Medieval times.
Now, if YOU are ONLY using the EXACT same words he used... well, yeah, you are copying him. Which is not necessarily a bad thing, until you start using words that he DID create, without realizing you are doing so because you yourself didn't do enough research to know which words are real and which he made up.
And what happens when he is using a real life word, but NOT using it in a real life meaning? And then YOU use it the same way he did?
The simple solution here is to do your research. Fall in love with the history of the era you want to write about a research everything you can about it. Maybe consider getting a degree in it. That's what I did. It's actually not uncommon for authors to get history degrees that focus on the time period they plan to write about. Lots of authors do it.
If you are using the term boiled leather... have you considered the limited access people had to it? And how expensive it was? Or how difficult it is to make? Those things are important. Consider the blunder you make when you have a peasant or serf wearing it. Sumptuary laws prevented certain classes from wearing certain items. Readers WILL notice.
If you are going to use niche words from historical eras, you would do best to choose those words based off actual research of how those words were used, rather then just randomly using the words you saw some other author use. Just think how you'll feel if you use a word the way some other author did only to find out later that author was using the word wrong?
>>Particular expressions and terminology like mummer's farce, ser and anything else that is deeply ingrained into the culture of his world but still unique to it are things you'd want to avoid, as well as anything very particular to Martin's voice.
>>mummer's farce
not sure how he is using it, but mummer was a real drug used in Medieval times and mummer's farce means "to have a hallucination" ; I used both terms in one of my books published in 1987; so it's not unique to him either, unless he's using it somehow that is dramatically different.
mummer continued to be used into the 1920s
mummer is made by taking an Egyptian mummy (thus the name) and grinding it into a powder, then snuffing it up your nose; it caused LSD like hallucinations, because a fungus that is found in mummies
mummer is the reason tombs in Egypt were grave robed so heavily from Medieval era into the 1930s
This page was written by Wendy Christine Allen of 146 Portland Ave, Old Orchard Beach, Maine.
All Rights Reserved.
Note: English is not my first language, Shetlean Scottish is my native language, there are likly spelling and grammar errors, as I do not know American English and am attempting to write it by sounding words out.
Many times that Americans think a word on my site is misspelled, often it is not misspelled, it is just I mixed up languages and wrote it in Scottish without realizing I mixed the Scottish in with the English. Also our grammar is somewhat reversed from English grammar so words that are seeming in the wrong order for American English, is usually because they are in the correct order for Scottish and I either put English words in Scottish order by mistake or was unaware English put them in a different order then Scottish does.
For those unaware, Scottish Shetlean looks like this:
American English to Scottish:
a bit (piece) = a party --- EXAMPLE: "And some know a bit of Latin " > "And somme kan of latyn a party "
a long distance from = A piece fae
a piece of = the bit --- EXAMPLE: "The duck ate a piece of bread " > "The deuk ett the bit breid "
about the banks (on the shore/at the beach) = aboot da banks
accomplishments = kunnandi
After = Back o --- EXAMPLE: " After Halloween" > "Back o Hallomas "
alive (living) = kvikr
Always on the move = Never aff o da go
am I not = amn't I --- EXAMPLE: "Am I not invited? " > "I amn't invited? or Amn't I invited?"
are = is --- EXAMPLE: "Are you going soon?" > "Is ya to be going soon?"
autumn = dah haihst
belong to = fylgja
best = bettah moost
betray (verb) = svíkja
bewildered = villhyggjandi
building = biggin up --- EXAMPLE: "building confidence in everyday use " > " biggin up confidence in ivvryday øs "
built = builded --- EXAMPLE: "He built a new porch." > "Hims builded a new porch."
cast a spell = hoodooed
cat = kat (sounds like "caught") --- EXAMPLE: "Is it an orange cat?" > "Be he a o'jinn kat?"
child = bairn
church = kirk
color = colour
danger = hœttr
daren't = darena
daring = djarfr
dark = dökk
dark elf = Dökkálfr
dark-elves = Døkkálfar
darker = dökká
do you agree = ,eh? --- EXAMPLE: "That's a fine looking woman, do you agree?" > "Dair's ah right bonnie lass, eh?"
do you want to come too = ,eh? --- EXAMPLE: "I'm going to the store, do you want to come with me?" > "Me go to shope, eh?"
each = eche --- EXAMPLE: "Which each person can understand " > "That kan eche man understonde "
educated = lered --- EXAMPLE: "Both among the educated and the uneducated " > "As wel among lered as lewed "
elf = Alfr
Elf = Álfr
Elf Home = Álfheimr
Elf World = Álfheimr
elf-advice = Ælfred
elf-beautiful = ælfscyne
elf-friend = Ælfwine
elf-guardian (female) = Ælfwaru
elf-guardian (male) = Ælfweard
elf-powerful = Ælfric
everyday = ivvryday
eyelids = eye ledes --- EXAMPLE: "He closed his eyelids." > "Hims did shut hims eye ledes"
fair = faire --- EXAMPLE: "Going to the fair." > "Done gone went to the faire."
feild = felde --- EXAMPLE: "Standing in the feild." > "Stoodt in thems felde."
further = ferther --- EXAMPLE: "I looked further." > "I dids lokid ferther."
green = grene --- EXAMPLE: "Look at the green hedges and woods." > "Look see at thems heigges and holtz so grene."
handsome = braw --- EXAMPLE: "He is very handsome " > "Him wicked braw "
have faith = trúa
Have no doubts about our doing it = Nae faer o wis
Have no liking for this. = Hae nae brou o this.
have not = ain't
He knows how many beans make five. = He kens the laid frae the croun o the causey.
He knows which side his bread is buttered on. = He kens whilk side his bannock's buttert on.
Head for = Mak wye for
head rope in fishing nets and lines = baak
head to head = Be at the knag and the widdie
horse fly = klegsie
I = Me
I Think = Me thinks --- EXAMPLE: "I think we're late. " > "Me thinks that we is late. "
I wish you well for the future = Lang may yer lum reek (translation: Long may your chimney smoke)
idiot = eejit --- EXAMPLE: "You idiot." > "Ya eejit."
idiot = numpty
if = iffy or yif--- EXAMPLE: "If you don't mind..." > "Iffy yas does no care mind...."; "If you'll stay with me long enough = "Yif ye so longe with me wil dwelle". "
I'll be even with you = A'll see day aboot wi ye
know = ken
looked = lokid
looked = lokid --- EXAMPLE: "I looked up." > "I lifte up me eye ledes and lokid ferther."
magic = hoodoo
naked = nøkkviðr
needle = bodkin
neither = nouther --- EXAMPLE: "Who know neither Latin nor French " > "That kan nouther latyn ne frensch "
No = Nay --- EXAMPLE: "No, I don't think so. " > "Nay, me thinks not. "
Nobody knew = not-knew nobody
Noontide = Da heicht o da day
NOTE: Extra words are often added. --- EXAMPLE: "Did you meet the new family next door?" > "Dids ya gets a chance to stop by and meets with thems new folk that move-ed in down yawn there next doors to ya, eh?"
NOTE: Extra words are often added. --- EXAMPLE: "He went to Rite-Aid to pick up his prescription" > "Hims did go to that yawn there new fangled store the new folks call that Rite Aid place, to gets himself some of thems there pills what the doctor gone and tells him to take each morning, a-yep, hims did."
old = olde --- EXAMPLE: "But educated and uneducated, old and young " > "Bot lered and lewed olde and yonge "
orange = o'jinn
out = oot --- EXAMPLE: "The cat wants to go out." > "The kat he do wants oot."
outside = oot dair
people = fokk --- EXAMPLE: "the people of Shetland " > "Shetland fokk "
people = folke --- EXAMPLE: "Look at all those people." > "Lookie at all thems folke."
poorly = febelly --- EXAMPLE: "Who know French very poorly " > "That kan frensch ful febelly "
Recognising = Recognisin --- EXAMPLE: "Recognising the bilingual nature of Shaetlan speakers " > "Recognisin da wye at Shaetlan spaekers is bilingual "
shield = skjoldr
Since = For --- EXAMPLE: "Since that is your native language " > "For that is youre kynde langage "
tell = telle --- EXAMPLE: "I'll tell you in English " > "In englysch tonge I schal you telle "
the = da, de, or is not used at all --- EXAMPLE: "I went to the store" > "Me goes to da shoppe" or "Me goes to da shoppe" or "Me goes to shoppe"
them = dem, dem dair --- EXAMPLE: "I went with them" > "Me goes wit dem dair"
there = dair --- EXAMPLE: "I want those potatoes" > "Me be wanting dem dair tatetas."
they = dey
To where = whither --- EXAMPLE: ""Where you go, I will go." " > ""Whither thou goest, I'll go."
understand = understonde
understand = understonden --- EXAMPLE: "Some understand English " > "And somme understonden englysch "
very = wicked --- EXAMPLE: "very good" > "wicked good"; "very bad" > "wicked bad"; "very cold" > "wicked cold"
Where = Whither --- EXAMPLE: "Where is the restroom? " > "Whither is the privy?"
Yes = Yea or Aye --- EXAMPLE: "Yes, I think so. " > "Yea, me thinks so. " or "Aye, me thinks so. "
For anyone actually interested in learning my native language, the Scottish government has THIS listed as the official dictionary of our people: https://static1.squarespace.com/static/61d7352954b7fd1c9dbdfef4/t/65ddb2749d5e0541a01009c0/1709027964496/Spaektionary_2024feb.pdf
The Scottish government provides this document to show our language in use: https://www.shetland.uhi.ac.uk/t4-media/one-web/uhi-shetland-images-and-documents/documents-/shaetlan/Shaetlan-Language-Plan-2022-Shaetlan.pdf
More information about our language can be found on this website: https://www.iheardee.com which is written in my native language.
However, there is also other reasons why words might be misspelled, or why I might not understand someone when they speak to me.
My grandmother Helen Ricker Allen, was from Unst, Shetland, Scotland, and she the one who raised me. She taught me to read and write, but it was Shetlain that she taught me. She died when I was 8 years old, and I was locked in a woodshed after her furneral, I escaped the woodshed 27 years later at age 31, and have been trying to learn how to speak and write English since then.
It is a very great struggle.
At age 37 I took remidial reading and speaking classes at Southern Maine Community College, but we are Gypsies and Gypsy men do not allow us Gypsy women to have education, and so, while at college, on November 14, 2013, I was beaten with a golf club, while I was 8 months pregnet, breaking my spine, hips, and knees, killing my baby and leaving me quardepaleic since.
Now my primary focus these past 13 years has been on relearning to use my hand so I could type... as of 2023, I have regained the use of my right thumb, and first two right fingers, and after 10 years offline, I am back online due to I can use three finguers.
I never went to school, so I do not know maths and numbers and sciences, and I do not know what else would have been taught to me in school. We are Scottish Gypsies and Gypsy culture does not allow females to go to school. Being born female was already a great sin, but my grandmother took great risk in teaching me reading and writing. At 4 years old I was punished by my Uncle Bruce for knowing how to read, by being beaten in the face with a cinder block brick, that broke my right jaw and left me with garbaled near-mute spoken words ever since.
Because no one ever spoke words to be face to face from he time I was 8 years old until I was 37 years old (I escaped the room at age 27, but did not start college until 37), I have no training in how to vocally sound out or speak the words I write or read. I can read words, but I do not know how to sound out or say those words. I can write words, but I do not know how to match the written word against the spoken word. I struggle to associate spoken words at all, or make them match up with writen words.
Esentially, written words and spoken words are two completly seperate languages in my brain, and I have difficulty understanding spoken words.
If you say a sentance to me with your mouth, chances are very high I will have ZERO understanding of what you said and I will not be able to ander you.
However, if you WRITE down that exact same sentabnce, I can understand you and can type a written responce to you.
My doctors tell me this is a side effect of extreme isolation and neglect and lack of human contact during my toddler, childhood, teen, and young adult years, and that my brain never deveoloped to comprehend spoken vocal words due to no one ever speaking to me in over three decades of the first half of my life.
While I can read and write, American English (somewhat) I do no know how words are sounded out, what they are supposed to sound like. I readand write by shape recognition, not by sound/vocal recognition, so when reading and writing I do no "hear the words in my head" as I am told most people do when they read and write. In other words... I see "c a t" and think "c-a-t" I do not think "cat" nor do I "see" an image of a cat, no do I "hear" the word cat spoken. I'm told that this is very rare and that most people read and write by sounding out the words and linking them to visual mind images, while hearing the sound of the word in their head. I neiher hear words in my head no see images of things in my head. I'm told this is what makes me both a speed reader and speed writer, because I'm not tripped up by hear sounds or seeing images in my head like nomal people would be doing... however, I'm also told this is why my spelling and grammar are very poor, because my brain is not hear the sounds of the words or seeing visual images of the objects the words represent, so my mind also does not register spelling and grammer errors at all.
As I was only let out of the woodshed on Sundays to go to the Cape Elezabeth Ward Church of the August Stake of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, I was never allowed to go to school or hospital either. No adults ever talked to me because I was evil for comitted the sin of being born female, so I never learned how to speak properly and do not know how to sound out words to say them.
I was 42 years old, in 2016 when, while having an MRI for my spine, the doctors found out my speak issue was caused by a broken jaw as a toddler that was healed wrong because not being allowed to go to doctors. I had surgury to fix that, and since 2016 have been trying to learn how to use my jaw and touge so I can speak vocal words now.
Since 2023 my primary focus shifted to relearning to walk. I can now, in 2026, sit up for 2 or 3 hours a day, and can sand with a cane for a few minutes, and can walk for around five thousand feet in 2 to 3 segments a day, with the help of pushing my wheelchair like a walker.
As of 2026, with a slight return to using my fingers and legs, I am once again focused on trying to learn the American English, but I live in mortal fear of my uncles and male cousins, as they are so hateful of allowing me to have education.
have no one to help me to know if I am doing words correctly, and as such, I have no way of knowing if there are spelling and grammar errors, but I asume there are, and I fix them when I learn them, but I do not know what I do not know and spelling American words is a thing I do bnot know.
I have Low Fucntioning Kanner's Syndrom, also known as "RainMan Type of Autism" aka REAL and ACTUAL Autism, not to be confused with Aspergers, High Functioning Autism, or and of thr 861 illnesses on the Autism Spectrum. An Autism Spectrum Disorder is an illness that has symptoms similar to Autism but IS NOT Autism. If you have an Autism Spectrum Disorder, it LITERALLY MEANS you do NOT have Autism.
I am medically diagnosed as "kanner's syndrome, actual autism, the rainman type, profoundly retarded autistic savant, with a general IQ of 73, and an writing IQ of 221" but they added that they did not know how to properly diagnose me as I am "technically a feral child" and they don't know "how much is the autism, and how much is simple horrific levels of abuse and neglect induced post traumatic stress disorder that will go away with proper socilization".
It means I know how to write, I can write a lot, and it is next to impossible for you to teach me how to do literally anythig else because my brain only knows how to write and doesn;t know how to do anything else..
There's a reason, when I do book signings, people are quick to say: "Okay, what's the joke? why is this stupid retard here? where's the real author? I know this retard isn't the author. where are you hiding the author, why is this fucking retard here"
The end result is, I have near zero social interaction... my 3 years in college was the ONLY face to face interaction I have ever had with humans in my entire life, and I struggle deeply to understand MOST words used by MOST people when they ask me question. And so I suffer from a huge lack of understanding many words people say to me, how to translate those words into spelling, and how to translate what it is that has been said.
The fact remains hat until there exists a human on this planet who is willing to sit down and teach me what words spoken line up with and match what words written, this deficent is unlily to improve. But the fact also remains, that I am simply far too profoundly retarded for anyone to even try to make any attempt at all even to speak a friendly "hgelloe" or "good morning" when passing me on the street, so I have lost all hope of anyone ever either being my friend, being willing to teach me how to match spoken words to written words, or how to speak to other humans.
While there are around 20k pages on this website, most of them are blocked from search engines, with only around 800 of them available for appearing in Google/Bing/etc search results. The remainder can only be accessed via the various links found throughout this site. This was done deliberately on my part, and I did it because the bulk of the pages on this website are chapters from 138 novels and 423 novellas, so only the first page of each novel and novella indexed by search engines, and the remainder are linked in order, one page at a time, via clicking "next page" at the end of each. So if you are looking for a specific page from a specific novel, Google can't help you.
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Thank you for stopping by and have a nice day! ꧁✨🌸🔮🦄🔮🌸✨꧂ And if it’s your birthday today: ִֶָ𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶָ🐇་༘࿐꧁ᴴᵃᵖᵖʸ☆ᵇⁱʳᵗʰᵈᵃʸ꧂🤍🎀🧸🌷🍭 |
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Get an email whenever Wendy Christine Allen 🌸💖🦄 aka EelKat 🧿💛🔮👻 publishes on Medium.
>I also write on these locations: | Amazon | Ao3 | Blogger | GumRoad | Medium | Notd | OnlyFans | Tumblr | Vocal |
Do you know who drove this backhoe over my house at 146 Portland Avenue, Old Orchard Beach, Maine on August 8, 2013? If you have any information, please give it to FBI Agent Andy Drewer at 207–774–9322 of the Portland, Maine FBI office.
My house at 146 Portland Ave, Old Orchard Beach, Maine, July 4, 2013, photo taken because we had just finished building a baby room on the back. vs My house August 8, 2013, when the same group of people (yes group, the golf club woman was not alone when she attacked November 14, 2013, nor was she alone with her second attack July 2016.) who murdered my son on November 14, 2013 at Southern Maine Community College and crippled me July 26, 2016 at scarborough WalMart,... they arrived the first time with a backhoe on August 8, 2013, that they used to drive over my house, during a time of day that I normally was home asleep... I had to work a different shift at the Waffle Cone Pizza Food Truck at George's Parking Lot by Bill's Pizza at the OBB Peir, that day, otherwise, I too would be at the bottom of a landfill, along with my house and everything I owned that was also in the house. I was 5 months pregnant at the time and have been homeless for just under 14 years, homeless ever since....
... which means it is now only a few weeks from the 14th anniversary of my son's murder. I was 8 month pregnant November 14, 2013, and a student ay SMCC, and coming out of the Buglight Lighthouse art studio after art class, when a still unidentifiedwoman wielding a golf club attacked me, severed my spine, while I was 8 months pregnant, triggered early labour, then killed my son minutes after he was born.
While accusing me of being transgender, screaming "transvestite freak" and "look at that thing, that's Ken's son in a dress"... while I was 8 months pregnant.
My house at 146 Portland Ave, Old Orchard Beach, Maine, July 4, 2013, photo taken because we had just finished building a baby room on the back. vs My house August 8, 2013, when the same group of people (yes group, the golf club woman was not alone when she attacked November 14, 2013, nor was she alone with her second attack July 2016.) who murdered my son and crippled me, arrived the first time with a backhoe that they used to drive over my house, during a time of day that I normally was home asleep... I had to work a different shift at the Waffle Cone Pizza Food Truck at George's Parking Lot by Bill's Pizza at the OBB Peir, that day, otherwise, I too would be at the bottom of a landfill, along with my house and everything I owned that was also in the house. I was 5 months pregnant at the time and have been homeless for just under 14 years, homeless ever since. |
The backhoe driver returned November 14, 2013, armed with a golf club, used it to break my spine and smash my baby's brains out on the ground
On November 14, 2013, my son was murdered. I was 8 months pregnant, leaving my college classroom, and just getting into my car, when 3 strangers, a man and two women, armed with golf clubs leapt out from behind my car screaming "kill or be killed, kill the transvestite freaks, kill them all before they kill us! look at that thing! That is Ken's son, look at how it's dressed! kill the transvestite freaks! kill or be killed"... while the bald man and the red haired woman chanted this over and over, the blonde woman, lunged with the golf club.
She severed my spine, I am now a quadriplegic, and been paralyzed arms and legs, and in a wheelchair for 13 years now. She broke my hips, my knees, my legs, ruptured most of my discs, and shattered three of my vertebrae so bad that the shards of bone acted like glass and embedded themselves into my spinal column nerve bundle.
The attack also triggered labour.
My son was born in that parking lot, and he lived only a couple of minutes, before the deranged blonde woman, beat his head in and smashed his brains out, with the same golfclub she had just used to sever my spine and leave me crippled for the rest of my life.
Realizing that I was not transgender, and they'd just murdered a baby, the man grabbed the 2 women and forcibly dragged them away to a 4 door white pickup truck, and they left me there to die.
The FBI told me later, that a few weeks before this attack, and transwoman, had murdered a cis woman, in a parking lot, abou 20 miles away from where I was attacked. The FBI, believes that my attackers, had somehow found out I wrote transgender fiction, connecting my real name to my penname, (my father's name is in fact "Ken", and I do have a brother) and believed that I wrote transgender fiction, because I was myself transgender, even though I'm not transgender. The FBI, believes the attackers, thought I was my brother, pretending to be a woman.
The FBI investigation, into my son's murder, has dragged on for 13 years, and still now in 2026, continues on, with the FBI, still not having yet identified my attackers, and only guessing at what their motive was.
Thus we come to 2014, and the full swing change of the series I write. WHY my series, went from just a transman main character living life, to the full blown Mpreg genre series that it now is today.
Before the attack, I had a chance of having a baby. I don't know. And because I'm in America, I'm too old to adopt. You have to be under 45 years old to adopt a baby. That is the law in America. I was informed this, when we tried to adopt, now that my injuries leave me unable to get pregnant a 9th time.
Thus began my obsessively writing, my transman main character, pregnant. Always pregnant now. Every time. Every story. Stories that now fully focus on pregnancy, labour, miscarriages, babies dying, babies living, raising babies... the whole series, since 2014 has devolved into an outright baby obsession.
Meanwhile, reborn baby dolls were suggested to me by my therapist, and have also become a deeply obsessive part of my life. Because 13 years ago my son was murdered minutes after he was born, because a transphobic bigot mistook me for being transgender, I'm STILL in a wheelchair, struggling to relearn to use my arms and legs, now 13 years later, and I'm still DAILY dealing with police officers and FBI agents who while they are trying to find my son's killer, they are also daily reminding me... oh, yeah, my son was murdered, literally ripped out of my belly, by a transphobe. Who still has not been located and walks free to kill again.
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The golfclub woman as she looked during the golf club attack at Southern Maine community college November 14, 2013. She is about 20 to 30 years older then me and would be around 75 to 85 years old now in 2026. If you have any information about the identity of this child murderer, please call FBI Agent Andy Drewer at 207–774–9322 |
The golfclub woman as she looked during the shopping cart attack at Scarborough WalMart July 26, 2016. She is about 20 to 30 years older then me and would be around 75 to 85 years old now in 2026. If you have any information about the identity of this child murderer, please call FBI Agent Andy Drewer at 207–774–9322 |
The 2nd woman as she looked at both attacks, her hair goes all the way down to her knees. She is about 20 to 30 years older then me and would be around 75 to 85 years old now in 2026. If you have any information about the identity of this child murderer's accomplice, please call FBI Agent Andy Drewer at 207–774–9322 |
Do you know who these two woman who crippled me and murdered my baby, at Southern Maine Community College at 10PM on November 14, 2013, are, and what their connection to the backhoe that drove over my house is? If you have any information, please give it to FBI Agent Andy Drewer at 207–774–9322 of the Portland, Maine FBI office.
I am a legally blind quadriplegic, and low verbal, I have also published 138 novels in the last 48 years. It's not as impossible as people think. The problem being blind and quadriplegic, medically have different meanings then how those two words are used medically.
Fewer than 3% of all blind people see nothing. While 97% people who are classified as fully blind are able to see up to two feet in front of them. Legally blind means I can see more then two feet in front of me but not far enough to see twenty feet in front of me. In my case I can see about eight feet.
Quadriplegic, has varying levels, it means having a damaged nerve bundle in the spinal column causing limited mobility of all 4 limbs, (in my case this was done by a women wielding a golf club, who also beat my 8 month infant's head to pulp on the parking lot tarmak, at the same time she severed my spine with the same golf club; both on November 14, 2013; the FBI investigation into my son's murder and my being crippled has gone on now for 13 years, a few weeks away from 14 years now, and the FBI has still not identified the killer or her motive). Contrary to popular misconception, quadriplegic does NOT mean ZERO movement, it means means limited movement, specifically in means unable to lift arms over head, unable to grip fingers around objects to pick them up, and unable to stand for more then 5 minutes to a time. Because there are so many thousands of nerves in each limb it is actually very rare for there to be 100% no movement, but how much, and to what extent varies by patent depending upon the specific point of injury to the spinal column.
Meaning typing is still possible for over 60% of all quadriplegics.
In my case, it was the lower spine that was severed, cutting off completly my ability to move my right leg, leaving limited feeling in my left leg, and an ability to stand but not walk, with crutches, for the first 9 years. I regained enough nerve growth in my legs by the 9th year to be able to take ten or twelve steps allowing me to get out of bed for the first time since the golf club attack; This in turn lead to me being able to start using a wheelchair, as I was able to sit upright for the first time as well.
Because the shattered vertebrae bone fragments are broken off completly and embedded into the nerve bundle just above my tailbone, doctors were saying I would never walk again, but now at 13 years, I am able to push mu wheelchair like a walker, a distance of almost a thousand steps a day. Though doctors are still doubtful I will ever walk "normally" again, I have proven them wrong, when their said 13 years ago, that I would never walk again at all.
But because of the placement of the damage to my spine, regaining hand use, was always thought possible, it was just a matter of waiting long enough for nerve regrowth, along side daily finger exercises. I was able to continue writing, after becoming quadriplegic, because I still have use of my right thumb, and 2 fore figures of my right hand. And can type 90 words per minute with those 3 fingers.
I however have no wrist strength, elbow strength, or shoulder strength, so I am not able to form a fist, or lift objects, or brush my hair, or my teeth, all thing I have to have my caretaker do. But, those things are not needed for typing. Unfortunately, my pinky and ring fingers are "nerve dead" and drag over the keyboard, and cause horrific spelling errors and typos, which are incredibly frustrating to deal with.
Unfortunately trying to edit errors myself, just makes the errors worse, because those same two fingers drag over the keyboard yet again. Prior to the golf club attack, I rarely had spelling errors; now I got more spelling errors then someone is learning English as second language. Editing is a challenge, that I've had to accept, I simply can not do myself, and I have to hire several editors to help with that.
Low verbal means sounds can still be made, sounds that software programs like Dragon can be trained to recognize and translate, and type into full words. More then half my novels were typed with this method.
I still have a long ways to go before I am anything close to being able to do the things I could do before the golf club woman beat my baby's brains out and shattered my spine. And you know what's more frustrating then how slow mu medical progression has been? The fact that it's been 13 years and the police and FBI are still coming up at dead ends as to who the woman who murdered my baby was, or why she even did it.
My son's 14th birthday is only a few weeks away, but he didn't even get to live long enough to celebrate his 1st birthday, I don't even know why. And I can't wait to regain my ability to walk again, because regaining my ability to walk, means gaining the ability to go outside and start looking for my son's murderer myself instead of sitting at home trapped in a wheelchair waiting for the police and FBI to to find her. So, writing isn't a big priority for me anymore. I only write now, as a way to exercise my hands, in between relearning to walk.
Never let a disability stop you. Plenty of writers, artists, athletes, do not let either blindness, speech impediments, or limited mobility hold then back from perusing their careers.
Do you know who these two woman who crippled me and murdered my baby, at Southern Maine Community College at 10PM on November 14, 2013, are, and what their connection to the backhoe that drove over my house is? If you have any information, please give it to FBI Agent Andy Drewer at 207–774–9322 of the Portland, Maine FBI office.
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There are no ebook editions as they are already available digitally here on my website.