EelKat Wendy C Allen - Dark Fantasy Author


UPDATE March 17, 2021: Another death. Waiting for a coffin to be delivered. Funeral the 21st. Unlikely to be streaming for a few weeks.


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Update: March 27, 2021: It's not even been a week since the funeral, and now there is another death and another funeral.



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UPDATE April 5, 2021: There are still no streams, as, we've now a another (a 3rd) funeral to prepare for.


And that is now 3 deaths in our family, in the past 2 weeks.


This 3rd death hits hard, because it was Pippi.


Our family has now had 13 deaths since March 2020.








April 10, 2015, 12 children were kidnapped.

May 15, 2015, the heads of 10 of them were nailed to my door.

August 24, 2020, one was found still alive. he was just 4 years old when she was kidnapped, but she remembered us, even though 5 years had passed.

August 25, 2020, Pippi came home, but her condition was not well. She had been tortured the entirety of the 5 years she had been held hostage. She was missing limbs and covered with scars, had broken bones many years not set, and suffered serious damage to many of her internal organs. That she was alive at all, in her condition, was a miracle. Doctors had little hope of her survival and she was sent home with Hospice care.

Pippi had cancer in her eye and needed surgery for it, which she was scheduled to have, shortly before she was kidnapped.

In the years they had her, not only did they torture her, but her cancer went untreated and spread to her brain.

By the time she was returned to us, her cancer had reached an inoperable state, so we knew she did not have much time left.

Had her cancer been treated, back when she was a toddler, she probably would have reach adulthood.

She died only 8 months after her return.

Another child, to cry out from the grave, for Etiole's vengeance upon her murderers. Another victim of evil men, who will stoop to no ends, to bury the crimes they committed 50 years ago.  Drug lords. Opium growers. Heroine dealers. Selling little girls 4 to 8 years old for sex to priests. They only care about money.

All hail the mighty tourist ass. Millions come to Old Orchard Beach every year, for one thing and one thing only: heroine. They sell their drugs to the tourists under the pier and off the balconies of that giant motel. Than drag little girls to the bedrooms of the condominiums on Smithwheel Road, behind the school. And any child who dares open their mouth and beg for help, gets tossed in the GooseFare Brooke Ravine.

Bastard drug lords. They've been doing this for 50 years, and the town hall and the police department, turn a blind eye to it, because they get paid $6million a year to not report it to the newspapers, when the body of another child washes down the ravine, into the gulley to be spit out in the ocean. No fewer than 5 bodies are found every summer, but how often does it get in the news?

The corruption of this fucking town needs to end.

Yet another dead at the hands of these criminals who run our town.

How long will the residents continue to turn a blind eye to what is happening in our town.

How many more children will you let them kill, before you stand up to them?

Another child is dead and no one in this town cares. So long as they get their money from the tourists. The blood of another murdered child screams from the graves, begging for justice. Tick tock, tick tock, so begins, yet another of Etiole's 7 year clocks.

This is why there were no/to few streams from May 2020 until now.

May 2020, after 4 years of not hearing from them at all, the FBI returned with a lead, which led to Pip's discovery a few weeks later in August.

Because of the nature of the situation, I could not talk about it, to tell you why streams had stopped.

The kidnappers, were enraged that we had recovered Pip, and that is when the attacks started up again on my home and family September 2020.

Pip's condition continued to grow worse, and she died April 5, 2021.

She was only 10 years old.

This is what it means, to not be white in America.

White men, won't even give a child the chance to grow up.

This is what white people do, to none white families like mine.

We are Gypsies with Jewish blood, for that alone we are hunted like animals.

What the men of Old Orchard Beach, Maine, did to my family, will never be forgotten or forgiven.




#If you have any information on the kidnappers or the murders...


#FBI Agent Andy Drewer out of the Portland, Maine FBI office is in charge of the of the April 10, 2015 kidnapping of my 12 children by 14 Ku Klux Klan men who invaded our home and the subsequent May 15, 2015 murder of 10 of the 12 whom had their heads nailed to my front door. If you have information about the case, give it to him not me. He can be reached @ +1-(207)-774-9322 


Have you forgot the extent of the damage these people did, all because, they wanted to dig up my land and removed bodies buried there, before my house builders found that barrel of bones?

Have you forgotten that 7 town hall workers, 5 public works men, a blond woman, her bald son, and her red haired sister Kendra, and 14 police officers, all lead by a man they referred to as "Mark who needs no last name" were the ones 

I name every one of them, except for the ring leaders: blond woman, her bald son, her sister Kendra, and her husband "Mark who needs no last name". I don't know who those 4 are. I'd never seen any of them, other than the Kendra woman before, and I only knew her fro her attacks beating me up at Panera in 2009, 2010, and 2013.

I can name every one of the others, because all I have to do is go to the Old Orchard Beach town hall and police department website, and their are their faces.

With the exception of blond woman, her bald son, her sister Kendra, and her husband "Mark who needs no last name", every one else involved was government official who works for the state of Maine vis the Old Orchard Beach Town Hall, the Old Orchard Beach Police Department, or the Old Orchard Beach Public Works.

And what exactly did they do?

August 8, 2013 they drove a backhoe over my house. That same backhoe drove over my previous house on the same land April 2007. That same backhoe drove over my poultry barn and horse stables July 2001. July 2001 was the first attack.

March 2015 was the the massive attack, with an entire fleet of trucks, and drove over the Church of the Holy Rhinstone, a church that stood on my land, my garage which is why I no longer have a garage to put my car in, my 2 sheds both of which had my tractors and other garden/crop machinery in them at the time. And of course the razing of the land, the cutting down of the apple orchard - the VERY apple orchard planted in 1530 that this town was named after... he actual "old orchard" of Old Orchard Beach... the very original trees - huge massive apple trees over 400 years old. The grape vineyards, the cherry trees, the pears trees. 

April 10, 2015, they returned, 4 police officer held me a gun point, while 10 other police officers held my children down with long poles with metal wire strangle loops on the end, and beat their faces in with cinder block bricks, knocking out every one of their teeth, breaking their jaws... POLICE OFFICERS DID THAT... while men they referred to as "Mark who needs no last name" and "Dan" stood there and told the police officers what to do, how to beat them, while "Mark who needs no last name" boldly bragged that he paid the Old Orchard Beach police $6million dollars to do this.

May 15, 2015... the heads, hands, feet, and intestines of my children were nailed to my door. Later that same day police officer W. W. came to my home begging for forgiveness and claimed that men he referred to only as "Mark and Dan" were holding his beloved mother-in-law hostage and torturing her, and he helped in the April 10, 2015 attack, only to save her life and get her back. He claimed he had no prior knowledge of what was going to happen, claiming that he'd been told they were only going to "scare" us. He said he had not expected anyone to get hurt, he had not known my children would be tortured and kidnapped, he had not known they were going to be murdered. He said he was scared for his life and lives of his family. And he said: "They form a small army, our department doesn't have enough man power to stop them, and every one in this town is too scared to fight back. You don't know what's going on. And I think they mixed you up with someone else. They didn't know you were the owner of this land. They didn't know that was your motorhome. They thought someone else owned this place. It wasn't even your family they were after. You were the wrong target. You don't know who these people are. What they've done to our families. This is the actual Mafia. The real deal. I'm so sorry. This is the address they sent us to. But they had a different name as the owner. This wasn't supposed to happen. They were after someone else. I'm so sorry. I couldn't let my family died. And now yours is dead instead. This wasn't supposed to happen."

June 19, 2016... I did a very specific livestream. You see... A., D., B., and T. in the 1970s and 1980s, were in the habit of dragging big black trash bags into the forest, crossing my land to do it, and dumping those bags into the Goosefare Brook Ravine. In 1983, 3 snuck into Etiole's swamp and planted 3 acres of Marijuana. Someone found it and called the police, I don't know who... it was Maine's largest drug raid for decades. Many, many millions in plants where dug up and removed from Etiole's swamp. A few weeks later A, & D,s 10 year old daughter ran into my yard, touched my car on a dare from other children - the 1964 Dodge 330 former Old Orchard Beach police car, known by Stephen King fans as the REAL Christine, The World's Most Haunted Car... than jumped her bike, and sped down the road, as fast as she could, head on into a car coming the other way. She died instantly, he brain shattered all over the end of my driveway, and her mother A responded by the Battle of 458 - the biggest mass shooting ever in Maine history, that ended up with 3 Gypsy clans and 2 police departments, in a shoot out between 70+ adults all armed with guns. One of my cousins, an 8 year old boy, standing 3 feet from me, had his eye shot out by one of the bullets. While A ran around the street screaming: "FOUR! FIVE! EIGHT!" than shot another child. 

"FOUR! FIVE! EIGHT!" than shoot another child. 

"FOUR! FIVE! EIGHT!" than shoot another child. 

THOSE are the 31 children, whose bones were sawed up and tossed into the GooseFare Brook Ravine... yes, that DOES mean, police officers KNEW those children were there and covered it up.  And I witnessed that entire event.

And THAT is WHY... when police officers murdered my family in 2015, I did a livestream, walking to the ravine, to show the world, where those bones were... because I'm sick and tired of the police corruption in this fucking town, and those sawed up bones of 31 children are PROOF of what this town government is like.... as are the heads of my children that were nailed to my door.

At the end of The Battle of 4-5-8... A. took 2 gas cans and poured them all over the big dome house, than set a match to it, and no one knew, why when she did her brother B., started running, jumped in his robin egg blue truck and backed down the driveway, hit Portland Ave doing 70 and didn't stop driving until the high speed chase caught him in CT... oh but we knew before he was out of sight, why he started running... the dome house went up like Hiroshima into a mushroom cloud that could be seen across the entire state... turns out there was a Meth lab in that house.

June 19, 2016... the livestream of the bones went viral, it's what made my YouTube channel suddenly explode overnight... and police officer W.W. upset, by the fact that, the livestream included the entire police call and response, and that response was to laugh and do nothing... fed up with the corruption in his department, he forwarded that livestream VOD to the FBI, and the FBI arrived in Old Orchard Beach, to dig up the Reclaim Blueberry Plains, and all hell broke lose in this town, as most of the police officers suddenly found themselves arrested. An entire new police force from out of state was brought in to replace the long time officers who had proven they could be trusted to uphold the law. Many town hall officials and public works employees also found themselves arrested by the FBI.

June 26, 2016... barely a week later... the blond woman and the red haired Kendra woman showed up at my workplace, Scarborough WalMart, and tried to kill me, yet again... these are the same 2 woman who attacked me with golf clubs at Southern Maine Community College November 14, 2013... they left dead in 2013, I was paralized for 5 months. It took me 18 months to relearn to walk. I was out of the wheel chair, and I was without a walker, I was without a cane. I had almost fully covered from their November 14, 2013 attack with golf clubs... June 26, 2016, this time they attacked with shopping carts, and I'm now crippled for the rest of my life. They shattered 3 vertebra this time and it can't be operated on. I had to relearn to walk a second time, and I'm not yet recovered now in 2021. In 2013 they drove away in the 4 door white pickup truck. In 2016 they drove away in a gold Volvo SUV station wagon.

That blond woman and her red haired Kendra sister, they are wanted by the FBI for attempted murder of me and they are also wanted in questioning for being suspected of also being the murderers of my children.

I don't know who these 2 women are.

The blond woman shows up my driveway frequently, screaming and yelling, sometime accompanied by a small child, about 5 years old, that she pulls behind her in a red radio flyer wagon. She looks to be about 60 or 70. She often wears a denim button down shirt and jeans. She's prone to yelling at passing cars, while pointing up my driveway, and saying: "There's EelKat, she tried to kill my husband."

I've never tried to kill anyone, so accusation is baffling at best.

She seems to think I know who she is, and has made the claim, that "I was that brat in school"... the red haired Kendra woman, sometimes with her, claims to be her sister, also appears to be 60 to 70 and also seems to think I know who she is, and frequently says: "You bullied me in school, but no more, I'm Kendra SilverMander it's my turn to shine."

They BOTH make the claim they went to school with me, and yet, I never went to school, a well documented fact... because I'm the child the FBI rescued what the news media called "Maine's House of Horrors". I was locked in a cage when I was 8 years old. I was let out on Sundays, to go to church, and not allowed to speak or make eye contact with anyone, and this was only done infrequently, whenever church goers asked what happened to that girl you had". I was 31 years old when the FBI arrived, because of Heaven's Gate having killed 39 people, and my uncle being one of the members and self proclaiming himself as the leader of Heaven's Gate after Applewhite's death. The FBI was investigating the murder of 39 people in California, and had no idea they'd find children in cages in Maine as a result.

So you see, when the blond woman and her Kendra sister, make the claim they went to school with me and I was the class bully who beat them up, this is easily proven false, because the time period when I should have been in school, I was locked in a cage, being tortured by my sadistic uncle Bruce.

Also, they are in their late 60s to mid 70s... making them older than my parents, so how could I have been in school with them, even if I had gone to school? At best I would have been starting pre-school the year they would have been graduating high school.

These things they say about school, only further agrees with what police officer W. W. said May 15, 2015, when he made the claim, they had gotten me mixed up with someone else.

July 2016, a month after the shopping cart attack... yet another Old Orchard Beach police officer arrived, this one accompanied by 2 Biddeford officers, who had been former OOB officers... these 3 officers, had a vastly eye opening story to tell me.

They had been called to Old Orchard Beach, to my farm, to arrest me, a call made to them, by a man named Mark, whom one of these officers, claimed was his brother in law. This Biddeford officer, said he requested to transfer ot of Old Orchard Beach department years ago, because his sister (whom he claimed he suspected, but could not prove was the blond woman whom had attacked me at WalMart) was quote "trying to control the town" he said "treats Old Orchard Beach like a dynasty, thinks she's a duchess, has severe mental disorders, and thought she could buy the police department". He went on to say, she got in with the real Mafia years ago and went to her head, and now she thinks she IS the Mafia and most of Old Orchard Beach's business owners, especially the motel owners are scared shitless of her, because they believe her claim to be Mafia. He went on to say, she's not Mafia, but she's good at convincing people she is and stated "I wouldn't murder beyond her. She'd do it just to prove she is Mafia." He said he transferred out of OOB department to Biddeford department because he was fed up with how easy it was for her to get every officer to do anything she asked. He said "the corruption in that department runs deep; don't cross her or any officer she controls; they WILL kill you and every around you. You don't know who her husband is. He doesn't just control that town, he controls half the state."

What he was telling me was bizarre on extremes, but even more bizarre was the live feed radio call, that he had me listen too, as it was happening, on my farm in Old Orchard, while I was at my dad's house in Biddeford.

He said: "The Old Orchard Department called me, asked me to come over here. Buddy Will wanted to prove you were not in Old Orchard and that Mark has you mixed up with someone else. That fucking bastard is crying wolf and trying to frame you, we can prove it right now. We are fucking fed up WolfBoy."

He turned on his radio, so I could hear. A what I heard... a man whose voice I do not recognize, yelling at a Officer W.W. and saying: 

"That is Wendy, arrest her now! That is EelKat. She tried to kill me."

While officer W.W. and another officer, told the man: "his isn't Wendy. We have officers with her right now. Who tried to kill you? Wendy? Or THIS woman right here?"

"This woman right here! This is EelKat I tell you! Arrest her! What do you think I pay you for! You aren't allow to defy me! I own this town! You are my slaves. I command you to arrest her!"

W.W.: "This isn't EelKat. This isn't Wendy. I've known her for years. And right now, she's on the other side of the state. With 3 officers, listening to you right now. You are NOT the law. We've had it with you. You don't own me. And you've mixed her up with someone else. You've been harassing the wrong damned person. You dare call us about Wendy ever again, and I will personally arrest you for false reports, than I'll tell them everything. You'll never see the outside a prison for the rest of your life when I get done with you. You fucking leave this woman alone. You destroyed her life, because you couldn't tell her apart from someone else."

I used to aqua jog, mountain climb, horseback riding, and I hiked 13 miles a day. And in the blink of an eye, that lifestyle was taken away, and every day was struggle, just to sit up and breath, with no hope of ever walking again. I defied doctors. It's been 8 years and I can move around the house by holding on to things and I now can walk again, at the moment only short distances outside with a cane, and the hope is to continue to improve. I still have a long road of recovery ahead. But I'm walking again, something that 8 years ago, doctors said would never happen. 

My farm was razed.

My family was murdered.

I was 5 months paralysed, and had to relearn to walk. It was 8 years ago and I'm not yet fully recovered due to 3 inoperable vertebrae and hip dysplasia. November 14, 2013, 10PM, at WalMart, while putting bags of groceries in the back seat of my car, I was attacked by 3 rapists armed with metal golf clubs, who left me parallelized, in a wheel chair, broken spine, broken hip, broken pelvis, broken knees, serve nerve damage to my left side limiting the use of my left hand, my bladder incontinent from nerve damage, they left me for dead, and I had doctors telling me I would never walk again.

There's more that has happened. A lot more. The thousands of gallons of sewage they pumped into my motorhome in 2015. The cats. the Ptarmagin cats. World famous groups of cats. You remember them. If so, you remember what these people did to those cats. Poisoned. All dead the same day. 12 cats. Dead to what the vet described as: "enough poison to kill a great dane". My horse, she had her head beat in with a rock. My bantam roosters... 70 pet roosters, hung by their necks in rope nooses in my rose bushes.

All because this man, this mystery Mark, whose last name seems to be known to the police but is still unknown to me and man whom I've never seen or met - he keeps his face covered whenever he shows up... mistook me for someone else... and police officers and town hall workers and public work employees.

Welcome to Old Orchard Beach... this is NOT the way life should be, you know it.

What these people did to me, should never have happened, and according to the police, it's been happening for 50+ years to hundreds of people, hundreds of families, in this town, and every one is too scare to talk about it or fight back to stop it. That NEEDS to change.

The corruption in our town, needs to stop... but it won't end, until every last person who is being harassed by these people stand up, put their foot down, and say enough is enough, we ain't gonna take this any more.

We the people of Old Orchard Beach need to take back our town.


NOTE: Chat is set to emote only on my Twitch channel and my personal contact information has been removed from my website and every place else, due to the HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS of false reports of "information", along with vile hateful memes about the murder of my family being sent to me by trolls who think mocking the murder of my family is funny.

FBI Agent Andy Drewer out of the Portland, Maine FBI office is in charge of the of the April 10, 2015 kidnapping of my 12 children by 14 Ku Klux Klan men who invaded our home and the subsequent May 15, 2015 murder of 10 of the 12 whom had their heads nailed to my front door. If you have information about the case, give it to him not me. He can be reached @ +1-(207)-774-9322 



If you could recommend I watch one VOD that best represented your channel, which would it be?

This one....




The Princess Bride predicting Covid-19?

Avallac'h's a Good Tutor?
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EXTREME SPOILER WARNING!

Please be aware that nearly every page on this website contains spoilers to something. I talk about a lot of fandoms, and go into great detail analyzing them when I do. If I am talking about The Witcher series, InuYasha, Disney Ducks, the Quaraun series, or any other fandom, you WILL encounter spoilers about it. 

I have everything but the kitchen sink... 
wait, how'd that kitchen sink get in my pocket? 


Writing Absurdist Fantasy Books With 
EelKat Wendy Christine Allen




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I have everything but the kitchen sink...
wait, how'd that kitchen sink get in my pocket? 


Writing Absurdist Fantasy Books With
EelKat Wendy Christine Allen

I am answering random questions today about world building, over on Reddit and decided to take my answers from there and expand upon them even further over here. So that's what this page is. Me rambling on about various aspects of world building techniques I use when writing the Quaraun series. The questions I am answering are embedded here. Clicking the link in the embedded question will take you to the original Reddit page where you can see the original answer along with other people's answers. If you wish to comment, you can do so on the Reddit page where a place to do so is provided.

Discussion: What do you think constitutes as a Kitchen Sink world? 


What do you think constitutes as a Kitchen Sink world? from worldbuilding


> For those who don't know what I'm referring to, see this page I've seen a lot of criticism against Fantasy and Sci-Fi Kitchen Sink worlds lately. This gets me thinking what qualifies as a Kitchen Sink in the first place?

First, let's find out what a "Kitchen Sink World" is...



What happens when All Myths Are True is turned Up to Eleven? You get a Fantasy Kitchen Sink! Everything is true, even if it comes from vastly different origins. So not only are there really fairies, there are ghostsVampireswerewolvesmummieszombiesalienstime travelersespersangelsdemonsgodsEldritch AbominationsPrecursorsmagic, and so on. 

In general when you have a Fantasy Kitchen Sink, the premise is mostly used for Monster of the Week plots — where there's one Myth Arc that focuses on a fantastic element and a bunch of totally unrelated sub-arcs about various lesser creatures or beings.

There's no overlap between the different genre creatures. The alien bounty hunters do not run into the vampires, the angels, or the superhuman (non-alien involvement) mutants; only the main characters. It's as if there are a bunch of disconnected secret worlds lurking under and above the surface of the real world and the heroes are the only ones who go between them. Occasionally, they do interact in the form of a Monster Mash

~Fantasy Kitchen Sink

(https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/FantasyKitchenSink)


I have everything but the kitchen sink... 
wait, how'd that kitchen sink get in my pocket? 


Writing Absurdist Fantasy Books With 
EelKat Wendy Christine Allen

The "Kitchen Sink World" definition is this:

"What happens when All Myths Are True is turned Up to Eleven? You get a Fantasy Kitchen Sink! Everything is true, even if it comes from vastly different origins. So not only are there really fairies, there are ghosts, Vampires, werewolves, mummies, zombies, aliens, time travelers, espers, angels, demons, gods, Eldritch Abominations, Precursors, magic, and so on."

It goes on to say that it is ONLY USED IN EPISODIC SERIES such as TV shows and comic books, which require lots of small, unrelated, stand-alone plots, none of them connected to any of the others.. Meaning you can't have it is an stand alone novel, no matter what you toss into your novel. That aspect is explained when it says this:

"In general when you have a Fantasy Kitchen Sink, the premise is mostly used for Monster of the Week plots — where there's one Myth Arc that focuses on a fantastic element and a bunch of totally unrelated sub-arcs about various lesser creatures or beings."

When is says "Monster of the Week plots" it literally means you are writing and PUBLISHING 52 short stories every year and have to be pulling random plots out your ass faster then heck, to the point that your stories have no consistency, and you are tossing random species into your story line, because you are writing against a deadline and your publisher doesn't care that you world had no allowance made for a witch to pop in and put a curse on your characters, but your publisher saw your competitor use a witch last week, so you are forced to slap a witch in your story for next week, and it doesn't matter how many times you tell your publisher "But there are no witches in my universe" because you'll lose your job is you don't jam that witch into our next story one way or the other.

It is authors working against deadlines - often dozens of authors, working on the same project, that result in a high rate of inconsistency in comic books. (I worked in the comic book industry, so I know, most readers would be stunned at how any consistency got to exists at all, if they knew the scatterbrains way they have to answer to the whims of editors and publishers who don't care about the story and only care about deadlines and profits.)

The "Kitchen Sink World" definition goes on to explain...

"There's no overlap between the different genre creatures. The alien bounty hunters do not run into the vampires, the angels, or the superhuman (non-alien involvement) mutants; only the main characters. It's as if there are a bunch of disconnected secret worlds lurking under and above the surface of the real world and the heroes are the only ones who go between them. Occasionally, they do interact in the form of a Monster Mash."

When it says "There's no overlap between the different genre creatures." It means you have vampires in volume 1, only because volume 1 happened to has a release date of October, so you decided to add vampires tome your world for a one time shot, to be used ONLY IN THAT VOLUME of your series, and never to be seen in your series again, because vampires don't normally exist in your world. Thus your character never meet vampires except for when it will boost sales of your next issue because your next issue will be released close to Halloween.

It DOES NOT mean, you have vampires and aliens both together in your one shot/stand alone novel because you created a world that included vampires and aliens.

If however you were writing a SERIES OF NOVELS and normally vampires and aliens ARE NOT a part of your world, but you decide to write novel #8 of the series to feature a vampire, because heck vampires are cool, so why not, even though your world-building process made no mention of vampires and logically vampires do not fit in your world, but then in novel #9, your characters act as though the vampire in novel #8 never happened, now you have a "Kitchen Sink".

If by novel number 13 in the series you decide, heck, aliens are awesome, I'm gonna have them be abducted by aliens for no reason other than I feel like writing about aliens today. Your publisher is asking "What the heck's wrong with you, you never once mentioned aliens in the previous 12 volumes, what are you doing? This doesn't fit the world you created, have you run out of ideas?"

Batman and Superman are both Kitchen Sink Worlds, largely because every volume is written by a different authors with more then 200 authors working on each series, resulting in each author seeing the world in a different light so writing each story a different way.

Volume 1 - takes place in 1458

Volume 3 takes place in 1158


Common question readers ask about Quaraun series is: "Why does volume 1 take place 300 years AFTER volume 3?"


Volume 58 - takes place in the year 2525

Volume 100 takes place in 1978

(This was the first volume written and was set in current era, so the year in the book is the same years as the publication date.)

This results in what is the primary component of the Kitchen Sink World: INCONSISTENCY and a lack of easily identifiable chronology.

Meaning:

Readers can't tell:

Did volume 1 happen AFTER volume 3 and before volume 300, but between volumes 410 and 411? Was the Halloween Vampire special just a dream that never happened at all, since vampires are never used in any other volume? Wait, did Santa Claus REALLY give Batman Christmas presents in that one? Does that mean Santa Claus is REAL in Batman's world or was that meant to be a non-canon story just for fun and not really a part of the timeline?

One must also remember that the Quaraun series, formerly known as The Twighlight Manor series, NEVER had volume numbers before 2014.

Each story was a stand-alone, and HAD NO VOLUME NUMBERS.

The only reason the series has volume numbers now, is because Amazon requires there to be volum numbers on a series published via Kindle.

Early volumes of the series (1970s through 1980s) were published via limited edition short run local vanity press, and thus were not available to the mass market. Later volumes of the series (1997 to 2012) were published via FanFiction.net and was popular mostly with English speak, Japanese readers. The current reprints (2014 to 2017+) are available on Amazon Kindle and Amazon Paperback Beta and sells predominantly in Japan, Germany, and Brazil, with fewer than 2% of sales going to the rest of the world and 97% of all American sales being returned.

In the early days there were no volume numbers and also no continuation as well as no consistency in chronology. You only start seeing those things after the series moved to Amazon Kindle because of Kindle's requirements.

Originally known as The Twighlight Manor Series, it was renamed The Quaraun series in 2014, after I got fed with receiving tens of thousands of emails misdirected to me via fans of Twilight. (This was due to a fan website misquoting my email address and the email address of the author of Twilight, apparently after they found my website and mistook my Twighlight Manor series for the Twilight series instead.) Renaming the series seems to have worked, because from 2008 onward I was receiving tens of thousands of emails and in total received more than 9 million Edward related emails. I knew there was something wrong when I suddenly got 9 million emails from screaming fan girls seeing how the Quaraun series only has about 7,000 fans. How my email ended up being listing on a website as Steph Myers contact info, remains a mystery. However from 2014 onwards, after changing the name of the series from The Twighlight Manor series (the name it was since 1978) to The Quaraun series, I have not received a single Eddy fan-mail. Thus why the series went from being called The Twighlight Manor series from 1978 to 2014 and the Quaraun series since 2014.

Amazon has the Quaraun series listed under several categories:

  • Dark Fantasy
  • Absurdist Fiction
  • Yaoi Light Novels
  • Satire
  • Transgender Romance
  • Gay Romance
  • LGBTQ+ Literature
  • Genre Fiction
  • Horror
  • Sword & Sorcery
  • Epic Fantasy
  • High Fantasy
  • Humour
  • Comedy
  • Fantasy Characters: Wizards
  • Fantasy Characters: Fae
  • Fantasy Characters: Elves
  • Fantasy Characters: Angels & Demons 

When I published it, I listed it under:

  • Dark Fantasy
  • Absurdist Fiction

How Amazon determined the other categories is a mystery to me.

While I agree with most of the categories Amazon decided to place it in, I believe these two to be inaccurate:

  • Transgender Romance
  • Gay Romance

I would not classify it as Romance of any type, gay, transgender, or otherwise, but, those are the categories Amazon decided to put it in.

The Quaraun series is about 3 travelling wizards. (Two High Elves and a sex crazed Unicorn.)

Frequently traveling with:

  • ZooLock the Great (Thullid - squid headed, brain sucking, tentacle alien from Neptune's moon) 
  • The Gremlin (GhoulSpawn's future self from the 1980s)
  • FarDarrig the Bloody (Vampire Leprechaun)
  • BeaLuna the Gnome (Flower Gnome)
  • Bullgaar the Vulgar (half-Dwarf/half-Giant)
  • BatDude & Pigeon Poop Boy (Humans from the 1960s stuck in the 1400s)
  • Capt. James. T. Quirk (Tinker Gnome)

Quaraun has a pet dragon whom he resurrected as a Lich after she died: 

  • Pocket Lich (Black DracoLich)

Other characters they meet throughout the series include:

  • Olaf the Stupid (unspecified, likely Human)
  • HellBorne the Evil (half-Elf)
  • The Jiggler & His G-String Teddy Bears (race unidentified - claims to be an Elf but is not)
  • Kelim the Pixie (Pixie)
  • Ofelia the Lilac Fairy (Flower Fairy)
  • Xanadoot the Goblin (Goblin)
  • Sonny SilverSpoon (same unidentified race as The Jiggler)
  • Empress EelKat (talking space cat)
  • The Vulgar Alchemist (Human)
  • Finderu the Terrible (Fae)
  • Oolong the Wise (unspecified, likely Human)
  • The Daughter of Vengeance (Gorgon)

You start to see a trend in the naming process that goes into naming characters in Absurdism, right?

Unlike typical Fantasy, the High Elves are called High because they are drug addicts. One, the world's most powerful and most feared necromancer, wears eye-popping neon pink sequins ball gowns and feather boas and spends most of his days resurrecting dead roses and trying to avoid being raped by the sex crazed purple unicorn who is also his drug dealer.

When he's not wandering the planet aimlessly, he lives in a lighthouse that's shaped like a giant errect, pink, dick. Lots of things in the series are shaped like pink dicks. It's also difficult to turn a page without being faced with the word penis, cock, dick, testicals, or balls.

The unicorn is himself a wizard, who lives in a gingerbread house that falls out of the sky and lands wherever, whenever...he doubles as Santa's chef and built Santa's gingerbread village.

The 3rd wizard is a teenaged Dungeon Master from the 1970s who grow up with hippies, and one day while his hippie gang were escaping a police drug raid, he jumped in his LSD filled 1974 AMC Gremlin to discover the car was a time machine that tossed him back to 1400's Quebec, where he now lives with the pink necromancer and his sex crazed unicorn.

As many readers have (correctly) pointed out the series reads disjointedly. Scenes do not flow smoothly one to the next and often read as though soething is missing.

Additionally there are no chapters.

Each novel stands on it's own, not connected to any others and is a stand alone story not a continuing serial.

Each story is told by a series of scenes, from the perspective of the main character, Quaraun.

Most scenes start with Quaraun waking up and wondering where he is and how he got there.

Each scene reads like it is it's own story and as readers pointed out, feels not connected to the rest of the story. This is because of multiple things:

  • Quaraun is a drug addict
  • Quaraun was born with poor health
  • Opium causes a person to pass out and enter a dream-like state where they believe they are still awake
  • Catalypsees is a disease that causes a person to have frequent (daily) fainting spells
  • LSD causes wild hallucinations

All of these things combine to result in Quaraun has difficulty staying awake. And yet he is the point of view character. Because he passes out multiple times a day, you see every scene start with him waking up and looking around and wondering where he is and what happened. Sometimes it takes him only a few seconds to come to his senses and move on with the story. Sometimes he is suffering from memory lapse and it takes an entire scene or more for him to get back on track to where he was previously in the story.

But then once the story gets back on track, it makes not be back on track at all, and the scenes suddenly devolve into a waking nightmare that Quaraun can not run from, with Quaraun talking to people, visiting places, and seeing things that simply are not there at all. The reader is led to believe that what Quaraun just experienced, really happened, because Quaraun believe it really happened and Quaraun is the point of view character. However, these scenes are in fact not happening at all. Quaraun is talking to no one, seeing nothing and going no where, all the while his friends are trying to snap him out of the LSD induced state he is in...but the reader does not know this because Quaraun doesn't know this.

The entire Quaraun series passes in a dream like state of never knowing what is real and what isn't.

I used to do a series on fanfiction . net that was Kitchen Sink. It was known as "The Bride of Sesshomaru" and went like this:

I took Lord Sesshomaru out of InuYasha...



...

turned him into a super girly, cry baby, too stupid to live, bubble headed, drug addicted, tree hugging, nature loving, hippie of a dizt wizard wearing pink dresses

....

...

sent him off with a violent, jealous, evil, sex crazed My Little Pony unicorn from hell

...

 ... on board the Pirate Ship Rent-a-Prize,

with Captain Quirk, Mr Schlok, Kink-Off, Biscotti, Looloo, and Dr. Macaw

With a trio of out of work tv actors BatDude, Pigeon Poop Boy, and The Jiggler...

 ...  

I gave him a best friend (ZooLock) who was a Mind Flayer with a pet vampire rabbit and pet lime green jelly cube


....

Mind Flayers:
The Lords of Insanity



...and then every week, I wrote a short story, which ended with me asking the readers....

"What should I toss at them next week?"

Readers of fanfic dot net loved it because they could suggest anything and everything and no matter how crazy it was, I would write a story about it...

...and readers gave me everything under the sun to toss into these stories...

EVERYTHING under the sun...

including the kitchen sick, ironically,

...got tossed at them for the next 7 years.

When I say including the kitchen sink, I mean, that was a suggestion... there was one character who was a demon wearing a time lord coat, with dozens of pockets that were bigger on the inside. One reader suggested... what if the entire story evolved around something they had lost, because he put it in his pocket, but he can't remember which pocket he put it in and the entire story is just them waiting for him while he pulls out tons of hilarious items out of his coat pocket, like a kitchen sink and sheep and stuff...

The end result was a story titled: "It Came From Behind The Kitchen Sink" and included a scene where he pulls a kitchen sink out of his pocket and is left trying to explain to the others, how it got in there.

GhoulSpawn swears up and down that he did not put it there, and then tells them this wild story of how he is being stalked by a flying pink goldfish that lives in the clouds and is trying to drive him crazy.

but you know... the Quaraun series never explains how a teenaged wizard in the 1400s (before either kitchens or sinks were invented) came to even know what a kitchen sink was, let alone have one in his pocket... and thus we come to the very definition of "Kitchen Sink Fantasy", and WHY it's called "kitchen sink" because... in a world where kitchen sinks don't exist it's not possible to pull one out of your pocket!

At the same time he was also trying to hide that fact that he had sheep in his pockets. He'd pull out a sheep, then quickly stuff it back in his pockets hoping no one would see it. When asked:

"What's the sheep doing in your pockets?"

He'd say:

"What sheep? There aren't any sheep."

And pretend they were not there, which resulted in the rumour that GhoulSpawn had sex with sheep.

The reality is he's an animal rights activist and rescues lambs from meat farms, and has a sheep farm where the sheep live, but he's considered an "eco-terrorist" by police, and is wanted for stealing sheep, so can't let anyone know he has the sheep the police are looking for.

This resulted in a running gag of every time the character GhoulSpawn showed up, to have him pulling sheep out of his pockets and other characters teasing him about his sex life. GhoulSpawn, by the way is an alchemist who turns wool into gold, and raises "golden fleece"... his sheep are all pastel and glitter colours as a result of this.

Sadly the series is no longer on fanfiction . net as I was one of the 11,000 authors who logged in November 2011 to find they had deleted without warning EVERY M-rated story out of their database. :(

Fortunately, I had backups of the whole thing and at fan request am now compiling the stories into novelised editions on Amazon with all the copyrighted characters removed.

People who did not know the series from fanfiction .net, and were introduced to it via the novels on Amazon, have contacted me to ask: "What the hell is this? Do these story continue? What order am I supposed to be reading them? Why does this say volume 1 but it takes place after volume 3?"

Speaking of Amazon... for those actually in need of a kitchen sink, Amazon has those:

but you know... the Quaraun series never explains how a wizard in the 1400s (before either kitchens or sinks were invented) came to even know what a kitchen sink was, let alone have one in his pocket... and thus we come to the very definition of "Kitchen Sink Fantasy", and WHY it's called "kitchen sink" because... in a world where kitchen sinks don't exist it's not possible to pull one out of your pocket!

I end up having to explain to them how the Quaraun series was written, what it started out as, and the fact that in it's original form it had no plot line going from one story to the next and was literally just me taking reader requests and writing the craziest thing possibly so me and readers of it could have a laugh at how crazy we could get it to be.

It didn't start out with the intention of becoming a novelized series, so people used to reading a novel series that continues (Like Harry Potter where volume 1 really does mean volume 1 and you read straight through to volume 7) have a hard time grasping the concept of a series that spans 130 novels volumes and can be read in any order what so ever because none of them logically connects to any of the others in a smooth flow of order.

The Quaraun series is therefore extremely "Kitchen Sink" even without GhoulSpawn pulling kitchen sinks out of his pockets.

Anyways...

I've never heard of the term Kitchen Sink used in a stand alone, one shot novel and I'm not sure it could be done, as the very definition of a Kitchen Sink World, is one that uses different, unconnected themes EACH EPISODE/VOLUME and so, if you tossed everything into one story, logic dictates that they BELONG in the one story, and your readers are not made to stop reading and say: "What a minute... Superman didn't have pink elephants from outer space before did he?" which results in the reader now pulling out hundreds of Superman issues to see if they can figure out a logical reason why the pink elephants from outer space showed up... was there any foreshadowing they missed, or are the elephant just Kitchen Sinks walking around for no reason at all?

Perhaps there is another definition for a Kitchen Sink World, one that I'm not familiar with and one that is used in stand alone novel world building, but if there is, it's not a term I'm familiar with, so I'm not sure how one would go about writing it.

Definitely GhoulSpawn's coat of many pockets.

One of my wizard's, GhoulSpawn, is a thief. Compulsive pickpocket. As in a psychological issue that he can't stop doing no matter how much he tries. That's not the weird thing. The weird thing is that as a result of this, he has to hide the things he's stolen, so no one knows he steals them, but he's a homeless travelling vagabond wizard, so he can't carry much on him....so... here's the ridiculous part...

He made himself a huge long coat, which on the outside looks like a regular coat, but on the inside has dozens of pockets all up and down the hole thing. If anyone notices the pockets and looks in, they see nothing. If they reach in, they get nothing. HOWEVER, each pocket is in fact a bag of holding, disguised as a pocket, and each one can hold insane amounts of items.

The two other wizards he is travelling with, Quaraun and Unicorn, know he's a thief and know about the coat pockets, so whenever they need something they ask if he has it, assuming that at some point he MUST have stolen whatever the item they need is... these scenes in the novels are always followed by him emptying his pockets, looking for the item they need, and out comes the most insane things, everything from the normal small items you'd expect to find in a pocket to shovels, cows, cannons, and sheep... as there is time travel involved in the series, he also pulls out cars (specifically a stolen 1974 AMC Gremlin, a car that people often joke is small enough to carry in your pocket) and even a kitchen sink (even though the series is set in the 1400s).

Lasagna!

An example of "Kitchen Sink Writing" live, in action...

Markiplier Makes: Fan Fiction
 (animated by Kayroos_)
(Featuring: Mark, Ethan, & Taylor)


Bonus Video:
Do you know Ethan Is From Portland, Maine?
Christmas With Ethan
(Ben recorded this video of me and Ethan)

Ethan's Video Same Day...
(Me and Ben Are On Ethan's Video With Him)

Heck, why not put another video on here...

And now, let's prove a point...
Can you guess why I'm putting this video about Monster Trucks on this page?

Because this page is about writing Kitchen Sink style, and Monster Trucks have no business being here at all.
And that my friends, is a Kitchen Sink.








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