EelKat Wendy C Allen - Dark Fantasy Author
EelKat Wendy C Allen - Author Interview: Spell Casting Side Effects: Magic In Quaraun's Universe | Fantasy Author Interview










The Princess Bride predicting Covid-19?

EXTREME SPOILER WARNING!

Please be aware that nearly every page on this website contains spoilers to something. I talk about a lot of fandoms, and go into great detail analyzing them when I do. If I am talking about The Witcher series, InuYasha, Disney Ducks, the Quaraun series, or any other fandom, you WILL encounter spoilers about it. 



The Journey Begins:

Chapter ??

Waiter, There's A Head In My Soup

(Bizarro Dark Fantasy Yaoi free sample chapter to read online)

(No clue what chapter it is, it's anyone's guess; I did not chapter this novel, yet. You are seeing the pre-publication draft edition of it here, which is not yet edited. The published print edition may be different.)



The Adventures of Quaraun The Insane
Volume 4 of 130

The Journey Begins:

Chapter ??

Waiter, There's A Head In My Soup

(Bizarro Dark Fantasy Yaoi free sample chapter to read online)

(No clue what chapter it is, it's anyone's guess; I did not chapter this novel, yet. You are seeing the pre-publication draft edition of it here, which is not yet edited. The published print edition may be different.)


Please Note: The Quaraun Series Is Rated M18+ and you must be 18 or older to buy it.

Why is the Quaraun Series Rated M18+?


You can Find out more about the main characters here:


Please note, this site is the Home Site for The Adventures of The Pink Necromancer aka The Quaraun Series.

The Quaraun series is a set of 130 Fantasy novels about a suicidal, drug addicted, serial killing, transvestite wizard.

Due to the content of the books, you must be 18 or older to buy them and they are sold under M18+ ratings in countries that require book ratings on the cover.

Most pages on EelKat.com are either sample chapters from these Dark Fantasy Yaoi novels or how-to advice and Q&As about writing Dark Fantasy Bizarro Yaoi, and thus many pages feature mention of suicide, drug use, cutting, depression, BDSM fetishes especially CBT, schizophrenia, ritual murder, and thus many pages are probably NSFW.

Reader discretion is advised.
















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The Journey Begins

 is

a short Novel of only 100,000 words

(fewer than 180 paperback pages)

This chapter is...

Word count: 000

or

0 paperback pages.




The Journey Begins:

Chapter ??

Waiter, There's A Head In My Soup

(Bizarro Dark Fantasy Yaoi free sample chapter to read online)

(No clue what chapter it is, it's anyone's guess; I did not chapter this novel, yet. You are seeing the pre-publication draft edition of it here, which is not yet edited. The published print edition may be different.)

<<< Previous Chapter:

~o0o~ Chapter  ~o0o~

"What if Ooloff is right?" Quaraun said to no one in particular.

"About what?" Unicorn responded.

"Me. Ghosts. Zombies."

"Does ya believe in Zombies?"

"No."

"Well, then, dair's ya answer."

"I don't believes Liches either, but here you are."

"Here I is."

"How are you here?"

"I start Lich making spell. Kill meself before it done. Un ya goes ahead un finishes it. Yis very good at de Necromancy, for someone who does no believe in dead t'ings."

"Do you see BeaLuna and Bullgaar?"

"Not right now."

"I know they're not here right now. I meant d you ever see them?"

"I soul bound to ya, Quaraun."

"That doesn't answer my question."

"I sees whatever ya wants me to sees, Quaraun."

"You know, that kind of an answer, doesn't help me to believe you are real either."

"Maybe I is not real."

"Unicorn."

"Can ya prove I is real?"

"No."

"Well then, how ya know I is?"

"I don't."

"Here. Drink. Clear ya head."

"CLEAR my head? With Faerie Wine?"

Unicorn shrugged.

"Fog ya head then. Whatever. Do somet'ing."

Quaraun took the glass of smoldering green liquid from the Faerie and drank it. Unicorn poored Quaraun another glass and the Elf quickly drank that as well.

"Boy, ya must be quite de heavy drinker."

"What makes you say that?"

"Two glasses of Faerie Wine. Ya just guzzled dem down like dey was water."

On the other side of the tavern,  drunk little Halfling, jumped on on a table and began singing a poem about the Shire.

"What is that god forsaken noise," Quaraun moaned.

The Elf was slumped face down over the table. Unicorn wasn't sure if Quaraun was drunk, tired, sick, or all of the above.

"It a wee lil Halfling," Unicorn answered. "Him signing himself up a storm."

"Make him shut up."

Unicorn slid out of his seat and went to the Halfling's table. The tiny little humanoid was dancing gleefully, in between singing and reciting poetry.

"Me Elf be wanting ya to shut ya wee lil trap," the old undead Phooka said to the Halfling.

A few moments later, Unicorn returned to Quaraun's table and once again sat down beside the Elf. Quaraun was still slumped over the table and had not yet looked up.

"I can still hear him," Quaraun muttered through his hair.

"Aye. Him say ya was nothing but a no good son of bitch arrogant High Elf. Him told me to tell ya to fuck yaself."

"I won't have to, I'm sure you'll do that later."

"Of course I will."

"I have a headache."

"Dat mean I can no fuck ya?"

"It means I want that fucking piece of shit to shut up. I didn't come here to listen to poetry. If had wanted to hear poetry recited I would have come to a theatre. I'm trying to rest."

"On de table?"

"Leave me alone. I'm tired."

"We could rent a room."

"I don't want to rent a room. I'm fine, right here."

"I could fuck ya better in a room. More privacy."

"I don't need a room. I need a nap."

"I could fuck ya here at de table."

"You do and I'll ram my wand up your ass."

"Yeah. I know dat suppose to be threat, but I probably would like dat. So dat not incentive for me to no fuck ya on table."

"I just want that singing wretch to shut his fucking mouth."

"Dat be a long poem him singing. Will take him an hour to get t'rough it."

"Make him shut up."

"How ya propose I do dat?"

"I don't know. Think of something. You're a Trickster Faerie. You always think of something. You pride yourself on being the most annoying damned Fae on the planet. Do one of those things that you do. Just make him stop singing."



Hamsa
Eye of The Grigoi
Eye of the Watchers
Eye of God
Hand of God
Eye of Protection
Evil Eye
Gypsy Curse


Unicorn got up and once again returned to the Halfling's table. This time he stood and silently watched the tiny creature as it merrily skipped and danced on the table, in the beat to it's sing-song poetry recital. Unicorn walked slowly around the table watching the little creature's every move, listening to the song, picking up on the cues of his movements.

After a minute or so, Unicorn stopped moving and stood, silently, watching and waiting for just the right moment, and when that moment came, he swiftly pulled his machete from his hakama and lopped off the Halfling's head. There was a brief shrill gurgle shriek as the last stanza of the poem was cut to an abrupt hault.

At the sound of the Halfling's dying breath, Quaraun looked up for the first time. He sat staring and blinking, uncertain if Unicorn had actually just done, what he thought Unicorn had just did.

Unicorn pranced back to Quaraun's table and plopped the Halfling's severed head in the middle of Quaraun's plate.

"Dair. Him no more sing," Unicorn said cheerfully, proudly beaming over his work.

"That's not what I asked you to do."

"Ya tolds me to make him shut up un I did."

"You cut off his frigging head!"

"Aye. Un now ya can add it to ya head collection."

"I don't have a... oh." Quaraun reached into his bag and pulled out Gibedon's head. "I forgot about that. Why does everybody keep losing their head around me?"

BeLuna entered the tavern just then, back from her errands and was about to start one of her usual conversations with Quaraun when she saw the Halfling's head.

"Quaraun, why do you have a head in your plate?"

"Why do you say that so calmly, like this is normal every day thing to happen to me?"

"Well, uhm... you know... it kind of is."

Before Quaraun had a chance to answer, Bullgar joined the trio.

"Quaraun!" The giant Dwarf boomed. "There's a head in your plate!" 

"I hate my life."

"Who killed him?" BeaLuna asked. "You or the Phooka?"

"Him tolds me to," Unicorn answered.

"I did not!  I told you to make him shut up. I most certainly did not tell you to cut his head off."

"What else ya expect me to do?"

"I don't know, but I certainly wasn't expecting you to cut his head off."

"Well ya is Necromancer, ya put it back on."

"Necromancy doesn't work that way."

"Well, how ya explai me un her un him."

Unicorn pointed to BeaLuna and Bullgaar.

"I'm drunk and none of this is happening," Quaraun said as he poured himself another glass of Faerie Wine and drink it as quickly as he did the others.

"Are you drunk, Quaraun?" BeaLuna asked.

"Getting there, as quickly as possible," Quaraun answered while pouring a 4th glass.

"You didn't use to drink."

"I do now."

Quaraun held the glass in one hand and the bottle in the other, then tossed the glass asie and started drinking from the bottle.

"When did you start drinking?"

"When did BoomFuzzy die?"

Quaraun grabbed a wait servant by the arm.

"Bring me more Faerie Wine. I seem to have run out, and do something with that... that... there's a head in my soup.  Kindly remove it and bring me more soup. No. Forget the soup. Bring me three more bottles of Faerie Wine. And get that thing off my table. Thank you."

"Quaraun," BeaLuna asked. "You're not doing so good are you?"

"Oh, I don't know. Let me think. I'm wanted for murder. I'm on the run from the law. My lover is dead. My wife is dead. My children are dead. My people are dead. There's a head in my pocket, another head on my table, there's a dead purple Unicorn Lich sitting beside me grinning like a madman, a pink haired, green skinned Gnomish Ghost yip-yapping at me, and a brainless Zombie Mountain Dwarf staring at me. I'd say I'm doing just peachy."

"I think you're having a nervous breakdown, Quaraun."

"Ya think? Oh gee! I wonder what could have possibly tipped you off!"


<<< Previous Chapter:

Next Chapter:  >>>


Volume 4: The Journey Begins

Picking up immediately where The Night of The Screaming Unicorn ends... Quaraun continues on his way to Inuvik, intending to kill himself once he arrives home, only to find that in his 300 year absence, a Human village has been built up over the remains of the decimated Moon Elf village.

Quaraun's sanity wavers more than ever, as he questions the reality of his two traveling companions, both of whom he is certain he murdered years ago. Quaraun decides to head back to the coast in search of the Unicorn, but can't shake the feeling he's being followed. 

BeLuna the Gnome, oddly still alive these 300 years after the destruction of the Moon Elf Village and still sitting in the exact same spot where Quaraun had left her 300 years ago, joins the Elf in his search for the Unicorn.

Annoyingly for Quaraun, BeLuna disappears whenever any one else is around and is nowhere to be found when he crosses paths with a gang of Elf hating drunk Dwarves and again when Orcs show up.

Wandering aimlessly through the forest, lost and now accompanied by a disappearing Gnome and a silent Dwarf, Quaraun is at a loss to explain who his companions are or why they are following him. Rumors that the serial killing Pink Necromancer is now travelling the countryside building an army of Gnomish Ghosts and Dwarven Zombies doesn't help matters any.

Things are not right with Quaraun's two new companions, and it takes an Undead Unicorn to show the Necromancer there are some things no one else can see.



TRIGGER WARNING:

This volume contains heavy use of suicide, cutting, and depression  references, including graphic on page descriptions of cutting and suicide attempts.

If you suffer from depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts, or are easily upset by such things, it is highly recommended that you avoid reading any of this novel.

(Some of these free to read online sample chapters are NSFW)



The Journey Begins, is Part 2 of The Night of The Screaming Unicorn:

List of the currently available free to read online chapters:


Home Again



The Gnome That Refused To Stay Dead



Raped By The Mountain Dwarf



Alone Again



Bullgaar the Vulgar (NSFW)



The Dwarf's Wife



A Dwarf In The Night



Gnomes and Dwarves That Are Not There



The Enchanted Map



The Black Jaguar/The Phooka



The Elf Eater of Pepper Valley/That Bastard Murdered Me! Wait? Why Aren't I Dead?



The Double Dicked Unicorn



How To Properly Fuck an Elf



Humans For Dinner



Another Day, Another Town



Ooloff The Stupid



Oolong The Wise



Waiter, There's a Head In My Soup



The Orcs and The Necromancer (NSFW)















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