Home of The Autism Awareness Car
Homepage for the Fantasy series:
The Adventures of The Pink Necromancer, Quaraun The Insane
-- ten MILLION copies sold and counting!
Founded in 1996, we are Maine's Oldest, Largest, & Most Trafficked Website.
Home to more than 10,000 articles aimed at helping young authors worldbuild, create characters, write novellas, edit manuscripts, design book covers, and self publish their work.
November 14, 2023 will be the 10 year anniversary of the November 14, 2013 murder of my 8 month old infant son, at BugLight Lighthouse Art Studio of Southern Maine Community College in South Portland, Maine. If you have any information about who his killer is, please call FBI Agent Andy Drewer at 207-774-9322
My Son Was Murdered, The Killer Walks Free, Your Child Could Be Next!
FAQ: What are the most visited pages on this website and how many visits do they get?
Several years ago, I wrote an article on how to write different types of magic uses, or rather how I personally write various types of magic users within the context of my Quaraun books. Today that page is one of my top ten most visited articles. It gets 50 to 500 views/reads/hits/visits per day depending on the time of the years and has had over 200k visits total since it was published.
Amphibious Aliens: Debunking The Atwater Family's Alien Abduction Hoax with more then 30MILLION reads since 2007 and The GoldenEagle: Debunking Stephen King's World's Most Haunted Car Hoax with over tenMILLION reads since 2007 still rank as the two most visited articles on my website, but, neither of those are writing related.
Writing Medieval Servants is my most visited writing related article with over 7MILLION reads.
This website was started in 1996 and has 1 to 3 new articles (all written by me, I am the only writer on this site) published almost daily. In 2017 we crossed ten thousand articles published. As of 2023, EACH article gets MINIMUM 10 to 70 reads PER DAY, with the high traffic articles getting 500+ reads per day.
And since December 2019, my website now gets three hundred thousand to 7 million reads per month - well over ONE HUNDRED MILLION PAGE READS PER YEAR, making it not only the single most trafficked site in the State of Maine, but also one of the most visited websites in ALL OF NEW ENGLAND!
{{{HUGS}}} Thank you to all my readers for making this possible!
The Journey Begins:
Chapter ??
Waiter, There's A Head In My Soup
(Bizarro Dark Fantasy Yaoi free sample chapter to read online)
(No clue what chapter it is, it's anyone's guess; I did not chapter this novel, yet. You are seeing the pre-publication draft edition of it here, which is not yet edited. The published print edition may be different.)
The Adventures of Quaraun The Insane
Volume 4 of 130
The Journey Begins:
Chapter ??
Waiter, There's A Head In My Soup
(Bizarro Dark Fantasy Yaoi free sample chapter to read online)
(No clue what chapter it is, it's anyone's guess; I did not chapter this novel, yet. You are seeing the pre-publication draft edition of it here, which is not yet edited. The published print edition may be different.)
Please Note: The Quaraun Series Is Rated M18+ and you must be 18 or older to buy it.
Why is the Quaraun Series Rated M18+?
You can Find out more about the main characters here:
Please note, this site is the Home Site for The Adventures of The Pink Necromancer aka The Quaraun Series.
The Quaraun series is a set of 130 Fantasy novels about a suicidal, drug addicted, serial killing, transvestite wizard.
Due to the content of the books, you must be 18 or older to buy them and they are sold under M18+ ratings in countries that require book ratings on the cover.
Most pages on EelKat.com are either sample chapters from these Dark Fantasy Yaoi novels or how-to advice and Q&As about writing Dark Fantasy Bizarro Yaoi, and thus many pages feature mention of suicide, drug use, cutting, depression, BDSM fetishes especially CBT, schizophrenia, ritual murder, and thus many pages are probably NSFW.
Reader discretion is advised.
Author of Cozy & Gothic Fantasy, Sweet/Fluffy M/M Furry Romance, Cosmic Horror, Space Opera, & Literary SoL genres. I write Elves, Fae, Unicorns, & Demons.
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The Journey Begins
is
a short Novel of only 100,000 words
(fewer than 180 paperback pages)
This chapter is...
Word count: 000
or
0 paperback pages.
The Journey Begins:
Chapter ??
Waiter, There's A Head In My Soup
(Bizarro Dark Fantasy Yaoi free sample chapter to read online)
(No clue what chapter it is, it's anyone's guess; I did not chapter this novel, yet. You are seeing the pre-publication draft edition of it here, which is not yet edited. The published print edition may be different.)
<<< Previous Chapter:
~o0o~ Chapter ~o0o~
"What if Ooloff is right?" Quaraun said to no one in particular.
"About what?" Unicorn responded.
"Me. Ghosts. Zombies."
"Does ya believe in Zombies?"
"No."
"Well, then, dair's ya answer."
"I don't believes Liches either, but here you are."
"Here I is."
"How are you here?"
"I start Lich making spell. Kill meself before it done. Un ya goes ahead un finishes it. Yis very good at de Necromancy, for someone who does no believe in dead t'ings."
"Do you see BeaLuna and Bullgaar?"
"Not right now."
"I know they're not here right now. I meant d you ever see them?"
"I soul bound to ya, Quaraun."
"That doesn't answer my question."
"I sees whatever ya wants me to sees, Quaraun."
"You know, that kind of an answer, doesn't help me to believe you are real either."
"Maybe I is not real."
"Unicorn."
"Can ya prove I is real?"
"No."
"Well then, how ya know I is?"
"I don't."
"Here. Drink. Clear ya head."
"CLEAR my head? With Faerie Wine?"
Unicorn shrugged.
"Fog ya head then. Whatever. Do somet'ing."
Quaraun took the glass of smoldering green liquid from the Faerie and drank it. Unicorn poored Quaraun another glass and the Elf quickly drank that as well.
"Boy, ya must be quite de heavy drinker."
"What makes you say that?"
"Two glasses of Faerie Wine. Ya just guzzled dem down like dey was water."
On the other side of the tavern, drunk little Halfling, jumped on on a table and began singing a poem about the Shire.
"What is that god forsaken noise," Quaraun moaned.
The Elf was slumped face down over the table. Unicorn wasn't sure if Quaraun was drunk, tired, sick, or all of the above.
"It a wee lil Halfling," Unicorn answered. "Him signing himself up a storm."
"Make him shut up."
Unicorn slid out of his seat and went to the Halfling's table. The tiny little humanoid was dancing gleefully, in between singing and reciting poetry.
"Me Elf be wanting ya to shut ya wee lil trap," the old undead Phooka said to the Halfling.
A few moments later, Unicorn returned to Quaraun's table and once again sat down beside the Elf. Quaraun was still slumped over the table and had not yet looked up.
"I can still hear him," Quaraun muttered through his hair.
"Aye. Him say ya was nothing but a no good son of bitch arrogant High Elf. Him told me to tell ya to fuck yaself."
"I won't have to, I'm sure you'll do that later."
"Of course I will."
"I have a headache."
"Dat mean I can no fuck ya?"
"It means I want that fucking piece of shit to shut up. I didn't come here to listen to poetry. If had wanted to hear poetry recited I would have come to a theatre. I'm trying to rest."
"On de table?"
"Leave me alone. I'm tired."
"We could rent a room."
"I don't want to rent a room. I'm fine, right here."
"I could fuck ya better in a room. More privacy."
"I don't need a room. I need a nap."
"I could fuck ya here at de table."
"You do and I'll ram my wand up your ass."
"Yeah. I know dat suppose to be threat, but I probably would like dat. So dat not incentive for me to no fuck ya on table."
"I just want that singing wretch to shut his fucking mouth."
"Dat be a long poem him singing. Will take him an hour to get t'rough it."
"Make him shut up."
"How ya propose I do dat?"
"I don't know. Think of something. You're a Trickster Faerie. You always think of something. You pride yourself on being the most annoying damned Fae on the planet. Do one of those things that you do. Just make him stop singing."
Hamsa
Eye of The Grigoi
Eye of the Watchers
Eye of God
Hand of God
Eye of Protection
Evil Eye
Gypsy Curse
Unicorn got up and once again returned to the Halfling's table. This time he stood and silently watched the tiny creature as it merrily skipped and danced on the table, in the beat to it's sing-song poetry recital. Unicorn walked slowly around the table watching the little creature's every move, listening to the song, picking up on the cues of his movements.
After a minute or so, Unicorn stopped moving and stood, silently, watching and waiting for just the right moment, and when that moment came, he swiftly pulled his machete from his hakama and lopped off the Halfling's head. There was a brief shrill gurgle shriek as the last stanza of the poem was cut to an abrupt hault.
At the sound of the Halfling's dying breath, Quaraun looked up for the first time. He sat staring and blinking, uncertain if Unicorn had actually just done, what he thought Unicorn had just did.
Unicorn pranced back to Quaraun's table and plopped the Halfling's severed head in the middle of Quaraun's plate.
"Dair. Him no more sing," Unicorn said cheerfully, proudly beaming over his work.
"That's not what I asked you to do."
"Ya tolds me to make him shut up un I did."
"You cut off his frigging head!"
"Aye. Un now ya can add it to ya head collection."
"I don't have a... oh." Quaraun reached into his bag and pulled out Gibedon's head. "I forgot about that. Why does everybody keep losing their head around me?"
BeLuna entered the tavern just then, back from her errands and was about to start one of her usual conversations with Quaraun when she saw the Halfling's head.
"Quaraun, why do you have a head in your plate?"
"Why do you say that so calmly, like this is normal every day thing to happen to me?"
"Well, uhm... you know... it kind of is."
Before Quaraun had a chance to answer, Bullgar joined the trio.
"Quaraun!" The giant Dwarf boomed. "There's a head in your plate!"
"I hate my life."
"Who killed him?" BeaLuna asked. "You or the Phooka?"
"Him tolds me to," Unicorn answered.
"I did not! I told you to make him shut up. I most certainly did not tell you to cut his head off."
"What else ya expect me to do?"
"I don't know, but I certainly wasn't expecting you to cut his head off."
"Well ya is Necromancer, ya put it back on."
"Necromancy doesn't work that way."
"Well, how ya explai me un her un him."
Unicorn pointed to BeaLuna and Bullgaar.
"I'm drunk and none of this is happening," Quaraun said as he poured himself another glass of Faerie Wine and drink it as quickly as he did the others.
"Are you drunk, Quaraun?" BeaLuna asked.
"Getting there, as quickly as possible," Quaraun answered while pouring a 4th glass.
"You didn't use to drink."
"I do now."
Quaraun held the glass in one hand and the bottle in the other, then tossed the glass asie and started drinking from the bottle.
"When did you start drinking?"
"When did BoomFuzzy die?"
Quaraun grabbed a wait servant by the arm.
"Bring me more Faerie Wine. I seem to have run out, and do something with that... that... there's a head in my soup. Kindly remove it and bring me more soup. No. Forget the soup. Bring me three more bottles of Faerie Wine. And get that thing off my table. Thank you."
"Quaraun," BeaLuna asked. "You're not doing so good are you?"
"Oh, I don't know. Let me think. I'm wanted for murder. I'm on the run from the law. My lover is dead. My wife is dead. My children are dead. My people are dead. There's a head in my pocket, another head on my table, there's a dead purple Unicorn Lich sitting beside me grinning like a madman, a pink haired, green skinned Gnomish Ghost yip-yapping at me, and a brainless Zombie Mountain Dwarf staring at me. I'd say I'm doing just peachy."
"I think you're having a nervous breakdown, Quaraun."
"Ya think? Oh gee! I wonder what could have possibly tipped you off!"
<<< Previous Chapter:
Next Chapter: >>>
Volume 4: The Journey Begins
Picking up immediately where The Night of The Screaming Unicorn ends... Quaraun continues on his way to Inuvik, intending to kill himself once he arrives home, only to find that in his 300 year absence, a Human village has been built up over the remains of the decimated Moon Elf village.
Quaraun's sanity wavers more than ever, as he questions the reality of his two traveling companions, both of whom he is certain he murdered years ago. Quaraun decides to head back to the coast in search of the Unicorn, but can't shake the feeling he's being followed.
BeLuna the Gnome, oddly still alive these 300 years after the destruction of the Moon Elf Village and still sitting in the exact same spot where Quaraun had left her 300 years ago, joins the Elf in his search for the Unicorn.
Annoyingly for Quaraun, BeLuna disappears whenever any one else is around and is nowhere to be found when he crosses paths with a gang of Elf hating drunk Dwarves and again when Orcs show up.
Wandering aimlessly through the forest, lost and now accompanied by a disappearing Gnome and a silent Dwarf, Quaraun is at a loss to explain who his companions are or why they are following him. Rumors that the serial killing Pink Necromancer is now travelling the countryside building an army of Gnomish Ghosts and Dwarven Zombies doesn't help matters any.
Things are not right with Quaraun's two new companions, and it takes an Undead Unicorn to show the Necromancer there are some things no one else can see.
TRIGGER WARNING:
This volume contains heavy use of suicide, cutting, and depression references, including graphic on page descriptions of cutting and suicide attempts.
If you suffer from depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts, or are easily upset by such things, it is highly recommended that you avoid reading any of this novel.
(Some of these free to read online sample chapters are NSFW)
The Journey Begins, is Part 2 of The Night of The Screaming Unicorn:
List of the currently available free to read online chapters:
Home Again
The Gnome That Refused To Stay Dead
Raped By The Mountain Dwarf
Alone Again
Bullgaar the Vulgar (NSFW)
The Dwarf's Wife
A Dwarf In The Night
Gnomes and Dwarves That Are Not There
The Black Jaguar/The Phooka
The Elf Eater of Pepper Valley/That Bastard Murdered Me! Wait? Why Aren't I Dead?
The Double Dicked Unicorn
How To Properly Fuck an Elf
Humans For Dinner
Another Day, Another Town
Ooloff The Stupid
Oolong The Wise
Waiter, There's a Head In My Soup
The Orcs and The Necromancer (NSFW)
The Space Dock 13 WebRing
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What do you want to become?
What did you do today to step closer to that goal?
Whatever you do, be your best at it!
And remember to have yourself a great and wonderfully glorious day!
~EK
EelKat.com
pinterest.com/eelkat/
If you ever made fun of or had any part in the destruction of my farm, and the illegal selling of half of my land to Colliard, you shall lose your land.
If you ever made fun of or had any part in my being homeless since 2006 - YES, I AM still homeless in 2023, you shall become homeless.
If you ever made fun of or had any part in the backhoe driving over my house, you shall lose your house.
If you ever made fun of or had any part in my car being cut in half, you shall lose your car.
If you ever made fun of or had any part in my becoming crippled, you shall lose your health.
If you ever made fun of or had any part in the murder of my son, your child shall die an equally horrible death.Evil men go out of their way to try to drive a person to suicide.
Are you an evil man?
Are you sure you're not?
How many people have YOUR hate filled words killed?
Next time you go to do a mean thing to a fellow human, stop and really think about the consequences of your actions.
Did you ever notice how every one has a story to tell about me, yet not one of them ever speaks the truth?
What lies has YOUR gossiping tongue spread about me?
Did you know...
October 16, 2006, bomb blew up my house because of YOUR lies.
August 8, 2013, the house which replaced the one the bomb blew up, was driven over by a backhoe.
November 14, 2013, my 8 month old infant son was murdered because of your lies.
November 14, 2013, I was beaten up, paralized for 5 months, spent 18 weeks relearning to walk, I'm now crippled for the rest of my life, because of YOUR lies.
Are you proud of what you have done?
Enjoy your eternity in Hell. You earned it. You've certainly worked hard for it.
~EelKat
If you have any information about any of these events, please call FBI Agent Andy Drewer at 207-774-9322
Please note, this site is the Home Site for The Adventures of The Pink Necromancer aka The Quaraun Series.
The Quaraun series is a set of 2,000 short stories and 130 Fantasy novels about a suicidal, drug addicted, serial killing, transvestite wizard.
Due to the content of the books, you must be 18 or older to buy them and they are sold under M18+ ratings in countries that require book ratings on the cover.
These morbid novels do not have happy endings, and main character Quaraun's depression, suicidal nature, and drug use gets worse as the series progresses. If you are looking for cheerful, happy stories, these novels are not for you.
Most pages on EelKat.com are either sample chapters from these Dark Fantasy Yaoi novels or how-to advice and Q&As about writing Dark Fantasy Bizarro Yaoi, and thus many pages feature mention of suicide, drug use, cutting, depression, BDSM fetishes especially CBT, schizophrenia, ritual murder, and thus many pages are probably NSFW.
Please be aware that this site is considered an "Adult Entertainment" website and by viewing it you agree that you are over the age of 18 years old.
Reader discretion of both the Quaraun novels and the pages of this website is advised.
The Quaraun Series
 
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Meet The Characters:
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ZooLock the Great |
Quaraun's World:
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The World: |
The Adventures of Quaraun The Insane: First draft/sample chapters from the novels.
NOTE: The scenes and chapters featured here, are from the unedited first drafts, and NOT from the finished published novels. This was done because many readers had asked to see what the first drafts looked like to see how different they were from the finished product. Because these are from the unedited first drafts, they contain spelling and grammar errors, typos, and sections that are still unrevised. These errors are corrected in the final published editions.
Answering Reader Question About The Quaraun Series:
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Behind the Scenes:
A Look At How I Write The Quaraun Series...
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The Quaraun series is a set of 130 Fantasy novels about a suicidal, drug addicted, serial killing, bi-sexual, polyamorous/polygamous, masochistic, time traveling transvestite Elf wizard, his sex crazed, sadistic, drug dealing unicorn, and their bloodthirsty sentient house. The Quaraun series contains heavy use of the following:
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The Quaraun series has been banned by the following:The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints aka The Mormon Church (1991) (Reason: too much sex) (Interestingly, there were no sex scenes in the series before 2014) The Arundel Christian Tabernacle, Biddeford-Arundel, Maine (2001) (Reason: evil and influenced by Satan) New Life Church, Biddeford, Maine (2003) (Reason: Too gay for the family friendly church) (Interestingly, there were no gay characters in the series before 2014) Fan-Fiction.net (2012) (Reason: Too violent) Curtis Lake Church, Sanford, Maine (2013) (Reason: Too gay for the family friendly church) (Interestingly, there were no gay characters in the series before 2014 and I added gay characters to the series BECAUSE of this false complaint) Old Orchard Beach Town Hall of the Town of Old Orchard Beach, Maine, a division of the United States of America Government (January 4, 2016 via court order)(State of Maine, Biddeford District Court: Docket #BDDC-PA-2015-00574) (Reason #1: Too gay for the family friendly town of Old Orchard Beach)(Reason #2: Contains transgender characters depicted as living in Old Orchard Beach, in violation of the ordinance which states Old Orchard Beach is a "Family Friendly Town" by virtue of it's ban on LGBTQ+ residents) NOTE: As a result of this ban, and my discovery that OOB had an ordinance banning LGBTQ citizens from living in our town, an additional court case rose up, and on October 21, 2016, Alfred Superior Court overruled the ordinance banning LGBTQs in OOB, AND overturned the town hall's ban on the Quaraun series, citing that both the ordinace baning LGBTQ residents and the court order ordering the Quaraun books to be removed from Amazon.comto be "gross violations of civil rights".) Did you notice how 3 different places used the exact same phrase of "Too gay for the family friendly..." In each of these three cases the exact same minister was behind the ban. |
Do you agree? #reading #quote pic.twitter.com/t3VjaM6UE7
— Janneke Jobsis-Brown (@JJobsisBrown) March 1, 2018
Sample Chapters of Many of the Novels Are Available To Read Online:
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Volume 13: King Gwallmaiic, The Elf Eater of Pepper Valley |
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Volume 00: 000000 Volume 00: 000000 Volume 00: 000000 Volume 24: The Dread Chant of the Fan Boys |
Volume 00: 000000 Volume 00: 000000 Volume 00: 000000 |
Volume 00: 000000 Volume 23: The Return To Fire Mountain Volume 00: 000000 |
Volume 27: The Sorcerer's Tower of Cake
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Volume 00: 000000 Volume 31: The Crystal Palace of Mt. Demontooth Volume 00: 000000 |
Volume 00: 000000 Volume 00: 000000 Volume 00: 000000 |
Volume 00: 000000 Volume 00: 000000 Volume 00: 000000 |
Volume 48: A Baby For The Necromancer
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Volume 00: 000000 Volume 58: Zebulon's Captive Volume 00: 000000 106: The Haunted Lighthouse |
Volume 00: 000000 Volume 00: 000000 Volume 107: The Battle of Ongadada |
Volume 00: 000000 Volume 00: 000000 Volume 00: 000000 Volume 108: Friends Are Forever (Volume 1 of The Twighlight Manor series) |
Volume 119: My Two Favorite People
Please Note: The Quaraun Series Is Rated M18+ and you must be 18 or older to buy it.
Most pages on EelKat.com are about writing, publishing, marketing, and CosPlaying Dark Fantasy, Bizarro, Gorn, Monster Porn, Torture Porn, CBT, Psychedelic Literature, Weird Lovecraftian Horror, Pink Humour Satire, & BDSM Yaoi.
With this in mind, some pages may not be safe for work and are marked as: [NSFW].
Reader discretion is advised.
Why is the Quaraun Series Rated M18+?
Book publishing hiatus: November 14, 2013 I was beaten up by a woman who claimed to be a unpublished author. I was paralyzed for 5 months and am still 4 years later relearning to use my legs & arms. While I was cripple, offline, and recovering these past 4 years, she next proceeded to hack my website and most all of my forum and social network accounts.
April 2015 she returned, filled my motorhome with 1,000s of gallons of feces/raw sewage and cut my cats heads off nailing them to my door. 10 cats are currently still missing.
October 2006 she blew up my house with a bomb, in May 2013 put a bomb in my classroom at college, November 2015 put a bomb in my department where I work at Walmart, and June 2016 put yet another bomb in WalMart. The FBI is trying to identity of this woman. More info about these terrorist attacks on my family can be found here: https://www.eelkat.com/1667Words.html
If you have any information about this woman, please contact the FBI agent in charge of the case, his contact info is on that page.
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