There is no Mournful Lamb Inn

Into The Swamp of Death
(novel excerpt)

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Sample Chapter from:
Quaraun and the Vampire, Into the Swamp of Death
Volume 8 of
The Adventures of Quaraun the Insane

When Quaraun woke up again, he found himself alone, and racked his brain trying to determine what to make of last night. Did he see Unicorn last night? or was it just a hallucination? He could not be sure. The Vampire had drugged him and he could not be certain of anything. As he got out of bed, he realized that his whole body ached. The claw marks, bites, cuts, and scratches that covered his body told him that at least some part of last night was real.

Quaraun was too weak to get out of bed and drifted in and out of sleep for several days.

"I really hurt ya did I, eh?"

Quaraun looked up to see the Vampire sitting cross legged on the bed beside him.

"I did'na mean to ya know."

"Are you Unicorn?"

"Aye."

"You don't look like Unicorn."

"I is shape shifter. I can look like anything I want to."

"I liked Unicorn."

"Ya loved de Unicorn."

"I miss Unicorn."

"I is still me, no matter what I look like."

"What happened to you?"

"I died un it broke yar heart. Cracked ya right out of yar crazy wee lil head. Ya did'na tinks I could die. Did ya? Ya thought I twere Lich un nothing could kill me. It ripped yar poor wee lil mind apart when ya realized I could die. When ya learned, too late to prevent me death. Ya still do'na remember what happened do ya?"

"Unicorn's dead. You're not him."

The Vampire leaned over and kissed Quaraun's cheek. 

"Would ya rather have Unicorn or BoomFuzzy?"

"Unicorn was BoomFuzzy. BoomFuzzy was a Phooka in disguise."

The Vampire melted away replaced by what appeared to be a black skinned Scottish humanoid Fae, with a wild mess of black unbrushed frizzy braids and dreadlocks that hung to his waist and were stuck full of moss, bones, feathers, beads, ribbons, and twigs, that was Unicorn’s Humanoid form. His black eyes had no whites and no iris, and were like staring into two black bottomless pits. Unicorn could have passed for Human if not for his eyes, his piranha-like fangs, and the huge, fearsomely, sharp eagle talons which tipped each finger.

"I is Unicorn, agains. Ya rest. I'll's be Unicorn for ya. Yar memories will return un I fear what ya'll do when they have. Ya has done something terrible. Me poor wee lil peaceful pink Necromancer. Ya has never hurt anyone before. Not really. I can see that now. That's why ya could'na kill me on Fire Mountain. Ya has never killed anyone before. I do'na know hows ya got Gibedon's head, but I is now very certain, Gibedon did not die by yar hand. Ya have'na got it in ya to take life. When Massimara's Orcs murdered me, ya turned around un killed everyone in room. Every last one."

Unicorn raised the Elf's hand to his cheek, then began kissing Quaraun's fingertips as he spoke.

"Ya killed everyone, Quaraun. Not just Massimara un her Orcs. Ya used magic to kill Massimara un her Orcs. Just thought them dead un POOF! Dead they were. Blasted them into oblivion, powder un ash, they be nothing but nice big pile of dust now. But then I twere dead, un ya in state mind ya were in, turned on our friends with that ruby jewelled obsidian dagger. Ya slit dair throats un gutted dair bellies. Ya used Vampire making ritual to restore me life with dair blood, but eftahwairds ya could'na live with what ya had done to our friends un ya turned knife on yarself." 

Unicorn kissed the Elf's bleeding wrists. Quaraun could see the wounds now. There were horrible self inflicted cuts on his arms. The combination of the drugs and the blood loss, Quaraun was having trouble keeping his mind in focus.

"Me poor wee lil heart broken Elf. Come, ya have'na eaten in several days, let us go downstairs un get ya something to eat. Elves can'na go so long without eating as Phookas can." 

They went downstairs. Quaraun, still in a daze, leaned heavily on the Vampire.

"Unicorn's alive," said Quaraun.

"Is he now? Oh dear. We're back to that point are we? Did ya hear anything I said since ya woke up?" 

It worried Unicorn, that Quaraun was out of his senses so long this time. He had tried to kill himself before, but he’d never come this close to succeeding before. That fact that he couldn’t keep Quaraun conscious for long was troubling. And the fact that Quaraun forgot everything that had happened each time he whole up was worrisome and frustrating and Unicorn had little patience for repeating himself, yet, Quaraun seemed to have suffered serious brain damage this time, so Unicorn tried desperately to hold his temper.

“I needs ya to remember, Quaraun. Please try to remember, where ya is un what ya has done. It important.”

“Remember?”

“Aye. Please try. Ya’ve done a terrible t’ing.”

“Have I?”

“Aye. Ya has.”

“What do I need to remember?”

“Look at ya arms.”

“Why?”

“Ya tried to kill yarself.”

“No. I didn’t.”

“Ya did. Quaraun, please look at ya hands. There is more then ya blood dair. Yis covered in blood, un it not all yars. I knows not what has happened to ya, but ya need to look at what ya has done. Ya needs to wake up out of whatever this is ya is in. Look around. We is not in a tavern. Can ya not see that?”

“This is The Mournful Lamb Inn.”

“No. There is no Mournful Lamb Inn.”

“Where are we?”

“We are in a graveyard in Baironi.”

“Why are we in Baironi?”

“I was very sick. I were dying. I died. It broke ya heart. Yis a Necromancer. Ya tried to help me. In de end ya did, but at great cost.”

“You are better?”

“Aye.”

“Who are you?”

Unicorn sighed.

“Who do ya see?”

“A Vampire. You look like a gargoyle. A stone statue with wings. You’re sitting on a crypt. You’re a statue come to life. Where are we? Why is there a crypt in the Inn?”

The Vampire helped Quaraun to a seat, then held his hand up to stop the barmaid for pouring Quaraun a drink. "He needs clear head right now," he said to the girl, then turned back to Quaraun. "Ya said before yar friend twere dead."

"He was dead. I think. I don't know. I'm confused."

"Ahyah. Ya are. Un ya has been ignoring, not wanting to see or hear, everything I has said last few days. Have ya not? Oh, me poor wee lil Elf. Ya messed up yar mind bad, did ya? Well, I stick pink flamingos that one up, which is it? Yar Unicorn? Is he dead or not?"

"I saw him die, but then later, I saw him alive, after he had died. He was you. You were him. You are Unicorn."

"That what I been saying."

"How are you Unicorn?"

"Yis Necromancer, did ya not resurrect me?"

"No! I didn't! I can't....I...I...I don't know...I... I can't remember."

"That horrible ritual, resurrecting dead, is it not? Ya said so yarself."

"It...yes...it is. It's a horrible ritual, it's why I've never done it. I can't do it. There's so much blood involved. I have no stomach for blood."

"Indeed. Nor ya any head for it. Put ya right out of yar mind it did, did it not?"

"You can't be Unicorn."

"Why not?"

"Unicorn's dead. I can't perform that ritual. I can't hurt anyone. I don't like hurting anyone. I help people. I can't hurt people. I've couldn't. I haven't."

"Have ya not?"

"No."

"Yar dreams should tell ya answer."

"My dreams are confused."

"Aye, they are. More then ya seem to be aware of."

"I am increasingly confused."

"How do ya see me?"

"What do you mean?"

"Last night ya saw me as Unicorn."

"Last night?...you...you raped me."

"Perhaps, but I tend to tinks not."

"How can you say that?"

"Because ya greatly enjoyed it un ya saw me as Unicorn. The man ya love. Ya made love to me. Un I is BoomFuzzy un ya gave permission to whatever I wanted to ya."

"You drugged me."

"That's what Faeries do. Masters in art of drug making. Mushrooms un frog slime un wee lil rainbows in yar pretty silver head."

"You're a Vampire."

"Am I?"

"You look like a Vampire."

"Un is dair anything to say that Faerie can'na become Vampire?"

"All things can become Vampires. I made Vampire chickens once. And Lich lichen."

"Did ya now?"

"Zombie cows, Geese Ghouls, cornstalk scarecrow golems, brain sucking ducks, blood thirsty rabbits, I have a whole barnyard of undead things in my..." Quaraun looked down at the beaded heart hanging from his belt.

"In yar gruesome wee lil bag of holding, where ya also keep all dead bodies of yar people, yar wife, yar children, Gibedon's head...even pet DracoLich."

"I'm evil."

"Yis Necromancer, yis supposed to be evil. Sooner ya accept fact that yis nothing but black hearted bastard better it'll be on all of us."

"I kidnapped a pirate ship."

"I know. I helped ya."

"There's an entire crew of men locked in bottle in my pocket."

"I killed the Katopas."

"Ahyah. I wanted to run away with them. I tinks ya resented that."

"I've killed the entire population of three villages."

"That shit load ton of people."

"I used to be peaceful. I wouldn't have hurt anyone. What happened to me?"

"BoomFuzzy died horrible death un ya found his body un it broke yar heart. Un ya stopped being Quaraun, kind loving wee lil Elf who let people push him around. Instead ya became, Quaraun de Insane, terror of world. Yis more feared now then Gibedon twere. Gibedon twere most feared Necromancer since Elf Eater of Pepper Valley, un I has seen ya do things, even Elf Eater can'na do. Yar heart grew evil while ya were'na looking."

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