Comet Fall Snow Day Blitz

Comet Fall Snow Day Blitz

The sky above the crumbling remains of the Nickelodeon Theatre pulsed with aurora flickers, casting ribbons of teal and green light across the snow-blasted ruin of what had once been Portland’s lower east side.

The Blue Monkey was docked in the Old Port, and the trio had only a few more blocks to go to reach her.

Lightning cracked.

Blue comet glass rained down.

The Crystal Plague.

Death in the form of razor sharp blue shards raining down from the clouds, forced them to seek impromptu shelter and wait out the storm.

Thwack.

Tink.

Tink.

Tink.

A shard skewered an old shopping cart, now rusted into the bones of a forgotten alley.

Inside the theatre ruins the three survivors sat huddled around a scratched plastic crate-turned-card table.

A deck of Dutch Blitz slammed down.

BoomFuzzy grinned. Gold teeth. Bloodstained leather gloves, the fingers ripped off to make room for his eagle talons to fit through. A sparkle in his dead white eyes.

“Right then, ya adorable eejits! Wha’s say we take a wee break from gettin’ eaten by icicle zombies an’ fryin’ snow rats in a solar oven, an’ instead get utterly devastated at cards, eh?”

Quaraun frowned.

Frowned and fretted. Fretted and frowned.

“I do not comprehend this game. This game, I do not comprehend. This game doth perplex me. It is filled with numbers. Numbers and speed. Speed and numbers. I dislike speed. I dislike numbers. I dislike Dutch Blitz. You know this. I have told you this before.”

GhoulSpawn, rolling up in a giant yellow hoodie with a space octopus on it, then stuffing it into his pocket, grinned and cracked his knuckles.

“Yeah man, that’s exactly why I like it. I mean, like, it’s a game that’s just constant cardio for the brain, you know? It’s basically Sudoku and caffeine had a baby and that baby snorted sugar packets in a war zone. I live for this kind of chaos.”

Quaraun blinked at him. Slowly.

BoomFuzzy snorted.

“I dinnae ken half o’ wot tha’ sheep-brained wee turd just said, but I’ll still kick both yer arses. I’ve got me secret weapon.”

“I’m a sheep.”

“Ah, just deal the cards, eh?”

GhoulSpawn handed out the decks.

BoomFuzzy held up a second hand. A second hand of cards.

Quaraun squinted.

“That hand is not your hand.”

“Aye. But it’s still mine. Now I have two!”

“That is cheating.”

“It’s creative strategy enhancement, ya wee pink glitter-soaked garden gnome!”

“I am an Elf.” He blinked down at the cards in his slender hands — green numbers, yellow numbers, blue numbers, red numbers. So many numbers. Too many numbers. His pink nail-polished fingers fumbled with the deck, silver chains jingling between his nose rings and his dangling ear rings as he shuffled awkwardly. “I…I do not comprehend the logic of this arithmetic-ridden madness. These numerals vex me.”

“Aww dude, it’s easy!” GhoulSpawn beamed, already sorting his deck into neat rainbow towers on the wool-covered table. “Like, you go in numerical order, man. Ascending order. Green to green pile, red to red, numbers one through ten, y’know? Simple sequencing algorithm stuff!”

“Shut up and play,” BoomFuzzy muttered, narrowing his one visible eye behind steampunk goggles. He was shuffling his cards with suspicious speed and dexterity. Too fast. Much too fast. His other hand kept slipping under the table.

Quaraun’s brow furrowed.

“Unicorn, your left hand is beneath the tabletop.”

“Aye, ’tis scratchin’ me itchy bollocks.”

“You do not possess itchy bollocks. You are deceased. You are a Lich. You possess no skin with which to itch.”

“Dead bollocks can still itch! Ya dinnae ken death bollocks science!” BoomFuzzy slapped his deck on the table and grinned, teeth flashing gold. “Now let’s fucking blitz this shite!”

And so began the chaos.

Cards slapped the table like miniature thunderclaps. GhoulSpawn moved with lightning precision, golden curls bouncing, hooves clacking beneath the chair as he flicked cards down in flawless sequences.

“Bam! And boom! And one-two-three, let’s goooo! Dude, I’m like a statistical tornado in card form!”

Quaraun sat stiffly, his hands frozen mid-air, staring helplessly at his hand of mismatched numbers.

“One… then two… but where is… which pile is…?”

“That one goes on that one!” GhoulSpawn called helpfully, not looking up. “Right pile! No — left! Wait, other left! No wait, other other left!”

“I possess but two lefts. Left left and right left.”

“Do you not know left from right?”

BoomFuzzy snorted and flung three cards onto three separate piles in rapid succession.

“Blitzed ya! Blitzed ya all like a frost storm on a wet arse!”

“You cannot blitz,” Quaraun muttered. “You commenced the game with twelve cards in the middle. You now possess but three.”

“Uh… maybe I… played realllllly fast?”

“Or maybe you’re hiding them under your legs,” GhoulSpawn said, peeking under the table. “Dude! There’s like eight cards under your kilt!”

“Ah! Pervert’s peeking under me kilt!”

“You’re cheating! you got a second deck.”

“Tis storage! Emergency blitz stockpile! S’called pre-emptive cheating! Part o’ the strategy!”

“That is not a strategy!” Quaraun protested, slamming one card down finally, triumphantly, his first card laid down so far, only to realize it was the wrong colour and number. “That is fraudulent arithmetic warfare!”

“Ya say that like it be a bad thing,” BoomFuzzy said, smiling slyly. “And how’ya ken I only got ONE spare deck shoved up me kilt?”

GhoulSpawn burst out laughing.

“Okay okay okay, time out! Let’s reshuffle. Quaraun, I’ll help you build your blitz pile. You’ve got, like, epic wizard brainpower, man. You can do this!”

“I possess no mathematical inclination,” Quaraun said gloomily. “Numbers flee from me as rabbits from wolves. Wolves from frost. Frost from flame. Flame from death. Death from — “

“Shhhhhh, yer waxin’ woeful again. Like Emmett Poe — “

“Edgar Allan Poe — “

“Whatever. Want me t’ shuffle for ya?” BoomFuzzy leaned over, kissing Quaraun’s ear. “Ya can be the pretty one who stares at the cards all mystical-like, while I cheat me arse off and the goat wins anyways.”

“I’m a sheep.”

“I do not want to be the pretty one,” Quaraun sulked. “I want to be the victorious one.”

“Then cheat better,” BoomFuzzy whispered conspiratorially.

“You may not cheat better if you cannot cheat at all.”

“Then learn t’ cheat!”

“I do not cheat!”

“Yar certainly do in the marketplace when ya robbing folks of their souls for hocus pocus mumbo jumbo magic potions that don’t do a damned thing!”

“I give them hope.”

“’Tis survival skill in this blizzard-blown, zombie-bitten hellscape.”

“Guy!” GhoulSpawn interrupted. “That is not how Dutch Blitz is played!”

“Aye, it is in me frozen wasteland spare expansion pack under me kilt and up me arse edition.”

GhoulSpawn snorted.

“You guys are the worst. Like, adorably the worst. Alright, new game, new rules. Everybody cheats. But only if you can get away with it.”

“That is anarchy.”

“Exactly!”

The cards shuffled again.

GhoulSpawn grinned.

BoomFuzzy winked.

Quaraun stared blankly at his hand.

One. Two. Three. Chair?

None of them matched.

It was all doom and gloom. Gloom and doom.

They started.

Cards flung.

Numbers flashed.

Piles built.

GhoulSpawn’s fingers blurred.

“3! 4! 5! Boom! Yellow pile!”

“8! 9! Stack it, man!”

“1 green!”

“2 red!”

“BLITZ, BABY!”

“BLITZ AGAIN!”

“77! I win! Let’s go again!”

GhoulSpawn loved card games. And dice games. And board games. And tabletop RPGs. His mind calculated numbers, moves, and plays at dizzying speeds.

Quaraun on the other hand struggled with games. Any game. All games. He could barely count. Had never needed to learn math or numbers, even though he was a merchant. Currency did not exist in the 40th century, not like it had in the 20th century where GhoulSpawn was from. People bartered for what they needed. A bag of flour for a blanket, a jar of milk for a bar of soap. No numbers required. Quaraun liked to stick to rules, but not having a working knowledge of numbers or math, made many games difficult for him to comprehend.

BoomFuzzy on the other hand didn’t care if he followed the rules or not. Not in life, nor in games. He found far more joy in breaking the rules, cheating at games, and deliberately going out of his way to cause chaos. He made extra effort to learn the rules of every game, just so he could be certain that he was NOT following them.

And so while GhoulSpawn’s hands flipped swiftly through the deck, dutch cards quickly stacking up, blitz stacks quickly disappearing along with his woodpile deck and post decks being zipped through in seconds, Quaraun slowly hovered over a single card carefully debating where he should lay it down and not putting an cards any place at all, while BoomFuzzy was flinging cards all over the place all willy nilly.

BoomFuzzy shoved a card into a pile that already had a 4 on top.

“BoomFuzzy, that is a two,” GhoulSpawn said. “You cannot place a two on a four.”

“Can if no one sees it.”

“I’m seeing it now.”

“Why can a two not go on a four?” Quaraun asked.

“Because a five goes on a four.”

“Oh.” Quaraun stared at the two card and then the four card, then back at the card in his own hand. “Where does the two go?”

“On a one.”

“Oh.” Quaraun blinked and stared intently at his own card some more. “How do I know which one is a two and which one is a four?”

Before GhoulSpawn could answer, BoomFuzzy jumped in, tossing down more cards where they did not belong.

“You can’t put those cards there!” GhoulSpawn yelled.

“Are ya telling me, in the middle o’ zombie-frozen-hellscape-Apocalypse, yer worried about playin’ a card game by rules?”

Quaraun narrowed his eyes. Then stared down at his own stack. Hesitating. Hesitating again.

He reached to play a 6 on top of a 5.

“Quaraun… that’s a 9.”

“It is upside down.”

“Nah man, there’s a dot on the bottom.”

“I thought that was a comet symbol.”

“It’s a dot.”

“A comet dot.”

BoomFuzzy snatched it, flipped it, slapped it onto a growing pile of blue numbers, and winked.

“There. Fixed it for ya. See? Teamwork.”

“It doesn’t go there!” GhoulSpawn yelled.

“I gon’ blitz ya both tae oblivion. This here Shetland bastard dinna lose games. Not tae poncy pink necros nor ram-faced shaggy geeks.”

“This game is maddening. Maddening and chaotic. I hate it. I loathe it. I despise it.”

“But you keep playing it,” GhoulSpawn pointed out, as he rapidly dealt more cards into his wood pile, fingers practically glowing.

GhoulSpawn leaned over the table, long arms folded, towering like a golden fleece-cloaked monolith beside the tiny Phooka.

“Dude, like, I’m just sayin’, statistically speakin’, if you reshuffle the deck three times every hand, it kinda messes with, like, probability curves and shuffles the odds, man. You are cheating.”

“Wha? Och, nae! That ain’t cheatin’, that’s strategy, ya woolly-arsed windbag.”

Quaraun, meanwhile, sat stiffly across from them, wrapped in a bundle of shimmering pink silk shawls, his long rabbit ears twitching with rising unease. His alabaster fingers — crooked and gloved in gold-plated cybernetics — trembled slightly as he arranged his hand. His delicate silver chains jingled with every nervous twitch of his nose rings.

“I do not comprehend,” Quaraun muttered, eyeing the swirling numbers with dread. “The eights appear akin to the threes. Or perhaps the threes resemble the fives? I am uncertain. I am not adept at mathematics. I have never been adept at mathematics. Mathematics eludes me. Numbers confound me. Confound me, they do. They do confound me. I am not good at Maths.”

“Ya’re holdin’ it upside down, Love,” BoomFuzzy snorted, flipping the Elf’s deck with a swat of his talon. “Yer playin’ the six as a nine an’ tha’ wee green one’s nae a four, it’s a fuckin’ chair.”

“That card is not a chair,” GhoulSpawn said, peering over Quaraun’s hand. “It’s a four. But, like, I see what you mean. The art is kinda weird.”

“I despise this game,” Quaraun sighed. “This game despises me. The game is numbers. I am not numbers. I am silk. Silk and glitter. Not arithmetic. Arithmetic and I are enemies. We have always been enemies. Enemies always we have been.”

“Cannae be enemies if ya dunnae ken what numbers are, eh?” BoomFuzzy laughed, shoving his entire stack into the centre with a yell. “BLITZ! I win! Again! Suck me dick!”

“You reshuffled twice and pulled from GhoulSpawn’s stack when I was not looking,” Quaraun deadpanned, fluffing his pink feather boas with mild annoyance.

“Eh, tha’s tactics! Blitz blitz blitz! Fizz fizz fizz!”

GhoulSpawn paused, scratching his horn with the corner of a card.

“Dude. He totally blitzed your stack with your own cards.”

Quaraun scowled. His ears drooped. His chains jangled a mournful chime.

“I declare this game heresy. Heretical blasphemy of numbers. An offence to logic. Logic offends me. I am offended.”

“Want me to count the stacks for you next round?” GhoulSpawn offered gently. “Like, I can totally be your wingman. We could do a team mode. We’d crush him.”

Quaraun nodded solemnly.

“I require a partner. I require support. I am not a mathematician. I am a weaver. I count threads. Threads, not digits. Silk threads. Not cardboard heresy.”

“Aye, team up all ya want,” BoomFuzzy growled with a wicked smirk, pulling out a licorice whip and chewing noisily. “I still win. Blitzes an’ witches. Witches an’ blitzes. Hahaha! Yer all doomed tae lose. Lose tae the fucking Screaming Unicorn.”

GhoulSpawn groaned.

“Oh no, he’s doing the double reverse epizeuxis again.”

Quaraun laid his forehead dramatically upon the icy table.

“It is all doom and gloom. Gloom and doom.”

BoomFuzzy threw his head back and laughed, slapping the table so hard it knocked over the tea.

“Right, best two outta forty-seven, aye?”

Quaraun sighed, dramatically, mournfully, dramatically again.

“I love you both, but playing games is so difficult.”

“Then let me win!” GhoulSpawn yelled as BoomFuzzy snuck another card from his boot.

“Ya win every time, ya wee numeric necromantic goat!”

“I’m a sheep!”

“I am so confused,” Quaraun said.

“Stop hiding cards in your hat!” GhoulSpawn said to BoomFuzzy.

“Stop bein’ good at math!”

“Stop being dead!”

BoomFuzzy gasped in mock insult.

“Ya wound me, me sparkly shrimp! I only cheat because I love ya!”

“I fail to see how this is affection.”

“‘Cause when I cheat, it means I care.”

GhoulSpawn laughed and threw down his final card.

“BLITZ!”

BoomFuzzy howled.

“SONOFA — ! YA RIGGED THIS!”

“You literally had three hands.”

“I earned those hands!”

“You stole those hands!”

“Semantics!”

They froze.

Not from argument.

But from the wind.

The whistle.

The warning.

The sky outside rumbled.

Above them, blue lightning split the heavens.

More comet shards fell.

Outside, the moan of a zombie.

Low.

Wet.

Hungering.

GhoulSpawn rose to shut the storm door.

Quaraun flicked his Rainbow Wand to Silver Mode, creating a protective dome of energy around their temporary shelter.

BoomFuzzy silently counted the cards in his shirt sleeve and tucked them deeper.

“Rematch?” GhoulSpawn asked.

Quaraun sighed again.

“I suppose. We have nothing else to do til the storm let’s up.”

BoomFuzzy grinned.

“Ah I’ll prepare me extra hand. For love.”

If you never heard of the game they are playing, it is this:

• Original Dutch Blitz Card Game and Dutch Blitz Expansion Pack Bundle with Storage Bag by Mr Dice

• eBook Editions from this series can be found on: GumRoad
• Print Paperback & Hardcover Editions from this series can be found on: Amazon

The Pink Necromancer, Moon Elf silk weaver & merchant: Quaraun on Noodle Beach. His master chef Phooka turned Lich husband: BoomFuzzy with his 1968 VW Bus Beach Noodle Food Truck. And their on again/off again mad scientist Sheep Demon lover: GhoulSpawn with his 1974 AMC Gremlin time machine. Time Travel setting swings back and forth between 40th century Maine after a comet hit the moon decimating the planet, and the 1970s, Maine. Quaraun in the main character, he and BoomFuzzy are a married gay couple. GhoulSpawn is their shared live-in lover. Art by Wendy Christine Allen.

BoomFuzzy King Gwallmaiic aka BoomFuzzy the Unicorn: Quaraun's husband, BoomFuzzy aka King Gwallmaiic, a Scottish Phooka, who is King of The UnSeelie Court. Quaraun is his court mage and advisor, as well as the only Elf in The UnSeelie Court. BoomFuzzy is a "classic fantasy type" Necromancer who uses sorcery to raise the dead. Being a Faerie he is also an illusionist and master of trickster magic. By profession, he is a Master Chef, owning the global monopoly on restaurants, taverns, pubs, and food trucks. Until his death, BoomFuzzy was regarded as the world's most powerful wizard. He is now a Lich. BoomFuzzy is also half-Human. His mother was a Mongolian/Chinese Human, which is why he wears distinctively Asian outfits, along with a great kilt worn as a cape. Known as BoomFuzzy the Unicorn, he often takes the form of a purple Unicorn. BoomFuzzy's exact age is unknown, though he was well over two thousand years old at the time of his death, and Quaraun resurrected him as a Lich around 500+ years ago, making him close to 3,000 years old. In his BlackBird form he is fifteen thousand years old. Art by Wendy Christine Allen

Quaraun Quaraun the Insane aka The Pink Necromancer: The F2M transgender Persian Moon Elf main character: The Pink Necromancer, Quaraun The Insane, with BoomFuzzy the Unicorn. F2M for those unaware = Quaraun was biologically born female, but transitioned to live as a male; this is why there are stories where Quaraun is sometimes pregnant, in spite of being male and using he/him male pronouns. Quaraun is a Necromancer by the actual dictionary definition of the word, meaning he is a psychic medium who sees and hears ghosts, and uses tarot, spirit boards, and seances to communicate with the dead. By profession he is a silk weaver/tailor/silk merchant. Quaraun is an Elder God JellyFish who takes the form of an Elf to blend in with society. His 12 foot long hair is made out of venomous, stinging jellyfish tentacles. Quaraun is BoomFuzzy's apprentice and regarded as the world's most powerful still living wizard. Quaraun's exact age is unknown, but he is somewhere around 750 years old. In his SunTa form he is twelve thousand years old. The Scared Pink JellyFish that lives in him, is stated to being over two million years old. Art by Wendy Christine Allen

Faeries vs Elves (In The Quaraun Series) A Pink Necromancer World Lore Post

The Pink Necromancer: The Adventures of Quaraun The Insane aka The Twighlight Manor Series

🌸🦄🌸 Furry Yaoi Fiction about Elves and Faeries and Satyrs and Demons and Unicorns and Technomancer Wizards and Liches living in a Lighthouse and surviving as Travelling Merchants and Food Truck Chefs in Cyberpunk Dystopian 40th Century Maine, and Zombie Apocalypse and Time Travel but it’s Slice of Life Vignettes of Mundane Daily Lives of The UnSeelie Court’s Royal Family trying to survive after a comet hit the moon and turned the Earth into a CyberPunk Ice-Age. 🌸🦄🌸

• eBook Editions from this series can be found on: GumRoad

• Kindle, eBook, Print Paperback, & full colour illustrated Hardcover Editions from this series can be found on: Amazon

Main characters: The Pink Necromancer, Quaraun (A Moon Elf) and his husband King Gwallmaiic aka BoomFuzzy aka The Elf Eater of Pepper Valley, Lich King of Fire Mountain (A Phooka/Faerie).

BoomFuzzy is King of The UnSeelie Court;

Quaraun is his Court Mage;

GhoulSpawn (not pictured) is Quaraun’s apprentice.

They are the world’s three most evil super villains, though they do not see themselves as evil. They own the world’s only functioning BioDome and thus hold the world’s monopoly on crops, food, livestock, and fabric, holding the Human population at their sadistic mercy.

These stories are told from their point of view.

 — — Art by Wendy Christine Allen

Meet The Characters

Books By Wendy Christine Allen
Currently Available on Amazon Kindle:

Index of the Quaraun novels, novellas, & short story collections on Amazon

And GumRoad:

Index of the Quaraun short stories on GumRoad

On Medium:

An Index of the more than TWO THOUSAND Quaraun Short Stories on Medium

(NOTE: a $5 or $15 per month paid subscription required to access stories on Medium)

On Vocal:

Index of the Quaraun short stories on Vocal

On Notd:

Index of the Quaraun Short Stories on Notd

On OnlyFans:

Index of the Quaraun Short Stories on OnlyFans

Pink Necromancer Merch: On CafePress:

An Index of the Quaraun Merch on CafePress

Pink Necromancer Merch: On Zazzle:

Index of the Quaraun Merch on Zazzle

Not Quaraun:

This page was written by Wendy Christine Allen of 146 Portland Ave, Old Orchard Beach, Maine.

All Rights Reserved.