EelKat Wendy C Allen - Dark Fantasy Author
EelKat Wendy C Allen - Author Interview: Spell Casting Side Effects: Magic In Quaraun's Universe | Fantasy Author Interview


UPDATE March 17, 2021: Another death. Waiting for a coffin to be delivered. Funeral the 21st. Unlikely to be streaming for a few weeks.


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Update: March 27, 2021: It's not even been a week since the funeral, and now there is another death and another funeral.



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UPDATE April 5, 2021: There are still no streams, as, we've now a another (a 3rd) funeral to prepare for.


And that is now 3 deaths in our family, in the past 2 weeks.


This 3rd death hits hard, because it was Pippi.


Our family has now had 13 deaths since March 2020.








April 10, 2015, 12 children were kidnapped.

May 15, 2015, the heads of 10 of them were nailed to my door.

August 24, 2020, one was found still alive. he was just 4 years old when she was kidnapped, but she remembered us, even though 5 years had passed.

August 25, 2020, Pippi came home, but her condition was not well. She had been tortured the entirety of the 5 years she had been held hostage. She was missing limbs and covered with scars, had broken bones many years not set, and suffered serious damage to many of her internal organs. That she was alive at all, in her condition, was a miracle. Doctors had little hope of her survival and she was sent home with Hospice care.

Pippi had cancer in her eye and needed surgery for it, which she was scheduled to have, shortly before she was kidnapped.

In the years they had her, not only did they torture her, but her cancer went untreated and spread to her brain.

By the time she was returned to us, her cancer had reached an inoperable state, so we knew she did not have much time left.

Had her cancer been treated, back when she was a toddler, she probably would have reach adulthood.

She died only 8 months after her return.

Another child, to cry out from the grave, for Etiole's vengeance upon her murderers. Another victim of evil men, who will stoop to no ends, to bury the crimes they committed 50 years ago.  Drug lords. Opium growers. Heroine dealers. Selling little girls 4 to 8 years old for sex to priests. They only care about money.

All hail the mighty tourist ass. Millions come to Old Orchard Beach every year, for one thing and one thing only: heroine. They sell their drugs to the tourists under the pier and off the balconies of that giant motel. Than drag little girls to the bedrooms of the condominiums on Smithwheel Road, behind the school. And any child who dares open their mouth and beg for help, gets tossed in the GooseFare Brooke Ravine.

Bastard drug lords. They've been doing this for 50 years, and the town hall and the police department, turn a blind eye to it, because they get paid $6million a year to not report it to the newspapers, when the body of another child washes down the ravine, into the gulley to be spit out in the ocean. No fewer than 5 bodies are found every summer, but how often does it get in the news?

The corruption of this fucking town needs to end.

Yet another dead at the hands of these criminals who run our town.

How long will the residents continue to turn a blind eye to what is happening in our town.

How many more children will you let them kill, before you stand up to them?

Another child is dead and no one in this town cares. So long as they get their money from the tourists. The blood of another murdered child screams from the graves, begging for justice. Tick tock, tick tock, so begins, yet another of Etiole's 7 year clocks.

This is why there were no/to few streams from May 2020 until now.

May 2020, after 4 years of not hearing from them at all, the FBI returned with a lead, which led to Pip's discovery a few weeks later in August.

Because of the nature of the situation, I could not talk about it, to tell you why streams had stopped.

The kidnappers, were enraged that we had recovered Pip, and that is when the attacks started up again on my home and family September 2020.

Pip's condition continued to grow worse, and she died April 5, 2021.

She was only 10 years old.

This is what it means, to not be white in America.

White men, won't even give a child the chance to grow up.

This is what white people do, to none white families like mine.

We are Gypsies with Jewish blood, for that alone we are hunted like animals.

What the men of Old Orchard Beach, Maine, did to my family, will never be forgotten or forgiven.




#If you have any information on the kidnappers or the murders...


#FBI Agent Andy Drewer out of the Portland, Maine FBI office is in charge of the of the April 10, 2015 kidnapping of my 12 children by 14 Ku Klux Klan men who invaded our home and the subsequent May 15, 2015 murder of 10 of the 12 whom had their heads nailed to my front door. If you have information about the case, give it to him not me. He can be reached @ +1-(207)-774-9322 


Have you forgot the extent of the damage these people did, all because, they wanted to dig up my land and removed bodies buried there, before my house builders found that barrel of bones?

Have you forgotten that 7 town hall workers, 5 public works men, a blond woman, her bald son, and her red haired sister Kendra, and 14 police officers, all lead by a man they referred to as "Mark who needs no last name" were the ones 

I name every one of them, except for the ring leaders: blond woman, her bald son, her sister Kendra, and her husband "Mark who needs no last name". I don't know who those 4 are. I'd never seen any of them, other than the Kendra woman before, and I only knew her fro her attacks beating me up at Panera in 2009, 2010, and 2013.

I can name every one of the others, because all I have to do is go to the Old Orchard Beach town hall and police department website, and their are their faces.

With the exception of blond woman, her bald son, her sister Kendra, and her husband "Mark who needs no last name", every one else involved was government official who works for the state of Maine vis the Old Orchard Beach Town Hall, the Old Orchard Beach Police Department, or the Old Orchard Beach Public Works.

And what exactly did they do?

August 8, 2013 they drove a backhoe over my house. That same backhoe drove over my previous house on the same land April 2007. That same backhoe drove over my poultry barn and horse stables July 2001. July 2001 was the first attack.

March 2015 was the the massive attack, with an entire fleet of trucks, and drove over the Church of the Holy Rhinstone, a church that stood on my land, my garage which is why I no longer have a garage to put my car in, my 2 sheds both of which had my tractors and other garden/crop machinery in them at the time. And of course the razing of the land, the cutting down of the apple orchard - the VERY apple orchard planted in 1530 that this town was named after... he actual "old orchard" of Old Orchard Beach... the very original trees - huge massive apple trees over 400 years old. The grape vineyards, the cherry trees, the pears trees. 

April 10, 2015, they returned, 4 police officer held me a gun point, while 10 other police officers held my children down with long poles with metal wire strangle loops on the end, and beat their faces in with cinder block bricks, knocking out every one of their teeth, breaking their jaws... POLICE OFFICERS DID THAT... while men they referred to as "Mark who needs no last name" and "Dan" stood there and told the police officers what to do, how to beat them, while "Mark who needs no last name" boldly bragged that he paid the Old Orchard Beach police $6million dollars to do this.

May 15, 2015... the heads, hands, feet, and intestines of my children were nailed to my door. Later that same day police officer W. W. came to my home begging for forgiveness and claimed that men he referred to only as "Mark and Dan" were holding his beloved mother-in-law hostage and torturing her, and he helped in the April 10, 2015 attack, only to save her life and get her back. He claimed he had no prior knowledge of what was going to happen, claiming that he'd been told they were only going to "scare" us. He said he had not expected anyone to get hurt, he had not known my children would be tortured and kidnapped, he had not known they were going to be murdered. He said he was scared for his life and lives of his family. And he said: "They form a small army, our department doesn't have enough man power to stop them, and every one in this town is too scared to fight back. You don't know what's going on. And I think they mixed you up with someone else. They didn't know you were the owner of this land. They didn't know that was your motorhome. They thought someone else owned this place. It wasn't even your family they were after. You were the wrong target. You don't know who these people are. What they've done to our families. This is the actual Mafia. The real deal. I'm so sorry. This is the address they sent us to. But they had a different name as the owner. This wasn't supposed to happen. They were after someone else. I'm so sorry. I couldn't let my family died. And now yours is dead instead. This wasn't supposed to happen."

June 19, 2016... I did a very specific livestream. You see... A., D., B., and T. in the 1970s and 1980s, were in the habit of dragging big black trash bags into the forest, crossing my land to do it, and dumping those bags into the Goosefare Brook Ravine. In 1983, 3 snuck into Etiole's swamp and planted 3 acres of Marijuana. Someone found it and called the police, I don't know who... it was Maine's largest drug raid for decades. Many, many millions in plants where dug up and removed from Etiole's swamp. A few weeks later A, & D,s 10 year old daughter ran into my yard, touched my car on a dare from other children - the 1964 Dodge 330 former Old Orchard Beach police car, known by Stephen King fans as the REAL Christine, The World's Most Haunted Car... than jumped her bike, and sped down the road, as fast as she could, head on into a car coming the other way. She died instantly, he brain shattered all over the end of my driveway, and her mother A responded by the Battle of 458 - the biggest mass shooting ever in Maine history, that ended up with 3 Gypsy clans and 2 police departments, in a shoot out between 70+ adults all armed with guns. One of my cousins, an 8 year old boy, standing 3 feet from me, had his eye shot out by one of the bullets. While A ran around the street screaming: "FOUR! FIVE! EIGHT!" than shot another child. 

"FOUR! FIVE! EIGHT!" than shoot another child. 

"FOUR! FIVE! EIGHT!" than shoot another child. 

THOSE are the 31 children, whose bones were sawed up and tossed into the GooseFare Brook Ravine... yes, that DOES mean, police officers KNEW those children were there and covered it up.  And I witnessed that entire event.

And THAT is WHY... when police officers murdered my family in 2015, I did a livestream, walking to the ravine, to show the world, where those bones were... because I'm sick and tired of the police corruption in this fucking town, and those sawed up bones of 31 children are PROOF of what this town government is like.... as are the heads of my children that were nailed to my door.

At the end of The Battle of 4-5-8... A. took 2 gas cans and poured them all over the big dome house, than set a match to it, and no one knew, why when she did her brother B., started running, jumped in his robin egg blue truck and backed down the driveway, hit Portland Ave doing 70 and didn't stop driving until the high speed chase caught him in CT... oh but we knew before he was out of sight, why he started running... the dome house went up like Hiroshima into a mushroom cloud that could be seen across the entire state... turns out there was a Meth lab in that house.

June 19, 2016... the livestream of the bones went viral, it's what made my YouTube channel suddenly explode overnight... and police officer W.W. upset, by the fact that, the livestream included the entire police call and response, and that response was to laugh and do nothing... fed up with the corruption in his department, he forwarded that livestream VOD to the FBI, and the FBI arrived in Old Orchard Beach, to dig up the Reclaim Blueberry Plains, and all hell broke lose in this town, as most of the police officers suddenly found themselves arrested. An entire new police force from out of state was brought in to replace the long time officers who had proven they could be trusted to uphold the law. Many town hall officials and public works employees also found themselves arrested by the FBI.

June 26, 2016... barely a week later... the blond woman and the red haired Kendra woman showed up at my workplace, Scarborough WalMart, and tried to kill me, yet again... these are the same 2 woman who attacked me with golf clubs at Southern Maine Community College November 14, 2013... they left dead in 2013, I was paralized for 5 months. It took me 18 months to relearn to walk. I was out of the wheel chair, and I was without a walker, I was without a cane. I had almost fully covered from their November 14, 2013 attack with golf clubs... June 26, 2016, this time they attacked with shopping carts, and I'm now crippled for the rest of my life. They shattered 3 vertebra this time and it can't be operated on. I had to relearn to walk a second time, and I'm not yet recovered now in 2021. In 2013 they drove away in the 4 door white pickup truck. In 2016 they drove away in a gold Volvo SUV station wagon.

That blond woman and her red haired Kendra sister, they are wanted by the FBI for attempted murder of me and they are also wanted in questioning for being suspected of also being the murderers of my children.

I don't know who these 2 women are.

The blond woman shows up my driveway frequently, screaming and yelling, sometime accompanied by a small child, about 5 years old, that she pulls behind her in a red radio flyer wagon. She looks to be about 60 or 70. She often wears a denim button down shirt and jeans. She's prone to yelling at passing cars, while pointing up my driveway, and saying: "There's EelKat, she tried to kill my husband."

I've never tried to kill anyone, so accusation is baffling at best.

She seems to think I know who she is, and has made the claim, that "I was that brat in school"... the red haired Kendra woman, sometimes with her, claims to be her sister, also appears to be 60 to 70 and also seems to think I know who she is, and frequently says: "You bullied me in school, but no more, I'm Kendra SilverMander it's my turn to shine."

They BOTH make the claim they went to school with me, and yet, I never went to school, a well documented fact... because I'm the child the FBI rescued what the news media called "Maine's House of Horrors". I was locked in a cage when I was 8 years old. I was let out on Sundays, to go to church, and not allowed to speak or make eye contact with anyone, and this was only done infrequently, whenever church goers asked what happened to that girl you had". I was 31 years old when the FBI arrived, because of Heaven's Gate having killed 39 people, and my uncle being one of the members and self proclaiming himself as the leader of Heaven's Gate after Applewhite's death. The FBI was investigating the murder of 39 people in California, and had no idea they'd find children in cages in Maine as a result.

So you see, when the blond woman and her Kendra sister, make the claim they went to school with me and I was the class bully who beat them up, this is easily proven false, because the time period when I should have been in school, I was locked in a cage, being tortured by my sadistic uncle Bruce.

Also, they are in their late 60s to mid 70s... making them older than my parents, so how could I have been in school with them, even if I had gone to school? At best I would have been starting pre-school the year they would have been graduating high school.

These things they say about school, only further agrees with what police officer W. W. said May 15, 2015, when he made the claim, they had gotten me mixed up with someone else.

July 2016, a month after the shopping cart attack... yet another Old Orchard Beach police officer arrived, this one accompanied by 2 Biddeford officers, who had been former OOB officers... these 3 officers, had a vastly eye opening story to tell me.

They had been called to Old Orchard Beach, to my farm, to arrest me, a call made to them, by a man named Mark, whom one of these officers, claimed was his brother in law. This Biddeford officer, said he requested to transfer ot of Old Orchard Beach department years ago, because his sister (whom he claimed he suspected, but could not prove was the blond woman whom had attacked me at WalMart) was quote "trying to control the town" he said "treats Old Orchard Beach like a dynasty, thinks she's a duchess, has severe mental disorders, and thought she could buy the police department". He went on to say, she got in with the real Mafia years ago and went to her head, and now she thinks she IS the Mafia and most of Old Orchard Beach's business owners, especially the motel owners are scared shitless of her, because they believe her claim to be Mafia. He went on to say, she's not Mafia, but she's good at convincing people she is and stated "I wouldn't murder beyond her. She'd do it just to prove she is Mafia." He said he transferred out of OOB department to Biddeford department because he was fed up with how easy it was for her to get every officer to do anything she asked. He said "the corruption in that department runs deep; don't cross her or any officer she controls; they WILL kill you and every around you. You don't know who her husband is. He doesn't just control that town, he controls half the state."

What he was telling me was bizarre on extremes, but even more bizarre was the live feed radio call, that he had me listen too, as it was happening, on my farm in Old Orchard, while I was at my dad's house in Biddeford.

He said: "The Old Orchard Department called me, asked me to come over here. Buddy Will wanted to prove you were not in Old Orchard and that Mark has you mixed up with someone else. That fucking bastard is crying wolf and trying to frame you, we can prove it right now. We are fucking fed up WolfBoy."

He turned on his radio, so I could hear. A what I heard... a man whose voice I do not recognize, yelling at a Officer W.W. and saying: 

"That is Wendy, arrest her now! That is EelKat. She tried to kill me."

While officer W.W. and another officer, told the man: "his isn't Wendy. We have officers with her right now. Who tried to kill you? Wendy? Or THIS woman right here?"

"This woman right here! This is EelKat I tell you! Arrest her! What do you think I pay you for! You aren't allow to defy me! I own this town! You are my slaves. I command you to arrest her!"

W.W.: "This isn't EelKat. This isn't Wendy. I've known her for years. And right now, she's on the other side of the state. With 3 officers, listening to you right now. You are NOT the law. We've had it with you. You don't own me. And you've mixed her up with someone else. You've been harassing the wrong damned person. You dare call us about Wendy ever again, and I will personally arrest you for false reports, than I'll tell them everything. You'll never see the outside a prison for the rest of your life when I get done with you. You fucking leave this woman alone. You destroyed her life, because you couldn't tell her apart from someone else."

I used to aqua jog, mountain climb, horseback riding, and I hiked 13 miles a day. And in the blink of an eye, that lifestyle was taken away, and every day was struggle, just to sit up and breath, with no hope of ever walking again. I defied doctors. It's been 8 years and I can move around the house by holding on to things and I now can walk again, at the moment only short distances outside with a cane, and the hope is to continue to improve. I still have a long road of recovery ahead. But I'm walking again, something that 8 years ago, doctors said would never happen. 

My farm was razed.

My family was murdered.

I was 5 months paralysed, and had to relearn to walk. It was 8 years ago and I'm not yet fully recovered due to 3 inoperable vertebrae and hip dysplasia. November 14, 2013, 10PM, at WalMart, while putting bags of groceries in the back seat of my car, I was attacked by 3 rapists armed with metal golf clubs, who left me parallelized, in a wheel chair, broken spine, broken hip, broken pelvis, broken knees, serve nerve damage to my left side limiting the use of my left hand, my bladder incontinent from nerve damage, they left me for dead, and I had doctors telling me I would never walk again.

There's more that has happened. A lot more. The thousands of gallons of sewage they pumped into my motorhome in 2015. The cats. the Ptarmagin cats. World famous groups of cats. You remember them. If so, you remember what these people did to those cats. Poisoned. All dead the same day. 12 cats. Dead to what the vet described as: "enough poison to kill a great dane". My horse, she had her head beat in with a rock. My bantam roosters... 70 pet roosters, hung by their necks in rope nooses in my rose bushes.

All because this man, this mystery Mark, whose last name seems to be known to the police but is still unknown to me and man whom I've never seen or met - he keeps his face covered whenever he shows up... mistook me for someone else... and police officers and town hall workers and public work employees.

Welcome to Old Orchard Beach... this is NOT the way life should be, you know it.

What these people did to me, should never have happened, and according to the police, it's been happening for 50+ years to hundreds of people, hundreds of families, in this town, and every one is too scare to talk about it or fight back to stop it. That NEEDS to change.

The corruption in our town, needs to stop... but it won't end, until every last person who is being harassed by these people stand up, put their foot down, and say enough is enough, we ain't gonna take this any more.

We the people of Old Orchard Beach need to take back our town.


NOTE: Chat is set to emote only on my Twitch channel and my personal contact information has been removed from my website and every place else, due to the HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS of false reports of "information", along with vile hateful memes about the murder of my family being sent to me by trolls who think mocking the murder of my family is funny.

FBI Agent Andy Drewer out of the Portland, Maine FBI office is in charge of the of the April 10, 2015 kidnapping of my 12 children by 14 Ku Klux Klan men who invaded our home and the subsequent May 15, 2015 murder of 10 of the 12 whom had their heads nailed to my front door. If you have information about the case, give it to him not me. He can be reached @ +1-(207)-774-9322 



If you could recommend I watch one VOD that best represented your channel, which would it be?

This one....




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Quaraun The Insane:
Volume 1:  
The Night of The Screaming Unicorn
The Lich's True Form Revealed 

The Night of The Screaming Unicorn
Final Chapter 
The Lich's True Form Revealed 





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The Night of The Screaming Unicorn
Final Chapter 
The Lich's True Form Revealed 














The Night of The Screaming Unicorn
Final Chapter 
The Lich's True Form Revealed 

Quaraun opened his eyes. The sun was shining over head. For a moment he forgot where he was, until he turned over and saw a tiny little black Shetland pony, with claws instead of hooves, long fangs, and a silver horn, laying, curled on its side, peacefully sleeping beside him. It was a tiny little horse, no bigger then a Golden Retriever. Quaraun sat up and looked around. He groaned from the sharp pain in his neck and groin. He would not quickly forget last night's encounter. Or was it last night? The pain in his side was gone. Quaraun checked his ribs. The wound was healed. He wondered how many nights had passed since he'd arrived. A single night in the Realm of Fae could have been decades in Earth time.

Quaraun looked around him. He was not in the oubliette any more. He was outside, in the blueberry plains at the edge of the forest, back near the fallen tree where he had started. The forest was not nearly as dense as it had been before, nor the fog as thick, nor the ruins as tall and menacing. Everything looked smaller, less frightening, less spooky, more natural, more real.

Quaraun looked back down at the Faerie. 

“BoomFuzzy,” Quaraun whispered as he stared down at the sleeping Faerie Horse.

Upon BoomFuzzy's death, the Elven candy maker's body had melted away, as one illusion after another faded, all of his many forms dissolving and melding together, until at last the true beast had been revealed. A tiny black pony, no bigger then a goat, is what BoomFuzzy had actually been. An evil marsh Unicorn, from the heaths of Scotland, that had followed the Moon Elf to the deserts of the Di'Jinn in Persia. His whole life, everywhere he went, Quaraun had been followed by a small herd of black ponies, lead by one shaggy, raggedy, scraggly, greying haired old pony with long sharp fangs, talons instead of hooves, silver eyes blinded by age, and a gleaming spiralling silver horn on it's head. 

Quaraun had seen the pony dozens of times throughout his life time. The evil Unicorn had followed him for centuries. Several times Quaraun had tried to catch it, but it always ran away. Timid, skittish, the little black Unicorn had liked to run up behind the Elf, then run away laughing hysterically. In his childhood, Quaraun had grown to think of the Unicorn as his friend. Then one day, the Unicorn came to play, no more. Weeks passed and Quaraun had feared the Unicorn dead. After several months, one day while running errands for the Di'Jinn, Quaraun found himself in a desert marketplace, passing a tent, in which he had heard the mournful cries of a horse being beaten. Inside the tent, he had found his little black Unicorn, crippled and maimed. His horn sawed off, his legs broken, shackled in Faerie Iron, and blood pouring from his gasping mouth.

To capture a Phooka was a difficult task, but this band of Chaos Demons, the Ghoul’s men, had set a trap, a virgin locked in a cage made of Faerie Iron, and once they got the pony inside, he was powerless to break free. The evil Unicorn had been tortured and was close to death. A Unicorn's power lay in it's horn. Without his horn, the horse was unable to morph, unable to fight, unable to cast illusions. Quaraun had wasted no time in rescuing the injured pony and setting it free, back out into the desert of the Di'Jinn, but from that day forth, the pony never stopped following him. Every day the pony now stayed outside the temple of the Di'Jinn and waited for the little Elfling to come out and play.

The Thullid, did not understand the Elf's need for companionship. They did not understand, the friendship between the young Elf boy and his horse. And one day, when he went to meet his pony by the river, Quaraun found the Di'Jinn waiting.

The ponies fled in terror but few escaped the wrath of the Di'Jinn and the black Unicorn watched in terror as the Thullids slaughtered his Phookan army.

The young Elf stood over the dead ponies in tears.

With the herd of ponies dead, the Thullids turned upon the little black Unicorn, that led the herd, but didn't live long enough to kill him. 

“You'll not kill my Unicorn!” 



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They were the last words the Thullids heard.

The Unicorn watched as every last Di'Jinn withered away and died in horrific agony, their body's bursting into flames, and reduced to ash, under the wrath of their beloved pink Jellyfish living in the body of a very lonely Moon Elf. The Thullids had underestimated the powers of the Jelly-brained Elf, as much as they had underestimated his love for the little black Unicorn.

All life in the desert was gone, save a small Elf wearing pink Thullid silks and a tiny black Unicorn, no bigger then a goat. The dazed and confused Elf turned around and walked out of the desert, and walked clear across the planet, making his way back home to the Moon Elf village of the Deep North, while the Phooka gathered up what little remained of his army and trailed along behind.

Years passed as the pink robed wizard priest, walked across the planet and everywhere Quaraun went, rumours gathered, of the Moon Elf Necromancer in Thullid clothes, and the bodies he left behind in every village he visited. In the years it took for him to walk back home, he had gained a reputation for being the single most feared being to ever exist: more feared then the Thullids, more feared then the Lich Lords, more feared then the Elf Eater himself.

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And worse, was the new rumours – that where the pink Necromancer walked, the Elf Eater followed. In every city, every town, every hamlet, every village – as the pink Necromancer left, the fierce Phookan King entered, hours after the Moon's Elf's passing. King Gwallmaiic, King of the Faeries, the Elf Eater of Pepper Valley, evillest of all evils, was never far behind the pink Necromancer.

And so, Quaraun's reputation grew, as fear crept into the hearts of every being on the planet, terrified, not of the timid Moon Elf, but of the fierce blood thirsty Phooka that shadowed his every move.

And then it stopped.

Quaraun had returned home, and days after his arrival, a gingerbread house fell from the sky. BoomFuzzy's candy shop. The strange little Elf, with soulless black eyes, turned silver with age, sharp fangs, and demonic claws. Quaraun knew immediately BoomFuzzy was a Phooka, shifted into Elf form. He knew it was his Unicorn, now taking a physical form which allowed the two to be lovers. For 30 years the two lived together and would have lived happily ever after, had Quaraun's father not thought to break up the union. The devastated Moon Elf found his beloved BoomFuzzy dying in a pool of blood, too late to save him, from a Lich making ritual. As the spell took the life from BoomFuzzy's body, Quaraun had watched the illusion slip away, and the little black unicorn, die in horrific agony.

And with that his life long friend was gone. 

A Lich rose up in his place. An evil Lich, unlike any Lich before it. A Lich that slaughtered millions and had no memory of the life he'd lived with the Elf.

For two hundred years, the poor devastated Elf studied everything he could find onLiches, travelling to the ends of the earth to gather up any knowledge he could of Phookas, Unicorns, and Liches, searching desperately for a way to undo the Lich spell and restore the life back to his one true love.

One day, he took one of the Lich's phylacteries, made a golem out of ice, and cast a piece of BoomFuzzy's soul into it. The little ice pony galloped off, leaving the Elf to think he had failed once again, but unbeknownst to him, this time something worked, and the Lich was reverted back into a physical flesh and blood body, once again able to touch and feel and eat and sleep and live again. Thus King Gwallmaiic, turned BoomFuzzy, turned Unicorn, was now a Lich living within a physical body, once again alive and now reunited with his dearly beloved Moon Elf.

Quaraun looked down at the sleeping pony, laying beside him. There was no question, this was BoomFuzzy. He could not explain it, but he knew it was true. BoomFuzzy was back. Alive again. And a Lich. BoomFuzzy was now a Lich. An evil, horrible Lich that had slaughtered millions. It tore at Quaraun's heart, his love for BoomFuzzy and the knowing that this was also the most feared, bloodiest monster to ever live.

Unicorn was sound asleep. The Phooka was totally unmorphed now, lost in a deep, relaxed, restful sleep. The illusions were gone. He couldn't maintain them in his sleep. The trickster Fae beside him, was vastly changed from the monstrous beast he had seen last night, or whatever night it had been. While the claws and fangs remained, the rest of the Phooka's features looked far more frail now. And old. Very old. Incredibly old beyond belief. Quaraun suddenly realized that this Faerie horse was truly ancient, perhaps thousands of years old.

And with that thought, Quaraun suddenly realized that this was his chance to escape. More then escape...the monster, the Lich, was in a deep tranquil sleep, he could easily kill it while it slept. Quaraun had never seen a live Phooka fully unmorphed before, but he knew that in it's true form a Phooka was a Faerie Horse, a water horse from the Realm of Fae, similar to a Kelpie and related to a Unicorn. Quaraun suspected the small, clawed, fanged, horned pony laying asleep beside him, was in fact the Phooka's true form. It felt safe. It's guard was down, Quaraun could kill it while it slept and be free to leave.

Quaraun reached into the little embroidered heart hanging from his belt and pulled out a jewelled obsidian dagger. He put the black bladed dagger to the Faerie's throat about to cut it's head off, but something stopped him.

"Faerie blood," Quaraun muttered to himself. "It's a valuable thing. Very useful. The Phylacteries of the Lich Lords...I need the blood of a Fae for that. The trouble is how to get it. These things must be done properly or the spell won't work."







 Quaraun knelt over the sleeping Faerie for several minutes, thinking what to do and how to best do it.

"The Elf-Eater of Pepper Valley. That's what he specialized in. Killing Faeries, using their blood. He's one of the Lich Lord's now, only Faerie blood can open his phylactery," Quaraun muttered to himself. "Oh my poor BoomFuzzy. What to do with you? I love you. I can't kill you."

Quaraun sat beside the sleeping Phooka, still holding the dagger over it's throat.

"The Obsidian Idol..." Quaraun exclaimed, louder than he had intended.

"What twere that?"

Quaraun glanced back down at the Phooka who was now awake, and staring up at the jewelled dagger in Quaraun's hand.

"Would ya kill me in me sleep?" Asked the Phooka as he sat up, pushing Quaraun's hand aside.

"Is this your true form?"

"Aye. This what I really look like. There be no illusions now."

"You're a horse?"

"No. I is a unicorn. There's a horn on me head. Did ya miss seeing that? I have claws instead of hooves. Fangs instead of teeth. I is a Phooka. Cousin to the Kelpie. A type of unicorn. We Phookas is Swamp Unicorns. We haunt brackish water swamps along the coast. We has black fur instead of white. Long shaggy fur instead of short, smooth and slick. And me horn is silver instead of gold. I is a Phooka. A type of Unicorn."

"Unicorns went extinct."

"I know. I was the last one to die. I tried to hold on, but does ya know how depressing  it is to be the last of ya kind? Of corse ya do. Ya be Quaraun the Insane, last of the Moon Elves."

"Why are you letting me see your true form?"

"I had not intended to. I old and weak. It difficult for me to hold me illusions now. I fell asleep. Ya woke up before I did."

Unicorn stared at the knife in Quaraun's hand.

"Can ya not kill me in this form? I too cute and cuddly as a chubby little Shetland Pony? Do I look too sweet and harmless? Here, let me fix that."

The tiny silver horned Shetland Pony melted away, replaced by the fierce looking little wild man, whom had greeted Quuaraun at the tavern.

"This better. Easier to kill a man than a horse?"

Quaraun put his hand down.

"I'm not gonna kill you."

"No? Why not?"

"You didn't hurt me. I was wounded. Quite badly. I thought you'd kill me in my sleep. Why didn't you?"

"No reason too."

"But you eat Elves."

"Aye."

2014 novel Edition Cover Art

first mass market release 130 page short novel edition

"Why didn't eat me?"

"Half the fun of killing Elves is the chase. Chased ya for centuries. Could no kill ya once I finally caught ya. There was no sport in it. Ya was badly wounded. I think worse than ya knew. Ya would have died, had ya kept travelling on. Ya would not have made it to Inuvijk, not with that wound ya had. Yis a powerful wizard. Difficult to catch. I knew somet’ing was wrong when I caught ya. Did no realize ya was wounded. Ya should no have hiden the fact ya were wounded. I would no had been so rough with ya had I known. I did no wish to kill ya. I is a Lich. I has eternity of absolutely nothing to do. I is bored. Ya know I is over two thousand years now?"

"You was never going to hurt me were you?"

"Nay. Just wanted to finish what we started on the Road to Inuvijk, all those years ago."

"You're King Gwallmaiic."

"Aye. Ya got in me head. Strange magic ya used on me when ya did the soul bindy t'ing. I always wondered what would have happened, had I not bitten ya. How far ya would have let me go. I scared ya when I drew blood. We could have been lovers. I would have liked to been ya lover. Ya was so young back then. Where did the time go."

Tears were streaming down Quaraun's checks, as the realization of who this was, finally suck in.

"You died."

"Aye. I died. And ya blamed yarself for it. It were not ya fault. I is sorry that ya felt it was. I were very badly wounded. I were a ancient Fae. Two thousand years is long time to live. It had been long time since I fought any battles of me own. Gibedon did the fighting for me the last few decades. I had not the strength. He knew that. It were that fight with Gibedon that killed me. He wounded me. Me wound got infected. I would have died, but not quickly. I would have lingered for months in agony. The pain were getting worse. I could no walk no more. I could no take care myself. And nothing took away the pain. I killed meself to end the suffering, Quaraun. I just wanted the pain to stop. Me death was not ya fault. Ya could not have helped me and ya staying would not have stopped me. Ya do'na know how much pain I was in."

"How are you here now?"

"I is a Lich."

"I've missed you."

"I know. I felt it. We is soul bound. I feel ever t’ings ya feels. Had na reckoned on that. But I could do nothing about it. My body was like a ghost. Incorporeal."

"You've a solid body now."

"I noticed that. I think ya wished for it. Back there on the road, just before the storm. I was sitting here, in me Forest of No Return, and I saw ya reading me map, and talking about killing yaself and wishing we could be together again, before ya died. And here I am. Three hundred years of no body and now I have flesh again. Ya really wanted to be with me, quite a lot, to make this happen."

"BoomFuzzy."

"Aye. Ha ha! Crazy old half Elf. I pretended to be him for so long. Thirty years. Because ya liked him. Never wore one skin so long."

"Why are you in this form now. King Gwallmaiic. Not BoomFuzzy?” 

“Ya loved BoomFuzzy, but ya lusted for Gwallmaiic. Ya would never let BoomFuzzy in ya, because ya held on to the memories of Gwallmaiic. When he raped ya. Ya wanted to feels that again. No matter how much ya loved BoomFuzzy, Gwallmaiic was the one ya wanted inside ya. And besides, this is me natural form."

"I thought the horse was."

"Aye, they both is. I came out of me mother's womb a horse, but like all Phookas I have a Human form I can take as well. This is it. Well, this was it when I were younger. I is altering it right now to look quite a bit younger."

"The old man I saw... the blind man. That's what you look like without illusions?"

"Aye. I is old and blind. And last night, that were the first time I had sex with any one in three hundred years. Ya know who the last person I had sex with before that was?"

"Gibedon?"

"No. You. I never loved Gibedon, Quaraun. I know ya thought I did, but I did not. Yis be the one I loved. Our little encounter on the road to Inuvijk. It felt good being inside of ya. Could no get excited about anyone else after that. Became obsessed with getting back inside of ya. Does ya know where we are?"

"No."

"This is the same road. This be the Road to Inuvijk. It wild and overgrown and changed quite a lot in three hundred years, but this is it. Where we is right now. This the spot where King Gwallmaiic raped ya. I knows not, why this where I came to when I died, but it is. I t'inks I was cursed to haunted this place, until ya came back. And here ya is. Ya set me free." 

"You're BoomFuzzy."

"Aye."

"You don't look like BoomFuzzy."







"BoomFuzzy was an illusion, I made to trick an Elf. You. Him weren't never real."

"He really died."

"I know."

"Come with me."

“To where?”

“Anywhere.”

"I can'na."

"Why?"

"I does not seem to be able to leave this forest. Something binds me here.” The stared at the dagger in the Elf’s hand. “Hard to kill a Lich. But ya be the one wizard what knows how to do it. Is ya gonna to kill me? I will no stop ya."

"No," Quaraun placed the dagger back in his bag. “I don't seem to be able to hurt you.”

"Mmmmm." The Phooka nodded. "I thought not. Ya has no got it in ya. Necromancer or no, yis not evil, cruel or heartless. Eating you father that twere justice. Ya kill for love, not hate, or vengeance or malice or greed. That be why I dids no bother to tie ya up again eftah fucking ya. I does nae feel no a real sense of danger from ya. I question that ya've ever actually killed anyone. Rumours is only rumours eftah all. No way to prove them right or wrong.” 

“I've killed a lot of people. I'm a monster.”

2013 long novella extended Edition cover art

the 80 page short run edition

“How come dids ya not kill me, eh? Yis a Necromancer. Isn't killing what ya do? Elves is day creatures, Phookas is night creatures. Had ya not started talking to yaself, I probably would slept throughout entire day. Ya could easily has killed me at any time once I twere asleep. Ya thought aboot it. Ya even pulled out weapon, that usit belang to the Elf-Eater of Pepper Valley, I wonder how came by both his map and his dagger, eh? Ya were aboot to slice me throat with it, or perhaps cut out me heart, eh? Faerie hearts is a common ingredient in necromantic rituals, is they not? I know a thing or two aboot Necromancers, remember? Necromancers do that I is told, cut out folks's hearts in their sleep. Ya had a chance to, ya chose not to, how come? And what be this Obsidian Idol?"

“It's...sort of..." Quaraun suddenly changed the subject. "Why didn't you kill me in my sleep?”

"No reason to. Ya never once fought me the whole time ya twere awake. Ya could has ya know. Most powerful wizard in the world, yis. Did'na even think to pull ya Rainbow Wand on me – that could have done some real damage – I has seen ya use it. Ya could has overpowered me easily at any time. Ha ha! Ya just too stupid to remember to use ya magic. Silly brainless Elf. Ya dids the same thing bak when ya got upside doun in a tree. Never once thought to fight bak. I think that is why I so attracted to ya. Yis the most innocent virgin I ever seen.”

“I'm not a virgin any more.”

“Aye. Cured ya of that did'na I? Haha! Always said I would.”

“Does that mean ya gonna eat me now?”

“What? Oh. No. Yis still innocent. Ya poor little mind ain't never gonna grow up. Yis a child in ya head, ya always will be. No matter how old or experienced ya body gets, ya brain just ain't never gonna catch up. Poor thing. Ya really shouldn't be wandering the world alone. Ya need someone to take cares of ya. Yis in desperate need of adult supervision.”

“I'm not stupid.”

“Aye yis. Ya can'na helps it. Ya twere born that way. JellyFish in ya brain keeps ya that way. Ya always gonna be that way. And I is always gonna be looking out for ya because of it. Just like I always has.”

“Why?”

“Once upon a time, ya dids rescue a little pony from Gypsies and him never did forgot. Ya twere kind to me. No one is ever kind to a Phooka.”

“You're a Unicorn.”

“I is. A Phooka is a type of Unicorn. An evil flesh eating, trickster Unicorn, but I is still a Unicorn none the less.”

“Am I your prisoner?”

“Prisoner? Nay child. I is yous.”

“I do not keep you prisoner.”

“Ya does not know much aboot the Unicorns do ya?”

“What do you mean?”

“When ya saved me life, so many years ahgoo, ya captured me. I twere a prisoner, bound in chains of Faerie Iron, locked in a cage made of lead. Plated with silver. Iron and lead and silver together. I am a Faerie. Iron and lead and silver combined break Fae magic. It forced me bak to me natural state, took away me magic. Made me a horse. A simple, unmagical, horse with a horn. I twere helpless. I could no fight. I could no speak. Even me silver horn vanished. I twere nothing but an ordinary, little pony because of Faerie Iron bonds. And ya saw that. Ya rescued me from them, not knowing I twere a Unicorn, not seeking any reward. Ya rescued me and when I changed back into a unicorn, ya just let me go. Because yis good and kind, with an innocent heart.”

“Any one would have done the same.”

“No. I twere their prisoner for years. Many people saw me and dids nothing. People paid money to come look at me. A Phooka in a cage. They sawed off me horn to grind to powder, to sell to alchemists, and when it grew back, they sawed it off again. Hundreds of people and not one ever stopped to help me. I is a Unicorn, had they known, they in their greed would has stopped, not to help me, but to steal me away for themselves. Had ya known I twere a Unicorn, ya still would has helped and set me free. Because is innocent of heart and mind. Ya lack selfishness and greed.” 

“I am a murderer.”

“I knows and it grieves ya something terrible. Most men take great joy in each and every life they takes, but yis filled with guilt. It crushes ya. Ya hate what ya has ah'comin'. Yis filled with remorse. Most men ain't. Most men does no fucking cares and find ways to justify what they've done so they can sleep at night. Ya does no do that. Yis different, Quaraun. Ya not evil Quaraun.”

“I am evil.”

“No, yis not. Ya could no capture a Unicorn, if ya twere evil.”

“I have not captured you.”

“Ya has, ya just do no realize it yet.”

“You was captured before. By the Demons. By The Ghoul. He captured you not me.”

 “Aye, and they twere evil, or rather the one who held me in a cage twere. The Ghoul tweren't the one who captured me. Evil sorcerer. The one who captured me, twere murdered by them, while protecting me from them. I twere wounded. Me horn twere broken. Me power lays in me horn. If me horn breaks, I lose me powers. I were not the only one he had. There were many. White stallions. He killed all the unicorns. We extint now. I be last one. And I is undead. He harvested our horns, but ya can only do it so many times before the horn stops growing back, and once that happened, then he cut out our hearts. He was a Unicorn Hunter. He killed thousands of us. Without me horn, I am but a horse. They broke it off. A new will regrow, if it is not pulled out from the root. But even though I twere captured, I twere never tamed, the Unicorn is tameable only by a virgin  with a pure and innocent heart.”







“In one of his notebooks Leonardo da Vinci wrote: The unicorn, through its intemperance and not knowing how to control itself, for the love it bears to fair maidens forgets its ferocity and wildness; and laying aside all fear it will go up to a seated damsel and go to sleep in her lap, and thus the hunters take it”

“Aye. Tis true. I is wild and feral, but I can no resit the purity and innocence of a virgin woman.”

“I am not a female. No matter how I live my life, I was born male.”

“Yis two-spirited.”

“What does that mean?”

“Ya has the soul of a fenale, born into a male's body. It that JellyFish in ya head that causeing it. Does no matter what ya got hanging doun there atween ya legs, yis a female. And ya knows yis, just look at the way yis dressit. Ain't no male dare dress like ya does. Hell, ain't many prostitutes dare dress like ya does. Yis so innocent that ya does no realize what ya do to men when yis dressit like that. And yis a three hundred year old virgin, or ya twere when ya first wander into me Forest of No Return. Cureds ya of that horrible lifestyle.”

“You don't like virgins, much do you?”

“Oh on the contrary, I loves virgins. They is wickit tasty if ya eats them moments eftah they has lost their virginity to ya.”

“Are you going to eat me?”

“No. No reason to. Yis innocent.”

“I don't understand.”

“Ya has no wish to capture me, and thus ya has captured me.”

“I'm confused.”

2012 novella release edition cover art

the 30 page short run edition

“I know. I has lived thousands of years and in that time, thousands of villages has sent thousands of virgins me way, in hopes of capturing me. They twere virgins, yes, but innocent no. A sexless body does no mean an innocent mind. So I pretended to be captured, got into their heads, found out what kind of sick, devilishly, deviant sexual desires they had, transformed meself into the man of their dreams, raped the daylights out of them following after all their deviant desires, then turned back into a unicorn, stabbed them to death with me horn and eat them. The virgins must be both innocent and pure of heart, in addition to be'an virgin. Just because one has never had sex, does not mean, one in innocent of mind and pure of heart. Yis the first virgin I has ever meet with had all three of the requirements. And fucking ya out of ya mind does no good, ya still innocent and pure and that my dear Elf, that over powers the virgin requirement. Ya could have a thousand times and still have an innocent mind. It not ya virginity that make ya a powerful wizard Quaraun, it ya innocent mind. And now that ya no more a virgin, I can teach ya sex magic, make ya even more powerful then ya already is. Ya know that be why BoomFuzzy came eftah ya. He did'na be desiren ya to fall in love with him, he twere trying to corrupt ya and make ya evil, to break the damned spell ya cast on him, with ya purity and innocence. He gone and turned ya into a murdering fiend, with sexual desires for a dead Elf that twere never real Elf to begin with, and ya still has that damed innocent mind and pure heart binding him to ya. And ya with ya devotion to ya virginity. Do ya has any idea how frustrating it is trying to get ya in bed me? I spent three hundred years trying to bed ya. Ya just does no like sex.”

“I’m asexual. I don't like sex. I have no interest in it at all.”

“I know. BoomFuzzy knows. I has been trying to get ya in bed with me for three hundred years now. I has been men and women and Elves and Humans and Gnomes and Dwarves and Thullids and Demons and everything else I could think of. I has been following ya for three hundred years and ya just ain't sexually attracted to anything. Except horses, apparently.”

“I'm a wizard of the Di'Jinn order. I took a vow of celibacy.”

“I know. A priestly order of wizards who believe they'll lose their powers if they ever has sex. Most of them is eunuchs. Ain't got the strength to with stand sexual urges, so they has to slice their dick and balls off, but not you. Oh! No! Ya can retain ya cock and balls and never even think aboot sex for centuries. Ya does not even masturbate. What is wrong with ya?”

“I'm devoted to the goal of being the most powerful wizard of all time.” 

“BoomFuzzy twere the closet I ever came, ya liked BoomFuzzy. Had BoomFuzzy stuck around long enough, I probably could has gotten ya in his bed.”

“You do know I had a wife and I've fathered four children? I've not technically been a virgin for a long time.”

“She raped ya.”

“Yes she did.”

“Twas a forced marriage, and they held ya down while she raped ya for those four royal heirs. Yas a king’s blood in ya. They did no want ya as their king. That had to make sure ya had an heir to take ya place before they killed ya.”

“It took four tries to get a male. Once they had a male, they left me alone.”

“Other then them doing that, did ya ever have sex with her willingly?”

“No. We didn’t even live together. She lived in the palace with my father and uncle. I made my tent and set it up where BoomFuzzy’s house used to be.”

“Rape does no count. Ya still a virgin, even if yis raped. That be why ya trying to kill the Lich. Yis sexually attracted to the Lich. Yis weird, Quaraun. Ya like hasing sex wid dead things.” 

“I'm a Necromancer.”

“And ya apparently got a thing for Humans what be black as the Earl of Hell’s Waistcoat, eh? I dids no has that much trouble getting in bed with ya this time. I'll has to keep this form. It makes ya horny.”

“It does. You are very attractive right now. It seems to be why I can't escape you.”

“Ya never tried to get away. I does no think ya really wanted to. When I fucked ya, ya did'na do a thing to stop me, ya did'na even struggle gainst me. Ya always has a'forah, even with BoomFuzzy. As much as ya liked him, ya'd ever let him fuck ya.”

“It certainly wasn't from lack of trying on his part. He never stopped touching me. He always had his hands between my legs. Half the time he acted like he was gonna rape me.”

“But him never dids.”

“No. He didn't. I never understood why, either, because he defiantly wanted too. It’s all he talked about.”

“Because, ya would has still been a virgin even if he raped ya. Ya had to give into him willingly to break the spell a virgin puts on a Unicorn when they capture it.”

“And now that I've let you fuck me, is the spell broken?”

Unicorn shook his head.

“No. I is still ya prisoner. Yis in love with BoomFuzzy. It not be lust that drove ya to let me use ya, it be love. Pure, innocent love. Yis in love with BoomFuzzy, ya has no desire for sexual pleasures other then to please BoomFuzzy. Ya not asexual, yar demisexual. That’s different. Means ya have no interest in sex and ya only have sex with the person ya love to satisfy them, not you. Which means now I is still ya prisoner. Yis too damned unselfishly innocent even when it comes to losing ya virginity. Because ya can'na stop thinking aboot BoomFuzzy, ya did'na try to escape, nor dids ya try to stop me. I would has stopped if ya had, but ya did'na. In fact ya acted like ya wanted it more then I dids. I am old and weak and nearly blind. I will not regain my Lich powers until I has regenerated. I never over powered ya, I does not have the strength. Any power ya thought I had over ya twere all ya head. Ya could have walked out of here at any time, but ya lust for BoomFuzzy kept ya here. Ya wanted to be with BoomFuzzy so wickit bad that ya no leave. Ya never ett me Faerie food, ya were never really under me power.”

“You've been giving me apricots the whole time.”

First edition short story cover art of 2009

(the original 13 page short story that appeared on fanfiction.net)

“Aye, but they is real apricots. Not Fae Food. Ya could has stopped me at any time. And I kind of got the impression ya knew that. How come dids ya not?"

"Stop you?"

"Aye."

"I suppose, you are right I didn't really want to."

"How come?"

"I've been alone a long time and you… I don't know. You feel familiar. Like I've known you for years. I can't explain it. I do love BoomFuzzy. You remind me of him."

"Ah, and there be that stupid, innocence of yas. Thullids is the mega brains of the galaxy and they went and stuck ya in the head of a retarded Elf, ya eat the Elf's brain and it went and corrupted you own brain. Ya can'na see what is right in front of ya face. I remind ya of BoomFuzzy ya say. More then once. I is BoomFuzzy. We already confirmed that! But ya got that short term memory problem still. Ya know what means? It mean tomorrow ya’ll forget any of this happened and ya’ll go back to t’inking ya a virgin all over again.  Way ya memory is, I could take ya virginity every damned day and the next day ya’d never know it happened.”

“That’s true. We could have sex day for an eternity and it’d be the first time for me every time.”

“Can ya even rememmber now, what I did to ya last night?”

“No. I’m sorry. My brain’s damaged.”

“How is it ya remember BoomFuzzy?”

Quaraun pulled a small wooden box out of his bag. In the box, where dozens of tiny glass bottles.

“I keep anything I want to remember in here.”

”Those the bottles the Pixie stole?”

“Yes.”

“What is in them?”

Quaraun pulled a bottle out and handed it to Unicorn.

“This one’s yours. I kept it for you.”

The Phooka took the tiny bottle and stared at it, not knowing what he should do with it.

“What is it?”

“Open it. You’ll see.”

Unicorn opened to bottle. A pink miasmic mist swirled out of it. Followed by a thundering crash, as a giant life sized gingerbread house, came crashing down from the clouds and landed in the field before themselves.

”It is me house. I wondered where it went. Ya’ve kept me house shrunk down in a bottle all these years?”

“Yeah.”

“Why?”

“So I wouldn’t forget. I never wanted to forget BoomFuzzy. I forget everything. Days, sometimes hours after it happens. I loved BoomFuzzy, but I knew I’d forget him, like I forget everything. When he was alive, he was there every day, so every day I knew I’d wake up and remember I loved him. But after he died… I started to forget. I couldn’t let myself forget him. He meant too much to me.”

 The rest of this novel can be read here.

Do You Read Banned Books?
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Volume 1: The Night of The Screaming Unicorn

Wounded, depressed, and on the run, the Pink Necromancer heads home for Inuvijk, Quebec planning to kill himself upon arriving back at the location of his lover's death, 300 years prior. Sidetracked when the Forest of No Return grows up around him and cuts off his path, Quaraun sidetracks to the coast to by-pass the sentient forest. But a hurricane crashing up the Maine coast sends him fleeing for shelter at an enchanted tavern which suddenly appears out of no where. 

Too late Quaraun realizes he's walked into a trap set by an evil Faerie and must survive a night with a sex crazed undead unicorn: The Elf Eater of Pepper Valley himself, King Gwallmaiic, leader of the Lich Lords.

Read Sample Chapters Free Online:


The Elf Eater's Map



*Captured By The Lich Lord  (NSFW | 18+)



BedTime Stories For A Lich: ZooLock & The Pixie



An Elf and a Lich in the Gingerbread Pit



The Lich's True Form Revealed 



Want to see the location this novel is set in?
Follow me as I drive to and
take a walking tour through The Reclaim Blueberry Plains
of the Ross Forest, in
Old Orchard Beach, Maine,
The setting for
Night of The Screaming Unicorn:










Books Set In Old Orchard Beach &
Real Life Local Ku Klux Klan Radicals
Become Elf Supremacists Moon Elf Characters
In The Quaraun Series
-Interview With EelKat
On Using Real Locations &
Real People In Fictional Novels






Some Interesting Facts You May Not Have Known About:
The Night of The Screaming Unicorn


It was originally published on fanfiction.net in 2003, under the title Bride of Sesshomaru. In the original version, the main characters were Lord Sesshomaru from the manga InuYasha and Flower a purple pony doll made by Hasbro in the 1981 for the My Little Pony line. The setting of the story was SpellJammer Campaign setting from Dungeons & Dragons by Gary Gygax.


Moon Elf, Quaraun first appeared as a Dungeons & Dragons character I played with a local game group, playing him as a 3.5ed FleshWarper on a prestige path of Necromancy, ultimately to be played as the Lich Boss battle of the Temple of Resident Evil campaign our group was playing. I had been asked by our Dungeon Master if I would be willing to play an evil aligned Necromancer Elf who at the end of the campaign would turn on his group and kill the other player characters.


The original story on fanfiction.net, featured a straight couple, the unicorn being female. (Thus the name Bride of Sesshomaru)


Quaraun's over the top, neon pink, rhinestoned, feathered, and sequined wardrobe was based entirely off of Liberace's "Pink Peacock" costume, which he wore at his New York gala on his last Easter performance, shortly before his death.

The show consisted of Liberace jumping out of a giant pink Easter egg, followed by dozens of Vegas show girl dressed as elaborate "pink Easter bunnies", and he himself wearing a sequined pink tuxedo, and a mega sized flamboyant cape made out of rhinestone encrusted pink turkey feathers.

He was so ill at the time (this being one his very last public appearances before he died) and the cape was so heavy, that it required several people to walk behind him carrying the cape, and people to stand beside him and help him to walk under the weight of it.

The pink turkeys that frequently run through the forests of Quebec in the Quaraun series, are a direct reference to the "pink turkeys" Liberace joked had so difficult to find to make his cape out of.

Like Liberace, Quaraun has Autism.


In The Twighlight Manor Series:  The Grand High Emperor of the Triple Planets (the person Quaraun becomes over the course of the series) first appeared in 1978, in The Twighlight Manor Series volume 1: Friends Are Forever, where he was mentioned in passing as: "Roderick's grandfather, The Grand High Emperor of the Triple Planets, the Pink Necromancer who built the Twighlight Manor".

While he never appears in The Twighlight Manor Series, he is mentioned in passing in nearly every volume.


In The Twighlight Manor Series: Antares, the demon horse Al-Keeme keeps locked in the dungeons of the Twighlight Manor, is in fact King Gwallmaiic (BoomFuzzy The Unicorn) and it is his illusions that bring the manor house to life causing it to eat people. 

Unicorn is also Aardvorkuss Muddsburge's father and BlackBird, FireHawk, Spidar, and Harrier's grandfather.


In The Twighlight Manor Series: Sunta, the mysterious "boy who never ages" whom Al-Keeme keeps locked in the West Wing of the Twighlight Manor, is the very ancient Quaraun, now truly insane after 400 years of solitary confinement in White Rock Asylum.

In the final volume of The Twighlight Manor series, other characters ask Sunta to tell them who he is and how he came to be locked up in the Twighlight Manor. He proceeds to tell them about the day he  was following an enchanted map, got lost in The Forest of No Return and was raped by a purple unicorn. This is of course The Night of the Screaming Unicorn and is why the Quaraun series started with this story.


The book trailer for this novel is my most popular and most viewed YouTube video ever.

See My Most Popular YouTube Video Ever:






Captured by the Lich King
- Screaming Unicorn - Quaraun the Insane - (Spelljammer FanFiction/Yaoi Monster Porn)


Banned by FanFiction.net November 2012, for being too sexually violent. (I fact I find odd, considering, the book is not Erotica and sex scenes are practically none existent.)


In spite of rumors about it being Erotica and "filled with sex" there actually only one sex scene in The Night of The Screaming Unicorn, in the second to last chapter. There are two additional sex scenes "implied" following this one, though both are fade to black and the reader not told what happened.

Complaints that the story is "sexually violent" stem from the fact that throughout the novel Unicorn is constantly fondling Quaraun's cock and balls (constantly as in on nearly every single page for 300 pages of the novel), repeatedly refusing to let him cum, at one point tying the Elf to a tree then grabbing his balls, twisting and squeezing them to try to get the emotionless Elf to scream. 

The scene which seems to have bothered most critics who complained, was the vividly detailed scene describing in detail Quaraun's near castrated state, his penis being horrifically scarred by an old injury, which had resulted in his extreme difficulty in having sexual intercourse with women and thus why he plays "bottom" to other men.


Most of the sex scenes in the series are "gay" relationships between two males, however, contrary to popular rumors spread by critics of the series, Quaraun is not gay. Quaraun is bi-sexual. He in fact is a polygamist with 4 wives and fathers 8 "legitimate" children, by his wives, over the course of the series. 

Several times the series implies that Quaraun has a harem of concubines. Also implying that while he enjoys the company of women, he rarely has sex with them, due to the "sub-incision injury" to his penis, which makes intercourse difficult and painful for him.

In Zebulon's Captive he is captured by slave traders and sold to an Elf breeder. In this novel it is said he fathers an additional 37 children, whom he later refuses to acknowledge.

While King Gwallmaiic aka BoomFuzzy the Unicorn remains his primary lover throughout the entire series, he has several additional lovers, both male and female, most notable being the Half-Elf/Half-Demon GhoulSpawn, who appears in multiple novels as Unicorn's rival for Quaraun's affection.

In later stories Unicorn and GhoulSpawn become friends and are frequent engaged in threesome sex with Quaraun.

From Zebulon's Captive onward, Quaraun is nearly always seen with 3 lovers in bed at once, when his half-Elf wife Pippiata joins Unicorn and GhoulSpawn as his favoured lovers.


It was the first Transgender Yaoi Novel published in America to feature an accurately portrayed transvestite main character. It's American & International mass market release date being September 4, 2014.


My top selling book ever, it sold 1,119 copies the first HOUR of it's mass market release September 4, 2014.


83% of the sales of the 2014 American edition are sold as imports to fans in Germany and Japan.

Fewer then 5% of sales are by American readers.

France, Canada, and Brazil making up most of the remaining sales.


Banned by the United States Government, January 4, 2016 for being "Too Gay For The Family Friendly Town of Old Orchard Beach, Maine."

State of Maine, Biddeford District Court:

Docket #BDDC-PA-2015-00574

Keeping in mind that the judge never read the book and I was never allowed to testify, as MOST of the court case was done via an "exparte order" without my knowledge to court case against me even existed until nearly a year after it started. The whole judgement being based off a murder I had no connection to, with residents of Old Orchard Beach, using as their "evidence" the phrase: "Remember Saco Shaw's all transsexuals are alike" and citing that transgender people are running around Maine killing people because there is a transvestite Necromancer in this book, their claim being that had the Quaraun series not been published the Saco Shaw's Murder would not have happened.

In the court documents, the Town of Old Orchard Beach claims that the Quaraun series is "autobiographical" because it is set in my hometown, and that because the main character, a 400 year old Elf named Quaraun, is a partly-castrated serial killing transvestite eunuch necromancer who suffers from schizophrenia, that I the straight, female author am QUOTE "a dangerous mentally unstable gay transsexual eunuch terrorist, who will kill us all" UNQUOTE.

Throughout the court papers they referenced quotes said by Quaraun (a fictional non-Human character in a fantasy novel) in this book claiming that they were quotes taken off my "About Me Page" of my website. (Thus why my About Me Page now includes my response to the court documents' allegations that I am gay, transsexual, or eunuch). Also interesting is the fact my primary accuser in these court documents (the man who drove a backhoe over my house in 2013) is also the same person who hacked my KBoards account & my website, placing his name all over both, while impersonating me online and pretending to be me throughout August to December 2015 (a time period when I was offline due to multiple surgeries & hospitalization after being beaten up by a man driving a 4-door white pick up truck). Also interestingly, is I never knew who owned the backhoe, and his name was unknown to me prior to receiving the sheriff's notice of my books being banned on January 4, 2016. Also interesting to note is in addition to owning the backhoe that drove over my house, he also owns a 4-door white pick-up truck.

Also interesting to note is that when I went to the Town Hall to ask the Town Manager & Town Counsel why they were filing these absolutely, ludicrously, ridiculous, transphobic, civil rights violating court papers to begin with, none of them were aware of the existence of the court case, and the man with the 4-door white pick up truck is now suspected (by the FBI who is investigating this "highly suspicious court case") of having filed the court case in the Town Hall's name using official USA government letterhead stolen from the Town Hall's Code Enforcement office. From 2014 to mid 2016 the court papers read "Town of Old Orchard Beach vs Wendy Christine Allen" The FBI started investigating the Town Hall June 2016. From June 2016 to October 2016 the court documents read {name removed & name removed} (name of backhoe owner & 4-5-8's sister) vs Wendy Christine Allen. Several forged documents have since been uncovered in this court case, that is now known to have been done by a local resident who not only impersonated me online, but also impersonated the Old Orchard Beach Town Hall in court.

While the man named in the documents CLAIMED to work for the town hall, calling himself "the board of zoning appeals", this has since been proven to be yet another impersonation on his part, and the only two ACTUAL government employees to ever appear in court were Old Orchard Beach CEO Dan Feeney and Old Orchard Beach Police Officer Will Watson, both of whom said they were there "on behalf of Town Manager Larry Mead as his representative". Larry Mead when questioned, denied having any knowledge of the court case at all and was shocked to discover that he himself was named in the docket as the person who filed the paperwork. Seven other Town Hall Government officials were also named as having collectively filed the paperwork with him, including my cousin; all of whom when questioned, had no knowledge there was a court case going on in their names, with them named as Plaintiffs. In court police officer Will Watson broke down on the testimony stand, claiming to be blackmailed into being there, stating that his "beloved mother-in-law" was in frail health and "they are threatening to kill her if I don't comply". If he is in fact being blackmailed and if so by who, as yet remains unknown.

And in spite of the hysterical rumours this man has been screaming all over town, there is no more evidence that the transsexual serial killer Connor MacCalister ever read my books or even knew of their existence, then there is that I am a 400 year old gay Elf wizard.

Also interesting to note is the first court papers were filed October 2014, 3 weeks after the mass market release of The Night of The Screaming Unicorn, and 1 week after the public unveiling on my latest art car The Transgender Awareness Tour Bus, and nearly a year BEFORE the Saco Shaw's murder which happened August 2015. Connor MacCalister's name was not added to the court papers until September 12, 2015, a full year AFTER the first court papers were filed.

The vandalism of my tour bus (it being filled with feces 3 feet deep) happened April 10, 2015, and the beheading of my cats happened May 2015, both happening BEFORE the August 2015 murder, in spite of the residents of Old Orchard Beach, claiming they did those things BECAUSE of the Saco Shaw's murder.

In the end 27 of my books were 

banned and unpublished 

BY A 1st Amendment violating COURT ORDER 

that was issued by

THE OLD ORCHARD BEACH TOWN HALL,

United States Government Organization

making the Quaraun Series the FIRST and ONLY books in American history to ever be

BOOKS BANNED

BY THE

UNITED STATES GOVERNMENT


Do you know who filled my motorhome with feces April 2015?

Do you know who cut my cats' heads off?

Do you know who it is Police Officer Will Watson claims is blackmailing him?

Do you know who stole the $3million in tax money from the Old Orchard Beach Town Hall bank accounts during all of this?

Do you know who built the bomb that blew up my house October 18, 2006?

Do you know who drove a backhoe over my next house on August 8, 2013?

Do you know who the driver of the 4-door white pick up tuck is, the one who beat me up, on November 14, 2013 at Southern Maine Community College, paralyzing me for 5 months, leaving me crippled for the rest of my life?

Do you know the identity of the hacker who hacked my Kboards & Twitter accounts, from a public access computer at the McAuthor Public Library in Biddeford, Maine, throughout 2015, also hacking my website and impersonating me while posting the name of the man in this court case all over the internet to make it look like I did it, even though I was offline and in the hospital dying at the time it happened?

Do you know who in the town hall is providing official government letterhead from the Code Enforcement Office, for this and other (yes, several others) fraudulent court cases filed by the Old Orchard Beach Town Hall against the LGBTQ citizens of our town?

If you know the answers to these questions or have any additional information about this case please contact the FBI agent in charge of the investigation:

Agent Andy Drewer

of the Portland FBI

@ 207-774-9322 












This novel was originally written on: 2007 & 2009 & 2012

This page last updated on: April 07, 2017


.

.



The Quaraun Series On Amazon:

I am wondering why has Amazon moved the Quaraun books to the category "Transgender Romance" and also "Gay Erotica"? The base story is a deeply depressed, suicidal, drug addict Elf who's lover commit suicide and he's trying not to do the same. It's an old Elf in a tavern, monologuing a lot of flashbacks and back story scenes of his youth. These stories are dark, bloody, angsty, full of drug use, murder, rape, Medieval torture, mental/physical/emotional abuse, and references to depression and suicide - no romance in it, unless you count the occasional (and usually brutally violent) rape scenes that show up in nearly every volume - sorry - no clue what Amazon is thinking or why they moved these to Romance and Erotica, but these books are NOT even close to being Romance or Erotica on any level at all. When I published these books I put them in "Dark Fantasy" and "Yaoi". If they show up in any category other then "Dark Fantasy" and "Yaoi", it's because Amazon put them there without my authorization or approval.

~EelKat



Author Interviews
On Writing The Quaraun Series:

  1. Question Everything Before Putting It In Your World 

Author Interviews
On CosPlaying The Quaraun Characters:


Author Interviews
Reacting To Old Orchard Beach's
White Power Gay Hating Over Reaction Ban
Of The Quaraun Series:

  1. Question Everything Before Putting It In Your World 

The 4 door white truck continues to sit at the end of my drive way (146 Portland Ave, Old Orchard Beach, Maine) near every night around sunset, reeving it's engine and squealing it's tires, with the driver yelling anti-gay threats and obscenities out the window. He continues to do the same thing at my dad's apartment building (Biddeford Maine) a few times a week, usually in mid to late afternoon time. He continues to follow me to shopping to various stores in various towns throughout the states.

Phrases he yells from the truck include:

"Kill or be killed remember Saco Shaws all transsexuals are alike"

"I keep a gun under the seat of my truck, I'm gonna use it to shoot you in the head, you transvestite freak"

if cars are going by he yells to them: "that thing is Ken's son, look at how's it's dressed; it's insane, it has autism, we can't allow that thing and it's gay cars in our family friend town of Old Orchard Beach"

He often babbles deranged ramblings about something he calls "the gay-pocalypse", raving lunacy about how "all the gays are gathering" on his doorstep. He raves some crazy nonsense about how Armageddon is coming and the war to end all wars will be "the gays against the Christians" and Christians have to be ready to "kill the gays"

My car is the Autism Awareness Car and had 2.5million marbles glued to it (I have Autism - savant - Kanner's syndrome) he claims tat my car "is gay" because of what it looks like. My car has been vandalized several dozen times, including to have the tires slashed 7 times in 6 months.

After dark often around 10PM, he stands at the end of the logging road across the street from me and shoots at my motohome (in February 2014 he shot holes in my neighbour's barn while doing this). I have video footage of 3 of his shootings at me here:  https://youtu.be/NUebzJ9sz9U and here: https://youtu.be/C4dZbgG-Smw

This has gone on since August 2013 now, in addition to all the vandalism, hate crimes, pet beheadings, etc that has happened, including the bomb that blew up our house in 2006.

As you know, that whole time I had not been able to get a plate number on the truck. He as just here again, and I just realized why I could not get a plate number... there are no plates on the truck, either on the front or on the back. However, as he was driving away today... I noticed, there is a plate, stuck up in the back window of the truck, where it can barely be seen, deliberately obscured from view behind a silver tool box.





If You Like The Quaraun Series You Might Also Like:


Writing Resources I Use When Writing The Quaraun Books:


Seeing How "The Too Gay For Old Orchard Beach" Court Order Requires Me To Put This Notice In The Front Of The Novels,
I Assume It Also Requires I Put It In Front of Novel Excerpts Posted Online As Well, so, Here It Is... 

Enjoy The Stupidity That Is The
Town of Old Orchard Beach, Maine,
Where I Am Deemed,
In Their Words:

"Too Gay For The Family Friendly Town of Old Orchard Beach"
Because I'm The Author of The Quaraun Series.

INTRODUCTION TO THE SERIES

The Adventures of Quaraun The Insane

(Added March 29, 2016)

by

EelKat Wendy Christine Allen

~o0o~

UPDATE: The Old Orchard Beach Town Hall has handed me a court order requiring I place a warning in my books, warning you that they have their heads stuck up their asses, I mean, warning you that this book was written by a non-white transgender author and contains non-white, LGBTQ characters, which the straight, white citizens of Old Orchard Beach find offensive because they never before took their heads out of their asses long enough to notice that there exist in this world non-white people and gay transgender men. The HORROR I have forced them to discover, when they took their heads out of their asses long enough to discover a non-white, transgender author has lived in their town since 1975!

As of January 4, 2016 ALL gay, transgender, and non-white authors, living in the white power, gay-hating town of Old Orchard Beach, Maine are now required to add a warning to the front of their books, warning readers that this book is a vile, evil, perversion of their senses because it contains non-white, minority, transgender, and or gay characters who by their very existence according to the white power, gay hating residents of the 99.9% white town of Old Orchard Beach, Maine do not deserve to live and should not be included as characters in books.

Because I am a vile, evil, non-white, transgender author who lives in Old Orchard Beach, Maine, I am now required by court order to place warning in my books, to warn readers that this book was written by a vile, evil, non-white, transgender author and there for may contain references to my vile, evil, non-white, transgender lifestyle, including to, shock, and horror, ACTUALLY CONTAIN

....

Non-white characters

oh, my, my, my, how evil of me to consider writing a book with a person of colour in it. And even worse, is the fact that...wait for it...

I've gone so far as to allow gay transvestite characters to be in my books.

How shockingly evil of me to offend the citizens of Old Orchard Beach, by including gay and transgender characters in my book. I have forced them to have to discover the horror that there exists non-white people in our town, and worse, have made them suffer the horrors of learning that LGBTQ citizens have the right to live. How evil of me. To punish me for the publication of the book you are now reading, they filled my home with sewage 3 feet deep and cut the heads off of my cats, drove a backhoe over my house, then beat me up and left me paralyzed for 5 months, during which time they hacked my online accounts of Kboards, NaNoWriMo, Twitter and other places and impersonated me, posting lots of shitty crap to try to discredit me and destroy my reputation. If you are one of my long time readers and followers, you no dought saw what transpired on KBoards and NaNoWriMo (I did not see it and still do not know what happened, seeing how I was in the hospital dying, while the hacker was taking over my accounts online.)

18 months later I am out of the wheelchair, relearning to walk and still refusing to unpublish my evil books containing non-white gay men and so now they have gotten a court order demanding the warning you are now reading, be placed in this book, because the Old Orchard Beach Town Hall (the plaintiff named on the court order – YES – an actual United States Government Organization has issued this civil rights violating court order, in blatant disregard to federal laws) believes that non-whites and gays and transgender citizens are so evil that they QUOTE “ought to be shot in the head” UNQUOTE.

The book you are now holding contains non-white characters, of the same vile, evil non-white race as the non-white author who wrote this book and because I am not white and have chosen to include non-white characters in this book, I am now required by court order to warn my non-white readers that this book was written by evil, vile non-white me and contains evil, vile non-white characters that will offend your holier then though piece of shit white asses. There, I am now in compliance with the white power, gay hating town of Old Orchard Beach's, civil rights violating court order. White trash has now been warned that non-white trash exists in this book.

The book you are now holding contains LGBTQ characters, of the same vile, evil LGBTQ existence as the LGBTQ who wrote this book and because I am LGBTQ and have chosen to include LGBTQ characters in this book, I am now required by court order to warn my LGBTQ readers that this book was written by evil, vile LGBTQ me and contains evil, vile LGBTQ characters that will offend your holier then though piece of shit straight asses. There, I am now in compliance with the white power, gay hating town of Old Orchard Beach's, civil rights violating court order. Straight trash has now been warned that non-straight trash exists in this book.

If you have any questions regarding this court order which violates the civil rights of people of colour, minority races, and LGBTQ citizens, please head to the State of Maine, Biddeford District Court and ask for copies of

Docket #BDDC-PA-2015-00574 and CV-15-58/CV-15-59

the Alfred Superior Court Docket #CV-15-299

and the Portland Superior Law Court Docket #YOR-15-253

Additionally, you can find more information by going to the Old Orchard Beach Police Department and requesting copies of ALL police reports made in regards to 144, 146, and 146a Portland Avenue, from 2001 to 2016 (approximately 300 reports).

Note, that the court order includes 4 interesting facts:

1: It states that transgender people in Old Orchard Beach are not allowed to own cats; the Town Manager confiscated my cats on this basis (the judge granted this). 140 families in Old Orchard Beach had a grand total of more then 500 cats taken from them via this court order.  Many of those cats are being returned to their owners, one head nailed to their door at a time.

2: It states that transgender vehicles are not allowed in the town of Old Orchard Beach and specifically that The Transgender Awareness Tour Bus be removed from the "perimeters of the family friendly town of Old Orchard Beach" (the judge denied this)

3: It states that transgender authors, not be allowed to publish books featuring transgender characters, and contains a list of books, deemed "Too gay for Old Orchard Beach" that the Town Hall requested be removed from publication. The judge ordered the removal and unpublication of 27 of my books, and that the rest have this warning placed in them.

4: That LGBTQ, non-white, non-Christians, and Muslims, not be allowed to set foot in Old Orchard Beach (with one motel owner in particular claiming his right to confiscate the homes, property, and business of some 140 families in Old Orchard Beach, by right of his desire to put condominiums on each of their properties. Interestingly, this is the same man who drove a backhoe over my house in 2013.) Part of this was passed, with the judge ordering LGBTQ families not allowed to set foot in their own homes (not rentals or apartments - houses they owned outright and owed no taxes or mortgages on, with 140 families be forced out of their homes on January 4, 2016. He dropped the request to confiscate homes of LGBTQ citizens when FBI Agent Andy Drewer Arrived to investigate him and the 5 businesses he owns, for his connection to the bomb that blew up my house in 2006.) Three court houses later a different judge overruled the first judge's civil rights violating order, with LGBTQ citizens being allowed to go home October 18, 2016, after 10 months of living in their cars.

Want to know the names, phone numbers, business locations, and home addresses of all the cat murdering, transphobic, gay-hating, white powered people who are trying to ban all LGBTQ and non-white citizens from Old Orchard Beach? Then go to those 3 court houses and request to get copies of all 700 pages of The Too Gay For Old Orchard Beach Court Case of Old Orchard Beach vs Wendy Christine Allen. 

All names and contact information of all the white power, gay hating  town hall officials, police officers, public works workers, motels, businesses, motel owners, business owners, and the KKK's own lawyers, behind this introduction now required to being added to books containing gay or non-white characters can be found in those court orders and police reports, here after collectively known as “The Too Gay For Old Orchard Beach Court Case” or #TooGayForOOB for short.

In those court dockets you will find more then 700 pages of utterly fascinating civil rights violating, animal abusing, hate crime glorifying, anti-gay, white power, transphobic lunacy. I highly recommend you get copies of those court dockets and see for yourself, the REALITY of how utterly insane the gay hating, white power mentality of Old Orchard Beach, really is. 

Or if you want to meet me at Staples, and are willing to pay however much it costs to have 700 pages of copies made, you can get copies made of my copy of the court order.

Happy reading.

Welcome to Maine, where love wins, everywhere, except in the white power, gay-hating town of Old Orchard Beach. TIP: If you are looking for a great fun summer family vacation spot this summer: avoid the transphobic, animal abusing, gay hating, white power town of Old Orchard Beach. This town is only family friendly, IF your family qualifies as a “real family” which to them means: you are white, Christian, and have no connections to LGBTQ people whatsoever. Save your hard earned money and DO NOT come to Old Orchard Beach this summer. Don't bother wasting your hard earned money on the transphobic, animal abusing, gay hating, white power trash that thinks it's okay to discriminate against people based on race, gender, religion, or colour.

There. Now I am in compliance with the court order and you, my dear reader have been warned that this book was written by evil, vile, perverted non-white, non-straight little old me and contains non-white, gay, transvestite characters. Can I ask: Have you EVER seen a book ANYWHERE that the author's town required the author to place a warning in the book, for ANY reason? Can anyone say RIDICULOUS? Yes, the town of Old Orchard Beach is being utterly ridiculous. I think they forgot that Old Orchard Beach is a town in America and not it's own country.

So, if you are a transphobic, gay-hating, white power person who is offended by the existence of transvestites, gays, non-Christians, people of colour, and other things that tick off white power mentalities, then you probably want to avoid these books.

For everybody else who isn't a white power, transphobic, gay-hating jerk with their head stuck up their own white, Christian ass: I hope you enjoy reading these books as much as I have enjoyed writing them. And for those of you who don't enjoy this sort of book, well, enjoy those knee-jerks, I'm told you guys should be expecting quite a few of them.

~EK

End of introduction.

And yet...


The First Amendment to the United States Constitution prohibits the making of any law respecting an establishment of religion, impeding the free exercise of religion, abridging the freedom of speech, infringing on the freedom of the press, interfering with the right to peaceably assemble or prohibiting the petitioning for a governmental redress of grievances. It was adopted on December 15, 1791, as one of the ten amendments that constitute the Bill of Rights.


The Town of Old Orchard Beach is a United States Government organization. By banning books and forcing their unpublication, they have gone against The First Amendment to the United States Constitution. 


No law can give or take away the choice to commit suicide.

- Maggie Gallagher


The homosexual community has more acceptance in America than it ever has, and the suicide rate is as high as it's always been.

- Randall Terry