This week we should be celebrating the 9th birthday of my son.
Instead we are celebrating the 9th anniversary since his murder.
If you have any information, please call FBI Portland Office @ 207-774-9322
ask for Agent Andy Drewer.
November 14, 2013 10PM @ Southern Maine Community College Art Studio Bug-Light Parking Lot: 3 strangers armed with golf clubs, attacked me from behind while I was loading bags into the backseat of my car. They were a blond woman 60s-ish whom the others called "Claire", a natural red-haired woman also 60sish who called herself "Kendra", and a bald man, football player-body-type-build in his 30sish. I was 8 months pregnant. They murdered my baby, ruptured 3 discs in my spine, shattered 3 vertebra, broke my pelvis, hips, and knees. I was paralyzed for 5 months and was 18 months relearning to walk. The nerve damage has left me with limited use of my hands, legs, bladder, and intestines.
On top of that, they have also taken to harassing the baby's father, a disfigured, homeless, WW2 veteran, whom they call "Etoile". They spread hateful rumours about him claiming he is a cryptid, a demon, or most often what they term "an amphibious alien". He lives in pine branch lean-toos he builds in Old Orchard Beach and Ocean Park, and they have been hunting the locations of them, tearing them down, and smashing up his belongings.
April 10, 2015 1PM at 146 Portland Ave Old Orchard Beach Maine a gang of estimated 74 people, some of them wearing ku klux klan robes, invaded my farm, used a Blow Brothers sewage truck to pump 500+gallons of sewage into my motorhome flooding it to over the kitchen counters deep, ripped out all the cabinets and built in furniture, while 14 men armed with guns, held my family down on the ice and snow, with guns to our heads, and used cinder block bricks and a metal pole with metal wire loops to beat and behead 10 of my 12 foster children (the youngest age 4, the oldest age 16). May 15, 2015 they returned and nailed their heads to my front door. The 3 people of the November 14, 2013 attack were among the group.
September 12, 2015, 9AM a dozen+ of these same people arrived again in my driveway at 146, this time chanting: "Too gay for the family friendly town of Old Orchard Beach. Kill of be killed. Remember Saco Shaw's, Transgender Murder Store, kill the transvestites before they kill us all", one white haired man in a dark green pick up truck was leading the herd, while waving a rifle over his head and shooting at me and my pink motorhome, he shot several holes through my neighbour's shed. The crowd was accusing me of being a male-to-female "transgender terrorist" (they thought I was Muslim because I wear Catholic veiling).
June 26, 2016, the same 2 women of the first 2 attacks, arrived at my Scarborough WalMart workplace, and in a near repeat of the first attack, again while I was leaned over the back seat of my car putting bags in, this time they attacked with a chopping cart, re-injuring my spine, hip, and pelvis that was not yet fully healed from the first attack. The blond "Claire" woman was screaming "That's EelKat, she tried to kill my husband!" while the redhead screamed "I'm Kendra Silvermander it's my turn the shine!" They sped away in a early2000s-vintage gold Volvo SUV station wagon. This attack left me permanently crippled, and bedridden from 2016 until May 2022.
November 21, 2021: They shot "Etiole" in Biddeford, while he was staying at the tent-shanty-village with about 50 other homeless people along the Saco River in Biddeford. They made the claim he was a "suicide demon" citing that he was driving locals to suicide by putting "evil eye curses" on them.
These people murdered my baby, attempted to murder the baby's father, drove a backhoe over our house, and left me crippled for the rest of my life in their attempt to murder me.
I do not know who these people are. I never saw them before these attacks, and I've not seen them outside of these attacks. The police and FBI believe I was not the intended target, and that they were likely after my mother because of posts she makes on FaceBook and got us mixed up. The Old Orchard Beach and Biddeford Police and the FBI are seeking information leading to their identity and arrest.
These people who show up to vandalize, while they scream about aliens and demons and Etiole, prove how retarded they are by their own words.
Why?
Because only a retarded person believes in aliens.
Because only a retarded person believes in ufos.
Because only a retarded person believes in demons.
Because only a retarded person believes in ghosts.
Because only a retarded person believes in haunted cars.
Because only a retarded person believes in demon possessed cars.
Because only a retarded person believes in alien abduction.
The inbred insect locals of Old Orchard Beach and Biddeford, Maine are too damned retarded to know how much of a fool they make themselves look when they run around calling my cars demon possessed, calling my husband an alien, and calling me an alien abductee.
More Info @ eelkat.com
Long detailed info on the over 200 attacks they have done between June 2001 and May 2022, including photos of them driving a backhoe over our house on August 8, 2013 and the details of the malicious "amphibious alien" rumour they have been spreading about a local homeless disabled veteran @
https://www.eelkat.com/AmphibiousAliens.html
Images:
July 4th 2013: my car in front of my house.
August 8, 2013: me getting home from work to find a backhoe sitting on top of my house.
The FBI already found the people with the backhoe incident, and learned that the backhoe driver was paid $600 and given a fake demolition paper, the paper stating one of my relatives (the one who paid him the $600) owned my land. The backhoe driver was unaware that the man he was dealing with was not the owner. I have lived at 146 Portland Ave since 1975 and have owned the land since 1983, it has never been owned by anyone else, even though we have now learned that both my mother and my father and 3 of my uncles had been actively going around Old Orchard Beach claiming they owned my land.
This happened 3 months before my son was murdered and the police and FBI believe my son was murdered BECAUSE of this picture being posted on FaceBook, and my mother making inciting/inflammatory posts about it on HER FaceBook, where she falsely accused me of being a witch. The FBI and OOB police believe the golf club wielding woman of November 14, 2013, is somehow connected to the backhoe driving over my house incident.
Since the murder, 3 other different backhoes have invading my land to dig up my yard, looking for the grave of my son. There is a family cemetery on my land, the stones dating mostly in the 1500s and 1600s, with a few from the past hundred years, the most recent being my son in 2013. 146 Portland Ave has belonged to my family since 1530, and I inherited it in 1983 from my grandmother Helen Ricker Allen. The most recent backhoe attack happened September 19, 2020, when they illegally cut down several trees in my yard, and started construction of a road through my yard between my pink 1975 Dodge Sportsman motorhome and BackElder Brooke, again the backhoe digging up and destroying large portions of my farm, in their search for my murdered son's grave. They dug up 16 of the graves in this attack.
We have had to remove the grave markers from the family grave in order to stop these vandals and their illegally trespassing construction equipment from destroying the graves.
The FBI believes these construction crews are being hired by the golf club wielding women, and believe she is trying to destroy the grave of my son, due to a fear of his golf club smashed skull being used as court evidence against her.
The most recent attacks by these people occurred November 21, 2021 and March 27, 2022 when they attacked my painted Volvo while it was parked at my dad's apartment in Biddeford, both times the vandals also cut all the wires to electricity, internet, and cable off the apartment building, effecting all 9 families living there.
The Old Orchard Beach and Biddeford Police Departments as well as the Portland FBI are seeking any information regarding any and all of these attacks on my family, my home, my land, or my cars.
If you have any information, please call FBI Portland Office @ 207-774-9322
ask for Agent Andy Drewer.
And no... to those who asked... the FBI is not looking for info on the 4-door white truck driver... the FBI has ALREADY ARRESTED the driver and owner of the 4-door white truck - 2 different people. The 4-door white truck was owned by Old Orchard Beach Town Hall clerk and Old Orchard Beach Police Department Dispather Kathy Smith, Relief Society President of the Saco Ward of the Agusta Stake Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Her son was the driver. They were both arrested and sentenced in 2017, and were also both excommunicated from the Mormon church as a result of their MANY hate crimes, which included but were not limited to the 4 door white truck attacks of 2013 to 2016.
Yes. A LOT of arrests have already been made. Do keep in mind the April 10, 2015 attack involved 74 people who were wearing Ku Klux Klan style white robes and pillow cases over their heads (which is how you can tell they were not real, actual Ku Klux Klan members as the REAL Ku Klux Klan wear miters on their heads, NOT pillow cases). There are in total MORE THEN 74 people actively being hunted down by twenty-one different Maine police departments, the Maine state police, the Florida State police, the Connecticut State police, and the FBI.
Since the backhoe attack of August 8, 2013, there have been a whooping 24 arrests JUST IN TWO CHURCHES:
The Saco Ward of the Augusta Stake of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints
and
The Sanford Ward of the Exeter Stake of the Church of Jesus Christ of Later Day Saints.
There have been additional arrests at the following three churches which all have the same owner:
Grace Point in Biddeford
New Life (aka That Church in front of WalMart) in Biddeford
and
Curtis Lake Church in Sanford
Due to the alarmingly high rate of arrests and prison sentences made at these 5 churches, the police and FBI have focused the bulk of their investigation on all members of these five congregations, with the bulk of the investigation being on the two Mormon churches and all friends, family, and relatives of the members of those five churches, as it is believed that ALL people involved in the murder and 20+ years of harassment of my family, are all members of these 5 churches and or friends, family, and relatives of these five churches.
To date, 64 of the 74 suspected white hood wearers of April 10, 2015, have commit suidice, four of which when killing themselves, also killed 5 or more members of their families with them at the same time. One of them was Old Orchard Beach Police officer Bruce Savoy, who killed his entire family and then himself.
The police and FBI believe there is a suicide pact between the 74 attackers who arrived April 10, 2015 on my farm at 146 Portland Ave, Old Orchard Beach, Maine... as 64 of them have now commit suicide, between 2015 and 2023.
Additionally, Agent Andy Drewer was NOT the original FBI agent heading the case. Laura was. FBI agent Laura was murdered February 6, 2021, during her attempt to arrest a murder suspect who was in Florida at the time he murdered her. So in addition to murdering my son, these people have now also murdered an FBI agent.
People around local, seem to forget that what happened April 10, 2015, was not some local hick beating up one person... this was a large PREMEDITATIED ORGANIZED EVENT which drew in a CROWD of WELL OVER ONE HUNDRED PEOPLE to activly participate in beating to deth and beheading ten children, the oldest being aged 16 and the youngest being aged just 4 years old.
What the people of Old Orchard Beach and Biddeford, Maine did was monstrous on levels of extreemes.
And then when the FBI agents tried to arrest these people, they ganged up again on February 6, 2021 and murdered, not one, but THREE FBI agents.
This is an organized terrorist group that is activly killing people here in Maine.... and this Claire woman that murdered my baby, the one the FBI believes is the ring leader who has been organizing these events.... and when I say events... I was NOT the first family attacked.
According to the FBI, the April 10, 2015 attack was the ELEVENTH such attack to happen on Portland Ave, Old Orchard Beach, Maine since June 2001.
And since the April 10, 2015 attack on my family, this VERY LARGE hate group has repeated this even seven more times, to seven more families all on just one street, all on Portland Ave, Old Orchard Beach, Maine... in total, this extremist fanatical Christian hate group has murdered more then 120 CHILDREN, just on our one street alone.
And in every case, the grand of white hood wearers was chanting the same mantra: "Too gay for the family friendly town of Old Orchard Beach, kill or be killed, remember Saco Shaws".
This terrorist group is murdering anyone on Portland Ave, Old Orchard Beach, Maine, whom they believe of being gay or transgender, whether or not they are gay or transgender.
These people are beyond evil. And this Claire woman is their leader, and she's the one the FBI wants.
If you have any information, please call FBI Portland Office @ 207-774-9322
ask for Agent Andy Drewer.
I have a weird text message… from the woman, a relative who looks enough like me to pass for my twin…from the women, who keeps pretending to be me, the one who lat Aprile pretended to be me and tried to sell my land, the one who in 2007 pretended to be me and hired a guy with a backhoe to dig holes in my land under the guise of putting in a septic system that I never ordered… the woman who in 2013 hired the same back hoe to drive over my house…
the woman the FBI suspects of being the one who hired the golf club woman also in 2013 to cripple me nd murder my baby… the same woman who was in my yard April 10, 2015 again pretending to be me when she locked her cats in my motorhome, the same woman who took out 27 credit cards in my name and ran them each up to $20k max, me, who’s never had a credit card in my life because I can’t count or do math so also can’t do money or numbers, …. The same woman who creates several online accounts pretending to be me on those… that woman… just sent me a text message, wants me to go with her to Bug Light lighthouse tomorrow…
Uhm… Bug Light lighthouse art studio is where I was November 14, 2013, when the Claire and Kendra women broke my spine with a gold club… so, why does this woman who has a 50 year history of impersonating me… the woman who convinced half of Old Orchard Beach and Biddeford that she owned my land, and has half the locals convinced that SHE and not ME, is me… she, suddenly wants me to met with her at the exact location where the blond Claire and red haired Kendra women - whom the FBI are still trying to find out the identity of - crippled me 9 years ago… and she won’t tell me why.
Well, at the moment I am recovering from, a broken pelvis, so, I can’t get out of bed, I haven’t been able to get out of bed since December, it’s not February. So, even if I would meet up with her, which I wouldn’t, right now, I can’t anyways.
She’s an Atwater… yes, the sister of Bruce Atwater… you remember him, he’s the one who was a member of Heaven’s Gate, and is so obsessed with aliens, that he and her, she helped him by pretending to be me, yet again… went around with the whole “amphibious aliens” rumors, making the claim I was abducted by aliens, calling my husband Ben Wildes, an aliens, dubbing him Etiole… he is by the way, the guy you see walking my dog with me in Biddeford… so, yeah you locals have met and talked to “Etiole” quite frequently, he attends the Saco Ward Church or Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, and spent 48 years as the High Preist Quarum Leader of the Sandford Ward of the Church of Jesus Christ of atter Day saists, he left the Mormon church in May 2015, after our children were murdered… thhey were kidnapped April 10, 2015, the same day the impersonator bitch locked her ten cats in my motorhome and tried to pretend they were mine, called the police, the police, Will Watson specifically, took her cats, and did not arrest me, because, they weren’t my cats… then she spent the past 9 years running around saying they were my cats and because it happened the same day, she also tries to convince people that mychildren never existed and that her cats are my children… what the fuck? She’s a raving lunatic.
She’s the one who who runs around screaming “Mark and Dan this and Mark and Dan that” and I don’t know who the fuck her Mark or her Dan are, however, the psychotic gun totoing white haired man with a green pickup truck, regularly arrives in my driveway to yell at me a, claiming he’s Mark, while saying I’m deframing him, and I don’t know who the hell he is… but apparently, he’s the Mark she keeps talking about, and she’s fighting with him while claiming to be me, so now, he’s mad at me because of something she said, but I don’t even know who the hell he is or what he’s talking about.
This is the same woman who ran around cutting the internet and electric wires off my Biddeford apartment building in 2021, while screaming about Tod Murphy, and I still don’t know who Todd Muruphrey is yet… except she and her friends claim he was hit by an Amtrak train Nov 21, 2021 at 10PM, and you can check the police records, no one was hit by a train that day… However, as you all saw on my dog walking livestream on Nov 19, 2021 at 6:27pm, 4 women on bikes chased a homeless man on the the freight train tracks a quarter mile away from the Amtrak train tracks… I have it on video and I’m the one who called the police. Apparently, that’s the train accident she was talking about, be she had all the dates and times and names wrong, AND, for a full 8 months after that, I had to deal with her Atwater hoodlums and their friend vandalizing my car… they did more then $10k in damages, which yes, that why I don’t have my car again, in case you hadn’t noticed a 40 year old antique car is rather difficult to find parts for.
This woman… the one who does all of these things… oh yeah, by the way, you remember the woman who cut my 1964 Dodge 330 in half on May 9, 2010… yeah… same damn woman… and the same woman who took a fucking sledge hammer to my 1974 AMC Gremlin… that woman, the same one woman who has done ALL of these things… just sent me a text, wanting me to meet her at Bug Light lighthouse, where her Claire and Kendra buddies crippled me and murdered my baby 9 years ago.
No!
Fucking no!
Why can’t this bitch leave me and my family alone!
WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH HER!!!
Bug Light? Really? The location where my baby was murdered and I was left crippled for the rest of my life?
Really. She wants me to meet her at Bug Light Lighthouse.
Why?
I don't know.
She won't tell me. It's all a big secret.
Everything's always a big secret with the Atwaters. Because everything has to be a secret with criminals. If their crimes get found out, they end up in jail. That's how criminal thugs operate. In secret. So she she can't do anything without it being some big grand secret.
Why do you want me to meet you at BugLight, the lcation where my baby was murdered?
It's a secret, I can't tell you, you just have to come and find out.
No.
For one thing my car is not here, because oh, fucking Atwater scum bags vandalized it.
For another thing, I have a broken pelvis, I have been able to get out of bed since a week before Christmas 2022.
This is the 3rd time my pelvis has rebroken, since it was originally broken by the golf club weilding Claire bitch at... oh, BugLight lighthouse!
This is the same woman and her Mark simp from the day the police showed up at my Biddeford apartment to ask:
Police: "You're EelKat, right?"
Me: "No, that's what people call me though. EelKats a fictional character from my books."
Police: "This is Biddeford, right?"
Me: "Uhm? Yeah?"
Police: "And I'm standing here in Biddeford right now, talking to you, right?"
Me: "Uhm? Yeah?"
Officer starts talking in his phone to officers Will and Robby of Old Orchard Beach Police Department: "Yeah, she's right here with me, I'm talking to her right now. Got her Autism car here and everything."
Will and Robbie: "Yeah, that's what I been saying. This isn't her."
Me: "What's going on?"
Police: "Wolfboy is trespassing on your property again…"
Me: "Wolfboy? Who's Wolfboy?"
Police: "Mark. We call him Wolfboy. He calls 911 a few dozen times a day. Constant false complaints about every one. Boy who cries wolf you know."
Me: "Who's Mark? I don't know anyone named Mark."
Police: "Town busy body. Gossips and complains about every one. He's a real pain in the ass. Pardon my French. Can't leave anyone alone."
Me: "Why is he in my yard?"
Police: "Citizens arrest. Says he's arresting you."
Me: "Me?"
Police: "Yeah. He's got some bogus court documents that say you are not allowed on your own property because you're gay."
Me: "I'm gay? How am I gay?"
Police: "Yeah. Well Wolfboy thinks everybody is gay. He's waiting for the gaypocalypse, you know?"
Me: "What's the gaypocalypse?"
Police: "He thinks us guys are going to mass murder all the Christians. We have to deal with his fake 911 calls reporting us gaaaaaayz all the time."
Me: "I take it you're gay?"
Police: "Ahyap, several of us on the department. We don't like jerks like Wolfboy. He harasses people like you all the time."
Me: "Like me?"
Police: "Disabled. He targets disabled women. Thinks it makes him a man. You might not remember me. I was the one who came with the ambulance. You know? I knew you were laid up in bed here and couldn't be in Old Orchard right now, seeing how you can't walk, let alone drive."
Me: "And you said he's in my yard right now?"
Police: "Yep. He says you hired him to dig a septic tank."
Me: "I what?"
Police: "Yeah, we know. We checked. It wasn't you. We got this woman who's impersonating you. She's the one he's trying to arrest right now. She hired him to dig a hole in your front lawn. She says she's EelKat. That's why I'm here, to make sure you are here in Biddeford and not in Old Orchard Beach, right now. Buddy Will and Robbie are dealing with it."
Me: "Why is there anyone in my yard? There should never be anyone in my yard!"
Police: "Yep, we know. Wolfboy and crew do this sort of thing every day. You have no idea how often we have to deal with his crew of chronic 911 false report complainers. Whole family's crazy."
Me: "So, you're telling me there are two people in Old Orchard, right now, on my land, fighting over my land, and one of them is claiming to be me?"
Police: "Yeah, that's the deal."
Me: "He says I hired him to build a septic tank?"
Police: "Yep."
Me: "Do I look like I can afford to have a septic tank built? I have twenty million in medical bills. I can't even walk! What would I even do with a septic system, my bladder and intestines don't work, I wear adult diapers because I can't even use a toilet! Why would I of all people have a septic tank put in?"
Police: "Yeah. I know. I don't think Wolfboy and crew know how crippled you are. That's why we knew whoever he had in your yard, wasn't you. I also, don't think he's ever met you. We showed him a picture of you, and he swears that it wasn't you. We showed him a picture of *name removed* and he says that's you."
Me: "She's not me."
Police: "We know."
Me: "She's been after my land for decades. Was trying to get it aways from Grammy Helen, before I inherited it."
Police: "Oh, we know. Police reports from your Helen Ricker go all the way back to the 60s. They been after the Ricker farm since before you was born. Wolfboy's bitten off more than he can chew this time. He don't know who he's dealing with. He never should have gotten messed up with the Bacon Street Gang."
Me: "Bacon Street Gang?"
Police: "Ahyep. That's who Wolfboy has got tangled up with."
Me: "Who's the Bacon Street Gang?"
Police: "A gang. Think of them as kind of like the local Mafia, only worse. Most of them are doing time for murder. A few of them are out now. I don't think Wolfboy knows that's who he's dealing with any more than he knows who you are. He wouldn't be down there right now claiming she's you if he'd ever actually met you face to face."
That woman and that Mark, are the ones behind most of the rumors and misinformation spread about me.
The woman I know. She's a relative, with a long list of mental health problems.
Her Mark buddy, that the local police call Wolfboy, I don't know. I've never seen him. Never met him as far as I know. Obviously he's some friend of hers, probably one of her exs as she has a lot of them. She's got a bad reputation for slutting around with married men and breaking up families.
But all these wild alien abduction, transgender, ufo, nutcase rumors that get spread about me, whenever I ask "Who told you that lie?" They always say it came from her, my Uncle Bruce, or some guy named Mark.
And clearly this Mark guy is talking about her, but he uses MY name when he does it, because he's convinced she is Me. It's incredibly obvious this Mark guy has never met me and has no clue he's being scammed by her. But it is incredibly annoying because, I'm the one who is crippled for the rest of my life because some blonde bitch named Claire beat me up with a golf club at Southern Maine Community College Bug Light Art Studio on November 14, 2013, while screaming "Kill or be killed, gotta kill the transvestite freaks before they kill us all!" I was 8 months pregnant. That mystery Claire bitch not only left me crippled, she also murdered my baby. Why? Because this mystery Mark guy runs around calling me transgender and gay even though I'm not trans or gay. And he's only doing that because this nut job Atwater woman who pretends to be me, is after my land, so she runs around doing crazy ass shit while pretending to be me, in order to start the crazy ass rumors in the first place!
This Claire woman is the one the FBI is looking for information on. Because no one knows who the hell she is. She's just some random nut job who clawed out of the woodwork and showed up at college one day to attack me and kill me baby, while screaming utter insanity. The guy with her called her Claire, beyond that we've no clue who she is.
This Claire woman is the one wanted for murder, agitated assault, and owes me $20million in medical bills. If she's ever identified, she's also got life in prison for murder to look forward to.
No, I can not identify her: I am blind.
Did you forget I am blind? I've been blind my whole life.
I am legally blind. I can not see faces, not even if you are close to me. I can not make out the colour of skin because there is so little variation in colour from light to dark. I can only identify the attackers by their hair colour, because I am blind and can no see their faces. That is why I do not know who these people are. I'm blind. I've been blind since I was 8 years old. I can only identify people by their scent and the sound of their voice. Yes, the golf club woman attacked a blind pregnant women, and the FBI needs help to identify her because, I'm blind, I can only id her by the sound of her voice, and I've only encountered her twice...
November 14, 2013 when she crippled me with a golf club and murdered my babyat SMCC, and June 26, 2016 when she attacked me with a shopping cart at Scarboror WalMart, she drove away in a gold volvo station wagon. The first time 2 people were with her and they called her Claire. The 2nd time only the red haired woman was with her, and she was screaming "My name is Kendra Silvermander It's my turn to shine!"
I do not know what the faces of wither the blond Claire who drove a gold volvo wagon or the redhair Kendra Silvermander are because I'm blind... I can see exactly 8 inches from my nose, I can't even see the ground to see my own feet. That's why the FBI is in need of witnesses to come forward and identify the 2 women who murdered my baby.
I'm blind, I don't know what they look like, I only know them by their voices.
If you have any information, about the Claire bitch who murdered my baby at BugLight Lighthouse on November 14, 2013, please call FBI Portland Office @ 207-774-9322
ask for Agent Andy Drewer.
I am severely disabled. I have been since November 14, 2013. I was paralyzed for 5 months. It took me 18 months to get out of a wheelchair. It's been 9 years and I'm still using a cane and walker to get around, but, after standing and walking for an hour or two, I collapse and have to be carried back to bed, where I end up staying for days, sometimes weeks, before I can attempt to stand up again.
And since that happened, there have been a lot of local rumores.
Plastic surgery reconstructed my face, but I noticeably don't look the same as I did for 40 years prior to becoming disabled. And this has led to a lot of local rumors... people call me a demon, or demon possessed, or an alien, or say I was abducted by aliens and that's why I look different.
Welcome to Maine, where the average person believes aliens and demons are real, and think nothing of driving a backhoe over my house, because im just a demon who deserves it, they vandalized my car repeatedly every few months I who am already disabled and severe difficultly getting out and to the store, have even less ability to get out when my car is in the shop for repairs months to a time, multiple times a year.
This is the reality of how we horrifyingly disabled people are treated, at least here in Maine.
Being attacked in the college parking lot by 3 strangers with golf clubs is what dramatically changed my appearance. Doctors, plastic surgeons, rebuilt my face as best as they could, and they did a very good job all things considering. My vertebrae are broken in such a way that my spinal column is severed and so I have almost no use of my left hand and arm, I have no control over my bladder or intestines so have to wear adult diapers. And Doctors can't operate on this injury because there is an 80% chance of me becoming paralyzed from the neck down if they even attempt surgery.
I have been sent to the top neurological surgeons in America and they've all said, they wouldn't dare take the risk of doing the surgery.
I have been 9 years, actively studying everything I can find on the subject of spine surgery. I follow every medical journal, hanging on every update, watching and waiting for the day, when surgery advances to the point that it is an option for me.
Interestingly, as a side effect of this, I started reading and watching Horror genre, something I did not previously do. Things like The Island of Dr Moreau have become my favorite books and movies. I'm not sure why. Perhaps it is because I can identify with the characters who have those radical body changing surgeries in those books and movies.
In short, I have become fully obsessed with studying all aspects of radical surgery, both real and fictional, in some sort of hope of finding, something, anything, that will help me walk again.
THIS is what this Claire woman with the gold Volvo station wagon did November 14, 2013... and made worse when she attacked the second time June 26, 2016.
The Claire woman with the gold Volvo station wagon, not only murdered my son, she completely destroyed my life, my health, my ability to function on even the most basic levels.
I can't walk, my baby is dead, there's a giant fucking hole in my yard that looks like a Moon crater, and I'm homeless because a fucking backhoe drove over my house.
And because I was paralyzed for 5 months, and spent 18 months relearning to walk, and still can't walk on my own now 9 years later, I also have $20million in medical bills, which is why I can't afford to rebuild my house.
In the meantime, some jackass with a green dump truck that has a black and silver striped nose, dumped hundreds of loads of garbage, actual literal black bags of garbage that he stole from the town dump, and dumped them in my yard. Do you know how much garbage he dumped in my yard? It was one hundred and seventy three feet long, thirty feet wide, and twelve feet tall… yes, the pile of garbage was 173 feet long, 30 feet wide, and 12 feet tall… and it cost me $12k March 2015 to have a garbage company come in and haul it away.
What the fuck?
And you know what the police said? They think this woman and her Mark buddy are having a fuel, but because she's convinced him that she is me, and he's never seen me, so he doesn't know she's not me, that the police think, he's the one doing all the harassing of me and my family, but he thinks he's harassing her and her family and doesn't know he's harassing the wrong people, because she gave him my address as her address.
So, I'm being harassed by some guy who is a total stranger to me, because he's mad at some psycho bitch who was pretending to be me.
And because of all this, I'm crippled for the rest of my life, my baby is dead, a backhoe drove over my house, and then on April 10, 2015 my 10 foster children were kidnapped, and then on May 15, 2025 there heads were nailed to the door of my big pink motor home. So, now not only am I homeless and crippled, but my family has been murdered as well, all because some bitch impersonated me spreading weird ass alien abduction lies, weird as transgender lies, and weird ass gay lies about me, because for some reason she thought that would get her my land, and in doing so, she passed off some guy who went psycho serial killer on me, while thinking he was attacking her.
Yeah.
And so, two criminal ass thugs are funding with each other, and now I'm homeless and crippled and my family is dead, and the FBI is here now, and according to them, me and my family was never the target, me and my family got attacked by mistake because at the start of all this, some ufo nut, thought it would be funny to impersonate me and try to make it look like I believed in aliens, because this whole thing started because of some phoney ass alien abduction ufo haunted car hoax started by my uncle Bruce back in the 1990s, because he was mad, that Stephen King filmed The Thinner movie on my land, and my uncle Bruce was mad that he didn't get to be in The Thinner movie.
All of this started because Stephen King filmed a movie in my yard almost 50 years ago, and an uncle of mine was jealous, so he had his sister, pretend to be me to start some crazy ass alien abduction rumors, her running around claiming she was me while claiming to be abducted by aliens, while dubbing my husband as "etiole" and "amphibious alien", because in their minds that was some kind of revenge porn for not being in a Stephen King movie, and they've spent almost 40 years running with their alien abduction hoax, adding more and more to it all time time, including to start calling me a transvestite... and then, these people who used to live in Utah, my uncle and his sister, come back here to Maine to run around spreading the alien and trans rumour on a local level around Old Orchard Beach and Biddeford, because, I have no ide why... they are just pure evil, and evil things like this are what hate filled evil people do.
Jealousy and hate. That's what fuels her. Pure raw jealousy and hate.
And my family is dead, my house is gone, and I'm crippled, all because some uncle of mine, whom I never even knew before any of this started, wanted to be in a Stephen King movie, and wasn't in a Stephen King movie and for some reason that was justification for all of this.
I don't get it.
The Atwaters are just hate filled, evil scum. You can't do something like this and be anything OTHER than pure evil scum.
Buglight lighthouse is where my baby was murdered on November 14, 2013 by the Kendra Silvermander and Claire bitch duo... why would I want to go there?
What the hell is she even thinking?
Every one who knows me knows my baby was murdered at Buglight lighthouse the beach behind the art studio at Southern Maine Community College in South Portland, on November 14, 2013, the same event that left me crippled for the rest of my life.
So why in the hell would anyone dare ask me to meet them at fucking Buglight lighthouse?
How much more evil can you be?
Update: February 19, 2023
??? Weird. ...
So, I just got a flurry of weird text messages… about FabeBook posts? I’ve not seen said posts, so I don’t know exactly what they says, but I’ll respond to the text messages about said posts:
ONE... who is in my yard? It's certainly not me, I broke my pelvis a week before Christmas and haven't been out of bed in 3 months. There should never be anyone in either of my yards, not the one in Biddeford nor the one in Old Orchard...
TWO... when did my cousin Danny die? First I heard of it. Last I knew he was living on a farm up by Heath road in Saco. I haven't seen him since a few years before the grease fryer bomb blew up my house, that happened on October 16, 2006... so it was sometime before 2004 last time I saw Danny. Didn't know he died. That's sad. I liked Danny. He was one of the few good Atwaters...
Three, uhm, what garden? My land in Old Orchard is bare ledge. Not even any soil to plant anything in. It's been that way for nine years. When the backhoe drove over my house August 8, 2013, it also came in with a green dumptruck and strip mined my land, they stole all of my roses, apple trees, grapes, blueberries, and flowers, and took all the top soil down to over six feet deep, strip mined my farm down to bare shale and granite. It would cost over $three-million dollars to buy new top soil to replace what the vandals stole, and I don't have that kind of money, so I've not had a garden since, no vegetables, no flowers, nothing, can't plant anything on bare ledge....
so, yeah, weird, this latest rumor, which states I stole something from Danny's grave to put in my garden. Seeing how, I didn't even know Danny died and I also don't have a garden.
........... Update February 22, 2023
So, because I didn't know Danny died, people have started sending me these long lists of Atwaters whom have died since 2015... apparently there are well over 30 - thirty - dead Atwaters, none of whom I knew had died, and many of whom, I never even heard their names before. I'm told they are largely from the Utah division of the Scottish Traveller clans. But I did notice, half of the original twelve are dead? Is that true? No one told me any of this. I had no clue. It says here that uncle Peter and his wife, Bobby's wife Cathy, and even my uncle Brucie are all dead? When did all this happen and why did no one tell me? There a bunch of cousins, second cousins, and thrid cousins on the list too, but I've never heard any of their names before I have no clue who any of them are.
There also seems to be some weird thing where they are saying no one ever told them my son was murdered November 14, 2013... my mother, my father, my step father Wade, aunt Barbara, uncle Dickie, uncle Brucie, cousin Danny, and Danny's wife Amanda all knew about this. Barbara showed up at the hospital and tried to get me to join her in some stupid ass medical scam she said she was running via her EMT job, she wanted me to be some poster child for some medical scam website she was running, she said she could get more money if she had a real cripple on her website. Dickie and Brucie were both at my Water St apartment the night it happened and they were mad that the police showed up to question my family and found them there with my daddy and some private detective, I don't know who the private detective was... according to the FBI agent in charge of the murder investigation, my dad hired the private detective to trail my mother and her then husband Wade, and Dickie and Brucie were helping my father with that.
Barbara, Dickie, and Brucie were all at the hospital November 2013, when I was paralyzed.
Barbara knew I was in a wheelchair, because in 2014, at Saco Shaw's, she stopped to talk to me, while I was shopping and in the wheelchair.
I'm also being told most of them are claiming they didn't know a backhoe drove over my house. Uncle Joey in Australia, not only knew about the backhoe driving over my house, by the FBI has copies of the $600 wire he sent to the backhoe driver. My father is the one who forged the demolition permits, with some guy named Dan who I never heard of before.
Also, you remember Barbara's ex Paul Martal... do you know what he's in prison for? FBI arrested him in 2016, for not one, but many bombs that he built, including the bomb that blew up my house October 16, 2006 and wait for it... the Boston Marathon bomb in 2013, he built it and sold it to ISIS.
The Atwaters claiming they know nothing of the 2006 bomb, is a lie, considering the FBI arrested some of them for it.
The Atwaters claiming they knew nothing of the backhoe driving over my house August 8, 2013, that replaced the bombed house, is a lie, because because Joey is the one how organized and funded it and he's going to straight to prison if he ever sets foot in America again, the FBI is ready to arrest him the moment he sets foot outside of Austraila. They have uncovered all the evidence they need to do so.
Barbara posted the message on my FaceBook wall: "The next head nailed to a door will be yours", she posted that message May 14, 2015... the DAY BEFORE my foster children's heads were nailed to the door of my motorhome. I didn't know she posted that message... the FBI agent, had screenshots of it that he had made, he showed them to me in June 2016... I didn't know she had posted that on my wall.
Yvonne and Shem, posted on my FaceBook wall more then two hundred pictures of themselves holding various guns, and on every post they wrote the words: "This is the gun I'm going to kill you with." Again, I did not see the posts, because I was in the hospital, paralized, I was paralyzed 5 months, I was 18 month relearning to walk... I've been bedridden for the last 9 - NINE - years... I found out about the death threats Shem and Yvonne were posting when an FBI agent, the one, who is now dead. Larua, she was murdered February 6, 2021... arrived, at my 6x8 tarp that I was living under in my yard... she arrived, with a huge stack of printed out screenshots of death threats posted by them, along with 27 FaceBook accounts all owned by Brucie, most of them using variations of Doris's name... all 29 of those accounts spent the entire of 2014, 2015, and 2016 DAILY posting death threats on my FaceBook wall, and often mentioned the November 14, 2013 murder of my son, the August 8, 2013 backhoe, and the April 10, 2015 SWAT team... the SWAT team being something I never mentioned online... also... the police department is in search of a VERY UNIQUE murder weapon that was used in the May 15, 2015 beheadings, and the crackhead Camilla, the cocaine dealer for the Bacon Street Gang, who is an Atwater, has been since October 2021 showing up on my Biddeford front porch to gibber about... that murder weapon... the police and the FBI never released to the public what the murder weapon was, because it is a VERY UNIQUE one of a kind hand made item. And yet, MANY of the Atwaters... 23 of them, showed up in my Biddeford driveway January 8, 2021 to gibber about that murder weapon while also chanting "God-King-Trump".
January 15, 2021, a few days later, the fbi shows up with half the fucking plice department, here at my biddeford apartment, said they followed lucy and barbara up here from some attack on the president in washington dc and wanted to know if U'd seen them? what the fuck? I have no clue. I've not see Lucy since 1994 and I've not seen Barbara since 2013 the day she tried to get me to join her weird medical scam plot. But according to the FBI... they were watching my Twith livestream tht day, so they saw the "God King Trump" chanters, as did all of my viewers, I was live and my webcam faces the driveway window so, they were chanting "God-king-trump" on my Twitch livestream... according to the FBI, those 23 people were Lucy's crew and the had stolen stuff from the White House, and were carrying the stolen white house stuff while chanting in my driveway... the FBI wanted to know if I recgonined any of them, and I didn't, the FBI had tons of pictures of them, and I don't know who any of them were... but according to the FBI, they are the adult children of several of my cousins, via Lucy and Barbara's kids. What the hell?
I am so sick and tired of the FBI showing up here and questioning me every few weeks, because of some fucking ass shit Barbaras family is doing, when I don't even know Barbara's family! I haven't babysat for her kids since I was 12 years old and that was fifty fucking years ago!
Tell me, how do so many Atwaters have inside information about the murder weapon that was used to behead my ten foster children on May 15, 2015... when those police records are sealed, were classified by the FBI, and only me, 6 FBI agents, 3 police officers, and of course the murderer, know what the murder weapon was?
I don't know who contacted the FBI... it wasn't me. I assume is was police officer Will Watson as he was the original head of the police investigation. And yet, I have many THOUSANDS of hate emails, hate snail mail letters - hand written and signed by Atwaters, accusing me of sending the FBI to "snoop in on them" as they put it. Good god! The FBI is over here interigating me 2 or 3 times a fucking month! The Atwaters act like they are the only ones who have to deal with FBI agents hanging around all the time! At least with me the FBI are here trying to help solve a crime, not interigating me of being a criminal... my fucking son was murdered! Atwaters bitching about the FBI questioning them, well maybe they shouldn't be posting death threats all over my FaceBook wall constantly none stop, the same week my sn was murdered, but that's what they are being questioned about.
I never sent the FBI anywhere... I don't control the FBI, and anyone who thinks that is got some serious mental retardation issues.
I didn't even know the FBI was actively going from Atwater to Atwater questioning them, and I wouldn't have known, had the Atwaters not been writing long hate letters and mailing them to me.
My son was murdered in 2013... it was 3 years later, when the FBI showed up to talk to me, for the first time, and yet they informed me, they'd been on the case for three years at that point and had some pretty daming evidence, about one Atwater: Paul Martal, whom I've never met, didn't even know he existed... he got 14 years in prison for the 2006 bomb that blew up my house. But what the FBI wanted to know was: Why me? It appeared he didn't know me any more than I knew him. According to the FBI, Paul Martal was in heavy contact with 2 people, and the FBI believes it's one of them, who hired the golf club woman to murder my baby November 14, 2013...
...and the problem is, I've not mentioned it to the family, The Atwaters, so they don't know, not even my parents know, but on September 12, 2021, there was another attack. I've not released any details, nor have the police or the FBI, One of the biggest ones yet. The FBI pointed out one thing... the attacks stopped when one of te two primary suspects died. They said they had reason to believe the one, of the two suspects, whom they believe murdered my son, died... so how did the the September 12, 2021 attack happen?
When that attack happened the FBI asked me to repaint paint my car: put the info from 2 different events, with the dates reversed, to see WHO would notice it was wrong. Someone DID notice it was wrong: Crackhead Camilla, cocaine dealer of the Bacon Street Gang, she showed up on my Biddeford porch less then ten hours after I painted my car. She noticed the incorrect date for the incorrect event... and she has said WHO told her... and it was one of the three people who arrived at the hospital November 2013... except, 2 of those 3 people are now dead, and the one she's naming, is the one still alive.
Who is it, who runs around telling people I believe in aliens? That same person. I don't believe in aliens. I'm the one who proved aliens and alien abductions to be a hoax, did that in 2007, posted my findings proving aliens a hoax here: https://www.eelkat.com/AmphibiousAliens.html
Who is it, who runs around claiming I say things about Utah Atwaters, people who I've never heard of, people I've never met? That same person.
Whose husband is right now sitting in prison for building the bomb that blew up my house? That same person.
Camilla was the bridesmaid of who? That same person.
Who KNEW I was paralyzed for 5 months, 18 months in wheelchair, and 9 years serverly crippled, bedridden... but neglected to tell anyone in the family? That same person.
Who is it, who is right now spreading rumors and lies about me, my brothers, and my mother, all over FaceBook? That same person.
Do you know what gaslighting means? Look at what she's doing. It's called gaslighting. It means she is trying to cast doubt on the victims, in order to make the victims look guilty, as a way to try to hide, her own crimes.
Ask yourself why you didn't know my son was murdered?
Ask yourself why you didn't know I was attacked by a blond woman with a golf club, left for dead, almost died, and have been crippled on paraplegic levels ever since?
Ask yourself why you didn't know I was paralyzed for 5 month?
Ask yourself why you didn't know I was in a wheelchair for 18 months?
Ask yourself why you didn't know my foster children, where not only murdered, but their heads were nailed to my door?
Ask yourself why you didn't know when Barbara, Brucie, and Dickie were all at the hospital, and knew what had happened. Why didn't they tell any of you? Why did they pretend not to know? Why did they hide for the rest of the family, what had happened to me?
Here's an important thing to ask: Why did none of you know the FBI was here investigating a very brutal murder that coincided with a LOT of harassment, vandalism, and hate crimes that were on levels of alarming extremes?
It's called impeding and FBI investigation.
Someone, in the Atwater family, has been very actively lying to all of you about what happened to me and my family... why? What is their motive? If they have nothing to hide, then why arethey bending over backwards to try to keep every one of you from finding out what happened to me, my son, my house, my yard, and my foster children?
Why?
Only the person doing these crimes, who any motive to try to cover them up.
Only the person who murdered my son, would have any motive to go out of their way to do everything in their power to try to make you forget he ever existed.
Only the person who did these things has any motive, to try to cover it up.
Only the person behind my son's murder has a motive to try to convince you I believe in aliens, when it's damn well documented that I don't believe in aliens.
Think about that, next time an Atwater starts spreading rumors about me, my mother, my father, my brothers, my husband, my dead children, or my dead son.
Also... who is it who told you that I knew about all these deaths in the family? Was it one of the three people who was at the hospital and knew what happened to me, but never told you all?
Also, yes... I have noticed that Dickies supposed death date is a full 3 months before he was at the hospital, before he was visiting my dad with Brucie and and having a meeting with the private investigator about Wade Witen... that's puzzling... but then again Brucie had faked his own death 4 times since the 1980s, each time to invade IRS fraud, so the Atwaters do have a history of faking their deaths. I know this because the FBI has all that info too and when interviewing me, they wanted to know if I was aware of the faked death, by 3 of the original 12 Atwaters... yep, three of the brothers have faked their deaths multiple times. So... when you people tell me Dickie and Brucie are dead, yeah, I kind of don't believe you.
Also, Barbara is the one going around telling everyone that Danny is dead and his grave is being vandalised... several people have told me that Danny is dead, his grave was being vandalised, and I a bedridden crippled, was being blamed for the vandalism, and I asked each of these people who told them this, and every one of them stated they recieved either a rtext, post, comment, email, or phone call from Barbara, some said she told them face to face in person... near as I can tell NO ONE other then Barbara os saying Danny died, no one other then Barbara is saying his grave is vandaised, and no one other then Barbara is saying I did it... also newsflash... my camera runs 24/7/365 ever since the day my foster children's heads was nailed to my door, so I can prove where I was and what I was doing every minute from May 16, 2015 to right now. The camera runs 24/7 in hopes of catching the murderer returning to attack again. Smile... if you've ever said anything to me online or offline, I have video footage of you doing it.
In case you've forgotten who Barbara is, besides being Bruce's sister, she's the 2 year old girl who was run over by this car. https://www.eelkat.com/images/1964dodge330_theGoldeneagleWorldsMostHauntedCar.jpg My 1964 Dodge 330 the one that was cut in half on May 9, 2010 by raving lunatics of the Saco Ward church calling it demon possessed. She's the one who started the rumor that the car was haunted, possesed by a demon and tried to kill her. The car used to belong to Dr Larochell, who paid Barbara $20k to stop her from spreading rumors about his car. Her rumours about his car got so bad that locals started attacking him, so in 1975 he sold the car and I bought it specifically to prove that it was niether haunted demon possessed and Barbara was just delusional and trying to get attention.
After I proved the car not haunted, I let a local elderly homeless man sleep in the car at night, while the car was parked behind my barn, 175 feet from the road in the forest where it could not be seen from the road, so no one knew the WW@ veteran was sleeping in my car... until that is, in 1978, Barbara tresspassed on my land, found him there, declared him first a demon, then in the 1990s started calling him "The Amphibious Alien"... Barbara is the only Atwater who ever learned French and guess what, she is also the one who coined the name "Etiole" and started calling the homeless WW2 vet "Etiole" and she is the one who has been vocal in instigating EVERY SINGLE attack on Etiole and my 1964 Dodge 330.
Also, do take a look at Barbara... we look alike, she and me... we can almost pass for twins. And what keeps happening around locally? People keep saying they are encountering me doing and saing things in places I've never been to, to people I've never heard of!
Also, every time I go outside, people - ttal strangers - keep coming up to me and asking me why I am emailing them stuff about aliens, and newsflash: I don't even use email! What the hell? I couldn't eail some one even if I wanted to!
In November, this guy comes up to me, he's about 90 years old and carrying this massive stack of sheets of paper - like 300 sheets, it's an entire reem of paper, and he starts waving it around and says it's print out of all the emails I sent him just in the past week, he says he gets more then three thousand emails from me on a daily basis and it's all crazy stuff about aliens... I looked at the papers and, the emails are coming from tons of emails with the word "eelkat" in the name, but they aren't mine. I'm not sending these things out to people and I don't know who is... but I do know who has a history of impersonating me with emails: Barbara!
In 1996, she started an email war with the Atwaters, with two emails, one that she said was heres, and one that she said was mine.
At that point... I had never had contact with an American, or TV, or electricity... I had never heard of computers or internet or email... he email war, was her, impersonating me, and sending hundred of hate filled emails to my aunts, uncles, and counsins... I found out about it a year later when Bishop Paul Morgan of the Cape Elezabeth Ward (no, not the Portland Ward, but yes the same building) called me in to his office one day, to ask why I was sending so many hundreds of emails about aliens and alien abductions to him and 750 other members of the church. No that's not a typo... seven hundred and fifty members of the church...
I had 3 questions for Paul Morgan:
1: What's email?
2: What are aliens?
3: What's alien abduction?
I had never heard of those 3 things before.
Paul Morgan had print outs of those emails, and it took me over a month to read those more then six thousand sheets of paper, but I read every one of them.
Paul Peterson, administrative director of Pine Land Center Insane Asylum... he showed up at church a few weeks later, yeah... turns out, several Atwaters used to be, how shall we call it... straight jacketed in padded cells because they were insane... and Pine Land Center, government run mental health institute, lost funding, shut down, in... oh look... 1996... and literally just let formally straight jacket nut cases, walk free out the front door. It's not hard to find out who the inmates of Pine Land Center were... the micro films are available in New Gloughster. So, yeah, that evidance exists and says a lot.
ALL of the rumors about me, my mother, my father, my brothers, my husband, my cars... all the Demon rumors, all the alien rumors, ALL of it... every single rumor, all the way back to the 1960s... all of them, were started by one person, Barbara, because, she was the 2 year old girl who was hit by that car, and she's pissed that I bought it, and she's even more pissed that Stephen King, my neighbour at the time, made a movie about it... did you know my real name is Christine and that's why the car is named Christine in the movie, even though the real car was named The Goldeneagle.
After Christine, Stephen King returned to film Thinner on my farm, and THAT is why, Barbara, has had endless amounts of jealosue rage and hatred for my farm, my land, my house... did you know I've rebuilt my house 5 times now... the backhoe has driven over THREE houses on my land, we keep rebuilding and it keeps coming back... but before the backhoe there was the bomb... and who did the FBI arrest for building that bomb again? Barbara's husband Paul Martal. That's what he went to prison for. He built the bomb that blew up my house, the FBI found him with the bomb parts in his house and car.
That's why, I always ask, when these weird rumors about demons and aliens show up... who told you? And EVERY SINGLE PERSON, EVERY SINGL TIME... they always say: "Barbara told me", "Baraba said it" , "Barbara called me" , "Barbara emailed me"... and so, I'm not surprised to find out that the rumors flying around this week, are once again, started by the same person who always starts them: the pissed off now adult, 2 year old girl, who 60 years ago was run over by the world's most haunted car, and is the one who both declared it haunted and dubbed the homeless man living in it as "Etiole"
Know your sources people. Do your background checks. Find out if the one spreading the rumors about me, might actually have a motive. Barbara REALLY hates that car. And at the core, her hatred of that car, her rage that Stephen King made it famous, is the cause of everything.
But guess what: Barbara and Brucie and their fucking endless jealose rage, is why I'm crippled, why my son is dead, why I've had to rebuild my house on my land five fucking times now... I'm not bothering any of them, I never have , and I don't know why they are bothering me! I want those bastards to fucking leave me, my family, my cars, my land, and anything else of mine alone.
Uhm… okay… so, a member of the Sanford ward church was just in a rage yelling at me about the drug raid across the street last year at the missionary apartment and this being the 18th anniversary of the dead girl in the Scarborough marsh… and, I'm not sure why they are yelling at me about it…but they were mad saying: "Why is the FBI here talking to you about the dead girl in Scarborough. You aren't family."
Uhm… no, but I am the one who found the body and called 911 to report it. And I've had to deal with police and FBi questions in regards to her death for the past few decades every single time they get a lead they show up and ask me:"So tell us once again what you saw." And I tell them yet again about the girl with no head, the thirty dogs with no heads, and that, I never saw her or the dogs before.
I was driving to work and they were all laid out ritual like in the road, not a one of them had any heads. Not the girl, not any of the dogs.
First experience with headless bodies… but far from the last. And police and fBi believe the killer was there and saw me call 911 and that's why my 75 pet roosters had their heads cut off and their bodies tied in rope nooses and hung in my Orchard fruit trees and rose bushes shortly after.
I can show you where ever body was the girl and the dogs. The first one was at the Ross rd Portland rd intersection at the light by where the medical building is now. The next one was at the Eastern trail Bridge just before the rv center. There was another at the cascade rd intersection by the flea market... they continued like that all the way to the Scarbourogh marsh. All black dogs, mostly Rottweilers and black labs, more than 30 of them, leading in a path to the dead girl. None of them had heads. Not the girl or the dogs.
It was after dark, I was on my way to Macy's.
The fbi says they think it was the same person who beheaded my cousin Murphy in 2013, beheaded 75 of my roosters and hung them from nooses in trees in 2007, murdered my son in 2013, and beheaded my mother's cats in 2015... he says there were 11 other beheading like this between 2001 and 2015 all of them invloving a huge amount of pets, mostly dogs and cats, but also birds and horses… in title more then 500 pets just on Portland Ave in old Orchard beach alone, the first one was a German Shepherd in June 2001 whose head was hung on the bucket of his owners bulldozer, and there have been 7 more since 2015 to 2021, all on Portland Ave, Ross rd, and Cascade Rd.
The dead girl in Scarborough had no head, neither did any of the dogs. I'm the one who called the police.
I was there when they found Timmy Murphy on cascade and Ross rd intersection. He had no head either.
My cousin Murphy, the newspaper said he was hit by a truck. But that's not what happened. I was there. Police made me wait 3 hours while they looked for his head. I got questioned all over for that. It happened June 2013. Backhoe drove over my house August 8, 2013, and golf club woman attacked November 14, 2013... fbi thinks the backhoe and golfclub attacks were both because I was there when Timmy's body was being wrapped up by police. The police found his head 2 weeks later down by my driveway on Portland Ave almost a half mile from where they found his body.
They believe the killer of my cousin Timmy was at the scene while the police were questioning me, and that's how the killer knew to target my house with the backhoe a month later… the issue with that is, one of my uncles, paid the backhoe driver, but that uncle lives in Australia and wired the money to the backhoe driver. The police have all the paperwork for this. And the police can't figure out, why it appears that my Atwater relatives are heavily invested in impending the investigation of what police are calling "the Ouellette case".
It appears the Atwaters are being egged on by someone involved in the murder of the headless Scarborough marsh girl, and that the Atwaters are being deliberately needled into a frenzy at me and my family in a bold attitude to through police off the killers trail.
The thing is, the Atwaters have gone into wild extremes bringing in weird alien abduction rumors that are just outlandish… but then… one of my uncles, when the FBI went to interview him… he had dozens of dead, headless black dogs, black cats, and black chickens laying in weird pentagram ritual formations, all over his yard, in his driveway, around his house, hanging on his fences… and… well… dead headless black animals were all around the Scarborough marsh that day of the dead girl… and so… it kind of looks a lot like one of my uncles either is the murderer or at least is the one supplying the murderer with dead black pets.
So, this lead the FBi to ask me more questions, because now it looks like the Atwaters lashing out at my family has a far bigger motive then, them just being crazy lunatic ufo nuts.
I've been a witness at 4 different beheadings.. and was the one who called police each time.
The raid at the Saco Ward missionary apartment across the street…I never said the raid across the street was a drug raid... the state drug force wasn't there. Ive seen drug raids before. My Atwater relatives are notorious for drugs, ive been in the house when two drug raids happened, one in 1982 and one in 2016 and both times the state police drug team was the one who did the raid.
State police drug team wasn't there at the raid on the missionary apartment across the street last year, it the US Marshalls and FBI there. They had 8 people handcuffed face down in the road in front of our apartment. And they said it was about the Ouellette case, specifically the headless girl in Scarborough marsh. I know this, because thry asked me if i recognized any of these 8 people. One I did, she's been my dads nurse since 2009. Fbi was here asking me about that raid, because he wanted to know if the dead cats and birds in the road here in front of our Biddeford apartment were lined up same way as the dead dogs were back in Scarborough years ago with the dead girl.
Me and others locally have been finding dead pets lined up on Main Street, western Ave, Cutts St, West Cutts st, James St, and Bradbury st every since summer 2021, I sent videos footage of all the dead pets to fbi, because it DID look like same ritual pattern used in my yard with roosters in 2007 and my mother's cats in 2015 and those dogs with the dead girl at the Scarborough marsh.
That's why I stopped walking around our apartment at night... dead cats and birds are being set up around my apartment and also my mothers apartment... looks like whoever killed cats and roosters in Old Orchard, wanted me to know they knew where I lived.
The officers think the person leaving the dead pets all around our apartment is whoever killed the headless girl at the marsh... they think that's why the attack on my roosters happened in 2007, the backhoe in 2013, the golf club women who killed my son and crippled me in 2013, because I'm the one who called the police about the headless dogs in Scarborough with the dead girl.
Weird, this Sanford Ward Mormon, who was just here at my apartment, made the comment: "But the dead girl in Scarborough wasn't beheaded."
I don't know if there's a different girl too or not. I only know about the headless girl, the one I called 911 about all those decades ago. I never looked up the news reports so I don't know if they ever mentioned the thirty dead dogs or her and the dogs having no head. I don't know what the news said about it. I don't even know her name. I just know whenever the police or FBI ask me to retell how the dogs were laid out, they always call it "The Ouellette Case". Beyond that I know nothing about it.
My focus has always been on the attacks on me and my family. I don't know any of the other families. I just know the officers said the April 10, 2015 attack on my farm was the 11th such attack on Portland Ave since June 2001 and that they now tell me there have been seven more such attacks on Portland Ave since 2015. They said a lot of details have not been released to the public, but that there are a few common things recurring in every attack which indicates it's just one person (group of persons) doing it. They say they keep going back to all 18 of our families reasking us for details we can remember because they are trying to match up the similarities of each case.
I know what details were left out of reports about the attacks on my family. I don't know anything about any of the other 17 families at all.
I don't understand these Saco and Sanford ward church members who keep showing up all upset because I'm trying to find out who murdered my son and left me crippled. What is their problem? It's MY family that's dead, not theirs, what the fuck business is it of theirs? Why are they so damned ruffled up about me asking for anyone with information to call the FBI? By being upset like this, they are just making themselves look suspicious. When they are mad that I'm asking people for help finding the killer, they just make themselves look like they are involved, they make it look like they know who the killer is, they make it look like they are protecting and defending the killer. Do they not realize how suspicious they make themselves look when they get angry that I ask on Facebook for anyone with info to please call the FBI and help put my son's killer in prison?
Do you remember Timmy? He's the same age as you and me. He's the one who lived at the black house next door to my on Portland Ave. He was the used car dealer, the one who always have a dozen or so cars lined up for sale across his front lawn. He also owned Etiole's swamp, my abutting neighbour from the back side of the land. He used to help me babysit Barbara's kids back in the 1970s and 1980s, we used to duo babysit together.
Timmy Murphy was the one beheaded June 2013 at the Ross Rd and Cascaed Rd intersection.
That's why I can't understand these Todd Murphy fucktrds who spent the entire of November 2021 to May 2022, daily arriving in my Biddeford driveway, chanting "Todd Murphy! Todd Murphy! Todd Murphy! Todd Murphy! Todd Murphy!" while vandalizing both the building and my car. They did $10k+ in damages to my Volvo and they did so much damage to the building that landlord Matt Holiday couldn't afford to repair the apartment building so he sold it because the city of Biddeford was going to condemn the building and kick out all 9 families at 409 Maine Street, because the Todd Murphy fucktard attackers did so much damage to the building. People know about them cutting all the wires off the building, but it was a lot more then that. They did huge amounts of stucture damage to the building itself as well. That's why Matt sold the building. He just didn't have enough money to repair the damages.
But the thing was, these vandals were acting like they thought I knew who Todd Murphy was, and I never heard of anyone by that name before. I think they mixed up whoever this Todd Murphy was with my cousin Timmy... who is not an Atwater... what the fuck are the Atwaters even talking about? Timmy was my dad's older sister's god-son. My aunt Victoria from Portland? The one who lived in that big tower on the waterfront up on the Promanard.
Why are the Atwaters so damned fucking arrogant that they think they are the only relatives I have? The Allens of Allen Ave in Portland are my relatives too you know, and Timmy Murphy was one of them. You know, the whole family who founded Amatos... the woman who founded Amatos was my dad's great aunt. That's why we always get free food at Atmatos, their family. The Atwaters don't hold a fucking monopoly over me, what the hell is wrong with them? You know, I'm sick of the Atwaters barging their way into everything and trying to make everything be about them. They aren't the center of the world and they need to stop acting like they are.
Near as I can tell, these Todd Murphy vandals are conneted to the Atwaters somehow, but I don't know how. And again, they are impeeding a fucking FBI murder investigation. Do the Atwaters know how to do ANYTHING other then stick their busy body noses in places they don't belong? What the fuck?
Do you know what the police said? They said Todd Murphy is the son of someone my mother and Barbar fight with on FaceBook. I've had my mother and Baraba both blocked on FaceBook since the shit they pulled back in 213 after my son was murdered. I don't have a fucking clue who my mother or Barbara are friends with on FaceBook, I have them blocked. I've had them blocked for 10 years this Novmber.
But then, I have fucktards from the Sanford Ward church showing up here now, do you realize how far they have to drive to get here to my driveway? What the hell? And they claim that Todd Murphy was a member of the Sanford Ward... you know what he's not on the rouster. You know I'm a member of that church right? I got access to the rouster, because my husband is the high preist quorum leader of that church... there's no one named Todd Murphy who is a member of the Sanford Ward church, and there hasn't been in the last 48 years that I've attended that church. So now I'm left wondering, even more what the fuck?
Who the ell is Todd Murhy and why the fuck should I care? I haven't got a clue what these people are talking about. I don't know who they are and I don't know who their Todd Murphy is.
Only thing I can figure, is somehow, something my mother and Barbara said, convinced these people that when I talk about Timmy Murphy's murder case that I'm talking about Todd Murphy. But why? Was Todd Murphy murdered in 2013 of the Ross Rd in Old Orchard Beach, same as my cousin Timmy Murphy, who was also my abutting neighbor and had the same birthday as me, so we celebrated our birthdays together, you know because we grew up together and knew each other own entire lives?
I mean, what the hell? And what does Todd Murphy have to do with The Ouelltte case aka the beheaded girl in the Scarborogh Marsh from 20 years ago? That's what they were talking about last night... thee Snford Ward members who were here in my ard in Biddeford last night, who yes, I do know who they are, but I don't know who this Todd Murphy is that they are talking about or what he has to do with my cousin Timmy Murphy and that girl, both being beheaded down the street from my Old Orchard Beach farm?
I asked, no one in Timmy's family knows any one named Todd. None of my Scarborough or Old Orchard Beach Murphy relatives know or have ant relatives named Todd, so none of them, know what the fuck these people in Biddeford are talking about. You know just because someone has the same last name, doesn't mean they are relatede, right? Do these Todd Murphy people who won't stop hrassing us, and now clearly have a connection to the Sanford Ward realize that?
And what is with Joel Bailey? What? Yeah... they're bringing Joel Bailey back into stuff? He went to prison in 2013, he, if you forgot was the counsellor of the Bisiop of the Saco Ward church, the entire bishiprisk went to prision, 2 to 10 years each one, along with the Old Orchard Beach Town Manager, oh wait, he was one of the bishipric, and 13 people from the Old Orchard Beach town hall and police departments, all members of the Saco Ward church, for stealing a little bitty number of thirty MILLION dollars in Old Orchard Beach tax funds out of the town hall bank account, which I only found out about, because they tried to forge my name onto the documents and that was why FBI Laura, the agent ho was murdered in Florida on Feberuary 6, 2021, was sent to interview me in 2007, 2010, and 20134... the Saco Ward church bishopric stole $30million from the Old Orchard Beach town hall and tried to pin it on me, only, I can't count, mI never learned math, and they didn't know I couldn't possibly have written the math figures. I don't know how to do money and only someone really good with money could have done the things they did. They also put a lot of stuff in Ken Shoop's name. That Joel Bailey, the one who is now out of prison and likes to walk circles around my Biddeford apartment all summer long in 2022. Yeah, I am aware he's back, the mini-Winnie RV that parks at the Biddeford High School at night, he is the one driving it.
Given his past history, no, I'm not surprised at all to find his name bring brought back up. Though the Saco Ward Mormons now trickling out of prison and back on the streets, would explain why the vandalism started up again, seeing how they were the ones who used to do most of it and the vandalism did stop when they went to prison.
I'm sick of the Atwaters and their Mormon friends. They're nothing but criminals, drug dealers, and gangster thugs.
The fact remains, the only thing I'm focused on is finding my son's killer and the Atwaters and their Mormon thugs, are interupting that, and I want to know WHY? No one who is not guilty of being involved in my son's murder has any reason or incentive to be here harassing me and telling me to take the FBI phone number off my FaceBook wall, and that's what they are doing and I want to know why. What business is it of theirs if the FBI phone number is on my FaceBook wall and what is their involvment with my son's murder that they think the FBI phone number on my FaceBook wall effects them?
Here's a weird one… I just got a text message from a Sanford Ward Mormon which states: "I've known you for 40 yeas I would remember you being attacked how come you never mentioned it before now"
Uhm… since 1996, my website, originally known as Space Dock 13, has documented daily blog posts of every day of my life.
The July 2, 2001 attack, when a house mover cut our house in half, put it on a flatbed and drove it to Waterville, was documented the day it happened. It was also the first attack. My neighbor's German shepherd dog was beheaded and left in the bucket of his bulldozer that same day.
Go look at my blog… every day since July 2, 2001 , every attack, from the minor paintball attacks to the big house bomb attacks, are all documented, each blog post written the day it happened. There are more then ten thousand daily blog posts just on that one blog, chronologizing every event of every day of my life and including every attack, since June 2001.
That fact that they only just noticed it now, does not mean, I've never mentioned it… it just means they were too self absorbed to notice anything going on around them. It also means I was never important enough to them, for them to notice I was homeless, or in the hospital, or had a baby that was murdered. … their shock of just discovering these things, says more about their lack of caring about me, then anything else.
As for the headless girl and dogs in the marsh, the murder of my cousin Timmy Murphy, and the golf club attack ,the 3 events they specifically brought up in their text…
I had Squidoo articles about all 3 events. Squidoo went out of business in 2014.
I have more then a thousand blog posts published between 2007 and 2013, on Tumblr, BlogSpot, and WordPress, about those 3 events.
On YouTube I had more than 2k video uploads between 2008 and 2017 that did absolutely nothing but talk about those events, and included the interrogations by police and Fbi, which I've recorded all of since May 2015. So, yes, you can go watch FBI agent Andy Drewer, lawyer Gene Libby in the Biddeford District Court, and police officer Will Watson, and dozens of others talking about these events, on YouTube, because my camera catches everything.
Since 2008, I have posted daily on Facebook and Twitter asking for witnesses to come forward about the dead dogs and the marsh girl...
Since June 2013, I added Tim Murphy to my daily Facebook request for witnesses to come forward,
Since August 2013, I added the back hoe driving over my house info to my daily Facebook requests for witnesses to come forward.
since November 2013, daily every single day requests for witnesses to the attack at phi theta Kappa ceremony at bug light lighthouse, where my baby was murdered and I was left crippled for the rest of my life.
I'm still crippled by the way, are they going to tell me they didn't notice that either? Did they not notice I was 5 months paralyzed, wait I know that person noticed because in February 2014 that exact same person carried me to their car and from their car into the hospital precisely because I was paralyzed and couldn't walk…. The person who carried me to the hospital because I was paralyzed and had to be carried is the exact same person who is now saying they don't remember this… and yet, they are the ones who had to fill out the paperwork to admit me in the hospital and their signature is on those documents. So, proof they are lying, right there.
after the June 2016 attack by the 2013 golf club woman, this time at walmart, the fbi gave me a hotline number for witnesses to call... this phone number has been on the flyers in the windows of my Volvo ever since June 2016 and these events are printed on said flyers.
Also in June 2016 the Old Orchard Beach Libby library and the Biddeford McArthur library and the Old Orchard Beach Salvation Army Church all printed up flyers about these events, and spent the summer handing them out to tourists and the fBI number was on all of those.
This is all very well documented as, I have been post them DAILY for over a decade now... and I talk about it constantly in my livestreams which I started doing in May 2015.
Just because one person had their head shoved too far up their church's ass to know what was going on in their own family, and they only just now noticed what was going on around them, doesn't mean I only just now started talking about it.
This is why I don't like churches. Church people are so focused on their Bibles that they haven't got a clue what's going on in the real world around them.
Not to mention all of the police reports, there are more than four hundred police reports, which span twenty one police departments, in three states as well as the Maine state police and the Florida state police, plus the FBI besides! Most of those police reports are public record, you can go read them for yourself. As far as I know only 3 of them were classified and sealed from public access which means there's still 400+ that can be read. There were newspaper reports of some of the attacks. And even though I don't own a TV so have never seen the tV news reports, I know those exist because there were so many TV station news reporters showing up in my yard with camera crews asking for interviews with me. This case is so damned well documented. It's utterly ridiculous to think there is a single person in Southern Maine who is so self absorbed and so oblivious that they have never heard of this case or any of the events that have happened within it in the last 18 fucking years!
But the worst part is, this my own church, a church I have been a member of for 48 fucking years, that is saying, they never heard of this! What the hell? There were more than 24 people from the Saco and Sanford Wards arrested by the FBI just since 2015, because of their involvement in this case. Several of them are still in prison. These people are really that oblivious that they didn't know I was in the hospital, they didn't know I was in a wheelchair, they didn't know my son was murdered, and they didn't noticed 24 members of their congregation disappeared because they went to prison for their involvement.
Really? Wow do these people really give a shit about their fellow congregation members or what? They not only didn't notice I was missing from meetings for 9 years because I am bedridden now, they also didn't notice 24 other members not in meetings because they are now in prison. Talk about dense numb skulls.
It appears the High Priest is back. You, Paul, have met the High Priest. You met him at WalMart. You met him at McDonalds, where you had a 4 hour long conversation with him. You met him my yard in Old Orchard when you visited a few days after the April 0, 2015 attack, and can I add here that you are the ONLY person since that happened, to ever once stop by and ask how I was doing, it’s you’re the only person I knew before the murder of my family, whom I still talk to. You ARE the only person, who ever showed you actually cared about what was going on.
Not one single member of my family or my church has ever stopped to see how I was doing, has ever asked online how I was doing.
But, since November 2021, Sanford Ward mormons have been showing up, all of them in wild raging infernos, and all of them talking about people and events I know nothing about, so I have no clue what any of them ae talking about, but they act like they think I know who the names they mention are, in particular they are cult-like worshiping someone names Todd Murphy whom I can only assume they have gotten mixed up with my beheaded cousin Tim Murphy of Pine Point district of Scarborough and Old Orchard Beach, somehow.
They showed up near daily from November 21, 2021 until May 17, 2022. They were lead on by two blond girls who looked like twins, and have mega long knee-length hair they kept in pony tails, and a smaller pudgier girl with a mint-green pixie hair cut. I don’t know these girls, they looked to be in their 20s. They are the same girls who spent the entire summer of 2021 harassing the homeless man who was living under the trestle bridge across the street from us. They would show up on bicycles every night around 1AM, chase him up out of the ravine, then chase him up the old back tracks along the dirt road to South Street, up towards your place. They did that every night for about 5 months, until he got hit by a freight train on Nov 19, 2021 at 6:27PM. They started attacking my and my family Nov 21, 2021, I think because they knew I had video footage of them harassing the homeless man and I think too they were pissed that I call the police when they killed him by cornering him at the bridge overpass so he couldn’t get out of the way of the oncoming train. Outside of them nightly harassing the homeless man, and then spending Nov 21, 2021 to May 17, 2002 chanting “Todd Murphy” in my driveway while vandalizing my car and apartment building, I’ve never seen these girls before of since. They seemed to have completely vanished May 17, 2022. Not seen them at all and the vandalism stopped cold turkey that day. I assume the police must have finally caught and arrested them, but the police never said they did, and in the past when someone harassed me, the police would always ask me to go to the station to ID them after the arrest.
In any case, the “Todd Murphy” dipshit bitches stopped harassing us May 17, 2022, and I heard no more of them, until this past month… only it’s not them showing up this time… this time it’s older people, elderly people in their 70s and 80s, members of the Sanford Ward Mormon church across the street from Curtis Lake Church… Curtis Lake Church being the congregation that shows up in my Old Orchard driveway with the “god hates fgs” signs and calling me a transvestite and calling my car gay, and marching around chanting “too gay for the family friendly town of Old Orchard Beach”... several Curtis Lake members have been arrested by the FBI and gone to prison for their involvement in both the April 10, 2015 attack on my family and the headless Marsh girl. However, to date,, the killer has not been found, every one arrested so far has always been weird “cultist-like” gay-haters who are attacking people in the area while chanting “kill or be killed remember Saco Shaws” and then rambling gibbering about heads in ice cream. The people arrested, for 5 different local churches, are all outspoken in radically preaching a doctrine of beheading anyone suspected of being gay, while stating that they are doing so on god’s orders.
That’s why there has been so much difficultly in finding out who killed the marsh girl and my cousin Murphry and my family, because, it looks like it’s not just one person, but rather an entire group of people involved, and so far, all evidence has pointed to those 5 churches: Saco Ward, Sanford Ward, Grace Point, Curtis Lake, and New Life, all in Biddeford, Saco, or Sanford, and all run by just 2 families. One family runs 3, another family runs the other 2.
Anyways, I was just thinking, and I think I figured out why the Sanford Ward Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints members are seemingly so clueless and unaware that I have been crippled and bedridden for nine years and why they were unaware that 24 members of their congregation have gone to prison, arrested by the FBI for being accomplices in the The Ouellette Murder Case aka The Cascade Murders aka The string of beheading on and around Portland Ave, Ross Rd, and Cascade Rd the past twenty years, which included the headless girl I found in the Scarborough Marsh, my cousin Timmy Murphy whom I found headless on the Ross and Cascade Rod crossroads, the beheading of my own foster children… Ben is the common link to all of them.
Ben, as you know, has severe dissociative identity disorder, that was brought on when his brother Willy commit suicide.
Ben has seven different, very distinctive different “people” living in him, that we know of, there could be moe then 7. Etiole is the one most locals are familiar with, though he does not call himself Etiole, Etiole being a name locals dubbed him. However, there is the High Priest, who is the one you, Paul, are personally most familiar with.
I’ve not seen the High Priest since April 10, 2015. Ben WAS there the day of the attack, he was also attacked… the attackers had me, my mother, one of my brothers, and Ben, all on the ground with guns to our heads, while they use a weird looking long pole with a piano wire-like loop on the end, to cu the heads off of everyone else who was there. Me, my mother, one of my brothers, and Ben, were the only ones to walk out of that attack alive. Ben’s favorite daughter Bella was one of the ones beheaded. His mind snapped, because, he recognized one of the attackers as “Rick”... When the attackers arrived, Ben ran up to one of them and said “Rick! What are you doing here?” Ben does have a friend named Rick… I know Rick. Rick is a very violent, vicious spouse abuser. His wife Paula used to come to church been to a pulp every week. Broken arms, broken legs, broken nose, black eyes. It went on for years. She finally divorced him and fled to Utah when he beat and nearly killed their teenage son. Rick has beaten me up, right in the Sanfard Ward church building. He’s a major bully, a huge bigot, and an extreme white power racists. Rick WAS there April 10, 2015… he didn’t have a white pillow case over his head like the rest of them did, but I don’t kow if he was a part of the attack or not, I was too busy trying to fight the bastard who was holding me own with a pistol in my face, to notice what Rick was doing. It was Rick though, his face in unmistakable… he has no face. Elephant man disease, I think you cal it, but you can’t mistake Rick, and he WAS in my yard April 10, 2015 the day my family was murdered, I just don’t know what he was doing there or if he was involved in the attack or not.
The thing is, something snapped in Ben that day. ALL 7 of his multiple personalities vanished, including the High Priest, thankfully. You know how bad the High Preist could get, you met him several times.
Ben left the Mormon church. I don’t know what triggered him more: his favorite daughter Bella being beheaded in front of him or his best friend Rick, seeming to be the one leading the charge ahead of estimated 74 people in white robes and white pillow cases over their heads.
In either case, Ben has developed a server hatred for the Mormon church and refuses to set foot in a Mormon church building… he who was High Priest Quorum Leader of the Sanford ward for so many decades.
The thing about the High Priest, was he was everything so far the opposite of who Ben, my husband, actually is.
The High Priest Quorum Leader of the Sanford ward boldly proclaims to be a virgin. Ben in not a virgin. Not even close. He had a prostitute problem back in the 1980s when I met him.
The High Priest Quorum Leader of the Sanford ward boldly proclaims to not be married, yet Ben and I got married on the Old Orchard Beach Pier August 13, 1987, so he’s been married several decades and still is, we don’t live together because he’s terrified of the Bishop finding out he has a wife. Keeping in mind Mormons don’t forbid priests from marrying, however Ben grew up extreme strict Catholic and his brother is the current leader of Opis Dia and he has to keep up appearances of being a Catholic Priest for his brother, from times when he visites from Italy, which happens a few times a year. Ben became a High priest in the Mormon church, but then goes to several local Catholic churches when his brother is in America, so that he can say he’s a High Priest without lying about it, and keeps his brother thinking he’s Catholic High Priest when he’s actually a Mormon High Priest. In other words, Ben lives a very big double life of trying to juggle his priesthood in two religions, hiding it from each other religion, while also maintaining a (very annoyed) wife (me) that he hides from BOTH religions.
Which is WHY, I’m allowed to PUBLICLY be friends with you, because it helps him to keep up the facade of “see, I’m not married, she hangs around with Paul”, which yes, that IS what Ben tells people at church about you.
Yes, Ben is a dick, I am very aware of this.
But, here’s the thing… Ben TELLS ME he is no longer in contact with any Mormons whatsoever, claims he hates, them, claims he shuns them, claims he’s not spoken to any of them since April 10, 2015…. HOWEVER… he was caught in July 2022, giving one of the Sanford Ward Mormons a ride to the store…. And Rick specifically, has been one the phone with him, when I came in the room and he thought I was elsewhere, causing Be to run around in a panic, knock his glasses off, break them by stepping on them, all while Rick was screaming out of the phone, “Ben, ya there? What happened? What’s going on?”
It appears the High Priest is back…. However, I suspected this in November 2021… the High Priest uses specific pontificating phraseology that none of Ben’s other personalities use…. And on november 24, 2021, the same night the Sanfard Ward Mormons were here cutting the wires off our Biddeford apartment building, Ben started talking like the High Priest again. It’s really distinctive. Normal people don’t talk in long winded drawn out droning, monologuing pontifications about Jesus, and of Ben’s 7 known people living inside him, the High Priest is the only ne who does this. Ben was here and witnessed the wire cutting event, he even went out side and talked to the crowd of “Todd Murphy” chanting lunatics to try to talk to them… and,... he said one of them is Todd Murphy’s grandmother from the Sanford Ward. Ben indicated at that point that he knew who Todd Murphy was, but since then, has denied knowing who Todd Murphy is. But, he came in, and told me outright that “I know her from the Sanfard Ward, she’s Todd Murphy’s grandmother”..
Each of the 7 people who live in Ben have no knowledge or memory of the other 6, and when one of the 7 does or says something, none of the other 6 have any memory of doing or saying those things.
It appears that The High Priest knows Todd Murphy, not only that, but also knows the attackers who came here daily from November 21, 2021 to May 17, 2022… and it looks like Ben, in his High Preist version of himself, is the one who told them where I live and is the one who worked them into a frenzy to begin with.
I have video footage of the homeless man who died Nov 19, 2021… a LOT of it. He knew Ben. That was obvious. Me and Ben were walking Main Street every night the summer of 2021 and the homeless man from under the trestle bridge would stop to talk to us a few times a week. And those weren’t just videos, those were Twitch livestreams so everyone watching my channel saw this homeless man stop and talk to Ben… he said he knew us. I did not recognize him, but Ben… I don’t know… Ben acted like he did know the homeless man, but didn’t want me to know it, so he told the homeless man he was mistaken. But people around local are saying that thie homeless man who kept showing up in my videos IS Todd Murphy, they say they saw my videos and it was Todd Murphy in my videos.
I am finding this whole thing very confusing… because NOW… even though I have video footage of Ben talking to the homeless man, Ben now claims, he never saw the homeless man at all and tells me I’m delusional. That's what he said: Ben said: “Your delusional, there was no homeless man” and, yet hundreds of people, many of them local, saw those videos of Ben talking to the homeless man. Which means, the man Ben was when he was walking with mt summer 2021,is NOT the man he is right now… and… either this a new 8th personality Ben has recently developed, or, it’s the High Priest back, but being deliberately sneaky to try to hide the fact that he’s the High Priest… which is odd, because before now, NONE of Ben’s multiple personalities have ever showed any signs of acknowledging any of the others, and the High Priest trying to high he’s the High Priest by trying to act like a different person, indicates the High Priest DOES remember and IS AWARE of the other personalities.
As you are well aware, I HATE the High Priest. I want nothing to do with him. I never would have married Ben if I had ever encountered his High Priest alter ego before marrying him.
June 26, 2016… FBI Agent Andy Drewer asked me to meet him at his Portland office on Middle St. He had… info. And a new primary suspect. Ben, specifically his High Priest alter ego, is the FBI’s #1 suspect in being the inforat, who told the golf club attackers I was at BugLight Lighthouse November 14, 2013. The FBI has phone records. I told only 3 people, where I was going that night: my mother, my father, and Ben. I told them only 5 minutes before I left, because I had been sick earlier and had previously told everyone I was not going to that event at the college. According to the FBI, my parents and step father Wayne Whiyyen, never left Biddeford, they continued to argue all night, and the FBI knows this because my father had hired a private investigator to tail Wayne, and so they have a lot of evidence as to where 2 of the 3 were. Ben on the other hand, called his friend Rick, the same Rick who was in my yard April 10, 2015… Minutes after I left my dad’s Water St apartment and drive to Southern Maine Community College, November 14, 2013… Ben called Rick. Rick drove to Ben’s house. And the two of them together left.
FBI Agent Andy Drewer had one question: “How well do you trust Ben? Because right now, he’s our primary suspect.”
They believe Ben told Rick, I was pregnant with someone else’s baby and Rick is the one who sent the golf club women to deliberately kill my baby.
Why do they believe this?
Because between 1987 and 2013 I have had 7 miscarriages, something that can be proven… Ben ins the only man I’ve ever been with. It’s not possible for anyone else to be the father. This was my 8th pregnancy by Ben and he was at the time running around accusing me of cheating on him with Etiole. The thing is… he IS the one people call Etiole… but his D.I.D. means he things Etiole is someone else, he doesn’t believe its him, because none of his personalities have any memory of each other.
Ben is a total nightmare to live with because I never know from one day to the next, who the hell he is going to be that day.
Ben has denied every pregnancy. Why? His exact words are: “I wouldn’t. I am a High Priest. What would the Bishop think?”
According to the FBI too, Ben, behind my back, runs around from one LDS/Mormon congregation to the next tell people that I am quote: “An unrhightious, unfaithful aunty-Mormon who puts the church down.”
Interestingly, I have been a member of the Mormon church since 1975. Ben joined in the 1980s. Ben left the church in 2015. I am still a member.
My FATHER is an extremist anti-Mormon, who preaches hatred for the Mormon church. Not me. Kenny, my father, is the anti-Mormon. My father, is such a huge radical extremist anti-Mormon that he has gone on to convince my mother, a 5th generation Mormon who is related to one of Smith’s poly-wives, to leave the church. She left the Mormon church in 1994 and joined up with some anti-Mormon group lead by some woman named Tanner or something. My mother, took her anti-Mormonis to extremes far above and beyond my father, taking to FaceBook and a forum called exMormon something and went total psycho nutjob anti-Mormon conspiracy theory all over the internet through the late 1990s into the 200s and still does it to this day now in 2023, preaching her wild anti-Mormon conspiracy theories now 27 years. In 3 years it’ll be her 30th anniversary of her wild mega hyper anti-Mormon rampage, with my father cheering her on and needling her forward the whole way in a weird Bonnie and clyde style vendetta attack everyone who is a Mormon hate fueled bigotry.
I on the other hand, am still a Mormon, have never had anything to do with the anti-Mormon movement, and, was shocked to learn from the FBI, that, the anti-Mormon rumors about me online are massive, and spread largely by members of the Saco and Sanfard Wards, with their info being just misinformation they regurgitate after talking to Ben, my mother, or my father.
Apparently, because I am bedridden and crippled, since 2013, and thus have had no way to get to church these past nine years, this, my absence in church meetings, after 48 years of never once missing a meeting, has allowed my mother, my father, and Benn to be able to spread wild anti-Mormon rumors about me, with the 3 of them going to my church, the Sandford Ward, and telling the church leaders that I’m not in church because I’ve turned anti-Mormon.
And yet, it is Ben who is the biggest anti-Mormon of all… he’s actual friends with that Tanner woman. My parents only run around preaching the Tanner woman’s message, Ben, actually sought her out and became personal friends with her and helps the Tanner woman one on one…. And he brags about this all the time.
I’m sick of hearing all the anti-Mormon Tanner woman bullcrap from Ben and my father and my mother so, whenever any of the three of them start chiding me for being a Mormon and telling me how evil and deceived I am because I refuse to leave the Mormon church, I just put my headphones on and listen to Markiplier YouTube videos and, ignore them.
I don’t hate the Mormon church like Ben, my mother, and my father do, so I am fed up with them constantly bitching at me because I’m a Mormon. Which is why I’ve not spoken to my father in 3 years even though we live in the same apartment, and was a contributing factor to why I blocked my mother on FaceBook in 203 and have had no contact with her at all offline since… though that hasn’t stopped her from showing up, trespassing, and hounding me.
Ben, is far worse then my mother or my father combined… since 2015, he has hand written thousands of anti-Mormon letters to every church leader he can find, local, not local, all the heads in Utah… and he bought a dozen cases, each case with 144 books in it, cases of Ket Kerr’s books and daily mails them out to every member on every rouster list of every ward in the Exiter and Augusta stakes, using his position as High Priest Quorum leader to get the home addresses of every Mormon in Southern Maine and New Hampshire, mailing all of them aunty-Mormon letters and copies of Kat Kerr’s books. Ben, as you know, has more money then he knows what to do with, and right now, he’s spreading thousands of dollars every day, just on the postage stamps to mail Kat Kerr’s books and his anti-Mormon letters to every local Mormon he can find.
And so, I knew he was mailing out the Kat Kerr books… but, until FBI agent Andy Drewer told me, I did not know that Ben and my mother and my father, having been putting MY NAME of the letters they are mailing out to people, and the three of them, through impersonating me, have got my church, the Sanford Ward, and it’s sister church, the Saco Ward, 100% convinced that I stopped attending church because I’mm now an anti-Mormon who hates the church, and that’s why my church, the Sanford Ward, and it’s sister church, the Saco Ward, are both unaware that I have NOT left the church, but rather I’m bedridden and crippled and have no one to help me get to church.
And so, now I’m finding out, that Ben, my mother, and my father, working together, according to the FBI, seem to be the fuel that is, and has been for several years, the fuel working locals up into a frenzy… including, they are the ones who are getting the Atwaters riled up, my being an Atwater, and the Atwaters further fueling locals on top of what Ben, my mother, and my father are doing.
What is their motive?
I ask them.
My father says he’s doing it to impress my mother so she’ll remarry him.
My mother says she’s doing it because I need to sell my land and give her the money so she can buy a house in Kennebunk.
Ben says he’s doing it because Mormons are led astray by Satan and he has to save my soul from Hell.
I’m so sick of all of them.
You know, one of the things I find most weird about the Atwaters is that so many of them seem to think I know them, even though I have never met them, nor even know any of their names.
Of the original twelve, I have only ever met five of them. And while I know Danny, I don’t even know the names of his siblings. I met Angelia once when she was twelve, at a Halloween party at the Cape Elizabeth Ward LDS Church, and then I saw her for about 2 minutes before she left. And Danny I only met when I was 37 years old and I only saw him about 10 times, back when my mother was trying to scam him out of his money from being hit by a train… which I didn’t know that was why she was visiting him, until a few years later when she had a big rant about how she wouldn’t visit him any more because he was, in her words “stingy and greedy” because he refused to give her the money to “use as a downpayment for a house in Kennebunk”. I should have known that was why she was visiting him, as that’s the only reason she ever does anything. She’s obsessed with trying to by that $3.7million mansion by the Wedding Cake House, and has been trying to scam relatives out of money for a downpayment on it for decades now… it was her reason for her involvement in the backhoe that her brother Joey hired to drive over my house. She and Joey figured I’d sell my land if there was no house on it. They didn’t exect me to set up a lean to made out of a 8x6 tarp and just spend the next 9 years living under that.
I met Doris once when she was squatting illegally on my land back in 1996. Took me and the Old Orchard Beach Police 9 months to get them out. I only ever saw her one day. She had 4 military tents, the size houses, 2 Winobegos and a Cadillac, that they illegally dumped on top of my corn crops, along with more then 600 bicycles, and 2 school buses full of sawed up copper pipes. Took us 9 months to find out who in the hell was living there and dumping that garbage on m land, and it turned out it was Doris. Only time I ever saw her, was one day, for about 15 minutes.
I remember Micheal, Tonya, and Scotty from before the caged years, but, I was put in the cage hen I was 8 years old, so I’ve not seen then since I was 8.
Once every year, usually on September 19th, David and Lucy would show up with a herd of incredibly violent gun toting vandals who would go through our farm and use shovels to chop the heads off all our pet cats, dogs, hens, ducks, and roosters. They were kill 200 to 500 of our pets every year in this anuel bloodbath on my farm. I don’t know who the hoodlums were. David said they were his kids, but he also said he had 15 kids and there were WAY more then 15 people involved in the annual Sptember 19 boodbaths… way more, closer to 100. Brucie said once that it was not JUST Davivd’s kids, but also a group known as The Halls. I don’t know who any of them were, but the police showed up every time, trying to get them out, and they always had huge shootouts with the police every year. It’s why I have a massive phobia of guns. A bunch of them were arrested in 1982, when that time the state police drg team showed up and arrested them and confincasted meth, marhawana, opium, and LSD
I know Dickie, Brucie, David, and Barbara because they were the ones that helped my mother build that room, that they locked me in when I was 8 years old, right after my Grammy Hellen Ricker’s funeral. They kept me in there for 27 years. One of the 4 of them would show up every 12 days to throw rotted molded food in the cracks between the boards. They are the only 4 Atwaters I know, and I only know them from their weekly coming into the room to beat me up, torture me. They are the five who raised me and said I was not Human, said I was a Demon and that I wasn’t allowed out of that room because Demons weren’t allowed to have contact with Humans.
I was 12 years old when the High Priest found out about that room, and he took me out every Sunday to go to church, and then took me back to that room after.
No one ever told me I was a Human and was allowed to go outside or talk to Humans until the social workers showed up when I was 31 years old. They are the ones who started using the term “feral child” to describe me and they to this day are still trying to “integrate me into Human culture” but two of them say they have given up on trying to convince me I am Human, they say there is little chance of my mind ever fully grasping the concept of being human because it’s too difficult to undo the three decades of Brucie, David, Dickie, Barbara, and my mother doing their “child social experiment” (as the social workers call it) to raise me to believe I was not human. They said the bigger problem is the fact that almost immediately after I was rescued out of that room/cage they kept me locked in for 27 years, the 2006 bomb blew up my house, which the FBI says it was Barbara’s husband Paul Martel who did that, but I don’t know why, as I never met him or even knew about him prior to the FBI arresting him, and the backhoe arrived to drive over my house 5 different times over the next 10 years, same back hoe, same yard, different house each time, as I kept rebuilding houses. Then I found that headless girl in the marsh with all the headless dogs and the FBI thinks one of the Atwaters did it seeing how the headless dogs were lined up in a row from my land to the march, each dog about 500 feet apart (for some reason the Saco and Sanford ward church members forget my land in Old Orchard abuts the Scarborough Marsh and is right on the edge of OOB bordering Pine Point in Scarborough. And that the dead girl in the Scarborough marsh was literally only a few hundred feet away from my driveway… they keep asking why I am obsessed with the Oulette Case, but they forget I’m the one who found the dead girl in the Marsh and that she was set up in a friging ritual pose, practically on my front lawn AND the FBI thinks the whole thing was done in some weird attempt by the Atwaters to frame me, so that I would go to prison for murder and they culd take my land… which it’s always my land and the Atwater obsession with taking it that is at the core of everything)
But in any case, the social workers say that because these events were my very first interactions with Humans, that it instilled in me an psychosis effect of further belief in not being human because I had trouble accepting the fact that I am the same type of creature as the monsters humans are, because, yeah, all I’ve ever seen from humans is death, bloodshed, violence and distruction. I have no reason to WANT to be integrated into a society that leaves headless dogs and headless girls in my front yard.
But then 2013, came along…. Social workers got me into college in 2010, in an attempt to show me that ONLY the Atwaters were shitty bloodthirsty bastards and that MOST humans don’t drop dead headless animals all over their houses and yards the way the Atwares do. And they were right. Humans in college were nothing like the Atwaters and their drug dealing, petty thieve, ganster thugs. The social workers and police keep telling me that this sort of behavior is not normal and that it is ONLY something the Atwaters and their friends do, that normal humans don’t act, do, or say the things the Atwaters do.
But then, I’m constantly running into people who make the claim to “know all about” me and they will spout off this weird freaked out stuff about witchcraft and curses and spelcasting and aliens and ufos and, I’m left totally clueless because I don’t know a single thing at all about witchcraft or curses or spellcasting or aliens or ufo, and I can’t figure out why these people think I have the faintest idea what the fuck they are even talking about.
They’ll say they thought I was some expert in casting curses and say they want to hire me to cast curses on people, and they act like spell casting is some sort of job I do. I don’t know heads or tails about spell casting.
They’ll say, “But your the sea witch of Old Orchard Beach”... yeah, people have been calling me that ever since Stephen King filmed Thinner on my land back in the early 1990s, but, I’ve never read a Stephen King book or seen a Stephen King movie, not even Thinner, so, I haven’t got a clue what is in his books and movies. All I know is he based some “Gypsy witch” in Thinner off me, because I’m the “Queen” (aka Priestess) of a local Gypsy clan. A Gypsy Queen is similar to a Catholic Nun in the Folk Catholicism of Mexico and has nothing to do with witches, witchcraft, spells, or curses, so I don’t know what the fuck Stephen King did in the Thinner movie to make people think I’m some kind of spell casting witch, but, people seem to have trouble understanding that the Thinner movie is FICTIONAL. I’m not a witch and I don’t know the first thing about witches or witchcraft. I haven’t got a clue how to cast spells or curses. And I can’t figure out why so many total random strangers think they can walk up to me at WalMart or Rotary Park or the library and demand I cast some curse on someone for them.
But, when these people do this, and it happens EVERY SINGLE TIME I go outside, which I have agoraphobia, so it’s sometimes weeks or months between my setting foot outside, every single time I go out, some one always identifies me as a witch and watches a curse cast.
At the same time I’ve got these UFO nuts constantly coming up to me asking me this or that about some weird ass alien ufo idea, and I never have a clue what they are talking about, They use all sorts of weird ass words and phrases that I’ve never heard before and gibber on like another language which I can’t understand… but then they act all surprised that I don’t know the meanings of the words they are using, and they’ll say: “But I thought you were supposed to be a top expert on UFOs and alien abductions” and I’m like what the hell are they even talking about and how the hell would anyone in their right mind come to think that I would believe in ufos or aliens, when I think people who believe in ufos and aliens are raving lunatics, my uncle Brucie being a perfect example of a raving lunatic who believes in aliens and ufos.
I don’t get it.
But then, every time this happened, and it just happened again today, because, as you know I’ve not received any mail since May 2022 and I went to the post office yet again today to once again ask where the hell is my mail… and low and behold, I can’t set foot outside without some alien believing, curse believing freak ass weirdo nutjob showing up to ask me to put a curse on someone while gibbering about ufos.
I ask him, where the hell did he get the ludacris idea that I was a witch, that I cast curses, or that I believed in aliens, nd he said: “Well, your mother says on FaceBook…” yeah, my mother is a freaking nut, which is why I’ve had nothing to do with her in decades. She’s a white power freak who runs around calling black people the n-word, is part of the anti-vaccer micro-chip in vaccines conpreracy theory, wouldn’t let me or my brothers go to school because in her words “the government controls the schools, and satan controls the government”, SHE spends 90% of her time running around putting curses on people, all she does is talk about whores and demons, demons and whores, every other word out of her mouth is either demon or whore. And the only time she ever shows up its because she’s trying to pul yet another lame ass scam to try to steal my land because she hated my grandmother and says it’s her life duty to destroy everything that”ever bolgned to that old bitch of a whore” including the farm I inherted from gramy Helen. My mother is spiteful, violent, vindictive, and has a police record for running around beating people in the face with bricks. On top of all of that she’s chronic liar and I’ve never heard a truthful word come out of her mouth.
I am well aware that my mother is the source of 90% of the problem, simply because she’s the biggest fucking gossip in Southern Maine, after he sister Barbara, and the two of them are rather famous all over Maine for thei trouble they have caused HUNDREDS of families. They are petty Karens who devote every minute of their lives to making up vicsious rumors and lies about every person they see, both people they know and people they don’t know.
And thanks to the FBI investigation into the murder of my on, I’ve found out a LOT about both my mother and Barbara and the bizarre, outlandish extremes they each have gone to in their petty vindictivness.
But the fact remains, I’ve not had contact with either of those bitches in several decades, precisely because I am sick and tired of their endless hate for everything and everyone around them. They both do nothing but gossip and lie, lie and gossip, and run around like a couple of teenage brats making a game out of seeing who they can hurt next … they fucking brag about it and spend hours laughing over how fun it is to destroy families.
It doesn’t take any level of intelligence to see that the dynamic trio (Barbara, Brucie, and my mother) are the source of every damn rumor about everyone in York County, Maine.
It’s such a big problem that I’ve had people come to my apartment and ask me if I could ask my mother and her siblings to leave their family alone. The fucking Biddeford Police have stopped by my apartment to ask me if I could do anything about my mother, that’s how I found out it was HER who knows Todd Murphey, because the police came right out and told me that my mother has been harassing Todd Murphey’s ex-wife and 15 year old son on their FaceBook accounts and wanted to know if I could ask her to stop.
No. I can’t. And you know why? Because when I asked her to stop spreading witchcraft and curse casting rumors about me, she arrived the next day and cut my car in half! The 1964 Dodge 330… she said it had a demon in it and she had to kill the demon by killing the car. What the fuck? She’s fucking insane!
And worse… half the time, these people will tell me some name I never heard of. Say this or that person told them I was a witch who cast curses or was some alien expert, and I’ll ask them who the hell is that, and they’ll say: “Oh that’s one of Brucie’s kids” or “David’s kids” or a grandkid… and I’ll point ou that I’ve NEVER EVEN MET Brucie's kids or Davids kids or ANY of the rest of the Atwares.
There are more then four hundred Atwaters, and I’ve meet EXACTLY SEVEN of them in my life time. I don’t even know the names of all the original twelve, let alone the names of their kids or grandkids… why would I? Most of them live in Utah and I’ve not set foot outside of Maine for nearly SIXTY YEARS!
I’ve never in my entire life even talked with an Atwter, not face to face off line, not online.
Because I’ve never even seen pictures of any of the Atwaters, I wouldn’t even know an Atwater if I saw one!
And yet, they run around spouting off things I supposedly said or did, and make the claim I’ve talked to them… and I’m just left wondering who the fuck is running around talking to the Atwaters while pretending to be me, because I don’t even know who the Atwaters are!
Clearly, there is someone out there pretending to be me and the Atwaters think they are talking to me, but they are NOT talking to me, I’m not talking to them, and I want to know in the the fuck is running around pretending to be me?
Its so damned fucking obvious the Atwaters don’t know one iota about me, just by the level of the ludicrous witchcraft, curse, alien, and ufo lies they spread around about me!
I should be able to go to my post office, go shopping, heck just walk down my driveway to get my mail, without being bombarded with stupid ass freaks gibbering about witches, curses, demons, aliens, and ufos! I am so damned sick of my mother and her fucking Atwater relatives…
You know, another thing that’s fucked up about all this and again is my mother running around lying her ass off to hell and back, yet again… is this whole situation with HER cats.
The attack on my family, happened the same day as the whole thing with her cats, and she is so obsessed with the cats, that she has gone out of her way to run around telling people that when I talk about April 10, 2025, I’m talking about HER cats… but, in order to further promote that lie, she also tells people they were MY cats! What the fuck?
You know that Nick guy my mother sleeps around with? The one she broke up his marriage, convinced him to leave his wife and kids down in Mass and move up here to Maine, because she was scamming him… the guy she stole his credit card and went and bought that shed she put on my land, and bought those $2k dogs with, and bought those appliances with, and bought that tractor with, before that Nick guy found out she stole his credit cards? Him.
Did you know, she convinced him that she owned MY land in Old Orchard Beach, and she tried to get him to join her scam, and pretend he was a real estate agent, and my mother and her pimp Nick tried to sell my land last year… and this is not the first time she’s done this.
Did you know, that in 2007, she went to the town hall, pretending to be me, had them divide my land into sections, and then sold one section? That’s why Don Cooliard and his sister have a house in my driveway now… something they built in 2019… and it was when they built the house in 2019, that was when I found out my shit face mother and her jackass whore master Nick, sliced off a peice of my land in 2007 and sold it!
I had no idea they had done it!
That’s the kind of shit faced scum bag scam artist my mother and her fuck buddy Nick are!
But it gets worse.
My mother had 83 cats… eighty three cats.
And she was hiding 113 of them in an apartment owned by this Nick scammer. He found out she had cats in her apartment… guess what day… April 14, 2015. The day before the attack on my farm.
Here’s a thing… did you know there were no locks on the doors of my motorhome? Not one. I bought it February 21, 2012, and first thing I did was took all the locks off, because I have a PTSD phobia of locks, after my mother kept me locked in the room cage thing for 27 years.
And yet… when the vandals showed up with a Blow Brothers sewage truck to fill my motorhome with 500 gallon of raw feces, they had to pry a padlock off the door to get inside. A padlock, that I did not put there.
Do you know how that padlock got there? My mother put it there the night before, when she took HER thirteen cats, and shoved them in my motorhome, without telling me she was doing it… because she had to hide them from Nick.
People often ask, why, I a professional artist whom has had displayed at the Portland Museum of art… don't paint anymore.
It’s because paint supplied are expensive, and 500 gallons of raw human feces not only did $10k in damages to my bedroom, it also destroyed $30k in art materials.
But it gets worse… my mother was two timing Nick with both my father Kenny and her other ex husband Wayne… and on top of that, she was mad at Wayne, so, it turns out, that 7 of those cats were HIS cats, and she had stolen them from HIM…. so not only was she hiding thirteen cats from Nick, but seven of those cats were stolen cats besides!
She put the cats in my motorhome, them, because she is fueding with ALL her whore master fuck buddy men, one of them, the FBI hasn’t figured out which one yet, filled my motorhome with feces out of a Blow Brother’s sewage truck (my cousin Ken Blow is my neighbour, they stole one of his trucks to do it) , and then called the police and told them that the motorhome was HERS, because my mother had been running around telling everybody it was hers, she these guys thought they were pumping sewage into my mother’s bedroom and didn’t know they were pumping sewage into my bedroom.
But, because they DID know that she had put the cats in there, and they were made at both her and Wayne, they thought if they called the police, the police would arrest her and Wayne…
,...however, the gays haters of the local Mormon churches ALSO showed up that same morning, a completely separate incident from the cats, to attack my family, because, earlier that year, I had published a gay Romance novel, called Night of the Screaming Unicorn, and these gay hating church freaks, decided murdering my family was punishment for me publishing a Gay Romance novel.
A fucking five towns worth of police, including a SWAT team showed up… the white robed klan pretenders fled, thep police found the cats, I was left asking “What cats? What are you even talking about?” Later an officer asked me if I knew the cats, and I said, “Yeah, these ones belong to my step father Wayne up in Biddeford and those ones belong to my on the other side of Bideford, how the hell did they get in my motorhome?”
And the court cases people talk about… there where SEVEN different court cases going on all at once, including the Guy Gamon murder trail because he murdered my dog walker who walked my dog when I was sick, which was the big case, that uncovered he was a serial rapist, and went on for several years and included a jury trial.
The murder trail of my family was also going on. Different court case.
And then, my MOTHER had a court case going on with police over the cats, which, in the middle of that, she spun it around, started telling people the cats were mine, and the next thing I knew, there were TWO MORE court cases slapped on me, that I knew nothing about… both an extension of the cat case my mother had going on, because 2 weeks into HER court case about HER cats that SHE hid from Nick in MY motorhome, she had Nick convince the police to switch the case out of her name into my name, because she had convinced Nick that the cats were mine! So all of a sudden, I get this weird court case about HER cats slapped on me, on top of the three murder cases and rape case, that were already going on.
The cat court case lasted less then an hour before the judge threw it out of court, telling some Dan guy that if he ever tried to pull a stunt like this again (apparently he worked for the Old Orchard Beach town hall and had pulled scam court cases to frame disabled women before, because the judge told the Dan guy that this was the 64th bogus case he had done to try to steal land from disabled women in OOB)...... but… the judge was asking me about the cats, and I keep telling him, I don’t know anything about the cats because they were not my cats, they were my mother’s cats, and I still had no clue how they had even gotten in my motorhome in Old Orchard Beach, 14 miles away from Nick’s apartment in Biddeford where they had been for several years before that. Finally the judge asked if someone could get my mother to the court house, and surprisingly she showed up… with Nick of all people… and she boo-hooed to the court about the cats being mine, and my being homeless and living under a tarp (I was still living under the tarp in 2015, but not at the time of the attack… I had just moved in with my dad in Biddeford March 31, 2015 due to I have just come out of intensive surgery and the doctor wanted me to not be sleeping outdoors for the next 6 months because I had intensive amounts of surgery to heal from, so I wasn’t in Old Orchard the day my mother put HER cats in my motorhome and that’s why I had no clue the cats were in there).
Well, the judge got mad at my mother, because it was blatantly obvious to him that the cats were hers, because she was using all the cats’ names, while I didn’t know the cats’ names, and she was describing what they looked like and what breeds and ages they were, while I didn’t know what half the cats looked like, Three of the cats I had never even seen before, and I didn’t know their names. I didn’t know how many cats there were!
The judge outright told my mother to her face that she ought to be ashamed of what she did, framing me and pretending the cats were mine, and he sent the cats to the West Kennebunk Animal Shelter, something we knew right there in the court room, but in order to get pity, and money (my mother started a fund raiser on one of those kickstarter type places) saying she needed to raise money to locate the cats. What the fuck? We knew where the cats were. They were at the West Kennebunk Animal Shelter… she even went there to try to get them back… asked me to drive her there in my car, took Wayne with her because the cats were technically HIS cats that she stole from him… I have the whole thing on video camera, it was livestreamed… she had a big fucking fight with the people at the shelter and they told her they’s arrest her if she ever tried to get near their shelter again.
After that, she built up this weird ass conspiracy that the cats were sent to lots of shelters and foster care… which they probably were., I don’t know… and she went from one animal shelter to the next harassing them.
Meanwhile, her friend Joel Baily hacks my Twitter account and uses it to harass, yet another of my mother’s whore master men that she sluts around with trying to get money out of… some guy named Mark, who I never heard of before, but apparently, he’s been friends with my mother AND my father for some forty odd years, even though I myself had never seen or heard of him before. And yes, the same Joel Bailey from the Saco Ward and Old Orchard Beach town hall who went to prison for hacking the Old Orchard Beach Town Hall bank account and transferring $30MILLION in OOB tax money to members of the Saco Ward church… who it turns out, most of them were the anti-gay attackers in my yard April 10, 2015, which is why 24 members of that church went to prison between 2016 and 2021.
So, I’m still unable to do anything because, you know, still recovering from major spine surgery, because of the golf club attack that murdered my son in 2013, three years earlier, I didn;t have surgery until 2015 and 2016., because of the fucking red tape the USA medical system runs on… here I am, not online at all since November 14, 2013, so I have not yet told anyone about any of the April 10, 2015, and come January 2016, all of a sudden, there’s the Mark guy who crawls out of the woodwork, with yet another court case, this one claiming I was saying stuff on Twittrer about him… and yet, I had never heard of this guy before AND I hadn’t been online since November 14, 2013, so what the fuck? Who the hell is hacking my Twitter account pretending to be me, while harassing this guy I never even heard of before. But by this point FBI Agent Andy Drwer had taken over the whole case, and by June 2016, he found out, yeah,:” it’s your mother’s friends from the Saco Ward church. She’s convinced them the cats were yours and that you need to be punished for animal abuse, that you didn’t even do, by hacking your accounts and framing you” Great. So yet again, my mother and her cat obsession and her Atwater friends, and her Saco ward friends, and her fcck buddies are at the core of all of this, with them once again, putting my name on something I fucking had no part of and didn’t even know anything about! What the fuck!
This court case was ALL livestreamed, you can go watch it on YouTube. The Cat Court case was also live streamed. You can watch that on YouTube too. The murder court cases and the rape court cases, also livestreamed. You can watch them on YouTube too. And then on top of that, was the Too Gay For Old Orchard Beach Court case with the Old Orchard Bach Town Hall… also livestreamed, you can watch that on YouTube as well.
My mother, Nick. all these Saco Ward church people, the Dan guy, the Mark guy, the Gene guy… they are ALL on livestream… the judges, the police officers, the witnesses, the DA, even the FBI agents… all recorded, all livestreamed on Twich, all archived on YouTube, all SEVEN court cases, every day of every trial. You can go watch them all yoursel and see the truth, instead of listening to siller gossip and rumors started by my mother and her Nick buddy trying to cover their asses for trying to steal my land YET AGAIN, via the cats.
But have you ever noticed it is ONLY my mother and Nick talking about the cats in connection to April 10, 2015… do you notice how I never talk about the cats, because… oh look… they were NOT my cats, they were my MOTHER’S cats and that’s why SHE is talking about them?
Did you also notice how, in order to make people believe the cats were mine, that both my mother and Nick, are going out of their way to try to erase the existence of my family that was murdered that same day?
Did you notice how in order to push THEIR cat agenda, my mother and Nick are are doing a major gaslighting move to try to make everyone FORGET what happened two years earlier on November 14, 2013, the day my son was murdered and my spine was broken?
Did you notice how my mother and Nick are trying to use THEIR cats as a slight of hand move, so people wouldn’t see that they DID steal and sell part of my land to Don Colliard in 2007 nd that they tried to sell another section of my land in March 2015… yes, yet another court case which was going on, BEFORE the cats happened, and that the FBI believes my mother and Nick pulled the cat stunt deliberately to try to make people look the other way and forget that she and Nick tried to steal my land only 2 weeks prior to the cat event? Or that she and Nick tried for a THIRD time to steal and sell my land April 2022…
Know the truth.
Those cats were not mine, they never were, and I’m sick and tired of the jack ass fucking animal abuse rumors and lies my mother and Nick are spreading about me… lies that they are spreading ONLY to try to cover up the fact that they were trying to steal my land, to sell my land, so my mother could by some fucking mansion in Kennebunk.
Well guess what… my son is buried on my land, He’s been buried there since November 2013, and it doesn’t matter that there is no house on my land, because my son’s there and I’m never selling it. And my mother and he Nick and Saco Ward and Atwater friends are bunch of fucking scum bags who don’t give a shit about anything but the damned fucking money they think they can get out of my land.
So, we have confirmation that yes, our mail IS being stolen from 146 Portland Ave. As you already know, we have not received mail since May 2022 and it is now March 2023, it's nearly a year. Post office has just been saying "we are short drivers" and has not looked into it... so we went over the heads of the local Old Orchard Beach post office and went to the distribution center, and told the state post master what was going on, they got in touch with our delivery driver, and he has delivered our mail every day, all year, and is baffled because the post office had not alerted him that we were not getting our mail. So, YES, if you live on Portland Ave, in Old Orchard Beach, and have not been receiving mail, and I know most of my neighbors are saying they've not gotten mail in weeks to months, as well, go to the Saco distribution center in the industrial park, and complain there, because tour driver IS delivering daily and has not been missing delivers... all missing mail from Portland Ave is stolen and you need to let them know what mail you have not received to they can get to the bottom of finding who is doing it.
So, while I was at the post office today, seeing how the post office is on the Cascade Road, out here in the Old Orchard Beach section of the Scarbourgh Marsh... I decided to check the family cross, see if the name Todd had been added, seeing how the vandals and shitard harassers can't stop gibbering Todd Murphey this and Todd Murphey that in my driveway, and nope... here it is, https://www.eelkat.com/images/cross.jpg as you can see the only two names are my cousin Timmy Murphy and my uncle Gordon Murphy. No Todd.
You know, I would recommend these shittards take their heads out of their asses, and drive through all the roads of the Scarbourough Marsh. Why?
This cross is one of the more then a hundred crosses in the marsh, which marks the locations of the one hundred and twenty people whom have been beheaded in a four mile radius since June 2001. This cross stand at the Ross Road x Cascade Rd intersection. The Cascade Road, as everyone who watches the local news is aware, is where bulk of the serial killer's attacks have occurred, which is why local news reporters have dubbed the entire case as "The Cascade Murders", officially know to law enforcement as "The Oulette Case".
If you start driving through all the side streets of the Scarbourgh Marsh, you will find there are 120 - one hundred and twenty - of these crosses, some with 5 or more names on them, each marking the location where the the person dubbed by locals as "The Portland Ave serial killer" has murdered 120+ people between June 2001 and February 2021.
For some odd reason, the Sanford Ward LDS church, a church only a 30 minute drive awa from the Scarborough Marsh, is so clueless about the local biome, that they seem to think the ONLY place the Scarborough Marsh exists is across the street from the church owned candy store Len Libby's Chocolates.
Do you recall how people like to dub my land "Etiole's Swamp"... do you know why they do that? Because my land is a literal swamp. It's a peat bog, with more sinking quicksand and 6 foot tall marsh grass, then solid ground. I live IN the Scarbough Marsh, as does EVERYONE on Portland Ave, Ross Road, Pine Point Road, Cascade Road, Walnut Street, East Grand Ave, West Grand Ave, Milliken Mills Rd, and more then 200 - two hundred - other streets in Old Orchard Beach, all of which are located inside the Scarborough Marsh.
The Marsh is not JUST in Scarborough, nor is it just that one quart mile stretch of road across from Len Libby's. The Marsh sits in two countries and five towns, and covers several thousand acres of land... and the Scarborough WalMart and the South Portland Main Mall, both site in the marsh, with both of those mega buildings building on a massive system of concrete pilings to keep them from sinking into the many acres of peat bog that site under each of those buildings.
But do take a drive on the above listed streets in Old Orchard, as well as the following ones in Pine Point: Pine Point Rd, Blue Point Rd, Black Point Rd, Dunstan Corner, Portland Rd aka Rt 1, Payne Rd, and all the little side streets off of each one. In Saco head to Heath St, Jenkins Rd, Flag Pond Rd (stop and see the very real pet cemetery where Stephen King's The Pet Cemetery movie was filmed while you are there), and all their side streets, yes those are in the Scarbourogh Marsh as well... and instead of just blindly driving through the Marsh on your way to work, slow down and start counting the crosses... big white crosses, little white crosses, unpainted wooden crosses, reflector covered orange crosses... see if you can find all one hundred and twenty crosses in the Scarbourogh Marsh... they sit in 5 towns, in 2 counties... and every one of them marks the location of someone who was beheaded by a still uncaught, still actively killing people, serial killer who has plagued the streets in the Portland Ave region of the Scarbough Marsh since June 2001.
But as you can see, it's Timmy Murphy who was beheaded on the Cascade Rd... not Todd Murphy... there's it's cross which has stood there since June 2013.
You know, if these harassers spent more time paying attention to what is going on around them, and less time being self absorbed jerks... they'd know these crosses were here... they'd know, Old Orchard Beach has a serial killer on the lose who has beheaded more then 120 people and left their bodies at cross road intersections all over the marsh... they'd know that this has been going on for 18 years now, and they'd know that my family had been hit by this madman multiple times now, fist killing my cousin Timmy Murphy, then killing my baby and leaving me not only crippled, but also one of only 5 people to live through and survive one of this serial killer's attacks, thus WHY the FBI is so hyper focused on not letting me out of their sight because this killer has a history of not leaving people alive... they'd know that SEVENTEEN families all within a quarter mile section of Portland Ave, between Walnut St and Milekin Miles Rd, 17 families in this space of street, have not only have their families murdered, but their houses bulldozed by a backhoe, and in just those 17 families, in addiction to the dead people, there are also more then FIVE HUNDRED dead pets, including cats, dogs, birds, and horses, every one of which was beheaded and the headless pet hung from rope nooses and draped in trees and porches of the 17 families... something the FBI says is a scene from a Stephen King book, which the serial killer likes to recreate... and then the FBI points out this: each of those 17 families has appeared in The Thinner movie... it's the one common thread for ALL 120+ Scarbourough Marsh killings: every sing victim has somehow been involved in the filming on one of the 14 Stephen King movies which was filmed in Saco, Old Orchard Beach, and Scarboughor back in the 1980s. According to the FBI, EVERY SINGLE ONE of these murders, animal killings, harassments, vandalisms, and hate crimes, can be found in a Stephen King book and this lunatic is recreating "art" in tribute to Stephen King, using the bodies of family members who were involved in the filming of Stephen King's oldest movies.
If these people in the Sanford Ward church would take their heads out of Joesph Smith's ass long enough to look around, they would have known these things were going on, that they were going on to people in their congregation, that several members of their congregation have stopped attended church because they were murdered, that several other members of their congregation no longer attend because like me they are crippled and bed ridden from these attacks, and that 24 members of their congregation no longer attend church because they are in prison for their connections and involvements in these murders.
Heck, these murders have been all over the TV and paper news for 18 years now... you'd think the people of the Saco and Sanford Ward LDS churches - who are the ones in my driveway bitch screaming about Todd Murphey for the past 2 years now - would at least have seen enough TV news or newspaper news... oh look, did you know one of the big name newscasters on TV, someone who has in fact covered the Scarbough Marsh case on TV several times now, is a member of the Sanfard Ward congregation, and even SHE knows what's going on, obviously because she's one of the reporters who keeps showing up to interview all us families who live in in the Scarborough Marsh... so I know not everyone in the Sandford Ward is clueless as to what has been going on in the community round them.... several of these church members are outright screaming, literally screaming from my neighbor's front porch in Biddeford, that they never heard of any of this before... I'm sorry... what the fuck?
The Scarbourough Marsh murders is quite literally the biggest unsolved murder case in all of New England, not just Maine, it's been covered by DateLine, 20/20 and half the crime network tv shows! The fucking planet has heard of it! These people are telling me, literally, while standing on my neighbors front porch and shrieking at the tops of their lungs, that they never heard of this murder case, a murder case I've not stopped talking about for the last 9 years because as of 9 years ago now members of my family have been murdered.. heck, with so many deaths now, it's pretty hard to find any family in the Scarbourough Marsh who DOESN'T have a dead relative killed by this nutjob... and these people, who vandalized our apartment building so bad that the landlord has a repair crew here all of this next upcoming summer... these vandals and hate fueled harassers from the Sandford Ward church, are telling me, that they had no clue any of this was going on?
And worse... y Atwater relatives... they keep showing up and ALSO saying they never heard of this... really? How? I know the FBI has been talking to them about it because they keep showing up in a rage yelling that the FBI was just at their house and it's all my fault and demanding I stop sending the FBI to their house... but I didn't send the FBI to their house, heck, I didn't even know they were related to me, as I never heard of them before they showed up to yell at me, so how the hell do they think I sent the FBI over there? What the fuck?
But also... what the fuck? Family members have been murdered and as far as I know, the FBI is trying to locate every relative to find out if they might have any information about a member of their family being murdered... I mean, if these people really are relatives, like they scream that they are when they are in my yard yelling at me, then, someone in my family being murdered IS ALSO someone in THEIR family being murdered.... and yeah, of course the law enforcement is going to go to every family member and ask for info, that's what law enforcement does, because, they just naturally assume that normal families help each other and WANT to solv a murder that happened in their family.
Which is something FBI Agent Andy Drewer pointed out to me, he said: "The Atware relatives of yours... they're pretty paranoid aren't they? I'm having trouble getting any of them to talk to me. Most slam the door in my face the minute I say I'm with the FBI. They act like they got something to hide. Looks mighty suspicious. Can you think of any reason why any of your uncles might want you dead?" That was the same day he pointed out that his five top suspects for the November 14, 2013 attack were my uncle Bruce, my aunt Barbara, my mother, my father, and Ben. He said he can prove they all knew about the golf club attack, and yet everyone of them is openingly, publicly denying any knowledge of it, and all five of them are doing their most public outspoken, over the top denying it in two places: The Saco Ward LDS Church and the Sandford Ward LDS Church.
And most disturbing of all is this: He says my father was having an affair with a woman named Claire back in the 1970s, and that my father and my mother and Claire and Claire's husband have been feuding since the late 1970s, a fued which goes on to this day... and... that on ALL of my mother's social media accounts, FaceBook, Twitter, Pinterest, everything, are two usernames that show up in her friends' lists: both with the same last name, one using the username Claire while posting a 4 door white truck as her user photo, and the other... wait for it... has the user name: KendraSilvermander".
Yep.
The FBI has found an actual person, a relative, in law of the Atwaters, who goes by the username KendraSilvermander.
Why is this significant?
The people who murdered my son at BugLight Light house art studio at Southern Maine Community College on November 14, 2013, was a blond woman whom the other two called "Claire", a red haired woman who was chanting: "I'm Kendra Silvermander It's my turn to shine, my turn to shine, my turn to shine! I'm Kendra Silvermander It's my turn to shine, my turn to shine, my turn to shine! I'm Kendra Silvermander It's my turn to shine, my turn to shine, my turn to shine! I'm Kendra Silvermander It's my turn to shine, my turn to shine, my turn to shine!..." like she was singing a song... both women looked to be in their 60s, and today a decade later, would now be in their mid-70ish, and were with a large bald man, about 30th, today would be about 40ish, and the 3 of them left in a 4 door white pickup truck.
The odd thing is, people don't talk about themselves in 3rd person limited, but, that's what the red haired woman was doing.... and I've seen her before... she showed up at Westbrook Panera 3 different occasions in 2009 and 2010 and in each of those instances also did the same marching goosestep around, back then carrying a white poodle wearing a purple dragon coat... while again saying "I'm Kendra Silvermander It's my turn to shine, my turn to shine, my turn to shine!" while also bragging that her father owned Saco FunTownSplashtown USA and having a psychotic meltdown screaming" My chair, my chair, my chair, my chair, my chair, my chair, my chair, my chair, my chair, my chair, mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy CHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIR!" Annalese, the woman sitting next to me, another published author, as thi was a NaNoWriMo writer's meeting, who was the NaNoWriMo Ml of Souther Maine, leaned over and whispered to me "That's Kendra Silvermander, she thinks she's he ML, we try to humor her. She can get rather violent if you don't."
Whoever this red haired woman is, she has a server, mega in need of medical care, mental disorder, appears to be incapable of functioning beyond the mental level of a two year old, and is quite proud of repeating her name as fast as an auctioneer. But, she speaks in 3rd person limited about herself, using us and ours and we to refer to herself, and uses the phrase: "I'm Kendra Silvermander It's my turn to shine, my turn to shine, my turn to shine!" as though it was a period at the end of every sentence. I don't know what sort of a mental disorder she has, but Annelese was right, this woman gets over the top violent, as we quickly saw at Westbrook Panera in 2009, when she started slamming her dog on the table while chanting "My chair", and then quickly lashed out at me, in a mega violent rage of throwing chairs. The restaurant had to drag her out and make her leave.
She repeated this at three different writer's meetings at the Westbrook Panera in 2009 and 2010.
She is the same woman who was ordering/leading/demanding the blond Claire woman's golf club attack at Southern Maine Community college November 14, 2013, murdering my baby and crippling me.
She returned for a 5th attack June 26, 2016, again with the bond Claire woman, this time at Scarborough WalMart, and this time attacking with a shopping cart, this being the attack that caused the inoperable 3 broken vertebrae and the organ and nerve damage which caused my current crippled stat. In this attack, yet again the red haired woman was chanting: "I'm Kendra Silvermander It's my turn to shine, my turn to shine, my turn to shine!" but this time the blond woman was shrieking: "That's EelKat, she tried to kill my husband. That thing is Ken's son, look at how IT's dressed! Kill or be killed! Remember Saco Shaws! No more heads in ice cream! End the gaypocalypse! Kill the transvestite freak! Too Gay for the Family Friendly Town of Old Orchard Beach!" This time instead of driving away in a 4 door white truck driven by a bald man, this time he two women were alone and drove away in a gold Volvo late 1990s vintage suv station wagon.
The usernames now showing up on my mother's social media, and the Atwater relative's social media is significant, because, according the these FBI agents.... those are the exact same Atwaters who are REFUSING to talk to the FBI, slamming the doors in the FBI agents faces, and also, are the most vocal on social media in spreading the alien/UFO/witchcraft/cat rumors about me. And the FBI believes they not only know who the golf club murderer is, they likely were involved in planning the November 14, 2013 attack... and every one of them has been seen with the Sanford Ward LDS Church members who are likewise the biggest defamatory gossipers, running around slandering my name with their lies about witchcraft/curses/aliens/ufos/and cats.
AND... on top of that... they ae the EXACT SAME Atwaters ans Sandford Ward church members whom have spent the last two years bombarding my Biddeford apartment with these same rumors while the vandalize the building, which the landlord now has to spend the summer repairing.
AND... these are the same people who are also claiming, they had no clue these murders were going on in the Scarborough Marsh.
Overall... these people who are denying the events of the Scarborough Marsh murders, while simaltaniously going overboard gibbering lies about me online, are really working overtime at making themselves look like they were involved in the November 14, 2013 murder of my son, and making themselves look tremendously guilty of not only knowing who the killier is, but trying to cover up for the killer, and attempting to gaslight me with their weird alien rumors, in an attempt to make people not see their connection to the killer, that they are trying so very blatently to hide and are only succeeding and shining a mega sized spotlight of suspision on themselves, leaving everyone who is watching them doing it to ask: What the fuck did they do, that they are trying to hide so damned bad, that they are going mega big time slanderfeat screaming about aliens and ufos all over social media, trying to convince people that I believe in aliens and ufos when there are 40+ years of documented evidance of me debuncking aliens and proving their ufo accusations to a be a hoax they created to cover their own asses over a drug raid from 1982? And now they are rearing up their alien accusations again, which again, I can prove to be a hoax, because... what are they trying to cover up THIS time? Last time they rolled out the alien accusations they were trying to blame literal toddlers for the 1982 drug raid, by saying that 4, 5, and 6 year old children saw aliens... 72 people were arrested in the 1982 drug raid... there were no aliens... if anyone was seeing aliens, it was the drug addicted having drug induced hallucinations... and yet, those same drug dealers, now out of prison, are once again pointing to aliens, this time because they are mad that the FBI showed up to ask if they knew anything about the murder of my son.
???
Can I ask, what the fuck does not real, fictional aliens they saw because of drugs, during a 1982 drug raid, what does that have to do with my son being murdered?
And are they really that retarded that they think I control the FBI and tell the FBI what to do? What the fuck? Them coming over here and screaming for me to stop sending the FBI to their house, when I didn’t even know these people were relatives, never heard of them before, and wouldn’t even have had a way t tell the FBI a blooming thing about them at all, just makes them look suspicious, because for one thing: who even are these people? I still don’t know who they are! And for another thing, why do they think I sent the FBI over to them? And again: who are they? There are over 400 Atwaters and I’ve only ever met 7 of them, I don’t know the names or faces of any of the others, I don’t even know all the names or faces of the original 12, so I can’t figure out how they’d think I would know the names or faces of any of the kids, grandkids, or great grandkids of the original 12. What the fuck?
How are the Atwaters so full of themselves that they think I would have one iota of a clue anything about them, when I’ve never met them and I don’t even know their names… and also… why would I care? Tell me that? Do you know any sane person who knows the names of their parents in-laws.
Yes… my parents in-laws… in-laws of in-laws… not even blood relatives, but the aunts, uncles, cousins, grandkids, and great grandkids of in laws of my parents’ in laws… who in their right mind would even know the names of such distant relatives…
You, reading this right now… can you name your parent’s cousins? Do you know the names of your mother’s uncle’s great grand kids? Do you?
Can you see how utterly stupidly ridiculous the Atwaters are being, when they show up here yelling and screaming, and expect that I should know who they are or what the fuck they are talking about:
Newsflash: normal people don’t live in 400 person large family herds.
Normal people don’t live in herds.
Normal people don’t swamp in shark style frenzies in the driveways of distant relatives of your great grand pappies 5th removed cousin of an in-law, either. What the actual fuck?
And on top of everything else, there are Awaters running around screaming that I am vandalising some grave… the grave of a distant relative whom I never heard of before, so I don’t even know where the grave is… when I’m here bedridden and crippled and not even capable of going to visit my own son’s grave because… oh look: I’m crippled and stuck in bed with a broken spine and severed spinal cord for the past nine years!
You know… if you are going to accuse someone of going somewhere to vandalize something, you might want to first make sure that person is not wheelchair bound, bedridden, and crippled for a decade with a broken spine, so unable to even get to the place you are accusing them of going!
Also… since the day my son was murdered, I have a camera running 24/7 so, it’s pretty foolish of you to lie about me when I can not only prove you are lying, I can also prove every time you’ve been screaming in my driveway, because I have you on camera. They didn’t think of that did they? Oh no, of course not, why would they? They were too busy thinking about those aliens and witches they can’t stop gibbering about.
But look at this cross... Do you remember Timmy Murphy? He was the 5 year old with curly black hair, who was also accused of aliens during that 1982 drug raid. They called us The White Monkey Children, because we found Helen Pearly's missing pet white monkey. And the people arrested during the 1982 drug raid, many of them Atwaters, pointed to that white monkey that had escaped from White Animal Farm, a zoo in Old Orchard at the time, they pointed to that white money and called it an alien. Helen Pearly, look her up, is the founder of the Scarbourgh Marsh preserve, an animal preserve that started out with one pet white monkey, and is today, many thousands of acres of protected land known by the name The Scarboughorgh Marsh.
Can you see NOW why the idiots screaming aliens are seen as so damned idiotic?
But can you also see the names on the cross?
https://www.eelkat.com/images/cross.jpg
There were 31 children involved in helping Helen Pearly capture her escaped pet white money.
Drive through the scarborough marsh looking at the names of the beheaded victims on those crosses... 29 of the 31 White Monkey Children are now dead, killed and tossed in the marsh, where 40 years ago, they helped little old lady look for her lost pet albino monkey.
Every one of them accused of being alien abductees; accusations which was screamed ONLY by the drug dealers and drug users of the 1982 drug raid, which took place in the Scarbourough Marsh.
The only people who accuse me of aliens are the people now out of prison, who went to prison because of the 1982 drug raid... a drug raid known to locals as "The 458 Shoot Out" due to one woman screaming "Four! Five! Eight!" in between each time she loaded up her shotgun.
Everybody that has shown up in the marsh since June 2001, has been either one of the now adult White Monkey Children, or one of their children or grandchildren.
EVERY - SINGLE - ONE.
Go to the marsh, look for the crosses. Read the names. My cousin Timmy Murphy's cross is not the only one and if you open your eyes and start looking at the side streets all through the marsh, you'll see one hundred and twenty of these crosses, some with 5 or more names on them. Crosses the entire country has seen on Dateline, 20/20, and dozens of unsolved crime shows... crosses that the Atwarers and their friends at the Sandford Ward church, are right now, this very week, posting all over social media, claiming aren't there, claiming I'm the only one talking about them, when clearly I'm not seeing hoe Dateline and 20/20 are pret big international news shows... and also claiming "Yeah EeelKat's crazy, she believes in aliens" when its extremely well documented my not believing in aliens and my debunking alien abductions as hoaxes... and these same people are also trying to convince people on social media "cats!".... but the cats were my mother's not mine, and my son was murdered November 14, 2013, two years before my mother's cat incident occurred.
These people are making total idiots of themselves, because all any one has to do is look up the new reports about the Scarbourough Marsh murders and the Cascade Murders to see that since June 2001, a LOT of people here in the marsh have been murdered, and originally they were not thought to b connected, but, now it is known that they are.
I wish these crazy ass Atwaters and their weird Todd Murphy obsessed Sanford Ward lunatics and their alien abduction ufo nuts, would leave me and my family alone. I don’t know what their problem is or why they are so obnoxiously hell bent on stalking my family and harassing us like this, but I am getting pretty damned sick of it. I have enough shit to deal with with, oh, I don’t know, half my family being murdered, my son’s killer still being on the loose, 9 years bedridden and still relearning to walk, … I don’t need these fucktards jumping into my life and trying to grab their 15 minutes of fame by tampering with the FBI’s investigation into hunting down my son’s murderer.
Know the truth. The truth will set you free.
EelKat Wendy C Allen as Quaraun the Insane
If you have not read the any other pages of this series yet...
If you've never read the Quaraun series, some things you should probably be aware of when reading the novel excerpts found on this page:
I get very annoyed by writers who use mental illness as a plot devise, especially when it becomes clear that they know nothing of the illness they are writing about, have clearly never lived with it, have no clues the every day challenges a person faces by living with it, and obviously did little to no research into it, basing everything the character does off something they saw in a movie and assumed the movie must have got it right.
In case you are wondering, this is me:
That picture is from PortCon 2017.
A friend was there and he saw me... came over and said:
"I thought you were gonna be in costume, what you doing wearing your every day clothes?"
Yes. I do dress like this every day.
Here, these are also me, NOT at PortCon, just doing my every day things around town...
I am OtherKin. ElvenKin to be specific. Since February 4, 1987, I have lived every day of my life as a male transvestite Elf.
Why?
Because I have Autism and OCD and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and Schizo-Effective Personality Disorder, and this is who I am... all day, every day, for decades.
My mental illnesses don't go away, for the connivance of plot points in my life. They do not show up only when I need them, to use to advance the story of my life. They are there 24 hours a day. 7 days a week. 12 months a year. Every years, since the day I was born.
Of course, one of the problems I have to live with is the fact that people don't know Autism is not a mental illness.
Yeah. Did you know that?
A mental illness is something you are NOT born with. Autism is something you are born with.
We'll get into that in a minute though.
Why do authors think, they can have characters act normal until all a sudden a plot changes and requires them to "act crazy" and so suddenly they are acting crazy, then plot device is over and they act normal again? Mental illness ain't like that, you can't turn it on and off whenever the plot needs it.
I am a female who lives as male who lives as a female. It confuses people quite a lot, but it is what it is.
I do not claim to be normal. I do not try to be normal. I am what I am. And because of what I am, I am faced with daily bullying, teasing, and bigotry.
Everywhere I turn there's a new book misusing yet another mental illness. I hate how characters act normal until all a sudden a plot changes requires them to "act crazy" so suddenly they are acting crazy, then the plot device over and they act normal again.
Mental illness ain't like that, you can't turn it on and off whenever the plot needs it.
Writers rarely get it right. And would like to see that changed.
People always ask me about my main character, from current series "Quaraun the Insane" asking, what is wrong with him? What mental illness does he have? How did you research it? How do you know what to write?
My answer?
I write what I know.
Quaraun acts like me, talks like me, dresses like me, and the bullies in the books? They do to Quaraun, what real life bullies have done to me.
Quaraun was crippled by bullies and now walks on a cane after months paralyzed and months relearning to walk, because I was crippled by bullies and now walk on a cane after months paralyzed and months relearning to walk.
Quaraun has Autism and OCD and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and Schizo-Effective Personality Disorder, because I have Autism and OCD and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and Schizo-Effective Personality Disorder.
I write Quaraun as he is, because this is who I am... all day, every day, for decades.
I write what I know.
If you want to know how to write a mental illness, go to the source. Find someone who has the illness you want to write, Interview them. Talk to them. Spend several days living with them. Find out what their every day life is life. Don't write stereotypes - write the truth.
Because people have asked me to write up a "how to" on how to write a "clinically insane character like Quaraun", I have written this page, to tell you how it is, I write him.
There is for some odd reason, which completely baffles me, a common misconception that Quaraun is "insane" because he is a transvestite. I am uncertain as to why many readers come to this conclusion, but I must say it speaks volumes for their own views and perceptions of transgender people if a reader looks at a transgender character and thinks:
If you think transgender = insane, it tells me, that you have a warped perception of transgender people and need to do some re-evaluating of the bigoted way in which you view those around you.
No.
Quaraun's insanity has nothing to do with his being a transvestite.
If you had ever paid attention to any of the other 100+ novels I wrote before the Quaraun series you would have noticed that pretty much everything I write features a transvestite main character and of all of them, only Quaraun suffers from serious mental disorders.
So, what is Quaraun?
(Side note... because it has been asked that I write a page that details more information on what specifically it it like to be savant, I am writing a "Part 3" to this page [Part 2 is here]. Part 3 will go into more detail about my very early childhood and how it was it was discovered I was savant. I'll add the link HERE once that page is finished ~ note added July 4, 2017)
Speech is very difficult for me. My verbal words are desperately slurred and stuttered and go from either way too fast or way too slow. Most times I know what I want to say, but the words that come out of my mouth are mixed up and in the wrong order so sound like nonsense. Folks often consider me "dumb" due to my being near-mute and desperate lack of getting words out in the correct order. I write 7k words a day just as part of my daily non-verbal speech. That is how I am able to pound out 15k words every day.
It is very frustrating when I want to talk to someone and they pat me on the head and say something like: "It's okay, here have a candy. Poor thing she can't understand us at all."
Quaraun speaks in the same quasi-non-verbal muddled up speech I do. Quaraun's dialogue is a blundered mess because my verbally spoken dialogue is an embarrassingly blundered mess.
Quaraun can not count or do math, because I can not count or do math.
Quaraun requires caretakers, because I require caretakers.
Quaraun is very shy and self conscious and terrified of how others will respond to his lack of ability to speak verbally in any real coherent manner, because I am very shy and self conscious and terrified of how others will respond to my lack of ability to speak verbally in any real coherent manner.
Quaraun wears long flowing, bright colored, gaudy, heavily beaded and embroidered silk robes, because I wear long flowing, bright colored, gaudy, heavily beaded and embroidered silk robes.
The nightmare world of hate mongers, bigots, and vicious violent bullies who cripple and maim him, that Quaraun lives in every story, is the nightmare world of hate mongers, bigots, and vicious violent bullies who cripple and maim me, that I live in, every day.
Quaraun has near-mutism Autism, because I have near-mutism Autism.
Quaraun suffers night terrors, panic attacks and other things caused by PTSD, because I suffer night terrors, panic attacks and other things caused by PTSD.
Are you starting to see a pattern here?
I write what I know. And I know Autism, Schizo-Effective Personality Disorder, PTSD, and Agoraphobia very well. I don't do any research into anything to write about Quaraun, I just write the world the way I see it. I can't write a "normal" character because I don't know what it is like to be a "normal" person.
The world as the reader sees it through Quaraun's eyes...that is the world as seen through my eyes. Quaraun is an accurate portrayal of someone with Autism, Schizo-Effective Personality Disorder, PTSD, and Agoraphobia, because he is written by someone with Autism, Schizo-Effective Personality Disorder, PTSD, and Agoraphobia. I know how Quaraun would react to things, because it is how I do react to things.
Writers who write accurately, write accurately because they write what they know. I'm not trying to write about something I am not familiar with. I don't go out of my way to TRY to make Quaraun seem like a person Autism, Schizo-Effective Personality Disorder, PTSD, and Agoraphobia. I'm not trying to write about a disorder. I simply write the world the way I see the world and use him as the representative of that POV.
Something people rarely consider is that in the 1400s, the disease now called Autism, was at the time called "insanity". For more then 700 centuries, when a person said "he's insane" what they meant was "he has autism".
Autism continued to be used interchangeable with the word "insanity" into the 1950s.
Quaraun lives in the 1400s. When people call him "insane" they are referring the the fact that he has autism, which was not yet called autism. It is historically accurate for characters in the 1400s to classify an autistic person as insane as this was the correct terminology.
Also interestingly, the disease we now call Asperger's, used to be refereed to as "childhood schizophrenia".
Both Insanity (Autism) and Childhood Schizophrenia (Asperger's) were treated with locking the person in cast iron restraints (called Faerie iron) and burning them with hot irons to "drive the Faerie Changling out of them". In more resent history Insanity (Autism) and Childhood Schizophrenia (Asperger's) were treated with the lobotomy.
Another interesting fact is what people call "the autism boom" claiming that there are more children born with autism in recent years. Actually, there are FEWER children born with autism, since the 1970s. Though there is a reason you see autistics and Asperger's people more often in recent years. From the 1600's until the 1980s Autistics and Asperger's were institutionalized in mental institutes, often without their parents consent or permission. In 1987 laws were passed making it illegal for mental institutes to take Autistic and Asperger children away from their families, and thus throughout the 1990s onward you see a "boom" of autistic and asperger children in public, simply because they are no longer locked away from public eye.
In any case, Quaraun is called by other people "Quaraun the Insane" because he has Autism, and in the 1400s the terms "autism", "autistic", or "special needs" did not exist, and it was a medical and historically correct diagnose for an autistic person to be diagnoses as "insane" if they had autism.
I get very annoyed by writers who use mental illness as a plot devise, especially when it becomes clear that they know nothing of the illness they are writing about, have clearly never lived with it, have no clues the every day challenges a person faces by living with it, and obviously did little to no research into it, basing everything the character does off something they saw in a movie and assumed the movie must have got it right.
....
On this page we are going to look at what happens, when a character with a mental illness, becomes very, very, very famous...
His name is Sheldon Cooper and he has Asperger's. And in the show Big Bang Theory, his Aspergers is portrayed correctly... to some extent...
however his Aspergers is FICTIONAL.... it's not real... and yet...
1 in 3 children,
now have this
FICTIONAL
made up form of Asperger's
in what may be the largest and most bizarre heard mentality phenomena to ever hit America
...
Since the arrival of the Big Bang Theory, 9 years ago, something very strange happened in the real world medical community...
...a brand new mental health illness arrived almost over night and hit pediatricians everywere by storm...
The name of the strange new illness?
"Self Diagnosed Asperger's" which is vastly different from actual, real Aspergers.
Self Diagnosed Aspergers is a bizarre illness that has a few of the symptoms of Autism, a few symptoms of Asperger's, and shit ton load of one illness... the real illness, that it really is... it's based entirly off a fictional character (Sheldon Cooper) and one author's fictional translation of what Aspergers is in the world of The Big Bang Theory.
Self-Diagnosed Aspergers is NOT the same as Asperger's Syndrome, as you soon shall see. It is a very unique illness... and imaginary illness, invented by fans of Sheldon Cooper, and spread like wildfire across America, infecting a whooping 1 in 3 children.
Let's now take a look at this bizarre phenomena, known in the medical world as "The Mysterious Autism boom"...
Some interesting facts:
(children aged 12 to 18 who self-diagnosed themselves with a serious crippling mental illness, that doctors take 12 years of Abnormal Psychology college classes to learn how to recognize)
(very young parents, themselves only children aged 16 to 24 - who self-diagnosed their children with a serious crippling mental illness, that doctors take 12 years of Abnormal Psychology college classes to learn how to recognize- without knowing what it actually was, simply because they were a fan of a fictional character who had a MADE UP FICTIONAL version of a seriously debilitating disease.)
"They say sociopaths are dangerous because they know the subtleties of social interaction better than most people and they use this knowledge to use and exploit people. Well, it seems to me people with Asperger's are the opposite of sociopaths."
— Alexei Maxim Russell
There is one thing more frightening then the trend of children self-diagnosing themselves with serious mental illnesses...
and that's the fact that they are ALSO making up "new" symptoms, and using these FAKE "Aspie symptoms" as excuses to commit horrific crimes: including dissecting their sibling's pets, building bombs to blow up their neighbors houses, and stealing guns for school shootings...
Did you know that EVERY case of a school shooting in the United States was done by a child who had self diagnosed as an Aspie?
But did you also know that someone with ACTUAL Aspergers, lacks the part of the brain that triggers anger and violence? And like Autistics, REAL Aspies, are completely and totally docile, non-violent, and it is almost impossible to get either Autistics or Aspies angry and are NOT CAPABLE of committing the horrific violent hate crimes that are being done by self diagnosed Aspies?
Self-diagnosed Asperger's ranks uncommon the most dangerous, most violent, and most sociopathic illness in history, and yet, self-diagnosed Asperger's is a fictional illness that did not exist prior to the invention of the fictional character Sheldon Cooper from the fictional TV show Big Bang Theory.
Here are two very important numbers to look at:
#1: 80% of all self-diagnosed Aspies will commit violent crimes, more then half of those crimes will be murder.
#2: 80% of all self-diagnosed Aspies have mis-diagnosed themselves and do not have Asperger's at all.
Did you see it?
No?
Let's repeat it and see if you see it the next time around?
Still missing it? Let's show you it a third time, see if you see it yet...
#1: 80% of all self-diagnosed Aspies will commit violent crimes, more then half of those crimes will be murder.
#2: 80% of all self-diagnosed Aspies have mis-diagnosed themselves and do not have Asperger's at all.
Funny how the amount of Asperger's patents who commit violent crimes is the EXACT SAME amount who are also not actual Aspies, isn't it.
You know there's a reason for that right?
The list below, is a list complied, by interviewing, children who had self diagnosed themselves with Asperger's... or the very young (14 to 24) teen parents whom had self diagnosed their children. When asked what are the symptoms of Asperger's and how do they compare with Autism... these are the answers they gave...
THE LIST HAS BEEN MOVED TO IT'S OWN PAGE (see reason below)
This section got waaaaay too long, resulting in the page was having difficulty loading for people with slow connections, so, I cut this section out of this page and made it into it's own page, right HERE.
So when you have finished reading this page, it now has a Part 2: On Writing Autistic Characters Accurately: Autism, Asperger's, And The Danger of The Self-Diagnosis
Of course, one of the problems I have to live with is the fact that people don't know Autism is not just a mental illness.
Yeah. Did you know that?
A mental illness is something you are NOT born with. Autism is something you are born with.
A mental illness is something you GET, just like chicken pox or any other disease. Because you are born with a genetic disorder disorder, disorders are not thing you can catch or spread to other people.
You don't get Autism from mercury or vaccines... you can only GET Autism from your parents having a messed up gene pool.
A mental illness is something you can CURE, because metal illness it is a disease, just like cancer. Autism is a genetic disorder that you inherit from your parents. If you have Autism, it's because one of your parents carried the gene.
Autism is a birth defect... just like being born with only one arm, their is no way to grow the missing parts of your brain. Just like there is no medication to make you regrow and thus cure that missing limb, there is no medication that can regrow the brain cells I was never born with.
On the other hand Aspergers IS a mental illness. You are NOT born with Aspergers. You do not GET Aspergers until late childhood or early teens or even as an adult.
The biggest difference between Autism and Aspergers is the onset and the cause.
Both Autism and Asperger's are listed in medical books as a "Psychosis".
Autism you are born with. It is a birth defect of your brain, that is triggered by stress.
Asperger's is a stress induced mental illness, that children and teens get.
Autism is a lifelong chronic illness that never goes away and has no cure or treatments.
Asperger's can be lessened and in some cases cured, by changes in diet, changes in daily habits, etc. Asperger's has treatments.
Aspergers has many of the same symptoms as Autism, because parts of the brain become damaged in a person with Aspergers, they are the same parts of the brain that people with Autism are not born with.
The goal of this page is not to look at the detail of what is Autism vs what is Aspergers, but rather instead, to look at how to write an Autistic character in your novel and have them act and behavive accuratly to how an autistic person realy acts in real life.
If you are seeking details on the hows and whys and differences between Autism and Aspergers, I have provided a list of more then 100 websites of organizations, foundations, and other medical type places, where you can find actual medical facts and statistics about Autism and Aspergers, the causes, variations, types, etc.
The focus of this page is instead too look at what are the typical personal habits of typical people who have Autism (but not the typical habits of people who have Aspergers, as Aspergers is markedly different from Autism in many dramatic ways.)
To do this we are going to compare my real every day life (I have Autism) with the fictional every day life of my main character Quaraun (who also has Autism) whos character and habits are based off my own daily habits.
Again, please remember that Quaraun has Autism NOT Asperger's.
It is very annoying for me both as an author and a person who has autism, to constantly be faced with asperger's people running up to me and "I have autism too, YAY! Isn't it great?"
I'm sorry, no, it's not great to be allergic to pretty much everything, to suffer bowel disorders and bladder disorders, to never know what anyone is talking about, or to be 50 years old and still require adult supervision.
Yes, all of those things are symptoms of autism.
No, none of those things are symptoms of asperger's.
ACTUAL Autism, which is also known as "idiot savant" and is in no way, shape, or form related to Asperger's. I'm sorry, but it's not. Go read a medical journal, you know one actually written by a doctor, as opposed to a newsletter written by a vaccine hating conspiracy theorist.
Like me Quaraun has an actual medical diagnosis of clinical autism, not some tootie fruitie, I wanna be special so I'll call myself an aspie self-diagnosis.
There are more then 50 diseases, illnesses, and disorders, which are similar to Autism.
It is not unusual for Autism (Kanner's Syndrome aka Actual Autism) to be confused with 50+ other illnesses (see list below) due to their having overlapping symptoms.
Keeping in mind that:
Keep in mind that MOST of what you find posted on the internet as "Symptoms of Asperger's" is written by self-diagnosed Aspies, and is VASTLY different from what the ACTUAL, clinical symptoms are.
Think you know what it's like to live with Autism?
You might be surprised how little you really know.
A look at REAL Autism and the myth spread by those with a self-diagnosis.
ACTUAL Autism (Kanner's Syndrome) is very RARE, effecting only 1 in every 10,000 children
Self diagnosed Asperger's is very COMMON with 1 in 3 children self-diagnosed
ACTUAL Asperger's is rarer then people think however as only 1 in 400 children who actually have a doctor's diagnose
1 in 64 children are diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder, which means they DO NOT have Autism
Autism Spectrum Disorder means "an illness that is commonly misdiagnosed as Autism, but is not Autism."
Only 1 in every 10,000 people are ACTUALLY Autistic
Only 1 in every 17,000 people will ever encounter a REAL ACTUALLY Autistic person in their lifetime
1 in every 8 Autistic people will be murdered before the age of 25
1 in every 7 Autistic people will commit suicide because of a bully
1 in every 2 Autistic people will die by the age of 45
40% of self-diagnosed Asperger children between the ages of 12 and 18, admit they only claimed to have Aspergers "to be more like Sheldon Cooper" and could not name any symptoms of Aspergers other then: "high IQ, reads comic books, and is socially awkward"
60% of all parents who self diagnosed their children have stated they hoped that by "convincing" their child they had Aspergers, they would "aspire to be more like Sheldon Cooper"; these people could not list the symptoms of Aspergers and simple stated it meant "being a genius".
More then 60% of mothers who self diagnose their children have Munchausen Syndrome By Proxy and the child turns out to have NO disorder AT ALL and is just a normal healthy child who is victim to a Hypochondriac mother, who gains attention from other mothers by pretending her child has the same illness as the mother she is trying to compete with.
80% of All People Claiming To Be "Autistic Aspies" do not have either Aspergers or Autism and are shocked when they learn that Aspergers is NOT a "type" of Autism.
The saddest part is that self-diagnosed Aspergers rose 6,000% the same month the TV show Big Bang Theory became "the most popular show on television"
Aspergers is an Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD)
Asperger's is NOT a "type" of Autism.
There are more the 60 ASDs including Alzheimer's, Parkinson's, Schizophrenia, Threadworm Infestation, and having had a Stroke.
Autism Spectrum Disorder means "an illness that is commonly misdiagnosed as Autism, but is not Autism."
73% of all ACTUALLY Autistic people, will never speak, will never learn to wipe their bum, will eat through a tube never learning how to chew, and will wear neck braces and be wheelchair bound from never learning to hold up their head or walk.
The 27% of Autistic people who can talk and walk and chew their own food, will rarely learn to speak in full sentences, will forever "act like a 4 year old" even into their senior years.
There are no known cases of anyone with ACTUAL Autism ever becoming fully independent or living on their own. REAL Autistics require caretakers and adult supervision their entire lives.
More then 90% of all Autistic people have a low IQ of under 75. Most are considered "mentally retarded" with IQs below 60.
Fewer then 10% of all Autistics are High Functioning.
High Functioning Autism, means:
"Has an IQ of 75 or more and can speak in phrases longer then 2 or 3 words, being able to communicate verbally in full sentences."
Your child can NOT be diagnosed with Autism, because there is no medical condition called "Autism".
Autism is a slang laymen's term for Kanner's Syndrome, a very rare birth defect caused by genetic mutation.
When a doctor says "Your child may be autistic", they DO NOT mean they are diagnoses your child with Autism.
They mean you child is displaying symptoms of Autism and likely has one of the 60+ ASDs.
If your child has one of the ASDs, this means your child DOES NOT have Autism, but has a disease with similar symptoms to Autism.
Doctors are extremely reluctant to give a diagnoses of Autism. It is one of the single most difficult diagnosis to get from a doctor and requires your child be taken for multiple interviews WITH OUT THE PARENTS in the room.
If you TRULY believe your child was sexually traumatized before the age of 3 years old (and that is what Autism is) you will have your child undergo a series of hour long interviews ABOUT THEIR SEX LIFE with multiple social workers and psychiatrists.
It requires 3 psychiatrists to agree that the child is suffering from serious early childhood sexual abuse trauma, before they will consider giving a diagnosis of Autism.
An ACTUAL diagnosis of ACTUAL Autism is a very SERIOUS diagnosis that a doctor can not give lightly, as it also requires the doctor to immediately call the police and have the parents arrested for gross child neglect and extreme child sexual abuse.
When a child is diagnosed with REAL Autism, the child is immediately handed over to child protective serves and the parents charged with criminal neglect and abuse.
If your did not receive criminal charges and have your child taken away the same day as the diagnosis, then you DID NOT receive a diagnosis of ACTUAL Autism.
Because Autism has become "a fad", many parents, teachers, and even social workers, are quick to suggest a child be submitted to psychiatric evaluation for Autism, often without knowing what that really means or what the evaluation process involves.
Because the parents are not present during the interviews and the child is instructed to NOT reveal to his parents any of the questions asked by the psychiatrists, few parents or teachers are ever fully aware of the extremely sexual nature of the interview questions that their toddler is being asked to answer.
Doctors actually trained in what REAL Autism ACTUAL is, are very reluctant to submit a young child to the psychological evaluation process because of the highly sexual nature of the questions, which can in fact trigger sexual trauma in a child that was not previously sexually traumatized.
What this means is the evaluation process for Autism, can actually CAUSE Autism in a non-Autistic child.
Many symptoms of ASDs go away over time, either on their own or with changes to medication, diet, and lifestyle.
ACTUAL Autism is a type of mental retardation, and is a severely crippling lifelong condition. It's symptoms do not lesson or go away with time.
If your child is diagnosed with REAL, ACTUAL Autism aka as an Idiot Savant, your doctor will say: "Your child has Kanner's Syndrome", they will NOT say "Your child has Autism"
Symptoms of Kanner's Syndrome are:
Someone with Autism has ALL of the symptoms above and one or more of the symptoms below (and can have all of the symptoms below):
The symptoms do not lesson, change, or go away over time.
Autism is always easily recognized.
Autism is considered rare and uncommon.
Was identified in 1932.
The first known case of Autism was Victor de l'Aveyron, a feral child discovered living in the forest, had grown up without any form of human contact, and never spoke in 1801 by French physician Jean Marc Gaspard Itard.
Prior to the 1970s it was assumed that ALL Autistic children were "feral children" whom had been serverly neglected and or abused and had on some levels raised themselves without the normal guidance of a parent.
Many psychiatrists ACTUALLY TRAINED in diagnosing REAL Autism, even today in 2017 are reluctant to give a diagnoses of Autism to any child that can not also be considered "a Feral Child", thus why ACTUAL Autism diagnosis are so rare.
I am diagnosed as both "A Feral Child" and "Autistic Savant". I grew up in the Ross Forest of Old Orchard Beach with very little Human contact; I was 31 years old before I had what is considered to be any form of "normal interaction with American society." I did not start speaking in full sentences or American English until I was 37 years old, after being trained to do so by a College Professor who was trained in teaching Autistic children to talk.
I was also classified as having suffered the following:
TRUE Autism is caused by being born with a genetic mutation which triggers compulsive overcompensation techniques as a way to deal with extreme, abnormal, and excessive early age child abuse. The most common trigger is toddler rape by adults, sexual abuse, and child sex slavery.
Child sexual abuse (CSA) is a form of child abuse in which an adult or older adolescent abuses a child for sexual stimulation.
Sexual abuse refers to the participation of a child in a sexual act aimed toward the physical gratification or the financial profit of the person committing the act.
Forms of CSA include asking or pressuring a child to engage in sexual activities (regardless of the outcome), indecent exposure of the genitals to a child, displaying pornography to a child, actual sexual contact with a child, physical contact with the child's genitals, viewing of the child's genitalia without physical contact, or using a child to produce child pornography. Selling the sexual services of children may be viewed and treated as child abuse rather than simple incarceration.
Persons with ACTUAL Autism often display several of the following side effects of child sexual abuse:
Children who are the victims are also at an increased risk of sexually transmitted infections due to their immature immune systems and a high potential for mucosal tears during forced sexual contact.
In the United States, approximately 15% to 25% of women and 5% to 15% of men were sexually abused when they were children.
The uncles who raised me are currently wanted by and on the run from the FBI.
An increase in children having Autism = an increase in children being raped, molested, and sexually abused by a caregiver before reaching the age of 3.
Yes, because of what the ACTUAL causes of ACTUAL Autism are, if your child REALLY DOES have ACTUAL Autism...
you are one hell of a horrible, shitty, no good son of bitch, bastard of a parent and you should be in prison where your neglectful, self-serving, sexually depraved, child abusing ass belongs.
You might want to think about THAT next time you go around bragging "I self diagnosed my child as Autistic."
As many as 60% of all Autistics are catatonic... meaning they were abused so bad that their brain shut down, forcing them into a "waking coma" as a way to not see the abuse any longer.
Asperger’s Syndrome shares with Autism:
But people with Asperger’s do not have:
Aspies are:
Asperger’s is often not recognized easily or early, and may be misdiagnosed as:
As with Autism, the disorder is lifelong and symptoms do not lesson, change, or go away with time.
Asperger's is considered prevalent and very common.
Was identified in 1944, but was not recognized by doctors as an actual diagnosis until 1994.
Gifted Introverts are shy people with high IQs (an IQ of 130 or higher).
While socially awkward, they do not have the speech issues, ritualistic behaviors, or other symptoms of either Autism or Aspergers.
Many gifted, but introverted children are inaccurately diagnosed as having Aspergers when they in fact do not have it.
Gifted Children have a very high IQ of 130 or higher.
On the other hand, ACTUAL Aspies rarely have high IQs.
Most Aspergers people have a low IQ that is only slightly higher then the IQs of Autistics, usually in the range of 75 to 90.
High Functioning Aspergers are uncommon to rare, and most of them having normal/average IQs of between 90 to 120.
Autism equaling a high IQ is an urban myth spread by internet memes and is NOT an actual symptom of either Autism or Aspergers.
Aspies are more likely then not to have a low IQ in the range of 75 to 90.
Autistics rarely have an IQ above 75.
True Autism, ACTUAL Autism, is defined as "a psychosis caused by extreme psychological trauma in early childhood, often of a sexual nature".
Psychological trauma is a type of damage to the mind that occurs as a result of a severely distressing event. Trauma is often the result of an overwhelming amount of stress that exceeds one's ability to cope, or integrate the emotions involved with that experience. A traumatic event involves one's experience, or repeating events of being overwhelmed that can be precipitated in weeks, years, or even decades as the person struggles to cope with the immediate circumstances, eventually leading to serious, long-term negative consequences.
Trauma can be caused by a wide variety of events, but there are a few common aspects. There is frequently a violation of the person's familiar ideas about the world and their human rights, putting the person in a state of extreme confusion and insecurity. This is also seen when institutions that are depended upon for survival, violate, humiliate, betray, or cause major losses or separations.
Psychologically traumatic experiences often involve physical trauma that threatens one's survival and sense of security. Typical causes and dangers of psychological trauma include harassment, embarrassment, abandonment, abusive relationships, rejection, co-dependence, physical assault, sexual abuse, partner battery, employment discrimination, police brutality, judicial corruption and misconduct, bullying, paternalism, domestic violence, indoctrination, being the victim of an alcoholic parent, the threat or the witnessing of violence (particularly in childhood), life-threatening medical conditions, and medication-induced trauma.
Catastrophic natural disasters such as earthquakes and volcanic eruptions, large scale transportation accidents, house or domestic fire, motor vehicle accident, mass interpersonal violence like war, terrorist attacks or other mass tortures like sex trafficking, being taken as a hostage or kidnapped can also cause psychological trauma. Long-term exposure to situations such as extreme poverty or milder forms of abuse, such as verbal abuse, exist independently of physical trauma but still generate psychological trauma.
If your child has REAL, ACTUAL Autism, it means he suffered one of the above listed events prior to the age of 3 years old.
Many psychiatrists ACTUALLY TRAINED in diagnosing REAL Autism, even today in 2017 believe that an Autistic person, is a person who was born with Aspergers, but whom suffered such horrendous abuse prior to the age of 3, that, their brain triggered over compensation methods to cope with the extreme abuse they were subjected to.
Because of this, Aspergers and Autism are considered by many to be two different forms of the same disorder, but that Aspergers does not become Autism unless it also has the severe early childhood sexual abuse to trigger it.
Because of the severe nature of the levels of sexual abuse required to trigger the Autism component of Asperger's, when a child is ACTUALLY diagnosed with REAL Autism, they are also immediately put into state custody and removed from their parents/guardian's care, and criminal charges are then filed against the parent/guardian.
If your child was not taken away from you at the time of diagnosis, and you did not have sexual abuse charged filed against you by the state, then your child was NOT diagnosed with ACTUAL Autism.
Kanner's Syndrome (ACTUAL Autism) is listed as a Psychosis and is therefore a mental illness.
It is considered to be caused by a genetic birth defect, which triggers an imbalance of the synapses, when a person suffering from this birth defect, is subjected to sexual abuse.
Doctors and Pediatrics can not legally diagnose Autism because they can not legally diagnose mental illnesses.
Your child can only receive an ACTUAL Autism diagnoses by a Psychiatrist specially trained in severe cases of early childhood sexual trauma.
In spite of untrained teachers, caregivers, social workers, and parents tossing around the "diagnosis" of Autism... to the rate of calling 1 in every 3 children Autistic...
...Autism remains one of the most difficult diagnoses to get diagnosed with, due to the fact doctors are reluctant to risk being sued for false charges of sexual abuse of the child, should it later be discovered the child had not been sexually abused and therefore does NOT have Autism.
Only 1 in 10,000 children are ever ACTUALLY diagnosed with Autism, by someone ACTUALLY TRAINED in recognizing this level of early childhood sexual abuse trauma.
Because Kanner's Syndrome aka ACTUAL Autism is so rare, fewer then 20% of all doctors are trained in how to recognize, diagnose, or treat it.
If your doctor diagnoses your child with "Autism" - get a new doctor immediately, as they are not trained in Autism well enough to know there is no actual medical diagnoses of "Autism" because there is no disease, illness, or disorder that actually has the medical name "Autism".
Both Aspergers and Autism are considered to be "types" of Schizophrenia.
Contrary to popular urban myths spread by ill informed parents and patients, both Autism and Aspergers are mental illnesses and can only be treated by psychiatrists. Family Practitioners and Pediatricians are not legally licensed to treat or diagnose either Aspergers or Autism. Beware of any one who says otherwise.
Unlike most mental illnesses, Aspergers and Autism are disorders you are born with. You can not "get" them. Once activated, they do not lesson, get better, or go away with time.
Similar to Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, both Aspergers and Autism require traumatic stress to "activate" the genes the child was born with. Once activated, they do not turn back off.
Both Aspergers and Autism are also known as "Childhood Onset Schizophrenia".
The difference in the diagnoses, and the severity of the symptoms, is typically a result of the age of onset.
Autism is when the genes are triggered in early childhood before the age of 3. Because of the early onset, Autism is the most physically crippling and disabling type of Schizophrenia. There are no known treatments.
Aspergers is when the genes are triggered in late childhood often around the age of 14. Because of the later onset, many Aspies are able to live independent and functional lives. Diet and lifestyle are considered to help, though this is only speculation.
Schizophrenia is when the genes are triggered in adulthood after the age of 20. Late onset Schizophrenia is often treated with medication, though there is much debate in the medical world as the usefulness of this approach.
I am 1 of the 1 in 10,000 people who has REAL, ACTUAL Autism.
I do not have more then 90% of the symptoms "commonly attributed to Autisim", because most of those symptoms are urban myths made up by fans of Sheldon Cooper and are not real symptoms of REAL Autism.
Find out what it is like to live with REAL Autism here.
Find out why 80% of people claiming to be Autistic are not here:
Autism, Asperger's, And The Danger of The Self-Diagnosis
How does Quaraun compare to those facts about Autism?
As this page has gotten too long already and has already had to be cut into multiple pages, I'm going to answer that question on a new page, which I will link here once it is completed.
Moving on...
Remember:
Autism is very rare, only 1 in 10,000 children ACTUALLY have it.
Getting a diagnosis of Autism is next to impossible.
Parents who push their doctors to look for Autism in their child, are rarely aware that they are asking their doctor to look for sex abuse done by a parent.
Aspergers is fairly uncommon, only 1 in 400 children ACTUALLY have it.
Yet 1 in ever 3 children is self diagnosed (by themselves or a parent) as being an "Aspie".
Autism Spectrum Disorder in far more common with 1 in 64 children having it. (This means, 1 in every 64 children, have one of the illnesses o the list below)
There are more then 60 illnesses, which are commonly miss-self-diagnosed as Aspergers:
Some of the illnesses on that list are extremely life threatening if left untreated.
Most parents who self-diagnose their child, do so with out ever looking at ANY alternative. Many of these mothers are later diagnosed with Munchausen Syndrome By Proxy.
More then 60% of mothers who self diagnose their children have Munchausen Syndrome By Proxy and the child turns out to have NO disorder AT ALL and is just a normal healthy child who is victim to a Hypochondriac mother, who gains attention from other mothers by pretending her child has the same illness as the mother she is trying to compete with.
The saddest part is that self-diagnosed Aspergers rose 6,000% the same month the TV show Big Bang Theory became "the most popular show on television", with 40% of children between the ages of 12 and 18, admitting they only claimed to have Aspergers "to be more like Sheldon Cooper" and 60% of all parents who self diagnosed their children stating they hoped that by "convincing" their child they had Aspergers, they would "aspire to be more like Sheldon Cooper"... The horrible reality is Autism always has been and still is very rare, with only 1 in 10,000 children actually having it (also the correct medical name for Autism is Kanner's Syndromn and if you child has REAL Autism, the doctor NEVER says "your child has Autism" but rather says "your child has Kanner's Syndrom").
In spite of the fact that Autism (Kanners Syndrome) is a very rare BIRTH DEFECT caused by mutated genes, and effects only 1 in every 10,000 people, as many as 1 in 3 people currently claim to have Autism.
These facts make me feel sad for all the REAL Autistics and their parents, because the fact remains there are a lot of fakers out there and they don't realize how hard they make it for those of us with real Kanner's Syndrome, a very rare, and very crippling birth defect that is in no way, shape or form, related to Aspergers or Autism Spectrum Disorder.
The best way to compare the difference between Autism and Asperger's and self-diagnosed Aspergers is to very directly ask the person, what their thoughts are on having an high IQ.
Ask a person with "self diagnosed" Asperger's: "What do you think of people with high IQs?"
The self diagnosed Aspie will tell you their IQ verses what they suspect your IQ to be, call you a brainless ingrate a few dozen times, call you retarded and stupid, belittle you as much as they can, and go on and on and on about all the reasons why they are the greatest person to walk the face of the earth because their IQ is higher then your IQ, in fact their IQ is higher then EVERY ONE'S IQ and better darned sure worship their entailed ass, because they know where you live and you just watch, one day you'll wake up dead because you refused to acknowledge the glory of their amazingly huge over the top IQ.
Then...
Ask a person with ACTUAL Aspergers... "What do you think of people with high IQs?"
A person with Asperger's will immediately jump into a mile long, motor mouthed, monologue on the history of IQs. They will use words you never heard of before and will only be able to find in the darkest reaches of obscure thesauruses, possible ones written in Klingon....they may forget you only speak English and start reciting Shakespeare to you in the Klingon language, without realizing they've changed topics. They will tell you how an IQ is determined. They will tell you all the various types of IQ tests there are out there, including which ones they have taken. Two or three hours later, they are still talking and you've fallen asleep. By the time they stop talking, 4 or 5 hours later... the topic will have changed multiple times, most likely to have included comparing the differences between Captain Kirk, Captain Picard, with a side rant of Captain Jack Sparrow vs Captain Jack Harkness, along with all the reasons why FireFly should not have been canceled, ending off with a comparison of Johnny Depp and Gene Wilder and why each was the perfect Wonka in his own way. They will have never actually answered your question, because they are just so excited that some one wants to talk to them and so will have shared as much of their knowledge of their favorite obsessions with you as they possibly could because there's no telling how many weeks or months it may be before anyone talks to them again.
NOW...
Ask a person with Autism: "What do you think of people with high IQs?"
and you'll get THIS:
YOU: "What do you think of people with high IQs?"
THE AUTISTIC ADULT IN HIS 40s: "Mountains are high."
YOU: "Yes they are, but what do you think of people with high IQs?"
THE AUTISTIC: "I don't know."
YOU: "Do you know what a high IQ is?"
THE AUTISTIC: "I don't know."
YOU: "Do you know what a high IQ is?"
THE AUTISTIC: "I don't know."
YOU: "Have you ever heard of an IQ before?"
THE AUTISTIC: "I have a red crayon."
YOU: "I can see that, but we're not talking about crayons right now, we are talking about IQs."
THE AUTISTIC: "Okay."
YOU: "Do you have a high IQ?"
THE AUTISTIC: "I have a red crayon."
YOU: "That's nice, but we are talking about IQs."
THE AUTISTIC ADULT IN HIS 40s: "I like crayons."
YOU: "Can you put down the crayon?"
THE AUTISTIC: "Okay."
*puts down crayon and stares mournfully at it*
YOU: "Do you think you have a high IQs?"
THE AUTISTIC: "Okay."
*can no longer hear you and continues to stare mournfully at crayon*
YOU: "Is there an IQ in the room with us right now?"
THE AUTISTIC: "Okay."
*is still not hearing you and continues to stare mournfully at crayon*
YOU: "We need to know what you think an IQ is."
THE AUTISTIC: "Okay."
*begins rocking back and forth and continues to stare mournfully at crayon*
YOU: "Do you have any idea what an IQ is?"
THE AUTISTIC: "Okay."
*starts rocking faster and continues to stare mournfully at crayon*
YOU: "You like that crayon don't you?"
THE AUTISTIC: "Yep."
*stops rocking and continues to stare mournfully at crayon*
YOU: "You want to pick it up again?"
THE AUTISTIC ADULT IN HIS 40s: "Yep."
*continues to stare mournfully at crayon*
YOU: "You can hold the crayon if you want to."
THE AUTISTIC: "Okay."
*picks up crayon; stars laughing and smiling happily*
YOU: "What do you think you do with a high IQ?"
THE AUTISTIC: "You eat it."
YOU: "Eat it?"
THE AUTISTIC: "Yep."
YOU: "How would you eat it?"
THE AUTISTIC: "You don't eat crayons."
YOU: "How would you eat an IQ?"
THE AUTISTIC: "I eat mine with macaroni and cheese."
YOU: "You like mac and cheese?"
THE AUTISTIC: "On Thursdays."
YOU: "Thursdays?"
THE AUTISTIC: "Yep. Macaroni and cheese on Thursday."
YOU: "You eat mac and cheese on Thursday?"
THE AUTISTIC: "Today's not Thursday."
YOU: "Do you know what day it is?"
THE AUTISTIC ADULT IN HIS 40s: "Today is Saturday. We eat pizza on Saturday. But not until after Scooby Doo. Gotta watch Scooby Doo first. Can't miss Scooby Doo."
To know Autism better, it is best to look at real life people who actually have it.
Liberace was noted for:
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Liberace's kind loving, gentle, childlike nature, his very low IQ, his savant skills in music and cooking, his addictions to all things pink and glitter, his speech disorders (see the videos to hear it in the interviews), his love of animals, his obsessive hoarding problem (watch him trying to squeeze through massive mega hoarding piles of his collections in his house in the family and friends interview below) and his desire to help everyone he meet, are all ACTUAL SYMPTOMS of both Autism and Aspergers.
People who look at Liberace, his glitter, his bright colours, his eye poping pinks, his giddy childlike manner, and often say stuff like...
"But 1 in 3 children have Autism and you don't see 1 in 3 people acting like Liberace. Almost no one dresses or acts like him..."
Ah!
That's what THIS page is for. Go read Part 2: On Writing Autistic Characters Accurately: Autism, Asperger's, And The Danger of The Self-Diagnosis, which explains why it is, 1 in 3 children "have Autism" while only 1 in 10,000 people dress and act like Liberace.
The short answer is this:
The fact of the matter is, Autism always has been and still is a very rare disorder and Asperger's is markedly different from Autism, and self-diagnosed Aspergers is different then either Autism or Aspergers.
When you meet someone with Autism... REAL Autism... you are gonna know it. You are not going to say to yourself:
"Hmmm maybe they might possibly have Autism"...
No, you a gonna say:
"OMG! What the freaking hell is wrong with that person, did you see how they were dressed? Did you hear how they talked? They are dancing around chasing butterflies like a 2 year old! What the freaking hell? They are so bizarre!"
If you can get a person with Autism to talk, you are gonna notice, they have a very distinctive voice. They all have it. Every single one of us. Don't know what is sounds like? Here... watch this video... an interview with Liberace... pay attention to his voice and how he talks in a "child like pitch" and uses "childlike" phrases and expressions while talking... (he is in his 60s in this interview)
That is what is known as "the autistic voice" also known by bigots as "the gay voice".
If you ever looked at my YouTube videos, you'll see the most common comment across the board is for people to ask: "What's wrong with her voice?"
I have Autism, and so, like every one else who has Autism, I have that very distinctive "autistic voice".
Aspies do not have it. It one of the ways Aspergers is different then Autism. Aspergers have what is known as the "monotone voice" also known as "the robotic voice" or "the emotionless voice".
It's one of the easiest ways to tell if a person has Autism or Aspergers or neither. Just get them to talk and listen to their voice.
Also Autistics tend to prance instead of walk and gallop instead of run. Watch an autistic walk - they don't stroll along like most people do, but rather have a hop, skip, jump, tippy toe a few steps, then hop, skip, jump again, then twirl around on their toe like a ballerina, hop, skip, jump again, take a few steps, and repeat.
When told to walk slow, Autistics often hold their arms straight out, and do very tiny "ballerina toe steps" nearly walking in place. Which adults often describe as "twinkle toes".
Autistics walk as though their was music playing and they were prancing across a stage. This is how they walk, every day.
Autistic children, also like to climb, and can frequently be seen jumping up onto chairs or tables, and then spinning around in circles, often with a cape of some sort tied around their neck.
Aspergers on the other hand walk very slow and carefully, often toe to heel, one foot before the other in an awkward straight line, as if walking on a tight rope. It's very controlled, very robotic, and very stiff.
When Aspies run, they also have an interesting way of doing so, where they hold their arms down to their sides, very stiff, very straight, not moving at all, while they high goose step a march, pushing their knees so high, you wonder how they are not knocking their teeth out.
Like the Autistic voice and the Aspie voice, the Autistic walk and the Aspie walk are each very distinctive, and are again, hallmarks of each disorder, making it VERY easy to identify someone with REAL Autism or REAL Aspergers.
80% of self-diadnosed Aspies do not display either the Autistic voice or the Aspie voice, nor the Autistic walk or the Aspie walk, which can be used as proof in itself, that they have miss-self-diagnosed.
But, no, you are right... in spite of 1 in 3 children being self diagnosed as "Aspies" and claiming they therefore are "autistic"... you only see 1 in 10,000 who "talk childish", prance instead of walk, wear capes, pink, and glitter as every day fashion, and act like they are 2 years old no matter how old they are, because, in spite of the boom of "self diagnosed" Aspies and Autistics, there are still ONLY 1 in 10,000 children born with REAL Autism.
A person can be diagnosed as having BOTH Autism AND Asperger's.
A common thing I hear from readers is the phrase:
"But how can he have Autism, only kids get that!"
"But that's a childhood illness, he's a grown man, he can't be Autistic."
"Wait, how can an adult have Autism?"
It seems to baffle many readers of the series to see Quaraun, an adult with Autism.
While the series spans his entire life (750 years), the bulk of the series takes place in a small 50 year period, when he is around 450 years old, which is the equivalent of a 40 to 50 year old human man.
For some reason the average person is unaware of the fact that Autism does not go away once the child becomes an adult.
The problem seems to be based in:
"But I never see adults with Autism!"
No. You don't. That's because 73% of all Autistic children, grow up to be adults who living in nursing homes, group care homes...
Did you know that a Nursing Home is NOT the same thing as a Home For the Elderly, a Seniors' Home, or a Retirement Assisted Living Complex?
Contrary to what you are told in movies, a Nursing Home is a place for adults who can not function without 24 hour adult supervision and have no relative willing to care for them. Autism and Downs Syndrome are the two most common types of patients in a Nursing Home. Most of them being between the ages of 18 to 45. (Few Autistics live past 45 years of age.)
Do you know why most Autistics do not live past 45? Because most die from starvation, malnutrition, untreated injuries, untreated broken bones that became infected, suicide, or being beaten to death by bullies.
Autistic adults are rarely able to cook for themselves, and without caregivers can go weeks on end without food.
Autistic adults are rarely aware they are sick, hurt, or injured, and if they do not have a caregiver to take them to the hospital, they do not think to go on their own. This is not an avoidance of doctors, but rather them absent minding forgetting that things like doctors exist.
Autistic adults have a high rate of "suicide by poison" which is presumed to be not actual suicide, but rather, mishaps such as them not being able to tell the difference between a white bottle of milk and a white bottle of Draino.
Autistic adults have a high rate of "suicide by overdose" which is presumed to be not actual suicide, but rather, mishaps such as them not being able to tell the difference between take 2 before bed and take 20 before bed, due to their not being able to count or comprehend differences in the amount of things.
And again Autistic adults have a high rate of "suicide by overdose" which is presumed to be not actual suicide, but rather, mishaps such as them not being able to tell time and instead of "take 1 pill every 8 hours" taking 8 pills every half hour.
Autistic adults have the highest rate of any illness of dying from injuries sustained by bullies. This is a combination of Autistic adults being 63% more likely to be bullied with excessive physical violence and 83% more likely to not seek medical help (see above).
73% of Autistic adults will never set foot out of a nursing home or be seen by the general public.
(And why do all these percentages end in 3?)
Pay close attention to Autistic children... have you ever noticed that between the ages of 18 to 24, they simply disappear? Vanish from the world as though they never existed? This is because 73% of all parents of Autism, mistakenly thought their child would hit 18 and BOOM the "childhood illness" would disappear.
Then 18 came and went and reality hit them... their child was going to continue to wear diapers for the next 50 year. Their child would never talk, never learn to eat on their own... after 18 years of waiting for that magical day when adulthood would set in and they could FINALLY have a break from raising an Autistic child - reality set in and they were faced with: OMG! Autism is NOT a childhood illness! It doesn't magically go away at adulthood!
And so, it was off to the nursing home with them. The parents finally got their freedom. The Autistic adult is left traumatized, feeling abandoned by his family, unloved, unwanted, and in more then half of all cases, will commit suicide with in the first 2 years of being sent to a nursing home, once the realization their family is never coming back for them sets in.
That is why you rarely see Autistic adults in public, and that is why Autism has the highest suicide rate of any mental illness. A symptom of Autism is an inability to accept change; becoming closely attached to their caretakers; and suicide if ever separated from said caregivers.
It’s important to avoid stereotypes like, “All people with autism do . . . .” Remember, there are just as many individual differences among people with autism as there are among people without autism.
Quaraun has High Functioning Autism, meaning his IQ is higher then 75 and he is able to communicate with others in the form of full sentences instead of just 1 and 2 word phrases.
He does require adult supervision and people to take care of him. On his own Quaraun can barely survive and is not thriving. Quaraun is, quite literally, too stupid to live, and if he didn't have Unicorn (and later also GhoulSpawn) there looking out for him, he would not have reached old age.
When on his own, Quaraun frequently gets beaten up, bullied, and raped. There are often obvious signs and clues that these things are about to happen, which he does not see and does not pick up on.
He doesn't know how to cook or gather food in the wild, and the only reason he hasn't starved to death is because he's very wealthy and has figured out how to go to taverns to buy food.
Quaraun is a well paid, highly sought after wizard. Because his skills are very unique, people are willing to pay him alarming amounts of money, often not realizing he has no concept of money and would have done as they asked without pay.
Unfortunately he can not count and has no idea how much money he is giving a person or how much money things should cost, resulting in people often taking advantage of him, charging way more then they would charge someone else, and then even after he's paid them double that, they tell him it's not enough so he ends up paying them again.
"That'll be 3 pounds, 2 shillings," the man said.
Quaraun handed him a gold coin.
The man stared at the coin not sure if this was a joke.
"I said 3 pounds, 2 shillings," the man said.
Quaraun handed him another gold coin.
"No, I said 3 pounds, 2 shillings," the man said.
Quaraun handed the man a third gold coin. The merchant didn't know what to do. He was now holding in his hand more money then he had ever made in his entire life. He felt certain he was the butt end of some joke. He looked around wondering if one of his buddies was hiding around a nearby corner laughing.
Unicorn, seeing that Quaraun had not yet caught up to him and seeing that both Quaraun and the merchant were looking very confused, decided he'd better find out what was going on.
"W'atcha doing?" Unicorn asked Quaraun.
"I feel I have giving him the wrong amount," Quaraun said to the Faerie.
"W'at him should has pays ya?" Unicorn asked the merchant.
"Three pounds, 2 shillings," the man said.
"W'at him dids give ya?"
The merchant held out the three gold coins. Unicorn burst out laughing.
"Well, at leasting him got de t'ree right, eh?" Unicorn said. "It better den him usually do."
"I gave him the wrong amount," Quaraun said.
"Oh aye. Yi most certainly did."
"How much more does he need?" Quaraun started taking out more gold coins.
"No, no, no, no, no," Unicorn said as he took the bag of gold coins from the Elf. "It do be fine. Ya gave him too much already, eh? Here. Let me does de money. Ya chase de butterflies or somet'ing, okay?"
"Okay."
"I wan't trying to cheat him," the merchant said, handing the coins to Unicorn.
"No," Unicorn said, handing the coins back. "It fine. Keep 'em. Consider it ya lucky day. We has plenty more. Him has more gold then brains."
"A jelly fish ate my brain," Quaraun said.
"Jelly fish....?" The merchant looked at Unicorn questioningly. "Is he crazy or something?"
"Aye. Just t'ink. Yi gets to tells people ya meet Quaraun the Insane un lived to tell the tale, eh?"
"Quaraun the... the Pink Necromancer?" The man looked stunned. "He's the Pink Necromancer. Him? But... he's... he's..."
"I like pink," Quaraun said, spinning around on his tip toe and holding out his sparkling skirts.
"He's insane," the merchant said in a low voice.
"Aye," Unicorn said cheerfully. "That would be why dey do call him Quaraun the Insane."
If you paid attention, you notice multiple things:
#1: Quaraun NEVER talks to the merchant.
#2: Quaraun only speaks when Unicorn addresses him.
#3: When his mentioned the jelly fish, he is again dressing Unicorn, agreeing with Unicorn's previous statement, by repeating it reworded.
#4: At the mention of the word pink (by anyone, in this case the merchant) Quaraun starts babbling to himself about how much he likes pink, then leaves the group, dancing and laughing like a toddler. He does this in every novel, every time someone says the word pink.
#5: He is aware that he has done something wrong when he gives the merchant the wrong money, but he is never made aware of what he did wrong (by this point in the series, Unicorn has given up trying to explain money to Quaraun, though he did try earlier in the series.)
#6: While Quaraun understands people give him things if he gives them gold coins, his grasp of buying/selling, commerce, and economy beyond that is no-existent.
People frequently laugh at Quaraun and tease him, but he doesn't understand why.
The way he dresses and looks, he often gets mistaken not only for a female, but for a prostitute, especially given the fact that he's often in taverns looking for food. This results in his often being attacked by drunk men and raped. The attacks made worse, with him often beaten very badly once they find out he's a man.
These attacks could be avoided either by his dressing differently or his not being in taverns, but he hasn't got enough intelligence to figure that out, not even when someone tells him point blank.
When upset, Quaraun sits on the floor with his arms over his head saying: "No, no, no, no, no, no,no,no,no,no,no,..."
For an Autistic adult to have a conversation on that level, is considered to be extremely high functioning.
Interestingly, most Autistics are able to write in full conversation, even though they lack the ability to carry out a verbal conversation with some one.
This is why very few people online are aware of the fact that I have Autism.
The fact of the matter is Autism is a very severe disability. And while Asperger's is a similar disability with a few of the same symptoms, it is not nearly as disabling and rarely limits a person from living a normal life.
Whereas 75% of all Autistic will spend their entire life in an assisted living group home, with 93% of those never learning to either talk or walk even into adulthood.
Quaraun uses a lot of short one and two word phrases when talking to people:
"Yes."
"No."
"Okay."
"I don't know."
"Maybe."
"Why?"
"How come?"
Getting Quaraun to speak to strangers in full sentences in nearly impossible. More then half of Quaraun's dialogue is limited to one of two phrases:
"Okay."
and
"No."
Both used regardless of if they are logical answer to the questions presented him or not.
If you pay attention to conversations in the Quaraun series, you will pick up on the fact that Quaraun is mostly non-verbal around strangers, and when speaking, no matter who he is speaking to, nearly always addresses Unicorn, rather then the person he is actually speaking to.
Quaraun has no difficulty speaking to people he trusts, thus his conversations are fluid when speaking to Unicorn or GhoulSpawn. However, when talking to strangers, his sentences become short and curt.
For example, if Unicorn asks him the question: "Are you okay?"
His answer will be very long winded, explaining in detailed monologue, every last ache and pain he has felt for the past several hours. The answer will be several sentences long, spanning 100 or more words.
If, however, a stranger asks him the question: "Are you okay?"
It will instead read:
"I'm fine," Quaraun said quietly. He averted his eyes.
"Are you okay?" The man asked as he helped Quaraun back up.
"I'm fine," Quaraun said quietly.
"Are you sure?"
"Yep." He averted his eyes.
"You look hurt."
"No."
"You're bleeding."
"No," Quaraun raised his voice.
"Yes. You are."
"No," Quaraun said louder then before.
"You need help."
"No." Quaraun stamped his foot on the ground as he spoke.
"It's alright." The man tried to take hold of the Elf's arm.
"Don't touch me."
Quaraun backed away, looking around nervously and wondering where Unicorn was.
"No, it's alright. You seem confused."
"Don't touch me."
Quaraun closed his eyes and clenched his fists.
"It's okay. I just wanta help.."
"No! No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. Nooooooooooo..."
Quaraun suddenly dropped to his knees while screaming and hitting himself in the head. The stranger backed away, uncertain of how to respond to this outburst.
In this scene we see Quaraun separated from Unicorn and not sure what to do when a stranger attempts to talk to him. Again we see the Autism loud and clear:
#1: Quaraun is looking around trying to find Unicorn and not listening to what the stranger is saying to him.
#2: In spite of being obviously injured and in need of medical assistance, he is refusing help on any level at all, because this person trying to help him is not his caretaker.
"I understand perfectly why some of my autistic patients scream and flap their arms--it's to frighten off extroverts"
— Mark Vonnegut
#3: Normal speaking in a quite voice, barely above a whisper, Quaraun begins to raise his voice when he feels threatened.
#4: Even though the man is trying to help, Quaraun does not have the ability to translate other people's actions or expressions, and can not tell if the man is attacking him or not.
#5: Seen many times throughout the series, Quaraun starts stamping his foot on the ground, when he wants someone to back away, which is a typical action done by almost all Autistic people. This is a threatening move on his part that says "back off", however as normal people do not do this, few people understand what he is doing.
#6: Like most Autistics, Quaraun is hyper sensitive to touch. The instant the man takes hold of his arm, Quaraun immediately becomes defensive. Even a light touch causes pain, and he is now translating this stranger as someone trying to hurt him.
#7: Closing his eyes, his his final attempt to shut out the "attacker", in a vain hope that if he can no longer see the stranger, the stranger will leave him alone.
“Shutting down is protection.
It's something I cannot control. Sometimes I can feel
it building up.
Other times, it just happens without me realizing.”
― TinaJ. Richardson
#8: However he realizes this never works and has become very tense now and is clenching his fists out of frustrating.
#9: When closing his eyes doesn't signal to the man he wants to be left alone, he breaks into "an autistic meltdown". He wants to be left alone. He wants the man to not hurt him. He's afraid the man is about to beat him up. He doesn't know how to tell the man these things, thus why he is screaming "No, no, no, no..." He's having a sensory overload. Too many things are going on inside his brain at once. He can't focus on every one of them. He feels like his emotions have turned on him and at viciously attacking him.
#10: The combination of fear and frustration have overwhelmed him, and he is now, no longer just trying to get the man to leave, but he also now trying to chase the emotions inside of him (fear and frustration) away as well, this why he starts hitting himself in the head, trying to literally beat the fear and frustration out of himself so it will leave him alone. People mistranslate this as him trying to hurt himself. He's not. He's trying to make the pain go away. His emotions are overpowering him and he wants it to stop. He wants the fear to go away, but he doesn't no how to chase it out of his mind. The fear is hurting him and he's trying to hurt it back to make it realize how much it is hurting him. He doesn't understand how his emotions work, he doesn't understand what emotions are, and he feels like his emotions are sentient beings attacking him and he's trying desperately to fight them off and make them go away.
#11: If this scene is allowed to continue with out one of his caretakers intervening, he will progress to pulling out a dagger and cutting his arms in a desperate attempt to cut the offending emotions out of his body, so that he can stop feeling the fear and frustration he is feeling. He is not actually trying to hurt himself, nor is he trying to commit suicide, though, those around him assume that is the case. Rather he understands that bleeding causes him to pass out, passing out causes his emotions to "reset", thus he can wake up "normal" with out the offending emotions "attacking" him.
Usually when confronted by someone, the narration will describe Quaraun doing such things as "taking several steps back", "twisting his fingers", and/or "quickly moving to hide behind Unicorn".
Because the story is told from Quaraun's perspective, you see scenes like this one frequently show up:
"Now if you look over here," Mallac said, pointing to the map.
Quaraun didn't hear the rest, as he found the embroidery on the soldier's uniform to be utterly fascinating and started counting the thread stitches wondering how difficult it would be to recreate the same pattern on one of his dresses.
"Are you listening to me?" Mallac yelled, snapping Quaraun out of his thoughts.
Quaraun had no idea how much time had passed. It could have been minutes. It could have been hours. As it was now nearing sunset, it must have been hours. The sunset was causing a reflective light on the soldier's uniform. Quaraun quickly sunk back into his thoughts of embroidery.
"You're doing it again!"
"What?" Quaraun asked, blinking and wondering why the man was yelling at him.
"Have you heard anything I said?"
"No."
"No?"
"No."
"Why the hell not?"
"Your embroidery..."
"My what? What the hell are you talking about? This is important! What the hell were you doing instead of listening to me?"
"Your embroidery..."
"Where is your brain?"
"A jelly fish ate it."
"What?"
"A jelly fish ate my brain."
"What is wrong with you? Can you stop acting crazy long enough to listen to me?" The solider tossed the map in front of the Elf and repeated everything he had already said. "I said..."
Quaraun didn't hear a word of it. He went back to memorizing the detail of the embroidery stitches on Mallac's coat so he could sew them on his next dress.
~From "The Summoner of Darkness" (Volume 11 of The Quaraun series)
This type of scene repeats itself frequently, often a dozen or more times in each novel, with Quaraun often clueless as to instructions people give him, due to his lack of paying attention to anything any one says to him.
And because the story is told from his perspective and Quaraun never finds out what it was that was said, the reader never finds out what people say to Quaraun, as the narrator of the story, does not bring the reader up to speed.
The reader remains in Quaraun's head, seeing the world exactly as he sees it and often not seeing all of the important bits of information needed to know what to expect next.
Because Autistics wear pink sparkly cloths, dance instead of walk, talk "childishly", sit on the ground drawing pictures in the sand, an over all act like children even into old age... they are seen by the average person as bizarre and insane.
Because an Autistic child rarely attends school (fewer then 30% have a functioning IQ high enough to pass entrance tests to qualify them for inclusion in standard classrooms) and because 73% of Autistic adults live in Nursing Homes, and because only 1 in every 10,000 people have Autism... this results in the fact that the average person, in their lifetime will never encounter an ACTUALLY Autistic person face to face.
Only 1 in every 17,000 people will ever meet a REAL ACTUALLY Autistic person in their lifetime.
This mean, in spite of the fact 1 in every 3 children are self-diagnosed as Autistic by parents with no clue what Autism actually is, you could drive through a dozen or more cities, visit every family in every city, and still, not cross paths with a single, solitary ACTUAL Autistic person.
The result is, when someone does encounter and ACTUALLY Autistic person, their first response, is to be repulsed, horrified, terrified, and viciously and violent attack and beat up the Autistic person with as much vigor and hatred possible.
While there are only 1 in every 10,000 Autistic and only 1 in every 17,000 people will ever encounter a real Autistic person, 1 in every 8 Autistic people will be murdered before reaching the age of 25, 1 on every 7 Autistic people will be bullied so badly that they commit suicide before age 30, and 1 in every 2 Autistic people will die by the age of 45
Lets do those numbers again...
I have Autism.
Have I ever been bullied?
Let's see...
October 18, 2006 a bomb blew up my house, and a Ku Klux Klan cross left behind in the rubble, because I am perceived to be a transgender person in "a family friendly town".
May 10, 2010, members of the Saco Ward LDS Church, arrived in my yard and cut my car in half.
One night, November 14, 2013, while loading my art supplies into my car, after a day of painting the ocean, someone snuck up behind me, smashing my back, with what I do not know... a 4 door white truck, drove away... but they left me left me paralyzed for 5 months. It took me 18 months to relearn to walk. I'm crippled for the rest of my life, because I am transgender in Old Orchard Beach, and therefor do not deserve to live.
April 10, 2015, my motorhome, also known as "The Transgender Awareness Tour Bus" was broken into, filled with thousands of gallons of raw sewage, the furniture smashed, my clothes ripped up, and my cats kidnapped.
May 15, 2015, my cats were returned dissected, their cut off and nailed to my door.
January 7, 2016 - the 4 door white truck, was used as a weapon to try to kill me, yet again. Slamming into my car, while screaming out the window "Kill or be killed, remember Saco Shaw's all transsexuals are alike", doing more 75MPH on a 25MPH road.
June 10, 2016, the 4 door white truck, repeated this.
June 26, 2016 - while loading groceries into my car at WalMart, a woman came up behind me, took a shopping cat, and began beating me with it, while screaming "Kill or be killed, remember Saco Shaw's all transsexuals are alike". She ruptured 3 discs in my spine. She and a red haired woman who called herself "Kendra Silvermander" jumped into a gold Volvo suv and drove away. I was paralyzed once again.
January 4, 2016, the town of Old Orchard Beach passed and ordinance making it illegal to be transgender, gay, black, or Muslin, and forced 140 families out of their homes - not rentals, not apartments, but home owners, who owed no mortgages or taxes. More then 500 pets were confiscated by the Old Orchard Beach police department, most of them later returned to their owners chopped up returned one head at a time, because it was now illegal for LGBTQA+ citizens to own pets, because only "family friendly" families can own pets in Old Orchard Beach... the land of each of these families began to be auctioned off, to one motel owner... the same motel owner, who drove a back hoe over my house, August 8, 2013....the same motel owner who drive the 4-door white pick-up truck and who's wife drives a gold Volvo SUV.
July 2016 the FBI arrived in Old Orchard Beach.
October 18, 2016 the civil rights violating "Too Gay For Old Orchard Beach" ordinance was overruled by Superior Court.The LGBTQA+ citizens of Old Orchard Beach were homeless for 9 months.
The 4-door white truck, sits at the end of my driveway, every night at sunset... reeving his engine, squealing his wheels, and screaming gay hating obscenities out his window.
This picture was taken June 9, 2017:
The 4 door white truck continues to sit at the end of my drive way (146 Portland Ave, Old Orchard Beach, Maine) near every night around sunset, reeving it's engine and squealing it's tires, with the driver yelling anti-gay threats and obscenities out the window. He continues to do the same thing at my dad's apartment building (Biddeford Maine) a few times a week, usually in mid to late afternoon time. He continues to follow me to shopping to various stores in various towns throughout the states.
Phrases he yells from the truck include:
"Kill or be killed remember Saco Shaws all transsexuals are alike"
"I keep a gun under the seat of my truck, I'm gonna use it to shoot you in the head, you transvestite freak"
if cars are going by he yells to them: "that thing is Ken's son, look at how's it's dressed; it's insane, it has autism, we can't allow that thing and it's gay cars in our family friend town of Old Orchard Beach"
He often babbles deranged ramblings about something he calls "the gay-pocalypse", raving lunacy about how "all the gays are gathering" on his doorstep. He raves some crazy nonsense about how Armageddon is coming and the war to end all wars will be "the gays against the Christians" and Christians have to be ready to "kill the gays"
My car is the Autism Awareness Car and had 2.5million marbles glued to it (I have Autisn - savant - Kanner's syndrome) he claims tat my car "is gay" because of what it looks like. My car has been vandalised several dozen times, including to have the tires slashed 7 times in 6 months.
After dark often around 10PM, he stands at the end of the logging road across the street from me and shoots at my motohome (in February 2014 he shot holes in my neighbour's barn while doing this). I have video footage of 3 of his shootings at me here: https://youtu.be/NUebzJ9sz9U and here: https://youtu.be/C4dZbgG-Smw
This has gone on since August 2013 now, in addition to all the vandalism, hate crimes, pet beheadings, etc that has happened, including the bomb that blew up our house in 2006.
As you know, that whole time I had not been able to get a plate number on the truck. He as just here again, and I just realized why I could not get a plate number... there are no plates on the truck, either on the front or on the back. However, as he was driving away today... I noticed, there is a plate, stuck up in the back window of the truck, where it can barely be seen, deliberately obscured from view behind a silver tool box.
"There's nothing more debilitating about a disability than the way people treat you over it."
— Solange nicole
This is the reality of being transgender in Old Orchard Beach.
This is the reality of what bullies do to someone with mental illnesses, they do not understand.
Someone with a mental illness, they do not just live with their illness, but they also live with people's reaction to it as well. This is some thing many writers fail to realize. And it's quite annoying, for those of us, who actually have to live with the illness they are writing about, to read their work and know, they've never lived with our illness, they don't know what it's like.
Everywhere I turn there's a new book misusing yet another mental illness. I hate how characters act normal until all a sudden a plot changes requires them to "act crazy" so suddenly they are acting crazy, then the plot device over and they act normal again.
Mental illness ain't like that, you can't turn it on and off whenever the plot needs it.
Writers rarely get it right. And would like to see that changed.
People always ask me about my main character, from current series "Quaraun the Insane" asking, what is wrong with him? What mental illness does he have? How did you research it? How do you know what to write?
My answer?
I write what I know.
Quaraun acts like me, talks like me, dresses like me, and the bullies in the books? They do to Quaraun, what real life bullies have done to me.
Quaraun was crippled by bullies and now walks on a cane after months paralyzed and months relearning to walk, because I was crippled by bullies and now walk on a cane after months paralyzed and months relearning to walk.
Never once has someone with Autism trespassed in my yard. Thousands of self-diagnosed Aspies have. Never once has someone with Autism stalked me - at least 1 (the Kboards Hacker) a self-diagnosed Aspie stalked me for 10 years including to hack most of my online accounts, before eventually getting caught an going to prison. His reason in court for the viscous, violent criminal activities he did: "It's okay, I have Autism, my IQ is 138, I had to do it to prove I could." The other stalker who helped him, Kendra Silvermander, the one who blew up my house with a bomb, cut my cats heads off and nailed them to my door, and filled my motorhome with 1,000s of gallons of feces, and is as yet currently unidentified and still on the lose, she is suspect by the FBI who is trying the find her, of also having Aspergers.
The worst ones of all are the Stephen King fans, Because I own the world's most haunted car, which Stephen King based Christine off of and because we are the Gypsies whose farm Thinner was filmed on, every summer my family is subjected to Stephen King fans, all proclaiming they have Autism, and since 1984, arriving in my yard in mass hoard of tens of thousands of screaming fangirls, do do monstrous levels of vandalism to my car and yard, all in the name of their love for Stephen King, and when asked to stop, they always say: "It's okay, I have Autism"... No, no you do not. I have Autism, and I know for a fact, no one with Autism does these things - they can't, but people with Aspergers do.
There's a hell of a big difference between Autism and Self-Diagnosed Aspergers and when you place a patient of each, side by side, you can see it immediately, the vast differences between the two.
Someone with Autism would never build a bomb and blow up your house.
Someone with Self-Diagnosed Aspergers did:
Someone with Autism would never kidnap your cats, cut their heads off, and nail their heads to your door.
Someone with Self-Diagnosed Aspergers did:
Someone with Autism would never build a web site glorifying the Ku Klux Klan and calling people to action to kill the "bugger fagots" of Old Orchard Beach.
Someone named "Tom Addams" a self proclaimed "internet marketing guru" with Aspergers did:
Someone with Autism would never cut your car in half.
Someone with Self-Diagnosed Aspergers did:
Can you see the difference between ACTUAL Autism and self diagnosed Asperger's yet?
You remember the Autistic walk we talked about earlier? I used to do that. Hoping and skipping and dancing and twirling... bullies beat me up, for no reason at all, attacked me from behind, I don't even know who they were...
I'm a woman who has had 7 miscarriages, and wears "elaborate clothes". Because I have no children, the residents of Old Orchard Beach, beat me up, calling me a transsexual, claiming only a man would dress like I do, claiming that the reason I have no children is because I'm not really female.
They left me paralyzed and crippled.
They crushed my hips, my pelvis, and my spine, and took away, what little chance I had to carry a pregnancy to full term.
I'm crippled for the rest of my life. I can barely walk now. It's why I'm now on a cane. Any hope I had of having children is gone now.
That's the reality, of the gay hatred of this town.
I have Autism. I wear pink. I wear glitter. I talk with a "funny gay sounding voice".
According to the people in this town:
I walk like a fag...
talk like a fag...
dress like a fag...
act like a fag...
and therefor must be treated like a fag...
I need to be taught my place...
I deserve to be shot in the head...
I look gay, and therefore I must be,
because no one but gay men, talk in this voice
no one but gay men wear pink
no one but gay men wear glitter
no one but gay men prance instead of walk...
so they beat me up, because I'm "too gay" for Old Orchard Beach
they cut my car in half, because I'm "too gay" for Old Orchard Beach
they put a bomb in my house, because I'm "too gay" for Old Orchard Beach
they filled my motorhome with feces, because I'm "too gay" for Old Orchard Beach
they kidnapped my cats, because I'm "too gay" for Old Orchard Beach
they drove a back hoe over my house, because I'm "too gay" for Old Orchard Beach
they cut my cats heads off and nailed their heads to my door, because I'm "too gay" for Old Orchard Beach
because I have Autism
and that makes me "too gay for the family friend town of Old Orchard Beach"
I used to dance when I walked... but after 5 months paralyzed, 18 months relearning to walk, and now 4 years later, my leg is lame and I am crippled, barely able to stand, dragging a lame leg, I'll never dance again.
Do you know what that's like?
Can you even begin to imagine?
To be an Autistic person, who can no longer dance when I walk?
They hate gay men so much, that they are willing to beat up a childless autistic women, in ill health, accusing her of being a transvestite.
Because these evil people took away my ability to have children, I had cats; but they took my cats, and cut off their heads, and nailed them to my door.
Welcome to Old Orchard Beach. The gay-hating capital of Maine.
This is the reality of how Autistics are seen by the world.
This is the reality of how Autistics are treated by "normal" people.
This is the reality of being transgender in Old Orchard Beach.
This is the reality of what bullies do to someone with mental illnesses, they do not understand.
This is the reality of living with Autism.
Someone with a mental illness, they do not just live with their illness, but they also live with people's reaction to it as well. This is some thing many writers fail to realize. And it's quite annoying, for those of us, who actually have to live with the illness they are writing about, to read their work and know, they've never lived with our illness, they don't know what it's like...
...because not only do they make their characters act wrong... they make other characters' reactions to the mentally ill character wrong as well.
BoomFuzzy the Unicorn starts out the series as a bully. Like every one else he is quick to target and victimize the strange Elf. Often bullying him because Quaraun is so terrified of everything.
In fact their very first meeting is a violent rape scene, with Quaraun on his way home, stopping to sleep for the night in a make shit camp off the side of the rod, only to be woken up in the middle of the night, by being dragged out of bed, stripped naked, and raped by BoomFuzzy. The Phooka is a viscous predator and attacks the Elf intending to kill him and eat him, after raping him, but let's him go after tasting his blood and realizing the Elf is infected by a Thullid.
At first the Phooka thinks of it as a game and doesn't realize how badly Quaraun is being traumatized by the bullying. His initial perception of it s to think that Quaraun actually is enjoying the treatment he is getting, because Quaraun puts so little effort into fighting back. He doesn't realize the Elf is too scared to fight back or that Quaraun fears being killed if he fights back and so complies while being raped, hoping that by doing so he'll be allowed to live. (This entire rape scene is available to read online.)
BoomFuzzy rapes Quaraun multiple times, before he realizes that Quaraun is not actually consenting to the sex. It is not until he sees others doing the same: over and over again, and realizes Quaraun is daily being tortured and tormented by people who see him as too stupid to bother caring about. BoomFuzzy regrets having raped the Elf and tried to become Quaraun's friend. He begins to realize the Elf has no friends and goes from one day to the next, dodging bullies, hiding. He soon discovers Quaraun is starving to death, s his own family are the worst bullies of all, rarely allowing the stupid Elf to eat with them, often feeding him with the dogs where he has to fight for scraps, and forcing him to sleep in cold, damp dungeons below the castle, because he's not deemed worthy to be part of the family.
"Yis a skinny lil Elf, ain't cha?" BoomFuzzy said.
"Yeah," Quaraun agreed.
"Is ya hungry?"
"Yeah."
"Here."
BoomFuzzy handed the injured Elf a chocolate covered apricot.
"One must never take food from strangers," Quaraun said nervously as he rocked back and forth.
"I is BoomFuzzy."
"Yeah."
"Ya knows me."
"Yeah."
"I is no stranger."
Quaraun didn't respond.
"Here."
BoomFuzzy put the candied fruit in the Elf's trembling hand.
"When be de last time ya dids ate somet'ing?"
"I don't know."
"Ya does nay know?"
"No."
"How come t'at for?"
"The dogs don't always let me eat."
"De dogs?"
"Yeah."
"W'at dogs?"
"My father's dogs."
"Ya eats wid de dogs?"
"Yeah."
"Why would ya do t'at?"
"I'm too stupid to eat at the table."
"Says who?"
"My father."
In trying to escape the daily abuse from his father and uncle, Quaraun often flees the castle to the forest, but getting from one to the other requires crossing the village, where he is constantly cornered and ganged up on by other Elves, who single him out and beat him up. He is frequently stripped naked, dragged through the streets by horses, and tied upside-down in trees for villagers to through rocks at him.
BoomFuzzy begins to regret his own similar actions and starts defending the Elf from the bullies. However one day Quaraun is nearly killed by a mob of bullying villagers, and would have been left to die in the streets, had someone not taken him in. That someone was BoomFuzzy who nursed the injured Elf back to health and went on to be his caretaker. As a result of this event, Quaraun is left badly scarred, and with crippling bone fractures that never heal properly, leaving him with a lame leg and a bad limp.
It was several hours later, when the sun had gone down, that Quaraun found himself once again hanging upside down, his time by his ankles from the limb of a tree. The guards and the villagers had gone off some distance away to watch and wait to see if the Phooka would be attracted to the smell of the poor Elf's blood, which was still running down his body and pooling into a sticky mess in the dirt below.
"You're sure this is the place?" A guard asked one of the villagers.
"Yes, it was right here, I remember, because you could just see the gingerbread house over the hi', over there, see. There it is."
The villager pointed and the other, looked. BoomFuzzy's house was just in sight. His was the farthest house in the village, isolated, alone and by itself our here at the edge of the forests the guards and villagers continued chatting when they were intended by a voice from behind them.
"Helloooo!" A cheerful voice said from inches behind them.
"ARRGH!"
The Elves all screamed and jumped and turned, ready to attack, but relaxed when they saw the old half Elf BoomFuzzy standing there.
"What is ya doing?"
"We're trying to catch a Phooka."
"A Phooka? Oh my! Are there Phookas round here?"
"Where've you been that you don't know whats going on?"
"In me wee little shoppie. Do'na come very often. Ain't got no reason too."
"Then what are you doing out here now?"
"I heard a commotion. Ya be a noisy lot. Came out to see what's what un saw ya hanging ya prince up in a tree all sliced and bloody. He see better daes, poor thing."
"Quaraun? Dirty bugger's getting what's coming to him."
"And what be that?"
"Using him as bait to catch the Phooka."
"Why would ya want to catch one of them for?"
"Gibedon's army is marching down on the valley. They'll be in a few days. The king figures, we can slow them up, give us time to escape, if we can catch the Phooka that travels ahead of them, before they get here. One's been seen around here. We're gonna kill it."
"Are ya now? How does ya plan to do that?"
"We're gonna use Quaraun here as bait. Phookas are attacked to Elf blood, he's bleeding all over kingdom come right now."
"I can sees that. what happened to him?"
"He's gone breaking laws again, like usual."
"Really, Oh for crying shame. What'd he do this time?"
"Went and got himself a male lover. Can you imagine that?"
"No, Really?"
BoomFuzzy walked over to Quaraun and cocked his head upside down to look Quaraun in the eye properly.
"Ya do get yaself in an awful lot of trouble don't ya?. And ya keep ending up in trees."
Quaraun said nothing. He hurt too much to talk and was dizzy from hanging upside down with the blood rushing to his head. But he remained emotionless. Not crying. Not screaming. Just seething with anger and hatred for every last Moon Elf and thinking how much he really just wanted every Moon Elf to drop dead.
BoomFuzzy strolled back over to the gang of Elves.
"Tell me, this Phooka, how ya all plan to catch it?"
"With Quaraun."
"Aye. Ya using Quaraun for bait, but when the Phooka comes to take ya bait, what ya do to catch the beast?"
"Well, we'll wait for it to come out and then when it goes after Quaraun, we'll all be here to grab it."
"Ah. Just grab it, eh?"
"Yeah."
"Ya tinks ya do that, eh?"
"Sure."
"Does ya even know what a Phooka looks like?"
"Uhm...no. Do you?" The Elf asked his friends.
The Elves all looked at each other, shaking their heads.
"So, none of yas has ever seen a Phooka. None of yas knows what to watch for and ya don't have a plan for how yis goona catch it when it gets here. Interesting."
"How hard could it be to catch?"
"Ya do know Phookas is shape shifters, right?"
"Yeah, so?"
"What makes ya tinks twall go after Quaraun and not ya fellas?"
"Quaraun's half dead. Look at how much blood there is on the ground. No clue what's keeping him alive, any other Elf would have died by now. He just keep lingering on no matter what anyone does to him."
"I has noticed that aboot him. One would almost tinks he has no need for the blood in hims veins. Like a little baby Thullid slug, curled up safely in an empty snail's shell of a skull, growing it's tentacles and waiting to hatch, he doesn't seem to have much need for hims body to function otherwise. Just needs to keep that skull intact."
"What are you talking about?"
"It be hard to kill a Thullid ya know. They is kind of invincible. Even iffy ya kill the host body, they'll just crawl out of the skull and latch on to the next nearest skull they can find, squeeze up in through ya nostril or ear, or drill a hole in ya head, suck out ya brain and build themselves a nice new little nest inside ya head."
"Who's talking about Thullids? We was talking about Phookas."
"No. Ya was talking aboot how Quaraun ain't dying up there even though ya gutted him like pig and hung hims upside down in a tree, and is laughing while ya watch every last drop of blood drain from hims body."
"We should hang him up in a tree too," one Elf said to another. "That's Quaraun's lover, ya know. The old candy maker, there."
"I is and I does no like what ya done to me Elf."
"Yeah, well, you get out of the way and go back to pulling your taffy, Old Man. We got a Phooka to catch."
"Ya frigging stupid Elves. Ya really tinks ya can catch a Phooka?""
There's five of us and only one of it and we..."
"It?"
"What?"
"Ya called me an it."
"Hey you ain't one of them Faerie lovers are you? There petitioning for Faerie rights'?"
"Oh no. why would I do that?"
BoomFuzzy stared at Quaraun again, then turned back to the men.
"Here's a question. Does any of yas know what a Phooka looks like?"
The Elves all looked at each other.
"Never seen one before have you?."
"How ya plan to know one when ya sees it, if ya do'na know what it looks like?"
"Oh we'll know it."
"Really? Ya tinks? They is shape shifters. Can be anything or anyone. That tree ya hung Quaraun in, it could be a Phooka waiting to pounce. Or any one of ya could be a Phooka, biding his time waiting for the others tO fall asleep and kills ya all."
The men started exchanged worried glances.
"Oh I could be a Phooka."
They all looked at BoomFuzzy.
"I could be the Elf Eater of Pepper Valley himself, standing here talking to ya, getting ye guard down, waiting to pull a machete out of me robes and cut all ya heads off in a single swipe."
The Elves were all staring wide eyed at BoomFuzzy now. BoomFuzzy burst at laughing. And the Elves getting the joke all relaxed and laughed with him, but BoomFuzzy suddenly stopped laughing and stood looking very grave as they continued to laugh. While they continued laughing and began joking at the idea that the old man might be a Phooka. BoomFuzzy pulled a machete out of his robes while the Elves laughed.
"Of course, it could be that I wasn't joking, and I really am the Elf Eater of Pepper Valley himself, snuck into ya village disguised as an Elf, and I do'na likes what ya all dids to me lover Quaraun."
The Elves stopped laughing and turned back to BoomFuzzy, just in time to see him transform out of his Moon Elf glimmer and into his blacked eyed, black haired, sharp fanged, gazelle horned, long taloned real form. The nearest one lunged to grab the Phooka but BoomFuzzy was faster and the guard's head went rolling across the ground.
"Ya gonna have to be faster then that boy. If you want to catch a Phooka. Keep that up and ya all lose ya heads."
The other four Elves turned and ran, but none of them made it more then a few feet before all of them were also headless.
"Tsk. Tsk. Silly Elves, tinks they can out smart the Elf Eater of Pepper Valley."
The Phooka put the machete away and strolled back over to Quaraun.
"Ya look a frightful mess, ya do. Me poor little Elf, what dids they do to ya? They gone and cut ya up."
The Phooka's gaze went to the Elf's mutilated groin.
"Ya poor thing. That could no have felt very nice. Let me see if I can get ya down outa this here tree without dropping ya on ya head this time."
Moments later BoomFuzzy had Quaraun back at the gingerbread house and carefully tending to his wounds.
~ BoomFuzzy (Volume 3 of The Quaraun series)
Because of the abuse he is subjected to, Quaraun develops phobias of everything that reminds him of any of the bullies. These phobias seriously limit his ability to live any quality of life.
Quaraun's quality of life changes when BoomFuzzy takes him in and starts caring for him. For the first time Quaraun is faced with knowing that not everyone is a mean evil bully and not every one is trying to hurt him. BoomFuzzy however is very old, very depressed, and in very poor health. One day when defend Quaraun from another attack, BoomFuzzy suffers a stab wound to the belly, which becomes infected and being a battle front solider, he has seen wounds like this before and knows he will linger on in agony for months before dying. Already in more pain then he can bare, BoomFuzzy commits suicide to end his suffering. Quaraun is devastated by the loss of his friend and becomes a recluse, barely able to function at all.
Without BoomFuzzy, Quaraun is barely able to survive and becomes wild and feral, living in the mountains. It is during this time period that people dub him "Quaraun the Insane".
It is not until BoomFuzzy returns from the dead, now a Lich, and becomes Quaraun's fierce guardian and protector, that you start to see Quaraun able to function in society.
I think one of the most baffling things of all, is the alarming amount of readers - more then 80% of them - who have stated they considered the Quaraun series to be Erotica.
Yes, there are graphic sex scenes in just about every volume, but they are not happy or enjoyable for Quaraun. Several volumes contain gang rape scenes where multiple men, often drunk, drag him off the street, beat him up, then rape him over and over and over and over again. Yes, if 12 men are raping him, you see the whole thing for all 12 of them, 12 men cumming in and on him, and the horror going through his mind the hole time. A gang rape scene can spread on for as many as 50 pages of steady none stop rape.
The entire thing beginning to end shows Quaraun's absolute terror of the 12 men who are raping him. A short clip from this very long, drawn out rape scene is below:
"Look how smooth he is," said one man as he rubbed his hands all over Quaraun's chest.
"No breasts though," another crewman said mournfully. "I like women with big titties. Ain't getting those from a man in a dress no matter how smooth he is."
"Nah, just pretend he's a little girl who hasn't started to bud yet." The man pinched the Elf's pierced nipples as he spoke.
"Hah! That ain't gonna be hard. He's smaller then a little girl."
"I can't wait to fuck that tight little ass of his. It's gonna feel like I'm fucking a young virgin that ain't had her first period yet."
“He's bleeding like woman already.”
Quaraun tried the squirm out of their hands, but there was too many of them holding him in too many places. He was terrified. He knew he was badly injured and if they raped him right now, they would make the wound far worse.
One man, suddenly grabbed hold of the chains connecting from Quaraun's nose rings to his ear rings.
"You stop squirming like that right now or I'll pull these chains off that pretty face of yours. I'll rip your nose and ears right off, I swear I will. Mess your face up good. You just lay back and take it, you hear?"
Quaraun did not answer, but he stopped struggling against the men. Vanity was a weakness of his. The whole ship had figured that out the first day he was on board. The threat of damaging his perfectly, flawless face was enough to get him to stop moving and allow the men to continue squeezing his genitals, rubbing his bum, fingering his bleeding ass, and twisting his nipples without farther complaint.
Quaraun closed his eyes and prayed that they would finish quickly and leave. He could feel a finger push up all the way inside of his anus, then he felt another, and another. Three men were each poking their index fingers as deep into him as they could and laugh each time he squealed or tightened his muscles on their fingers.
"Damn, he's tight."
Quaraun opened his eyes when he felt a wetness against his ass and realized one of the men was licking him and then stuck his young up inside. Quaraun bucked again the man and once again tried to escape, while begging the men to stop, but one of the men grabbed the thin silver chains on his face again, pulling firmly on them, threatening to rip out his nose piercings, and Quaraun obediently stopped struggling once again.
~From "Captain Quirk and The Pirate Ship Rent-A-Prize" (Volume 12 of The Quaraun series)
How is that scene, which goes on for almost 20 pages, seen as Erotica, I do not know. But that scene and others like it are hailed by fans of the series as being "some of the best erotica ever written".
It is rare for a rape scene in the Quaraun series to last for fewer then 10 pages.
This is NOT Erotica. It is absolute pure psychological terror as the reader experiences the entire rape beginning to end, right along with Quaraun.
I'm sorry, but you have to see it from the perspective of someone with Autism... me.
I have Autism. Like Quaraun I am also asexual and have no sex drive at all. I can not grasp any understanding of how a rape scene can be seen as erotic. I can not understand why the rape scenes in the Quaraun series are said by readers to be "some of the best erotica" they ever read.
How is it erotic?
What about these scenes is sexually exciting?
What is is about 12 drunk men, cumming in and on another man over and over and over and over and over again that people find erotic?
I do not understand.
The sex scenes in the Quaraun series are horrific tales of abuse, violation, torture, and bullying gone the point of bodily violation.
After each rape scene Quaraun is left deeply traumatized, often injured.
In the 12 man gang rape scene above, he suffered serious internal injuries when one man violated him with a dagger, causing serious, life threatening anal/intestinal stab wounds.
By the end of that rape scene Quaraun is unconscious, serious injured, and left in the gutter to bleed to death.
There is nothing erotic about 12 rapists, bullying a mentally handicapped Autistic man who isn't able to fight back or defend himself.
How do people find the scenes like this sexual arousing or erotic, I do not know.
The Quaraun series is not Erotica on any levels at all and yet, I get hundreds of fan emails saying how much they love the "over the top, extreme BDSM" scenes of the Quaraun serious.
A mentally handicapped man is being sexually tortured by hateful bullies - that's NOT BDSM. That's abuse and rape and the most horrific violation of privacy that can be committed to an Autistic person.
It's not Erotica, it's absolute Horror. Sheer terror on the worst levels imaginable.
GhoulSpawn and The Lich Lord's Lover is the first time you see Quaraun having fully consensual, non-violent, loving sex with any one. It's the first volume t show a sex scene with him and GhoulSpawn.
Happy, loving, kind, consensual sex scenes are almost completely nonexistent in the Quaraun series. The only time you ever see Quaraun fully consenting to sex is with GhoulSpawn. GhoulSpawn is as gentle and delicate as Unicorn is viscous and violent.
While there are many sex scene with Unicorn, Unicorn is sadistic and takes great delight in sexual torture, which Quaraun never fully submits to and only allows because he doesn't feel he has a choice.
GhoulSpawn on the other hand is the lover, who became a lover after many years of a close friendship.
Quaraun has 4 wives over the course of the series. Only one of them he actually loves.
Quaraun's first wife is his sister, whom he was forced to marry, by his evil father. Both his sister and his fater are power hungry for the throne. His father's older brother is the king, but he himself has no children and had named his nephew (Quaraun) next to be king, which is the case of most of his father's animosity towards him, as he felt he should have been picked.
His father comes up with a plot to force Quaraun to marry his sister, then wait for a son to be born from that union. Quaraun's son would be the automatic heir. The plan was to once e fathered a son, then kill Quaraun.
However, Quaraun refused to marry his sister, and wen the marriage was forced on him, he refused to consummate the marriage, which his father cured by holding Quaraun down while his sister/first wife raped him. This rape scene takes place graphically on the page. This event is repeated over and over again until his sister/wife eventual gives birth to 4 children.
Knowing that his father and sister are plotting to kill him and with no one believing him or helping him, Quaraun ends up killing his father and sister/wife the night before they were going to kill him (part of this chapter is available to read online).
His second wife was a Human. A pregnant nurse who took care of him after he falls through a portal to the future and was beaten up by strangers. Days before he is released from the hospital, the nurse's abusive ex arrives and beats her up, killing her unborn baby. Quaraun takes the traumatized woman with him when he leaves the hospital and finds a portal back to his own time. He feels no love for her, but rather pities her, seeing how traumatized she is by the lose of her baby and now being stuck in the 1400s. In his mind the best way to fix the problem is to take her as his wife and replace the baby with another one. There is a 2 year period where he and Unicorn are separated and Quaraun is living with his Human wife and half-Elf daughter.
The sex scenes between Quaraun and his 2nd wife are consensual, but mild, vanilla, and infrequent and cease once she becomes pregnant, as he had no sexual attraction to her and his only goal was to give her a baby to replace the one that died. After the baby his a few months old, he leaves her and returns to Unicorn. He continues to visit her and the baby and provides her with a home, something which baffles Unicorn as Quaraun never tells Unicorn this is his wife and child. Unfortunately a war is going on in the region and the village is razed, the wife murdered and the baby kidnapped.
It is in this story (A Baby For The Necromancer) that Quaraun receives his crippling back, hip, leg, and knee injury that leaves him paralyzed for months, then crippled and on a cane for the rest of his life, and is in fact the eact same injury I have.
Quaraun spends decades in a fruitless search to find his daughter. Eventually he gives up hope and assumes she is dead.
The most brutal and graphic rape scenes of all are in Zebulon's Captive... the back cover blurb of which is follows:
=============
It was a beautiful sunny, summer morning, when Quaraun's world turned very, very dark.
With the three wizards, Quaraun, BoomFuzzy, and GhoulSpawn now living together at Black Tower, life has become peaceful and quiet. BoomFuzzy free to cook to his heart's content, GhoulSpawn lost in reading his books, and Quaraun tending his every growing rose garden...
One second everything was normal and then next, Quaraun vanished without a trace. Swallowed by a multi dimensional portal that swept away every Elf on the planet, from every where, all at once.
The Elves find themselves in the distant future, imprisoned by a madman named Zebulon. Slave trader. Zookeeper. Side show ring master. Elf breeder.
Quaraun, ever the peaceful non-violent hippie of an Elf, takes a complacent stance to the abuse he receives at the hands of the Humans, refusing to fight back or defend himself.
When Quaraun finds his missing half-Elf daughter, now an adult and being used as a breeder, repeatedly raped and tortured, his complacently wanes, given way to wrath unleashed on every Human he meets.
Leaving a bloody trail of bodies in his path, Quaraun takes his daughter and escapes, eventually finding his way back to his own time...
But time moves differently in different dimensions, and while for BoomFuzzy and GhoulSpawn only 7 days have gone by... each day here, was 10 years there for Quaraun, who has now aged by nearly a 100 years, is now married to his half-Elf daughter, and is no longer the gentle, peaceful, kind hearted, loving Elf they once knew.
=============
In Zebulon's Captive you see Quaraun (a rare breed of Elf) used as breeder, by viscous Human slave drivers who brutally punish him when he refused to breed with the female Elves. His already fragile mind is torn apart by being forced to rape young girls against his will. The discovery that one of the girls was his missing daughter shattered what little sanity the, now very ancient, Elf had left.
My Two Favorite People is the same story as "Zebulon's Captive"... This is the story told from BoomFuzzy's perspective and takes place at Black Tower...
=============
One second everything was normal and then next, Quaraun vanished without a trace. Swallowed by a multi dimensional portal that swept away every Elf on the planet, from every where, all at once.
At first assuming their friend was whisked away into a portal, BoomFuzzy and GhoulSpawn try desperately to find Quaraun, but when they discover every Elf on the planet has gone missing, they know dark magic is a foot.
For 7 frantic days they try to find out what happened, and then, as suddenly as he vanished, Quaraun returned... his face scared beyond recognition, his hands burned to the bone, and his tongue cut out.
But time moves differently in different dimensions, and while for BoomFuzzy and GhoulSpawn only 7 days have gone by... each day here, was 10 years there for Quaraun, who has now aged by nearly a 100 years, is now married to his half-Elf daughter, and is no longer the gentle, peaceful, kind hearted, loving Elf they once knew.
Now crippled beyond any ability to function on his own, Quaraun is cared for by a pregnant near-feral half-Elf who viciously defends him and refuses to let either BoomFuzzy or GhoulSpawn near him.
Unable to discover what has happened to their beloved Moon Elf, BoomFuzzy and GhoulSpawn call on the help of GhoulSpawn's future self to find out what happened.
The Gremlin has nothing good to tell them, when he reveals that they are now on a count down to the Battle of Ongadada, which is less the 9 months away, and happen the day Quaraun watches his pregnant wife and unborn baby die.
This is the story that introduces Quaraun as the Grand High Emperor of the Triple Planets, the evil, serial killing Necromancer who builds the blood thirsty, flesh eating, Twighlight Manor, and goes on to become the primary villain of The Twighlight Manor series.
===============
The Quaraun series is the prequal back story to the Twighlight Manor series that I had written in the 1970s. Quaraun is the unnamed Pink Necromancer of the Twighlight Manor series. The Quaraun series tells the story of how he became the evil Necromancer he would eventually become...
.... is becoming the viscous villain of the Twighlight Manor series, was a result of his finally saying enough was enough. He was sick of being bullied. Sick of being taken advantage of. Sick of people hurting hi. Sick of being raped over and over again. And when he finally fought back, he went on to punish every one in the galaxy by killing 30 billion people across 3 separate planets.... to ensure that there was no one left out there to rape him again.
Decades of bullies raping him over and over again, are what drove the quiet, gentle, kind hearted, peaceful, ever loving little Elf, to go on his vicious blood thirsty rampage in the Twighlight Manor series.
Rape is not erotic.
Rape hurts people.
Rape is a mean, terrible, ugly thing.
Rape destroys lives.
1 in every 5 people with Autism will be raped in their life time.
1 in every 3 Autistic people raped will be raped by a close family member by the time they are 8 years old.
1 in every 9 Autistic people will have been raped 20 or more times by the time they are 30 years old.
Readers often dub Quaraun as "the gay Elf wizard".
Many readers of the Quaraun series classify the series as "gay Erotica".
Quaraun is not gay.
Quaraun is with BoomFuzzy because BoomFuzzy raped him and then later felt guilt about it and tried to make up for it by becoming Quaraun's caretaker.
BoomFuzzy continues to sexually abuse Quaraun through out his entire life.
Quaraun does not have the mental ability to understand love and sex, and remained BoomFuzzy's lover in a twisted Stockhlm Syndrome relationship, of victim being loyal to his rapist.
Because Quaraun his Autistic, he lacks the ability to understand how to avoid situations, places, and people who will abuse and take advantage of him, resulting in he is frequently bullied, beaten, molested, and raped by strangers.
Throughout the entire series, GhoulSpawn is there, trying to convince Quaraun that BoomFuzzy is an abuser not a lover, but Quaraun is too confused to understand the difference between love and possessive sexual abuse.
Quaraun cried out in pain as the Phooka's long razor sharp talons dug deep into his chest, tearing at the flesh and clipping his rib bones. This sudden violence from his lover was unexpected and terrified that Elf as he knew the beast was no longer playing and was truly and dangerously angry.
"Unicorn, you're hurting me," Quaraun wailed. "Please stop. Please."
Quaraun began to struggle desperately against the Phooka, trying to break free of it's grasp, but Quaraun was smaller and weaker then the average Elf and Unicorn had the strength of ten strong and healthy Elves. A sudden panic that the monster was about to kill him, filled the frightened Elf's terrified mind, as he felt the creature's many rows of piranha like fangs sinking into his throat tearing away the flesh, causing the Elf's blood to bleed out profusely.
"Ya both gets excited over the other," Unicorn said.
Quaraun could sense a hurt, jealous tone in his voice.
"Unicorn, I'm not..." Quaraun started to say.
"Yes ya are. I has keen sense of smell. Ya scent change when ya is sexual aroused. And ya is sexually aroused every time him show up."
Unicorn pointed an accusing finger at GhoulSpawn.
"I haven't done anything," GhoulSpawn said, backing away.
"I did no says ya did. I'd know iffy ya had. I can tells ya every one ya has fucked. I can smell their scent lingering on ya. I can smell ya scent lingering on them. Ya like the bar maids quiet a lot. Ya spends more time with them then ya wants others to know. And ya like me Elf. Ya goes erect every time him nears ya."
"I like women..." GhoulSpawn started to say.
"And me Elf here likes being a woman. Him prettier then any female, dressed fancier then any peacock, and the men folk are always chasing after him not knowsing him got a pair o balls under that dress. Ya knows him a male and ya hasing erections over him any ways. Not many males do that. But ya does. And normally that would no bother me, 'cepting him is as horny over ya as ya is over hims. That I does no like."
"I should leave," GhoulSpawn said nervously.
"Don't," Quaraun said. "You're not doing anything. He's being jealous, that's his problem not your's."
"I don't want to cause a problem..."
"You're not. You don't have to leave."
"That does no help the issue, ya defending him."
"UNICORN! Can you stop being so damn possessive of me."
"Bubbidy, buddidi, boom, baboshkie."
"Unicorn..."
"Can ya stop having erections over him?"
Unicorn pointed to GhoulSpawn again.
"I'm no..."
"Ya is."
Unicorn grabbed hold of the Elf's dick through his dress. Quaraun yelped, chocking back a scream of pain, and quickly pushed Unicorn's hand away. The scars made Quaraun's penis overly sensitive to touch. Unicorn knew this and had intentionally yanked on the Elf much harder then was necessary. Quaraun blushed and turned away from GhoulSpawn.
"Unicorn, please don't do this."
"Fuck, damn it, fuck, frigging, fuck, suck balls! I am so tired of ya acting like a tramp!"
"Don't talk to me like that!" Quaraun screamed and raised his hand to slap Unicorn across the face.
Unicorn was faster and caught the Elf's hand, twisted is back behind him, and punched the Elf in the stomach. Quaraun doubled over in pain and sunk down to his knees whimpering.
"Ya fucking cock ass slut! How dare ya try to hit me! Dontcha dare ever raise ya voice to me again. Ya're mine remember. I own ya, not the other way around."
"Unicorn," Quaraun winced as he spoke, afraid the Phooka would hit him again. "I'm with you, alright? I'm not with him. I'm with you. Will you stop acting like a jealous bitch?"
"Jealous bitch? Yar the one prancing around like a half naked hussy, flaunting yarself in front of him like a dime a dozen whore!"
"I'm not flaunting myself for anybody," the frightened Elf whimpered. "I'm with you, Unicorn. I'm not trying to replace you. I know you've been cheated on before. But that's not me. I'm not cheating on you. I love you. I'm not with him. I'm not trying to be with him. I'm with you. Calm down. Please, calm down. There's nothing going on between me and GhoulSpawn. Okay?"
"I know there is nothing yet," Unicorn snarled as he continued to twist Quaraun's arm. "But ya acting like ya want there to be and I does nae like that. Ya belong to me and ya need to start acting like it."
"Please, Unicorn, you're hurting me."
"I'll do worse to ya if ya ever cheat on me."
"I know that. I'm not your first lover. I know what happened to the others. I'm not going to cheat on you."
"Ya cock was saying ya wanted to."
"I didn't do anything."
"Make sure ya does not."
Unicorn let go of Quaraun's arm. The Elf nursed his arm, but did not dare to stand back up. Blood was still oozing from the wounds in his neck, shoulder, and chest.
Unicorn turned into his true form, that of a shaggy black Shetland Pony with a gleaming silver horn. The little pony, snorted an angry whinny and then galloped out of the room. Screams could be heard from the dinning room below, as the enraged unicorn slaughtered the dinners with his horn. Quaraun sat on the floor, his back leaned against the bed and shook his head sadly.
"Is he killing people down there," GhoulSpawn asked.
"Yeah."
"Are you okay?"
"I'm fine."
"He could have killed you."
"I know, but he didn't."
"He's so violent."
"Yeah. He is. I don't think he realizes it, either. He doesn't seem to be aware, how much stronger he is then me. He's old and weak, so he doesn't think about it, because he knows he not strong anymore. The problem is, even a weak Phooka has strength beyond what a strong Elf can fight."
"He's a monster. You shouldn't be with him. You two aren't even sexually compatible."
"I love him."
"Why?"
"Does love need a reason?"
"He's an animal. You keep something like that for a pet, you don't let it mate with you."
~From "The Summoner of Darkness" (Volume 11 of The Quaraun series)
GhoulSpawn is himself frequently bullied, abused, and raped by BoomFuzzy, in a viscous lovers triangle, of BoomFuzzy deliberately tormenting GhoulSpawn to try to chase him away, and GhoulSpawn trying to rescue Quaraun from BoomFuzzy's obsessive dominance. Quaraun and GhoulSpawn eventually become lovers as a result of this, which triggers BoomFuzzy to become brutally violent to both of them, on several occasions beaten either of them close to death.
GhoulSpawn was on the ground, trying to shield his face from the blows, with his arms as Unicorn sat on top of the half-Elf punching him over and over again. Quaraun didn't know what to do. Unicorn was had many times his strength. Even he and GhoulSpawn together did not have half the strength of the undead Phooka.
Quaraun looked around wondering if there was anything he could use to help the half-Elf, but his attention was brought back to the fight when he heard GhoulSpawn's gurgled, chocking screams. Unicorn now had his hands clenched tight on the Sun Elf's throat, strangling him. The poor half-Elf was struggling desperately against the undead beast. Quaraun knew he had to do something to break them up before Unicorn killed GhoulSpawn.
"No! Please!" Quaraun cried as he scrambled to his feet and ran to Unicorn, grabbing hold of his shoulders and trying to pulling him off GhoulSpawn. "Please don't hurt him. Stop. Please stop. Please!"
Unicorn let go of GhoulSpawn, briefly. Long enough to swing around and punch Quaraun, knocking the Moon Elf to the ground.
GhoulSpawn was gasping and chocking, trying to breath, too dizzy to get away, before Unicorn pounced on him again, this time biting the half-Elf, sinking his fangs deep into GhoulSpawn's throat drawing blood.
"No!" Quaraun screamed. "Don't! Please don't!"
Quaraun knew the Vampire Lich would tear the half-Elf apart in seconds, if he didn't do something to stop the enraged undead creature. Quaraun's mind was reeling as he tried to think of what to do, how to stop the angry Phooka was eating his friend.
~From "GhoulSpawn and The Lich Lord's Lover" (Volume 22 of The Quaraun series)
The Quaraun series is not about a gay man's sexual journey...
The Quaraun series is about an Autistic man's struggle to survive in a world that if filled with depraved, bullies and abusers who hurt him over and over again.
Which is why I have said over and over again, the Quaraun series is Literary Slice of Life Fiction more then any other genre.
Throughout the Quaraun series you see multiple characters doing various Stereotypy, Tics, Stimming, and Punding.
Though it was not intentionally written into the story, readers have asked me if BoomFuzzy the Unicorn might possibly have Tourette syndrome and/or Bi-Polar Disorder. I do not know what Unicorn "has", as I never tried to make him "have" anything and therefore never researched anything for him to "have".
However, looking into this, it does appear I may have unintentionally written his as having both Tourette syndrome and/or Bi-Polar Disorder, as, as readers have pointed out, he does have a vast amount of symptoms of both. I bring it up here, because of one symptom he has which stands out far above and beyond the rest, and has been the source of many complaints by critics of the Quaraun series:
Yes, this is a very clear issue with BoomFuzzy the Unicorn and his over use of the words fuck, dick, penis, and every sexual explicative he can think of to say, for absolutely no reason at all other then to say them as much as possible, as often as possible, on every single page of every single novel. It is Unicorn's mouth that gives the series it's M-Rating more then for any other reason. When I designed him, I did so saying "He's from Biddeford, I have to make him talk like the rest of the 26,000 people who live in Biddeford". I actually was unaware this was a Stereotypy with an actual name, but it is.
My question now, is: Is it possible that all 26,000 residents of Biddeford, Maine suffer from Coprolalia?
"Oh go suck a dick, ya fucking shit head bastard," Unicorn snarled.
"You shouldn't talk like that," GhoulSpawn started to say.
"I can talks any damn way I wants ta. Kcuf! Kcuf! Kcuf! Kcuf! Kcuf! Kcid a kcus! Kcuf!"
GhoulSpawn stared at Unicorn and then turned to Quaraun.
"What did he just say?"
"Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, suck a dick, fuck. Backwards," Quaraun said without looking up from his embroidery. "At least he didn't say it in pig Latin."
"Oh."
Unicorn suddenly started screaming and running around the room.
"Ow! How in the frick! He got me in the dingle! Where am I going? I'm flying! Off geeese, suck a cock dick damn iting hell, god daming it! I thought that was Death coming straight for me. Arrrgh! arrgh! Arrgh! Oh god! suck a cock dick damn it me! Damn! Faster! Faster! Oh suck a cock dick damn iting suck a cock! suck a cock dick damn it! Santa's floating dead body! Blood! Murder! suck a cock dick damn it! suck a cock dick damn it! suck a cock dick damn it! suck a cock dick damn it! Suck a Nutter twinkies, suck a cock dick damn it!"
Quaraun looked up from his work for the first time and watched the manic Faerie being more manic then usual.
GhoulSpawn cowarded, looking for a place to hide.
"Are you sure you aren't both insane?" GhoulSpawn asked as he inched his way closer to Quaraun, without taking his eyes off Unicorn.
"No," Quaraun said. "Some times it feels like I'm normal, and he's the one who's insane."
Unicorn continued to run circles around the room screaming obscenities.
"Why is he doing that?"
"I'm not sure." Quaraun went back to his sewing. "I think he has inner rage and this is how he deals with it."
~From "The Summoner of Darkness" (Volume 11 of The Quaraun series)
But, back to Quaraun. Quaraun has Stereotypy, Tics, Stimming, and Punding going out the wazoo. He's doing one or the other constantly and has far too many variations of each to count.
Let's try to count a few of his most common Stereotypy, Tics, Stimming, and Pundings:
Someone with Autism has rituals they have to perform at certain times of the day. Rituals that must be done exactly every time, with no amount of change.
Quaraun has very long hair, In excess of 12 feet. Every morning, at the exact same time of every day, he very carefully lets his hair down and brushes it 100 times. It doesn't matter what is going on around him - thunder, lightening, war, pirates attacking the ship he's on - Quaraun will not stop brushing his hair until he has counted to a hundred strokes. And if you interrupt him and make him lose count, he starts over again.
While this is seen as a minor annoyance (by other characters) in almost every novel, this activity takes front and center stage in Captain Quick and the Pirate Ship Rent-A-Prize, when Quaraun is in the middle of his morning hair brushing ritual, as pirates attack the ship and take the crew hostage and much to the annoyance of the pirates, Quaraun refuses to allow himself to be taken hostage until after he has finished brushing his hair, which causes the pirates to realize Quaraun is close to being mentally retarded, which results in their singling him out from the rest of the crew to beat and rape him.
That night Quaraun sat on the edge of the bed and did nothing but brush his hair for hours on end. While he was sore, aching, beaten, and bruised, his injuries were not nearly as serious as Unicorn had thought they were. The men had pushed him on the floor, then kicked him in the chest, both knocking the wind out of him, and causing him to hit his head on the corner of the table. Quaraun now had a gash behind his pointed ear and was dizzy from loss of blood, but otherwise had no major injuries. Quaraun was, however suffering from various after shock anxiety attacks and his already normally nearly paranoid state was on edge worse then ever. For the past hour he had jumped at every sound, every creak of the ship, ever splash of a wave. He had started brushing his hair to try to relax himself, but it was not working and, after several hours of sitting on the bed awake all night, doing nothing but brushing his hair, Unicorn was starting to become irritated.
"Quaraun, will ya stop it?" Unicorn asked.
Quaraun gave no indication that he heard the Phooka and went right on brushing his hair.
Unicorn found it annoying enough that Quaraun brushed his mega long bum length hair for three hours every morning, but now, since the attack on the ship, he also brushed it every time he was upset, nervous, or in deep thought. Usually Unicorn ignored it because he could get Quaraun to stop by talking to him, but Unicorn had tried talking to Quaraun all night long and the Elf thus far had not heard a word the Phooka said and continued to stare aimlessly at the wall while brushing his hair. Unicorn asked Quaraun to stop brushing his hair, again, and again, but the Elf was so lost in his thoughts that he never heard Unicorn speak.
"I SAID STOP IT!"
Unicorn grabbed the brush, and smacked the Elf across the face with it, hitting him so hard that he fell off the bed, landing hard on the floor. Unicorn threw the brush across the room and Quaraun sat on the floor, too stunned to move. Unicorn had never hit him like that before. Not out of anger. Unicorn often pushed Quaraun around, but usually he was doing it teasingly and not trying to hurt him.
Quaraun, drew his knees up close to his chest, and huddled against the wall hugging himself and rocking back and forth. The Elf trembled in terror as his breathing became erratic. Unicorn watched him for several minutes, before climbing down to the floor to join the Elf.
"I is sorry," Unicorn said quietly.
"You hit me."
"I know. I is sorry. I did no mean to."
"You hit me."
Tears streamed down the Elf's checks. Unicorn pulled him close and hugged him.
"Tis alright," Unicorn whispered.
"They raped me."
"I know."
"I hate being touched."
"I know ya does."
"They'll come back," the Elf wailed. He was unaware that their attackers were dead.
"I will no let them."
"I hate being touched."
"Tis alright. Ya safe now."
~From "Captain Quirk and The Pirate Ship Rent-A-Prize" (Volume 12 of The Quaraun series)
In nearly every novel, you also see, Quaraun's daily ritual of unpacking his bag of holding, then unpacking the boxes in the bag, one box in particular becoming his focus. The large wooden box is filled with dozens of tiny hand blow glass bottles, each a bright vibrant colour.
Every night before bed, Quaraun unpacks the box, carefully lining up the bottles in rainbow order (red, orange, yellow, green, blue, purple, pink), lining them up along the floor for no particular reason at all, then carefully putting them back in the box.
The group had stopped for the night and as usual, Quaraun was busy emptying his bag of holding on the ground and lining up it's contents in a row.
"Quaraun," BeaLuna said to the Elf. "We need the tent."
"Okay," Quaraun said, while opening his box of tiny vials and making no attempt to get the tent out of his bag.
BeaLuna helped Bullgaar lay out the bedrolls, while Unicorn watched and did absolutely nothing to help them set up camp.
Several minutes passed.
"Quaraun," BeaLuna said. "You didn't get out the tent yet."
"I know."
"I know you know. Why didn't you do it?"
"I'm busy."
"Busy? Busy? BUSY! You call THIS busy? You're not doing anything!"
"I'm counting."
"You do this every night, Quaraun."
"I know."
"It's getting dark. I'm tired. I want to go to bed. We need the tent set up."
"In a minute."
"Your 'in a minutes' go on for hours. Just put the damned tent up, you can do this after."
"I'm almost done."
"No you're not. You'll be doing this for hours. Put the tent up, so we can get some sleep. You can do this later."
"No. I have to do it now."
"No you don't. The tent has to go up now. This can wait."
"I have to make sure they're all here."
"How could any of them not be there. You have them in a box in a box in a bag, tied to your belt, that you never let out of your sight. There's no way anything could be missing."
"I can't lose any of them."
"Quaraun, stop it."
"No."
"Quaraun, you don't have to do this."
"Yes. I do."
"Why?"
"I don't know."
"You don't know?"
"No."
"Then why are you doing it?"
"I have to."
"Quaraun. Stop."
The Elf continued lining the bottles up, very carefully making sure the line was straight, and fussing over any bottle not in perfect alignment to the one beside it.
"Quaraun. This is getting ridiculous."
The Elf was no longer listening to her. He was now working on a row of heart shaped bottles, beside the row of star shaped bottles.
"Are you listening to me?" The Gnome yelled.
Quaraun said nothing. He was preoccupied with his work.
"Leave de twit alone, BeaLuna," Unicorn said. "Him is nay hurting not'ing."
"He's driving me crazy."
"Well, join da club."
"If you hadn't noticed, he's been doing that every single damned night."
"I had noted. I does nay see da problem. Him no hurting not'ing."
"Do you have any idea how much time we lose each day, waiting for him to be an idiot?"
"It not likes we gots no place we needs ta be."
"He spends two hours every morning with his hair."
"Have ya seen how long hims hair is?"
"He could try being sane and cutting it like a normal person would do."
"Him has superstitions 'bouts hims hair."
"He hasn't cut his hair in 300 years."
"I knows it."
"He spends two hours every night lining up those damned bottles."
"Again, him not bot'ering no one."
BeaLuna glared at Quaraun, who was now working on a row of round, globe shaped bottles.
"WILL YOU STOP IT!"
BeaLuna grabbed the box and pushed it and the bottles off to the side, knocking every one of them out of order.
Quaraun sat, dumb founded, staring at the mixed up pile of bottles on the ground. The whole group fell silent, watching Quaraun and waiting to see how he would react, expecting him to start screaming at any moment, knowing that such an interruption usually resulted in a temper tantrum, but he continued to stare silently at the bottles. He didn't move. Every muscle was rigid and stiff. His hands began to tremble.
"I think you broke him," Bullgaar said.
~From "The Journey Begins" (Volume 4 of The Quaraun series)
Wikipedia has the following to say about Punding:
Punding activity is characterized by compulsive fascination with and performance of repetitive, mechanical tasks, such as assembling and disassembling, collecting, or sorting household objects. For example, punding may consist of activities such as:
People engaging in punding find immersion in such activities comforting, even when it serves no purpose, and generally find it very frustrating to be diverted from them. They are not generally aware that there is a compulsive element, but will continue even when they have good reason to stop. Rylander describes a burglar who started punding, and could not stop, even though he was suffering from an increasing apprehension of being caught. Interrupting can lead to various responses, including violent rage.
Punding is something that I myself do at levels described by people who know me personally as "astounding". They are often referencing the fact that I own 300,000 books and frequently remove them all from their shelves for no reason at all, other then to put them back on the shelves once the shelves are empty. I also own several hundred boxes of Crayola Big Box Crayons, and on a near weekly basis, dump the several thousands of crayons on the floor to line them up end to end in rainbow order.
Before the bomb blew up my house October 18, 2006, I had bum length hair (which was burned off by the resulting fire caused by the bomb) and spent hours each day brushing my hair endlessly.
If you've ever watched my YouTube videos you will frequently see the stimming in action, as I keep on my desk, a "fruit bowl" filled with marbles, pebbles, squishies, glitter tubes, stress balls, beanie babies, and other assorted things, which you often see me squeezing and tossing from one hand to the other. I do this 24 hours a day, none stop. In public places where such activities are frowned up, you see me carrying a "tactile" purse, which has fur on one side, and movable color change sequins on the other, with my hand constantly rubbing the fur and sequins.
If you ever paid attention to my cloths, you'll notice I wear highly tactile dresses covered in beads, sequins, and embroidery, which my fingers are constantly tracing and rubbing over. It is for this tactile reason that I wear elaborate ball gowns, and it is for this same reason I have Quaraun doing the same thing in the novels.
Nearly every act of Stereotypy, Tics, Stimming, and Punding you see Quaraun doing in the novels, is in fact a thing I do myself in real life and was the reason those where the things chosen to be done by Quaraun, as they are the ones I knew how to write. Basically it's me writing what I know, but writing my character doing what I do.
Quaraun has Schizo-Effective Personality Disorder, which is similar too, but is not Schizophrenia, or possibly Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.
Both Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and SchizoEffective Personality Disorder is an anxiety disorders. A person with either PTSD or SEPD has a high need for a safe zone, where they can go to crash when stress levels get too high.
A person with PTSD or SEPD finds everything terrifying. They suffer from high anxiety levels and have a heightened flight response. Often accompanied by abnormally high heart rate and abnormally low blood pressure someone with PTSD or SEPD is prone to fainting spells, dizzy spells, headaches, and panic attacks.
Basically there are a million and one phobias out there to frighten a person and someone with PTSD or SEPD has every one of them.
A person with PTSD or SEPD is constantly listening for danger, constantly looking in all directions for any sign of movement, they hear every sound, see every shadow, and are ready to run at a moments notice.
It is for this reason you see Quaraun, always nervous, always twitching his ears, his eyes always darting to and fro, and him jumping nervously and fainting at every sound.
Quaraun suddenly stopped walking. Unicorn slammed into him.
"I wish ya would no stops like that. Give me some warning before ya do that."
"I heard something," Quaraun said nervously.
The Elf's eyes grew wide with fear, his long pointed ears pricked high and alert.
"Ya always hearing t'ings. Ya can hear a mile away wid those rabbit ears o'yars."
"No. I heard something."
"There ain't no t'ing out there."
"There's always something out there."
"Aye. Frogs in trees. Birds in the water. Fish in the sky. There always be t'ings out there. We does no have to panic over every one of them, eh?"
"Yes we do."
"No we do'na."
"There's dangers around every corner."
"Aye. Un scared rabbity Elves waiting to runs from every one of dems."
Like Autism, Stereotypy, Tics, Stimming, and Punding, I chose to give Quaraun Schizo-Effective Personality Disorder because I myself have it and know what it is like to live with it.
Like Autism, I have done no research into the disorder itself and simply write Quaraun doing the exact same things I do.
Readers have pointed out that what Quaraun does bears more resemblance of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder then Schizo-Effective Personality Disorder.
Well, if that is the case then you will have to take that up with my doctor. (Need her contact information? Here you go, here it is: Patty Blanchenship 207-282-3349) In the past 10 years I have had 4 different doctors (the change being due to doctors moving out of state; I have never willingly changed doctors.)
The first one diagnosed me as: Autistic Savant, with OCD Tendencies, as well as Schizo-Effective Personality Disorder and/or Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.
The next one dropped the Schizo-Effective Personality Disorder and said it was Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, he also laughed and said "that guy was a quack, any psychologist knows this is Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. You can't get Schizo-Effective Personality Disorder from stress, what was he thinking? You get Post Traumatic Stress Disorder from stress, thus the name STRESS DISORDER."
The 3rd one dropped both the Schizo-Effective Personality Disorder and the Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and replaced them with "high anxiety caused by abnormal harassment from locals in the neighborhood"
The 4th and current doctor changed that last part to: "Schizo-Effective Personality Disorder caused by stress from shooter in driveway, kidnapped cats, bomb in house, cat heads nailed to door, and 19 years of being harassed by a stalker."
The first part: Autistic Savant, with OCD Tendencies has remained the same throughout.
It should be pointed out that the original diagnosis from the 1970s by my pediatrician (when I was 8 years old) said: Autistic Savant, with OCD Tendencies and did not include the extra part.
Interestingly Schizo-Effective Personality Disorder is something you are born with, you do not developed it over time and this diagnosis was not added until I was 42 years AND it was added by a doctor who talked to me for under 15 minutes, whom never saw me before that time and never saw me again after that one 15 minute meeting. This is the same doctor who also diagnosed me as "A Feral Child Raised By Cats" and then when on to conclude that both of my parents, a dozen of my aunts and uncles, and 200 of my cousins had "Schizophrenia" (something he said in court to a judge... he claimed to have spoken to each of these relatives in some 200+ 15 minute sessions). When told we were Gypsies, he also stated that "Gypsies are mythical creatures that do not exist".
I have since learned that he was a "psychologist in training" and lost his practice the year following that court case (which was a battle between the Scottish Travelers and the Scottish Gypsies and to this day I do not know, what the court case was about, or why every member of the clan - even those of us not involved in the court case - were required to have 15 minute meetings with this doctor.) All I know is my mother was the defendant, I don't know who the plaintiff was and never knew what the case was about.
Interestingly the current doctor said in 2017 "Schizo-Effective Personality Disorder caused by stress from a stalker" and when I researched to find out what that even meant, I found that you CAN NOT get Schizo-Effective Personality Disorder as it is something you are born with, it can NOT be caused by stress.
However, I did not have this prior to the bomb that blew up my house October 18, 2006 or the church mob that cut my car in half May 10, 2010, or the back hoe that drove over my house August 8, 2013, or the 4-door white truck driver who beat me up and left me paralyzed 5 months and crippled the rest of my life and doctors debate as to if my diagnosis of Schizo-Effective Personality Disorder (something one is typically born with, and something I did not have symptoms of prior to the multiple murder attempts on my life by the as yet unidentified stalker) may in fact be Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, that simply has a heightened 24 hour anxiety that never shuts down, rather then is trigger by stimuli.
So, which doctor is correct?
Is it Schizo-Effective Personality Disorder or the Post Traumatic Stress Disorder?
Well, readers of the Quaraun series tell me that his symptoms (which are my symptoms as I experience them, put on the page) are Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and not Schizo-Effective Personality Disorder.
If you think these are symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and not Schizo-Effective Personality Disorder, then, go tell my doctor that, because, I only gave Quaraun the same diagnosis my doctor gave me.
What are the symptoms?
Those are the symptoms.
Is it Schizo-Effective Personality Disorder or Post Traumatic Stress Disorder?
Doctors can not agree, and the readers of the Quaraun series say overwhelmingly that is it Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.
Autism is not a mental illness.
A mental illness is something you are NOT born with.
Autism is something you are born with.
OCD and PTSD on the other hand are both mental illnesses.
No one is born with OCD or PTSD. Both OCD and PTSD are caused by suffering from extreme traumatic stress.
OCD is most often caused by being raised in a violent, uncaring, unloving household. Yes, if you have OCD, it probably is your parents fault. OCD arises in people who can no longer trust the people nature intended us to trust (parents, aunts, uncles, siblings, cousins, grand parents, spouses.) OCD is a side effect of having lost trust in someone you previously deeply trusted.
OCD is also caused by the traumatic and sudden, unexpected death of a loved one whom you were very close too.
OCD is your brain, hyper over compensating to keep your body safe from things that normally wouldn't harm you (washing your hands for example: normally a person washes their hands quickly and without thought and this is enough to remove germs; someone with OCD however may wash their hands dozens of times in a row, scrubbing with a brush till they remove their skin, in a bizarre attempt to remove germs that are not there to begin with, with the brain thinking some illogical thought along the lines of: mommy doesn't love me, mommy should have loved me, therefore germs want to kill me, I have to remove every germ.)
PTSD is caused by suffering traumatic bodily harm, such as being raped or shot. It is triggered by coming into contact with hings that were around you at the time of the event. (For example, a stranger walking by, is wearing the same aftershave the rapist wore or the colour of the sunset is the same as it was at the time you were attacked.) PTSD is your brain on hyper alert, expecting the attack to repeat itself at any moment.
Both OCD and PTSD are mental illnesses that are caused by physical harm being done to your body and your brain trying to protect you. Both OCD and PTSD can go away with time, but it requires many years of being in a safe environment, surrounded by safe non-volital people, with no one hurting you during that time.
Even if one is cured of OCD or PTSD, either can return, if you are traumatically injured again. OCD, if you are once again injured by someone you trust, PTSD if you are once again harmed by a stranger.
Someone who has BOTH OCD and PSTD, has been hurt by people they trusted AND strangers, and has no one they can turn to for emotional support, and rarely is able to form new relationships as a result of losing the ability to trust either friend, family, or stranger.
As a child, teen, and young adult I was overly relaxed (typical of Savant Autism) and had completely zero anxiety or other emotional response to anything at all. It was not until in my 40s, after being paralyzed for 5 months and spending 18 months relearning to walk, that I began to display the current, 24 hours keyed up, none stop, never turned off extreme paranoid anxiety levels that I now have.
So, whatever it is, Schizo-Effective Personality Disorder or Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, the symptoms listed above, that's what Quaraun has, though doctors are having trouble deciding if it is Schizo-Effective Personality Disorder or Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.
Quaraun suffers from Thullid Infestation, and this is what causes the bulk of his "insanity" issues.
Quaraun has a demonic, alien jelly fish from outer space living inside his brain, after she burrowed a hole in his skull to get there. Quaraun is slowly going insane, in a madness similar to mad cow disease, caused by the holes the tiny parasitic jellyfish is eating in his brain tissue.
Because I could not find a real illness matching what I wanted for use with Quaraun, I created the Thullid Infestation, based of combining the actions of the Naegleria fowleri and the symptoms of bovine spongiform encephalopathy (mad cow disease) with Kuru, a transmissible spongiform encephalopathy.
Quaraun in turn suffers the very real side effects of someone suffering from these 3 brain disorders.
The Naegleria fowleri, also known as the "brain-eating amoeba" is a tiny water creature, that can in fact swim up your nose, attach itself to your brain, and slowly cause insanity by eating your brain tissue.
Unfortunately, the creature kills you with in 2 to 3 weeks of infestation, long before you succumb to the insanity it would otherwise cause.
While the real Naegleria fowleri takes 2 to 3 weeks to kill a person, the Thullid jelly fish of the Quaraun series takes 2 to 3 years to do the same.
The person knows completely what is happening to them, but there is no cure, no way to remove the parasite from the brain. It is said in all the realms there is no worse way to die then by Thullid Infestation.
Once the Thullid has killed it's host, it then takes over the body, reanimating it, and living inside of it, much the same way a Hermit Crab takes the shell of a dead snail.
The most frightening part of this, is those around you, have no idea you have died and the Thullid now pretends to be you. It has spent those 1st 2 or 3 years learning to mimic your speech and habits and slowly growing it's tentacles into your spine and nerves, completely taking over your body.
In the case of both Quaraun and GhoulSpawn, neither Elf was fully sane to begin with and the brains of both Elves were physically damaged by their captors during implantation. More importantly, in both cases the larvae being implanted in them, were each also physically damaged.
With each Elf suffering brain damage and each parasite suffering body damage, the end result of in each case the Thullid infestation process was not completed, resulting in both Elves retaining portions of their brain function, even after their bodies had died.
While most Thullids eventually fully engulf the body, developing the giant squid-like head, both Quaraun an GhoulSpawn are mutations, which retained their jelly fish larval state and therefore never lost their physical Elven bodies. Unfortunately this had physical side effects of what is known as actual clinical insanity.
Some important things to consider:
If you asked someone "What makes a person insane?" in most cases you will get a variety of answers involving stuff to do with clothing style, way they clean house, how they act personality wise, types of things they own (car, house, etc), their sexuality, and over all, but the fact that they do things different then you do. In the medical field, those are all things that make a person "different than you" but not "insane".
What in the medical field today, constitutes a diagnoses of being truly and clinically insane?
To be considered clinically and medically insane a person must be diagnosed as having any one of numerous disease classified as: neurodegenerative diseases.
Neurodegenerative diseases and injuries which are currently listed in medical journals as being "types of insanity" include:
Yes, all of the diseases above are the true and medical definitions of the diagnoses of "being insane".
As you can see, what the medical world considers to be "insanity" and what the movie industry considers insanity are two vastly different things.
Were you surprised by any of the things on that list?
Were you surprised by any of the things NOT on that list?
Were you surprised to learn that several of your friends and family, whom you think of as being "perfectly sane" have illnesses listed on this list?
What few people fail to realize is that being insane, quite literally means "having a lose of control of brain function".
Also please note that the word "insane" or "insanity" is considered derogatory and is no longer used by doctors as of 1994.
In any case, with Quaraun, we knew he had a specific problem causes his lose of control of brain function: a parasite had burrowed into his brain and was eating holes in it. Meaning that of the illnesses listed above, there was a need to look for ones that specifically caused small holes in the brain, in order to find one similar to what was wrong with Quaraun, in order to determine which of the symptoms he would likely be displaying.
Which is why I chose two such illnesses to build Quaraun's symptoms upon:
and
According to Wikipedia:
Spongiform encephalopathies are a group of diseases that affect humans and animals. They are characterized by spongy degeneration of the brain, with severe neurological signs and symptoms.
Transmissible spongiform encephalopathies, also known as prion diseases, are a group of progressive, invariably fatal, conditions that affect the brain and nervous system of many animals, including humans. According to the most widespread hypothesis, they are transmitted by prions, though some other data suggest an involvement of a Spiroplasma infection. Mental and physical abilities deteriorate and myriad tiny holes appear in the cortex causing it to appear like a sponge when brain tissue obtained at autopsy is examined under a microscope. The disorders cause impairment of brain function, including memory changes, personality changes and problems with movement that worsen chronically.
All of the diseases in the yellow list above share common symptoms, caused by deterioration of brain cells. Contrary to popular urban myths, symptoms of actual clinical insanity are not what most people think they are, and include:
These ACTUAL symptoms of clinical insanity, do not mesh well with the knife wielding psychopaths of horror movies, now do they?
As you can see, what the medical world considers to be "insanity" and what the movie industry considers insanity are two vastly different things.
Of the symptoms on that list, I chose very specifically the ones which are displayed by a person suffering from:
You see both Quaraun, and in later stories also GhoulSpawn who likewise becomes infected, doing the things on this list, because both of them have suffered from brain damage, which has resulted in numerous small sponge like holes in their brains, causing cerebral fluid to leak into places it doesn't belong, which gives the parasitic Thullid the warm, wet, protected place it needs to live, but also results in the host going insane.
Some one who is truly clinically insane, by the actual medical definition of the word, suffers from limited mobility, walks with a gait, requires a cane or in more severe cases a wheelchair in order to get around, numbness, itchiness, joint pains... ect, because their brain is no longer sending the proper signals to their nerves and muscles.
And this is why you see both Quaraun and in later novels also GhoulSpawn, walking with a cane. Tripping and falling frequently. Slurring their words. Having trouble getting words out when they speak. Stuttering. Forgetting what they were saying mid sentence.And doing all the other thing on that list...
...because Quaraun is insane by the actual, clinical, medical definition of the word.
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