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November 14, 2023 will be the 10 year anniversary of the November 14, 2013 murder of my 8 month old infant son, at BugLight Lighthouse Art Studio of Southern Maine Community College in South Portland, Maine. If you have any information about who his killer is, please call FBI Agent Andy Drewer at 207-774-9322
My Son Was Murdered, The Killer Walks Free, Your Child Could Be Next!
FAQ: What are the most visited pages on this website and how many visits do they get?
Several years ago, I wrote an article on how to write different types of magic uses, or rather how I personally write various types of magic users within the context of my Quaraun books. Today that page is one of my top ten most visited articles. It gets 50 to 500 views/reads/hits/visits per day depending on the time of the years and has had over 200k visits total since it was published.
Amphibious Aliens: Debunking The Atwater Family's Alien Abduction Hoax with more then 30MILLION reads since 2007 and The GoldenEagle: Debunking Stephen King's World's Most Haunted Car Hoax with over tenMILLION reads since 2007 still rank as the two most visited articles on my website, but, neither of those are writing related.
Writing Medieval Servants is my most visited writing related article with over 7MILLION reads.
This website was started in 1996 and has 1 to 3 new articles (all written by me, I am the only writer on this site) published almost daily. In 2017 we crossed ten thousand articles published. As of 2023, EACH article gets MINIMUM 10 to 70 reads PER DAY, with the high traffic articles getting 500+ reads per day.
And since December 2019, my website now gets three hundred thousand to 7 million reads per month - well over ONE HUNDRED MILLION PAGE READS PER YEAR, making it not only the single most trafficked site in the State of Maine, but also one of the most visited websites in ALL OF NEW ENGLAND!
{{{HUGS}}} Thank you to all my readers for making this possible!
If you enjoyed this page, don't forget to share it on social media (share links in the hovering sidebar to the left) or place a link to it on your own blog or website. Here is a code you can use on your site, just change the all cap parts to match the page you are currently read:
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Yaoi is a Japanese word that means "Boy's In Love" and is often shortened to BoyLove or BL. Contrary to urban myths it is not a type of Erotica and actual Japanese Yaoi rarely contains sex.
The Yaoi most Americans are familiar with is "gay fluff slash fanfiction" written by American pre-teens for FanFiction.net. However, MOST of what these children write and INCORRECTLY call "Yaoi" is actually a completely different genre Shota.
What most Americans call "Yaoi" is rarely ever Yaoi and is usually in fact Shota. The reason for this is because Shota is illegal to publish in America, and Americans get around the law by miss labeling their Shota as Yaoi instead, resulting in the common confusion Americans have over what Yaoi is and what Yaoi is not.
While Shota is a type of Erotica, Yaoi is not. Most Yaoi in fact does not contain sex scenes and focuses instead on the drama of a gay couple's life. Shota on the other hand puts sex front and center and rarely has any story at all.
Bara Yaoi is a sub genre within Yaoi which features older characters in their 40s, 50s or older. The Quaraun series is Bara Yaoi, or as it is now called Classic Bara Yaoi.
Classic Bara Yaoi is different then New Bara Yaoi. Classic Bara has been around since the 1970s. New Bara showed up in the past year or so, and features "burly" or "overly masculine" men.
The Pink Necromancer Himself
The unfortunate thing is that most Americans who slap the Yaoi tag on their fanfiction have never even actually read real Japanese Yaoi and when they finally do, they are often shocked and horrified to find out that it is NOTHING like the gay fluff slash they were writing for Fanfiction.net.
Worse, they fail to realize that Yaoi is far more then a book genre, but that it is an actual lifestyle of real live gay men in Japan.
Usually you can tell real Yaoi from gay slash fluff, by the transvestite characters.
Wait... you say you never saw Yaoi with a transvestite character? Ah! That means you never saw Yaoi then, because, you kind of can't have Yaoi without a transvestite character.
Of course than ask the average American what a transvestite is and, they'll give 101 very different and very wrong answers.
Perhaps the best way to introduce an American to real live Yaoi is to just, show them real live, live action Yaoi, acted out by real live Uke Transvestites.
Here... have some live action Yaoi, acted out by men who are real live Japanese Twinkie Uke Transvestites and live the REAL Yaoi lifestyle...
Please note that as you watch these videos, you will not see one single solitary female in any of them.
Yes, every actor, every dancer, every singer, every musician, in every one of these videos, is a man, real live transvestites, proud of their maleness and use male pronouns...
These are ALL MEN...
Most average Americans have never seen a real live transvestite before and have no clue what they are or what they look like...
Here you go...
No, the books are not Erotica. They are Bizarro Dark Fantasy (a subgenre of Horror), featuring Yaoi characters (a gay couple/trio {a dom with 2 subs} living in a Seme-Uke-Uke relationship)
Most people who have read the series, say they compare it to "a very adult version of Terry Pratchett's Discworld". I'm not sure how accurate a description that is though, as I've never read any of Terry Pratchett's books and had not heard of Discworld prior to readers contacting me and saying they liked my books because Quaraun reminded them of some wizard in the Discworld series (I can't remember what they said his name was.)
The Quaraun series is at it's core is very Alice in H.P. Lovecraft's Wonderland Bizarro, told from the drug addled perspective of a hippie-like Elf on opium and LSD.
Anything can and does happen and the reader is left not knowing what is real and what is hallucinations, because the Elf himself can not tell.
It is grim, bloody Horror, set in a 1400s Epic Fantasy world, featuring 1970s hippies (yes, there's time travel in it).
In America there is no official book rating system. However some countries do have book rating systems and in order to sell your books in those countries it is required that the rating be clearly marked on the cover. Most American authors simply avoid selling their books in countries that require book ratings or make separate editions just for that country, thus you rarely see books sold in America, with ratings on them.
The Quaraun series is marketed mostly to a Japanese audience, with more then 80% of book sales being sold to Japan. Germany and Brazil make up the bulk of the remaining sales. Less then 5% of sales are from American readers. France and Italy make up most of the rest of the sales. Only a fraction of a % of the books sold are to the UK and Australia.
Because my primary audience are English Language readers living in Japan, my books are thus designed for the Japanese market, thus why the book rating and the distinctive pink cover art (in Japan it is sold as Pink Humour Yaoi and you will see it shelved squished between hundreds of other titles all with equally pink covers.)
Japan is one of the countries which requires books to have clearly marked ratings on the covers.
The Japanese book rating system is very similar to the American movie rating system, and goes like this:
E
May be suitable for readers or consumers of any age. For example, may contain mild language and fantasy violence but no swearing or nudity.
Equivalent to: Rated PG: Parental Guidance Suggested – some material may not be suitable for children. The violence in a PG rated film will not be intense. Profanity may be present in PG rated films.
T
May be suitable for early teens and older. For example, may contain violence, infrequent use of strong language, suggestive themes or situations, crude humor, alcohol and/or tobacco use.
Equivalent to: Rated PG-13: Parents Strongly Cautioned – some material may be inappropriate for children under 13. Use of one of the harsher "sexually-derived words" as an expletive will initially incur at least a PG-13 rating. There are several exceptional cases in which PG-13 rated films contain multiple occurrences of the word fuck: Adventures in Babysitting, where the word is used twice in the same scene;[30] The Hip Hop Project, which has seventeen uses;[31] Gunner Palace, a documentary of soldiers in the Second Gulf War, which has 42 uses of the word with two used sexually;[32] Bully, a 2011 documentary about bullying;[33] Philomena, released in November 2013, which has two uses of the word;[34] and The Martian, which also has two uses of the word.[35] Nudity is restricted to PG and above, and anything that constitutes more than brief nudity will require at least a PG-13 rating.
T16+
May be suitable for older teens and adults. For example, may contain intense and/or gory violence, sexual content, frequent strong language, alcohol, tobacco and/or other substance use.
Equivalent to: Rated R: Restricted – under 17 requires accompanying parent or adult guardian. Strong Brutal Violence, Pervasive Language, Some Strong Sexual Content, and Drug Material. Nudity that is sexually oriented will generally require an R rating.[As of 2010, the MPAA has added a descriptor of "male nudity" to films featuring said content.[40]
M18+
Suitable for adults only. May contain extreme violence, mature themes and graphic depictions.
Equivalent to: Rated NC-17: No one 17 and under admitted.
M21+
Suitable for adults only. Contains pornographic themes. Erotica. Hentai.
Equivalent to: Rated X: No one under 17 admitted. Pornography.
These links all go to off page sites and are not part of EelKat.com...
As you can see, books that are Erotica, have to be labled as M21+ to be sold in Japan. Were the Quaraun series Erotica, it would have the M21+ label not the M18+ label.
The Quaraun series is rated M18+ for:
For the most part the series is rated M18+ for excessive and explicit drug use and over use of the word "fuck".
Unicorn is from Biddeford, Maine. As such, there is a liberal use of the word fuck, which appears nearly every time Unicorn opens his mouth. One reader took the time to count how many times Unicorn said "fuck" and in one 300 page novel, Unicorn said "fuck", "fucking", or "fucked" in excess of 700 times.
The characters of the Quaraun series refer to Unicorn as "The Candy Maker". He is a drug dealer/chemist.
Quaraun is an opium addict.
GhoulSpawn is an LSD addict.
GhoulSpawn sometimes shares his LSD with Quaraun.
The series contains many accurate and inaccurate recipes and directions for how to make drugs.
Entire chapters are devoted to the High Elves doing nothing but sitting in a tavern or around a campfire, getting High, thus why other Elves refer to the High Elves as High Elves.
While traditional Fantasy novels explains High Elves as being called High because they are aristocrats, the Quaraun series explains the High Elves being called High, because they are hippies on drugs and they actually are High.
While some stories do contain graphic sex scenes on page, most contain instead sexual language, dick jokes, and a lot of cock blocking scenes of characters about to have sex but being interrupted before doing so.
For those wondering the type of sex:
For those wondering what gender each is:
Other things that are in the series that contribute to the rating include:
The Quaraun Series contains heavy use of the following:
These morbid novels do not have happy endings, and main character Quaraun's depression, suicidal nature, and drug use gets worse as the series progresses. If you are looking for cheerful, happy stories, these novels are not for you.
Most pages on EelKat.com are either sample chapters from these Dark Fantasy Yaoi novels or how-to advice and Q&As about writing Dark Fantasy Bizarro Yaoi,
...and thus many pages are probably NSFW.
Please be aware that this site is considered an "Adult Entertainment" website and by viewing it you agree that you are over the age of 18 years old.
Reader discretion of both the Quaraun novels and the pages of this website is advised.
Though he rarely has sex with them, Quaraun is often accompanied by prostitutes. Quaraun suffers from a "penial sub-incision" injury (his penis is severely mutilated and heavily scarred), which makes it difficult for him to comfortably have sexual intercourse with women (thus why he usually bottoms for other men.)
Quaraun is a wandering vagabond wizard, who rather the stay at an inn, prefers to spend the nights at whore-houses. He is of the habit of paying prostitutes (often 4 or 5 or more at a time) to sleep with him, but not have sex with him, as he has PTSD, is scared of the dark, and does not like sleeping alone.
Because of his injury, Quaraun usually introduces himself as a Eunuch, when paying prostitutes to spend the night with him, while at the same time requesting only to sleep with them and not have sex with them.
Quaraun is a transvestite. (A transvestite is a man who dresses/looks like a woman, but is not trying to be a woman, is perfectly content to have his penis, and still uses male pronouns; as opposed to a transsexual who is trying to become a woman and uses female pronouns). He is often mistaken for a prostitute, due to the slutty dresses he wears, and his habit of usually being in whorehouses. There are frequent rape scenes, with him often being gang raped by men who mistook him for a prostitute.
And thus you have an explanation of the sex (or more often the lack there of) in the Quaraun series.
The short of it is that if you are looking for sex, you'll have better luck finding more of it in Game of Thrones.
And if you can call the Quaraun series Erotica, then you must think Game of Throne is hard core Porn, and I pity the trauma to your poor brain should ever run across some tame mildly sexual Romance novel like 50 Shades of Gray, I can't even begin to imagine the shock you'll suffer if you ever do in fact cross paths with real actual Erotica like Cum for Bigfoot.
Fantasy |
Romance |
Erotica |
A Necromancer That Refuses To Be Evil
The Humans spent the week rejoicing in their triumph of having a Necromancer to lead them into battle, and poor Quaraun was terrified out of his mind, never having been in battle and spending most of his life avoiding any sort of confrontation with anyone. In spite of his many attempts to explain that Necromancers communicate with the dead, not resurrect them, the soldiers were too head strong in their own ideas to listen to the poor little Elf. “They does no listen to ya,” Unicorn said one day. “I know.” “Then why ya persist in telling them.” “Because they don't know what a Necromancer is. They think Necromancers resurrect the dead!” “But ya can restore life to the dead.” “Yes, but not because I'm a Necromancer. I am a pure blooded High Elf. Restoring life to dead things is part of what being a High Elf is. You know that.” “Aye, but they do'na.” “The ONLY Necromancers who are ever able to restore life to the dead are Elven Necromancers and only because they are Elves that they can do it. It has nothing to do with Necromancy at all. Necromancers simply talk to spirits and communicate with the dead from beyond the veil, but restoring life? All Elves can do that. We are the guardians of nature. Bringing life to the world is what we do. It has nothing to do with Necromancy.” “I t'ought ya was wanting to play along with them in their games till we get out of here.” “I do, but people are dying all around us and they are going to their deaths thinking I'll bring them back to life as powerful undead!” “It distressing ya ain't it?” “Yes. It's very distressing. I seek to save life, not take it. I want people to live, no matter much they don't deserve their life. Life is important.” “Then restoring life to their dead, should make ya happy.” “No. They want to use the dead to create more death. I can't have that on my head. So much death. And anger. They are so filled with anger and hate. Look at them, marching into battle to kill their fellow mankind. It is unbearable for me to watch. I want no part of this madness. The Humans are insane in their blood lust. What is wrong with them? Why are their hearts so cruel, so cold?” “They is Humans. They has not enough brain to know better.” Quaraun got up and wandered from the camp. Unicorn followed and their guards went with them. “Look what they've done to the moon. Look at the field. So much blood, drowning the plants.” Quaraun knelt down, grasping the tall dead blades of grass in his fists. The grass turned green in his touch, the greenness spreading to the blades all around, until many feet of the grass was once again lush and green with daisies nodding in the breeze.
“My purpose is the bring life to the world. Not death. They want me to abuse my gifts, to help them spread this nightmare that is death across the land. I can't do that. What am I gonna do?” Three Bumbling Wizards Arguing About Their Sex Lives
"How did I get here?" GhoulSpawn asked. "I don't know, GhoulSpawn. I never know. I wish I did. Then I could find a way to stop you from coming." "As long as ya does no stop yaself from cumming," Unicorn said. Quaraun glared at him. "Can you get sex off your brain for five damned seconds" "No. I can'na...Oh wait. Let's see? One. Two. Three. Four...nope. Can'na make it to five without thinking how much I wants to squeeze that creamy white goodness out of those luscious ripe cherries ya gots swinging between ya legs." Quaraun was about to scream at the horny Phooka, but the irritating Half-Elf interrupted him. "You didn't wish me here did you, Quaraun?" GhoulSpawn asked. "God, I hope not." Quaraun tried to think of what he'd been saying moments before GhoulSpawn dropped out of the sky. Quaraun was a Di'Jinn Wizard and able to make wishes come true, except, they never came true properly and often resulted in GhoulSpawn dropping out of the sky and landing on him. "Unicorn, did I wish for anything that could have brought him here?" "How I to know? I not bumbling wizard with no control over me wish granting powers. I is bumbling wizard with no control over me lust for squeezing ya wee squishy little kiwis." “Keep your hands off me.” Quaraun slapped the Phooka. “Do you ever listen to anything I say?” "Nope. Ya say all kinds of stuff. Yip, yap, yip, yap, yip, yap. I never listen. I just stand around waiting for ya to shut up long enough for me to fuck ya." Quaraun turned to Unicorn. "What did I say, just before GhoulSpawn arrived?" "I knows not. Ya says all kinds of stuff. Ya goes blah, blah, blah and I goes la, la, la. I never listen. I too busy lusting for ya perfectly formed apricots." Quaraun glared at the Phooka angrily. "What? Ya knows I got brain like Golden Retriever. In one ear, out the other, me no hear word of any of it, cause I too busy chasing me tail and sniffing ya wee little ass." Unicorn promptly turned into a Golden Retriever and ran around in circles chasing his tail, until he got dizzy and fell over. The dog lay on the ground panting for a few minutes waiting for his head to stop spinning, then jumped up and chased his tail the other direction until he got dizzy and fell down again. Quaraun and GhoulSpawn continued talking and ignoring the Phooka, until, the Golden Retriever lept up onto Quaraun and started humping him. “STOP THAT!” The Elf yelled. The dog ran off barking. "Still bedding the Phooka I see?" GhoulSpawn said to Quaraun. "Yes. Not that it's any of your business." "Well, no it's not my business, but you are one of those snooty aristocratic higher then every body else, High Elves that lives in mortal fear of making mud blood half breed babies and yet you're going around with non-Elves. If you ain't careful, Quaraun, one of these days you're gone end up making one of them half-Elf heathens you hate so much." "Admitting you're a Heathen, GhoulSpawn?" "No, just proving my point that you hate us half-Elves." "Yes. I absolutely despise you half-Elves.” “Then why are you getting laid up with non Elves?” “I'm a male, he's a male, we aren't making babies." "That's a Phooka, Quaraun. He could turn into a female while you two are going at it and you'd be too lost in the ecstasy to stop yourself from filling his womb with all that fertile half-Elf making baby batter of yours. He could turn into a female dog while your in him and you'll end up the father of half-Elf puppies. God! Where did I come up with that! WHY did I come up with that! What the hell is wrong with me, I've been hanging around you two too long. Half Elf puppies! I wonder what that would look like?" "Oh," Unicorn squealed. He turned back into his Humanoid form. "I should does do that to him." "Don't you dare!" Quaraun yelled at Unicorn, than turned to GhoulSpawn and added, "Stop putting ideas in his head. He comes up with enough on his own. And I don't fuck him. He fucks me." "Does no stop ya from shooting ya cum all over me." "I..." "Of course then I would be pregnant male. I wonders how that would work. Where would baby come out of?" Unicorn lifted up his robes and began examining himself. "Would has to come out of ass or dick. Neither one big enough for baby come out of, eh?" "Unicorn..." Quaraun said. "Aye?" "Put your clothes back on. You're a male, I'm not getting you pregnant." "What if I gets ya preggies then, eh?" "Unicorn!” “What?” “I'm male?" "Aye. But we is three bumbling wizards and we bumble more then usual when all threes of is together all at once like this, eh? On top of that, ya has wee little bit of drinking problem. Ya cast weird spells when ya drunk and does no remembers ya did it when ya wakes up next day.” “I don't have a drinking problem.” “Oh of course not, that be why ya goes looking for taverns first thing whenever we find a village, eh?” “In case you haven't noticed, we haven't seen a tavern in weeks.” “Only because there ain't none around.” “I don't have a drinking problem.” “Ya drinks like damned fish.” “I used to, yes, but I don't any more. You drink more then I do.” “And yis drug addict.” “Oh yeah, and wonder whose fault that is?” “Ya can'na lay off the poppies.” “Unicorn! I don't take drugs. I just have a damned Faerie chef who won't stop drugging my food.” “Ya should watch ya food better.” “You should stop drugging me!” “Ah, but then why ya does eat me food iffy ya knows I put me candy in it?” “I need to learn to cook.” “Ya go down one of ya loony tune, fruit loop rabbit hole trips and anything can happen when yis hallucinating out of ya bonny mind while waving that crazy rainbow wand of yas around. And ya be Di'Jinn who gots no clue how to grant wishes properly. Ya be Di'Jinn who make weird things happen when yis dunk and hallucinating at same time and start granting ye own wishes. Ya already zapped us here into future earth where black hating Humans is shooting cannons at each other. And ya keep making GhoulSpawn drop out of the sky on us for crying out loud! Ya knows what his warped brain be like. Now him has ya thinking about males having ya wee little half-Elf puppies. Next time ya get drunk and high, ya'll be wishing for babies and I'll be pregnant. Must has to plan for things like that around insane wizards ya know." "GhoulSpawn did just drop out of the sky again, didn't he?" Quaraun said to himself. Quaraun turned to Unicorn. "What did you put in my drink?" "Nothing! Yet. I swear. I has no poisoned ya all day. Saving it for tonight sos I can fuck ya. Yes?" "Great." "Why are you still with the sex crazed Unicorn?" GhoulSpawn asked. "Apparently I like being drugged, chained to trees, having a horn rammed up my dick, then raped by horse, and not be able to remember it happened in the morning." "Yeah, I... I don't think wanted to know that. You have the strangest sex life." "JUST my sex life is strange?" "Uhm..." GhoulSpawn looked up at the sky. "Noooo. No, your whole life is strange." "Looking for goldfish?" "What?" GhoulSpawn practically jumped out of his skin at the mention of goldfish. "Where? Yes. No. There aren't any around here are there?" Quaraun pulled out his Rainbow Wand. "I hope not." "They could be anywhere." GhoulSpawn began looking at bushes expecting bloodthirsty Elf eating goldfish to jump out at him. "I should turn meself into a goldfish un start chasing the two of ya. Bet I could make ya both run right off a cliff." “Don't you dare.” “Why not? Twould be fun.” “I'll go on a hunger strike. I'm an Elf. I can go weeks without food. You're a sex addicted Phooka, you can't even go few hours without sex. I'll refuse to eat your drugged food. And as long as I'm sober you won't be able to fuck me while you're a horse, because you know I won't let you. I know that's what you do to me every night. I know that's why you drug me. I know that's why you keep me drunk. I know you intend to drug me tonight and fuck me while you're a horse.” |
A Trio of Bumbling Wizards Bantering Out ConspiraciesEvery day Quaraun became more and more paranoid that the world was about to end, and frantically fretted over the lack of animal life. Other then this, nothing happened. Is wasn't until a week after their escape from the soldiers that something finally happened to break up the monotony of nothing happening at all, and allowing Quaraun to think about something other then morbid thoughts of impending doom. They were walking down a little used dirt path when a BOOM sounded in the sky above them, followed by a bight flash of light. “A portal just opened up...” Quaraun started to say. "Aarrrrrrrgh!" A familiar voice came screaming down from the clouds. THUD. "Owww" Quaraun stopped walking. "Unicorn, tell me that wasn't GhoulSpawn falling out of the sky again." Unicorn looked back behind them at the phosphorescent Sun Elf laying sprawled on his back on the ground in the middle of the road. "That was'na GhoulSpawn falling out o sky again." Quaraun glared at Unicorn, then spun around to see the half-Elf with long unnaturally neon day glow yellow hair, getting up, brushing his green velvet robes off and looking around with a dazed look on his face. For a few moments he stared up at the clouds he had just fallen out of, waiting for a herd of pink goldfish to come pouring down on him. When he was certain there was nothing coming through the portal after him, he looked around to see where he was and lit up joyfully when he saw Quaraun and Unicorn. "Quaraun!" GhoulSpawn cried out happily. "GhoulSpawn," Quaraun said dryly. "How good to see you!" The half-Elf glomped the Elf. “I have missed you.” “Stop hugging me.” “I seem to have fallen at your feet again.” "Yes. How not nice of you to drop in. No goldfish, today?" GhoulSpawn looked up at the sky fearfully, to make sure no goldfish were lurking in the clouds waiting to kill him. “No. I do not see any. Sneaky devils though. They could be hiding anywhere. Last week they were disguising themselves as blossoms in cherry trees.” “Mhm-mmm.” “You'd think something that pink would stand out more, but they find ever so many places to hide.” “Why are you here, GhoulSpawn?” “I don't know.” The green robed Chaos Wizard looked around. “Where are we?” “If I knew I certainly wouldn't tell you. You'd find some way to bring us back here.” “Are we on Earth?” “The celestial satellites are ... MOSTLY right,” Quaraun said as he looked up worried about the ones that were wrong. “I'd like to get out of here and back to our own time before the ones that are wrong, get wronger.” “Wronger?” Quaraun pointed up and GhoulSpawn looked to see what he was pointing at. “I already survived one apocalypse, I don't want to have to try to live through another one.” GhoulSpawn looked to Unicorn. “What's he talking about?” “I da'knows. I were'na listening.” “Are you ever?” “Nope. I just stand around waiting to fuck him while him goes blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. What was he talking about?” Quaraun glared at Unicorn. “You don't suppose the goldfish did that, do you?” GhoulSpawn asked as he stared up at the fragmented moon. “GhoulSpawn, I know you have more brain then that in your head,” Quaraun said. “You have less brain the I do,” GhoulSpawn said. “What is me Elf-girls talking about?” Unicorn asked. “He said he survived an apocalypse and thinks this world is falling into one.” “Oh. That. Yeah, he been talking on that all week. Hims home planet gots itself evaporated when it sun gone un blew itself up, hims frail delicate little parasitic jelly self barely escaped, came to this planet on a ship load of other space faring sea life, killed himself a Moon Elf, moved into it's brain, and is now living in it's undead reanimated body worrying that the sky is falling.” “I know better than to ask you anything. You're a frigging loon.” “I is loon? REALLY? Him has jelly fish living in him head un is waiting for moon to crash land on him, while ya lives in mortal terror that armies of pink killer goldfish are going to fly down on ya out of clouds, un ya spends ya days dropping oot of the sky from no where at all, un I is one who is be loon?” “Unicorn, someone's eating the moon,” Quaraun said very seriously. “That's not something to joke about.” “It isn't the goldfish is it?” GhoulSpawn asked every bit as serious. “Last week, they ate the shingles off my roof trying to get to me.” “They ate your roof?” “Yes. And the fat one was flinging himself at the window trying to break out the glass. And then there was Pinky. You remember Pinky. Ugh! He discovered the chimney. They came down in after me after that. You don't know what I have to live through.” “I have a Jellyfish eating my brain. Try living with that.” “I am! They put one in my head to you know.” Unicorn stared at the two Elven wizards like they were both crazy, which they were, though, neither of them was willing to admit it. Quaraun and GhoulSpawn walked off down the path, comparing who was the most assaulted by various killer alien sea life. Unicorn walked along behind them, wondering why Quaraun ignored him every time GhoulSpawn showed up. “How did you get here?” GhoulSpawn asked Quaraun. “A group of white supremacist Humans summoned me here, intending me to raise up an undead army to kill off all non-white Humans.” “Oh.” GhoulSpawn acted as though that was the most normal thing in the world. “You didn't did you?” “No. Well, for a few minutes, long enough to kill the lunatic that was holding us, hostage.” “Then how did he get here?” GhoulSpawn asked, while pointing at Unicorn. “Unicorn? He came with me.” “Did they summon him too?” “No. I don't think so. They didn't seem to know about him...”
“Could'na see past me perceived race,” Unicorn added. “Not that either Elf be listening to me.”
And Quaraun, Who Is Male, Keeps Getting Pregnant"Thullids? Are there Thullids in the area?" "Yeah. A lot of 'em. Didn't used to be. They started showing up a few weeks ago. Cultists of some sort. They just kind of, started gathering. Weird. None of them knew any of the others were coming here, each of them just tells how they felt compelled to be here. God's coming or something." "God?" "Yeah. They keep talking about God vanished or something and she's about to return. She's pregnent or something. I don't know. I don't know the Thullid language well." Quaraun fell silent and GhoulSpawn didn't say any more. Quaraun looked at ZooLock who was sitting by himself in the corner, chanting in Thullid over a lighted candle. Unicorn, who absolutly couldn't stand silent, trotted back over to Quaraun, and sat on the floor at the Elf's feet. "Can she be pregnent?" Unicorn asked Quaraun. "Yes she can." "Is she thus now in such state, yes?" "Yes, she is." "Was she planning to tell me that, no?" "No." "How come for, eh?" "I don't know." "Who's pregnent?" GhoulSpawn asked. "Him is," Unicorn said, pointing to Quaraun. "You're pregnent?" "Yes." "How are you pregnent?" "I'm not sure. I was trying to figure that out. It's why I hadn't mentioned it." "You're male." "I know." "You can't be pregnant." "I know." "How can you be pregnent?" "I'm female Demon living in a male Elf's body. Apperantly she can still get pregnent while inside of him, some how. I'm not sure how. It's why I put ZooLock in chains." "Because you think he did it?" "No. I think Unicorn did it. He fucks me often enough. But I think ZooLock is calling the entire Thullid population to come worship me." "So, you're a male Elf, who's gonna give birth to a demonic baby unicorn with tentecles?" "Yes. Something like that. Three hundred of them." "Three hundred? What? Three hundred demonic baby unicorns with tentecles?" "Around that." "You're serious aren't you?" "Yes." "You're gonna give birth to three hundred demonic baby unicorns with tentecles?" "Yes." "And they're all gonna act like him." GhoulSpawn pointed to Unicorn. "God, I hope not," Quaraun said stariing at Unicorn. "He's so hyper active. It's hard enough to handle one of him. Three hundred of him will drive me crazy." "And you're not already." "I'm trying not to be." "You're wearing a pink dress covered in rhinestones, a cape made out of pink turkey feathers, you're sitting in a gold plated pink velvet throne, and you're sitting her telling me you're pregnent, even though you're male... and I'm supposed to think you are TRYING to be normal?" "I didn't say normal. I said I'm trying to not be crazy. I know I'm not normal." "How do you know you're gonna give birth to three hundred demonic baby unicorns with tentecles? I mean... how do you know three hundred." "I can hear them humming inside their eggs." "Eggs?" Unicorn asked. "Is that why ya been talking of eggs?" "Have I?" "Aye. All week. Ya keep muttering aboot eggs. I tried to cook ya some eggs the other day un ya flipped out on me. Said ya never gonna eat eggs again. Ya called me a baby murderer for cooking eggs." "I'm sorry." "Before that ya was obsessing over tadpoles in the pond un worrying aboot what would happen to the eggs if the water went dry." "I'm incubating three hundred eggs, and every one of them is talking to me. I've been outcast from the hive mind so long, I'd forgotten what it was like. It's difficult to get used to hearing it again." "They talking to ya?" "Yeah." The three fell silent again and again it was Unicorn who broke the silence. "How long have ya known?" "A few weeks. I wasn't sure. I thought I was going crazy, listening to all the baby. All happily humming and purring. I wasn't sure, until ZooLock showed up. First thing he said when he walked up to us, was he had to protect his ladyship while she was in her delicate state. Then he started talking about it being his job to protect the babies and the eggs and keep them safe. I'd suspected it for a few weeks but I couldn't explain it. I still can't explain it. But then ZooLock just shows up. I haven't seen him in five hundred years." |
Rated M18+ For
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Rated M18+ For
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Answering another question: "Do you have to swear so much?"
Damn, fucking, bloody hell, yes. And if you don't like it, you can take your elitist shit head, stuff it up your holier than thou ass, and jump off a cliff.
I write Yaoi. As in, I'm a Yaoi author. Yaoi is noted for being crude. It's a genre that you have to be 18 or older to buy. So, yeah, you're gonna find crude language here, and you probably want to be 18 or older to read my site here as well, because the #1 thing I talk about is Yaoi and how to write it.
We Gypsies of Old Orchard Beach, Maine, are Scottish & this site therefore uses our Native Scottish English.
Spellings like "traveller" or "neighbour" or "colour", pronoun differences "me" for "my" or "you" for "your" might look unfamiliar to you, but they are in fact correct in our language. Please refrain from letting your cultural ignorance show in my inbox.
The Space Dock 13 WebRing
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What do you want to become?
What did you do today to step closer to that goal?
Whatever you do, be your best at it!
And remember to have yourself a great and wonderfully glorious day!
~EK
EelKat.com
pinterest.com/eelkat/
Evil men go out of their way to try to drive a person to suicide.
Are you an evil man?
Are you sure you're not?
How many people have YOUR hate filled words killed?
Next time you go to do a mean thing to a fellow human, stop and really think about the consequences of your actions.
Did you ever notice how every one has a story to tell about me, yet not one of them ever speaks the truth?
What lies has YOUR gossiping tongue spread about me?
Did you know...
October 16, 2006, bomb blew up my house because of YOUR lies.
August 8, 2013, the house which replaced the one the bomb blew up, was driven over by a backhoe.
November 14, 2013, my 8 month old infant son was murdered because of your lies.
November 14, 2013, I was beaten up, paralized for 5 months, spent 18 weeks relearning to walk, I'm now crippled for the rest of my life, because of YOUR lies.
Are you proud of what you have done?
Enjoy your eternity in Hell. You earned it. You've certainly worked hard for it.
~EelKat
If you have any information about any of these events, please call FBI Agent Andy Drewer at 207-774-9322
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