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Official Home Page Of The Quaraun Series
The Adventures of Quaraun The Insane
(A Bizarro Dark Fantasy Series)


Do Keep In Mind, The Books I Write Are Yaoi & Rated M18+ and You Have Be 18 To Buy/Read Them.

What Is Yaoi?

Yaoi is a Japanese word that means "Boy's In Love" and is often shortened to BoyLove or BL. Contrary to urban myths it is not a type of Erotica and actual Japanese Yaoi rarely contains sex.

The Yaoi most Americans are familiar with is "gay fluff slash fanfiction" written by American pre-teens for FanFiction.net. However, MOST of what these children write and INCORRECTLY call "Yaoi" is actually a completely different genre Shota.

What most Americans call "Yaoi" is rarely ever Yaoi and is usually in fact Shota. The reason for this is because Shota is illegal to publish in America, and Americans get around the law by miss labeling their Shota as Yaoi instead, resulting in the common confusion Americans have over what Yaoi is and what Yaoi is not.

While Shota is a type of Erotica, Yaoi is not. Most Yaoi in fact does not contain sex scenes and focuses instead on the drama of a gay couple's life. Shota on the other hand puts sex front and center and rarely has any story at all.

Bara Yaoi is a sub genre within Yaoi which features older characters in their 40s, 50s or older. The Quaraun series is Bara Yaoi, or as it is now called Classic Bara Yaoi.

Classic Bara Yaoi is different then New Bara Yaoi. Classic Bara has been around since the 1970s. New Bara showed up in the past year or so, and features "burly" or "overly masculine" men.


The Main Character of the Quaraun Series:

The Pink Necromancer Himself

The unfortunate thing is that most Americans who slap the Yaoi tag on their fanfiction have never even actually read real Japanese Yaoi and when they finally do, they are often shocked and horrified to find out that it is NOTHING like the gay fluff slash they were writing for Fanfiction.net.

Worse, they fail to realize that Yaoi is far more then a book genre, but that it is an actual lifestyle of real live gay men in Japan.

Usually you can tell real Yaoi from gay slash fluff, by the transvestite characters.

Wait... you say you never saw Yaoi with a transvestite character? Ah! That means you never saw Yaoi then, because, you kind of can't have Yaoi without a transvestite character.

Of course than ask the average American what a transvestite is and, they'll give 101 very different and very wrong answers.

A transvestite is a man who looks like woman but is NOT trying to be a woman and DOES NOT use female pronouns.

Perhaps the best way to introduce an American to real live Yaoi is to just, show them real live, live action Yaoi, acted out by real live Uke Transvestites.

Here... have some live action Yaoi, acted out by men who are real live Japanese Twinkie Uke Transvestites and live the REAL Yaoi lifestyle...

Please note that as you watch these videos, you will not see one single solitary female in any of them.

Yes, every actor, every dancer, every singer, every musician, in every one of these videos, is a man, real live transvestites, proud of their maleness and use male pronouns...

These are ALL MEN...

Most average Americans have never seen a real live transvestite before and have no clue what they are or what they look like...

Here you go...


THIS Is Yaoi...
Acted out by real live Japanese Transvestites:





































Notice how there was NO SEX in any of those videos?
Still think you know what Yaoi is?
Find out more about Yaoi HERE.



Are The Quaraun Books Erotica?

No, the books are not Erotica. They are Bizarro Dark Fantasy (a subgenre of Horror), featuring Yaoi characters (a gay couple/trio {a dom with 2 subs} living in a Seme-Uke-Uke relationship)

Most people who have read the series, say they compare it to "a very adult version of Terry Pratchett's Discworld". I'm not sure how accurate a description that is though, as I've never read any of Terry Pratchett's books and had not heard of Discworld prior to readers contacting me and saying they liked my books because Quaraun reminded them of some wizard in the Discworld series (I can't remember what they said his name was.)

The Quaraun series is at it's core is very Alice in H.P. Lovecraft's Wonderland Bizarro, told from the drug addled perspective of a hippie-like Elf on opium and LSD.

Anything can and does happen and the reader is left not knowing what is real and what is hallucinations, because the Elf himself can not tell.

It is grim, bloody Horror, set in a 1400s Epic Fantasy world, featuring 1970s hippies (yes, there's time travel in it).


Wait... since when did books have ratings?

In America there is no official book rating system. However some countries do have book rating systems and in order to sell your books in those countries it is required that the rating be clearly marked on the cover. Most American authors simply avoid selling their books in countries that require book ratings or make separate editions just for that country, thus you rarely see books sold in America, with ratings on them.

The Quaraun series is marketed mostly to a Japanese audience, with more then 80% of book sales being sold to Japan. Germany and Brazil make up the bulk of the remaining sales. Less then 5% of sales are from American readers. France and Italy make up most of the rest of the sales. Only a fraction of a % of the books sold are to the UK and Australia.

Because my primary audience are English Language readers living in Japan, my books are thus designed for the Japanese market, thus why the book rating and the distinctive pink cover art (in Japan it is sold as Pink Humour Yaoi and you will see it shelved squished between hundreds of other titles all with equally pink covers.)

Japan is one of the countries which requires books to have clearly marked ratings on the covers.

The Japanese book rating system is very similar to the American movie rating system, and goes like this:


Japan's Book Rating System:


Rating

E

Reason

 May be suitable for readers or consumers of any age. For example, may contain mild language and fantasy violence but no swearing or nudity.

Equivalent to: Rated PG: Parental Guidance Suggested – some material may not be suitable for children. The violence in a PG rated film will not be intense. Profanity may be present in PG rated films.


T

May be suitable for early teens and older. For example, may contain violence, infrequent use of strong language, suggestive themes or situations, crude humor, alcohol and/or tobacco use.

Equivalent to: Rated PG-13: Parents Strongly Cautioned – some material may be inappropriate for children under 13. Use of one of the harsher "sexually-derived words" as an expletive will initially incur at least a PG-13 rating. There are several exceptional cases in which PG-13 rated films contain multiple occurrences of the word fuck: Adventures in Babysitting, where the word is used twice in the same scene;[30] The Hip Hop Project, which has seventeen uses;[31] Gunner Palace, a documentary of soldiers in the Second Gulf War, which has 42 uses of the word with two used sexually;[32] Bully, a 2011 documentary about bullying;[33] Philomena, released in November 2013, which has two uses of the word;[34] and The Martian, which also has two uses of the word.[35] Nudity is restricted to PG and above, and anything that constitutes more than brief nudity will require at least a PG-13 rating.


T16+

May be suitable for older teens and adults. For example, may contain intense and/or gory violence, sexual content, frequent strong language, alcohol, tobacco and/or other substance use.

Equivalent to: Rated R: Restricted – under 17 requires accompanying parent or adult guardian. Strong Brutal Violence, Pervasive Language, Some Strong Sexual Content, and Drug Material. Nudity that is sexually oriented will generally require an R rating.[As of 2010, the MPAA has added a descriptor of "male nudity" to films featuring said content.[40]


M18+

Suitable for adults only. May contain extreme violence, mature themes and graphic depictions.

Equivalent to: Rated NC-17: No one 17 and under admitted.


M21+

Suitable for adults only. Contains pornographic themes. Erotica. Hentai.

Equivalent to: Rated X: No one under 17 admitted. Pornography.


More Info:

These links all go to off page sites and are not part of EelKat.com...

  1. Classification and Ratings Administration Official Website with ratings database
  2. MPAA Film Ratings website
  3. Media content ratings systems
  4. Censorship in Canada
  5. Censorship in the United States
  6. Censorship in Mexico
  7. Censorship in the United Kingdom
  8. Book censorship in the United States
  9. Book censorship in the United Kingdom
  10. Obscene Publications Acts
  11. Obscene Publications Act 1857
  12. United States obscenity law
  13. Anti-Obscenity Enforcement Act
  14. Legality of pornography in the United States
  15. Indecent exposure in the United States
  16. Censorship in the United States
  17. Video game controversies
  18. Family Entertainment Protection Act
  19. Video game content ratings systems
  20. Television content rating system
  21. International Age Rating Coalition
  22. Communications Decency Act
  23. Committee on Obscenity and Film Censorship
  24. Child Protection and Obscenity Enforcement Act (The law which bans Shota from being published in the United States due to on page sex with characters under the age of 16)
  25. Motion picture content rating system
  26. National Institute on Media and the Family
  27. Movie and Television Review and Classification Board
  28. List of LGBT characters in modern written fiction
  29. Gay male teen fiction
  30. List of proposed anti-gay book bans in the United States
  31. Lesbian teen fiction
  32. Homosexuality in children's literature
  33. List of books banned by governments
  34. Book censorship in the United States
  35. Sexuality and society
  36. Entertainment rating organizations

Info On Old Orchard Beach, Maine's Ban on Books Featuring Gay Characters As Well as The Ban on LGBTQ Residents Living In Old Orchard Beach, Maine: 
(Law passed January 6, 2016 - By Biddeford District court and Over Rules October 18, 2016 By Alfred Superior Court)

  1. Too Gay For Old Orchard Beach: The Quaraun Series Becomes First Book In America Officially Banned By The American Government!

Why are the books Rated M18+?

As you can see, books that are Erotica, have to be labled as M21+ to be sold in Japan. Were the Quaraun series Erotica, it would have the M21+ label not the M18+ label.

The Quaraun series is rated M18+ for:

For the most part the series is rated M18+ for excessive and explicit drug use and over use of the word "fuck".

Unicorn is from Biddeford, Maine. As such, there is a liberal use of the word fuck, which appears nearly every time Unicorn opens his mouth. One reader took the time to count how many times Unicorn said "fuck" and in one 300 page novel, Unicorn said "fuck", "fucking", or "fucked" in excess of 700 times.

The characters of the Quaraun series refer to Unicorn as "The Candy Maker". He is a drug dealer/chemist.

Quaraun is an opium addict.

GhoulSpawn is an LSD addict.

GhoulSpawn sometimes shares his LSD with Quaraun.

The series contains many accurate and inaccurate recipes and directions for how to make drugs.

Entire chapters are devoted to the High Elves doing nothing but sitting in a tavern or around a campfire, getting High, thus why other Elves refer to the High Elves as High Elves.

While traditional Fantasy novels explains High Elves as being called High because they are aristocrats, the Quaraun series explains the High Elves being called High, because they are hippies on drugs and they actually are High.

While some stories do contain graphic sex scenes on page, most contain instead sexual language, dick jokes, and a lot of cock blocking scenes of characters about to have sex but being interrupted before doing so.

  1. Most of the on page sex scenes in the Quaraun series are typical of what one would see in a PG-13 Crude Comedy movie such as Zoolander or Austin Powers. Or a prime time TV show like Big Bang Theory.
  2. A few sex scenes in the Quaraun series are typical of what you would see in an R-rated movie.
  3. About 1 in every 5 volumes contains a sex scene typical of mild Erotic Romance such as 50 Shades of Grey.
  4. Once in a while there is a hard core, play by play, sex scene typical of Erotica, PornHub, and Monster Porn.
  5. More often then not, you are told sex happened and not shown the scene itself.
  6. In most cases, you see sex about to happen, then interrupted before it does.
  7. When you do get a play by play, it is usually BDSM cock and ball torture done by a sadistic seme, to a terrified uke.

For those wondering the type of sex:

  • Quaraun and Unicorn are the primary couple.
  • Quaraun is bottom to both Unicorn and GhoulSpawn.
  • Three ways between Quaraun, Unicorn, and GhoulSpawn are not uncommon.
  • GhoulSpawn is frequently buying the services of prostitutes.
  • Quaraun also some times uses prostitutes.
  • Unicorn some times rapes GhoulSpawn.
  • Unicorn frequently rapes Quaraun.
  • Quaraun has 4 wives, Pippiatta is the one seen most frequently.
  • Quaraun's 3rd wife, Pippiatta, is Quaraun's daughter by his 2nd wife.
  • MOST sex scenes are between Quaraun and Unicorn only.
  • Many sex scenes are 4-way with Unicorn on Quaraun, and Quaraun and GhoulSpawn on Pippiatta.

For those wondering what gender each is:

  1. Quaraun is male & transvestite.
  2. Unicorn is male and has 2 penises.
  3. GhoulSpawn is male.
  4. Pippiatta is female.
  5. Quaraun is Pippiatta's father.

Though he rarely has sex with them, Quaraun is often accompanied by prostitutes. Quaraun suffers from a "penial sub-incision" injury (his penis is severely mutilated and heavily scarred), which makes it difficult for him to comfortably have sexual intercourse with women (thus why he usually bottoms for other men.)

Quaraun is a wandering vagabond wizard, who rather the stay at an inn, prefers to spend the nights at whore-houses. He is of the habit of paying prostitutes (often 4 or 5 or more at a time) to sleep with him, but not have sex with him, as he has PTSD, is scared of the dark, and does not like sleeping alone.

Because of his injury, Quaraun usually introduces himself as a Eunuch, when paying prostitutes to spend the night with him, while at the same time requesting only to sleep with them and not have sex with them.  

Quaraun is a transvestite. (A transvestite is a man who dresses/looks like a woman, but is not trying to be a woman, is perfectly content to have his penis, and still uses male pronouns; as opposed to a transsexual who is trying to become a woman and uses female pronouns). He is often mistaken for a prostitute, due to the slutty dresses he wears, and his habit of usually being in whorehouses. There are frequent rape scenes, with him often being gang raped by men who mistook him for a prostitute.

And thus you have an explanation of the sex (or more often the lack there of) in the Quaraun series.

The short of it is that if you are looking for sex, you'll have better luck finding more of it in Game of Thrones.

And if you can call the Quaraun series Erotica, then you must think Game of Throne is hard core Porn, and I pity the trauma to your poor brain should ever run across some tame mildly sexual Romance novel like 50 Shades of Gray, I can't even begin to imagine the shock you'll suffer if you ever do in fact cross paths with real actual Erotica like Cum for Bigfoot.


Still Confused About What Erotica Is?
Perhaps this will help:

Fantasy

Romance

Erotica


Most of the Quaraun Series Is Tame, Containing Things Like This:

A Necromancer That Refuses To Be Evil

 The Humans spent the week rejoicing in their triumph of having a Necromancer to lead them into battle, and poor Quaraun was terrified out of his mind, never having been in battle and spending most of his life avoiding any sort of confrontation with anyone.

In spite of his many attempts to explain that Necromancers communicate with the dead, not resurrect them, the soldiers were too head strong in their own ideas to listen to the poor little Elf.

“They does no listen to ya,” Unicorn said one day.

“I know.”

“Then why ya persist in telling them.”

“Because they don't know what a Necromancer is. They think Necromancers resurrect the dead!”

“But ya can restore life to the dead.”

“Yes, but not because I'm a Necromancer. I am a pure blooded High Elf. Restoring life to dead things is part of what being a High Elf is. You know that.”

“Aye, but they do'na.”

“The ONLY Necromancers who are ever able to restore life to the dead are Elven Necromancers and only because they are Elves that they can do it. It has nothing to do with Necromancy at all. Necromancers simply talk to spirits and communicate with the dead from beyond the veil, but restoring life? All Elves can do that. We are the guardians of nature. Bringing life to the world is what we do. It has nothing to do with Necromancy.”

“I t'ought ya was wanting to play along with them in their games till we get out of here.”

“I do, but people are dying all around us and they are going to their deaths thinking I'll bring them back to life as powerful undead!”

“It distressing ya ain't it?”

“Yes. It's very distressing. I seek to save life, not take it. I want people to live, no matter much they don't deserve their life. Life is important.”

“Then restoring life to their dead, should make ya happy.”

“No. They want to use the dead to create more death. I can't have that on my head. So much death. And anger. They are so filled with anger and hate. Look at them, marching into battle to kill their fellow mankind. It is unbearable for me to watch. I want no part of this madness. The Humans are insane in their blood lust. What is wrong with them? Why are their hearts so cruel, so cold?”

“They is Humans. They has not enough brain to know better.”

Quaraun got up and wandered from the camp. Unicorn followed and their guards went with them.

“Look what they've done to the moon. Look at the field. So much blood, drowning the plants.”

Quaraun knelt down, grasping the tall dead blades of grass in his fists. The grass turned green in his touch, the greenness spreading to the blades all around, until many feet of the grass was once again lush and green with daisies nodding in the breeze.

“My purpose is the bring life to the world. Not death. They want me to abuse my gifts, to help them spread this nightmare that is death across the land. I can't do that. What am I gonna do?”


Three Bumbling Wizards Arguing About Their Sex Lives

 "How did I get here?" GhoulSpawn asked.

"I don't know, GhoulSpawn. I never know. I wish I did. Then I could find a way to stop you from coming."

"As long as ya does no stop yaself from cumming," Unicorn said.

Quaraun glared at him.

"Can you get sex off your brain for five damned seconds"

"No. I can'na...Oh wait. Let's see? One. Two. Three. Four...nope. Can'na make it to five without thinking how much I wants to squeeze that creamy white goodness out of those luscious ripe cherries ya gots swinging between ya legs."

Quaraun was about to scream at the horny Phooka, but the irritating Half-Elf interrupted him.

"You didn't wish me here did you, Quaraun?" GhoulSpawn asked.

"God, I hope not."

Quaraun tried to think of what he'd been saying moments before GhoulSpawn dropped out of the sky. Quaraun was a Di'Jinn Wizard and able to make wishes come true, except, they never came true properly and often resulted in GhoulSpawn dropping out of the sky and landing on him.

"Unicorn, did I wish for anything that could have brought him here?"

"How I to know? I not bumbling wizard with no control over me wish granting powers. I is bumbling wizard with no control over me lust for squeezing ya wee squishy little kiwis."

“Keep your hands off me.”

Quaraun slapped the Phooka.

“Do you ever listen to anything I say?”

"Nope. Ya say all kinds of stuff. Yip, yap, yip, yap, yip, yap. I never listen. I just stand around waiting for ya to shut up long enough for me to fuck ya."

Quaraun turned to Unicorn.

"What did I say, just before GhoulSpawn arrived?"

"I knows not. Ya says all kinds of stuff. Ya goes blah, blah, blah and I goes la, la, la. I never listen. I too busy lusting for ya perfectly formed apricots."

Quaraun glared at the Phooka angrily.

"What? Ya knows I got brain like Golden Retriever. In one ear, out the other, me no hear word of any of it, cause I too busy chasing me tail and sniffing ya wee little ass."

Unicorn promptly turned into a Golden Retriever and ran around in circles chasing his tail, until he got dizzy and fell over. The dog lay on the ground panting for a few minutes waiting for his head to stop spinning, then jumped up and chased his tail the other direction until he got dizzy and fell down again.

Quaraun and GhoulSpawn continued talking and ignoring the Phooka, until, the Golden Retriever lept up onto Quaraun and started humping him.

“STOP THAT!” The Elf yelled.

The dog ran off barking.

"Still bedding the Phooka I see?" GhoulSpawn said to Quaraun.

"Yes. Not that it's any of your business."

"Well, no it's not my business, but you are one of those snooty aristocratic higher then every body else, High Elves that lives in mortal fear of making mud blood half breed babies and yet you're going around with non-Elves. If you ain't careful, Quaraun, one of these days you're gone end up making one of them half-Elf heathens you hate so much."

"Admitting you're a Heathen, GhoulSpawn?"

"No, just proving my point that you hate us half-Elves."

"Yes. I absolutely despise you half-Elves.”

“Then why are you getting laid up with non Elves?”

“I'm a male, he's a male, we aren't making babies."

"That's a Phooka, Quaraun. He could turn into a female while you two are going at it and you'd be too lost in the ecstasy to stop yourself from filling his womb with all that fertile half-Elf making baby batter of yours. He could turn into a female dog while your in him and you'll end up the father of half-Elf puppies. God! Where did I come up with that! WHY did I come up with that! What the hell is wrong with me, I've been hanging around you two too long. Half Elf puppies! I wonder what that would look like?"

"Oh," Unicorn squealed. He turned back into his Humanoid form. "I should does do that to him."

"Don't you dare!" Quaraun yelled at Unicorn, than turned to GhoulSpawn and added, "Stop putting ideas in his head. He comes up with enough on his own. And I don't fuck him. He fucks me."

"Does no stop ya from shooting ya cum all over me."

"I..."

"Of course then I would be pregnant male. I wonders how that would work. Where would baby come out of?" Unicorn lifted up his robes and began examining himself. "Would has to come out of ass or dick. Neither one big enough for baby come out of, eh?"

"Unicorn..." Quaraun said.

"Aye?"

"Put your clothes back on. You're a male, I'm not getting you pregnant."

"What if I gets ya preggies then, eh?"

"Unicorn!”

“What?”

“I'm male?"

"Aye. But we is three bumbling wizards and we bumble more then usual when all threes of is together all at once like this, eh? On top of that, ya has wee little bit of drinking problem. Ya cast weird spells when ya drunk and does no remembers ya did it when ya wakes up next day.”

“I don't have a drinking problem.”

“Oh of course not, that be why ya goes looking for taverns first thing whenever we find a village, eh?”

“In case you haven't noticed, we haven't seen a tavern in weeks.”

“Only because there ain't none around.”

“I don't have a drinking problem.”

“Ya drinks like damned fish.”

“I used to, yes, but I don't any more. You drink more then I do.”

“And yis drug addict.”

“Oh yeah, and wonder whose fault that is?”

“Ya can'na lay off the poppies.”

“Unicorn! I don't take drugs. I just have a damned Faerie chef who won't stop drugging my food.”

“Ya should watch ya food better.”

“You should stop drugging me!”

“Ah, but then why ya does eat me food iffy ya knows I put me candy in it?”

“I need to learn to cook.”

 “Ya go down one of ya loony tune, fruit loop rabbit hole trips and anything can happen when yis hallucinating out of ya bonny mind while waving that crazy rainbow wand of yas around. And ya be Di'Jinn who gots no clue how to grant wishes properly. Ya be Di'Jinn who make weird things happen when yis dunk and hallucinating at same time and start granting ye own wishes. Ya already zapped us here into future earth where black hating Humans is shooting cannons at each other. And ya keep making GhoulSpawn drop out of the sky on us for crying out loud! Ya knows what his warped brain be like. Now him has ya thinking about males having ya wee little half-Elf puppies. Next time ya get drunk and high, ya'll be wishing for babies and I'll be pregnant. Must has to plan for things like that around insane wizards ya know."

"GhoulSpawn did just drop out of the sky again, didn't he?" Quaraun said to himself.

Quaraun turned to Unicorn.

"What did you put in my drink?"

"Nothing! Yet. I swear. I has no poisoned ya all day. Saving it for tonight sos I can fuck ya. Yes?"

"Great."

"Why are you still with the sex crazed Unicorn?" GhoulSpawn asked.

"Apparently I like being drugged, chained to trees, having a horn rammed up my dick, then raped by horse, and not be able to remember it happened in the morning."

"Yeah, I... I don't think wanted to know that. You have the strangest sex life."

"JUST my sex life is strange?"

"Uhm..." GhoulSpawn looked up at the sky. "Noooo. No, your whole life is strange."

"Looking for goldfish?"

"What?" GhoulSpawn practically jumped out of his skin at the mention of goldfish. "Where? Yes. No. There aren't any around here are there?"

Quaraun pulled out his Rainbow Wand. "I hope not."

"They could be anywhere." GhoulSpawn began looking at bushes expecting bloodthirsty Elf eating goldfish to jump out at him.

"I should turn meself into a goldfish un start chasing the two of ya. Bet I could make ya both run right off a cliff."

“Don't you dare.”

“Why not? Twould be fun.”

“I'll go on a hunger strike. I'm an Elf. I can go weeks without food. You're a sex addicted Phooka, you can't even go few hours without sex. I'll refuse to eat your drugged food. And as long as I'm sober you won't be able to fuck me while you're a horse, because you know I won't let you. I know that's what you do to me every night. I know that's why you drug me. I know that's why you keep me drunk. I know you intend to drug me tonight and fuck me while you're a horse.”


A Trio of Bumbling Wizards Bantering Out Conspiracies

 Every day Quaraun became more and more paranoid that the world was about to end, and frantically fretted over the lack of animal life. Other then this, nothing happened.

Is wasn't until a week after their escape from the soldiers that something finally happened to break up the monotony of nothing happening at all, and allowing Quaraun to think about something other then morbid thoughts of impending doom. They were walking down a little used dirt path when a BOOM sounded in the sky above them, followed by a bight flash of light.

“A portal just opened up...” Quaraun started to say.

"Aarrrrrrrgh!"

A familiar voice came screaming down from the clouds.

THUD.

"Owww"

Quaraun stopped walking.

"Unicorn, tell me that wasn't GhoulSpawn falling out of the sky again."

Unicorn looked back behind them at the phosphorescent Sun Elf laying sprawled on his back on the ground in the middle of the road.

"That was'na GhoulSpawn falling out o sky again."

Quaraun glared at Unicorn, then spun around to see the half-Elf with long unnaturally neon day glow yellow hair, getting up, brushing his green velvet robes off and looking around with a dazed look on his face. For a few moments he stared up at the clouds he had just fallen out of, waiting for a herd of pink goldfish to come pouring down on him. When he was certain there was nothing coming through the portal after him, he looked around to see where he was and lit up joyfully when he saw Quaraun and Unicorn.

"Quaraun!" GhoulSpawn cried out happily.

"GhoulSpawn," Quaraun said dryly.

"How good to see you!" The half-Elf glomped the Elf. “I have missed you.”

“Stop hugging me.”

“I seem to have fallen at your feet again.”

"Yes. How not nice of you to drop in. No goldfish, today?"

GhoulSpawn looked up at the sky fearfully, to make sure no goldfish were lurking in the clouds waiting to kill him.

“No. I do not see any. Sneaky devils though. They could be hiding anywhere. Last week they were disguising themselves as blossoms in cherry trees.”

“Mhm-mmm.”

“You'd think something that pink would stand out more, but they find ever so many places to hide.”

“Why are you here, GhoulSpawn?”

“I don't know.”

The green robed Chaos Wizard looked around.

“Where are we?”

“If I knew I certainly wouldn't tell you. You'd find some way to bring us back here.”

“Are we on Earth?”

“The celestial satellites are ... MOSTLY right,” Quaraun said as he looked up worried about the ones that were wrong. “I'd like to get out of here and back to our own time before the ones that are wrong, get wronger.”

“Wronger?”

Quaraun pointed up and GhoulSpawn looked to see what he was pointing at.

“I already survived one apocalypse, I don't want to have to try to live through another one.”

GhoulSpawn looked to Unicorn.

“What's he talking about?”

“I da'knows. I were'na listening.”

“Are you ever?”

“Nope. I just stand around waiting to fuck him while him goes blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. What was he talking about?”

Quaraun glared at Unicorn.

“You don't suppose the goldfish did that, do you?” GhoulSpawn asked as he stared up at the fragmented moon.

“GhoulSpawn, I know you have more brain then that in your head,” Quaraun said.

“You have less brain the I do,” GhoulSpawn said.

“What is me Elf-girls talking about?” Unicorn asked.

“He said he survived an apocalypse and thinks this world is falling into one.”

“Oh. That. Yeah, he been talking on that all week. Hims home planet gots itself evaporated when it sun gone un blew itself up, hims frail delicate little parasitic jelly self barely escaped, came to this planet on a ship load of other space faring sea life, killed himself a Moon Elf, moved into it's brain, and is now living in it's undead reanimated body worrying that the sky is falling.”

“I know better than to ask you anything. You're a frigging loon.”

“I is loon? REALLY? Him has jelly fish living in him head un is waiting for moon to crash land on him, while ya lives in mortal terror that armies of pink killer goldfish are going to fly down on ya out of clouds, un ya spends ya days dropping oot of the sky from no where at all, un I is one who is be loon?”

“Unicorn, someone's eating the moon,” Quaraun said very seriously. “That's not something to joke about.”

“It isn't the goldfish is it?” GhoulSpawn asked every bit as serious. “Last week, they ate the shingles off my roof trying to get to me.”

“They ate your roof?”

“Yes. And the fat one was flinging himself at the window trying to break out the glass. And then there was Pinky. You remember Pinky. Ugh! He discovered the chimney. They came down in after me after that. You don't know what I have to live through.”

“I have a Jellyfish eating my brain. Try living with that.”

“I am! They put one in my head to you know.”

Unicorn stared at the two Elven wizards like they were both crazy, which they were, though, neither of them was willing to admit it.

Quaraun and GhoulSpawn walked off down the path, comparing who was the most assaulted by various killer alien sea life. Unicorn walked along behind them, wondering why Quaraun ignored him every time GhoulSpawn showed up.

“How did you get here?” GhoulSpawn asked Quaraun.

“A group of white supremacist Humans summoned me here, intending me to raise up an undead army to kill off all non-white Humans.”

“Oh.” GhoulSpawn acted as though that was the most normal thing in the world. “You didn't did you?”

“No. Well, for a few minutes, long enough to kill the lunatic that was holding us, hostage.”

“Then how did he get here?” GhoulSpawn asked, while pointing at Unicorn.

“Unicorn? He came with me.”

“Did they summon him too?”

“No. I don't think so. They didn't seem to know about him...”

“Could'na see past me perceived race,” Unicorn added. “Not that either Elf be listening to me.”

  


And Quaraun, Who Is Male, Keeps Getting Pregnant

"Thullids? Are there Thullids in the area?"

"Yeah. A lot of 'em. Didn't used to be. They started showing up a few weeks ago. Cultists of some sort. They just kind of, started gathering. Weird. None of them knew any of the others were coming here, each of them just tells how they felt compelled to be here. God's coming or something."

"God?"

"Yeah. They keep talking about God vanished or something and she's about to return. She's pregnent or something. I don't know. I don't know the Thullid language well."

Quaraun fell silent and GhoulSpawn didn't say any more.

Quaraun looked at ZooLock who was sitting by himself in the corner, chanting in Thullid over a lighted candle.

Unicorn, who absolutly couldn't stand silent, trotted back over to Quaraun, and sat on the floor at the Elf's feet.

"Can she be pregnent?" Unicorn asked Quaraun.

"Yes she can."

"Is she thus now in such state, yes?"

"Yes, she is."

"Was she planning to tell me that, no?"

"No."

"How come for, eh?"

"I don't know."

"Who's pregnent?" GhoulSpawn asked.

"Him is," Unicorn said, pointing to Quaraun.

"You're pregnent?" 

"Yes."

"How are you pregnent?"

"I'm not sure. I was trying to figure that out. It's why I hadn't mentioned it."

"You're male."

"I know."

"You can't be pregnant."

"I know." 

"How can you be pregnent?"

"I'm female Demon living in a male Elf's body. Apperantly she can still get pregnent while inside of him, some how. I'm not sure how. It's why I put ZooLock in chains."

"Because you think he did it?"

"No. I think Unicorn did it. He fucks me often enough. But I think ZooLock is calling the entire Thullid population to come worship me."

"So, you're a male Elf, who's gonna give birth to a demonic baby unicorn with tentecles?"

"Yes. Something like that. Three hundred of them."

"Three hundred? What? Three hundred demonic baby unicorns with tentecles?"

"Around that."

"You're serious aren't you?"

"Yes."

"You're gonna give birth to three hundred demonic baby unicorns with tentecles?"

"Yes."

"And they're all gonna act like him." GhoulSpawn pointed to Unicorn.

"God, I hope not," Quaraun said stariing at Unicorn. "He's so hyper active. It's hard enough to handle one of him. Three hundred of him will drive me crazy."

"And you're not already."

"I'm trying not to be."

"You're wearing a pink dress covered in rhinestones, a cape made out of pink turkey feathers, you're sitting in a gold plated pink velvet throne, and you're sitting her telling me you're pregnent, even though you're male... and I'm supposed to think you are TRYING to be normal?"

"I didn't say normal. I said I'm trying to not be crazy. I know I'm not normal."

"How do you know you're gonna give birth to three hundred demonic baby unicorns with tentecles? I mean... how do you know three hundred."

"I can hear them humming inside their eggs."

"Eggs?" Unicorn asked. "Is that why ya been talking of eggs?"

"Have I?"

"Aye. All week. Ya keep muttering aboot eggs. I tried to cook ya some eggs the other day un ya flipped out on me. Said ya never gonna eat eggs again. Ya called me a baby murderer for cooking eggs."

"I'm sorry."

"Before that ya was obsessing over tadpoles in the pond un worrying aboot what would happen to the eggs if the water went dry."

"I'm incubating three hundred eggs, and every one of them is talking to me. I've been outcast from the hive mind so long, I'd forgotten what it was like. It's difficult to get used to hearing it again."

"They talking to ya?"

"Yeah." 

The three fell silent again and again it was Unicorn who broke the silence.

"How long have ya known?"

"A few weeks. I wasn't sure. I thought I was going crazy, listening to all the baby. All happily humming and purring. I wasn't sure, until ZooLock showed up. First thing he said when he walked up to us, was he had to protect his ladyship while she was in her delicate state. Then he started talking about it being his job to protect the babies and the eggs and keep them safe. I'd suspected it for a few weeks but I couldn't explain it. I still can't explain it. But then ZooLock just shows up. I haven't seen him in five hundred years."




And Even The M18+ Rated Stuff Is Very Vanilla and On The Tame End Of The Spectrum...

Rated M18+ For
Language, Drug Use,  Drinking, & Adult Situations

Quaraun sensed Unicorn's gaze opened his eyes once again and stared at the undead creature, sitting on the table staring down at him.

"What are you doing?" the sleepy Moon Elf asked.

"I is waiting for ya to falls to sleep sos I can rape ya."

"Of course you are. Why didn't I think of that?"

Quaraun sat back up straight and called a bar maid to bring him more wine.

"I shall drug it," Unicorn said.

"Here! Be my guest."

Quaraun handed his mug to the Phooka.

"I could use some colour in my life," he continued. "This place is dull and dreary."

"You know," FarDarrig said. "A stranger would think you two hated each other."

"Meaning?" Quaraun asked.

"Meaning you just kicked him in the face and now he's sitting there happily pouring whatever the hell that is, into your wine."

Quaraun looked from FarDarrig back to Unicorn and watched the Faerie dumping white powder into his drink. The Phooka handed the mug back to the Elf. Quaraun stared at it for a moment, looked back up at Unicorn, then took the mug and drank it's contents.

"I don't seem to care," Quaraun said to FarDarrig as he put the mug back on the table.

"I can't believe you just drank that."

"Why wouldn't I?"

"He's a Phooka, you have any idea what kind of side effects Phookan drugs have on Elves?"

"Of course I do. I live with him. He drugs me all the time. I'm used to it."

"It really doesn't bother you?"

"I just told you I don't care."

"Why not?"

"Have you ever seen how big his cock is?"

"Measuring his cock wasn't something I ever planned to do, no."

"And he has two of them."

"Two?"

"He doesn't brag to being a double dicked unicorn for nothing."

"Why does he have two dicks?" FarDarrig turned to Unicorn. "Why do you have two dicks? You didn't used to have two dicks."

Unicorn pointed to Quaraun.

"He did it. Him evil wizard wid sick mind. Him one day make wish I could double stuff him. I now have two dicks. Him did grant him own wish. Though I is no complaining. Me does like having two dicks. One for each hand, when they is not in him."

"Why are we talking about dicks?" FarDarrig asked.

"Because," Quaraun answered. "You wanted to know why I let him drug me. He's horny out of his mind right now. Only getting hornier by the minute. I ain't got no strength in me. I'm weak, I'm tired. I can't fight him off, when I'm awake and good health. Sooner or later, prob'ly within the next few minutes, both his dicks are going to be in me, and I'd rather not be able to feel the pain when he does it."

"He's about to rape you and you're about to let him."

"He doesn't rape me, FarDarrig. He never does. He never has."

"No?"

"No."

"That's not what I'm hearing."

"Well then, you ain't listening."

"I am. I'm listening to a weak, sick, tired, injured Elf complaining that he wants to sleep and he knows he's going get ass fucked the moment he tries to, so he's taking drugs beforehand sos it won't hurt as much when it happens. That doesn't sound like you being a willing participant in his fucking you, and that therefore is rape."

"It's not rape."

"How do you come to that conclusion?"

"Because if I really didn't want it happening, I would unLichify him and drop his rotted corpse off in the nearest graveyard. I never said he couldn't fuck me, I like it when he fucks me, he fucks me every damned day. I just said I didn't want it to hurt when it happened. He's more then welcome to take whatever pleasure he wants out of me, I'd just like to not feel like I'm being split in half while he does it. He's not exactly gentle. He does tend to just dive into me like an axe splitting a log. Then he just keeps right on pounding into me. And he doesn't stop when I pass out. I wouldn't be at all surprised if when I finally died, I die from him fucking me to death....WHAT?"

Quaraun stopped talking to glare at the bar maid who was standing, jaw dropped listening to what he'd been saying.

"Uhm...I..." the girl didn't know what to say. She was still trying to comprehend how it was one male could fuck another male.

"I pay you to bring me food and drink," Quaraun snarled at her. "Not eavesdrop on my private conversations."

"Uhm..." 

The girl was staring wide eyed at the Elf. It was scary enough for her to have to serve non-Humans. She and the other girls had drawn straws to see who it was would have to wait on the Elf and his two Fae friends. She'd gotten the short end of the stick and was none too pleased. Elves were practically extinct, Faeries were seen so rarely that most people joked they were never real to begin with. No one in the village had ever seen a non-Human before and so half the village was in the tavern just now, trying to get a glimpse of the strange trio resting here. Two of the three being wizards didn't help the issue any, not when the Guild had a nasty habit of killing every resident of every village that opened it's doors to wizards, and worse then just wizards was Necromancers, and here was not just any Necromancer, but the dreaded Pink Necromancer himself, and everyone knew the Pink Necromancer traveller with a Lich, the fierce Elf Eater of Pepper Valley himself, an undead creature that laid waste to any village who refused to let him in. Here was the Pink Necromancer and the Elf Eater, both standing inches in front of her, arguing about their sex lives, and the poor girl was having all she could do not to have a heart attack just then. 

Quaraun rammed his finger onto the center of the table.

"Put my food on the table and leave," he ordered. "Go back to what ever the hell it is you Humans do."

The girl quickly tossed the platter on the table beside Unicorn, then scurried away, back to the bar where the other girls were gathered, whispering about the arrival of the dreaded Pink Necromancer in their town.

"Humans," Quaraun muttered to himself in the most disgusted tone he could muster. "Scum of the Earth. Nothing but a parasitic plague of over sized lice. Why must we be forced to exist along side such filth?"

"Ya know," Unicorn pointed out. "If ya would fuck a few females once in a while, Elves would no be dying out so fast."

"And where do you suggest I find a female Elf to fuck? I'm the last damned Moon Elf on the planet, or have you forgotten that?"

"Plenty of females here for ya to fuck," Unicorn said, pointing to the bar maids and not looking at Quaraun.

FarDarrig grabbed all the bottles off the table, slunk down out of his chair and went to the next table.

"What?" Unicorn asked FarDarrig, still not paying attention to Quaraun. He looked around the room. The Humans were all squished back against the wall, staring in his direction in terror.

Unicorn turned back to Quaraun. "Ohhh."

Quaraun was now standing up, one hand one the table, the other gripping his Rainbow Wand pointed inches from Unicorn's nose, blazing fury of pure hatred raging through his eyes. Small sparks of lightening zapped from the wand, and shimmered over Quaraun making any eerie glowing blow aura around him.

"How... dare... you suggest I consort with HUMANS!" The angry Necromancer roared. "There's too many of them as it is, without my helping to create even more of them. The last thing this world needs is Half Elf mongrels running in it! There's already too many Elves ploughing their seed in the wretches scum of Human filth!"

"Weeell," Unicorn said, sliding back away from the aim of the Necromancer's wand. "Maybe ya should had thunk of that before losing ya temper an killin' every one in ya village. Then ya'd still have yarself so pure blood Moon Elf bitches to fuck."

"They deserved to die and you know it."

"Does I?" Unicorn carefully reached over and pulled the wand out of Quaraun's hand, and tried shaking it to turn it off.

"They killed YOU."

"I commit suicide, Quaraun. Ya used it as an excise to kill every one who every pissed ya off."

"You died."

"And ya did gone an resurrect me. Now I's a Lich. How do ya turns this t'ing off?"

Quaraun sighed and sat back down. He watched Unicorn fumble with the wand. 

"Gimie that, before you blow this whole town up."

Quaraun grabbed the wand and stuffed it back in his pink beaded heart shaped bag of holding. Then he looked around at the crowd of a dozen or so Humans that were gathered around their table.

"Oh go jump off a cliff," Quaraun growled to them. 

None of them moved. Most of them looked too scared to move.

"I t'ink they is ready to shit their pants," Unicorn laughed.


Rated M18+ For
Scenes Depicting Violence Against Children

"You and father can't hurt me anymore. No one can. No one in this village will ever hurt me again."

His voice was changed. Cold. Distant. Angry.

"Quaraun, you're covered in blood."

"The sacrifices have begun."

"Quaraun what happened? Why are you covered in blood?"

Quaraun said nothing, but pointed through the doorway into the nursery. She looked at Quaraun and then into the bedroom. The whole room was covered in blood. She ran into their children's room. Behind Quaraun, the four young Elflings lay lined up dead on the floor. Huge pools of blood forming around them.

 "Quaraun, what happened?" She wailed, thinking he had found them this way. The poor young mother, cried hysterically as she hugged her four dead children.

"The innocent must die with the wicked, for the sacrifice to be complete. It is not a sacrifice if only mine enemies die. What I love the most, must die along side what I love the least. The circle must be complete or the spell will not work."

"What are you babbling on about? Can't you see our children our dead?"

"Yes. I know. I'm sorry. I had to break the bond I had with them, before it grew stronger. The sooner it was done, the easier it is to do. It was interfering with my previous bond to BoomFuzzy. I can't let another bond replace my bond with BoomFuzzy."

"What? Quaraun what are you talking about?"

"They didn't deserve this. But you did. You and my father. And the circle must be complete or the spell will not work."

"Spell? What spell? What are you talking about?"

"I loved my children," Quaraun said to the she-Elf.

"They are dead," she screamed to him, not yet fully realizing what had happened.

"But I loved BoomFuzzy more."

"What?"

She turned back to face Quaraun again and saw BoomFuzzy's dagger in his hands, blood dripping from its blade.

"What have you done?"

"You taught them to hate BoomFuzzy."

He was standing very close to her now, with BoomFuzzy's ruby jewelled obsidian dagger in his hand. For the first time she realized that Quaraun was covered in blood, not from finding the children, but from killing them himself. She looked around the room. There were magic symbols and Faerie runes and veevee written on the floor and walls.

 "Quaraun? What have you done? Did you...did you do this? Did you kill them?"


Rated M18+ For
Language

Unicorn, seeing that he had nothing better to do, decided to drop his pants and masturbate both his dicks.

"Quaraun!" BeaLuna yelled at the Elf. "He's doing it again."

"Unicorn stop it," Quaraun said.

"Fuck yaself."

"Unicorn."

"Fuck!" Unicorn said, louder this time.

"I said stop it." 

"Fuck."

"Stop."

"Fuck."

"Stop it."

"Fuck."

"Stop."

"Fuck."

"Unicorn!"

"Fuck, fucking, fuckity, fuck, fuck, fucking, fuckity, fuck, fuck,..."

"Stop! Stop! Stop!"

"Fuck, fucking, fuckity, fuck, fuck, fucking, fuckity, fuck, fuck,..."

"You're the one who wanted to bring a Faerie with us," BeaLuna scolded.

"Fuck, fucking, fuckity, fuck, fuck, fucking, fuckity, fuck, fuck,..."

"You shut up too."

"Fuck, fucking, fuckity, fuck, fuck, fucking, fuckity, fuck, fuck,..."

"What did you expect? He's a Faerie."

"Fuck, fucking, fuckity, fuck, fuck, fucking, fuckity, fuck, fuck,..."

"Leave me alone, BeaLuna. I'm having enough trouble with him."

"Fuck, fucking, fuckity, fuck, fuck, fucking, fuckity, fuck, fuck,..."

"I told you we shouldn't bring a Faerie with us. But did you listen to me. Noooooo. Of course not. What do I know? Why would you listen to me? I'm the only sane person around here."

"Fuck, fucking, fuckity, fuck, fuck, fucking, fuckity, fuck, fuck,..."

"And you're a Gnome, how is that different from a Faerie?"

Seeing that Quaraun was now ignoring him, Unicorn started singing.

"Fuck, fucking, fuckity, fuck, fuck, fucking, fuckity, fuck, fuck, fucking, fuckity, fuck, fuck, fucking, fuckity, fuck, fuck, fucking, fuckity, fuck, fuck, blood, guts, shit, pus, entrails, fuck, blood, fucking dead Elves in blood, fuck, fucking, fuckity, fuck, fuck, fucking, fuckity, fuck, fuck, fucking, fuckity, fuck, fuck, fucking, fuckity, fuck, fuck, blood, guts, shit, pus, entrails, fuck, blood, fucking dead Elves in pools of glorious blood..."

"UNICORN STOP IT!" 

"You're the one who fucks him," BeaLuna continued.

"I can fuck who the hell ever I want."

"And you want to fuck something like that?"

"Fuck, fucking, fuckity, fuck, fuck, fucking, fuckity, fuck, fuck,..."

Quaraun kicked the Phooka.

"OoooWWwwwHhhh!" Unicorn screamed. "That hurt! Ya wearing high heels ya pink sissified freak!"

"LEAVE ME ALONE!"

"NO!"


Rated M18+ For
Racism, White Supremacy, & Scenes Depicting Violence  Against Minorities

 When the two armies met, a bloody battle broke out between them and Quaraun, did what he does best: he ran and hid.

When the battle was over, the enemy retreated, but with heavy losses on their side and Quaraun now seen to be utterly useless, the soldiers turned on him.

“You damned nigger loving bastard,” the officer screamed as he punched Quaraun in the face, knocking him to the ground. “I ought to shoot you.”

“Gets away from me Elf,” Unicorn roared as he lunged at the soldier, pushing him to the ground, hitting him furiously over and over again. “Free yairself from me Elf, ya no touch him!”

“No!” Quaraun screamed. “Unicorn don't!”

But the Phooka wasn't listening, he was just pummelling the soldier over and over and over in a blind raging fury, smashing his head to a pulp with his bare hands.

One thing Humans often misjudged about the tiny Faerie, was his incredible strength. Phookas were well muscled flesh eating predators, built for killing. In their true form they had viscous flesh ripping fangs and horrific razor sharp claws. Monsters in the truest sense of the word, a Phooka was a formidable man eating beast. That these Trickster Faeries took on the outer appearance of Human form, was only to trick Humans into getting their guard down, so they could get close enough the kill them and eat them.

Another thing about Phookas were their fierce protection of their mates. A Phooka could be induced into a wild, murderous blood frenzy over nothing more then someone giving their mate a look they didn't like. Unicorn thought of Quaraun as his mate and was very defensive and protective of the frail little Elf, so when he saw the soldier punch the Quaraun, Unicorn simply lost it and let every once of raging fury he had in him, out on the Human.

Quaraun scurried back to his feet, and scrambled to pull Unicorn off the solder.

“Unicorn! Stop! Please! Stop!”

Quaraun pulled Unicorn away, as other soldiers were gathering around them. Quaraun stumbled, fallen backwards, Unicorn falling on top of him. The two lay staring up at the dozens of guns now pointing down at them. Other soldiers were gathered around the fallen officer. The soldier's blood dripped from Unicorn's hand. Fragments of his skull and brain were spattered on Unicorn's face. Quaraun didn't have to see the Human or hear what the men were saying to know that the officer was dead and they were now in a lot of trouble.

“You shouldn't have done that,” Quaraun whispered to Unicorn.

“Him was doing harm to ya. Yes?”

“I can take it, Unicorn.”

“No ya can'na. Ya is weak lil wimp.”

“No, you're right. I can't, but you didn't have to kill him.”

“I Phooka. I kill fucking bastard Humans. It what I do.”

“Unicorn, please...”

“I can kill all o them ones der in heartbeat un I shoulds. They is fucking bastards every which one of thems.”

"They are white, Christian Americans."

"Un that all the more reason dair is ta kill t'em. The whiter they are, the more Christian they are, the more American they are, the more they kill every last being is not them. They are the scum of the Earth, a plague upon everything that is decent. The vile white beast does nah deserve to live."

"The whiter they are, the less compassion they have towards life. That is the white Man's way. They are barely sentient beings at all. You know that.  We've been in this time period before, you know what the white Humans are like. Killing them only makes them more violent then they already are."

"Da more reason dair be ta kill them. Do the world a favour un get t'eir white asses off de planet, while dair still be somet'ing none white left to save."

"Their Christians, Unicorn. They march with the flag of the non-White God they murdered. The cross they killed him on, on every flag. The more Christian they, the more likely they are to kill us for not being white or Human. Murder is all the Christians know how to do, it's what their God teaches them. They eat the flesh of their God and drink his blood. Do you have any idea how barbaric Christians are?" 

"Killing dem stops dem afores dey kill again."

"I abhor killing."

"Even killing monstrous beasts like these white Christian Americans?"

“Unicorn please....”

“Why ya no let me eradicates them?”

“They brought us into the future. We can't do anything to change history. We need to get back to our own time without doing anything to disrupt the future.”

“This no be good future. I believe we kill them all, we make future lot much more better place. Ya want save life? How many persons they gonna eliminate if we no put an end to thems war, eh?”

The soldiers dragged Quaraun and Unicorn back to the Colonel’s tent. Quaraun did not resist and remained quiet, but Unicorn yelled and screamed and threatened the soldiers all the way there. The fact that Unicorn's black, whiteless, irisless eyes had turned a white blue and were starting to glow, was lost on the angry Humans, but not on Quaraun, who was dreading the level of anger Unicorn was being driven to.

Every once in a while, Unicorn would get lose and take a swing at one of the soldiers and this would result in several of them holding him down while others kicked him and beat him, resulting in Quaraun screaming and pleading with Unicorn, begging him to be quiet and stop resisting. The trip back to camp should only have taken an hour, but because of Unicorn's fighting them the whole way, it was several hours, before they finally reached camp.

The men quickly explained to the Colonel the events that had befallen them.

The Colonel shoved Unicorn towards the two soldiers standing by his desk.

“Keep that damned slave seated and quiet,” the officer ordered his men. “Shoot him if you have to. That black bastard has a mouth like the blazing pits of Hell on him. I hate niggers.”

The soldiers pushed Unicorn into a chair and stood on either side of him watching him suspiciously as though they expected him to run out and kill every white man among them.

“Damned nigger lover,” the officer sputtered to himself as he turned back to Quaraun. “I should have known you was useless, minute I found out you considered that black bastard a friend instead of your slave. Who's side of this war are you on?”

“I'm not on any side. I don't even know what this war is about. This is not my time period. You brought me here. I'm not from here.”

“Damn Hell you aren't. You haven't got a clue how to keep your slave in line.”

“He's not a slave.”

“He's blacker then tar, that makes him a slave.”

“Ya fucking Human bastards, all ya ever do is enslave every thing ya get ya filthy hands on.”

“Listen to the mouth on that black bastard.”

“Fucking piece of shit white Human bastards do no like the mouth of me fucking black ass. Fuck fucking fucked fucker fucking fuckups fuck fucking fucked fucking fuckup fucking fucker's fucking fuckup,” Unicorn began muttering to himself.

“I don't believe in keeping slaves.”

“Nigger lover. Should have known.”

“Stop calling me that.”

“What should we call you, eh? You're roaming around the battlefield with a black devil following you and you say he's not your slave.”

“Iffy ya'd let me speak, perhaps it could be, I could clarify that,” Unicorn said.

The commander punched Unicorn in the face. Quaraun jumped away, terrified, but Unicorn just sat there, glaring at the officer.

“Ya fucking bastard, ya'll pay for that,” Unicorn said, licking the blood from his split lip.

The soldier hit him again.

“I told you I didn't want to hear a word out of your filthy black heathen mouth.”

“I is no heathen, I is Phooka.”

“I said shut up.” The Colonel hit him again.


Rated M18+ For
Scenes Depicting Drug Use

"There's polar bears on the moon."

"Is there?"

"Pink ones."

"Every t'ing pink with ya, Quaraun."

"I need a moon dragon."

"What about Pocket Lich?"

"Everything's getting brighter."

"Ya eyes is closed."

"Are they?"

"Quaraun?" Unicorn interrupted Quaraun's thoughts again. "What for has happened to ya?"

"I got all these colourful sparkles mixed in with the encroaching darkness," Quaraun said.

"What?" 

"Colours are attacking my senses," Quaraun wailed, holding his hands over his eyes.

"Colours can'na attack ya," Unicorn answered, trying not to sound as annoyied as he was feeling just then.  "What'd ya take, Quaraun?"

Quaraun started screaming hysterically.

"It's all too much," he wailed.

Quaraun was crying now, though he didn't know why.

"Aye," Unicorn agreed, not sure exactly what it was he was agreeing to. "Ya supposed to let me process it before ya takes it. Ya stupid dolyt."

"I need to find a dark place to lay down." Quaraun didn't seem to be aware of the fact that he was laying down. "Very dark. Dark and quiet. Very quiet place to lie down."

"Ya knows ya is already laying down right?" Unicorn asked.

"Am I?" Quaraun opened his eyes and stared up at the sky.

"Aye, right in the middle of the road."

"Look!" Quaraun exclaimed pointing up as an even more terrifing realization hit him. "The sun's up there!"

"Oh fucking titties! Yep. There she is," Unicorn nodded. "Exactly where she supposed to be."

"How'd it get up there?" Quaraun asked. His voice trembled with fear.

"A Sun Elf flew up there and hung it on a hook in one of the clouds," Unicorn spoke in his usual, jesting way. ""He went Shabbooshkie! And stuck it to the top of a t'ee. It keeps falling off so they had to tac it up there with the clouds to keep it in place. But the Sun Elf it was just too much for him to keep doing it over and over again.  'So I got to not fucking break my god dam fucking legs!' Him did cry. That why the birds is up there singing. 'Woooo-heee, hell yeah!' Cause the more they sing, the higher the clouds fly. Eventually it'll be high enough to reach the moon, and then you Moon Elves can live on it. But the Cookie Elves they no like the sun up there because it over bakes their cookies, so Santa Claus, he came with his eight tiny fkying Rain Demons and they kicked the Sun back out of the sky. And one little Moon Elf came along and said 'Oooh, pick me! I want to stab Santa!' And that's how the sun fell out of the sky, but now the Sun Elves put it back up there, see?"

"Oh." 

Quaraun's voices indicated that he believed every word of the lie Unicorn had just told.

"Why do you do that too him?" ZooLock asked.

"I was being sarcastic," Unicorn stated.

"I know that, but he doesn't know that. Look at his eyes! They are as big as the moon right now. What the hell did you give him?"

"I did nae gives him nothing yet."


Rated M18+ For
Scenes Depicting Drug Use

BatDude was a human, a man in a black and purple leather bird costume. His companion Pigeon Poop Boy was also human. He was wearing a blue leotard with grey feathers glued to it. The two Humans from the future, dressed in bird costumes, ran around the tavern chasing the life sized teddy bears, that continued to tumble out of the portal.

Quaraun stared at the scene that was unfolding before him, as BatDude and PigeonPoopBoy rolled out of the blue sparking portal, into the tavern, battling a pair of g-string wearing teddy bears.

"What the hell did you put in my drink?" Quaraun asked Unicorn.

"Whatever it was, it didn't cause that," FarDarrig said. "Because I see it too."

"I give up," Quaraun said. "Where's my food. Humans are crazy. They're all crazy."

Quaraun reached for the platter the girl had left and set out to eating every thing on it and completely ignoring BatDude, PigeonPoopBoy and the giant animetronic teddy bears.

A small bomb went off on the other side of the tavern opposite where Quaraun, Unicorn, and FarDarrig were eating their dinner. Unicorn jumped nervously at the commotion, but Quaraun continued eating as though nothing out of the ordinary had happened. He had actively decided the entire thing was a hallucination and refused to acknowledge it was happening. FarDarrig was too busying pouring blood on his coat and rubbing it into the leather to notice anything that was going on at all.

"Quaraun?" Unicorn learned over and whispered into the Elf's ear. "There is a teddy bear named Freddy throwing bombs shaped like books at a couple of guys in bird suits. They all seemed to have just suddenly appeared there from out of no where."

Quaraun looked up and watched the three characters as they ran back and forth through the tavern, throwing things at one another.

"Yes, I had noticed." 

The pink clad Necromancer went back to eating.

"Should we help them?"

"No, they seem to be tearing the tavern apart just fine on their own."

"Ah. Yes. No. That's not quite what I meant."

"I know what you meant. But I don't particularly want to end up paying for the damages, and whenever we get involved in a tavern brawl, that does always seem to be what happens. Beside, I'd get my new dress dirty."

"Is that a new one?"

"Yes. It is." 

"I can never tell. All yar dresses look the same to me. I ain't never seen any pink cloth like this at any marketplace we visited, and can'na imagine where ya would have found a new dress." 

"Yes. It's new. I made it, while I was spending the last several weeks in bed, while the two of you stayed down stairs drinking and I was laid up in bed."

"Ya drinks just as much as we does."

"I drink because I'm in pain. You two are both undead. You ain't got no reason to drink."

"Ya does not approve of my drinking?"

"I don't approve of the belching contests you have with FarDarrig."

"Ah, well, let's put something in ya drink, then. Make ya feel happy and then I can fuck ya silly."

Unicorn dumped more powder in Quaraun's drink.

"Will you stop drugging my food!"

"Why? Ya knows ya gonna go ahead and drinks it anyways. Ya like the drugs as much as they likes ya, eh?"

"Yes." 

A teddy bear ran by, with two Humans in bird costumes chasing after it.

The blue boy stopped running and stared at Quaraun.

"Holy pink flamingos, BatDude, look at that dress that prostitute is wearing!"

"Can't look now, Pigeon Poop Boy, I got a teddy bear to catch." BatDude called out from across the room.

Quaraun watched BatDude and Pigeon Poop Boy as they chased the teddy bear.

"I'm not even high yet and I'm already seeing weird things." 

Quaraun took the second drugged drink and drank it without farther argument.

"I thought ya didna want me drugging ya drink?" Unicorn asked.

Quaraun opened his mouth to speak, but didn't get a chance to say anything.

"That is some pink dress," Pigeon Poop Boy yelled as they ran by again.


Rated M18+ For
Scenes Depicting Gay Sex

 GhoulSpawn pulled out till only the head of his cock remained inside Quaraun, and then slid back in slowly. With a helpless gasp, Quaraun clung to GhoulSpawn' shoulders. Quaraun moaned, half blinded by that first luscious burst of pleasure. GhoulSpawn began to thrust steadily into him, Quaraun's eyes closed as he gave himself up to the pleasure, wrapping his legs around GhoulSpawn' waist and locking his feet behind him. He forgot about everything but the feel of GhoulSpawn inside him.

The friction of GhoulSpawn rubbing against his sensitive walls, and that cock head pressing against his gland felt so good Quaraun was on cloud nine. Quaraun whimpered deliriously as he bucked insistently against GhoulSpawn.

"You feel fantastic." GhoulSpawn whispered, rolling his hips, grinding hard, taking Quaraun. He loved the hot, tight clasp on his cock. As he rode Quaraun, he watched the Elf's face, loving the way he threw his head back in ecstasy, gasping in time to each thrust.

GhoulSpawn couldn't help saying. "I want to be inside of you forever."

GhoulSpawn breathed shakily as he leaned forward and slammed his mouth against Quaraun's. Both men devoured each other's lips in a heated kiss, as GhoulSpawn gave Quaraun what he wanted. He fucked into Quaraun with such complete abandon, sending both of them to rapturous heights. It was fast, deep and mouth wateringly good. He could hear the erratic breathing and muffled grunts of the excited Moon Elf.

GhoulSpawn wrapped his arms around Quaraun's waist, picked Quaraun off the log and pressed his back against the tree. Quaraun gasped, but his gasp turned into a loud moan when GhoulSpawn thrust deeply into him


Rated M18+ For
Scenes Depicting Drug Use

At the center of the fork, was a small island of dune grass, at the center of which stood a tall wooden sign post, with many carved wooden signs up and down it, each pointing in different direction.

Unicorn stopped to read the signs, leaning Quaraun on the post. The Moon Elf quickly clasped his arms around the post and clung to it as if terrified he was about to fall off a cliff.

"What it says?" Unicorn asked at last.

"I thought you just read them?" ZooLock said.

"Yeah, eat dick ya tentecaled bag of fuck! I can no reads."

"You can't read?"

"Nope," Unicorn stated. 

 "I am stunned by this revilation!" The squid head priest waved several tenicles to emphasise his shock. "Wizarding requires centuries of studying!"

"Aye." 

"Humans rarely know magic arts because they lack a long enough life span to absorb all the knowledge there was to learn."

"Aye." 

You are a two thousand year old Faerie! It is preposterous to think that an illiterate wizard was even a possibabilty, let alone a wizard of your level of power."

"Ya acknowledes me as a wizard, eh?"

"Aren't you supposed to be Gwallmaiic, King of the Faeries, Elf Eater of Pepper Valley, Leader of the Lich Lords?"

"Yep. That be me. Illiterate King of the Faeries."

Quaraun was slowly sinking to the ground, while still tightly hugging the sign post as if his life depended upon it. Unicorn grabbed Quaraun and pulled him back upright.

"Stay!" Unicorn commanded, pushed Quaraun against the sign post.

"You wrote volumes on Necromancy," ZooLock continued. "And the Dark Arts and Demonology and ... no wait... you didn't write about Demons... who was that?"

"Me wrote them books when me was alive."

"And now you are an undead Lich with all of immortallity to read and learn even more magic and gain greater powers..."

"It does no work that way."

"What do you mean it doesn't work that way?"

"I mean, here I is a Lich and I can no remembers how to read or write. It just like me natural instinct was to kill ya, but I dose nae know why I needs to  be killing ya. Just like I does nae knows why me Elf be not letting me be killing ya. And just like that I can nae reads. Sorry. It way it is."

"Do you suggest all Liches are illiterate?"

"All ones I met is."

Unicorn grabbed Quaraun by the pink, rhinstone jeweled collar around his neck.

"I ought ta put a leash on ya. Wonder if I got some rope? What am I saying, ya has everything."

Unicorn leaned the tipsy Elf against the signpost again, then took Quaraun's bag of holding and began rumaging around in it looking for some rope.

ZooLock looked up at the posts and read the nurmous signs out loud.

"Duck Brook. Were you not just talking about ducks?"

"I was?"

"Yes, you said we were sitting like ducks."

"Aye." Unicorn looked around at the wide open space they were standing in, here at the crossroads. "We is more sitting duck right now too. Oot here in der open like t'is, never be good t'ng to be doing. Which way be Duck Pond?"

"Brook," ZooLock corrected. 

"What?"

Unicorn wasn't paying attention. He was too busy trying to decide which of the ropes he had found would be best suited for putting Quaraun on a leash.

"It says Duck Brook."

"Pond. Brook. Whatever. Same differance. Water be water. Which way be it?"

Quaraun was slidding back down to the ground again. Unicorn again stood him back up and propped him against the sign post.

"I said STAY, now STAY!" He ordered. 

Quaraun slid back down to the ground. The Elf was almost unconscious by this point. Unicorn stepped back and stared at the woozy Elf, then at the rope in his hand, and then stared at the sign post.

"Well, fuck, I been doing it the wrong way."

Unicorn tied Quaraun's hands to the signs on the post, and let the Elf hang their by his wrists.

"There! Now ya can'na fall over!"

"You're gonna hurt him," ZooLock said.

"Nah. Him used to it. I ties him up in trees all de time. Him love getting him arse poked while him hanging in trees. It him favourite t'ing. Him like being fucked whilst him be restrained?"

"Black Bear Brook, seems to be that way..." ZooLock pointed a slimy pink tentecal down one of the dirt roads, ignoring what Unicorn had said.

"Black Bear?" Unicorn was puzzled. "Did ya not just say Duck a minute ago?"

"Yes, one says Duck Brook and the other says Black Bear Brook."

"Which brook do we want?"

"There is no Witch Brook. But Witch Pond is that way."

"I did nae say Witch Brook, I asked which brook for we is to go to!"

"Well there is no Witch Brook and Witch Pond is that way."

"Does we want to go to a place named after witches?"

The rope on Quaraun's wrists came lose and the Elf suddenly fell down to the ground again.

"Well, shit balls, I did nothing correctly," Unicorn scolded himself as he dragged Quaraun back to his feet again.

"Why don't you just let him lay on the ground, while we figure out where we are going?"

"Eh?" Unicorn dropped Quaraun on the ground and walked over him. "Okay. Where is we going?"

Quaraun tried to stand up on his own this time and quickly grabbed hold of the sign post.

"The ground is moving," the sick Elf moaned.

Unicorn looked back over at Quaraun. He was still holding on to the sign post but was now vomiting uncontrollably.

"I does no be t'inging Quaraun in any condition to be climbing the mountain just now. Him vomiting him guts out. Him need a place where him can lays down and sleep off whatever bad trip him having. Does they say anyt'ng of how far away they be?" 

Unicorn tossed a worried glance at Quaraun. The Elf shivered with chill and fatigue, he appeared tired and haggard, his face pale and looking dreadfully ill.  

"I t'nks Quaraun at end of him ability to walk much farther. And now him be vomiting his guts out...again."


Rated M18+ For
Scenes Depicting Gay Sex

Unicorn slid his hands across Quaraun's chest. The Elf yelped as the Faerie's fingers brushed over his sore, bruised nipples. 

"Lean forward," Unicorn commanded, as he pressed his hand onto Quaraun's spine and pushed him face down onto the bed. "Don't move. Stay there."

Quaraun braced himself for the Phooka to mount him, but instead Unicorn got off the bed. 

"Don't move," he commanded again.

Quaraun did as he was told, he didn't dare not to, not because Unicorn had commanded it, but rather because he knew if he tried to get up right now, he'd pass out. He'd lost far too much blood. Moments later he felt Unicorn get back onto the bed and move up close behind him. Quaraun's muscles clenched as he felt the Phooka's cold hard dick press against his butt cheeks.

"Sit back up."

"Please. Let me go," Quaraun began crying. He felt the Faerie's hand slide up his back and around to his belly, firmly gripping him, and forcing him to sit upright, pressing his back hard against the Faerie's strong muscular chest.

"Don't be frightened of me, Quaraun. I won't hurt ya. Try to relax." With his other hand Unicorn began to fondle Quaraun's erect cock. Droplets of the Elf's pre-cum began to moisten the Phooka's hand. "There now, ya see it's not that bad. Yis enjoying it already."

As he spoke, the Faerie let go of Quaraun, and began to pile several pillows up in front of the Elf.

"Lean forward again," he said quietly, as he pushed Quaraun down over the pillows. 

Unicorn grabbed Quaraun's by the waist and slammed him face down onto the bed, as the Phooka began rubbing his hard erect dick on the Elf's bare ass. Quaraun braced his hands on the edge of the bed as Unicorn began to fuck his tight ass. Quaraun gasped and tried not to scream as the Vampire Faerie shoved his hard cock up into Quaraun's tiny ass. Unicorn continued fucking him, moving faster, harder, and impaling his cock deeper into the Elf's ass. Quaraun could hear the Phooka's moans of joy, as his juices flowed into Quaraun as though he were a woman. Quaraun howled like a wild animal. His own cum squirted onto the bed as he squealed to the pounding he was receiving. 

Quaraun loved most of all the feel of his balls slapping against Unicorn's with each thrust. As he entered Quaraun again, the Vampire grasped the Elf's butt cheeks, pulling him up off the bed. The two men lay beside each other on the floor, both breathing heavily. The Faerie started laughing hysterically.

Quaraun tried to focus on the Vampire's words, but he was focused more on the strong familiar aroma of the Vampire's cum and the gentle sensation of the Vampire's balls slapping up against his own. 


Rated M18+ For
Scenes Depicting Violence 

It took a moment for his eyes to adjust to the bright mid morning sun, before he realized GhoulSpawn and Unicorn were fighting. Or rather Unicorn was beating up GhoulSpawn.

GhoulSpawn was on the ground, trying to shield his face from the blows, with his arms as Unicorn sat on top of the half-Elf punching him over and over again. Quaraun didn't know what to do. Unicorn was had many times his strength. Even he and GhoulSpawn together did not have half the strength of the undead Phooka.

Quaraun looked around wondering if there was anything he could use to help the half-Elf, but his attention was brought back to the fight when he heard GhoulSpawn's gurgled, chocking screams. Unicorn now had his hands clenched tight on the Sun Elf's throat, strangling him. The poor half-Elf was struggling desperately against the undead beast. Quaraun knew he had to do something to break them up before Unicorn killed GhoulSpawn.

"No! Please!" Quaraun cried as he scrambled to his feet and ran to Unicorn, grabbing hold of his shoulders and trying to pulling him off GhoulSpawn. "Please don't hurt him. Stop. Please stop. Please!"

Unicorn let go of GhoulSpawn, briefly. Long enough to swing around and punch Quaraun, knocking the Moon Elf to the ground.

 GhoulSpawn was gasping and chocking, trying to breath, too dizzy to get away, before Unicorn pounced on him again, this time biting the half-Elf, sinking his fangs deep into GhoulSpawn's throat drawing blood.

"No!" Quaraun screamed. "Don't! Please don't!"

Quaraun knew the Vampire Lich would tear the half-Elf apart in seconds, if he didn't do something to stop the enraged undead creature. Quaraun's mind was reeling as he tried to think of what to do, how to stop the angry Phooka was eating his friend.


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There Are 300+ Quaraun Novels Planned, Outlined, Started, and In Various Stages of Completion.
130 Were Published on FanFiction.net Between 1997 and 2012
5 Are Now Available as eBooks on Amazon,
1 Is Now In Paperback.
More Then 200 Volumes, Now Have Cover Art Finished

Here's The Latest Brand New Covers:
A Great Big Thank You To all The Wonderful Artists
Who Worked So Hard To Create All of
These Wonderful Cover Art Images For Us!

Language Warning?

Answering another question: "Do you have to swear so much?"

Damn, fucking, bloody hell, yes. And if you don't like it, you can take your elitist shit head, stuff it up your holier than thou ass, and jump off a cliff.

I write Yaoi. As in, I'm a Yaoi author. Yaoi is noted for being crude. It's a genre that you have to be 18 or older to buy. So, yeah, you're gonna find crude language here, and you probably want to be 18 or older to read my site here as well, because the #1 thing I talk about is Yaoi and how to write it.

dancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing banana

We Gypsies of Old Orchard Beach, Maine, are Scottish & this site therefore uses our Native Scottish English. 

Spellings like "traveller" or "neighbour" or "colour", pronoun differences "me" for "my" or "you" for "your" might look unfamiliar to you, but they are in fact correct in our language. Please refrain from letting your cultural ignorance show in my inbox.

Even More Quaraun Cover Art,
-Previously Released And Already Seen Here,
But Posting Them Again,
Just Because I like These Pictures...

And Once Again, Thank You To All The Wonderful Artists Who Helped Make The Covers For This Series!








Top 101 Most Viewed Pages Of 2017 So Far
(Out of 9,772 pages)

(January 2017 to June 2017)
(Excluding the Home PageAbout Page, and Site Map Page, which were the top 3)

  1. Medieval Servants: Their jobs and their place in historical fiction.
  2. Amphibious Aliens: The Story of Etiole & The World's Most Haunted Car
  3. On being a handicapped CosPlayer at PortCon Maine 2017
  4. Flamboyant Nipples: The KKK's New Gay Hating Site About Old Orchard Beach
  5. The GoldenEagle: An Auto-biography of the World's Most Haunted Car
  6. How Long is 50,000 Words?
  7. Writing Mute Characters
  8. Autism, Asperger, PTSD, & Mad Cow: What is wrong with Quaraun? (Writing A Clinically Insane Character Accurately)
  9. Writing Dares Random Generator
  10. Stephen King's The Thinner and The Gypsies Of Old Orchard Beach, Maine
  11. The Saco River Curse
  12. Don't put flyers on people's cars...
  13. Our Primary Site Topic Is Small Penis? Reaching #1 on Page 1 of Google.
  14. Why Crude Adult Comedy and Pink Humor Yaoi Is Not Erotica
  15. Quaraun Free To Read Online Complete Chapter Index In Chronological Order
  16. Albino Races - Moon Elves In The Quaraun Series
  17. Help FBI End Anti-Gay White Power Terrorist Attacks of Old Orchard Beach
  18. Autism, Asperger's, And The Danger of The Self-Diagnosis
  19. 600 Pages: Epic Big Super Sized Novels and Why You Should Never Write One
  20. The Jiggler & The G-String Teddy Bears | The Adventures of Quaraun The Insane
  21. Spell Casting Side Effects: Magic In Quaraun's Universe | Author Interview
  22. Necromancy: Fact Vs Fiction; Or How Can You Be A Necromancer In Real Life?
  23. The Dazzling Razzberry aka EelKat's Autism Awareness Car
  24. The Gypsies of Old Orchard Beach - page 1 (Online Release of Banned Book)
  25. Markiplier Jacksepticeye and Pewdiepie Play Resident Evil 7
  26. What Type of Music Does A Gypsy Listen To? My Top 10 Favorite Bands
  27. World's Most Haunted Car Merchandise
  28. Is It a Novel, a Novella, a Short Story or Something Else?
  29. I Am Not GhoulSpawn | Excerpt From Rose Garden of The Pink Necromancer
  30. BoomFuzzy Chapter 1 (Novel Excerpt - Quaraun The Insane)
  31. Psychedelics In A 'High' High Fantasy World (High Elves Getting High)
  32. World-building In The Quaraun Series: Creating a Fantasy World
  33. City of The Slushies | Chapter 7 | Quaraun The Insane
  34. How to Handle Writing Fantasy-Horror That Features Violence Against Children
  35. How To Write A Stage Play Script Frenzy 2010 Writing Dialogue
  36. Quaraun GhoulSpawn and The Lich Lord's Lover: The Lover's Triangle
  37. An Elf Gone Mad: The Rise of The Pink Necromancer
  38. A Field of Poppies On The Road To Witch Pond | Summoner of Darkness
  39. The Banshee Sisters: Bean-Nighe and Ben-Neeyah In the Swamp of Death
  40. Amphibious Aliens: My health since the stroke and Etiole . . .
  41. Beware of White Men In Gypsy Clothing: Fake Psychic Scams
  42. Online Income: The Reality vs The Fantasy
  43. OtherKin: My 30th Anniversary of Being Transgender
  44. Autism and the Stigmas - Why Can’t You Accept Me As Me?
  45. Old Orchard Beach Hate Crimes
  46. Suicide, Rape, and Abuse In The Quaraun Series
  47. Writing Racist Characters VS The Ku Klux Klan In Old Orchard Beach, Maine
  48. A Gallery of Fetish Shoes
  49. Custom Leggings - Designs By EelKat
  50. EGL: Elegant Gothic Lolita
  51. One Gypsy's Review of My Big Fat American Gypsy Wedding
  52. Selfie: When did the X-Rated porn word get a new meaning?
  53. Daily Writing Prompts (June 2017 Archive)
  54. Quaraun The Insane Volume 1: The Night of the Screaming Unicorn
  55. Random Generators by EelKat
  56. Autistic Characters In Fiction
  57. Keywords & Pigeons: How I Do Local Business Marketing
  58. Manuscript Reading Services or Will You Read My Book and Tell Me What You Think?
  59. How to Write Hot Sex - Tips For Erotic Romance Authors
  60. How can your books have gay transvestite characters and not be Erotica?
  61. KBoards, The NaNoWriMo ML Rumor & The Vindictive Stalker
  62. Captured By The Lich Lord | The Night of The Screaming Unicorn
  63. Incest In Fiction
  64. Maine UFO Sightings
  65. Page 11 - The Gypsies of Old Orchard Beach - The Scottish Traveller Crime Family
  66. The Southern Maine Writers Group
  67. Contact Info
  68. My Fave YouTubers Play: Dream Daddy - The Yaoi Dating Sim Otome Game
  69. Santa's Floating Dead Body | A Scene From The Summoner of Darkness
  70. Why Pink Humor Crude Adult Comedy Yaoi Is Not Erotica
  71. SideBar Archive Spring 2017
  72. The Dungeon Master & The 1974 AMC Gremlin
  73. Ideas, Ideas, Ideas (Where Do You Get Them?)
  74. Lives Destroyed: Amphibious Aliens 10th Anniversary Update
  75. Twighilight Not Twilight
  76. What exactly makes an Elf an Elf? (What is the definition of an Elf?)
  77. EelKat's Guide To NaNoWriMo Featuring The 13 Step Method To Writing
  78. A Motorhome named 'No Hurry' becomes Rosebud & The Story of Ten Kidnapped Cats
  79. BoomFuzzy's Gingerbread House From Hell
  80. An Elf and a Lich in the Gingerbread Pit | The Night of The Screaming Unicorn
  81. Gemstones in Gypsy Magic (A to C)
  82. Is The Quaraun Series Erotica? - No! Here's why...
  83. Pink Flowers Aesthetic on Pinterest
  84. Sheep | GhoulSpawn The Crazed & The Rose Garden of The Pink Necromancer
  85. You Stole My Idea - I was writing a book, but you already wrote it 10 years ago!
  86. A Day At Witch Pond & Fleeing To The Forest | Summoner of Darkness
  87. City of The Slushies | Chapter 1 | Quaraun The Insane
  88. Colour Magic - Gypsy Style
  89. Create Original Content aka I Hate Jackass Gutter Scum Thieves
  90. Lets Playing Is No Longer Fun
  91. Phookas
  92. The Signs Of Old Orchard Beach & The FBI Investigation Of The Town Hall
  93. Aspergers is NOT Autism
  94. Domain Name Branding: Should You Put Your Brand Name In Your URL?
  95. How is it that the church leaders are claiming you do not pay tithes?
  96. Summoner of Darkness: GhoulSpawn and Quaraun Trapped With A Phooka
  97. The Gypsies of Old Orchard Beach - page 2 (Online Release of Banned Book)
  98. Transgender, Transsexual, Transvestite, or Intersex: What Is Quaraun?
  99. Average Typing Speed
  100. How valuable is a writer’s group?
  101. Santa Claus: Lich Of The North Pole (Includes NSFW 18+ CBT Yaoi scene)







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What do you want to become? 
What did you do today to step closer to that goal?
Whatever you do, be your best at it!
And remember to have yourself a great and wonderfully glorious day!

~EK
EelKat.com
pinterest.com/eelkat/
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By EelKat Wendy C Allen







Books By EelKat
Currently Available on Amazon Kindle:

Paperback:


And why 27 books were deleted off Amazon after being banned by The Old Orchard Beach, Maine Town Hall, an American Government organization, on January 4, 2016, for being "Too Gay For The Family Friendly Town of Old Orchard Beach".





Here... have a banana... The Warrior's Forum's internet marketing "guru" Tom Addams thought we didn't have enough of them around here, so, gotta add some more...

heck... take an entire bunch of bananas...




and you might as well take some some banana bread while you're here...

We here at EelKat.com don't like the Ku Klux Klan or any one who supports their domestic terrorist hate crimes in Old Orchard Beach.




















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The Top 202 Most Visited Pages of 2017

Seeing how on October 15, 2017, we reached 10,000 pages, I thought it'd be fun to update the Top 100 List and see where were were now.

Top 202 Most Viewed Pages Of 2017 So Far
(Out of 10,000 pages)

(January 2017 to October 2017)
(Excluding the Home PageAbout Page, and Site Map Page, which were the top 3)

  1. Amphibious Aliens: The Story of Etiole & The World's Most Haunted Car
  2. The GoldenEagle: An Auto-biography of the World's Most Haunted Car
  3. Medieval Servants: Their jobs and their place in historical fiction.
  4. How Long is 50,000 Words?
  5. On being a handicapped CosPlayer at PortCon Maine 2017
  6. Stephen King's The Thinner and The Gypsies Of Old Orchard Beach, Maine
  7. Writing Mute Characters
  8. Flamboyant Nipples: The KKK's New Gay Hating Site About Old Orchard Beach | The Site That Makes Fun of Terrorist Hate Crimes
  9. Writing Dares Random Generator
  10. Don't put flyers on people's cars...
  11. The Saco River Curse
  12. Our Primary Site Topic Is Small Penis? Reaching #1 on Page 1 of Google.
  13. Help FBI End Anti-Gay White Power Terrorist Attacks of Old Orchard Beach
  14. Creating Character Profiles | Meet The Characters | Who Is Quaraun?
  15. Introduction To The Quaraun Series: aka Too Gay For Old Orchard Beach
  16. The Dazzling Razzberry aka EelKat's Autism Awareness Car
  17. Autism, Asperger, PTSD, & Mad Cow: Writing Clinical Insanity Accurately | What is wrong with Quaraun? 
  18. Quaraun Free To Read Online Complete Chapter Index In Chronological Order
  19. Necromancy: Fact Vs Fiction; Or How Can You Be A Necromancer In Real Life?
  20. 600 Pages: Epic Big Super Sized Novels and Why You Should Never Write One
  21. Why Crude Adult Comedy and Pink Humor Yaoi Is Not Erotica
  22. The FBI In Old Orchard Beach, Maine Trying To Capture A Domestic Terrorist
  23. One Gypsy's Review of My Big Fat American Gypsy Wedding
  24. The Gypsies of Old Orchard Beach - page 1 (Online Release of Banned Book)
  25. Autism, Asperger's, And The Danger of The Self-Diagnosis
  26. Spell Casting Side Effects: Magic In Quaraun's Universe | Author Interview
  27. What Type of Music Does A Gypsy Listen To? My Top 10 Favorite Bands
  28. Beware of White Men In Gypsy Clothing: Fake Psychic Scams
  29. How long does it take to hit 1667 words?
  30. How to Write A Kiss
  31. Phookas
  32. Creating Character Profiles | Meet The Characters | Who Is GhoulSpawn?
  33. Albino Races - Moon Elves In The Quaraun Series
  34. Daily Writing Prompts (June 2017 Archive)
  35. My 30th Anniversary of Being Transgender
  36. Why Are The Quaraun Books Rated M18+
  37. How to Write Hot Sex - Tips For Erotic Romance Authors
  38. The Zaharam-Chapelle-Parunas Ethnographical World Building Questionnaire
  39. The Jiggler & The G-String Teddy Bears | The Adventures of Quaraun The Insane
  40. What exactly makes an Elf an Elf? (What is the definition of an Elf?)
  41. Online Income: The Reality vs The Fantasy
  42. World's Most Haunted Car Merchandise
  43. I Am Not GhoulSpawn | Excerpt From Rose Garden of The Pink Necromancer
  44. Old Orchard Beach Hate Crimes
  45. BoomFuzzy Chapter 1 (Novel Excerpt - Quaraun The Insane)
  46. How can your books have gay transvestite characters and not be Erotica? or Why are gay haters beating up elderly woman for wearing pink for breast cancer awareness and saying she's a transexual because only transexuals wear pink?
  47. EelKat's Guide To NaNoWriMo Featuring The 13 Step Method To Writing
  48. Autism and the Stigmas - Why Can’t You Accept Me As Me?
  49. Maine UFO Sightings
  50. Page 11 - The Gypsies of Old Orchard Beach - The Scottish Traveller Crime Family
  51. Psychedelics In A 'High' High Fantasy World (High Elves Getting High)
  52. KBoards, The NaNoWriMo ML Rumor & The Vindictive Stalker
  53. Writing Racist Characters VS The Ku Klux Klan In Old Orchard Beach, Maine
  54. Captured By The Lich Lord | The Night of The Screaming Unicorn
  55. How To Build A Magic System
  56. I've everything but a kitchen sink. Wait, how'd that sink get in my pocket?
  57. Stephen King's Thinner Gypsies & The Ku Klux Klan of Old Orchard Beach
  58. Autistic Characters In Fiction
  59. City of The Slushies | Chapter 7 | Quaraun The Insane
  60. Manuscript Reading Services or Will You Read My Book and Tell Me What You Think?
  61. Suicide, Rape, and Abuse In The Quaraun Series
  62. Wizards vs Witches vs Sorcerers: How are they different? | Writing Fantasy Books
  63. FRED: Google's Most Deadly Update Ever?
  64. How To Write A Novel: Question Everything Before Putting It In Your World
  65. Content writing: How long do you spend creating a quality blog post?
  66. SBI: To Review or Not to Review? That Is The Question
  67. Twerking Dragons: The Joys Of Writing A Novel With A Voice Recorder
  68. A Day At Witch Pond & Fleeing To The Forest | Summoner of Darkness
  69. Transgender, Transsexual, Transvestite, or Intersex: What Is Quaraun?
  70. Sheep | GhoulSpawn The Crazed & The Rose Garden of The Pink Necromancer
  71. Colour Magic - Gypsy Style
  72. Ideas, Ideas, Ideas (Where Do You Get Them?)
  73. Keywords & Pigeons: How I Do Local Business Marketing
  74. Quaraun & Autism In Fantasy Novels
  75. The Signs Of Old Orchard Beach & The FBI Investigation Of The Town Hall
  76. Tom Addams & The Warrior's Forum
  77. A Field of Poppies On The Road To Witch Pond | Summoner of Darkness
  78. An Elf and a Lich in the Gingerbread Pit | The Night of The Screaming Unicorn
  79. Markiplier Jacksepticeye and Pewdiepie Play Resident Evil 7
  80. Santa Claus: Lich Of The North Pole (Includes NSFW 18+ CBT Yaoi scene)
  81. A Motorhome named 'No Hurry' becomes Rosebud & The Story of Ten Kidnapped Cats
  82. Create Original Content aka I Hate Jackass Gutter Scum Thieves
  83. Lost In a Space That Isn't There: Going North To Head South
  84. An Elf Gone Mad: The Rise of The Pink Necromancer
  85. Aspergers is NOT Autism
  86. Is The Quaraun Series Erotica? - No! Here's why...
  87. Summoner of Darkness: GhoulSpawn and Quaraun Trapped With A Phooka
  88. The Dungeon Master & The 1974 AMC Gremlin
  89. The Lich's True Form Revealed | The Night of The Screaming Unicorn
  90. Using work you already started for national novel writing month?
  91. World-building In The Quaraun Series: Creating a Fantasy World
  92. Books in Vacationland 2017
  93. BoomFuzzy's Gingerbread House From Hell
  94. Lets Playing Is No Longer Fun
  95. Santa's Floating Dead Body | A Scene From The Summoner of Darkness
  96. The Banshee Sisters: Bean-Nighe and Ben-Neeyah In the Swamp of Death
  97. The Gypsies of Old Orchard Beach - page 2 (Online Release of Banned Book)
  98. What vlogging equipment is needed to get started as a YouTube vlogger?
  99. April 2015 Update: Too Gay For Old Orchard Beach: The Kidnapped Cats
  100. Betta Fish Aesthetic on Pinterest
  101. Domain Name Branding: Should You Put Your Brand Name In Your URL?
  102. Life As A YouTuber: How To Earn An Income From Making Videos
  103. Making YouTube Videos: How did you decide what content to make?
  104. Page 4 - The Gypsies of Old Orchard Beach
  105. Twighilight Not Twilight
  106. YouTube Index
  107. Amphibious Aliens: My health since the stroke and Etiole . . .
  108. Are You A Satan Worshiper?
  109. Average Typing Speed
  110. Custom Leggings - Designs By EelKat
  111. Ernest Hemingway Style of Writing Literary Fiction Used In Epic Fantasy Novels
  112. Google Flagged Your Site! What To Do? (Help For Web Masters)
  113. How valuable is a writer’s group?
  114. Lives Destroyed: Amphibious Aliens 10th Anniversary Update
  115. Lost In a Space That Isn't There: Santa's Letter To Satan
  116. Summoner of Darkness: Quaraun Meets The Gremlin
  117. The Terrorists of Old Orchard Beach Put My Dad In a Coma
  118. Using Yahoo Answers to promote your book and author website.
  119. What Is This Site?
  120. You Stole My Idea - I was writing a book, but you already wrote it 10 years ago!
  121. City of The Slushies | Chapter 1 | Quaraun The Insane
  122. Creative Writing Story Prompts: September 2017 Edition
  123. Dungeons and Dragons: The Joys Of Calculating Gold Weight In AD&D 2ed
  124. Fabric Designed By EelKat
  125. My Fave YouTubers Play: Dream Daddy - The Yaoi Dad Dating Sim Otome Game
  126. Necromancy: How will resurrection affect society as a whole?
  127. Page 7 - The Gypsies of Old Orchard Beach
  128. Pink Flowers Aesthetic on Pinterest
  129. The Gypsies of Old Orchard Beach - page 12 (Online Release of Banned Book)
  130. What will a traveler encounter on the roads in your world?
  131. Are you insane? Am I? Let's Find Out...
  132. Becoming A Better Writer: How to write interesting dialogue.
  133. Character Creation
  134. Copper Cockeral Cards & Gifts
  135. Elves, Drugs, and Opium: A Look At The Drug Use In The Quaraun Books
  136. How To Stay Motivated To Write | Writing Fantasy Books
  137. Jewelry Fashions in Moon Elf Culture | World Building | Writing Fantasy Books
  138. Keyword Marketing - What to do when your best keywords are low demand
  139. Magic Systems and How to Build Them | Writing Fantasy Books
  140. NaNoWriMo Overachievers: How did you do it?
  141. Quaraun Cover Art Gallery | Fantasy Novel Book Cover Art
  142. Quaraun The Insane : Zebulon's Captive: The Last of The Moon Elves
  143. SEO Advantages of Embedding YouTube Videos On Your Website
  144. Summoner of Darkness: A Tavern Scene - Chastity Cages, and Whores
  145. Summoner of Darkness: The Return of ZooLock (free to read online)
  146. Twighlight Not Twilight Part 2
  147. Vanishing Books Update - Why 27 of my books were deleted off Amazon
  148. What is a God in Your Universe? | World Building | Writing Fantasy Books
  149. Writing Maine: How To Write About Maine Life Accurately
  150. What the Ocean Gives Me (How Things In Your Life Affect Your Writing)
  151. City of The Slushies | Chapter 14 | Quaraun The Insane
  152. February 10, 2008 - Harassment Continues in Old Orchard Beach, Maine
  153. How does a bestselling book become a bestseller?
  154. Marriage in Moon Elf Culture | World Building | Writing Fantasy Books
  155. People are not interested in long winded copy
  156. September 26, 2017 - The Latest Attack By The KKK on The Thinner Gypsies
  157. Spending Money To Make Money Online? Should You Do It?
  158. Summoner of Darkness: The Demon Cultists and The Coming of The Darkness
  159. Summoner of Darkness: The Map of The Town (novel free to read online)
  160. The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt GOTY | Completionist Run: Episode 01
  161. Trespassers: April 2007 Updates
  162. Turning Scenes, Into Stories & Writing Travelogue Style Fantasy Books
  163. Where To Get Endless Ideas For Short Stories, Novels, and Articles
  164. Writing Controversial Books: Political Correctness & White Supremacists
  165. Are Bad Reviews Good For You?
  166. Branding Yourself While Avoiding The Scams | EelKat On Content Writing
  167. Child Sacrifice in Fantasy Novels | Writing Fantasy Books
  168. How to Handle Writing Fantasy-Horror That Features Violence Against Children
  169. How would you explain your Fantasy world to a stranger?
  170. Page 6 - The Gypsies of Old Orchard Beach
  171. Summoner of Darkness: HellBorne The Evil, Lord of Black Tower
  172. The return of Friends Are Forever - Banned and Burned it's about to be reborn!
  173. Why do Lovecraftian beings come to earth?
  174. Writing Prompts Syndrome?
  175. Autism = The Crazy Cat Woman of Maine
  176. Autism: Understanding what is really going on inside the child’s head.
  177. But what exactly IS a full time income?
  178. Content Marketing & writing: How I write content for my website
  179. Do you write a novel start-to-finish?
  180. GhoulSpawn and The Lich Lord's Lover: How To Kill a Lich
  181. How is it that the church leaders are claiming you do not pay tithes?
  182. How To Write A Novel: In what order do you create your world?
  183. I loved my children but I loved BoomFuzzy more | From Quaraun The Insane
  184. My Two Favorite People: FarDarrig and The Baby That Never Should Have Been
  185. Need help writing characters of color | EelKat on racist white readers
  186. Quaraun and the Amazon Adult Filter
  187. Quaraun GhoulSpawn and The Lich Lord's Lover: The Lover's Triangle
  188. Summoner of Darkness: Where Are You Hiding That Horse?
  189. Tired of people who don’t care. :( Tired of the harassment. :(
  190. What would happen if an Elf adopted a Human baby? | Writing Fantasy Books
  191. Page 10 - The Gypsies of Old Orchard Beach
  192. Page 3 - The Gypsies of Old Orchard Beach
  193. Page 8 - The Gypsies of Old Orchard Beach
  194. SCRIPT FRENZY 2010: I WON! & Psycho Stalker Attacks
  195. Wristlets, Wrist Bags, Mini Clutch, Cosmetic Bags, and Designer Mini Purses
  196. Writing Your Novel: Do you save chapters as individual files?
  197. Are old AD&D adventures still any use to current players?
  198. Autistics Have Feelings Too & Diverse Books Rant
  199. Be True To You: YouTube Gamers: "Faking" a personality until you make it?
  200. City of The Slushies | Chapter 10 | Quaraun The Insane
  201. HEA in Erotica (Should You Write Happily Ever Afters?)
  202. Stephen King's Thinner Gypsies



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