Do Black Lives REALLY Matter
to the BLM Rioters?
No.
If Black Lives REALLY Mattered,
to the BLM Protesters,
they would stop and think
about the consequences their actions have
on those of us who live with REAL, ACTUAL
White Supremacists
harassing and murdering our families...
They are using words like
White Supremacists, Nazis, and KKK
loosely, as slurs and descriptors for any and all white people...
but they forget...
White Supremacists, Nazis, and the Ku Klux Klan
ARE REAL TERRORIST ORGANIZATIONS
WHO COMMIT ACTUAL HATE CRIMES
AGAINST ACTUAL MINORITIES
...and by using using words like
White Supremacists, Nazis, and KKK loosely,
as slurs and descriptors for any and all white people,
they cause people to forget about the horrors committed by the REAL White Supremacists, Nazis, and the Ku Klux Klan
UPDATE: June 24, 2020: Much sadness, the painting of Erzulie Danta aka The Black Madonna, one of Vudo's Primary Loas was destroyed by BLM vandals :( , she along with her sister Erzulie Freda are my patron saints.
Much sadness, the painting of Erzulie Danta aka The Black Madonna, one of Vudo's Primary Loas was destroyed by BLM vandals :( only 2 days after the destruction of Erzulie Freda aka Immaculate Conception, she along with her sister Erzulie Freda are my patron saints.
Erzulie Danta & Erzulie Freda are 2 of the primary Loa of Voodoo.
They are the 2 wives of Damballah Weddo, The One God, The Great Serpent, The Creator of Life.
White slave owners, would not allow black slaves to worship the Loa. Slave owners brought in Catholic Priests and Nuns to convert the slaves. The slaves took the icons, prayer cards, and paintings the priests and nuns gave them, and gave the Loa, "Catholic names"
Thus Damballah Weddo began to be represented by images of Moses carrying a Brass Serpent, and his wives Erzulie Danta & Erzulie Freda began to be represented by The Black Madonna and The Lady of The Immaculate Conception.
All of the Loa, have Catholic Saints and Martyrs to represent them. It was a way for the slaves to trick the Masters into thinking the slaves were converted to Catholicism, when in fact, Voodoo, or Vuvu as it was called in the 1400 to 1700s, stayed strong in their hearts and the mysteries of the Loa stayed alive.
Today Voodoo is a branch of the Catholic church, and while most Christians call us Pagans or Heathens or worse, we are in fact Christian, and branch of Catholicism.
It's why you see me always with a rosary, which I wear like a necklace, much to the horrors of many Catholics, and why I have so many statues of Mary, Jesus, and the Saints all over my room and my car, and why I have crosses and crucifixes all over my walls, and why I wear veils, mantilla, and hijab.
If you walked in my room, you would immediately assume I was an extremely devout orthodox Catholic, and you'd be wrong.
I am a Voodoo Priestess rank of Medsan Fey Marija Loa to Damballah Weddo and serve the local shrine to Papa Damballah and Erzulies Freda and Danta. This painting was very dear to me.
It means I am married to God, something for which there was an actual wedding, with a wedding dress and everything.
In simpler terms: I'm a nun.
I am married to my god the same way a Catholic nun is married to Christ.
Which is also why sex is not a part of my life.
This painting is a painting that we Voodoo practitioners hold with deep reverence.
The Black Madonna, Erzulie Dantar, Our Dear Sweet Lady of Retribution.
Voodoo Practitioners, follow many things, many paths, many roads, many branches. But with every branch, every form of Voodoo, one thing remains constant: The Black Madonna. There is no Voodoo Practitioner on the planet, who does not have a statue or a prayer card or her dagger through the heart veevee on their prayer alter. She is the mother of life. The mother of us all. The goddess who created life, with Papa Damballah.
This painting is dearly beloved in the Voodoo Community, and now she is destroyed.
The painting was made in 1433, based off of the description of Jesus in the Bible.
The book of Revelations describes Jesus as having roped locks of hair like lambs wool and feet the colour of brass. Jesus was from the southern region of Judea which is in Africa.
Jesus was black. The Bible itself tells us this.
Most images of Jesus and Mary paint them white, blond, blue eyed... but that's not how the Bible described them.
This is one of the few historical images of a Black Jesus and a Black Mother Mary. And most Black people love it dearly. So why would followers of a movement to bring equality to black lives, destroy it?
Or did they? Was it people who hate the BLM movement and so destroyed a symbol near and dear to the hearts of millions in the black community?
Who destroyed this painting?
And why?
BLM graffiti is the only clue.
But is it, BLM because it was done by someone in the BLM movement?
Or was it done by someone against the BLM movement?
No one knows.
No one knows who did this.
My grandmother was half Black *(yes, I am 1/4 Black)* and she loved this painting. She didn't call it The Black Madonna like most people do, she called her Black Baby Jesus. She took a trip over there to see it in person.
Whoever did it, these people should pay heed to history, and to what happened to the pirates who slashed her face. It didn't end well for them.
Our dear Lady of Retribution, wielder of vengeance upon the unjust, may your curse of iniquity fall upon all who cause harm.
She was one of my 2 faves, along with The Immaculate Conception...
Erzulie Danta aka The Black Madonna
Erzulie Freda aka The Immaculate Conception
...and to see them both destroyed 2 days apart from each other is heartbreaking.
Why is the BLM movement attacking the Patron Saint of Slaves? Our Dear Lady of Retribution. Vicious Punisher of the Masters who take away freedom.
She is the symbol of everything the Black Lives Matter movement stands for, so why destroy her?
Do you idiots know nothing?
Do you not know the history of this painting?
Or how it got destroyed by Nazis in World War II... and it remains, rebuilt, in Poland, by Jewish Concentration Camp Survivors.
How many times has she been destroyed since her creation in 1433?
Freed Black Slaves, rebuilt her.
Freed Jews, rebuilt her again.
Why would you destroy the symbol of freedom? The symbol of escape from oppression? The symbol of survival against all odds?
Ignorance and arrogance is a dangerous pairing. This just proves their lack of intelligence. Destroying anything and everything, without knowing what it is.
Do you know, that without this painting, you even have the Black Lives Matter Foundation? Are you aware of the history of the organization you are screaming the name of from the rooftops?
Has anyone else noticed the similarities in behavior with this movement and ISIS or The Ku Klux Klan or The Nazis... destroying anything they don't like, taking control of portions of cities... doing it all in the name of a call to lord over others?
When you destroy history, try to erase it, you will allow it to happen again in future generations. Instead of burying bad parts of history, you should be teaching your children to learn from the mistakes of that history, so history doesn't repeat itself.
Funny thing is... this particular painting... she was hated by the Nazis too. They destroyed her. This is a reproduction that was made in 1945, because Nazis destroyed the original 1433 one.
She was rebuilt, to stand as a testament AGAINST fucking White Power bastards who murdered millions of Jews, Blacks, Gays, and Gypsies.
We Gypsies hail her as our Patron Saint, because she is a strong woman of colour, who survived one of the worst White Power atrocities in history.
If there is any painting out there that should be used as the fucking logo of the BLM movement... THIS IS IT! And you destroy her?
Why?
Regardless of which side destroyed it, you are both acting like ill mannered children.
One side smash and trashes items, then the other side retaliates back with more smash and trash, so the first side smashes more, then then 2nd side smashes back... when will it end? Both sides are acting like idiots right now. Neither side is making the other side look bad, because both sides are too busy making themselves look bad.
The Ku Klux Klan is parading up and down streets in Maine calling BLM protestors monkeys, and, I gotta say... they are kind of right. I mean, monkeys don't have enough brains to know not to smash things, so monkeys run around smashing things. Humans know better then to destroy things, because Humans know how to use their brains.
Think about that!
There should NEVER be a point, when we can say "The Ku Klux Klan is right."
The Ku Klux Klan are horrible people, and right now THEY are the ones in the right! That shouldn't happen! The villain shouldn't be better than the hero, and right now that is what's happening!
Come on people... 2 wrongs don't make a right.
Don't be like them!
Do not lower yourselves to their level.
We are better then this.
You ALL are better then this.
Stand up and prove you are better.
Smashing everything, because they smash everything, how does that make you any better than them?
It doesn't!
It makes you JUST LIKE THEM!
And they are standing out there calling black people monkeys! And I wish I could say they were wrong, but it's kind of hard to do, when you are running around, making mindless grunts, waving spray cans, smashing things up, and FUCKING ACTING LIKE MONKEYS!
You are giving the racists POWER OVER YOU!
That's all the rioting and vandalism is doing.
You are giving power to the fucking white power bastards.
STOP GIVING THEM POWER OVER YOU!
The whole point of the BLM Protests is the SHOW that black people ARE NOT monkeys! To prove that black people ARE humans and deserve to be treated like humans.
They should not be out there chanting "monkey" like that. Yes, they are wrong and it is horrible that they are doing it... but at WHY they are saying it.
They are saying that BECAUSE you are giving them reason to.
Don't prove the Ku Klux Klan to be right about black people... prove them WRONG!
#PROVE THEM WRONG!
Stop giving them power to hate. Stop feeding then fuel to fan their hatred with.
Are you people all so caught up in the frenzy of rioting that you not see yourselves, the way the white power haters see you, right now?
Go to Twitter and look for the hashtag "BLMTerrorists" and spend an hour or two, reading those Tweets.
You really, REALLY, need to look at what you are doing. Look at the message your rioting is sending. LOOK at what they saying about the rioters, the vandals.
They're scared. And that's bad. That's really bad. Because sooner or later, they'll lash back. And it won't be good. It never is.
And look at what the rioters are doing.
It's not just statues anymore.
Did you see the video footage of a mob of rioters who ran into Target, and started smashing up the store with baseball bats, and when an elderly man in his 90s, ran from the store to avoid getting hurt, the mod dragged him to the ground, torn off his Covid19 facemask, starting spitting in his face, while kicking him. That happened this morning.
How about the one that happened Sunday. Another elderly man, this one his 80s, leaving church, heading across the parking lot, going to his car... when a BLM mob, came storming across the parking lot, grabbing anyone they saw and throwing them to the ground. Three men, mauled the old man. Beat unconscious. For no reason. He didn't even see or hear them coming.
That's not right.
That's not protesting.
That's being a gangster.
Mobster.
You know what mobster means, right? It means, being part of mob and beating people up for the fun of it.
That's all this has become. A mob of rioters, beating people up for the fun of it.
It's wrong.
You know it is.
Hurting people is never right.
Violence is not going to solve anything.
Violence is just going to make, people who hate minorities, start to hate minorities even more! That the opposite of what we need or want.
Think!
Use your brains.
Every time you act like mindless animals, you just give the white power lunatics MORE POWER over you!
Don't give them that power. They don't deserve it.
Look at what is happening.... You destroy their works of art, so they fight back, by destroying ours.
Can't you see what you are doing?
LOOK at the swastika across The Black Madonna's face, and the words BLM underneath.
This is wrong on so many levels.
These riots, all vandalism... you'll gain one or two victories, small ones, meaningless ones, you'll get statues moved... but what is the fucking point?
You've lost focus of the BIG PICTURE... which is saving lives.
Taking down a statue is NOT going to save lives.
You people should be in courthouse, filing paperwork, writing dockets, reading law books, and getting laws passed.
You can do that. You don't NEED politicians to do those things. All you need is the make your case, in front of a judge who agrees with you.
That's it.
You don't need violence.
You don't need riots.
You don't need vandalism.
You need law books and enough education to know how to write a docket and word it persuasively, so that you can convince a judge, to sign off on that law and get it passed.
Why are none of you doing THAT?
Violence is NOT the answer.
Hate crimes are not the answer.
Riots are not the answer.
Criminal acts are not the answer.
You'll be no help to anyone if you get arrested and are behind bars.
These protests are NOT peaceful, and you're deluded if you think they are.
Yes, there are dirty cops out there. I've met plenty in my lifetime.
But for every bad cop I've ever meet, I've met dozens of officers who were good.
Taking over police stations, setting fire to police cruisers, beating up police officers, just because they are police officers.... none of this is right. It's terrorism.
Yes, action needs to be taken, but not violent action. Look in the mirror... you people are using acts of terrorism to protest acts of terrorism. That's not right.
You don't fight fire with fire.... all that does is make the fire bigger. You are fanning the flames of hate and making them grow.
You fight fire with water. You put the fire out.
You need to tame the lion of hate, make it a lamb of peace. Sooth it. Teach it to see the error of it's ways. Show it that it can trust you, let it know you won't hurt it. That's win the lion over.
But if you attack the lion, threaten it, hurt it, it'll lash back, fiercer, meaner, far worse than it was to begin with.
Can you not see that?
Can you not see, how all this violence is only stirring the haters up more and teaching them to say to themselves "We was right about them minorities"...
You should be showing the haters, that they are wrong, not that they are right.
Every act of violence committed in the name of "Black Lives Matter" only teaches white people, to hate black people even more.
Don't prove the haters they are right, prove them wrong instead.
What the hell is wrong with you people?
Have you all got your heads shoved so damned far up your asses that you are just going to destroy anything and everything you get near now, even symbols like THIS, that you should be hailing as one of the greatest memorials in tribute to people of colour?
She is a tribute AGAINST fucking White Supremacists.... don't you idiots know that?
Or is that EXACTLY the point?
No one saw who did this.
And it happened after so many statues were torn down, statues of white men, torn down by black men.
Are we now seeing here White Supremacists "fighting back"?
It's possible.
But I wonder... how many of the BLM Protesters have ever faced REAL racism face to face?
How many of them, have ever been attacked by the REAL and ACTUAL Ku Klux Klan?
Look at the memes on Twitter, showing supposed KKK pictures... people in white pillow cases with holes cut out.
That is NOT the REAL Ku Klux Klan... you know right?
GOOGLE THE FUCKING BASTARDS! Find out what they REALLY look like, what they REALLY wear.
They wear miter hats, with veils on the front, and long heavily embroidered and beaded white robes, with large red crosses on their capes. Their outfits are EXACT REPLICAS of the Catholic Pope's robes and hat.
It's not a white pointy pillowcase.
Also, ONLY the leaders wear white.
The rest of the members, wear colours based on rank. Green Robes, Red Robes, Blue Robes, Yellow Robes, Black Robes... the REAL card-carrying members of the Ku Klux Klan, DO NOT WEAR WHITE!
There are 200,000 active card-carrying members of the REAL Ku Klux Klan, living in Maine. The largest concentration of them in one place, on the entire planet.
And they are actual terrorists. They build bombs. They murder children. They skin people alive, hang them in trees, and leave them there to bleed to death and long slow death that takes weeks to happen.
And they DO NOT WEAR WHITE!
The fakes as white robes and pillow case hoods, are a thing that was created by Hollywood Movies... it's NOT a thing that exists in the REAL world.
Fake ass wanna-bes, wear white robes and white pillow cases, because they never saw a REAL KKK member and they don't know shit about the REAL Ku Klux Klan. They dress up in white robes and put pillow cases on their heads, because that is what MOVIES tell people the Ku Klux Klan does.
That's how you can tell the fake ass wanna-bes from the REAL Ku Klux Klan. And if you have ever seen them face to face, you'd have known that.
My first encounter with the Ku Klux Klan... I was 14 years old. Me and 5 other children were kidnapped and tortured.
Anastasia was just 4 years old. A toddler. They ripped off her leg. Doing so, pulled her intestines out, and spilled her partly digested breakfast all over the floor.
Then they just left her there.
It took her a week to die.
Tajid... they beat his chest, crushed his lungs. He saved my life. Those blows were meant for me. He got between me and them. He died 2 days later.
I survived.
July 1, 2001. A backhoe drove my house while my family was gone to the movies. We rebuilt.
February 14, 2003, my doctor's office, First Care Health Clinic, Saco Ave, Old Orchard Beach, Maine... was blown up with a bomb. My doctor died. 3 of his nurses died. 21 patients were hospitalized in critical condition. The Ku Klux Klan left an 8 foot tall white cross in the parking lot.
It wasn't in the news.
I was there. It was the first Ku Klux Klan bomb, I survived.
May 9, 2006, they beat up my dad, he is in a coma for 2 months, and an additional 6 months in the hospital recovering.
October 16, 2006, a bomb blew up my house, and the Ku Klux Klan left an 8 foot tall white cross in my rose garden.
It wasn't in the news.
It was 1AM. I was asleep in my bed. The bomb was put in the doorway of my bedroom. I was on fire. My hair and my clothes were burned off of me. It was the second Ku Klux Klan bomb, I survived.
We rebuilt again.
April 7, 2007, a backhoe drove over my house, again. We rebuilt again.
Also in 2007, the headless body of a teenage girl was found in the parking lot of Scarborough, Shaw's. Her head was found on the Payne Road, 3 months later, with a circle of 7 dead black labrador retriever dogs around her head.
May 9, 2010, they saw 1964 Dodge 330 car in half.
Also, 2010, a 90-year-old black man, was beaten to death with a shopping cart, in Westbrook Shaw's parking lot, while dozens of white onlookers cheered on his murderer.
May 2013, Southern Maine Community College was evacuated when a bomb was found under my desk, a desk I sat at every day. It was the 3rd bomb I survived.
June 4, 2013, my cousin Murphy's headless body was left in the crossroad of Ross Road and Cascade Road, Old Orchard Beach, Maine.
June 8, 2013, my cousin Murphy's head was left in the crossroad of Portland Ave and Road Road, Old Orchard Beach, Maine, a 1/4 mile away from where his body had been left.
I live on Portland Ave, 5 houses from that crossroad. I found his body while driving home from work at the Maine Mall.
August 8, 2013, a backhoe drove over my house, again.
November 14, 2013, while putting my art easel in the back of my car, after art studio class at Southern Maine Community College, a man and 2 women, with a metal golf club and 2 metal baseball bats, attacked. They were waiting behind my car. I didn't see them. They broke my legs, my hip, my knee. I was paralyzed for 5 months. It took me 18 months to relearn to walk.
#You think you know racism... I guarantee you don't know it half as well as I do.
August 2014... Saco Shaw's made national news when a woman's head was found in the ice cream freezer.
A week later another head was found in their dumpster.
April 10, 2015, 12 members of my family were kidnapped, by 14 Ku Klux Klan members, all of them police officers at the Scarborough, Maine Police Department, and Old Orchard Beach, Maine Police Department.
Do you remember Bela? She used to be in all my videos. A police officer beat her head in with a cinder block. Ripped her jaw clean off her face. April 10, 2015. That's why she's not in streams anymore.
Do you remember Georgie? Same thing. Same brick. Split the whole side of his head open.
While a pole with an electric taser neck hold held them down.
12 members of my family, had that happen. April 10, 2015.
How old were they?
The oldest was 14.
The youngest was 4.
Three were 7.
Two were 5.
Yeah. They were very young.
Still think you know what racism is?
But why would white people care about children? Children are disposable in America, remember? Americans murder 5,000 babies every day. Ninety Million babies have been murdered in America, since 1991. It's no wonder, white power terrorists think nothing is wrong with killing children. Murdering babies is, after all the American way.
Two escaped. They lived, but both have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, and both are missing all their teeth and most of their jaws.
The other 10?
May 15, 2015, their heads were nailed to my door. Their intestines wrapped around my windows.
It wasn't in the news.
Maine law, only a police officer can report a crime to the news stations or newspapers.
But when the police officers, are marching around wearing white robes and white hoods and erected white crosses in the front yards of the people they torment... there are no police officers too who will file the reports.
THAT is REAL racism.
THAT is REAL police brutality.
But we're just Gypsies, so no one cares.
And this is Maine, the state that is proud to call itself: 99.9% white.
And this is The Town of Old Orchard Beach, a town run by the Ku Klux Klan. They took over our town in 2001. Now they run the Town Hall, the Police Department, the Fire Department, and Dispatch.
Heaven help you if you live in Old Orchard Beach, and you need to call 911, but you ain't white enough for them to respond.
Heaven help you if they do respond... and you're not white enough... because whatever help you called them for, they'll beat the shit out of you.
November 2015, Scarborough Walmart was evacuated, because a bomb was left in my department, under one of the HallMark card displays. I worked at WalMart at the time. It was the 4th bomb I survived.
July 24, 2016, Scarborough Walmart was evacuated, yet again, because a bomb was left in my department, under one of the HallMark card displays. I worked at WalMart at the time. It was the 5th bomb I survived.
July 26, 2016, while putting groceries in my car, at Scarborough Walmart, the same attackers from 2013, beat me with a shopping cart and left me for dead. They broke my spine. Severed the nerves in my spinal column. I've never walked again.
5 times in 2018... you saw my live streams interrupted, as the Ku Klux Klan arrived in my driveway, a shot bullet holes through the walls... you saw them on the live streams. The VODs are still up. I didn't take them down.
October 2019... local Jewish Synagogue was bombed. They blew the whole side off the building. You saw it in my live streams... I drove there and showed you what they did...
It wasn't in the news.
February 12, 2020, yet another of my cousins was gunned down. This time in Scarborough, Maine WalMart, while putting groceries in his car.
Biddeford, Maine's Rotary Park, used to have the Guinness World Record for the tallest, largest flag pole. They took it down 5 years ago. Do you know why?
Because in the dead of winter, Old Orchard Beach Officers, thought it would be funny, the strip a 14 year old boy naked, tie his ankles to the back bumper of a police car, and drive 14 miles from Old Orchard Beach, to that flag pole, and tie the child to the rope, like he was a lag, host him to the top, and left him there. 3 days of blizzard later, a dog walker found him, nearly frozen to death, unconscious, hanging upside down from the flagpole.
They assumed him to be gay, he wasn't, but they thought he was because he was wearing a pink coat.
It wasn't in the news. So if you didn't know the family, you didn't know it happened.
2 weeks ago, Black Lives Matter protestors arrived in Biddeford, Maine... they were meet face to face with white hoods carrying assault rifles, machine guns, and Gatlin guns... the protesters, didn't have the balls to stand up to REAL racists, so they fled to Sanford, Maine... but one of the Ku Klux Klan's primary "club" buildings is in Sandford, Maine, so the protestors were met with even more white hoods carrying assault rifles, machine guns, and Gatlin guns... the protesters, didn't have the balls to stand up to REAL racists, so the protestors fled to Monmouth, Maine, and after 5 hours there... they fled Maine entirely.
It wasn't in the news.
Why wasn't it in the news?
All us locals here in Maine, we saw it happen. We saw the protesters turn tail and run, as soon as the White Hoods marched out with their assault rifles.
The BLM protestors CLAIM they have lived with racism, but when they came to Maine, they found out fast, that they really had no clue, what REAL racists are like.
You don't know racism until you've lived with the fucking Ku Klux Klan terrorizing your town, terrorizing your family.
They kidnapped 12 members of my family. April 10, 2015. Tortured them. Killed 10 of them. And nailed their heads to my door.
#THAT IS FUCKING REAL RACISM!!!
You people don't know shit!
The BLM protestors are attacking statues and paintings because they are cowards who don't have the balls to fight REAL racists. They proved that when they arrived in Maine and got chased out within 5 hours, by the fucking Ku Klux Klan.
Yeah, you want to decry police brutality?
Do you remember a few years ago, a black boy while standing in line, at San Diego Comic-Con, waiting to buy tickets for the convention, was gunned down by a police officer...
Do you know who that black boy was? He was cousin Matt. The one I used to play multiplayer video games with... the reason I don't play multiplayer video games anymore.
His mother was so distraught over his death, that she remarried his father and 7 other men. Yeah, my aunt with the 8 husbands. That's WHY she has the 8 husbands. Her son gunned down by a police officer because he was the only coloured person standing in a line of white people, and the police officer thought that was suspicious.
Attacking statues and paintings doesn't help anybody.
You aren't bringing awareness, you are just making yourselves look like idiots.
Don't be haters.
There are enough haters in the world already. Don't add to the hate.
And those of us, who live with REAL racists in our towns, and are families are being brutalized, tortured, and murdered by those fucking racists... you are making life worse for US...
...because while you can go back home, and be safe, we still have the Ku Klux Klan lording over our town. And no amount of torn down statues or destroyed paintings is going to stop them.
And all you people have done is made things worse, for those of us, who live with the daily constant threat of violence at the hands of REAL White Supremacists.
You people running around calling politicians, actors, singers, white supremacists because of something they said on Twitter... you haven't got a fucking clue what a REAL White Supremacists is like.
And let me ask you this: how are YOU any different, from the racist white people who destroy all things non-white?
You're not. You are just the same.
You are acting just like them.
Violence is only going to breed more violence. Don't you people know that?
You who are destroying things... you don't care about the consequences of your actions, but you will not suffer any harm.
But what about my family?
Persian Gypsies. 1/2 Jewish, 1/4 Native American, and 1/4 Black. Not one drop of white blood in us ... living in Old Orchard Beach... the whitest town, of the whitest state in America... and town that got taken over by the Ku Klux Klan June 2001.
Do you care?
Do you care what they will do to us, in retaliation, for what you people are doing to statues on the other side of the world from us?
Do you care, at all?
You people say you care... but I don't see it.
I don't see it at all.
All I see is a herd of mindless sheep, jumping on a bandwagon, following the herd, and not once stopping to think about the consequences of their actions.
You people keep asking me "Why Avallac'h?", "Why are you so obsessed?", "Why did this fandom take over your life?"... look at the date it started.
* Did you know I'm on 24 hour suicide watch, and I have been since January 4, 2016?
* Did you know I was hospitalized for a nervous breakdown, after 10 members of my family had their heads nailed to the door?
* Did you know I have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder?
* Did you know Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is not itself an illness, but rather is a symptom and a coping mechanism for dealing with extreme emotional trauma?
* Did you know, a team of doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists, social workers, and FBI agents, had me hooked up to tons of medical monitors, heart monitors, blood monitors, a portable EKG... for weeks, so they monitor what activities I did, so they determine a lifestyle change prescription, that would get my resting heart rate under 131 and my blood pressure over 70 over 60?
* Did you know that the doctors discovered that the ONLY time my body relaxes on any level at all is when I'm playing Witcher 3?
* Did you know, I have an actual prescription, which says, to play Witcher 3 as much as possible every day?
* Did you know, playing Witcher 3 is the only thing keeping me alive right now, and my doctors says the worst I could do right now, is STOP playing it?
The Ku Klux Klan took everything from me. My home. My family. My health.
I have no one now. I have 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year, of the rest of my life, to be crippled, bedridden, and alone.
"Why Avallac'h?", "Why are you so obsessed?", "Why did this fandom take over your life?"... because I used to be able to walk. I used to have a family. I used to have a home. And I'm having a very difficult time trying to find a reason to live. And I needed something to take away the pain. I needed someone who had lost everything as brutalily as I had, to talk to, because only someone who had been through what I had been through, would understand how I feel. I needed something to see, other then 10 heads nailed to my door. It's all I can see. I can't sleep. I can't eat. I can't close my eyes. I can't get the image of their bloody heads out of my mind.
Playing this video game, researching every detail, writing articles, and sewing the costume, it's the only thing I can do that blots out the images of their heads. And as soon as I stop playing the game, stop rereading the novels, stop making screenshots, stop writing the articles, stop sewing the costume, the images of their heads are back.
I can't function at all any more. I haven't been able to function since April 10, 2015.
This obsession with Avallac'h... it's not about him. He's just the tool that right now keeping me from killing myself, until I can find something else, some reason to live.
And you people, you think because someone called you a hate slur, that you know racism is. You have no clue.
Until the Ku Klux Klan, kills your entire family and nails their heads to your door... you'll never know what it like to live with real racism.
You who don't know REAL racism, you think you are being funny with your acts of hate and violence, smashing statues? If you ACTUALLY knew REAL racism, you'd be so mentally broken that you wouldn't be able to see the statues, because all you can see is the horror of your murdered families's remains.
And because you don't know REAL racism, after you get done destroying things, you can safely go home, because while you THINK, someone is racist, because they called you a "nigga"... it's just a word. These people who murdered my family and destroyed my home, and left me crippled, they call me a "nigga" all the time. I don't even look black. I'm not even close to being able to pass for black. Heck, half the people who call me "nigga" 10 or 12 shades of brown darker than me. I'm 1/4 black, but you wouldn't know it to look at me. I'm physically whiter than most white people. But that doesn't matter to White Power people like the Ku Klux Klan. They don't care about skin colour. They care about blood.
If you think, you know what racism is because someone used hate slurs to describe you, then you don't know a thing about racism. Words can't hurt you. But bombs can. As can golf clubs. Guns can. Shopping carts can.
Look at yourselves... destroying property, vandalism... why? What good does it do? Do you think about those of us who live here and are left behind after you get done trashing things, and you back to the safety of your homes, where the worst thing you have to deal with is people calling you dirty words?
... we are left behind when you leave, and we are the one who will be hanging from flagpoles, our heads nailed to doors, our homes and churches bombed, by REAL racists, who don't just spout off hate slurs, because they are too busy loading their assault rifles and building bombs.
You don't know what REAL racism is.... if you did, you wouldn't be doing these thing, because you'd know how badly every non-white who lives in a town where there are active Ku Klux Klan members, is going to suffer, because of what you people are doing.
If you REALLY wanted to make a difference... you'd do something to make life safe for families like mine, instead of attacking statues and paintings that are never going to hurt anybody.
#STOP THE HATE!
They hate you.
You hate them.
When does it end?
Stop destroying things and start helping people.
Stop spreading hate and start spreading peace.
We who live with actual racism, we desperately need your help... but what you are doing right now... you are making things even worse for us.
Stop making things worse.
Start making things better.
Spread love and peace, not hate and violence.
Before & After
Damages Done To
The Dazzling Razzberry aka The Autism Awareness Car
What Happened To The Dazzling RazzBerry?
The answer is a vicious streamer on Twitch took to spreading maliciously slanderous sex rumors and lies about me, convincing people that I was what she termed: "A BDSM Dominatrix"
Me, a 5th Generation Mormon Turned Voodoo Priestess Rank of Marija Loa!
An asexual nun living a celibate life!
| A Look At What Happens When So-Called "Pranksters"
Take Their Twitch Chat & DisCord Sex-Jokes Too Far
& Send a Gang of 5 Rapists To My House
aka
The Deserve To Be Raped Raids & Why I Turned Off Twitch Chat...
How The Avallac'h Playthrough changed my life, caused the destruction of The Dazzling Razzberry Autism Awareness Car, made 28 families homeless, caused the death of a 10 year old
Including a detailed look inside what news media said was "The Worst Child Abuse Case In American History", more info about Etiole, and how growing up in a child sex slavery ring caused my to start The Avallac'h Playthrough - [NSFW] |
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Welcome to the New
Space Dock 13!
Helping Authors Write Weird, Bizarre, Absurd, Psychedelic Horror-Fantasy Since 1996!
(We've Moved & Changed URLs; Space Dock 13 is now EelKat.com)
(We are also novel-writing-tips.com, a-pink-unicorn.com, & of course are still SpaceDock13.com)
| Home | Site Index | Top 100 Pages | Search| About |
| The Adventures of The Pink Necromancer: Quaraun The Insane | FAQs |
| Meet The Scottish Travellers | Stephen King's Thinner Gypsies - The Complete Interviews |
| Amphibious Aliens | Meet The Real Christine: The World's Most Haunted Car |
OMG!
We beat our traffic record for this website!
On December 23, 2019 THIS PAGE got 300,000 views in a single day!
And here's another page to answer how and why that page got so much traffic.
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I Now Hold The World Record
For The Highest Level Ever Achieved in Witcher 3!!
If This Video Is Active, I'm Live Streaming Right Now...
WARNING:
Avallac'h & Ciri Shipping Happens Daily In My Cult of Avallac'h Stream
(This seems to piss people off so we seem to need to provide a warning about it)
For those asking if I'm ever going to return to Twitch streaming... I don't know at this point. I'm sick of the harassment.
It's been 2 years since I last did a stream when ThingyChan DID NOT send her group of shithead dipshits to my chat to chant "deserved to be raped" and "kill eelkat".... she has done it with 712 of my streams so far and blocking her and her 800 dipshit cultist followers do no good because they create new throwaway accounts as fast as I block and ban them.
That was bad enough, but she also made 200+ VODs each 4 to 7 hours long, that do nothing but spread highly sexualized malicious lies about me, in which she made the false accusation calling me a "bondage freak", a "BDSM dominatrix", and claiming I had a "foot fetish".
Her running gag memes on Discord are out of control, and not having a Discord myself, I was unaware of them. She started a trend, where if anyone, anywhere, talking about anything, said the word "BDSM", "bondage" or "foot fetish", everyone who read it was to reply in the comments below it "just like EelKat".
Additionally, she built up this massive post-written-rpg-fan-fiction of me, while claiming it was 100% true, depicting me as a whip carrying, pleather wearing, BDSM dominatrix, strip dancer, porn star, who own a gang bang house for men to pay money to be tortured by me.
This went on for 2 full years on Discord before I found out about it, and spanned over 2,000+ Discord posts, JUST WRITTEN BY HER, and not including the many, many, many TENS OF THOUSANDS of posts written by her fans, including her 150+ of which where she used the line: "EelKat is a cunt for liking that pussy Avallac'h".
One of the worst things she did, was to take the horrifying sexual, child abuse I suffered through at the hands of my uncles, and take word for word, line by line, EVERYTHING my uncles dd to me as a child, and make memes of Avallac'h doing those things to Ciri, knowing full well Avallac'h and Ciri and my favorite characters and that my obsession with Avallac'h is in part psychiatric prescribe therapy to use as a coping mechanism for dealing with the abuse I went through at the hands of my pedophile uncles.
On Twitch, she made an active stalking habit of finding very-pro-fundy-Christian groups, telling them her wild sex lies about me, working them into violent attack mode frenzies, and then siccing them on my channel chanting in my chat the message "deserve to be raped" and "kill eelkat". This went on from August 2018.
The worst thing though was sending 5 gang rapists with guns to my house. They totaled 3 cars including my Dazzling Razzberry, raped 2 military wives in the apartment next door to mine, killed a 10 year old boy, beat up and hospitalized 3 elderly men including my 82 year old dad who they put in the hospital with a ruptured kidney, and did $230,000 in damages to our landlord's apartment building, resulting in the city condemning the building, making 28 families homeless, which is why my family moved February 2019.
For the longest time, I was baffled and puzzled by the wild hate that was daily posted in my Twitch chat, from people who were clearly being sent to my channel, pre-worked up, and in a mass hoard, but I could not understand who was sending them or why.
I discovered ThingyChan as being the source of the harassment, on October 21, 2019, when I saw one of her live streams, where she was making a 3d model of a character who she titled "Bjorn The Bondage Freak Just Like EelKat". I had started watching the stream, to find out why my name was in the title. I watched for 3 hours while she and OutSideLane, another streamer on a multi-stream, and 37 members in her chat, and as many more in his chat, in total over 90 people, spent the entirety of the stream talking about my supposed BDSM bondage sex life and how they should make the 3D model Bjorn do the things I supposedly did.
The other streamer suddenly stopped talking and told ThingyChan: "EelKat's in your viewer list, let's take this to Discord" at which point they ended the multi stream.
So, I went to Discord to see what moving it to Discord meant and that's when I found the 2 year long running gag, the 2,000+ posts, and the 200+ VODs.
Among the VODs was one that she did on my birthday August 13, 2019, that was a JackBox stream, and was fully devoted to making 5 hours of lewd, sexualized jokes about me and Avallac'h, and had over 300 people in chat joining in.
When I contacted her to ask why she was doing this... her answer was: "Because it's fun!", "It's just a joke!" and "Besides, retarded cunts don't belong on Twitch".
Jokes are funny. Nothing about what she did is funny. Everything about what she did was mean and hurtful.
And jokes don't cause harm. Two women were raped. A boy died. 3 elderly men were hospitalized. 3 cars were totaled. 28 families were made homeless. The landlord lost his business.
Those are some pretty BIG side effects for "just a joke".
What she did was mean, cruel, and far from harmless.
She has taken her "meme joke" harassment to levels of mind boggling extremes and, I'm just sick of it. She is out of control and she needs to stop.
I would like to be able to stream on Twitch without this psychotic bitch and her equally psychotic followers harassing me, each and every single stream.
I'm not bothering her, I don't know why she is bothering me.
I want her to leave me alone.
Evil is as evil does.
This is a perfect example of an evil person, doing evil things.
Bullies don't care, because bullies are mean and mean people care about no one.
These people are very, very, very mean.
August 2, 2020 UPDATE TO the above...
Twitch has now taken action against the attacks on my Twitch channel, so I may return to streaming soon...
Jokes can get you banned from Twitch, yes. One streamer spent the past 2 years "telling jokes" about me on their stream and discord, only I was unaware of it. Their followers started spreading the joke on other social medias.
The joke was telling people that I, a hijab wearing, modesty dressed Mormon, was a BDSM dominatrix running a gang bang service out of my house. The joke became a running gag, that involved more than 800 people across more than a dozen websites. In total more then 800 viewers helped this group of streamers slander my name with sex lies about me. They started "the joke" in April 2018, but I wouldn't find out about it for a very long time.
February 2019 -- 5 men with guns and baseball bats showed up at my apartment building... they raped 2 women, they beat up a lot of people, 3 elderly men, including my 82-year-old dad ended up in the hospital, my dad with a ruptured kidney, 3 cars in the driveway were totaled, including my daily driver, they smashed out the windows and walls of the building ripped out pipes and wires, did $230,000 in damages to the building... it was a medical building next door to a hospital, patients on life support and their families lived there... they ran through pulling out life support equipment... a 10 year old boy died because of it... the town condemned the building the damage was so bad, resulting in 28 families, becoming homeless .... it happened during a stream, so part of it was caught on live stream and the police got 300+ 911 calls from countries all over the world, reporting the attack.... the guys when arrested, said a streamer on Twitch, via her Discord, sent them, told them I was a BDSM dominatrix and that all the apartments in my apartment building with gang bang shops.... that's how I found about the "joke"... via the police report.
There's a big lawsuit going on right now, with everyone involved. 2 streamers are now in prison, several viewers are in jail or out on bail, more will likely follow.
The FBI is investigating every streamer and every viewer involved in the "joke".
And 2 weeks ago (July 2020) Twitch banned more than 70 of the people involved, including more than 20 streamers. The 800 viewers involved in the joke have also all received various forms of Twitch bans and suspensions.... for "just a joke" that in some cases they said only once, as long ago as 2 years ago, and not even on Twitch.
Do not underestimate something being "just a joke" and the consequences you could face for "just a joke".
*(The investigation into this is still ongoing. If you have information on any of the people involved in inciting this event, FBI Agent Andy Drewer out of the Portland, Maine FBI office is in charge of the
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I have Kanner's Syndrome (ACTUAL Autism, not Aspergers), which means I'm not good at group things. I'm classified as Savant, meaning I have a few things that I obsess about, big time, and have world records in them as a result, and everything else in my life I still require a caretaker to help me with.
I was believed to be mute until I was 31 years old, when a college professor whose day job was working with Autism children, meet me at an Autism Awareness event (I own The Autism Awareness Car, which has 2.5million marbles glued to it - took 4 years to build it). He spent several years teaching me to talk and I was able to get a GED at age 37 (I had never been allowed to go to school as Autism in the 1970s = too retarded to be taught anything so why bother? It was assumed I couldn't be taught, so no one tried to, until I was 31 years old), and started college at age 42.
Today in addition to being a rabid gamer, I'm also an artist (acrylic on canvas and watercolor on rag) sell my art in local galleries, I build art cars and installation art, published over 130 Dark Fantasy novels, and became a retail merchandiser for Macy's, WalMart, and HallMark for 16 years because I'm very good at organizing things... I can't do much else, but I can certainly make sure nothing on the sales floor is out of place.
On Twitch I'm known for my ability to open up a video game and completely rewrite it removing and making my own... I rewrote Witcher 3, removed Geralt and Roach and the combat system, and build my own player character, made travel companions, wrote a new combat system, made new quests, made new maps... removed all the texture files and made all new ones. There's nothing in Witcher 3 that I have not rewritten. With over 4,000 mods now made for it, you can barely recognize my game as being Witcher 3 anymore.... and yet I can't read C++ code.
I spent my childhood and teen years, being told I would never amount to anything. I proved them all wrong.
People see the things I do very well (art, writing, my exemplary organization skills in retail stores, and my ability to open up a video game and completely rewrite it and making my own) but they often don't see past that.
Social skills are a thing I've not yet mastered, which makes streaming very difficult for me as, chat is sensory overload and I have it turned off. I also can't count, do Math, tell time, use calendars, use money, numbers are lost on me.
Basic things - bathing, eating, brushing my hair, etc - that most people have no trouble with, I have caretakers who have to help me do those thing, even though I'm 20, 30, 40 years older than my caretakers. I am VERY low-functioning, but I can write, I can paint, I disect video games, and I can organize things. I just can't do one thing else. Which is very upsetting, because I wish I could. I try too. I don't know why I can't. It's like there are a few things in my brain turned all the way up on super high and everything else is just turned off and won't come on.
And then there are issues with meltdowns, screaming fits, panic attacks, bad ones. Bad enough that I generally avoid contact with the public, simply because I'm tired of dealing with the police. Someone my age, screaming on the floor, people assume I'm on drugs and call the police. It's very frustrating, because I can not control these attacks and I can't stop them once they start.
It is extremely distressing, I'm insanely good at a few things, but everything else, things most of society doesn't bat an eye at, I can't do them, no matter how hard I try. And I'm not capable of "acting properly" or "behaving in socially acceptable ways".
Most people when they meet me in real life, they are very taken back, by how extremely disabled I am. Fans of my novels, meet me at book signings and ask: "So, what's the joke, what's this retard doing here, where's the author?" They refuse to believe, someone as deeply retarded as me, is capable of writing novels.
It hurts a lot, people's reactions to meeting me and them finding out the reality of what ACTUAL Autism, Kanner's Syndrome, is really like... and that it's NOTHING like Asperger's, with it's "cute Sheldon Cooper quirks" that they are used to and think of as being Autism.
They forget, people with Asperger's can live normal lives, they can pass for normal in public if they have too, they get married and have families, and I'm not capable of living on my own or without caretakers, and I never will be.
I wish more people knew the difference between Aspergers and Autism, and how vastly different they are from each other. Far too many people hear that I have Autism, and they automatically assume I have Aspergers, and then they meet me in person, and are shocked, horrified, and they tell me they've meet dozens, sometimes hundreds of Aspies, and when they meet me, they say, they realize, they've NEVER seen Autism before, in spite of all the hundreds of Aspies they've met, and then they tell me, they wish they had known, they wished someone had told them, how starkly different Autism is from Aspergers, because they always say, no matter how many Aspies they worked with, it never prepared them to come face to face with ACTUAL REAL Autism, Kanner's Syndrome, for the first time.
1 in 3 children have Aspergers, it's very common, but only 1 in 1,200,000 children have Autism, it's very rare. In the wake of the mass flood of people calling Asperger's Autism, people forget how incredibly rare actual Autism really is. They aren't the same thing and until you've seen both side by side, you don't realize how different they really are.
People forget WHY I became such a good writer. I was mute for 31 years. Writing was the only way I could communicate with anyone. But I grew up in a family that crumpled up the paper, never even looked at it. In their minds I was too stupid to talk and therefore anything I wrote on paper MUST have been gibberish. They didn't even look at it. So I wrote letters to the cats that lived with us. I started doing that when I was 8 years old. I still do it 50+ years later.
But I'm not likely to be much use in a group, as outside of writing, art, video games, and organizing sale floors of retail stores, I'm too retarded to be able to do anything else. I'm rarely welcomed in groups, because I'm too retarded, too Autistic to fit in, or so I'm always told. I'm rarely of any use to anyone.
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Wait... you're that freak that brought otherkin to the internet aren't you? You're like the founder of online otherkin awareness movement or something.
Yes.
I am.
I did on some level introduce OtherKin, or rather, ElfKin, to the internet in 1996.
I am considered to be one of, if not the VERY FIRST OtherKin to grace the internet.
Though, I am ElfKin, not OtherKin. They are different.
I completely reject Humanity.
I live my life, as an Elf.
I have done so, since 1987.
As of 2020, I have lived as an Elf for 33 years.
I hate Humans.
I feel no empathy, sympathy, or compassion for Humans.
I see Humans as vile, evil creatures, whom I share no connection to.
I feel nothing but revulsion for Humans.
There has never been a point in my life when a Human showed me any kindness, love, or compassion.
I have been tortured, beaten, caged, raped, shunned, outcast, ostracized, and bullied endlessly by Humans.
The Humans who raised me, kept me locked in a cage from the time I was 8, until I was 31 years old. They said they did so because I was not a Human and was not allowed to participate in Human activities like eating at the table, sleeping on a bed, using a toilet, or bathing. They said I was a Changeling, brought to them by Demons. They claimed the real Human baby was taken from them, and I was a Demon left in it's place. And while I agreed with them, that I had no similarities to their Human nature, I did not believe myself a Demon either.
I was 31 years old the first time anyone told me I was a Human. But no one has yet been able to prove to me that I possess the evilness of Humans.
Unlike Humans, I feel love.
Unlike Humans, I feel pain.
Unlike Humans, I shed tears.
Unlike Humans, I feel empathy.
Unlike Humans, I feel sympathy.
Unlike Humans, I feel compassion.
I have tried for 40 years, to live among Humans, but I've yet to meet a Human that will accept me as a part of their society.
I have never been welcomed by any Human.
I have never been accepted by any Human.
The older I get and the more Humans I meet, the crueler I learn that they are, the stronger my hatred for the entirety of Humanity grows.
I searched for years to find out, what I was, where I fit in, where I belonged, for everywhere I went, I was repeatedly told I was too strange, too bizarre, too different, too alien, too not-Human to be welcomed in any group, any church, and community, offline or online.
Since I was a toddler I felt a strong kinship to Eels and Cats, thus my name. My Native American grandmother named me EelKat when I was 3 years old, citing that Eels and Cats were my spirit animals.
My other grandmother called me FarSighted, because I talked to ArchAngels and Faeries in the forest. She said I walked through the veil between the Spirit World. She died when I was 8 years old.
As I grew older, and continued to be ostracized by all of Human society, I started researching the things Grammy Eva and Grammy Helen has said: Spirit Animals, Fairy Sighted, and Walking the Veil. That is when I realized, everyone was right... my parents, my uncles, everyone at every church I ever attended, random strangers I meet on the streets... every one, every single Human, as always said, I either was not Human, didn't act Human, or seemed to be Alien to Human Society, like I came from another world.
The Humans who raised me, kept me locked in a cage from the time I was 8, until I was 31 years old. They said they did so because I was not a Human and was not allowed to participate in Human activities like eating at the table, sleeping on a bed, using a toilet, or bathing. They said I was a Changeling, brought to them by Demons. They claimed the real Human baby was taken from them, and I was a Demon left in it's place. And while I agreed with them, that I had no similarities to their Human nature, I did not believe myself a Demon either. And decades later, after researching, I feel they were right.
The more I studied, the more I realized, everything I do that Humans say is strange and bizarre, things like love, feeling pain, shedding tears, empathy, sympathy, or compassion, those things Humans are incapable of doing, that I do and brand me as starkly notHuman, they were all things the Ljósálfar do.
So I researched the Ljósálfar. They do many thing I do, that Humans find to be my most deplorable traits: like growing flowers, being vegan, and not hurting animals, shunning drinking of alcohol, smoking, drugs, or owning weapons.
I eventually came to believe I am an Elf trapped in the world of Humans, as some sort of test.
No. I do not believe I am Human.
Yes. I do believe I am an Elf.
Yes, I AM that "freak" who introduced the internet to the concept of OtherKin, via ElfKin, in 1996.
Yes, I am the textbook standard, found in actual medical books, used by Psychiatry students, yes, those are photos of me you see in your college textbooks and in the Journal of Psychiatry entry. I am the first one diagnosed and therefore the standard by which all OtherKin are measured.
Yes, I am the measure by which all OtherKin around the world measure if they too are OtherKin or not. But I wonder how many of them, know the origin of the term OtherKin and how many of them would call themselves that label is the ACTUALLY KNEW, the ACTUAL origin and meaning of the word?
OtherKin is not a label I use to call myself. The term OtherKin was coined by team of Psychiatrists, who didn't know what else to call me. They classified me at first as "a Feral Child with Learned Schizophrenia", citing that while I didn't have Schizophrenia, all 5 of the uncles and their father, who raised me did have Schizophrenia and because I was raised in total isolation with zero contact with anyone outside of these men, I was raised as though what they were was normal because I had no outside source by which to judge that how they raised children was not normal, nor was how they lived their lives normal. I was told by these Psychiatrists, that once I got out in Human society and found out what mainstream society was like, I would see, how different, how unique, how bizarre, and how unusual and not the norm, my uncles were.
I have lived among mainstream society for 33 years now and I have yet to meet a kind, loving, friendly Human.
This group of Social Workers, Psychologists, and Psychiatrists, coined the term OtherKin, because they said there was nothing I conformed to, no textbook illness that matched what I was. They toyed with the idea of diagnosing me many different ways because they said that on the surface I seemed like this or that, but then, comparing all the symptoms, I never fully matched up.
Schizophrenia didn't stick because there were no voices in my head telling me what to do. After tossing out the option of Schizophrenia, they tried out Multiple Personality Disorder and also Dissociative Identity Disorder. But, I don't have multiple people I become. Both of those have the requirement of becoming someone else, another person. MPD you are unaware of the other people "living in you" while DID you are fully aware of the "other people" and communicate with them and likely have a lot of past life experiences. I don't believe in past lives or reincarnation or being multiple people inside of one mind. I dress up in costumes of characters, but I never try to be that character, I simply like to wear their pretty clothes.
They tried considering Asperger's for a bit, but I missed many, many, many a mark there.
In the end my official diagnosis is: Actual Autism Kanner's Syndrome, with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, and SchizoAffective or maybe Schizotypal tendencies, I can't tell, and the most bizarre behaviour of refusing to believe she is Human, largely because she was raised in an isolated UFO Cult that raised her as a Demon from infancy to middle age. She has many phobias most notable a severe and disturbing phobia of Humans in general and Men in particular. There is no correct diagnosis for her. She is unique. This is a unique case. I am putting in a request to the State for funding to study her. This is something new. This needs to be studied. We are witnessing the side effect of child who was raised in total isolation. A child that was never loved, never kissed, never hugged, never showed empathy, sympathy, or compassion. She feels nothing for Humans. She does not believe she is Human. There has never been a documented case like this before. This is the worse case of child abuse in American history.
I did not found any "OtherKin Awareness Groups" as is the common internet misconception. I don't even use the term OtherKin. It's a label OTHERS slap on me, as further proof that I don't belong in Human society, am not Human enough to fit in, not Human enough to be welcomed, not Human enough to be included. That's all the label OtherKin means to me. Yet more proof that Humans hate me, see me as not Human, and feel the need to put a label on me.
But I am the standard by which all who claim to be OtherKin, measure if each other is OtherKin or not, because I am the textbook case, the original test subject, that caused Psychiatrists to coin the term OtherKin, so most people believe I am the "first" OtherKin, even though groups like The Silver Elves existed in the 1970s, long before the FBI raid that rescued me from one of the Heaven's Gate compounds.
No. I do not try to bring awareness to the "OtherKin Movement". OtherKin is a psychological disorder that for some odd reason, teens and young adults, think of as some sort of roleplaying, cosplaying movement. They don't know what it is. They never looked up any medical journals or psychiatry textbooks. They change what they are on a whim, a Vampire today because they love Twilight, a Witcher tomorrow because they saw the NetFlix series, SpiderMan next week after they watch that movie. They don't know what OtherKin is. It's not a fandom. It's not roleplay. It's not dressing up. And you're a fool if think that's what it is.
People get the misconception that it is roleplaying and cosplaying because I am prone to dress up in elaborate costumes. I like their clothes. It's as simple as that. I'm trying to be them. I don't roleplay them. I don't pretend I am them. I simply like to wear their clothes, in the exact same way, every teenage girl in school has to wear the same t-shirt as her best friend.
When the OtherKin diagnosis was coined, I didn't yet wear costumes. I'd never seen TV or movies or video games. I'd never been to school or doctors. I had no point of reference for what any of these characters would have looked like. The wearing of elaborate costume came about almost a decade AFTER Psychiatrists coined the term OtherKin to describe me.
OtherKin, was referencing my refusal to accept the fact that I was Human, when Social Workers, Psychologists, and Psychiatrists tried to convince me that I was not a Changeling Demon switched at birth like the adults who raised me had taught me to believe.
OtherKin, was referencing the fact that my combined hatred for and phobia of Humans was so great that I had no ability to believe I was a Human, when they told me I was.
OtherKin, it's ACTUAL Journal of Psychiatry definition, is very simply: The belief that one is not Human and is something other than Human. That's what OtherKin means.
Anyone who tells you OtherKin is anything else, has no clue what OtherKin is, knows nothing about it's history, knows nothing about how the term was coined, and is completely clueless about OtherKin in general.
People like to come in saying things like: "Well, because I think OtherKin is about ___ I think we should change the meaning of OtherKin to include ___"
No. OtherKin is an ACTUAL MEDICAL DISORDER... you don't walk into a doctors office and say:
- "Well, because I think Cancer is about ___ I think we should change the meaning of Cancer to include ___"
- "Well, because I think Asthma is about ___ I think we should change the meaning of Asthma to include ___"
- "Well, because I think being stung by a bee is about ___ I think we should change the meaning of being stung by a bee to include ___"
- "Well, because I think broken bones are about ___ I think we should change the meaning of broken bones to include ___"
- "Well, because I think Influenza is about ___ I think we should change the meaning of Influenza to include ___"
- "Well, because I think Diabetes is about ___ I think we should change the meaning of AIDS to include ___"
- "Well, because I think SmallPox is about ___ I think we should change the meaning of SmallPox to include ___"
Now can you now see how utterly stupid and idiotic people are when they say: "Well, because I think OtherKin is about ___ I think we should change the meaning of OtherKin to include ___"?
And, no, OtherKin is not the thing where, you wake up one morning and feel like wearing a cat ears headband, so that therefore makes you a cat.
The problem with OtherKin is there is far too much misinformation out there about what OtherKin is, written largely by know-nothing 10 year old children who couldn't tell their ass from a hole in the ground, and think that because they want to wear a headband with cat ears, that gives them to authority to rewrite the definition of medical illnesses.
OtherKin is a mental disorder. It's not a movement. Not a trend. Not a fad. But for some reason, in the last 20 years or so, people have thought it "cool" to "be OtherKin" so, they jumped on a bandwagon to try to be something that they really had no idea what it actually was.
Today, because, thanks to Tumblr and Instagram, OtherKin is now interchangeable with Furries and CosPlay, the OFFICIAL diagnosis of the Mental Illness as listed in the Journal of Psychiatry has been changed from OtherKin to Species Dysphoria, to definasciate from the the actual mental illness of not believing one is Human and the current fad trend of dressing up roleplaying.
People who say I started a movement or awareness groups or claim I try to bring awareness to the OtherKin movement, have no clue who or what I am and are talking out their asses. They don't know me. They do not speak for me. And they certainly don't understand me or how I live my life.
What's your thought on fictionkin? Do you think fictionkin is valid? I'm just a bit curious to know. Personally I think it's really neat! Is that what you do?
No.
I am not FictionKin.
I am EelKin turned ElfKin, according to people who believe in Kinship.
I don't move in OtherKin circles, groups, or communities.
I am considered the "first" or "original" OtherKin, by many in the "OtherKin community" and I hate it, because I have never identified as OtherKin and deeply dislike labels being slapped onto me by vile Humans who try translate what they think I am.
What are labels? A label is simply a way to point at someone and say: "they are not Human enough to be accepted in society". That's all any label is.
And that is all any Human has ever done to me. Label me as this, label me as that.
Never once has ANY Human, ever thought to look at me as another Human, as another member of society, as a potential friend.
Because I am technically "the first" OtherKin, seeing how I was the patient in question, when the team of Social Workers, Psychologists, and Psychiatrists coined the term. I am a patient who was undiagnosable and had "something new", and "OtherKin" was the working title. But because I am technically "the first" OtherKin, I am constantly being contacted by founders, creators, and moderators of groups, forums, subreddits, Discords, FaceBook groups, and other various assorted online communities. I don't know why. I think they see me as a "celebrity" in terms of OtherKin. I'm supposedly the "ideal OtherKin" whom others try to be like.
But... I'm not trying to "be" anything. I don't even call myself OtherKin or ElfKin or EelKin or UnicornKin or CatKin or FoxKin, all of those being types of Kins that people has used to describe me.
I accept the invites and then never post in their communities or groups, because I find myself incredibly uncomfortable around most people who call themselves "OtherKin", because 99.9% of the ones I've encountered are very clearly teenagers and young kids in their 20s who are just trying to be part of a club. They don't actually have post traumatic stress disorder, they know nothing about child abuse or rape, or witnessing multiple murders, or trying to cope with being raised in a cage from the age of 8 years old to 31 years old while also being raised to believe you were a demo, because the adults in your life had schizophrenia and couldn't tell the difference between children and demons. They don't know what it is like to be 31 years old the first time any one ever suggested to you that you might actually be a human, and everything the adults taught you about your lack of Humanity was a lie.
When I accept the invites to join these groups, I go there, hoping to find others like myself, who were never Human, not once from their time of birth. I go there hoping to find others like myself, who were rejected by Humans from the day they were born. But all I ever find are happy go lucky juvenile delinquents rebelling by wearing cat-ear headbands while licking milk out of a bowl. They ENJOY pretending to be animals. They have fun, partying in their fur tails. They have no trauma. They know nothing about OtherKin and it's origins. What OtherKin is or how the word got coined.
The bulk of them are just a group of kids looking for a party where they can dress up in costumes. Only this and nothing more. And that is not OtherKin. Not even close.
Now, that is not to say there is anything wrong with what you are, no matter what you are or how you identify. Your identity is certainly valid and should be acknowledged. I'm not saying it's invalid or should be pushed aside or ignored. What I'm saying is, chances are very high that what you are classifying as OtherKin, is not in fact OtherKin.
That's the problem with online OtherKin communities. They spread far too much misinformation and leave actual, correct information spread far too thin and this leads to a lot of confusion.
The thing is I AM the ACTUAL MEDICAL, psychiatric definition of OtherKin, and it's incredibly rare to the point that fewer then 100 people have ever, EVER been diagnosed with it EVER. Fewer then 100 people in all of the millions of years of this Earth having existed. That's not many people.
And yet, there are MILLIONS of OtherKin, so called, self proclaimed OtherKin just on Tumblr, and not a one of them has a clue what OtherKin even is and that's painfully obvious.
The problem with the invites to join these groups, is I'm not what they think I am. They expect me to be a roleplaying party animal like them and I'm not.
And the fact remains - I hate Humans, and they are just Humans dressed like cats and dogs.
Let me repeat this: I HATE HUMANS.
I WISH HUMANS WOULD DIE. ALL OF THEM. I HATE THEM.
And you want me to join your little group of pretenders? I hate every one of you and you think ha-ha oh she's being in character.
No.
I really do hate Humans.
No Human has EVER given me a reason to think otherwise.
No Human has ever been my friend.
Not one.
Not Ever.
None.
Every Human I have ever met, pretends to be my friend for a few days, then they turn into cruel, hateful, backstabbing bastards.
Humans are incapable of love, friendship, compasion, sympathy.
Humans are evil.
Humans are cruel.
Humans are sadistic.
Humans enjoy hurting others.
Humans are hateful creatures who do nothing hurt everyone in their path.
And if you don't understand THAT, well, Honey, then you CERTAINLY Are NOT OtherKin.
OtherKin is not about your spiritual awakening, your identification with an animal guide... OtherKin is the hatred of Humans, on levels so extreme, that wish all Humans would die.
OtherKin is about you NOT being Human and seperating yourself from Humans because Humans are pieces of shit.
Humans can not be trusted.
Never turn your back on a Human.
Humans lie.
Humans cheat.
Humans steal.
Humans murder.
Humans torture.
There is NOTHING good in a Human.
And if you are ACTUAL, REAL, MEDICALLY DIAGNOSED as OtherKin, then I don't need to tell you that, because you already know evil Humans are.
Humans exist to kill, steal, and destroy. Only this and nothing more. There is nothing else in Humanity.
And the online OtherKin Communities who send me invites to join them.... I've yet to encounter one, single, solitary, actual, real, medically diagnosed OtherKin in any of them. And I've checked them all, and encountered well over a million people who claim to be OtherKin.
I go there are look, in hopes that one day, i will find someone, like myself, who is not Human and has never been accepted by Humans. But there is no one like me. Not surprising, seeing how in all the milinia of the Earth, fewer then 100 people have ever been diagnosed.
And the online OtherKin Communities who send me invites to join them....They do what everyone does and start rumors about me, gossiping among themselves about what they THINK I am, and they build up fanfiction, fantasy worlds about me, that have no basis in reality. They hyped up and excited, fall in love with the fictional version of me that they created in their heads, and then find themselves deeply disapointed when they actually talk to me for the first time and find out that 100% of everything they liked about me, was just fiction made up them, themselves.
Labels. They label me into a group and they love the IDEA of me as that label in that group, but then, meeting me shatters their fantasies about me, when they realize, I'm not what they told themselves I was.
That's the problem with OtherKin and people who call me OtherKin.
You see, they think I'm joking when I say I hate Humans, but I could show you a copy of my psychological evaluation, and the entire section, where the psychiatrist worried about my server homicidal desire to kill all Humans.
I'm not joking when I tell you, that if you act even remotely Human in my presence, I will pull a brick out of my tote bag and smash your jaw in. I've done it many times.
My psychological evaluation, has a full section, of worries that I show no empathy for Humans on any level what so ever, to the point of extreme Sociopathy. Yes, that's a word in my evaluation.
Far too many people look at my being the original "OtherKin" patient, and don't read the full report. They giddy with joy, thinking I'm play acting, role playing, pretending. I'm not. I don't joke. I never joke. Do you know why? I'll tell you why.
My uncles, while beating me in the face with a shovel when I was 8, or breaking my jaw with a cinder block brick when I was 14, or stabbing my arms with forks when I was 4, or driving a 2 foot long foundation nail through my hip leaving me crippled ever since I was 6 years old, or cutting the bottoms of my feet with rusted saw blades when I was 13.... or any of the hundreds of similar things they did.... while they did it, they always said the same thing: "It's just a joke, hahahahahahahaha!", "I'm only joking, hahahahahahaha!"
I have scars all over my body.... scars from wounds that bled for days. Wounds that should have been seen by a doctor. Wounds, that they filled with maggots, because they kept maggots in jars for that reason.
Do you know what it feels like to have you hands chained to cinder blocks, and forks driven into your arms with a hammer, that drove the tines in all the way to the bone, another fork put in, the wound torn open, and maggots poured in, as the adults around you laughed and slapped each other on the back over the good fun joke they were doing, because, the 5 year old girl they are torturing, is not Human, so it doesn't matter, because she's just a changeling left behind by Demons who took the real child. Have you ever watched maggots crawl under your skin then chew their way back out. And finally pass out hours later, and be left there unconscious for days in pools of your own blood. And when you wake up, the adults are disapointed, that you, the Demon Changeling is still alive.
That's what I grew up with.
I was 31 years old when the FBI raid rescued me.
My entire first 31 years of life, was spent being daily tortured, daily told it was okay, because I wasn't Human anyways.
The end result is the only thing in my mind that is more evil then rape and murder, is a joke.
And you'll find out how fast I beat you to a pulp if you dare say word joke in my presence. A joke is the only thing more triggering to me than rape.
Still think you are OtherKin or you know anything about me and my life, how much I hate Humans, or the fact that OtherKin was a term created by Psychiatrists, as a working title to diagnose me, the child who survived "the world child abuse case in American history"?
Yeah. the "OtherKin Community" has a vastly warped view of who I am, and why I'm the way I am.
When you ask me questions about OtherKin and CosPlay and RolePlay... and worse, when you try to sexualize anything about me or make mems about me and say you are just joking... you just make me hate Humans even more. Because you can call yourself OtherKin all you want, but you, running around playing and joking and laughing and smiling, you forget, I don't do any of those things.
Jokes. Laughing. Smiling..... I see those things as a threat and a reason to fight back. And clearly the OtherKin Community knows nothing of trauma, torture, and abuse at the hands of Humans.
OtherKin, it's ACTUAL Journal of Psychiatry definition, is very simply: The belief that one is not Human and is something other than Human. That's what OtherKin means.
If you believe something, you have no doubts, so you would never ask "Am I OtherKin?".
I have yet to find an OtherKin on any online community, who TRULY BELIEVED they were not Human. They will tell you they feel connected, they say they no longer want to be Human. Most acknowledge themselves as the spirit of a non-Human living in a Human body.
Answer me this... how can you stop being Human if you don't believe you are Human? Only someone who believes they are Human would say they want to stop being Human.
They build character sheets, detailing the backstory of their alternate being. But if the being IS YOU, then your life, your childhood, your experiance ARE your backstory. If you had to write a character backstory, you are not OtherKin, you are Multiple Personality Disorder or Dissociative Identity Disorder.
OtherKin you are YOU. You are just not Human and not accepted by Humans as Human. You live with Humans and your experiences with them, are very simply the experiences you have every day, and you don't need to sit down and write a backstory. There is no backstory in OtherKin.
Me? I wouldn't know the first thing about feeling Human, because I never was Human. I never had a transition. I never shifted. I never felt the need to STOP being Human, because there was never a point from the day I was born, when anyone ever acknowledge me as being Human.
But, let's answer your question. My email inbox is so full of so many OtherKin questions. Someday I'll get around to answering them. Let's start with your's.
When you ask me about what type of OtherKin I am, it is immediately clear that you know nothing about me, my history, or the history of the origins of the word OtherKin.
The first known group of OtherKin was ElfKin and was The Silver Elves, and the group still exists. They were founded in 1978. I joined them in 1987. I did not remain Silver Elf, as I found more of a connection to Elves in general, and they were a bit more "religion focused" (like they wanted people to obey their set of rules and such, with was too restrictive for me and contrary to how I felt Eves were). Because of the connection to spiritual teachings, in America The Silver Elves are considered a "legally recognized religion" by the Federal government (same as Catholic, Wicca, Baptist, LDS/Mormon, Voodoo, etc are considered as such). They are really connected to the spiritual and religious side of OtherKin and I liked that a lot.
The term OtherKin, was coined in 1997 by a group of Social Workers, Psychologists, and Psychiatrists and was the working title of the mental illness that would eventually become known as Species Dysphoria.
So calling groups like The Silver Elves "OtherKin" is questionable at best, but they are considered by most "OtherKin" to be the first "OtherKin Group", even though their compound was founded in 1978 and the term OtherKin was coined in 1997.
Being older (elderly) and an ElfKin for 40+ years now, I've seen the OtherKin movement evolve and change a lot. There is always something in it that makes me go: "What the f...?"
But there is never a point when I think: "They are not valid because of ____."
It's always just a reaction of more: "Wow! Boy do they have a completely different take on OtherKin than what I've always thought it was."
And then after I think about it I'm: "Yeah, yeah, I can see how they feel that way. Yep, that makes sense."
I think, because I'm a lot older, and got into it via The Silver Elves originally, I end up taking a very spiritual/religious outlook on it, where I see Elves sort of as my "spirit animals" so to speak... and it seems like, more recently, especially in teens and 20s age group, their take on OtherKin is more, like Dissociative Identity Disorder, like they actually believe they REALLY ARE an Elf or Wolf or whatever.
The first time I heard of the new form of OtherKin, the "I'm not a Human, I'm a Dog" type, my mind was: "Wow! That's crazy!" You see, I look at OtherKin as "I'm channeling the spiritual energy of the Dog, not, I literally become a Dog because I don't want to be Human any more." So, at first, I just had a hard time wrapping my mind around the new "Tumblr style" OtherKin. But then, the more I thought about it, the more I realized, no, it's not crazy, because they are doing the same thing I'm ding, they are just doing it differently.
I mean, I use guided meditations and visualizations and oracle cards to connect with the spirit world and it's energy, and for me, connecting to Elf energy and Unicorn energy and ArchAngel energy has always been the best/easiest way for me to do that. And in guided meditation, you often focus on mentally becoming the Elf or Fox or Raven or whatever your spirit guide is, and so yeah, thinking of it that way, suddenly the new style of OtherKin didn't seem crazy to me anymore and I realized, they are just like me, only different.
And then I heard of FictionKin and I was like mind blown. I was like: "OMG, you don't really believe you actually ARE Harry Potter, do you?"
But then almost immediately I was reminded how many times people said to me: "OMG, you don't really believe you actually ARE Lord Sesshomaru, do you?" because I "CosPlayed" him for 9 years... not to conventions, no, I dressed like him 24/7/365 every day for 9 years, around the house, to go shopping, just all day, every day.
People interviewing me about that back in 2005 and 2007 is one of the early things that brought OtherKin to the internet. When people asked why, if I thought I was him, I would say: "No. I'm channeling his energy. I feel more connected to his energy when I dress like him. I'm not trying to be him."
And then I did the same thing with Quaraun for 7 years. And for the past 3 years I've done the same thing with Avallac'h. And yeah, these are fictional characters. Which, I guess, maybe, would cause other people to see me as FictionKin? But they are all Elves, and I am ElfKin and I'm not trying to be or become the Elf in question, rather I feel better able to connect to spiritual Elf energy, when I dress like a fictional Elf from a novel. It's more like I borrowed the Elf's clothes and just wear them.
It's like weighted blankets. They protect you and help you sleep. Same thing. I have PTSD, OCD, Kanner's Syndrome, and Agoraphobia. The longest I have gone without setting foot outside of the house was 15 years.
I was horribly abused by my uncles and several of their male friends from their church as a child and as a result, I developed a crippling fear of Humans in general and Men in particular, and than, as an adult, years later, I was raped and that brought back all the mental trauma memories of what my uncles did, and I don't know what happened, but my mind was just mentally crippled after that, to the point that I locked myself in my room and did not leave it for 15 years.
2006, I went outside for the first time, in 15 years, and I was only able to do so, by wearing a costume of Lord Sesshomaru. When you read the books, he's fearless. He can walk through crowds and he doesn't care who thinks what, and if someone tries to hurt him or his friends, he would never let the attacker hurt them. He's fiercely protective of Rin, the Human girl who travels with him. He has a fearless energy to him. Very powerful fearless energy, and I wanted to feel that.
I wanted to be able to go outside, without being terrified men would hurt me. And I tried for weeks, months, to go outside. I'd get to the door and I'd freeze. A mental block made my body so rigid I couldn't move my feet to get out the door. My agoraphobia was that bad.
So, I started meditating, channel Lord Sesshomaru's energy. And it healed, but it didn't help enough. So I ordered fabric, fur, leather, bolt of silk from Japan, from eBay and Amazon, and I made what went down in history as both the most expensive and most insanely elaborate Lord Sesshomaru CosPlay ever made. And, when I put it on, I was able to walk outside of my house for the first time in 15 years.
It was like, before I channeling his energy, but now, he was there with me. It's the only way I know how to explain it.
I still have severe agoraphobia today. But since 2006, I can go outside, IF, I dress up like an Elf. The stronger the Elf the better. A powerful protecting spirit.
That's why I now CosPlay Avallac'h. There's no one, more protective then he is. It's what he's known for. His fierce protectiveness of Ciri, the Human girl who travels with him is beyond Lord Sesshomaru's protectiveness of Rin. He won't let anyone hurt her. He'll die to to keep her safe. So I retired the Lord Sesshomaru CosPlay and made the Avallac'h CosPlay, my new protecting spirit. An Elf, but also, a Fictional Character.
He's not real. I'm aware he's not real. But that doesn't change the fact that I can draw on his fierce protective energy, to be able to go outside, go shopping, not have to buy everything online or have others buy things for me and deliver it. I can do it myself, dressed like an Elf, but at least I'm outside.
The fact remains, there's never been a real man in my life who DID NOT hurt me. I grew up with drug dealers. Real life gangsters. They killed people. Throughout my childhood and teen years I had witness multiple murders, Brutal. Violent. I was beaten and locked in cages. I watched them kill people, then turn around and threaten to kill me if I ever told anyone.
Today most of them are dead, in prison, or on the run from the FBI. There was never a time in my life when I felt safe, and around men, I felt less safe. There has never been anyone there for me. No mental support. No emotional support. No one to protect me from the men I grew up with, or the gangs they had shot outs with.
I would read books, while hiding under a blanket to try to blockout the screaming and yelling and gun fire. None of the children were allowed to go to school or doctors. We lived on a farm, in the forest, miles from the nearest anything, fenced in and guarded by riflemen. No one had birth certificates or SSNs. No paper trail. No adults outside the clan to turn to for help. I would read books, while hiding under a blanket and praying for someone to please help me. It was none stop terror every day, all day, my entire childhood. Fictional men in books, where my only friends. I was drawn to men who protected children, especially men who protected little girls.
Lord Sesshomaru protected Rin, an 8 year old girl.
Avallac'h protected Ciri, a 12 year old girl.
That's why I was drawn to them. They are strong men who protect little girls from evil men.
This is also why I take such a very strong and heavy offense to anyone trying to sexualize my kinship to either Lord Sesshomaru or Avallac'h.
My attraction to them is not sexual and I do not like people trying to translate it that way.
I see them, more along the lines of ArchAngels. Protectors. Someone you can look to to always be there for you. Someone who will never hurt you. Someone who will keep you safe.
Nothing will make you my enemy faster than you trying to sexualze me, my life, or anything I do. I am asexual, on an extreme anti-sex level. I have an extreme hatred for sex. And if you try to sexualize me or anything I do, you will quickly find yourself branded one of my top most hated people on the planet.
But, yeah, I am myself ElfKin, but you can see why I find no issues with FictionKin. Also, while I tend to lurk in OtherKin communities, I don't see myself as OtherKin, because I see ElfKin and OtherKin as being 2 very different, but also very similar things.
I should also point out that I think of ElfKin and FictionKin as both separate and different from OtherKin, that they are 3 completely different things in my mind, but that none is any less valid then the other and that each of the 3 should be supportive of the other 2.
My thought is, you wouldn't be Kin to anything if you had not suffered through extreme trauma and your Kinship, is your way of coping. For is, after all, nothing more than a mental illness. The concept of Kinship, was created by a group of psychiatrists, to explain people who are not Human, but live in Human society. You can not be Kin to anything and not also be insane. That is a medical fact. And therefore, all Kin are Kin to each other through their insanity, regardless of what type of Kin they are or how they explain their Kinship.
I think of all Kinships this way. Each is distinctly different, but, all are similar enough that each should try to learn from one another and be supportive of each other.
The Princess Bride predicting Covid-19?EXTREME SPOILER WARNING!
Please be aware that nearly every page on this website contains spoilers to something. I talk about a lot of fandoms, and go into great detail analyzing them when I do. If I am talking about The Witcher series, InuYasha, Disney Ducks, the Quaraun series, or any other fandom, you WILL encounter spoilers about it.
The Ties That Bind Us:
You've Only Known Our World Through The Eyes of a Madman
Chapter ??
(Bizarro Dark Fantasy Yaoi free sample chapter to read online)
(No clue what chapter it is, it's anyone's guess; I did not chapter this novel, yet. You are seeing the pre-publication draft edition of it here, which is not yet fully edited. The published print edition may be different.)
The Adventures of Quaraun The Insane
Volume 75 of 130
The Ties That Bind Us:
You've Only Known Our World Through The Eyes of a Madman
Chapter ??
(Bizarro Dark Fantasy Yaoi free sample chapter to read online)
(No clue what chapter it is, it's anyone's guess; I did not chapter this novel, yet. You are seeing the pre-publication draft edition of it here, which is not yet fully edited. The published print edition may be different.)
Please Note: The Quaraun Series Is Rated M18+ and you must be 18 or older to buy it.
Why is the Quaraun Series Rated M18+?
You can Find out more about the main characters here:
Please note, this site is the Home Site for The Adventures of The Pink Necromancer aka The Quaraun Series.
The Quaraun series is a set of 130 Fantasy novels about a suicidal, drug addicted, serial killing, transvestite wizard.
Due to the content of the books, you must be 18 or older to buy them and they are sold under M18+ ratings in countries that require book ratings on the cover.
Most pages on EelKat.com are either sample chapters from these Dark Fantasy Yaoi novels or how-to advice and Q&As about writing Dark Fantasy Bizarro Yaoi, and thus many pages feature mention of suicide, drug use, cutting, depression, BDSM fetishes especially CBT, schizophrenia, ritual murder, and thus many pages are probably NSFW.
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The Ties That Bind Us:
You've Only Known Our World Through The Eyes of a Madman
Chapter ??
(Bizarro Dark Fantasy Yaoi free sample chapter to read online)
(No clue what chapter it is, it's anyone's guess; I did not chapter this novel, yet. You are seeing the pre-publication draft edition of it here, which is not yet fully edited. The published print edition may be different.)
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"What has he told you I was?" Harrier asked the trio.
"He calls you a prison guard," GhoulSpawn answered. "He says you keep him locked up, in White Rock."
"You are him, younger, yes?"
"Yeah."
"So you know how he thinks. How his mind works... or doesn't. Seeing how he is you. He is what you become."
"I guess."
"And you are from the future. You're not actually from the 1400s, you just live here for whatever reason."
"Yeah."
"So you know modern terms. You know medical terms, that the rest of the people in this era have never heard of."
"Yeah."
"What has he told you White Rock was?"
"He says it's a prison."
"Has he ever mentioned.... a lobotomy?"
"Yeah. He says he had one. More then once. And always against his will."
"A lobotomy is a medical procedure."
"Yeah. So?"
"Have you ever heard of a prison doing it?"
"Who knows what happens in the future."
"Good point."
Harrier sighed. Looked down at Gremlin, laying on the bed and then sat down in the chair beside Dr. Triten.
"Dr. Triten works for me. He's a physician. A very good one. Do you think a prison guard, would employ a doctor?"
"Again. You're very far in the future. And you admit the world has vastly changed."
"Hmmm. You're from the 1970s, right?"
"Yeah."
"Then you know about hospitals."
"Yeah."
"Have you ever heard of schizophrenia?"
"Yeah."
"And do you know what a psychiatrist is?"
"Yeah."
"GhoulSpawn, I'm a psychiatrist. And I'm also the chief administrator of a hospital named The White Rock Asylum For The Criminally Insane."
"Is he a criminal?"
"No."
"Most of the patients in White Rock are."
"Then why's he there? Why not some other mental health institute?"
"Because he's not Human. And White Rock is the only hospital left on the planet that will treat None Humans. Originally, all our patients were criminals, serial killers mostly, it's what he specialize in. But that was a long time ago. There are very few Non-Humans these days. I am 1 of only 5 Phookas left on the planet. He is the last Uruisg. Antaras is the last Each-Utsy. If there are any Gnomes, Dwarves, Giants, Leprechauns, Dragons, or Pixies left, they're well hidden. And you know things are bad when ALL the Elves are banded together: Blood Elves, Feral Elves, Wood Elves, High Elves, Half-Elves. About 10,000 of them, huddled together in one terrified community, just behind the Twighlight Manor. All the Elves in the world. They're the last. Living in a down star ship, they haven't set foot outside in decades. They don't dare to. That's the world we live in now. The Human have control of everything. And when they find one of us, they put us in a cage. On display. Freak shows. There's big money in that these days. And that's Humans care about. Money. Power. Control. If things continue as they are, within a hundred years, they'll be no Non-Humans left. That's why he's in White Rock. Outside of The Twighlight Manor and the VISION-D8, it's the only safe place left for non-Humans."
"So he not a prisoner?"
"No. He's my patient. Not my prisoner. He has schizophrenia. He sees things that aren't there, is chased by hallucinations that are trying to kill him, lives in mortal fear of invisible paranoias that don't exist, and write on walls, when he... runs out of other things to write on. He was an LSD addict for most of his life and, somewhere along the line he... took too much, fried his brain. We try to help him. But... as you can see... he lives in a world, that only exists in his head. I can't even begin to imagine the nightmare he walks through every day of his life, just trying to escape the things that no one else can see."
"You're saying he's crazy."
"I'm saying he has a serious mental illness that is compounded by damage due to a drug overdose and was further made worse by a lobotomy that I was against him being given. He's very sick and needs help. And he's good about getting it. Usually. But sometimes he forgets to take his medication and he gets like this. And then we have to back to square one to try to get him back on it again. When he's on his medication he's fine. When he's like this, he can become dangerous. More to himself then others."
"So, how did he get injured? Are you saying he did this to himself?"
"No. No. Unfortunately, he right. This time. The guards did beat him up. I reviewed the video footage. Security cameras. He saw... well... he thought he saw a little boy being beaten up by several grown men."
"Did he?"
"Yes. And no."
"What do you mean, yes and no?"
"Sunta. He saw Sunta. Another patient. He escaped. Sunta is a criminal. A serial killer. He's... he's why we built White Rock. He's the patient that we keep in the Inner Sanctum. A cell, inside of a cell, inside of cell, inside of room, inside of a room, many cells deep, many room deeps, so many locks, so many barriers. So many wizards, so many scientists, gathered together to build and impenetrable cell, to contain a creature, unlike anything the world has ever seen. Some people call him a god. From what I've seen, they may be right."
"A Demon?"
"An Elf. A very dangerous Elf. Poor thing. I hate solitary confinement. I try not to use it unless absolutely necessary. But with him... it was more than necessary. Cheka abuses him."
"Cheka?"
"One our doctors."
"Gremlin's mentioned him."
"Yes. Cheka. Our lobotomy happy doctor. Poor Sunta. He got worse after the lobotomy."
"How did Gremlin get hurt? His leg's almost cut off."
"He tried to help Sunta. He's very dangerous. Greymorse, didn't know the other patient, didn't know Sunta, didn't know what was going on, he was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. And I fear it'll not bode well with his mental state. And he's been doing so well of late. Poor thing. This is going to set my work so very far."
"How did that happen to his leg?"
"He saw another patient, Sunta, being beaten up. He's deceptively old, Sunta is, but he looks like a little boy. He's a wizard who uses glimmer spells to hide what he really looks like. He was injured, centuries ago. Very vain. He was burned. His face disfigured, so, now he reinvented himself, with glimmer spells, as a 15 year old boy. It's an illusion. He's been in White Rock a few hundred years now, and yet Sunta's always a 15 year old boy. He never gets older. Greymorse, thought he saw a little boy being beaten up by several grown men, and he tried to help, not knowing the boy was not a boy and that the boy was in fact and escaped serial killer whom the guards were trying to capture. They attacked Greymorse with more force then they needed to and sadly, once they got him down, they didn't stop, and, well, you can see what they did to him."
"How did they do that to his leg?"
"A night stick."
"A night stick? Did that?"
"Yes. A big guard, strong arms, carrying a big night stick. He came as Greymorse from behind, went right for his leg. Greymorse is old. And he's not in good health. His bones are brittle. And he's a sheep. Hind legs of a sheep are not, not strong and sturdy like a Human leg bone is. The bone broke easily, under the circumstances."
"I know I have the legs of a sheep, but how the hell do hit someone that hard. The bone's cut clean off!"
"You have to understand, the type of patient our guards are trained to deal with. Like I said. Most of them are prisoners. Most of them are serial killers. Most of them are cannibals or at least will eat Humans. The guards are trained very specifically to take an escaped prisoner down by any means necessary without killing them. And it's a proven fact that the best way to disable a dangerous criminal is to take out one of their legs."
"You said he's not a criminal."
"Yes. That s correct. Greymorse is not a criminal. But he was helping an escaped criminal."
"But you said he didn't know that."
"That also is true. Like I said. It was a mistake that Greymorse got hurt. He was in the wrong place at the wrong time and well see to it that this is fixed. After Dr. Vangoneese, Dr. Triten is our best doctor. Greymorse will walk again. It'll take time, but reattaching a leg is not that difficult for us. Our medicine is quite far advanced from what you have back here in the 1400s."
"Why do you keep calling him Greymorse?"
"His name is Greymorse Liore."
"I don't have a name. I never did."
"You do. Your name is Greymorse Liore."
"My father got sent away, my mother died, and her family only ever called me GhoulSpawn."
"You were 9 years old when your father left. 15 when your mother died. You had a name. You just forgot it."
"And how do you known what it is my name supposedly is?"
"It's a long story that is not important right now. You know too much about your future already.
"So what about all the things he's told us over the years. Ongadada and needing the change the past to change the future..."
"He probably told you the truth. He's not in the habit of lying. Even when he's talking crazy, he at least believes he's telling the truth. And usually he is telling the truth on some level, it's just his perception is warped. He's not trying to be deceitful. The Battle of Ongadada did happen, the Kats did hire him to open portals and zip back and forth through time trying to change things. Time travel didn't help his mind any. It's not easy to go back and forth through time and hold on to one's sanity. You start getting a guilty conscious of 'what if i had caused this' or 'what if Hitler rose up, because I went back and changed that thing which was not connected to Hitler at all'?"
"Hitler?" Quaraun asked.
Harrier looked to GhoulSpawn: "You understand the reference?"
"Hitler killed millions of people, because they weren't white enough, weren't Christian enough."
"Think of Ongadada, like Hitler, but on a larger scale, and then expand it, multiply it to multiple planets, of multiple solar systems, and instead of 20 million lives lost, 31 billion lives taken."
"You mean Ongadada?"
"Yes. Ongadada. If you could go back in time and stop Hitler from killing 20 million people, would you? Do you know people have tried and couldn't. Do you know why? Because he wasn't an evil man. He loved dogs and children and art. He was a vegetarian, and an artists. A kind, gentle soul. He had friend and family. And never missed church on Sunday. But like everyone, he had a breaking point. Do you know what his breaking point was? A little beagle. A little dog. He loved that dog. And one day, a soldier, just back from war, boasting to his friends, how good he was with a gun... walked into his neighbours yard, and for no reason other then to show off to his friends, blew the dog's head off with a gun. He was Jewish. that was the breaking point. Hitler made up his mind, to get revenge for the senseless murder of his beloved little begal, by killing every last Jew on the planet."
"So, you're saying, Hitler, evilest Human to ever walk the face of the Earth, wasn't evil and was actually a good person?"
"No."
"Than what are you saying?"
Hamsa
Eye of The Grigoi
Eye of the Watchers
Eye of God
Hand of God
Eye of Protection
Evil Eye
Gypsy Curse
"I'm saying everyone has someone who loves them. Every one loves someone. And only through great love, can come great hate. The purest evil on the planet, can only come from the purest good. This the nature of life. Do you know how many times, poor Gremlin has come back here, to kill the evilest man to ever walk the face of the Earth, and returns back to us, without doing what he set out to do."
"Has he tried to kill Hitler?"
"No. Quaraun."
"He comes back here to kill Quaraun?"
"Yes."
"I don't understand."
"Once upon a time, there was a family. A father with two sons he loved very much. Their mother was very dear to him. She was pregnant with their third child, and one day, two soldier walked into their home, and for no reason at all, killed the young mother and her unborn child. There was no motive. They just did it to show off to their friends. The two boys, ran after the soldiers. Their father was in shock over what he'd just seen. That few seconds, those few seconds where he didn't move, that the time we need to change. We need him to turn around and grab his sons. Don't let them follow the soldiers, Once they've followed the soldiers it's too late. By the time he reacts, they're already dead. That was the breaking point. Not his wife or the baby, but his two sons, whom he loved dearly. Because of those two boys, he killed 31 billion people. Men. Women. Children. Humans. Non Humanes. It didn't matter any more. He just killed them all. And watching him do that... that's your breaking point. GhoulSpawn ceased to exist after Ongadada. Gremlin took his place. Gremlin continually goes back in time to that point, trying to change it. He's over burdened with guilt. Save the world, kill his friend. He can't do it. That's what happened to his mind. That's why he's like this now."
"Is your world as bad as he says it is?"
"Probably. If fact it's probably worse. You've only seen our world through the eyes of a mad man, broken by guilt and grief. He can't see the world beyond his own little realm of existence. He doesn't see the bigger picture. The big picture is too scary for him. He's too busy focused only on the small details, and only those that affect him directly. The world's a big place, and he's a hermit whose not seen much of it. I doubt if the our world as he's painted it for you, is even half the horror, of what our world really is. He doesn't watch the news. He doesn't read the papers. He doesn't know what's going on out there. The world is far worse than even his morbid mind could imagine."
"Then why can't we do anything now to stop it from happening?"
"If you tried to go back in time to kill Hitler, you could probably do it. Because you didn't personally know him. But what if Hitler was your family, your best friend, your lover. You wouldn't see him the same way the world did. And you wouldn't be able to stop him, no matter how much you tried, because love always comes first. If you loved an ideal, you would the ideal before your family and you could kill your wife and children for that ideal. If you loved a god, you would put that god before your family, and when that god tells you to slit your wife's throat, you'll do it no questions asked, because you love the god more then you loved your family. Quaraun loved his children, do you know how they died?"
"He killed them."
"Did he ever tell you how? What exactly it was that he did? He poisoned them. And when they were asleep, he gutted them. Disemboweled them. Cut out their hearts. Cut off their heads. Children. 4 and 9 years old. His own children. And after that he turned on his wife. But he didn't kill her. Not yet. First, he killed her lover. His own father. And he eat him. Quaraun's not just a murderer, he's a cannibal. Then he killed his wife. And he ate her too. You live with a monster GhoulSpawn, and you know that. You've seen it. You've seen him kill. You know what he's capable of. But you love him, so you can't stop him. You want to, but you love him, more then life itself. Quaraun's a serial killer and you know that. You ignore it. And because you try to push it aside and pretend it isn't happening, this..."
Harrier pointed to Gremlin.
"This is what is gonna happen to you. This is your future. After Quaraun's dead, and you've had time to think, enough time away from him, to forget how much you loved him, and see for the first time, the monster the rest of the world sees him as... you'll be so overcome with guilt, that you'll finally find the determination you need to find a way to harness the portals, to go back in time, hundreds of times, with one goal: kill Quaraun. But you'll never be able to do it. You'll always come back, with less sanity then you left will. You'll drive yourself mad, trying to stop him, and continually failing, because you love him too much to hurt him."
"So your saying there's nothing we can do to change the future?"
"No. The future does change. Every time he comes back here, the future does change."
"How would you know?"
"Because I'm a Faerie. And I live in White Rock. And White Rock doesn't exist on Earth. The Humans can't see it. White Rock is in the Realm of Fae. What he changes on Earth, changes only on Earth. It doesn't effect other dimensions. So we see the changed. But the Humans, they do not know any change happened."
"What if Ongadada's not what we needed to change?"
"What would you change?"
"The events before it. The events that lead up to it."
"You'd have to go back, to before BoomFuzzy died. And you've already done that. You already tried. Ask Quaraun. The day Gibedon died. When Gibedon stabbed BoomFuzzy. That knife was meant for Quaraun. The way Quaraun tells it... a shadowy figure, suddenly appears and pulled him out of the way. Dragged him to the other side of the room, just as Gibedon grabbed BoomFuzzy and dragged him upstairs. Do you remember that, Quaraun?"
Harrier looke past GhoulSpawn to Quaraun, who had remained silent this whole time.
"I remember," Quaraun said. "But I've never talked to you before."
"You talk to me every day. I'm one of the few people you will talk to. I think, because I'm a Phooka."
"We only ever meet you once before."
"Well that's not important right now. The man you describe as the shadowy figure. You didn't know who it was. And he wouldn't let you upstairs. And you didn't know why. That was GhoulSpawn. He changed history. The world was different before he did that."
"What changed?"
"It doesn't matter. What's done is done."
"Why wouldn't it matter? The world changed. Life changed. Life matters."
Harrier smiled.
"Do you really believe that Quaraun? That life matters."
"Yes, I do."
"Sunta doesn't. He just wants every one to die."
"Who is Sunta?"
"A little boy. A strange little boy. The one Gremlin tried to save, when he saw the guards hit him. The guards who broke his legs, because he tried to help Sunta. Which unfortunately he did. He helped Sunta escape and I don't think he knew he did it. Did you Greymorse?"
Harrier looked over at Gremlin.
"Not talking to me? Alright. Have it your way. You usually do."
"You lied to me," Gremlin said, his voice barely above a whisper.
"I've never lied to you."
"I saw him."
"Sunta? I know you did. That wasn't suppose to happen."
"Why?"
"Because you, like your father, keep changing the world. And the less you know about the world the better. You got a Messiah complex. You can't stop trying to save the world."
"I just want to be with my family."
"I know."
Harrier was interrupted by a ringing sound that startled those from the 1400s and was nothing unfamiliar to the ones from the 21 century.
Harrier pulled out something akin to a cell phone and a familiar voice came through on the other side.
"What do you want, Spriggan?" Harrier asked the cat.
"We seem to have found the source of the portal."
"And?"
"It's coming from the Twighlight Manor itself."
"Not that surprising, seeing how it opened up in the front parlor."
"It's still open, and Roderic is... you know... being Roderic."
"Meaning?"
"He says the house is alive."
"He's always saying the house is alive."
"Nooooo, not like this. He says she's awake and is... eating people."
"Has anyone gone missing?"
"No one else no. There's no sign of Sunta anyhere, Sir. I think he went through the portal."
"That's not what I wanted to hear."
"He's not with the Gremlin?"
"No."
"What do we do?"
"I don't know. No. I do know. I just don't want to do it. How is Phozeen?"
"Irritable. He's changing fast."
"He would. He's a Ratzin. The infestation will spread quick in him. The change normally takes years, he'll probably change in a matter of days. Spriggan. Watch your back. If someone in the Twighlight Manor opened the portal... there's not many people there who know how to open portals."
"You got a list of people who can open portals?"
"Other then the Gremlin? Phozeen, but it wasn't him, he can't do time portals, he only does wormholes, bridges. Antaras. But he's locked in an iron maiden. Etiole, but he's too aloof to lift a damned figure, I doubt he'd do it, and his portals are rather distinctive, you'd know if it was him. AlKeeme. I don't trust AlKeeme, but I don't know why he'd do it. Caddy. But I don't see why Caddy would do it."
"Can Caddy open open portals?"
"Yes. And he's quite good at it."
"I didn't know that. Is is a wizard?"
"Yes, he is. I wish he wasn't, boy is he ever."
"Have you told Caddy about Gremlin yet?"
"No."
"He's gonna want to know, you know."
"I know. I'll tell him. Soon. I just have to figure out how. I don't want him losing his temper. No. No Caddy didn't open the portal. He doesn't know Gremlin is hurt, and he'd know that if he'd opened the portal."
"Sir?"
"What is it?"
"I know everyone ere takes orders from you and no one here will tell Caddy about Gremlin, because you told us not to..."
The little white cat paused.
"But?"
"But, Roderic's flipping out. And you know Roderic. He tells Caddy everything. They're like two peas in a pod. One never knows anything without the other soon finding out. Any no one will disoby Roderic. Roderic's word is law you know."
"I know. Just... keep Roderic away from a phone. I'll think of something."
"Anyone we should keep an eye on?"
"Blackbird."
"Blackbird? He can't open portals."
"No. But..."
Harrier paused.
"But what?"
"He was supposed to be watching Sunta. Something happened. He's good at his job. Sunta escaped...just keep an eye on Blackbird, let me if he... does anything... out of character."
Harrier hung up the phone.
"Sunta's missing?" Gremlin asked.
"Yes."
"That's why you're here. I knew you wouldn't come here for me. I'm not that important to you."
"You're right. Partly. You are important to me. But normally I wouldn't come through a portal for you, because I trust you to take care of yourself and not do anything crazy."
"And you don't trust Sunta."
"No. He's deviant. Conniving. Manipulative. And has the brain function of a rabid animal. He bites every one that gets near him, kills any one he can, and eats everyone he kills. He's a vicious monster, he uses glimmer spells to change what he looks like, and he's out there lose somewhere."
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The Ties That Bind Us
Quaraun the Insane: Volume 75
Dark Fantasy Novel Free To Read Online
Chapter Index
(NOTE: The series has been renumbered; this was originally Vol 30 and is now 75)
In the 1400s the portals are growing more frequent and erratic, more people getting lost to them each day. This time Quaraun and GhoulSpawn get sucked away to places unknown, leaving Unicorn alone in Black Tower, helpless to find them
Meanwhile in the 21 Century, Sunta has escaped White Rock and attacked Phozeen. Horrible revelations are made when The Gremlin meets Sunta for the first time and learns the horrible truth behind Quaraun's death.
With the portals sealed decades ago, and the wizards striped of their magic, terror is unleashed on the Twighlight Manor when a giant portal opens up in the front parlor sending Gremlin once again back to the past.
At first assuming Gremlin opened the portal, Harrier quickly discovers darker forces at work, as the long sleeping house once again comes to life, while the dead rise up and walk it's bloody halls.
With the sentient Twighlight Manor eating more victims, and portals threatening to destroy the planet, Harrier does the unthinkable and heads back to the past to seek the help of the only ones able to help him:
King Gwallmaiic, Leader of the Lich Lords and his long ago banished general, a Demon known only as The Ghoul.
The Portal In The Rose Garden
The Return of the Medusa
Infected
Meeting Sunta
Lost
Home Again
The Dying Wizard
Harrier
Triten
You've Only Known Our World Through The Eyes of a Madman
The Return of BoomFuzzy's Gingerbread House From Hell
Blackbird
Antaras
The Ghoul
FarDarrig Sees The Truth
Found
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