The Princess Bride predicting Covid-19?
EXTREME SPOILER WARNING!
Please be aware that nearly every page on this website contains spoilers to something. I talk about a lot of fandoms, and go into great detail analyzing them when I do. If I am talking about The Witcher series, InuYasha, Disney Ducks, the Quaraun series, or any other fandom, you WILL encounter spoilers about it.
What location is this set in?
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What location is this set in?
It is an alternate dimension of 1400s Earth. Quaraun is from The Deep North, which is described as North of the Forest of No Return, East of the land of the Cookie Elves in Gitchigumi, and South of Santa's Village in the North Pole.
The Quaraun Series is the prequel to the Twighlight Manor Series, with Quaraun being Sir Roderic Swanzen's “unnamed” grandfather, who in the TM series was only ever refereed to as “The Grand High Emperor of The Triple Planets” along side of references to his outlandish “Liberace` pink sequined” wardrobe. The TM series is set in modern times (written in the 1970s, Liberace was still alive and the series contains many references to him, his show, and his songs that would be lost on most readers of the 21st century – Quaraun was supposed to be the Medieval equivalent to Liberace`). The Twighlight Manor being a large palace-like 500 room mansion that comes alive and eats people. Throughout the series are references to a Demonic “Diontite Horse” called “Antares” chained up in the basement and a “psychotic Ratzin whom the Chrystonites call Sunta” kept closely guarded in a third floor room of the far West Wing.
The TM series never explains the horse in the basement or the boy on the 3rd floor that never ages, who they are, or why they are held prisoner in the house. The Quaraun series is the back-story which tells who they are and how they came to be locked up in the far reaches of the Twighlight Manor.
Likewise the TM series never tells how the Twighlight Manor was built, what causes it to come to life and start eating people, and all that is really known about the origins of the house is that it was built by “The Grand High Emperor of the Triple Planets” shortly before he went on his legendary mass murdering rampage on Mount Demontooth at Oganada.
The Twighlight Manor vanished from Human sight and was not seen again until the 1970s when a mysterious yellow haired scientist, known only as The Gremlin, appeared out of no where and “woke up” the house.
The Twighlight Manor series picks up from this point and tells the story of the lives of the Swanzen family, focusing primarily on Roderic and his sons Etiole and Razz, and Etiole's son Phozeen, while also focussing on Roderic's strange Elf-like long eared uncle Dr. Vangoneese and his son AlKeeme and AlKeeme's friend the Phooka named BlackBird, grandson of King Gwallmaiic, Elf Eater of Pepper Valley, who stands guard over, Sunta, the long eared boy that never ages and wears dozens of earrings in his foot long ears all connected by chains to the ring through his nose and sits gibbering quietly to himself in a language no one can translate.
The insane boy in the attic has long been one of The Twighlight Manor series unanswered mysteries and the Quaraun series was written to tell his story.
The Quaraun series filled in the spaces, by going back in time before the Manor was built, before the world was devastated by the Battle of Ongadada, to look at the life of the infamous pink robed king who would eventually build The Twighlight Manor and then slaughter everyone living on all 3 of the solar system's inhabited planets before vanishing from public eye forever. As such the Quaraun series takes place in the exact same location as the Twighlight Manor series.
The Twighlight Manor is situated in The Twighlight Forest (which in real life is my land at 146 Portland Ave, in the Ross Forest of Old Orchard Beach, Maine.) The Forest of No Return is a haunted Faerie Forest which randomly appears out of nowhere and can be anywhere, but when not popping up around the globe, is in fact The Twighlight Forest in Maine.
The Deep North, is the Northernmost regions of Quebec near Newfoundland. In one story it is said that after the Moon Elf Village was destroyed, the Humans moved in and built a new city on top of it, which they named Kuujjuaq, Quebec. The cliffs mentioned in The Night of The Screaming Unicorn are the cliffs of the Avalon Peninsula, Newfoundland Canada. The subterranean caves that spout water are based off The Thunder Hole in Arcadia National Park in Bar Harbour, Maine.
The strange statue like stones growing from the beach, are found in The Bay of Fundy, Nova Scotia. Pepper Valley and Fire Mountain are in Scotland accessed in Canada by Faerie Portals - Fingal's Cave in Scotland being one of the many portals. References to “The Gorge” are Quiche Gorge in Vermont. The Swift River is in New Hampshire while the Saco River runs from Canada trough Maine.
Backelder Brook runs through my farm in Old Orchard Beach. The Marsh is the Scarborough Marsh in Maine. The lake surrounded by swamps filled with moose is Canton Lake in Maine, while the valley of waterfalls is the Flumes of the White Mountains in New Hampshire. Pretty much every single nature feature to appear in the series is an actual place in Maine or it's surrounding areas, that you can visit in real life and in most cases I was on location of when I wrote the scenes.
The Cookie Elves of Gitchigumi are a spoof of The Keebler Elves of Lake Michigan. In the Quaraun series Santa Claus and his buddy Krumpas are evil Trickster Faerie who have kidnapped the Cookie Elves and is holding them hostage in Santa's slave labour factory in Newfoundland, where Santa is actually a Leprechaun who gives shoes to good girls and boys and feeds bad boys and girls to the blood thirsty Phooka Krumpas.
Black Tower is the Portland Headlight after an evil wizard, named HellBorne, turned it into a Lovecraftian Chaos Demon beacon. Most of the Quaraun series takes place in Maine, New Hampshire, Quebec, Nova Scotia, Newfoundland, and the surrounding New England and Maritime regions; if you are from the area, you will recognize many local landscapes, landmarks, and businesses show up throughout the series. The Saco River, often mentioned in the series, is a real river that runs out of Canada and through Maine.
The Saco River Curse is a real local legend. In spite of the fact that the Quaraun Series is set the 1400's, the taverns he and Unicorn frequent most often (The Golden Rooster and Mike's) are in fact real places in Saco, Maine, though neither are taverns. The Golden Rooster is a breakfast dinner where I eat in the mornings and Pizza By Michael is a Greek pizza parlour where I eat at night. Both of these locations are where I write the majority of the stories for this series and why you see them show up in the stories so very often.
Please note, this site is the Home Site for The Adventures of The Pink Necromancer aka The Quaraun Series.
The Quaraun series is a set of 2,000 short stories and 130 Fantasy novels about a suicidal, drug addicted, serial killing, transvestite wizard.
Due to the content of the books, you must be 18 or older to buy them and they are sold under M18+ ratings in countries that require book ratings on the cover.
These morbid novels do not have happy endings, and main character Quaraun's depression, suicidal nature, and drug use gets worse as the series progresses. If you are looking for cheerful, happy stories, these novels are not for you.
Most pages on EelKat.com are either sample chapters from these Dark Fantasy Yaoi novels or how-to advice and Q&As about writing Dark Fantasy Bizarro Yaoi, and thus many pages feature mention of suicide, drug use, cutting, depression, BDSM fetishes especially CBT, schizophrenia, ritual murder, and thus many pages are probably NSFW.
Please be aware that this site is considered an "Adult Entertainment" website and by viewing it you agree that you are over the age of 18 years old.
Reader discretion of both the Quaraun novels and the pages of this website is advised.
Meet The Characters:
The Adventures of Quaraun The Insane: First draft/sample chapters from the novels.
NOTE: The scenes and chapters featured here, are from the unedited first drafts, and NOT from the finished published novels. This was done because many readers had asked to see what the first drafts looked like to see how different they were from the finished product. Because these are from the unedited first drafts, they contain spelling and grammar errors, typos, and sections that are still unrevised. These errors are corrected in the final published editions.More sample chapters can be found here: (note, while these chapters are linked in chronological order, they are not continuing one to the next, they are chapters spanning from Volume 1 all the way to volume 119, of a series that has 130 novels/volumes.)
Pink Links are pages on this site. Green links go to the pages found on my DeviantArt account.
Chapter 1: King Gwallmaiic & The Sacred Pink JellyFish (Chapter 1 of the entire series)BoomFuzzy's Gingerbread House From HellThe Dying Elf, Gibedon's Head, and King Gwallmaiic's Elf Eating MansionSanta Claus: Lich Of The North PoleAn Elf Gone Mad: The Rise of The Pink NecromancerI Loved My Children, But I Loved BoomFuzzy MoreDoe'Uan and The Lonely ElfFinding Finderu Kelim Meets Quaraun The InsanePocket Lich Unleashed: Quaraun Murders FindaruCaptured By The Lich Lord An Elf and a Lich in the Gingerbread PitThe Lich's True Form Revealed Bullgaar the Vulgar The Enchanted MapWaiter, There's a Head In My SoupThe Orcs and The Necromancer The Valley of the Katopas (Part 1)The Valley of the Katopas (Part 2)The Beginning of the EndThe Witch Massimara Of Mount YenkaPsychotic Dead ThingsSix Days EarlierThere is no Mournful Lamb InnThe Swamp of DeathThe Dungeon Master & The 1974 AMC GremlinIntroducing GhoulSpawnThe Demon Cultists & The Coming of The DarknessEelKat and The Kats of Planet PtarmaginThe Moon Elves of IvujivikThe Return of ZooLock The GreatThe Gremlin's WarningA Field of Poppies On The Road To Witch PondThe Road To Witch Pond (Part 2)The Road To Witch Pond (Part 3)Santa's Dead Floating BodyWorms!GhoulSpawn and Quaraun Trapped With A PhookaThe Banshee Sisters: Bean-Nighe and Ben-Neeyah In the Swamp of DeathA Fourth Letter To Home - The Masochistic Elf With Stockholm SyndromeGhoulSpawn and Quaraun Trapped With A PhookaThe Strange Village or I Love The Smell Of Decomposing Bodies In The MorningThe Golden RoosterMeeting MallacSerial Killer At LargeThe Summoner of DarknessCorsets, Elves, and Undead Faeries.Visiting The Scene of Murder #1 With An UnGelded StallionI Never Wanted To Be a WizardSheep AgainBack At The Tavern and Still No ShrimpA Tavern Scene Part 3 - Quaraun, Unicorn, GhoulSpawn, - Time Travel, Chastity Cages, and WhoresTumbling Down Stairs With Slutty Elves and Angry LichesWhere Are You Hiding That Horse?The Hostess Twinkie Aisle of Biddeford WalMartQuaraun Meets HellBorne The EvilThe Map of the TownQuaraun Meets BatDude & Pigeon Poop BoyPepperell Square, Saco, Maine, In The Year 2525No Goldfish, Today?Chocolate Covered Elves Evil Elves How To Kill A LichThe Lover's Triangle At Gremlin's House / Kill The BabyI Am Not GhoulSpawnSheepSanta's Letter to Satan Going North To Head SouthAloneIn Black TowerYou've Only Known Our World Through The Eyes of a Madman"Sold! To Zebulon, for two million dollars."The Last of The Moon ElvesFarDarrig and The Baby That Never Should Have Been
Answering Reader Question About The Quaraun Series:
Behind the Scenes:
A Look At How I Write The Quaraun Series...
The Quaraun series is a set of 130 Fantasy novels about a suicidal, drug addicted, serial killing, bi-sexual, polyamorous/polygamous, masochistic, time traveling transvestite Elf wizard, his sex crazed, sadistic, drug dealing unicorn, and their bloodthirsty sentient house.
The Quaraun series contains heavy use of the following:
- drug use
- sex fetishes
- CBT (cock and ball torture)
- barbed penises and toothed vaginas
- monsters eating Humans
- blood thirsty Faeries
- Elves eating Elves
- Faeries eating Elves
- squid headed aliens eating brains out of still alive victims
- medieval torture
- stockholm syndrome
- ritual murder
- flaying (skinning a person alive)
- child sacrifice
- vampirism (the mental illness, not the mythical creature)
- crude language (including an excessive use of the words fuck, cock, dick, testicals, balls, scrotum, and penis)
- interracial relationships
- M/m/m relationships
- gay men
- bisexual men
- transvestite men
- men who have sex with unicorns(horses)
- tentacle porn sex with squid headed aliens
- shape-shifter sex
- ménage à trois relationships
- double dicked men
- tripple dicked penitration gay sex scenes
- bananas, pickles, candy canes, unicorn horns, and glass wizard wands used as dildos
- main character Quaraun is a man with 4 wives (one of whom is also his sister, another of whom is also his daughter)
- Quaraun has 2 male lovers
- Quaraun has 4 children by his sister
- Quaraun has 3 children by his daughter
- Quaraun has 1 child that is the result of him raping a woman
- Quaraun has 37 children by prostitutes
- the primary secondary character, Unicorn, is a chemist "candy maker" and detailed instruction of how he makes his drugs, including recipes to do so are included in the novels
The Quaraun series has been banned by the following:
The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints aka The Mormon Church
(1991) (Reason: too much sex)
(Interestingly, there were no sex scenes in the series before 2014)
The Arundel Christian Tabernacle, Biddeford-Arundel, Maine
(2001) (Reason: evil and influenced by Satan)
New Life Church, Biddeford, Maine
(2003) (Reason: Too gay for the family friendly church)
(Interestingly, there were no gay characters in the series before 2014)
(2012) (Reason: Too violent)
Curtis Lake Church, Sanford, Maine
(2013) (Reason: Too gay for the family friendly church)
(Interestingly, there were no gay characters in the series before 2014 and I added gay characters to the series BECAUSE of this false complaint)
Old Orchard Beach Town Hall of the Town of Old Orchard Beach, Maine, a division of the United States of America Government
(January 4, 2016 via court order)(State of Maine, Biddeford District Court: Docket #BDDC-PA-2015-00574)
(Reason #1: Too gay for the family friendly town of Old Orchard Beach)(Reason #2: Contains transgender characters depicted as living in Old Orchard Beach, in violation of the ordinance which states Old Orchard Beach is a "Family Friendly Town" by virtue of it's ban on LGBTQ+ residents)
27 volumes of the Quaraun novels were forced to be unpublished/removed from Amazon by the government issued court order that cited these books as "Too Gay For Old Orchard Beach"
NOTE: As a result of this ban, and my discovery that OOB had an ordinance banning LGBTQ citizens from living in our town, an additional court case rose up, and on October 21, 2016, Alfred Superior Court overruled the ordinance banning LGBTQs in OOB, AND overturned the town hall's ban on the Quaraun series, citing that both the ordinace baning LGBTQ residents and the court order ordering the Quaraun books to be removed from Amazon.comto be "gross violations of civil rights".)
Did you notice how 3 different places used the exact same phrase of "Too gay for the family friendly..." In each of these three cases the exact same minister was behind the ban.
Sample Chapters of Many of the Novels Are Available To Read Online:
Volume 27: The Sorcerer's Tower of Cake
Volume 48: A Baby For The Necromancer
Volume 58: Zebulon's Captive
106: The Haunted Lighthouse
Volume 107: The Battle of Ongadada
Volume 108: Friends Are Forever
(Volume 1 of The Twighlight Manor series)
Volume 119: My Two Favorite People
Please Note: The Quaraun Series Is Rated M18+ and you must be 18 or older to buy it.
Most pages on EelKat.com are about writing, publishing, marketing, and CosPlaying Dark Fantasy, Bizarro, Gorn, Monster Porn, Torture Porn, CBT, Psychedelic Literature, Weird Lovecraftian Horror, Pink Humour Satire, & BDSM Yaoi.
With this in mind, some pages may not be safe for work and are marked as: [NSFW].
Reader discretion is advised.
Why is the Quaraun Series Rated M18+?
Book publishing hiatus: November 14, 2013 I was beaten up by a woman who claimed to be a unpublished author. I was paralyzed for 5 months and am still 4 years later relearning to use my legs & arms. While I was cripple, offline, and recovering these past 4 years, she next proceeded to hack my website and most all of my forum and social network accounts.
April 2015 she returned, filled my motorhome with 1,000s of gallons of feces/raw sewage and cut my cats heads off nailing them to my door. 10 cats are currently still missing.
October 2006 she blew up my house with a bomb, in May 2013 put a bomb in my classroom at college, November 2015 put a bomb in my department where I work at Walmart, and June 2016 put yet another bomb in WalMart. The FBI is trying to identity of this woman. More info about these terrorist attacks on my family can be found here: https://www.eelkat.com/1667Words.html
If you have any information about this woman, please contact the FBI agent in charge of the case, his contact info is on that page.