Pickling Perfection

The air inside the BioDome was crisp and fragrant, carrying the tangy aroma of dill mingled with the fresh, watery scent of cucumbers. Rows upon rows of leafy green plants stretched out, their soft shadows dancing under the glowing artificial sun. 

Quaraun reclined on a pink velvet lounge, surrounded by frilly pink silk cushions, his usual pink parasol poised in one hand while he sipped black tea from a porcelain cup painted with pink roses.

“Glinta, you’re bruising them!” he snapped, watching GhoulSpawn fumble with a particularly large cucumber.

“I’m not bruising them!” GhoulSpawn retorted, his tone exasperated as he carefully placed the cucumber in the wicker basket by his side. His green velvet coat was rolled up to his elbows, and a smudge of dirt marred his glasses. “You’re the one who insists I do this by hand. We could use a harvesting machine, you know.”

“And deprive you of learning proper care for the plants?” Quaraun huffed. “You are my apprentice, not some common field hand. Precision is key in crafting the perfect pickle.”

"What do you know about crafting pickles? BoomFuzzy is the chef, not you!"

"I supervise."

BoomFuzzy, seated at a wooden table set under a blooming wisteria vine, chuckled as he sliced cucumbers into thin, even rounds. His steampunk goggles perched on his nose, magnifying his silver-clouded eyes as he worked. The Faerie king’s strong, stocky hands moved deftly, the blade of his obsidian knife glinting in the soft light.

“Leave the poor lad alone, Love,” BoomFuzzy said, not looking up from his task. “He’s doin’ fine. Ya just like barkin’ orders while loungin’ about like a pampered princess.”

Quaraun arched an elegant silver eyebrow, his lips pursing. 

“I am not a princess. I am The Pink Necromancer, royal court mage of King Gwallmaiic—”

“Who happens to be me,” BoomFuzzy interrupted with a sly grin. "And as your king I am telling ya to leave the Goat alone."

"I'm a Sheep," GhoulSpawn corrected. 

“And I will not be insulted,” Quaraun finished, ignoring them both.

BoomFuzzy laughed, setting aside the knife to pluck a slice of cucumber from the pile. He held it up to Quaraun’s lips. 

“Here, taste this. Tell me if it’s crisp enough for ya wee delicate sensibilities.”

Quaraun’s blue eyes narrowed, but he obediently took the slice, his golden prosthetic hand brushing BoomFuzzy’s fingers. The cucumber was cool and fresh, its snap satisfying as he bit into it. A faint hint of sweetness balanced its earthy flavour, and he nodded approvingly.

“It will do,” Quaraun said, though his tone suggested it was more than adequate.

“High praise from the arrogant JellyElf,” BoomFuzzy teased, leaning over to press a quick kiss to Quaraun’s temple. “Now, let me make ya a proper Scottish cucumber sandwich.”

“I thought that’s what you were doing,” GhoulSpawn muttered, brushing dirt off his hands as he straightened up. “Meanwhile, I’m doing all the hard labour.”

Quaraun smirked, sipping his tea. 

“You’re young. You need the exercise.”

"You elderly senile citizens need exercise too."

"I am not senile."

GhoulSpawn rolled his eyes but didn’t argue. He picked up the basket brimming with cucumbers and carried it over to BoomFuzzy, who was assembling a small feast on the table. Thin slices of bread were arranged neatly beside a jar of creamy butter, a bowl of freshly cut dill, and the cucumber rounds.

BoomFuzzy worked with quick precision, spreading butter on the bread and layering it with cucumbers and a sprinkle of dill. 

“Cucumber sandwiches are a work of art,” he said, his voice almost reverent. “Simple, aye, but the balance has to be just right. Too much butter, and it’s heavy. Too little, and it’s dry. Best meal for hard work. High water content keeps ya hydrated.”

Quaraun tilted his head, watching BoomFuzzy with an indulgent smile. 

“You take such care with the smallest things.”

“Because it’s the small things that matter most, love,” BoomFuzzy replied, handing Quaraun a perfectly crafted sandwich. “Here, try this.”

Quaraun took a delicate bite, his expression softening as the flavours melded together—rich butter, crisp cucumber, and the bright, almost citrusy tang of dill. 

“It is exquisite,” he said.

BoomFuzzy grinned, his rough hand brushing against Quaraun’s cheek. 

“Glad ye approve.”

While the two shared their quiet moment, GhoulSpawn plopped down on the bench across from them, reaching for a sandwich. 

“I hope you made enough for all of us,” he said, his tone dry.

“Aye, there’s plenty,” BoomFuzzy said, pushing the plate toward him. “But don’t think for a second ya’re gettin’ out of picklin’ duty. These cucumbers ain’t gonna preserve themselves.”

GhoulSpawn groaned, but his mouth was already full of sandwich, and he couldn’t argue.

As they ate, BoomFuzzy poured black tea into delicate china cups, the rich, earthy aroma filling the air. Quaraun sipped his tea slowly, savouring the warmth that spread through him. He leaned against BoomFuzzy’s sturdy frame, his silver jellyfish tentacle hair spilling over both of them like a shimmering venomous waterfall.

“You know,” Quaraun began, his voice soft, “I used to despise this world. The cold, the darkness, the endless snow. But you…” He trailed off, glancing up at BoomFuzzy. “You make it beautiful.”

BoomFuzzy’s grin softened into something more tender. 

“And ya make it worth livin’, love.” 

He kissed Quaraun’s forehead, his fingers tangling in the Elf’s silky hair.

“Can we skip the mushy stuff?” GhoulSpawn grumbled, though his tone was more amused than annoyed.

“Not a chance,” BoomFuzzy said, tossing a slice of cucumber at him. "Lusting after me Elf is my favourite hobby."

The afternoon passed in a rhythm of work and laughter. Once the sandwiches were gone, BoomFuzzy set about teaching them the art of pickling. He boiled brine, packed jars with cucumbers, coriander, cloves, peppercorns, vinegar, and dill, and explained the importance of balance in the process. 

Quaraun, of course, supervised from his seat, offering unsolicited, and usually inaccurate, advice that BoomFuzzy largely ignored.

By the time they finished, rows of gleaming jars filled with bright green pickles lined the table.

“There,” BoomFuzzy said, wiping his hands on a towel. “That’s what I call a job well done.”

Quaraun nodded, his expression unusually content. 

“You are a marvel, Unicorn.”

BoomFuzzy chuckled, pulling Quaraun into a tight hug. 

“And ya’re my inspiration, me wee pink JellyElf.”

GhoulSpawn sighed, shaking his head as he cleaned up the remains of their meal. 

“You two are hopeless.”

“Hopelessly in love,” Quaraun corrected, leaning into BoomFuzzy with a satisfied smile.

And for once, GhoulSpawn didn’t argue.

The Pink Necromancer, Moon Elf silk weaver & merchant: Quaraun on Noodle Beach. His master chef Phooka turned Lich husband: BoomFuzzy with his 1968 VW Bus Beach Noodle Food Truck. And their on again/off again mad scientist Sheep Demon lover: GhoulSpawn with his 1974 AMC Gremlin time machine. Time Travel setting swings back and forth between 40th century Maine after a comet hit the moon decimating the planet, and the 1970s, Maine. Quaraun in the main character, he and BoomFuzzy are a married gay couple. GhoulSpawn is their shared live-in lover. Art by Wendy Christine Allen.

BoomFuzzy King Gwallmaiic aka BoomFuzzy the Unicorn: Quaraun's husband, BoomFuzzy aka King Gwallmaiic, a Scottish Phooka, who is King of The UnSeelie Court. BoomFuzzy is a "classic fantasy type" Necromancer who uses sorcery to raise the dead. Being a Faerie he is also an illusionist and master of trickster magic. By profession, he is a Master Chef, owning the global monopoly on restaurants, taverns, pubs, and food trucks. Until his death, BoomFuzzy was regarded as the world's most powerful wizard. He is now a Lich. BoomFuzzy is also half-Human. His mother was a Mongolian/Chinese Human, which is why he wears distinctively Asian outfits, along with a great kilt worn as a cape. Known as BoomFuzzy the Unicorn, he often takes the form of a purple Unicorn. BoomFuzzy's exact age is unknown, though he was well over two thousand years old at the time of his death, and Quaraun resurrected him as a Lich around 500+ years ago, making him close to 3,000 years old. In his BlackBird form he is fifteen thousand years old. Art by Wendy Christine Allen

Quaraun Quaraun aka The Pink Necromancer: The F2M transgender Persian Moon Elf main character: The Pink Necromancer, Quaraun The Insane, with BoomFuzzy the Unicorn. F2M for those unaware = Quaraun was biologically born female, but transitioned to live as a male; this is why there are stories where Quaraun is sometimes pregnant, in spite of being male and using he/him male pronouns. Quaraun is a Necromancer by the actual dictionary definition of the word, meaning he is a psychic medium who sees and hears ghosts, and uses tarot, spirit boards, and seances to communicate with the dead. By profession he is a silk weaver/tailor/silk merchant. Quaraun is an Elder God JellyFish who takes the form of an Elf to blend in with society. His 12 foot long hair is made out of venomous, stinging jellyfish tentacles. Quaraun is BoomFuzzy's apprentice and regarded as the world's most powerful still living wizard. Quaraun's exact age is unknown, but he is somewhere around 750 years old. In his SunTa form he is twelve thousand years old. The Scared Pink JellyFish that lives in him, is stated to being over two million years old. Art by Wendy Christine Allen

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