Safety and Emergency System Activated. Please Being Calm

Safety and Emergency System Activated. Please Being Calm

Quaraun stood in the middle of a collapsed building, silk slippers half-buried in the frozen dust.

Shattered glass and twisted metal surrounded him, remnants of a once-grand tower now reduced to ruin. His long, prehensile jellyfish hair slithered across the icy rubble, the venomous tendrils brushing aside debris as he picked his way carefully through the wreckage. His cane clicked sharply against the concrete floor with each measured step.

BoomFuzzy squatted nearby, his stubby fingers pulling aside a slab of collapsed wall with unnatural ease. His grey dreadlocks were piled up beneath his goggles, and his battered black leather coat flapped against his short, stocky frame. His gold-plated teeth flashed as he grimaced.

“Ah’m tellin’ ya, CupCake, this place’s a death trap,” BoomFuzzy growled. “What the bloody ‘ell made ye think comin’ in here was a good idea?”

“There was a distress signal,” Quaraun replied, his soft, melodic voice echoing eerily in the hollow space. “An old signal. It came from here.”

“Aye, well, ya should leave distress signals alone, Sugar Plum. Last time we followed a distress signal, we got chased by mutant piranha-zombies, remember?” BoomFuzzy dusted his hands off and pushed his goggles higher on his nose. “Ya got bitten. Took me a week ta fix ya.”

Quaraun’s long rabbitty ears twitched beneath the weight of his glittering silver chains. His delicate silver nose ring jangled as he turned his head.

“Yes. I recall.”

“And yet, here we are. Again.”

“If someone needs help, we should help them.”

“Or loot them.”

“What if we needed help and no one came?”

“What if this be a trap?”

A loud crash echoed through the cavernous remains of the building. Quaraun’s ears twitched again, the sound vibrating through the thin, frosty air. From behind a collapsed wall of twisted steel, a long, low groan emerged.

“Uh… guys?” GhoulSpawn’s voice trembled. His towering, golden-fleeced form appeared over the rubble. He crouched slightly, his horns brushing against the sagging ceiling beams. He held up a strange, blinking device in his hand. “I think this thing is still active.”

Quaraun’s crystalline blue eyes narrowed as he reached out and plucked the device from GhoulSpawn’s massive hand. It was small, barely larger than his palm, with cracks running through its metallic casing. Its screen pulsed with dim red light.

“It is a safety and emergency system,” Quaraun murmured. He ran his fingers over the surface, his gold-plated gloves clicking softly against the metal. “But it appears damaged.”

“Great. Broken safety system. What could go wrong?” GhoulSpawn’s golden fleece bristled as he glanced nervously toward the groaning metal beams above them.

“Ya know what that means,” BoomFuzzy muttered, squinting suspiciously at the device.

“Yes,” Quaraun replied. “We fix it.”

“Or,” BoomFuzzy suggested. “We don’t.”

A loud clank from above made them all freeze. Quaraun’s ears twitched. BoomFuzzy’s furrowed brow deepened. GhoulSpawn took a cautious step back, his hoof scraping against the concrete.

The blinking red light on the device suddenly flared. The groaning noise from the walls grew louder.

“That’s probably bad,” GhoulSpawn whispered.

Quaraun’s delicate fingers traced the edges of the device. A single button stood out on the side. He pressed it.

Instantly, the floor beneath them shuddered. The sound of grinding gears filled the air, followed by a mechanical voice crackling through hidden speakers.

“Safety and Emergency System activated. Please being calm.”

“Oh, crap,” GhoulSpawn said.

“Being calm? Ah dinnae like th’ sound o’ that,” BoomFuzzy growled.

“It is not even good grammar,” Quaraun added.

The walls began to shift. Metal beams slid inward. The ceiling started to descend. Dust and snow shook from the rafters.

Quaraun’s eyes narrowed. He flipped the device over and pulled open a small hatch. Inside, delicate wires and crystals pulsed with faint light.

“This system is malfunctioning,” Quaraun murmured. His long, clawed fingers moved swiftly, unspooling thin wires. His venomous hair reached out, holding the device steady. “If I disable the power relay…”

“Or we can just leave,” BoomFuzzy suggested.

“I can fix it,” Quaraun said softly.

“Or,” BoomFuzzy repeated. “We can leave.”

GhoulSpawn pointed upward.

“Uh, guys?”

From the shadows above, several red lights blinked to life. A low mechanical whirr filled the space.

“Uh… drones,” GhoulSpawn said. “Big drones.”

Quaraun’s eyes darted upward. A sleek, insectoid machine emerged from the darkness, legs unfolding with a sharp metallic click. Its glowing red sensors swept the room.

“Safety violation detected.”

BoomFuzzy drew his laser wand.

“Right. I’m votin’ for leavin’.”

“Quaraun!” GhoulSpawn shouted as the drone’s laser appendage began to charge.

Quaraun’s fingers tightened around the device. His hair writhed and hissed.

“Disable the system,” Quaraun whispered. His long ears drooped. “Emergency override.”

“Override accepted.”

The blinking lights flickered. The groaning sound stopped. The ceiling halted. The drone’s red eyes dimmed and went dark. It collapsed to the ground with a lifeless thud.

Quaraun exhaled slowly. He handed the device to GhoulSpawn.

“It is safe now.”

BoomFuzzy’s brow furrowed as he examined the fallen drone.

“Aye, but fer how long?”

“Until the next malfunction,” Quaraun replied. He stepped toward BoomFuzzy, wrapping his arms around the Phooka’s waist and leaning his head against BoomFuzzy’s broad chest.

“Ya could’ve been killed,” BoomFuzzy said, his voice gruff.

“I knew you would catch me,” Quaraun replied, his voice soft.

“Damn right I would.” BoomFuzzy’s arms tightened around him.

GhoulSpawn fidgeted awkwardly, cradling the now-lifeless emergency device.

“Uh… so… do we, like, keep this?”

Quaraun’s venomous hair flicked the device from GhoulSpawn’s hands.

“No.”

GhoulSpawn watched as the broken device tumbled into the wreckage. He shrugged.

“Fair enough.”

Quaraun stepped away from BoomFuzzy, his silver chains jingling as he brushed dust from his pink silk robes. He took BoomFuzzy’s hand in his own.

“Shall we go?”

“Aye,” BoomFuzzy said. He grinned, flashing his gold teeth. “’Tis time fer a drink. An’ nothin’ better for recoverin’ from an emergency than a strong shot o’ Scotch.”

GhoulSpawn laughed nervously as he followed them toward the exit.

“Yeah, uh, maybe a couple shots.”

Quaraun smiled faintly.

“It is good to know the safety system works.”

“Aye,” BoomFuzzy muttered. “Until it doesn’t.”

The Pink Necromancer, Moon Elf silk weaver & merchant: Quaraun on Noodle Beach. His master chef Phooka turned Lich husband: BoomFuzzy with his 1968 VW Bus Beach Noodle Food Truck. And their on again/off again mad scientist Sheep Demon lover: GhoulSpawn with his 1974 AMC Gremlin time machine. Time Travel setting swings back and forth between 40th century Maine after a comet hit the moon decimating the planet, and the 1970s, Maine. Quaraun in the main character, he and BoomFuzzy are a married gay couple. GhoulSpawn is their shared live-in lover. Art by Wendy Christine Allen.

BoomFuzzy King Gwallmaiic aka BoomFuzzy the Unicorn: Quaraun's husband, BoomFuzzy aka King Gwallmaiic, a Scottish Phooka, who is King of The UnSeelie Court. Quaraun is his court mage and advisor, as well as the only Elf in The UnSeelie Court. BoomFuzzy is a "classic fantasy type" Necromancer who uses sorcery to raise the dead. Being a Faerie he is also an illusionist and master of trickster magic. By profession, he is a Master Chef, owning the global monopoly on restaurants, taverns, pubs, and food trucks. Until his death, BoomFuzzy was regarded as the world's most powerful wizard. He is now a Lich. BoomFuzzy is also half-Human. His mother was a Mongolian/Chinese Human, which is why he wears distinctively Asian outfits, along with a great kilt worn as a cape. Known as BoomFuzzy the Unicorn, he often takes the form of a purple Unicorn. BoomFuzzy's exact age is unknown, though he was well over two thousand years old at the time of his death, and Quaraun resurrected him as a Lich around 500+ years ago, making him close to 3,000 years old. In his BlackBird form he is fifteen thousand years old. Art by Wendy Christine Allen

Quaraun Quaraun the Insane aka The Pink Necromancer: The F2M transgender Persian Moon Elf main character: The Pink Necromancer, Quaraun The Insane, with BoomFuzzy the Unicorn. F2M for those unaware = Quaraun was biologically born female, but transitioned to live as a male; this is why there are stories where Quaraun is sometimes pregnant, in spite of being male and using he/him male pronouns. Quaraun is a Necromancer by the actual dictionary definition of the word, meaning he is a psychic medium who sees and hears ghosts, and uses tarot, spirit boards, and seances to communicate with the dead. By profession he is a silk weaver/tailor/silk merchant. Quaraun is an Elder God JellyFish who takes the form of an Elf to blend in with society. His 12 foot long hair is made out of venomous, stinging jellyfish tentacles. Quaraun is BoomFuzzy's apprentice and regarded as the world's most powerful still living wizard. Quaraun's exact age is unknown, but he is somewhere around 750 years old. In his SunTa form he is twelve thousand years old. The Scared Pink JellyFish that lives in him, is stated to being over two million years old. Art by Wendy Christine Allen

Main characters: The Pink Necromancer, Quaraun (A Moon Elf) and his husband King Gwallmaiic aka BoomFuzzy aka The Elf Eater of Pepper Valley, Lich King of Fire Mountain (A Phooka/Faerie).

BoomFuzzy is King of The UnSeelie Court;

Quaraun is his Court Mage;

GhoulSpawn (not pictured) is Quaraun’s apprentice.

They are the world’s three most evil super villains, though they do not see themselves as evil. They own the world’s only functioning BioDome and thus hold the world’s monopoly on crops, food, livestock, and fabric, holding the Human population at their sadistic mercy.

These stories are told from their point of view.

 — — Art by Wendy Christine Allen

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This page was written by Wendy Christine Allen of 146 Portland Ave, Old Orchard Beach, Maine.

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