A Glass of Fresh Milk

Quaraun stood on the cracked pavement of The GodForsaken City, his prehensile silver jellyfish tentacle hair coiled around his shoulders like an impatient serpent. His cane tapped lightly against the concrete, a rhythmic accompaniment to the chaos of the dystopian ruins around him.

The once-grand city of Boston had crumbled into a sprawling maze of decayed skyscrapers, neon signs flickering in the smog, and the constant hum of machinery grinding in the distance.

"Glinta," Quaraun said, turning to GhoulSpawn. "I want milk."

GhoulSpawn adjusted his green coat, brushing soot from the hem.

"Milk? From where? This place isn’t exactly crawling with dairy farms."

"I am thirsty. I want milk," Quaraun insisted, his voice sharp and imperious.

His pale blue eyes scanned the streets, darting between shanty vendors selling everything from neon noodles to mechanical trinkets scavenged from the ruins.

BoomFuzzy laughed, the sound rich and warm, a stark contrast to the city's cold chaos. He leaned against a rusted lamppost, his long grey dreadlocks swaying as he crossed his arms.

"Ya’ll no' find fresh milk here, Love. Ya ken that, aye?"

Quaraun looked around and saw a street vendor with jugs of milk for sale.

"I do not want THIER milk," Quaraun snapped, pointing his cane toward a vendor displaying translucent bottles of pale liquid. "That is not milk. It is poison."

GhoulSpawn grinned, trying not to laugh.

"Technically, it’s pasteurized, homogenized, and likely fortified with synthetic nutrients. Not poison—just modern processing."

“I tried thier milk last time.” Quaraun’s face twisted in disdain. "Modern Humans ruin everything. Milk is meant to be thick. Sweet. Yellow. Store bought milk is different from fresh milk. VASTLY DIFFERENT! I do not know how Humans can drink it. It is thin like water, white like snow, has a noxious smell, and tastes like vomit. I am surrounded by idiots who do not understand what milk is supposed to be. Let us look for another milk seller."

BoomFuzzy smirked, stepping closer.

"Ya’re in for a rude shock, me JellyElf. Ain’t no one here gonna have what you looking for. But let’s get ya yar milk so we can all enjoy the tantrum that’ll follow."

“I do not throw tantrums.”

“Uh huh.”

The trio wove their way through the crowded streets until they found a small, neon-lit kiosk promising "Real Milk – Best Prices!"

Quaraun eyed the sign skeptically before leaning heavily on his cane to approach the vendor.

Behind the counter, a young man in a grease-stained apron offered them a toothy smile.

"What can I get ya?”

“Fresh milk.”

“That’s what we got.”

“How fresh is it?”

“Fresh milk, just came in this morning."

Quaraun frowned, his gold plated mechanical hands twitching.

“It is white.”

“It is supposed to be white. It’s milk.”

“Fresh milk is not white. It is a yellowish ivory colour. Unless it comes from yaks and then it is pink.”

“I ain’t never seen milk like that before.”

“This looks like water dyed white with chaulk.”

“Ain’t that what milk looks like?”

“Fresh milk is very thick, it does not resemble water, and if you leave it out for couple hours, it gets thicker and you can no longer drink it but have to cut through a layer off the top, butter fat, with a knife and you eat it like cheese. Can I do that with this?”

“This is pasteurised milk, not butter cream.”

Quaraun sniffed the jug.

“This does not smell like milk.”

“I don’t know what to tell you. Milk is milk.”

“Fresh milk has a fragrant melted butter, almost popcorn like scent to it.”

“Sorry. Ain’t got no popcorn feed cows.”

“Fresh milk has a sweet surgery taste to it. Does your milk taste sweet and sugary?”

“I never tasted milk that tasted different from ours.”

"That is not fresh milk. That is liquid deception."

The vendor blinked.

"Uh, it’s the best we’ve got. Comes straight from the factory. Pasteurized and everything."

Quaraun’s nostrils flared. He turned to BoomFuzzy and GhoulSpawn, his tentacle hair bristling.

"What is pasteurized? It sounds vile."

"It’s a process," GhoulSpawn began, his tone amused. "They heat the milk to kill bacteria."

"They kill the milk," Quaraun corrected. "You cannot kill milk and then expect me to drink it!"

BoomFuzzy patted Quaraun on the back, his lustful touch lingering on Quaraun’s ass in a way that made GhoulSpawn roll his eyes.

"Ah, Love, just try it. If ya dinna like it, I’ll find ya somethin’ else."

Quaraun sighed dramatically but nodded.

BoomFuzzy tossed the Human a coin.

“Pour him a glass to try.”

The vendor poured the milk into a clear plastic cup and handed it over. Quaraun took it reluctantly, holding it up to the dim light.

"It is white," he said, his voice dripping with disdain. "Milk is not white. Milk is the colour of gilded butter."

BoomFuzzy grinned, leaning close.

"Well, go on, taste it, Love. Give us yar grand verdict."

Quaraun sniffed the milk. His nose wrinkled.

"It smells like... chemicals. This is not milk. This is a science experiment."

GhoulSpawn chuckled.

"Technically, you’re not wrong."

Quaraun took a tentative sip. He froze, the liquid still in his mouth, his expression a mixture of horror and disgust. Slowly, he swallowed, then held the cup at arm’s length as if it might attack him.

"It tastes like vomit."

BoomFuzzy burst out laughing, slapping his thigh.

"Aye, I warned ya!"

"This is not milk," Quaraun declared, tossing the cup back onto the counter. "This is a foul imitation. An abomination."

The vendor looked offended.

"Hey, that’s the best we’ve got. If you don’t like it, don’t buy it."

"I would not feed this to a dying rat," Quaraun snapped.

GhoulSpawn pulled a bottle of Moxie from his coat pocket and handed it to Quaraun.

"Here. Wash the taste out."

Quaraun took the bottle and drank deeply, his face softening as the bitterness of the Moxie replaced the offensive taste of the milk. He handed the bottle back to GhoulSpawn, then turned to BoomFuzzy.

"I miss my yaks," he said quietly. “They gave me beautiful pink milk every morning.”

BoomFuzzy’s laughter faded. He stepped closer, wrapping an arm around Quaraun’s shoulders.

"I ken, Love. We’ll be back at the BioDome soon enough. Ya can milk yar beasts and have it fresh every mornin’ again."

Quaraun leaned into BoomFuzzy’s embrace, his mechanical hands clinking softly as he gripped his cane.

"Humans ruin everything," he muttered.

GhoulSpawn chuckled, pocketing the Moxie, after taking a swig of it himself.

"Welcome to civilization, Quaraun."

Quaraun didn’t reply. He just stood there, staring at the plastic cup of pale liquid on the counter. He thought of the BioDome, of the warmth of the sheep and yaks and camels and hippos, the golden yellow cream that rose to the top of their pink milk, the sweet, buttery scent that filled the air as he poured it fresh each morning.

This city, with its noise and machines and chemical milk, was a foreign world. One he didn’t care to understand.

"Come on, Love," BoomFuzzy said, steering him away from the kiosk. "Let’s find somethin’ sweet. Maybe ya’ll like one o’ their milkshakes. They taste more like real milk than that swill did."

Quaraun glanced at BoomFuzzy, his pale blue eyes softening.

"Do you promise?"

"Aye," BoomFuzzy said with a grin. "Trust me, me wee pink JellyElf. I’ll no’ steer ya wrong. I is not only the world’s greatest chef, I world’s greatest eater."

Quaraun sighed but allowed himself to be led away. Behind them, the vendor shook his head, muttering about finicky Elves.

As they walked through the ruins, the city’s chaos faded into the background. Quaraun thought of home, of butter-yellow cream floating on top of pink milk, of warmth and safety. He thought of BoomFuzzy’s laughter, of GhoulSpawn’s teasing, and of the promise that, no matter how strange this world became, he would always have them.

And maybe, just maybe, a milkshake wouldn’t be so bad.

The Pink Necromancer, Moon Elf silk weaver & merchant: Quaraun on Noodle Beach. His master chef Phooka turned Lich husband: BoomFuzzy with his 1968 VW Bus Beach Noodle Food Truck. And their on again/off again mad scientist Sheep Demon lover: GhoulSpawn with his 1974 AMC Gremlin time machine. Time Travel setting swings back and forth between 40th century Maine after a comet hit the moon decimating the planet, and the 1970s, Maine. Quaraun in the main character, he and BoomFuzzy are a married gay couple. GhoulSpawn is their shared live-in lover. Art by Wendy Christine Allen.

BoomFuzzy King Gwallmaiic aka BoomFuzzy the Unicorn: Quaraun's husband, BoomFuzzy aka King Gwallmaiic, a Scottish Phooka, who is King of The UnSeelie Court. Quaraun is his court mage and advisor, as well as the only Elf in The UnSeelie Court. BoomFuzzy is a "classic fantasy type" Necromancer who uses sorcery to raise the dead. Being a Faerie he is also an illusionist and master of trickster magic. By profession, he is a Master Chef, owning the global monopoly on restaurants, taverns, pubs, and food trucks. Until his death, BoomFuzzy was regarded as the world's most powerful wizard. He is now a Lich. BoomFuzzy is also half-Human. His mother was a Mongolian/Chinese Human, which is why he wears distinctively Asian outfits, along with a great kilt worn as a cape. Known as BoomFuzzy the Unicorn, he often takes the form of a purple Unicorn. BoomFuzzy's exact age is unknown, though he was well over two thousand years old at the time of his death, and Quaraun resurrected him as a Lich around 500+ years ago, making him close to 3,000 years old. In his BlackBird form he is fifteen thousand years old. Art by Wendy Christine Allen

Quaraun Quaraun the Insane aka The Pink Necromancer: The F2M transgender Persian Moon Elf main character: The Pink Necromancer, Quaraun The Insane, with BoomFuzzy the Unicorn. F2M for those unaware = Quaraun was biologically born female, but transitioned to live as a male; this is why there are stories where Quaraun is sometimes pregnant, in spite of being male and using he/him male pronouns. Quaraun is a Necromancer by the actual dictionary definition of the word, meaning he is a psychic medium who sees and hears ghosts, and uses tarot, spirit boards, and seances to communicate with the dead. By profession he is a silk weaver/tailor/silk merchant. Quaraun is an Elder God JellyFish who takes the form of an Elf to blend in with society. His 12 foot long hair is made out of venomous, stinging jellyfish tentacles. Quaraun is BoomFuzzy's apprentice and regarded as the world's most powerful still living wizard. Quaraun's exact age is unknown, but he is somewhere around 750 years old. In his SunTa form he is twelve thousand years old. The Scared Pink JellyFish that lives in him, is stated to being over two million years old. Art by Wendy Christine Allen

Main characters: The Pink Necromancer, Quaraun (A Moon Elf) and his husband King Gwallmaiic aka BoomFuzzy aka The Elf Eater of Pepper Valley, Lich King of Fire Mountain (A Phooka/Faerie).

BoomFuzzy is King of The UnSeelie Court;

Quaraun is his Court Mage;

GhoulSpawn (not pictured) is Quaraun’s apprentice.

They are the world’s three most evil super villains, though they do not see themselves as evil. They own the world’s only functioning BioDome and thus hold the world’s monopoly on crops, food, livestock, and fabric, holding the Human population at their sadistic mercy.

These stories are told from their point of view.

 — — Art by Wendy Christine Allen

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