On Being Legally Blind:

Another of the top 3 most asked questions people send me, is to ask what it is that I actually see. I am legally blind, yet I have a driver's license and drive a car... but I NEVER drive over 25MPH, because I am legally blind and I can not see far enough, clearly enough to even attempt to drive over 25mph.

And it confuses people the fact that people hear "legally blind" but automatically ASSUME (incorrectly) that "blind" means I see only blackness. Blind people seeing blackness is a myth created by HollyWood movies and does not actually exist in the real world and very few sighted people seem to be aware of this.

Over 70% of "fully blind" people have SOME vision, as the criteria to be "FULLY blind" is not being able to see past three inches.

The only blind people who see "blackness" like the movies show, are those who have damage to the eyes, or have no eyes at all... and EVEN THEN... people without eyes often DO NOT see "blackness" at all and instead see white with rainbow flashes of light, because it is actually your brain and not your eyes that cause colours vs blackness, to begin with, thus why people without eyes can see see colours.

Blindness is a lot more varied then sighted people are generally aware of and often blindness has more to do with the brain then the eyes. Which is why there are blind people whose eyes seemingly function normally and eye doctors say have nothing wrong with their eyes at all, aka, the eyes have no cause of that person's blindness, and their lack of sight is caused by something like a brain tumour or a blood clot, or some other issue not directly related to the eye.

And such is the case with my own blindness.

My eyes have damage to the rods and cones which causes SOME but not all of my vision issues. What this means is the rods and cones in my eyes are malformed, some too long, some too short, and this is a thing I was born with, that causes severe nearsightedness.

At the age of 4 years old I was hit in the face. An adult in his 30s, grabbed the fallen limb (limb - not brand - a limb the thickness of an adult's leg and nearly as long) of a pine tree and beat me in the face with it. A large "splinter" of wood embedded itself into my left eye, and required surgery to remove it. I have been "legally blind" in my left eye ever since.

BUT...

Doctors suspect some level of brain damage occurred, a result of being beaten in the face with the pine limb, because my vision DRAMATICLY changed, in both eyes, and yet, eye doctors could not find a reason for the change, that was directly related to my eyes.

My doctors believe/assume (but never actually diagnosed) the theory that, most likely my brain moved around inside my skull, slammed against my skull, and likely blot clots formed and likely parts of the brain died. They then concluded too that this also caused my hearing issues.

I am almost deaf since this event, but was not deaf prior to it.

And my speech issues.

I am classified as "semi-mute" due to severe delayed reaction aka, it can take between  three to five minutes for me to go from hearing you ask me a question, to my convincing my mouth to open and start talking - it takes immense amounts of my physically thinking "speak, speak, speak, speak, speak" for me to get my brain to "trigger" and cause my mouth to start moving and words to come out. This speech issue was not any issue before the beaten with the pine limb.

It is faster for me to write down my answer, then it is for me to get my brain to send the message to my mouth that it has to move for words to come out.

Unfortunately, the average person speaks automatically without having to think about it, and so the average person does not stick around long enough to hear my respond. Usually by the time I've gotten my brain telling my mouth to move, the person who spoke to me is 50 or 70 or more feet away and no longer waiting for an answer. 

The person will then turn to others saying that I am rude for not answering them, when in fact it is their own ableist ass who was rude for walking away and not giving a disabled person time to answer.

But also, as stated before, I am nearly deaf, another side effect of this injury. 

You MUST be VERY close to me for me to hear you at all. AND you MUST be in front of me. NOT behind me. NOT beside me. 

• If you are BEHIND me and talking to me, I CAN NOT hear you and will have no clue you said anything at all.

• If you are BESIDE me and talking to me, I CAN NOT hear you and will have no clue you said anything at all.

• If you are IN FRONT OF ME, but more then TWENTY FEET AWAY from me and talking to me, I CAN NOT hear you and will have no clue you said anything at all.

•  You MUST be DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF ME, FACING me and within twenty feet of me, for me to HEAR you and within TEN feet for me to UNDERSTAND what you say.

It is very common for people to complain that I ignored them when they spoke to me. However, there has NEVER been a point in my life of me ever ignoring anyone at all.

People who complain I ignored them are people who either were unaware or forgot that I am LEGALLY BLIND and also NEARLY DEAF, and what they interpret as ignoring them, is in fact me not being aware they were there at all because I could neither see nor hear them.

This hearing issue is WHY my son's murderer was able to sneak up behind me and sever my spine with a golf club, without my even knowing they were there.

In any case, at age 4, after being beaten in the head with a large limb, my sight developed what doctors called "ocular auras" and a "form of" "tunnel vision".

Two things occurred:

1: A form of tunnel vision: 

• I no longer see a "single image". Aka, when you look ahead, normal vision sees one panoramic image of the world around them. And I used to see that way.

• But now, it is like a piece of black paper is in front of me and two holes are cut out of the paper, and I am trying to look through those two holes, but most of what I see is the black boarders around the two holes, but also they are more very dark red then black.

2: ocular auras: which are DIFFERENT in the left eye vs the right eye:

• The left eye:---
• the left side is near completely obscured by a "shimmering" or "glittering" moving opalescent blur, that has "disco ball" type reflective white dots moving in constant circles, and reflecting off the colours of whatever is in front of me. So, if a person standing in front of my is wearing blue, all the little white "disco ball" dots turn hundreds of shades of blue.

• The best way I can think to describe it for sighted people to understand it is this: it is like you are driving your car at noon, and driving right into the sun, and trying to see through the blinding white glare of the sun reflecting off your dashboard, and can only get "coloured halo" glimpses of outlines of objects ahead of you, because the glaring BLINDING white light of the noon sun on your car windshield is BLINDING you.

• This is ONLY my left eye and closing my left eye causes this to go away. Wearing VERY DARK "black out" wrap around sunglasses minimizes this a lot, and it is why I can not go outside in daylight without said super dark, wrap around glasses on.

• I physically CAN NOT go outside in the sunlight without said dark glasses on, because I am FULLY blind when doing so.

• When fully blind vs legal blind, I can see NOTHING but the blinding white glare, and am not able to walk... vertigo sets in and I fall over and can neither stand up of walk at all.

• Vs the right eye: ---

• The right eye, is mostly "normal" nearsightedness, with some exceptions that come and go.

• Black spots hover over my right eye and change depending on the weather. The weather, particularly how hot vs how cold it is MASSIVLY impacts my vision, which changes daily with the temperature.

• In winter and temperatures below 68F, the black spots vary from tiny dark grey blurry pinpricks that are mildly annoying but do not obscure vision. I am BEST able to see things most clearly when the weather is BELOW 50F.

• To during heat waves, the black spots become massive "dalmatian spot" blotch shapes that obscure 90%+ of my vision. My vision is at its worst when temperatures reach 80F

• Most of the year, the black spots are fairly small and float around, as though they were ink spots in clear oil.

And the ocular auras of the right eye, are different then the ocular auras of the left eye:

This is how I see all the time, for five decades now:

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZP8SwXWRV/ 

This video is not made by me and it is describing a different medical condition, but the blurred, glowing, haloed "aura vision" that is is showing, is the CLOSEST video I've been able to find to show, how it is I see.

it doesn't come and go, it's just always there. it's why I am classified as legally blind. But the glow is bigger for me. A lot bigger.

This video shows small in one tiny area.

But for me it is all around my eye lids (so its like I'm looking out of two holes, and not seeing one single panoramic view, but the left side hole i look out of is near fully filled in like this, while the right side hole is only around the outer edges, but the right side hole has black spots floating over it.) It shows up blinding white with rainbow edges around street lights, lamps, car headlights, flashlights, the moon... its why I am fully blind in daylight and while I can see at night like a cat.

People are often perplexed by that, but I have near perfect vision in darkness. I can see at night, very clearly, for a distance of well over a hundred feet.

But in daytime, I can not see even eight inches, because this glowing blur obscures my vision.

But at night, this glowing blur dims quite a bit, and I see night time, the same way a normal person sees in the day time.

Always seen like this. My vision is always this way it doesn't come and go, it just stays like this steady.

Doctors started trying to diagnose it when i was 4 years old.

9 different eye doctors have been unable to diagnose it. They said it causes me to have inexplicable night vision like a cat, and causes me to see around two million additional colours that normal eyes do not see. It is why glasses do not fully help and why I am considered legally blind. It is brighter around people's heads, and it goes away completely for an hour or two before someone dies. Its why I've always been accurately able to predict every death within a couple hours.

Its why my Atwaters relatives call me a demon. A few call it "Faerie Sighted".

It is why I can not tell people apart by looking at them.

Every one's faces looks like this glowing blur. I identify people by their hair and voice.

I don't know what anyone's face looks like.

It is also why I can not identify my son's murderer. 

I can not identify the face of ANY person. Not my parents. Not my siblings. No one. There is no one on this planet, whose face I can recognize.

I can only see a person's face for the last hour or two before they die. Its the only time the glow goes away.

As a child, I used to point out people in the store or around town or in church and tell the adults with me: "Their light has gone out! I can see their face. They will be dead before sunset." And no matter who is was, the person ALWAYS died... my relatives became convinced I was a demon putting curses on people.

As I grew older, I quickly learned not to point out people whose faces I could see. I stopped telling adults around me who would die, stopped pointing out the people who did not have their face obscured by a glow.

But just because I stopped pointing it out, does not mean I stopped seeing it.

To this day, five decades later, I still can not see anyone's faces, except for in the hour or two before their death, and it still terrifies people, so I still don't point it out. And to this day, there is no eye doctor who has yet been able to diagnose why my eyes are like this. Why I am blind by daytime, why I can see at night, why all lights no matter how dim are blinding rainbow edged whiteness, why I can not see faces... I don't have an explanation for it, because no doctor has yet been able to explain it to me.

But THAT it what I see as a legally blind person.

It is not blackness that I see, but blinding whiteness, with rainbow blurs, hovering in front of my eyes, obscuring my view...I can see a "ring" of the world between the glowing white centre and the black outline of seeing the insides of my eyelids.

And this is also why I write my main character's (Quaraun)'s husband (BoomFuzzy) as legally blind, and write his blindness symptoms the way I do. This is the type of blindness I know from lived experience, and so it is the type of blindness I write my character in my novels having.

I do find it funny, that a common thing readers say to me is some variation of:

"I forgot BoomFuzzy was supposed to be blind. You have him moving around without a cane, he is a chef, he drives a food truck, and he acts like a normal sighted person most of the time, then suddenly he walks into a tree or trips on a rock, or a scene of someone helping him cross the street reminds me he is blind. But don't blind people just see pitch black all the time? Why do you write him driving a truck, I don't get it?"

Well, if you pay attention I write BoomFuzzy with a SPECIFIC medical condition: "legally blind from ocular albinism" which is the medical condition, with the most similar symptoms to how I see the world.

It allows me to write him interacting with the world, the same way I do, and indeed, I DO drive a car, I used to work on a food truck, I went to culinary arts school, I can cook quite well, while I do have a white tipped blind cane I am rarely using it, I do walk around the city streets by myself without need for help... and yeah... people DO often forget, or even not realize at all that I am MEDICALLY classified as LEGALLY BLIND, because general public has a singular misconception of what BLIND actually means as a medical term, when the ACTUAL medical term of LEGALLLY BLIND is vastly different from what most people think it is.

If you forget BoomFuzzy is blind, then yeah, I've written him accuratly to REAL blindness, becauseit is VERY RARE for anyone around me to be aware I am blind, simply because, I've been blind for over five decades and never knew the world as a sighted person, so I manuveer the world in my normal.

If an adult who always knew the sighted world becomes blind, now THAT is VERY different, because they EXPECT to use their eyes for everything, so they trip and stumble and fall and walk into things OFTEN and DAILY because they are NOT USED to being blind.

But someone who has been blind since childhood, has NEVER LEARNED to maneuver with their eyes.

• Pay attention and you will notice blind people DO NOT listen to music... because they listen to sounds. 

• Sighted people wear earbuds and bounce their heads to music has they walk down the street because they rely on their eyes to tell them when it is safe to cross the street.

• A blind person NEVER listens to music because they NEED to use their EARS to tell if it is safe to cross the street.

• Pay attention and you will notice blind people DO NOT walk in the centre of a hallway.. 

• Sighted people walk down the middle of a school hallway because they rely on their eyes to tell them when to avoid other people.

• A blind person ALWAYS walks on the side against the wall, with one hand touching the wall as they walk, because they rely on TOUCH to tell them when someone is coming.

You can tell a person is blind by how they interact with their world IF you pay attention. But often blind people are just so used to being blind, that you never notice they are blind at all.

Here is representation of how I see the world:

Because it is often difficult for people to visualis how it is I see the world, just through a description, I made a filter lense for my camera, that very closely mimics what it is I see when I look at the same things others look at.

Here are seven photos of the calendar I have hanging on my wall.

In the first column is the photos of the calendar pages without the filter on my camera lense, and so what you see is how NORMAL VISION people see.

In the 2nd column is each of the exact same calendar pages, but this time taken with the filter lense on the camera, to show you what it is I as a legally blind person see.

A Person With Normal vision Sees This:	I Am Legally Blind and I See This Instead:

I can never win at games like Dutch Blitz, because when you play Dutch Blitz you see this:

But when I play Dutch Blitz, I see this:

That is how the world looks to me.

If you are interesting in finding out more about life being blind and/or how to write blind characters in fiction, I have this page: Writing Blind Characters: I am legally blind and I write a legally blind character, this is how I do it...

On Being Legally Blind, How I See, How I Drive a Car

What Is This Site?

I'm an author. This is an author home page. It's about me, my life, my books, my hobbies, my home town, and anything else that applies to me and my life. 

Since starting my writing career in 1978, I have written 130+ novels, 2,000+ short stories, 6,000+ non-fiction articles (ALL are found on this site), a few dozen stage plays, 12,000+ blog posts, and a few comic book scripts for Disney's Uncle Scrooge and Donald Duck (I only worked for Disney one year (in 2005) and only wrote a few stories for their Danish comic books).

NOTE: I ONLY write the Quaraun series (aka The Twighlight Manor series aka The Adventures of Quaraun the Insane). In recent years there has been an issue with impersonators trying to pass books off as written by me, notably several non-fiction and Erotica books. I write neither nonfiction nor Erotica.

ALL of my books and their cover arts are listed on my website here. Beware of any books you find claiming to be me. If the books are NOT listed here on my website, they are NOT my books.

In fiction works, I specialize in Weird/Bizarro Tales set in 40th century CyberPunk-Quasi Medieval, Cozy Dark Fantasy and Science Fiction worlds featuring an intersex Elf and his Faerie husband main characters.  I DO NOT WRITE ANY OTHER SERIES - THIS SERIES IS THE ONLY ONE I WRITE.

Non-fiction (found ONLY here on my site) is daily updates of events in my life, and how-tos on how I write my novels.

I DO NOT write Erotica.

I DO NOT write books with HUMAN characters.

The Erotica books and books with Human characters, that you are finding, are written by scammers trying to impersonate me.

There is an ongoing FBI investigation into this matter. If you find any such books, please report them to FBI Agent Andy Drewer @207–774–9322

The FBI believes the people behind the impersonation accounts showing up, are relatives of the woman who murdered my son.

146 Portland Ave, Old Orchard Beach, Maine, is NOT FOR SALE.

And I'm sick of real estate agents who are too incompetent to research land ownership before they show up to stick a for sale sign in my yard.

The fact of the matter is, my son was murdered in 2013, and the friends and family of the murderer think it is funny to keep ILLEGALLY listing my land for sale, because apparently their child murdering bitch friend didn't hurt me enough by crippling me with a golf club, ripping my baby out of my 8 month pregnant belly and beating his brains out on the ground with a golf club.

Also, her friends and family like to gaslight me by doxing me on ufo and alien abduction forums, while pretending to be me, and trying to make it look like I believe in ufos or aliens, even though I think people who believe in ufos are raving lunatics and people who claim to be alien abductees are crazy. 

Worse, they've also taken to harassing my WW2 vet homeless friend, by calling HIM an alien, demon, or cryptid and sending alien crazy ufo nutjobs at try to "catch him".

So, yeah, my son was murdered and the murder's friends and family endlessly harass me, my friends, and my family both online and offline, and I'm not happy with it at all.

There is an ongoing FBI investigation into this matter.

The FBI is looking for information into:

1. identifying my son's murderer, 
2. identifying the scammers who listed my land for sale, 
3. identifying the impersonators who pretend to be me both online and offline, 
4. the harassers who are harassing the homeless man and sending the UFO nuts to harass him... 

• If ANYONE tells you 146 Portland Ave Old Orchard Beach, Maine is for sale:, please report them to FBI Agent Andy Drewer @207–774–9322

• If ANYONE tells you I believe in aliens, demons, or UFOS, please report them to FBI Agent Andy Drewer @207–774–9322

• If ANYONE tells you my homeless friend is an alien, a demon, a cryptid, or named Etiole for sale:, please report them to FBI Agent Andy Drewer @207–774–9322

I'm going to repeat it because I'm tired of people showing up and making offers:

146 Portland Ave, Old Orchard Beach, Maine, is NOT FOR SALE.

There is NO ONE who has authorization to use my land.

NO ONE.

Not my mother.

Not my father.

Not Ben.

Not my mother’s Atwater relatives.

No one.

If ANY ONE hires you to do ANYTHING on my land, know that you are doing it ILLEGALLY and WITHOUT my knowledge or permission.

My mother has ZERO legal right to hire you to do anything at 146 Portland Ave. Old Orchard Beach, Maine.

My father has ZERO legal right to hire you to do anything at 146 Portland Ave. Old Orchard Beach, Maine.

Ben has ZERO legal right to hire you to do anything at 146 Portland Ave. Old Orchard Beach, Maine.

My mother’s Atwater relatives have ZERO legal right to hire you to do anything at 146 Portland Ave. Old Orchard Beach, Maine.

Strange Update - October 22, 2025:

Where you someone who donated money to the Saco Ward Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints between 2013 and 2019, thinking you were donating to a "house fund" to help rebuild my house? If so, you were scammed, and the FBI is trying to help you get your money back...

Another aspect of the FBI investigation, for which the FBI is seeking information, is the apparent "fundraiser scam" being done by someone very local, at multiple churches in the Saco/Arundel/Biddeford area. I found out about it when a woman, claiming to be from The Saco Ward Church of Jesus Christ of Later Day Saints, marched up to me one day and said:

--"My name is Ester Rhodes, what ever became of the ten thousand dollars I gave you? You never rebuilt your house. Where did my money go?"

I had never seen the woman before, nor had I ever heard her name before and no one has ever given me any money at all, not even pennies, let alone a massive amount like $10k, so I was left baffled and confused by this woman. an elderly woman, maybe around 80 years old.

I had no knowledge of any such fundraiser - I am STILL homeless, now in 2025, as a result of the 2013 backhoe driving over my house, and had anyone given me money to rebuild I certainly would have as I am in desperate need of a house, as being homeless has contributed to my progressively worsening health. But I had never known of this fundraiser, I never authorized or created any fundraisers, and no one has ever given me any money. So had this Easter Rhodes woman not contacted me, I never would have known there was a fundraiser or that people had tried to help me.

Because... NO ONE has EVER helped me AT ALL, and so I'm shocked to learn that, wow, there actually where some people out there who tried to help and I never knew about it because instead of helping me directly they decided to indirectly help through some fundraiser I never heard of that turned out to be a scam that stole their money and never helped me at all.

I asked her what she was talking about and she explained that a "young man in his 30s" had approached her one Sunday during church services at The Saco ward Church of Jesus Christ of Later Day Saints, and told her he was part of the fundraiser to rebuild my house at 146 Portland Ave, Old Orchard Beach, Maine, after the crazy lunatic with a backhoe drove over it August 8, 2013.

She further went on to say she gave the man $10k because he told her I was a member of the Saco ward church. Thing is, I am NOT a member of that church and have never attended that church. I am a member of the CAPE ELIZABETH Ward of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, a church with a similar name but it a 2 hour drive away from the church she was talking about and claimed she attended.

I have no clue who this Easter rhodes woman is or if her story is true. The FBI is seeking information about Esther Rhodes woman, the fundraiser her Saco ward Church claimed it was doing in my name, or any one who might have been doing the fundraiser.

If you or anyone you know gave money to this fundraiser, you are asked to contact the FBI and tell them how you were contacted, who contacted you, how much money you gave them, and also, to contact a lawyer to try to help you trace the scammer who stole your money and get your money back.

As of yet, the FBI has found multiple people claiming to have given money TO THE BISHOPIRIC of the Saco Ward Church for said fund raiser, over a period between 2013 and 2019. It is believed that a former Bishop and two of his counselors are behind the scam, and used the money to build an $eight million dollar mansion in Old Orchard Beach, now known to belong to one of the three suspects, even though none of the three of them has an income of more then twenty thousand dollars a year. The FBI recently confiscated the mansion which is now for sale and the money from the sale is to be returned to the people who donated it to the scam fundraiser, providing the people can prove they were the ones who donated the money.

If you were part of the fundraiser, that in 2013-ish was claiming to be raising money for me, please contact the FBI agent in charge of my son's murder investigation, and give him the details.

I know nothing about it, so it is useless for you to contact me (a few people have done so already and, I was clueless as to what they were even talking about - they contacted me asking how they could get their "cut of the money from the $8million house sale" and that was the first I heard of it. The FBI never said anything to me about it, so I don't know where the people contacting me are getting the info that the FBI confiscated the $8million mansion and is given the money back to people... like I said, I had no knowledge of any such fundraiser at all, and I don't know what this $8million house is people are asking about either, so you really need to contact the FBI about it not me, as I'm not involved in any such fundraiser or at all.

It is important to note here that it is NOT the FBI who has informed me about this fundraiser or the $8million mansion, but rather it is a plethora of locals around Biddeford, Saco, Old Orchard Beach, and Arundel coming up to me and asking me how are they supposed to get their money back from the sale of some $8million mansion, and I have no information on this at all because i don't even know what the $8million house is that they are even talking about.

The FBI is looking into Esther Rhodes and her claims of having given me $10k via a fundraiser, and the FBI confirmed a former Bishop was connected and being looked into... and that is the only part the FBI told me of. The rest of the fundraiser stuff about the confiscated $8million mansion is stuff coming from people claiming they saw "news reports" about it and are coming to me trying to get their "cut"... and is some sort of wild rumour that is recently circulating, which I don't know the source of.... and also shows me that people want to help if they think they can get money out of it, but also shows me that they don't give a fucking rats ass about finding my son's murderer.

I don't know what is this $8million mansion people are talking about. All I know is multiple people from various churches in the Saco area, have approached me while I was out walking my dog to ask me how they could “get a cut of the $8million” and when I ask what are they talking about, they claim to have donated money (citing very large amounts in the thousands) to a fundraiser that they claim was in my name, and they claim was to build me a house. They claim the FBI has stated an $8million mansion was built in Old Orchard Beach, and that the FBI confiscated it and is selling it, and is using the money from the sale to give the money donated back to the donors. 

The old woman who called herself “Esther Rhodes” was the first person to bring it to my attention. She claims to have donated ten thousand dollars. 

I have no knowledge, nor connection, to any such fundraiser. Nor am I aware of any eight million dollar mansion. Nor am I aware of any such mansion being confiscated by the FBI. Nor am I aware of the FBI giving out free money to anyone. I also do not know where these people are getting their information.

In any case, throughout the summer of 2025, total strangers are continually walking up to me with this same story, all claiming to have made donations towards building me a house via some fundraiser. Near as I can tell the fundraiser happened in fall 2013 and lasted to at least 2019, based on dates people say a dark haired man in his 30s approached them.

Near as I can tell, someone did a fundraiser in my name, a lot of people donated to it, a church leaders of a church in Saco was supposedly head of the fundraiser, then used the money to build a mansion for themselves, somewhere in Old Orchard Beach, said mansion is now being sold, and said donors want their money back, because no house was ever built for me.

Four of them have claimed as well that they thought the little brown log cabin next door to me at 144 Portland Ave was the house they paid for to build.

Another is claiming they paid to have a septic tank put in.

However, as you can plainly see if you drive by 146 Portland Ave, no house has been built, no septic tank was installed, no electricity was hooked up, no running water was connected… and as of today October 22, 2025, I am still homeless, and sleeping nights at various relatives homes in the area.

I don't know who of these people to believe. But most of them are EXTREMELY ANGRY,  full blown raging inferno, to learn that they donated to build me a house and I never received it.

Because of how incredibly MEGA ANGRY these people are, I am inclined to believe that they did in fact donate large amounts of money to something intending it to go to building me a house.

I am just utterly flabbergasted to be finding out about this now TWELVE YEARS LATER.

If YOU reading this right now, are someone who donated money to this fundraiser that I didn't even know existed,  please contact Andy Drewer, the FBI agent who is in charge of all the investigation connected to me, and tell him.

Telling ME about it does no good as I am not a witness to you donating money, so if I tell the FBI what you told me, that's just third party hearsay. YOU YOURSELF must tell the FBI about the money you donated, if you actually to help with the FBI investigation. 

But also, I had no clue you people were donating money to anything.

NO ONE HAS EVER HELPED ME, NOT ONCE, EVER! Not friends, not family, not relatives, not neighbours, not locals, not church, not government - NO ONE EVER, NOT ONE SINGLE PERSON... NOT EVEN ONCE this entire 12 years , so, I had no idea you people were trying to help. Whatever help you people thought you was doing, it never got to me and I was never even aware it was going on.

Whoever it is you were giving money to, it was NOT me, and I knew nothing about this fundraiser at all.

Someone scammed you, but I don’t know who.

I have no information for you, so coming to me and asking for info on it is pointless, because I didn’t even know any of this was going on.

If you gave anything to anyone thinking it was going to me, TELL FBI agent Andy Drewer @207–774–9322 so the FBI can figure out who scammed you, where your money went, and how you can get it back.

—end of October 22, 2025 update.

| Home | Index |

How did you build your audience?
Not online, that's for sure.
aka How to sell ten million books
aka How I sold ten million books.

The Park Bench Method of Writing

(just the article)

or

The Park Bench Method of Writing

(with the list of 10k writing prompts - takes a LONG TIME to load - SEVERAL MINUTES!)

Why I am not proud of Disability Pride Month.
In fact, I think it’s deplorable and downright offensive.

Writing Blind Characters

How To Accurately Write Disabled Characters in Fiction

I Think UFO and Alien Believers Are Weird Here's Why...

Does every writer have to deal with this shit?

Testing Out AI aka Conversations with ChatGPT-5:

The Rapture Is Coming, and Nephilim Are Returning On September 23, 2025? What? Let's Talk About That

Worldbuilding MoonQuakes, Thoughts on JellyFish,  and How To Accuratly Write  Disabled Characters for Fantasy Writers

My thoughts on the Rapture 2025 Rumours, that are on both Etiole's birthday and my 50 year anniversary: September 23rd:

• Judgement: An Ode To The Lunatics Preaching The Rapture of September'25

Thank you for stopping by and have a nice day! ꧁✨🌸🔮🦄🔮🌸✨꧂ And if it’s your birthday today: ִֶָ𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶָ🐇་༘࿐꧁ᴴᵃᵖᵖʸ☆ᵇⁱʳᵗʰᵈᵃʸ꧂🤍🎀🧸🌷🍭 Wendy Christine Allen 🌸💖🦄 aka EelKat 🧿💛🔮👻

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This page was written by Wendy Christine Allen of 146 Portland Ave, Old Orchard Beach, Maine.

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Strange Update - October 22, 2025:

Where you someone who donated money to the Saco Ward Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints between 2013 and 2019, thinking you were donating to a "house fund" to help rebuild my house? If so, you were scammed, and the FBI is trying to help you get your money back...

Another aspect of the FBI investigation, for which the FBI is seeking information, is the apparent "fundraiser scam" being done by someone very local, at multiple churches in the Saco/Arundel/Biddeford area. I found out about it when a woman, claiming to be from The Saco Ward Church of Jesus Christ of Later Day Saints, marched up to me one day and said:

--"My name is Ester Rhodes, what ever became of the ten thousand dollars I gave you? You never rebuilt your house. Where did my money go?"

I had never seen the woman before, nor had I ever heard her name before and no one has ever given me any money at all, not even pennies, let alone a massive amount like $10k, so I was left baffled and confused by this woman. an elderly woman, maybe around 80 years old.

I had no knowledge of any such fundraiser - I am STILL homeless, now in 2025, as a result of the 2013 backhoe driving over my house, and had anyone given me money to rebuild I certainly would have as I am in desperate need of a house, as being homeless has contributed to my progressively worsening health. But I had never known of this fundraiser, I never authorized or created any fundraisers, and no one has ever given me any money. So had this Easter Rhodes woman not contacted me, I never would have known there was a fundraiser or that people had tried to help me.

Because... NO ONE has EVER helped me AT ALL, and so I'm shocked to learn that, wow, there actually where some people out there who tried to help and I never knew about it because instead of helping me directly they decided to indirectly help through some fundraiser I never heard of that turned out to be a scam that stole their money and never helped me at all.

I asked her what she was talking about and she explained that a "young man in his 30s" had approached her one Sunday during church services at The Saco ward Church of Jesus Christ of Later Day Saints, and told her he was part of the fundraiser to rebuild my house at 146 Portland Ave, Old Orchard Beach, Maine, after the crazy lunatic with a backhoe drove over it August 8, 2013.

She further went on to say she gave the man $10k because he told her I was a member of the Saco ward church. Thing is, I am NOT a member of that church and have never attended that church. I am a member of the CAPE ELIZABETH Ward of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, a church with a similar name but it a 2 hour drive away from the church she was talking about and claimed she attended. 

I have no clue who this Easter rhodes woman is or if her story is true. The FBI is seeking information about Esther Rhodes woman, the fundraiser her Saco ward Church claimed it was doing in my name, or any one who might have been doing the fundraiser.

If you or anyone you know gave money to this fundraiser, you are asked to contact the FBI and tell them how you were contacted, who contacted you, how much money you gave them, and also, to contact a lawyer to try to help you trace the scammer who stole your money and get your money back.

As of yet, the FBI has found multiple people claiming to have given money TO THE BISHOPIRIC of the Saco Ward Church for said fund raiser, over a period between 2013 and 2019. It is believed that a former Bishop and two of his counselors are behind the scam, and used the money to build an $eight million dollar mansion in Old Orchard Beach, now known to belong to one of the three suspects, even though none of the three of them has an income of more then twenty thousand dollars a year. The FBI recently confiscated the mansion which is now for sale and the money from the sale is to be returned to the people who donated it to the scam fundraiser, providing the people can prove they were the ones who donated the money.

If you were part of the fundraiser, that in 2013-ish was claiming to be raising money for me, please contact the FBI agent in charge of my son's murder investigation, and give him the details.

I know nothing about it, so it is useless for you to contact me (a few people have done so already and, I was clueless as to what they were even talking about - they contacted me asking how they could get their "cut of the money from the $8million house sale" and that was the first I heard of it. The FBI never said anything to me about it, so I don't know where the people contacting me are getting the info that the FBI confiscated the $8million mansion and is given the money back to people... like I said, I had no knowledge of any such fundraiser at all, and I don't know what this $8million house is people are asking about either, so you really need to contact the FBI about it not me, as I'm not involved in any such fundraiser or at all.

It is important to note here that it is NOT the FBI who has informed me about this fundraiser or the $8million mansion, but rather it is a plethora of locals around Biddeford, Saco, Old Orchard Beach, and Arundel coming up to me and asking me how are they supposed to get their money back from the sale of some $8million mansion, and I have no information on this at all because i don't even know what the $8million house is that they are even talking about.

The FBI is looking into Esther Rhodes and her claims of having given me $10k via a fundraiser, and the FBI confirmed a former Bishop was connected and being looked into... and that is the only part the FBI told me of. The rest of the fundraiser stuff about the confiscated $8million mansion is stuff coming from people claiming they saw "news reports" about it and are coming to me trying to get their "cut"... and is some sort of wild rumour that is recently circulating, which I don't know the source of.... and also shows me that people want to help if they think they can get money out of it, but also shows me that they don't give a fucking rats ass about finding my son's murderer.

I don't know what is this $8million mansion people are talking about. All I know is multiple people from various churches in the Saco area, have approached me while I was out walking my dog to ask me how they could “get a cut of the $8million” and when I ask what are they talking about, they claim to have donated money (citing very large amounts in the thousands) to a fundraiser that they claim was in my name, and they claim was to build me a house. They claim the FBI has stated an $8million mansion was built in Old Orchard Beach, and that the FBI confiscated it and is selling it, and is using the money from the sale to give the money donated back to the donors. 

The old woman who called herself “Esther Rhodes” was the first person to bring it to my attention. She claims to have donated ten thousand dollars. 

I have no knowledge, nor connection, to any such fundraiser. Nor am I aware of any eight million dollar mansion. Nor am I aware of any such mansion being confiscated by the FBI. Nor am I aware of the FBI giving out free money to anyone. I also do not know where these people are getting their information.

In any case, throughout the summer of 2025, total strangers are continually walking up to me with this same story, all claiming to have made donations towards building me a house via some fundraiser. Near as I can tell the fundraiser happened in fall 2013 and lasted to at least 2019, based on dates people say a dark haired man in his 30s approached them.

Near as I can tell, someone did a fundraiser in my name, a lot of people donated to it, a church leaders of a church in Saco was supposedly head of the fundraiser, then used the money to build a mansion for themselves, somewhere in Old Orchard Beach, said mansion is now being sold, and said donors want their money back, because no house was ever built for me.

Four of them have claimed as well that they thought the little brown log cabin next door to me at 144 Portland Ave was the house they paid for to build.

Another is claiming they paid to have a septic tank put in.

However, as you can plainly see if you drive by 146 Portland Ave, no house has been built, no septic tank was installed, no electricity was hooked up, no running water was connected… and as of today October 22, 2025, I am still homeless, and sleeping nights at various relatives homes in the area.

I don't know who of these people to believe. But most of them are EXTREMELY ANGRY,  full blown raging inferno, to learn that they donated to build me a house and I never received it.

Because of how incredibly MEGA ANGRY these people are, I am inclined to believe that they did in fact donate large amounts of money to something intending it to go to building me a house.

I am just utterly flabbergasted to be finding out about this now TWELVE YEARS LATER.

If YOU reading this right now, are someone who donated money to this fundraiser that I didn't even know existed,  please contact Andy Drewer, the FBI agent who is in charge of all the investigation connected to me, and tell him.

Telling ME about it does no good as I am not a witness to you donating money, so if I tell the FBI what you told me, that's just third party hearsay. YOU YOURSELF must tell the FBI about the money you donated, if you actually to help with the FBI investigation. 

But also, I had no clue you people were donating money to anything.

NO ONE HAS EVER HELPED ME, NOT ONCE, EVER! Not friends, not family, not relatives, not neighbours, not locals, not church, not government - NO ONE EVER, NOT ONE SINGLE PERSON... NOT EVEN ONCE this entire 12 years , so, I had no idea you people were trying to help. Whatever help you people thought you was doing, it never got to me and I was never even aware it was going on.

Whoever it is you were giving money to, it was NOT me, and I knew nothing about this fundraiser at all.

Someone scammed you, but I don’t know who.

I have no information for you, so coming to me and asking for info on it is pointless, because I didn’t even know any of this was going on.

If you gave anything to anyone thinking it was going to me, TELL FBI agent Andy Drewer @207–774–9322 so the FBI can figure out who scammed you, where your money went, and how you can get it back.

—end of October 22, 2025 update.