Ask A YouTuber Anything
Lets Playing Is No Longer Fun? 

I feel this subreddit sucked the fun out of letsplaying for me.

Today's Date is: March 11, 2017

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By Wendy C Allen
eelkat_red_scarf.jpgWendy Christine Allen, 2019, able to sit up in a chair for the first time in years, and able to raise up my arm and wiggle fingers. This was when I started playing Witcher 3 on Twitch as part of my physical therapy to regain finger movement. Playing Witcher 3 daily from 2016 to 2019, is how I regained the use of my thumb and two for fingers on my right hand... it is also why I stopped playing Witcher 3 in 2019, once I had strengthen my two forefingers enough to start typing again.

Wendy Christine Allen, Old Orchard Beach's Autistic Author, Artist, Illustrator, & Art Car Designer

Counting Down to the September 23, 2028 50th Anniversary of my first published book (September 23, 1978)

If you are here looking for The Twighlight Manor series, The Crystonite Wars series, The Wild Years series, The White Rock Asylum for the Criminally Insane series, The Twisted Tales series, the Captured By a MerMan series, The Space Dock 13 series, The Kats of Planet Ptarmagin series, the stories about Miss Citten the Eel-Kat, or the stories about Etiole... ALL of those series were combined and consolidated into The Adventures of Quaraun the Insane Pink Necromancer series in 2014, so ALL the different series, are now under one series title.

List of the published titles still in print:

The Index of over three thousand stories in The Pink Necromancer series

What the series is about, for those new here:

The introduction to The Pink Necromancer Series. 

If you want some stories to get you started in The Pink Necromancer series, reading these first will give you a good introduction to the 3 main characters:

My Elves Are JellyFish...and I asked Google AI and ChatGPT 5.6 what they thought of this.

As requested, my daily writing prompt series is now available print paperback editions on Amazon.

There are 20 volumes of this writing prompt series currently planned and in varying stages of finishing, hopefully all 20 will be published by the end of 2026. I likely will do a 2nd series of writing prompt books in 2027.

The first of the Visual Novels/Video Games for The Adventures of Quaraun the Inane/The Pink Necromancer series is published and available on Itch.io, there are 3 more planned for release in 2026, 6 more planned for release in 2027, and the big 60-hour 80k word 150 page one (Quaraun Goes To the Fair) is planned for a 2028 release.

There is a Pink Necromancer card game and a Pink Necromancer board game, as well as a Pink Necromancer table top RPG supliment for Dungeons and Dragons, all in the works, and to be released over the next couple of years as well.

Health update: August 4, 2026 - in recovery for 6 months+ (at least until mid-January 2027...all book and video game releases are pushed back at least 6 months) see video below for why...
@eelkat

health update #maine #disabilityawareness #wheelchairlife #wheelchairvlogger #multiplesclerosis

♬ original sound - Wendy C Allen | 📚 Author
@eelkat Health update: #chickenpox #bellspalsy #RamsayHuntsyndrome #paralysis #recovery ♬ original sound - Wendy C Allen | 📚 Author
@eelkat

I seem to have had another stroke (during the night while I was asleep?) #stroke #paralysis

♬ original sound - Wendy C Allen | 📚 Author

Update Sept 3, 2026:

I am able to get around enough to take Koko to dog park... today is 29 days since getting out of hospital. My diet is still mostly liquid, but im eating some solid food again, but its like rice or soft mushy baby food type stuff because I still can not chew yet, though I can swallow again. My jaw is still not functioning good so im having trouble talking still. So there's been slight improvement to my mouth, throat, and jaw, but, zero improvement to my eye, which is a major concern, be Im almost fully blind right now. im legally blind since birth in my left eye, so I have no ability to fall back on using my left eye. My right eye is the one injured and my vision in it is "40% decreased" according to my doctor, but it wasn't good vision to begin with, and right now my right eye is not much different from my legally blind left eye. Which I why I have to have someone drive my car for me instead of me driving my car myself right now, which is very frustrating, because, being a female, I had to fight for over twenty years to be allowed to drive. I started sneaking out at age 31 and dressing as a man to go to Old Orchard Beach high school to get a ged, because us females are not allowed to go to school. And i was 37 years old when snuck out to the DMV and got a driver's permit and started going to college. I was 42 and 8 months pregnant when my family found out I was going to college and thats when I was punished by the backhoe driving over my house and my spine broken with a golf club and my baby born right then and killed with same golf club. So it's very frustrating now, so soon after finally being able to drive , to now not be able to drive because of an eye injury, especially after 14 years of being paralyzed from the golf club and not being allowed to have a wheelchair, again, because i am female and we females are simply not allowed to do anything. I hate the culture I was born into. I wish I had the freedom to go to school and drive a car the way American women do. I wish having my spine broken with a golf club and my baby killed with a golf club and a backhoe driven over my house was not how men in my family punishment women in my family for learning to read and write. Its so frustrating not being able to to drive again, so soon after 14 years being paralyzed, and being paralyzed by the golf club was the punishment for getting a driver's license back in 2013 after 30 years of men not letting me have one. I hate my family's culture and how they treat us women.

I get so sick of Americans telling me how they wish they could be a Gypsy… they are either misogynist woman hating pigs, or delusional idiots who haven't got a clue how shittily we Gypsy women are treated by Gypsy men, because no one in their righ mind who knows anything about Gypsy culture would ever want to be part of it. I hate that I was born a Gypsy. 

update sept 7, 2026

"You would not make a good teacher"... what does that mean, and why are there so many people on Railroad Ave and Western Ave and Cutts St why walk up to me and say that to me?

I find it very confusing. I have low functioning Autism (the Rain Man type) and so i have very little understanding of words beyond the basic ones, and i never went to to school, so I never learned maths or sciences, and I only had remedial classes at Southern Maine Community College, because I did not have an education to enroll with regular, I was there taking every reading and writing class they had to learn how to read and write, and also took speaking classes to learn how to talk (i spoke Shetland Scottish language because that was language my grandmother spoke but she died when I was 8 so I only knew that language to speak and write, and I was 37 when I went to college and 42 when I learned English speaking and I still cant speak English good yet), all the other classes I took were art painting and cooking.

So the phrase "You would not make a good teacher" makes no sense to me because it seems to imply that I am trying to be a teacher, but I don't have anything close to the education ti be a teacher, and im not trying to be a teacher. So I don't know why people keep saying this phrase to me and I assume it must have some sort of a slang meaning, but I can't figure out what it could be of why do these people keep saying it to me.

see video below for more information: 


@eelkat "You would not make a good teacher"... what does that mean, and why are there so many people on Railroad Ave and Western Ave and Cutts St why walk up to me and say that to me? I find it very confusing. I have low functioning Autism (the Rain Man type) and so i have very little understanding of words beyond the basic ones, and i never went to to school, so I never learned maths or sciences, and I only had remedial classes at Southern Maine Community College, because I did not have an education to enroll with regular, I was there taking every reading and writing class they had to learn how to read and write, and also took speaking classes to learn how to talk (i spoke Shetland Scottish language because that was language my grandmother spoke but she died when I was 8 so I only knew that language to speak and write, and I was 37 when I went to college and 42 when I learned English speaking and I still cant speak English good yet), all the other classes I took were art painting and cooking. So the phrase "You would not make a good teacher" makes no sense to me because it seems to imply that I am trying to be a teacher, but I don't have anything close to the education ti be a teacher, and im not trying to be a teacher. So I don't know why people keep saying this phrase to me and I assume it must have some sort of a slang meaning, but I can't figure out what it could be of why do these people keep saying it to me. #mainelife #biddefordmaine #maine #disabilitytiktok #Biddeford ♬ original sound Wendy C Allen | 📚 Author

update Sept 15, 2026:

I have some slight movement in some my fingers again again after over a decade being paralyzed

you remember how I used to be a professional doll making, pattern designer, and embroiderer, back before I became paralized and before my son was murdered and being the backhoe drove over my house?

all my equipment, sewing machines, ect were all destroyed by the backhoe driving over my house, and I have been quardepelegic for over a decade because of it so could not use my hands to sew or draw or embroider, and so only continued to do my writing of novels since then because I could do that with dragon dictation software,

well, since 2016, I been playing Witcher 3 and don't starve video games on twitch livestream, one hand two fingers, as part of my therapy to regain nerve and muscle use of my fingers, and now after 10 years of that, I have somewhat more movement in my fingers and im thinking maybe I can try to do embroidery and doll making again, but not sure, anyways, now im rebuying all of my sewing and embroidery equipment that the backhoe destroyed when it drove over my house, and hopefully I can use my hand enough to embroider again.

waiting for stuff to arrive in mail, so soon I should find out if ten years of twitch gaming has given me enough muscle strength to use my fingers to embroider again.

update to the previous video, answering viewer question about lack of hospital vs broken spine

Wheelchair Fundraiser... I need to upgrade to a power wheelchair, the manual one just isn't enough anymore. But the power wheelchair is $25k. Yes, twenty five thousand dollars. Wtf? I can get a car for a quarter that price, why are wheelchairs so damned expensive? That's more money then I make in five years, so I need to start a fundraiser for it.

Ask A YouTuber Anything
Lets Playing Is No Longer Fun?
I feel this subreddit sucked the fun out of letsplaying for me.

Lets Playing Is No Longer Fun? While I can understand burn out, the question I am answering today comes from a YouTuber who, says making lets plays is no longer fun because other YouTubers are putting tags in their videos and using SEO to try to get views.

Uhm...

What do you think? Would YOU say play video games on YouTube is no longer fun, because you were too lazy to put tags in your videos and angry at the content creators who ARE putting tags in their videos?

A person who says they are making games for the fun of it, with no desire for money, subs, or views, is also saying they are thinking of quitting because it's not fun to compete for views against people who are putting tags in their videos (as per YouTube terms of service, which states you are supposed to do so.)

There are a lot of things that could make a person say lets playing is no longer fun, but saying lets playing is no longer fun because someone else uses SEO to get views is probably the last cop out excuse I ever expected to hear.

Today's YouTube Lets Plays question comes from Reddit:

I feel this subreddit sucked the fun out of letsplaying for me. from letsplay

While my original answer to this question appeared on the Reddit thread linked above, my answer here is longer and has more detail then the one posted on the YouTube Lets Plays Reddit forums.

Ask A YouTuber Anything
Lets Playing Is No Longer Fun? 
I feel this subreddit sucked the fun out of letsplaying for me.
My Answer:

Lets playing is no longer fun? I can understand how the attitudes of others can suck the life out of your own fun. Been there, done that. If you know anything about my life, you know I've survived shit, living with hell. I've developed a thick skin because of it. Child abuse, child rape, and pedophiles do that to you. I was 8 years old by the time I had learned that if you live by how others treat you, you won't live long.

Reddit is a website thick with trolls, cyberbullies, and people who have nothing better to do then hurt others. They are everywhere on this site. If you want to be active on Reddit you need to learn to avoid the idiots, ignore the jackasses, and report the bullies. But most importantly, don't let them get to you.

Remember: YOU are in control of where you o online. No one forces you to open that thread. You opened it of your own free will. The solution is quite simple: if that place bothers you, then don't go back there.

{{{{hugs}}}}

I know the feeling of Reddit being not a nice place over all. It's why you see me post on Reddit daily for a few weeks, then I'm no where at all on Reddit for several months. Then come back for a few weeks. Reddit overall requires a stomach of steel and the ability to walk away and take a break.

I've never personally found this particular sub to be toxic, but I also don't ready a lot of the threads. I tend to judge the thread by the title and deliberately avoid opening any I suspect might be a "hot topic" for trolls or bullies. But I do that every where on Reddit. This sub is friendly over all, thus why I like it. But their are other subs on Reddit that are just toxic to the max and I don't even go to them at all any more. Just plain better for my sanity. I mean, I'm the one who has the choice to open the page, close the page, or simply not even bother going to the sub at all, right? It's not like any one is forcing me to open Reddit at all. It's something I choose to do, and is equally something I can choose not to do as well.

That's the way I see it anyways.

As for YouTube, yeah, I completely understand what you are talking about. But lets playing no longer fun? Because you read about someone trying to do YouTube as a career? Really? How does someone else trying to make money on YouTube = lets playing is no longer fun? How does what SOME ONE ELSE does on THEIR YouTube channel translate into YOU on YOUR channel saying lets playing no longer fun?

When I first started uploading videos on YouTube I didn't even know you could get paid to do it. It never occurred to me at all, to think any one out there was getting paid for their videos. So there was no money motive in my uploading. It was more of a combination of

"I'm bored, I wonder what I can do today?"

combined with

"Hmmm, my phone says it films videos. I wonder how that works?"

with

"I think I'll film my dog while we walk today."

Next thing I know I'm making weird random vlogs that have no rhyme nor reason to them. After about a month I had 35 subs and I was: "OMG! People are watching my videos? Why would anyone want to watch this? Wait... didn't I set my account to private? How Are people watching my videos?"

After abut 6 months of that, my boyfriend bought me a camcorder, seeing how I was recording literally everything (EVERYTHING - me eating, cars driving by my drive way, me reading books, me sewing... and not as in me doing vlogs, but just, me setting the camera on the table while I went about doing daily things, usually I wasn't even talking and often I had forgotten the camera was even on.) He was like: "If you are gonna record every minute of your life, you should at least use a camera made for the job."

One day, while recording myself playing video games, I started wondering: "Wouldn't it be nice if I could record the screen so you could see what game I was playing?" I did a Google search to find out if such a thing was even possible, and THAT is how I found out about Let's Plays and gamers on YouTube. Before that I had no idea there was a trend in people playing video games and uploading the videos. Here I was thinking I'd thought of something new, and then find out it's been a "thing" for years. Oh well.

So, I researched how it was people made their videos to learn how to do it, but then once I had the software and stuff, I realized I had no interest in editing or doing any of the "typical" let's ply things most gamers seemed to do. So, I just went about playing my games as usual (which means I also very rarely speak in my Let's Plays as I'm often too focused on the game to even remember I'm recording) and when it comes time to upload, I just slap the raw footage from my facecam on top of the raw footage of the game, upload it and BOOM, I'm done and off to play the next game.

The result is my game videos are 2 to 4 hours long each video, because it's literally you watching me play a game, as opposed to me putting on a show to entertain viewers.... there are no cuts/edits/nothing removed... not even the neighbours fighting outside the window or my dog running by and taking everything off the table with her, or my cat crashing down off the bookshelf in the background.

There's one video, when a cyberbully on steam starts attacking someone, and suddenly I've got dozens of "Steam announcement" pop-ups all over the screen and I can't turn them off, so I head to the Steam forum doing it and report every one of them to Steam customer service, after telling them on the forum exactly what I think of their attack on this other person interrupting my game play.

It adds a full 40 minutes of none-game play time to the video - the whole thing is caught on camera and uploaded to YouTube, uncut, on screen, so anyone watching my video can now see the cyberbullies attacking that person...even though they have now deleted the posts, the posts are forever immortalized on that video, where they can not be hidden from the world, as I don't edit anything out of my videos.

After doing video uploads for a full 8 months, someone asked me what kind of SEO I was using to get views (as a couple of my videos went through the room getting 20,000 videos in a few hours of publication - MOST of my videos struggle to get 50 views total, so it stood out when a couple of them rose fast and some folks wanted to know what I did different and I'm not sure actually - looking at the videos in question, I think it was just the topic itself and nothing to do with SEO at all) and I was like:

"Uhmmmmmmm..... SEO? Uhm... I don't know. I didn't do any SEO."

They said "Well what tags did you use?"

I pointed out that each of my videos was literally titled:

"Daily Vlog With EelKat: March 31, 2016" or "Eelkat Play's Slime Rancher Ep. 01" and that the title was also the only words in the description, as well as being the ONLY tag in my tags.

I hadn't even bothered to think up "good" titles, let alone add a description or tags. I just typed the title, then copied it into the description and tag boxes, hit publish, BOOM, DONE.

Didn't do a shred of SEO at all. Never even occurred to me that I could or should! LOL.

I've been doing this for a year now, and it was only in February (3 weeks ago) that I just started going back and renaming my videos, adding tags, and putting in descriptions. A couple of them I've added thumbnails too as well, but most still have no thumbnails and probably never well.

And, I've yet to make a penny off any of this. My account says that since I started I've made $65 and won't get paid until it reaches $100, whenever that is.

The thing is, I'm just having so much fun doing this, that I've never really stopped to look at it as a business or tried to "succeed" at it. I've made no attempt to be "professional" in my videos, I've done nothing to edit them before uploading, I didn't even think to add tags for crying out loud! LOL!

But yeah, I'm 1 year and 600 videos into this and even with 1k+ subs, I'm still only getting 10 to 50 views per video. Most videos cap out at 30 views, so I'm giddy with excitement every time one reaches 50 views. I know, and then other people are bitching and complaining saying "I only got 100k views on this video, I usually get 500k, what happened?" And here I am piss pant excited as a Golden Retriever puppy every time a video gets 50 views! LOL!

I literally have videos uploaded in the past 2 weeks that still only have 2 views. TWO. Count them: 1, 2. Two views in two weeks. And even then I'm still:

"OMG! YAY! 2 people actually watched my video!"

So you say lets playing is no longer fun?

I think it's about attitude and motivation.

My attitude is always "OMG! YAY! Someone actually watched my video!" along with my motivation always being: "This looks like a fun thing to do, I'll record myself doing it. Maybe someone will watch it."

I think with me, part of it is just my whole outlook, where I know I'm recording crappy videos, crappy quality, crappy commentary, not even really trying to do much... and so it always amazes me when someone watches it... or better yet, when some one "likes" it and I'm thinking "You idiot, I just made a crap video, what the hell are you clicking the like button for? Who in their right mind would like this?" Maybe it's I start out with such a low opinion of myself and my videos in the first place that there's really no place to go but up, so I just get super excited over every single view? My views are way lower then yours, if I let that make me think lets playing is no longer fun, I'd be stupid.

Call it what it is. Either lets playing is fun for you or it's not fun for you. That's YOUR choice. No one else's. Someone else puts tags in their video and you don't, so now you say lets playing is no longer fun for? I'm sorry, but that's you trying to blame someone else for something they had nothing to do with. 

But the thing is there's no point when I'm going "Gotta put out more videos; gotta get more subs; gotta get more views; gotta get more money coming in..." I'm just having fun. If it makes some money on the side, great, if not, well, it was never the motive to begin with so it's no big deal and will not effect my continuing to make videos.

If I ever reach a point of not filming videos, it'll likely be because I just got bored with filming and moved on to some other hobby. I don't think lack of money, subs, likes, or views would ever cause me to stop filming, because those things were never my motive for filming in the first place. I started because I was bored and it seemed like it'd be a fun thing to do.

And most certainly I wouldn't be running around saying lets playing is no longer fun because that guy over there puts tags in his videos and I didn't.

Really, really step back and look at what you are saying. You are saying that because YOU were too lazy to put tags in your videos, thus you don't get many views, that lets playing is no longer fun for you because some other guy DID put tags in his videos and does get a ton of views.

Logic. It's something your brain does. Try using it.

If you TRULY ARE just playing games for fun then tell me WHY are you now saying lets playing is no longer fun BECAUSE people are putting tags in THEIR videos to get more views?

That sounds to me like you are NOT doing YouTube for fun and DID expect a lot of views. In fact, you don't sound like a hobbiest, you sound like someone who is pissed over not getting views.

Please, don't stomp around saying lets playing is no longer fun because other people put tags in their videos and you went out of your way not too.

Look at me. I had no clue tags were a thing. I was 8 months uploading videos before I realized I should be doing it. I'm not doing YouTube for money, but did that stop me from putting tags in my videos once I found out it was a thing we could do? Nope. 

Did I run around bitching and moaning and blaming others for putting tags in their videos and saying lets playing is no longer fun because they use tags to get views? Nope.

You just gotta TRY to have fun, and have an outlook that is not dependent on how others of you or how others act. Just as you can choose where you go on the internet, so to can you choose how others make you feel. Don't let how other act take away from your enjoyment. Heck, if I let how others acted effect my YouTube videos, I'd have stopped making videos by now.

I have videos with 5 views and 50+ dislikes. Every video gets 3 dislikes within seconds of uploading, yet takes days to get a single view, my dashboard says I average 132 dislike per 48 hours but only 51 likes every 48 hours, and at the same time only 280 views every 48 hours. That means I'm getting 75% dislike to view ratio.

Has it stopped me from making videos?

Nope.

Sure, if I did something with SEO and tags, I'd probably get more views, but, like you, getting views was never a goal. I needed a place to store my videos online. YouTube was the easiest place to do it.

In short, don't let naysayers get you down. Ignore them and move on. Don't let it strip the fun out of your video making enjoyment.

Stop telling yourself lets playing no longer fun and make lets plays fun again. It's as simple as changing YOUR OWN ATTITUDE. 

{{{hugs}}}

This article was originally written on: March 11, 2017

This page last updated on: March 12, 2017





While there are around 20k pages on this website, most of them are blocked from search engines, with only around 800 of them available for appearing in Google/Bing/etc search results. The remainder can only be accessed via the various links found throughout this site. This was done deliberately on my part, and I did it because the bulk of the pages on this website are chapters from 138 novels and 423 novellas, so only the first page of each novel and novella indexed by search engines, and the remainder are linked in order, one page at a time, via clicking "next page" at the end of each. So if you are looking for a specific page from a specific novel, Google can't help you.



Thank you for stopping by and have a nice day! ꧁✨🌸🔮🦄🔮🌸✨꧂

And if it’s your birthday today: ִֶָ𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶָ🐇་༘࿐꧁ᴴᵃᵖᵖʸ☆ᵇⁱʳᵗʰᵈᵃʸ꧂🤍🎀🧸🌷🍭

Wendy Christine Allen 🌸💖🦄 aka EelKat 🧿💛🔮👻
eelkat_red_scarf.jpg

Wheelchair Fundraiser

@eelkat

i just found out there is yet another bizarre rumour going around. where are these wild rumours coming from? who is starting them? and why?

♬ original sound - Wendy C Allen | 📚 Author
@eelkat

since I've been flooded with hundreds of messages the past two weeks asking if I still own "the world's most haunted car", yes, and here it is, filmed today May 18, 2026… but my son Xavier is dead, i am crippled and given that people are AGAIN showing up calling my Dodge "haunted", calling my friend "an alien", calling me "transgender", and spreading wild defamation slander connecting me to Stephen King, I think I need to start taking down the contact information of every blogger, podcaster, youtuber, and social media account spreading these rumors, and sue every single one of them for CAUSING my car to be cut in half May 10, 2010, for CAUSING the backhoe that drove over my house August 8, 2013, for CAUSING my son's murder November 14, 2013, for CAUSING me to be crippled and in a wheelchair November 14, 2013, and for CONTINUING to CAUSE harassers to show up in person to harass me near daily, STILL now in 2026. EVERYONE telling you my car is haunted, telling you my friend is an alien, calling my car "the goldeneagle", calling my friend "Etiole", or trying to connect me or my car to Stephen King, is lying to you. They crippled me when I was 8 months pregnant, and a woman with a golf club, severed my spine and bashed my baby's head in, I spent 9 years relearning to walk, and the FBI is 13 years into the murder investigation and not yet identified the attacker who crippled me and killed my baby, both violently with a golf club and the FBI believes that it is friends and family of the woman who did it, are the ones who started and spread the rumors saying my car is haunted, saying I'm an alien abductee, saying all kinds of similar bs about aliens, ufos, ghosts, witchcraft, demons, and Stephen King connections, even though I don't believe in ghosts, aliens, ufos, demons, and had never heard of Stephen King before 30k of his fans showed up in my yard trying to find my car! FBI believes the backhoe driver and the murderer are the same person and it is a developer who wanted my land and so started the Stephen King, ghost, and alien rumors all in an attempt to drive me off my land, and when it didn't work they drove a backhoe over my house, and when that didn't work they crippled me and killed my son. Why are they doing this? How do I get them to stop?

♬ original sound - Wendy C Allen | 📚 Author






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Get an email whenever Wendy Christine Allen 🌸💖🦄 aka EelKat 🧿💛🔮👻 publishes on Medium.

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Do you know who drove this backhoe over my house at 146 Portland Avenue, Old Orchard Beach, Maine on August 8, 2013? If you have any information, please give it to FBI Agent Andy Drewer at 207–774–9322 of the Portland, Maine FBI office.

My house at 146 Portland Ave, Old Orchard Beach, Maine, July 4, 2013, photo taken because we had just finished building a baby room on the back. vs My house August 8, 2013, when the same group of people (yes group, the golf club woman was not alone when she attacked November 14, 2013, nor was she alone with her second attack July 2016.) who murdered my son on November 14, 2013 at Southern Maine Community College and crippled me July 26, 2016 at scarborough WalMart,... they arrived the first time with a backhoe on August 8, 2013, that they used to drive over my house, during a time of day that I normally was home asleep... I had to work a different shift at the Waffle Cone Pizza Food Truck at George's Parking Lot by Bill's Pizza at the OBB Peir, that day, otherwise, I too would be at the bottom of a landfill, along with my house and everything I owned that was also in the house. I was 5 months pregnant at the time and have been homeless for just under 14 years, homeless ever since....

... which means it is now only a few weeks from the 14th anniversary of my son's murder. I was 8 month pregnant November 14, 2013, and a student ay SMCC, and coming out of the Buglight Lighthouse art studio after art class, when a still unidentifiedwoman wielding a golf club attacked me, severed my spine, while I was 8 months pregnant, triggered early labour, then killed my son minutes after he was born.

While accusing me of being transgender, screaming "transvestite freak" and "look at that thing, that's Ken's son in a dress"... while I was 8 months pregnant.

eelkats_house_before_after.jpgMy house at 146 Portland Ave, Old Orchard Beach, Maine, July 4, 2013, photo taken because we had just finished building a baby room on the back. vs My house August 8, 2013, when the same group of people (yes group, the golf club woman was not alone when she attacked November 14, 2013, nor was she alone with her second attack July 2016.) who murdered my son and crippled me, arrived the first time with a backhoe that they used to drive over my house, during a time of day that I normally was home asleep... I had to work a different shift at the Waffle Cone Pizza Food Truck at George's Parking Lot by Bill's Pizza at the OBB Peir, that day, otherwise, I too would be at the bottom of a landfill, along with my house and everything I owned that was also in the house. I was 5 months pregnant at the time and have been homeless for just under 14 years, homeless ever since.

The backhoe driver returned November 14, 2013, armed with a golf club, used it to break my spine and smash my baby's brains out on the ground

On November 14, 2013, my son was murdered. I was 8 months pregnant, leaving my college classroom, and just getting into my car, when 3 strangers, a man and two women, armed with golf clubs leapt out from behind my car screaming "kill or be killed, kill the transvestite freaks, kill them all before they kill us! look at that thing! That is Ken's son, look at how it's dressed! kill the transvestite freaks! kill or be killed"... while the bald man and the red haired woman chanted this over and over, the blonde woman, lunged with the golf club.

She severed my spine, I am now a quadriplegic, and been paralyzed arms and legs, and in a wheelchair for 13 years now. She broke my hips, my knees, my legs, ruptured most of my discs, and shattered three of my vertebrae so bad that the shards of bone acted like glass and embedded themselves into my spinal column nerve bundle.

The attack also triggered labour.

My son was born in that parking lot, and he lived only a couple of minutes, before the deranged blonde woman, beat his head in and smashed his brains out, with the same golfclub she had just used to sever my spine and leave me crippled for the rest of my life.

Realizing that I was not transgender, and they'd just murdered a baby, the man grabbed the 2 women and forcibly dragged them away to a 4 door white pickup truck, and they left me there to die.

The FBI told me later, that a few weeks before this attack, and transwoman, had murdered a cis woman, in a parking lot, abou 20 miles away from where I was attacked. The FBI, believes that my attackers, had somehow found out I wrote transgender fiction, connecting my real name to my penname, (my father's name is in fact "Ken", and I do have a brother) and believed that I wrote transgender fiction, because I was myself transgender, even though I'm not transgender. The FBI, believes the attackers, thought I was my brother, pretending to be a woman.

The FBI investigation, into my son's murder, has dragged on for 13 years, and still now in 2026, continues on, with the FBI, still not having yet identified my attackers, and only guessing at what their motive was.

Thus we come to 2014, and the full swing change of the series I write. WHY my series, went from just a transman main character living life, to the full blown Mpreg genre series that it now is today.

Before the attack, I had a chance of having a baby. I don't know. And because I'm in America, I'm too old to adopt. You have to be under 45 years old to adopt a baby. That is the law in America. I was informed this, when we tried to adopt, now that my injuries leave me unable to get pregnant a 9th time.

Thus began my obsessively writing, my transman main character, pregnant. Always pregnant now. Every time. Every story. Stories that now fully focus on pregnancy, labour, miscarriages, babies dying, babies living, raising babies... the whole series, since 2014 has devolved into an outright baby obsession.

Meanwhile, reborn baby dolls were suggested to me by my therapist, and have also become a deeply obsessive part of my life. Because 13 years ago my son was murdered minutes after he was born, because a transphobic bigot mistook me for being transgender, I'm STILL in a wheelchair, struggling to relearn to use my arms and legs, now 13 years later, and I'm still DAILY dealing with police officers and FBI agents who while they are trying to find my son's killer, they are also daily reminding me... oh, yeah, my son was murdered, literally ripped out of my belly, by a transphobe. Who still has not been located and walks free to kill again.

The golfclub woman as she looked during the golf club attack at Southern Maine community college November 14, 2013. She is about 20 to 30 years older then me and would be around 75 to 85 years old now in 2026.

Clairescreenshot.pngIf you have any information about the identity of this child murderer, please call FBI Agent Andy Drewer at 207–774–9322

The golfclub woman as she looked during the shopping cart attack at Scarborough WalMart July 26, 2016. She is about 20 to 30 years older then me and would be around 75 to 85 years old now in 2026.

zzzz999ClaireRed2016-screenshotIf you have any information about the identity of this child murderer, please call FBI Agent Andy Drewer at 207–774–9322

The 2nd woman as she looked at both attacks, her hair goes all the way down to her knees. She is about 20 to 30 years older then me and would be around 75 to 85 years old now in 2026.

Kendrascreenshot.pngIf you have any information about the identity of this child murderer's accomplice, please call FBI Agent Andy Drewer at 207–774–9322

Do you know who these two woman who crippled me and murdered my baby, at Southern Maine Community College at 10PM on November 14, 2013, are, and what their connection to the backhoe that drove over my house is? If you have any information, please give it to FBI Agent Andy Drewer at 207–774–9322 of the Portland, Maine FBI office.

I am a legally blind quadriplegic, and low verbal, I have also published 138 novels in the last 48 years. It's not as impossible as people think. The problem being blind and quadriplegic, medically have different meanings then how those two words are used medically.

Fewer than 3% of all blind people see nothing. While 97% people who are classified as fully blind are able to see up to two feet in front of them. Legally blind means I can see more then two feet in front of me but not far enough to see twenty feet in front of me. In my case I can see about eight feet.

Quadriplegic, has varying levels, it means having a damaged nerve bundle in the spinal column causing limited mobility of all 4 limbs, (in my case this was done by a women wielding a golf club, who also beat my 8 month infant's head to pulp on the parking lot tarmak, at the same time she severed my spine with the same golf club; both on November 14, 2013; the FBI investigation into my son's murder and my being crippled has gone on now for 13 years, a few weeks away from 14 years now, and the FBI has still not identified the killer or her motive). Contrary to popular misconception, quadriplegic does NOT mean ZERO movement, it means means limited movement, specifically in means unable to lift arms over head, unable to grip fingers around objects to pick them up, and unable to stand for more then 5 minutes to a time. Because there are so many thousands of nerves in each limb it is actually very rare for there to be 100% no movement, but how much, and to what extent varies by patent depending upon the specific point of injury to the spinal column.

Meaning typing is still possible for over 60% of all quadriplegics.

In my case, it was the lower spine that was severed, cutting off completly my ability to move my right leg, leaving limited feeling in my left leg, and an ability to stand but not walk, with crutches, for the first 9 years. I regained enough nerve growth in my legs by the 9th year to be able to take ten or twelve steps allowing me to get out of bed for the first time since the golf club attack; This in turn lead to me being able to start using a wheelchair, as I was able to sit upright for the first time as well.

Because the shattered vertebrae bone fragments are broken off completly and embedded into the nerve bundle just above my tailbone, doctors were saying I would never walk again, but now at 13 years, I am able to push mu wheelchair like a walker, a distance of almost a thousand steps a day. Though doctors are still doubtful I will ever walk "normally" again, I have proven them wrong, when their said 13 years ago, that I would never walk again at all.

But because of the placement of the damage to my spine, regaining hand use, was always thought possible, it was just a matter of waiting long enough for nerve regrowth, along side daily finger exercises. I was able to continue writing, after becoming quadriplegic, because I still have use of my right thumb, and 2 fore figures of my right hand. And can type 90 words per minute with those 3 fingers.

I however have no wrist strength, elbow strength, or shoulder strength, so I am not able to form a fist, or lift objects, or brush my hair, or my teeth, all thing I have to have my caretaker do. But, those things are not needed for typing. Unfortunately, my pinky and ring fingers are "nerve dead" and drag over the keyboard, and cause horrific spelling errors and typos, which are incredibly frustrating to deal with.

Unfortunately trying to edit errors myself, just makes the errors worse, because those same two fingers drag over the keyboard yet again. Prior to the golf club attack, I rarely had spelling errors; now I got more spelling errors then someone is learning English as second language. Editing is a challenge, that I've had to accept, I simply can not do myself, and I have to hire several editors to help with that.

Low verbal means sounds can still be made, sounds that software programs like Dragon can be trained to recognize and translate, and type into full words. More then half my novels were typed with this method.

I still have a long ways to go before I am anything close to being able to do the things I could do before the golf club woman beat my baby's brains out and shattered my spine. And you know what's more frustrating then how slow mu medical progression has been? The fact that it's been 13 years and the police and FBI are still coming up at dead ends as to who the woman who murdered my baby was, or why she even did it.

My son's 14th birthday is only a few weeks away, but he didn't even get to live long enough to celebrate his 1st birthday, I don't even know why. And I can't wait to regain my ability to walk again, because regaining my ability to walk, means gaining the ability to go outside and start looking for my son's murderer myself instead of sitting at home trapped in a wheelchair waiting for the police and FBI to to find her. So, writing isn't a big priority for me anymore. I only write now, as a way to exercise my hands, in between relearning to walk.

Never let a disability stop you. Plenty of writers, artists, athletes, do not let either blindness, speech impediments, or limited mobility hold then back from perusing their careers.

Do you know who these two woman who crippled me and murdered my baby, at Southern Maine Community College at 10PM on November 14, 2013, are, and what their connection to the backhoe that drove over my house is? If you have any information, please give it to FBI Agent Andy Drewer at 207–774–9322 of the Portland, Maine FBI office.

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