So I was driving home today and the DJ announces a new song released. The song title: Selfie by a group called The Chainsmokers. never heard of the band or the song before, but I was stunned that the DJ was even allowed to say the song title on the air. I was further stunned by the song itself, which is basically this same very vulgar sex industry swear word said over and over and over and over, by a girl who apparently is fucking herself off in a public bathroom. However, judging from the rest of the lyrics, it appears that perhaps she is using the word selfie to mean something other than masturbation, but what in the heck that could be, I had no clue.
Well, I was so stunned and baffled and confused by this song that I went home, turned on the computer, headed to YouTube and looked to see if I could find this bizarre song and figure out what in the heck they were talking about.
I did and here is the song in question:
As I said, the song is odd, and judging from the rest of the lyrics selfie must have a new meaning, but watching the video didn't help me out any. It's as I thought it was, a girl in the bathroom fucking off, and posting pictures of it to her friends with her cell phone...or rather judging by the video, 2 girls in the bathroom fucking themselves off and posting pictures of themselves doing so.
Well, this only left me more confused, because in between the girls bragging they are giving themselves selfies in a public bathroom, you have kids in concerts posting photos of themselves all over the place. Makes absolutly no sense at all.
I watched the video again and looked up the lyrics and still it appeared that the singer is using the word selfie to mean something other than masturbation, but what exactly, I had no clue.
That same day a friend stops by and says "Hey did you hear about the Ellen Twitter selfie?"
I'm like "What in the heck are you talking about?"
"Ellen put a selfie on Twitter and it went viral."
"Who the heck is Ellen and what's a selfie?"
"Don't you watch TV?"
"I don't own a TV, you know that."
"Oh, yeah, right. She's a talk show host. She put her selfie on Twitter last night and it went viral."
"So she fucks herself in public, and didn't get arrested for it. So what?"
"What are you talking about?"
"What are you talking about?"
"I'm talking about selfies."
"So am I."
"Do you know what a selfie is?"
"Of course I do. I'm a freaking smutt author. I write hard core porn, erotica, and high heat romance."
"Okay, I'm 40 years older than you, obviously what selfie meant 40 years ago is not what it means today, so why don't you just tell me what you are talking about. What the heck is a selfie?"
"Don't you ever take pictures of yourself with your phone?"
"No, actually, I have Autism, I don't own a phone because I don't talk verbally through my mouth, and therefore have no way to use a phone. And what? How the heck do you take pictures with a phone? Now what are you talking about?"
He pulls out phone. "See it's a camera, you use it to take pictures."
"Why would anyone want to do that?"
"Because it's easier than carrying a camera and everyone already has a phone."
"I don't have a phone."
"Yeah, well, every one else on the planet does."
"No, actually, did you know that over 1/3 of America doesn't even have access to phone service and that 4/5 of the state of Maine doesn't have access to phone service...there are still close to 100 townships in Maine that are not only outside the range of cell phone towers, but also land-line phones AND internet access. Did you know Bangor, one of Maine's largest cities is still without a cell phone tower close enough to it for people there to get a signal. Damn, do you know Old Orchard Beach was still on a switch board party line - 3 phone numbers for THE ENTIRE TOWN in the mid-1980s. And outside of America only 1/8 of the population has electricity let alone phone service. I'm sorry, what planet do you live on that you think EVERYBODY has a phone. Everybody in your house/school/city, is not even close to being every body on the planet."
Well, he finally explains that a selfie is when you take a picture of yourself with your cell phone and post it on FaceBook...and that EVERYBODY is doing it.
Hmmm... my FB account is maxed out at 5,000 friends, I'm on there all day, every day, and only once in a blue moon do any of them post photos of themselves. Damn. I must have the wrong FB friends if EVERYBODY is doing it and a majority of my 5,000 friends are not doing it.
All I can figure is it must be an age gap thing. All us cane-tottering seniors are too un-hip to be taking photos of ourselves and too unhip to slap a porn word on the photo to make ourselves sound cool. Or maybe we just prefer selfies over selfies.
This article was originally written on: March 10, 2014
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