EelKat Wendy C Allen - Dark Fantasy Author

UPDATE March 17, 2021: Another death. Waiting for a coffin to be delivered. Funeral the 21st. Unlikely to be streaming for a few weeks.


Update: March 27, 2021: It's not even been a week since the funeral, and now there is another death and another funeral.


UPDATE April 5, 2021: There are still no streams, as, we've now a another (a 3rd) funeral to prepare for.

And that is now 3 deaths in our family, in the past 2 weeks.

This 3rd death hits hard, because it was Pippi.

Our family has now had 13 deaths since March 2020.

April 10, 2015, 12 children were kidnapped.

May 15, 2015, the heads of 10 of them were nailed to my door.

August 24, 2020, one was found still alive. he was just 4 years old when she was kidnapped, but she remembered us, even though 5 years had passed.

August 25, 2020, Pippi came home, but her condition was not well. She had been tortured the entirety of the 5 years she had been held hostage. She was missing limbs and covered with scars, had broken bones many years not set, and suffered serious damage to many of her internal organs. That she was alive at all, in her condition, was a miracle. Doctors had little hope of her survival and she was sent home with Hospice care.

Pippi had cancer in her eye and needed surgery for it, which she was scheduled to have, shortly before she was kidnapped.

In the years they had her, not only did they torture her, but her cancer went untreated and spread to her brain.

By the time she was returned to us, her cancer had reached an inoperable state, so we knew she did not have much time left.

Had her cancer been treated, back when she was a toddler, she probably would have reach adulthood.

She died only 8 months after her return.

Another child, to cry out from the grave, for Etiole's vengeance upon her murderers. Another victim of evil men, who will stoop to no ends, to bury the crimes they committed 50 years ago.  Drug lords. Opium growers. Heroine dealers. Selling little girls 4 to 8 years old for sex to priests. They only care about money.

All hail the mighty tourist ass. Millions come to Old Orchard Beach every year, for one thing and one thing only: heroine. They sell their drugs to the tourists under the pier and off the balconies of that giant motel. Than drag little girls to the bedrooms of the condominiums on Smithwheel Road, behind the school. And any child who dares open their mouth and beg for help, gets tossed in the GooseFare Brooke Ravine.

Bastard drug lords. They've been doing this for 50 years, and the town hall and the police department, turn a blind eye to it, because they get paid $6million a year to not report it to the newspapers, when the body of another child washes down the ravine, into the gulley to be spit out in the ocean. No fewer than 5 bodies are found every summer, but how often does it get in the news?

The corruption of this fucking town needs to end.

Yet another dead at the hands of these criminals who run our town.

How long will the residents continue to turn a blind eye to what is happening in our town.

How many more children will you let them kill, before you stand up to them?

Another child is dead and no one in this town cares. So long as they get their money from the tourists. The blood of another murdered child screams from the graves, begging for justice. Tick tock, tick tock, so begins, yet another of Etiole's 7 year clocks.

This is why there were no/to few streams from May 2020 until now.

May 2020, after 4 years of not hearing from them at all, the FBI returned with a lead, which led to Pip's discovery a few weeks later in August.

Because of the nature of the situation, I could not talk about it, to tell you why streams had stopped.

The kidnappers, were enraged that we had recovered Pip, and that is when the attacks started up again on my home and family September 2020.

Pip's condition continued to grow worse, and she died April 5, 2021.

She was only 10 years old.

This is what it means, to not be white in America.

White men, won't even give a child the chance to grow up.

This is what white people do, to none white families like mine.

We are Gypsies with Jewish blood, for that alone we are hunted like animals.

What the men of Old Orchard Beach, Maine, did to my family, will never be forgotten or forgiven.

#If you have any information on the kidnappers or the murders...

#FBI Agent Andy Drewer out of the Portland, Maine FBI office is in charge of the of the April 10, 2015 kidnapping of my 12 children by 14 Ku Klux Klan men who invaded our home and the subsequent May 15, 2015 murder of 10 of the 12 whom had their heads nailed to my front door. If you have information about the case, give it to him not me. He can be reached @ +1-(207)-774-9322 

Have you forgot the extent of the damage these people did, all because, they wanted to dig up my land and removed bodies buried there, before my house builders found that barrel of bones?

Have you forgotten that 7 town hall workers, 5 public works men, a blond woman, her bald son, and her red haired sister Kendra, and 14 police officers, all lead by a man they referred to as "Mark who needs no last name" were the ones 

I name every one of them, except for the ring leaders: blond woman, her bald son, her sister Kendra, and her husband "Mark who needs no last name". I don't know who those 4 are. I'd never seen any of them, other than the Kendra woman before, and I only knew her fro her attacks beating me up at Panera in 2009, 2010, and 2013.

I can name every one of the others, because all I have to do is go to the Old Orchard Beach town hall and police department website, and their are their faces.

With the exception of blond woman, her bald son, her sister Kendra, and her husband "Mark who needs no last name", every one else involved was government official who works for the state of Maine vis the Old Orchard Beach Town Hall, the Old Orchard Beach Police Department, or the Old Orchard Beach Public Works.

And what exactly did they do?

August 8, 2013 they drove a backhoe over my house. That same backhoe drove over my previous house on the same land April 2007. That same backhoe drove over my poultry barn and horse stables July 2001. July 2001 was the first attack.

March 2015 was the the massive attack, with an entire fleet of trucks, and drove over the Church of the Holy Rhinstone, a church that stood on my land, my garage which is why I no longer have a garage to put my car in, my 2 sheds both of which had my tractors and other garden/crop machinery in them at the time. And of course the razing of the land, the cutting down of the apple orchard - the VERY apple orchard planted in 1530 that this town was named after... he actual "old orchard" of Old Orchard Beach... the very original trees - huge massive apple trees over 400 years old. The grape vineyards, the cherry trees, the pears trees. 

April 10, 2015, they returned, 4 police officer held me a gun point, while 10 other police officers held my children down with long poles with metal wire strangle loops on the end, and beat their faces in with cinder block bricks, knocking out every one of their teeth, breaking their jaws... POLICE OFFICERS DID THAT... while men they referred to as "Mark who needs no last name" and "Dan" stood there and told the police officers what to do, how to beat them, while "Mark who needs no last name" boldly bragged that he paid the Old Orchard Beach police $6million dollars to do this.

May 15, 2015... the heads, hands, feet, and intestines of my children were nailed to my door. Later that same day police officer W. W. came to my home begging for forgiveness and claimed that men he referred to only as "Mark and Dan" were holding his beloved mother-in-law hostage and torturing her, and he helped in the April 10, 2015 attack, only to save her life and get her back. He claimed he had no prior knowledge of what was going to happen, claiming that he'd been told they were only going to "scare" us. He said he had not expected anyone to get hurt, he had not known my children would be tortured and kidnapped, he had not known they were going to be murdered. He said he was scared for his life and lives of his family. And he said: "They form a small army, our department doesn't have enough man power to stop them, and every one in this town is too scared to fight back. You don't know what's going on. And I think they mixed you up with someone else. They didn't know you were the owner of this land. They didn't know that was your motorhome. They thought someone else owned this place. It wasn't even your family they were after. You were the wrong target. You don't know who these people are. What they've done to our families. This is the actual Mafia. The real deal. I'm so sorry. This is the address they sent us to. But they had a different name as the owner. This wasn't supposed to happen. They were after someone else. I'm so sorry. I couldn't let my family died. And now yours is dead instead. This wasn't supposed to happen."

June 19, 2016... I did a very specific livestream. You see... A., D., B., and T. in the 1970s and 1980s, were in the habit of dragging big black trash bags into the forest, crossing my land to do it, and dumping those bags into the Goosefare Brook Ravine. In 1983, 3 snuck into Etiole's swamp and planted 3 acres of Marijuana. Someone found it and called the police, I don't know who... it was Maine's largest drug raid for decades. Many, many millions in plants where dug up and removed from Etiole's swamp. A few weeks later A, & D,s 10 year old daughter ran into my yard, touched my car on a dare from other children - the 1964 Dodge 330 former Old Orchard Beach police car, known by Stephen King fans as the REAL Christine, The World's Most Haunted Car... than jumped her bike, and sped down the road, as fast as she could, head on into a car coming the other way. She died instantly, he brain shattered all over the end of my driveway, and her mother A responded by the Battle of 458 - the biggest mass shooting ever in Maine history, that ended up with 3 Gypsy clans and 2 police departments, in a shoot out between 70+ adults all armed with guns. One of my cousins, an 8 year old boy, standing 3 feet from me, had his eye shot out by one of the bullets. While A ran around the street screaming: "FOUR! FIVE! EIGHT!" than shot another child. 

"FOUR! FIVE! EIGHT!" than shoot another child. 

"FOUR! FIVE! EIGHT!" than shoot another child. 

THOSE are the 31 children, whose bones were sawed up and tossed into the GooseFare Brook Ravine... yes, that DOES mean, police officers KNEW those children were there and covered it up.  And I witnessed that entire event.

And THAT is WHY... when police officers murdered my family in 2015, I did a livestream, walking to the ravine, to show the world, where those bones were... because I'm sick and tired of the police corruption in this fucking town, and those sawed up bones of 31 children are PROOF of what this town government is like.... as are the heads of my children that were nailed to my door.

At the end of The Battle of 4-5-8... A. took 2 gas cans and poured them all over the big dome house, than set a match to it, and no one knew, why when she did her brother B., started running, jumped in his robin egg blue truck and backed down the driveway, hit Portland Ave doing 70 and didn't stop driving until the high speed chase caught him in CT... oh but we knew before he was out of sight, why he started running... the dome house went up like Hiroshima into a mushroom cloud that could be seen across the entire state... turns out there was a Meth lab in that house.

June 19, 2016... the livestream of the bones went viral, it's what made my YouTube channel suddenly explode overnight... and police officer W.W. upset, by the fact that, the livestream included the entire police call and response, and that response was to laugh and do nothing... fed up with the corruption in his department, he forwarded that livestream VOD to the FBI, and the FBI arrived in Old Orchard Beach, to dig up the Reclaim Blueberry Plains, and all hell broke lose in this town, as most of the police officers suddenly found themselves arrested. An entire new police force from out of state was brought in to replace the long time officers who had proven they could be trusted to uphold the law. Many town hall officials and public works employees also found themselves arrested by the FBI.

June 26, 2016... barely a week later... the blond woman and the red haired Kendra woman showed up at my workplace, Scarborough WalMart, and tried to kill me, yet again... these are the same 2 woman who attacked me with golf clubs at Southern Maine Community College November 14, 2013... they left dead in 2013, I was paralized for 5 months. It took me 18 months to relearn to walk. I was out of the wheel chair, and I was without a walker, I was without a cane. I had almost fully covered from their November 14, 2013 attack with golf clubs... June 26, 2016, this time they attacked with shopping carts, and I'm now crippled for the rest of my life. They shattered 3 vertebra this time and it can't be operated on. I had to relearn to walk a second time, and I'm not yet recovered now in 2021. In 2013 they drove away in the 4 door white pickup truck. In 2016 they drove away in a gold Volvo SUV station wagon.

That blond woman and her red haired Kendra sister, they are wanted by the FBI for attempted murder of me and they are also wanted in questioning for being suspected of also being the murderers of my children.

I don't know who these 2 women are.

The blond woman shows up my driveway frequently, screaming and yelling, sometime accompanied by a small child, about 5 years old, that she pulls behind her in a red radio flyer wagon. She looks to be about 60 or 70. She often wears a denim button down shirt and jeans. She's prone to yelling at passing cars, while pointing up my driveway, and saying: "There's EelKat, she tried to kill my husband."

I've never tried to kill anyone, so accusation is baffling at best.

She seems to think I know who she is, and has made the claim, that "I was that brat in school"... the red haired Kendra woman, sometimes with her, claims to be her sister, also appears to be 60 to 70 and also seems to think I know who she is, and frequently says: "You bullied me in school, but no more, I'm Kendra SilverMander it's my turn to shine."

They BOTH make the claim they went to school with me, and yet, I never went to school, a well documented fact... because I'm the child the FBI rescued what the news media called "Maine's House of Horrors". I was locked in a cage when I was 8 years old. I was let out on Sundays, to go to church, and not allowed to speak or make eye contact with anyone, and this was only done infrequently, whenever church goers asked what happened to that girl you had". I was 31 years old when the FBI arrived, because of Heaven's Gate having killed 39 people, and my uncle being one of the members and self proclaiming himself as the leader of Heaven's Gate after Applewhite's death. The FBI was investigating the murder of 39 people in California, and had no idea they'd find children in cages in Maine as a result.

So you see, when the blond woman and her Kendra sister, make the claim they went to school with me and I was the class bully who beat them up, this is easily proven false, because the time period when I should have been in school, I was locked in a cage, being tortured by my sadistic uncle Bruce.

Also, they are in their late 60s to mid 70s... making them older than my parents, so how could I have been in school with them, even if I had gone to school? At best I would have been starting pre-school the year they would have been graduating high school.

These things they say about school, only further agrees with what police officer W. W. said May 15, 2015, when he made the claim, they had gotten me mixed up with someone else.

July 2016, a month after the shopping cart attack... yet another Old Orchard Beach police officer arrived, this one accompanied by 2 Biddeford officers, who had been former OOB officers... these 3 officers, had a vastly eye opening story to tell me.

They had been called to Old Orchard Beach, to my farm, to arrest me, a call made to them, by a man named Mark, whom one of these officers, claimed was his brother in law. This Biddeford officer, said he requested to transfer ot of Old Orchard Beach department years ago, because his sister (whom he claimed he suspected, but could not prove was the blond woman whom had attacked me at WalMart) was quote "trying to control the town" he said "treats Old Orchard Beach like a dynasty, thinks she's a duchess, has severe mental disorders, and thought she could buy the police department". He went on to say, she got in with the real Mafia years ago and went to her head, and now she thinks she IS the Mafia and most of Old Orchard Beach's business owners, especially the motel owners are scared shitless of her, because they believe her claim to be Mafia. He went on to say, she's not Mafia, but she's good at convincing people she is and stated "I wouldn't murder beyond her. She'd do it just to prove she is Mafia." He said he transferred out of OOB department to Biddeford department because he was fed up with how easy it was for her to get every officer to do anything she asked. He said "the corruption in that department runs deep; don't cross her or any officer she controls; they WILL kill you and every around you. You don't know who her husband is. He doesn't just control that town, he controls half the state."

What he was telling me was bizarre on extremes, but even more bizarre was the live feed radio call, that he had me listen too, as it was happening, on my farm in Old Orchard, while I was at my dad's house in Biddeford.

He said: "The Old Orchard Department called me, asked me to come over here. Buddy Will wanted to prove you were not in Old Orchard and that Mark has you mixed up with someone else. That fucking bastard is crying wolf and trying to frame you, we can prove it right now. We are fucking fed up WolfBoy."

He turned on his radio, so I could hear. A what I heard... a man whose voice I do not recognize, yelling at a Officer W.W. and saying: 

"That is Wendy, arrest her now! That is EelKat. She tried to kill me."

While officer W.W. and another officer, told the man: "his isn't Wendy. We have officers with her right now. Who tried to kill you? Wendy? Or THIS woman right here?"

"This woman right here! This is EelKat I tell you! Arrest her! What do you think I pay you for! You aren't allow to defy me! I own this town! You are my slaves. I command you to arrest her!"

W.W.: "This isn't EelKat. This isn't Wendy. I've known her for years. And right now, she's on the other side of the state. With 3 officers, listening to you right now. You are NOT the law. We've had it with you. You don't own me. And you've mixed her up with someone else. You've been harassing the wrong damned person. You dare call us about Wendy ever again, and I will personally arrest you for false reports, than I'll tell them everything. You'll never see the outside a prison for the rest of your life when I get done with you. You fucking leave this woman alone. You destroyed her life, because you couldn't tell her apart from someone else."

I used to aqua jog, mountain climb, horseback riding, and I hiked 13 miles a day. And in the blink of an eye, that lifestyle was taken away, and every day was struggle, just to sit up and breath, with no hope of ever walking again. I defied doctors. It's been 8 years and I can move around the house by holding on to things and I now can walk again, at the moment only short distances outside with a cane, and the hope is to continue to improve. I still have a long road of recovery ahead. But I'm walking again, something that 8 years ago, doctors said would never happen. 

My farm was razed.

My family was murdered.

I was 5 months paralysed, and had to relearn to walk. It was 8 years ago and I'm not yet fully recovered due to 3 inoperable vertebrae and hip dysplasia. November 14, 2013, 10PM, at WalMart, while putting bags of groceries in the back seat of my car, I was attacked by 3 rapists armed with metal golf clubs, who left me parallelized, in a wheel chair, broken spine, broken hip, broken pelvis, broken knees, serve nerve damage to my left side limiting the use of my left hand, my bladder incontinent from nerve damage, they left me for dead, and I had doctors telling me I would never walk again.

There's more that has happened. A lot more. The thousands of gallons of sewage they pumped into my motorhome in 2015. The cats. the Ptarmagin cats. World famous groups of cats. You remember them. If so, you remember what these people did to those cats. Poisoned. All dead the same day. 12 cats. Dead to what the vet described as: "enough poison to kill a great dane". My horse, she had her head beat in with a rock. My bantam roosters... 70 pet roosters, hung by their necks in rope nooses in my rose bushes.

All because this man, this mystery Mark, whose last name seems to be known to the police but is still unknown to me and man whom I've never seen or met - he keeps his face covered whenever he shows up... mistook me for someone else... and police officers and town hall workers and public work employees.

Welcome to Old Orchard Beach... this is NOT the way life should be, you know it.

What these people did to me, should never have happened, and according to the police, it's been happening for 50+ years to hundreds of people, hundreds of families, in this town, and every one is too scare to talk about it or fight back to stop it. That NEEDS to change.

The corruption in our town, needs to stop... but it won't end, until every last person who is being harassed by these people stand up, put their foot down, and say enough is enough, we ain't gonna take this any more.

We the people of Old Orchard Beach need to take back our town.

NOTE: Chat is set to emote only on my Twitch channel and my personal contact information has been removed from my website and every place else, due to the HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS of false reports of "information", along with vile hateful memes about the murder of my family being sent to me by trolls who think mocking the murder of my family is funny.

FBI Agent Andy Drewer out of the Portland, Maine FBI office is in charge of the of the April 10, 2015 kidnapping of my 12 children by 14 Ku Klux Klan men who invaded our home and the subsequent May 15, 2015 murder of 10 of the 12 whom had their heads nailed to my front door. If you have information about the case, give it to him not me. He can be reached @ +1-(207)-774-9322 

If you could recommend I watch one VOD that best represented your channel, which would it be?

This one....

The Princess Bride predicting Covid-19?

Avallac'h's a Good Tutor?
Of What? How to Better Bed Kings?


Please be aware that nearly every page on this website contains spoilers to something. I talk about a lot of fandoms, and go into great detail analyzing them when I do. If I am talking about The Witcher series, InuYasha, Disney Ducks, the Quaraun series, or any other fandom, you WILL encounter spoilers about it. 

City of The Slushies | Chapter 1 | Quaraun The Insane (The PortCon Maine 2017 Novel)

These are not finalized chapters. 

What you are seeing here is the unedited first draft as it is being written.
The published version may be vastly different.

Expect what is seen here to change, be added to, and expanded upon during the editing and revision process.

Some parts may read awkward, as a simple sentence may be being used as a "place card" for an entire scene. The sentence will later be changed to a full scene in the published version.

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City of The Slushies | Chapter 1 | Quaraun The Insane (The PortCon Maine 2017 Novel)

Quaraun found himself to be laying on his back in very cold, dry sand. He blinked, staring up at the blinding white sun overhead and tried to remember how it was he came to be laying on the ground. A dark shadow blocked out the sun. At first he couldn't make it out, but after his eyes adjusted to the light he realized it was Unicorn looking down at him.

"Where are we?" Quaraun asked.

"I knows not."

"Help me up."

Unicorn did as he was told and the pale Elf looked around trying to determine where they were. Miles of white sand was all he could see in every direction.

"We're in a desert," Quaraun said at last.

"A cold one," Unicorn agreed. "Good t'ing me have me furs."

"It looks like snow."

"No snow here. Far too cold. Will no snow in places of too much cold. Here." Unicorn handed Quaraun a large black bear skin. 

"What do I want with that?"

"To not freeze to death."

"It's black."

BoomFuzzy CosPlay


"I only wear pink."

"Ya gonna freeze ya balls off for sake of fashion?"


"I does nah t'ink ya meant that."

"You know what I meant."

"Does ya ever listen to yarself when ya talk?"

"Do you ever listen to yourself when you destroy the Elven language?"

"Yis got difficult language to speak. If ya was no such a pompous jerk yi would speak a common tongue sos I would no has to try to speak to ya in yar dead language that only yis ever speaks."

"How the hell did we get in the desert?" Quaraun muttered to himself, completely ignoring everything Unicorn had just said.

"Perhaps Hell be the answer?"


"Clearly a portal got us."

"Yes. But which portal? To where? And how do we get back?"

Quaraun began pacing around in small frantic circles.

"Was we near Ghouly?" Unicorn asked. 

"I don't know. I can't remember where we were."

"Damn, GhoulSpawn un hims Hell dimensions. That what ya get for being friends with a Chaos Demon."



"There's sand in my shoes."

Quaraun sat down on the ground to pull off his shoes and dump out the sand.

"Ya un ya impractical shoes. Why ya no get boots?"

Quaraun was about to scream something at Unicorn, when an intricatly carved sandstone freize caught his eye.


"Now what? Ya got the attention span of a guppy. Can ya no stay on one topic for a full two minutes?"

The Moon Elf put his shoes back on, pulled himself up with his cane and went to get a closer look at the frieze half buried in the sand.

"It's a road!" Quaraun said as he brushed the sand away. "A very fancy road. That means there's civilization around here somewhere. Civilization that appreciates art."

"Civilization that may be dead. That road nay look very used."

"Which way does it go?"

"Ya want to follow a dead path?"

"I'm a Necromancer. Apparently I like dead things. I like you don't I?"

Quaraun looked back and forth trying to determine the correct direction to follow.

"Yis suggesting we go on this road?"


JellyFish Art Images Provided By Amazon

"Why would we do that?"

"We're in a desert, Unicorn. Deserts are dangerous. And a desert this cold at high noon, is going to be sub zero by night fall. We need to find shelter before it gets dark."

Quaraun and Unicorn followed the carved sandstone frieze road for many miles and many hours, before coming to small oasis of sandstone cliff, surrounding a small city of buildings carved from even more sandstone. There wasn't much in the way of vegetation and there was no water source that either Quaraun or Unicorn could see. The city did not appear to have much, save one large church building at it's center. Like every other building in the city, the church was made of sandstone, with friezes carved all around.

"They sure do like colour," Unicorn said.

Each building was nearly invisible, blending into it's surroundings, and looking from a distance like a pile of sandstone rocks. With the lone exception of the brightly painted doors and window shutters. All colours of the rainbow. Some in brilliant red, some in bursting orange, some in blinding yellow. Each building with one colour, save the church which had all 8 colours painted on it's front doors. Too each side of the church was eight tall stained glass windows. Each on a different colour.

"They gots themselves a rainbow church."

"I'm gonna guess this is a theocracy," Quaraun said.

"What makes ya says that?"

"A city made of tiny hovels. No sign of businesses or shops. Nothing that says political buildings or royalty. Just a giant church smack dab in the center of the city. That screams theocracy. Reminds me of the DiJinn. Their city was like this. Looked a lot like this in fact. Middle of a desert and everything."

Quaraun and Unicorn made their way into the city.

"Look at the people," Unicorn said.

"I am. This is strange."

Quaraun CosPlay

Every person in the city was dressed in a single solid colour. Eight colours. But no more then one colour per person. And people of each colour were wandering the streets in small groups, while avoiding all other colours. Men, women, and children, dressed in red, stayed with others who were also dressed in red and avoided all those dressed in blue and green. Every one dressed in blue, spoke only to others dressed in blue and snubbed their noses at every one dressed in yellow and purple.

"It appears," Quaraun said. "That the people dressed in orange, live in the houses with the orange doors and are shunning every one not orange. As is each other person of each other colour. Racism based on fashion colours."

"Well, I see people wearing pink and gots pink houses. Looks like this be city for ya then, eh? You with ya ooooh, ca'na wear black wid me pink, oh no, rather freeze me balls off."

"You don't have to deal with over sized balls getting in your way."

"Yeah, that'd be because I wear pants."

Quaraun looked down at Unicorn's hakama.

"Those are hardly pants. My skirts aren't half as wide as each of your pant legs."

"Quaraun. Me point was yar were refusing to wear a black coat over ya pink dress, because it were no pink and ya refuses to wear anything that is no pink. And wid balls the size of yars ya should want to keep them warm other wise they will freeze and fall off."

As usual Quaraun was lost in his own thoughts and not listening to a word Unicorn was saying.

"This is fascinating. Would be nice if I didn't hurt so much. I could enjoy it more."

"Yis hurting again?"


"What hurt now?"

"Stomach cramps. Headache. Bloating. Sensative breasts. Sensative testicles. And a penis that wants to drip blood because I don't have a damed vagina, which apparently I was supposed to have, instead of these things hanging between my legs."

"Yis regretting being born with male genatilia?"

"No. I'm regretting being born with female hormones that are disrupting my male genitalia. I would like to have normal male genitalia. I would like to not have a small penis. I would like to not have big balls. I would like to not have breasts. I would like to not have ovaries trying to kick their way out of my stomach right now!"

"Ah! Yis hallucinating again. Gotcha."

"I am not hallucinating."

"Ya does no ovaries Quaraun. I do no know wheres ya got that idea from."

"I have a jellyfish eating me brain."

"Well, I will agree wid that one. There does be a jellyfish in ya head, sucking all de logic out of ye brain."

As was typical for Quaraun he was feeling muscle cramps on the exertion of having walked so briskly for so long a period. Now that he'd stopped walking a tremor in his hands and cramps in his side reminded him that he'd not stopped to rest for many hours. For some reason, in recent weeks, Quaraun had come to the conclusion that these reoccurring cramps was caused by his having ovaries, something that could neither be proved or disproved and since no one could disprove it he had run with the idea and was now currently convinced he also had PMS, which also could not be proven.

Unicorn was used to Quaraun's wild drug induced imagination running away with him, but he was having a difficult time wrapping his mind around this current obsession of Quaraun's. The muscle cramps were real, the pain was real, and Quaraun was at his wits end to find a cause for his discomfort, that Unicorn could not deny. He just couldn't agree with Quaraun's current belief that he had ovaries causing the trouble.

The tremor made it quite difficult for Quaraun to grip his cane, which he quickly dropped. The poor Elf stood staring down at his cane, wondering if he dared risk bending down to pick it up or not. He was feeling light headed and dizzy and was contemplating if bending down would result in his passing out.

A woman, dressed all in pink, walking by, saw this and stopped.

"You're disabled," the pink clothed woman said very matter of factly.

"Yes," Quaraun answered. "I am. I try not to be. It's not always easy to hide."

The woman bent down and picked up the cane.

"You okay?" she asked as she handed the Elf his cane back.

"I fear I over exhurted myself. I did too much too fast. I need a place to rest. I'll be fine once I've rested."

"You're a man!"

"I... yes."

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"Why you dressed like a woman?"

Quaraun looked down at his bright pink, beaded ball gown.

"I look good in this dress."

"Yes. You do... but, you're a man!"


"You don't look like one."

"I know."

"Why are you trying to look like a woman?"

"I'm not."

"Are you one of of those men, trying to become a woman."

"No. That'd be easier explain."

"What are you?"

"I'm an Elf."

"That's not what I meant."

"I know. Hermaphrodite, I believe, would be the easiest thing for you to understand, though it's not quite accurate. I'm not really either male or female. Intersexual, I suppose is a better way to describe it."

"You mean you got both male and female genitilia?"

"Something like that. I'm aparently a chimera. Twins that fused together in the womb and became one person, neither male nor female."

"Oh. So you're a freak."

Quaraun sighed. He hated having to try to explain his lack of clearly defind gender to people. He identified as male because he had a penis and testicles and a deep voice, but his bone structure was small and feminine, his facial features were feminie, and he possessed small pubesiant looking breasts, requiring his wearing of support brassier. It was often easier to just say he was a transvestite and leave it at that, but that was not entirly true. He didn't know what he was or where he fit in, he'd never encountered anyone else with his deformities, but the fact that he had fathered children in the past and doubted he had the ability to get pregnant, given he lacked a vagina, had him identifying as male in spite of his looking female.

"Yes. I'm a freak," Quaraun said to the woman. "I have a dick that's always in my way and right now I've got ovaries, trying to kick their way out of my stomach. I get PMS worse then women do, because you have a vagina to expel it from and I don't. I'm not supposed to have a bleeding penis, but I do, which probably wouldn't be half as bad if I had a normal sized penis, which I don't."

"Ya penis is not bleeding Quaraun..." Unicorn tried to say, but Quaraun wasn't listening.

Unicorn wished very much that the woman had not commented on Quaraun's ambiguous gender. He knew the Elf could rant about his gender confusion for hours on end. This recent addition of Quaraun's now believing he had ovaries and was suffering from PMS had only made his ranting worse.

"I have a small micro penis which doesn't want to function properly. Though I have a normal sized foreskin. It's like putting a dagger inside a sword sheath! Try to find my small penis inside of my foreskin! You can't!"

"I can," Unicorn said. 

"All of which is compounded," Quaraun continued, ignoring Unicorn.  "By the fact that my testicles are twice the size they should be. Do you have any idea how difficult it is to walk with these things hanging down between my legs, knocking together and getting in my way while I'm trying to walk. They are too heavy. It hurts the have then hang down loose..."

"Yis need ya chastity cage put back on then, eh?"

"Yes! I do. It holds them up against my body and keeps them from swinging around all the time," Quaraun answered Unicorn then went back to adressing the woman. "And on top of that right now I feel like I've kicked in the stomach. I hurt like hell. And I'm not supposed to have breasts, but hey, once a month I do, and that would be right now."

The villager was staring at Quaraun as if he was bomb about to explode.

"Ya done having hissy fit?" Unicorn asked.

"There's a garden over there." The woman pointed to the church. "Slush Master Bazooloo of the 8 Arms always welcomes the sick and weiry. You'll be welcomed there. His bubblegum slushies will do wonders for you."

"Bubblegum slushies?"

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"Yes. Good for what alies you."

"What's a bubblegum slushie?"

"You don't know!" The woman gasped, horrified.

"I'm a stranger here. We've come from, quite afar. I think. I'm not sure. Apparently GhoulSpawn did something to us... again. He's most bumbling wizard I've ever met..."

"Ah, that because ya never met yaself," Unicorn said. "I must introduce ya to yarself sometime. Especially when yis on LSD."

The woman looked wide eyed out into the desert.

"You mean you came from out there?"

"Yes. I'm afraid we're lost."

"You were not eaten by the sand sharks?"

"The what?"

""And the Slush Maids did not get you?"

"What's a Slush Maid?"

"You don't know?"

"No. I don't. I told you we are strangers here."

"Then you must go to Bazooloo at once."


"Yes. He'll know what to do. The Slush Master knows all."

"What is slush master?" Unicorn asked.

The woman faced Unicorn for the first time then fell back and gasped.

"You are not wearing one of the 8 colours!"

"Eight colours?" Unicorn looked down at his black hakama and black silk kimono, over which he was wearing a black fur cloak. "I wear black."

"The colour of sin," the woman gasped. Her fear could not be masked.

"What wrong wid wearing black?"

The woman turned and walked quickly away without answering.

"That was strange," Quaraun said. "I suppose we should go see Bazooloo."

"Baaaa-zzooooo-loo?" Unicorn said, mulling over the name. "That does no sound of Human name."

"You know you could have helped me," Quaraun said.

"Helped ya wid what?"

"I dropped my cane."

"Aye. So?"

Quaraun shook his head.

"Forget it. Let's go visit Bazooloo."

"What for we do that?"

"So I can sit down before I fall down."

"Is ya not well?"

"Portal travel, does things to me. Especially when it's unplanned and unexpected. Gravity and my balls don't like each other."

"What me to cage 'em up?"

"Yes. Please."

"Any ideas where we is yet?"

"No. And Bazooloo is a Thullid name."

Quaraun walked off, leaving Unicorn by himself. Seeing that he'd been left alone, Unicorn quickly turned into a Unicorn and trotted after the Pink Necromancer.

"I wish ya would no leave me behind like that," Unicorn said as he caught back up to Quaraun.

"My leg hurts. I can't stand still for long. Too much pressure on my hip. I expect you to follow me. You usually do. Why didn't you this time?"

"I was thinking."

"About what?"

"About Bazooloo."

"What of him?"

"This is Human village."

"It looks to be, yes."

"What for they have Thullid priest?"

"Good question. Let's find out."

Quaraun stopped walking and looked up at the church. It was made of the same sandstone as everything else in this town was. The friezes on this building were carved with jellyfish, octopus, and squid. Tentacles and ocean waves melded and merged in the design.

"Definitely a Thullid," Quaraun said.

"Look," Unicorn pointed towards the garden beside the church. "Place for me Elf to sit."

"Indeed. Let's sit."

"There are flowers here," Quaraun said. "That's odd."

"How so?"

"We just came through many miles of ice cold desert. Not a plant in sight. And none anywhere else in this village. I believe the air is warmer here as well."

"Probably, underground hot springs."

Quaraun looked up at the tall church beside them.

"Probably why they built the church here. Life giving water in the desert. That can't be good."

"Life giving water in desert is no good?"

"No. The fact that there is a church sitting on top of the only source of water. That can't be good. A religion controlling the water source? Religions can't be trusted. Especially not Thullid religions."

"Says a Thullid priest."

"I haven't been a priest in years. Decades. Centuries."

"Yis renounced ya religion, then, eh?"

"I'm not exactly living my religion any more, Unicorn."

"Aye. Ya likes being fucked too much."

"Put the chastity cage back on me."



"We is in public."

"You can do it without fully exposing me to the world, can't you?"


"Then do it. I'm sick of trying to walk with my balls swinging around."

Unicorn did as he was asked.

"You know if I never meet you I'd still be a virgin."

"Yi had wife."

"That was an arranged marriage, that my father only arranged because I was with you."

"Ya was with BoomFuzzy."

"You are BoomFuzzy."

"Am I?"

"Unicorn don't start this again."

"Hello strangers."

Quaraun and Unicorn's argument was interupted by a Squid headed priest with eight long purple tentecles. The Thullid was wearing rainbow striped robed which matched the pattern on the front door of the church.

"May I help you?" He asked.

"Bazooloo?" Quaraun asked.

"Yes. May I help you?"

"We are lost. And tired. In need of rest. And thirsty. A woman from your village told us to come here and ask for Bazooloo."

"Well, you have found him. Am I correct in assume I am adressing a DiJinn?"

"I am a wizard of the DiJinn order, yes."

"What's a DiJinn doing way out here?"

"What's a Thullid priest doing in a Human village?"

"What's an Elf and a Faerie doing in a Human village?"

"I already told you. We are lost. This was the first hint of civilization we could find."

"As it was with me. Be warned strangers... people who find themselves lost here... never leave."

"You are trapped here?"


"And where is here exactly?"

"This, my friends, is the City of the Slushies."

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