EelKat Wendy C Allen - Dark Fantasy Author

UPDATE March 17, 2021: Another death. Waiting for a coffin to be delivered. Funeral the 21st. Unlikely to be streaming for a few weeks.


Update: March 27, 2021: It's not even been a week since the funeral, and now there is another death and another funeral.


UPDATE April 5, 2021: There are still no streams, as, we've now a another (a 3rd) funeral to prepare for.

And that is now 3 deaths in our family, in the past 2 weeks.

This 3rd death hits hard, because it was Pippi.

Our family has now had 13 deaths since March 2020.

April 10, 2015, 12 children were kidnapped.

May 15, 2015, the heads of 10 of them were nailed to my door.

August 24, 2020, one was found still alive. he was just 4 years old when she was kidnapped, but she remembered us, even though 5 years had passed.

August 25, 2020, Pippi came home, but her condition was not well. She had been tortured the entirety of the 5 years she had been held hostage. She was missing limbs and covered with scars, had broken bones many years not set, and suffered serious damage to many of her internal organs. That she was alive at all, in her condition, was a miracle. Doctors had little hope of her survival and she was sent home with Hospice care.

Pippi had cancer in her eye and needed surgery for it, which she was scheduled to have, shortly before she was kidnapped.

In the years they had her, not only did they torture her, but her cancer went untreated and spread to her brain.

By the time she was returned to us, her cancer had reached an inoperable state, so we knew she did not have much time left.

Had her cancer been treated, back when she was a toddler, she probably would have reach adulthood.

She died only 8 months after her return.

Another child, to cry out from the grave, for Etiole's vengeance upon her murderers. Another victim of evil men, who will stoop to no ends, to bury the crimes they committed 50 years ago.  Drug lords. Opium growers. Heroine dealers. Selling little girls 4 to 8 years old for sex to priests. They only care about money.

All hail the mighty tourist ass. Millions come to Old Orchard Beach every year, for one thing and one thing only: heroine. They sell their drugs to the tourists under the pier and off the balconies of that giant motel. Than drag little girls to the bedrooms of the condominiums on Smithwheel Road, behind the school. And any child who dares open their mouth and beg for help, gets tossed in the GooseFare Brooke Ravine.

Bastard drug lords. They've been doing this for 50 years, and the town hall and the police department, turn a blind eye to it, because they get paid $6million a year to not report it to the newspapers, when the body of another child washes down the ravine, into the gulley to be spit out in the ocean. No fewer than 5 bodies are found every summer, but how often does it get in the news?

The corruption of this fucking town needs to end.

Yet another dead at the hands of these criminals who run our town.

How long will the residents continue to turn a blind eye to what is happening in our town.

How many more children will you let them kill, before you stand up to them?

Another child is dead and no one in this town cares. So long as they get their money from the tourists. The blood of another murdered child screams from the graves, begging for justice. Tick tock, tick tock, so begins, yet another of Etiole's 7 year clocks.

This is why there were no/to few streams from May 2020 until now.

May 2020, after 4 years of not hearing from them at all, the FBI returned with a lead, which led to Pip's discovery a few weeks later in August.

Because of the nature of the situation, I could not talk about it, to tell you why streams had stopped.

The kidnappers, were enraged that we had recovered Pip, and that is when the attacks started up again on my home and family September 2020.

Pip's condition continued to grow worse, and she died April 5, 2021.

She was only 10 years old.

This is what it means, to not be white in America.

White men, won't even give a child the chance to grow up.

This is what white people do, to none white families like mine.

We are Gypsies with Jewish blood, for that alone we are hunted like animals.

What the men of Old Orchard Beach, Maine, did to my family, will never be forgotten or forgiven.

#If you have any information on the kidnappers or the murders...

#FBI Agent Andy Drewer out of the Portland, Maine FBI office is in charge of the of the April 10, 2015 kidnapping of my 12 children by 14 Ku Klux Klan men who invaded our home and the subsequent May 15, 2015 murder of 10 of the 12 whom had their heads nailed to my front door. If you have information about the case, give it to him not me. He can be reached @ +1-(207)-774-9322 

Have you forgot the extent of the damage these people did, all because, they wanted to dig up my land and removed bodies buried there, before my house builders found that barrel of bones?

Have you forgotten that 7 town hall workers, 5 public works men, a blond woman, her bald son, and her red haired sister Kendra, and 14 police officers, all lead by a man they referred to as "Mark who needs no last name" were the ones 

I name every one of them, except for the ring leaders: blond woman, her bald son, her sister Kendra, and her husband "Mark who needs no last name". I don't know who those 4 are. I'd never seen any of them, other than the Kendra woman before, and I only knew her fro her attacks beating me up at Panera in 2009, 2010, and 2013.

I can name every one of the others, because all I have to do is go to the Old Orchard Beach town hall and police department website, and their are their faces.

With the exception of blond woman, her bald son, her sister Kendra, and her husband "Mark who needs no last name", every one else involved was government official who works for the state of Maine vis the Old Orchard Beach Town Hall, the Old Orchard Beach Police Department, or the Old Orchard Beach Public Works.

And what exactly did they do?

August 8, 2013 they drove a backhoe over my house. That same backhoe drove over my previous house on the same land April 2007. That same backhoe drove over my poultry barn and horse stables July 2001. July 2001 was the first attack.

March 2015 was the the massive attack, with an entire fleet of trucks, and drove over the Church of the Holy Rhinstone, a church that stood on my land, my garage which is why I no longer have a garage to put my car in, my 2 sheds both of which had my tractors and other garden/crop machinery in them at the time. And of course the razing of the land, the cutting down of the apple orchard - the VERY apple orchard planted in 1530 that this town was named after... he actual "old orchard" of Old Orchard Beach... the very original trees - huge massive apple trees over 400 years old. The grape vineyards, the cherry trees, the pears trees. 

April 10, 2015, they returned, 4 police officer held me a gun point, while 10 other police officers held my children down with long poles with metal wire strangle loops on the end, and beat their faces in with cinder block bricks, knocking out every one of their teeth, breaking their jaws... POLICE OFFICERS DID THAT... while men they referred to as "Mark who needs no last name" and "Dan" stood there and told the police officers what to do, how to beat them, while "Mark who needs no last name" boldly bragged that he paid the Old Orchard Beach police $6million dollars to do this.

May 15, 2015... the heads, hands, feet, and intestines of my children were nailed to my door. Later that same day police officer W. W. came to my home begging for forgiveness and claimed that men he referred to only as "Mark and Dan" were holding his beloved mother-in-law hostage and torturing her, and he helped in the April 10, 2015 attack, only to save her life and get her back. He claimed he had no prior knowledge of what was going to happen, claiming that he'd been told they were only going to "scare" us. He said he had not expected anyone to get hurt, he had not known my children would be tortured and kidnapped, he had not known they were going to be murdered. He said he was scared for his life and lives of his family. And he said: "They form a small army, our department doesn't have enough man power to stop them, and every one in this town is too scared to fight back. You don't know what's going on. And I think they mixed you up with someone else. They didn't know you were the owner of this land. They didn't know that was your motorhome. They thought someone else owned this place. It wasn't even your family they were after. You were the wrong target. You don't know who these people are. What they've done to our families. This is the actual Mafia. The real deal. I'm so sorry. This is the address they sent us to. But they had a different name as the owner. This wasn't supposed to happen. They were after someone else. I'm so sorry. I couldn't let my family died. And now yours is dead instead. This wasn't supposed to happen."

June 19, 2016... I did a very specific livestream. You see... A., D., B., and T. in the 1970s and 1980s, were in the habit of dragging big black trash bags into the forest, crossing my land to do it, and dumping those bags into the Goosefare Brook Ravine. In 1983, 3 snuck into Etiole's swamp and planted 3 acres of Marijuana. Someone found it and called the police, I don't know who... it was Maine's largest drug raid for decades. Many, many millions in plants where dug up and removed from Etiole's swamp. A few weeks later A, & D,s 10 year old daughter ran into my yard, touched my car on a dare from other children - the 1964 Dodge 330 former Old Orchard Beach police car, known by Stephen King fans as the REAL Christine, The World's Most Haunted Car... than jumped her bike, and sped down the road, as fast as she could, head on into a car coming the other way. She died instantly, he brain shattered all over the end of my driveway, and her mother A responded by the Battle of 458 - the biggest mass shooting ever in Maine history, that ended up with 3 Gypsy clans and 2 police departments, in a shoot out between 70+ adults all armed with guns. One of my cousins, an 8 year old boy, standing 3 feet from me, had his eye shot out by one of the bullets. While A ran around the street screaming: "FOUR! FIVE! EIGHT!" than shot another child. 

"FOUR! FIVE! EIGHT!" than shoot another child. 

"FOUR! FIVE! EIGHT!" than shoot another child. 

THOSE are the 31 children, whose bones were sawed up and tossed into the GooseFare Brook Ravine... yes, that DOES mean, police officers KNEW those children were there and covered it up.  And I witnessed that entire event.

And THAT is WHY... when police officers murdered my family in 2015, I did a livestream, walking to the ravine, to show the world, where those bones were... because I'm sick and tired of the police corruption in this fucking town, and those sawed up bones of 31 children are PROOF of what this town government is like.... as are the heads of my children that were nailed to my door.

At the end of The Battle of 4-5-8... A. took 2 gas cans and poured them all over the big dome house, than set a match to it, and no one knew, why when she did her brother B., started running, jumped in his robin egg blue truck and backed down the driveway, hit Portland Ave doing 70 and didn't stop driving until the high speed chase caught him in CT... oh but we knew before he was out of sight, why he started running... the dome house went up like Hiroshima into a mushroom cloud that could be seen across the entire state... turns out there was a Meth lab in that house.

June 19, 2016... the livestream of the bones went viral, it's what made my YouTube channel suddenly explode overnight... and police officer W.W. upset, by the fact that, the livestream included the entire police call and response, and that response was to laugh and do nothing... fed up with the corruption in his department, he forwarded that livestream VOD to the FBI, and the FBI arrived in Old Orchard Beach, to dig up the Reclaim Blueberry Plains, and all hell broke lose in this town, as most of the police officers suddenly found themselves arrested. An entire new police force from out of state was brought in to replace the long time officers who had proven they could be trusted to uphold the law. Many town hall officials and public works employees also found themselves arrested by the FBI.

June 26, 2016... barely a week later... the blond woman and the red haired Kendra woman showed up at my workplace, Scarborough WalMart, and tried to kill me, yet again... these are the same 2 woman who attacked me with golf clubs at Southern Maine Community College November 14, 2013... they left dead in 2013, I was paralized for 5 months. It took me 18 months to relearn to walk. I was out of the wheel chair, and I was without a walker, I was without a cane. I had almost fully covered from their November 14, 2013 attack with golf clubs... June 26, 2016, this time they attacked with shopping carts, and I'm now crippled for the rest of my life. They shattered 3 vertebra this time and it can't be operated on. I had to relearn to walk a second time, and I'm not yet recovered now in 2021. In 2013 they drove away in the 4 door white pickup truck. In 2016 they drove away in a gold Volvo SUV station wagon.

That blond woman and her red haired Kendra sister, they are wanted by the FBI for attempted murder of me and they are also wanted in questioning for being suspected of also being the murderers of my children.

I don't know who these 2 women are.

The blond woman shows up my driveway frequently, screaming and yelling, sometime accompanied by a small child, about 5 years old, that she pulls behind her in a red radio flyer wagon. She looks to be about 60 or 70. She often wears a denim button down shirt and jeans. She's prone to yelling at passing cars, while pointing up my driveway, and saying: "There's EelKat, she tried to kill my husband."

I've never tried to kill anyone, so accusation is baffling at best.

She seems to think I know who she is, and has made the claim, that "I was that brat in school"... the red haired Kendra woman, sometimes with her, claims to be her sister, also appears to be 60 to 70 and also seems to think I know who she is, and frequently says: "You bullied me in school, but no more, I'm Kendra SilverMander it's my turn to shine."

They BOTH make the claim they went to school with me, and yet, I never went to school, a well documented fact... because I'm the child the FBI rescued what the news media called "Maine's House of Horrors". I was locked in a cage when I was 8 years old. I was let out on Sundays, to go to church, and not allowed to speak or make eye contact with anyone, and this was only done infrequently, whenever church goers asked what happened to that girl you had". I was 31 years old when the FBI arrived, because of Heaven's Gate having killed 39 people, and my uncle being one of the members and self proclaiming himself as the leader of Heaven's Gate after Applewhite's death. The FBI was investigating the murder of 39 people in California, and had no idea they'd find children in cages in Maine as a result.

So you see, when the blond woman and her Kendra sister, make the claim they went to school with me and I was the class bully who beat them up, this is easily proven false, because the time period when I should have been in school, I was locked in a cage, being tortured by my sadistic uncle Bruce.

Also, they are in their late 60s to mid 70s... making them older than my parents, so how could I have been in school with them, even if I had gone to school? At best I would have been starting pre-school the year they would have been graduating high school.

These things they say about school, only further agrees with what police officer W. W. said May 15, 2015, when he made the claim, they had gotten me mixed up with someone else.

July 2016, a month after the shopping cart attack... yet another Old Orchard Beach police officer arrived, this one accompanied by 2 Biddeford officers, who had been former OOB officers... these 3 officers, had a vastly eye opening story to tell me.

They had been called to Old Orchard Beach, to my farm, to arrest me, a call made to them, by a man named Mark, whom one of these officers, claimed was his brother in law. This Biddeford officer, said he requested to transfer ot of Old Orchard Beach department years ago, because his sister (whom he claimed he suspected, but could not prove was the blond woman whom had attacked me at WalMart) was quote "trying to control the town" he said "treats Old Orchard Beach like a dynasty, thinks she's a duchess, has severe mental disorders, and thought she could buy the police department". He went on to say, she got in with the real Mafia years ago and went to her head, and now she thinks she IS the Mafia and most of Old Orchard Beach's business owners, especially the motel owners are scared shitless of her, because they believe her claim to be Mafia. He went on to say, she's not Mafia, but she's good at convincing people she is and stated "I wouldn't murder beyond her. She'd do it just to prove she is Mafia." He said he transferred out of OOB department to Biddeford department because he was fed up with how easy it was for her to get every officer to do anything she asked. He said "the corruption in that department runs deep; don't cross her or any officer she controls; they WILL kill you and every around you. You don't know who her husband is. He doesn't just control that town, he controls half the state."

What he was telling me was bizarre on extremes, but even more bizarre was the live feed radio call, that he had me listen too, as it was happening, on my farm in Old Orchard, while I was at my dad's house in Biddeford.

He said: "The Old Orchard Department called me, asked me to come over here. Buddy Will wanted to prove you were not in Old Orchard and that Mark has you mixed up with someone else. That fucking bastard is crying wolf and trying to frame you, we can prove it right now. We are fucking fed up WolfBoy."

He turned on his radio, so I could hear. A what I heard... a man whose voice I do not recognize, yelling at a Officer W.W. and saying: 

"That is Wendy, arrest her now! That is EelKat. She tried to kill me."

While officer W.W. and another officer, told the man: "his isn't Wendy. We have officers with her right now. Who tried to kill you? Wendy? Or THIS woman right here?"

"This woman right here! This is EelKat I tell you! Arrest her! What do you think I pay you for! You aren't allow to defy me! I own this town! You are my slaves. I command you to arrest her!"

W.W.: "This isn't EelKat. This isn't Wendy. I've known her for years. And right now, she's on the other side of the state. With 3 officers, listening to you right now. You are NOT the law. We've had it with you. You don't own me. And you've mixed her up with someone else. You've been harassing the wrong damned person. You dare call us about Wendy ever again, and I will personally arrest you for false reports, than I'll tell them everything. You'll never see the outside a prison for the rest of your life when I get done with you. You fucking leave this woman alone. You destroyed her life, because you couldn't tell her apart from someone else."

I used to aqua jog, mountain climb, horseback riding, and I hiked 13 miles a day. And in the blink of an eye, that lifestyle was taken away, and every day was struggle, just to sit up and breath, with no hope of ever walking again. I defied doctors. It's been 8 years and I can move around the house by holding on to things and I now can walk again, at the moment only short distances outside with a cane, and the hope is to continue to improve. I still have a long road of recovery ahead. But I'm walking again, something that 8 years ago, doctors said would never happen. 

My farm was razed.

My family was murdered.

I was 5 months paralysed, and had to relearn to walk. It was 8 years ago and I'm not yet fully recovered due to 3 inoperable vertebrae and hip dysplasia. November 14, 2013, 10PM, at WalMart, while putting bags of groceries in the back seat of my car, I was attacked by 3 rapists armed with metal golf clubs, who left me parallelized, in a wheel chair, broken spine, broken hip, broken pelvis, broken knees, serve nerve damage to my left side limiting the use of my left hand, my bladder incontinent from nerve damage, they left me for dead, and I had doctors telling me I would never walk again.

There's more that has happened. A lot more. The thousands of gallons of sewage they pumped into my motorhome in 2015. The cats. the Ptarmagin cats. World famous groups of cats. You remember them. If so, you remember what these people did to those cats. Poisoned. All dead the same day. 12 cats. Dead to what the vet described as: "enough poison to kill a great dane". My horse, she had her head beat in with a rock. My bantam roosters... 70 pet roosters, hung by their necks in rope nooses in my rose bushes.

All because this man, this mystery Mark, whose last name seems to be known to the police but is still unknown to me and man whom I've never seen or met - he keeps his face covered whenever he shows up... mistook me for someone else... and police officers and town hall workers and public work employees.

Welcome to Old Orchard Beach... this is NOT the way life should be, you know it.

What these people did to me, should never have happened, and according to the police, it's been happening for 50+ years to hundreds of people, hundreds of families, in this town, and every one is too scare to talk about it or fight back to stop it. That NEEDS to change.

The corruption in our town, needs to stop... but it won't end, until every last person who is being harassed by these people stand up, put their foot down, and say enough is enough, we ain't gonna take this any more.

We the people of Old Orchard Beach need to take back our town.

NOTE: Chat is set to emote only on my Twitch channel and my personal contact information has been removed from my website and every place else, due to the HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS of false reports of "information", along with vile hateful memes about the murder of my family being sent to me by trolls who think mocking the murder of my family is funny.

FBI Agent Andy Drewer out of the Portland, Maine FBI office is in charge of the of the April 10, 2015 kidnapping of my 12 children by 14 Ku Klux Klan men who invaded our home and the subsequent May 15, 2015 murder of 10 of the 12 whom had their heads nailed to my front door. If you have information about the case, give it to him not me. He can be reached @ +1-(207)-774-9322 

If you could recommend I watch one VOD that best represented your channel, which would it be?

This one....

The Princess Bride predicting Covid-19?

Avallac'h's a Good Tutor?
Of What? How to Better Bed Kings?


Please be aware that nearly every page on this website contains spoilers to something. I talk about a lot of fandoms, and go into great detail analyzing them when I do. If I am talking about The Witcher series, InuYasha, Disney Ducks, the Quaraun series, or any other fandom, you WILL encounter spoilers about it. 

Writing Dialogue: On the abuse of action tags

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Writing Dialogue: On the abuse of action tags

Writing Dialogue: On the abuse of action tags

blackcat777 On the abuse of action tags

How do you determine the sweet spot for action tags? 

When do you personally like to use them and think they are most effective? When is nodding etc. appropriate, when does it truly serve that narrative?

What are the instances in which you feel action tags could be replaced?

"I just love them." Blackcat picked her nose. "I love what they do for rhythm and how they break up the dialogue." She glanced at her finger, lip curling with disgust. "But sometimes I suspect I abuse them." She wiped her finger against the wall. "Like I abuse entire bars of chocolate and my fiancee's ears with Billy Talent." She swiped fingers through her hair. "I want to stop, but I don't know how." She chewed her nail. "How can I determine what is pertinent and what's gratuitous?"

Only one thing was certain: Blackcat knew she didn't used to have this problem.I don't like WALLS OF DIALOGUE. Said is necessary sometimes, but I'm not overly fond of it.

I DO like to see what my characters are doing. Sometimes tags are useful to identify the speaker. 

I'm pondering swapping out some of my tags with more internal dialogue?

Another thing I find myself doing sometimes is telling two stories at once: body language, actions, and unspoken things running at the physical level, with dialogue being a completely separate and different layer. I also tend to add more internal thoughts on subsequent editing passes. 

If I have ten minutes to write, I'm going to scratch down a conversation without tags, thoughts, or description, and come back to all those other layers later. I tend to think about these things in layers, when maybe I didn't used to...

Sometimes I feel like I have to go tag happy to slog through and figure out what I want when I'm in the early stages of draft. Same thing with infodumping--I will never KEEP an infodump, but sometimes I just have to spew it out to think about how to shape it. I think I also action dump.

I would love to hear everyone else's thoughts about achieving the perfect balance of dialogue, thoughts, and tags! Thanks.

Thread: On the abuse of action tags

Writing Dialogue: On the abuse of action tags

I was a script writer before a novel writer. Been doing script writing and short story writing since the 1970s, but I didn't write a novel until 2006. And I've been told by many readers that my writing style (when it comes to novels) is EXTREMELY non-standard. And I think, it's because I'm used to writing in stage play format and short story format, and short story format has more in common with script writing then it does novel writing which is why I'm always saying the common advice to write short stories to practice before writing novels is BAD advice. If you are writing short stories in the same format as novel, well there no way around saying it: your stories are gonna be shit. I wish people would stop telling novelist wannabes to practice with short stories first. Not saying novelist can't write short stories, just saying the writing style from short stories to novels, is so different that using one as practice for the other is bad advice.

But back to your question before I have myself a 10 page rant on why I think that is bad advice!



Now for me, being someone who wrote scripts first and novels later, I have a tendency to write my novels in a weird sort of "novelized-script" format. Many readers have referred to my novel writing style as "avant garde" or "artsy-fartsy", which depending on how you look at it could be either good or bad. 

Personally, when I look at a novel and see that it is block upon blocks of descriptive text and narration, I don't even bother to read it.

I personally find descriptions of scenes and settings, and even descriptions of what a character looks like, to be dry reading.



I've no interest in it at all.

I look for novels that have a high rate of dialogue. If the novel is 70 to 90% dialogue, I'll pick it up and read it. Otherwise, I'll pass.


I like a character driven story.

I'm not a fan of plot driven stories and I tend to avoid them.

When I look for books to buy, I often go to The Writer's Market, and read through the listings of publisher submission guidelines, looking specifically for publishing houses that request: "Character driven stories" and then I search for that publisher's website and take a look at the list of books they publish and buy those, because I know if the publisher is asking for character driven story, then they will also state something like: "Must contain at minimum 70% character dialogue."

In the publishing industry, a story is considered plot driven if it has less then 70% dialogue and character driven if it has at least 70% dialogue. If you have less then 75% dialogue in your story, then it is NOT character driven and I want nothing to do with it.

MOSt novels however, are plot driven, and finding a character driven story, is next to impossible. MOSt novels published are 60% description and only 40% dialogue. (According to several studies that have been done.) Which means for me, as a reader, most books are slow moving slogs of dull, dry, bored out of my mind, reading.

I prefer fast paced reading, and to have a fast pace, that means your paragraphs have to be fewer then 20 words long. And the only way to have page after page after page of none stop, heart pumping, fast paced, 20 words or less paragraphs, is with steady, none stop dialogue for page after page.

The more dialogue, the faster the pace. And every time you insert descriptive or narrative text, you kill momentum, dead short, and the pace has to slowly start all over again.

The longer the descriptive text and narration, the slower the pace becomes and the more difficult it becomes to pick up pace again later.

So in the end, for me, I think the answer to your question is, to use lots of dialogue, almost no descriptions, and tags at the barest minimum. But this is because this is the style I personally prefer to read. That doesn't mean this style of writing is better then another style. There are lots of styles of writing and different genres use different styles.

Me, I like reading the more Literary styles with heavy character driven plots. And these are written in a very soap operas script format, of nearly all dialogue and nothing else.

 Originally Posted by blackcat777 

What are the instances in which you feel action tags could be replaced?

I LOVE these and prefer them, though the way I use them, they are not tags, but rather descriptive lines between dialogue. I'll show you an example in a sec.

You say this...

 Originally Posted by blackcat777 


Then give this as an example...

Originally Posted by blackcat777 

"I just love them." Blackcat picked her nose. "I love what they do for rhythm and how they break up the dialogue." She glanced at her finger, lip curling with disgust. "But sometimes I suspect I abuse them." She wiped her finger against the wall. "Like I abuse entire bars of chocolate and my fiancee's ears with Billy Talent." She swiped fingers through her hair. "I want to stop, but I don't know how." She chewed her nail. "How can I determine what is pertinent and what's gratuitous?"

Only one thing was certain: Blackcat knew she didn't used to have this problem.

There is a very simple reason why you have a wall of text there, and it's called: you are not using one of the very basic rules of grammar.

Basic 5th grade grammar rule:

  • Quotation marks ALWAYS start a new paragraph.

By using this grammar rule, you will find that you suddenly no longer have a wall of dialogue.

Also another basic 5th grade grammar rule, that was not used in this example:

  • Never use a pronoun 5 times in succession. It should always be: Proper Noun, pronoun, pronoun, pronoun, Proper Noun

Thus this is incorrect...

 Originally Posted by blackcat777 

"I just love them." Blackcat picked her nose. "I love what they do for rhythm and how they break up the dialogue." She glanced at her finger, lip curling with disgust. "But sometimes I suspect I abuse them." She wiped her finger against the wall. "Like I abuse entire bars of chocolate and my fiancee's ears with Billy Talent." She swiped fingers through her hair. "I want to stop, but I don't know how." She chewed her nail. "How can I determine what is pertinent and what's gratuitous?"

Only one thing was certain: Blackcat knew she didn't used to have this problem.

Also, there are exactly ZERO tags in your example.

The correct is this...

"I just love them." 

Blackcat picked her nose. 

"I love what they do for rhythm and how they break up the dialogue." 

She glanced at her finger, lip curling with disgust. 

"But sometimes I suspect I abuse them." 

Blackcat wiped her finger against the wall. 

"Like I abuse entire bars of chocolate and my fiancee's ears with Billy Talent." 

She swiped fingers through her hair. 

"I want to stop, but I don't know how." 

Blackcat chewed her nail. 

"How can I determine what is pertinent and what's gratuitous?"

Only one thing was certain: Blackcat knew she didn't used to have this problem.


THIS: is dialogue followed by a description of action:

"I just love them." 

Blackcat picked her nose. 

THIS: is an action tag:

"I just love them," Blackcat said as she picked her nose. 

It's only a tag is the whole thing is all one sentence.

(SOURCE: I have a degree in teaching High School English)

Thus you no longer have a wall of text, by simply applying grammar rules. And you also lose the majority of she/her/she/her/she/her/she/she/her/her/ which many novels suffer from, and your example also had. The parts in bold are the parts I corrected using this rule.

As for the use and possibly abuse of "action tags", I see nothing wrong with the way you have done it, with a line of speech rotating with a line of action. I think that method is perfectly fine.

Originally Posted by blackcat777 

How do you determine the sweet spot for action tags?

I write Slice of Life Literary Fantasy in the Ernest Hemingway Style. This means my novels are 90% dialogue, and rarely use dialogue tags. Here is a 3 page sample from one of my older novels, so you can see EXACTLY how I do dialogue in my books:

Days passed in a blur, as the trio made the long trek back south in search of The Gremlin. Following the directions given to then by the saloon girl, they were able to find Luke Swanzen’s old sheep farm, which the aged Gremlin had moved into. 

The old house was fallen in from disrepair. Around it was many acres off wooden fences, surrounding many hundreds of sheep happily grazing.

“My god,” Quaraun exclaimed. “Look at all the sheep!”

“Dis definitely where our Ghouly live," Unicorn said.

They soon found themselves knocking at the door.

The old orange robed wizard answered the door.

“Quaraun?” The Gremlin was clearly shocked to see the three of them. “What are you doing here?”

“We don’t know.”

“Well, you might as well come in, now that you’ve found me.”

Someone behind Gremlin ran from the room, scurrying up the stairs. A door slammed somewhere on the 2nd floor.

“Is there someone else here?”

“That was Sunta. He lives with me.”

“Sunta? You don’t live alone?”

“I used to. Not any more.”

“Who is Sunta?”

“He’s, uhm... he’s... a friend.”

“You sound uncertain.”

“I’m uncertain if I should introduce you to him. He’s... shy? Shy’s a good word.”

“You sound like you’re lying.”

“So what else is new? I’m still a thief too.”

“And you still have sheep.”

“Ever so many sheep.”

“Is it just you and Sunta here?”


“Are you happy together?”

“Why the questions, Quaraun? You jealous?”

“When we saw you before. You were very sad. And very lonely. It made me sad that you were alone.”

“Well,I’m not alone now.”

“Are you lovers?”

Gremlin was silent a moment before answering.

“What an odd question. You are jealous. I know you too well, Quaraun. We are. Sunta and I are lovers. But SI don't think you'll ever meet him. Sunta is... shy.”

“Obviously, considering he ran away when we came in.”

“We don’t get visitors much. It’s been years, and... he was badly injured. His injuries... you understand what it is to be scarred. He doesn’t like people to look at him. His face... He can’t talk.”

“He is mute?”

“Something like that.”

“How do you communicate?”

“It seem irrelevant since you didn't you didn't know of his existence five minutes ago. I’m a Thullid. Remember? We have no need of tongues for speech.”

“The hive mind. Do you have that now?”

“Yes. And so does he.”

“He is a Thullid as well?”

Gremlin nodded.

“I think we are the last two left alive. Humans mass massacred the Thullids.” 

Gremlin slowly made his way to the stairs.

“Sunta,” he called up. “Come down. It’s Unicorn. You’ll like to see Unicorn. I know you would.”

Gremlin waited a moment then returned to the others.

“I don’t think he’ll come down. He’s easily frightened. Like a little jack rabbit.”

"You always called me that."

"Well, not many out there with foot long ear, no is there? Rather unique feature of your's. Does it upset you, I call someone else a jack rabbit?"

Quaraun ignored the question.

“Does he know Unicorn?”

Gremlin nodded, then sat down in his red armchair.

"You still have that chair."

"Yes, and in the garage, you'll find I still have the 1974 AMC Gremlin as well. I'm creature of habit. I don't like change."

"You're also a hermit who doesn't go outside other then to try to rewrite your future by disrupting your past."

Gremlin glanced over at GhoulSpawn.

"And I'm disrupting your life GhoulSpawn?"

Quaraun didn't give GhoulSpawn a chance to answer.

"How did you find someone to live with you? I was of the opinion, you were absolutely, completely, and insanely obsessed with me? I wouldn't thought you would even consider making time for any one else."

"I don't. I'm still obsessed with you Quaraun. That hasn't changed. It never will. I do love you. That was never a lie. I still do."

"But I died."

"You died. You both died. You and Unicorn. And I was left alone."

"You went to tthe ends of the world to change history and try to bring me back."

"I did."

"And now you live with someone else?"

“You didn’t come here to talk about Sunta. Why are you here? What do you want?”

“To go home.”

“Home. I remember home. I suppose I should remember being here with you, visiting me. It is my past after all.”

“Do you remember coming here?”

“Sunta?”Gremlin called upstairs again. “Do we remember visiting us?”

Gremlin waited for an answer but got none.

“No. We don’t remember visiting us. But we did have a lobotomy. More than once. We don’t remember much any more. Either of us. Me or Sunta. Poor Sunta. They tortured him.”

“Who did?”

“White Rock. He was in White Rock as well. We both were. He’s alive. But after what they did to him... I’m not sure that’s a good thing.”

“Would you like some tea? I will make us some tea.”

Gremlin got up and disappeared through a side door, returning moments later. 

“Water is on the stove.” 

“Are you okay?”

“I’m fine. It’s good to see you.”

“What happened to the moon?”

“Ah, you noticed that.”

“I’m a Moon Elf, of course I did.”

“What do you want?”

“We want to go home.”


“Black Tower’s gone.”

“I know.” 

“I don’t know how to get us back home without it.”

“Sunta!” Gremlin called out to his companion. “They want to go home. They want us to risk opening another portal. At risk of changing the future we have now. Do you want that?" 

“Why don’t you bring him down here, you won’t have to yell.”

“Haha. Bring him down here. No. Sunta does what Sunta wants. You always did, didn’t you Sunta?”

A high pitched whistling sound came from the other room

“Tea’s ready.”

Gremlin left the room again.

Unicorn slid up close to Quaraun and whispered: “I think we should leave. He not sane.”

“No, Unicorn,” Gremlin called out from the kitchen. “I’m not sane. But everyone knows that. I'm also not gone deaf. I may be half sheep, but I'm also half Elf still. I have impeccable Elf hearing. And so does Sunta. He hears you Unicorn. He knows you're here."

Gremlin returned from the kitchen carrying a tea set on a tray and set it on the table in front of the red chair.

"Still have my chair too Quaraun, and all of my Dungeons and Dragons books. I've really not changed much Quaraun."

The old half Elf walked up to Quaraun and handed him a teacup. 

"Drugged with your favourite pink sugar cubes, just like you like it."

Quaraun set the cup on the table.

"I don't have time for LSD, Gremlin."


Gremlin turned to GhoulSpawn.

"Be careful not to touch me. As I am you and you are me. We don't want to create a rip in the fabric of time now, do we?"

"No," GhoulSpawn whispered. He was still scared of his future self.

"Escape while you can, GhoulSpawn, before you become me. Tea?” 

Gremlin handed a tea cup to his younger self.

“Don’t worry. I don’t drug it like he does.”

“Can you send us home,” GhoulSpawn asked his future self.

“Home? Haha! Why not stay here and watch the end of the world. You're just in time for it. It should happen any day now.”

“Quaraun,” Unicorn said. “We need to leave.”

Gremlin handed Unicorn a teacup.

“Sunta tell you to leave?” Gremlin asked the Phooka. “He did didn’t he? He can talk to you. He always could talk to you couldn’t he?”

“I am so very sorry,” Unicorn said to Gremlin. Then grabbing Quaraun’s arm, forcibly dragged the Elf towards the door. “We have to leave right now.”

Before Quaraun had a chance to protest, Unicorn dragged the Elf from the house. GhoulSpawn looked back and forth from his friends to his future self, uncertain what to do. Gremlin sat back down in his red armchair and stirred his tea, while staring back at GhoulSpawn.

“What happened to you?” GhoulSpawn asked.

"You became me and I went insane. This is your future GhoulSpawn."

Gremlin pointed to the stairs.

“He’s right at the top of the stairs if you want to see him.”

“Who? Sunta?”



“Quaraun. Or what’s left of him.”

“Left of him?"

"Sunta is Quaraun."


“I went back in time, hundreds, thousands of times. Trying to change history. He died. He died horribly. I couldn’t let him die like that. And one day I succeeded in changing the past. So he didn’t die. He lived. He lived through what they did to him. But they still did it. And now that is all that is left of him. I’ve not dared use a portal again. I became terrified I would make it worse for him if I did. I destroyed Black Tower. Before I changed history again and made it worse. I wanted him back. Now I think it had been better had I let him die. I fear to try to change this, for fear, if I change it again, it’ll be even worse for him next time. I take care of him now. And we wait this world to end, that we may both die and have to suffer no more. Go. Look at him. See what he has become. And then find a way back to your own time and don’t let this future happen. Please. Undo what I did. Don’t let this happen to him.”

"We're stuck here, without Black Tower."

"No. You're not. The portal around Black Tower are still there. You have to find the ruins and then don't go back home. Go to the future, when Unicorn is dead. The future without Unicorn. That's the one when things went wrong. It's the baby. He was lonely without Unicorn. He got hurt, and was rescued by a Human girl. She was pregnant. On the run from an abusive husband. He found her. Found her taking care of Quaraun. He beat her and killed the baby. She tried to kill  herself after the baby died. Quaraun felt terrible. He blamed himself for the baby's death. So he married her. She's his 2nd wife. The one he's hiding from you and Unicorn. She was supposed to die. Had he not been there, she would have died with the baby. But because he was there, he saved her life, made her his wife, and she gave birth to a half-Elf that never should have been born. That's the event that triggers everything that leads to Ongadada. This future you are witnessing now... this devastation... it doesn't happen, if that half Elf baby is never born. You have to go back to the dad that girl's husband beat her and stop Quaraun from saving her life. Otherwise this is your future."

"How am I supposed to do that. I don't know. All I know, is if you can't stop him from saving her life, then you have to murder his half-Elf baby. And he'll hate you forever if you do that."

"I can't kill a baby. I can't even kill a fly."

"I know. I've gone back in time so many hundreds of times... to kill that baby.... and I can never do it. I can't take a life. I don't have it in me. That's why you have to stop him from rescuing that girl. She's supposed to die. She's not supposed to be rescued. She's not supposed to have his baby."

~From "GhoulSpawn and The Lich Lord's Lover" (Volume 22 of The Quaraun Series)

Originally Posted by blackcat777 

How do you determine the sweet spot for action tags?

So, from that sample text from one of my novels, you see how it is I mixed SOME action into the dialogue, but not much, leaving most of the action to the reader's imagination.

Well, that's how I do it anyways.

Hope that helps.

Last edited by PinkUnicorn; Today at 08:14 AM

Reason: spelling, as always, I can't spell...

Be a unicorn, write Yaoi, have a glorious sunshiny day!
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