The high rate of hate email I receive via NaNoMail now requires me to
add this notice to my profile: For future reference, because I am a very
famous author, I receive on average 20,000 emails a week, I used to
ignore the haters, but now I take threats via emails very seriously,
after a man threatened to burn my house down and than did via building a
bomb out of a grease fryer stuffed with fly tapes, that after leaving
pictures of guns taped to my front door. He is now in prison. Since 2001
I forward all hate emails to the police and being the writer of erotica
and gorn, I get a lot of them. In the past year 2 of my emailers have
gone to prison. Carefully consider whether or not you want to join them,
before you click send. Thank you.
Also, before you click 'send' make sure the person on the receiving end of your hate filled email isn't suicidal. Delete the email, you'll stay out of prison and you'll save a life.
Who am I? I have Autism and do not speak verbally, thus I write and type as a way to communicate when face to face with others. Speech is very difficult for me. My verbal words are desperately slurred and stuttered and go from either way too fast or way too slow. Most times I know what I want to say, but the words that come out of my mouth are mixed up and in the wrong order so sound like nonsense. Folks often consider me "dumb" due to my being near-mute and desperate lack of getting words out in the correct order. I write 7k words a day just as part of my daily non-verbal speech. That is how I am able to pound out 15k a day during NaNoWriMo every year. It is very frustrating when I want to talk to someone and they pat me on the head and say something like: "It's okay, here have a candy. Poor thing she can't understand us at all."
Because of the disabling nature of my Autism, even though I am now in my 40s, I require constant "adult supervision" to ensure that I remember to do basic normal things like eat or sleep - 2 things often forget to do and go up to 12 days without some times. My days are spent writing morning, noon, and night, for having Autism it is one of the few things I am able to do at all.
Until 2005 I had agoraphobia. Today I have no house to be in, so, basically can say nothing cures agoraphobia better than Hurricane Karenina did. Actually I still have agoraphobia, just don't have a house to not leave anymore. My car replaced my house. I don't leave my car anymore. It gives me more freedom as I can now go places, but still having difficulty in getting out of my car and going in places once I get there. I have progressed to being able to go in buildings, with glass front, and parking places by said windows, which allow me to enter the building. Getting out of sight of my car is still not happening, but I'm working on it and I am able to get farther and farther away (even if just a few inches) every day, so still a ways to go, but slowly getting better.
Because of my agoraphobia, it had been nearly 20 years (prior to 2005) since I had last had face to face contact with another human, outside of my Mormon family and members of the local Mormon church. Since 1975 I only left the house on Sundays to go to church. Since every person I knew was a Mormon and since the excommunication every Mormon shuns me, I am now alone, with no one, no family, no friends. One goal I have is to, in addition to learning to get out around town, is to learn to speak vocally, and hopeful make a friend. No contact with humans in so many years, means I have no friends. I'm never quiet sure how to respond to people. Autism and agoraphobia are not a good mix, and when you are near mute, people are not open to the idea of getting to know you, and thus I remain unwillingly alone.
Because I can not speak in a manner that can be understood by others, I write to communicate. This led to me writing books as well. I wrote my first book in 1978 and haven't stopped writing since. In that time I have written 30+ books, 200+ short stories, 2,000+ articles, a few dozen plays, a local restaurant review/food critic column, and 2 advice columns.
My NaNoWriMo Journey has been as follows:
Over the years there have been 8 family deaths occur during the last 2 weeks of November. The last week of November is also my wedding anniversary and the month my baby died. And the month my dog Buddy died. It is also the month of the excommunication from the Mormon church which resulted in my being shunned by 100% of every single person I knew. People I knew and loved treat me like I do not exist, as though I am invisible, not like I was dead, but like I was never born. Excommunication from the Mormon church cancels everything you ever did in the church, including marriage. Since November 2003, my Mormon High Priest husband of 27 years denies we were ever married. In November 2003 I was left abandoned and left alone. Every November since 2003 I become deeply suicidal and local police officers put me on suicide watch for the month of November.
Each year I do not join NaNoWriMo because I love to write. I join it, because I am ordered to do so by psychologists and local police officers, who believe NaNoWriMo to be the only thing powerful enough to keep me alive til the end of the month. They also recommend that I not do NaNoWriMo alone, that I attend the Write-Ins, groups, and meetings to ensure that I am always in the company of others, in the hope that I will make a friend and find a reason to live again.
In 2010 it became apparent to the psychologist and police officers that NaNoWriMo was losing it's ability to keep me alive, mostly as a result of the local write-ins where one member made a constant habit of screaming obscenities at me while running out of the cafe and telling the others in the group "I won't be anyplace EelKat is, you chose her or me, you let EelKat join this group and I'll never come back!", than coming to NaNo and mailing me hate emails (filled with baffling weird nonsense of "Stealing my thunder, blah, blah, blah, stepping on my toes, blah, blah, blah, my turn to shine, blah, blah, blah....--- I do not understand much of what she says, and I only saw her at that one meeting I certainly was never close enough to her to step on her toes, I can't understand what she is talking about at all. I find her words confusing and frightening), and starting in 2013 she took to starting forum threads to publicly continue her endless mindless hysterical hate. Who this drama queen is, how she thinks she knows me, or why she is filled with such vehement hate for me, I do not know. I can only assume that she must be a friend or relative of one of the Mormons who shuns me, for I can see no other reason for her actions. It was the problems this woman caused with her drama sessions at the Write-Ins that caused me to rarely attend meetings afterwards, I have Autism and being around loud show-off center of attention people who enjoy causing scenes and commotions are not something people with Autism are able to be around (we are very sensation to light and sound).
Thus is how I came to have a driver's license as they felt that if I had more freedom to leave the yard more often, perhaps go to college, as NaNoWriMo write-ins wasn't working to give me a reason to want to live anymore, maybe than I could find a reason to want to live at college they suggested. This resulted in driving the car into the river and the suggestion that, perhaps the car could be your reason to live? Keep the car running, take car of it, decorate it, love it, it'll take you any where you want to go, and so in 2011, I built the Dazzling Razzberry, my protector, my only friend: a 1992 Volvo covered in suicide notes painted to it's doors and 2.5million beads and marbles glued to it's top side. As long as long as there is room for one more bead, I have a reason to wake up the next day, if only to find a new bead to glue to my car. That cures the problem most of the year, but come November the month I need to forget, it is not enough, and nor anymore is NaNoWriMo.
I did not receive my drivers license until my late 30s. My daily driver, is The Dazzling Razzberry aka The Autism Awareness Car and for folks who've never seen it before here's a picture of what a car with 2.5million beads, buttons, marbles, and rhinestones glued to it looks like: https://www.eelkat.com/DazzlingRazzberry.html
My other car is The GoldenEagle aka The World's Most Haunted Car. You can see a picture of that one here: https://www.eelkat.com/GoldenEagle.html
After the first of many suicide attempts, it was suggested that I try to find something to occupy my time during the month of November, so that I would have no time to think about the loss of my family and being alone for rest of my life. The suggestion ended with: "You're a writer aren't you, why not try NaNoWriMo?"
I signed up the last week of Nov 2004, but never actually got started writing anything. Did 2k of random plotting, didn't really get to actual story-prose-type writing though. Oh well.
I failed this year...did like 5,000 before I got bored with my plot. I was confused with the whole "contest atmosphere" too, and had not really gotten into the spirit of the whole write 50k as fast as possible thing, because I was too busy trying to write at my best instead of a my fastest, so I just fizzled out big time. Plus, not really a novel writer. Short stories mostly, plays too, children's books, non-fic self help guides, but no novels. I've written 30 books, yes, novels, no. Books does not = novels! LOL! Not really sure why I thought I could write a novel.
Script Frenzy 2006:
In 2006 I joined Script Frenzy, I think I wrote about 5 pages before life happened and I never got back to it.
Big changes: a flood in May took out our house and left us homeless, we started rebuilding, but a fire on October took that too. I moved into the now world famous "tent of Old Orchard Beach", which was a tarp over a wood pile, and was buried on October 27th by a blizzard that dumped 3 feet of snow in a single night. With no heat, no electricity, no lights, no running water, no toilet, and only a sleeping bag, a tarp, and 9 cats to keep out the cold, I set out to join NaNoWriMo once again, writing by hand by flashlight at night and typing it up online at the library by day.
In the 2006 relaunch of the site, the 2004 archive got deleted, along with the accounts of many members who had joined prior to 2006. My account was one of the thousands that vanished in October of 2006. :( Luckily, because the system was wiped clean it had no memory of the deleted usernames either, thus allowing us to start new accounts with the exact same usernames. YAY! So, now my account says I signed up in 2006 instead of 2004, like it is supposed to say (many of us whose accounts now say 2006 as our join date, actually joined before.) However, by that time I had spent most of 2006 in the local libraries posting on the forums and had figured out that the contest was all about writing lots of words and hope they come out as a novel, rather than write a smooth polished publishable novel in 30 days, and so by the time November 2006 rolled around I was ready to toss my inner editor aside and try it again.
The result? I did 183,000 word longhand first and retyped at the library, my first win (2006) ... kind of to make up for failing the first year I guess, but than never went back to edit it. =P It was "almost" a novel. It was a set of interconnected short stories.
I tried to attend the write-ins, however nearest one was a 2-hour drive, and still not yet having a driver's license, or access to a ride, meant 7 hour walk 1 way to get there. I was already walking 45mins each way to the library each day so I opted out of write-ins that year.
Script Frenzy 2007:
In 2007 I started Script Frenzy again, than life got in the way again and I never wrote a word.
I reached 75,000 this year (or rather validated at 75k, no idea how much I actually wrote), I never finished the story, because my computer ate large sections of it! ***screams*** ***pulls out hair*** Lesson learned, I now know to make copies of my draft and save it on a private blog I created specifically for saving my drafts on.
Script Frenzy 2008:
Signed up once again for Script Frenzy. I returned to Script Frenzy ready to write what I never got to write the year before, only to learn the contest had been moved from June to April and was already over! ARRGH!
In 2008, I did the unthinkable and changed my goal from 50k to 200k. YOW! But I did it and finished out the month with my biggest total ever: 238,153 words in 30 days!!!! (spaced out over 5 different books btw - 3 of them short story collections - none of which I totally finished, but one of which "For Fear of Little Men" was published February 2010. YAY!) I broke a lot of personal writing records that year, including to reach 50,000 words on day 3 of the contest! Yay! I may try a 50k weekend next year!
Local write-ins this year, only 2 towns away, little over an hour to walk there so, I went to all of them. This being my first face-to-face contact with humans in 20 years, I was finding many changes to the outside world: including that it was now a world where women wore pants! Strange change all around, but found "the culture shock" of how vastly fashions, cars, and technology had changed in 20 years was very little compared to attempting to speak with vocal words. Had a very hard time at the write-ins as a result - other people talk a lot, I am near mute and have trouble forming sentence with my voice. I spent the write-ins writing alone, while others chattered.
Script Frenzy 2009:
In order to make certain I actually wrote something this time around, I did the unthinkable and signed up as the ML for Script Frenzy in both Saco and Portland (for some reason you couldn't sign up for one without the other, don't know why) [see here for Script Frenzy ML info: http://2012.scriptfrenzy.org/user/132659 ] and went crazy shuffling write-ins between the 2 regions, but still ended up writing 12 plays each between 10 - 30 "theater minutes" long, meaning I wrote enough for THREE Script Frenzy contests instead of one! YAY!
Part of the difficulty in MLing was: agoraphobia, how do I leave the yard and get to meetings I am supposed to be running 5 towns away? And I still had not gotten my drier's license yet. Fortunately a fellow Screnzier gave me a ride. But than I had Autism and could not talk, how to overcome this challenge? It was very difficult, but I made it through it, and kept the meetings going year round.
NaNoWriMo 2009 rolled around and I did not start because I had a stroke October 19th and than got N1H1 a week later. I was determined not to let anything stop me from joining the contest though, so on day 14 of the contest I was back and attempting to write double time, in spite of the fact that my stroke had affected my ability to use my hands and legs. I dragged on very, very slowly, however, in spite of my efforts, and by the last week it was looking like I wouldn't reach 50k by November 30th; but than suddenly in the last 5 days I just sat down, joined a 50k weekend challenge and wrote steady none stop day and night, made it to 27k one day, and shocked myself when I made it to 114,000 before the 30th! Got lots of T-Manor stories done this year. :)
Local write ins canceled and still had no ride to the nearest local ones 2 hours away.
Script Frenzy 2010:
Continued ML-ing for Script Frenzy, [see here for Script Frenzy ML info: http://2012.scriptfrenzy.org/user/132659 ] but the region name was changed from Saco and Portland, to Southern Maine. So the two regions got combined or something. Made MLing so much easier. Just started having meetings in Saco, I was walking distance from there. Talking still troublesome though, but better than before. Continued running the meetings year round.
Started car pooling with a fellow WriMo this year to the nearest Write-Ins (which were a 2 hour drive one way)
Broke my hip on October 28 and was stuck in bed for weeks on end (though still dragged myself to the meetings). Unable to walk clear on into January (due to developing arthritis in hip as a result of the broken bone) I found I was unable to do all of the things I normally do, including I was unable to return to my annual Christmas temp job at Macy's, and suddenly instead of worrying I had no time to write, I ended up with more time to write than I knew what to do with and ended the month with a whopping 238,000+ words, beating my own record by only a few dozen words. Rebelling with lots of short stories once again. Made a mental note to remind myself to aim for 250k in 2011.
Script Frenzy 2011:
Another year of Screnzy ML-ing and another win! [see here for Script Frenzy ML info: http://2012.scriptfrenzy.org/user/132659 ] I wrote scattered 10-minute plays and finished the month with 150 pages instead of 100. Cool!
And a new change: I now had a driving permit (a huge challenge for Autistic people as the state rarely will allow Autistics to drive a car.) This gave me the freedom to drive my car as opposed to living in it in the yard. Also meant I could set up more write ins at more locations, reach more Screnziers.
Camp NaNoWriMo 2011 - August Edition Beta Test run:
Only a few of us long running NaNoers/Screnzyers got the invite to this (basically just us MLs from Screnzy and NaNo), "set your own goal and write" contest. I wrote 35k, but did not feel the warmth of the usual contest comradely, seeing how there were only about 1,000 writers spread across the world, so no local meetings. It should be better once more folks start doing it.
NaNoWriMo 2011 will be my 8th year at NaNo. So far I've had 7 years and 5 wins and this year I'm going for my 6th win. Signed up for NaNo University this year. Will be leading the YCCC University Write-Ins this year. Didn't get out to the 2-hour drive write-ins, but YCCC was only 50mins drive each way so ran these meetings as all day and just stayed on campus writing with other students. Talking issues not a problem as English Majors seemed to prefer to silently write than talk during meetings.
Big changes in 2011 - I am now a college student, a writing intensive English major, working my way to transferring to Harvard in 4 years. I now have a driver's license. I'll soon be moving into a motorhome and will no longer be homeless for the first time since May 2006! I'm back at Macy's for yet another insane Thanksgiving/Christmas selling season. It is the day before NaNoWriMo begins and I have no plan, no plot, and no idea what I'm going to write, much less how I'm going to write 250,000 words in 30 days while juggling college and the holiday rush at Macy's. We'll see where this month takes us.
Turns out I'm rebelling with lots of short stories once again. Made it past 200k - barely. Oh well, try for 250k next year.
Script Frenzy 2012:
ML-ing again! Loving it! activity level: very active ML - very, very, very, active; OMG! Now that I can drive, I'm doing daily meetings instead of weekly meetings this year. More and more locations all over York and Cumberland Counties. Fun! I'm the ML of the Southern Maine region of Script Frenzy so both counties fall in the region. Most face to face Write-Ins held at Southern Maine Community College, but remembering the pain of wanting to go to write-ins and having no way to get there, I took up up driving to member towns on their request to do mini-writings at cafes walking distance from their homes. I put several hundred miles on my car this month! LOL! Still having write-ins year round too, just moved locations to the Dinning Hall at the campus now. [see here for Script Frenzy ML info: http://2012.scriptfrenzy.org/user/132659 ]
Made it to 120 pages! Yay!
Rebelling with lots of short stories once again. Will be leading the SMCC University Write-Ins this year, instead of YCCC, because I transferred colleges.
Got slowed up a lot by homework! Yowsah! Only made it to a measly 88k this time. Oh well, at least it was over 50k!
Script Frenzy 2013:
So sad that Chris Baty retired, and also Script Frenzy has been canceled. Screnzy was far better than NaNoWriMo ever was, maybe that's because I write short stories and scripts more than novels? Sad. Very Sad. I will certainly miss Screnzy.
Oh well, we are still holding the write ins, though Screnzy or no Screnzy! Yay! We don't need a contest to keep the local meetings going, so all the usual places are still hosting write-ins, we just won't be writing for Screnzy anymore. [see here for Script Frenzy ML info: http://2012.scriptfrenzy.org/user/132659 ] Suppose we'll have to call the meetings something different than Screnzy Write-Ins now right? Anyone got any ideas, what we should call it now, let me know.
And Camp will be going on in April now so, I guess I can write a script for that instead?
Camp NaNoWriMo 2013 - April Edition:
Was planning to do a play, but my professor wants me to work on a novel for class, so I just I might as well start that instead.
Novel synopsis: It's 1500s Nepal, war is raging with China, Dawa's village was razed by Chinese soldiers, she is the only survivor, and now she is forced to become a thief to survive. In her travels she meets a man who is also on the run, but unlike her, he is not running from enemy soldiers, he's running from a band of demon slayers, but he keeps this secret from her, and she thinks him a common criminal running from the law. The two of them travel higher into the Himalayas to escape their enemies, and find true love only to have that love shattered when she discovered the man she loves is really a demon. At this point I have no idea how it's going to end.
I finished the month with 65k, but did not finish the book. Again, novels not my thing.
Camp NaNoWriMo - April 2012, August 2012, & August 2013:
I forgot to write down my wins for these Camps. Oh well. Did them all. Won them all, seeing how I set my goal at 10k each time, because I wasn't planning to do more than 1 short story each time. :P They were all low numbers 30k to 75k, no big wins. All short stories and plays. No novels.
No idea what I'm going to write. Probably horror. Probably about Roderic. Probably shorts. Maybe a few plays? Will try for 250k again, maybe I'll make it this time. I wonder if I can make it to 458k? Should I try?
And SMCC University meetings are now in their 5th semester! Not sure yet where we'll be meeting. Student lounge? Dinning hall? Both? We'll figure it out.
Year round Screnzy meetings still going on, even after a whole year without Screnzy! Yay! [see here for Script Frenzy ML info: http://2012.scriptfrenzy.org/user/132659 ] Unfortunately without the Script Frenzy contest we have lost most of our group members. So sad. Still have not come up with a new name for the group.
More sadness this year on top of already sadness from before. I am giving up on attending NaNoWriMo Write-Ins, after a wild lashing out by another member in October, well before NaNo starts. She made it very clear that non-verbal socially disabled people like myself are not welcomed not only at the write-in, but also on the regional online forums. It is very upsetting considering that NaNoWriMo is my ONLY social face to face contact with humans through out the entire year. It is very hard for me to leave my yard on any day, NaNoWriMo was the only social activity I had, the write-ins and regional forums the only time of the year I get to socialize with other humans. I do not like to be in places where I am not wanted. this is very upsetting because I have no place else to go and no one else to talk to.
NaNoWriMo has saved me from suicide many times because it is held during November. I have PTSD and the trigger date it Thanksgiving Day 2003. That's why I joined NaNoWriMo in 2004. That's why I join NaNoWriMo every year. Without NaNoWriMo this year, I don't know how I'll make it through Thanksgiving Day and live to the end of the month. NaNoWriMo was all I had left to live for. I must write and not think, but how do I do that without the interaction of the regional members? I don't know.
Well, the SMCC University meetings will still be going at least.
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What do you want to become?
What did you do today to step closer to that goal?
Whatever you do, be your best at it!
And remember to have yourself a great and wonderfully glorious day!
Evil men go out of their way to try to drive a person to suicide.
Are you an evil man?
Are you sure you're not?
How many people have YOUR hate filled words killed?
Next time you go to do a mean thing to a fellow human, stop and really think about the consequences of your actions.
Did you ever notice how every one has a story to tell about me, yet not one of them ever speaks the truth?
What lies has YOUR gossiping tongue spread about me?
Did you know...
October 16, 2006, bomb blew up my house because of YOUR lies.
August 8, 2013, the house which replaced the one the bomb blew up, was driven over by a backhoe.
November 14, 2013, my 8 month old infant son was murdered because of your lies.
November 14, 2013, I was beaten up, paralized for 5 months, spent 18 weeks relearning to walk, I'm now crippled for the rest of my life, because of YOUR lies.
Are you proud of what you have done?
Enjoy your eternity in Hell. You earned it. You've certainly worked hard for it.
If you have any information about any of these events, please call FBI Agent Andy Drewer at 207-774-9322