EelKat Wendy C Allen - Dark Fantasy Author


UPDATE March 17, 2021: Another death. Waiting for a coffin to be delivered. Funeral the 21st. Unlikely to be streaming for a few weeks.


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Update: March 27, 2021: It's not even been a week since the funeral, and now there is another death and another funeral.



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UPDATE April 5, 2021: There are still no streams, as, we've now a another (a 3rd) funeral to prepare for.


And that is now 3 deaths in our family, in the past 2 weeks.


This 3rd death hits hard, because it was Pippi.


Our family has now had 13 deaths since March 2020.








April 10, 2015, 12 children were kidnapped.

May 15, 2015, the heads of 10 of them were nailed to my door.

August 24, 2020, one was found still alive. he was just 4 years old when she was kidnapped, but she remembered us, even though 5 years had passed.

August 25, 2020, Pippi came home, but her condition was not well. She had been tortured the entirety of the 5 years she had been held hostage. She was missing limbs and covered with scars, had broken bones many years not set, and suffered serious damage to many of her internal organs. That she was alive at all, in her condition, was a miracle. Doctors had little hope of her survival and she was sent home with Hospice care.

Pippi had cancer in her eye and needed surgery for it, which she was scheduled to have, shortly before she was kidnapped.

In the years they had her, not only did they torture her, but her cancer went untreated and spread to her brain.

By the time she was returned to us, her cancer had reached an inoperable state, so we knew she did not have much time left.

Had her cancer been treated, back when she was a toddler, she probably would have reach adulthood.

She died only 8 months after her return.

Another child, to cry out from the grave, for Etiole's vengeance upon her murderers. Another victim of evil men, who will stoop to no ends, to bury the crimes they committed 50 years ago.  Drug lords. Opium growers. Heroine dealers. Selling little girls 4 to 8 years old for sex to priests. They only care about money.

All hail the mighty tourist ass. Millions come to Old Orchard Beach every year, for one thing and one thing only: heroine. They sell their drugs to the tourists under the pier and off the balconies of that giant motel. Than drag little girls to the bedrooms of the condominiums on Smithwheel Road, behind the school. And any child who dares open their mouth and beg for help, gets tossed in the GooseFare Brooke Ravine.

Bastard drug lords. They've been doing this for 50 years, and the town hall and the police department, turn a blind eye to it, because they get paid $6million a year to not report it to the newspapers, when the body of another child washes down the ravine, into the gulley to be spit out in the ocean. No fewer than 5 bodies are found every summer, but how often does it get in the news?

The corruption of this fucking town needs to end.

Yet another dead at the hands of these criminals who run our town.

How long will the residents continue to turn a blind eye to what is happening in our town.

How many more children will you let them kill, before you stand up to them?

Another child is dead and no one in this town cares. So long as they get their money from the tourists. The blood of another murdered child screams from the graves, begging for justice. Tick tock, tick tock, so begins, yet another of Etiole's 7 year clocks.

This is why there were no/to few streams from May 2020 until now.

May 2020, after 4 years of not hearing from them at all, the FBI returned with a lead, which led to Pip's discovery a few weeks later in August.

Because of the nature of the situation, I could not talk about it, to tell you why streams had stopped.

The kidnappers, were enraged that we had recovered Pip, and that is when the attacks started up again on my home and family September 2020.

Pip's condition continued to grow worse, and she died April 5, 2021.

She was only 10 years old.

This is what it means, to not be white in America.

White men, won't even give a child the chance to grow up.

This is what white people do, to none white families like mine.

We are Gypsies with Jewish blood, for that alone we are hunted like animals.

What the men of Old Orchard Beach, Maine, did to my family, will never be forgotten or forgiven.




#If you have any information on the kidnappers or the murders...


#FBI Agent Andy Drewer out of the Portland, Maine FBI office is in charge of the of the April 10, 2015 kidnapping of my 12 children by 14 Ku Klux Klan men who invaded our home and the subsequent May 15, 2015 murder of 10 of the 12 whom had their heads nailed to my front door. If you have information about the case, give it to him not me. He can be reached @ +1-(207)-774-9322 


Have you forgot the extent of the damage these people did, all because, they wanted to dig up my land and removed bodies buried there, before my house builders found that barrel of bones?

Have you forgotten that 7 town hall workers, 5 public works men, a blond woman, her bald son, and her red haired sister Kendra, and 14 police officers, all lead by a man they referred to as "Mark who needs no last name" were the ones 

I name every one of them, except for the ring leaders: blond woman, her bald son, her sister Kendra, and her husband "Mark who needs no last name". I don't know who those 4 are. I'd never seen any of them, other than the Kendra woman before, and I only knew her fro her attacks beating me up at Panera in 2009, 2010, and 2013.

I can name every one of the others, because all I have to do is go to the Old Orchard Beach town hall and police department website, and their are their faces.

With the exception of blond woman, her bald son, her sister Kendra, and her husband "Mark who needs no last name", every one else involved was government official who works for the state of Maine vis the Old Orchard Beach Town Hall, the Old Orchard Beach Police Department, or the Old Orchard Beach Public Works.

And what exactly did they do?

August 8, 2013 they drove a backhoe over my house. That same backhoe drove over my previous house on the same land April 2007. That same backhoe drove over my poultry barn and horse stables July 2001. July 2001 was the first attack.

March 2015 was the the massive attack, with an entire fleet of trucks, and drove over the Church of the Holy Rhinstone, a church that stood on my land, my garage which is why I no longer have a garage to put my car in, my 2 sheds both of which had my tractors and other garden/crop machinery in them at the time. And of course the razing of the land, the cutting down of the apple orchard - the VERY apple orchard planted in 1530 that this town was named after... he actual "old orchard" of Old Orchard Beach... the very original trees - huge massive apple trees over 400 years old. The grape vineyards, the cherry trees, the pears trees. 

April 10, 2015, they returned, 4 police officer held me a gun point, while 10 other police officers held my children down with long poles with metal wire strangle loops on the end, and beat their faces in with cinder block bricks, knocking out every one of their teeth, breaking their jaws... POLICE OFFICERS DID THAT... while men they referred to as "Mark who needs no last name" and "Dan" stood there and told the police officers what to do, how to beat them, while "Mark who needs no last name" boldly bragged that he paid the Old Orchard Beach police $6million dollars to do this.

May 15, 2015... the heads, hands, feet, and intestines of my children were nailed to my door. Later that same day police officer W. W. came to my home begging for forgiveness and claimed that men he referred to only as "Mark and Dan" were holding his beloved mother-in-law hostage and torturing her, and he helped in the April 10, 2015 attack, only to save her life and get her back. He claimed he had no prior knowledge of what was going to happen, claiming that he'd been told they were only going to "scare" us. He said he had not expected anyone to get hurt, he had not known my children would be tortured and kidnapped, he had not known they were going to be murdered. He said he was scared for his life and lives of his family. And he said: "They form a small army, our department doesn't have enough man power to stop them, and every one in this town is too scared to fight back. You don't know what's going on. And I think they mixed you up with someone else. They didn't know you were the owner of this land. They didn't know that was your motorhome. They thought someone else owned this place. It wasn't even your family they were after. You were the wrong target. You don't know who these people are. What they've done to our families. This is the actual Mafia. The real deal. I'm so sorry. This is the address they sent us to. But they had a different name as the owner. This wasn't supposed to happen. They were after someone else. I'm so sorry. I couldn't let my family died. And now yours is dead instead. This wasn't supposed to happen."

June 19, 2016... I did a very specific livestream. You see... A., D., B., and T. in the 1970s and 1980s, were in the habit of dragging big black trash bags into the forest, crossing my land to do it, and dumping those bags into the Goosefare Brook Ravine. In 1983, 3 snuck into Etiole's swamp and planted 3 acres of Marijuana. Someone found it and called the police, I don't know who... it was Maine's largest drug raid for decades. Many, many millions in plants where dug up and removed from Etiole's swamp. A few weeks later A, & D,s 10 year old daughter ran into my yard, touched my car on a dare from other children - the 1964 Dodge 330 former Old Orchard Beach police car, known by Stephen King fans as the REAL Christine, The World's Most Haunted Car... than jumped her bike, and sped down the road, as fast as she could, head on into a car coming the other way. She died instantly, he brain shattered all over the end of my driveway, and her mother A responded by the Battle of 458 - the biggest mass shooting ever in Maine history, that ended up with 3 Gypsy clans and 2 police departments, in a shoot out between 70+ adults all armed with guns. One of my cousins, an 8 year old boy, standing 3 feet from me, had his eye shot out by one of the bullets. While A ran around the street screaming: "FOUR! FIVE! EIGHT!" than shot another child. 

"FOUR! FIVE! EIGHT!" than shoot another child. 

"FOUR! FIVE! EIGHT!" than shoot another child. 

THOSE are the 31 children, whose bones were sawed up and tossed into the GooseFare Brook Ravine... yes, that DOES mean, police officers KNEW those children were there and covered it up.  And I witnessed that entire event.

And THAT is WHY... when police officers murdered my family in 2015, I did a livestream, walking to the ravine, to show the world, where those bones were... because I'm sick and tired of the police corruption in this fucking town, and those sawed up bones of 31 children are PROOF of what this town government is like.... as are the heads of my children that were nailed to my door.

At the end of The Battle of 4-5-8... A. took 2 gas cans and poured them all over the big dome house, than set a match to it, and no one knew, why when she did her brother B., started running, jumped in his robin egg blue truck and backed down the driveway, hit Portland Ave doing 70 and didn't stop driving until the high speed chase caught him in CT... oh but we knew before he was out of sight, why he started running... the dome house went up like Hiroshima into a mushroom cloud that could be seen across the entire state... turns out there was a Meth lab in that house.

June 19, 2016... the livestream of the bones went viral, it's what made my YouTube channel suddenly explode overnight... and police officer W.W. upset, by the fact that, the livestream included the entire police call and response, and that response was to laugh and do nothing... fed up with the corruption in his department, he forwarded that livestream VOD to the FBI, and the FBI arrived in Old Orchard Beach, to dig up the Reclaim Blueberry Plains, and all hell broke lose in this town, as most of the police officers suddenly found themselves arrested. An entire new police force from out of state was brought in to replace the long time officers who had proven they could be trusted to uphold the law. Many town hall officials and public works employees also found themselves arrested by the FBI.

June 26, 2016... barely a week later... the blond woman and the red haired Kendra woman showed up at my workplace, Scarborough WalMart, and tried to kill me, yet again... these are the same 2 woman who attacked me with golf clubs at Southern Maine Community College November 14, 2013... they left dead in 2013, I was paralized for 5 months. It took me 18 months to relearn to walk. I was out of the wheel chair, and I was without a walker, I was without a cane. I had almost fully covered from their November 14, 2013 attack with golf clubs... June 26, 2016, this time they attacked with shopping carts, and I'm now crippled for the rest of my life. They shattered 3 vertebra this time and it can't be operated on. I had to relearn to walk a second time, and I'm not yet recovered now in 2021. In 2013 they drove away in the 4 door white pickup truck. In 2016 they drove away in a gold Volvo SUV station wagon.

That blond woman and her red haired Kendra sister, they are wanted by the FBI for attempted murder of me and they are also wanted in questioning for being suspected of also being the murderers of my children.

I don't know who these 2 women are.

The blond woman shows up my driveway frequently, screaming and yelling, sometime accompanied by a small child, about 5 years old, that she pulls behind her in a red radio flyer wagon. She looks to be about 60 or 70. She often wears a denim button down shirt and jeans. She's prone to yelling at passing cars, while pointing up my driveway, and saying: "There's EelKat, she tried to kill my husband."

I've never tried to kill anyone, so accusation is baffling at best.

She seems to think I know who she is, and has made the claim, that "I was that brat in school"... the red haired Kendra woman, sometimes with her, claims to be her sister, also appears to be 60 to 70 and also seems to think I know who she is, and frequently says: "You bullied me in school, but no more, I'm Kendra SilverMander it's my turn to shine."

They BOTH make the claim they went to school with me, and yet, I never went to school, a well documented fact... because I'm the child the FBI rescued what the news media called "Maine's House of Horrors". I was locked in a cage when I was 8 years old. I was let out on Sundays, to go to church, and not allowed to speak or make eye contact with anyone, and this was only done infrequently, whenever church goers asked what happened to that girl you had". I was 31 years old when the FBI arrived, because of Heaven's Gate having killed 39 people, and my uncle being one of the members and self proclaiming himself as the leader of Heaven's Gate after Applewhite's death. The FBI was investigating the murder of 39 people in California, and had no idea they'd find children in cages in Maine as a result.

So you see, when the blond woman and her Kendra sister, make the claim they went to school with me and I was the class bully who beat them up, this is easily proven false, because the time period when I should have been in school, I was locked in a cage, being tortured by my sadistic uncle Bruce.

Also, they are in their late 60s to mid 70s... making them older than my parents, so how could I have been in school with them, even if I had gone to school? At best I would have been starting pre-school the year they would have been graduating high school.

These things they say about school, only further agrees with what police officer W. W. said May 15, 2015, when he made the claim, they had gotten me mixed up with someone else.

July 2016, a month after the shopping cart attack... yet another Old Orchard Beach police officer arrived, this one accompanied by 2 Biddeford officers, who had been former OOB officers... these 3 officers, had a vastly eye opening story to tell me.

They had been called to Old Orchard Beach, to my farm, to arrest me, a call made to them, by a man named Mark, whom one of these officers, claimed was his brother in law. This Biddeford officer, said he requested to transfer ot of Old Orchard Beach department years ago, because his sister (whom he claimed he suspected, but could not prove was the blond woman whom had attacked me at WalMart) was quote "trying to control the town" he said "treats Old Orchard Beach like a dynasty, thinks she's a duchess, has severe mental disorders, and thought she could buy the police department". He went on to say, she got in with the real Mafia years ago and went to her head, and now she thinks she IS the Mafia and most of Old Orchard Beach's business owners, especially the motel owners are scared shitless of her, because they believe her claim to be Mafia. He went on to say, she's not Mafia, but she's good at convincing people she is and stated "I wouldn't murder beyond her. She'd do it just to prove she is Mafia." He said he transferred out of OOB department to Biddeford department because he was fed up with how easy it was for her to get every officer to do anything she asked. He said "the corruption in that department runs deep; don't cross her or any officer she controls; they WILL kill you and every around you. You don't know who her husband is. He doesn't just control that town, he controls half the state."

What he was telling me was bizarre on extremes, but even more bizarre was the live feed radio call, that he had me listen too, as it was happening, on my farm in Old Orchard, while I was at my dad's house in Biddeford.

He said: "The Old Orchard Department called me, asked me to come over here. Buddy Will wanted to prove you were not in Old Orchard and that Mark has you mixed up with someone else. That fucking bastard is crying wolf and trying to frame you, we can prove it right now. We are fucking fed up WolfBoy."

He turned on his radio, so I could hear. A what I heard... a man whose voice I do not recognize, yelling at a Officer W.W. and saying: 

"That is Wendy, arrest her now! That is EelKat. She tried to kill me."

While officer W.W. and another officer, told the man: "his isn't Wendy. We have officers with her right now. Who tried to kill you? Wendy? Or THIS woman right here?"

"This woman right here! This is EelKat I tell you! Arrest her! What do you think I pay you for! You aren't allow to defy me! I own this town! You are my slaves. I command you to arrest her!"

W.W.: "This isn't EelKat. This isn't Wendy. I've known her for years. And right now, she's on the other side of the state. With 3 officers, listening to you right now. You are NOT the law. We've had it with you. You don't own me. And you've mixed her up with someone else. You've been harassing the wrong damned person. You dare call us about Wendy ever again, and I will personally arrest you for false reports, than I'll tell them everything. You'll never see the outside a prison for the rest of your life when I get done with you. You fucking leave this woman alone. You destroyed her life, because you couldn't tell her apart from someone else."

I used to aqua jog, mountain climb, horseback riding, and I hiked 13 miles a day. And in the blink of an eye, that lifestyle was taken away, and every day was struggle, just to sit up and breath, with no hope of ever walking again. I defied doctors. It's been 8 years and I can move around the house by holding on to things and I now can walk again, at the moment only short distances outside with a cane, and the hope is to continue to improve. I still have a long road of recovery ahead. But I'm walking again, something that 8 years ago, doctors said would never happen. 

My farm was razed.

My family was murdered.

I was 5 months paralysed, and had to relearn to walk. It was 8 years ago and I'm not yet fully recovered due to 3 inoperable vertebrae and hip dysplasia. November 14, 2013, 10PM, at WalMart, while putting bags of groceries in the back seat of my car, I was attacked by 3 rapists armed with metal golf clubs, who left me parallelized, in a wheel chair, broken spine, broken hip, broken pelvis, broken knees, serve nerve damage to my left side limiting the use of my left hand, my bladder incontinent from nerve damage, they left me for dead, and I had doctors telling me I would never walk again.

There's more that has happened. A lot more. The thousands of gallons of sewage they pumped into my motorhome in 2015. The cats. the Ptarmagin cats. World famous groups of cats. You remember them. If so, you remember what these people did to those cats. Poisoned. All dead the same day. 12 cats. Dead to what the vet described as: "enough poison to kill a great dane". My horse, she had her head beat in with a rock. My bantam roosters... 70 pet roosters, hung by their necks in rope nooses in my rose bushes.

All because this man, this mystery Mark, whose last name seems to be known to the police but is still unknown to me and man whom I've never seen or met - he keeps his face covered whenever he shows up... mistook me for someone else... and police officers and town hall workers and public work employees.

Welcome to Old Orchard Beach... this is NOT the way life should be, you know it.

What these people did to me, should never have happened, and according to the police, it's been happening for 50+ years to hundreds of people, hundreds of families, in this town, and every one is too scare to talk about it or fight back to stop it. That NEEDS to change.

The corruption in our town, needs to stop... but it won't end, until every last person who is being harassed by these people stand up, put their foot down, and say enough is enough, we ain't gonna take this any more.

We the people of Old Orchard Beach need to take back our town.


NOTE: Chat is set to emote only on my Twitch channel and my personal contact information has been removed from my website and every place else, due to the HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS of false reports of "information", along with vile hateful memes about the murder of my family being sent to me by trolls who think mocking the murder of my family is funny.

FBI Agent Andy Drewer out of the Portland, Maine FBI office is in charge of the of the April 10, 2015 kidnapping of my 12 children by 14 Ku Klux Klan men who invaded our home and the subsequent May 15, 2015 murder of 10 of the 12 whom had their heads nailed to my front door. If you have information about the case, give it to him not me. He can be reached @ +1-(207)-774-9322 



If you could recommend I watch one VOD that best represented your channel, which would it be?

This one....




The Princess Bride predicting Covid-19?

Avallac'h's a Good Tutor?
Of What? How to Better Bed Kings?


EXTREME SPOILER WARNING!

Please be aware that nearly every page on this website contains spoilers to something. I talk about a lot of fandoms, and go into great detail analyzing them when I do. If I am talking about The Witcher series, InuYasha, Disney Ducks, the Quaraun series, or any other fandom, you WILL encounter spoilers about it. 


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Got a Local Business That Needs Targeted Traffic?

The question also asked:

"What are the sources for getting instant traffic for any website?"

I know people tend to laugh at the fact that I refuse to make any attempts at gaining traffic, and I've never paid for traffic either, absolutely refuse to, but fact remains, organic traffic is gonna convert better then any form of instant high traffic. Outside of a few rare and unexplained boosts in traffic, most months my best performing site (the one that brings in the bulk of the income) only gets 1,000 to 3,000 page views. I have other sites with way higher traffic, but it's more general traffic and doesn't convert as well. The traffic to my best money making site, comes direct from people just searching in Google, Bing, Yahoo, DogPile, FanFiction .net, Tumblr, and Reddit on their own when looking for something. Because they were searching SPECIFICALLY for the topic in question, they end up being someone who actually interested in buying products.

My main source of income is people buying my art off Zazzle, my books off Amazon, my fabric off SpoonFlower, or my hand crafted items off Etsy. Direct sales make up more then 80% of my online income. The remainder being from AdSense. I live in Maine, so the option to do affiliate marketing [I](which was illegal in Maine)[/I] was not available until the laws changed April 4, 2017, so I've recently added affiliate links to my site for the first time since starting my website (my site being 19 years old, though it's current url is only 4 years old), but it's been less then 30 days since I added affiliate links to my site so it'll be a while before we know if affiliate income is viable or not.

Perhaps, because I'm from a place where affiliate marketing was illegal and not allowed until 20 days ago, perhaps this is why I've never seen a need to aim at wide spread, non-targeted traffic? Not sure. I'm not familiar with affiliate traffic vs direct sales traffic. I'm used to very narrow focused traffic, targeting just the people who actually want my products, rather then wide flinging looking for traffic from everyone, even those with no interest in my product or even mental comprehension of it.

I deal with a topic (Twinkie Uke Yaoi aka Transgender Fetish) that has a very small audience and is often the butt end of anti-LGBTQ hate jokes from the (largely transphobic and anti-gay) general public Thus why I only focus my search for traffic to Yaoi communities on FanFiction .net and Yaoi sub-Reddits and Yaoi & OtherKin Tumblr communities and similar such places. Because I just narrow focused targeting only people actually interested in the topic itself, I end up with what other site masters view as very low traffic, but the fact remains, my particular topic has an audience of about 7,000 people world-wide, and I'm getting traffic for nearly half of them. It's repeat traffic from those same few thousand people over and over again and because they are ACTUAL customers as opposed to random browsers, this results in a high rate of sales conversion, even though a seemingly low number of monthly page views.

It also helps if you are very active online and offline in the community of your topic. I am transgender myself, btw. And being part of the trans community, means I also have access to most of the private forums, FB groups, and communities for transvestites who make up a large portion of my target audience; because I am also OtherKin (ElvenKin) I am also active in the LARPing, CosPlay and Convention circuit - meaning I go to conventions and meet with CosPlayers, Kin, and Furries face to face and have actually meet in person, 30,000 of my readers; being Carnival Gypsies we also travel in Festival and Carnival circuits and do a lot of offline sales of my books, art,, and crafts direct in face to face sales as well. I live in Old Orchard Beach, a beach front tourist town run by "Stephen King's" Gypsies (this being the town he filmed the Thinner in) and hand out business cards to all the tourists who come up here to my farm, which was the filming location of Thinner. Because I meet most target audience in person, often multiple times as they return each summer, I don't have a need to target anyone else.

In other words, my experience has been that the BEST traffic for your site is not online traffic, but rather offline traffic, local traffic, people in the real world, who you can send to your site directly. This results in a large portion of my site visitors, actually typing the url, rather then searching for a keyword at random, resulting in even higher targeted traffic and even high sales conversion, even though the traffic itself is very low/not many page views per month.

I would think that every niche is the same way. Where if you are actively participating in the topic's community, both online and offline, you get better conversions of page views vs sales, because you are targeting your primary audience specifically, rather then just tossing out blind requests for traffic from everyone on the planet. Each niche has an audience, and narrow focusing your marketing towards just that one audience will give you better sales conversions, then wide flung traffic coming from everywhere and buying nothing, because they are not your target audience.

I would suggest, rather then seeking lots of traffic, you instead write up a profile of who exactly your target customer is and then focus on getting out there where they are. My feelings are that smaller but targeted traffic is far better then general non-targeted traffic.

"How many page views do you get each day? I was told not to monetize my site until I had 10,000 page views a day, but you seem to be living off your online income with much less."

Before I answer your question. Let's start posting pigeon pictures. I want to see, if you can guess, WHY I'm posting pictures of pigeons in my answer to your question. I will tell you, so don't worry, you'll find out if you don't already know why pigeons are important to answering your question.

The thing is, if you DON'T know why pigeons are VERY important in answering your question, that tells me, you don't know much about SEO or internet marketing. Before you head off to build a website hoping to monetize it through SEO and traffic... you might want to do a bit of research on pigeons in reference to SEO. 

Now, if you DO know what pigeons have to do with SEO, then, yay, you!

Let's jump into answering that question of your's now, shall we?

It's like I keep saying over and over again: you don't need HIGH TRAFFIC to your site, if you have HIGHLY TARGETED keyword usage.

My site averages around 300 page views per day, most days, which in online marketing terms is considered pretty low. In my high traffic days I get up to 3,000 page views a day. (Making this the highest trafficked, most visited website headquartered out of Old Orchard Beach. There are a few hundred business owned sites in our town, none of them get the traffic levels of EelKat.com) It fluctuates seasonally, with my site getting most of it's traffic during tourist season when more people are searching for information about The Town of Old Orchard Beach, Maine.

Most internet marketing gurus tell you, not even to bother monetizing your site until you are getting at minimum 10,000 page views a day. That's just absolute foolishness. Tell, me, how much money did that scam artist, I mean guru, ask for to tell you that load of guano?

Reminds me of the guano heads that scammed a guy out of $30k before he realized they weren't real "internet marketing gurus". 

Don't fall for the fantasy of making money online as told by the scam artists who make money by telling you how to make money and never once did any of the things they are telling you to do.

Reminds me of the American scam artists who pretend to Gypsy fortune tellers, when they ain't got a drop of Gypsy DNA in their veins. They are just trying to scam people out of money and they give us REAL Gypsies a bad name when they do it. Pisses me of.

Beware of where you get your making money online advice from. Make sure they are ACTUALLY DOING what it is they are telling you to do, and not just rehashing some PLR marketing course they bought to resell to you, without every ACTUALLY DOING any of the methods in it.

I'm fully transparent in what I do. Tell it like it is. Tell you what worked for me, how I did it, what didn't work for me, what I did, and leave it at that.

I don't tell you what you SHOULD or MUST do to make money. I tell you simply what it is I did myself and results I got good or bad, and let you decide from that if it's something you think you want to try. 

I'm not trying to sell you some get-rich-quick-money-making-scheme so I have no motive to hype up fake results, the way they do.

I'm not selling email lists or backlinks, so unlike them, I've no reason to promote either method. Make sure you look at who gave you that guano load of advice telling you to have 10,000 page views before monetizing...9 times out of 10 people who give that advice, are ALSO selling FAKE page views.

No niche topic content site needs high traffic, it only needs targeted traffic and don't you let any scam artist internet marketing guru tell you otherwise.


This is a pigeon.
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My site is about The Town of Old Orchard Beach, Maine, and it's primary audience are in fact the RESIDENTS of The Town of Old Orchard Beach, Maine, a town that only has 3,000 residents.

I have a target audience of 3,000 people total on the planet. If I waited for 10,000 page views a day, I'd have a long wait.

Did you ever notice my website url is painted on my car?

Or the fact that I hand out several thousand business cards to summer tourists every summer?

Or the fact that only a small fraction of my books are available online, with most of them sold direct sales from my car?

Or that while I talk about my psychic readings and spell casting services online, you can only buy them offline and in person?

I am running a local business and my income is dependent on both local residents and summer tourists.

It's rather stupid for me to market my website to the world, when most of the world is never going to come here to Old Orchaard Beach to buy from me locally.

Yes, a few of my books and most of my art can be bought online, but the bulk of my online marketing is to drive LOCAL traffic to my local business.

Let me repeat that: 

My primary audience are in fact the RESIDENTS of The Town of Old Orchard Beach, Maine, a town that only has 3,000 residents.

Figure out what Pigeon has to do with this yet? Keep reading, I'm about to tell you.

Because of the way my site is set up, I can track every ispn that visits my site, and you know what? Those 300 average views a day are coming from within a 2 mile radius of my driveway, meaning not only are they residents of my town, but they live on Portland Ave right along with me.

And there's only 3,000 year round residents in this town... days I'm getting 3,000 views means EVERY PERSON in the town is reading a page of my site that day. 

Note when I say 3,000 I mean the people who ACTUALLY live here. Owning a vacation home, staying here at any point from May to October only, and only staying a few weeks, doesn't make you a resident. It makes you a vacationing tourists who simple owns a summer home as opposed to renting like other tourists do. Brave the winters here, year after year for a few decades and then many I'll consider you some one who actually lives here.

Our town had 12,000 year round residents in 2007, in ADDITION to the 12,000 summer homers. Since 2010, and the mass exodus of 9,000 winter residents, we now only have 3,000 who are here 12 months of the year.

My ability to make a full time living off an online income and do so while living in The Town of Old Orchard Beach, Maine is another topic you see me cover here, as I'm doing what just about every "internet marketing guru" says should be impossible - making money online WITHOUT a list, without buying ads, without backlinks, and with what is considered by most internet marketers to be low traffic.

Think about it: no lists; no backlinks, no paid ads, no bought views, and 100% targeted traffic with a 46% click rate.

You heard that... 46% click rate. That means instead of averaging 10 ad clicks per 1,000 views I'm getting 46 ad clicks per 100 page views.

Did you know the average internet marketer reports 1.3% click rate. I get 46%, with only a quarter of their pages views. It's called niche topic targeted traffic and it works...

...and pigeons are how. 

Yes. 

Pigeons.

Think long and hard on that 46% click rate.

First there was Panda.

Then there was Penguin.

Next came Hummingbird.

Fast followed by Phantom.

Then they unleashed Pigeon.

Followed by RankBrain.

Now there's FRED.

Those are the Big Bots.

Google has hundreds smaller ones. And if you own a web site, you can guarantee you are gonna get attacked by every one of them. Google is gonna send their entire barnyard at you and if you aren't on top of what's going on in the Google zoo, your website will be mascaraed by Google blood-thirsty hoard before you can even get off the ground.

And while other web master run in terror from the Google Zoo, I choose to run with the pack, move as the flock moves. Dive when when the flock dives, soar when the flock soars, and my 46% ad click rate is proof this method of galloping along side the Google Hoards works.

Google's Pigeon

Why is this possible?

Google's Pigeon.

I focus all of my SEO on Pigeon.

And while Panda, Penguin, Hummingbird, Phantom, RankBrain, and FRED as raising hell of internet marketers everywhere, I'm flying under their radar and soaring into local search results with Pigeon.

The Google bots can make or break your site. Know the bots and you don't have to try to get high traffic, you only have to get targeted traffic.

If you want to target local residents you want to work with Pigeon.

If you are a small mom & pop business (like I am) with no need for a global presence seeking only local business (like I do), then traffic from all over the planet is NOT what you want. Rather you want traffic from ONLY a 15 mile radius of your business location.

And you will NOT get local traffic UNLESS you focus on targeting Google's Pigeon.

Pigeon is the Google bot that sends local traffic to small business websites.

Most internet marketers build the SEO of their website with Google's Panda or Penguin in mind.

The majority of internet marketers will tell you not to even bother worrying about Pigeon.

They say, target the world, buy backlinks, buy lists, buy ads, buy fake traffic... and in the end they get clicks per thousand while I'm getting clicks per hundred.

However, Google designed Pigeon to seek out LOCAL LISTING websites, and instead of putting it in world-wide search results, puts it in search results made by people from the same zip code as the website's location.

I'm not targeting every person on the planet. I'm targeting ONLY people interested in The Town of Old Orchard Beach, Maine.

Thus I focus my SEO on targeting Google Pigeon.

To get local, local, local, you NEED pigeon, pigeon, pigeon. There's no way around it. Instead of fearing the Google Bots I learn to work with them.

My web site is located at 04064-1520 (146 Portland Ave) and more then 80% of my traffic comes from 04064, the majority of it from Portland Ave and Cascade Rd, here in The Town of Old Orchard Beach, Maine.

Did you know that 14% of the population of Old Orchard Beach, reads at least one page of my site EVERY DAY.

You want to know what else I have... if you're an internet marketer, get ready to have a heart attack with this next number...

My average page time is 0:7:43.

Average internet marketer reports 0:0:30 as GOOD page time. 30 seconds of time spent reading your page is considered average. My viewers actually stay long enough to read what I wrote. And as I'm actually writing stuff with the goal of it BEING READ rather then writing 400 word meaningless nothing just to have a place to post ads, that long page time tells Google my site has REAL content that keeps readers reading and coming back for more.

That's means my viewers stay on EACH page of my site for an average of 7 minutes and 43 seconds. And that's site wide total.

Amphibious Aliens averages 0:12:57 (12 minutes and 57 seconds)

The World's Most Haunted Car averages 0:20:12 (20 minutes and 12 seconds)

I have 84% REPEAT TRAFFIC.

The SAME ispns return to those same two pages and average of 3 times a day, for a period of 7 to 12 days. Meaning they return multiple times to read the ENTIRE article.

Some weeks those 2 pages each average 02:00:00 view time - meaning the viewers stays for 2 full hours to read the entire article in one sitting.

New to the site is Flamboyant Nipples, only a few days old and all ready that one page is averaging 198 views a day with a view time of 15+ minutes per visit, with repeat visits from the same readers, returning multiple times over a period of several days to read the entire page.

56% of that repeat traffic is from readers who live less then 7 miles of Portland Ave, Old Orchard Beach.

So while you may be content to have an average 30 seconds of page view time, I'm getting an average of 7 minutes across the board, with up to 2 hours on a page by page stat.

While you may be content with averaging 10 clicks per 1,000 (thousand) views, I'm getting 46 clicks per 100 (hundred).

While you may be content with 3% repeat traffic, I'm getting 84%.

And while you may be content with targeting every one and reaching no one, I'm targeting only a specific demographic and seeing actual results.

Do you have any idea how many small businesses on the planet would kill to get the kind of local traffic percentages I'm getting?

I'm a member of a "local business SEO training program" that sends out 3 new courses a week, plus gives me access to all of the courses they've made since 2003. It costs $30 a month, but it's hell worth it.

When Panda hit in 2012 I was already two steps ahead. 

When Hummingbird went slashing through, it didn't touch me because I already knew it was coming and had made changes to my site before it hit.

When Google's Penguin army stampeded across the internet I side swiped them by knowing what they were looking for a cutting it all out of my site before the Penguin army made their death march across the internet.

When Google unleashed Pigeon I learned to sail hand in hand with the flock of death, rise above their death flap instead being crushed by it.

I follow Google's every move obsessively, know every algorithm change, learn the patterns of every bot and learn to work with them not against them.

It's called white hat SEO. It means I obey Google rules to the letter and use no black hat SEO methods. Google likes that.

THAT's why I can do what I do: live full time off my income with only a fraction of the traffic the internet marketing "gurus" claim you MUST have to succeed.

I don't try to get wide spread global traffic, because the entire planet is not my target audience.

My target audience is any one interested in The Town of Old Orchard Beach, Maine.

And let's face it, there's no way around this part: Old Orchard Beach is not for every one. We get sweltering heat for 3 months of the year, followed by 3 months of hurricanes, and then spend the rest of the year with -20F average sub zero daily temps and braving the daily onslaughts of 3 foot blizzards burying us back to back.

There are people around here with doors on their roofs... tourists ask "What's that for?"... it's so we have a door taller then the 21 feet of snow we can expect to have come February.

Then you got the local crazies to deal with - big burly men, stomping around with their rifles... and hey... visit WalMart, you can buy those rifles over the counter, no permits, no background checks, no questions asked. (We gun protesters have our work cut out for us to change Maine laws and make it tougher for deranged KKK terrorists the guns. The KKK is a big problem around here and they wouldn't half so dangerous if they had to get permits and background checks on those guns they shoot at gay men with.)

Red necks with pimped out cars that dance better then humans can.

Drug dealers who can get away with anything because the police are their best customers.

Topless bars.

A tavern next door to the kinder garden and primary school.

Gay men hanging naked from flag poles.


This is not a pigeon.
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The town that invented the nudy shirt. Step into a photo booth naked, get your boobs or dick screen printed onto your speedos than walk around, "almost" naked and pretend you're on a nudest beach.

Ku Klux klan marching the streets at sunset.

Lobster men with machine guns shooting other lobster men's boats out of the water.

Nazis wearing swastika arm bands and shouting "Hail Hitler!"

Moose strolling down main street.

Home of New England's Port-A-Potty King. (Who is also my next door neighbour - the view from my yard is about 20,000 port-a-potties; dozens of garbage trucks, and few dozen honey dipper sewage trucks.)

Family friendly by virtue of being the 99.9% white town of the 99.9% white state of Maine, the whitest town of the whitest state. Only town in the country to pass a law banning gays from owning property, as part of their campaign to make the town "family friendly"... forget about the Nazis, KKK, drug dealers, shoot outs, and topless bars, no it's the gay men they drive out to make the town "safe for children". It's the KKK hanging gay CHILDREN from flagpoles, you stupid 'gits!

Welcome to Old Orchard Beach, Maine.

The honky tonk capital of New England. Quebec's playground.

It's an acquired taste.

It's not for every one.


This is not a pigeon either.
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We who live here, we love it.

The rest of the world looks at us and thinks we're all nuts. Our entire town is a freak show.

But, think about it... most of the world has no interest at all in the daily lives of us hicks in the sticks. So why bother targeting the world? I only need to target the people who actually know and like this psychobilly crazy town as much as I do.

Other then the local residents, the summer tourists, and Stephen King, (who based more then a dozen books off our town, because the creepy nut-case residents are so whack-a-doodle) not many people on the planet are interested in The Town of Old Orchard Beach, Maine.

If you are reading this, it's because somehow you wanted to know something about something (person, event, or thing) that exists in Old Orchard Beach. 

And, if you said "No, I was here because...." EVERYTHING on this site, exists in Old Orchard Beach (even me) and if you had any interest in anything on this site, that therefore translates into an interest in Old Orchard Beach, even if you didn't know Old Orchard Beach was the place where that thing existed.

Yes. There you go. Logic by EelKat. Totally free of charge!

And just think, you could have bought a stolen version of this article for the low price of $299.99 over on the Warrior's Forum. I didn't charge you a penny for it. 

Continuing on with the question...

"So what is your website about, anyways? I couldn't determine your site topic."

What Is This Site?


My site covers one topic and one topic only.  

The Town of Old Orchard Beach, Maine.

And while it covers just one, single, solitary topic, it also covers every, single, tiniest, minutest, possible aspect of that one topic.

On first appearances, it may seem that I have "hundreds" of "completely random" topics all over the place, however, when you start to ACTUALLY READ the articles, you realize fast that in reality my site as only one topic: The Town of Old Orchard Beach, Maine.

EVERY single topic on my site, is about The Town of Old Orchard Beach, Maine.

The free sample chapter book excepts are from novels set in The Town of Old Orchard Beach, Maine.

The writing topics are about writing books set in The Town of Old Orchard Beach, Maine. 

And writing the racist white power bigots of Old Orchard Beach accurately in your novels set in Maine.

Ku Klux Klan activity in The Town of Old Orchard Beach, Maine.

The Gypsy history topics are about the Gypsies who live in The Town of Old Orchard Beach, Maine. Including answering Stephen King fan questions about Thinner, and the endless questions about Gypsy Magic and Gypsy Religion Practices, as well as Gypsy Fortune Telling.

The art topics are about art by artists who live in The Town of Old Orchard Beach, Maine.

The world's most haunted car is a tourist attraction that can be found in The Town of Old Orchard Beach, Maine.

The alien encounters, abductions, and ufo sightings mentioned on this site, all occurred in The Town of Old Orchard Beach, Maine.

All the animals, plants, brooks, rivers, parks, etc mentioned on this site are ones you can find in The Town of Old Orchard Beach, Maine.

Mountain Lions

CoyWolves

Moose

Helen Pearly's

Escaped White Monkey

Restaurants reviewed, are all in The Town of Old Orchard Beach, Maine.

The site focuses a lot of writing fantasy and self-publishing, because that's my job, a job I do here in The Town of Old Orchard Beach, Maine.

Because I write Yaoi about Elves, Phookas, and Wizards and set those books in a Medieval version of The Town of Old Orchard Beach, Maine, you also find my question & answer sessions with readers, writers, and authors posted here as well, along with my rants at writers who refuse to do their own work and the lazy wanna-bes who think they have to other authors to do everything for them (they used to be on A Writer's Desk - a different website, that I also own - EelKat.com being only one of my more then 200 websites.)

Because I've done NaNoWriMo every year since 2004, winning all but 2 years, and writing 50,000 words in 3 days instead of 30 days, you see all my old Squidoo articles on how I did it here as well. (I do my NaNoWriMo Writing at The Old Orchard Beach Library.)

Because I'm a code writer, creating Random Generators for writers, and the creator of the infamous Dare Generator, that Kendra Silvermander tries to take credit for, you see those posted here as well, seeing how they are things that were created in The Town of Old Orchard Beach, Maine.

Because I help local businesses in the Town of Old Orchard Beach, Maine, with their SEO and offline promotions and internet marketingmaking money online, you see that stuff here too.

I'm a vlogger and a gamer, both of which are done in the Town of Old Orchard Beach, Maine and thus you see me talking about how I do my YouTube career as well.

The Town of Old Orchard Beach, Maine has a lot of history to it, a lot of things to do and see while you are here, a lot of cultures and traditions found no where else, including not found elsewhere in the State of Maine.

Because a lot goes on in our town, I am able to cover a lot of topics which on first appearances don't seem to go together, until you realize, they are all things you can find, see, and visit here in The Town of Old Orchard Beach, Maine.

In other words, if you can find it in The Town of Old Orchard Beach, Maine, then you can find it on my site, no matter what it is: from amphibious aliens to zoos that shut down in the 1970s... if it ever existed in The Town of Old Orchard Beach, Maine, it is on my website.

This website is the largest and most visited site on the internet that is devoted to The Town of Old Orchard Beach, Maine. 


And for those who ask "Why EelKat.com?" Because that's my name, and in testing out various search result on the old url, it was determined most people looking for articles written by me, typed the search term "eelkat of squidoo" and were NOT seeking out my articles by searching "old orchard beach". My name outranks the town's name in search engine optimization tests we did in 2013, before changing the url.

This site was founded in August 17, 1997 with new pages added almost daily since then, there are now 6,000+ pages on SpaceDock13, but not all of them are public access. If you reach a page that asks you to log in with a password, that page is members access only, reserved for members of our writing group. You have to be a local author and attend the meetings to gain password access to the private pages of this site. At the moment only 1,030 pages are public access. However 700+ of those are set to "no follow" so you CAN NOT go to Google/Bing/Yahoo/DogPile/Jeeves and search for them as I have search engine bots blocks from indexing them. There are only about 300 pages that have search engine bot access, all other pages can only be accessed by clicking links to them, found on other pages of this site. It has changed urls multiple times as best fit the times. As of September 23, 2013, this site is now on EelKat.com url.

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dancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing 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Here... have a banana... internet marketing "guru" Tom Addams thought we didn't have enough of them around here, so, gotta add some more...

heck... take an entire bunch of bananas...




and you might as well take some some banana bread while you're here...

And let's not forget those dancing pickles...

here...

have a pickle...

yeah, you know where to stick it.

dancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing 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and broccoli... can't forget the broccoli!

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Might as well toss you an entire fruit salad...

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We here at EelKat.com don't like the Ku Klux Klan or any one who supports their domestic terrorist hate crimes in Old Orchard Beach...and that's what this is about.

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Wondering why all these bananas are here?

Well my goodness gracious! You just haven't read Flamboyant Nipples yet.

Ku Klux Klan's web site about the LGBTQA+ citizens of Old Orchard Beach.

Built by Tom Addams - internet marketing "guru".

It 'cussed them of fucking flamboyant sheep with pink bananas... we just had to go out and find some flamboyant sheep and pink bananas to add to this site, now didn't we? ... you just knew I would.

And there you have it, that's what this site is about. 

The Town of Old Orchard Beach, Maine, brought to you by EelKat... bringing you online insanity on a stick since 1997...

What's a website in the Space Dock 13 Network without Gene Wilder memee?

...and what better town for the queen of insanity to feature on her website then the small Maine town where residents are so insane they inspire Stephen King to write about how insane Maine residents are?







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