Got a Local Business That Needs Targeted Traffic?
The question also asked:
"What are the sources
for getting instant traffic for any website?"
I know people tend to laugh at the fact that I refuse to make any attempts at gaining traffic, and I've never paid for traffic either, absolutely refuse to, but fact remains, organic traffic is gonna convert better then any form of instant high traffic. Outside of a few rare and unexplained boosts in traffic, most months my best performing site (the one that brings in the bulk of the income) only gets 1,000 to 3,000 page views. I have other sites with way higher traffic, but it's more general traffic and doesn't convert as well. The traffic to my best money making site, comes direct from people just searching in Google, Bing, Yahoo, DogPile, FanFiction .net, Tumblr, and Reddit on their own when looking for something. Because they were searching SPECIFICALLY for the topic in question, they end up being someone who actually interested in buying products.
My main source of income is people buying my art off Zazzle, my books off Amazon, my fabric off SpoonFlower, or my hand crafted items off Etsy. Direct sales make up more then 80% of my online income. The remainder being from AdSense. I live in Maine, so the option to do affiliate marketing [I](which was illegal in Maine)[/I] was not available until the laws changed April 4, 2017, so I've recently added affiliate links to my site for the first time since starting my website (my site being 19 years old, though it's current url is only 4 years old), but it's been less then 30 days since I added affiliate links to my site so it'll be a while before we know if affiliate income is viable or not.
Perhaps, because I'm from a place where affiliate marketing was illegal and not allowed until 20 days ago, perhaps this is why I've never seen a need to aim at wide spread, non-targeted traffic? Not sure. I'm not familiar with affiliate traffic vs direct sales traffic. I'm used to very narrow focused traffic, targeting just the people who actually want my products, rather then wide flinging looking for traffic from everyone, even those with no interest in my product or even mental comprehension of it.
I deal with a topic (Twinkie Uke Yaoi aka Transgender Fetish) that has a very small audience and is often the butt end of anti-LGBTQ hate jokes from the (largely transphobic and anti-gay) general public Thus why I only focus my search for traffic to Yaoi communities on FanFiction .net and Yaoi sub-Reddits and Yaoi & OtherKin Tumblr communities and similar such places. Because I just narrow focused targeting only people actually interested in the topic itself, I end up with what other site masters view as very low traffic, but the fact remains, my particular topic has an audience of about 7,000 people world-wide, and I'm getting traffic for nearly half of them. It's repeat traffic from those same few thousand people over and over again and because they are ACTUAL customers as opposed to random browsers, this results in a high rate of sales conversion, even though a seemingly low number of monthly page views.
It also helps if you are very active online and offline in the community of your topic. I am transgender myself, btw. And being part of the trans community, means I also have access to most of the private forums, FB groups, and communities for transvestites who make up a large portion of my target audience; because I am also OtherKin (ElvenKin) I am also active in the LARPing, CosPlay and Convention circuit - meaning I go to conventions and meet with CosPlayers, Kin, and Furries face to face and have actually meet in person, 30,000 of my readers; being Carnival Gypsies we also travel in Festival and Carnival circuits and do a lot of offline sales of my books, art,, and crafts direct in face to face sales as well. I live in Old Orchard Beach, a beach front tourist town run by "Stephen King's" Gypsies (this being the town he filmed the Thinner in) and hand out business cards to all the tourists who come up here to my farm, which was the filming location of Thinner. Because I meet most target audience in person, often multiple times as they return each summer, I don't have a need to target anyone else.
In other words, my
experience has been that the BEST traffic for your site is not online
traffic, but rather offline traffic, local traffic, people in the
real world, who you can send to your site directly. This results in a
large portion of my site visitors, actually typing the url, rather
then searching for a keyword at random, resulting in even higher
targeted traffic and even high sales conversion, even though the
traffic itself is very low/not many page views per month.
I would think that
every niche is the same way. Where if you are actively participating
in the topic's community, both online and offline, you get better
conversions of page views vs sales, because you are targeting your
primary audience specifically, rather then just tossing out blind
requests for traffic from everyone on the planet. Each niche has an
audience, and narrow focusing your marketing towards just that one
audience will give you better sales conversions, then wide flung
traffic coming from everywhere and buying nothing, because they are
not your target audience.
I would suggest,
rather then seeking lots of traffic, you instead write up a profile
of who exactly your target customer is and then focus on getting out
there where they are. My feelings are that smaller but targeted
traffic is far better then general non-targeted traffic.
"How many page views do you get each day? I was told not to monetize my site until I had 10,000 page views a day, but you seem to be living off your online income with much less."
Before I answer your question. Let's start posting pigeon pictures. I want to see, if you can guess, WHY I'm posting pictures of pigeons in my answer to your question. I will tell you, so don't worry, you'll find out if you don't already know why pigeons are important to answering your question.
The thing is, if you DON'T know why pigeons are VERY important in answering your question, that tells me, you don't know much about SEO or internet marketing. Before you head off to build a website hoping to monetize it through SEO and traffic... you might want to do a bit of research on pigeons in reference to SEO.
Now, if you DO know what pigeons have to do with SEO, then, yay, you!
Let's jump into answering that question of your's now, shall we?
It's like I keep saying over and over again: you don't need HIGH TRAFFIC to your site, if you have HIGHLY TARGETED keyword usage.
My site averages around 300 page views per day, most days, which in online marketing terms is considered pretty low. In my high traffic days I get up to 3,000 page views a day. (Making this the highest trafficked, most visited website headquartered out of Old Orchard Beach. There are a few hundred business owned sites in our town, none of them get the traffic levels of EelKat.com) It fluctuates seasonally, with my site getting most of it's traffic during tourist season when more people are searching for information about The Town of Old Orchard Beach, Maine.
Most internet marketing gurus tell you, not even to bother monetizing your site until you are getting at minimum 10,000 page views a day. That's just absolute foolishness. Tell, me, how much money did that scam artist, I mean guru, ask for to tell you that load of guano?
Reminds me of the guano heads that scammed a guy out of $30k before he realized they weren't real "internet marketing gurus".
Don't fall for the fantasy of making money online as told by the scam artists who make money by telling you how to make money and never once did any of the things they are telling you to do.
Reminds me of the American scam artists who pretend to Gypsy fortune tellers, when they ain't got a drop of Gypsy DNA in their veins. They are just trying to scam people out of money and they give us REAL Gypsies a bad name when they do it. Pisses me of.
Beware of where you get your making money online advice from. Make sure they are ACTUALLY DOING what it is they are telling you to do, and not just rehashing some PLR marketing course they bought to resell to you, without every ACTUALLY DOING any of the methods in it.
I'm fully transparent in what I do. Tell it like it is. Tell you what worked for me, how I did it, what didn't work for me, what I did, and leave it at that.
I don't tell you what you SHOULD or MUST do to make money. I tell you simply what it is I did myself and results I got good or bad, and let you decide from that if it's something you think you want to try.
I'm not trying to sell you some get-rich-quick-money-making-scheme so I have no motive to hype up fake results, the way they do.
I'm not selling email lists or backlinks, so unlike them, I've no reason to promote either method. Make sure you look at who gave you that guano load of advice telling you to have 10,000 page views before monetizing...9 times out of 10 people who give that advice, are ALSO selling FAKE page views.
No niche topic content site needs high traffic, it only needs targeted traffic and don't you let any scam artist internet marketing guru tell you otherwise.
This is a pigeon.
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My site is about The Town of Old Orchard Beach, Maine, and it's primary audience are in fact the RESIDENTS of The Town of Old Orchard Beach, Maine, a town that only has 3,000 residents.
I have a target audience of 3,000 people total on the planet. If I waited for 10,000 page views a day, I'd have a long wait.
Did you ever notice my website url is painted on my car?
Or the fact that I hand out several thousand business cards to summer tourists every summer?
Or the fact that only a small fraction of my books are available online, with most of them sold direct sales from my car?
Or that while I talk about my psychic readings and spell casting services online, you can only buy them offline and in person?
I am running a local business and my income is dependent on both local residents and summer tourists.
It's rather stupid for me to market my website to the world, when most of the world is never going to come here to Old Orchaard Beach to buy from me locally.
Yes, a few of my books and most of my art can be bought online, but the bulk of my online marketing is to drive LOCAL traffic to my local business.
Let me repeat that:
My primary audience are in fact the RESIDENTS of The Town of Old Orchard Beach, Maine, a town that only has 3,000 residents.
Figure out what Pigeon has to do with this yet? Keep reading, I'm about to tell you.
Because of the way my site is set up, I can track every ispn that visits my site, and you know what? Those 300 average views a day are coming from within a 2 mile radius of my driveway, meaning not only are they residents of my town, but they live on Portland Ave right along with me.
And there's only 3,000 year round residents in this town... days I'm getting 3,000 views means EVERY PERSON in the town is reading a page of my site that day.
Note when I say 3,000 I mean the people who ACTUALLY live here. Owning a vacation home, staying here at any point from May to October only, and only staying a few weeks, doesn't make you a resident. It makes you a vacationing tourists who simple owns a summer home as opposed to renting like other tourists do. Brave the winters here, year after year for a few decades and then many I'll consider you some one who actually lives here.
Our town had 12,000 year round residents in 2007, in ADDITION to the 12,000 summer homers. Since 2010, and the mass exodus of 9,000 winter residents, we now only have 3,000 who are here 12 months of the year.
My ability to make a full time living off an online income and do so while living in The Town of Old Orchard Beach, Maine is another topic you see me cover here, as I'm doing what just about every "internet marketing guru" says should be impossible - making money online WITHOUT a list, without buying ads, without backlinks, and with what is considered by most internet marketers to be low traffic.
Think about it: no lists; no backlinks, no paid ads, no bought views, and 100% targeted traffic with a 46% click rate.
You heard that... 46% click rate. That means instead of averaging 10 ad clicks per 1,000 views I'm getting 46 ad clicks per 100 page views.
Did you know the average internet marketer reports 1.3% click rate. I get 46%, with only a quarter of their pages views. It's called niche topic targeted traffic and it works...
...and pigeons are how.
Think long and hard on that 46% click rate.
First there was Panda.
Then there was Penguin.
Next came Hummingbird.
Fast followed by Phantom.
Then they unleashed Pigeon.
Followed by RankBrain.
Now there's FRED.
Those are the Big Bots.
Google has hundreds smaller ones. And if you own a web site, you can guarantee you are gonna get attacked by every one of them. Google is gonna send their entire barnyard at you and if you aren't on top of what's going on in the Google zoo, your website will be mascaraed by Google blood-thirsty hoard before you can even get off the ground.
And while other web master run in terror from the Google Zoo, I choose to run with the pack, move as the flock moves. Dive when when the flock dives, soar when the flock soars, and my 46% ad click rate is proof this method of galloping along side the Google Hoards works.
Why is this possible?
I focus all of my SEO on Pigeon.
And while Panda, Penguin, Hummingbird, Phantom, RankBrain, and FRED as raising hell of internet marketers everywhere, I'm flying under their radar and soaring into local search results with Pigeon.
The Google bots can make or break your site. Know the bots and you don't have to try to get high traffic, you only have to get targeted traffic.
If you want to target local residents you want to work with Pigeon.
If you are a small mom & pop business (like I am) with no need for a global presence seeking only local business (like I do), then traffic from all over the planet is NOT what you want. Rather you want traffic from ONLY a 15 mile radius of your business location.
And you will NOT get local traffic UNLESS you focus on targeting Google's Pigeon.
Pigeon is the Google bot that sends local traffic to small business websites.
Most internet marketers build the SEO of their website with Google's Panda or Penguin in mind.
The majority of internet marketers will tell you not to even bother worrying about Pigeon.
They say, target the world, buy backlinks, buy lists, buy ads, buy fake traffic... and in the end they get clicks per thousand while I'm getting clicks per hundred.
However, Google designed Pigeon to seek out LOCAL LISTING websites, and instead of putting it in world-wide search results, puts it in search results made by people from the same zip code as the website's location.
I'm not targeting every person on the planet. I'm targeting ONLY people interested in The Town of Old Orchard Beach, Maine.
Thus I focus my SEO on targeting Google Pigeon.
To get local, local, local, you NEED pigeon, pigeon, pigeon. There's no way around it. Instead of fearing the Google Bots I learn to work with them.
My web site is located at 04064-1520 (146 Portland Ave) and more then 80% of my traffic comes from 04064, the majority of it from Portland Ave and Cascade Rd, here in The Town of Old Orchard Beach, Maine.
Did you know that 14% of the population of Old Orchard Beach, reads at least one page of my site EVERY DAY.
You want to know what else I have... if you're an internet marketer, get ready to have a heart attack with this next number...
My average page time is 0:7:43.
Average internet marketer reports 0:0:30 as GOOD page time. 30 seconds of time spent reading your page is considered average. My viewers actually stay long enough to read what I wrote. And as I'm actually writing stuff with the goal of it BEING READ rather then writing 400 word meaningless nothing just to have a place to post ads, that long page time tells Google my site has REAL content that keeps readers reading and coming back for more.
That's means my viewers stay on EACH page of my site for an average of 7 minutes and 43 seconds. And that's site wide total.
Amphibious Aliens averages 0:12:57 (12 minutes and 57 seconds)
The World's Most Haunted Car averages 0:20:12 (20 minutes and 12 seconds)
I have 84% REPEAT TRAFFIC.
The SAME ispns return to those same two pages and average of 3 times a day, for a period of 7 to 12 days. Meaning they return multiple times to read the ENTIRE article.
Some weeks those 2 pages each average 02:00:00 view time - meaning the viewers stays for 2 full hours to read the entire article in one sitting.
New to the site is Flamboyant Nipples, only a few days old and all ready that one page is averaging 198 views a day with a view time of 15+ minutes per visit, with repeat visits from the same readers, returning multiple times over a period of several days to read the entire page.
56% of that repeat traffic is from readers who live less then 7 miles of Portland Ave, Old Orchard Beach.
So while you may be content to have an average 30 seconds of page view time, I'm getting an average of 7 minutes across the board, with up to 2 hours on a page by page stat.
While you may be content with averaging 10 clicks per 1,000 (thousand) views, I'm getting 46 clicks per 100 (hundred).
While you may be content with 3% repeat traffic, I'm getting 84%.
And while you may be content with targeting every one and reaching no one, I'm targeting only a specific demographic and seeing actual results.
Do you have any idea how many small businesses on the planet would kill to get the kind of local traffic percentages I'm getting?
I'm a member of a "local business SEO training program" that sends out 3 new courses a week, plus gives me access to all of the courses they've made since 2003. It costs $30 a month, but it's hell worth it.
When Panda hit in 2012 I was already two steps ahead.
When Hummingbird went slashing through, it didn't touch me because I already knew it was coming and had made changes to my site before it hit.
When Google's Penguin army stampeded across the internet I side swiped them by knowing what they were looking for a cutting it all out of my site before the Penguin army made their death march across the internet.
When Google unleashed Pigeon I learned to sail hand in hand with the flock of death, rise above their death flap instead being crushed by it.
I follow Google's every move obsessively, know every algorithm change, learn the patterns of every bot and learn to work with them not against them.
It's called white hat SEO. It means I obey Google rules to the letter and use no black hat SEO methods. Google likes that.
THAT's why I can do what I do: live full time off my income with only a fraction of the traffic the internet marketing "gurus" claim you MUST have to succeed.
I don't try to get wide spread global traffic, because the entire planet is not my target audience.
My target audience is any one interested in The Town of Old Orchard Beach, Maine.
And let's face it, there's no way around this part: Old Orchard Beach is not for every one. We get sweltering heat for 3 months of the year, followed by 3 months of hurricanes, and then spend the rest of the year with -20F average sub zero daily temps and braving the daily onslaughts of 3 foot blizzards burying us back to back.
There are people around here with doors on their roofs... tourists ask "What's that for?"... it's so we have a door taller then the 21 feet of snow we can expect to have come February.
Then you got the local crazies to deal with - big burly men, stomping around with their rifles... and hey... visit WalMart, you can buy those rifles over the counter, no permits, no background checks, no questions asked. (We gun protesters have our work cut out for us to change Maine laws and make it tougher for deranged KKK terrorists the guns. The KKK is a big problem around here and they wouldn't half so dangerous if they had to get permits and background checks on those guns they shoot at gay men with.)
Red necks with pimped out cars that dance better then humans can.
Drug dealers who can get away with anything because the police are their best customers.
A tavern next door to the kinder garden and primary school.
Gay men hanging naked from flag poles.
This is not a pigeon.
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The town that invented the nudy shirt. Step into a photo booth naked, get your boobs or dick screen printed onto your speedos than walk around, "almost" naked and pretend you're on a nudest beach.
Ku Klux klan marching the streets at sunset.
Lobster men with machine guns shooting other lobster men's boats out of the water.
Nazis wearing swastika arm bands and shouting "Hail Hitler!"
Moose strolling down main street.
Home of New England's Port-A-Potty King. (Who is also my next door neighbour - the view from my yard is about 20,000 port-a-potties; dozens of garbage trucks, and few dozen honey dipper sewage trucks.)
Family friendly by virtue of being the 99.9% white town of the 99.9% white state of Maine, the whitest town of the whitest state. Only town in the country to pass a law banning gays from owning property, as part of their campaign to make the town "family friendly"... forget about the Nazis, KKK, drug dealers, shoot outs, and topless bars, no it's the gay men they drive out to make the town "safe for children". It's the KKK hanging gay CHILDREN from flagpoles, you stupid 'gits!
Welcome to Old Orchard Beach, Maine.
The honky tonk capital of New England. Quebec's playground.
It's an acquired taste.
It's not for every one.
This is not a pigeon either.
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We who live here, we love it.
The rest of the world looks at us and thinks we're all nuts. Our entire town is a freak show.
But, think about it... most of the world has no interest at all in the daily lives of us hicks in the sticks. So why bother targeting the world? I only need to target the people who actually know and like this psychobilly crazy town as much as I do.
Other then the local residents, the summer tourists, and Stephen King, (who based more then a dozen books off our town, because the creepy nut-case residents are so whack-a-doodle) not many people on the planet are interested in The Town of Old Orchard Beach, Maine.
If you are reading this, it's because somehow you wanted to know something about something (person, event, or thing) that exists in Old Orchard Beach.
And, if you said "No, I was here because...." EVERYTHING on this site, exists in Old Orchard Beach (even me) and if you had any interest in anything on this site, that therefore translates into an interest in Old Orchard Beach, even if you didn't know Old Orchard Beach was the place where that thing existed.
Yes. There you go. Logic by EelKat. Totally free of charge!
And just think, you could have bought a stolen version of this article for the low price of $299.99 over on the Warrior's Forum. I didn't charge you a penny for it.
Continuing on with the question...
"So what is your website about, anyways? I couldn't determine your site topic."
What Is This Site?
My site covers one topic and one topic only.
The Town of Old Orchard Beach, Maine.
And while it covers just one, single, solitary topic, it also covers every, single, tiniest, minutest, possible aspect of that one topic.
On first appearances, it may seem that I have "hundreds" of "completely random" topics all over the place, however, when you start to ACTUALLY READ the articles, you realize fast that in reality my site as only one topic: The Town of Old Orchard Beach, Maine.
EVERY single topic on my site, is about The Town of Old Orchard Beach, Maine.
The free sample chapter book excepts are from novels set in The Town of Old Orchard Beach, Maine.
The writing topics are about writing books set in The Town of Old Orchard Beach, Maine.
And writing the racist white power bigots of Old Orchard Beach accurately in your novels set in Maine.
Ku Klux Klan activity in The Town of Old Orchard Beach, Maine.
The Gypsy history topics are about the Gypsies who live in The Town of Old Orchard Beach, Maine. Including answering Stephen King fan questions about Thinner, and the endless questions about Gypsy Magic and Gypsy Religion Practices, as well as Gypsy Fortune Telling.
The art topics are about art by artists who live in The Town of Old Orchard Beach, Maine.
The world's most haunted car is a tourist attraction that can be found in The Town of Old Orchard Beach, Maine.
The alien encounters, abductions, and ufo sightings mentioned on this site, all occurred in The Town of Old Orchard Beach, Maine.
All the animals, plants, brooks, rivers, parks, etc mentioned on this site are ones you can find in The Town of Old Orchard Beach, Maine.
Restaurants reviewed, are all in The Town of Old Orchard Beach, Maine.
The site focuses a lot of writing fantasy and self-publishing, because that's my job, a job I do here in The Town of Old Orchard Beach, Maine.
Because I write Yaoi about Elves, Phookas, and Wizards and set those books in a Medieval version of The Town of Old Orchard Beach, Maine, you also find my question & answer sessions with readers, writers, and authors posted here as well, along with my rants at writers who refuse to do their own work and the lazy wanna-bes who think they have to other authors to do everything for them (they used to be on A Writer's Desk - a different website, that I also own - EelKat.com being only one of my more then 200 websites.)
Because I've done NaNoWriMo every year since 2004, winning all but 2 years, and writing 50,000 words in 3 days instead of 30 days, you see all my old Squidoo articles on how I did it here as well. (I do my NaNoWriMo Writing at The Old Orchard Beach Library.)
Because I'm a code writer, creating Random Generators for writers, and the creator of the infamous Dare Generator, that Kendra Silvermander tries to take credit for, you see those posted here as well, seeing how they are things that were created in The Town of Old Orchard Beach, Maine.
Because I help local businesses in the Town of Old Orchard Beach, Maine, with their SEO and offline promotions and internet marketingmaking money online, you see that stuff here too.
I'm a vlogger and a gamer, both of which are done in the Town of Old Orchard Beach, Maine and thus you see me talking about how I do my YouTube career as well.
The Town of Old Orchard Beach, Maine has a lot of history to it, a lot of things to do and see while you are here, a lot of cultures and traditions found no where else, including not found elsewhere in the State of Maine.
Because a lot goes on in our town, I am able to cover a lot of topics which on first appearances don't seem to go together, until you realize, they are all things you can find, see, and visit here in The Town of Old Orchard Beach, Maine.
In other words, if you can find it in The Town of Old Orchard Beach, Maine, then you can find it on my site, no matter what it is: from amphibious aliens to zoos that shut down in the 1970s... if it ever existed in The Town of Old Orchard Beach, Maine, it is on my website.
This website is the largest and most visited site on the internet that is devoted to The Town of Old Orchard Beach, Maine.
And for those who ask "Why EelKat.com?" Because that's my name, and in testing out various search result on the old url, it was determined most people looking for articles written by me, typed the search term "eelkat of squidoo" and were NOT seeking out my articles by searching "old orchard beach". My name outranks the town's name in search engine optimization tests we did in 2013, before changing the url.
This site was founded in August 17, 1997 with new pages added almost daily since then, there are now 6,000+ pages on SpaceDock13, but not all of them are public access. If you reach a page that asks you to log in with a password, that page is members access only, reserved for members of our writing group. You have to be a local author and attend the meetings to gain password access to the private pages of this site. At the moment only 1,030 pages are public access. However 700+ of those are set to "no follow" so you CAN NOT go to Google/Bing/Yahoo/DogPile/Jeeves and search for them as I have search engine bots blocks from indexing them. There are only about 300 pages that have search engine bot access, all other pages can only be accessed by clicking links to them, found on other pages of this site. It has changed urls multiple times as best fit the times. As of September 23, 2013, this site is now on EelKat.com url.
Here... have a banana... internet marketing "guru" Tom Addams thought we didn't have enough of them around here, so, gotta add some more...
heck... take an entire bunch of bananas...
and you might as well take some some banana bread while you're here...
And let's not forget those dancing pickles...
have a pickle...
yeah, you know where to stick it.
and broccoli... can't forget the broccoli!
Might as well toss you an entire fruit salad...
We here at EelKat.com don't like the Ku Klux Klan or any one who supports their domestic terrorist hate crimes in Old Orchard Beach...and that's what this is about.
Wondering why all these bananas are here?
Well my goodness gracious! You just haven't read Flamboyant Nipples yet.
Ku Klux Klan's web site about the LGBTQA+ citizens of Old Orchard Beach.
Built by Tom Addams - internet marketing "guru".
It 'cussed them of fucking flamboyant sheep with pink bananas... we just had to go out and find some flamboyant sheep and pink bananas to add to this site, now didn't we? ... you just knew I would.
And there you have it, that's what this site is about.
The Town of Old Orchard Beach, Maine, brought to you by EelKat... bringing you online insanity on a stick since 1997...
What's a website in the Space Dock 13 Network without Gene Wilder memee?
...and what better town for the queen of insanity to feature on her website then the small Maine town where residents are so insane they inspire Stephen King to write about how insane Maine residents are?
Crazy is as Crazy Does
And on that note... people always ask:
"Are you insane?"
Here's something to think about...
I'm an entertainer...
I mock the bullies who bully me, by taking their bullying and embracing it...
I can turn my "crazy" on and off at will...
We are carnival Gypsies.
I grew up in a side show.
We go out of our way to "act crazy" on purpose, for money. It's what us side show performers do.
I was trained as a professional clown from the age of 6.
I can be "normal" when I have to be because, my "crazy" is an act...
You want to make a fool of yourself, by showing the world how crazy you are?
Hey, have at it.
I'll respond by making an even BIGGER fool of MYSELF, to point how big of fool you really are...
...and I'll get paid for it.
Because as a side show clown, being professional fool, by mocking real fools like you, is my job.
And if I can use my job to bring awareness to the world of the exist of gay-hating white trash like you, then that's what I'm gonna do.