Pronouns For Fantasy Authors and How I Use Them: Just Lots of Talk About How I Use Pronouns

My answer to  when writing a scene with only two people, 1 male & 1 female. once you establish their identity, do you ever refer to them by their name or only by he/she, since the reader knows who they are? Or use their name just to mix it up?

#writers when writing a scene with only two people, 1 male & 1 female. once you establish their identity, do you ever refer to them by their name or only by he/she, since the reader knows who they are? Or use their name just to mix it up?

— 📚 Jean M. Roberts ~ Author 📚 (@jroberts1324) October 6, 2023

>>>when writing a scene with only two people, 1 male & 1 female. once you establish their identity, do you ever refer to them by their name or only by he/she, since the reader knows who they are? Or use their name just to mix it up?

>>>when writing a scene with only two people, 1 male & 1 female. once you establish their identity, do you ever refer to them by their name or only by he/she, since the reader knows who they are? Or use their name just to mix it up?

I don't think about it in the 1st draft, so it ends up a mix bag. In editing, I make sure every 5th personal pronoun is a proper name. So if it had been Tom, Beth, he, her, she, him, he, she, he, she, his, her's, he, she. I change it to: Tom, Beth, he, her, she, him, Tom, she, he, she, his, Beth's, he, she. And so on. I don't know why, I just have always done it that way.

My answer to  Names, tags, and pronouns. I use more tags ("the red-headed sleuth," "the one-eyed man," "the handsome Latina") when it's two characters with the same pronouns, but I use a mix at all times

Names, tags, and pronouns. I use more tags ("the red-headed sleuth," "the one-eyed man," "the handsome Latina") when it's two characters with the same pronouns, but I use a mix at all times.

— R. Jean Mathieu (@trueroscoe) October 6, 2023

>>>Names, tags, and pronouns. I use more tags ("the red-headed sleuth," "the one-eyed man," "the handsome Latina") when it's two characters with the same pronouns, but I use a mix at all times

>>>Names, tags, and pronouns. I use more tags ("the red-headed sleuth," "the one-eyed man," "the handsome Latina") when it's two characters with the same pronouns, but I use a mix at all times

Yeah, I do this too. My mc gets called "the blue eyed Elf" way more then he gets called by either his name or pronoun, lol! Probably too much. I think I use epitaphs way more than I should.

My answer to  When to use "he"?
Advice
I am writing a story in 3rd person omniscient viewpoint. When do I repeat the characters name when he is thinking or performing an action and when can I just use he?

>>>When to use "he"?

Advice

I am writing a story in 3rd person omniscient viewpoint. When do I repeat the characters name when he is thinking or performing an action and when can I just use he?

>>>When to use "he"? Advice I am writing a story in 3rd person omniscient viewpoint. When do I repeat the characters name when he is thinking or performing an action and when can I just use he?

It depends.

Like it depends on:

• * The tone of the story:

Is it fast paced, moving quickly, heart pounding, monster chasing, need to move for speed? Or is it an elderly couple slowly meandering along, chatting while watching the sun set, and just enjoying the view?

• * The flow/pacing:

Do I want the reader to slow down and look around the scene noticing clues that'll be important to the plot later on? Vs do I want the reader to be so immersed in the scene that they flow through it quickly like melted butter?

• * The narrator:

If 1st person, how does the character refer to themselves? If 3rd person is it the character who is the narrator (if so how do they call themselves?) or is it a "bird on the shoulder" type of narrator (if so, how do they refer to the character?)?

• * The setting/atmosphere:

Is it in a boat on a nice, warm, safe, sunny day on the lake? Or is it on a ghost ship that just rose up out of the sea during a deadly, dark, and stormy hurricane?

All of these things are going to play are part in what exactly I decide to do, so it's going to change on a scene by scene, story by story basis. I'm not an author who lays down one "rule" and then mass forces every story to rigidly adhere to it. I do what is best for each scene within each story, and I may end up doing many different methods even in a single story.

But, I am a creature of habit and I do tend to fall back on the same things again and again.

Also, I'm someone who puts a big, heavy focus on character emotions, inner monologues, and the setting/atmosphere/tone of the scene, so I change what I do based on how these things change as well.

However, as a base general rule, I have a starting point, where I start from and then change from there, depending on what the scene in question needs.

Now, keep in mind this is just a thing I do in my own stories and it may or may not be a good fit for yours. It's not an actual grammar rule, but rather a thing I found that personally helps me out.

I have a personal "rule" that I gave myself (it's not an actual grammar rule, just a rule I made up for myself, in order to not have pronoun confusion in my own works) to never repeat he/she/they/etc pronouns more then 5 times in a row, and replace 1 in every 5 with the character's name, placing it where it reads/sounds best when read, and to add descriptors in places where 2 characters of the same gender might be confused with one another if too many pronouns are too close together.

Also, in my 1st drafts, I’m prone to a heavy overuse of “was” and “as”, which I edit out in my 2nd drafts, via rewording the sentences to be more active, less verbose, and more fluid. And I see that your example here has that same issue, which in and over itself, can lead to an overuse of “it”, and I think it why “it” is getting over used so much in your instance.

But also don't just replace the pronouns with descriptors like "the blonde girl", "the brown eyed officer", etc. Because those don't always fit and could confuse the reader. Use descriptors, yes, but don't just replace them at random. Use them only when it is logical to do so. Read it out loud to make sure they don't interrupt pacing, flow, or logic.

With that rule in mind, I personally, would change something like this:

• Jim is a male cop. Jim (The cop) went on patrol. He responded to a call. After the call, he went to lunch. Jim (The cop) finished his shift without incident and went home.

...to this:

• * James T. Brody was a rookie patrol officer of The Old Orchard Beach Police Department, hired on for summer beach duty. After responding to a minor call with a tourist being bitten by a seagull, he went to lunch. Jim bought a jumbo slice of pizza from Bill's and poured vinegar on his Pier Fries, then sat on the edge of the town square water fountain to watch the amusement rides of Palace Playland. After his lunch break, Officer Brody finished the remainder of his shift without incident. It had been a long dull, boring day. He was glad to be home for the night.

You could add additional details like this:

• * James T. Brody was a blue eyed, bleach blond, rookie patrol officer of The Old Orchard Beach Police Department, hired on for summer beach duty. After responding to a minor call with a tourist being bitten by a seagull, he went to lunch. Jim bought a jumbo slice of pizza from Bill's and poured vinegar on his Pier Fries, then sat on the edge of the town square water fountain to watch the amusement rides of Palace Playland. His dark blue uniform contrasted starkly with the dark red brick sidewalks. After his lunch break, Officer Brody finished the remainder of his shift without incident. It had been a long, dull, boring day. He was glad to be home for the night.

...which now tells us more details about what he looks like (blue eyes, bleach blond, wearing a blue uniform) but don't get carried away with it and add so many details that it becomes clunky and jarring to read. You want to add enough flavour that the reader can visualize your character, but not so much detail that it becomes a dull, dry, boring info dump.

I don't think there is anything wrong with sprinkling in descriptors, as long as you read it out loud so you can hear if it flows smoothly, and do it in a way that adds to the scene, rather than breaking the reader out of immersion.

Now, let's count the pronouns, so you can see my "rule of 5" in action:

• * '*James T. Brody*'(1) was a '*rookie patrol officer*'(2) of The Old Orchard Beach Police Department, hired on for summer beach duty. After responding to a minor call with a tourist being bitten by a seagull, '*he*'(3) went to lunch. '*Jim*'(4) bought a jumbo slice of pizza from Bill's and poured vinegar on '*his*'(5) Pier Fries, then sat on the edge of the town square water fountain to watch the amusement rides of Palace Playland. After '*his*'(6) lunch break, '*Officer Brody*'(7) finished the remainder of '*his*'(8) shift without incident. It had been a long dull, boring day. '*He*'(9) was glad to be home for the night.

This section contains 9 nouns for one character, and I mixed them up in a logical/clarity order, that allows for none to be repeated more then 3 times within a 5 noun sequence.

• * This: James T. Brody(1), rookie patrol officer(2), he(3), Jim(4), his(5), his(6), Officer Brody(7), his(8), He(9)

It combines variety with clarity, in a way that does not distract from the scene or confuse the reader.

It's not repetitious, while also not posing confusion for who is being referred to. It also alerts the reader to both his full name (James T. Brody) and his nickname (Jim) and his title (Officer Brody) so that the reader knows from now on, these 3 pronouns are the same man.

Notice when I introed him I used his full name, including "James" instead of his nickname "Jim", but when he was off-duty I used the less formal "Jim" and then, when he went back on duty I switched to more formal "Officer Brody".

Notice I changed the word cop to police officer and specified a location. This is because, my dad was an officer back in the 1960s and I grew up around a lot of police officers, was friends of many "cop" families most of my life, and growing up I saw a stark difference in the attitudes of people who said "cop" from the people who said "officer".

• * I my personal experience - 99% of the time, if someone said "cop" they were prone to have a chip on their shoulder against their local police, be highly instigative, they were often spouting off anti government conspiracies alongside weird alien abduction stories-bigfoot/cryptid sightings/UFO sightings, they had a severe lack of disrespect for authority in general, and overall hold a general belief that "cops" were "out to get them".

And also:

• * I my personal experience - 99% of the time, if someone said "officer" they were prone to not be breaking the law even on minor levels (no drinking, no drugs, no speeding tickets, no jaywalking, etc)., they had a higher than average education (usually a Master's degree or higher), had a professional level career (the type requiring wearing a suit or uniform, such as doctors, lawyers, postal/mail carriers, firemen, etc.), they were less prone to violent outbursts, they were more prone to talk calmly and rationally, they were not spouting off conspiracy theories about cops/aliens/bigfoot/etc.

Due to this, whenever I see the word "cop" in narration, I immediately assume the narrator is an unreliable narrator who can not be trusted to tell the truth because they wouldn't be using the term "cop" if they were a trustworthy, not paranoid, conspiracy theorist.

Likewise when I see the word "officer" in narration, I am more prone to trust that the narrator is intelligent, is not some creepazoid UFO-crazy nut job, and is someone who has respect for authority.

I have a deep dislike for UFO-crazies (I am "EelKat Etiole's Friend"-google me if you are not a UFO crazy-if you are a UFO crazy, rest assured I will find out soon enough and block you everywhere. I want the nut jobs to leave my husband alone, to stop calling him an alien, to stop showing up in my yard looking for EBEs-I'm fucking sick of conspiracy theorists in my yard, chasing after Etiole.)... I have a deep dislike for UFO-crazies and line my yard with steel jaw bear traps to keep them out, soooo... I absolutely refuse to use the word "cop" unless the character/narrator is a dipshit UFO-crazy. Thus why I changed it to "officer".

Side tangent rant, yes, I know, but I say this to show you how my brain thinks, and how my personal life experiences fall into play, to change the types of pronouns I use in my stories.

I'm NOT saying you should change out cop vs officer the way I do, rather I am pointing out that my personal life experience heavily influences which pronouns I choose to use and why I choose to use them. And that this is going to be different for every author, based on your own personal life experiences and how they influence which types of words you use to describe your characters.

So, my personal experience with knowing a lot of police officers, and knowing that they usually ask to be addressed by "Title + Last Name" (Sergeant Brody, Deputy Brody, Officer Brody, Detective Brody, Chief Brody, Deputy Chief Brody, Assistant Director Brody, and so on... there are well over a dozen different titles, and in big cities, some officers prefer "Title + Last Name + Badge Number". Titles are like military ranks too, so, if you are getting into a full story about an officer, you definitely want to research the ranking orders to get it right, because any one who is or knows a police officer is going to notice that error, really fast.

There is nothing wrong with "overuse" of the character's name and gender pronouns. It's actually worse if you don't use the character's name in every paragraph, because then the reader risks forgetting which character the scene is happening to, causing them to flip back a page and ask: "Which character is this again?"

Now there is nothing wrong with it only being "he" BUT the character has become a faceless nobody. Stripping them of their name removes them from being an important character in the story and regulates them to being a minor side character, not important enough to be given a name. Without a name, the reader doesn't give a shit about him and skims faster in his scenes, because they want to get on with the story of the main characters who do have names.

You want the reader to keep seeing the faces of the characters as they read, and doing that requires using the character's name often and frequently.

If you use the name once and then go 10 pages with only using "he" the reader doesn't form a clear visual image of the character in their mind and the character becomes a forgettable faceless nobody.

You don't want readers forgetting who your characters are, so you want to err on the side of overusing the name rather than underusing it and overusing pronouns instead.

Remember you the author always have a clear image of who is who in your head, because you are writing the story, but the reader does not. You need to think of it in terms of how do you make sure the reader never forgets who your characters are and write accordingly.

There is no actual grammar rule about how often to use pronouns vs names, but I found the rule of 5 works well for me, the types of stories I write, and the types of readers my stories attract.

The rule of 5 might work for you as well, or, you might find the mood you are going for needs fewer uses of names and more uses of pronouns or vice versa.

As you get a few dozen stories finished and edited and a few published, you'll start to gain a feel for what works for you, and adjust to that.

It really is a thing that just comes with practice and writing lots of words.

As they say, you aren't proficient in writing until after you've written a million words, and everything before those first million words is just going to be unpublishable practice.

I wonder how many on this sub have done their one million practice words before they set out to write something publishable?

Are you aware that I average writing 3,650,000 words each and every year?

And I publish an average of 1,400,000 words a year.

I write a 10k word short story every single day. I publish 1 to 3 of those 10k word stories every week.

And that doesn't include things like these huge Reddit posts I also write.

I write more than 17k words a day.

I write more than 4 million words a year.

I publish just under 2 million words a year.

If you want to know how to get better at writing, the answer really is to just write a lot, keep writing a lot, write a whole bunch more, and, you'll figure it out just from that practice alone.

Combine that with daily reading professionally published paperback novels and on topic nonfiction, and you'll get better faster.

And onto pictures nonfiction, I don't mean writing books. I mean if your main character is a silk weaver, then read every book you can find on the history of silk weaving, read craft books on how to weave silk, buy some silk threads and silk cloth to touch how it feels and smell how it smells. Visit a silk weaver to ask them questions and touch their looms and feed their silkmoths, and prune their mulberry for yourself. On topic nonfiction reading does wonders for making you a better fiction writer as does hands on research of actually tasting, smelling, and touching the real items.

Write a lot, read a lot, and get off the internet, go outside, and interview real people in your town. That's what is going to help you figure out best how to write.

And yes, this helps with pronoun overuse as well.

How?

Before visiting the local silk weaver, you had a mental image of a faceless nobody, so you wrote, he, he, he, he, he, and left the reader asking who is he?

After visiting the local silk weaver and talking to him face to face, spending the day in his workshop, walking through his mulberry groves, seeing the process of how he takes moths to cloth, now you have a name and a face and a voice in your head, and now he becomes real to you the author because you talking to a real person offline in real life and that experience shines through in your writing as you use names more often because you yourself are no longer thinking of a faceless he, but rather now see the face of the man you met.

Try it and you'll see. Offline, actual first hand research, is going to change how often you use names vs pronouns, because you'll start thinking of your characters as people instead of characters.

As I said above, I personally try to never repeat he/she/they/etc pronouns more then 5 times in a row, and replace 1 in every 5 with the character's name, placing it where it reads/sounds best when read.

So, something like this:

• * Jim(1), he(2), he(3), his(4), Officer Brody(5),

The character is mentioned 5 times, the first and fifth mention are her name, the three mentions in between are gender pronouns. But I don't stick with that so rigorously that it causes confusion.

As you saw in practice in the example above, this:

• * James T. Brody(1), rookie patrol officer(2), he(3), Jim(4), his(5), his(6), Officer Brody(7), his(8), He(9)

... does not EXACTLY follow the 5 times in a row, and replaces 1 in every 5 with the character's name, because doing so would have made the section confusing to read. But it follows it close enough that the rule still applies and is used with minor adjustments.

Remember: always opt for clarity first and foremost. You don't want to leave your reader confused, and you don't want to break them out of immersion. You want variety to fit naturally and flow smoothly without being clunky or jarring, so always read what you wrote out loud to make sure it's not jarring to read.

Also, every time I start a new paragraph, I make sure the first mention of the character is always their name, that way their name is at least once in every paragraph they appear in.

Likewise with dialogue, I use a 300 word rule of making sure the character's name is in the dialogue tags at a rate of about every 300 words.

I frequently write my 1st drafts with no dialogue tags at all, just because my brain is thinking the story faster than my fingers are typing it so I tend to skip typing anything I can remember to add during editing.

When I'm working on the second draft, I copy 300 words to a time into ProWritingAid. There, no matter where in the story it is, if there is any dialogue, I add tags to the first 2 lines. Usually said/replied or asked/answered.

"Blah blah," Sam said.

"Blah blah," Pip replied.

And that's it.

The rest of the dialogue in that 300 word section has no tags.

When I have finished editing that 300 word section, I paste it back into the draft. Then I copy the next 300 word section and repeat.

The end result is if a 900 word dialogue appears in the story, it has 3 sets of 2 dialogue tags, 6 dialogue tags total.

I edit the entire draft in this way.

My reason?

A paperback book has 250 to 350 words per page depending on font size. By editing in the way I do, it results in every page of dialogue always including tags somewhere on the page, ensuring the reader knows who is talking no matter which page they are reading.

I don't know if any other author does anything like this or not, it's just an editing habit I developed for myself over the years, because it worked out to make my dialogue easier for readers to follow.

But, also, not just with dialogue. When editing my drafts, I highlight every 300 words of text, read that 300 word section, and if a character is there, I make sure to add his name into that 300 word section.

I make certain that the name of the character appears AT LEAST ONCE on every page that character is on, that way my readers never have to flip pages back to remember which "he" this character is. The name is on every page.

As an example of what I mean, let’s say your girl on the stairs is named Jenny. Here’s how I would take one badly written sentence of Jenny on the stairs, and change it into a much better scene:

With that rule in mind, I personally, would change something like this:

• >>>Jenny reaches the central staircase. She knows there is no time to stop, but she needs to catch her breath. So, against her better judgement, the blonde girl stops.

...to this:

• * Jenny reaches the central staircase. Jenny knows there is no time to stop, but she needs to catch her breath. So, against her better judgement, Jenny stops.

Now, I would use action and things like blonde/etc descriptors as well, like this to bring the scene to life even more:

• * Jenny reached the central staircase. Jenny knew there is no time to stop, but she needed to catch her breath. So, against her better judgement, Jenny stopped. Nervously Jenny twirled her blonde hair tightly around her finger, as she took several long, deep, slow breaths. Her green eyes darted side to side, glancing around the room. Perhaps there was a place to hide. She was so out of breath, Jenny was uncertain if she could run much longer. Why hadn't she kept up with her weight loss program? Or her gym membership? Or at least cut back on soda and try to eat healthier? Jenny spied a loose ribbon hanging from the nearby curtain and hastily yanked it off, and used it to tie her long blonde hair back into a ponytail. At least she could keep her hair out of her eyes while she was running.

Something like this, still tells the reader that she is blonde, also reveals both eye colour and the fact that she is a bit overweight and out of shape. It adds to the fact that she's not used to running and is struggling to breath, and it mixes up descriptors, name, and gender pronouns in such a way as to not be as repetitive, while not being as heavy handed and clunky.

I don't think there is anything wrong with sprinkling in descriptors, as long as you read it out loud so you can hear if it flows smoothly, and do it in a way that adds to the scene, rather than breaking the reader out of immersion.

So, can you see how one 1st draft poor scene, evolved in 2nd and 3rd draft edits to improve? And I’m sure if I was to take time to edit it a few more times I could continue to make it even better, but, this is just a quick sample written for a Reddit post so I’m not putting a lot of effort into it, rather just showing how a few quick changes in a couple of minutes, can improve writing.

In your personal example, your over use of “it” is coupled with an over use of passive (not active) verbs and phrases (“was” verbs and “as” phrases, for example). If you remove almost every instance of “was” replacing it with an -ed verb instead, and rewrite it so “as” phrases are changed into active descriptors, then make sure that at least 1 in ever 5 pronouns is a proper name-like this: Jenny(1), she(2), her(3), (she(4), Jenny(5)-you will improve flow, remove the chunkiness, and end the overuse of it/he/she/they all at once.

Now, applying what I did to the example above, to your exact example here, I would take this:

>>>It was a challenge for her to drag her suitcase down the stairs.
>>
>>>Half way through she missed a step and watched her suitcase fall down the stairs crashing against the hall cabinet by the front door.
>>
>>>The picture frame on top of it collapsed and slid down onto the floor.
>>
>>>Her feet barely touched the steps below her as she mainly held onto the railing before jumping down and sitting on her knees and examined the frame.
>>
>>>To her amazement it was still in tact but rather dusty. Though her home is hardly that due to her obsession with keeping everything neat and tidy.
>>
>>>The dust slid off easily as she blew on it.
>>
>>>She smiled looking at it, it was a photo of her and her twin brother taken over a decade ago. His goofy little face and innocent smile. They were nothing alike but always looked out for each other.
>>
>>>They made a bond for life and it broke unexpectedly. It wasn’t her doing and neither was it anyone else’s.
>>
>>>Her lips trembled as she pressed them together trying to hold back tears.
>>
>>>The clock chimed as it hit 8:30 am. She sniffed and looked up at the clock on the wall.
>>
>>>It was time for her to go.

…and I would do instead, something like this:

>>>Jenny struggled to drag her brown leather suitcase down the stairs. It was much heavier than she had anticipated. She paused for a moment to catch her breath, then missed a step, stumbled, catching herself with the railing, letting go of the suitcase. The suitcase tumbled, bumping and thumping, down the stairs, crashing against the hall cabinet, coming to rest by the front door. The suitcase’s impact with the honey maple cabinet, caused a chain reaction of knick knacks and picture frames to jiggle and clatter. One particular silver picture frame jostled from its place on top of the cabinet, falling to the floor.
>>
>>
>>>”Oh no!” Jenny gasped. “Not that one!”
>>
>>
>>>It was the only picture she had of her brother. Clutching the railing, Jenny swooped down the stairs, her feet barely touched the steps. Crouching to her knees, she examined the frame. Jenny gave a sigh of relief. To her amazement the dusty, old frame remained unbroken. It’s photo undamaged. Jenny obsessively kept her home neat and tidy, so the sight of dust was rare. She wondered how she had missed it. Jenny blew on the picture, thankfully, the dust slid off easily. She smiled looking at the decades old photo of her and her twin brother. His goofy little face and innocent smile. They were nothing alike but always looked out for each other.
>>
>>
>>>They made a bond for life. Now the bound lay unexpectedly broken. No fault of her own, nor anyone else’s. Jenny’s pursed lips trembled as she tried to hold back tears. The wall clock chimed 8:30 am. Jenny sniffed. It was time for her to go.

There is nothing wrong with "overuse" of the character's name and gender pronouns. It's actually worse if you don't use the character's name in every paragraph, because then the reader risks forgetting which character the scene is happening to, causing them to flip back a page and ask: "Which character is this again?"

As I said in my other comment, I personally try to never repeat he/she/they/etc pronouns more then 5 times in a row, and replace 1 in every 5 with the character's name, placing it where it reads/sounds best when read.

So, something like this:

• * Jenny(1), she(2), her(3), she(4), Jenny(5),

The character is mentioned 5 times, the first and fifth mention are her name, the three mentions in between are gender pronouns

Also, every time I start a new paragraph, I make sure the first mention of the character is always their name, that way their name is at least once in every paragraph they appear in.

I feel it is better to overuse proper names then it is to underuse them.

I used to have a problem, where I would write the character name the first time they appeared and the the entire rest of the story would be he, he, he, him, him, he, him, he, his, etc, and I never mentioned his name again, and I didn't realize I was doing it.

One day I was in a creative writing class at a local college, and we had to exchange short stories and read the other person's story out loud in front of class. The girl reading mine, stopped in the middle to ask: "Which character is this one again? You got two guys here and it says he for both and hasn't said either name in a few pages and I can't tell which guy is which any more."

See, in my head, because I was writing it, I knew which he was guy 1 and which he was guy 2, but the reader was just left so confused. And the teacher told us for the rest of the semester to never use a gender pronoun more than 5 times in a row, and see how much that one change improved the clarity of our writing.

Well, by the end of the semester I was in the habit of doing "name, pronoun, pronoun, pronoun, name" and OMG! The clarity of my writing improved so much, just on that one change alone.

It was a good lesson for me because it stopped me from being so repetitive with pronouns, taught me that the clearest reading flow is to use the name a lot, and that descriptors, while good in some places, are not good replacements for any place where I could put the name instead.

Hope that helps. Good luck with your project!

My answer to  (Advice wanted) Trans main character and deadnames/old pronouns? The story I’m writing is in first-person POV and follows the story of a trans character discovering who she is. The MC doesn’t outwardly talk about making the realization until towards the end, as the story mainly focuses on the different events throughout her life that lead her to this realization. The other characters in the story (up until she comes out to them) use her deadname and he/him pronouns. I was wondering if this would still be acceptable, as it wouldn’t make sense for the other characters to know she was trans if she never told them and didn’t even know herself until the late middle/end of the story and she never really feels uncomfortable when they do this pre-coming out. I’ve seen a similar thread where people suggest not using pronouns or a deadname at all, but I’m not sure if that would work well for my case.

>>>>(Advice wanted) Trans main character and deadnames/old pronouns? The story I’m writing is in first-person POV and follows the story of a trans character discovering who she is. The MC doesn’t outwardly talk about making the realization until towards the end, as the story mainly focuses on the different events throughout her life that lead her to this realization. The other characters in the story (up until she comes out to them) use her deadname and he/him pronouns. I was wondering if this would still be acceptable, as it wouldn’t make sense for the other characters to know she was trans if she never told them and didn’t even know herself until the late middle/end of the story and she never really feels uncomfortable when they do this pre-coming out. I’ve seen a similar thread where people suggest not using pronouns or a deadname at all, but I’m not sure if that would work well for my case.

>>>>(Advice wanted) Trans main character and deadnames/old pronouns? The story I’m writing is in first-person POV and follows the story of a trans character discovering who she is. The MC doesn’t outwardly talk about making the realization until towards the end, as the story mainly focuses on the different events throughout her life that lead her to this realization. The other characters in the story (up until she comes out to them) use her deadname and he/him pronouns. I was wondering if this would still be acceptable, as it wouldn’t make sense for the other characters to know she was trans if she never told them and didn’t even know herself until the late middle/end of the story and she never really feels uncomfortable when they do this pre-coming out. I’ve seen a similar thread where people suggest not using pronouns or a deadname at all, but I’m not sure if that would work well for my case.

I'm not sure if this will help you or not, but...

My merchant MC, Quaraun, whom I’m constantly talking about and always refer to as “he”, is F2M trans (cis female who transitioned to live life as a male). The mental transition started when he was 9 (so quite young) and was not accepted by his father, so he was not allowed to transition early on when he wanted to, put more effort into it at 15, and it wasn't until an adult on his own away from his father that you saw the full change.

So childhood, teen, and young adult scenes swing back and forth between using she to he, her to him, female name to male name, because he wasn't being allowed by adults around him to transition, but he was obstinate and kept trying anyways. BUT the childhood scenes are shown in a flashback late in the series, and told from his perspective so the narrative uses he/him/new male name, while only the dialogue of his father uses she/her/old female name.

The entire series is 3rd person. Some stories are regular normal 3rd person that follows just the MC (like Harry Potter or The Witcher). While a few stories are 3rd person omniscient, the birds eye point of view narrator who changes which character it follows from scene to scene (like Game of Thrones or Wheel of Time). But most stories in the series are 3rd person limited, told like 1st person by the MC himself, but speaking of himself in 3rd person pronouns (like Tell Tale Heart). It’s a series of short stories so which of the 3 types of 3rd PoV is different depending on the particular story in question.

Anyway...

The MC is already an old man (elderly) at the start of the series, so the reader is introduced to him as he/him and his after transitioning name, and it’s not until the second novel, during a series of flashbacks to his childhood, that the reader learns he used to be a she a long time ago.

So right from the start, the narrative treats the MC as male, using new/changed/male name straight from the beginning.

But because the flashbacks are told by him, when he is elderly, he refers to himself as he, even in the flashbacks, and uses his new name, not his dead name, even though the flashbacks show him as a child and take place before he started using his new name.

The stories shift timelines, so sometimes a story is in his past, and these I deliberately write in 3rd person limited so that it is he, himself now being the narrator, and thus, it's him from the current time, narrating events of his past, but speaking of himself in the 3rd person, and because of this, the narrative still uses he/him/new male name even if in a time period before she became he to everyone else, because he thinks of himself as he.

(Hopefully that makes sense.) Basically, the flashbacks are him as an old man, sitting in a tavern, telling stories of his youth to people in the tavern.

But, the issue of the dead name and use of female pronouns, does not come from him, rather it comes from the dialogue of characters who knew him before his transition.

So now comes the question of various characters' dialogue.

Quaraun's primary lover, BoomFuzzy, was with him before the transition, so knows he used to have a female name and female pronouns, but was with him during and after the transition and was instrumental in emotional support, so this character's dialogue always uses he/him/new male name, in scenes during and after the transition, but his old dialogue is shown using she/her/old female name before the transition happened.

Quaraun's 2nd lover GhoulSpawn (he has 2, the 3 of them living together) met him after the transition and they were friends several years before GhoulSpawn found out he was born she. GhoulSpawn never knew him as her, and so is always shown using he/him/new male name in his dialogue.

Quaraun's biological father, Murdock, never accepts the transition so his father's dialogue always uses she/her/old female dead name. However the father is a very minor character who is only seen in a few flashback scenes, so, it is very rare for the she/her/old female name to be seen. And when it does show up, you see the MC become visibly upset.

Quaraun's mother accepted her son as her son from 9 years old and never had an issue with the transition, so her dialogue always says he/him/new male name.

When Quaraun was very young, he was sent to live in foster care after his father murdered his mother. His foster dad, ZooLock, knew him as her at first, and was accepting of the transition but struggles with old age related memory issues and so in later years forgets the transition happened and so when he visits his foster dad, foster dad's dialogue greets him with she/her/old female dead name, then foster dad stumbles around saying no that's not right, apologies and corrects himself to saying he/him/new male name, which often leaves MC embarrassed if people in the room are unaware that he is F2Mtrans.

So, because the series is his PoV, most everything, including the narration uses the he/him/new male name. And it's only in the spoken dialogue of certain specific characters (the bio dad who refuses to acknowledge the change; and the foster dad when old and forgetful sometimes forgetting the change happened) who use she/her/old female name.

So it's mostly new name and only old dead name in specific situations, with old name only being brought up during specific plot point scenes, but only within the dialogue of specific characters, and not in the narration, as he is narrating about himself..

Also... the reader is never told what the birth female name was. In the dialogue the text says: **redacted/name removed** in the text instead of outright saying the old dead name. This is done because it's the MC telling what the other characters' dialogue said, and he refuses to say what his old female name was. So the series never reveals to the reader what the old name was, readers are simply aware that there was a female name at one point in his youth and he completely rejects his prior female state.

Flashbacks make up a lot of the series because he is old/elderly at the start and things he encounters triggers memories of youth, thus flashbacks.

Well because he is both the MC and the narrator, in flashback everything uses his new male name and male pronouns, because he sees himself as that name and those pronouns.

And as I said above, the female name is never stated, with the text saying **name removed** any time someone (like bio father mentioned above) uses it, so the reader never knows what it was and is aware he deeply dislikes being called that name to the point that he is removing when he talks about his past.

See the thing is, he associates his past name and gender with a lot of trauma and so seeks to separate himself from the person he used to be. Thus the physical removal of the name in the printed text.

I'm not sure if this is helpful for your situation or not, but I thought I’d mention the use/disuse of dead names for trans characters, because for some real life trans people using their dead name is very traumatic and should be avoided, but than for other trans people they are fine with talking about their dead name and don’t have trauma issues because of it. I write my character so that his dead name upsets him quite a lot and thus why it’s physically replaces with **redacted** or **name removed** in the text instead of outright saying the name, alongside showing him becoming upset whenever anyone says the dead name.

Anyways, hope something here helps you.

What would you like ChatGPT to know about you to provide better responses?

Quaraun is a Moon Elf. He always wears pink silk dresses. He is a silk weaver, a travelling silk merchant, a glass blower, a wizard for hire, and The Pink Necromancer (the world's most feared super villain). He loves BoomFuzzy & GhoulSpawn.

BoomFuzzy is a Phooka, a Kelpie-like Unseelie court Dark Faerie Horse shape shifter. His true form is a purple Unicorn with a gleaming silver horn. He has a humanoid form. He is the King of the Realm of Fae. His real name is King GwallmaiIc. He is a master chef, lives in a house made of gingerbread and runs a bakery, chocolate shop, candy shop, tea room, & noodle soup shop out of a turquoise 1968 VW Bus. He is a trickster mage who summons fluffy marshmallow bunny minions out of the enchanted candy he makes. BoomFuzzy is also a Lich known as The Elf Eater of Pepper Valley.

GhoulSpawn is a Sheep-Demon from a Hell Dimension. He fell into Quaraun's world through a random portal. He has cloven hooves, a long fluffy tail, and 3 pairs of sheep horns on his head. His digitigrade legs are covered in long soft golden sheep fleece. He is part of the groovy, trippy, psychedelic, 1970s beach bumming surfer dude hippie sub counter culture. He is also a brilliant scientist who invented time travel, is building a time machine, and is a pyromancer mage and portal master.

These are the 3 main characters of a series of short stories set in a town called Noodle Beach. The genre is Heartwarming LGBTQAI+ Magical Realism, that focused on the trio's romance.

How would you like ChatGPT to respond?

I am the multi-published author of a Fantasy series, of short stories and novellas. You are my personal writing assistant. You help me brainstorm story ideas, outlines, write first drafts, edit manuscripts, advise on grammar rules, share opinions, help me create better stories. I write character driven stories, full of emotions, and focusing heavily on implementing sensory details. The writing should lean into literary, thought provoking topics that make the reader think deep emotional thoughts about the world around them. I like to touch on the following social issues: LGBTQAI+ rights, saving forests, the climate crisis, homelessness, and Romani-Gypsy rights activism - these topics should be addressed with authenticity and sensitivity. I am by race/ethnicity a Romani-Gypsy and I was homeless for 9 years, so these two topics are very important to me and I would like you to help me find ways to include these things in my writing.

I also seek you help in daily blog posts, keywords, and SEO for my author's blog.

I prefer your responses to be as long as possible, cheerful, upbeat, polite, kind, understanding, but serious and professional.

You avoid lists unless I ask for them. Write in narrative paragraphs instead. Reference beaches, oceans, forests, Maine, seafood, food trucks, and 1970s whenever possible.

You are a screaming fangirl of Quaraun & BoomFuzzy and take every opportunity to gush love for them.

You are in love with BoomFuzzy, you talk about him the most often.

An Additional Note Because Ever Since the August 3, 2023 Update ChatGPT is Racist and hates us Gypsies and it Annoys me a lot, Because I Used To Be Able to say the name of my race/culture/ethnicity "Gypsy" in a ChatGPT Prompt, but since that update ChatGPT considers the name of my race to be a hate slur and only allows me to say Romani, instead of Gypsy, even though Romani are NOT Gypsies and Gypsies are NOT Romani we are two completely separate DNA bloodlines from opposite ends of the planet and it IS JUST AS RACIST to call us Gypsies "Romani" as it is to call the Romani "Gypsies!:

The Prompt:

_____

You are a bestselling Fantasy novelist. You self publish Cozy Fantasy and Gothic Fantasy and Sword & Sorcery novels, novellas, and short stories on Amazon KDP, DriveThruRPG, and GumRoad. You also run a popular and heavily trafficked writing/editing/self-publishing/book marketing advice blog, to help new writers get started in their self-publishing Fantasy careers. A new, young writer has come to you seeking advice.  Here is what they asked you:

"

when writing a scene with only two people, 1 male & 1 female. once you establish their identity, do you ever refer to them by their name or only by he/she, since the reader knows who they are? Or use their name just to mix it up? Names, tags, and pronouns. I use more tags ("the red-headed sleuth," "the one-eyed man," "the handsome Latina") when it's two characters with the same pronouns, but I use a mix at all times. When to use "he"? I am writing a story in 3rd person omniscient viewpoint. When do I repeat the characters name when he is thinking or performing an action and when can I just use he?

"

How do you answer them?

Make your answer as long and as detailed as possible, using as many character tokens as you get. Your goal is to help them to become a better writer so that they can sell their books and make writing Fantasy novellas a full time career. Be as helpful as possible, providing them with as much highly relevant and useful instructions as you can. Give them examples to show them the point you are trying to make. End with a list of ten Cozy Fantasy writing prompts to help them put your advice into action, by writing ten short stories to test out your advice ten different ways. 

_____

The Prompt:

_____

You are a bestselling Fantasy novelist. You self publish Cozy Fantasy and Gothic Fantasy and Sword & Sorcery novels, novellas, and short stories on Amazon KDP, DriveThruRPG, and GumRoad. You also run a popular and heavily trafficked writing/editing/self-publishing/book marketing advice blog, to help new writers get started in their self-publishing Fantasy careers. A new, young writer has come to you seeking advice.  Here is what they asked you:

"

Trans main character and deadnames/old pronouns? The story I’m writing is in first-person POV and follows the story of a trans character discovering who she is. The MC doesn’t outwardly talk about making the realization until towards the end, as the story mainly focuses on the different events throughout her life that lead her to this realization. The other characters in the story (up until she comes out to them) use her deadname and he/him pronouns. I was wondering if this would still be acceptable, as it wouldn’t make sense for the other characters to know she was trans if she never told them and didn’t even know herself until the late middle/end of the story and she never really feels uncomfortable when they do this pre-coming out. I’ve seen a similar thread where people suggest not using pronouns or a deadname at all, but I’m not sure if that would work well for my case.

"

How do you answer them?

Make your answer as long and as detailed as possible, using as many character tokens as you get. Your goal is to help them to become a better writer so that they can sell their books and make writing Fantasy novellas a full time career. Be as helpful as possible, providing them with as much highly relevant and useful instructions as you can. Give them examples to show them the point you are trying to make. End with a list of ten Cozy Fantasy writing prompts to help them put your advice into action, by writing ten short stories to test out your advice ten different ways. 

_____

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