You have encountered an extremely old website that continues to exist in old web ways, the same way it has done for now three decades.
In spite of being now 30 years old this year, started in 1996, it is still heavily active and old pages updated daily, new pages added daily, still now in 2026. All hand written, all hand coded (no AI), all by me, same as it ever was.
We Still Exist: The Old Web Did Not Go Away, You Just Forgot How To Find Us
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This site was NOT designed for mobile devices (as they had not been invented yet when I created it) thus this site looks best on a computer, at 1280x768 or above. |
This is a very old website created in 1996, so, yes, javascript is needed for the site to work as it should. If things don't function, you may need to update javascript drivers on your device |
This site tries to be mobile friendly but it's been online since 1996, so old pages may not load right on mobile devices, and as this site has had pages added near daily for 30 years there are now over 20k pages here. |
Having started out in life as a GeoCities site, this site contains glitter, bright colours, blinkies, moving gifs, and other things the old web was known for. |

f you are here looking for aliens, ufos, demons, cryptids, haunted cars, curses, Etiole, the wild man of old orchard beach, the goldeneagle car, the white monkey, or any of that other weird bullshit, you want this video:
...and after that video, you want these ones:
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If you want some stories to get you started in The Pink Necromancer series, reading these first will give you a good introduction to the 3 main characters:
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My Elves Are JellyFish...and I asked Google AI and ChatGPT 5.6 what they thought of this.
As requested, my daily writing prompt series is now available print paperback editions on Amazon.
There are 20 volumes of this writing prompt series currently planned and in varying stages of finishing, hopefully all 20 will be published by the end of 2026. I likely will do a 2nd series of writing prompt books in 2027.
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The first of the Visual Novels/Video Games for The Adventures of Quaraun the Inane/The Pink Necromancer series is published and available on Itch.io, there are 3 more planned for release in 2026, 6 more planned for release in 2027, and the big 60-hour 80k word 150 page one (Quaraun Goes To the Fair) is planned for a 2028 release.
There is a Pink Necromancer card game and a Pink Necromancer board game, as well as a Pink Necromancer table top RPG supliment for Dungeons and Dragons, all in the works, and to be released over the next couple of years as well.
I shouldn't have to say this, but people keep contacting me, so apparently I do:
If you have any information about my son’s murderer, please give it to FBI Agent Andy Drewer at 207–774–9322 of the Portland, Maine FBI office.
Do you know who this woman is?
On August 8, 2013 she drove a backhoe over my house. On November 14, 2013 she arrived at Southern Maine Community College and crippled me with a golf club and murdered my son. One June 24, 2016, days after my first attempts to walk again, she attacked me with a shopping cart at Scarborough, Walmart, reinjuring the Nov 14, 2013 injury.
She crippled me when I was 8 months pregnant, a woman with a golf club, severed my spine and bashed my baby's head in, I spent 9 years relearning to walk, and the FBI is 13 years into the murder investigation and not yet id-ed the attacker who crippled me and killed my baby, both violently with a golf club.
Complete details of EVERYTHING she did is on this page here.
The golf club woman who called herself Clair as she looked November 14, 2013. Her hair is a weird chin leangth pageboy (very Medival style cut) platinum blonde with wide brown/black dyed stripes in it (like a reverse of Lily Munster, but the stripes are several, almost like a zebra). I am 5'6" and she was a LOT taller then me, like closer to the height of a man; she had thin lips like a man, and large nose like a man... she COULD have been a man disguised as a woman, given the ease with which she severed my spine....she's is a LOT stronger then is typical for a woman). She was wearing a chambre blue denim "blazer jacket over shirt" and a button up mens shirt (possibly flannel) and blue jeans. The bulk of her yelling was focused on accusing me of being transgender, even while ripping my baby out of my 8 month pregnant belly and bashing his head in with a golf club. |
The Claire woman as she looked during her shoping cart attack at Scarborough WalMart June 2016, the attack with left me paralyzed and in a wheelchair. Her hair was dyed dark red, and she drove away in a gold Volvo 240 Station Wagon of a late 1980s/early1990s model, with a "458" on the lisnce plate.... If you have any information about the woman who crippled me with a golf club, please give it to FBI Agent Andy Drewer at 207–774–9322 of the Portland, Maine FBI office. |
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If you have any information about the woman who crippled me with a golf club, please give it to FBI Agent Andy Drewer at 207–774–9322 of the Portland, Maine FBI office.
Good god! We just found out about yet another slanderous rumour this woman has been spreading? When does it end? How many more of these things are out there?
Video explains what else she's done ...
If you have any information about the woman who crippled me with a golf club, please give it to FBI Agent Andy Drewer at 207–774–9322 of the Portland, Maine FBI office.
If you encounter anyone claiming my car is haunted, demon possessed, or somehow connected to Stephen King please give the information of who, when, where/location to FBI Agent Andy Drewer at 207–774–9322 of the Portland, Maine FBI office.
If you encounter anyone claiming I believe in aliens or was an alien abducttee, please give the information of who, when, where/location to FBI Agent Andy Drewer at 207–774–9322 of the Portland, Maine FBI office. |
If you know who drove this backhoe over my house at 146 Portland Ave, Old Orchard Beach, Maine 04064-1520 on August 8, 2013 please give the information of who it is to FBI Agent Andy Drewer at 207–774–9322 of the Portland, Maine FBI office. If you know who drove this backhoe over my house at 146 Portland Ave, Old Orchard Beach, Maine 04064-1520 on August 8, 2013 please give the information of who it is to FBI Agent Andy Drewer at 207–774–9322 of the Portland, Maine FBI office. |
WARNING!
This article was written in 2005, for Squidoo, a website that went out of business in 2013.
I'm going to leave I up, for historical purposes, so you can see how content writing was done in 2005 on the Squidoo website.
HOWEVER: Be warned that what worked on Squidoo in 2005, may or may not work elsewhere or even at all by today's standards!
Keep in mind too, that I have not done ANY content writing since Squidoo went out of business, so NONE of the articles on content writing or copywriting, that you find here on my site, NONE of them are up to date on current standards and trends in content writing and/or copywriting.
Because of this ALL articles about content writing and copywriting and content marketing, are all older than 2013, and are likely EXTREMELY outdated.
I have not done copy writing or content marketing in over a decade now, so I have not kept up to date on current trends, and I will NOT be updating these articles with current info.
"How many words do you write? Do people actually read them?"
Most of my articles are in the 4,000 to 7,000 word range. Though they vary from 2,000 to 20,000 words per page depending on the page in question.
Yes. Most of my pages have an average read time of 12 minutes. That means I have some people leaving at 2 minutes and yet 50% of them are staying for 24 minutes per page, meaning, yes, they are taking the time to read what I wrote.
"Nowadays people are not interested in long winded copy but want to get straight to the point."
Not necessarily. Depends on the reader.
You need to know your target audience. Know what type of person is looking for the type of article you put out and target them.
There is an audience for super short 400 word articles. There is an audience for super long 20,000 word articles. And there is an audience for every word count in between. Different people want different things. There is no one size fits all expectation for writing articles.
If you are writing to please Google... Google favors articles that are 2,000 to 3,000 words long. Which is the word length of more traditional magazine articles. In fact studies have shown that the longer the article, the more value Google perceives it to have, and thus the higher ranking it is in search results.
The thing is, that number is only "general" and when you divide up into subjects/topics/niches you start to see some topics the favour is towards shorter 750 word articles, while other topics the favour is towards longer 7,500 word articles.
The trick is to know what YOUR target readers are looking for, and write for THEM. If you try to write for everybody, you end up pleasing no body.
My feeling is that people looking to get into copywriting and/or content writing often focus on the basics needed to get started, figuring out how to do the bare bones of the trade, but rarely do they ever dig below the surface and put some muscle on the bones they built. I think that's why so many fail in this trade. They build the skeleton, but forget to build a network of muscles to hold the bones together. Remember: building your foundation is only your first step, you have to build your tower on top of the foundation to see over the trees and succeed at reaching the top.
By that I mean... after you've learned the general basics of the trade, then you have to learn the advanced step of your niche. Who is your reader? Who is searching for your article? Why? What do they hope to get out of it?
Let's look at the people who come here for my writing articles.
I can tell you EXACTLY who my target reader is:
A female 25 to 45 (maybe as young as 14 or as old as 60, but not as likely). She loves Elves, wizards, unicorns, Dungeons & Dragons, and probably reads comic books, CosPlays at conventions, watches anime, and plays RPGs (table top, CCGs, and video games.) She probably likes the Witcher franchise and the InuYasha series.
Most importantly, she loves Yaoi, Barra, Bishonen, Twinks, Ukes, Semes, Sissies, Transvestites, BDSM, CBT, Monster Porn, and other similar forms of Gay Erotica, which she obsessively reads, and when she can not find more new titles to read, she starts writing gay slash fan fiction porn for to satisfy her need for more gay Elf wizards.
Why is this my perfect client? Because I'm a Yaoi author. The main character of the series I write is a bisexual transvestite Elf wizard. His lover is a gay unicorn. His other lover is a Half-Elf/Half-Demon. He also has 4 wives.
When I'm not writing Yaoi novels to sell on Amazon, I'm on my website writing articles on how to write Yaoi novels and sell them on Amazon.
Meaning my ideal client is the young women who wants to read Yaoi (so buys my books) and then after reading Yaoi wants to write her own Yaoi (so heads to my site to read my articles on doing so.)
She also has a lot of friends on Tumblr and shares her Yaoi obsession with them, recommending my novels to them, then recommending my articles. Together they gather on Reddit and FanFiction.net to tell even more people about my books and articles, and thus she drives traffic from far and wide by telling everyone she can, every where she goes.
She likes reading. She likes reading a lot. She hasn't got time to waste on pitiful 500 word fluff meant to paid affiliate banners. She wants meat on her bones, big articles, packed with information she can sink her teeth into and apply to her own budding writing career. She wants details. Lots of them. Step by step instructions. With examples. An challenges. And writing prompts. And exercises at the end. She wants something the equivalent of a writing course, but without having to take classes.
She's also not afraid to email her favorite Erotica author and ask the question: "Are the heroes in your books circumcised or uncut? Which is better for CBT penal sub-incision fetish BDSM Erotica?" (Yes, that is an actual question one of my readers sent to me and I not only answered it in an article, but I made a whole video series on the topic of writing uncircumcised men in sex scenes and how to properly deal with/write about not damaging the foreskin in violent CBT sex scenes.)
Keep in mind too my real life lifestyle... the fact that I am with a partner who has a sub-incision injury, one he really is ashamed of, something that kind of destroyed his self esteem and sex life and something that, never bothered me, so we've changed our sex life as a result of it. I am aware of the fact that he's with me because I never judged him for injury he has.
I AM in fact writing what I know here. I am very well antiquated with the sub-incision fetish sex life. I live it. It's why I know how to write it so accurately.
I do know what it is like to live with a man who has the injury, I write my characters having. The injury Quaraun is described as having in the Quaraun series - my partner really has that injury.
Now ask you - how many content writers out there think "I'm going to become an Internet Marketer and I'm going to do it with Content Writing.".... next go on to pick "How To Not Damage The Foreskin of an Uncut Man in a CBT Erotica Sex Scene" as the nich topic they are going to write about?
No. No one thinks of that as a topic to make money off of. But if you live in the CBT sex life, you really do want to know that information, because if you aren't careful you can castrate a man quite easily. And so, yeah, there are actuall people out there, who want to know that information and if you live that lifestyle yourself, then, it's the logical topic for you to write your site about.
My point is quite simply that you can make money online with ANY topic. You don't have to write about diet pills and weight lose to make money online.
Write what you know, no matter how strange or freaky it may seem to others. Some where out there are people who want to know that information that you know, no matter what that topic is.
USE IT!
Use what you ALREADY KNOW to make money off of.
Really... ASK EVERY MEMBER of the Warrior's Forum, who write content articles and 90% of them are going to tell you they write "a blog on how to make money" because they think in order to be an internet marketer you MUST write about making money.
Me? I'm an internet marketer, but I don't write about making money. Nope. I write satire about sex. How to do it and how to write about doing it.
When people tell you to pick a niche, a topic you love, and write LOTS of articles about it... they don't mean, pick a sub-niche of the topic of making money and tell other people how to make money... no... they REALLY DO MEAN: PICK A TOPIC YOU ARE PASSIONATE ABOUT.
What am I passionate about? Well, it certainly ain't making money online, I'll tell you that. Nope. My passion, my niche, my topic: Yaoi. Gay Porn, featuring gay Elf wizards. That's my niche. That's my topic.
And that's why I'm successful. Because I have a niche that is something I do every day. I didn't go out looking for a "popular" niche, I went with a niche I already knew.
You don't need a popular niche to succeed.
I used the Yaoi example because it's my LEAST popular niche topic. It's likely one of the least popular niche's out there. You'll never become a millionaire with Yaoi. You can however make a living off of it. And that's my point.
I write a lot of topics, some more popular then others, but they all have two things in common:
By writing about ALL of my passions, hobbies, and fave things... together their combined incomes is enough to live off of AND I'm writing about things I ALREADY KNEW... I didn't have to go out and learn them for the sake of making money off them.
Too many people jump into online money income, thinking they have to do some popular topic in order to make money. They completly over look the faact that ANY topic can make money. You don't have to look at "top income" topics. When you do that, you have to compete against people who are ACTUAL experts in the topic, and you, knowing nothing about it are not gonna be able to beat them.
It's far better for you to look at topics you do know: hobbies you do with your kids, things you do in your spare time. What do you do?
Do you go on weekend fishing trips? Then build a website about fishing.
Do you love taking pictures in old style black and white 35mm film? Then that's the topic you should be writing!
Do you collect Golden Age comics? Then make a collectors guide site for people looking to get started in Golden Age collecting?
Are you a Dungeons and Dragon's Dungeon Master? Make a site advising new DMs on how to run a game. Complement it by livestreaming your game sessions on Twitch, the uploading the sessions to YouTube... that's 3 income streams right there. Add Amazon affiliates selling D&D books, and you got a 4th income stream. Do you make hand carved wooded dice? Toss them up on Etsy, that's income stream #5. Written a chart of fumble throws for your game group? Make a PDF of it and upload it to RPGnow.com, and you've got income stream #6... all because you are a Dungeon Master who wants to make D&D your full time career.
Fan sites are often over looked by internet marketers, but they are big income earners. Make a memorial tribute site to David Bowie or Alan Rickmen, or both!
Got a favorite movie? Make a fan site to it.
Love Star Wars? It's one of the BIGGEST income earners for affiliate marketers.
I have a friend who's bringing in $16,000 a month of a Star Trek fan site. He writes reviews of Star Trek episodes and monetized with every Star Trek affiliate on the planet (and there's dozens of affiliates who carry Star Trek products.)
Love 50 Shades of Grey? Make a fan site devoted to it.
Are you in the BDSM community and hate 50 Shades of Grey and the mockery it makes of your lifestyle? Make a BDSM site devoted to why 50 Shades is NOT BDSM.
Think about it.
There are MILLIONS of topics out there. You are NOT limited to diet pills, beauty, and get rich quick schemes. Those things are over done and done to often by people who don't know a thing about them.
Find a topic you REALLY like, one you are TRULY obsessed with, and turn it in your income.
THAT is how you make money online.
If someone who knew nothing about Yaoi tried to build a Yaoi niche site, they'd fail and fall flat on their face. I succeed in Yaoi niche, because it's a topic I know and love. I make it work, even though it's so unpopular no one else thinks to do it, because it's the topic I personally enjoy writing about. It's as unpopular as bloody hell, but I don't let that stop me from doing it anyways.
And THAT is what you have to do to succeed in nich topic content writing: write about the things you love, the things you know, the things you do, the things you do for fun even though you don't get paid to do them.
Take the thing you do for free in your spare time and turn THAT into your niche topic to monetize.
I'm not wallowing around saying: "How can I find a niche?" No. I'm running like a half crazed screaming fan girl after every gay Elf wizard of every Yaoi novel I can find, and when I couldn't find more, I started writing my own novels, and when I found out there was a whole bevy of other women out there just like me, I set out to teach them how to write about the thing they love best in the word: gay Elf wizards having sex with Liches, Unicorns, Demons, and everything else I can think of to toss in his bed.
That is why I know WHO my target audience is, what she wants and how to write exactly the thing she wants to know.
I took my passion, found a need, filled that need, and turned it into an income vis internet marketing.
Can you tell me very specifically, just like that, who YOUR articles/content/copy are aimed at?
Another thing is that copywriting and content writing are two completely different things, but often people treat them as interchangeable words meaning the same thing; I've done both and I prefer content writing to copy writing. Why? Because copywriting favors short 750 word articles while content writing favours long 4,000+ word articles and I prefer to write long content to short copy.
Now what I do, actually falls into the category of both.
I write content articles, the big ones, teaching newbie writers the trade.
You keep saying "copy" but I write content (articles) not copy (blurbs of ceral boxes). I'm not sure you know the difference between content and copy, based on the way you are using the word copy when talking about content.
I write copy as well, descriptions and blurbs designed to sell a product (my novels).
And that's where I see long and short coming into play and a place for each. In copy 400 words is often plenty. You want to hype a sale, wet the appetite and drive them to the sales page. That's what copy writing is designed to do, and so then, short and sweet is best.
But no matter the length, no content or copy is going to attract readers at all if it lacks drive and passion. You the author of the words needs to be driven with burning lust for your topic.
Find a topic you are ALREADY passionate about. Something you ALREADY know and love, something you can sing praises to for eternity. Doesn't matter what it is. Knitting. Sewing. Reading comic books. Playing video games. Breeding Ranchus. Collecting Action Figures. Restoring old cars. Growing herbs. Playing chess. No matter what it is... THAT thing, THAT thing that you love, THAT is your ideal niche, the thing you should be focused on writing copy for. Because your drive and passion for it is what ultimately will draw readers in and turn it from just your passion into your full time career.
Once you know WHAT your topic is, then research what others in your topic are doing. Are they writing long or short? Only then is it time to start looking at word count... look at word counts used by your direct competition. Those are the word counts you have to be competing against. Every niche has a different style a different expected word count. It's not going to be the same for every niche.
"Is there a reason your copy is so long? Doesn't Google only require 400 words?"
Yes.
It's because I actually have something to say.
Unlike the average internet marketer, who is only using visitors the get money out of them, making money off the visitors to my site is not my goal. That's why you don't see ads all over my pages. The bulk of my pages have no ads on them at all and the few that do only have 3.
I'm not trying to get people to click on ads... Why? Because if they click ads, they leave my site and them leaving my site defeats the purpose of my site. The purpose of my site being to share knowledge.
My site is her to be READ, not to act as a landing page to trick people into clicking on ads that look like page links.
Did you notice how I don't have all those scammy fake news ads that say false claims about aci berry cures and weight loss teas? I absolutely refuse to degrade my site by adding crappy junk like that too it.
I'm a writer. Writing is what I do. And if you think my articles are too long, then you seriously need to reconsider your goals in starting a content site, because, writing long articles is in fact what writers of content sites actually do.
And we do it every day.
Think about it.
4,000 to 10,000 words.
Every single day.
And that's just my online articles. I'm also a novelists. I write those every day too. It's not unusual for me to be writing 20,000 to 30,000 words a day.
Content writers are WRITERS and we write a lot.
You mentioned 400 words. Google says if there are fewer then 400 words on the page, they will count it as an empty page and not index it. Google also says they recommend the page be no fewer then 1,000 words and says that rank preference is given to articles of 2,000 words or more. Google also said 4,000 words or more was best.
You really need to stop and ask yourself how much you like writing, because you really do need to be about to write several thousand words a day, each and every day, to be a content writer and if you don't like writing even 400 words a day and are complaining now before you even get started, then you will not be happy doing this business long.
I only recommend content writing as a career, IF writing is already a thing you like doing.
If you don't like to write, and write a lot, you won't like this job.
Doing a job you enjoy is more important then making money. Quicker you realize that the quicker you'll find a career making money doing what you love.
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This page was written by Wendy Christine Allen of 146 Portland Ave, Old Orchard Beach, Maine.
All Rights Reserved.
Note: English is not my first language, Shetlean Scottish is my native language, there are likly spelling and grammar errors, as I do not know American English and am attempting to write it by sounding words out.
Many times that Americans think a word on my site is misspelled, often it is not misspelled, it is just I mixed up languages and wrote it in Scottish without realizing I mixed the Scottish in with the English. Also our grammar is somewhat reversed from English grammar so words that are seeming in the wrong order for American English, is usually because they are in the correct order for Scottish and I either put English words in Scottish order by mistake or was unaware English put them in a different order then Scottish does.
For those unaware, Scottish Shetlean looks like this:
American English to Scottish:
a bit (piece) = a party --- EXAMPLE: "And some know a bit of Latin " > "And somme kan of latyn a party "
a long distance from = A piece fae
a piece of = the bit --- EXAMPLE: "The duck ate a piece of bread " > "The deuk ett the bit breid "
about the banks (on the shore/at the beach) = aboot da banks
accomplishments = kunnandi
After = Back o --- EXAMPLE: " After Halloween" > "Back o Hallomas "
alive (living) = kvikr
Always on the move = Never aff o da go
am I not = amn't I --- EXAMPLE: "Am I not invited? " > "I amn't invited? or Amn't I invited?"
are = is --- EXAMPLE: "Are you going soon?" > "Is ya to be going soon?"
autumn = dah haihst
belong to = fylgja
best = bettah moost
betray (verb) = svíkja
bewildered = villhyggjandi
building = biggin up --- EXAMPLE: "building confidence in everyday use " > " biggin up confidence in ivvryday øs "
built = builded --- EXAMPLE: "He built a new porch." > "Hims builded a new porch."
cast a spell = hoodooed
cat = kat (sounds like "caught") --- EXAMPLE: "Is it an orange cat?" > "Be he a o'jinn kat?"
child = bairn
church = kirk
color = colour
danger = hœttr
daren't = darena
daring = djarfr
dark = dökk
dark elf = Dökkálfr
dark-elves = Døkkálfar
darker = dökká
do you agree = ,eh? --- EXAMPLE: "That's a fine looking woman, do you agree?" > "Dair's ah right bonnie lass, eh?"
do you want to come too = ,eh? --- EXAMPLE: "I'm going to the store, do you want to come with me?" > "Me go to shope, eh?"
each = eche --- EXAMPLE: "Which each person can understand " > "That kan eche man understonde "
educated = lered --- EXAMPLE: "Both among the educated and the uneducated " > "As wel among lered as lewed "
elf = Alfr
Elf = Álfr
Elf Home = Álfheimr
Elf World = Álfheimr
elf-advice = Ælfred
elf-beautiful = ælfscyne
elf-friend = Ælfwine
elf-guardian (female) = Ælfwaru
elf-guardian (male) = Ælfweard
elf-powerful = Ælfric
everyday = ivvryday
eyelids = eye ledes --- EXAMPLE: "He closed his eyelids." > "Hims did shut hims eye ledes"
fair = faire --- EXAMPLE: "Going to the fair." > "Done gone went to the faire."
feild = felde --- EXAMPLE: "Standing in the feild." > "Stoodt in thems felde."
further = ferther --- EXAMPLE: "I looked further." > "I dids lokid ferther."
green = grene --- EXAMPLE: "Look at the green hedges and woods." > "Look see at thems heigges and holtz so grene."
handsome = braw --- EXAMPLE: "He is very handsome " > "Him wicked braw "
have faith = trúa
Have no doubts about our doing it = Nae faer o wis
Have no liking for this. = Hae nae brou o this.
have not = ain't
He knows how many beans make five. = He kens the laid frae the croun o the causey.
He knows which side his bread is buttered on. = He kens whilk side his bannock's buttert on.
Head for = Mak wye for
head rope in fishing nets and lines = baak
head to head = Be at the knag and the widdie
horse fly = klegsie
I = Me
I Think = Me thinks --- EXAMPLE: "I think we're late. " > "Me thinks that we is late. "
I wish you well for the future = Lang may yer lum reek (translation: Long may your chimney smoke)
idiot = eejit --- EXAMPLE: "You idiot." > "Ya eejit."
idiot = numpty
if = iffy or yif--- EXAMPLE: "If you don't mind..." > "Iffy yas does no care mind...."; "If you'll stay with me long enough = "Yif ye so longe with me wil dwelle". "
I'll be even with you = A'll see day aboot wi ye
know = ken
looked = lokid
looked = lokid --- EXAMPLE: "I looked up." > "I lifte up me eye ledes and lokid ferther."
magic = hoodoo
naked = nøkkviðr
needle = bodkin
neither = nouther --- EXAMPLE: "Who know neither Latin nor French " > "That kan nouther latyn ne frensch "
No = Nay --- EXAMPLE: "No, I don't think so. " > "Nay, me thinks not. "
Nobody knew = not-knew nobody
Noontide = Da heicht o da day
NOTE: Extra words are often added. --- EXAMPLE: "Did you meet the new family next door?" > "Dids ya gets a chance to stop by and meets with thems new folk that move-ed in down yawn there next doors to ya, eh?"
NOTE: Extra words are often added. --- EXAMPLE: "He went to Rite-Aid to pick up his prescription" > "Hims did go to that yawn there new fangled store the new folks call that Rite Aid place, to gets himself some of thems there pills what the doctor gone and tells him to take each morning, a-yep, hims did."
old = olde --- EXAMPLE: "But educated and uneducated, old and young " > "Bot lered and lewed olde and yonge "
orange = o'jinn
out = oot --- EXAMPLE: "The cat wants to go out." > "The kat he do wants oot."
outside = oot dair
people = fokk --- EXAMPLE: "the people of Shetland " > "Shetland fokk "
people = folke --- EXAMPLE: "Look at all those people." > "Lookie at all thems folke."
poorly = febelly --- EXAMPLE: "Who know French very poorly " > "That kan frensch ful febelly "
Recognising = Recognisin --- EXAMPLE: "Recognising the bilingual nature of Shaetlan speakers " > "Recognisin da wye at Shaetlan spaekers is bilingual "
shield = skjoldr
Since = For --- EXAMPLE: "Since that is your native language " > "For that is youre kynde langage "
tell = telle --- EXAMPLE: "I'll tell you in English " > "In englysch tonge I schal you telle "
the = da, de, or is not used at all --- EXAMPLE: "I went to the store" > "Me goes to da shoppe" or "Me goes to da shoppe" or "Me goes to shoppe"
them = dem, dem dair --- EXAMPLE: "I went with them" > "Me goes wit dem dair"
there = dair --- EXAMPLE: "I want those potatoes" > "Me be wanting dem dair tatetas."
they = dey
To where = whither --- EXAMPLE: ""Where you go, I will go." " > ""Whither thou goest, I'll go."
understand = understonde
understand = understonden --- EXAMPLE: "Some understand English " > "And somme understonden englysch "
very = wicked --- EXAMPLE: "very good" > "wicked good"; "very bad" > "wicked bad"; "very cold" > "wicked cold"
Where = Whither --- EXAMPLE: "Where is the restroom? " > "Whither is the privy?"
Yes = Yea or Aye --- EXAMPLE: "Yes, I think so. " > "Yea, me thinks so. " or "Aye, me thinks so. "
For anyone actually interested in learning my native language, the Scottish government has THIS listed as the official dictionary of our people: https://static1.squarespace.com/static/61d7352954b7fd1c9dbdfef4/t/65ddb2749d5e0541a01009c0/1709027964496/Spaektionary_2024feb.pdf
The Scottish government provides this document to show our language in use: https://www.shetland.uhi.ac.uk/t4-media/one-web/uhi-shetland-images-and-documents/documents-/shaetlan/Shaetlan-Language-Plan-2022-Shaetlan.pdf
More information about our language can be found on this website: https://www.iheardee.com which is written in my native language.
However, there is also other reasons why words might be misspelled, or why I might not understand someone when they speak to me.
My grandmother Helen Ricker Allen, was from Unst, Shetland, Scotland, and she the one who raised me. She taught me to read and write, but it was Shetlain that she taught me. She died when I was 8 years old, and I was locked in a woodshed after her furneral, I escaped the woodshed 27 years later at age 31, and have been trying to learn how to speak and write English since then.
It is a very great struggle.
At age 37 I took remidial reading and speaking classes at Southern Maine Community College, but we are Gypsies and Gypsy men do not allow us Gypsy women to have education, and so, while at college, on November 14, 2013, I was beaten with a golf club, while I was 8 months pregnet, breaking my spine, hips, and knees, killing my baby and leaving me quardepaleic since.
Now my primary focus these past 13 years has been on relearning to use my hand so I could type... as of 2023, I have regained the use of my right thumb, and first two right fingers, and after 10 years offline, I am back online due to I can use three finguers.
I never went to school, so I do not know maths and numbers and sciences, and I do not know what else would have been taught to me in school. We are Scottish Gypsies and Gypsy culture does not allow females to go to school. Being born female was already a great sin, but my grandmother took great risk in teaching me reading and writing. At 4 years old I was punished by my Uncle Bruce for knowing how to read, by being beaten in the face with a cinder block brick, that broke my right jaw and left me with garbaled near-mute spoken words ever since.
Because no one ever spoke words to be face to face from he time I was 8 years old until I was 37 years old (I escaped the room at age 27, but did not start college until 37), I have no training in how to vocally sound out or speak the words I write or read. I can read words, but I do not know how to sound out or say those words. I can write words, but I do not know how to match the written word against the spoken word. I struggle to associate spoken words at all, or make them match up with writen words.
Esentially, written words and spoken words are two completly seperate languages in my brain, and I have difficulty understanding spoken words.
If you say a sentance to me with your mouth, chances are very high I will have ZERO understanding of what you said and I will not be able to ander you.
However, if you WRITE down that exact same sentabnce, I can understand you and can type a written responce to you.
My doctors tell me this is a side effect of extreme isolation and neglect and lack of human contact during my toddler, childhood, teen, and young adult years, and that my brain never deveoloped to comprehend spoken vocal words due to no one ever speaking to me in over three decades of the first half of my life.
While I can read and write, American English (somewhat) I do no know how words are sounded out, what they are supposed to sound like. I readand write by shape recognition, not by sound/vocal recognition, so when reading and writing I do no "hear the words in my head" as I am told most people do when they read and write. In other words... I see "c a t" and think "c-a-t" I do not think "cat" nor do I "see" an image of a cat, no do I "hear" the word cat spoken. I'm told that this is very rare and that most people read and write by sounding out the words and linking them to visual mind images, while hearing the sound of the word in their head. I neiher hear words in my head no see images of things in my head. I'm told this is what makes me both a speed reader and speed writer, because I'm not tripped up by hear sounds or seeing images in my head like nomal people would be doing... however, I'm also told this is why my spelling and grammar are very poor, because my brain is not hear the sounds of the words or seeing visual images of the objects the words represent, so my mind also does not register spelling and grammer errors at all.
As I was only let out of the woodshed on Sundays to go to the Cape Elezabeth Ward Church of the August Stake of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, I was never allowed to go to school or hospital either. No adults ever talked to me because I was evil for comitted the sin of being born female, so I never learned how to speak properly and do not know how to sound out words to say them.
I was 42 years old, in 2016 when, while having an MRI for my spine, the doctors found out my speak issue was caused by a broken jaw as a toddler that was healed wrong because not being allowed to go to doctors. I had surgury to fix that, and since 2016 have been trying to learn how to use my jaw and touge so I can speak vocal words now.
Since 2023 my primary focus shifted to relearning to walk. I can now, in 2026, sit up for 2 or 3 hours a day, and can sand with a cane for a few minutes, and can walk for around five thousand feet in 2 to 3 segments a day, with the help of pushing my wheelchair like a walker.
As of 2026, with a slight return to using my fingers and legs, I am once again focused on trying to learn the American English, but I live in mortal fear of my uncles and male cousins, as they are so hateful of allowing me to have education.
have no one to help me to know if I am doing words correctly, and as such, I have no way of knowing if there are spelling and grammar errors, but I asume there are, and I fix them when I learn them, but I do not know what I do not know and spelling American words is a thing I do bnot know.
I have Low Fucntioning Kanner's Syndrom, also known as "RainMan Type of Autism" aka REAL and ACTUAL Autism, not to be confused with Aspergers, High Functioning Autism, or and of thr 861 illnesses on the Autism Spectrum. An Autism Spectrum Disorder is an illness that has symptoms similar to Autism but IS NOT Autism. If you have an Autism Spectrum Disorder, it LITERALLY MEANS you do NOT have Autism.
I am medically diagnosed as "kanner's syndrome, actual autism, the rainman type, profoundly retarded autistic savant, with a general IQ of 73, and an writing IQ of 221" but they added that they did not know how to properly diagnose me as I am "technically a feral child" and they don't know "how much is the autism, and how much is simple horrific levels of abuse and neglect induced post traumatic stress disorder that will go away with proper socilization".
It means I know how to write, I can write a lot, and it is next to impossible for you to teach me how to do literally anythig else because my brain only knows how to write and doesn;t know how to do anything else..
There's a reason, when I do book signings, people are quick to say: "Okay, what's the joke? why is this stupid retard here? where's the real author? I know this retard isn't the author. where are you hiding the author, why is this fucking retard here"
The end result is, I have near zero social interaction... my 3 years in college was the ONLY face to face interaction I have ever had with humans in my entire life, and I struggle deeply to understand MOST words used by MOST people when they ask me question. And so I suffer from a huge lack of understanding many words people say to me, how to translate those words into spelling, and how to translate what it is that has been said.
The fact remains hat until there exists a human on this planet who is willing to sit down and teach me what words spoken line up with and match what words written, this deficent is unlily to improve. But the fact also remains, that I am simply far too profoundly retarded for anyone to even try to make any attempt at all even to speak a friendly "hgelloe" or "good morning" when passing me on the street, so I have lost all hope of anyone ever either being my friend, being willing to teach me how to match spoken words to written words, or how to speak to other humans.
While there are around 20k pages on this website, most of them are blocked from search engines, with only around 800 of them available for appearing in Google/Bing/etc search results. The remainder can only be accessed via the various links found throughout this site. This was done deliberately on my part, and I did it because the bulk of the pages on this website are chapters from 138 novels and 423 novellas, so only the first page of each novel and novella indexed by search engines, and the remainder are linked in order, one page at a time, via clicking "next page" at the end of each. So if you are looking for a specific page from a specific novel, Google can't help you.
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Thank you for stopping by and have a nice day! ꧁✨🌸🔮🦄🔮🌸✨꧂ And if it’s your birthday today: ִֶָ𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶָ🐇་༘࿐꧁ᴴᵃᵖᵖʸ☆ᵇⁱʳᵗʰᵈᵃʸ꧂🤍🎀🧸🌷🍭 |
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Get an email whenever Wendy Christine Allen 🌸💖🦄 aka EelKat 🧿💛🔮👻 publishes on Medium.
>I also write on these locations: | Amazon | Ao3 | Blogger | GumRoad | Medium | Notd | OnlyFans | Tumblr | Vocal |
Do you know who drove this backhoe over my house at 146 Portland Avenue, Old Orchard Beach, Maine on August 8, 2013? If you have any information, please give it to FBI Agent Andy Drewer at 207–774–9322 of the Portland, Maine FBI office.
My house at 146 Portland Ave, Old Orchard Beach, Maine, July 4, 2013, photo taken because we had just finished building a baby room on the back. vs My house August 8, 2013, when the same group of people (yes group, the golf club woman was not alone when she attacked November 14, 2013, nor was she alone with her second attack July 2016.) who murdered my son on November 14, 2013 at Southern Maine Community College and crippled me July 26, 2016 at scarborough WalMart,... they arrived the first time with a backhoe on August 8, 2013, that they used to drive over my house, during a time of day that I normally was home asleep... I had to work a different shift at the Waffle Cone Pizza Food Truck at George's Parking Lot by Bill's Pizza at the OBB Peir, that day, otherwise, I too would be at the bottom of a landfill, along with my house and everything I owned that was also in the house. I was 5 months pregnant at the time and have been homeless for just under 14 years, homeless ever since....
... which means it is now only a few weeks from the 14th anniversary of my son's murder. I was 8 month pregnant November 14, 2013, and a student ay SMCC, and coming out of the Buglight Lighthouse art studio after art class, when a still unidentifiedwoman wielding a golf club attacked me, severed my spine, while I was 8 months pregnant, triggered early labour, then killed my son minutes after he was born.
While accusing me of being transgender, screaming "transvestite freak" and "look at that thing, that's Ken's son in a dress"... while I was 8 months pregnant.
My house at 146 Portland Ave, Old Orchard Beach, Maine, July 4, 2013, photo taken because we had just finished building a baby room on the back. vs My house August 8, 2013, when the same group of people (yes group, the golf club woman was not alone when she attacked November 14, 2013, nor was she alone with her second attack July 2016.) who murdered my son and crippled me, arrived the first time with a backhoe that they used to drive over my house, during a time of day that I normally was home asleep... I had to work a different shift at the Waffle Cone Pizza Food Truck at George's Parking Lot by Bill's Pizza at the OBB Peir, that day, otherwise, I too would be at the bottom of a landfill, along with my house and everything I owned that was also in the house. I was 5 months pregnant at the time and have been homeless for just under 14 years, homeless ever since. |
The backhoe driver returned November 14, 2013, armed with a golf club, used it to break my spine and smash my baby's brains out on the ground
On November 14, 2013, my son was murdered. I was 8 months pregnant, leaving my college classroom, and just getting into my car, when 3 strangers, a man and two women, armed with golf clubs leapt out from behind my car screaming "kill or be killed, kill the transvestite freaks, kill them all before they kill us! look at that thing! That is Ken's son, look at how it's dressed! kill the transvestite freaks! kill or be killed"... while the bald man and the red haired woman chanted this over and over, the blonde woman, lunged with the golf club.
She severed my spine, I am now a quadriplegic, and been paralyzed arms and legs, and in a wheelchair for 13 years now. She broke my hips, my knees, my legs, ruptured most of my discs, and shattered three of my vertebrae so bad that the shards of bone acted like glass and embedded themselves into my spinal column nerve bundle.
The attack also triggered labour.
My son was born in that parking lot, and he lived only a couple of minutes, before the deranged blonde woman, beat his head in and smashed his brains out, with the same golfclub she had just used to sever my spine and leave me crippled for the rest of my life.
Realizing that I was not transgender, and they'd just murdered a baby, the man grabbed the 2 women and forcibly dragged them away to a 4 door white pickup truck, and they left me there to die.
The FBI told me later, that a few weeks before this attack, and transwoman, had murdered a cis woman, in a parking lot, abou 20 miles away from where I was attacked. The FBI, believes that my attackers, had somehow found out I wrote transgender fiction, connecting my real name to my penname, (my father's name is in fact "Ken", and I do have a brother) and believed that I wrote transgender fiction, because I was myself transgender, even though I'm not transgender. The FBI, believes the attackers, thought I was my brother, pretending to be a woman.
The FBI investigation, into my son's murder, has dragged on for 13 years, and still now in 2026, continues on, with the FBI, still not having yet identified my attackers, and only guessing at what their motive was.
Thus we come to 2014, and the full swing change of the series I write. WHY my series, went from just a transman main character living life, to the full blown Mpreg genre series that it now is today.
Before the attack, I had a chance of having a baby. I don't know. And because I'm in America, I'm too old to adopt. You have to be under 45 years old to adopt a baby. That is the law in America. I was informed this, when we tried to adopt, now that my injuries leave me unable to get pregnant a 9th time.
Thus began my obsessively writing, my transman main character, pregnant. Always pregnant now. Every time. Every story. Stories that now fully focus on pregnancy, labour, miscarriages, babies dying, babies living, raising babies... the whole series, since 2014 has devolved into an outright baby obsession.
Meanwhile, reborn baby dolls were suggested to me by my therapist, and have also become a deeply obsessive part of my life. Because 13 years ago my son was murdered minutes after he was born, because a transphobic bigot mistook me for being transgender, I'm STILL in a wheelchair, struggling to relearn to use my arms and legs, now 13 years later, and I'm still DAILY dealing with police officers and FBI agents who while they are trying to find my son's killer, they are also daily reminding me... oh, yeah, my son was murdered, literally ripped out of my belly, by a transphobe. Who still has not been located and walks free to kill again.
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The golfclub woman as she looked during the golf club attack at Southern Maine community college November 14, 2013. She is about 20 to 30 years older then me and would be around 75 to 85 years old now in 2026. If you have any information about the identity of this child murderer, please call FBI Agent Andy Drewer at 207–774–9322 |
The golfclub woman as she looked during the shopping cart attack at Scarborough WalMart July 26, 2016. She is about 20 to 30 years older then me and would be around 75 to 85 years old now in 2026. If you have any information about the identity of this child murderer, please call FBI Agent Andy Drewer at 207–774–9322 |
The 2nd woman as she looked at both attacks, her hair goes all the way down to her knees. She is about 20 to 30 years older then me and would be around 75 to 85 years old now in 2026. If you have any information about the identity of this child murderer's accomplice, please call FBI Agent Andy Drewer at 207–774–9322 |
Do you know who these two woman who crippled me and murdered my baby, at Southern Maine Community College at 10PM on November 14, 2013, are, and what their connection to the backhoe that drove over my house is? If you have any information, please give it to FBI Agent Andy Drewer at 207–774–9322 of the Portland, Maine FBI office.
I am a legally blind quadriplegic, and low verbal, I have also published 138 novels in the last 48 years. It's not as impossible as people think. The problem being blind and quadriplegic, medically have different meanings then how those two words are used medically.
Fewer than 3% of all blind people see nothing. While 97% people who are classified as fully blind are able to see up to two feet in front of them. Legally blind means I can see more then two feet in front of me but not far enough to see twenty feet in front of me. In my case I can see about eight feet.
Quadriplegic, has varying levels, it means having a damaged nerve bundle in the spinal column causing limited mobility of all 4 limbs, (in my case this was done by a women wielding a golf club, who also beat my 8 month infant's head to pulp on the parking lot tarmak, at the same time she severed my spine with the same golf club; both on November 14, 2013; the FBI investigation into my son's murder and my being crippled has gone on now for 13 years, a few weeks away from 14 years now, and the FBI has still not identified the killer or her motive). Contrary to popular misconception, quadriplegic does NOT mean ZERO movement, it means means limited movement, specifically in means unable to lift arms over head, unable to grip fingers around objects to pick them up, and unable to stand for more then 5 minutes to a time. Because there are so many thousands of nerves in each limb it is actually very rare for there to be 100% no movement, but how much, and to what extent varies by patent depending upon the specific point of injury to the spinal column.
Meaning typing is still possible for over 60% of all quadriplegics.
In my case, it was the lower spine that was severed, cutting off completly my ability to move my right leg, leaving limited feeling in my left leg, and an ability to stand but not walk, with crutches, for the first 9 years. I regained enough nerve growth in my legs by the 9th year to be able to take ten or twelve steps allowing me to get out of bed for the first time since the golf club attack; This in turn lead to me being able to start using a wheelchair, as I was able to sit upright for the first time as well.
Because the shattered vertebrae bone fragments are broken off completly and embedded into the nerve bundle just above my tailbone, doctors were saying I would never walk again, but now at 13 years, I am able to push mu wheelchair like a walker, a distance of almost a thousand steps a day. Though doctors are still doubtful I will ever walk "normally" again, I have proven them wrong, when their said 13 years ago, that I would never walk again at all.
But because of the placement of the damage to my spine, regaining hand use, was always thought possible, it was just a matter of waiting long enough for nerve regrowth, along side daily finger exercises. I was able to continue writing, after becoming quadriplegic, because I still have use of my right thumb, and 2 fore figures of my right hand. And can type 90 words per minute with those 3 fingers.
I however have no wrist strength, elbow strength, or shoulder strength, so I am not able to form a fist, or lift objects, or brush my hair, or my teeth, all thing I have to have my caretaker do. But, those things are not needed for typing. Unfortunately, my pinky and ring fingers are "nerve dead" and drag over the keyboard, and cause horrific spelling errors and typos, which are incredibly frustrating to deal with.
Unfortunately trying to edit errors myself, just makes the errors worse, because those same two fingers drag over the keyboard yet again. Prior to the golf club attack, I rarely had spelling errors; now I got more spelling errors then someone is learning English as second language. Editing is a challenge, that I've had to accept, I simply can not do myself, and I have to hire several editors to help with that.
Low verbal means sounds can still be made, sounds that software programs like Dragon can be trained to recognize and translate, and type into full words. More then half my novels were typed with this method.
I still have a long ways to go before I am anything close to being able to do the things I could do before the golf club woman beat my baby's brains out and shattered my spine. And you know what's more frustrating then how slow mu medical progression has been? The fact that it's been 13 years and the police and FBI are still coming up at dead ends as to who the woman who murdered my baby was, or why she even did it.
My son's 14th birthday is only a few weeks away, but he didn't even get to live long enough to celebrate his 1st birthday, I don't even know why. And I can't wait to regain my ability to walk again, because regaining my ability to walk, means gaining the ability to go outside and start looking for my son's murderer myself instead of sitting at home trapped in a wheelchair waiting for the police and FBI to to find her. So, writing isn't a big priority for me anymore. I only write now, as a way to exercise my hands, in between relearning to walk.
Never let a disability stop you. Plenty of writers, artists, athletes, do not let either blindness, speech impediments, or limited mobility hold then back from perusing their careers.
Do you know who these two woman who crippled me and murdered my baby, at Southern Maine Community College at 10PM on November 14, 2013, are, and what their connection to the backhoe that drove over my house is? If you have any information, please give it to FBI Agent Andy Drewer at 207–774–9322 of the Portland, Maine FBI office.
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There are no ebook editions as they are already available digitally here on my website.