In the past year, I've encountered what has to be the most outlandish attempt by a man to get me to date him. I started writing this book after a complete stranger plops himself down at my table and starts telling the waiter that we are together and on a date, while I was eating at a restaurant, with my partner of 28 years! He then hounds me for hours while I'm shopping at WalMart, telling me all the reasons why I should leave my partner for him. Next he shows up at my mom's house with a boo-hoo story of how I stood him up (wait, what? stood him up? How can I stand him up when I don't even know his name?)
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Then because he couldn't find my unlisted phone number he traced my dad's and called him every 15 minutes - from 9PM to 2AM every night, for 2 weeks to say: "I'm not a stalker is Wendy there, she knows me from grade school, I used to help her out when other kids bullied her. I just read her book and want to ask her out."... Uhm, yeah, I was homeschooled. I never went to public school. And who starts a conversation by saying: "I'm not a stalker"? For months, whenever I go to work or shopping, I come out to find notes taped to my car: "Hi, Honey, I need you to sew my coat." "Don't forget to darn my socks". He later shows up at another restaurant and has a public meltdown screaming fit accusing me of breaking up with him (and I still don't even know who he is.) He later shows up in my driveway saying he's got plan to build "our" house on my land!
Meanwhile a second man is daily walking up to me and saying "I love your Dolly Parton boobs, can't I touch them? I needs to gives them squeezies and huggies, ya needs some lovies." and before I can say no, he's groping me and saying I ought to date him, then pulls an 8" switchblade on me and threatens to slit my throat. I run away from him and run all the way to the nearest police station. When the police find him, he tells them he just wanted a date. THAT Sugar Pie, is NOT how you get a date.
Well, it occurred to me that there are men out there, or at least around here, desperately seeking a first date and they also seem to be very confused as to what is and is not a date, as well as how one should act in order to not come off as a creepy, scary stalker. So I decided to write up my list of things I wish guys knew about dating and first dates and ended up with this rather long rant on how much I hate the rude lewd, crude things men have done to me.
Do be warned, this isn't an advice guide, this is a hell fire, bitch feast of a rant on all the things I HATE about the men who've hounded me looking for a date and absolutely refuse to take no for an answer and why you should not do these things they did on your first date. Hide your balls boys, I'm not nice or loving in this book, because frankly, I've had it with the crude way the men around my area treat women and this woman has decided she's gonna speak out. These men wanted to know why I won't date them, and now I'm telling you what they did and EXACTLY why I refuse to date men like this, so that you don't make the same mistakes with other women, that these men made with me.
Hopefully you will read what these men did to me and learn a lesson from it and not be a total jackass when asking for a first date, the way these men were.
In short: EVERYTHING these men did to me - DON'T do them to YOUR date!