#FAQs: I can barely hear you when you talk, can you do something with the volume?
No, unfortunately. The audio is already as high as it can go.
I have stacibotrin poisoning and can not speak above a whisper, so no, there is no way to increase voice volume, it is already as loud as it can be turned up.
It means the lining of my lungs are scarred so badly that speech is difficult for me. I have lived with this my whole life, it is something I have had since I was 8 years old. I have never been able to speak above a whisper.
It was caused by being locked in that "room", which among other things had a black "mildew" looking mold that was over 3 inches thick on the walls... when the FBI raid rescued me out of that room 31 years later, the "mildew" was tested and discovered not to be mildew but rather stacibotrin.
It causes me to cough up blood whenever I laugh or try to raise my voice above a whisper.
The frequent gushing nosebleeds that last for several hours are also caused by this.
It is one of the first known cases of stacibotrin in America, and it was believed, due to the fact that it was growing 3 inches thick, which is not natural for this type of mushroom, that my uncles were doing biological warfare testing on the children they had imprisoned. They said my uncles were suspected of helping Russia test bio-weapons in North America *(This was during the 1970s and 1980s, so quite a long time ago, now)* I don't know what evidence they had to cause them to think that, but, it was what the agents and officers said during the raid.
I also tested positive for having had small pox, at some point... though the test was done when I was 42, I had it when I was 13... something that again, should not have been in America and further supported the FBI's theory that my uncles were building bio-warfare bombs. *(They built bombs and sold them to various terrorist groups, including the Isis bomb that killed a lot of people in Boston during some race a few years back. The uncle who built that bomb was the first one to go to prison.)*
The thing that has made catching my uncles so difficult was that they are not Americans. They are Canadians. They are illegal aliens from Canada, hiding in America, because it is easier to hide in America than it is to hide in Canada. Their headquarters is in Nova Scotia. I'm not sure where, I've never been to Canada.
The uncle that lived 6 months of the year in Russia, for most of the past 60 years, yes, even when Russia was closed to Americans, was also an Air Force Pilot and an Intelligence Officer at the Pentagon. All of the ID he had through the American military was fake, his age the military had him listed as was a full 10 years wrong, and all his "American citizen" papers *(SSN, birth certificate, etc)* were fake. He worked in the Pentagon for almost 20 years before it was discovered all his documents were fake, and that was what lead to his being discharged from the military, a few days before his expected being given the rank of Colonel. When the news reports came out reporters called him a "Russian spy" involved in "the Iron Curtain" and "the Cold War" . He joined the American military in the 1950s. Apparently it was easy to fake ID back then and once he was in, no one thought to check his documents again until the end of the 1980s.
Because of that particular uncle, who fortunately is now dead, all the "adult" children who were rescued in the FBI raid, had to be tested for everything they could possibly have ever medically had via being given it by men testing bio-weapons on children. I tested positive for Stacibotrin Poisoning, Anthrax, and Small Pox, all 3 of which are why I have the lung problems today, that I have.
But yeah, that's why I can't talk properly. I have massive scaring in my lungs from Stacibotrin Poisoning, Anthrax, and Small Pox, all 3 of which I had 50 years ago, when I was a small child, and I've had to live with the agonizing pain of lungs filled with scar tissue, for almost 60 years now, because my uncles were jackass bastards. Thankfully most of them are now either in prison or dead, and can't hurt anyone anymore.
I wish the FBI raid had happened sooner. How different my life would have been, had I been rescued as a child or a teenager or even as a young adult. I was locked in that cage and tortured for 31 years. They put me in it when I was 8. The FBI raid let me out 31 years later.
But that is why, my voice is so very quiet. I'm not physically able to speak louder than I do.
See photos of the "room" I was tortured in, in the panels about the room, you can see the Stacibotrin in the photos.
There were 12 uncles involved in the leadership of the clan. Their are 4,000+ direct family members, this number does not include in-laws and their families. Of those 4,000 only around 400 has American citizenship. All of the rest are Canadians in America illegally, with the exception of the Russian family members, who are Russian, and as far as I know only 2 of them have American citizenship.
The bulk of the men are polygamists, most have 2 to 5 wives, and several of the wives have multiple husbands, most have between 3 to 8 husbands *(these "lesser" husbands, act as "servants" of the primary husband, doing the "jobs" (petty crimes, bank robberies, making the fake IDs, that sort of thing, in addition to helping to raise the children; the lesser husbands are usually castrated to prevent adultery from happening with the lead husband's wives.)*.
Each female is married between the age of 12 and 16 and will have given birth no fewer then 4 times by the time she reaches 16 years old. Most females give birth to 12 to 20 children. This is WHY, the DIRECT family, not including in-laws, has more then 4,000 members.
Most of the children will die before reaching the age of 12.
Most of the women will die before reaching the age of 35.
Children are not named until they are 3 years old, because chances are high they will not live that long and they are not baptised until they are 8 years old, because again chances are high they will not live that long.
Average lifespan in Gypsy culture is very, very, very low.
The Air Force Major *(now dead, by suicide, on the final day of the pedophile, child rapist court case brought against him by 86 teen girls all under the age of 16 at the time of the court case, but had all been raped by him under the age of 8... had he not died hours before the end of the trial, he would have gotten 86 sentences for the rapes, plus more charges for the Russian spy stuff, plus more charges for medical experiments on children; he was about to receive a sentence of more then 500 years in prison)*, one of his younger brothers was one of the leaders of Heaven's Gate *(who just died from Covid-19)*, while one of their sister's husbands *(who got life in prison and is still there)* was a supplier to Isis. They were the 3 the FBI was after when the raid happened. The FBI didn't know that these men also had 140+ children, whom had been locked in cages 30+ years, being tortured the entire time. I was one of those children.
The news reports called it "The Worst Child Abuse Case In American History" others called it "Maine's House of Horrors".
Their oldest brother and two of his adult children *(now both in their 60s and him today in his 80s)* were the founders of a branch of the Ku Klux Klan known as "The Loyalist White Knights of the Ku Klux Klan More Loyal then the Loyal White Knights", a group founded for none-whites to "cleanse their DNA and become white". These 3 are still at large, were responsible for the bomb that blew up my house in 2006, where responsible for the kidnapping and beheading of my children in 2015, and are the primary mods of the streamer behind the "deserved to be raped raids" here on Twitch. He is the correct Patriarch of the clan. His word is law and when commands orders, then Clan obeys. Many of that streamer's Discord "community" are members of the 4,000 who follow this man. It's WHY she was able to so quickly gather up so many to attack my channel, and if you watch her VODs, you can see the many times one of his sons pays that streamer a $500 donation, with instructions to attack my channel.
In the 30 years since the raid that rescued us, I've had to live with endless interrogations by police and FBI, who refuse to believe I know nothing about my uncles', aunts, and cousins' activities outside of the compound. The same dozens of questions asked over and over again every few months for decades on end.
Constantly be called into court every time yet another uncle, aunt, or cousin is caught. And endless disappointment from the agents, officers, and lawyers when, once again, they call me in t be a witness and are once again reminded that of the 4,000+ members of the family, I have met face to face fewer then 30 of them and do not know what any of the 4,000+ others look like, nor do I know their names.
They seem to forget that my being locked in a cage in a closet for 31 years, means, the only people I ever saw, were the ones who tossed food into the cage and the ones who tortured me. They hope against hope that maybe I'll know something about this criminal or that criminal. But why would I? I had one square foot of space, to sit huddled in, my knees to my face. There were no lights, no windows.
Darkness 24 hours a day for years on end. Even the ones I did see face to face when they came in once every 12 days to toss molded bread and maggot filled rice at me, I couldn't see their faces through the darkness, and didn't know their names. While there were 12 uncles who ran the group, I only ever met 5 of those uncles, though I could hear the fighting and yelling from the next room, and a few times saw the blond American with the German Shepard dog, who was the one who all the money went to, I still don't know who they were, not to this day.
In spite of the money they brought in, my uncles struggled to get by or feed the family most of the time because they only kept a 10% cut... all the rest of the money went to the blond American with the German Shepard dog. HE was the actual leader of the group, and he wasn't a relative. I don't know who he was. They just called him "Mark". They'd rush around in a panic the days he showed up, saying stuff like "We gotta hide these before Mark get's here"... "Mark's coming today, he can't find out we got these." I don't know who Mark was, I could probably ID him if the police or FBI ever caught him, because him, I did see several times. He showed up like clockwork every month to collect the money, the weapons, and the drugs, that my uncles handed over to him.
But the uncles, the auntes, the cousins... I can't ID most of them, because I never saw them. Most of them were in Utah, Nevada, Arizona, and Wyoming and never even came to Maine at all. Others are in Canada, Russia, and Australia, and again, never came to Maine at all. So none of them I can ID either.
I want to just move on and live a normal life.
I've never been wanted.
Never been loved.
Never been welcomed.
Never been accepted.
Never been included.
Isolated for decades in solitary confinement, since I was 8 years old.
I went years between being allowed to bathe.
Years between any human contact that wasn't a hand wielding a brick to my jaw.
I've never had a friend.
I've never had a real family, just abusers.
31 years in a cage, in a closet with no light.
And when I finally escaped... I found the outside world to be just cold, just as cruel, just as unkind, just as unloving.
I used to think my uncles were the freaks.
But now I know, I'm the freak. Because I'm not violent. I feel pain. I desire love. I desire friendship.
But I've learned that Humans are incapable of those things.
Humans are cruel.
Humans are incapable of showing love.
Humans are incapable of displaying friendship.
Because Humans are evil. There is no good in them.
My uncles were not flukes, they were norm of the Human race.
Since my escape, my only goal has been to find love and friendship.
But every few months the police or FBI will capture yet another uncle, aunt, or cousin and then the whole process starts over again... call me in to ask what I know about this one, can I point them out in a line up.
No. I never heard of this one either.
No. I was locked in a cage for 31 years, in total darkness. I never saw anyone but the 5 uncles who tortured me and the handful of adult cousins who helped them.
It's why I play video games so much, so obsessively. I'm trying to forget the endless having to deal with police and FBI and court, month after month, for decades on end. With no break. It's as bad as the first 31 years of my life in the cage! I had no freedom then, but I have no more freedom now, because the police and lawyers and FBI look at me as though I know everything about the criminal relatives in my family, when I know next to nothing about them, and pester me constantly.
The Isis uncle. Paul Martel. I'd never even heard of him before. Or Isis. The police showed up after they arrested him. In 2016. That was ever heard of him or Isis. I remember one of the officers asked: "What do you mean, you never heard of Isis? Don't you watch the news? He killed all those people at the Boston Marathon with a bomb!"... I was sitting in my yard, under the tarp that is my house. And response to the officer: "Does it look like I have a place to plug a TV in? One of these trees perhaps? I've been homeless since the bomb blew up my house in 2006." Apparently, I have uncle named Paul. Well, he's not an uncle I ever heard of before. And apparently he builds bombs for someone named Isis, whom I also never hear of before. But apparently, according the officers who arrived in my yard, this Isis dude killed a lot of people in Boston with a bomb built by an uncle Paul, I didn't know I had.
When the police showed up March 1997, asking about Heaven's Gate. I'd never heard of Heaven's Gate. That's not what any of my uncles ever called the farm. "The Royal Highland Atwater Clan" that's what my uncles called. Except for Richard who called it "Three Swans". Heaven's Gate? No. None them used that term. Only the police ever called it that. They were looking for my uncle Bruce, but he was in Utah. Never did understand why the police were here in Maine looking for him. Mervin Bruce. Leader of Heaven's Gate? Was he? All he ever did was stockpile weapons, rave and rant that God lived on planet Kolob, and was going to fly in on a mothership hidden in the shadow of Comet Wormwood. He fucking insane. He claimed Satan visited him every night and demons talked to im all day. When he was finally arrested... for cutting his wife's foot off at the Saco Dairy Queen... the judge asked him why he cut her foot off, and he told the judge Satan told him to. He was diagnosed with schizophrenia and sentenced to spend the rest of his life in a state run mental institute. He recently died of Covid-19.
And yet, when the police arrived asking question about him. All they wanted to know was, the names of the 39 victims who died in California. How the hell am I supposed to know? I've never been outside of Maine. I have agoraphobia, I don't even leave my yard. California is as far away from Maine as you can get and still be in America. They had all kinds of questions about Heaven's Gate... but in 1997, I'd only been released from my cage, less than a year. I'd never heard of Heaven's Gate. Like I said, just because the new reports and the police said it was Heaven's Gate... no one inside the farm ever called it that.
And Major Richard Merlin? He was in Russia buying little girls. Biggest pedophile in the clan. He had 16 dogs, used buy children from Russia, then make videos of his dogs raping them. He had beastiality child porn website. And yet when the police showed up for him, all their questions were about Russian spies and Iron Curtains and Cold war. They didn't give a shit about the hundreds of little girls he filmed while his Britney Spaniels and Irish Setters raped them. I seriously doubt he ever stopped sexually abusing children long enough to spy for the Russian government. But that's what the police believed and it's what the news reporters printed up in news papers when he got dragged off to court in 2013. He commit suicide day before the trail ended, after 86 of the children he'd raped showed up in court the night before to testify against him.
When the police arrived about the priests who bought time with the children... they only asked questions about Catholic priests from Boston. I've never in my life met a Catholic priest. The priest my uncles were selling little girls to... they were NOT Catholic, nor where they in Boston. Again, I've never been outside of Maine, and I was 42 years old, first time I ever met a non-Mormon. All those men my uncles were selling little girls to, every one of them was a Mormon priest from Cape Elizabeth Ward of the Augusta Stake. Not Catholic. And not Boston. But the police didn't want to listen to that. And when the news reports went out, they connected my uncles to the Catholic Priests of Boston, but once again, the news reporters got it wrong.
And that's the way it always is. The police show up with questions, assuming I know something about some event, that I've never heard of, involving people, I had no clue was related to me, and they are so hung up on getting some big bust in the news, that they ignore the reality of the situation, every time.
So yeah, there are the news reports, claiming my crazy child abusing uncle was one of Heaven's Gate's leaders, claiming my air force pilot uncle who had a giant full color catalog of photos of little girls whom he bought through the mail via that Russian catalog and making videos of dogs fucking them calling him a Russian spy. And then they come in with some uncle I never heard of working with some other guy I never heard of, who's supposedly famous or something.
The Clan is huge, yes, but it's based out of Nova Scotia in Canada... in another country. And the bulk of them run their business out of Salt Lake City in Utah... 10s of 1,000s of miles away, half way on the other side of the globe... while the one with the most warrants for him, is in Australia. And I've never meet any of them or their wives or their children or their grand children or their great grand children. I don't even know their names. I've never even seen pictures of them. I've never had any type of contact with a single one of any of them. The ONLY ones I knew, were the ones here in Maine, who worked for that blond "Mark" guy with the German Shepard.
And YET... every other month, there they are again, the police or the FBI, back again, because hey, we've yet again arrested one of these people you never heard of before and didn't know you were related to, but they are connected with this big case we are working on and we want to sensationalize the news reports, we're here to intergate you about this relative you never meet, never heard of, and didn't know existed, because every other relative of theirs slammed the door in our face and you're the only one who would let us in your house... oh, wait you don't have a house, you live under a tarp, and you didn't actually let us in, we started stopping around your yard without your permission.
I wouldn't mind helping the police and FBI, if I actually knew what the fuck they were talking about, who the fuck they were talking about. But the thing is I don't.
And when I tell them I don't know anything, they point out, well you said you would help... yeah, I did... and if I knew anything I would, but I don't so I can't.
Do you have any idea how annoying this is?
I'm related to 4,000+ fucking criminals, only 30 of whom, I've ever meet, know the names of, or ever even heard of... and because these people who I don't even know, share the same DNA as me, the police think, well I must know them somehow, and they can't find any leads, so let's ask her a million and one questions that we already know she doesn't know the answer to, because we don't have anything better to do right now.
The uncles, I new anything about, were the ones who raised me and they are dead now, except for one. I don't know the others.
Why can't they just let me live in peace.
I mean I get that the police are trying to do their job, but this is borderline harassment. If they were doing their jobs better, they would already know I've never had a connection to those 4,000+ relatives they claim I have. And that's another thing... I only have the police officers' word on that.
The family I can account for are: my grandfather had 2 wives, 15 children by 1, 3 died in childbirth, 1 died at age 3. 11 reached adulthood. My mother was #8. Of the 7 boys and 4 girls, they had in total 64 children via their 1st spouses. Those 64 children went on to have just over 300 children with their 1st spouses. In total, I can account for 400 people in my family, NOT the 4,000 total that the police give. Who those 4,000 other are, I don't know... because they are NOT related to the original 12. The Atwater Clan has 400 people, not 4,000 like the police claim. And of those 400 I only names of the 30 I've meet.
Do they not take into account how I was raised? In a cage! In a fucking cage! For 31 years! How exactly do they expect me to know anyone other then the 5 uncles who tortured me, and the handful of adult cousins who helped them?
All the police talk about Heaven's Gate, Isis, Russian Spies... I know nothing of those things. What I do know, David demanded memorizing scripture and if I misquoted he's use a shovel to cut off a cat's head, while Bruce fired up his masonry drill to drill a 2 foot long foundation nail through my leg, while Richard pulled out a camcorder to film it. Every Sunday, I was allowed out of the cage, so we could all go to church, Cape Elizabeth Ward of the Church of Jesus Christ of Later Day Saint, Agusta Stake. I was instructed to never say a word. If I got caught talking to anyone, I got a cinder block to the face when we got home. Over those 31 years, I went to 16 Bishops, told them what was happening and begged for help. They never looked into it. From the time I was 14 until the the time I had surgery at age 42, it was believed I was mute, but I wasn't and I couldn't tell anyone, because my jaw was broken so bad, from it having been broken with a cinder block so many times, that I could no longer talk. Bruce was brick layer, he used bricks and mason nails to torture me. That is what I know.
I didn't even know there were 140 other children there. I found that out from the news reporters after the FBI. I never saw those 140 children. Those 31 years I was locked up, I thought I was the only child there. I had no idea there were others. To this day, I've never even meet the others. The police never even told me their names. My entire life was spent in that cage.
I had chicken pox when I was 6. Small red pimple blisters covered my face and chest. I had a high fever and a week later it was gone.
Then when I was 13, my parents and my uncles, claimed I had chicken pox again. But this time was vastly different. Giant blackish-red wart-like thing, covered the palms of my hands, the souls of my feet, my back, my face, and the inside of my mouth and lungs. I almost died. I was on a liquid diet for 8 months, because the bumble-like blisters in my mouth were over and inch across, and I couldn't open or close my moth to eat. They kept me on the floor in the living room. One of the few times I wasn't left locked in that room. The swelling of my palms and soles was so bad that my hands and feet were not recognizable as either hands or feet. It lasted for months.
When I was 42, doctors ran bloodwork on me, they said I had strange symptoms. Like I was suffering the after effects of having had a life threatening illness. They asked, if I ever had, and I told them about the 2nd time I had chicken pox.
The doctor went white. She said what I decided, most definitely was not chicken pox. Chicken pox doesn't do that. The next words out of her mouth were: "Have you ever been to Russia?" No. But one of my uncle lived their 6 months of the year. His wife was Russian. Her family lived in America 6 months of the year.
She went to her office and got a book. Huge college text book for medical students, and in it was a chart that should lots of different types of pox. She said: "Point to the one that looks like what you had." I did. She looked like she'd seen a ghost. Put the book away and said: "We need to test your blood." A few weeks later, she was telling me: "You had small pox. It's not possible, but you did. The Major, why was he in Russia?"
I don't know. His office was in the Pentagon. He was an intelligence officer. That's what lead to his being investigated for being a Russian spy. Because I had Small Pox, in America in the 1980s. So in come the police with more questions. And me, I have no answers. I was just child locked in a cage. The guinea pig for my uncles apparently, so I'm now told.
But that's what destroyed my lungs.
That's why I can't talk above a whisper.
That's why you can't hear me well, in spite of good audio equipment.
With my audio equipment you should hear me clear as a bell.
But my lungs are full of scars, and every breath I take hurts like hell.
That's why I have to be so extra careful to avoid Covid-19.
Someone whose lungs are as damaged as mine, Covid-19 would be a death sentence.
I escaped the hell of living with my uncles, and now live in the hell of being one of the few survivors willing to help the law take them down, so have no moments peace every time any one gets a lead on where one of my uncles, aunts, or cousins might be.
Playing video games is the only escape I have from the nightmare that is my every day life.
I would like to have just one place in my life where I can have some freedom once and for all from the hell of my uncles and their criminal lifestyle.
Twitch was that place.
Twitch was where I came to have a few minutes of freedom from the hell I live with offline.
It's WHY I kept EVERYTHING about my life OFF Twitch.
And you fucking bastards went and brought it here!
The news reports called it "The Worst Child Abuse Case In American History" others called it "Maine's House of Horrors". And a jackass streamer called it "BDSM fetish".
We were tortured by men who were monsters, and that's why I really don't like it when that streamer ran around saying this stuff was BDSM. Criminal men, torturing children who were only 8 years old, is NOT BDSM. And there is something wrong with you, if you say it is.
And she gathered up 300,000 Discord followers to help her spread that lie around the internet, and with it, a lot of other lies about my past... so now here it is... my past, as so many of you wanted to know about.
Do you understand NOW why I buried my past and kept saying I did not want to talk about it?
I kept everything separate from Twitch. Heaven's Gate, my uncles, my childhood, everything in my offline life, I never brought any of it to Twitch.
None of it.
I made my channel all about the game, Witcher 3 and ONLY the game and nothing else. I kept everything from my life separate from Twitch.
And this woman, this streamer, she became obsessed with me, dug up my past, found news reports, interviews, blogs, magazines, newspapers... she dug up everything she could find, and used it to make make 5 hour long daily Twitch streams about me. She flooded Twitch with all the events from my past that I put so much effort into keeping out of Twitch.
I didn't want it here.
I kept Twitch as a safe zone, a place I could go to try to forget.
I can't sleep I have post traumatic stress disorder, night terrors, obsessive compulsive disorder, and agoraphobia.
I have a raging phobia of guns and sex and men. I avoid those things like the plague.
I threw all of my streaming focus into the game, to try to block out everything going on in my life.
Why did she bring all of that here?
Why did she her followers here to torment me about a past, I want to forget?
Why did they think it was something they have fun making sex jokes about?
#It is very messed up to reveal someone's private personal information like that, especial when it is such extremely sensitive and traumatic private information.
What this fucking piece of shit did is below low. She is one fucked up piece of shit. What kind of a person does something like this?
I grew up in a fucking hell, raised by monsterous men who tortured us, and when I escaped that hell, I wanted to leave it and never look back, never think of it again, never be reminded of it, start a new life.
It's why I never talked about it.
It's why I never told anyone about it.
I wanted to forget it.
You ill mannered delinquents, you stepped some HUGE boundary lines.
And every one of the 300,000 of you involved in this horrendous attack on me, on every social media, you all out to be ashamed of yourselves.
All 300,000 of you, you are all vile, despicable, evil, horrible people.
It was bad enough that she dug all that up and brought it here to Twitch and sent people to my channel to hound me about it... but then she did all that filthy sex stuff on top of that. She couldn't stop with just digging up my past and my connection to fucking Heaven's Gate... no! No, that wasn't enough for her. Then she had to rub salt in the wound by making up filthy ass sex lies about me and spreading those all over the internet.
What the fuck is wrong with her?
What is wrong with everyone in her community?
It's bad enough she started it, but why the hell did so many people join her in it?
Why did any of them take any part in any of this?
Evil people do evil things. Life is difficult enough on it's own, without evil people coming along and making it worse.
I am deeply distressed and upset over this whole thing.
And if you have any information about my uncles or their clan or their accomplices, don't give it to me, give it to the FBI agent in charge of the investigation: *FBI Agent Andy Drewer out of the Portland, Maine FBI office. He can be reached @ +1-(207)-774-9322*
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