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Becoming A Better Writer:
How to write interesting dialogue.




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 How to write interesting dialogue


How to write interesting dialogue (more specific). from writing

I keep a recorder running all day long. Records everything I say to anyone, everything they say to me, and picks up conversations of whoever is around (such as when shopping, etc.)

I take those and have a speech to text program type it up for me.

Then I read it and pay attention to how conversations flow.

I started doing this back in the 1990s.

You know what I noticed?*

  • No one... absolutely no one finishes a sentence.
  • Everyone jumps in to interrupt everyone else talking.
  • No one speaks in sentences, everyone speaks in fragments.
  • Everyone uses horrific grammar, is that not right, no?
  • You can tell what country, state, city, even what side of town a person is from by the nuances, slang, idioms, dialects, etc in their speech.

For example, you know a person is from the Northdam Mill District of Biddeford, when joyfully greet you thusly:

"Hey! Yo bro! Fuck you ya damned bleeding bastard! How ya fucking, ya bastard out of damned fucking hell, ain't see ya fucking cock sucking hyde in like fucking forever, man. Damn. I'm mean bloody, just damn fucking forever! Where the fuck have ya been all these years, ya mother fucking cunt sucker? We gotta get together and fuck so ass again. Hey, it's been great seeing yar fucking shit around these parts. Stop by again. Don't be such a cock sucker."

Translation:

"Hey! Yo bro! Good to see you! How ya doing, ain't seen you all week. Where were you last week?We gotta get together and hang out at Homer's Bar. Hey, it's been great seeing you. Stop by again. Don't stay away so long."

I don't think any one in Biddeford knows that the word fuck is the French word that means "to have sex". In Biddeford "get fucked" means "get drunk" while "fucking forever" means "last week" and "mother fucking cunt sucker" means "old buddy/pal of mine" aka "my best friend" and "your fucking shit" means "you" or "your body" and it's a compliment to be told "you looking like fucking shit today!" which means "damn you look good today!" "Don't be a cock sucker" means "come back soon".

In case you were wondering, Unicorn is from Northdam District of Biddeford, Maine, and he talks just like that. Unicorn's mouth is the reason the series is rated M18.

Interestingly, you can see the children of this district of Biddeford, talking exactly the same way. Toddlers 5 and 6 years old, greet each other on the school yards with: "Hey buddy! Fuck you man!" which means "Hello"

Biddeford is a fascinating city, if you ever want to study strange insectuous lifestyles of Maine's most infamous mill town. The city which is proud of it's Guinness World Record Plaque which says it has the most incest relationships of any town in the world, at a rate of 73% of its 26,000 residents, with the majority of couples being siblings to each other.

  • people talk in gibberish to each other and understand fully what the meaning was because... uhm... like... yeah... you know... just... it's like... when he said... you know that thing he said when he did the thing you was like yeah, but I was like woe and she was like what the .... but then she said... you know what she said... and you thought it was funny and I was like all yeah, you remember right?
  • no one uses anyone else's name... it's all "Hey Bro!" "Bro!" Dude!" "Yo man!" "What up!" "Digging man!" "Yo bro!" You'd think everyone on the planet was named Bro or Dude.
  • People rarely speak directly, rarely saying what they actually mean unless they are pushed to do so. They are more likely to speak in metaphors, euphemisms, slang terms, and rhetorics, rather than say bluntly what they mean.


  • People rarely answer the question they were asked, instead answer the question they want to answer, often not realizing they are not answering the question asked, because they jumped to conclusions about what the asker meant. They say what it was they wanted to say, in the form of an answer, even though it is not the answer at all and is a different topic entirely.
  • People tell stories and use examples as a way to explain what they mean. If they want to talk about Event A and what it will be like, they share memories of Event B and what it was like as a way to point out Event A will be similar.
  • If something bad happened to person A, person B, C, and D, will each share a story of a time they had a similar bad event happen to them, in a sort of empathy bonding type of conversation to say: "I know this hurts because it hurt when it happened to me". Most people do this as a way to show they care, but sometimes it is mistaken as being trying to "one up" the person, and can lead to misunderstandings and arguments.


  • People love their nonsense contractions ain't that'er right'll? You's know's it is.
  • Unless they are Scottish, Welsh, or Irish, then they use no contractions and spell out every word and often add extra, because you can not no do better then if you would not go and say out every word.


  • People answer in one word or less. "Yep." "Uh-huh". "Maybe." "Really?" "No!" 
  • Unless they are Scottish, Welsh, or Irish, then they use every word they can think of and go very much wicked far out of their way to ad as many of them there extra words as they possibly can to them there sentences because why use one word to describe that new fangled wicked sick new store down yonder dere on that there road when you can use every word in the dictionary all at once in one single solitary sentence that rambles on forever and ever and ever.


  • Odd and awkward phrasing is a feature of speech. 
  • Regional dialects or characters whose first language is not English, are going to speak differently. 
  • ESL character often do not use "a", "an", or "the", and reverse words like "is" and "are". 
  • If they think they said it correctly but are uncertain they end by asking "yes?" 
  • or if they think they said it incorrectly they end with asking "no?"...
  • English is one of the few languages that does not assign gender to words; ESL people often have trouble with this and because English has no equivalent for the gender based descriptive words found in most other languages, thus ESL speakers often add "he" or "she" to inanimate objects.
  • They often can not remember the correct English words to use and use their native language words instead.
  • They often reverse pronouns.
  • They may use phrases that come out entirely odd.
  • For example: 
  1. We is be at park, yes? 
  2. She is good bench to sit on, yes? 
  3. Them birds do no eat bread, no?
  4. I put bread in boot, yes?
  5. Me bahookie be wet, eh?
  6. Ah! Chookie! Click cluck!
  7. Me book, yes?
  8. Ah! I threw me bum out de windea!
  • Translation: 
  1. Is this the park? 
  2. Can I sit on that bench? 
  3. Is it alright to feed the pigeons bread?
  4. Can I put this bread in the trunk of your car?
  5. Is my bum wet?
  6. Look there's a chicken.
  7. That's my book.
  8. I mooned him. (I stuck my naked bum out the window.)

This by the way is typical speech pattern of a ESL person whose original language was either Gaelic or Scots English (My native language, thus why I know it and am able to write a ESL character who speaks it.)

However, if you're not familiar with the grammar of both languages, you are likely to write their incorrect grammar, into gibberish. A person who speaks French as their first language, speaks a vastly different broken English, from the person who spoke Gaelic as their first language, and both are vastly different from a person who speaks Russian or Chinese or some other language.

  • Double negatives. You ain't no never knowing when they will shows up. But there ain't no one what for saw him a double negative that him dids not no use.
  • Remember that more than half of real every day communication is non-verbal. Nods head. Shrugs. Shakes head. Throws hands over head and makes a face. Sticks out tongue. Smirks. Laughs. Fidgets fingers nervously. Eyebrows raise. Nose wrinkles in disgust. But not every action needs to be written. Only include the ones that tell the reader something important about the character's reaction.
  • Awkward silences. They exist. You encounter them every day.
  • He waited for her to say something. She just stared at him silently, so he continued talking...
  • Real dialogue starts and stops. Conversations pause as people check their phones, eat their food, sip a drink, look around the room, and think about other ideas. If someone stops talking to look at their watch, say so, then continue the dialogue.


  • Dialogue reflects their personality. 
  • Shy people speak quietly, slowly, with much hesitation. They use a lot of uh.... ah.... uhm... and frequently say "I'm sorry" in between words for no reason at all. They use the word "I" a lot, frequently saying things like "I think this way, not that my opinion matters."
  • Hyper people talk very fast, never stop talking even when others are speaking, don't finish what they are saying because they thought of something else more interesting to say, but don't finish that because they thought of something else. They use plural pronouns often referring to himself as "we" and us", saying things like "we ate dinner" (even though they were alone at the time.)
  • Angry personality types, talk very brash, loud, and dominantly, using harsh, often crude words, frequently swearing, and ending sentences with threats. They often use the word "you", nearly always addressing everyone with "Hey you!" Often using phrases like: "You better or else." "I got y eye on you." "You better not make me come over there."
  • Insecure people with very low self esteems, wait their turn to speak, often sit silently through the entire conversation, will usually raise their hand and wait to be called on (even as adults, in everyday conversations with their friends at the coffee shop), and often, when they are given the chance to speak, simply say "Never mind, it wasn't important" then continue to sit silently watching the others talk. They never jump into a conversation and often feel lonely and not accepted by the group.


  • Info dumps are rare in conversations, however, they do happen. A person who does this, ALWAYS does it in every conversation with every one. They often speach in a manner that sounds as though they are reciting an encyclopedia chapter they had memorized (and this is often because that is exactly what they are doing.) Usually this is a person who was an only child with an overprotective mother who never allowed them to play with other children, thus they reached adulthood not knowing how to engage in normal social chit-chat small talk. They are often seen by others as rude, and tend to get bullied more often than most people because of the "little professor" style of talking they do. They tend to have VERY extreme emotions - becoming super excited as soon as anyone talks to them, and sinking to deep depression the moment someone tells them to shut up. They often sit silent for hours on end, terrified to open their mouth, desperately wanting to join the conversation, but not knowing the proper way to do so. They are often (incorrectly) described as arrogant or know-it-all. 


  • People with very low IQs (-90) like to use very big words. Words they discovered in Thesauruses. Words no one uses in normal conversations. They often use said words incorrectly, but because no one around them knows the word, no one notices. In trying to convince others of their superior intellect, they often come off sounding like raving lunatics. They talk a lot. Often for hours on end. They have a tendency to include bizarre topics in their conversations, such as saying things like: "Did you know President Bush was a reptilian illuminati member from planet Kolob?"
  • People with very high IQs (140+) are very quiet, speaking rarely, and using short, simple, direct words when they do talk. because their speech is so rarely used and so very simple, on first appearances they are often perceived as being illiterate.
  • Extremely low IQ people spend an inordinate amount of time bragging about their "high IQ"
  • Repetitive dialogue. People have favourite words and phrases and use them endlessly, in almost every sentence.
  • Extremely high IQ people rarely, if ever mention intellect, IQs, etc..


  • Sentences are short, move fast, are unfinished, people instinctively know what the other was saying and answers before they get to say it. No one describes anything... and entire conversation can exist were the same phrase gets repeated over and over.

"Hey!"

"Yo!"

"What up?"

"Hanging!"

"What'd ya get?"

"I saw this un just had to have it..."

"Niiiiiiiiiiiiiice!"

"I know right?"

"Where'd you get it?"

"WalMart."

"You found something like that.."

"I know, right?"

"How much..."

"Fifteen doll.."

"Only fif..."

"I know right?"

"Dang girl?"

"I know right?"

"Dat awesome!"

"Isn't though?"

"Dang!"

"I know right?"

"Just dang!"

"I know right?"

"DANG! Guuuuurl!"

*(Note that this list represents the general things I noticed that stood out consistently, in people whom I've personally had conversations with and whom's conversations are recorded and studied for the purpose of writing conversations realistically in novels.  The region of the people whose conversations were studied on a daily basis over a 20+ year period, are limited to the Saco Bay & Greater Portland regions of York County and Cumberland County in Southern, Maine. This list therefore represents the strong tendencies displayed consistently in the conversations of approximately 26,000 people whom I've personally interacted with over the past 20+ years, and may not reflect the habits of populations outside of this one region. And in case you are wondering, Maine law states that recording audio and or video may be done without knowledge of the people being recorded, but the recording footage can only be published with their permission, unless it is being presented to police or courts in which case no permission is needed. Please note that if you do this method of studying dialogue that laws are different in each state and some states you are not allowed to record conversations unless the person gives you written permission to do so. Please check your state laws to see what is required before you record other people's conversations.)

Real people do not talk like the way characters in books, TV shows, or movies talk. No one even gives any one a chance to say a full sentence. Wow, could you imagine if a person actually sat down and waited the 30 seconds it takes for the other person to get to the end of their sentence? And yet, in books, movies, and TV a character can speak not only in full sentences, but other characters actual give them time to speak in full paragraphs!

I think, the best writing, is when an author blends the two. Lets a character get a full sentence out here and there, but also realistically moves the conversation along quickly with lots of broken fragments of (realistic) bad grammar. This allows the reader to zip through the dialogue quickly, without getting bored by long winded monologue, at the same time it isn't just meaningless banter that could be removed and not remove any story.

If you are having trouble keeping your readers, reading dialogue, most likely the issue is big words that are not common to everyday speech, monologues, and info dumps.

As a general rule, unless you are dealing with a character who speachifies (which is unusual and not likely to be encountered often), no one is ever going to say more then 2 sentences before the next person starts talking.

This is a case where I use "The Rule of 7"

The Rule of 7 states that, in real world conversations, the average person rarely uses more then 7 words per sentence and rarely uses words longer then 7 letters long. There was some sort of research study done, back in the 1980s or 1990s, which had determined this.

I don't remember who did the study or why, I just remember that when I read the report of the study, it inspired me to go and look at the conversations I was studying, to teach myself how to write dialogue and, they were right.

  • Most people use short simple words under 7 letters long. 
  • Most people use short sentences under 7 words long.
  • If on a rare occasion a person gets the chance to say more then 1 sentence before being interrupted, they almost never make it longer then a 7th sentence before someone else jumps in to talk.

Why any of this is, I don't know. What I do know is that, for us as authors, the Rule of 7, helps us to write dialogue in a way that keeps our readers, reading.

  • Never let your characters speak of sentences of more then 7 words.
  • Never let your character speak with words more then 7 letters long.
  • If a character starts monologuing or info dumping, have another character interrupt them on or before the 7th sentence.

Doing this will help keep your readers interested and moving forward because it keeps your characters' conversations flowing smoothly and fluidly.


Interesting, slightly on topic side note:

There have been several studies done by various universities, medical schools and psychiatric teams, whom have each come to a very interesting conclusion:

You can usually tell a person's IQ by how much and how often they talk.

  • The more a person talks (words per day) the lower their IQ. 
  1. (Leading to the speculation, that people with low IQs talk for the sake of doing so, and are not prone to deep thought processes.)
  • People who spent 4 or more hours per day talking on a phone, had progressively lower IQs each year 
  1. (leading to the speculation that they possible had brain damage caused by too much prolonged contact with the phone itself.)
  • The people with the highest IQs were always people who were abnormally silent to the point of being near mute
  1. (leading to the speculation that they are so busy thinking deep thoughts that they forget to speak.)

Out of the 8 billion people on the planet, only 2 million of them have an IQ of more then 130. Of those 2 million "smart" people, only 20,000 of them live in America.

Ironically 1 in 3 Americans (120 million people) have self diagnosed themselves as Aspies, stating the reason they self diagnosed themself as being because they had a "high IQ". A "high IQ" is an IQ of 135 of higher.

Only 20,000 Americans have an IQ over 130, yet there are 120 million Americans who claim to have an IQ of 135 or more. Meaning at least 119 million self-diagnosed Aspies, are lying through their teeth about both their IQ level and their diagnosis of having Autism.

Interestingly, while there are 120 million Americans claiming to be Autistic, since the 1800s there have only ever be 40,000 people WORLD WIDE diagnosed with Autism, which in spite of urban myths, still to this day, remains on of the rarest diseases out there.

Interestingly,

  • no social worker can legally diagnose you with Autism.
  • no school teacher can legally diagnose you with Autism.
  • no family practitioner/doctor can legally diagnose you with Autism.
  • no pediatrician can legally diagnose you with Autism.
  • a diagnosis on Autism can only be given by a psychiatrist and it requires THREE psyciatrists to agree on the diagnosis
  • a diagnosis of Autism is so serious, that once diagnosis is given, the child is immediately put into protective custody and the parents arrested for gross sexual child abuse
  • Autism (Kanner's Syndrome, which is in no way related to Aspergers) is a psychosis caused by early childhood sexual abuse... it is similar to PTSD and is a type of Schizophrenia commonly referred to as "childhood schizophrenia)
  • Autism is caused by one thing and one thing only: rape that happened when the child was under the age of 8
  • when someone runs around saying "I'm a proud Autistic" what they are literally saying is "I was raped as a toddler and am proud of the psychosis it gave me!"
  • when a mother calls herself a "proud Autistic mom" she is literally saying to the world: "My toddler was raped, isn't that the greatest thing you ever heard?"
  • if her child had an ACTUAL Autism diagnosis by a team of three psychiatrists ACTUALLY LEGALLY able to give such a critical diagnosis - she'd be in jail for sexually abusing her infant and her child would be in foster care.

Know what Autism is, before you self diagnose yourself with it. There are a lot of wild myths, rumours, and conspiracies around Autism, being spread on social media by people with no medical training.

If you are an author seeking to write an Autistic character, there are some interesting legal facts you should be aware of that are not often mentioned in so-called "Autism Awareness" literature.

  • Autism can not be legally diagnosed by a social worker, a psychologist, or a counselor because Autism is not a social or behavioral disorder.
  • Autism can not be legally diagnosed by a teacher because they have no medical training.
  • Autism can not be legally diagnosed by a family practitioner, pediatric, nurse, or other type of doctor, because Autism is not a disease or illness.
  • By federal law a person MUST have a Ph.D in Psychiatric medicine, 12 years of special training, and be specifically trained in diagnosing early childhood gross sexual abuse.
  • If a social worker, teacher, family practitioner, pediatrician, or other doctor gives your child a diagnosis of Autism, you have the right to legal sue them for medical malpractice because by federal law they are not qualified to make a diagnosis of Autism.
  • There are fewer then 100 Psychiatrists on the planet who are legally trained in how to identify and diagnose Autism
  • If your child is ACTUAL Autistic, your child's Psychiatrist will NOT tell you your child has Autism, because there is NO ILLNESS with the name "AUTISM"
  • Autism is a slang layman's term for the psychosis that's actual name is Kanner's Syndrome.
  • Kanner's Syndrome, is caused by a genetic mutation that appears in many people but lays dormant in them, and only because "activated" during the first 8 years of life, IF the child is subjected to extreme levels of abuse, neglect, and rape.
  • To date, ACTUAL Autism has ONLY ever been diagnosed in survivors of child sex slave rings, feral children, children who grew up locked in basements with no access to light/warmth/or human contact, and children who were raised in extreme religious cults such as Jonestown or Heaven's Gate.
  • 98% of all 40,000 children to be diagnosed with ACTUAL Autism, in the past 200 years, were ALSO diagnosed as feral children, and had no social skills because they had spent most f the first 2 to 3 decades of their life living in isolated forests or swamps without any human contact. They were mute and spoke in hisses and growls, because they knew how to talk with animals, but had never been taught to speak any Human language.
  • To this day, true ACTUAL Autism, remains one of the rarest, and most difficult to get diagnosed, because the levels of extreme child abuse required to trigger this level of early childhood mental break down, are so inhuman and so extreme, that the average adult can't even comprehend it's ability to occur, let alone enact it on a child. 
  • In every case of a child receiving an ACTUAL Autism diagnosis, they are removed from the custody of their parents and their parents immediately arrested.
  • In every case of a child receiving an ACTUAL Autism diagnosis, it is found that one or more of the adults raising said child, suffered from advanced stages of Psychopathy, Sociopathy, Schizophrenia, Megalomania, and or Narcissistic Personality.
  • Parents deviant enough to abuse a child to the extremes that they trigger the Autism psychosis, are considered by law, to be the worst, most monstrous, most vile, despicable Humans on the planet. They are seen as so low on the levels of lowest scum of the Earth, that they can not be put in regular prison cells with common murderers and serial killers, because they are usually beaten to death before the end of their first night in prison.

And yet, there are 120 million Americans proudly proclaiming to be self-diagnosed as Autistic...with the majority of them having no clue what ACTUAL Autism even is, and them being shocked and horrified when they are presented with ACTUAL facts about Autism, from ACTUAL Psychiatric handbooks, used by ACTUAL Psychiatrists when diagnosis, this horrifying mentally crippling psychosis.

A person who had a REAL diagnosis of ACTUAL Autism, is a person who has been so horribly traumatized by sexual assault during their early childhood years, that they are no longer able to function in society and are forced to live with phobias so nightmarish, that they make PTSD look like a dance through the tulips.

I know this is off topic to dialogue, but when you think about it, no, it isn't.

I bring it up, because of the recent trend of writing Autistic characters, by authors with no clue what Autism actualy is, how it is diagnoses, or what causes it.

They end up trying to write "Autistic dialogue" usually portraying an Autistic person as someone who is mentally retarded and incapable of intelligent speech, when in fact, someone with Autism can speak, but they are terrified to do so. One of the primary symptoms of Autism is Social Anxiety which manifests itself via Selective Mutism, Punding, and Obsessive Compulsive Behaviour. 

In situations where they are calm and relaxed they can talk o people they know and trust, with no difficulty, and often more coherently then a normal person. However, around strangers, in large crowds, in stressful situations, the synapsis in their brain which control speech, stop firing properly, and they become physically mute, incapable of speaking any words at all no matter how hard they try. If forced to remain in this situation for too long, they go into convulsive seizures, caused by not enough oxygen reaching their brain.

Portraying the dialogue of an Autistic person should not be done by any author who has not known someone who is ACTUALLY Autistic. While 1 in 3 people CLAIMS t be Autistic, only 40,000 people have ever been ACTUALLY diagnosed as Autistic in the last 200 years. ACTUAL Autism is extraordinarily rare and your chances of ever encountering an ACTUALLY Autistic person is 1 in 17 million.

Please keep in mind that Aspergers is NOT a type of Autism, and should NEVER be used interchangeably with the word Autism

Aspergers is one of the 60+ diseases, disorders, and illnesses known as an Autism Spectrum Disorder.

The term Autism Spectrum Disorder means an illness, allergy, disease, disorder, or psychosis that on first appearances LOOKS like Autism and may share many of the symptoms of Autism, could feasibly be misdiagnosed as Autism, but lacks the extreme levels of early childhood sexual assault which triggers the misfiring of the synapses, which cause Autism to occur.

Autism is essentially brain damage, caused by extreme levels of terror, that stopped proper oxygen flow to the brain, causing the death of brain cells, causing the synapsis to not hit each other when they fired, resulting in brain signals being made, but the message not being received by the nerves, resulting in the child knows what they need to do (talk, eat, walk, etc), but they can not get their brain to power their body into doing it.

An illness that is "On The Autism Spectrum" means the illness has 3 or more of the same symptoms as Autism.

In order to get a diagnosis of Autism, the doctors are required by federal laws to first rule out all of the 60+ illnesses on the following list:

Autism Spectrum Disorders
(Illnesses commonly misdiagnosed as Autism & which 80% of self diagnosed Aspies ACTUALLY have but are going untreated for because of their desire to "be like Sheldon Cooper")

  • Abnormal Fear Structure
  • Alzheimer Disease
  • Angelman Syndrome
  • Anxiety disorders
  • Aphasia
  • Asperger syndrome
  • Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder, or AD/HD
  • Auditory Processing Disorder
  • Avoidant Personality Disorder
  • Bipolar disorder
  • Bi-Polar Affective Disorder
  • Candida Albicans.
  • Carnitine Deficiency
  • Celiac's Disease
  • Childhood Disintegrative Disorder
  • Chromosome 15 inverted duplication
  • Chromosome 17 trisomy mosaicism
  • Chromosome 18, Monosomy 18p
  • Chromosome 18p minus syndrome
  • Chromosome 19 ring syndrome
  • Chromosome 1q21.1 Deletion Syndrome
  • Chromosome 2, monosomy 2q37
  • Chromosome 20, deletion 20p
  • Chromosome 20p deletion syndrome
  • Cocaine use during pregnancy
  • Cocktail Party Speech Syndrome
  • Concentration Disorder
  • Congenital Rubella Syndrome
  • Cornelia de Lange Syndrome
  • DAS "Developmental Apraxia of Speech"
  • Deafness
  • Defiant Disorder
  • Del(1) (pter-p35)
  • Deletion 20p
  • Developmental Verbal Dyspraxia (apraxia)
  • Down’s Syndrome
  • Epilepsy
  • Fetal Alcohol Effect
  • Fragile X Syndrome
  • Galactosemia
  • Heckenlively syndrome
  • Heller's Disease
  • Hyperlexia
  • Hypomelanosis of Ito
  • Intellectual Disability
  • Intermittent Explosive Disorder
  • Irlen Syndrome/Scotopic Sensitivity Syndrome (SSS)
  • Klinefelter Syndromes
  • Lactic Acidosis
  • Landau-Kleffner Syndrome
  • Lead poisoning 
  • Lesch-Nyhan Syndrome
  • Manic Depression
  • Mental retardation
  • Mesenteric adenitis
  • Microdeletion 3q29
  • Migraine
  • Mild traumatic brain injury (MTBI)
  • Monosomy 20p
  • Mucopolysaccharidoses (MPS)
  • Narcissistic Personality Disorder
  • Neurofibromatosis
  • Nonverbal learning disorder
  • Normal Pressure Hydrocephalus (NPH)
  • Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD)
  • Obsessive-compulsive personality disorder (OCPD)
  • PDD-NOS "Pervasive Development Disorder/Not Otherwise Specified"
  • Phenylketonuria
  • Porphyria 
  • Post-concussive brain injury
  • Prosopagnosia
  • PTEN Hamartoma Tumor Syndrome
  • Reactive Attachment Disorder
  • Receptive Developmental Dysphasia
  • Rett Syndrome
  • Schizo Effective Personality Disorder
  • Schizoid Personality Disorder
  • Schizotypal Personality Disorder
  • Schizophrenia
  • Selective mutism
  • Semantic Pragmatic Disorder or SPD
  • Sensory processing disorder
  • Sleep Disorder
  • Smith-Magenis Syndrome
  • Social anxiety disorder
  • Spacial Planning Disorder
  • Static Encephalopathy
  • Stereotypic movement disorder
  • Stroke -- Undiagnosed
  • Tardive Dyskinesia
  • Threadworm infestation
  • Tourette’s Syndrome
  • Tuberous Sclerosis
  • Turner's syndrome
  • Unspecified Neurodevelopmental Disorder
  • WAGR Syndrome
  • William’s Syndrome
  • Wilms tumor
  • Wilsons Disease

And, like I said, all of this seems off topic, but, I have Autism.

I know what it is like to live with Autism.

I know what it is like to go through the grueling process of being interviewed 100+ questions about your early childhood sex life, by 3 different psychiatrists.

I know what it is like to survive horrific levels of child abuse extreme enough that doctors did what is almost the unthinkable and diagnosed me with Autism, a diagnosis that is not handed out lightly.

I know what it is like to next have to deal with a long line of police, FBI agents, lawyers, and courts, because Autism is THAT severe of a diagnosis, that on what few times it is gven, the doctors immediately alert not only the local police and the state police, but also the federal police aka the FBI.

I also know what it is like to "talk like an Autistic person" and live with selective mutism, to be raised with only bantams and feral cats for companionship and to be at the age of 31 years old, not able to speak any Human language but be able to speak bantam and cat fluently.

I was 37 years old before I learned to speak American English.

I wasn't able to talk, largly because no one saw fit to talk to me.

I was 31 years old the first time I was introduced to the concept that I was a Human. I was raised being told that I was a Demon and was not allowed to eat with the Humans, not allowed to sleep with the Humans.

The pictures of the room I was kept locked in the first 31 years of my life, sent shock waves through the social workers assigned to my case. You can see them on this page here.

I know ACTUAL Autism well, because I'm one of those rare few 40,000 people to ever receive that diagnosis. It sickens and disgusts me when I see self-diagnosed Aspies running around boasting the joys of Autism. If they knew what ACTUAL Autism was, they wouldn't be so proud to have it.

But I add this section to this page, because I'm deeply disturbed by the recent trend of supposedly "Autistic" characters in fiction... characters who grew up with loving parents, in happy homes, and clearly never suffered from any of the things which cause Autism.

Most Autistic characters in fiction are very clearly either characters who have Downs Syndrome or Asperger, which are both on the Autism Spectrum, because both share similar symptoms to Autism, but are on the Spectrum because neither is Autism, and people with Aspergers or Downs Syndrome re NOT actually Autistic.

I add this section to this page, in the hopes that authors who read this, will be more careful in the future, to get their facts straight, and to NOT believe everything they read on Wikipedia.

The Kanner's Syndrome page of Wikipedia, once upon a time was written by a psychiatrist train in dealing with Autism, but, that page was, about 5 years ago, re-written by teenagers with self-diagnosed Aspergers, and now only gives information about Aspergers and contains no information about Autism at all.

Sadly, finding any ACTUAL medical information about ACTUAL Autism (Kanner's Syndrome) on the internet is next to impossible. Largely due to the fact that while there are 40,000 Autistics total ever of all time, there are 120 million Aspies just in 2017 alone. Aspies are quick to spread misinformation about Autism far and wide on every social media, and yet most of them have never even heard the name Kanner's Syndrome before, and most, also can't tell you the symptoms or causes of Autism, when asked. 

It is my hope that at some point this thronging fad of Aspies running around falsely proclaiming to be Autistic will eventually get their heads out of their asses and actually do some REAL offline research using REAL medical books, and find out what Autism is and then stop misrepresenting us Autistics (and giving us a bad name... Aspies and their obnoxious habits, has resulted in the recent rend of "Autism" and "Autistic" being used as a hate slur for anyone who acts obnoxious.)

Until then, all I can do is hope that authors have enough sense to do their research and learn the truth about Autism vs Aspergers from actual medical handbooks used by psychiatrists, instead of running to proud Aspie mommy vlogs with there mercury and vaccine conspiracy theories.

Please, if you are reading this:

DON'T write an Autistic character unless they have ACTUAL Autism.

If the character has Aspergers, call it that. Don't fall into the urban myth trap of writing an Aspie character then saying they have Autism.

Autism is NOT Aspergers.

Aspergers is NOT Autism.

The dialogue of the two are vastly different.

Aspergers are talkative, but shy. There is not brain damage causing their speech issues which go away as they reach adulthood. As they become less shy, they recover their ability to speak.

Autistics suffer from damaged synapses in their brains and have physical inability to speak properly. You can not regrow dead brain cells. They will never recover their ability to speak "normally".

Someone with Aspergers speaks in a dull, droning, monologue ing, monotone, that is described as "robotic". It is very distinctive. They pause between each syllable, take a deep breath, and then say the next syllable. They often struggle with the pronunciation of the syllables and may get stuck on one repeating it.

They

...

talk

...

like

...

t...

t...

th...

th...

thhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...

THHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHARRRRRRRHHHHHH!

*punches self in face several times to force words to reset*

this!

...

THERE!

...

this

...

one

...

word

...

at 

...

a

...

time

...

with

...

a

...

a

...

a

...

a

...

A!

...

ARRRRRRRRH!

*punches self in face several times to force words to reset*

...

a

...

long

...

pause

...

be

...

tween

...

each

...

syl

...

a

...

ble

...

It

...

takes

...

them

...

well

...

o...

o...

OHHHH?

...

OH!

...

ov

...

er

...

t...

t...

t...

...

two

...

min

...

u...

...

utes

...

to

...

say

...

one

...

line

...

that

...

most

...

p...

p...

pe...

pe..

ha-ha! pee-pee! penis! pee-pee! penis! peepeepenispeepeepenispeepeepenis! woo-woo! I'm a train! hahahahaha! PENIS!

...

pe

...

o

...

ple

...

say

...

in

...

on

...

ly

...

10

...

sec

...

onds.

To write Asperger speech the way it actually is spoken, would be a horrifying thing for a reader to try to read.

Note, that ALL people with ACTUAL Aspergers, talk like this, and if you encounter a "self-diagnosed Aspie" who does NOT talk in that very distinctive one syllable at a time droning robot speak, sporadically interrupted by shouting out dicks and penises, then they DO NOT have Aspergers, no matter how much they swear up and down they do.

Please remember that while 1 in 3 Americans identify as a "self diagnosed Aspie" that more then 80% of them, when they stop being conspiracy theorists long enough to go to a doctor, receive an ACTUAL diagnosis of Narcissistic Personality Disorder and NOT Aspergers.

An alarming 80% of so-called Aspies DO NOT speak in the distinctive robotic speech and this is because they DO NOT have Aspergers at all. This robotic speech pattern is in fact the PRIMARY symptom that doctors look for when making a diagnosis of Aspergers. If the person lacks this extremely distinctive way of speaking the doctor will cross Asperger's off the list and look at one of the 60+ other Autism Spectrum Disorders.

For an author wanting to write an Aspie character, and do so accurately, you would be dealing with writing one of the absolute worst possible dialogue speech patterns an author could attend to write, as Aspies do not speak in sentences. They do not even speak in words. They speak in syllables, with long pauses between each one.

To try to accurately portray the dialogue of someone with ACTUAL real, Aspergers, would be a daunting task for any author and an exercise in patients for any reader.

Interestingly, this unusual speech pattern goes away with age. By their late 20s to early 30s, they have learned to speak in what is known as "parroting" or "mimic talk" and will begin to speak in a near identical speech pattern of their favorite actor, right down to mimic accents.

If you want to write a character with Asperger's, and have them have a lot of dialogue, your best option is to have it be an older Aspie, one whom has moved past the robotic stage and has become doing the mimic stage as, they are able to fake more or less normal sounding dialogue by that point.

Like Aspies, Autistics also have a very distinctive speak pattern that stands out.

Autistics have a very childish, often high pitched, squeaky mouse-like voice. Some people when they hear it describe it as "Elf-like" or "fairy-like". Bigots who hate gay men, often refer to the Autistic voice as "the gay man's voice".

Because Autistics are nearly always asexual, rarely ever marry, usually wear pink, glitter, and capes, and walk with a distinctive "Autistic hop-skip dance step", many male Autistics, are inaccurately labeled as being "flamboyant gays" by people who don't know what either Autism or gay mean.

Gay men who have the "gay voice" are in fact Autistic, which is also why very few gay men actually have the "gay voice". It is also why gay men who have the "gay voice" are also extremely flamboyant.

However, more often then not, a flamboyant man with the "gay voice" is not gay at all, and only gets labeled as gay by bigoted gay-haters.

Autistic men ALWAYS have the "gay voice", which is in fact the "Autistic voice" and is caused by the previously mentioned dead brain cells which cause inaccurate firing of the synapses of the brain, which in turn causes the vocal cords to function differently then in normal, non-Autistic people, resulting in the air flow through the vocal cords flowing at a different rate, therefore resulting in a child-like, somewhat squeaky-mouse, high pitched voice.

Like the stiff, robotic Aspie speak, the sing-songy, bubbling, child-like Autistic speak, is unmistakable, and once you hear it, you will never forget it.

Since you've likely never heard it, let's now watch a video interview with an Autistic man in his late 40's. Listen and notice how he talks as though he were 3 years old. THIS is the Autistic voice...








You will notice, that like all other Autistics, he uses very short, simple words, speaks with a 1st grade vocabulary, barely communicates above a Kindergarten grade level of grammar, uses short sentences. Repeats words and phrases frequently. And has a child-lke bubblely giggle, that constantly interrupts ever sentence. 

These are all symptoms of Autism.

For you as an author, it becomes a challenge to write an Autistic character's dialogue accurately, because you have to force yourself to NOT use common everyday words and grammar, instead use Kindergarten words and grammar.

Also, do keep in mind that in order to be diagnoses as Autistic, you must have a LOW IQ of under 90.

One of the biggest urban myths (out right bold faced lies) self-diagnosed Aspies spread on social media about Autism, is the rumour that Autistics have a high IQ. 

When diagnosing a person with Autism, they are required to take a series of IQ test. If they get anything higher then a 90 they are deemed too high IQ to be Autistic.

MOST Autistics have an IQ of around 75, which is deemed "clinically retarded".

The rumour of a high IQ stems from those who are Autistic Savants. Meaning, they are retarded/low IQ in nearly everything, but have one single, solitary interest, skill, or hobby, that they excell in.

Liberace for example was Autistic Savant and could play piano by ear from the age of 3 years old. While he played piano on stage, around the world for millions... he could not read music notes, was nearly illiterate, struggled to read and write, could not do math or numbers, could only go shopping with the help of his very protective older brother George, never had a driver's license, required adult supervision and caretakers his entire life, was cared for by his brother George most of his life, and fell desperately ill after the death of his brother at which point he had made an attempt to live on his own without caretakers, and quickly succumbed to near starvation after going several weeks forgetting to feed himself.

Liberace was described by his closest friends and family as "an eternal child" who often said they envied his childlike inability to comprehend that bad things existed in the world. His ability to mentally comprehend subjects like wars was lacking. Because of his Autism, he retained into adulthood, the child-like innocence of trusting everyone, seeing the good in everything, and seeing the world as nothing more then a happy place to run around in sparkling capes while chasing butterflies.

If you want to write an Autistic character.... keep in mind the fact that, they are described by psychiatrists as:

  1. Forever a 4 year old in an adult's body. 
  2. No matter how old they get, they will never speak like an adult, 
  3. never use big words, 
  4. will always dance around on their toes like a small child, 
  5. will forever play dress up, dancing around in capes and fairy wings even into adulthood, 
  6. and have no concept of what it is like to think like or act like an adult. 
  7. They use simple words and phrases and respond to everything with a childlike innocence of attitude and outlook. 
  8. You can not speak with them as though they were adults, because no matter how old they get, they will never be adults. 
  9. They have low IQs, usually around 75. 
  10. Uses a kindergarten or 1st grade level vocabulary and grammar.
  11. Are typically savant excelling on genius levels in one hobby, but never gaining even rudimentary skills in anything else. 
  12. They require life long adult supervision and will never be able to live on their own without a caretaker. 
  13. Their brains are not capable of functioning on adult levels.

These are all very important aspects to consider, when writing the dialogue of an autistic character.

When writing the dialogue of an ACTUALLY Autistic character, writing their actions as they talk, is an important part of conveying how they communicate. It is very necessary to include mentions of the fact that they are twirling around on tip-toe, and staring off into space giggling about the thought of purple unicorns pooping rainbows.

Alternately when they are frightened, they sit on the floor and scream, while hitting themself in the head, and trying to punch the terror out of their brain.

Remember, an Autistic adults body language and actions, speak louder then their limited words, and it is a very important part of writing an Autistic character's dialogue accurately....

Quaraun is an adult (Elf), the equivalent of a 45 year old man...


"Are you okay?" The man asked as he helped Quaraun back up.

"I'm fine," Quaraun said quietly. 

"Are you sure?"

"Yep." He averted his eyes.

"You look hurt."

"No."

"You're bleeding."

"No," Quaraun raised his voice.

"Yes. You are."

"No," Quaraun said louder then before.

"You need help."

"No." Quaraun stamped his foot on the ground as he spoke.

"It's alright." The man tried to take hold of the Elf's arm.

"Don't touch me."

Quaraun backed away, looking around nervously and wondering where Unicorn was.

"No, it's alright. You seem confused."

"Don't touch me."

Quaraun closed his eyes and clenched his fists.

"It's okay. I just wanta help.."

"No! No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. Nooooooooooo..."

Quaraun suddenly dropped to his knees while screaming and hitting himself in the head. The stranger backed away, uncertain of how to respond to this outburst.

~From "The Journey Begins" (Volume 4 of The Quaraun Series)


In conversations, Autistics use a lot of repeated phrases, especially "I don't know."

Talking to an Autistic adult is no different then taking to a 4 year old child. Their phraseology, logic, and reasoning ability are all on the same level of a toddler.

A typical conversation with an Autistic adult goes like this:

YOU: "What do you think of people with high IQs?" 

THE AUTISTIC ADULT IN HIS 40s: "Mountains are high."

YOU: "Yes they are, but what do you think of people with high IQs?" 

THE AUTISTIC: "I don't know."

YOU: "Do you know what a high IQ is?"

THE AUTISTIC: "I don't know."

YOU: "Do you know what a high IQ is?"

THE AUTISTIC: "I don't know."

YOU: "Have you ever heard of an IQ before?"

THE AUTISTIC: "I have a red crayon."

YOU: "I can see that, but we're not talking about crayons right now, we are talking about IQs."

THE AUTISTIC: "Okay."

YOU: "Do you have a high IQ?"

THE AUTISTIC: "I have a red crayon."

YOU: "That's nice, but we are talking about IQs."

THE AUTISTIC ADULT IN HIS 40s:  "I like crayons."

YOU: "Can you put down the crayon?"

THE AUTISTIC: "Okay."

*puts down crayon and stares mournfully at it*

YOU: "Do you think you have a high IQs?"

THE AUTISTIC: "Okay."

*can no longer hear you and continues to stare mournfully at crayon*

YOU: "Is there an IQ in the room with us right now?"

THE AUTISTIC: "Okay."

*is still not hearing you and continues to stare mournfully at crayon*

YOU: "We need to know what you think an IQ is."

THE AUTISTIC: "Okay."

*begins rocking back and forth and continues to stare mournfully at crayon*

YOU: "Do you have any idea what an IQ is?"

THE AUTISTIC: "Okay."

*starts rocking faster and continues to stare mournfully at crayon*

YOU: "You like that crayon don't you?"

THE AUTISTIC: "Yep."

*stops rocking and continues to stare mournfully at crayon*

YOU: "You want to pick it up again?"

THE AUTISTIC ADULT IN HIS 40s:  "Yep."

*continues to stare mournfully at crayon*

YOU: "You can hold the crayon if you want to."

THE AUTISTIC: "Okay."

*picks up crayon; stars laughing and smiling happily*

YOU: "What do you think you do with a high IQ?"

THE AUTISTIC: "You eat it."

YOU: "Eat it?"

THE AUTISTIC: "Yep."

YOU: "How would you eat it?"

THE AUTISTIC: "You don't eat crayons."

YOU: "How would you eat an IQ?"

THE AUTISTIC: "I eat mine with macaroni and cheese."

YOU: "You like mac and cheese?"

THE AUTISTIC: "On Thursdays."

YOU: "Thursdays?"

THE AUTISTIC: "Yep. Macaroni and cheese on Thursday."

YOU: "You eat mac and cheese on Thursday?"

THE AUTISTIC: "Today's not Thursday."

YOU: "Do you know what day it is?"

THE AUTISTIC ADULT IN HIS 40s: "Today is Saturday. We eat pizza on Saturday. But not until after Scooby Doo. Gotta watch Scooby Doo first. Can't miss Scooby Doo."


Please remember that ^^^THIS^^^ is how someone with real, ACTUAL Autism talks and writing their dialogue as though they were functioning on any sort of adult level, is automatically you portraying them inaccurately.

The movie Rainman, is actually the single most accurate fictional portrayal of an ACTUALLY Autistic adult, ever portrayed in a movie. The actor in preparing for the part, went to group homes and mental health institutes to interview, study, and get to know the speech patterns and habits of ACTUAL Autistic adults, resulting in his alarmingly accurate portrayal of being an adult with Autism, even though he himself did not have it.

If you don't have access to meeting a ACTUALLY Autistic person in person, your best alternative is to watch Rain Man...








Everywhere I turn there's a new book misusing yet another mental illness. I hate how characters act normal until all a sudden a plot changes requires them to "act crazy" so suddenly they are acting crazy, then the plot device over and they act normal again.

Mental illness ain't like that, you can't turn it on and off whenever the plot needs it. 

Writers rarely get it right. And I would like to see that changed.

Dialogue is a good place to start.

Someone with Autism does NOT talk like a normal person. Their dialogue is different. Noticeably so. But it's also easy to get it very wrong and it may just be better is authors DID NOT have Autistic characters in their books at all, because portraying a disorder inaccurately, can have very damaging effects on people with that disorder later on.

Additionally someone with Autism, rarely is able to do math, can not buy things or use money or credit cards because they have no functioning ability to understand how money works. Dialogue can be a good way to show this in action, especially when the dialogue is broken up with actions...


"That'll be 3 pounds, 2 shillings," the man said.

Quaraun handed him a gold coin.

The man stared at the coin not sure if this was a joke.

"I said 3 pounds, 2 shillings," the man said.

Quaraun handed him another gold coin.

"No, I said 3 pounds, 2 shillings," the man said.

Quaraun handed the man a third gold coin. The merchant didn't know what to do. He was now holding in his hand more money then he had ever made in his entire life. He felt certain he was the butt end of some joke. He looked around wondering if one of his buddies was hiding around a nearby corner laughing.

Unicorn, seeing that Quaraun had not yet caught up to him and seeing that both Quaraun and the merchant were looking very confused, decided he'd better find out what was going on.

"W'atcha doing?" Unicorn asked Quaraun.

"I feel I have giving him the wrong amount," Quaraun said to the Faerie.

"W'at him should has pays ya?" Unicorn asked the merchant.

"Three pounds, 2 shillings," the man said.

"W'at him dids give ya?"

The merchant held out the three gold coins. Unicorn burst out laughing.

"Well, at leasting him got de t'ree right, eh?" Unicorn said. "It better den him usually do."

"I gave him the wrong amount," Quaraun said.

"Oh aye. Yi most certainly did."

"How much more does he need?" Quaraun started taking out more gold coins.

"No, no, no, no, no," Unicorn said as he took the bag of gold coins from the Elf. "It do be fine. Ya gave him too much already, eh? Here. Let me does de money. Ya chase de butterflies or somet'ing, okay?"

"Okay."

"I wan't trying to cheat him," the merchant said, handing the coins to Unicorn.

"No," Unicorn said, handing the coins back. "It fine. Keep 'em. Consider it ya lucky day. We has plenty more. Him has more gold then brains."

"A jelly fish ate my brain," Quaraun said.

"Jelly fish....?" The merchant looked at Unicorn questioningly. "Is he crazy or something?"

"Aye. Just t'ink. Yi gets to tells people ya meet Quaraun the Insane un lived to tell the tale, eh?"

"Quaraun the... the Pink Necromancer?" The man looked stunned. "He's the Pink Necromancer. Him? But... he's... he's..."

"I like pink," Quaraun said, spinning around on his tip toe and holding out his sparkling skirts.

"He's insane," the merchant said in a low voice.

"Aye," Unicorn said cheerfully. "That would be why dey do call him Quaraun the Insane."

~From "The Journey Begins" (Volume 4 of The Quaraun Series)


If you want to write an ACTUALLY Autistic character, study the life of an ACTUALLY Autistic person. How they dress, how they act, how they talk, how they think. 

Liberace is the perfect example of a very typical Autistic adult.


Liberace at 68 years old, during his final performance, a few weeks before his death... wearing his infamous "pink peacock" cape.


Books By EelKat
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And why 27 books were deleted off Amazon after being banned by The Old Orchard Beach, Maine Town Hall, an American Government organization, on January 4, 2016, for being "Too Gay For The Family Friendly Town of Old Orchard Beach".






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The Top 202 Most Visited Pages of 2017

Seeing how on October 15, 2017, we reached 10,000 pages, I thought it'd be fun to update the Top 100 List and see where were were now.

Top 202 Most Viewed Pages Of 2017 So Far
(Out of 10,000 pages)

(January 2017 to October 2017)
(Excluding the Home PageAbout Page, and Site Map Page, which were the top 3)

  1. Amphibious Aliens: The Story of Etiole & The World's Most Haunted Car
  2. The GoldenEagle: An Auto-biography of the World's Most Haunted Car
  3. Medieval Servants: Their jobs and their place in historical fiction.
  4. How Long is 50,000 Words?
  5. On being a handicapped CosPlayer at PortCon Maine 2017
  6. Stephen King's The Thinner and The Gypsies Of Old Orchard Beach, Maine
  7. Writing Mute Characters
  8. Flamboyant Nipples: The KKK's New Gay Hating Site About Old Orchard Beach | The Site That Makes Fun of Terrorist Hate Crimes
  9. Writing Dares Random Generator
  10. Don't put flyers on people's cars...
  11. The Saco River Curse
  12. Our Primary Site Topic Is Small Penis? Reaching #1 on Page 1 of Google.
  13. Help FBI End Anti-Gay White Power Terrorist Attacks of Old Orchard Beach
  14. Creating Character Profiles | Meet The Characters | Who Is Quaraun?
  15. Introduction To The Quaraun Series: aka Too Gay For Old Orchard Beach
  16. The Dazzling Razzberry aka EelKat's Autism Awareness Car
  17. Autism, Asperger, PTSD, & Mad Cow: Writing Clinical Insanity Accurately | What is wrong with Quaraun? 
  18. Quaraun Free To Read Online Complete Chapter Index In Chronological Order
  19. Necromancy: Fact Vs Fiction; Or How Can You Be A Necromancer In Real Life?
  20. 600 Pages: Epic Big Super Sized Novels and Why You Should Never Write One
  21. Why Crude Adult Comedy and Pink Humor Yaoi Is Not Erotica
  22. The FBI In Old Orchard Beach, Maine Trying To Capture A Domestic Terrorist
  23. One Gypsy's Review of My Big Fat American Gypsy Wedding
  24. The Gypsies of Old Orchard Beach - page 1 (Online Release of Banned Book)
  25. Autism, Asperger's, And The Danger of The Self-Diagnosis
  26. Spell Casting Side Effects: Magic In Quaraun's Universe | Author Interview
  27. What Type of Music Does A Gypsy Listen To? My Top 10 Favorite Bands
  28. Beware of White Men In Gypsy Clothing: Fake Psychic Scams
  29. How long does it take to hit 1667 words?
  30. How to Write A Kiss
  31. Phookas
  32. Creating Character Profiles | Meet The Characters | Who Is GhoulSpawn?
  33. Albino Races - Moon Elves In The Quaraun Series
  34. Daily Writing Prompts (June 2017 Archive)
  35. My 30th Anniversary of Being Transgender
  36. Why Are The Quaraun Books Rated M18+
  37. How to Write Hot Sex - Tips For Erotic Romance Authors
  38. The Zaharam-Chapelle-Parunas Ethnographical World Building Questionnaire
  39. The Jiggler & The G-String Teddy Bears | The Adventures of Quaraun The Insane
  40. What exactly makes an Elf an Elf? (What is the definition of an Elf?)
  41. Online Income: The Reality vs The Fantasy
  42. World's Most Haunted Car Merchandise
  43. I Am Not GhoulSpawn | Excerpt From Rose Garden of The Pink Necromancer
  44. Old Orchard Beach Hate Crimes
  45. BoomFuzzy Chapter 1 (Novel Excerpt - Quaraun The Insane)
  46. How can your books have gay transvestite characters and not be Erotica? or Why are gay haters beating up elderly woman for wearing pink for breast cancer awareness and saying she's a transexual because only transexuals wear pink?
  47. EelKat's Guide To NaNoWriMo Featuring The 13 Step Method To Writing
  48. Autism and the Stigmas - Why Can’t You Accept Me As Me?
  49. Maine UFO Sightings
  50. Page 11 - The Gypsies of Old Orchard Beach - The Scottish Traveller Crime Family
  51. Psychedelics In A 'High' High Fantasy World (High Elves Getting High)
  52. KBoards, The NaNoWriMo ML Rumor & The Vindictive Stalker
  53. Writing Racist Characters VS The Ku Klux Klan In Old Orchard Beach, Maine
  54. Captured By The Lich Lord | The Night of The Screaming Unicorn
  55. How To Build A Magic System
  56. I've everything but a kitchen sink. Wait, how'd that sink get in my pocket?
  57. Stephen King's Thinner Gypsies & The Ku Klux Klan of Old Orchard Beach
  58. Autistic Characters In Fiction
  59. City of The Slushies | Chapter 7 | Quaraun The Insane
  60. Manuscript Reading Services or Will You Read My Book and Tell Me What You Think?
  61. Suicide, Rape, and Abuse In The Quaraun Series
  62. Wizards vs Witches vs Sorcerers: How are they different? | Writing Fantasy Books
  63. FRED: Google's Most Deadly Update Ever?
  64. How To Write A Novel: Question Everything Before Putting It In Your World
  65. Content writing: How long do you spend creating a quality blog post?
  66. SBI: To Review or Not to Review? That Is The Question
  67. Twerking Dragons: The Joys Of Writing A Novel With A Voice Recorder
  68. A Day At Witch Pond & Fleeing To The Forest | Summoner of Darkness
  69. Transgender, Transsexual, Transvestite, or Intersex: What Is Quaraun?
  70. Sheep | GhoulSpawn The Crazed & The Rose Garden of The Pink Necromancer
  71. Colour Magic - Gypsy Style
  72. Ideas, Ideas, Ideas (Where Do You Get Them?)
  73. Keywords & Pigeons: How I Do Local Business Marketing
  74. Quaraun & Autism In Fantasy Novels
  75. The Signs Of Old Orchard Beach & The FBI Investigation Of The Town Hall
  76. Tom Addams & The Warrior's Forum
  77. A Field of Poppies On The Road To Witch Pond | Summoner of Darkness
  78. An Elf and a Lich in the Gingerbread Pit | The Night of The Screaming Unicorn
  79. Markiplier Jacksepticeye and Pewdiepie Play Resident Evil 7
  80. Santa Claus: Lich Of The North Pole (Includes NSFW 18+ CBT Yaoi scene)
  81. A Motorhome named 'No Hurry' becomes Rosebud & The Story of Ten Kidnapped Cats
  82. Create Original Content aka I Hate Jackass Gutter Scum Thieves
  83. Lost In a Space That Isn't There: Going North To Head South
  84. An Elf Gone Mad: The Rise of The Pink Necromancer
  85. Aspergers is NOT Autism
  86. Is The Quaraun Series Erotica? - No! Here's why...
  87. Summoner of Darkness: GhoulSpawn and Quaraun Trapped With A Phooka
  88. The Dungeon Master & The 1974 AMC Gremlin
  89. The Lich's True Form Revealed | The Night of The Screaming Unicorn
  90. Using work you already started for national novel writing month?
  91. World-building In The Quaraun Series: Creating a Fantasy World
  92. Books in Vacationland 2017
  93. BoomFuzzy's Gingerbread House From Hell
  94. Lets Playing Is No Longer Fun
  95. Santa's Floating Dead Body | A Scene From The Summoner of Darkness
  96. The Banshee Sisters: Bean-Nighe and Ben-Neeyah In the Swamp of Death
  97. The Gypsies of Old Orchard Beach - page 2 (Online Release of Banned Book)
  98. What vlogging equipment is needed to get started as a YouTube vlogger?
  99. April 2015 Update: Too Gay For Old Orchard Beach: The Kidnapped Cats
  100. Betta Fish Aesthetic on Pinterest
  101. Domain Name Branding: Should You Put Your Brand Name In Your URL?
  102. Life As A YouTuber: How To Earn An Income From Making Videos
  103. Making YouTube Videos: How did you decide what content to make?
  104. Page 4 - The Gypsies of Old Orchard Beach
  105. Twighilight Not Twilight
  106. YouTube Index
  107. Amphibious Aliens: My health since the stroke and Etiole . . .
  108. Are You A Satan Worshiper?
  109. Average Typing Speed
  110. Custom Leggings - Designs By EelKat
  111. Ernest Hemingway Style of Writing Literary Fiction Used In Epic Fantasy Novels
  112. Google Flagged Your Site! What To Do? (Help For Web Masters)
  113. How valuable is a writer’s group?
  114. Lives Destroyed: Amphibious Aliens 10th Anniversary Update
  115. Lost In a Space That Isn't There: Santa's Letter To Satan
  116. Summoner of Darkness: Quaraun Meets The Gremlin
  117. The Terrorists of Old Orchard Beach Put My Dad In a Coma
  118. Using Yahoo Answers to promote your book and author website.
  119. What Is This Site?
  120. You Stole My Idea - I was writing a book, but you already wrote it 10 years ago!
  121. City of The Slushies | Chapter 1 | Quaraun The Insane
  122. Creative Writing Story Prompts: September 2017 Edition
  123. Dungeons and Dragons: The Joys Of Calculating Gold Weight In AD&D 2ed
  124. Fabric Designed By EelKat
  125. My Fave YouTubers Play: Dream Daddy - The Yaoi Dad Dating Sim Otome Game
  126. Necromancy: How will resurrection affect society as a whole?
  127. Page 7 - The Gypsies of Old Orchard Beach
  128. Pink Flowers Aesthetic on Pinterest
  129. The Gypsies of Old Orchard Beach - page 12 (Online Release of Banned Book)
  130. What will a traveler encounter on the roads in your world?
  131. Are you insane? Am I? Let's Find Out...
  132. Becoming A Better Writer: How to write interesting dialogue.
  133. Character Creation
  134. Copper Cockeral Cards & Gifts
  135. Elves, Drugs, and Opium: A Look At The Drug Use In The Quaraun Books
  136. How To Stay Motivated To Write | Writing Fantasy Books
  137. Jewelry Fashions in Moon Elf Culture | World Building | Writing Fantasy Books
  138. Keyword Marketing - What to do when your best keywords are low demand
  139. Magic Systems and How to Build Them | Writing Fantasy Books
  140. NaNoWriMo Overachievers: How did you do it?
  141. Quaraun Cover Art Gallery | Fantasy Novel Book Cover Art
  142. Quaraun The Insane : Zebulon's Captive: The Last of The Moon Elves
  143. SEO Advantages of Embedding YouTube Videos On Your Website
  144. Summoner of Darkness: A Tavern Scene - Chastity Cages, and Whores
  145. Summoner of Darkness: The Return of ZooLock (free to read online)
  146. Twighlight Not Twilight Part 2
  147. Vanishing Books Update - Why 27 of my books were deleted off Amazon
  148. What is a God in Your Universe? | World Building | Writing Fantasy Books
  149. Writing Maine: How To Write About Maine Life Accurately
  150. What the Ocean Gives Me (How Things In Your Life Affect Your Writing)
  151. City of The Slushies | Chapter 14 | Quaraun The Insane
  152. February 10, 2008 - Harassment Continues in Old Orchard Beach, Maine
  153. How does a bestselling book become a bestseller?
  154. Marriage in Moon Elf Culture | World Building | Writing Fantasy Books
  155. People are not interested in long winded copy
  156. September 26, 2017 - The Latest Attack By The KKK on The Thinner Gypsies
  157. Spending Money To Make Money Online? Should You Do It?
  158. Summoner of Darkness: The Demon Cultists and The Coming of The Darkness
  159. Summoner of Darkness: The Map of The Town (novel free to read online)
  160. The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt GOTY | Completionist Run: Episode 01
  161. Trespassers: April 2007 Updates
  162. Turning Scenes, Into Stories & Writing Travelogue Style Fantasy Books
  163. Where To Get Endless Ideas For Short Stories, Novels, and Articles
  164. Writing Controversial Books: Political Correctness & White Supremacists
  165. Are Bad Reviews Good For You?
  166. Branding Yourself While Avoiding The Scams | EelKat On Content Writing
  167. Child Sacrifice in Fantasy Novels | Writing Fantasy Books
  168. How to Handle Writing Fantasy-Horror That Features Violence Against Children
  169. How would you explain your Fantasy world to a stranger?
  170. Page 6 - The Gypsies of Old Orchard Beach
  171. Summoner of Darkness: HellBorne The Evil, Lord of Black Tower
  172. The return of Friends Are Forever - Banned and Burned it's about to be reborn!
  173. Why do Lovecraftian beings come to earth?
  174. Writing Prompts Syndrome?
  175. Autism = The Crazy Cat Woman of Maine
  176. Autism: Understanding what is really going on inside the child’s head.
  177. But what exactly IS a full time income?
  178. Content Marketing & writing: How I write content for my website
  179. Do you write a novel start-to-finish?
  180. GhoulSpawn and The Lich Lord's Lover: How To Kill a Lich
  181. How is it that the church leaders are claiming you do not pay tithes?
  182. How To Write A Novel: In what order do you create your world?
  183. I loved my children but I loved BoomFuzzy more | From Quaraun The Insane
  184. My Two Favorite People: FarDarrig and The Baby That Never Should Have Been
  185. Need help writing characters of color | EelKat on racist white readers
  186. Quaraun and the Amazon Adult Filter
  187. Quaraun GhoulSpawn and The Lich Lord's Lover: The Lover's Triangle
  188. Summoner of Darkness: Where Are You Hiding That Horse?
  189. Tired of people who don’t care. :( Tired of the harassment. :(
  190. What would happen if an Elf adopted a Human baby? | Writing Fantasy Books
  191. Page 10 - The Gypsies of Old Orchard Beach
  192. Page 3 - The Gypsies of Old Orchard Beach
  193. Page 8 - The Gypsies of Old Orchard Beach
  194. SCRIPT FRENZY 2010: I WON! & Psycho Stalker Attacks
  195. Wristlets, Wrist Bags, Mini Clutch, Cosmetic Bags, and Designer Mini Purses
  196. Writing Your Novel: Do you save chapters as individual files?
  197. Are old AD&D adventures still any use to current players?
  198. Autistics Have Feelings Too & Diverse Books Rant
  199. Be True To You: YouTube Gamers: "Faking" a personality until you make it?
  200. City of The Slushies | Chapter 10 | Quaraun The Insane
  201. HEA in Erotica (Should You Write Happily Ever Afters?)
  202. Stephen King's Thinner Gypsies



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“Karma comes after everyone eventually. You can't get away with screwing people over your whole life, I don't care who you are. What goes aroMy Two Favorite People: FarDarrig and The Baby That Never Should Have Been

Need help writing characters of color | EelKat on racist white readers

und comes around. That's how it works. Sooner or later the universe will serve you the revenge that you deserve.” 

― Jessica Brody


"By autistic standards, the “normal” brain is easily distractible, is obsessively social, and suffers from a deficit of attention to detail and routine. Thus people on the spectrum experience the neurotypical world as relentlessly unpredictable and chaotic, perpetually turned up too loud, and full of people who have little respect for personal space." 

— Steve Silberman



Attempt Something New Today! – too many people talk about doing this or that but few actually take action, it's the why behind why so few succeed and so many fail.




I'm not made of money, I'm made out of glitter and kittens. 

~CinnamonToastKen 2017


“When people see you're happy doing what you're doing, it sort of takes the power away from them to tease you about it.” 

― Wendy Mass, Every Soul a Star




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“If you're horrible to me, I'm going to write a song about it, and you won't like it. That's how I operate.” 

― Taylor Swift



Bullies should never force you to  suffer in silence. If someone has hurt you, let others know.



“One's dignity may be assaulted, vandalized and cruelly mocked, but it can never be taken away unless it is surrendered.” 
― Michael J. Fox



“I would rather be a little nobody, then to be a evil somebody.” 

― Abraham Lincoln


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"Do not fear people with Autism, embrace them, Do not spite people with Autism unite them, Do not deny people with Autism accept them for then their abilities will shine" 

— Paul Isaacs











Be the hero, not the bully.





“1. Bullying is not okay. Period.

2. Freedom of religion does not give you the right to physically or verbally assault people.

3. If your sincerely-held religious beliefs require you to bully children, then your beliefs are fucked up.” 

― Jim C. Hines




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