When Serial Killing Elves Make Friends With Elf Eating Chef Unicorns...

How I come up with the chef's cannibal menus in the Quaraun series | Writing cannibalism in Fantasy novels

Writing a Cannibal Chef:

RE: Help me write a short script that implies cannibalism?

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Have you tried the Seventh Sanctum or Chaotic Shiny food generators?

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Wait here a minute... I'll go find them and link to them for you... I'll edit them into this post in a few minutes and also explain more details on why I recommend them.

Be back to edit this post in a few minutes....

Okay... I'm back. Now to write a proper answer. First a bit of a back story.

So, I write a series about an Elf wizard and his Unicorn. The Elf is a serial killer and the Unicorn is a chef, so I end up with the sort of situations like what you are describing in your acting job.

I have to come up with random menus for the Unicorn chef, thus I use the generators I mentioned above. Here they are and here's how I use them.

If you don't know, a Random Generator is a thing that gives you a list of things to use in your writing. Every time you refresh the page it gives you a brand new randomly generated list, so if you see something in a list you want to use, be sure to copy it and paste it into a text document on your computer because you'll never see it again. Between Seventh Sanctum and Chaotic Shiny there are more then 500 different generators for different things.

Here are the food ones which might be useful in your situation.

Seventh Sanctum's The Fusion Food Generator: And here are a few of the results it just gave me.

• Battered Habanero Olive Loaf and Okra Stew
• Pineapple Cabbage and Rosemary Bacon Soup
• Vinegared Buffalo with Hosin sauce
• Pumpkin Black Bean Hamburger
• Steak Roll
• Grilled Stuffed Almond Beef with Bearnaise sauce

Now, with a chef that is serving Human flesh, he has to be creative in calling the meat something exotic and not easily recognized by the general public.

Looking at this first list we see buffalo. It's a meat that's uncommon, and thus, with a little spices, the chef could pass his Human meat off as buffalo and the average eater is no going to question it, seeing how they don't know what buffalo tastes like. A possible plot twist in this situation would be a buffalo farmer eating there and loudly saying "this is not buffalo". Perhaps even he has a buffalo meat restaurant and he tries to shut down your chef, so now your chef has to kill him and adds the buffalo farmer's meat to the next buffalo dish.

The Habanero Olive Loaf with Okra Stew, gives opportunity for 2 ways to serve Human flesh. Chopped up meat in the loaf and dices meat in the stew. No one questions what type of meat is in meatloaf or stew as it's just assumed to be beef. Habanero, Olive (especially Greek/Callamari olives), and Okra all have strong flavours that the average person finds exotic, so they would think the different flavour of the meet is caused by these additional "exotic" flavours.

Black Bean Hamburger... ground beef with a very strongly flavoured bean... no one would notice the beef was not beef.

Seventh Sanctum's Mixed Drink Name Generator: And here are a few of the results it just gave me.

• Devilish Garnet Almond
• Evil Tea
• Foul Plum Mix
• Murderer's Wand
• Ravenous Bodyguard
• Ultimate Trap Snare

Almond oil is a very distinctive flavour. Very strong. Overpowering. Added to a drink, it dilutes any other flavour. Garnet is a nice red brown colour, same as blood. Devilish... the chef having fun.

And there you have a way to sell Human blood as a drink.

Evil tea... could it be powdered human bones are the secret ingredient that makes it evil?

Murder's Wand... again the chef poking fun? Bolding telling people he's a murderer, but no one getting it.

Ultimate Trap Snare, could be a special drink, with sleeping pills in it... he gives it only to people he plans to kill to serve for dinner?

Seventh Sanctum's Pizza Generator: And here are a few of the results it just gave me.

• A pizza with Olives, Yellow Onion, Cabbage, Red Onion, Pineapple, and Chicken.
• A pizza with Canadian Bacon, topped with Cheddar and Cheese Sauce.
• A pizza with Garbanzo Beans, Pine Nuts, Capers, Ground Beef, Pulled Pork, Prosiccuto, and Pepperoni, topped with Cheese Sauce.
• A pizza with Spinach, Roasted Fennel, Garlic Puree, Red Chillies, and Italian Spices.
• A pizza with Tomatoes, Egg, and Meatballs, topped with Clam Sauce.
• A pizza with Pulled Pork, Buffalo Meat, Salami, Roasted Fennel, and Garlic, topped with Colby and Tomato Sauce.

Maybe he puts Canadian Bacon on the menu, after he kills a Canadian? His Italian spices may be an Italian who's organs he's dried and ground into powder? What if the clam sauce contains, not clams, but the clam diggers instead?

Would want to be careful here in that sort of thing as it could come off racist and might not be the best thing for live action in your situation, where there is no written backstory to explain it out better.

What is EVERYTHING that is "chicken" on the menu was Human meat. Chicken finger were actual fingers.

What if the pulled pork was actually pulled thigh of human?

There are lots of real meats, that could be on the menu but the chef is serving Human flesh instead.

Seventh Sanctum's Ice Cream Generator: And here are a few of the results it just gave me.

• A chocolate and fudge ice cream blend with hazelnuts, raisins, and jelly beans.
• A chocolate and toffee ice cream blend with bananas, gummy candy, and crushed gingerbread cookies.
• Mango ice cream with blueberries, dried cranberries, pumpkin pie filling, cherry pie filling, and fudge sauce.

Humans have a lot of fat on them. Cooking Human flesh would likely create a large fat/lard/grease.

Old style, classic, extra creamy ice cream had lard/tallow/marrow/beef fat added to it to make it thick and creamy. Most big ice cream companies today use seaweed, but some small farms and foodtrucks still use the old school method of adding lard to make the ice cream super creamy.

Perhaps, your chef, sells super thick and creamy home churned ice cream? It would be a good way for him to get rid of all that left over fat that melted off the human flesh he's been cooking.

Seventh Sanctum's Candy Generator: And here are a few of the results it just gave me.

• Boomraisin Worms
• Crisp Honey Jawbreakers
• Jellyfudge Truffles
• Violet Nutsoboomers

MOST candy is made with tallow (a by product of boiling fat off bones). It's rather difficult to find a meat-free candy on the market, even today. (Don't ask what makes the shiny glaze on M&Ms and skittles, or what they use to make red food dye or strawberry flavouring... it's all natural, it's also beetle wings, and dried earthworms).

Homemade candy is a logical thing for your chef to have on the menu, as it's a good way to use up all that tallow (a by-product of cooking all those humans).

Chaotic Shiny's Meal Generator: And here are a few of the results it just gave me.

• Hedgehog shank with a side of cooked winter melon, sliced kurrat and blackberries. Served with cranberry and wild leek soup, white bread and alligator pie.
• Mouse heart with thyme, pomegranates and caramel. Served with brocciu, sourdough with honey, scrambled eggs, whisky and marjoram pie.
• Albatross with garlic, pineapples and bell peppers with a salad of steamed mozuku, cooked garlic and oranges. Served with ricotta and apricot pie.
• Salted hyena rump with a side of sliced sea grape and avocados. Served with candlenut pie and naan with butter.
• Porcupine on a bed of sauteed pea, bok choy and mangos.
• Seared pig with jack nuts and parsley on a bed of cooked ogonori, camas and pears.

As before, using meats no one sees on a normal menu, allows the chef to serve meats that are not what they are. Thus, porcupine, hedgehog, albatross, etc, would be seen by eaters as road kill meats, so they would not second guess them, and have no reason to suspect the meat of being Human.

Chaotic Shiny's Fancy Drink Generator: And here are a few of the results it just gave me.

• Beige with semi-transparent swirls and served in a large mug. The drink smells great and tastes like river water. The creation of the drink is rumoured to involve magic.
• Light red with red flecks and served in a plain mug. The drink smells nightmareish and tastes like blackberries. It causes the drinker to temporarily levitate.
• Ruby with lots of foam and served in a plain glass. The drink smells heavenly and tastes like river water. There is a prize offered to anyone who can drink two tankardfuls without getting drunk.
• White with silver sparkles and cinnamon on the rim of the glass. The drink smells like medicine and tastes like freshly cut grass. The recipe is rumoured to include griffen blood.
• Amethyst with lots of bubbles and a cherry floating in it. The drink smells somewhat like cheese and tastes like dragon breath. It is the cheapest item on the menu.
• Pale brown with brown swirls and an orange slice on the edge of the glass. The drink smells like chocolate and tastes good. It is made with a secret recipe.

Lots of drinks here that could be blood, bile, or other by-product fluids in disguise.

>>>I'm not sure if this is the correct sub for this but I couldn't find a better one. Basically I am working at a haunted house as waitress at a backwater cannibal diner. Right now my script is:

>>>"Well, well, well look what the cat dragged in, you must be mighty hungry to find yourselves here, either that or lost, regardless, it'll be absolutely lovely having y'all for dinner. We have so many specials on the menu tonight, we have a white meat special, a dark meat special, a mixed meat special. (I gesture to the door they walk through) Right this way for a place to rest. Personally, I think everything on our menu is to die for! Right, Chef? (And then my tall scary buddy chases them through the scene with a chainsaw).

>>>So far the nights I have worked we have been pretty slow so I am pushing the visitors through the scene as quickly as possible. But with Halloween approaching we're bound to get more busy. I need more cannibalism double entendres before calling on "Chef" so that I can pace the groups properly. More ideas for "meat" specials also help greatly. Thank you!

Now... I'm not sure how these sorts of things would translate into a live action improve at a haunted house event for Halloween. Like I said, I use this sort of thing in novel writing, so I've got a lot of space for describing and such.

Have you ever seen the 1990s Saturday morning cartoon "BeetleJuice" (based off the movie)? It was a running gag in the series for various "body horror" foods to chase him around. Things like "a heart attack" which was a stampede of hearts chasing him. He often ate meals like "spaghetti and eyeballs"

Perhaps, you could get some ideas from those little Halloween cookbook magazines that are at the ends of grocery/supermarket aisles right now? They usually cost about $5 and have 100 or more spooky theme recipes like "mashed jellied brains" which is squished up jello jigglers or "finger nails" which are frito lay corn chips with a glaze.

Maybe even doing a Google search for something like: "disgusting halloween party recipes" which could give you ideas for more food titles?

Have you ever researched cannibalism on the darkest sides of the internet?

If you are not too squemish for such places there is:

"The Cannibal Cafe"

I'm not going to link to it from my website, but Google will get you there well enough.

It's perhaps the most controversial dating site on the internet. 

Know that if you visit that site, you'll trigger the FBI to start tracking your computer. And yes, expect the FBI to show up at your front door and question you about cannibalism.

"The Cannibal Cafe" is a real live online hangout for real live cannibals. 

It's also a hangout for real live serial killers - the FBI has captured multiple serial killers via tracking the computers of that website.

If you are looking for some freaky info about serial killers who put up wanted ads: "Wanted, cannibal seeking white male to eat." The Cannibal Cafe is the place to see that.

These are not kids role playing.

These are not jokes.

These are real cannibals, looking for willing volunteers.

In most cases, people are volunteering their fingers, toes, or slices off their arms and legs. 

There is however the real live murder case of: Armin Meiwes, the infamous frequent poster of The Cannibal Cafe, who killed other forum members and ate them. 

He was also known as The Rotenburg Cannibal or Der Metzgermeister (The Master Butcher).

That's all I can think of right now.

So, hopefully this helps you out with your haunted house job. Good luck with it!

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