Are vanity presses ever worth it? | EelKat On Self Publishing Methods



By Wendy C Allen
eelkat_red_scarf.jpgWendy Christine Allen, 2019, able to sit up in a chair for the first time in years, and able to raise up my arm and wiggle fingers. This was when I started playing Witcher 3 on Twitch as part of my physical therapy to regain finger movement. Playing Witcher 3 daily from 2016 to 2019, is how I regained the use of my thumb and two for fingers on my right hand... it is also why I stopped playing Witcher 3 in 2019, once I had strengthen my two forefingers enough to start typing again.

Wendy Christine Allen, Old Orchard Beach's Autistic Author, Artist, Illustrator, & Art Car Designer

Counting Down to the September 23, 2028 50th Anniversary of my first published book (September 23, 1978)

If you are here looking for The Twighlight Manor series, The Crystonite Wars series, The Wild Years series, The White Rock Asylum for the Criminally Insane series, The Twisted Tales series, the Captured By a MerMan series, The Space Dock 13 series, The Kats of Planet Ptarmagin series, the stories about Miss Citten the Eel-Kat, or the stories about Etiole... ALL of those series were combined and consolidated into The Adventures of Quaraun the Insane Pink Necromancer series in 2014, so ALL the different series, are now under one series title.

List of the published titles still in print:

The Index of over three thousand stories in The Pink Necromancer series

What the series is about, for those new here:

The introduction to The Pink Necromancer Series. 

If you want some stories to get you started in The Pink Necromancer series, reading these first will give you a good introduction to the 3 main characters:

My Elves Are JellyFish...and I asked Google AI and ChatGPT 5.6 what they thought of this.

As requested, my daily writing prompt series is now available print paperback editions on Amazon.

There are 20 volumes of this writing prompt series currently planned and in varying stages of finishing, hopefully all 20 will be published by the end of 2026. I likely will do a 2nd series of writing prompt books in 2027.

The first of the Visual Novels/Video Games for The Adventures of Quaraun the Inane/The Pink Necromancer series is published and available on Itch.io, there are 3 more planned for release in 2026, 6 more planned for release in 2027, and the big 60-hour 80k word 150 page one (Quaraun Goes To the Fair) is planned for a 2028 release.

There is a Pink Necromancer card game and a Pink Necromancer board game, as well as a Pink Necromancer table top RPG supliment for Dungeons and Dragons, all in the works, and to be released over the next couple of years as well.

Health update: August 4, 2026 - in recovery for 6 months+ (at least until mid-January 2027...all book and video game releases are pushed back at least 6 months) see video below for why...
@eelkat

health update #maine #disabilityawareness #wheelchairlife #wheelchairvlogger #multiplesclerosis

♬ original sound - Wendy C Allen | 📚 Author
@eelkat Health update: #chickenpox #bellspalsy #RamsayHuntsyndrome #paralysis #recovery ♬ original sound - Wendy C Allen | 📚 Author
@eelkat

I seem to have had another stroke (during the night while I was asleep?) #stroke #paralysis

♬ original sound - Wendy C Allen | 📚 Author

Update Sept 3, 2026:

I am able to get around enough to take Koko to dog park... today is 29 days since getting out of hospital. My diet is still mostly liquid, but im eating some solid food again, but its like rice or soft mushy baby food type stuff because I still can not chew yet, though I can swallow again. My jaw is still not functioning good so im having trouble talking still. So there's been slight improvement to my mouth, throat, and jaw, but, zero improvement to my eye, which is a major concern, be Im almost fully blind right now. im legally blind since birth in my left eye, so I have no ability to fall back on using my left eye. My right eye is the one injured and my vision in it is "40% decreased" according to my doctor, but it wasn't good vision to begin with, and right now my right eye is not much different from my legally blind left eye. Which I why I have to have someone drive my car for me instead of me driving my car myself right now, which is very frustrating, because, being a female, I had to fight for over twenty years to be allowed to drive. I started sneaking out at age 31 and dressing as a man to go to Old Orchard Beach high school to get a ged, because us females are not allowed to go to school. And i was 37 years old when snuck out to the DMV and got a driver's permit and started going to college. I was 42 and 8 months pregnant when my family found out I was going to college and thats when I was punished by the backhoe driving over my house and my spine broken with a golf club and my baby born right then and killed with same golf club. So it's very frustrating now, so soon after finally being able to drive , to now not be able to drive because of an eye injury, especially after 14 years of being paralyzed from the golf club and not being allowed to have a wheelchair, again, because i am female and we females are simply not allowed to do anything. I hate the culture I was born into. I wish I had the freedom to go to school and drive a car the way American women do. I wish having my spine broken with a golf club and my baby killed with a golf club and a backhoe driven over my house was not how men in my family punishment women in my family for learning to read and write. Its so frustrating not being able to to drive again, so soon after 14 years being paralyzed, and being paralyzed by the golf club was the punishment for getting a driver's license back in 2013 after 30 years of men not letting me have one. I hate my family's culture and how they treat us women.

I get so sick of Americans telling me how they wish they could be a Gypsy… they are either misogynist woman hating pigs, or delusional idiots who haven't got a clue how shittily we Gypsy women are treated by Gypsy men, because no one in their righ mind who knows anything about Gypsy culture would ever want to be part of it. I hate that I was born a Gypsy. 

update sept 7, 2026

"You would not make a good teacher"... what does that mean, and why are there so many people on Railroad Ave and Western Ave and Cutts St why walk up to me and say that to me?

I find it very confusing. I have low functioning Autism (the Rain Man type) and so i have very little understanding of words beyond the basic ones, and i never went to to school, so I never learned maths or sciences, and I only had remedial classes at Southern Maine Community College, because I did not have an education to enroll with regular, I was there taking every reading and writing class they had to learn how to read and write, and also took speaking classes to learn how to talk (i spoke Shetland Scottish language because that was language my grandmother spoke but she died when I was 8 so I only knew that language to speak and write, and I was 37 when I went to college and 42 when I learned English speaking and I still cant speak English good yet), all the other classes I took were art painting and cooking.

So the phrase "You would not make a good teacher" makes no sense to me because it seems to imply that I am trying to be a teacher, but I don't have anything close to the education ti be a teacher, and im not trying to be a teacher. So I don't know why people keep saying this phrase to me and I assume it must have some sort of a slang meaning, but I can't figure out what it could be of why do these people keep saying it to me.

see video below for more information: 


@eelkat "You would not make a good teacher"... what does that mean, and why are there so many people on Railroad Ave and Western Ave and Cutts St why walk up to me and say that to me? I find it very confusing. I have low functioning Autism (the Rain Man type) and so i have very little understanding of words beyond the basic ones, and i never went to to school, so I never learned maths or sciences, and I only had remedial classes at Southern Maine Community College, because I did not have an education to enroll with regular, I was there taking every reading and writing class they had to learn how to read and write, and also took speaking classes to learn how to talk (i spoke Shetland Scottish language because that was language my grandmother spoke but she died when I was 8 so I only knew that language to speak and write, and I was 37 when I went to college and 42 when I learned English speaking and I still cant speak English good yet), all the other classes I took were art painting and cooking. So the phrase "You would not make a good teacher" makes no sense to me because it seems to imply that I am trying to be a teacher, but I don't have anything close to the education ti be a teacher, and im not trying to be a teacher. So I don't know why people keep saying this phrase to me and I assume it must have some sort of a slang meaning, but I can't figure out what it could be of why do these people keep saying it to me. #mainelife #biddefordmaine #maine #disabilitytiktok #Biddeford ♬ original sound Wendy C Allen | 📚 Author

update Sept 15, 2026:

I have some slight movement in some my fingers again again after over a decade being paralyzed

you remember how I used to be a professional doll making, pattern designer, and embroiderer, back before I became paralized and before my son was murdered and being the backhoe drove over my house?

all my equipment, sewing machines, ect were all destroyed by the backhoe driving over my house, and I have been quardepelegic for over a decade because of it so could not use my hands to sew or draw or embroider, and so only continued to do my writing of novels since then because I could do that with dragon dictation software,

well, since 2016, I been playing Witcher 3 and don't starve video games on twitch livestream, one hand two fingers, as part of my therapy to regain nerve and muscle use of my fingers, and now after 10 years of that, I have somewhat more movement in my fingers and im thinking maybe I can try to do embroidery and doll making again, but not sure, anyways, now im rebuying all of my sewing and embroidery equipment that the backhoe destroyed when it drove over my house, and hopefully I can use my hand enough to embroider again.

waiting for stuff to arrive in mail, so soon I should find out if ten years of twitch gaming has given me enough muscle strength to use my fingers to embroider again.

update to the previous video, answering viewer question about lack of hospital vs broken spine

Wheelchair Fundraiser... I need to upgrade to a power wheelchair, the manual one just isn't enough anymore. But the power wheelchair is $25k. Yes, twenty five thousand dollars. Wtf? I can get a car for a quarter that price, why are wheelchairs so damned expensive? That's more money then I make in five years, so I need to start a fundraiser for it.

Are vanity presses ever worth it?

Are vanity presses ever worth it? from writing

Are vanity presses ever worth it?

Comment from discussion Are vanity presses ever worth it?.


It depends on the company. The bulk of what calls itself vanity press, is not actually vanity press at all.

Morris Press (http://www.morrispress.com/) is NOT a scam, and it's the only one I can verify to not be a scam as I've used them myself in the past. If you want to go with an online, not local, vanity press, then I highly recommend Morris Press. They will not scam you like others do.

However, there is NO legitimate vanity press company out there who EVER contacts the author, or says anything about offering free stuff. If you are ever contacted by such a group, run from them, because they are scams.

Please know as well that there is NO SUCH THING as vanity press ebooks. If a "vanity press" is offering you an ebook service, they are an even bigger scam then the rest.

There is NO SUCH THING as vanity press print on demand books. If a "vanity press" is offering you print on demand book distribution service, it is ALWAYS a scam.

REAL vanity press is ALWAYS and ONLY hard copy paperback books, delivered to your door and you sell them yourself to local book shops.

ANYTHING ELSE calling itself vanity press, is ALWAYS a scam.

Let's take a look at vanity press vs trade publishing vs self-publishing vs publishing scams, perhaps it'll help you to see the difference between them.

Copy editing:

  1. Trade Publishing: Publishing house does it for free.
  2. Self-Publishing: You do it yourself or hire an outside editor, choosing the editor you want and one that is in your price range.
  3. Vanity Press: You do it yourself or hire an outside editor, choosing the editor you want and one that is in your price range.
  4. Publishing Scams: You pay their in house editor, with no option to choose your desired editor or price range

Proof Editing:

  1. Trade Publishing: Publishing house does it for free.
  2. Self-Publishing: Was done with the copy editing, and you do not pay extra for it.
  3. Vanity Press: Was done with the copy editing, and you do not pay extra for it.
  4. Publishing Scams: You pay their in house editor, without realizing you've now paid for one service, twice.

Consistency Editing:

  1. Trade Publishing: Publishing house does it for free.
  2. Self-Publishing: Was done with the copy editing, and you do not pay extra for it.
  3. Vanity Press: Was done with the copy editing, and you do not pay extra for it.
  4. Publishing Scams: You pay their in house editor, without realizing you've now paid for one service, three separate times.

Proof Reading:

  1. Trade Publishing: Publishing house does it for free.
  2. Self-Publishing: Was done with the copy editing, and you do not pay extra for it.
  3. Vanity Press: Was done with the copy editing, and you do not pay extra for it.
  4. Publishing Scams: You pay their in house editor, without realizing you've now paid for one service, four separate times.

Full Copy Edit:

  1. Trade Publishing: Publishing house does it for free.
  2. Self-Publishing: Was done with the copy editing, and you do not pay extra for it.
  3. Vanity Press: Was done with the copy editing, and you do not pay extra for it.
  4. Publishing Scams: You pay their in house editor, without realizing you've now paid for one service, five separate times.

Editorial Review:

(An editor reads it and decides if it needs re-editing after being edited already)

  1. Trade Publishing: Publishing house does it for free.
  2. Self-Publishing: Was done with the copy editing, and you do not pay extra for it.
  3. Vanity Press: Was done with the copy editing, and you do not pay extra for it.
  4. Publishing Scams: You pay their in house editor, without realizing you've now paid for one service, six separate times.

Type Setting:

  1. Trade Publishing: Publishing house does it for free. Limited to what they choose for you. You have no say in font type used.
  2. Self-Publishing: You do it yourself or hire an outside formatter of your choosing. You have full control over font type used. More than 3,000 options available.
  3. Vanity Press: You do it yourself or hire an outside formatter of your choosing. You have full control over font type used. More than 3,000 options available.
  4. Publishing Scams: You pay their in house formatter, with no option to choose otherwise. Limited to 3 or 4 or at most 10 or 12 choices in font type. 

Page Design:

  1. Trade Publishing: Publishing house does it for free.
  2. Self-Publishing: You or your formatter did this while typesetting, because it means the same thing.
  3. Vanity Press: You or your formatter did this while typesetting, because it means the same thing.
  4. Publishing Scams: You pay their in house designer, because you don't know this is not a separate service from type setting, so you end up paying for the same service twice.

ISBN:

  1. Trade Publishing: Publishing house does it for free.
  2. Self-Publishing: You do it yourself. There are many free options. Or you can pay about $100 for 10 codes.
  3. Vanity Press: You do it yourself. There are many free options. Or you can pay about $100 for 10 codes.
  4. Publishing Scams: You pay their in house ISBN, which likely is blacklisted by brick & mortar book shops, meaning your book will NEVER be seen on ANY store shelves.

Bar Codes:

  1. Trade Publishing: Publishing house does it for free.
  2. Self-Publishing: You do it yourself. There are many free options. Or you can pay about $100 for 10 codes.
  3. Vanity Press: You do it yourself. There are many free options. Or you can pay about $100 for 10 codes.
  4. Publishing Scams: You pay their in house Barcodes, which likely is blacklisted by brick & mortar book shops, meaning your book will NEVER be seen on ANY store shelves.

Copyright Filing:

  1. Trade Publishing: Publishing house does it for free.
  2. Self-Publishing: You do it for free (It doesn't cost any money to do it.)
  3. Vanity Press: You do it for free (It doesn't cost any money to do it.)
  4. Publishing Scams: You pay for them to do it.

eBook conversion:

  1. Trade Publishing: Publishing house does it for free.
  2. Self-Publishing: You do it for free. Or find a college student on Fiverr or Craigslist to do it for you for $5
  3. Vanity Press: You do it for free. Or find a college student on Fiverr or Craigslist to do it for you for $5
  4. Publishing Scams: You pay for them to do it.

Distribution to online stores such as Amazon, Barns & Noble, etc, and brick and mortar shops. 

  1. Trade Publishing: Publishing house does it for free.
  2. Self-Publishing: You do it for free. 
  3. Vanity Press: You do it for free. 
  4. Publishing Scams: You pay for them to do it. And they charge a separate service fee for EACH store your book is listed in.

REAL vanity press, is you bypassing a publishing house and going directly to the print shop yourself.

A publishing house owns no printing presses, they are simply a middle man, who does the middle ground work of getting the book published. Each publishing house may have 5 or 6 or more print shops that they work with. MOST of the large press publishing houses use Morrish Press for a lot of their book publishing.

The problem with ACTUAL legitimate vanity press, is you have to be prepared to do everything yourself (typesetting, cover, etc) and foot the bill.

If you want to go vanity press, here's what you do:

Go to your local yellow pages, look for the nearest print shop (also called a Copy Shop or a Fax Shop) (not places like Staples, FedEx, or Kinkos, as they are copy shops only and do not offer book printing services). Almost every town with a population greater then 10k residents has at least 1 local print shop, though not all offer book printing. Usually you'll need to look to larger towns with 20k or more residents, places with a lot of businesses. Look for print shops that deal with a lot of Chinese Take-Out restaurants, as they are usually the ones who have book printing services. (most Chinese take outs, print up 100k menus at a time and mail them to local residents as advertising... any print shop with a press heavy duty enough for that job, owns a printing press heavy duty enough for book printing...next time you get a Chinese take-out menu in your mail box, make note of which local print shop printed it up, because they are your best bet for finding a local printer who has the equipment to handle book printing.)

Once you have found a local print shop that has the ability to print books, tell them you are a local author and would like to print up a special edition of your book, designed to sell at local book shops as a "local author promo".

Know up front, that you are talking about at MINIMUM having 1,000 copies of your book printed p and sitting in your garage, and in most cases large big city print shops are going to require you order a 10,000 MINIMUM copies.

You are going to need to create a mock-up of the book to provide them with. And you will need to be well versed in printer lingo about margins and swamps and bleeds and font types and that sort of thing.

It'll cost you around $4 to $20 per book, depending on trim size, page count, and the type of font you request used. Meaning it'll cost you $4,000 to $20,000 to have 1,000 copies of your book printed.

It'll take them a week or so to switch out the font plants of their machines and get it set up for your book. Once that is done, they print up the pages on one machine and the covers on another machine, have the paper blocks cut to trim size, and then bound. About a week later you can expect to receive about 500 large boxes on your front doorstep, containing your books. They will not fit in your house, so plan on renting a storage unit to hold them.

Now, comes the hard job of knocking on the door of every bookshop in your area and saying: "I'm a local author, will you sell my book?" In most cases they will accept 3 copies on commision. f those sell they may request more.

You'll have better luck selling your book at booths in carnivals, festivals, fairs, car shows, geek cons, and tourist gift shops, however. Note that most fairgrounds require you provide your own 6 foot fold up table, your own 10x10foot white capped tent, and they only provide you with a space 12x12 to set those things up in.

If you can get a booth in a game or comic book convention, this is going to be the thing that'll sell the most books.

If you are really into vanity press, you can do what I do and build yourself a book truck (like a food truck only for selling books instead of selling food) here's mine: 

The advantage of a book truck is you can drive it to all your events. The brighter coloured it is, the more attention it attracts and the more sales you'll get (thus why mine is neon dayglow pink that glows in the dark under a blacklight). People who wouldn't normally stop at a book store or attend an author book signing ALWAYS sow up at my book signings because they are curious as to what the hell is that thing parked over their. Then they realize: "OMG! IT'S REAL GYPSIES! I GOTTA BUY SOMETHING JUST SO I CAN SAY I MEET A REAL LIVE GYPSY! YAAAAAAAAY!" (Being a Gypsy helps books sales, it's one of the few races that can do vanity press book selling and succeed just because of the way customers act when they see us.)

The car show circuit and monster truck rallies are great for selling books, so if you have a car that can get you into those (here's mine:

you can sell books out of the trunk of your car.

A bit more difficult to do, as we Gypsies rarely let outsiders in our group, but if you can get a deal with a group of carny Gypsies, you can set up a booth with them when they set up side-shows ans such. This gives you an advantage as their buskers will already have the sales skill to drive customers to your books and all you have to do is smile and give autographs.

I LOVE vanity press and have been doing it since the 1970s. But I was also a door-to-door salesmen for 16 years and have the right personality to get my foot in the door and make a sale. And if you don't have VERY good people skills and VERY good professionalism and VERY good salesman skills, then you really want to avoid vanity press, because not a lot of authors realize how VERY difficult it is to sell books one on one to people face to face.

Far too often an author prints up 10,000 copies of a book, stuffs them in their basement and then wonders why no one is buying their book.

Vanity press is NOT an easy or cheap way to go. You have to do EVERYTHING yourself, including hustle the book on sidewalks like a sleazy watch salesman. It's a lot harder to succeed in vanity press.

Sadly, scam artist companies, don't tell you any of this. They make promises, take you money, and leave you with a garage full of books you have no clue how to sell.

It's far easier for most people to just upload their books to Kindle for free. Gives you an ebook and a print paperback for no upfront cost and you aren't stuck with 1.000s of books in your garage.

Comment from discussion Are vanity presses ever worth it?.


ah... thank you for posting this link.

https://www.indiesunlimited.com/2015/07/07/is-page-publishing-a-vanity-press/

I just read it and, yes, Page Publishing is most definitely a scam. They are NOT a legit vanity press.






While there are around 20k pages on this website, most of them are blocked from search engines, with only around 800 of them available for appearing in Google/Bing/etc search results. The remainder can only be accessed via the various links found throughout this site. This was done deliberately on my part, and I did it because the bulk of the pages on this website are chapters from 138 novels and 423 novellas, so only the first page of each novel and novella indexed by search engines, and the remainder are linked in order, one page at a time, via clicking "next page" at the end of each. So if you are looking for a specific page from a specific novel, Google can't help you.



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Wendy Christine Allen 🌸💖🦄 aka EelKat 🧿💛🔮👻
eelkat_red_scarf.jpg

Wheelchair Fundraiser

@eelkat

i just found out there is yet another bizarre rumour going around. where are these wild rumours coming from? who is starting them? and why?

♬ original sound - Wendy C Allen | 📚 Author
@eelkat

since I've been flooded with hundreds of messages the past two weeks asking if I still own "the world's most haunted car", yes, and here it is, filmed today May 18, 2026… but my son Xavier is dead, i am crippled and given that people are AGAIN showing up calling my Dodge "haunted", calling my friend "an alien", calling me "transgender", and spreading wild defamation slander connecting me to Stephen King, I think I need to start taking down the contact information of every blogger, podcaster, youtuber, and social media account spreading these rumors, and sue every single one of them for CAUSING my car to be cut in half May 10, 2010, for CAUSING the backhoe that drove over my house August 8, 2013, for CAUSING my son's murder November 14, 2013, for CAUSING me to be crippled and in a wheelchair November 14, 2013, and for CONTINUING to CAUSE harassers to show up in person to harass me near daily, STILL now in 2026. EVERYONE telling you my car is haunted, telling you my friend is an alien, calling my car "the goldeneagle", calling my friend "Etiole", or trying to connect me or my car to Stephen King, is lying to you. They crippled me when I was 8 months pregnant, and a woman with a golf club, severed my spine and bashed my baby's head in, I spent 9 years relearning to walk, and the FBI is 13 years into the murder investigation and not yet identified the attacker who crippled me and killed my baby, both violently with a golf club and the FBI believes that it is friends and family of the woman who did it, are the ones who started and spread the rumors saying my car is haunted, saying I'm an alien abductee, saying all kinds of similar bs about aliens, ufos, ghosts, witchcraft, demons, and Stephen King connections, even though I don't believe in ghosts, aliens, ufos, demons, and had never heard of Stephen King before 30k of his fans showed up in my yard trying to find my car! FBI believes the backhoe driver and the murderer are the same person and it is a developer who wanted my land and so started the Stephen King, ghost, and alien rumors all in an attempt to drive me off my land, and when it didn't work they drove a backhoe over my house, and when that didn't work they crippled me and killed my son. Why are they doing this? How do I get them to stop?

♬ original sound - Wendy C Allen | 📚 Author






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Do you know who drove this backhoe over my house at 146 Portland Avenue, Old Orchard Beach, Maine on August 8, 2013? If you have any information, please give it to FBI Agent Andy Drewer at 207–774–9322 of the Portland, Maine FBI office.

My house at 146 Portland Ave, Old Orchard Beach, Maine, July 4, 2013, photo taken because we had just finished building a baby room on the back. vs My house August 8, 2013, when the same group of people (yes group, the golf club woman was not alone when she attacked November 14, 2013, nor was she alone with her second attack July 2016.) who murdered my son on November 14, 2013 at Southern Maine Community College and crippled me July 26, 2016 at scarborough WalMart,... they arrived the first time with a backhoe on August 8, 2013, that they used to drive over my house, during a time of day that I normally was home asleep... I had to work a different shift at the Waffle Cone Pizza Food Truck at George's Parking Lot by Bill's Pizza at the OBB Peir, that day, otherwise, I too would be at the bottom of a landfill, along with my house and everything I owned that was also in the house. I was 5 months pregnant at the time and have been homeless for just under 14 years, homeless ever since....

... which means it is now only a few weeks from the 14th anniversary of my son's murder. I was 8 month pregnant November 14, 2013, and a student ay SMCC, and coming out of the Buglight Lighthouse art studio after art class, when a still unidentifiedwoman wielding a golf club attacked me, severed my spine, while I was 8 months pregnant, triggered early labour, then killed my son minutes after he was born.

While accusing me of being transgender, screaming "transvestite freak" and "look at that thing, that's Ken's son in a dress"... while I was 8 months pregnant.

eelkats_house_before_after.jpgMy house at 146 Portland Ave, Old Orchard Beach, Maine, July 4, 2013, photo taken because we had just finished building a baby room on the back. vs My house August 8, 2013, when the same group of people (yes group, the golf club woman was not alone when she attacked November 14, 2013, nor was she alone with her second attack July 2016.) who murdered my son and crippled me, arrived the first time with a backhoe that they used to drive over my house, during a time of day that I normally was home asleep... I had to work a different shift at the Waffle Cone Pizza Food Truck at George's Parking Lot by Bill's Pizza at the OBB Peir, that day, otherwise, I too would be at the bottom of a landfill, along with my house and everything I owned that was also in the house. I was 5 months pregnant at the time and have been homeless for just under 14 years, homeless ever since.

The backhoe driver returned November 14, 2013, armed with a golf club, used it to break my spine and smash my baby's brains out on the ground

On November 14, 2013, my son was murdered. I was 8 months pregnant, leaving my college classroom, and just getting into my car, when 3 strangers, a man and two women, armed with golf clubs leapt out from behind my car screaming "kill or be killed, kill the transvestite freaks, kill them all before they kill us! look at that thing! That is Ken's son, look at how it's dressed! kill the transvestite freaks! kill or be killed"... while the bald man and the red haired woman chanted this over and over, the blonde woman, lunged with the golf club.

She severed my spine, I am now a quadriplegic, and been paralyzed arms and legs, and in a wheelchair for 13 years now. She broke my hips, my knees, my legs, ruptured most of my discs, and shattered three of my vertebrae so bad that the shards of bone acted like glass and embedded themselves into my spinal column nerve bundle.

The attack also triggered labour.

My son was born in that parking lot, and he lived only a couple of minutes, before the deranged blonde woman, beat his head in and smashed his brains out, with the same golfclub she had just used to sever my spine and leave me crippled for the rest of my life.

Realizing that I was not transgender, and they'd just murdered a baby, the man grabbed the 2 women and forcibly dragged them away to a 4 door white pickup truck, and they left me there to die.

The FBI told me later, that a few weeks before this attack, and transwoman, had murdered a cis woman, in a parking lot, abou 20 miles away from where I was attacked. The FBI, believes that my attackers, had somehow found out I wrote transgender fiction, connecting my real name to my penname, (my father's name is in fact "Ken", and I do have a brother) and believed that I wrote transgender fiction, because I was myself transgender, even though I'm not transgender. The FBI, believes the attackers, thought I was my brother, pretending to be a woman.

The FBI investigation, into my son's murder, has dragged on for 13 years, and still now in 2026, continues on, with the FBI, still not having yet identified my attackers, and only guessing at what their motive was.

Thus we come to 2014, and the full swing change of the series I write. WHY my series, went from just a transman main character living life, to the full blown Mpreg genre series that it now is today.

Before the attack, I had a chance of having a baby. I don't know. And because I'm in America, I'm too old to adopt. You have to be under 45 years old to adopt a baby. That is the law in America. I was informed this, when we tried to adopt, now that my injuries leave me unable to get pregnant a 9th time.

Thus began my obsessively writing, my transman main character, pregnant. Always pregnant now. Every time. Every story. Stories that now fully focus on pregnancy, labour, miscarriages, babies dying, babies living, raising babies... the whole series, since 2014 has devolved into an outright baby obsession.

Meanwhile, reborn baby dolls were suggested to me by my therapist, and have also become a deeply obsessive part of my life. Because 13 years ago my son was murdered minutes after he was born, because a transphobic bigot mistook me for being transgender, I'm STILL in a wheelchair, struggling to relearn to use my arms and legs, now 13 years later, and I'm still DAILY dealing with police officers and FBI agents who while they are trying to find my son's killer, they are also daily reminding me... oh, yeah, my son was murdered, literally ripped out of my belly, by a transphobe. Who still has not been located and walks free to kill again.

The golfclub woman as she looked during the golf club attack at Southern Maine community college November 14, 2013. She is about 20 to 30 years older then me and would be around 75 to 85 years old now in 2026.

Clairescreenshot.pngIf you have any information about the identity of this child murderer, please call FBI Agent Andy Drewer at 207–774–9322

The golfclub woman as she looked during the shopping cart attack at Scarborough WalMart July 26, 2016. She is about 20 to 30 years older then me and would be around 75 to 85 years old now in 2026.

zzzz999ClaireRed2016-screenshotIf you have any information about the identity of this child murderer, please call FBI Agent Andy Drewer at 207–774–9322

The 2nd woman as she looked at both attacks, her hair goes all the way down to her knees. She is about 20 to 30 years older then me and would be around 75 to 85 years old now in 2026.

Kendrascreenshot.pngIf you have any information about the identity of this child murderer's accomplice, please call FBI Agent Andy Drewer at 207–774–9322

Do you know who these two woman who crippled me and murdered my baby, at Southern Maine Community College at 10PM on November 14, 2013, are, and what their connection to the backhoe that drove over my house is? If you have any information, please give it to FBI Agent Andy Drewer at 207–774–9322 of the Portland, Maine FBI office.

I am a legally blind quadriplegic, and low verbal, I have also published 138 novels in the last 48 years. It's not as impossible as people think. The problem being blind and quadriplegic, medically have different meanings then how those two words are used medically.

Fewer than 3% of all blind people see nothing. While 97% people who are classified as fully blind are able to see up to two feet in front of them. Legally blind means I can see more then two feet in front of me but not far enough to see twenty feet in front of me. In my case I can see about eight feet.

Quadriplegic, has varying levels, it means having a damaged nerve bundle in the spinal column causing limited mobility of all 4 limbs, (in my case this was done by a women wielding a golf club, who also beat my 8 month infant's head to pulp on the parking lot tarmak, at the same time she severed my spine with the same golf club; both on November 14, 2013; the FBI investigation into my son's murder and my being crippled has gone on now for 13 years, a few weeks away from 14 years now, and the FBI has still not identified the killer or her motive). Contrary to popular misconception, quadriplegic does NOT mean ZERO movement, it means means limited movement, specifically in means unable to lift arms over head, unable to grip fingers around objects to pick them up, and unable to stand for more then 5 minutes to a time. Because there are so many thousands of nerves in each limb it is actually very rare for there to be 100% no movement, but how much, and to what extent varies by patent depending upon the specific point of injury to the spinal column.

Meaning typing is still possible for over 60% of all quadriplegics.

In my case, it was the lower spine that was severed, cutting off completly my ability to move my right leg, leaving limited feeling in my left leg, and an ability to stand but not walk, with crutches, for the first 9 years. I regained enough nerve growth in my legs by the 9th year to be able to take ten or twelve steps allowing me to get out of bed for the first time since the golf club attack; This in turn lead to me being able to start using a wheelchair, as I was able to sit upright for the first time as well.

Because the shattered vertebrae bone fragments are broken off completly and embedded into the nerve bundle just above my tailbone, doctors were saying I would never walk again, but now at 13 years, I am able to push mu wheelchair like a walker, a distance of almost a thousand steps a day. Though doctors are still doubtful I will ever walk "normally" again, I have proven them wrong, when their said 13 years ago, that I would never walk again at all.

But because of the placement of the damage to my spine, regaining hand use, was always thought possible, it was just a matter of waiting long enough for nerve regrowth, along side daily finger exercises. I was able to continue writing, after becoming quadriplegic, because I still have use of my right thumb, and 2 fore figures of my right hand. And can type 90 words per minute with those 3 fingers.

I however have no wrist strength, elbow strength, or shoulder strength, so I am not able to form a fist, or lift objects, or brush my hair, or my teeth, all thing I have to have my caretaker do. But, those things are not needed for typing. Unfortunately, my pinky and ring fingers are "nerve dead" and drag over the keyboard, and cause horrific spelling errors and typos, which are incredibly frustrating to deal with.

Unfortunately trying to edit errors myself, just makes the errors worse, because those same two fingers drag over the keyboard yet again. Prior to the golf club attack, I rarely had spelling errors; now I got more spelling errors then someone is learning English as second language. Editing is a challenge, that I've had to accept, I simply can not do myself, and I have to hire several editors to help with that.

Low verbal means sounds can still be made, sounds that software programs like Dragon can be trained to recognize and translate, and type into full words. More then half my novels were typed with this method.

I still have a long ways to go before I am anything close to being able to do the things I could do before the golf club woman beat my baby's brains out and shattered my spine. And you know what's more frustrating then how slow mu medical progression has been? The fact that it's been 13 years and the police and FBI are still coming up at dead ends as to who the woman who murdered my baby was, or why she even did it.

My son's 14th birthday is only a few weeks away, but he didn't even get to live long enough to celebrate his 1st birthday, I don't even know why. And I can't wait to regain my ability to walk again, because regaining my ability to walk, means gaining the ability to go outside and start looking for my son's murderer myself instead of sitting at home trapped in a wheelchair waiting for the police and FBI to to find her. So, writing isn't a big priority for me anymore. I only write now, as a way to exercise my hands, in between relearning to walk.

Never let a disability stop you. Plenty of writers, artists, athletes, do not let either blindness, speech impediments, or limited mobility hold then back from perusing their careers.

Do you know who these two woman who crippled me and murdered my baby, at Southern Maine Community College at 10PM on November 14, 2013, are, and what their connection to the backhoe that drove over my house is? If you have any information, please give it to FBI Agent Andy Drewer at 207–774–9322 of the Portland, Maine FBI office.

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