EelKat Wendy C Allen - Dark Fantasy Author



EXTREME SPOILER WARNING!

Please be aware that nearly every page on this website contains spoilers to something. I talk about a lot of fandoms, and go into great detail analyzing them when I do. If I am talking about The Witcher series, InuYasha, Disney Ducks, the Quaraun series, or any other fandom, you WILL encounter spoilers about it. 

Avallac'h and Ge'els a pair of Aen Elle Elves | Pictures from Witcher 3

All images on this page are from:
The Witcher 3: 
Wild Hunt 
|Game of the Year Edition| 
Completionist Run: 
The Avallac'h Playthrough
(Watch It Live HERE)


Avallac'h and Ge'els a pair of Aen Elle Elves | Pictures from Witcher 3



If This Video Is Active, I'm Live Streaming Right Now...



Watch live video from EelKat on www.twitch.tv


About This Game Play:

This current mod-making playthrough, is prep for a future fully-lore-friendly playthrough....

The ultimate goal of my mod making playthrough, is to make every character as lore-friendly as possible to how they were described in the novels.

Most specifically though we are transforming as much of the game as possible to match Chapter 5 of the novel Lady of the Lake, when Ciri lived with Avallac'h the first time, on The Lake of Avalon.

This current playthrough is largely a lot of test runs of hundreds of mods. It is being played open world with quests rarely happening, to allow us to run tests of various mods as I build them.

Due to the fact that the game engine, scripts, and other files is often open and being edited while I'm playing the game, this current playthrough is very unstable with bugs and glitches happening  daily and game crashes happening, sometimes as often as every few minutes.

You are witnessing a live overhaul and full rewrite of the game, that when finished will be used in a complete (more normal style) playthrough of the game.

However do not expect to see the lore-friendly playthrough any time soon. 

I began building this overhaul mod May 13, 2018 and have worked on it daily for 4 to 12 hours a day, all of it streamed here on Twitch, and... 

...while we've now altered over 2,000 script files, more than 7,000 textures, several hundred meshes, 400+ xml files, dozens of ini files, and have now begun work on changing 3D models...

...this project is far from finished and could see as much as another 3 years of daily work before completion.

Computer  stats: 

Motherboard: Asus Z170

Processor: i7-7000 @4.20GHz

RAM: 64 GB

Graphics Card: NVirdia 1070 GTX

Capture Card: AVerMedia Live Gamer HD


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Answering reader questions, that deserve to be on every page...


Wait... you're that freak that brought otherkin to the internet aren't you? You're like the founder of online otherkin awareness movement or something.

Yes.

I am.

I did on some level introduce OtherKin, or rather, ElfKin, to the internet in 1996.

I am considered to be one of, if not the VERY FIRST OtherKin to grace the internet.

Though, I am ElfKin, not OtherKin. They are different.

I completely reject Humanity.

I live my life, as an Elf.

I have done so, since 1987. 

As of 2020, I have lived as an Elf for 33 years.

I hate Humans.

I feel no empathy, sympathy, or compassion for Humans.

I see Humans as vile, evil creatures, whom I share no connection to.

I feel nothing but revulsion for Humans.

There has never been a point in my life when a Human showed me any kindness, love, or compassion.

I have been tortured, beaten, caged, raped, shunned, outcast, ostracized, and bullied endlessly by Humans.

The Humans who raised me, kept me locked in a cage from the time I was 8, until I was 31 years old. They said they did so because I was not a Human and was not allowed to participate in Human activities like eating at the table, sleeping on a bed, using a toilet, or bathing. They said I was a Changeling, brought to them by Demons. They claimed the real Human baby was taken from them, and I was a Demon left in it's place. And while I agreed with them, that I had no similarities to their Human nature, I did not believe myself a Demon either.

I was 31 years old the first time anyone told me I was a Human. But no one has yet been able to prove to me that I possess the evilness of Humans. 

Unlike Humans, I feel love.

Unlike Humans, I feel pain.

Unlike Humans, I shed tears.

Unlike Humans, I feel empathy.

Unlike Humans, I feel sympathy.

Unlike Humans, I feel compassion.

I have tried for 40 years, to live among Humans, but I've yet to meet a Human that will accept me as a part of their society.

I have never been welcomed by any Human.

I have never been accepted by any Human.

The older I get and the more Humans I meet, the crueler I learn that they are, the stronger my hatred for the entirety of Humanity grows.

I searched for years to find out, what I was, where I fit in, where I belonged, for everywhere I went, I was repeatedly told I was too strange, too bizarre, too different, too alien, too not-Human to be welcomed in any group, any church, and community, offline or online.

Since I was a toddler I felt a strong kinship to Eels and Cats, thus my name. My Native American grandmother named me EelKat when I was 3 years old, citing that Eels and Cats were my spirit animals.

My other grandmother called me FarSighted, because I talked to ArchAngels and Faeries in the forest. She said I walked through the veil between the Spirit World. She died when I was 8 years old.

As I grew older, and continued to be ostracized by all of Human society, I started researching the things Grammy Eva and Grammy Helen has said: Spirit Animals, Fairy Sighted, and Walking the Veil. That is when I realized, everyone was right... my parents, my uncles, everyone at every church I ever attended, random strangers I meet on the streets... every one, every single Human, as always said, I either was not Human, didn't act Human, or seemed to be Alien to Human Society, like I came from another world. 

The Humans who raised me, kept me locked in a cage from the time I was 8, until I was 31 years old. They said they did so because I was not a Human and was not allowed to participate in Human activities like eating at the table, sleeping on a bed, using a toilet, or bathing. They said I was a Changeling, brought to them by Demons. They claimed the real Human baby was taken from them, and I was a Demon left in it's place. And while I agreed with them, that I had no similarities to their Human nature, I did not believe myself a Demon either. And decades later, after researching, I feel they were right. 

The more I studied, the more I realized, everything I do that Humans say is strange and bizarre, things like love, feeling pain, shedding tears, empathy, sympathy, or compassion, those things Humans are incapable of doing, that I do and brand me as starkly notHuman, they were all things the Ljósálfar do.

So I researched the Ljósálfar. They do many thing I do, that Humans find to be my most deplorable traits: like growing flowers, being vegan, and not hurting animals, shunning drinking of alcohol, smoking, drugs, or owning weapons. 

I eventually came to believe I am an Elf trapped in the world of Humans, as some sort of test.

No. I do not believe I am Human.

Yes. I do believe I am an Elf.

Yes, I AM that "freak" who introduced the internet to the concept of OtherKin, via ElfKin, in 1996.

Yes, I am the textbook standard, found in actual medical books, used by Psychiatry students, yes, those are photos of me you see in your college textbooks and in the Journal of Psychiatry entry. I am the first one diagnosed and therefore the standard by which all OtherKin are measured. 

Yes, I am the measure by which all OtherKin around the world measure if they too are OtherKin or not. But I wonder how many of them, know the origin of the term OtherKin and how many of them would call themselves that label is the ACTUALLY KNEW, the ACTUAL origin and meaning of the word?

OtherKin is not a label I use to call myself. The term OtherKin was coined by team of Psychiatrists, who didn't know what else to call me. They classified me at first as "a Feral Child with Learned Schizophrenia", citing that while I didn't have Schizophrenia, all 5 of the uncles and their father, who raised me did have Schizophrenia and because I was raised in total isolation with zero contact with anyone outside of these men, I was raised as though what they were was normal because I had no outside source by which to judge that how they raised children was not normal, nor was how they lived their lives normal. I was told by these Psychiatrists, that once I got out in Human society and found out what mainstream society was like, I would see, how different, how unique, how bizarre, and how unusual and not the norm, my uncles were.

I have lived among mainstream society for 33 years now and I have yet to meet a kind, loving, friendly Human. 

This group of Social Workers, Psychologists, and Psychiatrists, coined the term OtherKin, because they said there was nothing I conformed to, no textbook illness that matched what I was. They toyed with the idea of diagnosing me many different ways because they said that on the surface I seemed like this or that, but then, comparing all the symptoms, I never fully matched up.

Schizophrenia didn't stick because there were no voices in my head telling me what to do. After tossing out the option of Schizophrenia, they tried out Multiple Personality Disorder and also Dissociative Identity Disorder. But, I don't have multiple people I become. Both of those have the requirement of becoming someone else, another person. MPD you are unaware of the other people "living in you" while DID you are fully aware of the "other people" and communicate with them and likely have a lot of past life experiences. I don't believe in past lives or reincarnation or being multiple people inside of one mind. I dress up in costumes of characters, but I never try to be that character, I simply like to wear their pretty clothes. 

They tried considering Asperger's for a bit, but I missed many, many, many a mark there.

In the end my official diagnosis is: Actual Autism Kanner's Syndrome, with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, and SchizoAffective or maybe Schizotypal tendencies, I can't tell, and the most bizarre behaviour of refusing to believe she is Human, largely because she was raised in an isolated UFO Cult that raised her as a Demon from infancy to middle age. She has many phobias most notable a severe and disturbing phobia of Humans in general and Men in particular. There is no correct diagnosis for her. She is unique. This is a unique case. I am putting in a request to the State for funding to study her. This is something new. This needs to be studied. We are witnessing the side effect of child who was raised in total isolation. A child that was never loved, never kissed, never hugged, never showed empathy, sympathy, or compassion. She feels nothing for Humans. She does not believe she is Human. There has never been a documented case like this before. This is the worse case of child abuse in American history. 

I did not found any "OtherKin Awareness Groups" as is the common internet misconception. I don't even use the term OtherKin. It's a label OTHERS slap on me, as further proof that I don't belong in Human society, am not Human enough to fit in, not Human enough to be welcomed, not Human enough to be included. That's all the label OtherKin means to me. Yet more proof that Humans hate me, see me as not Human, and feel the need to put a label on me. 

But I am the standard by which all who claim to be OtherKin, measure if each other is OtherKin or not, because I am the textbook case, the original test subject, that caused Psychiatrists to coin the term OtherKin, so most people believe I am the "first" OtherKin, even though groups like The Silver Elves existed in the 1970s, long before the FBI raid that rescued me from one of the Heaven's Gate compounds.

No. I do not try to bring awareness to the "OtherKin Movement". OtherKin is a psychological disorder that for some odd reason, teens and young adults, think of as some sort of roleplaying, cosplaying movement. They don't know what it is. They never looked up any medical journals or psychiatry textbooks. They change what they are on a whim, a Vampire today because they love Twilight, a Witcher tomorrow because they saw the NetFlix series, SpiderMan next week after they watch that movie. They don't know what OtherKin is. It's not a fandom. It's not roleplay. It's not dressing up. And you're a fool if think that's what it is.

People get the misconception that it is roleplaying and cosplaying because I am prone to dress up in elaborate costumes. I like their clothes. It's as simple as that. I'm trying to be them. I don't roleplay them. I don't pretend I am them. I simply like to wear their clothes, in the exact same way, every teenage girl in school has to wear the same t-shirt as her best friend.

When the OtherKin diagnosis was coined, I didn't yet wear costumes. I'd never seen TV or movies or video games. I'd never been to school or doctors. I had no point of reference for what any of these characters would have looked like. The wearing of elaborate costume came about almost a decade AFTER Psychiatrists coined the term OtherKin to describe me.

OtherKin, was referencing my refusal to accept the fact that I was Human, when Social Workers, Psychologists, and Psychiatrists tried to convince me that I was not a Changeling Demon switched at birth like the adults who raised me had taught me to believe.

OtherKin, was referencing the fact that my combined hatred for and phobia of Humans was so great that I had no ability to believe I was a Human, when they told me I was.

OtherKin, it's ACTUAL Journal of Psychiatry definition, is very simply: The belief that one is not Human and is something other than Human. That's what OtherKin means.

Anyone who tells you OtherKin is anything else, has no clue what OtherKin is, knows nothing about it's history, knows nothing about how the term was coined, and is completely clueless about OtherKin in general.

People like to come in saying things like: "Well, because I think OtherKin is about ___ I think we should change the meaning of OtherKin to include ___"

No. OtherKin is an ACTUAL MEDICAL DISORDER... you don't walk into a doctors office and say: 

  • "Well, because I think Cancer is about ___ I think we should change the meaning of Cancer to include ___"
  • "Well, because I think Asthma is about ___ I think we should change the meaning of Asthma to include ___"
  • "Well, because I think being stung by a bee is about ___ I think we should change the meaning of being stung by a bee to include ___"
  • "Well, because I think broken bones are about ___ I think we should change the meaning of broken bones to include ___"
  • "Well, because I think Influenza is about ___ I think we should change the meaning of Influenza to include ___"
  • "Well, because I think Diabetes is about ___ I think we should change the meaning of AIDS to include ___"
  • "Well, because I think SmallPox is about ___ I think we should change the meaning of SmallPox to include ___"

Now can you now see how utterly stupid and idiotic people are when they say: "Well, because I think OtherKin is about ___ I think we should change the meaning of OtherKin to include ___"?

And, no, OtherKin is not the thing where, you wake up one morning and feel like wearing a cat ears headband, so that therefore makes you a cat.

The problem with OtherKin is there is far too much misinformation out there about what OtherKin is, written largely by know-nothing 10 year old children who couldn't tell their ass from a hole in the ground, and think that because they want to wear a headband with cat ears, that gives them to authority to rewrite the definition of medical illnesses.

OtherKin is a mental disorder. It's not a movement. Not a trend. Not a fad. But for some reason, in the last 20 years or so, people have thought it "cool" to "be OtherKin" so, they jumped on a bandwagon to try to be something that they really had no idea what it actually was.

Today, because, thanks to Tumblr and Instagram, OtherKin is now interchangeable with Furries and CosPlay, the OFFICIAL diagnosis of the Mental Illness as listed in the Journal of Psychiatry has been changed from OtherKin to Species Dysphoria, to definasciate from the the actual mental illness of not believing one is Human and the current fad trend of dressing up roleplaying.

People who say I started a movement or awareness groups or claim I try to bring awareness to the OtherKin movement, have no clue who or what I am and are talking out their asses. They don't know me. They do not speak for me. And they certainly don't understand me or how I live my life.


What's your thought on fictionkin? Do you think fictionkin is valid? I'm just a bit curious to know. Personally I think it's really neat! Is that what you do?

No.

I am not FictionKin.

I am EelKin turned ElfKin, according to people who believe in Kinship.

I don't move in OtherKin circles, groups, or communities. 

I am considered the "first" or "original" OtherKin, by many in the "OtherKin community" and I hate it, because I have never identified as OtherKin and deeply dislike labels being slapped onto me by vile Humans who try translate what they think I am.

What are labels? A label is simply a way to point at someone and say: "they are not Human enough to be accepted in society". That's all any label is.

And that is all any Human has ever done to me. Label me as this, label me as that.

Never once has ANY Human, ever thought to look at me as another Human, as another member of society, as a potential friend.

Because I am technically "the first" OtherKin, seeing how I was the patient in question, when the team of Social Workers, Psychologists, and Psychiatrists coined the term. I am a patient who was undiagnosable and had "something new", and "OtherKin" was the working title. But because I am technically "the first" OtherKin, I am constantly being contacted by founders, creators, and moderators of groups, forums, subreddits, Discords, FaceBook groups, and other various assorted online communities. I don't know why. I think they see me as a "celebrity" in terms of OtherKin. I'm supposedly the "ideal OtherKin" whom others try to be like.

But... I'm not trying to "be" anything. I don't even call myself OtherKin or ElfKin or EelKin or UnicornKin or CatKin or FoxKin, all of those being types of Kins that people has used to describe me.

I accept the invites and then never post in their communities or groups, because I find myself incredibly uncomfortable around most people who call themselves "OtherKin", because 99.9% of the ones I've encountered are very clearly teenagers and young kids in their 20s who are just trying to be part of a club. They don't actually have post traumatic stress disorder, they know nothing about child abuse or rape, or witnessing multiple murders, or trying to cope with being raised in a cage from the age of 8 years old to 31 years old while also being raised to believe you were a demo, because the adults in your life had schizophrenia and couldn't tell the difference between children and demons. They don't know what it is like to be 31 years old the first time any one ever suggested to you that you might actually be a human, and everything the adults taught you about your lack of Humanity was a lie.

When I accept the invites to join these groups, I go there, hoping to find others like myself, who were never Human, not once from their time of birth. I go there hoping to find others like myself, who were rejected by Humans from the day they were born. But all I ever find are happy go lucky juvenile delinquents rebelling by wearing cat-ear headbands while licking milk out of a bowl.  They ENJOY pretending to be animals. They have fun, partying in their fur tails. They have no trauma. They know nothing about OtherKin and it's origins. What OtherKin is or how the word got coined.

The bulk of them are just a group of kids looking for a party where they can dress up in costumes. Only this and nothing more. And that is not OtherKin. Not even close.

Now, that is not to say there is anything wrong with what you are, no matter what you are or how you identify. Your identity is certainly valid and should be acknowledged. I'm not saying it's invalid or should be pushed aside or ignored. What I'm saying is, chances are very high that what you are classifying as OtherKin, is not in fact OtherKin.

That's the problem with online OtherKin communities. They spread far too much misinformation and leave actual, correct information spread far too thin and this leads to a lot of confusion.

The thing is I AM the ACTUAL MEDICAL, psychiatric definition of OtherKin, and it's incredibly rare to the point that fewer then 100 people have ever, EVER been diagnosed with it EVER. Fewer then 100 people in all of the millions of years of this Earth having existed. That's not many people.

And yet, there are MILLIONS of OtherKin, so called, self proclaimed OtherKin just on Tumblr, and not a one of them has a clue what OtherKin even is and that's painfully obvious.

The problem with the invites to join these groups, is I'm not what they think I am. They expect me to be a roleplaying party animal like them and I'm not.

And the fact remains - I hate Humans, and they are just Humans dressed like cats and dogs. 

Let me repeat this: I HATE HUMANS.

I WISH HUMANS WOULD DIE. ALL OF THEM. I HATE THEM.

And you want me to join your little group of pretenders? I hate every one of you and you think ha-ha oh she's being in character. 

No.

I really do hate Humans.

No Human has EVER given me a reason to think otherwise.

No Human has ever been my friend.

Not one.

Not Ever.

None.

Every Human I have ever met, pretends to be my friend for a few days, then they turn into cruel, hateful, backstabbing bastards.

Humans are incapable of love, friendship, compasion, sympathy.

Humans are evil.

Humans are cruel.

Humans are sadistic.

Humans enjoy hurting others.

Humans are hateful creatures who do nothing hurt everyone in their path.

And if you don't understand THAT, well, Honey, then you CERTAINLY Are NOT OtherKin.

OtherKin is not about your spiritual awakening, your identification with an animal guide... OtherKin is the hatred of Humans, on levels so extreme, that wish all Humans would die.

OtherKin is about you NOT being Human and seperating yourself from Humans because Humans are pieces of shit.

Humans can not be trusted.

Never turn your back on a Human.

Humans lie.

Humans cheat.

Humans steal.

Humans murder.

Humans torture.

There is NOTHING good in a Human.

And if you are ACTUAL, REAL, MEDICALLY DIAGNOSED as OtherKin, then I don't need to tell you that, because you already know evil Humans are.

Humans exist to kill, steal, and destroy. Only this and nothing more. There is nothing else in Humanity.

And the online OtherKin Communities who send me invites to join them.... I've yet to encounter one, single, solitary, actual, real, medically diagnosed OtherKin in any of them. And I've checked them all, and encountered well over a million people who claim to be OtherKin.

I go there are look, in hopes that one day, i will find someone, like myself, who is not Human and has never been accepted by Humans. But there is no one like me. Not surprising, seeing how in all the milinia of the Earth, fewer then 100 people have ever been diagnosed.

 And the online OtherKin Communities who send me invites to join them....They do what everyone does and start rumors about me, gossiping among themselves about what they THINK I am, and they build up fanfiction, fantasy worlds about me, that have no basis in reality. They hyped up and excited, fall in love with the fictional version of me that they created in their heads, and then find themselves deeply disapointed when they actually talk to me for the first time and find out that 100% of everything they liked about me, was just fiction made up them, themselves.

Labels. They label me into a group and they love the IDEA of me as that label in that group, but then, meeting me shatters their fantasies about me, when they realize, I'm not what they told themselves I was.

That's the problem with OtherKin and people who call me OtherKin.

You see, they think I'm joking when I say I hate Humans, but I could show you a copy of my psychological evaluation, and the entire section, where the psychiatrist worried about my server homicidal desire to kill all Humans.

I'm not joking when I tell you, that if you act even remotely Human in my presence, I will pull a brick out of my tote bag and smash your jaw in. I've done it many times.  

My psychological evaluation, has a full section, of worries that I show no empathy for Humans on any level what so ever, to the point of extreme Sociopathy. Yes, that's a word in my evaluation.

Far too many people look at my being the original "OtherKin" patient, and don't read the full report. They giddy with joy, thinking I'm play acting, role playing, pretending. I'm not. I don't joke. I never joke. Do you know why? I'll tell you why.

My uncles, while beating me in the face with a shovel when I was 8, or breaking my jaw with a cinder block brick when I was 14, or stabbing my arms with forks when I was 4, or driving a 2 foot long foundation nail through my hip leaving me crippled ever since I was 6 years old, or cutting the bottoms of my feet with rusted saw blades when I was 13.... or any of the hundreds of similar things they did.... while they did it, they always said the same thing: "It's just a joke, hahahahahahahaha!", "I'm only joking, hahahahahahaha!"

I have scars all over my body.... scars from wounds that bled for days. Wounds that should have been seen by a doctor. Wounds, that they filled with maggots, because they kept maggots in jars for that reason.

Do you know what it feels like to have you hands chained to cinder blocks, and forks driven into your arms with a hammer, that drove the tines in all the way to the bone,  another fork put in, the wound torn open, and maggots poured in, as the adults around you laughed and slapped each other on the back over the good fun joke they were doing, because, the 5 year old girl they are torturing, is not Human, so it doesn't matter, because she's just a changeling left behind by Demons who took the real child. Have you ever watched maggots crawl under your skin then chew their way back out. And finally pass out hours later, and be left there unconscious for days in pools of your own blood. And when you wake up, the adults are disapointed, that you, the Demon Changeling is still alive.

That's what I grew up with.

I was 31 years old when the FBI raid rescued me.

My entire first 31 years of life, was spent being daily tortured, daily told it was okay, because I wasn't Human anyways.

The end result is the only thing in my mind that is more evil then rape and murder, is a joke.

And you'll find out how fast I beat you to a pulp if you dare say word joke in my presence. A joke is the only thing more triggering to me than rape.

Still think you are OtherKin or you know anything about me and my life, how much I hate Humans, or the fact that OtherKin was a term created by Psychiatrists, as a working title to diagnose me, the child who survived "the world child abuse case in American history"?

Yeah. the "OtherKin Community" has a vastly warped view of who I am, and why I'm the way I am.

When you ask me questions about OtherKin and CosPlay and RolePlay... and worse, when you try to sexualize anything about me or make mems about me and say you are just joking... you just make me hate Humans even more. Because you can call yourself OtherKin all you want, but you, running around playing and joking and laughing and smiling, you forget, I don't do any of those things. 

Jokes. Laughing. Smiling..... I see those things as a threat and a reason to fight back. And clearly the OtherKin Community knows nothing of trauma, torture, and abuse at the hands of Humans.

OtherKin, it's ACTUAL Journal of Psychiatry definition, is very simply: The belief that one is not Human and is something other than Human. That's what OtherKin means.

If you believe something, you have no doubts, so you would never ask "Am I OtherKin?".

I have yet to find an OtherKin on any online community, who TRULY BELIEVED they were not Human. They will tell you they feel connected, they say they no longer want to be Human. Most acknowledge themselves as the spirit of a non-Human living in a Human body.

Answer me this... how can you stop being Human if you don't believe you are Human? Only someone who believes they are Human would say they want to stop being Human.

They build character sheets, detailing the backstory of their alternate being. But if the being IS YOU, then your life, your childhood, your experiance ARE your backstory. If you had to write a character backstory, you are not OtherKin, you are Multiple Personality Disorder or Dissociative Identity Disorder.

OtherKin you are YOU. You are just not Human and not accepted by Humans as Human. You live with Humans and your experiences with them, are very simply the experiences you have every day, and you don't need to sit down and write a backstory. There is no backstory in OtherKin.

Me? I wouldn't know the first thing about feeling Human, because I never was Human. I never had a transition. I never shifted. I never felt the need to STOP being Human, because there was never a point from the day I was born, when anyone ever acknowledge me as being Human.

But, let's answer your question. My email inbox is so full of so many OtherKin questions. Someday I'll get around to answering them. Let's start with your's.

When you ask me about what type of OtherKin I am, it is immediately clear that you know nothing about me, my history, or the history of the origins of the word OtherKin.

The first known group of OtherKin was ElfKin and was The Silver Elves, and the group still exists. They were founded in 1978. I joined them in 1987. I did not remain Silver Elf, as I found more of a connection to Elves in general, and they were a bit more "religion focused" (like they wanted people to obey their set of rules and such, with was too restrictive for me and contrary to how I felt Eves were). Because of the connection to spiritual teachings, in America The Silver Elves are considered a "legally recognized religion" by the Federal government (same as Catholic, Wicca, Baptist, LDS/Mormon, Voodoo, etc are considered as such). They are really connected to the spiritual and religious side of OtherKin and I liked that a lot.

The term OtherKin, was coined in 1997 by a group of Social Workers, Psychologists, and Psychiatrists and was the working title of the mental illness that would eventually become known as Species Dysphoria.

So calling groups like The Silver Elves "OtherKin" is questionable at best, but they are considered by most "OtherKin" to be the first "OtherKin Group", even though their compound was founded in 1978 and the term OtherKin was coined in 1997.

Being older (elderly) and an ElfKin for 40+ years now, I've seen the OtherKin movement evolve and change a lot. There is always something in it that makes me go: "What the f...?" 

But there is never a point when I think: "They are not valid because of ____." 

It's always just a reaction of more: "Wow! Boy do they have a completely different take on OtherKin than what I've always thought it was." 

And then after I think about it I'm: "Yeah, yeah, I can see how they feel that way. Yep, that makes sense."

I think, because I'm a lot older, and got into it via The Silver Elves originally, I end up taking a very spiritual/religious outlook on it, where I see Elves sort of as my "spirit animals" so to speak... and it seems like, more recently, especially in teens and 20s age group, their take on OtherKin is more, like Dissociative Identity Disorder, like they actually believe they REALLY ARE an Elf or Wolf or whatever. 

The first time I heard of the new form of OtherKin, the "I'm not a Human, I'm a Dog" type, my mind was: "Wow! That's crazy!" You see, I look at OtherKin as "I'm channeling the spiritual energy of the Dog, not, I literally become a Dog because I don't want to be Human any more." So, at first, I just had a hard time wrapping my mind around the new "Tumblr style" OtherKin. But then, the more I thought about it, the more I realized, no, it's not crazy, because they are doing the same thing I'm ding, they are just doing it differently.

I mean, I use guided meditations and visualizations and oracle cards to connect with the spirit world and it's energy, and for me, connecting to Elf energy and Unicorn energy and ArchAngel energy has always been the best/easiest way for me to do that. And in guided meditation, you often focus on mentally becoming the Elf or Fox or Raven or whatever your spirit guide is, and so yeah, thinking of it that way, suddenly the new style of OtherKin didn't seem crazy to me anymore and I realized, they are just like me, only different.

And then I heard of FictionKin and I was like mind blown. I was like: "OMG, you don't really believe you actually ARE Harry Potter, do you?"

But then almost immediately I was reminded how many times people said to me: "OMG, you don't really believe you actually ARE Lord Sesshomaru, do you?" because I "CosPlayed" him for 9 years... not to conventions, no, I dressed like him 24/7/365 every day for 9 years, around the house, to go shopping, just all day, every day.

People interviewing me about that back in 2005 and 2007 is one of the early things that brought OtherKin to the internet. When people asked why, if I thought I was him, I would say: "No. I'm channeling his energy. I feel more connected to his energy when I dress like him. I'm not trying to be him."

And then I did the same thing with Quaraun for 7 years. And for the past 3 years I've done the same thing with Avallac'h. And yeah, these are fictional characters. Which, I guess, maybe, would cause other people to see me as FictionKin? But they are all Elves, and I am ElfKin and I'm not trying to be or become the Elf in question, rather I feel better able to connect to spiritual Elf energy, when I dress like a fictional Elf from a novel. It's more like I borrowed the Elf's clothes and just wear them.

It's like weighted blankets. They protect you and help you sleep. Same thing. I have PTSD, OCD, Kanner's Syndrome, and Agoraphobia. The longest I have gone without setting foot outside of the house was 15 years.

I was horribly abused by my uncles and several of their male friends from their church as a child and as a result, I developed a crippling fear of Humans in general and Men in particular, and than, as an adult, years later, I was raped and that brought back all the mental trauma memories of what my uncles did, and I don't know what happened, but my mind was just mentally crippled after that, to the point that I locked myself in my room and did not leave it for 15 years.

2006, I went outside for the first time, in 15 years, and I was only able to do so, by wearing a costume of Lord Sesshomaru. When you read the books, he's fearless. He can walk through crowds and he doesn't care who thinks what, and if someone tries to hurt him or his friends, he would never let the attacker hurt them. He's fiercely protective of Rin, the Human girl who travels with him. He has a fearless energy to him. Very powerful fearless energy, and I wanted to feel that.

I wanted to be able to go outside, without being terrified men would hurt me. And I tried for weeks, months, to go outside. I'd get to the door and I'd freeze. A mental block made my body so rigid I couldn't move my feet to get out the door. My agoraphobia was that bad.

So, I started meditating, channel Lord Sesshomaru's energy. And it healed, but it didn't help enough. So I ordered fabric, fur, leather, bolt of silk from Japan, from eBay and Amazon, and I made what went down in history as both the most expensive and most insanely elaborate Lord Sesshomaru CosPlay ever made. And, when I put it on, I was able to walk outside of my house for the first time in 15 years. 

It was like, before I channeling his energy, but now, he was there with me. It's the only way I know how to explain it.

I still have severe agoraphobia today. But since 2006, I can go outside, IF, I dress up like an Elf. The stronger the Elf the better. A powerful protecting spirit.

That's why I now CosPlay Avallac'h. There's no one, more protective then he is. It's what he's known for. His fierce protectiveness of Ciri, the Human girl who travels with him is beyond Lord Sesshomaru's protectiveness of Rin. He won't let anyone hurt her. He'll die to to keep her safe. So I retired the Lord Sesshomaru CosPlay and made the Avallac'h CosPlay, my new protecting spirit. An Elf, but also, a Fictional Character.

He's not real. I'm aware he's not real. But that doesn't change the fact that I can draw on his fierce protective energy, to be able to go outside, go shopping, not have to buy everything online or have others buy things for me and deliver it. I can do it myself, dressed like an Elf, but at least I'm outside.

The fact remains, there's never been a real man in my life who DID NOT hurt me. I grew up with drug dealers. Real life gangsters. They killed people. Throughout my childhood and teen years I had witness multiple murders, Brutal. Violent. I was beaten and locked in cages. I watched them kill people, then turn around and threaten to kill me if I ever told anyone.

Today most of them are dead, in prison, or on the run from the FBI. There was never a time in my life when I felt safe, and around men, I felt less safe. There has never been anyone there for me. No mental support. No emotional support. No one to protect me from the men I grew up with, or the gangs they had shot outs with.

I would read books, while hiding under a blanket to try to blockout the screaming and yelling and gun fire. None of the children were allowed to go to school or doctors. We lived on a farm, in the forest, miles from the nearest anything, fenced in and guarded by riflemen. No one had birth certificates or SSNs. No paper trail. No adults outside the clan to turn to for help. I would read books, while hiding under a blanket and praying for someone to please help me. It was none stop terror every day, all day, my entire childhood. Fictional men in books, where my only friends. I was drawn to men who protected children, especially men who protected little girls.

Lord Sesshomaru protected Rin, an 8 year old girl.

Avallac'h protected Ciri, a 12 year old girl.

That's why I was drawn to them. They are strong men who protect little girls from evil men. 

This is also why I take such a very strong and heavy offense to anyone trying to sexualize my kinship to either Lord Sesshomaru or Avallac'h.

My attraction to them is not sexual and I do not like people trying to translate it that way.

I see them, more along the lines of ArchAngels. Protectors. Someone you can look to to always be there for you. Someone who will never hurt you. Someone who will keep you safe.

Nothing will make you my enemy faster than you trying to sexualze me, my life, or anything I do. I am asexual, on an extreme anti-sex level. I have an extreme hatred for sex. And if you try to sexualize me or anything I do, you will quickly find yourself branded one of my top most hated people on the planet.

But, yeah, I am myself ElfKin, but you can see why I find no issues with FictionKin. Also, while I tend to lurk in OtherKin communities, I don't see myself as OtherKin, because I see ElfKin and OtherKin as being 2 very different, but also very similar things.

I should also point out that I think of ElfKin and FictionKin as both separate and different from OtherKin, that they are 3 completely different things in my mind, but that none is any less valid then the other and that each of the 3 should be supportive of the other 2.

My thought is, you wouldn't be Kin to anything if you had not suffered through extreme trauma and your Kinship, is your way of coping. For is, after all, nothing more than a mental illness. The concept of Kinship, was created by a group of psychiatrists, to explain people who are not Human, but live in Human society. You can not be Kin to anything and not also be insane. That is a medical fact. And therefore, all Kin are Kin to each other through their insanity, regardless of what type of Kin they are or how they explain their Kinship.

I think of all Kinships this way. Each is distinctly different, but, all are similar enough that each should try to learn from one another and be supportive of each other.


#UPDATE: June 6, 2020, A.L.S. Health Update to answer viewer questions: 
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#Have you stopped streaming?  
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#Are you still streaming? 
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#When will you be streaming again?  
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#What have you been doing while not streaming?   
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#UPDATE: June 6, 2020 to answer viewer questions: 

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#Have you stopped streaming?  

.......................................................  

#Are you still streaming? 

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#When will you be streaming again?  

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#What have you been doing while not streaming?   

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For those asking if I'm ever going to return to Twitch streaming... I don't know at this point. I'm sick of the harassment. 

It's been 2 years since I last did a stream when ThingyChan DID NOT send her group of shithead dipshits to my chat to chant "deserved to be raped" and "kill eelkat".... she has done it with 712 of my streams so far and blocking her and her 800 dipshit cultist followers do no good because they create new throwaway accounts as fast as I block and ban them.

That was bad enough, but she also made 200+ VODs each 4 to 7 hours long, that do nothing but spread highly sexualized malicious lies about me, in which she made the false accusation calling me a "bondage freak", a "BDSM dominatrix", and claiming I had a "foot fetish". 

Her running gag memes on Discord are out of control, and not having a Discord myself, I was unaware of them. She started a trend, where if anyone, anywhere, talking about anything, said the word "BDSM", "bondage" or "foot fetish", everyone who read it was to reply in the comments below it "just like EelKat". 

Additionally, she built up this massive post-written-rpg-fan-fiction of me, while claiming it was 100% true, depicting me as a whip carrying, pleather wearing, BDSM dominatrix, strip dancer, porn star, who own a gang bang house for men to pay money to be tortured by me.

This went on for 2 full years on Discord before I found out about it, and spanned over 2,000+ Discord posts, JUST WRITTEN BY HER, and not including the many, many, many TENS OF THOUSANDS of posts written by her fans, including her 150+ of which where she used the line: "EelKat is a cunt for liking that pussy Avallac'h". 

One of the worst things she did, was to take the horrifying sexual, child abuse I suffered through at the hands of my uncles, and take word for word, line by line, EVERYTHING my uncles dd to me as a child, and make memes of Avallac'h doing those things to Ciri, knowing full well Avallac'h and Ciri and my favorite characters and that my obsession with Avallac'h is in part psychiatric prescribe therapy to use as a coping mechanism for dealing with the abuse I went through at the hands of my pedophile uncles.

On Twitch, she made an active stalking habit of finding very-pro-fundy-Christian groups, telling them her wild sex lies about me, working them into violent attack mode frenzies, and then siccing them on my channel chanting in my chat the message "deserve to be raped" and "kill eelkat". This went on from August 2018.

The worst thing though was sending 5 gang rapists with guns to my house. They totaled 3 cars including my Dazzling Razzberry, raped 2 military wives in the apartment next door to mine, killed a 10 year old boy, beat up and hospitalized 3 elderly men including my 82 year old dad who they put in the hospital with a ruptured kidney, and did $230,000 in damages to our landlord's apartment building, resulting in the city condemning the building, making 28 families homeless, which is why my family moved February 2019.

For the longest time, I was baffled and puzzled by the wild hate that was daily posted in my Twitch chat, from people who were clearly being sent to my channel, pre-worked up, and in a mass hoard, but I could not understand who was sending them or why.

I discovered ThingyChan as being the source of the harassment, on October 21, 2019, when I saw one of her live streams, where she was making a 3d model of a character who she titled "Bjorn The Bondage Freak Just Like EelKat". I had started watching the stream, to find out why my name was in the title. I watched for 3 hours while she and OutSideLane, another streamer on a multi-stream, and 37 members in her chat, and as many more in his chat, in total over 90 people, spent the entirety of the stream talking about my supposed BDSM bondage sex life and how they should make the 3D model Bjorn do the things I supposedly did.

The other streamer suddenly stopped talking and told ThingyChan:  "EelKat's in your viewer list, let's take this to Discord" at which point they ended the multi stream.

So, I went to Discord to see what moving it to Discord meant and that's when I found the 2 year long running gag, the 2,000+ posts, and the 200+ VODs.

Among the VODs was one that she did on my birthday August 13, 2019, that was a JackBox stream, and was fully devoted to making 5 hours of lewd, sexualized jokes about me and Avallac'h, and had over 300 people in chat joining in.

When I contacted her to ask why she was doing this... her answer was: "Because it's fun!", "It's just a joke!" and "Besides, retarded cunts don't belong on Twitch".

Jokes are funny. Nothing about what she did is funny. Everything about what she did was mean and hurtful.

And jokes don't cause harm. Two women were raped. A boy died. 3 elderly men were hospitalized. 3 cars were totaled. 28 families were made homeless. The landlord lost his business.

Those are some pretty BIG side effects for "just a joke".

What she did was mean, cruel, and far from harmless.

She has taken her "meme joke" harassment to levels of mind boggling extremes and, I'm just sick of it. She is out of control and she needs to stop.

I would like to be able to stream on Twitch without this psychotic bitch and her equally psychotic followers harassing me, each and every single stream.

I'm not bothering her, I don't know why she is bothering me.

I want her to leave me alone.

Evil is as evil does.

This is a perfect example of an evil person, doing evil things.

Bullies don't care, because bullies are mean and mean people care about no one.

These people are very, very, very mean.

>>Have you stopped streaming?

No.

As every one of you who watch my streams are all well aware: Normally I stream daily for 9 hours, but I have A.L.S (Lou Gehrig's Disease) and June 2019, so almost a year ago, the symptoms got a lot worse, and so my stream schedule deteriorated with my health. With hours getting shorter and days less frequent. 

>>>When will you be streaming again?

I don't know.

Maybe August? Maybe September? Maybe earlier? Maybe later? Know clue.

The problem is two-fold:

* I am having difficulty talking, because I am having difficulty breathing. The act of sitting up causes severe shortness of breath and coughing spells.

* I am having trouble sitting up for more the 40 or 50 minutes to a time; doing so exhausts me and I end up falling asleep for 4 or 5 hours, after just sitting up for a few minutes. I am sleeping 14 to 18 hours a day right now because of it.

I can not stream until I can both sit up for a few hours to a time and also talk while doing so.

I don't know if I will ever be able to return to long streams. I may have to switch to 1 hour streams, if I can come back to streaming at all.

>>>What have you been doing while not streaming?

I am sleeping 14 to 18 hours a day, and when I am awake, I am usually too weak to sit up, so I am laying in bed, most of the rest of the day.

A.L.S. shuts down muscles and nerves, causes them to stop functioning. As long as it avoids your lungs, you can live with A.L.S. for decades, however, it often attacks the lungs early on and most people with A.L.S. die with in 4 or 5 months of getting it, rarely a few people live up to 2 years after A.L.S.  attacks the lungs.

As I can only sit up for an hour of less to a time, there is very little that I am able to do. 

It is a struggle just to eat or use the toilet, and it's been 3 months since I last had a bath or shower, simply because I have no one to help me and I can not bath myself on my own. I can't stand up long enough to take a shower and I'm too weak to sit up in a bathtub without the risk of drowning. More often than not I pass out when I try to walk to the bathroom. The act of standing takes to much out of me, even though the bed is only 4 feet from the toilet.

There is no one out there who cares about me. It is months between anyone checking in on me or talking to me face to face, so when I die, it'll be months before anyone knows, because no one cares. I am unloved and unwanted. I have no friends. Not one. Not online or offline.

What few hours I am awake, if I am able to sit up, I have been working on the LOD and Draw Distance Mod. There is a panel on my profile about it. I'll move it closer to the top so you can find it easier. I can make a few edits for the few minutes I'm awake, before I fall asleep again, from exhaustion of sitting up to long. And also working on the Avallac'h CosPlay. I can't sit up at a sewing machine but, I can hand sew while propped up on a pillow in bed.

>>Are you still streaming? 

When my health let's me, yes.

But, in April 2020, my schedule had reached the point of being 1 to 2 streams of 3 hours each week. But, right now it's difficult to sit up for more than a few minutes and my lungs are not functioning well enough for me to talk anymore, both things resulting in, there were only 3 streams total in May 2020 and none so far in June.

My last stream in May, I was struggling very badly to to breath well enough to get out full sentences and the hand tremors made it near impossible to control the game at all.

Funny thing is, my viewers are well aware I'm dying and struggling just to be able eat each day, and yet I still get messages that say *"when are you going to stream again? I'm gonna unfollow if you don't come back"*. I saved them the trouble of unfollowing and blocked their cruel, self-centered, uncompassionate asses.

If you scroll down a bit, there are a few panels with schedule update in the title names, which give you very long, full details, but short answer for here on the top is:

I've been in and out of the hospital a lot the past couple of months, and back and forth between multiple doctors, and then when I am home, I'm often too weak to sit up and so am unable to stream. There were only 3 streams in May and so far none yet in June.

In June 2019, my health got a lot worse and I've not been able to walk at all any more, not even with a cane. 

In December 2019, I got hit with an intense flu of a "as of yet unidentified strain", which severely damaged my lungs, resulting in my having extreme difficulty in both breathing and talking. My fever shot up to 105F (40.5C) and stayed there.

In January 2020, I attempted to get out of bed, and fell, tearing a muscle in my abdomen/side, causing severe pain when attempting to sit up or move my arms, causing extreme difficulty in my ability to use either mouse or keyboard or controller to play any games.

In April 2020 my fever lowered for the first time, dropping to 103F (39.4C)

Now in June 2020, the still unidentified flu has been with me 8 months, though the fever has dropped to 99F (37.2C) now. The torn muscle is healing, but my lungs are still seriously compromised and I'm still unable to speak more than a word or two at a time between gasping for air.

As such, streams are very limited right now, due to my health being in such a state that just attempting to sit up knocks the wind out of me and leaves me unable to breath.

I have no way of planning a stream schedule right now and I stream on days when I am well enough to sit up, but the past few months, those days have been infrequent.

So, I don't know when daily streams will return, as that will be determined by when my health improves.

Keep in mind a few things: 

* Streaming is not a career for me. I do not depend on it for an income.

* Streaming is not a high priority on my list of things to do.

* This is not the first time I've had an extended "break" from streaming. My longest "break" was 8 months long.

* Since 2004, I have traditionally always taken November, December, May, and June off from all online activities..... 

* November & December I am just too busy with holidays and family...

* while May & June I am too busy doing weekly, week long events, festivals, conventions, lectures, workshops, book signings, and meet & greets with fans...

* meaning that ever since I started streaming on Twitch 5 years ago, I have taken off at MINIMUM 4 full months from streaming EVERY YEAR

* - in other words, I DO NOT stream all year round and I NEVER have

* by profession I am an author (Dark Fantasy, and Weird Horror novelist), writer (non-fiction articles) and editor (editor in chief of 2 literary magazines)

* streaming is a hobby I do in my spare time after work ...

* - IF I have time after work

* - IF I'm not too tired after work

* - IF my health  is not in the way

* - IF no family issues are happening

While I put only 2 questions in the title of this panel, I've received several dozen questions on this topic, some of then, not very nice. A couple of them, down right threatening.

So, let me point out something here:

* I'm not concerned with looking for followers... I already have 30million followers on other social networks, so unlike others streamers who are falling all over themselves to kiss your mighty viewer ass,  I'm not desperate for you, your follow, or your view. 

So, bitching at me, and threatening to unfollow, because I don't stream often enough for you, when I'm in the hospital with a serious life threatening illness, just tells me that you are an unkind, uncaring, selfish little prick, so please unfollow and leave, I don't need bitchy little shits like you in my life... let me make it easier for you: I just banned you. Enjoy!

Keep in mind when you contact me, I am a business professional, with highly valued reputation in a professional career.

* Unlike you, I value my reputation and put morals, values, and professionalism front and center in my life.

* Who I associate with, reflects on me and my career. There is no place in my life trolls, jokesters, memers, immoral people of ill repute, or anyone of that ilk.

* And as such, I don't want children, jackasses, immoral bastards, or unprofessional dipshits in my life... or my channel.

If you think I need your follow, you sadly mistaken and clearly have no clue who I am.

SugarPlum... I have a FLEET of antique cars, dozens of mink and fox fur coats any one of which cost more money than you'll ever see in your lifetime, I have more then 200 CosPlay costumes EACH of which cost over $5,000 a piece, the most expensive of which cost $12,000 ... do you really think I NEED followers at all, let alone a follower like YOU? 

I'm not on Twitch for clout, fame, followers, or money. Sugar Pumpkin. I got plenty of that already.

Honey, I have more followers outside of Twitch then Ninja, Markiplier, and JackSepticEye combined. Maybe you should find out who a person is BEFORE you go bitch fest in their chat, whispers, or email.

I'm not here to fan your ego.

I'm not here to worship the ground you walk on.

Other streamers may be desperate enough to keep bitch ass followers like you, but I'm not. 

Around here, you threaten me, in any way, shape, or form... I ban you.

I'm here when I play a video game. That's it. Only this and nothing more.

I'm not here to kiss the mighty viewer ass, so you are wasting your time with threats to unfollow. Boo-fucking-hoo. 

Fuck viewers like you. I don't need you. I don't want you. You are just here to stir up trouble. 

When I got sick, the first thing I learn is that not a you little pieces of shit really gives a shit about me. 

I NEVER put my viewers before my health, and viewers like you who make bitch ass demands of do this or else I'll unfollow, are exactly why. 

Fuck ass little spoiled brats like you aren't worth it, and I learned that fast when I'm laying in a hospital bed and every other notification I get on my  phone is bitchiness from shits like you.

The viewers who are worried and concerned, they are fine, but the ones flinging threats at me, you are not. What you are doing is NOT okay.

Learn some morals, manners, and desancy. You'll not get far in life acting like an uncivilized rabid rat.

If you are not making someone else's life better, then you're wasting your time. Your life will become better by making other lives better. Stop being a selfish brat and try thinking about for a change.

I may not live to the end of the year and all you can think to do is threaten to unfollow because I'm not streaming often enough for you?

I hope when you're elderly and dying in the hospital, that you have people, just like you, sending you the same type of shitty messages you are sending to me, that you while dying in the hospital, may think back on what you did to me, and feel every last drop of the guilt and shame you deserve to feel.

Would you treat your grandmother the way you treat me?

If viewers actually care, then they understand you can't stream when your health is the way mine is right now.

And every viewer who doesn't care... I don't need those dip shits in my life.

Honey, have you even looked at my follower count here? It's only a little over 300, and I used to have over 7,000 here, but you know how I am with the ban-hammer.... I don't take shit from followers. Just because you clicked the little purple follow button doesn't give you the right to harass me.

And Honey, if all you can find to do is harass a 70 year old crippled elderly person on the internet, then, you are seriously messed up in the head and need to go reevaluate your life.



Could you please express any negatives / problems / issues you have with streaming on Twitch.

Strange question without a question mark. The editor in me wants to correct you incorrect use of grammar. It makes it very difficult for me to answer your question when you didn't phrase it in the form of a question.

Also... express? Are you sure you are using that word correctly? I have never heard anyone use it the way you are using it here.

What you wrote:

>>>Could you please express any negatives / problems / issues you have with streaming on Twitch.

What you should have written:

>>>Could you please express any negatives, problems, or issues you have had with streaming on Twitch? 

That's better. Now I can answer you.

My first 4 years streaming on Twitch, I had no trouble. None at all. 

No negatives. 

No problems. 

No issues.

I am crippled, bedridden from a broken spine due to being beaten by 3 strangers with metal baseball bats. I already had A.L.S (Lou Gehrig's Disease), but I could still walk. The beating made it worse. 

Thus I stream from bed, have a very slow, often slurred, sometimes stuttered, whisper-like voice, and serious hand tremors make it difficult for me to have quick responses in the game (meaning my characters die a lot).

It is difficult for me to speak "normally", as I can not raise my voice, scream, yell, or talk fast due to weak muscles. I lose my breath quickly because my chest muscles are too weak to fully support my lungs. This results in a frequency of me trying to start sentences and repeating the first-word several times in between gasped breaths before I can catch my breath enough to say the full sentence. As such this makes me the target of mean jokes and bullying about my poor ability to "act like an entertainer", as other streamers do.

The tremors in my fingers, hands, and arms, affect my ability to play fast paced games, make it difficult for me to hit targets in combat, and overall my movements and actions in game are slow and stuttered. As such this makes me the target of mean jokes and bullying about my poor ability to play on a pro-level like I used to do.

But the mean jokes and bullying were infrequent one or two trolls in a month's worth of daily streams. It was easy enough to simply ignore, ban, and move on without batting an eye.

And so the first 4 years, there were no issues.

...but then 2 years ago, unknown to me, a streamer thought it would be funny to start harassing me, only, I did not know it was happening at first, because she was making lewd sexualized streams about me and posting wild perverted "fan fiction" stories on Discord about me, but I was not aware of this. 

In June 2018, something strange happened. I thought nothing of it at the time. It was just another troll to ignore and ban. 

Nasty Bitch.

Anyone following me June 2018, well remember Nasty Bitch.

The VOD is still up. You can still watch it and hear what she had to say for yourself.

June 2018, a troll showed up in chat and posted: "Nasty Bitch" several times in chat. Then posted several long rant posts that started out by saying: "How can any one stand this woman, she a porn star Nasty Bitch." The posts went on and on and on ranting Bible verse quotes, screaming "REPENT!" and accusing me of a myriad of sex sins.

At the time, I had no mods in chat. Never needed one before.

The whole thing was baffling. But like every troll before her, and I know it was a HER, I'll tell you how in a second...  But like every troll before her, I did not respond at all, completely ignored her, banned her, and continued on with my stream, like nothing had happened.

About 10 minutes later... gun shots rang threw the street, as a woman in her 30s with long dark brown ponytail, drove up in a black sedan. Three men got out of the car shooting guns, while the woman, marched up to the window... you can see her in the VOD... and began screaming: "NASTY BITCH! NASTY BITCH! NASTY BITCH! NASTY BITCH! NASTY BITCH! THINK YOU CAN BLOCK ME! I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE! SEE I'M HERE! NASTY BITCH! NASTY BITCH! NASTY BITCH! NASTY BITCH! NASTY BITCH!" in the window, which was only a few inches from me and my webcam.

The police identified the woman as the niece of Mark. Yes. Mark of Mark and Dan. Mark, who drove a backhoe over my house. *(See pictures lower down on my profile)* Mark, who arrives at my house with the Ku Klux Klan and marches around in my driveway chanting "Too Gay For The Family Friendly Town of Old Orchard Beach!". Mark, the one who accuses me, a natural-born female who has had 7 miscarriages, of being a male to female transgender person. That Mark. 

Just as Mark's weird sexualized accusations before had baffled me, so too did Nasty Bitch's sexual accusations about me, also baffle me. But seeing how the police IDed her as Mark's niece, my assumption was that, she was just a psych nut job riled up by his psycho-conspiracies. So, I continued to not make any connection to these events with Twitch, because I did not yet know what the streamer mentioned before was doing.

In July 2018, a few more trolls showed up. Again, making wild sex accusations at me, quoting Bible verses, screaming repent. They babbled on calling me an erotica author, a BDSM dominatrix, and blubbering about whips and chains and bondage. Well, as my channel has always had a strict no-sex policy, just as my offline life has a strict no-sex policy, seeing how I'm asexual and also a nun of a religious order... I did what I always did: ignore the trolls, do not engage, do not respond, just ban them, and move on.

But this time, stuck in my mind because unlike previous trolls, these people seemed to be a "group", sort of like an angry mob, and they arrived together, and it appeared as though, they had been sent to my channel by someone else. The things they said and the way they all arrived at once, indicated that someone had told them all sorts of sex lies about me, worked them into a religion crazed frenzy, and then sent them to my channel.

It was just bizarre.

But, I ignored it and moved on. Never mentioned it. Never talked about it. Assumed it was an isolated incident.

The thing that was puzzling me was the sex references.

I've been on the internet since 1996, and it's always been a well-known fact that I am asexual, have post-traumatic stress disorder as a result of brutal rape, and my phobia level meltdowns of sheer terror that are triggered by the mere mention of sex are legendary across the internet.

EVERYONE knows to not mention sex near me, to shun sex when I'm around, ad to act like sex does not exist when they are near me. Most people are absolutely terrified to even hint to sex near me because they know how bad my post-traumatic stress disorder is and how bad my panic attacks can get if you mention sex in my presence.

And thus sex had never been mentioned in my chat before... not once in 4 years. But now, in the space of a few days, there had been 2 attacks on my channel, and one on my home, all surrounded around the topic of sex.

Trolls before these had bullied about obvious things they could see in my streams: my near-silent voice, my slow response time in gameplay, etc. But these 2 attacks, they were different, and they puzzled me.

August 2018. A partnered streamer showed up in my chat. He kept asking questions. I answered them. They were seemingly innocent questions. Nothing out of the ordinary. The same type of questions most average viewers ask most average streamers. He seemed genuinely curious at first. Harmless. No red flags went up over this guy at all. 

Unknown to me, while he was posting in my chat, he was also live streaming.... live streaming my stream, while making heavily sexualized jokes to his chat. This went on daily for a month, with me clueless to his "co-streaming my stream, while he chatted in my chat.

September 19, 2018.... he raided my channel with 712 raiders. The raid message was "deserved to be raped".

I blocked most of the raiders.

The next day, they returned. The raid message was "kill eelkat".

I blocked most of the raiders.

The next day, they returned. Some raided with the message "deserved to be raped", others with "kill eelkat".

The raids went on daily.

Yes, the streamer was blocked. He started doing "YouTube style" raids, of just posting the link to my channel in his chat and everyone clicked the link and arrived.

I continued to ban them.

They created throwaway accounts as fast as I banned them.

The attack was baffling because these people were accusing me of every sex perversion under the sun. And yet, I am asexual and sex is not a part of my life at all.

It was clear that someone was spreading sex rumors and sex lies about me, but who and why I did not know.

These people were enraged. They were fundamental Christians with a burning desire to murder everyone in the sex industry, and had somehow got it into their heads that I was what most of them termed "a BDSM Dominatrix with bondage fetish".

It was a terrifying and chaotic onslaught of confusion. I simply could not understand what was motivating them in their hatred or how they had come to such wild sexual conclusions about me and who I was.

I had 7,000+ followers back then.

The raiders went to my follower list and clicked through to every one of my followers and started harassing them. They sent death threats to my followers, telling my followers to unfollow me or else. 

I found out this was happening because some of my followers contacted me and told me what the "deserved to be raped" raiders were doing to them. Several followers sent me messages saying they were unfollowing because they were scared for their families.

By October 2018 I had 135 followers, down from 7,000 just a few weeks prior.

November 10, 2018, I did the thing I never wanted to do... 4 years after receiving the invite to join affiliate, I accepted the affiliate onboarding... I had qualified for affiliate my 3rd month of streaming, but had not wanted to have streaming as an income source, didn't want to deal with additional IRS tax forms... so remained not an affiliate for 4 years... but because the deserved to be raped raiders were out of control, and no matter how fast I banned them or how many I banned, their throwaway accounts just kept multiplying. It was like every single one of them had 100+ backup accounts. 

November 10, 2018, I finally accepted the affiliate invite, so I could set my chat to subscriber-only. It was the only way to keep the deserve to be raped raiders out of my chat. But there was no way to keep them from harassing my followers, not while Twitch had a public follower list.

February 2019... the big attack happened... 5 men with guns arrived at my dad's apartment building... you know the rest... if you don't, full details are on several panels of my profile here. You had to scroll past at least one of them to get to this panel.

But... I did not yet know what ThingyChan was doing, or that she was the evil spinstress behind the Deserve to be Raped Raids.

For those asking if I'm ever going to return to Twitch streaming... I don't know at this point. I'm sick of the harassment. 

It's been 2 years since I last did a stream when ThingyChan DID NOT send her group of shithead dipshits to my chat to chant "deserved to be raped" and "kill eelkat".... she has done it with 712 of my streams so far and blocking her and her 800 dipshit cultist followers do no good because they create new throwaway accounts as fast as I block and ban them.

That was bad enough, but she also made 200+ VODs each 4 to 7 hours long, that do nothing but spread highly sexualized malicious lies about me, in which she made the false accusation calling me a "bondage freak", a "BDSM dominatrix", and claiming I had a "foot fetish". 

Her running gag memes on Discord are out of control, and not having a Discord myself, I was unaware of them. She started a trend, where if anyone, anywhere, talking about anything, said the word "BDSM", "bondage" or "foot fetish", everyone who read it was to reply in the comments below it "just like EelKat". 

Additionally, she built up this massive post-written-rpg-fan-fiction of me, while claiming it was 100% true, depicting me as a whip carrying, pleather wearing, BDSM dominatrix, strip dancer, porn star, who own a gang bang house for men to pay money to be tortured by me.

This went on for 2 full years on Discord before I found out about it, and spanned over 2,000+ Discord posts, JUST WRITTEN BY HER, and not including the many, many, many TENS OF THOUSANDS of posts written by her fans, including her 150+ of which where she used the line: "EelKat is a cunt for liking that pussy Avallac'h". 

One of the worst things she did, was to take the horrifying sexual, child abuse I suffered through at the hands of my uncles, and take word for word, line by line, EVERYTHING my uncles dd to me as a child, and make memes of Avallac'h doing those things to Ciri, knowing full well Avallac'h and Ciri and my favorite characters and that my obsession with Avallac'h is in part psychiatric prescribe therapy to use as a coping mechanism for dealing with the abuse I went through at the hands of my pedophile uncles.

On Twitch, she made an active stalking habit of finding very-pro-fundy-Christian groups, telling them her wild sex lies about me, working them into violent attack mode frenzies, and then siccing them on my channel chanting in my chat the message "deserve to be raped" and "kill eelkat". This went on from August 2018.

The worst thing though was sending 5 gang rapists with guns to my house. They totaled 3 cars including my Dazzling Razzberry, raped 2 military wives in the apartment next door to mine, killed a 10 year old boy, beat up and hospitalized 3 elderly men including my 82 year old dad who they put in the hospital with a ruptured kidney, and did $230,000 in damages to our landlord's apartment building, resulting in the city condemning the building, making 28 families homeless, which is why my family moved February 2019.

For the longest time, I was baffled and puzzled by the wild hate that was daily posted in my Twitch chat, from people who were clearly being sent to my channel, pre-worked up, and in a mass hoard, but I could not understand who was sending them or why.

I discovered ThingyChan as being the source of the harassment, on October 21, 2019, when I saw one of her live streams, where she was making a 3d model of a character who she titled "Bjorn The Bondage Freak Just Like EelKat". I had started watching the stream, to find out why my name was in the title. I watched for 3 hours while she and OutSideLane, another streamer on a multi-stream, and 37 members in her chat, and as many more in his chat, in total over 90 people, spent the entirety of the stream talking about my supposed BDSM bondage sex life and how they should make the 3D model Bjorn do the things I supposedly did.

The other streamer suddenly stopped talking and told ThingyChan:  "EelKat's in your viewer list, let's take this to Discord" at which point they ended the multi stream.

So, I went to Discord to see what moving it to Discord meant and that's when I found the 2 year long running gag, the 2,000+ posts, and the 200+ VODs.

Among the VODs was one that she did on my birthday August 13, 2019, that was a JackBox stream, and was fully devoted to making 5 hours of lewd, sexualized jokes about me and Avallac'h, and had over 300 people in chat joining in.

When I contacted her to ask why she was doing this... her answer was: "Because it's fun!", "It's just a joke!" and "Besides, retarded cunts don't belong on Twitch".

Jokes are funny. Nothing about what she did is funny. Everything about what she did was mean and hurtful.

And jokes don't cause harm. Two women were raped. A boy died. 3 elderly men were hospitalized. 3 cars were totaled. 28 families were made homeless. The landlord lost his business.

Those are some pretty BIG side effects for "just a joke".

What she did was mean, cruel, and far from harmless.

She has taken her "meme joke" harassment to levels of mind boggling extremes and, I'm just sick of it. She is out of control and she needs to stop.

I would like to be able to stream on Twitch without this psychotic bitch and her equally psychotic followers harassing me, each and every single stream.

I'm not bothering her, I don't know why she is bothering me.

I want her to leave me alone.

Evil is as evil does.

This is a perfect example of an evil person, doing evil things.

Bullies don't care, because bullies are mean and mean people care about no one.

These people are very, very, very mean.

Over the course of 2 years she made 200+ very lewd sexualized streams about me, calling me a BDSM dominatrix and built up this huge fictional fantasy fanfiction world about me that she wrote across 2,000+ posts on Discord... but I was unaware any of this was happening for the 2 years she did it... 

Well, 2 years ago, a large partnered streamer started hate raids on my channel and every day would raid my channel with 700+ people with the raid message "deserve to be raped" and they would post a lot of horrible sexual posts in my chat, being very "pro-Christian" while calling me a whore and a prostitute and saying I deserved to be raped to death. Banning them did no good, as they created new throwaway accounts every day. 

I finally had to set my chat to emote only. But I was clueless as to why they were doing it, and why they would say me, an elderly (70s) asexual, who dresses with modesty and hijab, was a whore and prostitute. 

As time went by, other streamers did similar outraged attacks on my channel, again accusing me of being things like a sex worker or an erotica author, etc. 

This started in August 2018 and continued until October 2019 when I one day ran across the streamer who was making the VODs about me. 

I was horrified. 

I went back and watched 200+ of her VODs and she'd made 5 hour streams about me every day starting April 2018! 

And then I found her 2,000+ Discord posts! 

She claimed to be my best friend and supposedly was "giving the real scoop" on my life! 

She was a 24 year old in Portugal and I'm in my 70s in America! 

It turns out, she had 800+ "devoted fans" of her "stories" about me, and had them 100% total convinced I was the deviated sex fiend she was telling people I was, thus why so many people were showing up outraged at my channel! 

For the longest time I couldn't understand why people, total strangers were showing up at my channel in these wild outrages angry at some wild sinful sex life they were convinced I had... but then when I finally saw the 200+ VODs and read the 2,000+ Discord post stories she had made about me, now I understand why people thought I was some deviated immoral sex worker. 

I contacted the girl and asked her why she was doing this, spreading these horrible lies about me, she said "because it's fun, and besides, retards don't belong on Twitch" (retard referencing the fact that I have Autism aka Kanner's Syndrome). 

The whole thing is very upsetting to me and still a year later, she still makes the streams and Discord posts lying about me and spreading horrible rumors about me, and people still arrive at my channel calling me all sorts of bad names and angry at the sex life they think I have because of the lies that girl spreads about me. ... 

So in the end, I've no complaints with Twitch itself, but rather with the fact that horrible people are able to use Twitch as a tool to hurt others... this sort of cyberbullying should not happen. 

Me, being older, I can shrug it off, as I've encountered worse things in life, but what if this she did this to a young teenager who was suicidal and depressed? I can see how what she is doing could come to a bad end, had she done it to someone else. 

Things like this shouldn't happen.

People should not be using streaming as a platform for cyberbullying.

What these people did was wrong on so many levels.


August 2, 2020 UPDATE TO the above...

Twitch has now taken action against the attacks on my Twitch channel, so I may return to streaming soon...

Jokes can get you banned from Twitch, yes. One streamer spent the past 2 years "telling jokes" about me on their stream and discord, only I was unaware of it. Their followers started spreading the joke on other social medias.

The joke was telling people that I, a hijab wearing, modesty dressed Mormon, was a BDSM dominatrix running a gang bang service out of my house. The joke became a running gag, that involved more than 800 people across more than a dozen websites. In total more then 800 viewers helped this group of streamers slander my name with sex lies about me. They started "the joke" in April 2018, but I wouldn't find out about it for a very long time.

February 2019 -- 5 men with guns and baseball bats showed up at my apartment building... they raped 2 women, they beat up a lot of people, 3 elderly men, including my 82-year-old dad ended up in the hospital, my dad with a ruptured kidney, 3 cars in the driveway were totaled, including my daily driver, they smashed out the windows and walls of the building ripped out pipes and wires, did $230,000 in damages to the building... it was a medical building next door to a hospital, patients on life support and their families lived there... they ran through pulling out life support equipment... a 10 year old boy died because of it... the town condemned the building the damage was so bad, resulting in 28 families, becoming homeless .... it happened during a stream, so part of it was caught on live stream and the police got 300+ 911 calls from countries all over the world, reporting the attack.... the guys when arrested, said a streamer on Twitch, via her Discord, sent them, told them I was a BDSM dominatrix and that all the apartments in my apartment building with gang bang shops.... that's how I found about the "joke"... via the police report.

There's a big lawsuit going on right now, with everyone involved. 2 streamers are now in prison, several viewers are in jail or out on bail, more will likely follow.

The FBI is investigating every streamer and every viewer involved in the "joke".

And 2 weeks ago (July 2020) Twitch banned more than 70 of the people involved, including more than 20 streamers. The 800 viewers involved in the joke have also all received various forms of Twitch bans and suspensions.... for "just a joke" that in some cases they said only once, as long ago as 2 years ago, and not even on Twitch.

Do not underestimate something being "just a joke" and the consequences you could face for "just a joke".

*(The investigation into this is still ongoing. If you have information on any of the people involved in inciting this event, FBI Agent Andy Drewer out of the Portland, Maine FBI office is in charge of the 




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