EelKat Wendy C Allen - zdark Fantasy Author


2018 April/May/June Update:

As you know, most of the year I publish 2 to 3 articles a day.

However, every year during convention season, I take a break from that to go full swing CosPlay.

From early April 2018 to late June 2018, article posting schedule will be sporadic, while CosPlay Season and Convention events are going full swing.

During this time period, you can expect most, possible all new articles to be focused on costume making, CosPlay, and the characters I'm CosPlaying.

UPDATE: It's now divided into 7 pages. The primary page "Meet Avallach" is now over 20,000 words long. At this rate, it'll cross 60,000 long before the costume is finished, and that's not including the other 5 pages. The primary page has now crossed 60,000 89,000 words and counting, the whole set of Avallac'h pages are now more than 200,000 words long, and more then 500 pictures of Avallac'h and his friends have now been uploaded on these pages, plus there are now 400+ hour-long videos f the costume making process as we record live, every second of this insanely elaborate, over the top CosPlay project.

As of May 19, just 29 days to PortCon we are embroidering his blue coat in a countdown against the clock to finish in time for the event, while we pray that The Dazzling Razzberry will be re-weilded back together and drivable in time for PortCon, after it's recent vandalism by Old Orchard Beach's ever growing Ku Klux Klan problem.

There will still be daily updates, but the BULK of the daily updates will be limited to the pages linked here:

  1. The Avallac'h CosPlay: Who is Avallac'h?
  2. Obsession: Meet Avallac'h
  3. [NSFW] Avallac'h & His Nude Women | Witcher 3 Game Screenshots
  4. Historical Accuracy vs Avallac'h (to go live later this summer)
  5. The Avallac'h CosPlay Costume Making Vlogs (will go live AFTER finishing the costume)
  6. How To Make The Avallac'h CosPlay (will go live AFTER PortCon)
  7. How Much Did It Cost? ($800+ will run to around $3,000) Budgeting The Avallac'h CosPlay (eing written as the costume is being made, will go live after completion of the costume)
  8. Why do children CosPlay rapists & rape victims? & WHY Avallac'h is a M18+ character. 
  9. PortConMaine 2018
  10. On Being a Handicapped CosPlayer: A Look At Events of PortConMaine 2017 That Resulted In 3 Disabled CosPlayers Getting hurt at The Convention and How These Things Could Have Been Avoided


After PortCon Update:

PortCon 2018 is over... but the making of the Avallac'h CosPlay is not. It is not possible to make a costume as detailed as I'm making in fewer then 400 hours, and only 129 hours went into the simplified first run version you saw at PortCon'18. The complete version will not be seen until PortCon'19

If you want to see this costume in person and watch it's progression onward as I continue to expand it... I'll be wearing it at the monthly Maine Association of CosPlay Enthusiasts (M.A.C.E.) events, throughout 2018 and 2019, you are welcome to join us. The list of current events can be found here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/293470827423558/events/ This list is updated monthly, so be sure to check back often to find all the dates, locations, and details of events.


Writing Sex Scenes In Crude
Seme-Uke Yaoi
Monster Porn
That Satirizes The Fabio Books

Or A Lesson In How To (Not?) Write Sex

A lot of rather detailed and random thoughts on how I write the over the top super-freaky fruit filled fetish scenes of the Quaraun series.



This page is

NSFW

More than 2 dozen sex scenes from both the Quaraun books and the Fabio books are found on this page.

By viewing this page you agree that you are over the age of 18.

If you are under 18 please close this page and go elsewhere.






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How To Go Out of Your Way To Write Intentionally Bad Sex...

**IMPORTANT: If you are one of those people who got deluded by NaNoWriMo into thinking 50,000 words was a novel, then be prepared to read a novel, because this article is 50,000 words long. Also, trade publishing houses don't classify a book as a novel if it's under 120,000 words.**

Today I'm answering a question from a writer who wants to know how to write a serious sex scene.

Yes... you heard me correctly. A SERIOUS sex scene. They want to write sex AND be taken seriously.

BEWARE:

This page takes a dissected look at the books the Quaraun series satirises: the world's top selling Rape Fantasy: The Fabio books with all their Viking bananas, Pirate celery sticks, Savage Indian Chief volcanos, Exotic Islander angry mushrooms, and Comanche giant purple eggplants on parade.

If you don't know what a Fabio books is, it's a series of 2,000 books published by Zebra Press in the 1980s to 1990s, that gllorified rape on alarming levels, without ever showing a penis on the page.

Fabio books.

The #1 bestsellers of Romance history.

LSD induced psychobilly rape on a stick.

GIRD YOUR EGGPLANTS!
TO WAR WITH THE MOUND!
GATHER UP YOUR HONEY POTS!
ERECT THOSE CELERY STICKS!
RAVAGE THOSE BUTTERFLIES!

(but shhh don't let a penis be seen, rape is good, penises are bad... and hey let's stick Fabio on the cover and no one will notice or care that this book is about Vikings gang raping virgins)

Raise your hand, those of you reading this, who've ever read a Fabio book. I know you're out there, you're certainly not reading a book I wrote if you aren't also a fan of the books the Quaraun series is satericly fanficing the hell out of.

My mound is heaving!

Oh! The electric butterflies in my stomach!

OMG! His volcano is erupting!

It was like I was bathed in whipped cream with popping cherries on top.

Ooooh! My tulips quiver with honey.

A plague of butterflies pumped from his penis!

It's so huge, I blushed!

Oh wow, let's blush some more.

OMG! My inner goddess is blushing red, white, and blue, stars and stripes!

Oh! His grey eyes! My inner goddess' inner goddess just blushed and my bloody tampon fell out!

Oh! He's wearing a grey suit! My inner godess blushed so hard I lost another tampon!

I watched in awe, blushing like the American flag, as he threw my bloody tampon across the room...

You know... one of the joys of being an author, is the sheer delight we get out of writing sex scenes as bad as possible, just to see who can write the worst sex scene out there... and here you are are ruining it for us, by trying to write a GOOD sex scene?

You want to write Romance AND be taken seriously?
We laugh!

We laugh at you and all your seriousity.

Us and ALLLLL of our blushing inner goddesses, throw our dripping honey pots and bloody tampons at you and laugh, while we run through grassy green valley overflowing with wetness!

Oh wait... maybe I'm just being tickled by those electric butterflies he's shooting out of his celery stick. 

Damn he's got a giant purple eggplant.

Advice on sex scenes

Advice on sex scenes from r/writing

Advice on sex scenes

[–]flauto_dolcissimo 2 points 22 hours ago 

I would focus on the feelings and impressions rather than actions and anatomy. For example, "she smelled of home/spices as they lay back together" or "his skin against her's felt charged, electric".That should drive the focus towards character-oriented, rather than explicit.Hope it helps!


If you want to write sex scenes, but have never done it before, I suggest you find Romance novels that are written in the style of sex scene you want to write and read a few (dozen) of them to see how they write sex and then try your hand at mimicking (or mocking, like I do) their style.

I went to find your other posts and read them, to see if I could better determin what type of sex scene you wanted to write. 

Uhm.

Oh dear.

You have a phobia of penises and cum and you can't fathom using the words dick or cock and you'd rather avoid smut and porn, and you want to be artistic and tasteful...

...and then I found some rather disturbing info in some of your posts, like the fact that you are not old enough to be reading my answer on how to write sex, thus why I've removed most of it back off your thread on Reddit and put it here on my website instead. I'll go ahead an write up the answer for my own readers and in a few years when you are old enough to read it, here it is.

But after reading your many comments and replies on this and other threads, I see that it ultimately is your desire to write "artistic" sex scenes, "done tastefully" and without using the words "penis, cock, or cum"...

Uhm...yeah, then you probably want to be writing something along the lines of what is found in Fabio books, yes?

These are Fabio books, by the way, in case you never saw one...

The Fabio books were intended to be taken seriously, and at the time they were written they were seen as high class, artistic writing.

Now 40 years later, we look back on these and try not to laugh as warriors grid their eggplants before going into battle. Virgins drip with honey at the thought of those saluting celery sticks hiding behind skimpy loincloths. Tiny white butterflies shoot out his angry mushroom, filling her grassy valley with pleasure.

Oh yes, yes, you can write a sex scene without ever saying the word penis, and who needs cum when you got peanut butter and jelly on your bananas?

But the question here is.. will any one take you SERIOUSLY if you use the classic Fabio style sex scene with no penises or cum in them?

I think not.

I mean, I write those scenes... but, I write them in the Quaraun series and the Quaraun series is satyr that is not meant to be taken seriously, so those sorts of sex scenes fit well in it.

But you are talking about writing a serious books and you want it taken seriously... honey, penises and cum are the most serious road you can take in a sex scene. It's when you start trying to avoid penies and cum that suddenly your sex scene goes tumbling down a rabbit hole.

[–]flauto_dolcissimo 2 points 22 hours ago 

I would focus on the feelings and impressions rather than actions and anatomy. For example, "she smelled of home/spices as they lay back together" or "his skin against her's felt charged, electric".That should drive the focus towards character-oriented, rather than explicit.Hope it helps!


>>I would focus on the feelings and impressions rather than actions and anatomy. For example, "she smelled of home/spices as they lay back together" or "his skin against her's felt charged, electric".

I agree with this.

One of my characters is a candymaker, so there's always descriptions like that, saying his hair smelled like anise and clove or the lingering scent of vanilla taffy on his hands. I've always found describing scents to be far more erotic than describing body parts, during a sex scene.

I am more about describing what they are thinking, feeling, touching, smelling, experiencing, much more than describing the sizes, shapes, and wetness of body parts. Though I do describe those as well, but with far less detail and they are not as in your face as would be seen in Erotica.

I have found, though, that the reader fills in the blanks so well, that you often don't have to show anything.

Now, I'm not saying show nothing at all, no, I'm just saying, if a reader THINKS a sex scene should be in a certain place, and you didn't write a sex scene there, the reader is going to still be 100% convinced that they read a sex scene there anyways.

It's totally bizarre, but I've had it happen, more then once, that readers tell me they loved this or that sex scene in this or that book, and I'll be: "But there wasn't a sex scene in that book at all." 

They end up describing the scene, and... well, they got the scene right, but there was no sex in it and the sex scene they thought was there was something their own imagination put there.

One of my books, got sent to the Amazon Adult Dungeon a couple of years ago.

Usually books get dungeoned because of nudity or boobage on the cover. The cover art is of a Medieval covered wagon and a pony, beside a campfire. 

There are not even any people on the cover. Here have a look at the cover art for yourself:

I couldn't understand it, because it's the story of an Elf Wizard and his trip to a mystical mountain (volcano and nothing to do with sex here, it's an actual volcano that they were trying to find in order to defeat a dragon and.... yeah, I can see how someone with a dirty mind could have thought the whole story was a euphemism).

BeaLuna: "Can you two keep it down, we aren't all Elves you know. Some of us actually need to sleep at night. What the hell are you two doing in here?"

Unicorn: "I were fucking me Elf."

BeaLuna: "Really? It sounded like you were killing him."

~From Vampire Leprechaun of Fire Mountain (abridged for this page)


^^THAT is NOT a sex scene.

Sorry. It's not.

It's a conversation.

The entire story is a road trip story, about him and his friends (an Elf, a Dwarf, a Gnome, a Phooka, and a Leprechaun). It's 274 pages of them bickering around a campfire mostly. It's just a random travelogue, that does lots of describing trees and mountains and mushrooms and them getting lost in the forest and arguing about whose fault it was they got lost. Nothing ever happens... including, there is no sex in the story either. No one single, solitary sex scene at all. There's no sex even hinted to or implied.

And yet, March 2015 I get an email from Amazon telling me they've moved the book to the Erotica department and put it behind the 18+ Adult filters blocking it from showing up in search results.

Baffled, I contact customer service to find out why they did this. After 14 days of emails back and forth with various Amazon customer service reps, I get another email. This one an apology and an explanation as to what happened.

In this email, was an explanation that someone who had bought and returned to book, used the report button feature, to report that the book was explicit erotica full of pornography and sex.

They said unless the author files a rebuttal (like I had done) no one ever looks at the book to see if the complaint is true or false and the books is simply put in the Erotica category without anyone checking to see if it should be there. They said they had 4 different reps read the book and they were now aware that it was a false complaint, they could not find anything even remotely adult, let alone a sex scene in the book, and had put it back in Dark Fantasy and Literary Fiction (where I had put it) where it belonged. Sorry for any inconvenience, blah, blah, blah.

Quaraun: "Will you stop saying that?"

Unicorn: "Fuck?"

"Yes."

"No. Ya can fuck off."

"Stop it."

"FUCK."

"Unicorn..."

"Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck... OWw! Ya have high heels on ya bastard!"

Quaraun had kicked the Phooka, and raised his hand to hit him.

"You fucking bastard out of hell, don't ya dare hit me!"

Unicorn punched Quaraun in the face. Seconds later the two of them were on the ground, in the middle of the road, screaming and kicking, and hitting each other.

BeaLuna: "Bullgaar stop them, before they hurt each other."

Bullgaar: "I ain't getting in the middle of their foreplay. They'll kill me."

"That is not foreplay."

"It is when they do it."

~From Vampire Leprechaun of Fire Mountain (abridged for this page)


^^THAT is NOT a sex scene either.

Well, it didn't take me long to find out what happened, as a few days later I was in church, and suddenly one of the local do-goody-busy-body-trouble-maker-gossip-women who attends, comes storming up to me and starts calling me a slut, whore, homewrecker, and everything else she could think of. I'm clueless as to what in the heck, she's talking about, but not surprised by her actions as she does his sort of thing to all the other women in the church.

I ask her what she's talking about and suddenly she starts yelling about "that trash pornography you write"... hmmm... pieces are starting to fall together, as I now realize this local woman is the one who made the report on Amazon. She continues on, and within a few minutes, I know WHAT SCENE EXACTLY, was the reason she reported the book...

Early in the novel, at around chapter 4, there is a scene where they stop for the night and set up camp. They sleep in 2 seperate tents. The main character Elf and his Phookan lover in one tent and the others in the other tent. This being because Elves and Faeries go days/weeks without needing sleep, so these 2 tend to stay awake all night arguing with each other, while everybody else sleeps. Thus they have a seperate tent where they can stay up with a light on and not disturbed the other. They are, however lovers, and a couple, so the assumption that they are sexually active is there, though it is never specifically stated.

In this particular scene the chapter opens with the Gnome bursting into the Elf & Phooka's tent and yelling at them, telling them they are making too much noise. She yells that not everyone can go without sleep like Elves and Fairies can and that no one else can get any sleep with them making so much noise. The Gnome then asks: "What the hell are you two doing in here?"

To which the Phooka replies "I were fucking me Elf."

That's it.

One line: "I were fucking me Elf."

She reported the book as Erotica and claimed it was full of "dirty, nasty, sex on every page" (or so she screamed at the top of her lungs in church that week.) because of one line that said: "I were fucking me Elf."

THIS is a woman, who never read a sex scene before. I can tell. You know how I can tell? Because she thought a conversation that included the line:  "I were fucking me Elf" was a sex scene.

Yes.

Lovely the things readers can see.

It happens so often - readers seeing things in my books that I never wrote and turned out to be nothing but a figment of their over active imaginations putting things in that they THOUGHT were going to be there.

Readers' Imaginations Seeing Things I Didn't Write
In Twighlight Manor & Quaraun #AuthorTube


Okay... you don't even have to read Erotica to find scenes far more detailed and worse then that one line. The Fabio books with their raging volcanos and bulging eggplants are far more erotica then one line saying:  "I were fucking me Elf."

And the Fabio books are tame. They were written with prudes in mind, written for prudes who wanted to read Romance but were so prudish they couldn't read a book with a penis in it.

So, why have I told you this?

Well, my point is, you DO NOT have to write a sex scene, for your reader's dirty little mind to fill in the blanks a putting a sex scene in place. Readers can imagine in vivid detail all sorts of dirty, nasty sex going on, without you ever writing a sex scene at all.

Writing a sex scene is something you do for the sake of being entertaining, gratuitous, titillating, horrifying, or funny depending on how you handle it. 

So, I would say, (especially in the case of your story, and with your intent to come off as serious) you could get away with just writing something along the lines of: "And they went to his room and had sex all night long." And your readers would just come up with a whole great big sex scene in their head without your needing to actually write the sex on page, and allowing you to avoid writing penises or cum.


Now, I would have continued on Reddit and made my post much longer and more detailed, but, like I said... I started reading the rest of the OPs posts.

So, that's the end of my Reddit answer, but now I'm thinking of more thoughts on this. It is now the next day, the day after I wrote the above answer on Reddit, and while I'm going to comment on more of the comments here, I'll not be putting the answer what follows on Reddit, due to well, details. I can be much more explicit in details here on my own site then on Reddit.

Now the OP of that question, was asking about writing heterosexual male/female sex scenes, and as you know I rarely write those.

Yes, there are sex scenes in the Quaraun series with Quaraun engaging in sex with females. He does have 4 wives and fathers 8 children with them and then fathers 37 more children with various prostitutes, so, yeah, hetero sex scenes exist in the Quaraun series, in spite of it being Yaoi (gay couple).

The World As Seen Through The Eyes of Elves on Absinthe:

GhoulSpawn looked to Unicorn.

What's he talking about?”

We da'knows. We were'na listening.”

Are you ever?”

Nope. We just stand around waiting to fuck him while him goes blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. What was he talking about?”

Quaraun glared at Unicorn.

I was talking about how someone was eating the moon.”

Quaraun pointed up at the moon again.

You don't suppose the goldfish did that, do you?” GhoulSpawn asked as he stared up at the fragmented moon.

~o0o~

No one eating sun, Quaraun.”

You don’t know that. It could be pumpkins.

You un yar pumpkins un him un hims goldfish. Yar both crazy!”

Unicorn turned into a purple chihuahua and ran off down the road barking as much as possible.

Does he not believe in goldfish?” GhoulSpawn asked Quaraun.

Oh, no, he believes in the goldfish. He saw them before, remember? It’s the pissed off pumpkin patch that he doesn’t believe in.”

Are they still following you?”

Yeah.”

And he’s never seen them yet, huh?”

No. They run off ever time he looks. It’s the most frustrating thing.”

I know what you mean. The goldfish do that to me, all the time. Every one thinks I’m crazy. But, you gotta admit, something happened to the moon.”

Both Elves looked fearfully up at the crumbling moon.

~o0o~

What is me Elf-girls talking about?” Unicorn asked.

He said he survived an apocalypse,” GhoulSpawn answered. “And thinks this world is falling into one by Lichdown and Black Tower is gone.”

Oh. That. Yeah, he been talking on that all week. Hims home planet gots itself evaporated when it sun gone un blew itself up, hims frail delicate lil parasitic jelly self barely escaped, came to this planet on a ship load of other space faring sea life, killed himself a Moon Elf, moved into it's brain, and is now living in it's undead reanimated body worrying that the sky is falling.”

 “I know better than to ask you anything. You're a frigging loon.”

We is loon?”

You deny it?”

We is loon? REALLY?”

You’re crazy, Unicorn, and you know it.”

Him has jelly fish living in him head un is waiting for moon to crash land on him, because it being eating by pumpkins, while ya lives in mortal terror that armies of pink killer goldfish are going to fly down on ya out of clouds, un ya spends ya days dropping oot of the sky from no where at all, landing on sheep, un We is one who is be loon?”

Unicorn, someone's eating the moon,” Quaraun said very seriously. “That's not something to joke about.”

It isn't the goldfish is it?” GhoulSpawn asked every bit as serious. “Last week, they ate the shingles off my roof trying to get to me.”

They ate your roof?”

Yes. And the fat one was flinging himself at the window trying to break out the glass. And then there was Pinky.”

Pinky?”

You remember Pinky. Ugh! The leader of the flock. He discovered the chimney. They came down in after me after that. You don't know what I have to live through.”

I have a Jellyfish eating my brain. Try living with that.”

I am! They put one in my head to you know.”

Unicorn stared at the two Elven wizards like they were both crazy, which they were, though, neither of them was willing to admit it.

Quaraun and GhoulSpawn walked off down the path, comparing who was the most assaulted by various killer alien sea life and blood thirsty vegetables.


~From GhoulSpawn and The Lich Lord's Lover

But for the most part, the Quaraun series is known for its drug induced, insanely ridiculous, fruit filled gay sex scenes that make fun of the ephanism sex scenes in the Fabio books.

In the Fabio books, if someone is being pumalled by an angry eggplant, it's just a penis shoved up their ass.

In the Quaraun books however, it's actually an eggplant, and it's likely sentiat and was just brought to life by a Wizard high on LSD, and the eggplant is probably very angry, because it didn't want to be rammed up said Wizard's ass by a sex crazed Unicorn who likes shoving fruits and vegetables up a Wizard's ass.

That scene in the Fabio books where his tiny white, electric butterflies are filling her with delight? And that great big pink fish saluting her? In the Quaraun books, it was actual butterflies in a field, electrocuting an Elf, who then turned them into those fan favorite flying pink fish that continually assault the Elves every few scenes in the Quaraun books.

And it wouldn't be a Quaraun book without those dancing bananas now would it...

I go out of my way to scour Fabio books for the wackiest euphemisms out there and twist them into insanity on a stick in the Quaraun books. 

Quaraun is a drug addict who drinks a lot of Green Faery Wine.

The Quaraun series takes the sex euphemisms of the Fabio books, coats them with LSD, then drowns them in Absinthe for good measure. 

For several years now, people have been requesting I write up a how-to on how I write the wonky, messed up sex scenes in the Quaraun series, so I've decided, that since I'm already on that topic to begin with, let's do that.

So... thoughts on writing sex scenes in Yaoi, or rather the lack of writing sex scenes alongside readers' thinking the books are Erotica when they are not.

But people want to know how to write sex. I get this question from readers often. Typically they say something about how the sex scenes in the Quaraun series stand out and are different from anything they've ever seen in standard Erotica sex scenes.

I've many readers who tell me the entire novel reads like on big giant sex scene, and that the whole thing feels like sex foreplay beginning to end.

Most of the positive reviews the series has, brings up the "great sex scenes" and cite them as being "realistic and true to life as opposed to hat fantasy crap in erotica".

To understand this sentiment, I suppose one has to realize that the series is not Erotica and so writing tittilating sex scenes is never the point of any sex scene in the series.

The series being Literary Fiction, means that it is written in the Slice of Life format and takes a real world view on sex, rather then a porn star glorification of sex.

For starters, Quaraun has a small penis (4 inches/10 cm), has suffered a seriously mutilating injury to his penis, and erectile dysfunction and low sex drive are an everyday part of his life. All 3 of the primary males in the series are uncircumcised... something RARELY seen in Erotica.

At only 5 foot 6 inches (167 cm) tall, Quaraun is a full head shorter than the average man, with most women being taller than him. With the average real world man being 6 feet (182 cm) tall, he's only shoulder height to most men. Unicorn, is one of the shortest men in the series, standing at only 5 feet 1 inch (154 cm) and most children are taller than him.

This is NOT what you see in most Erotica books, where the average male character is 6 foot 4 inches (193 cm), has a 12 inch (30 cm) circumcised cock, is ALWAYS erect, never goes flaccid, cums every 5 minutes, and has endless sex drive.

In the real world, real men average 5 foot 10 inches (177 cm) and have a 5 to 7 inch (12 to 17 cm) penis.

What this means is while Quaraun is smaller then a real world male, he is much closer to being the size of a real man, than anything you'll ever find in an Erotica novel. And this has a DRAMATIC effect on female readers who are NOT looking for the super sized he-man, and want to read a book that portrays a man more in turn with real men. This aspect of the Quaraun series alone, results in sex scenes that are less intimidating then those found in Erotica.

Keeping in mind that wile MOST Romance is written by women for women, MOST Erotica is written by men for men. Thus why you see so few women read Erotica, because most real world women do NOT want to be pumallmed by the Eiffel Tower of dicks on the man the size of King Kong. Men however are completly and totally obsessed with their dics, so they write their main characters bigger, taller, more muscled, and with double the size dick of any real man.

And newsflash... if you are a REAL LIFE man with a 12 inch cock that stays erect all the time, you likely have a serious medical condition, most likely penal cancer, syphilis, or gonorrhea, that needs treatment. A healthy cock should hang at a flaccid 5 inches and only rarely go erect at which point it extends to around 7 inches. Anything more then this is a sign that you are suffering from a serious sexually transmitted disease.

Human penises do not get proportionally bigger or smaller the taller or short a man is. The tallest man on record was well over 7 feet tall and had a penis 9 inches flaccid and 12 inches erect, so VERY small in proportion to his body when compared to a man of average height. Short men often appear to have large penises, when in fact they are average sized and just look bigger on their smaller body. It is by this principle that Unicorn, appears to have a cock much larger then it is, his being so very short.

In the real world, science has spent a lot of time studying penises and since the 1700s, fewer than a dozen penises have ever been found that were naturally 12 inches long. According to the Guinness Book of World Records, the longest penis ever recorded was 13 inches and this was because the man in question suffered from an medical condition that had caused it.

Large penis and small balls is a sign of an unhealthy and infertile man.

Small penis and large balls is a sign of a healthy and fertile man.

And so you can see just HOW unrealistic penises are in Erotica: Real world men - More than 70% of men have a penis that is 5 to 7 inches long; while fewer than 3% of men have a penis 9 inches or longer.

Women, unlike men, are not overly concerned with penis size and instead find penis texture more important. Women prefer a penis with deep viening and heavy scarring, because of the amount of friction this causes during sex.

Also, having a foreskin is a major plus, as the foreskin, during sex, pushes back, creating a ridged surface, increasing the amount of friction.

The average woman is TURNED OFF by and NOT attracted to a large penis. Several scientific studies have proven this.

Most women dread having sex with a large dicked man, citing a large penis as intimidating and too painful to fit.

Additionally, women are more concerned with the size of a man's balls, then the size of his penis. Small balls is a sign that the man is not healthy and has a low sperm count. Balls that hug too closely to the body are a sign that the man is not taken good care of his sexual health and is likely wearing pants that are too tight and constricting.

Large firm testicles, that hang low, in a loose skinned ballsac and have some swing to them, are a sign of a sexually healthy, very fertile man with a high sperm count.

Many women are far more concerned with a man's ability to produce babies, then they are with his penis. The penis is simply a mode of delivery, the balls are what makes the babies. It is natural instinct to look for a mate with the most potential at reproducing, thus why women become much more excited by the size of a man's balls and are unconcerned with the size of his penis.

This is something that is reflecting in porn and Erotica as well.

Porn films made for MEN to watch, feature abnormally large penises that are made larger than normal by use of stimulants (such as rubbing it in peppermint oil) and penis pumps; and show women sucking on the giant cocks. Porn films for MEN viewers, put oversized cocks on screen for MORE time then they do vaginas or titties. This is because (straight) men are obsessed with cocks, and though they are watching women get fucked, the camera is honing in on the cock, only rarely getting boobie ot pussy shots. Porn for MALE viewer has lots of cum shots, and lots of close ups on a pulsating cock head. It briefly goes in a mouth or anus (rare ever in a pussy) only barely, then quickly comes back out to be on display again. In most cases these giant cocked men have balls so small, they almost appear castrated.

On the other hand, porn filmed made for WOMEN, are filmed at a different angle. The camera zooms in from the back, focusing on a large, heavy, swinging pair of balls as they slap up against the vagina that's being fucked. The penis is embedded balls deep into the vagina and does NOT come all the way out while thrusting. The cock head is NEVER on screen (this is generally to hide the fact that it's circumcised as many women find a circumsized penis unattractive). The balls are NEVER off camera, the cock head is never ON camera, boobies and titties are not seen, there is never a condom, and an anus is NEVER being fucked.

Porn films made for men, focus on plesurable stimulation, while porn films made for women focus on fertility and breeding sex.

Men are excited by large cocks and the thought of a women pleasuring them, thus large cocks are on film, so they can pretend it's their cock.

Women are excited by being filled with warm sperm, thus a bare shaft buried balls deep inside a vagina, and large cum filled balls are focus of films for women.

This same thing happens in Erotica books. The ones for male readers have large bulbous cocks with anal and oral sex. While the ones for female readers have large swinging balls and condom-less vaginal sex.

Ask any farmer who ever breed cows, horses, goats, or sheep, what they look for in a prime stud male. They'll always say the same thing: small penis, large firm balls that hang loose and away from the body. It's the balls, not the penis that are an indication of a male's ability to be a good breeder.

When women write sex scenes, they write penises smaller, balls bigger, viening more prominent, and the foreskin still intact, the man NOT circumcised.

On the other hand, testicals that are too large are a sign of health issues such as heart disease or testicular cancer. Ideally the testicles should be roughly the size of a golf ball (2 to 3 inches), and smaller or larger then this is a sign of health problems.

The Quaraun series is written by a woman for a female audience, and thus a stark difference in the way the men are written makes the Quaraun series stand out sharply when compared to Erotica:

In the Quaraun series, men have smaller penis and their penises are mentioned in passing with no scene ever focusing on the size, length or girth of the penis. On the other hand, page upon page after ever so many pages of lengthy descriptions go into obsessing to fangirl frenzy levels over their balls.

The fact that the penis is so unimportant to women, in over emphasized with Quaraun himself, as he is nearly castrated, his penis mutilated beyond any level of repair, effectively taken out of the way, out of the field of view, to put his near perfect balls on display.

Interestingly, the medical study which discovered that men with oversized balls were prone to heart disease, was not made until 2013, and yet Quaraun was written as having both oversized balls and suffering from heart failure in stories as far back as 1987. It was not intentional on my part to have this medical reality in the series and that he suffers from the real world health issues of men with oversized balls was a "happy" accident. (Quaraun has catalepsy, btw, which causes his near daily fainting spells and seizures.)

If you are not familiar with the Quaraun series, you should be, for the context of the sex scenes I mention here and how I write them, as the sex scenes are Yaoi (gay sex) and often Dubious Consent/DubCon Rape Fantasy, with main character Quaraun rarely, willingly consenting to sex, and usually being drugged by one or the other of his two drug dealing lovers, to get him to engage in sex with them.

The series is Psychedelic Fantasy, and follows the life of an Elf with a crippling addiction to Opium, LSD, Yohimbine, and Absinthe.

Opium, Yohimbine, Absinthe, & LSD:
A Look At The Reason Quaraun's Sex Life
Is So Filled With Dancing Fruit Salads

Absinthe aka Faery Wine

The storyline deals more with Quaraun's failing mental health and his ever growing downward spiral into depression, suicide, and drugs. His constant battle with depression and suicide are front and center of every novel in the series. Quaraun suffers from PTSD, anxiety, Autism (Kanner's Syndrome NOT Aspergers), OCD, and Schizophrenia.

Unicorn introduces Quaraun to Opium (a mind altering sedative painkiller), Yohimbine (a powerful aphrodisiac/date rape drug), and Absinthe (a dangerously addictive psychoactive drug and hallucinogen 90% alcoholic drink, noted for its glowing neon green colour; called Faerie Wine in the Quaraun books), all 3 of which he becomes seriously addicted to. 

Later, GhoulSpawn (a time traveling hippie from the 1970s, who has a 1974 AMC Gremlin turned time machine powered by LSD) gets Quaraun into LSD.

As the series progresses Quaraun's Opium, LSD, and Yohimbine drug addiction and Absinthe/Faery Wine drinking habit gets out of control, leading to his increasingly more violent outbursts over time and his eventual decent down the path of being a serial killer.

While sexual dialogue between characters in common pace in the series, sex scenes themselves are uncommon, and do not appear in every novel in the set. There are sex scenes in the series, because the series is told in the Slice of Life format, looking at the various mundane events of his life.

Unfortunately many people incorrectly assume that Yaoi = sex or Yaoi = Erotica, when in fact, Yaoi simply means that the story features a gay couple as the primary characters. Because of this common misconception about Yaoi, it is also common for people to buy the Quaraun books expecting to read Erotica.

Erotica, focuses fully on a character's sexual journey and nothing else in their life matters. The Quaraun series however focuses on Quaraun's journey through drug addiction. It must be remembered that while it is Yaoi, many volumes are, Amarori/Sweet Yaoi, which is Yaoi that contains no sex scenes, and instead focuses on the daily life of a gay couple, rather than focusing on their sex lives. Because he had sex in his lifetime, there is therefor sex in the series, BUT, the focus of the series is his drug addiction and how it affects his life. 

Unprocessed LSD growing in the wild; Amanita muscaria, commonly known as the fly agaric or fly amanita

It must also be remembered that Quaraun is NOT young. He is very, very old.

This is a very important fact that many people going into the series overlook. They think Yaoi = young boy. And it does not.

  • Yaoi = male and generally refers to a man in his 20s to 30s
  • Shota = young boy and refers to any one under 18
  • Barra = mature male and generally refers to men over 50

The Quaraun series is Barra Yaoi.

Quaraun is an elderly Elf.

Let me repeat this:

Quaraun is an ELDERLY Elf.

And Unicorn, nearly blind, and very arthritic, is even OLDER then Quaraun.

This fact makes the Quaraun series stand out among Erotica books as well.

Think about it: when was the last time you saw 70 or 80 year old men in Erotica?

This series follows the relationship of an ELDERLY gay couple, very late in their lives. This too contributes to the fact that they do more talking about sex then actual engaging in sexual intercourse with each other.

If Quaraun were Human, he's be roughly 45 years old at the start of the series and in his 80s by the end of the series, being 60+ throughout most of the series. And Unicorn at the start of the series is the equivalent of an 80 year old man.

While their dialogue and conversations tend to be very sexual and crude, often vulgar, they are both too old to be doing a lot of sexual gymnastics, and rather gain more sexual arousal from their very sexual conversations with each other.

If you follow the series closely and pay attention to Unicorn, you start to realize there is more bark than bite to him, and his high sex drive, is often limited to just talk, with him content to joke about sex more than actually doing sex. Unicorn is often kissing, caressing, and fondling Quaraun, he frequently dry humps against Quaraun, but this does not often lead to actual intercourse and both men are quite content with this.

The simple fact is, they are both very old and, while still very sexual with each other, their relationship is at a point where they do not have a need to be engaged in intercourse to satisfy each other.

It often surprises me when readers overlook the age of the men in the books. Multiple times, readers have written to me to say: "I just realized how old Quaraun was, all this time here I was thinking he was a teenager. OMG! I never once imagined him as being an old man!"

Yes, Quaraun is an old man. 

Quaraun is a senior citizen.

Quaraun is an advanced level Wizard.

There is no such thing as a young Wizard, as it takes centuries of studying before one can achieve that title. Thus Wizards are always both very old, and never Human.

Quaraun is the World's Most Powerful Wizard, and it took him 300+ years of training to gain this title.

Elves live to around 400 to 450 years. But Quaraun is already over 500 year old when the series starts. He dies at 750 years old, due to magic unnaturally extending his life and becoming the oldest known Elf on record.

Quaraun is a priest and lived a very isolated hernatic life. He is 520 years old the first time he has sex with Unicorn. This is the same time he is introduced to drugs, Unicorn being a drug making Faerie, who uses drugs to trick Quaraun into having sex with him.

Opium

Quaraun is very vain, and looks very young, because he usings Glimmer Spells (Illusions) to prevent people from seeing how old he looks, thus he appears to never age and always looks very young, though he is not. When he is alone with Unicorn and GhoulSpawn, he doesn't use the Glimmer Spells and they are aware what he really looks like.

But the fact remains:

  • Quaraun is a senior citizen
  • a very ancient Elf nearing the end of his life
  • his health is failing badly, 
  • he has great difficulty getting around, and
  • he is asexual having no sex drive at all.

In addition to the mental health issues, Quaraun has several physical health issues. He was born with a weak heart, catalepsy, and epileptic seizures. Over the years he has sustained many injuries, including a sub-penal incision that left his penis badly mutilated leaving him unable to have sexual intercourse with women, thus the reason he submits to other men. He also suffers from arthritis, a bad hip, a lame leg, and a back injury, and he is often in a lot of pain from these.

Because Quaraun suffers from many physical health ailments, he daily turns to opium to help with the pain. Opium mellows him out and puts him into a euphoric state.

Quaraun due to his PTSD, Autism, OCD, and Schizophrenia, is a very high strung, nervous person. He finds it difficult to relax or rest. His high anxiety levels means he also does not often calm down enough to think about having sex. For this reason, most every sex scene in the series, occurs shortly after a scene where Unicorn gives Quaraun a mug of eggnog. The eggnog is mixed heavily with opium, and causes Quaraun to become very calm and relaxed, making it easier for Unicorn to coax the Elf into bed with him.

Yohimbine aka Viagra

Often Quaraun is too high during a sex scene to even be aware of what is happening to him, resulting in the fact that he typically introduces himself to people as a virgin.

Quaraun also suffered serious brain damage as a child, and suffers from short term memory issues and memory lapses, resulting in he often loses track of time, remembering his youth as though it only just happened and not realizing that 300 years have gone by.

Most of his adult life he can not remember, and most things that happen to him or that he does, he forgets by the next day, often forgetting only hours after they happened. This further causes issues with him not remembering his sex life at all, thus the introducing himself as a virgin when he is not AND the reoccurring problems Unicorn has with getting Quaraun in bed with him as Quaraun can not remember that he and Unicorn are sexual active, thus nearly every sex scene become like a first time having sex, though it is not.

The drugs Quaraun takes, do not help his already damaged brain, making the issue worse.

While the Opium mellows him out and the LSD & absinthe send him flying over rainbows, it's the Yohimbine that turns the world into a sex filled fantasy.

Yohimbine was the real world date rape drug of the 1400s.

Today Yohimbine is the sex inducing wonder drug known as viagra.

Medical Strength Yohimbine aka Viagra

Unicorn is obsessively addicted to Quaraun, stalked him for several years before meeting him in person, and spent several unsuccessful years trying to get Quaraun in bed with him. Quaraun is not only NOT gay, but he is also a priest who took a vow of celibacy, thus he refuses Unicorn's advances, until Unicorn starts drugging his eggnog with poppy milk/opium and adding ground Yohimbe bark to his nutmeg.

Yohimbine is a tree bark that was used as a date rape drug in Medieval times. A powerful aphrodisiac, it causes sexual hallucinations and deeply pleasurable tingling of nerve endings, inducing orgasm and erections in people who take it.

In our real world current era Yohimbine use is not regulated and is sold over the counter at most every Rite-Aid, WalMart, and CVS in the country. Medical strength Yohimbine is sold under the brand name "Viagra". It is used in making many steroid drugs used by weightlifters and sports players.

You can buy Yohimbine on Amazon, where you often see it sold to men as a potency enhancer and to women as a weight loss pill.

Opium acts to put the Elf into a dazed, sedadied stupor, clouding his mind and he rarely remembers anything that occured while in this state.

Contrary to popular urban myth, Opium is NOT illegal in the United states and is sold in every food store in the country under it's more common name: Poppy Seeds.

Opium Elixir can be found on Amazon under the name: Poppy Extract

Opium Incense is sold at most department stores, including WalMart and Amazon...

What is illegal, Opium Tears, the milky sap found in the stems and pods of the poppy plant. Opium tears are only regulated because they are the main ingredient used in processing poppies into their more deadly by-product: Heroine.

While drugs like Opium (a flower), LSD (a mushroom), Absinthe (herbs steeped in alcohol), Cocaine (seed pods of the cocoa/chocolate plant) and Yohimbe (tree bark), you can literally walk out into your backyard, picking the wild and eat raw and unprocessed, drugs like Heroin require having a lab and chemicals, in order to take the raw plant to process it into Heroine poppy flowers) or Crack (seeds pods of the chocolate plant cocoa.

LSD & Absinthe:
The Explanation Behind The Onslaught of Killer Veggies

Though highly addictive and causes questionable side effects, both Yohimbine and Opium are relatively harmless and in their raw form (as Quaraun takes them) nearly impossible to overdose on. Modern day real world chemically processed versions of them can be very dangerous, but these are not the types Quaraun is taking as he lives in the 1400s and only has access to the old school raw forms of them.

It's the LSD & Absinthe that are the ones tripping Quaraun up and sending him into la-la land.

LSD in its raw unprocessed form is a mushroom. A very deadly mushroom, that must be picked at precisely the correct stage of growth. Picking it too early and just touching it could kill you in minutes. One of the most deadly of all toxic mushrooms, when picked at the right time, it induces some of the most powerful mind altering hallucinations of any drug out there.

Processed LSD was an invention of the 1950s and takes the chemicals found in these mushrooms, (pretends to) make them safer, and produces them in a purer, synthetic form.

Of course Quaraun in the 1400s doesn't have access to this.

In the early novels, you see Quaraun mellowed out from the Opium and having sex rampant spells from the Yohimbine. It's not until volume 11 The Summoner of Darkness, when he meets a time traveling Wizard (GhoulSpawn) from the 1970s that you see Quaraun go into his super wack-job nutty spells.

GhoulSpawn brings 2 hallucinogenic drugs from the future with him: processed LSD, soaked in sugar cubes, and Absinthe, which is a drug on it's own, but is heightened to extremes when LSD sugar cubes are added to it.

The drugs in the Quaraun series are made my Faeries and thus are the raw form. The drug recipes in the novels (yes the novels do contain detailed step by step instructions on how to make the drugs Quaraun uses) are actual real world recipes that were used in our very real Medieval time period. Yes, the recipe for Absinthe appears in the novels as well. 

LSD

Because the novels are set in the 1400s and the drugs made by Faeries, the drugs used in the series are the old school "classic" drugs and you do not see modern day, chemically processed drugs being used by the characters.

It is the addition of LSD into Quaraun's life that turns his world upside down, as when combined with Absinthe is creates wild hallucinations, that do not mix will in someone who already has schizophrenia.

The LSD sugar cubes are something that GhoulSpawn carries on him all the time and constantly gives to Quaraun. Both Elves are frequently so strung out that they've no clue what is going on and what is real and what is side effects of the LSD.

Absinthe is an alcoholic drink made from steeping 3 hallucinogenic herbs (green anise, grande wormwood, sweet fennel) in 90% proof alcohol.

If you ever read the books and paid attention to the descriptions of Unicorn, he is often described as smelling like anise. This scent of anise lingers to his skin, his clothes, and his hair because he is constantly working with the anise plant, both in making the Faery Wine and in making anise cookies, anise taffy, and anise candy sticks. Unicorn, a former warrior king, is a candy maker by profession. The thing he specializes in is a ansie infused molasses cake (gingerbread) which he builds houses for people out of. His triumphant project was of course building the gingerbread houses and toy factory of Santa's Village in the North Pole.

Unicorn goes out of his way to wash his hair, clothes, and skin in anise oil, because Quaraun's addiction to Faery Wine, results in him being heavily attracted to the scent of anise.

Fairly easy to make from locally found herbs, Unicorn starts making the Green Faery Wine, Absinthe, for Quaraun, but Quaraun relies on visits from GhoulSpawn for replenishing the LSD.

In France, Green Faery Wine is often served by pouring it over LSD laced sugar cubes, which is how Unicorn serves it to Quaraun, once GhoulSpawn introduces them to LSD sugar cubes.

Absinthe Green Faery Wine with LSD Sugar-Cubes and Slotted Spoon

While Unicorn makes the drugs, he himself rarely takes them, instead preferring to watch Quaraun and GhoulSpawn as they go out of their minds being chased by things that aren't there.

Unicorn, being a trickster Fae, delights in getting the two Elf Wizards high, as both are nervous and prone to phobias, their phobias being worse when they are high. Unicorn finds it great fun to scare the poor Elves, knowing full well anything he does while they are high is going to be seen in very warped and extra frightening way.

However, his primary reason for keeping the two Elves high as much as possible, is he discovered it was easier to coax them into his bed, with far less violence. Early in the series, Quaraun is a virgin priest, adamantly against sex, and will have nothing to do with sex. And GhoulSpawn's first stories in the series, he is straight and will not consider bedding with a male. Both Elves are physically weak and unable to put up much of a fight, thus both end up submitting to Unicorn. With the drugs however, the Elves are easy to convince to do, almost anything he wants them to do.

Later in the series, after Quaraun's death, GhoulSpawn's drug addiction spirals out of control and he ends up overdosing, causing serious brain damage, which results in him completely changing personalities and becoming The Gremlin, a almost completely different character.

(The Quaraun series is the prequel to the much older Twighlight Manor series, which Gremlin appeared in. The Quaraun series becomes The Twighlight Manor series upon Quaraun's death.)

The series is Psychedelic Dark Fantasy, and bears more in common with Splatterpunk Horror then with Erotica.

For some odd and baffling to me, reason, rumours have been circulated, rather widly, claiming (falsely) that the series is Erotica, which has resulted in most people new to the series (since 2014) coming into it expect to find huge amounts of sex scenes and being shocked, horrified, and largely disappointed by the fact that sex appears in the series so infrequently.

In any case, the bulk of the questions I receive about the series are about how to write sex, thus, why you see me creating pages like this one you are reading now, about how I write the sex scenes in the series.

While sex scenes (actual intercourse) are rare in the Quaraun series, the books do suffer from an over abundance of fangirl love for a ball fetish that defies logic.

The men are rarely seen on page engaging in intercourse, they are however in nearly every chapter, playing with their balls, fondling each other, caressing each other, rubbing against each other, and not caring who sees them do it, in their often very public exhibitionist displays of affection.

Unicorn has a ball fetish, and is constantly, through the day, grouping Quaraun's testicles, endlessing talking about his obsession with finding the male who has the most perfect balls, and his obsessing over Quaraun, being caused precisely by the fact that he considered Quaraun to have the most perfectly formed balls on the planet.

So, while sex scene are rare in the novels, ball fetish glorification runs rampant on nearly every page, and is likely what causes reader to describe the series are being "overly sexual" and "erotic".

Yaoi Terminology

Yaoi: two or more male lovers; consent optional

Amarori/Sweet Yaoi: contains no sex scenes

Barra Yaoi: older men in their 40s or older

Seme-Uke Yaoi: very violent Dub-Con Rape Fantasy

Seme: a sadistic and very violent alpha male who is aroused by raping non-gay men

Uke: a NOT GAY man who is the target/victim/slave/captive of a Seme

Twink: a small, feminine submissive Uke, usually blonde and in frail health

Guro Yaoi: Macabre, grotesque, gothic, medical fantasy, often featuring a Vampire Seme and a cross-dressing Uke who wears Lolita dresses; often features a bi-polar Seme who violently brutalized his Uke to the point of nearly killing him, then gently and obsessively taking care of him, nursing him back to health;

Itarori Yaoi: Yaoi that contains painful, torture porn, sadism, BDSM, vampirism, & CBT sex scenes

Erotica is about a character's sexual journey, and yet the Quaraun series barely considers Quaraun's sex life at all. It's mentioned, but usually in passing, during conversation. For example a curious character will see him and Unicorn together and see how very close they are emotionally and it's very obvious they are a couple from the way they act with each other. But they are both males and living in a place and time when gay couples are unheard of and male on male sex taboo. Characters get curious and ask them if they have sex with each other, which they openly admit.

Quaraun is shy and evasive about admitting his sexuality and usually introduces himself as a eunuch, but when pressured, admits to being sexually active with Unicorn and GhoulSpawn.

Unicorn is bold and brash, and quick to call Quaraun his wife and start taking about exactly what they do in bed.

GhoulSpawn, has a preference for females, has several wives he sleeps with (none of them his), spends more time with prostitutes and whores then anything else, and has difficulty admitting he's in a relationship with another male (Quaraun) and often will try to hide it, though he doesn't lie about it when asked directly.

On the few occasions a sex scene is on page, the sex itself does not last long. You see several pages of teasing, roughhousing, and playing and pushing each other around. All three of them being males, they tend to be rougher with each other then what you would see in a male/female/hetero sex scene. It's not uncommon for then to hit or even punch each other. While Quaraun dresses very feminine and can frequently come off as a whiny, girly, little bitch, he's still very much a male, and very much acts like a male in bed, even when being fucked by other men. Each of them in much rougher with each other in bed, then they would be were they with a female. Even GhoulSpawn, who is by far the gentlest of the three, can get rough with Quaraun.

You frequently see Unicorn climb on Quaraun, biting him and drinking his blood.

You are more likely to see scenes where Unicorn pins Quaraun to the floor, straddles him, then dry humps Quaraun, while Quaraun screams and thrashes and tries to get away. They often do not remove their clothes in these scenes.

If a sex scene does appear on the page, usually it's a form of frontage and not anal sex. Quaraun is very nervous about having things, including penises, inserted into him, and it can be very difficult for Unicorn to convince Quaraun to submit the anal sex.

Keeping in mind that Quaraun does sexually prefer fucking women, but because of his mutilated penis is unable to comfortable have intercorse with anyone, thus why he submits to other men. Quaraun also dislikes being naked, even in front of Unicorn. Usually it requires Unicorn to first drug Quaraun before he is able to get Quaraun undressed.

Did You Know?

When most people hear the word "yaoi" they immediately think "Shota', however, outside of FanFiction websites, Shota is relatively rare. No profesional publishing house will publish Shota Yaoi and ALL Shota Yaoi is published illegally via sites like FanFiction.net and LitErotica.

Most professionally published Yaoi features characters in their mid-20s to 30s.

Shota Yaoi: most often a peadophile usually 30+ with his boy lover usually under 10 years old; but any Yaoi with one character over 18 and one under 18;

Shota is banned in many countries including The United States of America where publishing it comes with a $50,000 fine and 25 years in prison. See COPPA Compliance for more info.


While Quaraun won't get undressed, he will let Unicorn reach into his clothes and findle and fondle him. Though due to his injury, Quaraun's penis is very sensitive to touch, so Unicorn tends to avoid touching the Elf's penis and instead focuses on Quaraun's balls. This often results in, Unicorn instead playing with Quaraun's balls, while jerking himself off. The two men each enjoy cumming on the other and often the only actual sex you see going on, is the point just before they climax, with the entire sex scene being just a 2 or 3 sentence description of them shooting their cum on each other.

There is far more touching, kissing, licking, sucking, and squeezing (balls especially) then any actual fucking going on.

On the few rare occasions that they do have on page sex, annal sex with Unicorn is brutal. Unicorn has not one, but two, barbed penises, each with four very long hook-like thorn that extend from the head once he's pushed himself inside his partner. These thorny barbs stabb into the flesh of his partner, hooking them together, until sex has completed and Unicorn relaxed once again. Meaning once they've started, there is no turning back, and Quaraun is forced to submit to being fucked or risk having his intestines torn out if he tried to move. To make the experience worse for his partner, Unicorn's penises are not only barbed, but knot as well, expanding inside his partner.

Sex with Unicorn is painful, and one wrong move could make it deadly.

There are scenes where Quaraun does try to get away and is serious injuries, to the point he can't walk for weeks afterwards.

Of course, we are dealing with Splatter Punk Gorn here, so you ARE going to see way more blood, guts, and entrails then sex, and if sex is happening on page, it's probably because Quaraun's about to get mutilated and gutted on page too.

Sex doesn't appear in the Quaraun series to titillate you, it appears to warn you something very bloody is about to go down.

Reminding you here that the Quaraun series is Seme-Uke Yaoi, Unicorn is the Seme and Quaraun and GhoulSpawn re his two Ukes. If Unicorn wants sex, he's going to get it. He's not beyond beating Quaraun unconscious, then raping him. He is a Seme after all.

Romantic sex rarely shows up in Seme-Uke fetish stories, so you rarely see romance going on in the Quaraun series. If the sex is happening on page, the chances are VERY HIGH, that Unicorn just beat the shit out of Quaraun, and Quaraun is now passed out of the floor, likely gushing blood from multiple places, and the Unicorn violently raping him.

It's not uncommon for GhoulSpawn to step into one of these scenes and try to pull Unicorn off, the now, unconscious and very seriously injured Quaraun. Unicorn usually responds to this by likely beating GhoulSpawn unconscious and raping him as well.

Can I repeat the fact that this is Seme-Uke Yaoi.

Seme = a violent rapist, specifically one who is aroused by the act of beating his lover

Uke= a submission person suffering from Stockholm syndrome 

Yaoi = gay lovers

Seme-Uke Yaoi = Violent Rape Fantasy featuring a violent gay rapist.

If it wasn't for the existence of Shota Yaoi (Shota = peadophile; Shota Yaoi = a pedophile gay rapist going after pre-teens)... If it wasn't for the existence of Shota Yaoi, Seme-Uke Yaoi would be the most taboo style Yaoi out there.

The Quaraun series is Seme-Uke Yaoi with Bara Characters (men over 40), and falls heavily into the Guro Yaoi and Itarori Yaoi themes, with many novels of the series being Amarori Yaoi (containing no sex scenes).

One novel of the series (BoomFuzzy) contains Shota Yaoi themes, but no sex scenes with underaged characters.

Unicorn is a Seme.

Quaraun and GhoulSpawn are his two Ukes.

Quaraun is a Twinkie Uke.

Quaraun wears Pinkurori (Pink) Lolita fashions.

Seme-Uke is known for is incredibly levels of violence, with the focus being not on the sex, but rather on the extreme levels of abuse going on.

Often erroneously classified as a BDSM sub-genre, Seme-Uke is NOT BDSM as it focuses heavily on abuse, and the abuse is NOT consensual.

The very theme of Seme-Uke is the fact that the Uke is heavily abused and often not consenting to the sex that is happening, which is why, of all the genres of Yaoi out there Seme-Uke is the one that real world gay men target in their protests that cry out for an all out ban on Yaoi, especially it's most controversial sub genres Seme-Uke and Shota.

While the series has very little on page sex scenes in it, when a sex scene does appear, it's full on Rape Fantasy Monster Porn. It's not for the squeamish and if you've never read a knotting scene before, be prepared to run screaming for a lot of eye bleach, brain bleach, and hey, you might just want to join one of Bishop Morgan's local book burning parties. 

(And because sooooooo  many people ask me "What is knotting? You mean like tying up with ropes?" No, there are no ropes in a knotting scene - knotted penies, not ropes - I dare you to Google it, but you might want to turn on safesearch first... if you don't know what knotting is you are about to wander into the darkest depths of cock and ball torture fetish sex.)


I think the thing that always baffles me, is how incredibly sexual, many people say the Quaraun series is. And yet, there's barely any sex in it at all. 

The series is NOT about the sex lives of these men, and if you go into the series looking for lots of sex at every turn, you'll be sadly disappointed. Out of the first 22 volumes of the series, each volume 300+ pages long, there are exactly 5, count them: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, sex scenes.

That's NOT a lot of sex, even for standard none Erotica terms.

The average non-Erotic Sci-Fi novel will have at minimum 3 sex scenes in it, while the average, standard non-Erotica Fantasy novel has 5 or more sex scenes in it.

And yet the Quaraun series, incorrectly rumoured to be "erotica" has only 5 sex scenes total in the first 22 volumes. You have to get to volume 22, before you see the first sex scene between Quaraun and GhoulSpawn.

You get a lot of lines in dialogue, with Unicorn talking about sex, mentioning sex, making jokes about sex, but you rarely see an actualul on page sex scene. They do exist and once in a while you do see Quaraun and Unicorn or somethings Quaraun and GhoulSpawn, and rarely Quaraun and one of his wives, but for the most part the series is largely sex-free.

Interestingly, most people who've read the books, are well aware of the low levels of sex they contain, and it seems rather to be people whom have NOT read the books running around screaming: "OMG! SEX! Don't go near them, they got sex in them!"

The thing which really gets me, is the negative reviews the series gets (see GoodReads)... it has several negative reviews that are negative because the reader was angry, over there being no sex in the books! Quite a few of the reviews, state that they bought the books thinking they were Erotica, and were upset to find them rated M18+ for blood, guts, and gore, and not for sex content. 

BeaLuna: "Oh look! A lady slipper orchid!"

Bullgaar: "They look like pussies."

BeaLuna: "Do you have to talk like them?"

Unicorn: "Yis just mad cause Quaraun will nah fuck ya sopping wet pussy."

BeaLuna: "Quaraun he's bothering me again!"

Quaraun: "What do you expect me to do about it?"

BeaLuna: "You're the one who invited a Faerie to come with us!"

Unicorn: "I knows what we can do! De Dwarf can fuck de Gnome, while I fuck de Elf. Get dem both horny, den we hold de Elf down on de Gnome, let then both get it out of dair systems."

Quaraun: "I'm a Wizard of the Di'Jinn order.."

Unicorn: "So what."

Quaraun: "I'm a priest."

Quaraun: "I'm a virgin, I don't fuck anybody."

Unicorn: "I know, dat do be ya problem. Ya gots a Gnome here wanting ya to fuck her."

BeaLuna: "You're not a virgin, Quaraun. I don't why you keep saying that."

Quaraun: "I have never fucked any one."

BeaLuna: "Well, you're ass sure gets fucked often enough."

Unicorn: "Him do no count dat."

BeaLuna: "I noticed. And he wonders why people say he's insane."

~From Vampire Leprechaun of Fire Mountain (abridged for this page)


^^THIS^^ is NOT a sex scene.

I'm not sure how so many people got the impression the series was Erotica, though I have since learned that there was a woman going around the internet on various book and writer forums and making posts "warning" people not to buy my books, stating that they were "nasty, dirty Erotica full of sex on every page". Why she did this, I don't know, but I've yet to figure out why Kendra Silvermander does any of the things she does. You don't get wanted by the FBI for being a sweetheart now do you?

I sometimes wonder if it's not the sex content that is the issue, so much as the crude language, and one prude's inability to tell the difference between a character saying: "Boy is it a fucking great day!" versus a scene describing two characters fucking in bed?

But Kendra's running around telling everyone, everywhere to avoid my books on account of sex, has resulted in a lot of people then buying mt books thinking they were dripping with sex and getting upset at ME, after finding out there was almost no sex in them at all. I don't know why they got mad at ME and not the shit head who told them there was sex on every page, because I'm certainly not the one saying the books are full of sex.

I just do not understand the logic of prudes who think there is SOOOO much sex in the Quaraun series, or why they think it's Erotica?

If they respond like this over something with so little sex content, I'd hate to see how they respond to the ACTUAL Erotica genre! o.0

I read a lot of Erotica. Tons of Erotica. And I know for a fact, that if you stood a Quaraun novel, side by side with an actual Erotica book, the Quaraun series would seen completely vanilla, tame, and sex-free. I think these people who call the Quaraun series Erotica, really need to read some actual Erotica so they can see how very mistaken they are when calling this tame little series anything even close to being Erotica.

It seems to me that they just think the word "fuck" = a full blown sex scene, every time the word fuck is said. Have they never been outside and heard real people talk before? People say "fuck" A LOT in everyday conversation. It's difficult to go to the store or the mall or the beach or the dog park or any place else where people gather, and not hear the word "fuck" said a dozen or more times every minute. Where the hell do these people live that they've never heard the word fuck in regular every day conversation before?

I also often wonder about the fucking logic of the prudish minds who don't know the fucking word fuck, is used most often for things other then actual fucking sex. If you're gonna be so fucking prudish, you really shouldn't be reading Yaoi, Sugar Dumplings. Maybe the prudes should take their heads out of their Bibles and do something useful with those Bibles, like stuff them up their ass instead? Who knows, might give 'em orgasim they so desperatly need.

This comment here reminded me of that:

[–]TigerXtrm 2 points 1 day ago Writing sex can be done as cleanly or as dirty as you want. It's up to you to decide what fits in your story as a whole. As a general rule, and since the sex is not the focus of the story AND because it's the only sex scene in the story I would certainly not make it too 'in your face'. Avoid describing things in detail, leave most of the action to the readers imagination, and whatever you do, don't start using terms like 'penis', 'vagina', 'cock', 'cum' or any of those tasteful picturings. There's a 1001 ways to tastefully describe the process without turning it into a porno.Of course all those terms have a place in more sex oriented stories, but based on your description I'd stay clear of them and focus more on the romantic side of things.permalink



[–]OckwellAuthor[S] 1 point 1 day ago* Avoid describing things in detail, leave most of the action to the readers imagination, and whatever you do, don't start using terms like 'penis', 'vagina', 'cock', 'cum' or any of those tasteful picturings. There's a 1001 ways to tastefully describe the process without turning it into a porno.I've actually used the word 'vagina' in a different (non-sexual) context before in the book (2 usages) both were used in the context of examining a dead body. I haven't used 'penis' and would never, ever use 'cock' or 'cum' (I said to someone else I'd put a book down over this, if it isn't used in 100% perfect context). I'm less afraid of using the technical names for things, although that is preference. I do feel that it would maybe ruin the romantic side of things, so I'm probably gonna avoid using it.permalink

> whatever you do, don't start using terms like 'penis', 'vagina', 'cock', 'cum' or any of those tasteful picturings.

I disagree somewhat with this, but I'll explain why. 

The primary couple of my series come from very different backgrounds. 

One, Quaraun, is an Elf, raised in his early childhood in the royal palace, and them spent his later childhood, teen, and young adult years living in a secluded temple being taught to be a priest/wizard. (Wizards in this series are a type of high ranking priest who uses magic and has god-like powers supposedly because they are servants of their god). He is very religious, very devout, very loyal to his faith/god, and also because of his very isolated upbringing tends to be clueless to the ways of the world/society. He's also a virgin until he's 75 years old. After meeting Unicorn, it's takes Unicorn a full 33 (thirty-three) years before he can convince Quaraun to become sexual with him and another it's another 400 years before Quaraun submits to anal sex with Unicorn.

The other, Unicorn, is a Faerie. Specifically a Phooka (a type of Scottish Unicorn), a type of trickster Fae. He's 3,000+ years old, has seen and hear everything, is unimpressed by anything or anyone and has reached a point in his life where he just doesn't care anymore, about anything anyone thinks of him.

Let's take a look at Unicorn, who is the violent, dominering, sex-crazed Seme of this Seme-Uke relationship.

Unicorn is not only a pervert, he is crude, rude, and lewd.

He's the type of guy who'll burp loudly at weddings, and make inappropriate jokes at funerals.

He's often drunk, he makes drugs, uses drugs, and sells drugs.

If he doesn't like a person, Unicorn'll drop his pants and piss in their shoes.

Twice there are scenes where they enter a tavern and Unicorn sees someone he knows and doesn't like, marches up to their table, hops up on the table, drops his pants and pisses in their food while they are eating it.

There's a scene when Quaraun's arguing with their friend Bullgaar. They are in Quaraun's pink pavilion tent, and Bullgaar has removed his shoes, because Quaraun won't let anyone in his tent until they first remove their shoes. Quaraun and Bullgaar are close to breaking out into a fist fight, when Unicorn interrupts the scene to ask Quaraun:

"Want I should vomit in hims shoe for ya?"

To which Quaraun, still in the heat of anger and not thinking about what he's saying, says "Yes" then goes back to arguing. The Elf and Dwarf stop fighting seconds later, to watch, horrified as Unicorn does exactly what he said he was going to do: vomits in Bullgaar's shoe.

Part of a sex scene:

"No. I love you. I'm not gonna fight you."

Quaraun suddenly let out a sharp shriek of pain as the whip slapped across his bare balls. He screeched as the whip slapped his testicles again. A third hit went up between his butt cheek, stinging at the sensitive nerves of his ass opening.

"Fight me."

"No." Quaraun sunk to his knees. Over and over again the lashes from the whip struck out at him as the beating continued. Quaraun's mind began to drift away, while his body surged with a hunger that he'd never felt before. This experience was completely different from anything Quaraun had ever had. It exhilarated and frightened him at the same time. His body had never been this alive.

The Vampire Lich beast grabbed Quaraun by his long white hair and dragged him across the room. A trail of blood slicked the floor. The Lich melted away and turned back into the black haired, black eyed, black skinned Phooka that was the form he'd had in life. Unicorn stood Quaraun back up, to speak with him face to face, but Quaraun was too weak to stand on his own now and the Phooka had to hold him upright.

"Ya tried to kill me. Ya took me to Fire Mountain to murder me on that altar, the same way ya murdered BeaLuna un Bullgaar."

"I'm sorry."

Unicorn slammed the frightened Elf down on his knees and began to punch him and whip him. Quaraun stayed, on his hands and knees, not moving, tears streaming down his face, trying not to scream, but unable to fight the sharp cries of pain that escaped his lips, with each slap of the leather whip. His mind reeled with confusion. He did not know what had happened to Unicorn, why he had changed, or why Unicorn was blaming him.


~From Quaraun & The Vampire: Into The Swamp of Death

Unicorn refers to women as "cunts" and "pussies" and men as "dicks" and "pricks".

He often calls Quaraun a "sissy", "cunt", "prick", "dick","pussy", or "pansy".

He has a million and one ways to use the word "fuck" which he uses as subjects, nouns, verbs, adverbs, and adjectives. He greets you with "How you doing fuck boy?" and answers back with "Shit, damn, bloody, hell, I'm fucking fine, it's a fuckingly famtastic day". If he's on the page, so is the word "fuck" and "shit" and probably, also penis, cunt, pussy, vagina, cock, cock sucker, mother fucker, cum, dick, prick, scrotum, balls, testicles, and many more. Oh so many more.

He is by far the single most vulgar character I've ever written.

A sex scene with him in it, is going to have those words in it, but NOT in the descriptions, no, in the dialogue, but that's how he talks, and he talks during sex. He's bold and brash and it doesn't have to be a sex scene for him to be sing those words.

And when readers ask why I made him this way (and they have, many have) I just tell then, BoomFuzzy the Unicorn is from Biddeford Maine. 5 year olds talk like that around here and so do Kindergarten teachers, and everyone else. 

When readers tell me, "but you don't have to make him so vulgar"... I respond with: but then he wouldn't be a native Mainer written accurately and what's the point of having your character be from Biddeford, Maine if he's NOT going to act like he's from here? 

The interesting thing, is the fact that I look at this couple and see the virginal priest in the light of: "OMG, what the fuck? He is such a sissified priss! Thank god people in the real world don't act like him!" I'd seriously question the sanity of a real world person who couldn't say penis or fuck or was offended by either.

And I see the "vulgar" one as being the more normal, realistic person.

It always surprises me when readers are offended by the Faerie's dialogue but are NOT offended by the frigid, stoic, sexless priest. 

It must be a culture thing. Because it's the priest NOT the Faerie whom I was writing with the intention of his being offensive. Swearing is not offensive in the least, but religion? Religion and being a sexless creep is HIGHLY offensive in Maine. NEVER trust a priest or a prude. Someone who lacks sex in their life is not normal.

And if you've watched my daily vlogs, you've heard it, I can't walk down the street without a dozen or more people yelling out the work, fuck as I'm walking by.

Every video.

"How you doing you mother fucker!"

"You damn, cocker sucker I haven't seen you in years, how you been?"

"Same old same old. You know how that cunt of mine is."

"I hear ya, my cunt's the same way."

"Same here ya fucker!"

"Hey, let's go to Homers and grab a beer."

"Hell, fucking yeah! I'm with ya."

Every video.

And then there's the children, walking home from school. 5 year olds who talk the same way.

Welcome to Maine.

The point is, there is a place for those words and it's not always in Erotica, Smut, or Porn. There are a lot of cultures who, like here in Maine, those words are used as every day, common words.

>>>I've actually used the word 'vagina' in a different (non-sexual) context before in the book (2 usages) both were used in the context of examining a dead body. I haven't used 'penis' and would never, ever use 'cock' or 'cum' (I said to someone else I'd put a book down over this, if it isn't used in 100% perfect context). I'm less afraid of using the technical names for things, although that is preference. I do feel that it would maybe ruin the romantic side of things, so I'm probably gonna avoid using it.

I'm a 15th generation Mainer, I have trouble even wrapping my mind around the fact that there could possibly exist in the world, people who've never used those words or would be so offended that they'd put a book down if they saw them.

But then we get back to writing the sex scenes... have you read the comments on that Reddit thread? If not, you should certainly go there and read the uhm... *couch*... prudish-, sex0phobic advice the OP is being given. Some answers are fine and I agree with, but it's that one I already quoted and the OP's response to it that really stands out....and well...I have to ask...have these people ever had sex before?

As you read these comments and then my replies to then, you'll see why I'm putting my answers here and not on the comments themselves.

Let's look at that comment and the OP's reply to it again... as well as the additional replies after it:

[–]TigerXtrm 2 points 1 day ago Writing sex can be done as cleanly or as dirty as you want. It's up to you to decide what fits in your story as a whole. As a general rule, and since the sex is not the focus of the story AND because it's the only sex scene in the story I would certainly not make it too 'in your face'. Avoid describing things in detail, leave most of the action to the readers imagination, and whatever you do, don't start using terms like 'penis', 'vagina', 'cock', 'cum' or any of those tasteful picturings. There's a 1001 ways to tastefully describe the process without turning it into a porno.Of course all those terms have a place in more sex oriented stories, but based on your description I'd stay clear of them and focus more on the romantic side of things.permalink



[–]OckwellAuthor[S] 1 point 1 day ago* Avoid describing things in detail, leave most of the action to the readers imagination, and whatever you do, don't start using terms like 'penis', 'vagina', 'cock', 'cum' or any of those tasteful picturings. There's a 1001 ways to tastefully describe the process without turning it into a porno.I've actually used the word 'vagina' in a different (non-sexual) context before in the book (2 usages) both were used in the context of examining a dead body. I haven't used 'penis' and would never, ever use 'cock' or 'cum' (I said to someone else I'd put a book down over this, if it isn't used in 100% perfect context). I'm less afraid of using the technical names for things, although that is preference. I do feel that it would maybe ruin the romantic side of things, so I'm probably gonna avoid using it.permalink


BK2020 8 points 1 day ago 

Spare details of the actual act, and focus on what the characters are thinking and feeling emotionally. You're writing a romance novel for adults - don't write how a teenager would describe having sex, "I did this to him... " or "I tore off her clothes... ". Write about what grown ups feel when they consummate a relationship which means a lot to them. Make it about a very real expression of love and you should find it doesn't feel weird or awkward to write about sex. Good luck!


[–]OckwellAuthor[S] 1 point 1 day ago* 

This was really informative and gave me a few ideas.The tension between the characters has been building up over hundreds of pages, and I'm most afraid of making things a little anticlimactic and part of me wants to do a good sex scene, for the challenge of it. I'm a big fan of artistic depictions of sex when it's done right and it mostly isn't done right, so that is a big part of why I want to do it, I'd say it's kinda an ego thing for me, I wanna evolve my writing to a deep level.The problem with on-screen sex is it's 999/1000 times simply gratuitous. And that's the audience's reaction. They read along, and suddenly there's skin and sexy times, things going in other things, stuff being licked, clothes coming off and detailed descriptions of bodies and whatever ... how is it not gratuitous?I think if I included a sex scene in my book, it would be less gratuitous because I've already been gratuitous in earlier chapters with extreme violence, I done it early to ensure my readers know the tone of the book. But some of my romantic interactions may indicate that I'm going to take a softer route when it comes to sex, so perhaps I've got to be more careful.


[–]CheeezusCruuustA creature who holes up in its lair to write and make art. 2 points 1 day ago 

I'm actually going to try and give advice, based on what I like/dislike about sex scenes in books I've read. I haven't written any actual sex scenes, so maybe I shouldn't be saying anything, but I'm gonna try. Might help myself, too, since there might be an "implied" scene much later in my story and I don't know how exactly to approach it. Well, to be clear, I have written sex scenes before, but I don't know if I count those since I wrote them when I was 14/15 years old and I was just a little, horny moron. So bad that they were destroyed. No trace of them now.I don't like reading sex scenes that are just overt and super vulgar, like it's smut. If you want it to be romantic and meaningful, don't do smut. Don't say things like "he put this body part in that body part" or some shit because the reader probably isn't that dumb. Also, I don't think you should use colloquial words like dick if you want it to be taken seriously.Make it a little vague to add some mystery and leave it up to the reader's imagination. Don't go into exact detail and don't make it sound like you're listing a series of evidence. Like, they did this thing, then they did this thing, then they responded by doing that thing. I feel like that's a little tedious to read.Make it a little dirty because I mean, it's a sex scene and you wanna make an impact, but like I said, I don't think you should make it full on pornographic and smutty because I think that would distract from the point of the story. It's not erotica in itself. Since you described what the genre is.Maybe set the scene a bit first, too. I don't think you should just go straight into it because, well, that's not really how sex is if you want it to be romantic. There's stuff leading up to it. Foreplay and all. Create tension and buildup.To make it the most realistic, include some dialogue. Well, it depends on the relationship between the characters, how experienced they are, etc. They might be periodically saying things like "are you okay?" It's not a porno where they don't say much if anything at all.Hmmm. That's all I can think of right now. Like I said, these are just my opinions, so you can disregard them if you'd like, but I tried my best :)



[–]OckwellAuthor[S] 2 points 1 day ago* Also, I don't think you should use colloquial words like dick if you want it to be taken seriously.Oh god no, I've put books down because of that. The only place that kind of language is useful, is if the character is really vulgar, even then, I'd never do it.be clear, I have written sex scenes before, but I don't know if I count those since I wrote them when I was 14/15 years old and I was just a little, horny moron. So bad that they were destroyed. No trace of them now.Oh god, I could imagine the kind of shit I'd write at that age.Thanks for the advice, this was helpful.permalink



[–]CheeezusCruuustA creature who holes up in its lair to write and make art. 1 point 1 day ago 

Yeah, so have I. I don't know if they think that's "sexy" but it just makes me laugh and cringe at the same time. That awkward, embarrassed laughter when you just can't take something seriously. And yes, it was bad. Good thing I had enough sense to realize that and get rid of the evidence.No problem, I was just winging it, but I'm glad I helped.


[–]gregori128 1 point 21 hours ago 

Face to face in the missionary position for the sole purpose of procreation. /sFocus on the emotional states of the couple. On their physical sensations and the dynamic between them as they move together. Who is leading, how does the other follow. Awkward stops and pauses, before returning. Oh, and as in life: foreplay is everything.


And while we are here, can we ad some Quora comments to this list?

Let me highlight the parts that I find well, disturbing... and yes, I'm going to comment of every one of this. This page is going to get long...

  • Avoid describing things in detail
  • whatever you do, don't start using terms like 'penis', 'vagina', 'cock', 'cum' or any of those tasteful picturings.
  • I've actually used the word 'vagina' in a different (non-sexual) context before in the book (2 usages) both were used in the context of examining a dead body.
  • I haven't used 'penis' and would never, ever use 'cock' or 'cum' I said to someone else I'd put a book down over this
  • I'm less afraid of using the technical names for things, I do feel that it would maybe ruin the romantic side of things, so I'm probably gonna avoid using it.
  • You're writing a romance novel for adults
  • don't write how a teenager would describe having sex, "I did this to him... " or "I tore off her clothes... ".
  • Write about what grown ups feel when they consummate a relationship which means a lot to them. 
  • Make it about a very real expression of love and you should find it doesn't feel weird or awkward to write about sex. 
  • The tension between the characters has been building up over hundreds of pages, and I'm most afraid of making things a little anticlimactic
  • I'm a big fan of artistic depictions of sex when it's done right and it mostly isn't done right, so that is a big part of why I want to do it, I'd say it's kinda an ego thing for me, I wanna evolve my writing to a deep level.
  • They read along, and suddenly there's skin and sexy times, things going in other things, stuff being licked, clothes coming off and detailed descriptions of bodies and whatever ... how is it not gratuitous?
  • I think if I included a sex scene in my book, it would be less gratuitous because I've already been gratuitous in earlier chapters with extreme violence,
  • I done it early to ensure my readers know the tone of the book. But some of my romantic interactions may indicate that I'm going to take a softer route when it comes to sex,
  • I don't like reading sex scenes that are just overt and super vulgar, like it's smut.
  • If you want it to be romantic and meaningful, don't do smut. 
  • Don't say things like "he put this body part in that body part" or some shit because the reader probably isn't that dumb.
  • I don't think you should use colloquial words like dick if you want it to be taken seriously
  • Don't go into exact detail and don't make it sound like you're listing a series of evidence. Like, they did this thing, then they did this thing, then they responded by doing that thing. 
  • Make it a little dirty because I mean, it's a sex scene and you wanna make an impact, but like I said, I don't think you should make it full on pornographic and smutty because I think that would distract from the point of the story. It's not erotica in itself. 
  • Maybe set the scene a bit first, too. I don't think you should just go straight into it because, well, that's not really how sex is if you want it to be romantic. 
  • Also, I don't think you should use colloquial words like dick if you want it to be taken seriously.Oh god no, I've put books down because of that. The only place that kind of language is useful, is if the character is really vulgar, even then, I'd never do it.
  • I don't know if they think that's "sexy" but it just makes me laugh and cringe at the same time. That awkward, embarrassed laughter when you just can't take something seriously. 
  • Face to face in the missionary position for the sole purpose of procreation.
  • Unless it's going to done as a montage, the best "bet" would be simply write "They make love" and strengthen the scenes on either side of the act.
  • You simply don't! Sex scenes are rather improvised than previously 'written.
  • As far as real quality is concerned (I'm referring to artistry, style, pathos, sheer empathy etc.), you never watch a 'good, fictional' sex scene unless you delve into the world of porn. 

Where to even begin?

So many prudes.

So many sexophobes.

Has any of these people ever had sex?

I suppose we could deal with each of these one at a time...


>>Avoid describing things in detail

Why?

I mean, why?

If you are going to write a sex scene, the purpose of a sex scene is to write, well, sex, so why avoid writing, you know: sex.

This is the thing I don't understand.

Saying: "And then they made love." Is NOT a sex scene. It's a statement. One sentence does not a sex scene make. If it is not a SCENE, you know, a space of many paragraphs filling up many pages, then it's NOT a sex scene. Okay?

You need to try to use a little common sense here.

A scene is a section of a book, that is bigger the a page and smaller than a chapter.

A single solitary sentence, is a SENTENCE, not a scene.

So avoiding details and writing: "And then after dinner, he fucked her hard." is a sex sentence, not a sex scene.

Or that religion crazed nut at church that thought Unicorn saying: "I were fucking me Elf." was an actual sex scene.

Okay, newsflash, someone saying: "I were fucking me Elf" is NOT a sex scene.

Neither is saying:

  • "They snuck out to have sex."
  • "They made love under the sheets."
  • "He's great in bed."
  • "We had sex last night."
  • "Could you please leave, we were having sex before you interrupted us."

...or any other one line phrase.

It is not possible to write a sex SCENE, without it containing details, because without details how the hell are you going to fill p those 2 or 3 pages, to make it a scene?

A scene consists typically of 7 to 20 paragraphs, wither it is a sex scene or not. You got to write SOMETHING more than one detailess sentence in order for it to be a scene.

"Hey, look, there's a penis, let's stick it in that vagina over there and jump around to build up some friction, until cum squirts out."

>>whatever you do, don't start using terms like 'penis', 'vagina', 'cock', 'cum' or any of those tasteful picturings.

Again... why?

You want to write about sex, but then, OMG! Don't you dare write about a penis! I'm sorry, unless you are writing about lesbian lovers, how in the heck can you write a sex scene without a penis in it? I mean, the act of sex literally involves taking a penis and sticking it inside of something.

Oh my! Penises are soooo distasteful! Can't have those in a sex scene. No, no, no!

Oh, no, don't let those vaginas get in the way. This is a tasteful sex scene. We can't have any of those nasty holes around here. A penis might come by and fall into it. Can't have that.

If you are not sticking a penis inside of something, it ain't sex, honey. I don't know what you call sex on your planet, but here on Earth, sex means: "Hey, look, there's a penis, let's stick it in that vagina over there and jump around to build up some friction, until cum squirts out."

So how do you do sex? Are you a plant and just sit around in the sun, turning green and waiting for a bee to fly and shake it's ass on you?

I mean, I'd like to see this penisless, vaginaless, cumless sex you are referring to.

BOY: "I'm gonna squirt goo-goo juice all over you!"

GIRL: "Eeeeeew! That's gross. Don't you mean cum? Why don't you just say cum, like everyone else does?"

BOY: "Ssssh. We can't say that."

GIRL: "Can't say what? Cum? Why not?"

BOY: "It's a bad word. This is supposed to be a tasteful sex scene for adults."

>>I've actually used the word 'vagina' in a different (non-sexual) context before in the book (2 usages) both were used in the context of examining a dead body.

Are you THAT scared of sex? No wonder you've never written a sex scene!

You can ONLY write a vagina if it's in a murder investgation?

What the hell?

Okay, who the frick made up THAT rule.

Nope. This is a sex scene. No vaginas here. Go back to that murder scene where you belong.

I am befuddled. That's the only way to describe it. Befuddled and confused.

>>I haven't used 'penis' and would never, ever use 'cock' or 'cum' I said to someone else I'd put a book down over this

And you want to write a sex scene?

I'm sorry. How do you have sex without stuffing a penis into some opening somewhere?

And you're scared of cocks and cum?

Plus you said in another post you also won't use dick.

So what's left?

Ding-dong?

Pee-thing?

That dirty unmentionable carrot hanging between his legs?

His big pink zucchini?

Oh, I know, let's go with the ever popular in anime: his giant eggplant!

Are you THAT childish, that you are going to write a sex scene WITHOUT the word penis, cock, or dick, and damn, honey, you're guy's gonna get blue balls if you don't let him cum.

I suppose semen or sperm is so much more romantic then cum, yes?

Or are you so prudish that you have to tip-toe around with baby batter, goo-goo, and boy goop instead?

I can see it now:

BOY: "I'm gonna squirt goo-goo juice all over you!"

GIRL: "Eeeeeew! That's gross. Don't you mean cum? Why don't you just say cum, like everyone else does?"

BOY: "Ssssh. We can't say that."

GIRL: "Can't say what? Cum? Why not?"

BOY: "It's a bad word. This is supposed to be a tasteful sex scene for adults."

And you said you want to write for adults? But you usually write for 15 year olds? I'm sorry, could you explain your use of the phrase "I want to write for adults" perhaps include how old you are, that you can make a statement like: "I want to write for adults". How old are you, 12? My fearing the OP's age, is why I'm answering this here on my website and NOT on Reddit.

You want to "write for adults" yet you can't use adult words. I find this sort of logic trobling.

And for the record. the phrase "ropes of cum" is one of the most overused phrases seen in the Quaraun series. I use it often.

One of Unicorn's favourite things to do is very roughly stimulate Quaraun until Quaraun cums on his hand. It's a scene you see repeated in nearly every novel wither the novel contains a sex scene or not.

Bananas, apricots, & fruit salads on parade...

 "I is having trouble concentrating on me meal wid him hasing hims fruit salad on display."

Quaraun looked up from his plate, then stared at the Jiggler's purple mesh thong. Until Unicorn brought it up, Quaraun hadn't noticed how see through the cloth was.

"Great. Now I can't concentrate, either. Why do you notice these things?"

"I t'inks de quention is why does ya not notice dese t'ings?"

The Jiggler returned to the table carrying his scrolls.

"What are you not noticing?" he asked Quaraun.

"Ya fruit salad," Unicorn answered.

The Jiggler stared at the table confused.

"We have not served fruit salad."

Quaraun rummaged through his pink heart shaped bag of holding, pulled out a bottle of Green Faery Wine and started drinking it.

"It's too early be drinking, Quaraun. Have you got a drinking problem?"

"I'm not gonna get through this meal without it."

"Is something wrong with the food?"

"The food's fine. He's insane, and he's trying to make me crazy with him."

"I thought you were the one who was insane?"

"No. Not yet."

"But isn't that your name. Quaraun the Insane?"

"Yep. That's what they call me. But between my apricots, your saluting teddy bears, boys in pigeon poop costumes, and now your fruit salad, the world inside this bottle is far more sane than anything else I've seen so far today."

"Ya has lovely apricots,"Unicorn stated. "Why dat problem?"

"Do you have clue where we are?"

"Aye. We in whore house."

"Have you forgotten why we are here?"

"To save de world from psychotic book critic killing authors."

"There is a damned army of gummy bears out there blowing up everything."

"I could send Harvey out dair."

"Don't you dare bring Harvy into the this!"

"Who's Harvey," The Jiggler asked.

"A vampire marshmallow bunny rabbit," Quaraun said as seriously as if he'd just said it was raining.

The Jiggler stared at the Elf and the Phooka.

"Yes. I think I am beginning to see why they call you The Insane."

"I'm not insane, he is!" Quaraun pointed to Unicorn. "He's a damned candy Wizard and he's turning everything into candy monsters. And he thinks it's funny."

"Tis funny," Unicorn said. "It fucking hilarious watching ya try to rationally explain why candy is destroying the world. We should bring me peepy army here to help."

"We don't need the Peeps here either."

"Who are the Peeps?" Jiggler asked.

"They're..." Quaraun started to answer, but suddenly realized what Unicorn had just done to him. "Sugar coated marshmallow chickens."

"Has ya any idea how much me banana saluts watching ya make fool of yarself like t'is?"


~ From The Jiggler & The G-String Teddy Bears

You can't use penis or cum.

Let's see.

There's always fruit.

You see fruit in the Quaraun series a lot.

But the Quaraun series is on many levels comedy, humour, and satire. I'm not sure how you could pull off fruit in a serious sex scene, especial not in a dystopian murder mystery. But I suppose you could try.

And the food as sex terms is a thing in the Quaraun series, where you see Unicorn constantly referencing "Quaraun's apricots" when they are in some public high society place and Quaraun has asked him to behave and not be crude.

Quaraun and Unicorn are often in meeting with Kings, Princes, and noblemen, and Quaraun prefers to be "civilized" in the presence of such people. This "being civilized" is difficult for a hyperactive Fae like Unicorn. Thus he continues his usual crude dialogue up, with with fruitful changes to various words and thus:

Quaraun's delightful apricots = Quaraun's delightful balls

he sometime replaces apricots with: kiwis, cherries, or mangos.

He switches out penis for banana.

When he says saluting, he means having an erection.

And if he just wants to talk about cock and balls in general he says "fruit salad".

What is to be taken less seriously, saying dick or saying banana?

I mean, I can get away wwith toss fruit salads in the bedroom because the Quaraun series is comedy on some levels to begin with so it fits the tone of the books, but can you do that in the sttory you want to write and have any hope of your readers keeping a straight face?

If you want your sex scene to be taken seriousle, penism dick, cock, and cum are the way to go.

Go back to that Reddit thread, read the OP and all of the OP's comments. Something's not right there. Too many contradictions. Too many childish, immature phrases, and too much overuse of the term "for adults" indicating an underage kid is behind those posts. 

The mentions of not knowing about sex, never writing sex before, the desire to write a thing they don't know, saying they usually only write for 15 year old readers, and stating they want to try their hand at writing for adults, are all glaring red flags telling me that this is a child writing that Reddit question and that they are just fishing for someone to write explicit answers for them. Reading ALL of their posts, you start to see they are NOT writing a novel at all, when you see the line: "I wrote 500ish pages of buildup".

Stephen King novels and Harry Potter books are not even 500 pages long. Though the Bible is.

I'm wondering, when the average novel is only 200 pages long, how did you write 500 pages of build up in yours?

Anyone who has ever ACTUALLY written a novel, knows a thing or two about word counts and page counts and, well, can see through your "I wrote 500 pages of build up for this sex scene!". Perhaps you should have done a little bit more research on books and writing and even reading, before coming to a writers forum, trolling for porn. Your question and comments are continually leading comments on, egging them to write sex scenes in the comments to show you how it's done. Tat tells me you are NOT looking for advice on HOW to write a sex scene, you are just looking fpr sex scenes to read online, without having to go to a 18+ porn site to find them.

I'm sorry, but trolls pretending to need help writing sex scene and hoping to get writers to post free porn on writing forums, is a common thing, especially on Reddit. You are not the first to try this. Sorry.

I do not believe this OP is writing a novel. I believe this is a child, sneaking around the internet looking to read porn on "safe" places like Reddit so their parents won't notice. THAT is why I'm not putting my very sex related answers over there.

Back to the question at hand... You said you want to write for adults? But you can't fathom using the words penis, cock, dick, or cum, you would NEVER use them, yet, you want to write a sex scene for adults? 

Please. Adults use adult language. They don't pussy foot around it like a 15 year old virgin. Adults say fuck.

Real men say penis, dick, cock, cum, jizz, pussy, cunt, boobs, boobies, breasts, nipples, nip-nops, nippers, balls, ballsac, scrotum, testicles, foreskin, sheath, prick, deeper, harder, faster, pussy lips, bitch, cock sucker...

Try having sex a few times and listen to what the guy says while he fucking you. Half the time he'll be saying those things to himself not you. It's what men do. 

If you've ever had sex you know this is what men do during sex. Men can't shut their damned mouths during sex. Yip-yap, yip-yap, and it's all about cocks and cum, cum and cocks. Men are obsessed with their cocks and nothing delights a man more then his ability to produce a lot of cum.

The back and forth of saying you want to write sex, followed by so many variations of "OMG! The horror, there's penises in sex scenes!?! No one told me sex involved penises! Yucky! Omg! Penises? You mean I have to write about penises in order to write a sex scene? I can't write about penises!" Is kind of showing your true age and true intent, quite a lot. I simply am not comfortable talking about how to write sex on a forum thread that was so clearly started by a 12 year old who didn't know penieses existed before she started reading the comments on her thread.

And if she is an adult... well... she's clearly very sheltered and doesn't have a clear grasp on what sex even is, considering she didn't know penises were involved.

Here's a newsflash: men have penises and if you want to write a sex scene that includes one or more males, then you have to write about at least one penis. It's not a sex scene otherwise.

Part of a sex scene:

 “I don't think this is a good idea,” Quaraun whispered shakily.

Why?”

Unicorn. He'll kill us both if he found out. He's so violent. You don't know him. You don't know what he's like. You don't know his temper or how possessive he is of me.”

Sometimes, it's good to live dangerously,” GhoulSpawn said as he shook Quaraun's hand off and began removing his own clothes.

GhoulSpawn...”

Shhhh,” GhoulSpawn hushed and leaned forward to kiss Quaraun softly over his open mouth, preventing any further objections from being spoken.

Quaraun felt the thick curly wool of GhoulSpawn's legs, brush against him. Quaraun forced GhoulSpawn off him.

"You're a sheep!"

"You knew that."

"Uhm... I... wow... I don't think I realized what that... oh my god. You're an actual sheep! You've never let me see you're legs before.”

Is that a problem?”

Uhm. No. I suppose this goes a long way towards explaining your sheep fetish."

Quaraun stared at GhoulSpawn, awed by what he saw. He had known GhoulSpawn was a Uruisg, and thus only looked like an Elf from the waist up and from the waist down was very clearly a Cotswold ram. Thick eight to twelve inch long curls of fluffy ivory white wool covered GhoulSpawn's hips and legs. His legs were not shaped like a man's, but instead had the deep curves of sheep legs. GhoulSpawn had no feet. Where there should have been feet, there were a pair of glossy black sheep hooves.


~ From GhoulSpawn and The Lich Lord's Lover

Open your eyes honey, real men are crude. Real men are not fluffy and cuddly in bed, nor do they want to be seen that way.

Men by their very nature are vicious predators, driven by their need to dominate everyone around them. This is the primal nature of being male. Even shy, quiet, docile men, in the bedroom unleash their predatory nature.

It's for this very reason you see the dual nature of characters like GhoulSpawn. GhoulSpawn in by far the most simpering whimp of the series. As high level as Quaraun's nervous anxieties are, GhoulSpawn's terror level paranoias make Quaraun seen normal. Yet, get him alone with someone he wants to have sex with and they can't get away from him, as his shyness gives way to his raging lusts.

GhoulSpawn is perhaps a far more dangerous predator then Unicorn, because with Unicorn, you expect it. He's rude and bold, brash and crude, vulgar and perverted 24/7. You expect Unicorn to lash out viciously at his se partners.

But GhoulSpawn? Quiet, shy little bookworm who rarely says a word, would rather talk for hours on the art of being a D&D Dungeon Master, and obsess over his antique car collection, then pay attention to anything going on around him. But send these three men to a whorehouse and it's GhoulSpawn that's going after the prostitutes.

Quaraun is a serial killer, but not many people know what he looks like, so he enter towns and no one responds. Unicorn is a shapeshifter and changes what he looks like in every town, every novel, sometimes every chapter, so likewise, even though the world is terrified of him, no one recognizes him when he enters town. GhoulSpawn on the other hand...

GhoulSpawn sets foot in any town anywhere and he's suddenly being chased down by angry men with pitchforks. Pickpocket, master thief, who never met a lock he couldn't pick or a woman he wouldn't fuck.

The trio has trouble finding a town GhoulSpawn hasn't already been chased out of. He's a womaniser, and he boldly says in many scenes that he prefers married woman so he doesn't end up stuck with the children, "let her husband take care of the brats". GhoulSpawn does not like or want children. He also shies away from commitment, even with Quaraun.

While Quaraun and Unicorn are in their correct time period (1400s) GhoulSpawn is a time traveler from the 1970s and uses time travel as an excuse to bed with women he doesn't ever have to see again. He adamantly refuses to acknowledge his feeling for Quaraun, due to Quaraun's being male.

For those here who are not familiar with the series...

  • Unicorn is gay
  • Quaraun is bi-sexual
  • GhoulSpawn is straight and struggling with/in denial over his sexual attraction to another male (Quaraun)
  • All 3 of them are polyamorous.
  • Over the course of the series, each of them becomes sexully active with the other two.
  • As Quaraun is the main character, ALL sex scenes feature him + someone else 
  • I've never counted how many characters are in sex scenes with Quaraun.
  • Most sex scenes are Quaraun & Unicorn                

GhoulSpawn often makes mention of "his wives" but he is not married and is referencing other men's wives whom he is having affairs with.

GhoulSpawn, being an Urusig (Scottish Demon that is half Elf/half sheep), has the ability to put women into a hypnotic trance, where they believe they are having sex with their husbands, even though they are in fact with GhoulSpawn instead.

The most deviant of the sexual deviants in the Quaraun series, GhoulSpawn is in bed with anyone and anything that has a vagina. Young, old, married, virgin, senior, teen, pre-teen, Human, Elf, Demon, and of course...

GhoulSpawn... the man with a coat of many pockets, pockets made out of bags of holding... pockets full of sheep.     

GhoulSpawn and his sheep are one of the fan favourite icons of the series. One of the very first original characters created for the series, GhoulSpawn has been tossing around sheep since the series first started, way back in 1978, when he was then known as The Gremlin, in The Twighlight Manor series.

And the Quaraun series is the much tamer prequel to The Twighlight Manor series.

Are there any paths of sexual perversion the Twighlight Manor doesn't walk down...

Well, there is the now banned volume called Love, Lust, Madness featuring the series child raping predator Etiole de Bleu de Azure Swanzen and he equalally peadophille brother Razzburry Swanzen, art car builder and psychopath extraordinaire, who built the psychobilly arts cars that grace the pages of the books.

Etiole aka The Golden Eagle and his brother The Dazzling Razzbury are without question the two most corrupted, psychopaths of the series. Love Lust Madness was banned because of the sex scene between Etiole and his 14 year old granddaughter, whom he gets pregnant. The now banned volum The Dazzling Razzberry, was banned for the scene where Razz rapes his 3 year old nephew (Etiole's son) Phozeen.

Etiole himself is a pole dancing, male prostitute, stripper and is rarely seen outside of a sex scene or with cloths on, unless it's a mesh sequin thong.

Etiole, long one of the most beloved fan favourites of the series, got a back lash from fans when social workers took his son away from him, and instead of fighting to get his son back, defends his child rapist brother in court.

Then there is Etiole and Razz's older brother Vwoodlle. A 1920s gun running ganster, casino owner, and pimp. Buys and sells young pre-teen girls, and thinks nothing of using them as a shield when rival gangsters storm into his Blue Monkey casino armed with Tommy Guns. (See The Blue Monkey, The Racetrack of the Blue Eyed Demon, and Ice Storm '98 for these scenes.)

For anyone with a stump fetish there's main character Roderic who has no hands.

And the worst of the worst award, likely goes to Roderic's butler Al-Keeme, a necrophiliac, grave robber, chrynogenitics scientist with a lust for dead women.

Let's take a break and look at book covers. People keep calling the series Erotica, but, Erotica has naked chick, and close up of boobs and muscle men on the covers. Thought you might like to see some of these SOOOO EROTIC covers on my books...

The Highly Controversial Twighlight Manor Series:
(A set of 231 slasher-porn, splatterpunk, short stories published in underground grind house zines in the 1970s and 1980s)

Where were we, before those book covers side tracked me? 

Oh yeah... answering this:

>>I've actually used the word 'vagina' in a different (non-sexual) context before in the book (2 usages) both were used in the context of examining a dead body.

>>I haven't used 'penis' and would never, ever use 'cock' or 'cum' I said to someone else I'd put a book down over this

This person supposedly wants to write a sex scene.

This is the OP who asked the question: "How do I write a sex scene?" And then, when someone tells them how to write a sex scene ^^THIS^^ was their answer back?!?

They want to write a sex scene, but they can not use the words vagina or penis outside of murder investigations, and they are too good and stuck up arrogant and civilized to lower themselves to words like cock and cum.

Part of a sex scene:

The sound of the Elf's cries sent the Phooka into a frenzy as he began to push harder and deeper, pulling himself nearly all the way out and then ramming himself back in. Quaraun screamed at the indescribable sensation pleasurable pain within him. The Phooka was heedless to his cries now, pounding faster, each stroke feeling worse and better at the same time.

The pain clouded Quaraun's mind, it was agonizing. Quaraun felt as though his insides were being ripped open. Every time Unicorn rammed his body against him, he wanted to scream, but what the Phooka was doing hurt so badly that the Elf could no longer find his voice and was only able to gasp out breathless moans. With each thrust Quaraun could feel the Phooka going deeper and deeper inside of him.

Unicorn leaned forward and kissed the Elf again. As Quaraun kissed him back, he heard a soft moan escape the Phooka's lips. Quaraun did realize one thing now, Unicorn was enjoying the fact that the Elf was fighting against him, in fact, that seemed to be what he wanted Quaraun to do, for the more he struggled, the harder Unicorn forced himself into the Elf. As the pain became unbearable, the Elf suddenly tried to pull away from the Phooka, pushing him back off of him.

"Oh don't do that," the Phooka scolded him. "Ya'll just hurt youself."

Hot tears streamed down Quaraun's face. He hurt too much to get up. The Phooka pushed him face down to the ground again.

"I is gonna knot ya. It'll be easier for both us, if ya can'na get away."

Quaraun resisted as hard as he could, but he felt a change overcome the Phooka, as the beast sunk its teeth into the meat of Quaraun's shoulder, blood surging into his mouth. Quaraun could feel the Phooka tremble as it tasted the ripe red juices of Quaraun's body. Penetration made both of them gasp in shock, neither of them properly prepared for the sensory overload. Quaraun twisted in a mix of pain and overwhelming pleasure and gasped for breath. Quaraun cried out, as the Phooka forced himself in deep, nailing into Quaraun's prostate, swelling inside the Elf, catching on Quaraun's hole as he drew back locking them in place. Quaraun cried out in pain again.


~From The Night of the Screaming Unicorn

I'm sorry, if you are THAT much of a fridgid, sexless, creep, then why in the heck are you trying to bother with writing a sex scene at all?

I mean, really... WHY are you wanting to write sex when you clearly HATE the very idea of sex?

But they don't stop there, no, they keep going on to say this:

>>I'm less afraid of using the technical names for things, I do feel that it would maybe ruin the romantic side of things, so I'm probably gonna avoid using it.

You're not writing a damned technical school science book, for crying out loud, you are writing a frigging sex scene! Come on!

If you don’t feel comfortable writing about sex, then don’t. It's not required and 99,9% of the time you can remove a sex scene without changing the story.

Think of it this way: when you watch TV you get commercial breaks to break up the pace of the story. You don't get commercials in novels, instead you get sex scenes.

Don't delude yourself: a sex scene has no purpose other then to give the reader a break from the story.

>>You're writing a romance novel for adults

Are they? Are they REALLY? That's NOT what they said. They very clearly said their book was a horror dystopia murder mystery, with lots of gratifying killings and many graphic on page murder scenes. That doesn't sound like a Romance story to me.

How did this commenter come to the conclusion the OP was writing Romance, when that's not what they said their book was at all?

But yes, if it's for adults, then why the tip toeing and pussy footing.

It's sex for crying out loud, what the hell is it with people thinking sex is evil and needs to be hidden behind "tasteful words". It is what it is, why hide it?

It says a lot about a person, when they fear sex so much they can't even use words like penis in the novels. It says a lot... like, you're probably a religion crazed lunatic who belongs in a straight jacket before you start waving your bloody Bible around. Only a deviant, unhonest, thug of a liar is a person with something to hide.

You got something to hide, I ain't gonna trust you and I'll be quick to recommend no one else trust your sorry ass either.

People who hide sex are not to be trusted in my mind. Not in real life or in books. Any character who is no sexual is seen with an eye of suspicion by me. Any character who can't say penis is seen by me as a reader, as a creep o keep away from.

Yeah, you're right, romance IS for adults... NOT children, so what the hell reason is there for being scared to use words like penis and cum? Your immaturity is showing if such words are too embarrassing to write in your novel.

Okay, this leads to many questions.

The OP is asking how to write a romantic sex scene in the midst of a gore fest of violence in a Horror novel and this particular commenter read only the title and not the specifics of the OP's question so gave an answer assuming the OP was writing a Romance novel.

This says something about diffent expectations in genres and that I think is very important here.

What do the readers expect from a novel in YOUR genre? Do you read other novels of the genre you are writing? How much sex is typically in them?

Are sex scenes necessary, a requirement, or can a novel in your genre get by without them? How often do you see sex scene in Horror Dystopian Murder Mysteries? I don't read that genre so I have no idea. I assume the OP reads this genre otherwise I don't think they could write it very well. Perhaps sex is not often in this genre and that's why they are having trouble writing sex in it? That says something too. If sex is not often in your chosen genre, will readers be disappointed or upset to see sex in your novel when other authors don't put sex in their novels? It's definitely something to think about.

What about the length of scenes? Does your genre typically have one sentence fade to black sex or 5 pages of detailed graphic porn level sex? If your sex scenes are longer or short then the standard for your genre, how will your readers react to this?

How much do readers of your genre expect to see? Is everyone safety hidden under the sheets during sex and the readers get to hear a lot of moaning, or are penises in full view with a camera lense close up zoomed in on every pulsing vein? What type of sex scene do other author write in your gere? What are the advantages or disadvantages of doing the same?

How much detail do readers in your genre want? Do readers of your genre want cum shooting across the room and splattering on the ceiling or are they content to hear his contented groans of ecstasy and just know he finished cumming without seeing the cum?

What is the publishers of you genre say they are looking for? Have you read their submission guidelines to find out if they have specific minimums and maximums of how much and what type of sex they allow? If you are not self publishing, you might want to do some heavy research into publisher guidelines BEFORE you start writing your novel.


>>don't write how a teenager would describe having sex, "I did this to him... " or "I tore off her clothes... ".

Omg! First person? Really? First person point of view? Yeah, nothing said a child writing a sex scene better than the first person point of view.

OMG! I hate 1st person PoV. If you've read enough of my articles on how to write, you've probably ran across a few of my rant on how much I can't stand 1st person PoV.

Just the thought of a first person point of view sex scene sends cat claws on a blackboard cringe shivers down my back. Yie! Gag!

1st person POV is why I rarely read fanfiction or self-published books. You know there's a reason why big house trade publishers WON'T publish 1st person novels right? Because they suck! And not a good suck like sucking cock or balls, no, they just plain suck!

If you are going to write a sex scene and want to do it any justice, AVOID the 1st person PoV like it was the plague, because in sex scene, 1st person IS the plague.

If you are having trouble coming up with phrases this book may help:

Not a book about writing sex, but rather a book that is nothing but a list of phrases, I have found that The Romance Writer's Phrase Book helps when writing sex scenes. I'm often able to find a line in this book and use it as a writing prompt to build an entire scene off of it.

Some of the phrases found in this book are:

  • there was an invitation in the smoldering depths of his eyes
  • there was a trace of laughter in his voice
  • he moved in an instinctive gesture of comfort
  • the warmth of his smile echoed in his voice
  • his hand slid down her arm, tightening around her wrist
  • a gleam of intent in his grey eyes
  • the dorment sexuality of her body had been awakened
  • shivers of delight followed his touch
  • the muscles were hard beneath her fingertips
  • her body squirmed beneath him
  • his kiss was surprisingly gentle
  • he whispered, his breath hot against her ear
  • he was a complex man, not easy to know intimately
  • her heart sang with delight
  • his voice was like an echo in an empty tomb

There are 3,000+ of these in this book. If you are having trouble writing sex scenes, this is definitely a book to help you get started.

Part of a sex scene:

"Please. Let me go," Quaraun began crying. He felt the Faerie's hand slide up his back and around to his belly, firmly gripping him, and forcing him to sit upright, pressing his back hard against the Faerie's strong muscular chest.

"Do'na be frightened of me, Quaraun. We will na hurt ya. Try to relax." With his other hand Unicorn began to fondle Quaraun's erect cock. Droplets of the Elf's pre-cum began to moisten the Phooka's hand. "There now, ya see it'sn't that bad. Yis enjoying it already."

As he spoke, the Faerie let go of Quaraun, and began to pile several pillows up in front of the Elf.

"Lean forward agains," he said quietly, as he pushed Quaraun down over the pillows.

Unicorn grabbed Quaraun's by the waist and slammed him face down onto the bed, as the Phooka began rubbing his hard erect dick on the Elf's bare ass. Quaraun braced his hands on the edge of the bed as Unicorn began to fuck his tight ass. Quaraun gasped and tried not to scream as the Vampire Faerie shoved his hard cock up into Quaraun's tiny ass. Unicorn continued fucking him, moving faster, harder, and impaling his cock deeper into the Elf's ass. Quaraun could hear the Phooka's moans of joy, as his juices flowed into Quaraun as though he were a woman. Quaraun howled like a wild animal. His own cum squirted onto the bed as he squealed to the pounding he was receiving.

Quaraun loved most, the feel of his balls slapping against Unicorn's with each thrust. As he entered Quaraun again, the Vampire grasped the Elf's butt cheeks, pulling him up off the bed. The two men lay beside each other on the floor, both breathing heavily. The Faerie started laughing hysterically.


~From Into The Swamp of Death

>>Write about what grown ups feel when they consummate a relationship which means a lot to them. 

The best way to do this is to just think about what it was you saw, felt, heard, tasted, smelt, and thought during your last sex excursion.

You probably saw either a lot of sweaty skin or a lot of dark nothing, depending on if you had the lights on or off.

You probably felt a lot of friction, rubbing, heaviness/weight of someone's body on top of yours, chafing from shaved stubble or unshaved fluff, sweat, saliva, sperm, cum, and pee. If you are lucky enough to have a guy with a small penis, he's go a pair of testicles big enough to slap against your ass too. Not many men are blessed with balls big enough to do this, so consider yourself lucky if your man has them.

In addition to moans, grunts, and groans, you probably heard the bed thunking, the floor creaking, the mattress crinkling, light fixtures shaking, and a thing you never see mentioned in sex scenes: that distinctive squishing shlooosh sound the penis makes while thrusting ever deeper into the the pee, cum, and sperm filled vagina. 

Sweat is salty. Blood is tangy and tastes of copper pennies. The smell of each is the same. While cum has a sweet, salty fruity flavour and a strong musky order.

Contrary to popular belief, people think about things that are not sex or even sexy, during sex.What do people think about? Laundry. What they'll have for dinner later. Old lovers. 

Grown ups are not thinking about "romantic" things, nor are the feeling those sweeping emotions of "thought of only him" like you read in Romance novels... and you know that, because you've had sex often enough yourself.

>>Make it about a very real expression of love and you should find it doesn't feel weird or awkward to write about sex. 

If you find it weird or awkward to write about sex, that tells me that your emotional and psychological comfort zone regarding sex in general is warped and dysfunctional. It means you've suffered trauma, not nessaceraily sexual, but on levels that causes you to not be trusting of others.

The act of sex requires huge amounts of trust, especially if you are dealing with violent BDSM style sex. You are putting your body, your very life, in someone else's hands, and act that can be terrifying if you do not fully and completely trust the person you are giving your body over to.

A person who can write about sex without inhibitions, is a person in a healthy sexual relationship, with a person they trust implicitly.

A person who has deep emotional difficulty in writing about sex, is a person who does not trust their lover, and should be taking a deep and personal look at their own personally sex life.

Fix you real world sex life and you'll lose any inhibitions about writing sex. It's as simple as that.

>>The tension between the characters has been building up over hundreds of pages, and I'm most afraid of making things a little anticlimactic

Okay... going back to your fear of penises and cum...

If the tension has been building up for hundreds of pages, your guy's penis is going to be shooting cum, seconds after the sex starts, because his aching balls are heavy with cum and in desperate need of release.

Research male physiology and biology, before you have hundreds of pages of buildup, no real man can last that long without getting some kind of relief.

Part of a sex scene:
(The first time Quaraun and Unicorn have sex)

No.” Quaraun said.

Yes.”

"Wha..."

Before Quaraun could think of anything to say, the Phooka had already moved the Elf into, what seemed to Quaraun to be a rather awkward position. He had barely time to think about that, before the Phooka flipped him over onto his belly, pressing him down to the floor and clambered on top of him.

The Elf's body gave way to the intense pleasure Unicorn was making him feel. Quaraun shivered with anticipation as he felt the wet tip of Unicorn's cock pressing against him.

Tis gonna hurt,” Unicorn whispered. "The first time always does. Ya does no has to be frightened. Try to let me finish this time. I'll go slow and gentle with ya. We can stop iffy ya get too scared."

Unicorn pressed against the Elf's for a moment, before slowly plunging in. Both men moaned from the pleasure and pain of the first push through the tight virgin entrance. Frightened and tense once again, Quaraun tried to get away.

"Shhhh," Unicorn whispered into the Elf's ear. "Ya need to relax, Quaraun. Tis gonna hurt us both if ya don't. Just relax. Let me do the work. There ain't nothing to be scared of."

The pain was searing. The Phooka's fingers had been nothing compared to this. The Elf whimpered in pain. His fingers clawed at the ground, but the Phooka held him fast. Quaraun wanted to scream, to fight, to pull away, but with the pain was mixed a sense of pleasure, fast growing in desire. Quaraun felt fear and excitement at the same time. Fear from the danger he now faced, now that he realized just how very strong the Phooka really was. Excitement at the sensation of being overpowered by a strength far greater than his own.

Quaraun cried out as he felt a new piercing sensation, as Unicorn pushed deeper inside of him.


~From The Night of The Screaming Unicorn

I think this is probably one of the ways the Quaraun serie is different as well. 

In a typical Romance novel, you have build up and build up and build up, and well, that's just not something a real world guy can handle. Sooner or later, he's really going to need to be fucking something, even if it's humping a pillow or jerking himself off in a banana peel. He ain't a woman, he can not go very long without relieve himself of the tension. Sure, females can go days and not be bothered by it buy, waiting even a half hour can really mess up a man's physical health.

That's something that makes the Quaraun books stand out as different, because, the men don't put off til the perfect opportune plot moment. If they need release, they are going to just stop what they are doing and jerk themselves off.

In a Quaraun novel, it's not uncommon for the story to be moving along, and the plot sudden interrupted by, one of the main male characters stopping to masterbate, regardless of how inappropriate to the current plot line it is for him to do so, just then at that particular point in the story.

Real men, in the real world, often stop what they are doing to run off somewhere to masterbate.

It's what men do.

And there is no reason why fictional men, can't just as abruptly stop what they are doing to go masterbate. It happens in the real world, so why doesn't it happen in novels. That has always bothered me. Not just the masterbation, but everything in general.

Why do characters in a novel never get up to use the bathroom UNLESS it's an excuse to snoop around? Why can't it ever be that they actually have to go pee?

And yes, in the Quaraun books, you see that as well. If a guy has to pee, he does. He doesn't just miraculously never need to pee because stopping to pee world interrupt the plot. To hell with the plot, let the guy go take a damned piss!

In the real world, life doesn't revolve around a plot and things don't wait until the ideal time to happen. And I don't like books that do the whole EVERYTHING MUST move the plot forward. 

Why?

You can't put a sex scene here, because it interupts the plot. Wait until the plot does this first and then put a sex scene there.

Why?

You know what? If Unicorn wants to fuck Quaraun, he sure as hell isn't going to wait for some narrator to tell him when the ideal time to do it is, so that he doesn't interrupt the plot with unnecessary gratuitous sex.

Yeah. Sex in a novel is ALWAYS gratuitous, and any author who says other wise is just deluding themselves.

There is NEVER a plot reason for having sex happen on the page. If it's IMPORTANT to the plot, you can just say: "and then they had sex" and keep right on moving with the story.

And since sex is NEVER important to the plot, what differance does it make WHERE in the novel you put the sex scene?

It doesn't. 

So if your guy is horny on page 10, there's no reason to make him wait till page 278 to have sex. Let him have sex on page 11 and get it over with. Unless you have a plot reason for denying him sex, like, showing how bitchy he gets after 300 pages of being denied sex.

>>I'm a big fan of artistic depictions of sex when it's done right and it mostly isn't done right, so that is a big part of why I want to do it, I'd say it's kinda an ego thing for me, I wanna evolve my writing to a deep level.

Artistic depictions of sex.

So... like Salvador Dali, when he turned a woman's breasts into draws and stuck a penis on a guy's head, instead of a head?

I'm just sitting here wondering what artist sex is.

Are your characters rolling in paint before they start fucking?

What is artistic sex?

I would like this explained, because as far as I can see, sex is sex.

When you say "artistic depiction of sex" the first thing my mind goes to is Linda Nochlin's "Buy My Bananas".  If you don't know it, well, here it is:

She was upset by the inequality of all the nude artistic photos of women carrying fruit and wearing only socks and shoes, that were being sold as tasteful porn for men, that she decided to make a series nude artistic photos of men carrying fruit and wearing only socks and shoes, to see how the world would react to this level of equality, in having tasteful porn for women.

Artistic depictions of sex.

I'm gonna guess you mean like the Fabio books.

Fabio books.

The #1 bestsellers of Romance history.

LSD induced psychobilly rape on a stick.

TO WAR WITH THE MOUND!

GATHER UP YOUR HONEY POTS!

ERECT THOSE CELERY STICKS!

RAVAGE THOSE BUTTERFLIES!

(but shhh don't let a penis be seen, rape is good, penises are bad... and hey let's stick Fabio on the cover and no one will notice or care that this book is about Vikings gang raping virgins)

Raise your hand, those of you reading this, who've ever read a Fabio book. I know you're out there, you're certainly not reading a book I wrote if you aren't also a fan of the books the Quaraun series is fanficing the hell out of.

My mound is heaving!

Oh! The electric butterflies in my stomach!

OMG! His volcano is erupting!

It was like I was bathed in whipped cream with popping cherries on top.

Ooooh! My tulips quiver with honey.

A plague of butterflies pumped from his penis!

Let's read some sex scenes from the Fabio books, shall we?

Here you go, sex scenes from some of the all time best sellers of the sex industry:

*Oh, and in case you didn't know... honey is cum, yeah.... there's a lot of that going around here...*

"'Oh, God, you feel wonderful,' he whispered into her mouth.

And she did. Never had White Wolf tasted any woman who felt so right for him as his Prairie Star. The intense, bittersweet moments of their sharing had stirred him to a passion that was all-consuming, and the reality that they would soon be one in every way moved him to his soul. Still, he hated having to hurt her. Best not to prolong the torment. He slipped his hands beneath her, tilting her hips upward. His mouth came down hard on hers, and his manhood moved forcefully. He felt a tremor shake her as her virginal membrane gave way to his unyielding penetration. He comforted her with his lips while pressing deeper. Velvety warmth swamped him, squeezing him so pleasurably, tugging him into a vortex of wet heat until he buried himself in paradise...

Maggie reeled at White Wolf's vigorous thrust. She felt the solid heat of him splitting her apart and filling her exquisitely. Her soft sobs were melted by his kisses. Even the pain made her feel somehow connected with him. The discomfort soon faded, and she was swept away by the wondrous sensations of having him inside her, the searing heat, the explosive pressure that made her insides taut and throbbing.

Just when she was certain she could feel nothing more intense, more dazzling, he withdrew from her and surged deep again, wrenching a groan from her. She whimpered at the exquisite sensation and dug her fingers into his buttocks, pulling him into herself, wanting to feel him in her very core. Then he was thrusting powerfully, again and again, drowning her with more devastating kisses...

White Wolf fought to contain his wildly escalating desires. But after having wanted Prairie Star for what seemed an eternity, his thirst for her was uncontrollable. She was so perfect for him, her tiny vessel a hot, sweet vise about him, her mouth so trusting on his. As much as he wanted to make their passion last, he found himself devouring her, hurled toward a blinding orgasm. He plunged convulsively, coming to rest inside her..."

Comanche -- Fabio

"'Because,' he replied, 'you have a voice as thick and rich as wild honey.' His finger moved up to trace the line of her cheek. 'Your skin is as creamy as the whipped honey in Sulaiv.' His eyes swept over her tousled braids. 'Your hair is the color of the spicy honey they sell in the markets in Cylon. And' -- his thumb moved over her lips while his voice lowered to a murmur -- 'you taste as sweet as the finest honey.'

Beneath a Crimson Moon -- Christine Michels

"His mouth enveloped her, his lips sucking strongly as if to pull the nectar from a honey-sweet flower."

This Fierce Splendor -- Iris Johansen

“She took his hand into hers and led it to the sweet nectar between her thighs where she was hot and wet and ready for him. ‘Come inside, my sweet, where it is warm and inviting,’ she whispered.”

Master of Desire – Kinley MacGregor

"I'd bet all the men came a-buzzing like bees to the honeycomb for your sweet loving, that right, girl?"

Silver Rose -- Penelope Neri

"Drawing and stretching the fabric tautly down his muscular arms, she leaned to him, caressing his furred, bronzed chest with her tongue and teeth. Nipping lovingly at the sinewed flesh, she held him captive against the sweet torture of her lips. His head rolled back in a delirium of passion, and she took the more vulnerable new territory in stunning hot little bites. Seething hunger flared, blood quickened, tolerance exploded. In an agonized fever of need, he galvanized himself against her restraint, enchained her in the throbbing steel of his embrace. He lifted her, sweeping her from her feet and onto the great bed. Lowering himself over her, tearing at the lacy chemise, he filled the rapacious hunger of his soul with the succulence of her tender flesh. She writhed beneath him in an ecstasy of maddened pleasure. She entwined her legs around the lean, muscular column of his middle as he lifted the moist flowering core of her need to his powerful command. He thrust in a towering rage of desire. Victoria received the flaming charge rapturously, with breathless charges of her own. The sudden turbulence of their passion crested, swirling them to dizzying, heart-gripping heights. Together, in the fiery dazzle of their joy, together, in the darkness of the cabin, Greyson and Victoria touched the sun.

Soul-melting pleasure undulated through them, bathing them in a golden ecstasy. Liquid rills of wonder cooled the wild fires of their pulsing need. They lay together in the curling vapor of their repletion, breathless with the unexpected sublimity of their union. They marveled that they could attain such heights, such soaring perfection.

Victoria snuggled pearlike in the firm bronze of Greyson's muscled arms. She felt, against her passion-flushed cheek, the furring of his chest, the rhythmic pounding of his heart, the rumbling, hoarse whisper of his words of love. His hot breath stirred the loosened ringlets of her hair."

Emerald Enchantress -- Carol King

"Down below, at the juncture of her thighs, a cloud of curly hair covered the secrets of her total desire."

Savage Passions -- Cassie Edwards

"It would not be long before the fruit of success dropped into his hands, the ripe melons of her breasts, the luscious strawberry of her mouth, the whole tempting bowl that he had been so careful to keep his hands off of up until now."

Fortune's Mistress -- Michele Stegman

"His blue eyes glittered as they devoured her, palms closing covetously over her full, upthrusting breasts, pressing them high as his mouth lowered to suck again and again of their nectar, first one and then the other, teeth grazing their hearts, tongue stinging like a bee, flicking her nipples into hard, roseate buds bursting to unfurl."

Swan Road -- Rebecca Brandewyne

“Pinioned beneath him, crushed by his weight. I spread my legs and wrapped my arms around his back, my fingers tearing at the silk of his shirt. Jeremy Bond filled me, pulsating inside me, moving, thrusting, strong as steel and soft as velvet, the torment unbearable, growing, growing, building as he thrust deeper and deeper and the dam of sensation weakened, crumbling, a flood of feeling ready to drown us both. He growled again, sinking his teeth into the soft flesh of my shoulder, his body tense, rigid atop mine as the moment of release drew nearer, nearer.
When he had scaled the highest peak, when he hung suspended over the abyss of ecstasy, he paused, deliberately, waiting for me. I shredded his silk shirt with my nails and moaned, moving beneath him, wrapping my legs around him, and that great dam of sensation began to give, began to topple. I opened my eyes and stared up at the stars flashing, glittering, dancing with silvery brilliance. He drove into me with one final thrust and broke the dam. Tumultuous waves of sensation swept over us, and it seemed all the stars in the sky exploded inside me. I cried out, clinging to him as wave after wave crashed, and Jeremy shuddered violently, finally growing limp as we washed to shore.”

Love Me, Marietta – Jennifer Wilde

"They were stunning, full and heavy with pale mocha skin topped with checkerberry nipples."

The Princess and her Pirate -- Louis Greiman

"Her throat, her stomach, even her hands and feet, felt as if they'd been invaded by swarms of butterflies, and Shylo reached up to try to save herself."

Marrying Miss Shylo -- Sharon Ihle

"There was no way he could resist the wildfire forcing him to the center of her heat."

Mine Forevermore -- Maria Greene

"Like a leaf uncurling beneath the kiss of the sun, desire unfolded deep in the core of her being, growing, expanding, watered by the sound of her name on his lips, nurtured by their mutual need."

Heart of The Hunter -- Madeline Baker

Enchanted Crossings a compilation -- Madeline Baker, Anne Avery, Kathleen Morgan

"Furious with himself for his inability to break away from Alda, knowing he would find physical release but nothing else with her, Brice rammed himself into her squirming, wriggling body.  Her cry of delighted triumph was like a serrated knife slashing across his mind and heart."

Heart's Magic -- Flora Speer

“His joy in her enthralled him as they began to move together and he had the intense pleasure of knowing she had slipped beyond all reality but him and was giving from the depths off her being.

Their senses rose together on the crest of a passion wild beyond anything they could have imagined.

Caught in wave after wave of gloriously exultant pleasure, Kairee could only cling to the solidness of his huge fraame as their bodies, their passions, and their completion, molded them into one.

His hard body filled her and she felt a stunning, beautiful, expanding bloom of ravaging rapture that made her arch against his deep, full strokes until a wild, soaring ecstasy burst upon them and he clasped her to him as if he could draw her within himself and hold her forever.

Kairee felt the thunderous beat of his heart against her naked breasts  and heard their ragged breathing, and time seemed to be poised on the brink of eternity as they clung together.”

Wild Wyoming Heart – Sylvie F.  Sommerfield

"And he realized, as he released his seed into her a second time, that if this was war, he'd just surrendered."

Let Me Come In -- Linda Jones 

"Desire flowered in her loins, sang like a bird in her soul." 

Superstitions -- Annie McKnight 

"She felt hot as she had in the tunnel, blind and deaf to everything but Durango and the atavastic yearning he aroused in her. Droplets trickled from her temples into her unbound hair. As a slow-burning candle radiates its scent, so the warmth of her stoked and diffused her lavender perfume, her female fragrance. The mingled essences permeated the air, wafted to his nostrils, inciting him.

Her hair was a tangle of russet ivy, ensnaring them both; her breasts were blossoms bursting against his palms, puckered centers hard as currants against her habit, responding to the butterfly flick of his thumbs. Where he and she were, lush, languorous summer unfolded its sultry garden of delights; Eden's sun bathed them in its sweltering golden glow. The bee that was his tongue stung her breasts again and again as he fed among the roses and lilies, his face buried deep in the valley between the flowering mounds. Slowly... feverishly, he slid down the lissome length of her, trailing a path of torrid kisses in his wake as he sank to his knees in a place that, in his mind, was green, green grass and rich, dark earth, his hands gripping the smooth curve of her buttocks to pull her near to him. Born of his overpowering nearness, his expert kisses and caresses, honey dripped between Josselyn's thighs; she ached deep at the heart of her with the sweetness of it, burned with the slow-melting heat of it. Of a sudden, she felt so hollow at the secret core of her, so empty, that she hurt unendurably and longed instinctively to be filled by him. As though with a life of their own, her fingers twisted convulsively in his hair. She wanted... She wanted...

Sensing her desperate need, the bee came at long last to light upon the soft, succulent swell of her womanhood, to sting -- just once, lightly, quickly -- through her skirts the ripe, rubicund fruit that nested at the pith of her nether lips, berry juices sweeter than wine, sweeter than nectar. At his exquisite touch, a violent tremor rocked her. She sobbed aloud, her body racked by a long, agonizing shudder, so unbearably sweet was the exigent sting that pierced her -- bitter as the cruelest barb for ending so abruptly, leaving her still aching, still burning, still wanting him utterly.

In the sudden silence broken only by their harsh, rapid breathing, Durango lifted his dark head. His hooded black eyes glittered with passion as they surveyed her intently. His hands were clenched on her hips; his body was coiled tightly as that of a cougar poised to spring."

Rainbow's End -- Rebecca Brandewyne

"He began to move gently within her, trying not to hurt her, even as her velvety constriction was making him demented."

Viking -- Fabio

"His deft fingers trailed over her fiery flesh, halting here and there to labor lovingly in special areas. Yet, her flames were not extinguished, only heightened. Moans escaped her parted lips. Her fingers buried themselves in his dark blond hair. Her mouth placed kisses everywhere they could reach. She shuddered when his experienced and gentle fingers stimulated her woman's domain. She sensed his height of arousal. Closing her hand around his flaming torch and caressing it, she brought forth a deep groan from his lips. It was sleek and hot, and had the power to drive her mindless with pleasure."

Wild, Sweet Promise -- Janelle Taylor

"His hands slid down her naked back to the curve of her bottom, and she molded against him like bark to a tree."

Fortune's Flame -- Judith E. French

And people wonder two things:

1: Why don't authors write Fabio style books anymore?

2: OMG! What the hell! Why the hell did the Fabio books get so popular?

Readers of Romance, have a love hate relationship with the infamous Dun-Con Rape Fantasy novels of the 1980s & 1990s. On the one hand, the Fabio books were a safe way to be raped over and over again... on the other hand, you weren't sure if you were being raped by pirates, butterflies, or jars of honey. And... what the hell are checkerberry nipples? Have you ever seen a checkerberry? They are tiny for one thing, and bright red for another. That guy with the checkerberry nipples - I'd be worried if he was breaking out in small pox and she it mistook it for a nipple.

Oh course you could do a Fifty Shades of Grey...

It's so huge, I blushed!

Oh wow, let's blush some more.

OMG! My inner goddess is blushing red, white, and blue, stars and stripes!

Oh! His grey eyes! My inner goddesses inner goddess just blushed and my bloody tampon fell out!

Oh! He's wearing a grey suit! I blushed so hard I lost another tampon!

I watched in awe, blushing like the American flag, as he threw my bloody tampon across the room...

I wish I was joking. Anyone who has ever read 50 Shades of Grey is VERY familiar with the tampon scene and Anna's obsession with her blushing inner goddess.

Here's just a few of the 317 times her inner goddess interrupts a sex scene...

"Paul looks positively crest-fallen, stunned even, and a very small part resents that he should find this a surprise. My inner goddess does too. She makes a very vulgar and unattractive gesture at him with her fingers."


"My inner goddess jumps up and down with cheerleading pom-poms shouting yes at me."


"My inner goddess is not pleased."


"What have you done? My subconscious screams at me. My inner goddess is doing back flips in a routine worthy of a Russian Olympic gymnast."


"You can pretend to be a car, like his other possessions, my subconscious makes an unwelcome vitriolic return. I ignore her."


"I examine the list, and my inner goddess bounces up and down like a small child waiting for ice cream."


"My subconscious runs, screaming, and hides behind the couch."


"Oh the possibilities... my inner goddess roars, and from somewhere born of frustration, need, and sheer Steele bravery, I push him on to the bed. He laughs as he falls, and I gaze down at him feeling victorious. My inner goddess is going to explode."


"Well, it's been swept under the rug that my inner goddess is lying on, eating grapes and tapping her fingers, waiting not so patiently for Sunday."

You know... one of the joys of being an author, is the sheer delight we get out of writing sex scenes as bad as possible, just to see who can write the worst sex scene out there... and here you are are ruining it for us, by trying to write a GOOD sex scene?

You want to write Romance AND be taken seriously?

We laugh!

We laugh at you and all your seriousity.

Us and ALLLLL of our blushing inner goddesses, throw our dripping honey pots and bloody tampons at you and laugh!

Oh wait... maybe I'm just being tickled by those electric butterflies he's shooting out of his celery stick. Damn he's a giant purple eggplant.

Part of a sex scene:

There was nothing more fearsome or more deadly to an Elf, then an Elf Eating Phooka, turned Lich, turned Vampire. A tremendous fear shook deep into Quaraun's soul as he suddenly realized how dangerous and incredibly powerful Unicorn, a young restored, healthy Unicorn, really was. Even Unicorn, when old and weak had been much stronger then Quaraun, and now with his health returned, Unicorn's strength was formidable. An Elf didn't stand a chance again a young healthy Phooka. But the fear shook back into Unicorn. He could feel not only Quaraun's pain, but also his absolute sheer terror of the Phooka. Unicorn instantly released the Elf letting him fall back onto the bed.

The two men were still attached, with the Phooka's wolf-like barbed penis still firmly knotted inside of Quaraun. Neither of them would be able to move away from the other until the Phooka had calmed down and relaxed, and Quaraun knew that wouldn't be any time soon. Unicorn was always horny, he never relaxed. He was just as hyper as any Faerie should be.

Quaraun lay silent and terrified. His body trembled with fear. His breathing was erratic. The poor Elf was hyperventilating and close to passing out once again. He dare not move, for fear any movement would incite the Phooka into a blood frenzy once again. Unicorn quietly lay down behind Quaraun and began to stroke the Elf's mega long bum length white hair.


~From Into the Swamp of Death

>>They read along, and suddenly there's skin and sexy times, things going in other things, stuff being licked, clothes coming off and detailed descriptions of bodies and whatever ... how is it not gratuitous?

It IS gratuitous.

And what's wrong with that?

Tell me, please, because I've only written and published 130 novels since 1978, and I've yet to understand why newbie writer wannabe authors run around proclaiming every word of a novel must move a story forward or cut it out.

Sex in a novel is ALWAYS gratuitous, and any author who says otherwise is just deluding themselves, but that no reason to not put the sex scene in anyways.

You know, not everything in a novel has to move the plot forward. You can let your characters and your readers take a break every few chapters and has some gratuitous playtime.

>>I think if I included a sex scene in my book, it would be less gratuitous because I've already been gratuitous in earlier chapters with extreme violence,

Sex in a novel is ALWAYS gratuitous, and any author who says otherwise is just deluding themselves. A sex scene can't be made "less gratuitous". Sorry. It doesn't matter how much or how little detail you put in the sex scene, your reader's mind is going to imagine whatever the hell dirty shit going on they want to, and you as the author have no control over that.

Remember, I have a book with no sex in it, just one line where a character in the middle of a conversation states: "I were fucking me Elf" and one reader, sent her mind so far down into the deep dark, nasties, that she became totally and completely 100% convinced that she was reading pornography Erotica, so nasty that she demanded it be banned. There is no sex in that book. Her mind imagined the sex so she thought she read sex in it.

It's impossible for you to dictate how much or how little sex your reader imagines is happening.

>>I done it early to ensure my readers know the tone of the book. But some of my romantic interactions may indicate that I'm going to take a softer route when it comes to sex,

Horror.

Dystopian.

Murder mystery.

Lots of gratuitous on page killing.

With soft, non-gratuitous, romantic sex that doesn't involve penises or cum.

Uhm...

I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one going, what the fuck?

Okay... so the Quaraun series is Dark Fantasy, a subgenre of Horror, and has a very end of the world, the apocalypse is coming mindset in the characters, and some volumes are murder mysteries, and all volumes include at least one and sometimes more then a dozen very violent on page gratuitous killings.

That stuff mixes.

The Quaraun series even has a lot of soft romance going on, in between the hard core sex going on. Yes, they can be gentle in bed, and sometimes they are, but usually Unicorn is being gentle because Quaraun is sick or injured and he's trying to avoid hurting Quaraun. They do have a romantic side both in and out of sex scenes, but they are also both males and get carried away with passion once they get started.

So, if the Quaraun series does all those things, same as you want to do with your books, then what is wrong with this:

Horror.

Dystopian.

Murder mystery.

Lots of gratuitous on page killing.

With soft, non-gratuitous, romantic sex that doesn't involve penises or cum.

Okay here's the thing...

In the real world, while couples may be lovey-dovey, good-2-shoes, gently simpering over each other while courting, they fuck their asses off, tearing into each other like rabid animals once the clothes come off... you know, because, that's just how sex is done in the real world.

So, it doesn't matter, how lovesick and romantic your couple has been acting in between the dystopia slasher feast killing sprees - no one is going to believe they aren't honry as fuck and tearing into each other once they finally get in bed together, especially not with those 500 pages of build up you wrote in addition to the story.

Let's look at that list one more time and high light the problem.

Horror.

Dystopian.

Murder mystery.

Lots of gratuitous on page killing.

With soft, non-gratuitous, romantic sex that doesn't involve penises or cum.

Do you see it?

Let me ask you something:

What kind of a sick twisted psychology is behind a person who can write page after page after page of murder and violence and bloodshed and killing, without batting an eye, but then runs away in terror at the thought of putting a penis in that same book?

Think about it.

You see nothing wrong with taking a life, but creating life, no that's a sin.

You see nothing wrong with committing terrorist acts, but sharing love is just wrong?

You can write about guns, but you can't write about penises.

Something's seriously wrong there, and I'm gonna guess you must be an American, because, I've only ever encountered this "hating everything and killing are fine, but loving things and having sex are bad" mentality in Americans.

Americans love violence, and fear sex. 

Americans glorify killing ans bloodshed, and vilify love and sex. 

Americans march around guns held high and erect, and hide their flaccid penises. 

Americans lust for brutal murder, and shun love and peace. 

Americans are a sick twisted culture who love their guns and created fear filled horror about the evils of sex. And thus Americans can write bloodshed with ease, yet suffer great shame and discomfort at writing sex.

Is it any wonder, so much violence comes out of novels written by Americans, while so much sex comes out of books by non-Americans?

Nothing speaks louder, proclaiming the American pride in killing everything that moves and destroying all life, louder then their frigid inability to write something as simple as a sex scene.

Does the rest of the world have difficulty writing sex? No.

Does the rest of the world have difficulty writing violence? Yes.

That alone, speaks volumes.

A gun is a vile, despicable weapon of destruction that causes pain and suffering, and you have no trouble writing about them, and laugh (heh heh) throughout your posts every time you post about your glut lust for killing.

A penis is a devis of love and creation, used to bring joy and happiness, and you have writing 70+ posts on Reddit, decrying the fact that they are vile and can not be written about outside of medical textbooks.

Your mind is warped. You are so comfortable with guns and killing that you can write guns and killing with ease. Yet you are so fearful of penises that you are unable to write a single, solitary sex scene.

Americans write with each things that would send them to prison. Murder. Rape. Brutality.

Yet, Americans struggle to write love, sex, and happiness.

Sex is part of the everyday, natural, common experience of the circle of life, along with birth and death. Sex brings life, love, and joy.

Violence in unatureral, a thing that destroys life and brings death. Violent people a seen as dangerous criminals not fit for society. Violence brings death, suffering, and strife.

The Americans are a sick, twisted culture, that lusts for killing and fears sex. The OP's ability to write with ease 500 pages of mass murder and killing in a dystopian horror world, yet trembles in the face of a sex scene and rambles and raves their hatred for the penis, marks this person as so very, very, typically American.

I'm sorry if that seems harsh, but I think you really need to take a look at your inner subconscious and perhaps see a psychiatrist. The trouble you are having writing this sex scene, seems to be deep rooted in some sort of penis hating, gun glorifying trauma that you really need to deal with.

Now I'm not saying don't write violence, no. I mean, I probably write more violence in my books then you do in yours. My point here is, I find it very ironic, that Americans are so at ease with violence, even laugh and joke about it, but feel so awkward and dirty over writing sex.

When I write a death or murder scene, I do have trouble with them. At the same time I grew up with a lot of violence and I hated it. I never saw it as something to glorify. And the violence you see in my books, you see written from the terror filled perspective of the victim, not through the glory filled scope of a gun. I am very uncomfortable with violence, and it is very difficult for me to write, and write it from experience. My uncles were horrible people. Of the 30 children, my age, my cousins, that I grew up with, only 3 of us made it to adulthood. Only 2 of us are alive today. More than a dozen were found in 2016, their sawed up bones washed up in a ravine after coyotes dug up their graves. The abuse Quaraun suffers from at the hands of his father and his father's friend, it's the real world abuse, me and mu cousins were put through at the hands of our uncles. So I'm not glorifying violence by thinking up imaginary wars, no, I'm trying to work through my PTSD, by writing it down, to try to get the memory of what I lived through, out of my head.

And yet sex, I've no trouble writing. Unlike violence, sex is a good and joyful thing. Though I write Unicorn crude and vulgar, I also write him happy in his sex life and happy with his relationship with Quaraun. My characters do not hide their sexuality. They love each other deeply and feel no shame in that love, and where there is no shame, there is nothing to hide.

I wish more Americans would stop fantasizing war and bloodshed and instead, write the reality of domestic violence in the hopes of making it stop. And I wish more Americans would get over their prudish, Puritan, insecurities about sex. The world would be a better place if more people made love, not war.

>>I don't like reading sex scenes that are just overt and super vulgar, like it's smut.

Do you know that Barbara Cartland books are considered smut? And she not only never wrote a sex scene, she never once, not in 800+ Romance novels, ever even wrote a hug or a kiss, either. She also never wrote a scene with an unchaperoned girl.

smut[smət]

NOUN:

1: a small flake of soot or other dirt.

"all those black smuts from the engine"

synonyms:  imperfection · fault · flaw · defect · deformity · discoloration · 

disfigurement · bruise · scar · pit · pockmark · pock · scratch · dent · chip ·

 notch · nick · line · score · cut · incision · gash · mark · streak · spot · fleck 

· dot · blot · stain · smear · patch · trace · speck · speckle · blotch · smudge

 · smut · smirch · fingermark · fingerprint · impression · imprint · marking · 

blaze · stripe · birthmark · splotch · splodge · stigma

antonyms: enhancement

2: a fungal disease of grains in which parts of the ear change to black powder.

synonyms:  mildew · fungus · must · moldiness · mustiness · blight · smut 

· dry rot · wet rot

3: obscene or lascivious talk, writing, or pictures.

"porn, in this view, is far from being harmless smut"

synonyms: indecency · immorality · impropriety · salaciousness · 

smuttiness · smut · lewdness · rudeness · vulgarity · dirtiness · dirt ·

 filthiness · filth · foulness · coarseness · crudeness · grossness · vileness ·

 nastiness · impurity · immodesty · indelicacy · indecorousness · 

unwholesomeness · scabrousness · ribaldry · bawdiness · suggestiveness 

· eroticism · carnality · lasciviousness · lechery · licentiousness · 

libidinousness · degeneracy · depravity · amorality · debauchery ·

 dissoluteness · prurience · scatology · profanity · profaneness · bawdry ·

 salacity · lubricity

VERB(smutted)

1: mark with flakes or soot or other dirt.

"the smutted sky"

2: infect (a plant) with smut.

"smutted wheat"

synonyms: moldy · mildewed · blighted · smutty · smutted · musty ·

 fetid · fusty · 

ORIGIN

late Middle English (in the sense ‘defile, corrupt, make obscene’): related to Germanschmutzen; compare with smudge

1. The noun dates from the mid 17th century.

Powered by Oxford Dictionaries · © Oxford University Press · Translation by Bing Translator

>>I don't like reading sex scenes that are just overt and super vulgar, like it's smut.

Do you see where even the dictionary, distinguishes between porn and "harmless smut"?

If a sex scene is overt and vulgar then it's NOT smut, in fact it's the opposite of smut.

You're an author. Please learn to use words correctly. Do be like an American and just make up useless slang meanings for word that don't match the dictionary.

But you don't want to be vulgar. Okay. You don't have to be. There is no rule that says you have to use vulgar terms. But what words WILL you use then?

Try this:

How many ways can you describe an orgasm? 

Make a list. Try to come up with as many ways as possible to describe an orgasm. Or a penis. Or a vagina. Or cum. Make a list for each.

Saying her tulips dripped with honey, can be more sexually arousing then saying her pussy squirted cum.

Just make a list and think up as many ways to talk about sex as you can. Everything from the mild to the wild, vanilla to spicy, corny to slutty. Write down everything you can think of and do it without fear because no one is reading it. It's just you making a list of things so you can see which style you are most comfortable writing and which style triggers your squik levels too much.

Then write a bunch of quick 500 word sample sex scenes using all the various phrases you thought up.

If you have no practice writing sex scenes, the best cure for that is to just practice writing lots of sex scenes, until you feel comfortable enough to write a sex scene for your book. That's really all you gotta do, Practice makes perfect.

Practice writing sex scenes in private, is also much more productive then manically posting penis phobias all over Reddit, while declaring boldly and bi-polarly that you must write sex but can't write penises. I'm not sure what these posts are trying to prove. No one is forcing you to include a sex scene, so proclaiming you MUST write sex, then raving and ranting hatred for penises and the fact that you don't want to write sex, is counter productive.

You DO NOT have to put sex in your novel. 

No one is forcing you to put sex in your novel.

If it's stressing you out as bad as it appears to be, then just don't put a sex scene in your novel. It's that simple.

Otherwise, just practice writing sex scenes until you feel you've got the hang of it enough to write one for your book. 

It's really not as hard as you are making it out to be.

>>If you want it to be romantic and meaningful, don't do smut. 

Again. Barbara Cartland is the author who is used in defining what smut is. Romantic and meaningful, is EXACTLY what a smutty book is.

Plus, there is no need to be explicit or even any need to include a sex scene at all. Hint, imply, tease, insinuate, suggest, tempt, entice, drop clues... you can dribble lustful glances, gentle smiles, sweet whispers, embarrassed giggles, soft touches, warm kisses, passionate embraces, all throughout your story without ever once including a sex scene and your readers will hang on your every word drooling over your characters, even without any sex scenes at all. 

Remember that it isn’t only about body parts. A soft morning rain beating on the windows can imply a romantic mood.

Smells are a strong descriptor in the Quaraun novels.

With Unicorn, a pastry chef and candymaker,  you have the smell of anise, cloves, vanilla, gingerbread, chocolate, taffy, and peppermint.

With Quaraun, who is a Wizard raised in Persia, there's the smell of patchouli in his hair, sandalwood on his skin, and opium on his cloths. Burning incense and herbs as part of his magic rituals, scent of frankincense and myrrh linger in the air when he walks by.

GhoulSpawn, a sheep farmer and LSD addict, is often described smell of burned sugar, anise, pine needles, sheep's musk, grains/oats/wheat, and fresh cut hay.

These are all strong and distinct fragrances, each of them seen as exotic and strongly sexual. They are also all very common and familiar smells that most readers will know and recognize. And by always identifying certain characters with certain smells, readers familiar with the series, reading any one of these fragrances instantly brings to mind the character associated with it as well.

>>Don't say things like "he put this body part in that body part" or some shit because the reader probably isn't that dumb.

Interesting take on this.

So, you assume Erotica is an instruction manual on how to insert a penis into various holes, and do not consider that it is written for the sake of entertainment?

You know, I don't think any author ever sat down and said: "Oh no, my readers are stupid! They don't know where a penis is supposed to go! I better write out this handy step-by-step guide in my Romance novel, to make sure they know how it's done."

Okay, now, just because you told me NOT to do this, let's go look for these scenes in some of the Quaraun novels, shall we?


Quaraun tried not to think about the fact that the creature assaulting him was known for raping Elves, moments before killing them and eating their flesh but the thought could not escape him as fear built up in the pit of his stomach. Quaraun knew better then to give in to this, he knew he should fight, he knew he would soon be slaughtered by this gang of violent criminals, but it felt too good to try to stop them. His mind's objection to this horribly risky scenario was being overruled by his body's craving for more cock up his ass. He held his ass high in the air letting the Phooka fuck him.


~ From BoomFuzzy


Quaraun lay there with his back against the bed, legs curled into his body and above his head while two men took turns licking his asshole and sucking his extremely erect cock. With his legs in the air Quaraun could barely see what was taking place, but Quaraun knew from the feeling in his bowels that fingers were starting to explore his anal cavity. A few minutes in, Unicorn took over and started deep-throating him while GhoulSpawn placed himself at his side.


~ From Ties That Bind Us


A devilish look came into Unicorn's eyes.

"Ya soft ivory shoulders beckon to me," Unicorn said soothingly as he kissed the Elf, while reaching down between his legs to massage his balls. 

Quaraun, briefly hypnotized by the Phooka's touch, tingled under the soft caress of Unicorn's talon clawed finger tips. He never dreamed, Unicorn's razor clawed hands could feel so warm and gentle. Flames of passion burned within them both. A tremor heightened inside his thighs and groin. He wanted desperately to yield to the flooding sweetness that seemed to captivate his senses, as Unicorn's hands gently caressed him. Suddenly, Quaraun snapped out of his trance and pushed Unicorn off him.

"Unicorn, stop it," Quaraun said bluntly. 

"Why?" 

"Because we're not alone for one thing." 

The vampire gazed at the Necromancer's warm, shapely throat.

"Ya has such a lovely slender white neck," Unicorn purred seductivly, as he leaned closer to Quaraun. 

"You're not biting me," Quaraun stated, backing away from the Phooka. 

"I did no say I was." 

Quaraun sighed. He was weary from arguing with Unicorn. 

"You're talking about my neck," Quaraun said.

"Aye."

Unicorn climbed on the Elf again, kissing his shoulders and slowly pulling the Elf's clothes off.

"That means you want to bite me. STOP IT!"

Quaraun shoved Unicorn hard enough to knock him on the floor.

The Faerie just sat there laughing as he watched Quaraun readjust his featherboa, so that it covered his neck and shoulders from view.

“You're annoying me,” Quaraun growled as he bit his lip until it throbbed like his pulse.

“Why?”

"What do you mean, why? How the hell should I know why you are annoying me?"

Unicorn pounced on Quaraun, sending them both tumbling to the floor.

"Haven't you two had enough play time for one day?" ZooLock asked.

"No," Unicorn answered. "Never. I is undead sex addict."


~ From The Summoner of Darkness


Unicorn continued his assault on Quaraun's ass while jacking him off.  He had his entire huge cock into the Elf now and Quaraun felt full. The heat of the moment was making them both drenched in sweat. Unicorn pulled almost all of the way out and then grabbed Quaraun's hips hard to slam his dick as far into him as he could. The Phooka then held his cock deeply within Quaraun. His body tensed as he began to cum. His balls pumped load after load of cum, deep within the Elf's bowels.


~ From The Journey Begins


"What am I supposed to do while you sleep"

"You can sleep in bed with us."

GhoulSpawn stared at the bed.

"Why would I do that?"

"You always did."

GhoulSpawn's yellow eyes left the bed and now stared at Quaraun.

"I am not your friend."

"You're in his body."

"That does not make me him."

"I know."

"Then why treat me like I'm him?"

"You can learn to be him. Just as I learned to be the Elf I live in. It's not hard."

"You want me to be the Elf who died?"

"Yes. I do." 

"Why?"

"I loved him."

"He was your family?"

"Yes. Do you not remember?"

"I remember. I remember he liked touching you. He liked being touched by you. He was scared of Unicorn. And everything scared him. He had many females. Elves. Humans. Demons. He liked touching them too. He liked being touched. He was scared of their fathers and husbands. The girls he bedded with were too young to be made pregnant or already married so he didn't have to take responsibility for the offspring he made. He had a wife in every town. Left every one of them soon as they got pregnant. He just liked being touched. He didn't want to be a father. He prefered very young girls, because there was no chance of making them pregnant and they didn't know what he was doing to them. He thrilled over the secrecy. He loved the sense of danger of bedding little girls. You thought him innocent. He was not. He was a peadophile and rapist. A grave robber and a thief. Kiddnapper and a child molestor. He was not a good person. He hid a lot of things from you. He ran from village to village, never had a place to call home, because he kept getting caught by fathers and husbands, in bed with their daughters and wives. When he didn't have any one else, he had his pockets full of sheep."

This new GhoulSpawn who was not GhoulSpawn, but now the alien that was living in his dead body, pulled a sheep out of one of his many dozens of pockets that were far bigger on the inside.

"What do think he keep things things in his pockets for?" 

The sheep bleated. GhoulSpawn stuffed it back in his pocket.

"Your friend was a deviated pervert."

Unicorn couldn't help but laugh. 

"We kinda knews t'at about him," Unicorn said. "Him were always trying to hide them sheep. Even when we saw him with them, him still swear up and down him had no sheep. Poor Ghouly. Him did like his sheep a bit too much."

"And you want me to be HIM?"

"Well," Quaraun smiled, trying not to laugh. "You don't have to fuck sheep like he did. Unless you want to. I certainly can't judge you if you did, considering what I do."

"You like letting horses fuck up your ass."

"Yes, I do. Ghouly had his sheep. I have my Unicorn."

"You're both deviated perverts." 

"Once upon a time, I was an asexual Thullid like you. Then I realized I was living in the body of an Elf. Elves have sexual needs and strange burning desires. Deny yourself Elf body of the things it needs to survive and it'll go mad. Better to get used to having that dick between your legs early in the transition. It'll become your favourite toy. If you keep it well exercised it won't get in the way of the rest of your life."

"You want me to play with my dick?"

"I'll gladly do it for you."

"WHY!" GhoulSpawn looked horrified at the thought.

"Because right now I'm very horny and I can't think of anything I want to do more at this moment then have him fuck my ass while I suck your dick."

GhoulSpawn took a few steps back.

"You're not touching me."

Quaraun shrugged.

"Suit yourself."

The lustful Moon Elf made his way to the bed, stripping his clothes off as he went.

"Unicorn," he called to the Phooka. "Fuck me."

“Gladly.”


~ From GhoulSpawn the Crazed and the Rose Garden of the Pink Necromancer


At first, Quaraun was scared. GhoulSpawn knew Unicorn's rage if they were caught. Quaraun had no warning, no preparation. Here Quaraun was in bed suddenly with a hand on his cock, and Unicorn, somewhere, who knew where just now, who'd likely not approve of what was happening. Alone with GhoulSpawn. Quaraun had not expected the half-Elf to suddenly climb in bed with him.

The sensation of having someone else do what Unicorn had always done was exquisite. The feeling of being desired, and that by his large masculine friend, was heady. But the invasion of Quaraun's bed, the intrusion into the Necromancer's sexuality, left him in shock, threw him in a state of heightened awareness, once his awakened brain took stock.

Wanting but not wanting, Quaraun turned away from GhoulSpawn, as if he were still asleep, the Elf's mind not believing that this was happening to him. Quaraun's heart beat wildly. What to do? The question was answered for him as GhoulSpawn's hand slid down his side, seeking Quaraun's cock. Deftly, GhoulSpawn bypassed the Necromancer's sensitive scars, skimmed his modest pubic hair, and massaged the base of the Elf's shaft.

The pleasure overwhelmed him. Quaraun's loins betrayed him as precum dripped from his slit. Quaraun was now the Demon's plaything, awaiting GhoulSpawn's next move, excited by his daring and his mastery. And play he did, as GhoulSpawn's hand gently felt each bulging vein and rippled scars, pulling the sensitive foreskin back to expose the swollen head, then combed Quaraun's smooth hairless groin with his fingers, flattened his hand against the Necromancer's scrotum, stretched Quaraun's extended sac, and electrified the Elf's balls.


~ From GhoulSpawn the Crazed and the Rose Garden of the Pink Necromancer


"Ya know," stated Unicorn as Quaraun sat down beside him. "If ya do no want people mistaking ya for de woman, ya should no wear those pretty frilly, feathery pink dresses un all dat tormy-loin jewellry...

"Tourmaline."

"...un makeup un earrings un nose rings un finger rings un go around batting t'ose long fake feather eyelashes un sit around brushing yar sexy silky, silver hair for t'ree hours every morning so it looks all slinky un shiny like that...un damn it, now I wants to fucks ya again."

Quaraun glanced down at Unicorn's bulging cock. "You know, I have never meet anyone who gets as horny as you do, as often as you do."

"No, all I has to do is looks at ya, that all it takes. I can'na t'inks of anyt'ing more seductive then man who looks like woman..."

"I'm not a man. I'm an Elf."

"...who looks like a prostitute just waiting to get his wee tight little pearly white ass fucked twenty times a day."

"You try to fuck me twenty times in one day and you'll kill me, I can barely survive once a day."

"Pretty little man-Elf-woman like ya, ya're already girly looking without even trying. Then ya go out of yar way to make yarself look like a slut, with thems tasty banana un kiwis swinging down dair between yar creamy white legs."

"Will you stop with the fruit. I'm not food."

"I wid ya all day long, so yeah, of course I freaking horny all day long. Why would I not be? I mean look at ya, yar sexy as a shepherd's pie. I could just eat ya up. FarDarrig order me a shepherd's pie before I bite me Elf aun drain every last drop of blood out of his sexy little carcass."

"I think I should be scared of you," Quaraun said dryly.

FarDarrig looked up from his work: "With the thoughts he's thinking right now, you should be running out of here screaming in terror."

Unicorn nodded. "Oh, ya should. Ya should. Ya should be absolutely terrified of me, what with all the things I can think of to do to ya. For instance, ya want to know what I'm thinking right now?"

"Not especially."


~ From The Jiggler and The G-String Teddy Bears


Quaraun moaned as the Phooka's barbed penis latched onto his soft delicate inner flesh, holding him in place.

Quaraun cried out as the pain intensified.

Quaraun's fear subsided and his body relaxed allowing Unicorn to fuck him senseless. But his confusion grew as he was certain of two things. This was Unicorn. Unicorn was releasing his seed into Quaraun. And it wasn't an illusion. Unicorn was somehow, now a Vampire. 

The undead Phooka turned Quaraun to face him and quickly began to kiss him. Quaraun returned the kiss as the two lovers fell off the bed onto the floor. Quaraun threw himself into Unicorn's arms and kissed him. Quaraun liked kissing Unicorn. Unicorn just wanted to fuck, but the sudden relaxing and reception he was receiving from Quaraun excited him.


~ From Quaraun and the Vampire: Into The Swamp of Death


The Phooka was still inside of him. Unicorn had not yet relaxed enough to unknot and slide out. He could tell Unicorn was still very excited. Quaraun wondered if the Phooka would fuck him again and if he could take it, if it did.

Unicorn could feel the Elf's body trembling with great fear. His breathing had become erratic, and Unicorn suddenly worried that the Elf was going to pass out from fright.

"Ya okay?" Unicorn asked.

"No."

"Ya look like ya gonna faint."

"I feel like I'm going to faint."


~ From The Night of The Screaming Unicorn



I could go on and post several more of these, because, you know how obsessed I am with obsessing, obsessively over writing sex scene with my favorite Elf, but, you know, that would be just gratuitous.

And we just can't have THAT now can we. Oooooh, nooooo, no gratuitous sex allowed, it's a sex scene after all. Let's keep is tasteful and penis free.

:P

I mean, why have these scenes in any of the novels, if not to entertain the reader with gratuitouse sex?

I certainly didn't write these scenes to teach readers how to put what, where. Nor would I ever think my readers were stupid for wanting to read sex scenes.

I mean, come on! The whole point of adding a sex scene is to get excited over reading about a man being made excited, to cum when he does. What other reason is there to read or write a sex scene?

>>Don't say things like "he put this body part in that body part" or some shit because the reader probably isn't that dumb.

Now, I agree with this,but like I said, I don't think authors are thinking readers are dumb and looking for instruction manuals. I mean, do guys watch porn videos because they want to learn where to put their dick? I don't think so. So why would you expect women to read sex scenes with that intent?

In any case, I do agree that there is often too much step-by-step instruction manual style writing when it comes to sex scenes, which is why I choose the particular scenes to show you here.

Go back and read each of these scenes I just posted for this section. Do you notice anything?

While there are tab A being inserted into slot B descriptions going on, the scenes each have more focus on the dialogue then the sex.

Men talk during sex. Some men talk a lot during sex. Next time you have sex, pay attention to your partner. He'll be yacking his head off the whole time. He'll talk about who won the latest game, what bills need paying, which car he's going to buy next, what he ate for dinner, all of which intermingles with "How's that? Does that feel good? You like it like this? You okay?" This is the nature of men in the act of sex. 

And you see this sort of thing happening in the sex scenes of the Quaraun series. There is a scene in BoomFuzzy, where Quaraun, who is still a virgin, has agreed to spend the night with BoomFuzzy, but is terrified to go through with sex once they get in bed, and he starts talking about anything and everything EXCEPT sex. Starting with the weather (a blizzard going on that night), Quaraun quickly moves through one topic after another until he breaks down in tears of a pet cat that died recently. The scene goes on for a full 33 pages... yes, this is thirty three page long sex scene! The whole time Quaraun is talking, his sentences are broken up by descriptions of what BoomFuzzy is doing to him. Quaraun never stops talking in this scene, while BoomFuzzy is sucking his cock, biting his nipples, and eventually pumping deep in Quaraun ass.

The BoomFuzzy novel is a flashback story that takes place 300 years before the rest of the series. Quaraun is a teenager, being seduced by an old man who is a perverted pedophile. As scared as he is of BoomFuzzy, BoomFuzzy is the only person he trusts. At home he's brutally beaten by his father. Quaraun is a shy little, nerdy, runt who gets beaten up by the other Elves his own age. BoomFuzzy knows all this and is taking advantage of the fact that this young Elf is in desperate need of someone, any one to be his friend, even if that means letting a peadophile molest him.

Part of the 33 page "Gurra Gunta" Sex Scene (yes, THIS is part of sex scene):

"He won't stop touching my hair!" Quaraun screamed, suddenly remembering what he'd been saying before about Gurra Gaunta. "I say: 'Please don't touch my hair' But that is all I say: "Please don't touch my hair" And suddenly he flips out and starts screaming at the top of his lungs: "I'm not flirting with you, I just want to be a friend and comb your hair. I'm not looking for sex. Your hair ain't natural. I'm a prophet of god and I've been to the white room three times now even though I'm a warlock. I saw Jesus in the white room. He talks to me you know. I heal people just like Jesus. I wasn't flirting with you. Your hair ain't the way God made it, I know because I'm a prophet and God told me, he sent me to the white room and Jesus told me. God don't want your hair like that. He told me to comb your hair. I'm not flirting with you. I don't want sex."...then he starts rambling on about how God made me with smooth straight hair and god told him to fix my hair and make it smooth and straight, in between more rambling about how he's not flirting and doesn't want sex."

"He follows Human religion?"

"Apparently. And who said anything about flirting and sex? I only asked him to not touch my hair. So why was he bringing up flirting and sex? Why?"

"Because him sick mind fuck assed piece of shit."

"HE was thinking about flirting and sex otherwise he would not have said it. I certainly didn’t bring it up, all I said was say: 'Please don't touch my hair.'"

"I has never touched ya hair."

"I didn't say you did."

BoomFuzzy continued to caress Quaraun’s balls. The Elf was so agitated over the thought of Gurra Gunta that he was no longer noticing where BoomFuzzy’s hands had wandered to.

"Can I touch ya hair?"

“What?”

“Can I touch ya hair?”

“No one touches my hair.”

“Why?”

“My father cut it and I was powerless after. I couldn’t use my magic any more. I’m never cutting my hair again. It is the source of my power.”

“Is it?”

“Yes.”

“Can I touch it?”

Quaraun stared at BoomFuzzy for a moment. He was paranoid about anyone touching his hair, ever since his father had cut it in his sleep so long ago. Quaraun ignored the question and went back to talking about the trouble making Elf.


While Quaraun is aware that BoomFuzzy is only using him for sex, he's also aware that BoomFuzzy isn't hurting him, and in 3 scenes previous to this one, BoomFuzzy had chased away the bullies and protected the young Quaraun. Quaraun has come to see BoomFuzzy as someone e can go to for help, and has decided letting BoomFuzzy molest him is the lesser abusive option, as he is several hours late going home and knows his father will be waiting up to beat the crap out of him.

He had said this to BoomFuzzy. Quaraun had lost track of time and was terrified to go home, scared his father would break his legs, something his had done in the past, so BoomFuzzy offered Quaraun a place to stay. At first telling him to stay the night, and only suggesting Quaraun sleep in BoomFuzzy's bed with him after getting Quaraun to agree to stay.

Known as "The Gurra Gunta Scene" because more than a dozen pages of this sex scene involves Quaraun's highly stressed dialogue about a local bully who has been beating him up on a near daily basis for the past several weeks. Quaraun is absolutely terrified of sex throughout the first half of the BoomFuzzy novel (which is the first volume of the series) and this is his first time being naked with another man. He's scared out of his mind and has completely tuned out what BoomFuzzy is doing to him and trying not to think about sex.

Because of the HUGE amount of dialogue going on, this becomes possibly the longest most drawn out sex scene of the entire series. It is also the most controversial sex scene of the series due to how young Quaraun is in this particular scene, and the fact that it heavily borders into DubCon/child rape territory. This is the only novel of the series where you see Quaraun in his youth. All of the rest of the novels he is a very old man.

I read a lot of Erotica and Romance, and this is something I find that most authors fail miserably at. They get so nervous about writing sex, that the characters become mute sex machines and it can be quite jarring as often this sort of thing is out of character for the character.

Dialogue during sex, shows the character's personality. Take Quaraun for example: when he's nervous he starts talking about random, seemingly meaningless things. The reader sees him do this again and again. Prior to the Gurra Gunta scene the reader saw him talking with his best friend BeaLuna who has a crush on him. He's comfortable talking with her, until any point she brings up sex. While she never comes out and says it directly, it's very obvious that she likes Quaraun a lot and does want to have sex with him, and he is very aware of this. Thus every time she brings up sex, Quaraun becomes very nervous and starts changing subjects manically.

Quaraun is heavily abused by his father, often beaten unconscious by the old Elf. Quaraun is terrified of his father and you see scenes of Quaraun calmly interacting with others, then suddenly devolve into a gibbering mess the moment his father walks into the room.

The readers knows, from seeing it happen so many times, that when he's scared, Quaraun starts talking nervously and trying to not see the thing he's scared of. So, when he finds himself in bed with BoomFuzzy, and suddenly he once again starts this random chatter, the reader has already been conditioned to know, this is a que telling them, that though he's letting BoomFuzzy do very sexual things to him, he's also scared out of his mind because of it.

His personality doesn't change just because he's engaging in sex.

Make sure the actions match the character doing them. A shy, nervous, virgin character, doesn't suddenly become a sex god.

When writing a sex scene... try to focus on your character's personality and mode of dialogue, and bring that into the sex scene. You'll find yourself writing the sex better and easier, and you'll also find less need to parade penises around on the page.

Part of a sex scene:
(The first time Quaraun and GhoulSpawn have sex)

Quaraun moaned lustfully, completely forgetting about his initial uncertainty. GhoulSpawn slowly stroked his cock, spreading the pre-cum all over it, getting it slick. His eyes never once left Quaraun's lust-filled face. 

“We shouldn't...” 

“Yes, we should,” GhoulSpawn commanded, breathing harshly with arousal.

Quaraun lost his train of thoughts at the half-Elf's command. 

GhoulSpawn stepped closer to Quaraun and lightly pushed Quaraun on the chest till Quaraun leaned back, supporting his weight on his hands behind him. GhoulSpawn gripped one side of Quaraun's bum with one hand and pulled him to the edge of the fallen log.  Then he slowly rubbed the tip of his cock against Quaraun's ungreased hole, watching as Quaraun's eyes dilated with arousal and anticipation. He knew Quaraun could take it with out being primed. He'd seen Unicorn do it several times. Then with bated breath, GhoulSpawn rolled his hips up and slowly impaled Quaraun on his cock, inch by blissful, wonderfully glorious thick inch. They gasped in unison. Both men watched, riveted as GhoulSpawn slipped slowly into Quaraun's eagerly awaiting hole, both moaning their pleasure as GhoulSpawn sunk slowly and deeply inside of him. For a moment neither moved. They held still, savouring the exquisite feeling of becoming one. 

“You feel like pure heaven,” GhoulSpawn groaned.

Quaraun felt full, stretched and totally possessed as though a Demon had taken control of his body.


~From GhoulSpawn and the Lich Lord's Lover

>>I don't think you should use colloquial words like dick if you want it to be taken seriously

Yes, please do continue with this advice... this person first said not to use penies because they only belong in medical textbooks, then not to use cocks or cum because they were crude, and not not to use dicks because you won't be taken seriously.

Okay... so I guess it's back to those giant purple eggplants anime and manga are so fond out. Nothing says a serious sex scene like the describing his bulging manhood as looking like a giant purple eggplant. 

;P

>>Don't go into exact detail and don't make it sound like you're listing a series of evidence. Like, they did this thing, then they did this thing, then they responded by doing that thing. 

Officer, oh, officer, you you gotta help me. He stuffed his giant purple eggplant in my weeping fountain, and then the waterworks that happened after his volcano erupted in my grassy valley, my rose tulips were dripping with his honey.

Yes, I DO read Fabio novels.

If you want to learn how to write a lovely landscape filled sex scene, that is 100% free of those vulgar penises, cocks, and dicks, then read the Fabio books.

I have more then 2,000 Fabio books, in case you were wondering.

All hail Fabio!

It's he gorgeous?

Okay... Fabio obsessing out of the way...

...let's drool over Lord Sesshomaru now....

Lord Sesshomaru:

(from InuYasha by Rumiko Takahashi)

Manga/Comic Book  -2009

Anime/TV Show/Cartoon - 2011

Live Action Movie - 2013 (played by Jiang Yi) 

You're right, what was I thinking, that wasn't enough Sesshomaru. Let's get some videos in there. 

There is no such thing as too much Fluffy.

okay.... that's out of the way...

And if you are wondering why it was there... well, it's a gratuitous lust for Lord Sesshomaru, put in the middle of this article for no reason at all, other then to prove a point, that point being:

Any scene that is gratuitous can be removed from your novel without affecting the story line of your plot, but you go ahead and leave it in anyways because it's fun break from the plot.

And thus you have the reason for writing a sex scene: to let your reader have a break from the plot to watch your characters have a fun play time.

There is no other purpose for having sex in any story.


>>Make it a little dirty because I mean, it's a sex scene and you wanna make an impact, but like I said, I don't think you should make it full on pornographic and smutty because I think that would distract from the point of the story. It's not erotica in itself. 

Hmmm... let's just jump into a sample from the Quaraun books for this one:

Let's see how pornographic the Quaraun series gets...

BoomFuzzy rolled his tongue over Quaraun's cock head. BoomFuzzy then lifted Quaraun's foreskin to get his tongue inside - all the while stroking Quaraun's ball sac with his fingers. Quaraun then started to gyrate his hips to move his cock in and out of the Faerie's mouth. BoomFuzzy angled his face so that Quaraun's cock head would rub against the side of his cheek. Quaraun started to make grunting noises, indicating that he was close to cumming. BoomFuzzy released his mouth from the Elf's cock and stroked him furiously with his hands.

Quaraun's cock twitched, and streams of hot, white cum sprayed forth. BoomFuzzy's fingers were covered with the Elf's hot cum, which to Quaraun's surprise BoomFuzzy, then licked off of his fingers. BoomFuzzy leaned back in and cleaned Quaraun's cock head with his tongue - paying particular attention to his cock slit - savouring the sticky cum left on Quaraun's cock.


~From BoomFuzzy



>>Make it a little dirty because I mean, it's a sex scene and you wanna make an impact, but like I said, I don't think you should make it full on pornographic and smutty because I think that would distract from the point of the story. It's not erotica in itself. 

Distracting from the point of the story is what ANY gratuitous scene does. Not just sex scenes. Murder scenes as well, in fact more so. Think about it.

You can have a murder happen off page and pick up the story after the body is found. Or you could write all the gory bloody details and let the reader see the killer hacking and slashing.

But why would you do that? Reading the murder in action does NOT add anything to the story plot at all. It only adds a reaction in the reader. Only this and nothing more.

A sex scenes is the same way. You can show the couple up to the point of the bedroom, then skip to the next day. The reader knows sex happened and the story plot moves on.

Or, you get to the bedroom and the reader becomes the person hiding in the closet watching the couple do their thing. It adds nothing to the story plot and only adds an emotional reaction in the reader.

It doesn't matter how sweet or smutty the sex scene is, either way, the very fact that it is there at all is going to distract the reader.

The question is, what is the point of distracting the reader?

There COULD be an actual point for distracting the reader. You could be describing the sex, the couple is going at it, the reader is heavily focused on who's putting what, where, and completely missing the part where one characters said an all important line that will have a big impact on the story later on.

The reader gets to the later on and the story does it's big reveal at the end, saying that, well, it's all because so and so said such and such that now we have this end result, and your reading is going: "Wait, what? When did they say that? I didn't see that."

And THAT was the point. You as an author wanted there to be a twist ending, but you also wanted to leave it so extra clever readers could figure it out. So you "hide" that line in the middle of the sex scene, knowing that because the reader is getting so horny off the sex scene they are not fully paying attention to what the characters are saying, because they are too busy trying to get a peak under the sheets to focus on the dialogue during the sex.

In a case like this, the sex scene now has a purpose other then gratuity for being there. However, this sort of distraction device is rarely used and in most cases, sex is just there for the sake of getting a peak under someone's skirts.

And speaking of murder... we don't often post the darker side of the Quaraun series online for you to read...

The Quaraun Series is rated M18+ not for it's sex scenes, but rather for the extensive graphic on page brutality that exists on nearly every page...

Partial scene from the infamous brutal "Hanging Tree" - the scene that got the Quaraun series banned off FanFiction.net in 2012

“He’s still alive.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah.”

Quaraun woke up, uncertain where he was or who was speaking. He opened his eyes. It was night time now. The angry crowd were still screaming and yelling. Several were gathered over him, looking down at him. One was poking him with a stick. Quaraun felt like every bone in his body was broken, and many actually were. He tried to sit up, but couldn’t. They’d stopped beating him, though he didn’t know why. He couldn’t make out all of their words or any of their faces. The pounding, throbbing in his head was worse then ever. He tried to lift his hands to his head, but couldn’t. His arm was broken in too many places to move it.

The poor wounded Elf, now suffered dim eyesight from too many blows to his head on the cobblestone roads, as the team of horses had dragged him through the streets. Blood filled his eyes, nose, ears, and mouth. White bursts of blinding light, floated around in his head, while black dots hovered before his eyes. He couldn’t sit up. He couldn’t lift his head. Quaraun strained his eyes and ears to see and hear what was going on, what was happening, what they would do to him next. Torch lights flickered through the dim haze. Voices blended together melting into one murmured blur. He could feel people touching him, but his body was aching too much to tell if they were still hitting him or not. His senses had grown numb from the pain.

He could feel the rope on his ankles tighten, then suddenly he was being dragged again. This time not by horses, but by the men who were hoisting the rope up into the top of a tall oak tree, which sat in the middle of the valley.

And suddenly he knew where he was and what they were about to do next. The Hanging Tree, they called it, for many an Elf had hung to death here.


~From BoomFuzzy

While only 1 in every 5 novels of the 130 volume series contains a sex scene, EVERY novel in the series features an on page suicide...

(Quaraun)"Please, tell me how undo the spell."

(BoomFuzzy)"It can'na be undone."

"No. Any spell that can be made, can be unmade. Please, I can't lose you."

"Ya will nay lose me. I is going to live forevers. In t’ree days, I will be resurrected. I will lives again."

"But it won't be you. It'll be a Lich. Please, undo the spell. My soul is bound to you, you'll bind me to a Lich, please you can't do this to me."

"Tis already done."

"Please, undo the spell, please. My soul is bound to you, you don't know what you've done to me.”

“I knows exactly wat I has done to ya. I has made ya me phylactery. I will live forever. Me soul is divided into each of de Lich Lords un each of de bottles ya built, un inside of yis. I will be most undefeatable Lich. All pieces o me soul must be destroyed for me to die.

“A Lich has no soul. Please don't do this to me. Please you can't become a Lich, please don't bind my soul to a Lich. You don't know what it'll do to me. Please reverse the spell."

"I can'na. I is sorry. I does no know how to. But I is glad ya came."

Quaraun stayed with BoomFuzzy, holding him, kissing him, helpless to save him. When BoomFuzzy breathed his last, his body fell limp in Quaraun's arms. The Necromancer was dead and with him died his illusions and Quaraun found himself not holding a dead Moon Elf, but rather a dead Phooka. The illusions melted away, leaving a small black unicorn in his place.


~From BoomFuzzy

If you didn't know, Quaraun is a serial killer
and EVERY novel of the series features at least on one page murder, though most volumes feature 5 or more murders per volume.

Quaraun murders Gibedon...

All three men tumbled to the ground. In the struggle, Gibedon pulled the dagger from Quaraun's grasp and stabbed it into BoomFuzzy's rib cage. BoomFuzzy gasped and staggered, and pulled the dagger, back out. Blood from the second wound mingled with blood from the first wound below it.

No one really knew what happened next, or where Quaraun suddenly got his burst of energy from. Quaraun had no memory of what happened after BoomFuzzy was stabbed, and BoomFuzzy was too close to passing out from blood loss to really know what had happened. But when Quaraun saw Gibedon plunge the dagger through BoomFuzzy's chest, Quaraun suddenly lunged on the Dark Elf, pulled the dagger from BoomFuzzy's hand and began stabbing it over and over again into Gibedon's throat.

 BoomFuzzy leaned back on the wall and slid down to the floor, watching in awe and horror as Quaraun sliced through Gibedon's neck with a blood frenzied abandon, unlike anything he'd ever seen. In a wild, crazed fury, Quaraun simply slashed the Dark Elf's throat again and again and again and again, until many dozens of slashes later, Quaraun was holding Gibedon's head. Gibedon's body had fallen away and slumped to the ground. Quaraun's entire body gleamed red with Gibedon's blood.

There was a dead silence in the room as BoomFuzzy watched Quaraun and waited for the Moon Elf to have some reaction to what he'd just done.

Quaraun held up the severed head and stared at it, not sure what to do with it.


~From BoomFuzzy

Quaraun murders his wife and 4 children...

In the morning Quaraun was still in the nursery, now sitting on the floor watching the children's drug induced sleep. They never woke up.

That night, Quaraun was sitting on the floor of the hallway, in the doorway of the children's bedroom. Staring blindly at the dagger in his hands. His wife passed in the hall and saw him sitting there.

"Quaraun, why are you wearing those pink dresses again? You know you aren't supposed to wear those. You're a man, you need to dress like a man."

"I am a Di'Jinn. I don't take orders from you any more."

He slowly stood up and turned around. Blood dripped from his hands. The front of his pink dress was drenched in blood.

"I don't have to now. In three days time, I will be the most powerful Necromancer to have ever lived. More powerful then Gwallmaiic and Gibedon and all the other Di'Jinn combined. And you can't stop me. No one will ever stop me again. You and father can't hurt me anymore. No one can. No one in this village will ever hurt me again."

His voice was changed. Cold. Distant. Angry.

"Quaraun, you're covered in blood."

"The sacrifices have begun."

"Quaraun what happened? Why are you covered in blood?"

Quaraun said nothing, but pointed through the doorway into the nursery. She looked at Quaraun and then into the bedroom. The whole room was covered in blood. She ran into their children's room. Behind Quaraun, the four young Elflings lay lined up dead on the floor. Huge pools of blood forming around them.


~From BoomFuzzy

Quaraun murders Ghirardelli...

"You're The Pink Necromancer."

"I am."

"You're not a Guild member are you?"

"No. I'm not."

"Finderu will be furious."

"Leader of the Guild. He's already furious. Price on my head gets higher every day."

"You're wanted by the Guild?"

"I'm the Guild's number one most wanted criminal."

"You sound proud of that."

"I am. While they've hunted and murdered every last Sorcerer and Necromancer on the planet, I continually elude them and now I hunt them."

"The Swamp Hag is one of the Guild's board members."

"Ghirardelli?"

"Yeah."

"She was."

"Then what are you doing here visiting her?"

"Expanding my head collection."

"What?"

~o0o~

"Where's uh...what's her name...the old swamp hag that lives here?"

"Ghirardelli?"

"Yeah, that's the one. Never can remember how to say her name."

"She's temporarily incapacitated at the moment."

"Incapacitated?"

"I suppose decapitated is a better word. You'll have to do with talking to me. How may I help you?"

"Where's the... uh... uhm... the.."


"What?"

"The uhm..."

"Do you talk like this with everyone?"

"Uhm..."

Quaraun pulled a gold throne from his bag and flung himself onto it's fuchsia velvet pillows.

"The Goblin was right, you really do have issues talking. You'll never get a woman if you can't get to the end of a sentence."

"The Witch."

"What?"

"Where's the Witch?"

"Ghirardelli?" Quaraun looked around the room as though looking for something, then looked back to Kelim. "Oh, I left her laying around here somewhere."

"Can I talk to her?"

"I thought you wanted to talk to me?"

"You... you're..."

"I'm what?"

"Mean. And. Scary."

"I'm scary? Hahaha! Oh. That's hilarious." 

Quaraun stopped laughing and became serious again.

"You could try talking to her. Won't do much good. She won't answer you. You'll definitely need a Necromancer to help you communicate with her. I suppose it's a good thing I'm here then."

Quaraun, pulled a small red bottle from his pocket and held it up to the light, peering inside.

"What do you want?"

"Well, I kind of need a wish granted, sort of..."

"A wish? Are we back on the topic of wishes again?"

"Well, yeah."

"From Ghirardelli? Or me?"

~o0o~

"Bit of advice, Boy, don't argue with an Elf, especially not one who is also a Di'Jinn. You're lucky I don't cut off your head and stuff you in a bottle."

"Why would you do that?"

"Because I'm a Di'Jinn, it's what I do."

"Putting heads in bottles?"

"No," Quaraun pulled a severed head out of the pink heart-shaped bag of holding hanging from his belt. "I keep the heads in my pocket. I keep the headless bodies in a bottle. Keeps them from getting back up and walking around. They need their heads to be resurrected, but not their bodies. A talking head can't go nowhere without its body. They are stuck here with me for eternity. Each has their own bottle. This one is Ghirardelli's."

"You're holding a head."

"Of course I am. I'm a Necromancer. Did you forget that?"

"You're... you're..." Kelim stared bug eyed at Ghirardelli's head.

"I'm what?"

"A murderer."

"Yes. I am. I didn't used to be. Pity. That what love does to you, you know? Did you know I'm the victim of a love spell? I'm very good at love spells. I cast one on myself and my lover, centuries ago, but he died and now I'm insane, and cut off heads. Still think you want a love spell cast on you?"

Quaraun stared at the head, holding it face to face with himself.

"What's love have to do with... with... that."

Kelim pointed to the head.

"She hated BoomFuzzy."

"What?"

"She helped Finderu found The Guild."

"I don't understand."

"I don't expect you would. You're neither Elf, nor Wizard."

"Did you kill her?"

"I'll kill you too, if you don't stop arguing with me."

Quaraun put the head back in his pocket.

~o0o~

The Moon Elf strode across the room and flung himself into a large throne like chair. He sat there staring at the Pixie waiting for him to say something. Seeing that Kelim wasn't going to speak, the Necromancer went back to talking.

"Of course that says something about Finderu, doesn't it? Big bad powerful Wizard, and he can't handle his own daughter. That's what comes of fucking girls. You end up with a pregnant bitch and babies to raise. You lose your focus. Finderu was never a contender for World's Most Powerful wizard now was he? And he can't stand it. So what does he do? Organized a group of bloodthirsty militant Wizards to band together and kill off every last Wizard who is not a member of their group. Then they take over the government. Crown themselves law of the land and forbid all types of magic they are too incompetent to practice themselves. Kill off anyone who can practice the advanced arts. That's what the Guild is, Kelim. That's the kind of Wizard Finderu is. And me, being the most powerful Wizard of them all, he's got more prizes on my head than any other Wizard. Have you seen the wanted posters lately? I doubt he even as half the money he says my head is worth. And you come along, want to stick your prick in his bitch’s cunt, and who do you go to for help? The person Finderu hates most of all. Me."

Quaraun held up a wanted poster with his face on it.

"You know these pictures don't do me justice. I should do a sit down with their artist. Pose for my wanted poster. Now I ask you, does this even look anything like me?"

Kelim looked at the wanted poster.

WANTED: QUARAUN THE INSANE: Wanted for Necromancy, Demonology, Sorcery, Black Magic, murder, rape, buggery, sodomy, cross-dressing, bathing more than twice a year... 

There were more things on the list, but Quaraun rolled up the poster and stuffed it back in his bag, before Kelim had time to read the rest.

"I am the most beautiful Elf the world has ever seen. Look at me! That artist, clearly never saw me. How does Finderu ever expect to capture me if he can't even find an artist that can capture my beauty?"

"You're very vain, aren't you?"

“You would be too, if you were as beautiful as me."


~From Kelim and The Necromancer

Quaraun murders Finderu...

(Quaraun)“I have 13 Liches under my control. I built the Lich Lords.”

(Finderu)“You wouldn’t dare release the Lich Lords on us.”

"Do you really want to test me to find out?"

"You are not taking my daughter or anyone else in this room."

"Is that your final answer?" Quaraun uncorked the bottle. A black miasmeous vapour began to pour out of it. "Pity, I didn't want to do it this way."

"That is no Lich..."

"No, it's the dragon of Fire Mountain. I told you I had more then just his dagger."

"The drag...Fire Mount...But that's a DracoLich!"

"Yes. It's the DracoLich of Pepper Valley. Isn't she beautiful? You’re about to be eaten by a dragon Finderu. You’re whole town is dragon food now."

The mist grew, gathering at the centre of the room, growing bigger and bigger, forming into the massive black form of a skeletal undead, zombie-like dragon, it's decaying body, shimmering a glint steely grey. It grew, growing out through the walls and ceiling, leaving Finderu's grand house in shattered splitters of remains. Upon seeing the house fall, the Faeries, thinking they were free, began to run, but Quaraun's spell held fast and they remained trapped in the circle. While the terrified Fae watched as the massive monster unfolded before them, Quaraun waved his hands, and two glowing orbs formed, one around Kelim, the other around Ofeliah.

"I need you two alive," Quaraun explained to them, though his quiet voice was lost amid the tumultuous screams, as the mountain sized DracoLich, now fully materialized, swooped down on the guests to gobble most of them up in one swift gulp. Quaraun sat down on the floor and began polishing his dagger, humming a song, and ignoring and not watching the carnage that was going on around him. After a few minutes, the screams had vanished and the DracoLich came to rest beside Quaraun. He reached over and petted her large snout.

"Finished?" The Pink Necromancer asked his pet undead dragon. 

The dragon stood up and nodded.

"Good girl." Quaraun reopened the bottle. "Back you go."

The DracoLich transformed once again to a vaporous mist and drifted back into it's tiny bottle, which Quaraun placed back in the pink beaded heart shaped bag on his belt. He then stood up and turned to Kelim and Ofelia, who were still frozen, motionless, within their orbs. Quaraun completely ignored the bloody remains, a few scattered bones, heads, and appendages, which was all that was left of Finderu and his guests. He wouldn't even look to that side of the room. Quaraun was only able to live with the things he did, so long as he did not have to think of the things he did not see.


~From Kelim and The Necromancer


>>Maybe set the scene a bit first, too. I don't think you should just go straight into it because, well, that's not really how sex is if you want it to be romantic. 

Is sex in real life EVER romantic?

Think about it.

In the real world, how many times have you been engaged in sex and either you or your partner: bumped, sneezed, farted, started coughing uncontrollably, or even vomited? Have you ever banged your head on the bed? Bumped noses? Slammed teeth together?

More often than not, one or both partners is going to pee, no matter how unintentionally. Sticky sweat is there always, but it's even worse on hot summer nights during a heatwave, to the point it can become unbearably uncomfortable.

Clothes rip. People fall out of bed. Arms get broken. Bloody noses happen when you move to quickly and and your nose makes contact with his chin.

These are all every day normal things that happen, during every day normal sex, and you almost never see then written into sex scenes, because every one wants to writing the scene "romanticly".

I think it is far more interesting to see the couple TRYING to be romantic with each other and it go laughably embarrassingly wrong.

And yes, I do write that sort of stuff into the sex scenes in the Quaraun books. It's unusual to see a Quaraun novel sex scene go by uninterrupted. Someone walks in on them. If Quaraun is drunk, he's likely to start vomiting. He has a sensitive bladder so it's not uncommon for him to pee during sex. Both of these things cause him no end of embarrassment.

Sex can be written romanticly or erotically, sure, but I'd rather see it written realistically instead.

Three male wizards discussing the fact that one of them was pregnant and wondering how to prevent it from happening again...

Quaraun and GhoulSpawn continued talking and ignoring the Phooka, until, the Golden Retriever lept up onto Quaraun and started humping him.

“STOP THAT!” The Elf yelled.

The dog ran off barking.

“Still bedding the Phooka I see?” GhoulSpawn said to Quaraun.

“Yes. Not that it's any of your business.”

“Well, no it's not my business, but you are one of those snooty aristocratic higher then every body else, purist blooded of the pure blooded High Elves that lives in mortal fear of making mud blood half breed babies and yet you're going around with non-Elves. If you ain't careful, Quaraun, one of these days you're gone end up making one of them half-Elf heathens you hate so much.”

“Admitting you're a Heathen, GhoulSpawn?”

“No, just proving my point that you hate us half-Elves.”

“Yes. I absolutely despise you half-Elves.”

“Then why are you getting laid up with non Elves?”

“I'm a male, he's a male, we aren't making babies.”

“I seem to recall you being pregnant before.”

“Don’t remind me.”

“You were pregnant last time I saw you.”

“I said don’t remind me.”

“How’d that go?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“That's a Phooka, Quaraun. He could turn into a female while you two are going at it and you'd be too lost in the ecstasy to stop yourself from filling his womb with all that fertile half-Elf making baby batter of yours. He could turn into a female dog while your in him and you'll end up the father of half-Elf puppies. God! Where did I come up with that! WHY did I come up with that! What the hell is wrong with me, I've been hanging around you two too long. Half Elf puppies! I wonder what that would look like?”

“Probably something like half-Elf Sheep?”

“Oh,” Unicorn squealed. He turned back into his Humanoid form. “I should does do that to him.”

“Don't you dare!” Quaraun yelled at Unicorn, than turned to GhoulSpawn and added, “Stop putting ideas in his head. He comes up with enough on his own. And I don't fuck him. He fucks me.”

“Does no stop ya from shooting ya cum all over me.”

“I...”

“Of course then We would be pregnant male. We wonders how that would work. Where would baby come out of?” Unicorn lifted up his robes and began examining himself. “Would has to come out of bahookie or dick. Neither one big enough for baby come out of, eh?”

“Unicorn...” Quaraun said.

“Aye?”

“Put your clothes back on. You're a male, I'm not getting you pregnant.”

“What if We gets ya preggies then, eh?”

“Unicorn!”

“What?”

“I'm male?”

“Aye. But we is three bumbling wizards and we bumble more then usual when all threes of is together all at once like this, eh? Un as Ghouly said, ya was pregnant before. No reason to t’inks it might no happen again, eh? On top of that, ya has wee lil smiggin oov ah wee bit of drinking problem. Ya cast weird spells when ya drunk and does no remembers ya did it when ya wakes up next day.”

“I don't have a drinking problem.”

“Oh of course not, that be why ya goes looking for taverns first thing whenever we find a village, eh?”


~From GhoulSpawn and the Lich Lord's Lover

>>Also, I don't think you should use colloquial words like dick if you want it to be taken seriously. Oh god no, I've put books down because of that. The only place that kind of language is useful, is if the character is really vulgar, even then, I'd never do it.

>>I don't know if they think that's "sexy" but it just makes me laugh and cringe at the same time. That awkward, embarrassed laughter when you just can't take something seriously. 

Again, this is a comment coming from the OP, who specifically asked how to write a sex scene, and at every turn, is replying to comments by saying they will NEVER write a penis, NEVER write a cock, NEVER write a dick, and NEVER write cum, because they simply can not imagine seeing any of those things in a book. The OP has stated on 7 different posts now that they REFUSE to read books that use the words penis, cock, dick, or cum, and now here we see him/her once again saying this in yet another reply to the comments they are getting on their question.

It seems the OP has a SERIOUS penis phobia issue going on here and I seriously doubt they will have have the ability to write a sex scene until they come to terms with their phobias of penises.

As I said before, you simply can not write a sex scene with a penis in it, unless you are writing lesbian sex. It's simply not possible. All non-lesbian sex requires a penis to make sex happen.

There's no way around it. If you want to write a sex scene, you're gonna have to stick a penis in there somewhere.

This person is either a virgin who never saw a penis before or a lesbian with a serious enis hating issue. Either way, they'll never be able to write about sex until they see a psychiatrist and work on their phobias of dicks.

You do realize the Fabio books are the laughing stock of the Romance industry, right?

The Fabio books are famous for their mounds and valleys and tulips dripping with honey. No penis to be found anywhere. No vaginas either. No cum. Just lots of heaving landscapes, intermingled with fruit salads.

The Fabio books have long been used as an example of how NOT to write a sex scene.

The Fabio books have long been used as an example of how to come off as a total prude.

You write Fabio style poetic artistry in a sex scene and NO ONE is going to take your book seriously. No one. Readers are just going to laugh and say: "OMG What a penis phobic prude!"

But let's look at this line again:

>>I don't know if they think that's "sexy" but it just makes me laugh and cringe at the same time. 

There's something to be said about the sex scenes I write for the Quaraun series and it's this:

I do not try to make the sex scenes "sexy", heck, I'm not even trying to make the sex scenes "good".

Cringe, that's the reaction I'm going for. If my readers are not cringing and curling their toes in their shoes, then I've done something wrong.

If a reader runs from the Quaraun book screaming they need eye bleach, then I've done what I set out to do.

And I think that is part of why I find myself confused by the people who try to say the Quaraun series is Erotica. Sure, some people may find some scenes erotic, but the Erotica genre sets out to sexually arouse the reader and Quaraun series, well... it sets out to make your testicles want to crawl up inside your body and hide.

Many of the sex scenes in the Quaraun series are written to make fun of Erotica sex scenes and are in no way meant to excite or titillate.

Many scenes are over the top crude. Some are downright disgusting (who wants to be in the middle of sex and have their partner vomit on them?)

I don't try to delude myself into thinking my writing is good. I know the Quaraun series is cringe worthy, and I've gone out of my way to make it as cringeworthy as possible.

>>That awkward, embarrassed laughter when you just can't take something seriously. 

And that's the reaction I strive for with the Quaraun books.  And I have to wonder, how many times you laughed at a book, saying you couldn't take it seriously, when the author never intended you to do so in the first place?

Here you go... some awkward and embarrassing sex with horses to send your eyes running for bleach and your brain to the cringe pit...

"What the hell..." Mallac exclaimed, as he stared at the scene before him and tried to process it.

The Human's scream had woken both the Elf and the pony. Quaraun pushed himself up onto his elbows and looked around blinking, not quite sure where he was or what was going on.

"Oh dear," was the only thing Unicorn said, as he realized the Human had realized he was actually a horse. Gingerly he removed himself from the Elf, then climbed off of him. Knowing the Quaraun did not like anyone to see him naked and realizing that the Elf was still in a dazed stupor, Unicorn took the Elf's discarded pink dress and tossed it over him.

"That's not right!" Mallac yelled at the Elf. "You can't be doing this. How'd you even get a horse in here?"

"What?" Quaraun rolled over onto his back and stared up at the Human that was staring down at him. He still wasn't fully awake. The sleepy Elf slowly sat up, rubbing his eyes and yawning.

"You can't being doing the nasty with a horse!" The soilder yelled.

"A horse?" Quaraun asked as he looked around the room, trying to remember where he was and how he had gotten here.

"Yes, that horse right there..." Mallac pointed to Unicorn who was now back in his Humanoid form and sitting on the floor grinning, trying not to burst out laughing. "Where'd it go? How'd you get in here? Where's the horse? There was a horse there a minute ago."

Mallac began going around the room moving furniture and looking up the bed, trying to find the missing pony.

He stopped in front of Unicorn and demanded: "When'd you get in here?"

"I been right here the whole time.  I were fucking me Elf when yar came barging in and disturbed us."

"There was a horse here."

"Ya is seeing t'ings. It were only me and me Elf in the room."

"I saw a horse."

Quaraun yawned and stretched as he watched the Human argue with the Faerie. Quaraun slowly began to realize what had happened, and decided to go along with Unicorn's current version of the truth, as he pushed himself up off the floor and began to dress himself. Quaraun pulled a full length mirror out of his tiny pink beaded heart shaped bag of holding and then pulled out a rack full of several pink beaded dresses, followed by a petal pink vanity table, a matching chair, and huge assortment of make up, and then set himself down to the very long process of putting his garish, pink and gold glittering make up on.

"What are you doing!" Mallac demanded as he stormed up the Elf.

"I'm getting dressed," Quaraun answered, not looking away from the mirror. "What are you doing?"

"Where did you put that horse?"

"What horse?"

"A little black, Shetland pony. It was right there."

"You're seeing things, Mallac."

"That horse was on top of you having it's way with you."

"Ahhh!" Quaraun waved a gold armoured finger in the air. "That is where you are confused. No. Unicorn was fucking me when you so rudely interrupted us, and came barging in here with out knocking. You in your wild imagination, saw Unicorn and thought you saw a horse, because of his name meaning Faerie Horse."

"That's not what happened."

"Of course it is."

"You had a horse in bed with you."

"Are you sure you didn't hit your head on door post on your way in here? You are a foot taller then me you know."

The soilder put his face nose to nose with Quaraun's.

"I saw a horse."

"Prove it." Quaraun kissed the Human's nose.


~From Summoner of Darkness

But let's think about something here... sex IS awkward. Think about all the times you've had sex. Was there ever a time it wasn't awkward? No matter how great and wonderful it was, it was still awkward.

Are you sure your aren't just laughing because you are embarrassed by the thought of sex all together?

So what to do here. You want to write sex but you have a crippling phobia of sex. Decisions, decisions, decisions. How about this for an answer? There's a first time for everything and the first time is always harder, and each time after that is easier then the time before it, so why not just sit down and write a sex scene instead of stressing yourself out worrying about it?

Plus, ask yourself this: Do you really need an explicit sex scene? 

No!

Certainly not!

Have them kiss and tumble to the bed. End of chapter. Next chapter starts with them walking up in each others arms... or as they do in Quaraun books, more realistically, one of them slung over the other, drooling, the other half falling out of the bed. All three of them tangled up in twisted blankets and if any one of them gets up, he's going to inadvertently drag the other two out of bed with him.

While I do write explicit sex scenes in the Quaraun books, as I've said before, these on page romps are very uncommon. More often than not, you get a face to black scene.

Why?

Well, Quaraun and Unicorn are having sex almost every day. Unless one of them is sick or injured or just tired and needs to rest, they are having sex pretty regular, and GhoulSpawn, though he doesn't live with them, when he is staying with them, joins them in bed. (Yes, there are scenes with both Unicorn and GhoulSpawn double stuffing Quaraun. There are also scenes with one ot the other of Quaraun's wives joining them. Quaraun has 4 wives in case you forgot.)

If I was to put EVERY sexual encounter Quaraun had in the books, there's be a sex scene in every chapter, and then it WOULD be Erotica. But because the series is not Erotica there is no need to put every single sexual escapade he has in the books.

If the sex is happening on page, there's generally a reason.

But back to non-explicit sex scenes.

In the Quaraun series you see A LOT of hints telling you sex either just has or is about to happen.

In Summoner of Darkness for example, you see something hinting to a sex scene in EVERY single chapter. Summoner of Darkness is the biggest novel in the series. Most Quaraun books are around 240 pages and have about 25 chapters. Not Summoner of Darkness. At 350,000 words, there's 91 chapters in the mega sized 600+ page novel. Tat's 91 sex scenes in a single novel.

Let me repeat that: 91 sex scenes in a single novel.

Clearly it is impossible to have 91 sex scenes on page and still tell the story, so how did I deal with this? With hints and clues instead of a full blown sex scene.

On the road to Witch Pond, you see the group (Quaraun, Unicorn, and ZooLock) stop to rest in a secluded field at the edge of the forest. The chapter ends with Unicorn pulling Quaraun close, kissing him, and pushing him down to the ground. The chapter ends there.

In the abandoned cathedral, waiting out the hurricane, so they can travel again, you see Unicorn make a nest like bed out of furs, and pull Quaraun into it. The next day, you see GhoulSpawn arrive, and his first night with them, he's awaken by what he thought was Unicorn raping Quaraun. This scene snaps away from the couple having sex, as ZooLock drags GhoulSpawn out of the room, explaining that Quaraun like rough sex and they do this every night.

Later after they reach the town, you see them rent a room over the tavern, paying the owner enough gold coins that the owner on Quaraun's request, kicks out all the other guests letting the group (now Quaraun, Unicorn, GhoulSpawn, and ZooLock) have the entire living quarters of the tavern to themselves. From this point of the novel onward, you see lots of scenes of Unicorn chasing Quaraun, scenes of Quaraun leading Unicorn off to a bedroom, 3 scenes where they are awoken by soldiers barging in on them during sex.And in every case, each of these scenes is only a sentence or two to hint the reader to the fact that, right now, while Quaraun's pregnant, his hormones are going out of control and he's horny as hell, so a lot of sex is happening, a lot more then usually, as a side effect of his being pregnant.

Sex happened here, but the the reader didn't see it on page...

GhoulSpawn waited for the Phooka to fall asleep before approaching Quaraun.

"Quaraun?" he said quietly, hoping to not wake Unicorn. "Are you okay?"

The Moon Elf looked up at the half-Elf. The drugs were wearing off, but he was no yet fully aware of his surroundings.

"I'm fine."

"He drugged you."

"I know."

"He drugged you, so he rape you."

Quaraun looked down at his hands and said nothing.

"Are you okay with him?"

"I'm fine."

"He raped you."

"He didn't. Not really."

"I saw him."

"I know."

"Quaraun... what's going on?"

"I don't know any more."

"Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yeah."

"I don't think you are."

"I'm fine."

"He raped you. He drugged you and then he raped you."

"I'm used to it."

"Used to it? That's not the type of thing..." GhoulSpawn sat down on the floor beside Quaraun. "How do you get used to something like that? Was he treating you like this before?"

Quaraun nodded.

GhoulSpawn looked over at the sleeping Phooka and then back at Quaraun.

"I didn't know he was hurting you."

"He isn't."

"I just saw..."

"I know what you saw. But you don't know us. You don't know me and you don't know him. And we don't know you. You're just stuck here in this storm with us. And when the storm's gone, you'll go back on your way and we'll go back on ours."


A good sex scene moves the plot forward. Everyone says so, and on some levels this is true. While it is true sex scenes are gratuitous and can easily be removed to be replaced with one sentence... as you can see from Summoner of Darkness, there is no need to put in every sex scene.

You know from the way the novels are written, Quaraun and Unicorn are madly in love with each other and are obviously having sex. They are so into each other in their everyday actions and dialogue that there is no need for a sex scene to appear at all, and clearly I've been successful in conveying their sexual attraction to each other, since so many reader consider even the sex free volumes Erotica.

Because Quaraun and Unicorn are displaying so much passion for each other just going about their daily routines, it become unnecessary to put any sex scenes in the books at all, for readers to feel like they are reading Erotica. The reader simply knows that this old couple who still act like newlyweds are getting it on in bed even when the story doesn't say they are.

This bring us back to the fact that a good sex scene moves the plot forward. When you so rarely use a sex scene at all, the reader notices when suddenly one volume of the series DOES show the sex on page. The reader immediatly knows something's going on here, something that they as a reader, need to pay attention to, because the sex scenes are never there without it somehow telling some underlaying feature of the plot, that's going to be important later on in the story.

This is also what you usually see the sex scenes happening in the FIRST half of the books. 

Now were these books Romance or Erotica, you'd see a lot of tension buildup, leading to one big BANG sex scene in the final chapter. This is because in Romance and Erotica, sex has no plot point and serves only as the REWARD a reader gets for slogging through 300 pages of sexual tension buildup.

When sex is important to the plot and used as a plot device, it appears early on in the story, happening, usually in the first 3 to 4 chapters.

Because sex is NOT a REWARD to slap on the end of the story,, and is instead a part of the plot, the Quaraun series drops the sex scene in within the first 50 pages of the book, because the sex itself, is there to tell the reader: "Hey, better pay attention, what's happening right now is going to be brought up in a conversation later on and it's important to the plot twist at the end."

But still, the sex is often a lot more tame then it appears to be. Unicorn's crude dialogue outside of the bedroom, tricks the reader into thinking they are reding a sex scene that is wild and crazy. But remove the sex scene from the story and read it on it's own, and you see it's as tame as macaroni and cheese for dinner. Often you don't see the words penis, cock, or dick in the sex scenes.

So why do readers THINK they read something wild and exotic? Because they previously read Unicorn's crude and vular dialogue, so the reader's horny little brain started thinking "Oh, he's gonna do this, and that's gonna happen" and by the time the sex scene actually does apear on the page, the reader has worked themselves up into such a horn dog that they THINK what their brain is imagining, is ACTUALLY what they are reading in the sex scene.

It's called building atmosphere.

Consider whether subtle seduction would be more powerful than a graphic description of the sex act itself. A blushing smile. A nervous giggle. Holding hands. Hugging. Kissing. None of these things involves sex and all of them hints to sexual attraction, and enough of them peppered throughout the story, you don't need to include a sex scene.

Quaraun gets aroused easily from Unicorn brushing his hair. A scenes with Quaraun sitting on the bed and Unicorn brushing the Elf's long floor length hair, can clue the reader in on the couple's strong sexual connection, more than an actual sex scene can.

A heated glance from across the room, paired with devilish glints in the eyes, and lustful smiles and get your reader horny just as fast as an on page sex scene can.

When they're eating, Quaraun and Unicorn always sit close together, the bodies touching. Unicorn is constantly touching Quaraun's foot long ears, caressed, licking, and kissing them, in public, in private, during sex, and when there's no sex anywhere in sight. This constant close contact, always gently touching each other, draws the reader into the evocative feeling of how much these two men are in love with each other.

If one of them leaves the table there's a lingering touch as their hands brush  one gliding his fingers over the other as he walks away. When eating in public at a table with a table cloth over it, Unicorn often makes the bold move of fondling Quaraun's balls, under the table.

Focusing on the subtle cues of sexual attraction, rather than including an explicit sex scene will create a powerful and long lasting impression on the reader.

Build the proper atmosphere and you can convince your reader of all sorts of sexy times, that you never even wrote.

>>Face to face in the missionary position for the sole purpose of procreation.

Unicorn loves being face to face on top of Quaraun. Kissing his lips. Biting his throat. Drinking his blood. Suckling his nipples. Dick on dick. Balls to balls. GhoulSpawn does as well.

Wait, so you are saying you can't have face to face sex because that's only used when you want to make babies?

Really?

My three male lovers must be doing it wrong then, seeing how they aren't getting each other pregnant.

Oh, no, wait... Quaraun DOES get pregnant in not one, but two novels of the series.


(GhoulSpawn) "But I hear things. Bits and pieces. Stuff he says. Stuff other half Elves say. Stuff the villagers say. Stuff the Thullids say..."

(Quaraun)"Thullids? Are there Thullids in the area?" 

"Yeah. A lot of 'em. Didn't used to be. They started showing up a few weeks ago. Cultists of some sort. They just kind of, started gathering. Weird. None of them knew any of the others were coming here, each of them just tells how they felt compelled to be here. God's coming or something."

"God?"

"Yeah. They keep talking about God vanished or something and she's about to return. She's pregnant or something. I don't know. I don't know the Thullid language well."

Quaraun fell silent and GhoulSpawn didn't say any more.

Quaraun looked at ZooLock who was sitting by himself in the corner, chanting in Thullid over a lighted candle.

Unicorn, who absolutely couldn't stand silence, trotted back over to Quaraun, and sat on the floor at the Elf's feet.

"De T'ullid Goddess. She be de Elder Brain of Chaos Demons, yes?" Unicorn asked Quaraun.

"Yes."

"Controls de hive mind."

"Yes. She does."

"Could dey move in mass hoards wid her not knowing?"

"She was injured when they implanted her into the Elf. She hasn't been able to control the hive mind since she's been in him."

"How does reproduce?"

"The Medusa. She'll incubate hundreds of them. Then they'll take 'em. They'll rip them out of her, and implant them into the brains of more Elves. The babies will eat the Elves, from the inside, their body will replace the barin, their tentacles will grow replace the spine and all the nerves. They'll absorb the Elf's mind and become him, and no one will know the Elf is dead. He'll die in agony. But it'll take years. The baby will grow inside him, learn to think like he does, talk like he does, act like he does. Kill him, and replace him, wearing his body, like Humans wear clothes. That's how we reproduce. I was implanted inside Quaraun's brain when he was 3 years old. He was 9 when he died. No one knew. I killed him and took his body. He never got a chance to grow up. He died so young I didn't have to learn to be him, I was able to be me, just living in his skin. I hate how we reproduce. I hate that we can not live on our own, outside of a host body. I hate that we have to kill someone in order that we may live."

"The Thullid goddess... Can she be pregnant?" 

"Yes, she can."

"Is she thus now in such state, yes?"

"Yes, she is."

"Was she planning to tell me that, no?"

"No."

"How come for, eh?"

"I don't know. I don't know what to do. The babies can't live without a host. In order for the babies to live, Elves must die. One Elf for each baby."

"Could ya kill the babies?"

"No."

"How log do they incubate before needing a host?"

"Not long. They'll need hosts soon."

Unicorn looked at ZooLock.

"That why ZooLock here?"

"I think so. Somehow he knew she was pregnant."

"Who's pregnant?" GhoulSpawn asked.

"Him is," Unicorn said, pointing to Quaraun.

"What? Quaraun?"

"Aye."

"You're pregnant?" GhoulSpawn asked Quaraun.

"Yes."

"How are you pregnant?"

"I'm not sure. I was trying to figure that out. It's why I hadn't mentioned it."

"You're male."

"I know."

"You can't be pregnant."

"I know." 

"How can you be pregnant?"

"I'm female Demon living in a male Elf's body. Apparently she can still get pregnant while inside of him, some how. I'm not sure how. It's why I put ZooLock in chains."

"Because you think he did it?"

"No. I think Unicorn did it. He fucks me often enough. But I think ZooLock is calling the entire Thullid population to come worship me."

"You're pregnant by a unicorn?"

"That seems to be what happened."

"So, you're a male Elf, who's gonna give birth to a baby unicorn?"

"No. I'm a female Thullid, living in the body of a male Elf."

"So, you're a male Elf, who's gonna give birth to a demonic baby unicorn with tentacles?"

"Yeah. Something like that. Three hundred of them."

"Three hundred? What? Three hundred demonic baby unicorns with tentacles?"

"Around that."

"You're serious aren't you?"

"Yeah."

"You're gonna give birth to three hundred demonic baby unicorns with tentacles?"

"Yes."

"And they're all gonna act like him." GhoulSpawn pointed to Unicorn.

"God, I hope not," Quaraun said staring at Unicorn. "He's so hyper active. It's hard enough to handle one of him. Three hundred of him will drive me crazy."

"And you're not already?"

"I'm trying not to be."

"You're wearing a pink dress covered in rhinestones, a cape made out of pink turkey feathers, you're sitting in a gold plated pink velvet throne, in the middle of an abandoned cathedral, in the middle of nowhere, and you're sitting her telling me you're pregnant, even though you're male... and I'm supposed to think you are TRYING to be normal?"

"I didn't say normal. I said I'm trying to not be crazy. I know I'm not normal."

"How do you know you're gonna give birth to three hundred demonic baby unicorns with tentacles? I mean... how do you know three hundred."

"I can hear them humming inside their eggs."

"Eggs?" Unicorn asked. "Is that why ya been talking of eggs?"

"Have I?"

"Aye. All week. Ya keep muttering aboot eggs. I tried to cook ya some eggs the other day un ya flipped out on me. Said ya never gonna eat eggs again. Ya called me a baby murderer for cooking eggs."

"I'm sorry."

"Before that ya was obsessing over tadpoles in the pond un worrying aboot what would happen to the eggs if the water went dry."

"I'm incubating three hundred eggs, and every one of them is talking to me. I've been outcast from the hive mind so long, I'd forgotten what it was like. It's difficult to get used to hearing it again."

"They talking to ya?"

"Yeah." 

The three fell silent again and again it was Unicorn who broke the silence.

"How long have ya known?"

"A few weeks. I wasn't sure. The hive mind. I lost it when they put me in this Elf, but I can feel it again now. I can feel it with the babies. I can hear all their thoughts. I thought I was going crazy, listening to all the babies. All happily humming and purring. They're so happy to be alive. Waiting to be born. Waiting to find their hosts. I thought it was the Opium at first. I wasn't sure, until ZooLock showed up. First thing he said when he walked up to us, was he had to protect his ladyship while she was in her delicate state. Then he started talking about it being his job to protect the babies and the eggs and keep them safe. I'd suspected it for a few weeks but I couldn't explain it. I still can't explain it. But then ZooLock just shows up. I haven't seen him in five hundred years. That's what he does. ZooLock, he guards the babies. He's there when they're born. He implants them. I thought I was imaging them until ZooLock showed up and then I knew."

"Are you evil?" GhoulSpawn suddenly asked, seemingly changing the subject.

"Evil? I don't think any one thinks of themself as evil."

"HellBorne likes to brag that he's evil."

"Well, I guess some people do then."

"Are you evil?"

"People say I'm evil. Why?"

"HellBorne says you're evil."

"Does he?"

"Yes."

"Who is he? Do I know him?"

"I don't think so. He keeps saying he wants to meet you before you..." GhoulSpawn drifted off and didn't finish his sentence.

"Before what?"

"He... uhm... he knew the Thullids were coming. He expected them. He's preparing some ritual place for them."

"He knew about the babies?"

"I think so,"

"Did you?"

"I... I knew he wanted you here for something. I wasn't sure what."

"Are you the one that's been making this stuff happen. The turtle. The poppy field. The hellhounds."

"Yeah."

"Why?"

"He said he was kill you. I... I was trying to prevent you from coming here."

"Is this storm you too?"

"No. No... I can't do magic like this. I think the Thullids did this so you wouldn't leave."

"And HellBorne?"

"He's summoning the Darkness."

"The Darkness being?"

"You."

"Me?"

"Yeah. He wants to be evil and he thinks if he summons the Darkness and sacrifices her in some ritual, then drinks her blood, he'll be the most evil of all."

"Sacrifice her?" ZooLock sputtered from his corner.

The squid headed priest jumped up, flailing his mauve tentacles franticly in every direction.

"Sacrifice her! Oh! No, no, no! This can not be. We must protect her."

"HellBorne said something about the Darkness. Said she was pregnent. That it was impossible for her to be so, but she was any ways. He said she was evil and the spawn inside her was evil. And killing her while she was pregnent would trigger the Darkness to fall."

"The Sacred Pink Jelly Fish must be protected at all costs!" ZooLock continued to fret.

"Sacred... Pink... Jellyfish?"" GhoulSpawn looked at Quaraun. "What's he talking about?"

"He calls me the Sacred Pink JellyFish."

"Oh. Well, you're certainly pink."

The trio fell silent again and listened to ZooLock as he frantically chattered to himself in multiple languages.


~From Summoner of Darkness

>>Unless it's going to done as a montage, the best "bet" would be simply write "They make love" and strengthen the scenes on either side of the act.

I tend to agree with this sentament, actually.

A sex scene in the Quaraun series typically spans 10 to 20 pages or somewhere around 5,000 to 8,000 words of text.

The sex scene goes through a long period of 5 to 7 pages foreplay and seduction, with the actual physical intecorse lasting only 2 or 3 paragraphs, followed by another 3 or 4 or more pages of after care.


So, we've covered the ones we disagreed with. Let's move on to the ones we agree with.

>>Writing sex can be done as cleanly or as dirty as you want. It's up to you to decide what fits in your story as a whole. As a general rule, and since the sex is not the focus of the story AND because it's the only sex scene in the story I would certainly not make it too 'in your face'. 

>>There's a 1001 ways to tastefully describe the process without turning it into a porno.

>>focus on what the characters are thinking and feeling emotionally.

>>Maybe set the scene a bit first, too. I don't think you should just go straight into it because, well, that's not really how sex is if you want it to be romantic. There's stuff leading up to it. Foreplay and all. Create tension and buildup.

There are so many Romance and Erotica authors that could benefit from this advice. Foreplay is so rarely in a sex scene. A few years ago, I received an email asking how long a sex scene should be. How many words. She explained that she had just written her first sex scene and was super excited to have accomplished it, but then said that it felt too short. She said: "It seems like your sex scenes are pretty long, they go on for a few pages, but mine ended in just one paragraph. I can't figure out what I did wrong. How do you make a sex scene last several pages?"

The answer was as simple as one word: foreplay.

There's A LOT of foreplay going on in the Quaraun series.

While Unicorn is very sexual and it takes almost nothing to get him horny, Quaraun is axesual. Specifically Quaraun is demisexual. He has little to no sex drive at all, and can easily live his life never having sex at all. However, he is aware that his partner has sexual needs and desires and therefore engages in sex for that reason only.

The problem is, because Quaraun is asexual, it's difficult for him to have an erection. And thus, there's A LOT of foreplay going on in the Quaraun series. Unicorn is a very hands on, touchy-feely person. He also has a ball fetish. He likes touching Quaraun, and he especially likes playing with Quaraun's balls.

There exists a scene that proves how very difficult it is for Quaraun to have an erection, when, he and Unicorn and FarDarrig are sitting at a table in a tavern, talking, and Unicorn announces he's horny and wants to get Quaraun away from this room so they can have sex. Quaraun brushes off the notion and instead calls a barmaid over asking for a meal to be brought to them. Unicorn, who is very hyperactive and fidgety and can't sit still, starts poking Quaraun, which Quaraun tries to ignore, so Unicorn, starts sexually fondling Quaraun, while they're sitting at the table, which makes FarDarrig uncomfortable to watch, but Quaraun continues to talk like nothing was happening.

A few minutes after the meal is served, BatDude and Pigeon Poop Boy arrive, and as is usual for them, they start a brawl and are tearing the tavern apart, which the trio tries to ignore, until Pigeon Poop Boy lands on their table, in Quaraun's plate, then rushes off to continue his fight.

Quaraun normally ignores such things and would just move to a new table and order a new meal, but he's had Unicorn trying to sexually arouse him for the past half-hour, and he's very agitated, closer to being aroused then Unicorn had been aware. Quaraun, a dangerous and powerful Wizard who wields magic like an author wields pens, suddenly and inexplicably, throws the table a side, pulls out his wand and ends the tavern brawl by zapped everyone in the room with a lightning spell.

While it is clear that Quaraun has lost his temper and is very upset, this is seen by most everyone in the room has him being mad over the interruption of his meal. Quaraun storms off to a new table, FarDarrig and Unicorn join him, Quaraun orders a new meal, and then orders Unicorn to finish what he was doing, which now tells the reader, no he wasn't mad about the interruption of his meal, he was mad about the interruption of Unicorn's attempt to sexually arouse him.

Quaraun suffers from erectile dysfunction and it can take quite a bit of foreplay on Unicorn's part to help Quaraun have an erection. He was not doing anything to stop Unicorn's actions, even though they were in public, and it becomes clear to the reader that Quaraun did want to have sex with Unicorn, and likely intended to do so after their meal, thus let Unicorn fondle him during the meal. The brawl interrupted what Unicorn had started, meaning he now had to start all over again, and THIs is what infuriated Quaraun. 

And, while Unicorn can come off as very selfish and perverted, not a lot of real world men (or even women) would be willing to go through the trouble of helping a partner with erectile dysfunction, get an erection. Were Unicorn truly selfish, he'd just fuck Quaraun and not care if Quaraun achieved an orgasm or not. Thus you also see that while his methods can be quite crude, Unicorn does care about Quaraun.

If you take only one bit of advice away from this page, let it be this:

Never write a sex scene where nothing happens but the sex. Always have something else going on at the same time.

This is why the sex scenes of the Quaraun series are not only very long, but also why they are so effective at having an impact on the readers.

Clips from that scene...

"Well then, you ain't listening."

"I am. I'm listening to a weak, sick, tired, injured Elf complaining that he wants to sleep and he knows he's going get ass fucked the moment he tries to, so he's taking drugs beforehand sos it won't hurt as much when it happens. That doesn't sound like you being a willing participant in his fucking you, and that therefore is rape."

"It's not rape."

"How do you come to that conclusion?"

"Because if I really didn't want it happening, I would unLichify him and drop his rotted corpse off in the nearest graveyard. I never said he couldn't fuck me, I like it when he fucks me, he fucks me every damned day. I just said I didn't want it to hurt when it happened. He's more then welcome to take whatever pleasure he wants out of me, I'd just like to not feel like I'm being split in half while he does it. He's not exactly gentle. He does tend to just dive into me like an axe splitting a log. Then he just keeps right on pounding into me. And he doesn't stop when I pass out. I wouldn't be at all surprised if when I finally died, I die from him fucking me to death....WHAT?"

Quaraun stopped talking to glare at the bar maid who was standing, jaw dropped listening to what he'd been saying.

"Uhm...I..." the girl didn't know what to say. She was still trying to comprehend how it was one male could fuck another male.

"I pay you to bring me food and drink," Quaraun snarled at her. "Not eavesdrop on my private conversations."

"Uhm..." 

Quaraun rammed his finger onto the center of the table.

"Put my food on the table and leave," he ordered. "Go back to what ever the hell it is you Humans do."

The girl quickly tossed the platter on the table beside Unicorn, then scurried away, back to the bar where the other girls were gathered, whispering about the arrival of the dreaded Pink Necromancer in their town.

"Humans," Quaraun muttered to himself in the most disgusted tone he could muster. "Scum of the Earth. Nothing but a parasitic plague of over sized lice. Why must we be forced to exist along side such filth?"

"Ya know," Unicorn pointed out. "If ya would fuck a few females once in a while, Elves would no be dying out so fast."

"And where do you suggest I find a female Elf to fuck? I'm the last damned Moon Elf on the planet, or have you forgotten that?"

"Plenty of females here for ya to fuck," Unicorn said, pointing to the bar maids and not looking at Quaraun.

FarDarrig grabbed all the bottles off the table, slunk down out of his chair and went to the next table.

"What?" Unicorn asked FarDarrig, still not paying attention to Quaraun. He looked around the room. The Humans were all squished back against the wall, staring in his direction in terror.

Unicorn turned back to Quaraun. "Ohhh."

Quaraun was now standing up, one hand one the table, the other gripping his Rainbow Wand pointed inches from Unicorn's nose, blazing fury of pure hatred raging through his eyes. Small sparks of lightening zapped from the wand, and shimmered over Quaraun making any eerie glowing blow aura around him.

"How... dare... you suggest I consort with HUMANS!" The angry Necromancer roared. "There's too many of them as it is, without my helping to create even more of them. The last thing this world needs is Half Elf mongrels running in it! There's already too many Elves ploughing their seed in the wretches scum of Human filth!"

"Weeell," Unicorn said, sliding back away from the aim of the Necromancer's wand. "Maybe ya should had thunk of that before losing ya temper an killin' every one in ya village. Then ya'd still have yarself so pure blood Moon Elf bitches to fuck."

"They deserved to die and you know it."

"Does I?" Unicorn carefully reached over and pulled the wand out of Quaraun's hand, and tried shaking it to turn it off.

"They killed YOU."

"I commit suicide, Quaraun. Ya needs to get over it. Ya used it as an excuse to kill everyone who ever pissed ya off."

"You died."

"And ya did gone an resurrect me. Now I's a Lich. How do ya turns this t'ing off?"

Quaraun sighed and sat back down. He watched Unicorn fumble with the wand. 

"Gimie that, before you blow this whole town up."

Quaraun grabbed the wand and stuffed it back in his pink beaded heart shaped bag of holding. Then he looked around at the crowd of a dozen or so Humans that were gathered around their table.

"Oh go jump off a cliff," Quaraun growled to them. 

None of them moved. Most of them looked too scared to move.

"I t'ink they is ready to shit their pants," Unicorn laughed.

"Can't say as I blame 'em," FarDarrig said from the other table. "Got a high strung Necromancer over there."

"Why are you staring at me?" Quaraun asked the nearest Human

"Do all Elves dress like you?"

"No," Quaraun said sarcastically. "I'm pretending to be a prostitute."

"Oooh, I see." The man nodded, not realizing Quaraun was making fun of his ignorance.

Quaraun laid his head on the table.

"Whhhhhy are Humans soooo stuuuuuupid?" He moaned into the tablecloth. He sat back up and turned to the Human. "I am a Wizard of the DiJinn Order. This is how we dress. I'm a priest. These are the robes of our order. Do you know nothing of the DiJinn?"

"Genies are those wish granting wizards ain't they? Grant wishes for people. Like how you gave him two dicks, right?" The Human answered brightly, proud of the fact that he knew what the wizard was talking about, while pointing to Unicorn.

Quaraun turned to Unicorn.

"Why did I give you two dicks?"

"Ya was drunk," Unicorn said. "And high on poppies. And wanted a horse's dick stuffed up ya ass. Twice. At the same time."

"You know I don't remember any of that, right?"

"I knows. Sooner or later I'lls figure a way to get me horn up their same time as both me dicks."

~o0o~

~o0o~

Quaraun stared at the scene that was unfolding before him, as BatDude and PigeonPoopBoy rolled out of the blue sparking portal, into the tavern, battling a pair of g-string wearing teddy bears.

"What the hell did you put in my drink?" Quaraun asked Unicorn.

"Whatever it was, it didn't cause that," FarDarrig said. "Because I see it too."

"I give up," Quaraun said. "Where's my food. Humans are crazy. They're all crazy."

Quaraun reached for the platter the girl had left and set out to eating every thing on it and completely ignoring BatDude, PigeonPoopBoy and the giant animatronic teddy bears.

"Quaraun?" Unicorn learned over and whispered into the Elf's ear. "There is a teddy bear named Freddy throwing bombs shaped like books at a couple of guys in bird suits. They all seemed to have just suddenly appeared there from out of no where."

Quaraun looked up and watched the three characters as they ran back and forth through the tavern, throwing things at one another.

"Yes, I had noticed." 

The pink clad Necromancer went back to eating.

"Should we help them?"

"No, they seem to be tearing the tavern apart just fine on their own."

"Ah. Yes. No. That's not quite what I meant."

~o0o~

~o0o~

"Ya drinks just as much as we does."

"I drink because I'm in pain. You two are both undead. You ain't got no reason to drink."

"Ya does not approve of my drinking?"

"I don't approve of the belching contests you have with FarDarrig."

"Ah, well, let's put something in ya drink, then. Make ya feel happy and then I can fuck ya silly."

Unicorn dumped more powder in Quaraun's Faery Wine.

"Will you stop drugging my food!"

"Why? Ya knows ya gonna go ahead and drinks it anyways. Ya like the drugs as much as they likes ya, eh?"

"Yes." 

A teddy bear ran by, with two Humans in bird costumes chasing after it.

~o0o~

~o0o~

FarDarrig stared down at the shattered bottles on the floor. He had just put them back on the table.

"There is food on me," Quaraun said, his temper only thinly veiled.

"Oooooh! They got food on ya new dress," Unicorn sat still holding his mug, but looking somewhat horrified at the fact that Quaraun was about to lose his temper. 

"There is food in my hair," Quaraun sputtered.

"Aye."

'It take 3 hours to wash my hair. 8 hours for it to dry and 2 more damned hours to brush it."

"Ya could cut a few feet off and save ya the trouble."

"There is food on my pink Thullid silk."

"Aye."

"Who did that?"

"It were the teddy bear," Unicorn said.

Quaraun glared angry daggers at the teddy bear.

Unicorn repeated his question. "Ya want to help them now?" 

"Yes. I do."

Quaraun stood up, tossing the table aside, pulled out his wand, and aimed it at the teddy bear. 

"You got food on my dress, you frigging bastard! DIE!"

A blinding burst of blue light filled the room, followed by a loud POUF as the teddy bear exploded into a pile of fur and fluff.

Every Human in the room was once again pressed back against the farthest walls they could get to, all staring in terror at the angry wizard.

"We need a new a table and new meals," the albino transvestite Necromancer said the a barmaid as he strode over to the remains of the teddy bear.

"Holy guacamole, BatDude, that pink whore is a wizard!" Exclaimed the lad in the grey feathered, blue unitard.

Quaraun looked up at the daringly dressed duo. 

"I'm a Necromancer, and you two owe me and my companions dinner."

"Necromancer?" Said BatDude. "But you're wearing pink?"

"And you're wearing patent leather bat wings," retorted the whiter then white Moon Elf.

~o0o~

~o0o~

Unicorn burst out laughing. "Oh, I know that! I did has been with him long enough to know what he wants."

Quaraun glared at FarDarrig and was about to say something, but was interrupted when BatDude and Pigeon Poop Boy both sat down at their table.

"I'm sorry," growled Quaraun. "Did I invited you to sit down?"

"No," answered BatDude. "But you did mention we owed you dinner and that's sort of the same thing."

"Ooooh, look, he wants to buy us dinner. How romantic," Unicorn crooned as he leaned over close to Quaraun and began rubbing his arm. "Ya think this table's big enough for them to bring out all the plates for all of us while I fuck ya on it at the same time?"

He reached under the table slipped his hand inside Quaraun's pink silk robes and began fondling the Elf's already erect cock.

"Is he..." BatDude started the ask Quaraun, while staring at the black eyed Faerie.

"Yes. He is. Ignore him," answered Quaraun.

"Are you ignoring him?"

"With great difficulty."

"Like hell yar are," FarDarrig said to Quaraun, then turned to BatDude. "Whatever ya what to say to him, say it fast. They is about 10 second from stripping each other naked, right here in front of everybody."


~From The Jiggler & The G-String Teddy Bears


Let me repeat this...if you take only one bit of advice away from this page, let it be this:

Never write a sex scene where nothing happens but the sex. Always have something else going on at the same time.

Now, I've taken out a lot of the scene and only put parts of it here, but you can see how my sex scenes can get so long now right?

The actions is still going on. The characters are talking and interacting... WHILE BoomFuzzy/Unicorn is all the while sexually molesting Quaraun. The whole scene becomes many pages of foreplay, with one interruption after another stopping Unicorn from what he's doing to Quaraun's genitals.

Seeing the Faerie caressing the Elf's dick in public draws the attention of several people. The people at first drawn to watching what Unicorn is doing to Quaraun, get drawn into their conversation of the fact that Unicorn has two dicks that are both erect and he's trying to get Quaraun's erect as well. Quaraun is so lost in what Unicorn is doing to him, he doesn't at first realize what a public display they are putting on, not until he realizes several Humans have gathered at their table to watch, one of them bring up the topic of Unicorn's two penises.

Quaraun is flustered and embarrassed by this, tries to go back to his meal, when the interruption from BatDude and Pigeon Poop Boy becomes the last straw and he has an outburst. The scene ends with them having sex on the table.

You notice too, euphemisms woven into the scene, especially the use of Quaraun's wand and Unicorn's horn, both of which get brought up many times over the course of this scene. 

This whole sex scene spans more than 20 pages and is very typical of a sex scene in the Quaraun series, where you see a very long foreplay scene played out, and you hear the dialogue.

Quaraun and Unicorn, by this scene, have been together many years now, decades, and they are both very comfortable with each other, thus the foreplay between them is no longer limited to the bedroom as they become less and less concerned with what others think of them over time.

In the series this is one of the early pubic sex scenes with them having sex in a public place and not caring that a lot of people are watching them.

This is where the sex scenes of the Quaraun series stand out, and the sex scenes are so long, the forplay so drawn out, and the story flowing right through thogh sexs, with the scenes NOT seperate from the action of the story, that, as many readers having pointed out, it almost reads like the entire novel is one big, non-stop sex scene.

I believe it is THIS that results in so many people calling the series Erotica and feeling like it is "sex on every page".

As mentioned already the Quaraun series includes a sex scene that goes on for 33 pages. That's a LONG scene. In many novels a chapter is rare more then 10 pages long, meaning that's not only a long scene, it's also a long chapter.

The average scene in general, in the Quaraun series lasts for about 4,000 words or roughly 12 printed paperback pages. A short scene typically runs around 2,000 words (about 6 pages) while a long scene typically runs 6,000 words (about 18 pages). There are scenes in excess of 10,000 words (about 32 pages), but not so many.

Because the Quaraun series, is a series of 2,000+ short stories that were expanded and connected into novels, you do not see the novels divided into chapters, instead, divided by scenes with each scene acting as a chapter.

This includes the sex scenes, which are treated no different than any other scene n the book and thus, run anywhere from 2,000 to 10,000 words long.

Because I feel a 2,000 word sex scene is rather short, and instead strive for a 4,000 word sex scene, I also find it difficult to not laugh when someone states they wrote a big long sex scene, and then says "It's almost a full 100 words!"

I once read a blog post, I can't remember which author it was now, it was several years ago, but the blog post was talking about how authors should strive for "long" sex scenes of 200 to 500 words. My reaction of course was: "OMG! That's barely a paragraph, how the hell do you consider 500 words a long scene? Reddit posts are longer then that."

This desperately needs repeating...if you take only one bit of advice away from this page, let it be this:

Never write a sex scene where nothing happens but the sex. Always have something else going on at the same time.

Sex can and should move the plot forward.

You heard me say earlier that sex was gratuitous and has no reason to be there but to entertain. This is still true, but it doesn't mean you sex scene can not have plot purpose and meaning WHILE it is being gratuitous!

If you pay close attention to EVERY scene of the Quaraun novels, sex scene or otherwise, they are very busy, very full of life. Quaraun and Unicorn are never sitting there talking while the world passes them by. You see the people, the unnamed strangers, the merchants, the bandits, the barmaids, the prostitutes, the fishermen, the drunks, they do not exist in an empty world. The crowds of people on the streets around them interrupt their actions and thoughts. They overhear people talking and is changes their conversations, drifts them off track.

Far too many authors write a novel, with 2 characters interacting, and it's like they are sitting in a white empty void, completely unaffected by the world they live in.

Your characters exist in a world. Know that world. Make sure they are interacting with that world. No scene in a book, should ever pass without the outside world intruding it and reminding the reader that these characters are people living with other people in a world full of people.

In a Medieval world like Quaraun lives in you have goats walking down the street, chickens, dogs, and children running under your feet and knocking characters on the ground, hopefully they don't land in a pile of house shit and can get up before the scullery maid tosses the contents of a chamberpot out the upstairs window onto the street below and onto anyone with the misfortune of walking by just then. This scene by the way is in Summoner of Darkness.

Roads are muddy, 10 or more miles exist between towns, and not every town has an inn or a tavern, in fact most do not. Characters have to sleep on the cold hard ground, through wind, rain, sleet, or snow. They live in a region hit by flooding, blizzards, and hurricanes. 

I'm someone who grew up in a strange family, that lived in an off-grid compound, did not have electricity, running water, or a building anything close to what most people would call a house. I was in my 40s before I ever slept in a bed. I spent 9 years living outside with no shelter from the rain or snow. Thus when I write these conditions in the Quaraun book I write them with vivid accuracy because I write from personal experience.

Nature is often bearing down on Quaraun even more then the people of his world are. All these things are important. 

Yes, even in a sex scene.

Why?

Think about it.

Try fucking your partner in a bedroll, on the cold hard ground, in the dead of winter, miles from the nearest town.

There's no time for sex when 75 mile and hour winds are pelting ice and snow on you are a rate of 3 inches per hour, accumulateing to well over 20 feet of snow by the time the storm ends.

Keep in mind Quaraun is from Ivujik, Quebec, and most of the series takes place as him and Unicorn treck from Maine to Ivujik, tothe surrounding region.

Do you know where Ivujik is? It's just south of the North Pole. Yep, is it any wonder Unicorn built Santa's gingerbread village?

Here, have a map...

Yes, I am aware that in the 1400s, no town in Quebec was yet a town, let alone have taverns or inns... this is set in an alternate version of our Earth, obveiously, considering Quaraun is also an Elf and not Human.

Here's an aspect of writing the sex scenes that a lot of people might be surprised to learn...

If it's a place mentioned in the books, you can Google that place, find a map, and go visit it.

AND...

The places mentioned in the books, I don't just write about them, I actually drive to that place in sit in the EXACT SAME spot, I'm describing.

The sex scene in Night of the Screaming Unicorn, the very last sex scene in the book, the one that takes place in an open field at the edge of a forest, and you see Quaraun sitting on a log in that field... here, have some video footage of that field, as I take my dog back their again, and so you not only the field, but the exact location in the field where that sex scene occurs.



Yes, I don't just write the scenes, I visit the locations

You remeber the novel I mentioned previously, the one with 91 sex scenes in it, the one where Quaraun gets pregnent and is hunted down by cultists. The one that takes place on a road to Witch Pond, in the swamps around Witch Pond, and at the foot of Bubble Rock Mountain?

Here... video footage of the real Witch Hole Pond, Bubble Rock Mountain, the swamps surrounding it and the 27 mile long Park Loop Road that you have to walk on to get to the pond... yes, I went there and Summoner of Darkness was written on location AT the REAL Witch Hole Pond.

Did You Know:
Summoner of Darkness
was written on location at the real Witch Pond?

Meet The Real Witch Hole Pond:






If You Want To Visit Witch Hole Pond For Yourself, Here Are The Directions To It: 
(Address is: Witch Hole Pond, Carriage Road, Mt. Desert Island, Acadia National Park, Bar Harbour, Maine)

Interview With EelKat
While Walking On The Real Road To
Witch Hole Pond In Bar Harbour, Maine






A Real Turtle In Witch Hole Pond:






A Bald Eagle Bathing In Witch Hole Pond:






And the swamp just before the pond...






Driving Park Loop Road Around Witch Hole Pond...






And climbing Bubble Rock Mountain overlooking Witch Hole Pond...









Anyways, my point is, there is a world going on around your characters and that world can and SHOULD be interrupting their ives.

This desperately needs repeating...if you take only one bit of advice away from this page, let it be this:

Never write a sex scene where nothing happens but the sex. Always have something else going on at the same time.

The sex scenes in the Quaraun novels come alive because they are never just sex. While having sex in a field, they see the eagle fly by and stop to watch it. See the video above of that actual eagle that interrupted my writing and bathing in Witch Hole Pond.

They try to go back to their sex and get interrupted by a giant turtle the size of a house rising up out of Witch Pond and attacking them. See the video above of the real baby spotted turtle walking along the edge of Witch Hole Pond.

Yes, sex scenes are gratuitous, but it doesn't mean they can't move the story along. A sex scene should never be just the sex. Never stop the story for sex. Bring the world to life and keep the story flowing onward while sex is happening.

>>To make it the most realistic, include some dialogue. Well, it depends on the relationship between the characters, how experienced they are, etc. They might be periodically saying things like "are you okay?" It's not a porno where they don't say much if anything at all.

Yes. This one is important.

Make sure your characters stay in character. A shy nervous virgin, doesn't become a sex god in bed. He fumbles and second guesses. A sex crazed stud doesn't say things like "let's make love", he says "I wanta fuck you". A drunk can't get it up. A billionaire isn't going after his high risk secretary when he can afford risk free, high class whores. A farmer is going to compare your vagina to that of his prize mare, while comparing himself to his stud ram.

And no matter what type of character he is, he's gonna talk. Men talk during sex. And men NOT talking during sex is one of the things that makes a bad sex scenes so unrealisticly bad. You do not want to include SOME dialogue in a sex scene, no, you want a LOT of dialogue in a sex scne. 

Men don't talk much in general, outside of the bedroom. In the bed room, they can't shut their frigging mouths and can be annoying as hell. You got a woman who wants romance and a guy who is yapping on about football, baseball, basketball, volleyball, figure skating, ski jumps, and whatever other sport he can think of. And he's not looking at you either. No. He's looking up at the ceiling. The wall. The headboard. The dresser.

In books men crone about being lost in your eyes and can't stop looking at you. Real men, you wonder if they are even aware they are having sex and if they know they are fucking you and not a football. And they yack, yack, yack, yack, yack, yack, yack, yack, yack, yack, yack.... You only know they are aware sex is what they are doing by the intermiting - "Is that good?, "You okay?" in between, "So then the coach was saying to..."

Men are so completely uninvolved when it comes to sex. There dick is there doing something, but their mind is somewhere else. Which is WHY Romance novels are such big sellers, because women desperatly want their men to pay attention to them and stop talking about sports long enough to realize, hey, look, this ain't some plastic doll you're fucking, it's actually a real live person and she wants you to notice that she's there!

You start doing a Google search for polls, surveys, and scientific studies done about people sex lives and you'll find alarming results saying that more than 70% of American women are unsatisfied in bed. Complaints include: "It's like he's not there in the bedroom even when he is" and "he gets the job done and forgets I needed a release too" and "I wish he could just shut up and fuck me already".

Romance novels are bestsellers because men DO NOT talk in the sex scenes of novels. Because men DO notice their partner in novels.

So, how much dialogue you put into a sex scene is dependant upon if you want to write a fantastic unreality to satisfy horny housewive or are you looking to write the sex scene accurately to real life?

Like I said, in my Quaraun books, the men act true to life and they talk a lot while they are fucking each other, they continue doing things like eating while they fuck each other, and thus the sex scenes end up seeming longer. 

Most Romance novels the sex is wizz, bang, boom, done in 2 paragraphs, because no one is talking and everyone is orgasming at the same time. And that's another thing - people don't orgasm at the same time in real life, and you see that as well in the Quaraun books.

>>Focus on the emotional states of the couple. On their physical sensations and the dynamic between them as they move together. Who is leading, how does the other follow. Awkward stops and pauses, before returning. 

The actual act of sex. Like dancing a tango or a waltz, one step, two step, three...

Who is leading? Does it really matter?

How does the other follow? Do readers really care?

The penis goes in the vagina.

The cock goes in the ass.

The dick goes in the prick.

Then it's jump, hump, and thump.

Okay, this is one thing you DO NOT see in the Quaraun books.

There is lots of foreplay, lots of after care, but the physical act of sex itself? Eh, not so much.

Why?

It's boring.

There's enough description to tell the reader what object is going into which hole. Some many objects, so few holes. The reader knows if Quaraun just got a wand forced up his peehole, a unicorn horn up his ass, or a tentacle down his throat, but beyond that there is not much actual sex on the page.

You have a scene where Quaraun is walking through the snow, and suddenly Unicorn pounces on him from behind. Quaraun is now face down in the snow, and before he can respond, has got his robes tossed up over his head, and Unicorn pummeling him. It's followed by a few lines (about 3) of Quaraun's inner thoughts on trying to decide if he should fight back or just enjoy it. And in almost the next line Unicorn is pulling Quaraun back to his feet and BeaLuna and Quaraun are arguing over whether or not that counts as rape seeing how Unicorn did not ask permission first.

It happens so fast you aren't sure what happened. And you never saw any body parts.

If you see body parts it's because something unusual is happening. Knotting for example. Unicorn doesn't do it often, but being a shapeshifter he can have the penis of any animal, and sometimes he just decides he doesn't want Quaraun getting away, so pushes into Quaraun, then changes his cock to a wolf's penis, and knots the poor horrified Elf who now can't get away until Unicorn is good and ready to stop. Knotting is painful, and locks the couple together. 

Worse than knotting is barbing. Each of Unicorn's two penises, have 4 very long thorn like barbs, that protrude when he's excited. When relaxes they retarck back inside. He has some level of control over them, and if he decided he wants to hear Quaraun scream, can release them, while he's inside of Quaraun. Like knotting, barbing holds the couple together. The difference is, with some level of determination and force, Quaraun could pull free from being knotted, while any attempt to pull free from barbing, will leave his bowls torn and bloody, and is a serious injury that he could die from.

On this same note of what to describe and when, orgasms are a thing.

In most fiction the couple both orgasm at the same time. In real life this almost never happens, and only happens when you are dealing with a man who has been trained to cum on demand.

A difficult thing for a man to learn to do, but a thing men can do, with training. 

Unicorn likes sex to last a long time. Quaraun would rather it end quickly.

Quaraun has trouble having an erection and tends to cum quickly after he does. This results in another type of scene when penises are put on display and sex happens on the page: chastity cages.

Since Quaraun has difficulty having an erection anyways, Unicorn finds it easier to put a sounding rod prince albert cage on Quaraun, locking his penis in place, so now he can't have an erection even if he was ready to. This also forces him to not be able to cum until Unicorn decides he ready to let Quaraun cum.

A painful device to wear, the chastity cage does not enter the Quaraun series as a pleasure toy for sex, but rather is first used in Summoner of Darkness to punish Quaraun. This is the volume when they meet GhoulSpawn, whom Quaraun is highly sexually attracted to and Unicorn in a fit of jealous rage forces Quaraun into a chastity cage to keep him from having sex with Ghoulpawn.

Forced to wear the chastity cage for days on end, Quaraun eventually gets used to having it on and starts wearing it on his own. This pleasure he discovers he gets from having metal on his skin, results in his eventually getting 58 piercings in his penis and scrotum as his obsession with wearing penis rings goes overboard.

And so you see, these are the types of scenes when you see the descriptions of whose penis is going where. When there is something happening n the story that requires the penis on page during sex.

Most sex scenes however do not have the step by step dance instruction tango of body parts going on.

>>Oh, and as in life: foreplay is everything.

We've already covered foreplay haven't we? Could we cover it more? Yeah, I think we could.

I think the reason so many readers find the Quaraun novels so highly erotic, is not the sex scenes themselves, but rather instead the long bickering, dialogue filled foreplay scenes. Interestingly, Quaraun's bitchy attitude seems to play a big part in this. Readers like him for his snark. He's not a nice person. He's petty, whiney, complains constantly, is arrogant, has an ego, is vain, selfish, rude, and extremely bitchy. He wears his emotions on his sleeve and he's always seconds from flipping out and having a meltdown. His emotions run the full swing though and he's also caring, compassionate, cries when someone dies, is quick to help someone even strangers, is very protective of his family, and is very loving and passionate with his lovers.

Quaraun is a very emotional, high strung person, very open about his feelings, and this makes the foreplay before the sex scenes much more lively. While he's quick to submit to Unicorn's advances, he's also quick to tell Unicorn exactly what he does or does not like. While Unicorn is the very dominant Seme of this relationship, Quaraun is himself dominate and in many scenes has more control of the sex then Unicorn does. While Quaraun let's Unicorn get away with some very extreme BDSM fetishes, Quaraun is quick to take back control if something happens he doesn't like.

This is why you see scenes were Unicorn has Quaraun in chains, whipping him brutally, Quaraun in tears, but the violence continuing and not stopping. Unicorn knows, that if Quaraun really wanted it to stop, he would simply push Unicorn away, and force the situation to stop. Quaraun likes letting Unicorn take control and he deeply enjoys the violence.

And the violence gets very bad. Unicorn is a monster with sharp fangs and vicious claws, and does on frequent occasion tear through Quaraun's flesh. By nature a Phooka's natural food is Elves, and eating Elves is an everyday part of Unicorn's life. Quaraun witnesses time and again as Unicorn tears and Elf to shreds and eats it while it's still alive begging for mercy.

Quaraun knows the great danger he puts himself in, by letting this savage beast, rip his flesh open and drink his blood, and yet, Quaraun is thrilled by the danger of letting this vicious predator ravage his body and drink his blood.

This is one of the extreme levels of foreplay seen in the series, and it is more common to see Unicorn bite into Quaraun and seriously injure him, then it is to see Unicorn fucking Quaraun. While Unicorn talks about wanting sex, often his lust for feeding on Elf blood is stronger then his lust for sex. You'll see a sex scene start but never progress to the point of sex, as Unicorn goes into a blood frenzy and starts violently attacking Quaraun. The scene ending with them both covered in blood and Quaraun unconscious and close to death.

But this is all foreplay, and we've talked of foreplay before. What we've not yet mentioned is a thing rarely seen in and sex scene of an novel out there. 90% of novels containing sex, you get the sex, maybe some foreplay, and boom it's done. In the Quaraun series you not only get a long foreplay scene leading up to the actual sex act, you also get an aftercare seen as well, especially if the violence got out of control, which it often does.

Aftercare is a very important and often overlooked part of writing a sex scene.

In the Quaraun novels, sex is rough and violent, and Quaraun is often cut, bleeding, bruised, or injured by the end. In many scenes Quaraun passes out and Unicorn continues the sex. In these scenes Unicorn can come off as vicious, cold, heartless, and uncaring. 

However, the next scene after a violent sex scene, opens up with Quaraun snuggled in bed, and a very worried Unicorn, gently hovering over him, bangaing his wounds, and fussing over the brusies. In the aftercare scenes you see a much softer, gentler side of Unicorn that reveals he deeply loves and cares about Quaraun and does not want to see him hurting, in pain, or suffering.

The next morning, BoomFuzzy sat beside the sleeping Elf watching his fitful sleep. Quaraun tried to be the proud haughty Moon Elf his people expected him to be, but the pain from this latest beating was more then he could physically bear and he'd passed out from both the pain and the blood loss. BoomFuzzy gently washed the wounds and applied a mixture made of poison mushrooms and poppy flowers to them, to kill the pain and keep the Elf asleep.

Several times throughout the morning children had come knocking at the gingerbread house looking for candy, but each time BoomFuzzy chased them away. Another knock at the door had him in a fit of temper.

"Me candy shoppie is closed today," he roared angrily at the children. "Now go tell ya friends I is closed and leave me alone."

The frightened children scampered away. No one had ever seen BoomFuzzy angry before, and not once since it had appeared in the village, had the gingerbread house's front door been closed. The candy shop had been open every day. Every morning. The children were used to scurrying in every morning to buy candy from the usually very jolly candy maker.

BoomFuzzy watched the children run away and then went back inside, wrote on a piece of paper "Candy Shop Closed today" and nailed it to the front door. He had only just gone back to fussing over Quaraun's injuries, when there was another knock at the door. He ignored it at first, but after several more knocks, he stormed angrily to the front of the building and screamed through the door:

"Leave me alone."

"BoomFuzzy? It's BeaLuna."

"What do ya want?"

"Can you open the door?"

BoomFuzzy opened the door and glared down at the tiny Gnome. "I is busy, what do ya want?"

"Can I come in?" BeaLuna sounded terrified. She had never seen BoomFuzzy angry before.

BoomFuzzy stepped away from the door and motioned for the Gnome to enter. After she did, he slammed the door and strode back across the candy shop to his living quarters in the back half of the building. BeaLuna followed him.

"Is Quaraun here?"

"He is."

"Can I talk to him?"

"Ya can sees him and ya can talks to him, but he will no be doing much talking back. He be in there."

BoomFuzzy pointed towards the room where Quaraun was sleeping.

"Do not wake him up. Him need to rest."

"Wake him up? Elves don't sleep."

BeaLuna entered the room, about to say something more, but stopped when she saw the many slash marks on the Elf's back and arms.

"He in greet much of pain. I drugged him so he sleep."

"You drugged him?"

"Aye. He be too much pain. He need the drugs to sleep."


~From BoomFuzzy

**This is still being written & edited. I started writing it March 16, 2018. It is now March 19, 2018 6PM EST and has just crossed 44,007 words long. Now it is at 44,014 words long. Anyways. I'm off to take a nap. 44,024 words is a bit much in 3 days, even for me. I'll be back on 4 ot 5 hours to finish this.***


***It is now March 20, 2018, 9:22AM and 51,431 words. I'm off to edit a novel manuscript. Will be back tonight to work some more on this, but it's now mostly finished. Needs some editing and twerking.**