EelKat Wendy C Allen - Dark Fantasy Author

Witcher 3
The Avallac'h Playthrough
Stream VODs From March 2020

Witcher 3 | The Avallac'h Playthrough EP 1,084
Let's stream... for no reason... I'm just awake
March 2, 2020
from EelKat on

Witcher 3 | The Avallac'h Playthrough EP 1,085
our search for merchants continues, I think, unless we get sidetracked by something again
March 3, 2020
from EelKat on

Witcher 3 | The Avallac'h Playthrough EP 1,086
SHORT STREAM! - we've a lore-friendly blond, albino Avallac'h, to be even more terrifying for Ciri fans & our search for merchants continues
March 9, 2020
from EelKat on

All images on this page are from:
The Witcher 3: 
Wild Hunt 
|Game of the Year Edition| 
Completionist Run: 
The Avallac'h Playthrough
(Watch It Live HERE)

New This Month:
Avallac'h is now blond like he was in the novels

If This Video Is Active, I'm Live Streaming Right Now...

Watch live video from EelKat on

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About This Game Play:

This current mod-making playthrough, is prep for a future fully-lore-friendly playthrough....

The ultimate goal of my mod making playthrough, is to make every character as lore-friendly as possible to how they were described in the novels.

Most specifically though we are transforming as much of the game as possible to match Chapter 5 of the novel Lady of the Lake, when Ciri lived with Avallac'h the first time, on The Lake of Avalon.

This current playthrough is largely a lot of test runs of hundreds of mods. It is being played open world with quests rarely happening, to allow us to run tests of various mods as I build them.

Due to the fact that the game engine, scripts, and other files is often open and being edited while I'm playing the game, this current playthrough is very unstable with bugs and glitches happening  daily and game crashes happening, sometimes as often as every few minutes.

You are witnessing a live overhaul and full rewrite of the game, that when finished will be used in a complete (more normal style) playthrough of the game.

However do not expect to see the lore-friendly playthrough any time soon. 

I began building this overhaul mod May 13, 2018 and have worked on it daily for 4 to 12 hours a day, all of it streamed here on Twitch, and... 

...while we've now altered over 2,000 script files, more than 7,000 textures, several hundred meshes, 400+ xml files, dozens of ini files, and have now begun work on changing 3D models...

...this project is far from finished and could see as much as another 3 years of daily work before completion.

Computer  stats: 

Motherboard: Asus Z170

Processor: i7-7000 @4.20GHz

RAM: 16 GB

Graphics Card: NVirdia 1070 GTX

Capture Card: AVerMedia Live Gamer HD

NOTE: Chat is set to emote only on my Twitch channel and my personal contact information has been removed from my website and every place else, due to the HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS of false reports of "information", along with vile hateful memes about the murder of my family being sent to me by trolls who think mocking the murder of my family is funny.

FBI Agent Andy Drewer out of the Portland, Maine FBI office is in charge of the of the April 10, 2015 kidnapping of my 12 children by 14 Ku Klux Klan men who invaded our home and the subsequent May 15, 2015 murder of 10 of the 12 whom had their heads nailed to my front door. If you have information about the case, give it to him not me. He can be reached @ +1-(207)-774-9322 

FAQs: I just tried to raid your channel and Twitch canceled the raid. Gave me a message saying it wasn't allowed. Why can't I raid your channel?

#FAQs: I just tried to raid your channel and Twitch canceled the raid. Gave me a message saying it wasn't allowed. Why can't I raid your channel?


I turned off raids back in 2018, when a big partnered streamer, with several thousand regular viewers, started sending their followers to my channel to post the message in my chat "deserve to be raped"  with many of them posting a lot of sexual stuff, and most of them saying stuff about how women who wore hijab (I wear hijab, btw) were "really whores and prostitutes hiding their true nature" and were "hiding their bodies to entice men even more, so deserved to be raped because they were asking for it". Along with a lot of them chanting "bitties for titties" and saying "flash your boobs". Plus making lots of racist slurs and other hate comments. It was really vulgar the stuff they were saying.

Well, my channel rarely has more than 10 viewers at a time, and suddenly these people showed up 700 to 2,000 of them all at once. 

They completely flooded my chat. 

Every day. 

For weeks. 

It was a total nightmare. 

They would show up every single stream and it was very difficult to get it under control because my channel was so tiny and they were so many and I was just one person. 

It was nearly impossible for me to stream at all, because I had to stop what I was doing to ban so many of them one after another. And they would create alternate accounts as fast as I banned them. It was the first time I had to deal with trolls and I was completely unprepared for it.

In my mind, I had thought trolls would just be 1 person here or there, so no big deal to deal with on my own without mods. I had never heard of "witch hunting channels" before, so I had no idea there was such a thing as huge channels who would pick a tiny channel then tell their viewers to take up a call to action to attack the small channel.

At the time, I had no mods and no chat bots, just used Twitch's autobot and myself for modding chat. I had never needed mods or a chat bot before. My channel is tiny and I make no attempt to grow it. I'm content with a small channel. My topic is very niche, so not many are going to be interested in my streams. It's just me sharing my rather niche hobby with others in the hobby, so I never expected my channel to be big enough to need mods or a chat bot. At the time I had the mind set that trolls only attacked big channels. You know to start drama in order to get their 15 minutes of fame, so I had not even considered that trolls ever went after tiny channels. I was very naïve about the nature of trolls back than.

So it was very difficult to get on top of it. I immediately modded several of my regulars so they could help me with banning the trolls. And I added 7 chat bots (NightBot, StreamElements, MooBot, WizeBot, ect) to my chat and added all the vulgar, lewd, toxic, racist, and hate slur words the trolls were using in my chat to the bots' blacklist of banned words.

It was silly of me to think that just because my channel was very tiny, that trolls would never be a bigger problem than I could control on my own. This same group continues to to this day to sexually and racially harass me on Twitter, FaceBook, even here on Reddit *(go through my profile and look at the replies to the majority of my comments, on Reddit and you'll see them - pro-Nazi, Jew-hating, white-power, deserve to be raped comments)* 

They've all been blocked on Twitch, but around 800 of these haters follow me to every single social network they can find me on and some sites don't have easy ability to block and ban trolls. They started doing it in 2018, and it's now 2021 and a comment I made on Reddit less than 24 hours ago, they attacked simply it simply because I was the one who commented and for no other reason. 

They found me via a Twitch raid by a very hateful (and now perma-banned) Twitch streamer, who made a habit of actively seeking out female streamers who had shared a story of surviving rape and raiding them with the message "deserved to be raped".

November 14, 2013 - 3 rapists attacked me in a parking lot, a blond woman in her 60s, he bald son in his 30s, and her redhaired sister... the police have not been able to identify them, but their is no one in this town who does NOT know who they are... the woman's husband, is the man who drove the backhoe over my house August 8, 2013...

November 14, 2013 - 3 rapists attacked me in a parking lot...

*I was 8 months pregnant, they killed my baby, 

* broke my hip, legs, and spine, 

**with metal golf clubs**, 

* crushing my spinal column and destroying the nerve bundle - 

* they left me for dead - doctors say it's a miracle I'm even alive - 

* it is why I am bedridden, 

* can't even bath or use the toilet on my own - 

* most of the left side of my body is dead, like one who had a stroke - 

* tremors in my hands are so bad I need help do basic things like eating and getting dressed - and is why I can no longer play console games and can only play mouse driven point & click games - thus WHY I switched to a Witcher 3 exclusive channel - yes I play Witcher 3 almost entirely one handed and with **JUST A MOUSE**

* I have to wear adult diapers because my bladder and intestines have no feeling anymore so I don't know when I have to go - 

* I can barely breath my lungs are messed up now as well - 

**never underestimate the damage that 3 metal golf clubs can do to your body and its ability to function**

* I'm bedridden, these past 8 years and is why I took up streaming as there is little else one can do when stuck in bed 24 hours a day for the rest of your life - 

* and my profile has this information on it as how I got started streaming; this is why they chose the specific raid message "deserve to be raped".

Initially I was on the road to recovery - out of the wheelchair 5 months later and relearning to walk...

April 10, 2015, my children were kidnapped by 14 men who broke in, they had long metal poles with wire retractable nooses on the end. Held us down with those while using bricks to beat us with.

All 14 of the men had handguns. 2 of them held their guns to my head, while this was happening.

They smashed all of our furniture, shredded clothes and bedding and books; ripped cupboard doors off the walls, took knives to to pillows and the sofa ripped out the stuffing ... they acted like they were looking for something, but what ever it was they thought we had, they didn't find it... they left with 12 of our children

Meanwhile more then 70 of my neighbours gathered in the driveway to watch and not one of them did anything to help.

They arrived at 1PM and left 3 hours later. And more than 70 people, from more than a dozen houses and 4 condo complexes - stood there in my driveway for 3 hours watching - and no one tried to help. Not one single person.

My driveway at 146 Portland Ave, Old Orchard Beach, Maine... every neighbour from every house, on both sides of the roads, for at least 20 houses in each of all 4 directions... all left their houses, to walk down the road, to stand in my driveway - 146 Portland Ave, Old Orchard Beach, Maine... and watched, and cheered, and encouraged the attack.

Welcome to the Town of Old Orchard Beach, and the bastards who call themselves my neighbours.

May 15, 2015, the first of the heads was nailed to the door.

My family was kidnapped and a month later murdered.

And than June 2016... the original 3 - the blond woman, her bald son, and her redhaired sister - the 3 with the metal golf clubs from 2013 - the ones who murdered my baby - they returned, yet another parking lot, again just their 2013 attack, while I was putting bags on the backseat of my car, they came up behind me, slammed me into the side of the car, and attacked just like before, only this time with a shopping cart.

The 2016 attack, damaged my spinal column, worse than before.

The 2013 attack, the 3 of them left together in a 4 door white pick-up truck.

In the 2016 attack, the blond woman and her bald son left in a gold suv-wagon Volvo, while the redhaired woman left in a silver subaru. 

People ask today... why am I so obsessed with Avallac'h... look at the date I started playing Witcher 3. My family was murdered. I survived. I had a very large family. I'm not used to being alone. My home is filled with silence and memories at every turn. It's not that I am obsessed with Avallac'h, rather I need something to drown out the memories, a reason to live, that's what Avallac'h is - a line line. The only one I have right now. 

Plus - I could find no one I could identify with - few are raped so brutally that they are left crippled - in the novels Avallac'h was. Few know what it is like to survive your entire family being murdered - and again in the novels, Avallac'h survived when his wife and baby were murdered.

Do you have any idea how hard it is to find someone who knows what it is like, to be crippled, bedridden, shattered spine, unable to walk for the rest of your life, from such a brutal attack? To this day I've yet to find another real person who has survived what I survived. There is no one who understand what I went through, what I continue to go through.

And few people there are who've survived their family being kidnapped, and then not only murdered, but their heads, hands, and feet cut off and nailed to your front door?

How many people know what it is like to get u one morning to get your mail, and find THAT on your front door?

There is no one who understands.

And than, be someone who survived BOTH of those things, only 2 years apart.

What happened to me is so rare, that one else alive has ever been through anything like this, and there is no one for me to talk to. Not one person.  

That is WHY the obsession with Avallac'h. I could not find a real person who understood my pain, but I a fictional person, with a similar pain, a survivor of a similar event, and I can understand his pain. I sympathize very deeply with Avallac'h, because there exists no one who can can sympathize with me. 

I read the Witcher novels, March 2018. The game doesn't tell you Avallac'h's history, so playing the game, I had never felt a connection with Avallac'h. But than March 2018, 5 years after the first attack, 3 years after the 2nd, and 2 years after the 3rd, I finally found, someone whom had survived something similar. I identified with him, because there is no one else I can identify with, real or fictional. I started playing the game as Avallac'h May 13, 2018 - 2 days before the 4th anniversary of my family's murder.

The rape raiders of Twitch, thought my pain and suffering was funny. They found rape and murder to be things worthy of jokes, memes, running gags, teasing, and taunting.

And they are not a small group.

In total more than 300,000 Twitch members were involved in the rape raids.

That's a lot of people who support rape and think mocking the murder of my family is a fun pastime.

64 other female streamers have since come forward, also attacked by this same streamer and their rape supporting followers. Some were gamers, some were art streamers, some were just chatters, none of us had anything in common other than each of us had started streaming as a method of self therapy after surviving rape and had said so on our profile.

I have severe Post Traumatic Stress Disorder as a result of the rape attack and murder of my baby, which left me unable to walk for the rest of my life.

And now, thanks to the "deserve to be raped" raids, Twitch raids, trigger panic attacks for me as well.

And ever since then, I've wanted nothing to do with raids. So I turned the raid option off.

And if you find yourself one of the 78 mods on my channel today - it's because you were here when the rape raids were happening and you DID NOT join the dipshits in their attacks, as did some of my regulars. You were modded simply because my chat is now emote only and you 78 mods are the ONLY people allowed to chat in chat.

You don't post in my chat any more. Did I do something wrong?

**NOTE: This also answers the question "What happened to the Dazzling Razzberry? It's been months since I've seen it."**

*You don't post in my chat any more. Did I do something wrong?*


You? No. 

Another streamer? Yes. 

And I was so utterly disgusted with it that I simply stopped using Twitch chat. 

April 2018, yes, a month before we started the Avallac'h Playthrough and 5 months before a single Avallac'h screenshot had ever been uploaded to my profile, while I was in the final weeks of the 3rd Geralt Playthrough, a 3D art streamer contacted me.

At the time, I was known around Twitch as the person to contact if you were about to play Witcher 3 and wanted help with anything. Because of her, I no longer do this.

She explained to me that she would soon be taking a vacation to Finland, and had stolen her brother's copy of Witcher 3, made an illegal copy of it, put it on her computer, and when she returned from Finland, she was going to start playing it n stream... and asked would I please lurk in her stream in case she needed help with the game.

I went to her channel the same day she contacted me, and she was making 3D models of a rack, a killing pear, and a Judas chair... medieval torture devices... which she explained to me she hoped to put in Witcher 3 as new game elements. She knew nothing of the Witcher series, she claimed, but had been told it was an easy game to add mods for, and she wanted to add a torture chamber to a game and felt this would be a good game to do it with.

A week later, still in April 2018, she had directly contacted me, said she had returned home from her vacation in Finland, and asked me to visit her stream, and when I did, she asked me a question about how to make mods for Witcher 3, claiming that she wanted to make a "dungeon torture chamber mod" using a set of 3d models of torture devices that she has made in Maya 3D software program, asking how to port such things as torture devices into Witcher 3, because she wanted to make a BDSM mod. I answered the question explaining how to build a mod like this and she, unknown to me, then took a snippet of what I said, took it out of context, and used it to make a meme about Avallac'h calling him a BDSM Fetish freak, while simultaneously calling me a BDSM Dominatrix. She did that August 2018, but I did not find out she did it until October 2019. 

It was what started the Deserve to be Raped raids and why 5 of her followers showed up at my house February 2019, beating up family members, doing $30k damages to my car, $230k damages to our home, hospitalizing 8 people, and raping 2 women.

The rape raids were sending 700 to 2,000 rape raiders to my channel daily. I turned off raids, banned usernames, added more words to autobot and nightbot, and turned on followers only. But they started doing "youtube style" raids once raids were turned off. They started following to by pass follower only, and  when "rape" became a banned word they started getting around it with "r@pe" or "rap3" or "r.a.p.e" etc. And they created new throwaway accounts as fast as me and my 78 mods banned them. At it's worst we were banning more than 2,000 usernames per stream.

Twitch support was not helpful. Their advice was "turn on emote only" while advising that I could get banned if I didn't stay on top of keeping the harassers out of my chat, because it was my responsibility to keep trolls out.

I turned on emote only August 2018.  I turn it off when a stream starts and with 15 to 20 minutes I have to turn it on again... right to this day.

Once someone gets fixated on you, they won't stop, and they'll use their Discord and the power of Twitter's cancel culture to gang up on you and gather huge hoards to help attack. 

I've not been able to have my chat turned on in almost 2 years. It's deeply distressing because, well the primary reason to use Twitch over YouTube IS chat interaction and sexcrazed men harassing female streamers like this is an enormous problem on Twitch.

I'm crippled. Bedridden. Because 3 bastard from that psycho bitch streamer's attack showed up at my house and beat me up with golf clubs and baseball bats. 

I used to do daily 9 hour streams. I'm an elderly senior citizen, for a long time I was the oldest stream on Twitch. I was already crippled from muscle disease, that made it near impossible for me to do anything, so didn't need rape crazed bastards with baseball bats and golf clubs to break my spine, crush my vertebrae, break my hip, and break both legs, and leave me paralyzed in bed for the rest of my life. I'm too weak to sit upright or hold my head up for more then 2 or 3 hours a day, and doing so caused extreme exhaustion with me blacking out for 12 hours or more afterwards. I'm not yet able to get up out of bed or sit up for very long, so it is still difficult for me to stream daily and streams are not very long yet, many have been only 40minutes long. Getting up to 3 hours has been incredibly difficult.

I can barely move my hands, do you have any idea how difficult it is for me to type? And every username has to be typed in to ban them, and with thousands and hour, you literally as a viewer, do absolutely nothing but watch me type ban username for hours on end.... for every single daily stream since August 2018. 

She made 200+ VODs and posted 2,000+ Discord posts calling me a dominatrix, saying I was into bondage, BDSM, and foot fetishes, including to post my home address in her Discord, telling her perverted, immoral, deviated followers to go my house to have sex with me, and some of her followers, did just that, expecting to find me willing to throw myself on them, expecting they could do anything they wanted to me.

Do you know why my family moved February 2019?

Because she and her followers were banned from harassing my chat, she sent her simps to my house, telling them to rape me.

At the time I was staying with my 82 year old disabled dad on his 3rd floor apartment, in a building that had 28 families in it.

To get in the building you have to go through a front entry hall, go through 2 separate sets of doors, and then find your way through the halls and stairways to find which apartment you are looking for.

Because a group of 5 men showed up at 2AM one night. They broke BOTH the 2 front doors off and threw them out into the street.

They made their way up the stairs, punched the glass and screens out of every window they passed on their way.

With baseball bats they smashed up all of the posts on the stair railings, broke the railings off the stairs and threw them out a window onto one of the resident's cars below.

They ripped the front door off the apartment next door to mine, went into that apartment and gang raped the 2 young mothers (sisters) who lived there with their 2 and 4 year old babies.

After that they went back outside, smashing the walls on their way down, pulling out electrical wiring and plumbing pipes as they went.

Once outside they proceeded to trash the 3 cars parked in the driveway, one of them being my Dazzling Razzberry. They used their bats to smash out the glass, and smash up the metal. This is why you've not seen The Dazzling Razzberry since February 2019. The Dazzling Razzberry no longer exists. And you know, it as one of the world's top ten most haunted cars, that's why I bought it December 2006. I still have it and it is being restored. The damages were very extensive and included the wheels being sawed off the axels, the metal bars that hold up the engines and the ones holding up the transmission, were also all sawed off. 

Do you remember the crazy church group lead by the mystery Mark, who sawed up The Golden Eagle, the World's Most Haunted Car, the real Christine that Stephen King based his fictional Christine off of... do you remember how much damage they did to that car May 15, 2010?

Well, this group did even more damage than that to The Dazzling Razzberry. Both cars are very rare antiques and difficult to get parts for. The Dodge, is one of only 5,000 ever made and one of fewer then 100 known to exist today, all parts have to be hand made, there are no parts out there for it, that's why we couldn't restore it, though we do still have it... the Volvo, while rare today, wasn't rare when it was new, and so parts exist for it, if you search far and wide and have enough money to buy them when you find them. The Dazzling Razzberry as such is being restore, but we need so many parts and they are so very expensive, that her we are now 2 years later and my daily driver is still not yet drivable.

They did more than $230,000 in damages to our landlord's building, put 2 women in the hospital, put my 82 year old dad in the hospital with a ruptured kidney, left 1 little 10 year old boy dead, left 28 families homeless, and totaled 3 cars, including my car The Dazzling Razzberry which they did $30,000 in damages to. EVERYBODY in the building had to move because the damages were so bad that the city condemned the building.

#FBI Agent Andy Drewer out of the Portland, Maine FBI office is in charge of the investigation of all of this. If you have information about the case, give it to him not me. He can be reached @ +1-(207)-774-9322

My channel went several years with never banning anyone. There was never a need to. Today, because of the deserve to be raped raids, my channel is ban heavy on extreemes ... you step out of line even an inch and you are gone, no warning, no time out, no grace period, no second chances... total zero tolerance for anything now

3 years ago I struggled to ban anyone, felt guilty about doing so; now I ban a dozen or more people every stream without batting an eye.

The deserve to be raped raids started out when she posted that meme she made on DisCord telling her DisCord followers a huge amounts of sex fanfiction lies she had made up about me as though it was actual fact. 800+ of her Discord followers started reposting her lies about me on Twitter, causing a group of radical right-wing, anti-sex extreemists to attack my Twitch channel, my Reddit profile, my Twitter account, and my FaceBook account.

Once she found out how easy it was to instigate people into these violent attacks, she started make 5hr long VODs about me, making up wild stories about my so-called "BDSM Dominatrix" career, with further enraged her DisCord followers, who gathered up even more of their Twitter followers to continue the attack.

Suddenly a mass flood of 300,000 -THREE HUNDRED THOUSAND- extreme radical anti-BDSM radical Christians mass attacked my Twitch channel, my Twitter, my FaceBook, and other places, with thousands of death threats and rape threats.

In total she made 200+ of these fanfiction BDSM fetish freak videos about me, and posted variations of her meme as a running gag in her Discord more than 2,000 times, inciting her followers to pure outrage and extreme levels of both online and offline violence.

I don't use Discord, as Discord is a phone app and I do not own a phone, so I have no way to use things like Discord or Tik-Tok or SnapChat that are phone only apps, and thus do not have accounts with any of those 3 or any other apps like them... I've not had a phone since Old Orchard shut down the switch board operator in 1979... I used to walk to the town hall to use the switchboard to call anyone, and after that was gone I've not access to a phone since... never put a land line in, and when cell phones came out, I never got one... phones, like TVs are very expensive and my income has never been more then $4,000 in any single year of my entire life... a phone service costs more per month than I make in 3 months. I can't afford a phone. So I don't have a DisCord account because I don't have enough money to even buy a phone let alone subscribe to a phone service, plus I'm in Maine, it's not like we have any cell phone towers here... there is no phone service up here unless we set up a satilight dish in own yard... I simple have no way at all to use Discord, because phone are not an option around here even if I did have enough money to buy one... so me not having phone means, me also not having a Discord account which also meant I was unaware of what she was doing and for nearly 2 years was unaware of the source of the deserve to be raped attackers.

As I am an extremist Christian myself (a 5th generation FLDS Mormon) who shuns all things related to sex, I was continually baffled by the steady daily influx of sex accusations, BDSM accusations, fetish freak accusations, and other highly sexual slander that was being accused of me in my Twitch chat.

November 10, 2018, I turned off chat. It returned February 2020 as emote only.

I tried to turn chat back on February 2020, and immediately her rape raid crew showed up. It's why I took a year off from streaming starting February 27, 2020. I not only stopped streaming, but I stopped watching streams as well. I just left Twitch. I got sick of being harassed. 

Now it's 2021 and I've been trying to come back to streaming but, I have post traumatic stress disorder a result of being raped and paralyzed with golf clubs November 14, 2013... and her rape raids have triggered severe PTSD anxiety attacks every time I try to click the "go live" button. 

I've streamed twice since January 1, 2021, and my attempt to return to daily streaming. The anxiety levels of trying to stream is through the roof. Her attacks not only did a lot of damage to my channel numbers (viewers/followers, subs, as her group lashed out at my viewers and followers, sending them death threats if they didn't unfollow and stop watching me) and the physical damage to my home, car, family, and neighbours, it's also done huge amounts of mental and emotional damage, and has set back years of theory, bringing to the surface once again my agoraphobia, I've not left my room in almost 2 years, I sometimes go weeks too scared to get off the bed... I had agoraphobia before because of being raped... and it took a team of psychiatrists and psychologists huge amounts of effort to help me to be able to go outside, and now I'm back to square one and can't go outside again... just too terrified to get near doors or windows... pointing out here, that she knew before she did this, that I had been raped, and that's, another thing she does... all the streamers she attack are rape survivors.

I had hoped taking a year off from streaming, I would able to go back to streaming... I used to stream daily but because of her attacks, it became sporadic, weekly, too scared to click "go live" any more. o I took a year off, hoping, she'd forget about me and leave me alone... I tried to do a test stream December 2020, didn't tell anybody, no announcements, nothing,just a test to see, if I could emotionally go live... I turned off emote only when I did it. 

The stream lasted under 15 minutes, and I turned it off because her followers attacked almost as soon as I had gone live. 

So emote only again, and though I was supposed to return to daily streams Jan 2021, there've only been 2 streams so far because, opening OBS triggers server PTSD anxiety attacks and I can't bring myself to click on the "go live" button.

I discovered what she was doing October 21, 2019, when she did a livestream on Twitch titled: **"Making Bjorn a BDSM Bondage Fetish Freak Just Like EelKat"**... seeing my name in the title of a stream baffled me, and I opened the stream to find her, yet again making 3D models of torture devices, this time, making a male BDSM Dominatrix named Bjorn who looked and dressed near identical to Avallac'h, and watched as she and 37 members of her chat, spent 5 hours with the running gag "Just like EelKat" which involved someone saying something highly sexual, followed by the next person answering with "Just like EelKat"... the stream ended abruptly when a male voice from her Discord voice chat said: "EelKat's in your viewer list, she's watching this, better take it to Discord."

One of her mods, immediately sent me an invite to the Discord and said "You should probably see this, it's really bad. I'm sorry. I don't think she thought you'd ever find out."

And when I opened the DisCord, I saw, and downloaded and watched all 200+ of her VODs about me - which I still have copies of. And I read all 2,000+ of her posts about me.

Her Discord has a NSFW BDSM section and in it is a massive running gag, which involved those same 800+ people who near daily attacked my Twitch chat... there were 2 years of the running gag "Just Like EelKat", where every few minutes, all day and all night, to the tune of several hundred thousand posts over the course of 2 years... one person would post a vile sex act, and the next person would reply "Just like EelKat".

A large majority of the posts involved the commenter detailing how they would rape and kill me, by using BDSM to rape me to death. The more violent the rape details were, the more she encouraged them.

This is a HUGE streamer with a HUGE Discord and she attacked my tiny 300 follower channel, because that's what she does. She's a bully.

And since it happened to me, I've found 68 others she did this same thing to, some before me, some after me, some the same time as me. Most of them gave up streaming and deleted their channels because of her rape raids on their channels. And I've since learned that her username, in certain underground circles of the internet, is a "secret code word" that group used for "rape" in order to bypass NightBot bans of the word "rape" in Twitch chats. By posting her username in chat, they are saying "rape" without actually saying "rape".

Basically, her entire group is devoted to attacking small female streamers, specifically small female streamers who are survivors of rape, with rape threats.

And if you are wondering, why "deserve to be raped" is what they chanted...

Once upon a time, there was a very healthy person, very athletic... hiked 13 miles every day through rough uphill terrain, went mountain climbing, bench pressed 78lbs even though being only 5'6", raised horses and went horseback riding, had a very active social life with dozens of friends, played tennis and golf, got invited to a lot of "high society" dinners and events... and had a partner, always by their side, for 32 years... they were seen in many social circles as the ideal couple...

and then one day... unexpectedly, while groceries into the back seat of the car at 10PM on the way home from work, in a dark corner of the parking lot that had no lights... 3 men carrying metal golf clubs and metal baseball bats, appeared out of the bushes beside the parking lot and attacked.

They left when they thought the person was dead... but they were not dead, they were still alive, against all odds... but their spine was broken, their nerves crushed and severed by the shattered bones of their vertebrae... their pelvis bones crushed, their hips bones obliterated, their knees shattered... they were paralyzed completely for 5 months, and then spent 18 months relearning to walk... but, the spinal column was damage beyond repair, and even after being sent to the best neurosurgeon in the country, the diagnosis was it couldn't be operated on... these particular nerves, it's a miracle this person can still speak or move their arms, that they ONLY lost movement from the chest down, defies medical logic, and no doctor dares touch those nerves, because of 74% chance, doing so, will make that person a vegetable.

They are bedridden now, crippled forever. Regaining movement in one leg but not the other, so can get up and walk, IF the dead dragging leg was the ONLY problem... but nerves control so much of your body, and a damaged spinal column, controls for more than just your legs.

This person no longer has control of bodily functions and has to wear adult diapers, that they can't change themselves... they have no way of knowing if they need to piss or shit and need a caretaker to change their diaper a few times a day.

Nerves in your spinal column also control things like heart and lungs, so breathing is now difficult and the heart needs monitoring because, well, it doesn't always work right anymore.

Nerves also control muscles, so tremors and twitches and seizures are all daily events now that make things like writing and typing very difficult.

There is so much more... but you get the idea... this person, once very active and very healthy, was suddenly and unexpectedly, brutally attacked, left for dead, and is now paralyzed for the rest of their life and left with many millions of hospital bills and countless health issues they they had no idea could be cause by a severed spinal column.

Yes, I am the person with the broken spine. 

That happened to me.

I'm crippled because 3 rapists with golf clubs, attacked me in a parking lot November 14, 2013. I was 8 months pregnant, they killed my baby, broke my spine, and the man I lived with for 32 years, said it was too much to deal with. 

He said it didn't look good if he didn't have a hot woman on his arm when he arrived at tennis matches. He said he had to "keep up public appearances".

I can no longer hike 13 miles a day, no longer bench press 78lbs something most men twice my size can't even do, can’t mountain climb or ride horses. I can't even get out of bed to take a piss in my bathroom 6 feet away.

THAT is the event she was mocking and making jokes about, and is what she and her Discord crew were talking about when they were chanting "deserve to be raped" in my chat.

She is a vile, evil, witch hunting cyberbully, who takes sadistic delight in obliterating the reputations of small streamers, by spreading hateful, malicious, slanderous sex lies about them. She is an absolutely horrible person.

Since the discovery of what she did (October 21, 2019) I no longer post anything in anyone's chat, at all. Chat on my channel is off and I don't post in any one else's chat either. I completely want nothing to do with Twitch chat at all anymore. 

I have severe anxiety attacks now just seeing a Twitch chat on any channel. Thankful Twitch has the open to hide chat and just watch the stream's video player now. I've not used Twitch chat in well over a year and I have no plans to go back to doing so.

So, yeah. There you have it. That's why haven't posted in your chat in a very long time. It's not you. I'm just having a very difficult time recovering from the deserve to be raped raids.

UPDATE: February 14, 2021... this has got to be the most revolting question I've ever received about streaming on Twitch. Let's answer it...

*is twitch racist? I recently started watching twitch, and for the past week every single ad i have gotten served has featured an all african-american cast. is this intentional? is this propaganda?*


Well, it **IS** Black History Month, so maybe there are more than usual right now, but I hadn't noticed. People are people, I tend to not notice what colour they are. 

Of course, I'm not white, so maybe that has something to do with it? I usually only notice skin colour when the Ku Klux Klan is in my driveway... which they are several times a year - 

* they put my elderly dad in a coma May 9, 2006, 

* they blew up my house with a grease fryer bomb October 16, 2006, 

* they cut my car in half May 5, 2010, 

* they left my cousin's head at the cross road 2 streets down from me June 12, 2013, 

* they drove a backhoe over my house August 8, 2013, 

* they broke my spine with metal golf clubs November 14, 2013, 

* they kidnapped 12 of my children April 10, 2015, 

* they returned the heads, hands, and feet of 10 of said children, nailed to my front door May 15, 2015. 

So, I'm rather familiar with how much white people hate us.

And these events, are just a few of the more than 200 such events, including 5 bombs and many more deaths, to happen tomy family sinceJune2001.

And my family, is just one of many these events happen to. That backhoe has driven over 140 homes, just on my street alone, just Portland ave. It drove over 70+ more on Walnut St, and another 45 on Acorn St, both streets can be seen from my driveway.

My neighbour to my left, has dozen of bullet holes in her barn, and an empty lot, because she could not afford to rebuild after the backhoe drove over her house June 2, 2001 - that was the very first attack.

My neighbor to my right, 2 houses down, the bomb that blew up their how caused a mushroom cloud that could be seen all the way to the next state well over 100 miles away.

The attacks are DAILY and have destroyed the lives of more than 2,000 families.

One town, taken over by the Ku Klux Klan, and taken over in numbers so vast, that the police are scared shitless, as Officer Bubby Will put it: "They form a small army, and we aren't equipped to deal with it."

Welcome to Old Orchard Beach, Maine - the town which has a billboard that says: "Welcome to Old Orchard Beach, Maine, the whitest town in the whitest state of America, 99.9% white in the 98% white state."

3,000 of our town's 12,000 residents are active members of the Loyal White Knights of the Ku Klux Klan.

Our town was founded by Gypsies, specifically my family, my 15th great-grandfather founded it in 1530.

Our town became a refuge for escaped slaves during the pre-Civil War era.

Frederick Douglass, Billie Holliday, and Louise Armstrong all lived in our town at various points of their lives.

In 1953 more than 5,000 French/Jewish concentration camp survivors settled in our town, built a temple and synagogue and 300+ hotels, turned our fishing village into a tourist resort town.

The Ku Klux Klan invaded our town June 2001, built 2 topless bars, several honky tonks, a casino, and 15 nightclubs, and it's been a living hell ever since.

I have to deal with shithead, racist bastards like you on a daily basis. Your question disgusts me.

>>>is twitch racist? I recently started watching twitch, and for the past week every single ad i have gotten served has featured an all african-american cast. is this intentional? is this propaganda?

No. Twitch is not racist... you are.

Do you even know what racist means? Clearly you don't or you would see how overbearingly racist your question is.

Only a racist pig would think advertising is propaganda based on the skin colour of the actors in the ads.

#FAQs: Are you a Satan worshiper?

Why? Because I help a homeless man, who you are scared of, because his entire body is covered with acid burns?

Do you even know your own religion?

Judge not lest ye too be judged by the same measuring rod with which you have judged.

As for the question of Satan Worship, I've already answered that elsewhere... I'll move those panels closer to the top so you can find them.

But before that, let me ask your so-called Christian mind, a few questions, let's see how well you know your Bible.

#1... Did you know Satan is NOT in the Bible? Nor does Satan originate from the Christian religion at all?

Had you ACTUALLY read your Bible and not just parroted back the CliffNote inaccuracies your pastor incorrectly preached to you on Sunday, you would have known, that Satan is NOT a character who appears in the Bible, nor nor does he originate from Christianity at all.

Satan first appeared in the novel "Paradise Lost" and was a "Christonized" version of the Pagan Horned God.

There is no reason for any Christian, who was ACTUALLY a Christian, and ACTUALLY knew their Bible, to believe in the existence of Satan at all, seeing how Satan is not part of Christian foundations.

If you CLAIM to be Christian, you can NOT also claim to believe in Satan and STILL be a Christian.

And all those famous people who have "near death experiences" and visit Heaven or Hell... and tell you Jesus, told them about Satan ... well... you can prove every one of them to be fake ass phones, the minute they mention Satan and make the claim that Jesus warned them about Satan.... because Jesus KNOWS Satan is not a part of his religion, so He wouldn't say he was, would he?

Do your research, you'll uncover a LOT of scams in Satan's name, in modern day Christianity, simply because 99% of so-called Christians these days, can't tell the difference between their Bibles and their own ass.

#2... the devil.... did you know, the devil, whom Christians, claim to be the "alternate name" of Satan... is a type of Ghoul and comes from the Koran, and is a type of daemon found in the Muslim religion, and nothing to do with Christianity at all?

The devs and the gauls, or devils and ghouls, are types of spirits of people who died either by murder or suicide, and haunt graves, houses, junkyards, and various objects, until someone releases their soul.

Had read you read the Koran, you would have known that. 

Had you read the Bible, you would have known too, there is no devil in it.

#Here's a thought...

Before you make an ass of yourself by accusing someone of anything... you better make damned sure you can back up your claim.

I am simply a different culture, a different race, and a different religion from you. That is all. Only this and nothing more. 

But because I am different from you, you feel the need to bully and harass, and attack and accuse.


Why do attack me?

Why do you fling your accusations?

Why do you feel threatened by my culture?

Why do you feel threatened by my race?

Why do you feel threatened by my religion?

Why do you feel threatened by the color of my skin?

Why do you feel threatened by a square of fabric on my head?

Why do these things about me, cause you to falsely accuse me of being a witch?

Why do these things about me, cause you to falsely accuse me of casting curses?

Why do these things about me, cause you to falsely accuse me of being a Satan worshiper?

And even if I was any of those things, what business would it be of yours?

I keep to myself and mind my own business, I'm not bothering you, so why are you bothering me?

You my friend, are a busy body, and the Bible had a lot to say about busy bodies and how evil they are and how much Jesus hates them. May I suggest you read Proverbs. 

You love your Bible so much, that you feel the need to throw your fake ass Christian accusations in my face, but perhaps, you would do well, to stop worrying about the mote in my eye, and be more concerned about the log in your own... or did that section of the Bible escape you as well? 

Here's some tips for the next time you think someone isn't Christian enough to exist...

Why do you feel threatened by my culture... it's same culture Jesus had... he was Semitic Hebrew, or did you forget that?

Why do you feel threatened by my race?

Why do you feel threatened by my religion... Jesus was NOT a Christian. The Christian religion was founded by Roman Emperor Constantine 800 years AFTER Jesus died.

Why do you feel threatened by the color of my skin... Jesus had darker skin than me. He wasn't white. Your white power hatred, means you hate Jesus too.

Why do you feel threatened by a square of fabric on my head... jesus wore a cloth on his head. There are more 100 verses in the New Testament which say as much. Jesus also said it was a sin for a man to cut either his hair or his beard, and that neither men nor women should go outside without their head covered. Did you just overlook those teaches from Jesus. Jesus not Christian enough for you?

You feel threatened by curses? What about Balam's ass, you know Jesus's talking donkey? Or how about the water that turned to wine? Walking on the ocean waves? Taking 2 loaves of bread, breaking them into enough pieces to fill 5,000 baskets? The fig tree that refused to feed Jesus in winter when figs don't grow? The 12 year old boy eaten by a bear that Jesus sent to it, because the boy threw a rock at Jesus? Maybe you should read your Bible more.

Let me ask you another question... do you think Jesus was a carpenter? Silly jackass, had you read your Bible, you would have known Mary was a temple prostitute who got pregnant at age 12 and was forced to marry the carpenter, Jesphe, accused of getting her pregnant. That baby was Jesus, he had 3 brothers, and 5 sisters born after, and Jesus grew up to be a fashion designer, a tailor, and a dyer of cloth. Not a carpenter. Had you read the Bible, you would have known that. Had your minister read the Bible and not children's picture books, he would have known that too, and preached it to you correctly.

You idiot. You're just like everyone else who claims to be a Christian these days, following the mindless herd, without actually knowing the foundation behind your faith.

What was it Jesus said about many coming and preaching in his name, but they will be nothing more then the blind leading the blind?

By trying to prove how much of a great big super Christian you are, all you've done is prove you know nothing about your religion at all.

If you take part in harassing and bullying someone, YOU are a mean person.

No, someone abusing you does NOT make you mean. I guarantee I've received way more abuse then you ever have, and I choose to be kind and helpful to everyone... even mean people like YOU.

It's YOUR CHOICE to be mean.

No one makes you be mean.

To be a better person, you have to first CHOOSE to be better then you are now.

Everything you do makes a difference in the lives of others.

Are you a GOOD impact on their lives or a BAD one?

Did your words and actions HELP someone today or HURT someone today?

Are you a GOOD person?

Or are you EVIL?

Look in the mirror and find out.

FAQs: Are you a Satan Worshiper? 

All 12 of my uncles were high ranked men in the church. Mission leaders, Bishops, Boy Scout Leaders, Quorum presidents, Stake Presidents, Branch Presidents... every one of them. And they sold children for sex to other priests in the church. It's where they got their fucking money. And most of those children didn't reach adulthood. Most of then were beaten to death before they were even 10 years old. Beaten to death by the priests who paid $12,000 for 15 minutes alone with a child to rape them. 

The whole REASON people call me a Satan Worshiper is BECAUSe those same uncles, thought ahead of time, to go to MUFUN and spread rumors and lies about those children. 

It was a fucking scam.

The whole damned thing.

Every bit of it.

The alien abductions, the haunted car... it was ALL a fucking scam, created by my uncles to discredit toddlers 3, 4, and 5 years old, to make sure no one would believe them, should those toddlers ever tell any adults about the priests that were raping them.

That's all it was.

My uncles scammed you all, and millions of idiots all over the world believed them.

Stupid ass people, believing in demons and aliens and haunted cars.... when the stories my uncles told you about those demons, aliens, and haunted cars was nothing but their fake ass cover up story to hide the fact that they were running a child prostitution ring.

You see the constant police and backhoes digging up my farm at 146 Portland Ave, Old Orchard Beach, Maine - it's been going on since the first bodies were dug up by coyotes in 2016, ... if you're local, you've seen it, the hundreds of rusty oil barrels the FBI and police are digging up in my yard... the crowds of locals gathering around my farm, and police simply saying: "We are investigating cannibals" and giving no more details.

The oldest barrels they've excavated so far, date to the 1920s.... the bulk of them are from the 1950s to 1970s.... 

In those oil barrels are the bones of children. Little girls, 8, 9, 10, 12 years olds, who dared commit the sin of getting pregnant when white Americans paid $20,000 to rape them.

Americans like to spread all kinds of rumors about the group they call "The Scottish Mafia", but the reality of the so-called Scottish Mafia, is far worse then the stupid ass rumors.... a clan of cannibals, who raised little girls like they cattle, girls who spent their childhoods in cages, let out only long enough to be raped by American men willing to pay the highest prices, then slaughtered eaten as steaks when they turned 14 years old.... that's the REAL Scottish Mafia, a very big far cry from what you see portrayed as "Scottish Mafia" in TV and movies isn't it?

We females were seen as livestock.

Kept in cages, even puppy mills wouldn't dream of using.

Let out long enough to be raped by strangers.

Our rape babies beaten out of our bellies, on the orders of their fathers, who the uncles blackmailed more money out of. Pay money to beat the 8 year old child carrying your rape baby, ensure no one finds out what you do in your spare time.

Then slaughtered for food when you turn 14.

Your bones, sawed up, packed in oil barrels, and buried in the swamps.

They thought the swamps would rot the metal barrels, rot the bones.

They were wrong, weren't they?

The peat bog moss of the swamp preserved them. And now they are being dug up.

Go watch the VOD. See the bones being excavated out of my farm for yourself.

That is what I grew up with.

Daily being raped from the time I was 4 years old

When any of children got pregnant, our bellies were crushed.

And when we reached the age of 14, we were cut up into steaks and sold as fucking deer meat.

Have you noticed that in 2016, the door-to-door deer steak trucks all but vanished in Maine? Yeah. Now you know why. A lot of them are in prison now for selling human not deer steaks.

#If you have any information regarding this case, FBI Agent Andy Drewer out of the Portland, Maine FBI office is in charge of the investigation. He can be reached @ +1-(207)-774-9322

I'm one of the few who survived, because I had papers. When I was 12, a millionaire high priest from Austria, bought exclusive rights to me, and he also got me legal paperwork: American citizenship, a social security number, a birth certificate - things females in this clan were not allowed to have. Ben is the only reason I went on to become one of the few girls still alive today, and not sold as deer steaks when I turned 14.

A lot of people don't know WHY I got so damned mad at this vile, lewd, deviated sex crazed, slutty assed streamer woman, when she took events from my childhood and made BDSM sex fetish memes about it... because unlike this vile, lewd, deviated sex crazed, slutty assed streamer woman, a lot of people don't know the full details of what happened to me, what I saw happen to my cousins.

Half the time they weren't killed humanely... Anastasia... was only 4 years old, when on August 21, 1991, she had her leg pulled off her body.... the intestines came out with the bone .... her breakfast half digested spewed out all over the floor mingled with the blood... it took her 5 damned days to finally bleed to death. And they left her laying their, while the older male cousins,  leading them, kicked her, punched her, and rapeded her, over and over again.


Do you know what it feels like to have your head held down on a cement cinder block while a more traditional red brick is slammed into your face?

I do!

It was a common punishment.

I can even begin to count how many times my jaw was broken that way.

#Do you see now how incredibly VILE the sex joke memes this vile, lewd, deviated, piece of shit woman made about the torture I went through, is?

#HOW DISGUSTING this vile, lewd, deviated sex crazed, slutty assed streamer woman IS FOR CALLING A 4 YEAR OLD BEING TIED DOWN, RAPED, AND JAW BROKEN WITH A BRICK, A BDSM SEX FETISH!!!!!

This vile, lewd, deviated sex crazed, slutty assed streamer woman is a bad as the fucking men who did that to us!

How dare she call the torture we went through BDSM sex fetishes!

Over 300 little girls between the ages of 4 and 14 were MURDERED!

What kind of a sick bastard makes sex jokes about THAT?


There has never been a time in my life, when I wasn't suffering in pain from broken bones that never got set, ruptured organs that left me bleeding for weeks on end. Not once being allowed to go to the hospital.

My hip dysplasia was caused by having a 2 foot long foundation nail driven through my hip when I was 4 years old.  

I've heard people say sex was good, fun, happy... I've never had sex that wasn't forced, wasn't rape, wasn't brutal, and didn't leave me without broken bones or torn muscles. Sex is the worse, most evil, most horrible, vile, pain riddin form of torture there is. I can't even image how anyone could enjoy being beaten, having their bones broken, strangled, stabbed with knives, forks, and broken glass plates... sex the most awful thing there is, I can not understand how anyone would want it.

The only good thing about sex is the babies that come from it, but all of mine were murdered before they could be born. I was never allowed to raise any of my babies, and I nearly died after every beaten that killed my babies. 

The most recent one, they beat me with metal baseball bats and golf clubs, left me not only without my baby, but with my spine, hips, and knees broken, I'm crippled for the rest of my left and have spent the last 6 years relearning to walk.

No one has ever been kind to me.

No one has ever hugged me.

No one has ever kissed me.

No one has ever loved me.

There are only 2 things I've ever wanted: a baby and a friend.

America has laws, a woman my age can't adopt, you have to be under 45 in order to qualify for consideration to adopt a child in America; and the last beaten, left me unable to have children.

That leaves me with only one thing left to hope for in life: a friend, someone to talk to. I've never had that. Not once. More then half my life was spent locked in a cage, with no lights, no heat, total darkness, in a room with no windows, no nothing, just mold and fungus several inches thick on rotten walls, and a dirt ledge floor, bare ground, no floor boards. Alone for weeks on end, not knowing if or when I would ever see a person, if or when I would be given another burned saucepan to claw scrapings off of.

#When the FBI raid happened, I was

* 31 years old, 5'6" and weighed 87lbs. 

* my bones and muscles were (and still are) brittle and falling apart from 2 decades of extreme malnutrition. 

* I was nearly starved to death and the rescuers estimated I would have died with in the next few months had the raid not happened

* the room was filled with the bones of others who had died, been tossed in the room, their flesh eaten by the same rats that chewed on my arms and legs each night... they had all been beheaded, so no heads or skulls were ever found and the FBI continues to excavate the area and dredge local waters in search of the skulls, to this day

* It had been decades since I'd last eaten a meal, with as many as 2 weeks passing between being tossed a burned pan to scrap out. 

* I couldn't see in daylight because I'd spent so many years in total darkness. 

* And I didn't know how to speak human languages, was only able to speak cat and chicken, due to the only ones I had, had to talk to in that time, was the feral cats that snuck in through the cracks in the walls at night, and the chickens who were put in the room in the winter to protect them from the cold.

* I had no social skills, did not know how to communicate with others; was only able to communicate via writing; 

* because the only physical touch I had ever had from anyone was being raped or being beaten... I had (and still have) a massive phobia of humans getting near me and am prone to massive meltdowns of total hysteria if someone gets within 5 feet of me

* I had (and still have) a massive phobia of forks, seeing them as weapons, not food utensils, due to have been stabbed, scarred, and tortured with sharped forks by my uncle Mervin Bruce Atwater, so many dozens of times

* I was 37 years old before I found out I was a human, and not a demon, like I had been raised to believe

* the team of psychologists, psychiatrists, and social workers assigned to me, all agreed that they did not believe I would ever be able to assimilate into HUMAN society, due to my extreme hatred for and fear of HUMANS, and my total 100% belief that I was not a HUMAN, caused by my mother's extreme paranoid schizophrenia, and her having locked me in a cage in that isolation room on my 8th birthday because she believed faeries had stolen her real daughter and replaced her with me, a demon changeling

* the team of psychologists, psychiatrists, and social workers assigned to me, all agreed that I likely will never be able to feel any empathy for or towards HUMANS, due to 3 decades of being raised by violent mentally unstable humans who had severe untreated schizophrenia that they bounced off each other... with them glorifying the glories of them being HUMAN and us children being DEMONS unworthy of living in HUMAN presence

* the thing this group of 24 psychologists, psychiatrists, and social workers found to be the single most disturbing fact of all, was that ...

#my 3 decades of neglect, abuse, and isolation was so extreme that I possess no sympathy, empathy, compassion, pity, or ability to identify with Humans - the only emotion I feel towards humans is loathsome hatred ... and they coined the term "OtherKin" to describe me, because there was no psychosis out there to label me... yes, I'm EelKat the first OtherKin, the child that psychiatrists coined the term for

* among things included in my diagnosis, was the phrase: 

>>>"is a UFO suicide cult survivor"


>>>"was raised by radical fundamentalist extremists"


>>>"was raised to believe she was not human"


>>>"was raised to believe she was a demon"


>>>"in interviewing the adults who raised her, 52 of them maintain the belief that she is a demon channeling that they refer to her as 'Her Grandmother's Evil Spirit'", "they claimed the real child ceased to exist after her grandmother's funeral", "they claimed that upon returning from the funeral, the real child was gone and this demon changeling was left in her place"


>>>"evidence suggests that her grandmother was murdered and she witnessed this event, resulting in the adults who murdered her grandmother creating the delusion that she was a demon, removing her from public school, and locking her in a cage in order to prevent her from telling anyone about the grandmother's murder"


>>>"they said they could not let her out of the cage because she refused to reveal where the faeries had taken the real child to"


>>>"they said they had no choice but to beat her daily because of her refusal to reveal the location of the real child she had replaced"


>>>"they likewise believe that both grandmothers were not human, citeing they too were demons"


>>>"they cited that the girl inherited 'Helen's evil spirit' upon Helen's death and 'Eva's evil spirit' upon Eva's death"


>>>"alarmingly every adult involved in her rearing displays severe schizophrenia, total belief in demons, and is fully convinced that this girl is a demon changeling; scarily their delusions fed on each other, giving rise to even more delusions" 


>>>"was removed from public school at the age of 8 years old a few hours following her grandmother's funeral; an investigation was made by the superintendent of schools, but social workers never followed up on the girl's sudden disappearance from public eye. These horrific events may never have happened had The Maine State Department of Human Services taken those initial reports from the her teacher, principal, superintendent, school nurse, and the child's pediatrician, all of whom files individual reports regarding concerns for the girl's safety after witnessing several signs of abuse during the weeks prior to her disappearance"


>>>"reports were made to the Old Orchard Beach Police Department regarding the girl's disappearance from school. No follow up was done. It has been discovered that members of the family worked in the police department and destroyed the department's record of these reports made by concerned school officials" 


>>>"has never experienced kind, good, or loving relationships"


 >>>"since infancy has never been hugged, held, cuddled, or touched in a good way by other humans" 


>>>"displays post traumatic stress disorder symptoms similar to WW2 concentration camp victims"


>>>"can not remember her name, answers to the names 'four eyed retard' and 'competition bitch' which appear to be the only names her mother called her since the age of 8 years old"


>>>"has never been taught to view humans as equals" 

* in the weeks following the FBI raid, 3 aunts and 8 uncles, were all diagnosed with schizophrenia... among other things

* the 12 siblings, their 50+ spouses, and 400+ adult children who ran the child prostitution ring, were all diagnosed with sociopathy, 5 were diagnosed with megalomania, more the 3 dozen (including my mother) were diagnosed with Munchausen syndrome by proxy

* the group was classified as the most radical of the compounds that called themselves members of Heaven's Gate - 4 of it's leaders killed themselves in the infamous HaleBop murder/suicide that killed 39 people in California and was what led to the FBI raid a few weeks later

* the FBI raid would result in dozens of Catholic, Mormon, Pentecostal, Baptist, Born Again Holy Roller, New Life, and non-Denominational churches throughout southern Maine and the Greater Boston tri-state area being closed in the weeks/months that followed, in the mid-late 1990s, as hundreds of pedophile priests were arrested for having paid money (often $millions in church funds) to rape the young girls

* wild rumors began to surface, as horrified Americans dubbed the clan leaders involved in the Scottish Gypsy child prostitution ring as "The Scottish Mafia"

* while American movie producers had a field day stereotyping "Scottish Mafia" to mean anything and everything, we 140 survivors, had to fight claw and fang against paparazzi, alongside trying to even learn what the hell an American even was

* the worst of them, Stephen King arrived at the compound, with a huge movie crew and set out to filming a movie "The Thinner" based off what he referred to as "the Gypsies of Saco, Maine, the most REAL Gypsy style Gypsies I have ever encountered"... he and his crew were trespassers, had no permits or permissions, and today are in a legal battle against our clan trying to get the rights to release Thinner on DVD, something we absolutely refuse to sign off on - we are abhorred that he tried to capitalize on our decades of torture, pain, and suffering

* and all of the 140 others like myself, were also raised to believe they were locked in cages because they were demons....

* as of 2020, more than half of the 140 survivors rescued from that FBI raid have commit suicide, due to the pressures of trying to BECOME A HUMAN and to date none have been able to see themselves as HUMANS or successfully assimilate in HUMAN society and most are still 100% convinced they are DEMONS and are unable to identify as HUMAN or live among HUMANS

* while I was 31 at the time of the FBI raid; the eldest of my brothers was only 7 years old - yes, I am old enough to be the grandmother of every one of my brothers; one of them, was so badly traumatised by the abuse he received, he does not talk still to this day

* given the fact that my mother has multi-hundreds of medical records that all list her as infertile and unable to have children, after a brutal "miscarriage" (caused by an overdose of sleeping pills, then having her head cracked open with a brick b an unknown attacker while she was unconscious) she had 4 years after I was born, combined with the dates of the births of my brothers vs the dates of the so-called "miscarriage" beatens, some of the psychiatrists, psychologists, and social workers involved in the case, believe that chances are high that my brothers, may actually be my sons, stolen from me by my own mother, after being beaten unconscious by her brother Mervin Bruce.... this theory was further emphasized by the fact that one of my brothers is a blue eyed blond (everyone in the Atwater family has dark skin, black eyes, and black hair, due to being 3/4 Native American and 1/4 black African) and looks exactly like Ben (a blue eyed blond Austrian), the father of my babies

* my mother suddenly and mysteriously "became infertile again" after the FBI raid and her freak unexplained popping out new babies days after each of my so-called "miscarriages"  (each one caused by being beaten unconscious at around 8 months pregnant, and waking up with the baby gone, followed by my mother's miraculous "giving birth" to a slightly premature baby a few weeks later) suddenly ceased to happen

* I was 37 years old when a team of psychologists, psychiatrists, and social workers set out to training me how to do things like walk on my feet instead of crawl on all 4s like a cat

* I was also 37 years old when a team of psychologists, psychiatrists, and social workers set out to teaching me how to speak in human languages instead of in chicken clucks and cat growls and hisses

* during attempting to teach me to speak, they made an alarming discovery: I spoke via chicken clucks and cat growls and hisses, not because I didn't know human languages or lacked understanding as they originally thought, but rather, because I'd been hit in the face with a brick so many times in my lifetime, that I couldn't open my jaw wide enough to form words

* x-rays and trips to a dentist, revealed massive damage to my jaw bones, cheek bones, sinus region bones, and teeth, from years of being baten in the face with a brick

* at 41 years of age I had reconstructive surgery of my jaw, including 7 root canals... meaning my jawbone and 21 of my teeth are porcelain - not real bone or teeth, resulting in I am now able to eat solid foods for the first time in my life and also am now able to talk normally (before the surgery, the damage to my jawbone was so bad that I was classified as "near-mute" due to an extreme inability to open my jaw enough to be able to form words.

* all of my molars (back teeth) were crumbled shards, with raw pulp exposed

* my jaw was broken and healed improperly, in so many places that doctors could not determine how many times I had suffered a broken jaw in my lifetime

* the broken teeth and jaw bones were a result of having my head held down on a cement cinder block, while a regular red brick was used to smash my jaw - this was a recurring punishment I received a few times a month, from the time I was 8 years old until I was 31 years old

* I stopped talking when I was 14 years old and was classified as mute for the next 16 years - I "refused" to talk, because the searing pain in my jaw was so bad that I could not open my mouth far enough to form words

* the reconstructive surgery at age 41, resulted in my being able to speak normally, for the first time in my life

* I was 42 years old when I found out the concept of things like friends and people talking to other people existed; and my desire to have a friend, someone I could talk to set in

* July 1, 2001 a backhoe with the mural of a big red apple painted on it's side, drove over my house, while me and my brothers were gone to the movie theater... my mom's brother Joey bragged on Facebook that he had hired the man to do it

* February 14, 2003 - I was stuck in traffic and arrived to my doctor's appointment 10 minutes late.... lucky for me, as I arrived in time to see the mushroom cloud as a bomb in my doctor's office blew up First Care Health Clinic on Saco Ave, Old Orchard Beach, Maine, killing my doctor and 3 nurses, and leaving 21 patients in critical condition

* October 16, 2006 a bomb blew up my house and an 8 foot tall Ku Klux Klan cross was left behind in the rubal (keeping in mind, several uncles and cousins are members of the KKK)

* April 2007, the same backhoe returned to drive over my house yet again

* May 15, 2010, my car, the 1964 Dodge 330, was cut in half by a group of radical members of a local church known as The Saco Ward of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints; the Bishop's first counselor went to prison 7 months later

* May 2013 Southern Maine Community College was evacuated when a bomb was found in the back corner of the classroom I was in

* July 2013, while driving home from my job at the Maine Mall, I was pulled off the road to wait, while police closed off the crossroad at my street.... the body of my cousin Murphy was laid out in the middle of the road, minus his head... the police found his head a few miles away at a different crossroad... he was one of the children abused and survivors rescued

* August 8, 2013 the infamous backhoe returned to drive over my house yet again and this now being the 5th house this backhoe had driven over shortly after rebuilding from the previous attack, I gave up rebuilding houses to live under a tent instead

* August 13, 2013, on my birthday, one of my uncles posted on my FaceBook wall "paying that construction worker to demolish your house for your birthday was the best $600 I ever spent, Americans are such boobs, they'll do anything for money"

* November 14, 2013, while in a parking lot putting bags of art supplies in the back of my car 3 unknown people attacked me from behind with 2 metal baseball bats and a metal golf club. This was the first time since the FBI raid of 1997, that I had been pregnant again, and for nw the 7th time, had a "miscarriage" caused by a brutal beaten; but for the first time a beaten by stranger, not one of my uncles or my mother

* 2 of them were women who looked to be about 65 and acted like sisters or best friends, one with long curly orange red hair and cyberpunk looking neon lime green cyclops-style glasses and a off the shoulder sweater of large black and white stripes and screaming "it's my turn to shine"; the other a blond wearing a denim button front work-shirt; the 3rd a bald man who acted like either the blond woman's son or lover, and had a football player muscle build

* the November 14, 2013 attack broke my spine, hips, and knees leaving me paralyzed for 5 months and 18 months to relearn to walk 

* I returned to work in 2015, but now with limited movement and requiring a cane

* November 2015 Scarborough WalMart evacuated when a bomb was found in the department I was stationed to work in

* March 2015 my aunt's husband was arrested  by the FBI on a Boston Mass beach for selling bombs, bomb marking parts, automatic rifles, and machine guns to members of Isis; his bombs were identified both as the bombs that were used in the Boston Marathon attacks AND the bombs in my house, doctors' office, college, and work places; branding my mom's sister as the FBi's number 1 suspect in ALL of the attacks prior

* March 2015 her son was arrested at Scarborough Downs Race Track for selling prescription bottles stolen from the Southern Maine Medical Center (aka The Barbara Bush Foundation Children's Hospital aka the Biddeford Hospital)

* April 10, 2015 - 12 members of my family were kidnapped

* April 12, 2015 - 2 escaped and returned home, both with their jaws broken and nearly all of their teeth knocked out

* May 15, 2015, the heads of 2 of them were returned (8 more heads would be returned in the weeks following)

* May 15, 2015 she posted a message on my FaceBook wall which read: "the next head nailed to a dor will be yours"... she posted it 5 hours before I discovered the heads nailed to my door

* June 2016  Scarborough WalMart evacuated a second time when a bomb was found yet again in the department I was stationed to work in

* July 2016 - a red haired woman, the blond woman, and the bald man, this time in a gold Volvo suv, once again attacked me in a parking lot - this time at WalMart while I was putting groceries in my car... they attacked me from behind yet again, this tie with a shopping cart, while the redhead woman screamed yet again " it's my time to shine", while the blond woman screamed "that's EelKat she tried to kill my husband"

* since the July 2016 attack I have been bedridden with inoperable damage to my spinal column and unable walk unaided with the help of others

#There's your fucking ass Satan worship. Now leave me alone and go burn in hell where you jackass so-called Christians belong!.... while you bastards run around accusing children of Satan worship, the priests you praise in church were raping and torturing those children, and not a one of you ever did a damned thing to help. You people have the gall to call yourselves Christians? The murders of those children is as much on your heads as it is on my uncles.

And now that you know what my uncles did... think about this...

...the vile lewd, streamer bitch and her 200+ VODs and 2,000+ Discord posts... do you know what she said in them?

She took, copy and pasted, line by line, changing nothing, the details of the vile shit my uncles did to me, and made memes, saying Avallac'h did those things to Ciri, and said that THAT was WHY I liked Avallac'h.

She did THAT on top of making up the lies that I was a BDSM dominatrix and spreading that rumor across social networks.

She did THAT on top of hiring for $5,000 men, hit men... she fucking HIRED HIT MEN... to come to my house with guns and baseball bats.

February 2019 ... 5 of her trolls showed up at my house armed with guns and baseball bats... they raped 2 women, killed a 10 year old boy, hospitalized 3 elderly men in critical condition, totaled 3 cars, including doing $30,000 in damages to my daily driver, did $230,000 to the building resulting in the city condemning it resulting in 28 families being made homeless.

There is now an FBI investigation into ALL 800+ trolls from her channel, 2 streamers involved are now in prison, 20+ streamers have been perma banned by Twitch, and more then 700 of her "chat trolls" have received various forms of bans and suspensions, most of them are permabanned.

I thought there NOTHING more evil than my uncles... I was wrong, that filthy slut assed whore of a streamer bitch, was far, far worse.... she took crimes, rape, torture, and murder of children, and made it into a vile running gag.

I'm fed up with people looking to get their 15 minutes of fame, and taking advantage of the shit I lived through to try to get that fame.

I've had it.

I've survived hell that most people can't even stomach hearing about.

I REFUSE to be treated like shit, by a vile piece of trash like this vile, lewd, deviated sex crazed, slutty assed streamer woman who thinks taking the pain and suffering of others is good thing to make fucking BDSM fetish memes about.

This vile, lewd, deviated woman is 24 years old, sitting behind her computer screen, laughing, joking, making sex memes about the suffering of others...

Do where I was when I was 24 years old?

Locked in a cage that a chihuahua wouldn't even fit in. Nearly starved to death.  Hips broken. Jaw broken. Pools of blood gushing from my rectum. The bloody, clotted remains of the six month old unborn baby that had just been beaten out of my belly covering the walls of the cage.

You jackasses who followed her and spent 2 fucking years harassing me and my chat. What the fuck is wrong with you sick, sadistic pieces of shit?

You all ought to be ashamed of yourselves.


You people who took part in this cyber bullying, you are all as cold, cruel, hateful, and heartless, as you are evil.

Are you happy now?

There are some things, you don't want to know about people... but when you bully someone, make rumors about them, play follow the leader and spread lies about them, just because you are lusting after a slutty streamer shaking her boobs in your face... there comes a time, when you should step back, and ask yourself WHY are you helping her spread those lies? Is watching her shake her breasts in your face on Twitch, really worth digging up the past or a night mare hell that someone else lived through?

These wounds run deep and I do not appreciate you digging them up.

I kept this stuff separate from Twitch. And I'm not happy with you people bring it up.

I'm especially not happy, with you taking the vile evil torture that my uncles did to me, and making memes about those things, saying that Avallac'h did them to Ciri.

Had you read the novels, you would have known, Ciri went through a hell of a lot of shit, from a hell of a lot of men. Men who DID do things similar to what my uncles did to me. And because of that, I was able to empathise with Ciri a lot.

Avallac'h took her away from those men, and took her to a place where they couldn't find her. He protected her from men who were hurting her.

I like Avallac'h because I wish there had been someone like him in my life.

No one cared what happened to us children. No one. We desperately needed someone like Avallac'h. Someone who cares. Someone to take us away and keep us safe from the men who hurt us.

Maybe instead of chasing after some little Twitch whore's breasts, you should learn to think before you act.

Maybe, next time cleavage on camera, tells you to harass someone, maybe you'll think to do a background check on the person you are about to harass, and find out if what the boobs on camera tell you about that person, is really true, or are those breast just attached to the chest of an evil cyberbully who gets off on watching her mindless simps hurt others.

Not a one of you, thought to ask yourselves if what she was telling you about me was true.

You just attacked mindlessly or her orders.

Not one of you tried to get to know me.

You just believe her bdsm dominatrix sex lies without question.

You can see how I dress. Do I LOOK like a bdsm dominatrix to you?

We do Bible readings, almost every stream. And you would have known that, had instead of attacking me, you took the time to watch my channel.

Mindless sheep. That's all you are. Following the herd, without asking yourself if you even should.

Are you proud of what you've done?

FAQs: I can barely hear you when you talk, can you do something with the volume?

#FAQs: I can barely hear you when you talk, can you do something with the volume?

No, unfortunately. The audio is already as high as it can go.

I have stacibotrin poisoning and can not speak above a whisper, so no, there is no way to increase voice volume, it is already as loud as it can be turned up. 

It means the lining of my lungs are scarred so badly that speech is difficult for me. I have lived with this my whole life, it is something I have had since I was 8 years old. I have never been able to speak above a whisper.

It was caused by being locked in that "room", which among other things had a black "mildew" looking mold that was over 3 inches thick on the walls... when the FBI raid rescued me out of that room 31 years later, the "mildew" was tested and discovered not to be mildew but rather stacibotrin.

It causes me to cough up blood whenever I laugh or try to raise my voice above a whisper.

The frequent gushing nosebleeds that last for several hours are also caused by this. 

It is one of the first known cases of stacibotrin in America, and it was believed, due to the fact that it was growing 3 inches thick, which is not natural for this type of mushroom, that my uncles were doing biological warfare testing on the children they had imprisoned. They said my uncles were suspected of helping Russia test bio-weapons in North America *(This was during the 1970s and 1980s, so quite a long time ago, now)* I don't know what evidence they had to cause them to think that, but, it was what the agents and officers said during the raid.

I also tested positive for having had small pox, at some point... though the test was done when I was 42, I had it when I was 13... something that again, should not have been in America and further supported the FBI's theory that my uncles were building bio-warfare bombs. *(They built bombs and sold them to various terrorist groups, including the Isis bomb that killed a lot of people in Boston during some race a few years back. The uncle who built that bomb was the first one to go to prison.)*

The thing that has made catching my uncles so difficult was that they are not Americans. They are Canadians. They are illegal aliens from Canada, hiding in America, because it is easier to hide in America than it is to hide in Canada. Their headquarters is in Nova Scotia. I'm not sure where, I've never been to Canada.

The uncle that lived 6 months of the year in Russia, for most of the past 60 years, yes, even when Russia was closed to Americans, was also an Air Force Pilot and an Intelligence Officer at the Pentagon. All of the ID he had through the American military was fake, his age the military had him listed as was a full 10 years wrong, and all his "American citizen" papers *(SSN, birth certificate, etc)* were fake. He worked in the Pentagon for almost 20 years before it was discovered all his documents were fake, and that was what lead to his being discharged from the military, a few days before his expected being given the rank of Colonel. When the news reports came out reporters called him a "Russian spy" involved in "the Iron Curtain" and "the Cold War" . He joined the American military in the 1950s. Apparently it was easy to fake ID back then and once he was in, no one thought to check his documents again until the end of the 1980s.

Because of that particular uncle, who fortunately is now dead, all the "adult" children who were rescued in the FBI raid, had to be tested for everything they could possibly have ever medically had via being given it by men testing bio-weapons on children. I tested positive for Stacibotrin Poisoning, Anthrax, and Small Pox, all 3 of which are why I have the lung problems today, that I have.

But yeah, that's why I can't talk properly. I have massive scaring in my lungs from Stacibotrin Poisoning, Anthrax, and Small Pox, all 3 of which I had 50 years ago, when I was a small child, and I've had to live with the agonizing pain of lungs filled with scar tissue, for almost 60 years now, because my uncles were jackass bastards. Thankfully most of them are now either in prison or dead, and can't hurt anyone anymore. 

I wish the FBI raid had happened sooner. How different my life would have been, had I been rescued as a child or a teenager or even as a young adult. I was locked in that cage and tortured for 31 years. They put me in it when I was 8. The FBI raid let me out 31 years later.

But that is why, my voice is so very quiet. I'm not physically able to speak louder than I do. 

See photos of the "room" I was tortured in, in the panels about the room, you can see the Stacibotrin in the photos.

There were 12 uncles involved in the leadership of the clan. Their are 4,000+ direct family members, this number does not include in-laws and their families. Of those 4,000 only around 400 has American citizenship. All of the rest are Canadians in America illegally, with the exception of the Russian family members, who are Russian, and as far as I know only 2 of them have American citizenship.

The bulk of the men are polygamists, most have 2 to 5 wives, and several of the wives have multiple husbands, most have between 3 to 8 husbands *(these "lesser" husbands, act as "servants" of the primary husband, doing the "jobs" (petty crimes, bank robberies, making the fake IDs, that sort of thing, in addition to helping to raise the children; the lesser husbands are usually castrated to prevent adultery from happening with the lead husband's wives.)*. 

Each female is married between the age of 12 and 16 and will have given birth no fewer then 4 times by the time she reaches 16 years old. Most females give birth to 12 to 20 children. This is WHY, the DIRECT family, not including in-laws, has more then 4,000 members. 

Most of the children will die before reaching the age of 12. 

Most of the women will die before reaching the age of 35. 

Children are not named until they are 3 years old, because chances are high they will not live that long and they are not baptised until they are 8 years old, because again chances are high they will not live that long.  

Average lifespan in Gypsy culture is very, very, very low.

The Air Force Major *(now dead, by suicide, on the final day of the pedophile, child rapist court case brought against him by 86 teen girls all under the age of 16 at the time of the court case, but had all been raped by him under the age of 8... had he not died hours before the end of the trial, he would have gotten 86 sentences for the rapes, plus more charges for the Russian spy stuff, plus more charges for medical experiments on children; he was about to receive a sentence of more then 500 years in prison)*, one of his younger brothers was one of the leaders of Heaven's Gate *(who just died from Covid-19)*, while one of their sister's husbands *(who got life in prison and is still there)* was a supplier to Isis. They were the 3 the FBI was after when the raid happened. The FBI didn't know that these men also had 140+ children, whom had been locked in cages 30+ years, being tortured the entire time. I was one of those children.

The news reports called it "The Worst Child Abuse Case In American History" others called it "Maine's House of Horrors".

Their oldest brother and two of his adult children *(now both in their 60s and him today in his 80s)* were the founders of a branch of the Ku Klux Klan known as "The Loyalist White Knights of the Ku Klux Klan More Loyal then the Loyal White Knights", a group founded for none-whites to "cleanse their DNA and become white". These 3 are still at large, were responcable for the bomb that blew up my house in 2006, where responcable for the kidnapping and beheading of my children in 2015, and are the primary mods of the streamer behind the "deserved to be raped raids" here on Twitch. He is the correct Patriach of the clan. His word is law and when comands orders, then Clan obeies. Many of that streamer's Discord "community" are members of the 4,000 who follow this man. It's WHY she was able to so quickly gather up so many to attack my channel, and if you watch her VODs, you can see the many times one of his sons pays that streamer a $500 donation, with instructions to attack my channel.

In the 30 years since the raid that rescued us, I've had to live with endless interrogations by police and FBI, who refuse to believe I know nothing about my uncles', aunts, and cousins' activities outside of the compound. The same dozens of questions asked over and over again every few months for decades on end. 

Constantly be called into court every time yet another uncle, aunt, or cousin is caught. And endless disappointment from the agents, officers, and lawyers when, once again, they call me in t be a witness and are once again reminded that of the 4,000+ members of the family, I have met face to face fewer then 30 of them and do not know what any of the 4,000+ others look like, nor do I know their names. 

They seem to forget that my being locked in a cage in a closet for 31 years, means, the only people I ever saw, were the ones who tossed food into the cage and the ones who tortured me. They hope against hope that maybe I'll know something about this criminal or that criminal. But why would I? I had one square foot of space, to sit huddled in, my knees to my face. There were no lights, no windows. 

Darkness 24 hours a day for years on end. Even the ones I did see face to face when they came in once every 12 days to toss molded bread and maggot filled rice at me, I couldn't see their faces through the darkness, and didn't know their names. While there were 12 uncles who ran the group, I only ever met 5 of those uncles, though I could hear the fighting and yelling from the next room, and a few times saw the blond American with the German Shepard dog, who was the one who all the money went to, I still don't know who they were, not to this day.

In spite of the money they brought in, my uncles struggled to get by or feed the family most of the time because they only kept a 10% cut... all the rest of the money went to the blond American with the German Shepard dog. HE was the actual leader of the group, and he wasn't a relative. I don't know who he was. They just called him "Mark". They'd rush around in a panic the days he showed up, saying stuff like "We gotta hide these before Mark get's here"... "Mark's coming today, he can't find out we got these." I don't know who Mark was, I could probably ID him if the police or FBI ever caught him, because him, I did see several times. He showed up like clockwork every month to collect the money, the weapons, and the drugs, that my uncles handed over to him. 

But the uncles, the auntes, the cousins... I can't ID most of them, because I never saw them. Most of them were in Utah, Nevada, Arizona, and Wyoming and never even came to Maine at all. Others are in Canada, Russia, and Australia, and again, never came to Maine at all. So none of them I can ID either.

It's frustrating.

I want to just move on and live a normal life. 

I've never been wanted.

Never been loved.

Never been welcomed.

Never been accepted.

Never been included.

Isolated for decades in solitary confinement, since I was 8 years old.

I went years between being allowed to bathe.

Years between any human contact that wasn't a hand wielding a brick to my jaw.

I've never had a friend.

I've never had a real family, just abusers.

31 years in a cage, in a closet with no light.

And when I finally escaped... I found the outside world to be just cold, just as cruel, just as unkind, just as unloving.

I used to think my uncles were the freaks.

But now I know, I'm the freak. Because I'm not violent. I feel pain. I desire love. I desire friendship.

But I've learned that Humans are incapable of those things. 

Humans are cruel.

Humans are incapable of showing love.

Humans are incapable of desplaying friendship.

Because Humans are evil. There is no good in them.

My uncles were not flukes, they were norm of the Human race.

Since my escape, my only goal has been to find love and friendship.

 But every few months the police or FBI will capture yet another uncle, aunt, or cousin and then the whole process starts over again... call me in to ask what I know about this one, can I point them out in a line up. 

No. I never heard of this one either. 

No. I was locked in a cage for 31 years, in total darkness. I never saw anyone but the 5 uncles who tortured me and the handful of adult cousins who helped them.

It's why I play video games so much, so obsessively. I'm trying to forget the endless having to deal with police and FBI and court, month after month, for decades on end. With no break. It's as bad as the first 31 years of my life in the cage! I had no freedom then, but I have no more freedom now, because the police and lawyers and FBI look at me as though I know everything about the criminal relatives in my family, when I know next to nothing about them, and pester me constantly.

The Isis uncle. I'd never even heard of him before. Or Isis. The police showed up after they arrested him. In 2016. That was ever heard of him or Isis. I remember one of the officers asked: "What do you mean, you never heard of Isis? Don't you watch the news? He killed all those people at the Boston Marathon with a bomb!"... I was sitting in my yard, under the tarp that is my house. And response to the officer: "Does it look like I have a place to plug a TV in? One of these trees perhaps? I've been homeless since the bomb blew up my house in 2006." Apparently, I have uncle named Paul. Well, he's not an uncle I ever heard of before. And apparently he builds bombs for someone named Isis, whom I also never hear of before. But apparently, according the officers who arrived in my yard, this Isis dude killed a lot of people in Boston with a bomb built by an uncle Paul, I didn't know I had. 

When the police showed up March 1997, asking about Heaven's Gate. I'd never heard of Heaven's Gate. That's not what any of my uncles ever called the farm. "The Royal Highland Atwater Clan" that's what my uncles called. Except for Richard who called it "Three Swans". Heaven's Gate? No. None them used that term. Only the police ever called it that. They were looking for my uncle Bruce, but he was in Utah. Never did understand why the police were here in Maine looking for him. Mervin Bruce. Leader of Heaven's Gate? Was he? All he ever did was stockpile weapons, rave and rant that God lived on planet Kolob, and was going to fly in on a mothership hidden in the shadow of Comet Wormwood. He fucking insane. He claimed Satan visited him every night and demons talked to im all day. When he was finally arrested... for cutting his wife's foot off at the Saco Dairy Queen... the judge asked him why he cut her foot off, and he told the judge Satan told him to. He was diagnosed with schizophrenia and sentenced to spend the rest of his life in a state run mental institute. He recently died of Covid-19.

And yet, when the police arrived asking question about him. All they wanted to know was, the names of the 39 victims who died in California. How the hell am I supposed to know? I've never been outside of Maine. I have agoraphobia, I don't even leave my yard. California is as far away from Maine as you can get and still be in America. They had all kinds of questions about Heaven's Gate... but in 1997, I'd only been released from my cage, less than a year. I'd never heard of Heaven's Gate. Like I said, just because the new reports and the police said it was Heaven's Gate... no one inside the farm ever called it that.

And Major Richard Merlin? He was in Russia buying little girls. Biggest pedophile in the clan. He had 16 dogs, used buy children from Russia, then make videos of his dogs raping them. He had beastiality child porn website. And yet when the police showed up for him, all their questions were about Russian spies and Iron Curtains and Cold war. They didn't give a shit about the hundreds of little girls he filmed while his Britney Spaniels and Irish Setters raped them. I seriously doubt he ever stopped sexually abusing children long enough to spy for the Russian government. But that's what the police believed and it's what the news reporters printed up in news papers when he got dragged off to court in 2013. He commit suicide day before the trail ended, after 86 of the children he'd raped showed up in court the night before to testify against him.

When the police arrived about the priests who bought time with the children... they only asked questions about Catholic priests from Boston. I've never in my life met a Catholic priest. The priest my uncles were selling little girls to... they were NOT Catholic, nor where they in Boston. Again, I've never been outside of Maine, and I was 42 years old, first time I ever met a non-Mormon. All those men my uncles were selling little girls to, every one of them was a Mormon priest from Cape Elizabeth Ward of the Augusta Stake. Not Catholic. And not Boston. But the police didn't want to listen to that. And when the news reports went out, they connected my uncles to the Catholic Priests of Boston, but once again, the news reporters got it wrong.

And that's the way it always is. The police show up with questions, assuming I know something about some event, that I've never heard of, involving people, I had no clue was related to me, and they are so hung up on getting some big bust in the news, that they ignore the reality of the situation, every time. 

So yeah, there are the news reports, claiming my crazy child abusing uncle was one of Heaven's Gate's leaders, claiming my air force pilot uncle who had a giant full color catalog of photos of little girls whom he bought through the mail via that Russian catalog and making videos of dogs fucking them calling him a Russian spy. And then they come in with some uncle I never heard of working with some other guy I never heard of, who's supposedly famous or something. 

The Clan is huge, yes, but it's based out of Nova Scotia in Canada... in another country. And the bulk of them run their business out of Salt Lake City in Utah... 10s of 1,000s of miles away, half way on the other side of the globe... while the one with the most warrants for him, is in Australia. And I've never meet any of them or their wives or their children or their grand children or their great grand children. I don't even know their names. I've never even seen pictures of them. I've never had any type of contact with a single one of any of them. The ONLY ones I knew, were the ones here in Maine, who worked for that blond "Mark" guy with the German Shepard. 

And YET... every other month, there they are again, the police or the FBI, back again, because hey, we've yet again arrested one of these people you never heard of before and didn't know you were related to, but they are connected with this big case we are working on and we want to sensationalize the news reports, we're here to intergate you about this relative you never meet, never heard of, and didn't know existed, because every other relative of theirs slammed the door in our face and you're the only one who would let us in your house... oh, wait you don't have a house, you live under a tarp, and you didn't actually let us in, we started stopping around your yard without your permission.

I wouldn't mind helping the police and FBI, if I actually knew what the fuck they were talking about, who the fuck they were talking about. But the thing is I don't.

And when I tell them I don't know anything, they point out, well you said you would help... yeah, I did... and if I knew anything I would, but I don't so I can't.

Do you have any idea how annoying this is?

I'm related to 4,000+ fucking criminals, only 30 of whom, I've ever meet, know the names of, or ever even heard of... and because these people who I don't even know, share the same DNA as me, the police think, well I must know them somehow, and they can't find any leads, so let's ask her a million and one questions that we already know she doesn't know the answer to, because we don't have anything better to do right now.

The uncles, I new anything about, were the ones who raised me and they are dead now, except for one. I don't know the others.

Why can't they just let me live in peace.

I mean I get that the police are trying to do their job, but this is borderline harassment. If they were doing their jobs better, they would already know I've never had a connection to those 4,000+ relatives they claim I have. And that's another thing... I only have the police officers' word on that. 

The family I can account for are: my grandfather had 2 wives, 15 children by 1, 3 died in childbirth, 1 died at age 3. 11 reached adulthood. My mother was #8. Of the 7 boys and 4 girls, they had in total 64 children via their 1st spouses. Those 64 children went on to have just over 300 children with their 1st spouses. In total, I can account for 400 people in my family, NOT the 4,000 total that the police give. Who those 4,000 other are, I don't know... because they are NOT related to the original 12. The Atwater Clan has 400 people, not 4,000 like the police claim. And of those 400 I only names of the 30 I've meet.

Do they not take into account how I was raised? In a cage! In a fucking cage! For 31 years! How exactly do they expect me to know anyone other then the 5 uncles who tortured me, and the handful of adult cousins who helped them?

All the police talk about Heaven's Gate, Isis, Russian Spies... I know nothing of those things. What I do know, David demanded memorizing scripture and if I misquoted he's use a shovel to cut off a cat's head, while Bruce fired up his masonry drill to drill a 2 foot long foundation nail through my leg, while Richard pulled out a camcorder to film it. Every Sunday, I was allowed out of the cage, so we could all go to church, Cape Elizabeth Ward of the Church of Jesus Christ of Later Day Saint, Agusta Stake. I was instructed to never say a word. If I got caught talking to anyone, I got a cinder block to the face when we got home. Over those 31 years, I went to 16 Bishops, told them what was happening and begged for help. They never looked into it. From the time I was 14 until the the time I had surgery at age 42, it was believed I was mute, but I wasn't and I couldn't tell anyone, because my jaw was broken so bad, from it having been broken with a cinder block so many times, that I could no longer talk. Bruce was brick layer, he used bricks and mason nails to torture me. That is what I know. 

I didn't even know there were 140 other children there. I found that out from the news reporters after the FBI. I never saw those 140 children. Those 31 years I was locked up, I thought I was the only child there. I had no idea there were others. To this day, I've never even meet the others. The police never even told me their names. My entire life was spent in that cage.

I had chicken pox when I was 6. Small red pimple blisters covered my face and chest. I had a high fever and a week later it was gone.

Then when I was 13, my parents and my uncles, claimed I had chicken pox again. But this time was vastly different. Giant blackish-red wart-like thing, covered the palms of my hands, the souls of my feet, my back, my face, and the inside of my mouth and lungs. I almost died. I was on a liquid diet for 8 months, because the bumble-like blisters in my mouth were over and inch across, and I couldn't open or close my moth to eat. They kept me on the floor in the living room. One of the few times I wasn't left locked in that room. The swelling of my palms and soles was so bad that my hands and feet were not recognizable as either hands or feet. It lasted for months. 

When I was 42, doctors ran bloodwork on me, they said I had strange symptoms. Like I was suffering the after effects of having had a life threatening illness. They asked, if I ever had, and I told them about the 2nd time I had chicken pox.

The doctor went white. She said what I decided, most definitely was not chicken pox. Chicken pox doesn't do that. The next words out of her mouth were: "Have you ever been to Russia?" No. But one of my uncle lived their 6 months of the year. His wife was Russian. Her family lived in America 6 months of the year.

She went to her office and got a book. Huge college text book for medical students, and in it was a chart that should lots of different types of pox. She said: "Point to the one that looks like what you had." I did. She looked like she'd seen a ghost. Put the book away and said: "We need to test your blood." A few weeks later, she was telling me: "You had small pox. It's not possible, but you did. The Major, why was he in Russia?"

I don't know. His office was in the Pentagon. He was an intelligence officer. That's what lead to his being investigated for being a Russian spy. Because I had Small Pox, in America in the 1980s. So in come the police with more questions. And me, I have no answers. I was just child locked in a cage. The guinea pig for my uncles apparently, so I'm now told.

But that's what destroyed my lungs.

That's why I can't talk above a whisper.

That's why you can't hear me well, in spite of good audio equipment.

With my audio equipment you should hear me clear as a bell.

But my lungs are full of scars, and every breath I take hurts like hell.

Small Pox.

That's why I have to be so extra careful to avoid Covid-19.

Someone whose lungs are as damaged as mine, Covid-19 would be a death sentence.

I escaped the hell of living with my uncles, and now live in the hell of being one of the few survivors willing to help the law take them down, so have no moments peace every time any one gets a lead on where one of my uncles, aunts, or cousins might be.

Playing video games is the only escape I have from the nightmare that is my every day life.

I would like to have just one place in my life where I can have some freedom once and for all from the hell of my uncles and their criminal lifestyle.

Twitch was that place.

Twitch was where I came to have a few minutes of freedom from the hell I live with offline.

It's WHY I kept EVERYTHING about my life OFF Twitch.

And you fucking bastards went and brought it here!


The news reports called it "The Worst Child Abuse Case In American History" others called it "Maine's House of Horrors". And a jackass streamer called it "BDSM fetish".

We were tortured by men who were monsters, and that's why I really don't like it when that streamer ran around saying this stuff was BDSM. Criminal men, torturing children who were only 8 years old, is NOT BDSM. And there is something wrong with you, if you say it is.

And she gathered up 300,000 Discord followers to help her spread that lie around the internet, and with it, a lot of other lies about my past... so now here it is... my past, as so many of you wanted to know about.

Do you understand NOW why I buried my past and kept saying I did not want to talk about it?

I kept everything separate from Twitch. Heaven's Gate, my uncles, my childhood, everything in my offline life, I never brought any of it to Twitch. 

None of it. 

I made my channel all about the game, Witcher 3 and ONLY the game and nothing else. I kept everything from my life separate from Twitch.

And this woman, this streamer, she became obsessed with me, dug up my past, found news reports, interviews, blogs, magazines, newspapers... she dug up everything she could find, and used it to make make 5 hour long daily Twitch streams about me. She flooded Twitch with all the events from my past that I put so much effort into keeping out of Twitch.

I didn't want it here.

I kept Twitch as a safe zone, a place I could go to try to forget.

I can't sleep I have post traumatic stress disorder, night terrors, obsessive compulsive disorder, and agoraphobia.

I have a raging phobia of guns and sex and men. I avoid those things like the plague.

I threw all of my streaming focus into the game, to try to block out everything going on in my life.

Why did she bring all of that here?

Why did she her followers here to torment me about a past, I want to forget?

Why did they think it was something they have fun making sex jokes about?

#It is very messed up to reveal someone's private personal information like that, especial when it is such extremely sensitive and traumatic private information.

What this fucking piece of shit did is below low. She is one fucked up piece of shit. What kind of a person does something like this?

I grew up in a fucking hell, raised by monsterous men who tortured us, and when I escaped that hell, I wanted to leave it and never look back, never think of it again, never be reminded of it, start a new life. 

It's why I never talked about it. 

It's why I never told anyone about it.

I wanted to forget it.

You ill mannered delinquents, you stepped some HUGE boundary lines.

And every one of the 300,000 of you involved in this horrendous attack on me, on every social media, you all out to be ashamed of yourselves.

All 300,000 of you, you are all vile, despicable, evil, horrible people.

It was bad enough that she dug all that up and brought it here to Twitch and sent people to my channel to hound me about it... but then she did all that filthy sex stuff on top of that. She couldn't stop with just digging up my past and my connection to fucking Heaven's Gate... no! No, that wasn't enough for her. Then she had to rub salt in the wound by making up filthy ass sex lies about me and spreading those all over the internet.

What the fuck is wrong with her?

What is wrong with everyone in her community?

It's bad enough she started it, but why the hell did so many people join her in it?

Why did any of them take any part in any of this?

Evil people do evil things. Life is difficult enough on it's own, without evil people coming along and making it worse.

I am deeply distressed and upset over this whole thing.

And if you have any information about my uncles or their clan or their accomplices, don't give it to me, give it to the FBI agent in charge of the investigation: *FBI Agent Andy Drewer out of the Portland, Maine FBI office. He can be reached @ +1-(207)-774-9322*

Wait... you're that freak that brought otherkin to the internet aren't you? You're like the founder of online otherkin awareness movement or something.


I am.

I did on some level introduce OtherKin, or rather, ElfKin, to the internet in 1996.

I am considered to be one of, if not the VERY FIRST OtherKin to grace the internet.

Though, I am ElfKin, not OtherKin. They are different.

I completely reject Humanity.

I live my life, as an Elf.

I have done so, since 1987. 

As of 2020, I have lived as an Elf for 33 years.

I hate Humans.

I feel no empathy, sympathy, or compassion for Humans.

I see Humans as vile, evil creatures, whom I share no connection to.

I feel nothing but revulsion for Humans.

There has never been a point in my life when a Human showed me any kindness, love, or compassion.

I have been tortured, beaten, caged, raped, shunned, outcast, ostracized, and bullied endlessly by Humans.

The Humans who raised me, kept me locked in a cage from the time I was 8, until I was 31 years old. They said they did so because I was not a Human and was not allowed to participate in Human activities like eating at the table, sleeping on a bed, using a toilet, or bathing. They said I was a Changeling, brought to them by Demons. They claimed the real Human baby was taken from them, and I was a Demon left in it's place. And while I agreed with them, that I had no similarities to their Human nature, I did not believe myself a Demon either.

I was 31 years old the first time anyone told me I was a Human. But no one has yet been able to prove to me that I possess the evilness of Humans. 

Unlike Humans, I feel love.

Unlike Humans, I feel pain.

Unlike Humans, I shed tears.

Unlike Humans, I feel empathy.

Unlike Humans, I feel sympathy.

Unlike Humans, I feel compassion.

I have tried for 40 years, to live among Humans, but I've yet to meet a Human that will accept me as a part of their society.

I have never been welcomed by any Human.

I have never been accepted by any Human.

The older I get and the more Humans I meet, the crueler I learn that they are, the stronger my hatred for the entirety of Humanity grows.

I searched for years to find out, what I was, where I fit in, where I belonged, for everywhere I went, I was repeatedly told I was too strange, too bizarre, too different, too alien, too not-Human to be welcomed in any group, any church, and community, offline or online.

Since I was a toddler I felt a strong kinship to Eels and Cats, thus my name. My Native American grandmother named me EelKat when I was 3 years old, citing that Eels and Cats were my spirit animals.

My other grandmother called me FarSighted, because I talked to ArchAngels and Faeries in the forest. She said I walked through the veil between the Spirit World. She died when I was 8 years old.

As I grew older, and continued to be ostracized by all of Human society, I started researching the things Grammy Eva and Grammy Helen has said: Spirit Animals, Fairy Sighted, and Walking the Veil. That is when I realized, everyone was right... my parents, my uncles, everyone at every church I ever attended, random strangers I meet on the streets... every one, every single Human, as always said, I either was not Human, didn't act Human, or seemed to be Alien to Human Society, like I came from another world. 

The Humans who raised me, kept me locked in a cage from the time I was 8, until I was 31 years old. They said they did so because I was not a Human and was not allowed to participate in Human activities like eating at the table, sleeping on a bed, using