[NSFW] Witcher 3 Nude Photos: Ciri Naked

NOTE: Chat is set to emote only on my Twitch channel and my personal contact information has been removed from my website and every place else, due to the HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS of false reports of "information", along with vile hateful memes about the murder of my family being sent to me by trolls who think mocking the murder of my family is funny.

FBI Agent Andy Drewer out of the Portland, Maine FBI office is in charge of the of the April 10, 2015 kidnapping of my 12 children by 14 Ku Klux Klan men who invaded our home and the subsequent May 15, 2015 murder of 10 of the 12 whom had their heads nailed to my front door. If you have information about the case, give it to him not me. He can be reached @ +1-(207)-774-9322 

FAQs: I just tried to raid your channel and Twitch canceled the raid. Gave me a message saying it wasn't allowed. Why can't I raid your channel?

#FAQs: I just tried to raid your channel and Twitch canceled the raid. Gave me a message saying it wasn't allowed. Why can't I raid your channel?

.....................

I turned off raids back in 2018, when a big partnered streamer, with several thousand regular viewers, started sending their followers to my channel to post the message in my chat "deserve to be raped"  with many of them posting a lot of sexual stuff, and most of them saying stuff about how women who wore hijab (I wear hijab, btw) were "really whores and prostitutes hiding their true nature" and were "hiding their bodies to entice men even more, so deserved to be raped because they were asking for it". Along with a lot of them chanting "bitties for titties" and saying "flash your boobs". Plus making lots of racist slurs and other hate comments. It was really vulgar the stuff they were saying.

Well, my channel rarely has more than 10 viewers at a time, and suddenly these people showed up 700 to 2,000 of them all at once. 

They completely flooded my chat. 

Every day. 

For weeks. 

It was a total nightmare. 

They would show up every single stream and it was very difficult to get it under control because my channel was so tiny and they were so many and I was just one person. 

It was nearly impossible for me to stream at all, because I had to stop what I was doing to ban so many of them one after another. And they would create alternate accounts as fast as I banned them. It was the first time I had to deal with trolls and I was completely unprepared for it.

In my mind, I had thought trolls would just be 1 person here or there, so no big deal to deal with on my own without mods. I had never heard of "witch hunting channels" before, so I had no idea there was such a thing as huge channels who would pick a tiny channel then tell their viewers to take up a call to action to attack the small channel.

At the time, I had no mods and no chat bots, just used Twitch's autobot and myself for modding chat. I had never needed mods or a chat bot before. My channel is tiny and I make no attempt to grow it. I'm content with a small channel. My topic is very niche, so not many are going to be interested in my streams. It's just me sharing my rather niche hobby with others in the hobby, so I never expected my channel to be big enough to need mods or a chat bot. At the time I had the mind set that trolls only attacked big channels. You know to start drama in order to get their 15 minutes of fame, so I had not even considered that trolls ever went after tiny channels. I was very naïve about the nature of trolls back than.

So it was very difficult to get on top of it. I immediately modded several of my regulars so they could help me with banning the trolls. And I added 7 chat bots (NightBot, StreamElements, MooBot, WizeBot, ect) to my chat and added all the vulgar, lewd, toxic, racist, and hate slur words the trolls were using in my chat to the bots' blacklist of banned words.

It was silly of me to think that just because my channel was very tiny, that trolls would never be a bigger problem than I could control on my own. This same group continues to to this day to sexually and racially harass me on Twitter, FaceBook, even here on Reddit *(go through my profile and look at the replies to the majority of my comments, on Reddit and you'll see them - pro-Nazi, Jew-hating, white-power, deserve to be raped comments)* 

They've all been blocked on Twitch, but around 800 of these haters follow me to every single social network they can find me on and some sites don't have easy ability to block and ban trolls. They started doing it in 2018, and it's now 2021 and a comment I made on Reddit less than 24 hours ago, they attacked simply it simply because I was the one who commented and for no other reason. 

They found me via a Twitch raid by a very hateful (and now perma-banned) Twitch streamer, who made a habit of actively seeking out female streamers who had shared a story of surviving rape and raiding them with the message "deserved to be raped".

November 14, 2013 - 3 rapists attacked me in a parking lot, a blond woman in her 60s, he bald son in his 30s, and her redhaired sister... the police have not been able to identify them, but their is no one in this town who does NOT know who they are... the woman's husband, is the man who drove the backhoe over my house August 8, 2013...

November 14, 2013 - 3 rapists attacked me in a parking lot...

*I was 8 months pregnant, they killed my baby, 

* broke my hip, legs, and spine, 

**with metal golf clubs**, 

* crushing my spinal column and destroying the nerve bundle - 

* they left me for dead - doctors say it's a miracle I'm even alive - 

* it is why I am bedridden, 

* can't even bath or use the toilet on my own - 

* most of the left side of my body is dead, like one who had a stroke - 

* tremors in my hands are so bad I need help do basic things like eating and getting dressed - and is why I can no longer play console games and can only play mouse driven point & click games - thus WHY I switched to a Witcher 3 exclusive channel - yes I play Witcher 3 almost entirely one handed and with **JUST A MOUSE**

* I have to wear adult diapers because my bladder and intestines have no feeling anymore so I don't know when I have to go - 

* I can barely breath my lungs are messed up now as well - 

**never underestimate the damage that 3 metal golf clubs can do to your body and its ability to function**

* I'm bedridden, these past 8 years and is why I took up streaming as there is little else one can do when stuck in bed 24 hours a day for the rest of your life - 

* and my profile has this information on it as how I got started streaming; this is why they chose the specific raid message "deserve to be raped".

Initially I was on the road to recovery - out of the wheelchair 5 months later and relearning to walk...

April 10, 2015, my children were kidnapped by 14 men who broke in, they had long metal poles with wire retractable nooses on the end. Held us down with those while using bricks to beat us with.

All 14 of the men had handguns. 2 of them held their guns to my head, while this was happening.

They smashed all of our furniture, shredded clothes and bedding and books; ripped cupboard doors off the walls, took knives to to pillows and the sofa ripped out the stuffing ... they acted like they were looking for something, but what ever it was they thought we had, they didn't find it... they left with 12 of our children

Meanwhile more then 70 of my neighbours gathered in the driveway to watch and not one of them did anything to help.

They arrived at 1PM and left 3 hours later. And more than 70 people, from more than a dozen houses and 4 condo complexes - stood there in my driveway for 3 hours watching - and no one tried to help. Not one single person.

My driveway at 146 Portland Ave, Old Orchard Beach, Maine... every neighbour from every house, on both sides of the roads, for at least 20 houses in each of all 4 directions... all left their houses, to walk down the road, to stand in my driveway - 146 Portland Ave, Old Orchard Beach, Maine... and watched, and cheered, and encouraged the attack.

Welcome to the Town of Old Orchard Beach, and the bastards who call themselves my neighbours.

May 15, 2015, the first of the heads was nailed to the door.

My family was kidnapped and a month later murdered.

And than June 2016... the original 3 - the blond woman, her bald son, and her redhaired sister - the 3 with the metal golf clubs from 2013 - the ones who murdered my baby - they returned, yet another parking lot, again just their 2013 attack, while I was putting bags on the backseat of my car, they came up behind me, slammed me into the side of the car, and attacked just like before, only this time with a shopping cart.

The 2016 attack, damaged my spinal column, worse than before.

The 2013 attack, the 3 of them left together in a 4 door white pick-up truck.

In the 2016 attack, the blond woman and her bald son left in a gold suv-wagon Volvo, while the redhaired woman left in a silver subaru. 

People ask today... why am I so obsessed with Avallac'h... look at the date I started playing Witcher 3. My family was murdered. I survived. I had a very large family. I'm not used to being alone. My home is filled with silence and memories at every turn. It's not that I am obsessed with Avallac'h, rather I need something to drown out the memories, a reason to live, that's what Avallac'h is - a line line. The only one I have right now. 

Plus - I could find no one I could identify with - few are raped so brutally that they are left crippled - in the novels Avallac'h was. Few know what it is like to survive your entire family being murdered - and again in the novels, Avallac'h survived when his wife and baby were murdered.

Do you have any idea how hard it is to find someone who knows what it is like, to be crippled, bedridden, shattered spine, unable to walk for the rest of your life, from such a brutal attack? To this day I've yet to find another real person who has survived what I survived. There is no one who understand what I went through, what I continue to go through.

And few people there are who've survived their family being kidnapped, and then not only murdered, but their heads, hands, and feet cut off and nailed to your front door?

How many people know what it is like to get u one morning to get your mail, and find THAT on your front door?

There is no one who understands.

And than, be someone who survived BOTH of those things, only 2 years apart.

What happened to me is so rare, that one else alive has ever been through anything like this, and there is no one for me to talk to. Not one person.  

That is WHY the obsession with Avallac'h. I could not find a real person who understood my pain, but I a fictional person, with a similar pain, a survivor of a similar event, and I can understand his pain. I sympathize very deeply with Avallac'h, because there exists no one who can can sympathize with me. 

I read the Witcher novels, March 2018. The game doesn't tell you Avallac'h's history, so playing the game, I had never felt a connection with Avallac'h. But than March 2018, 5 years after the first attack, 3 years after the 2nd, and 2 years after the 3rd, I finally found, someone whom had survived something similar. I identified with him, because there is no one else I can identify with, real or fictional. I started playing the game as Avallac'h May 13, 2018 - 2 days before the 4th anniversary of my family's murder.

The rape raiders of Twitch, thought my pain and suffering was funny. They found rape and murder to be things worthy of jokes, memes, running gags, teasing, and taunting.

And they are not a small group.

In total more than 300,000 Twitch members were involved in the rape raids.

That's a lot of people who support rape and think mocking the murder of my family is a fun pastime.

64 other female streamers have since come forward, also attacked by this same streamer and their rape supporting followers. Some were gamers, some were art streamers, some were just chatters, none of us had anything in common other than each of us had started streaming as a method of self therapy after surviving rape and had said so on our profile.

I have severe Post Traumatic Stress Disorder as a result of the rape attack and murder of my baby, which left me unable to walk for the rest of my life.

And now, thanks to the "deserve to be raped" raids, Twitch raids, trigger panic attacks for me as well.

And ever since then, I've wanted nothing to do with raids. So I turned the raid option off.

And if you find yourself one of the 78 mods on my channel today - it's because you were here when the rape raids were happening and you DID NOT join the dipshits in their attacks, as did some of my regulars. You were modded simply because my chat is now emote only and you 78 mods are the ONLY people allowed to chat in chat.

You don't post in my chat any more. Did I do something wrong?

**NOTE: This also answers the question "What happened to the Dazzling Razzberry? It's been months since I've seen it."**

*You don't post in my chat any more. Did I do something wrong?*

........

You? No. 

Another streamer? Yes. 

And I was so utterly disgusted with it that I simply stopped using Twitch chat. 

April 2018, yes, a month before we started the Avallac'h Playthrough and 5 months before a single Avallac'h screenshot had ever been uploaded to my profile, while I was in the final weeks of the 3rd Geralt Playthrough, a 3D art streamer contacted me.

At the time, I was known around Twitch as the person to contact if you were about to play Witcher 3 and wanted help with anything. Because of her, I no longer do this.

She explained to me that she would soon be taking a vacation to Finland, and had stolen her brother's copy of Witcher 3, made an illegal copy of it, put it on her computer, and when she returned from Finland, she was going to start playing it n stream... and asked would I please lurk in her stream in case she needed help with the game.

I went to her channel the same day she contacted me, and she was making 3D models of a rack, a killing pear, and a Judas chair... medieval torture devices... which she explained to me she hoped to put in Witcher 3 as new game elements. She knew nothing of the Witcher series, she claimed, but had been told it was an easy game to add mods for, and she wanted to add a torture chamber to a game and felt this would be a good game to do it with.

A week later, still in April 2018, she had directly contacted me, said she had returned home from her vacation in Finland, and asked me to visit her stream, and when I did, she asked me a question about how to make mods for Witcher 3, claiming that she wanted to make a "dungeon torture chamber mod" using a set of 3d models of torture devices that she has made in Maya 3D software program, asking how to port such things as torture devices into Witcher 3, because she wanted to make a BDSM mod. I answered the question explaining how to build a mod like this and she, unknown to me, then took a snippet of what I said, took it out of context, and used it to make a meme about Avallac'h calling him a BDSM Fetish freak, while simultaneously calling me a BDSM Dominatrix. She did that August 2018, but I did not find out she did it until October 2019. 

It was what started the Deserve to be Raped raids and why 5 of her followers showed up at my house February 2019, beating up family members, doing $30k damages to my car, $230k damages to our home, hospitalizing 8 people, and raping 2 women.

The rape raids were sending 700 to 2,000 rape raiders to my channel daily. I turned off raids, banned usernames, added more words to autobot and nightbot, and turned on followers only. But they started doing "youtube style" raids once raids were turned off. They started following to by pass follower only, and  when "rape" became a banned word they started getting around it with "r@pe" or "rap3" or "r.a.p.e" etc. And they created new throwaway accounts as fast as me and my 78 mods banned them. At it's worst we were banning more than 2,000 usernames per stream.

Twitch support was not helpful. Their advice was "turn on emote only" while advising that I could get banned if I didn't stay on top of keeping the harassers out of my chat, because it was my responsibility to keep trolls out.

I turned on emote only August 2018.  I turn it off when a stream starts and with 15 to 20 minutes I have to turn it on again... right to this day.

Once someone gets fixated on you, they won't stop, and they'll use their Discord and the power of Twitter's cancel culture to gang up on you and gather huge hoards to help attack. 

I've not been able to have my chat turned on in almost 2 years. It's deeply distressing because, well the primary reason to use Twitch over YouTube IS chat interaction and sexcrazed men harassing female streamers like this is an enormous problem on Twitch.

I'm crippled. Bedridden. Because 3 bastard from that psycho bitch streamer's attack showed up at my house and beat me up with golf clubs and baseball bats. 

I used to do daily 9 hour streams. I'm an elderly senior citizen, for a long time I was the oldest stream on Twitch. I was already crippled from muscle disease, that made it near impossible for me to do anything, so didn't need rape crazed bastards with baseball bats and golf clubs to break my spine, crush my vertebrae, break my hip, and break both legs, and leave me paralyzed in bed for the rest of my life. I'm too weak to sit upright or hold my head up for more then 2 or 3 hours a day, and doing so caused extreme exhaustion with me blacking out for 12 hours or more afterwards. I'm not yet able to get up out of bed or sit up for very long, so it is still difficult for me to stream daily and streams are not very long yet, many have been only 40minutes long. Getting up to 3 hours has been incredibly difficult.

I can barely move my hands, do you have any idea how difficult it is for me to type? And every username has to be typed in to ban them, and with thousands and hour, you literally as a viewer, do absolutely nothing but watch me type ban username for hours on end.... for every single daily stream since August 2018. 

She made 200+ VODs and posted 2,000+ Discord posts calling me a dominatrix, saying I was into bondage, BDSM, and foot fetishes, including to post my home address in her Discord, telling her perverted, immoral, deviated followers to go my house to have sex with me, and some of her followers, did just that, expecting to find me willing to throw myself on them, expecting they could do anything they wanted to me.

Do you know why my family moved February 2019?

Because she and her followers were banned from harassing my chat, she sent her simps to my house, telling them to rape me.

At the time I was staying with my 82 year old disabled dad on his 3rd floor apartment, in a building that had 28 families in it.

To get in the building you have to go through a front entry hall, go through 2 separate sets of doors, and then find your way through the halls and stairways to find which apartment you are looking for.

Because a group of 5 men showed up at 2AM one night. They broke BOTH the 2 front doors off and threw them out into the street.

They made their way up the stairs, punched the glass and screens out of every window they passed on their way.

With baseball bats they smashed up all of the posts on the stair railings, broke the railings off the stairs and threw them out a window onto one of the resident's cars below.

They ripped the front door off the apartment next door to mine, went into that apartment and gang raped the 2 young mothers (sisters) who lived there with their 2 and 4 year old babies.

After that they went back outside, smashing the walls on their way down, pulling out electrical wiring and plumbing pipes as they went.

Once outside they proceeded to trash the 3 cars parked in the driveway, one of them being my Dazzling Razzberry. They used their bats to smash out the glass, and smash up the metal. This is why you've not seen The Dazzling Razzberry since February 2019. The Dazzling Razzberry no longer exists. And you know, it as one of the world's top ten most haunted cars, that's why I bought it December 2006. I still have it and it is being restored. The damages were very extensive and included the wheels being sawed off the axels, the metal bars that hold up the engines and the ones holding up the transmission, were also all sawed off. 

Do you remember the crazy church group lead by the mystery Mark, who sawed up The Golden Eagle, the World's Most Haunted Car, the real Christine that Stephen King based his fictional Christine off of... do you remember how much damage they did to that car May 15, 2010?

Well, this group did even more damage than that to The Dazzling Razzberry. Both cars are very rare antiques and difficult to get parts for. The Dodge, is one of only 5,000 ever made and one of fewer then 100 known to exist today, all parts have to be hand made, there are no parts out there for it, that's why we couldn't restore it, though we do still have it... the Volvo, while rare today, wasn't rare when it was new, and so parts exist for it, if you search far and wide and have enough money to buy them when you find them. The Dazzling Razzberry as such is being restore, but we need so many parts and they are so very expensive, that her we are now 2 years later and my daily driver is still not yet drivable.

They did more than $230,000 in damages to our landlord's building, put 2 women in the hospital, put my 82 year old dad in the hospital with a ruptured kidney, left 1 little 10 year old boy dead, left 28 families homeless, and totaled 3 cars, including my car The Dazzling Razzberry which they did $30,000 in damages to. EVERYBODY in the building had to move because the damages were so bad that the city condemned the building.

#FBI Agent Andy Drewer out of the Portland, Maine FBI office is in charge of the investigation of all of this. If you have information about the case, give it to him not me. He can be reached @ +1-(207)-774-9322

My channel went several years with never banning anyone. There was never a need to. Today, because of the deserve to be raped raids, my channel is ban heavy on extreemes ... you step out of line even an inch and you are gone, no warning, no time out, no grace period, no second chances... total zero tolerance for anything now

3 years ago I struggled to ban anyone, felt guilty about doing so; now I ban a dozen or more people every stream without batting an eye.

The deserve to be raped raids started out when she posted that meme she made on DisCord telling her DisCord followers a huge amounts of sex fanfiction lies she had made up about me as though it was actual fact. 800+ of her Discord followers started reposting her lies about me on Twitter, causing a group of radical right-wing, anti-sex extreemists to attack my Twitch channel, my Reddit profile, my Twitter account, and my FaceBook account.

Once she found out how easy it was to instigate people into these violent attacks, she started make 5hr long VODs about me, making up wild stories about my so-called "BDSM Dominatrix" career, with further enraged her DisCord followers, who gathered up even more of their Twitter followers to continue the attack.

Suddenly a mass flood of 300,000 -THREE HUNDRED THOUSAND- extreme radical anti-BDSM radical Christians mass attacked my Twitch channel, my Twitter, my FaceBook, and other places, with thousands of death threats and rape threats.

In total she made 200+ of these fanfiction BDSM fetish freak videos about me, and posted variations of her meme as a running gag in her Discord more than 2,000 times, inciting her followers to pure outrage and extreme levels of both online and offline violence.

I don't use Discord, as Discord is a phone app and I do not own a phone, so I have no way to use things like Discord or Tik-Tok or SnapChat that are phone only apps, and thus do not have accounts with any of those 3 or any other apps like them... I've not had a phone since Old Orchard shut down the switch board operator in 1979... I used to walk to the town hall to use the switchboard to call anyone, and after that was gone I've not access to a phone since... never put a land line in, and when cell phones came out, I never got one... phones, like TVs are very expensive and my income has never been more then $4,000 in any single year of my entire life... a phone service costs more per month than I make in 3 months. I can't afford a phone. So I don't have a DisCord account because I don't have enough money to even buy a phone let alone subscribe to a phone service, plus I'm in Maine, it's not like we have any cell phone towers here... there is no phone service up here unless we set up a satilight dish in own yard... I simple have no way at all to use Discord, because phone are not an option around here even if I did have enough money to buy one... so me not having phone means, me also not having a Discord account which also meant I was unaware of what she was doing and for nearly 2 years was unaware of the source of the deserve to be raped attackers.

As I am an extremist Christian myself (a 5th generation FLDS Mormon) who shuns all things related to sex, I was continually baffled by the steady daily influx of sex accusations, BDSM accusations, fetish freak accusations, and other highly sexual slander that was being accused of me in my Twitch chat.

November 10, 2018, I turned off chat. It returned February 2020 as emote only.

I tried to turn chat back on February 2020, and immediately her rape raid crew showed up. It's why I took a year off from streaming starting February 27, 2020. I not only stopped streaming, but I stopped watching streams as well. I just left Twitch. I got sick of being harassed. 

Now it's 2021 and I've been trying to come back to streaming but, I have post traumatic stress disorder a result of being raped and paralyzed with golf clubs November 14, 2013... and her rape raids have triggered severe PTSD anxiety attacks every time I try to click the "go live" button. 

I've streamed twice since January 1, 2021, and my attempt to return to daily streaming. The anxiety levels of trying to stream is through the roof. Her attacks not only did a lot of damage to my channel numbers (viewers/followers, subs, as her group lashed out at my viewers and followers, sending them death threats if they didn't unfollow and stop watching me) and the physical damage to my home, car, family, and neighbours, it's also done huge amounts of mental and emotional damage, and has set back years of theory, bringing to the surface once again my agoraphobia, I've not left my room in almost 2 years, I sometimes go weeks too scared to get off the bed... I had agoraphobia before because of being raped... and it took a team of psychiatrists and psychologists huge amounts of effort to help me to be able to go outside, and now I'm back to square one and can't go outside again... just too terrified to get near doors or windows... pointing out here, that she knew before she did this, that I had been raped, and that's, another thing she does... all the streamers she attack are rape survivors.

I had hoped taking a year off from streaming, I would able to go back to streaming... I used to stream daily but because of her attacks, it became sporadic, weekly, too scared to click "go live" any more. o I took a year off, hoping, she'd forget about me and leave me alone... I tried to do a test stream December 2020, didn't tell anybody, no announcements, nothing,just a test to see, if I could emotionally go live... I turned off emote only when I did it. 

The stream lasted under 15 minutes, and I turned it off because her followers attacked almost as soon as I had gone live. 

So emote only again, and though I was supposed to return to daily streams Jan 2021, there've only been 2 streams so far because, opening OBS triggers server PTSD anxiety attacks and I can't bring myself to click on the "go live" button.

I discovered what she was doing October 21, 2019, when she did a livestream on Twitch titled: **"Making Bjorn a BDSM Bondage Fetish Freak Just Like EelKat"**... seeing my name in the title of a stream baffled me, and I opened the stream to find her, yet again making 3D models of torture devices, this time, making a male BDSM Dominatrix named Bjorn who looked and dressed near identical to Avallac'h, and watched as she and 37 members of her chat, spent 5 hours with the running gag "Just like EelKat" which involved someone saying something highly sexual, followed by the next person answering with "Just like EelKat"... the stream ended abruptly when a male voice from her Discord voice chat said: "EelKat's in your viewer list, she's watching this, better take it to Discord."

One of her mods, immediately sent me an invite to the Discord and said "You should probably see this, it's really bad. I'm sorry. I don't think she thought you'd ever find out."

And when I opened the DisCord, I saw, and downloaded and watched all 200+ of her VODs about me - which I still have copies of. And I read all 2,000+ of her posts about me.

Her Discord has a NSFW BDSM section and in it is a massive running gag, which involved those same 800+ people who near daily attacked my Twitch chat... there were 2 years of the running gag "Just Like EelKat", where every few minutes, all day and all night, to the tune of several hundred thousand posts over the course of 2 years... one person would post a vile sex act, and the next person would reply "Just like EelKat".

A large majority of the posts involved the commenter detailing how they would rape and kill me, by using BDSM to rape me to death. The more violent the rape details were, the more she encouraged them.

This is a HUGE streamer with a HUGE Discord and she attacked my tiny 300 follower channel, because that's what she does. She's a bully.

And since it happened to me, I've found 68 others she did this same thing to, some before me, some after me, some the same time as me. Most of them gave up streaming and deleted their channels because of her rape raids on their channels. And I've since learned that her username, in certain underground circles of the internet, is a "secret code word" that group used for "rape" in order to bypass NightBot bans of the word "rape" in Twitch chats. By posting her username in chat, they are saying "rape" without actually saying "rape".

Basically, her entire group is devoted to attacking small female streamers, specifically small female streamers who are survivors of rape, with rape threats.

And if you are wondering, why "deserve to be raped" is what they chanted...

Once upon a time, there was a very healthy person, very athletic... hiked 13 miles every day through rough uphill terrain, went mountain climbing, bench pressed 78lbs even though being only 5'6", raised horses and went horseback riding, had a very active social life with dozens of friends, played tennis and golf, got invited to a lot of "high society" dinners and events... and had a partner, always by their side, for 32 years... they were seen in many social circles as the ideal couple...

and then one day... unexpectedly, while groceries into the back seat of the car at 10PM on the way home from work, in a dark corner of the parking lot that had no lights... 3 men carrying metal golf clubs and metal baseball bats, appeared out of the bushes beside the parking lot and attacked.

They left when they thought the person was dead... but they were not dead, they were still alive, against all odds... but their spine was broken, their nerves crushed and severed by the shattered bones of their vertebrae... their pelvis bones crushed, their hips bones obliterated, their knees shattered... they were paralyzed completely for 5 months, and then spent 18 months relearning to walk... but, the spinal column was damage beyond repair, and even after being sent to the best neurosurgeon in the country, the diagnosis was it couldn't be operated on... these particular nerves, it's a miracle this person can still speak or move their arms, that they ONLY lost movement from the chest down, defies medical logic, and no doctor dares touch those nerves, because of 74% chance, doing so, will make that person a vegetable.

They are bedridden now, crippled forever. Regaining movement in one leg but not the other, so can get up and walk, IF the dead dragging leg was the ONLY problem... but nerves control so much of your body, and a damaged spinal column, controls for more than just your legs.

This person no longer has control of bodily functions and has to wear adult diapers, that they can't change themselves... they have no way of knowing if they need to piss or shit and need a caretaker to change their diaper a few times a day.

Nerves in your spinal column also control things like heart and lungs, so breathing is now difficult and the heart needs monitoring because, well, it doesn't always work right anymore.

Nerves also control muscles, so tremors and twitches and seizures are all daily events now that make things like writing and typing very difficult.

There is so much more... but you get the idea... this person, once very active and very healthy, was suddenly and unexpectedly, brutally attacked, left for dead, and is now paralyzed for the rest of their life and left with many millions of hospital bills and countless health issues they they had no idea could be cause by a severed spinal column.

Yes, I am the person with the broken spine. 

That happened to me.

I'm crippled because 3 rapists with golf clubs, attacked me in a parking lot November 14, 2013. I was 8 months pregnant, they killed my baby, broke my spine, and the man I lived with for 32 years, said it was too much to deal with. 

He said it didn't look good if he didn't have a hot woman on his arm when he arrived at tennis matches. He said he had to "keep up public appearances".

I can no longer hike 13 miles a day, no longer bench press 78lbs something most men twice my size can't even do, can’t mountain climb or ride horses. I can't even get out of bed to take a piss in my bathroom 6 feet away.

THAT is the event she was mocking and making jokes about, and is what she and her Discord crew were talking about when they were chanting "deserve to be raped" in my chat.

She is a vile, evil, witch hunting cyberbully, who takes sadistic delight in obliterating the reputations of small streamers, by spreading hateful, malicious, slanderous sex lies about them. She is an absolutely horrible person.

Since the discovery of what she did (October 21, 2019) I no longer post anything in anyone's chat, at all. Chat on my channel is off and I don't post in any one else's chat either. I completely want nothing to do with Twitch chat at all anymore. 

I have severe anxiety attacks now just seeing a Twitch chat on any channel. Thankful Twitch has the open to hide chat and just watch the stream's video player now. I've not used Twitch chat in well over a year and I have no plans to go back to doing so.

So, yeah. There you have it. That's why haven't posted in your chat in a very long time. It's not you. I'm just having a very difficult time recovering from the deserve to be raped raids.

UPDATE: February 14, 2021... this has got to be the most revolting question I've ever received about streaming on Twitch. Let's answer it...

*is twitch racist? I recently started watching twitch, and for the past week every single ad i have gotten served has featured an all african-american cast. is this intentional? is this propaganda?*

..........

Well, it **IS** Black History Month, so maybe there are more than usual right now, but I hadn't noticed. People are people, I tend to not notice what colour they are. 

Of course, I'm not white, so maybe that has something to do with it? I usually only notice skin colour when the Ku Klux Klan is in my driveway... which they are several times a year - 

* they put my elderly dad in a coma May 9, 2006, 

* they blew up my house with a grease fryer bomb October 16, 2006, 

* they cut my car in half May 5, 2010, 

* they left my cousin's head at the cross road 2 streets down from me June 12, 2013, 

* they drove a backhoe over my house August 8, 2013, 

* they broke my spine with metal golf clubs November 14, 2013, 

* they kidnapped 12 of my children April 10, 2015, 

* they returned the heads, hands, and feet of 10 of said children, nailed to my front door May 15, 2015. 

So, I'm rather familiar with how much white people hate us.

And these events, are just a few of the more than 200 such events, including 5 bombs and many more deaths, to happen tomy family sinceJune2001.

And my family, is just one of many these events happen to. That backhoe has driven over 140 homes, just on my street alone, just Portland ave. It drove over 70+ more on Walnut St, and another 45 on Acorn St, both streets can be seen from my driveway.

My neighbour to my left, has dozen of bullet holes in her barn, and an empty lot, because she could not afford to rebuild after the backhoe drove over her house June 2, 2001 - that was the very first attack.

My neighbor to my right, 2 houses down, the bomb that blew up their how caused a mushroom cloud that could be seen all the way to the next state well over 100 miles away.

The attacks are DAILY and have destroyed the lives of more than 2,000 families.

One town, taken over by the Ku Klux Klan, and taken over in numbers so vast, that the police are scared shitless, as Officer Bubby Will put it: "They form a small army, and we aren't equipped to deal with it."

Welcome to Old Orchard Beach, Maine - the town which has a billboard that says: "Welcome to Old Orchard Beach, Maine, the whitest town in the whitest state of America, 99.9% white in the 98% white state."

3,000 of our town's 12,000 residents are active members of the Loyal White Knights of the Ku Klux Klan.

Our town was founded by Gypsies, specifically my family, my 15th great-grandfather founded it in 1530.

Our town became a refuge for escaped slaves during the pre-Civil War era.

Frederick Douglass, Billie Holliday, and Louise Armstrong all lived in our town at various points of their lives.

In 1953 more than 5,000 French/Jewish concentration camp survivors settled in our town, built a temple and synagogue and 300+ hotels, turned our fishing village into a tourist resort town.

The Ku Klux Klan invaded our town June 2001, built 2 topless bars, several honky tonks, a casino, and 15 nightclubs, and it's been a living hell ever since.

I have to deal with shithead, racist bastards like you on a daily basis. Your question disgusts me.

>>>is twitch racist? I recently started watching twitch, and for the past week every single ad i have gotten served has featured an all african-american cast. is this intentional? is this propaganda?

No. Twitch is not racist... you are.

Do you even know what racist means? Clearly you don't or you would see how overbearingly racist your question is.

Only a racist pig would think advertising is propaganda based on the skin colour of the actors in the ads.

#FAQs: Are you a Satan worshiper?

Why? Because I help a homeless man, who you are scared of, because his entire body is covered with acid burns?

Do you even know your own religion?

Judge not lest ye too be judged by the same measuring rod with which you have judged.

As for the question of Satan Worship, I've already answered that elsewhere... I'll move those panels closer to the top so you can find them.

But before that, let me ask your so-called Christian mind, a few questions, let's see how well you know your Bible.

#1... Did you know Satan is NOT in the Bible? Nor does Satan originate from the Christian religion at all?

Had you ACTUALLY read your Bible and not just parroted back the CliffNote inaccuracies your pastor incorrectly preached to you on Sunday, you would have known, that Satan is NOT a character who appears in the Bible, nor nor does he originate from Christianity at all.

Satan first appeared in the novel "Paradise Lost" and was a "Christonized" version of the Pagan Horned God.

There is no reason for any Christian, who was ACTUALLY a Christian, and ACTUALLY knew their Bible, to believe in the existence of Satan at all, seeing how Satan is not part of Christian foundations.

If you CLAIM to be Christian, you can NOT also claim to believe in Satan and STILL be a Christian.

And all those famous people who have "near death experiences" and visit Heaven or Hell... and tell you Jesus, told them about Satan ... well... you can prove every one of them to be fake ass phones, the minute they mention Satan and make the claim that Jesus warned them about Satan.... because Jesus KNOWS Satan is not a part of his religion, so He wouldn't say he was, would he?

Do your research, you'll uncover a LOT of scams in Satan's name, in modern day Christianity, simply because 99% of so-called Christians these days, can't tell the difference between their Bibles and their own ass.

#2... the devil.... did you know, the devil, whom Christians, claim to be the "alternate name" of Satan... is a type of Ghoul and comes from the Koran, and is a type of daemon found in the Muslim religion, and nothing to do with Christianity at all?

The devs and the gauls, or devils and ghouls, are types of spirits of people who died either by murder or suicide, and haunt graves, houses, junkyards, and various objects, until someone releases their soul.

Had read you read the Koran, you would have known that. 

Had you read the Bible, you would have known too, there is no devil in it.

#Here's a thought...

Before you make an ass of yourself by accusing someone of anything... you better make damned sure you can back up your claim.

I am simply a different culture, a different race, and a different religion from you. That is all. Only this and nothing more. 

But because I am different from you, you feel the need to bully and harass, and attack and accuse.

Why?

Why do attack me?

Why do you fling your accusations?

Why do you feel threatened by my culture?

Why do you feel threatened by my race?

Why do you feel threatened by my religion?

Why do you feel threatened by the color of my skin?

Why do you feel threatened by a square of fabric on my head?

Why do these things about me, cause you to falsely accuse me of being a witch?

Why do these things about me, cause you to falsely accuse me of casting curses?

Why do these things about me, cause you to falsely accuse me of being a Satan worshiper?

And even if I was any of those things, what business would it be of yours?

I keep to myself and mind my own business, I'm not bothering you, so why are you bothering me?

You my friend, are a busy body, and the Bible had a lot to say about busy bodies and how evil they are and how much Jesus hates them. May I suggest you read Proverbs. 

You love your Bible so much, that you feel the need to throw your fake ass Christian accusations in my face, but perhaps, you would do well, to stop worrying about the mote in my eye, and be more concerned about the log in your own... or did that section of the Bible escape you as well? 

Here's some tips for the next time you think someone isn't Christian enough to exist...

Why do you feel threatened by my culture... it's same culture Jesus had... he was Semitic Hebrew, or did you forget that?

Why do you feel threatened by my race?

Why do you feel threatened by my religion... Jesus was NOT a Christian. The Christian religion was founded by Roman Emperor Constantine 800 years AFTER Jesus died.

Why do you feel threatened by the color of my skin... Jesus had darker skin than me. He wasn't white. Your white power hatred, means you hate Jesus too.

Why do you feel threatened by a square of fabric on my head... jesus wore a cloth on his head. There are more 100 verses in the New Testament which say as much. Jesus also said it was a sin for a man to cut either his hair or his beard, and that neither men nor women should go outside without their head covered. Did you just overlook those teaches from Jesus. Jesus not Christian enough for you?

You feel threatened by curses? What about Balam's ass, you know Jesus's talking donkey? Or how about the water that turned to wine? Walking on the ocean waves? Taking 2 loaves of bread, breaking them into enough pieces to fill 5,000 baskets? The fig tree that refused to feed Jesus in winter when figs don't grow? The 12 year old boy eaten by a bear that Jesus sent to it, because the boy threw a rock at Jesus? Maybe you should read your Bible more.

Let me ask you another question... do you think Jesus was a carpenter? Silly jackass, had you read your Bible, you would have known Mary was a temple prostitute who got pregnant at age 12 and was forced to marry the carpenter, Jesphe, accused of getting her pregnant. That baby was Jesus, he had 3 brothers, and 5 sisters born after, and Jesus grew up to be a fashion designer, a tailor, and a dyer of cloth. Not a carpenter. Had you read the Bible, you would have known that. Had your minister read the Bible and not children's picture books, he would have known that too, and preached it to you correctly.

You idiot. You're just like everyone else who claims to be a Christian these days, following the mindless herd, without actually knowing the foundation behind your faith.

What was it Jesus said about many coming and preaching in his name, but they will be nothing more then the blind leading the blind?

By trying to prove how much of a great big super Christian you are, all you've done is prove you know nothing about your religion at all.

If you take part in harassing and bullying someone, YOU are a mean person.

No, someone abusing you does NOT make you mean. I guarantee I've received way more abuse then you ever have, and I choose to be kind and helpful to everyone... even mean people like YOU.

It's YOUR CHOICE to be mean.

No one makes you be mean.

To be a better person, you have to first CHOOSE to be better then you are now.

Everything you do makes a difference in the lives of others.

Are you a GOOD impact on their lives or a BAD one?

Did your words and actions HELP someone today or HURT someone today?

Are you a GOOD person?

Or are you EVIL?

Look in the mirror and find out.

FAQs: Are you a Satan Worshiper? 

All 12 of my uncles were high ranked men in the church. Mission leaders, Bishops, Boy Scout Leaders, Quorum presidents, Stake Presidents, Branch Presidents... every one of them. And they sold children for sex to other priests in the church. It's where they got their fucking money. And most of those children didn't reach adulthood. Most of then were beaten to death before they were even 10 years old. Beaten to death by the priests who paid $12,000 for 15 minutes alone with a child to rape them. 

The whole REASON people call me a Satan Worshiper is BECAUSe those same uncles, thought ahead of time, to go to MUFUN and spread rumors and lies about those children. 

It was a fucking scam.

The whole damned thing.

Every bit of it.

The alien abductions, the haunted car... it was ALL a fucking scam, created by my uncles to discredit toddlers 3, 4, and 5 years old, to make sure no one would believe them, should those toddlers ever tell any adults about the priests that were raping them.

That's all it was.

My uncles scammed you all, and millions of idiots all over the world believed them.

Stupid ass people, believing in demons and aliens and haunted cars.... when the stories my uncles told you about those demons, aliens, and haunted cars was nothing but their fake ass cover up story to hide the fact that they were running a child prostitution ring.

You see the constant police and backhoes digging up my farm at 146 Portland Ave, Old Orchard Beach, Maine - it's been going on since the first bodies were dug up by coyotes in 2016, ... if you're local, you've seen it, the hundreds of rusty oil barrels the FBI and police are digging up in my yard... the crowds of locals gathering around my farm, and police simply saying: "We are investigating cannibals" and giving no more details.

The oldest barrels they've excavated so far, date to the 1920s.... the bulk of them are from the 1950s to 1970s.... 

In those oil barrels are the bones of children. Little girls, 8, 9, 10, 12 years olds, who dared commit the sin of getting pregnant when white Americans paid $20,000 to rape them.

Americans like to spread all kinds of rumors about the group they call "The Scottish Mafia", but the reality of the so-called Scottish Mafia, is far worse then the stupid ass rumors.... a clan of cannibals, who raised little girls like they cattle, girls who spent their childhoods in cages, let out only long enough to be raped by American men willing to pay the highest prices, then slaughtered eaten as steaks when they turned 14 years old.... that's the REAL Scottish Mafia, a very big far cry from what you see portrayed as "Scottish Mafia" in TV and movies isn't it?

We females were seen as livestock.

Kept in cages, even puppy mills wouldn't dream of using.

Let out long enough to be raped by strangers.

Our rape babies beaten out of our bellies, on the orders of their fathers, who the uncles blackmailed more money out of. Pay money to beat the 8 year old child carrying your rape baby, ensure no one finds out what you do in your spare time.

Then slaughtered for food when you turn 14.

Your bones, sawed up, packed in oil barrels, and buried in the swamps.

They thought the swamps would rot the metal barrels, rot the bones.

They were wrong, weren't they?

The peat bog moss of the swamp preserved them. And now they are being dug up.

Go watch the VOD. See the bones being excavated out of my farm for yourself.

That is what I grew up with.

Daily being raped from the time I was 4 years old

When any of children got pregnant, our bellies were crushed.

And when we reached the age of 14, we were cut up into steaks and sold as fucking deer meat.

Have you noticed that in 2016, the door-to-door deer steak trucks all but vanished in Maine? Yeah. Now you know why. A lot of them are in prison now for selling human not deer steaks.

#If you have any information regarding this case, FBI Agent Andy Drewer out of the Portland, Maine FBI office is in charge of the investigation. He can be reached @ +1-(207)-774-9322

I'm one of the few who survived, because I had papers. When I was 12, a millionaire high priest from Austria, bought exclusive rights to me, and he also got me legal paperwork: American citizenship, a social security number, a birth certificate - things females in this clan were not allowed to have. Ben is the only reason I went on to become one of the few girls still alive today, and not sold as deer steaks when I turned 14.

A lot of people don't know WHY I got so damned mad at this vile, lewd, deviated sex crazed, slutty assed streamer woman, when she took events from my childhood and made BDSM sex fetish memes about it... because unlike this vile, lewd, deviated sex crazed, slutty assed streamer woman, a lot of people don't know the full details of what happened to me, what I saw happen to my cousins.

Half the time they weren't killed humanely... Anastasia... was only 4 years old, when on August 21, 1991, she had her leg pulled off her body.... the intestines came out with the bone .... her breakfast half digested spewed out all over the floor mingled with the blood... it took her 5 damned days to finally bleed to death. And they left her laying their, while the older male cousins,  leading them, kicked her, punched her, and rapeded her, over and over again.

#THEY FUCKING TORTURED HER TO DEATH!

Do you know what it feels like to have your head held down on a cement cinder block while a more traditional red brick is slammed into your face?

I do!

It was a common punishment.

I can even begin to count how many times my jaw was broken that way.

#Do you see now how incredibly VILE the sex joke memes this vile, lewd, deviated, piece of shit woman made about the torture I went through, is?

#HOW DISGUSTING this vile, lewd, deviated sex crazed, slutty assed streamer woman IS FOR CALLING A 4 YEAR OLD BEING TIED DOWN, RAPED, AND JAW BROKEN WITH A BRICK, A BDSM SEX FETISH!!!!!

This vile, lewd, deviated sex crazed, slutty assed streamer woman is a bad as the fucking men who did that to us!

How dare she call the torture we went through BDSM sex fetishes!

Over 300 little girls between the ages of 4 and 14 were MURDERED!

What kind of a sick bastard makes sex jokes about THAT?

#WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH HER!!!!!

There has never been a time in my life, when I wasn't suffering in pain from broken bones that never got set, ruptured organs that left me bleeding for weeks on end. Not once being allowed to go to the hospital.

My hip dysplasia was caused by having a 2 foot long foundation nail driven through my hip when I was 4 years old.  

I've heard people say sex was good, fun, happy... I've never had sex that wasn't forced, wasn't rape, wasn't brutal, and didn't leave me without broken bones or torn muscles. Sex is the worse, most evil, most horrible, vile, pain riddin form of torture there is. I can't even image how anyone could enjoy being beaten, having their bones broken, strangled, stabbed with knives, forks, and broken glass plates... sex the most awful thing there is, I can not understand how anyone would want it.

The only good thing about sex is the babies that come from it, but all of mine were murdered before they could be born. I was never allowed to raise any of my babies, and I nearly died after every beaten that killed my babies. 

The most recent one, they beat me with metal baseball bats and golf clubs, left me not only without my baby, but with my spine, hips, and knees broken, I'm crippled for the rest of my left and have spent the last 6 years relearning to walk.

No one has ever been kind to me.

No one has ever hugged me.

No one has ever kissed me.

No one has ever loved me.

There are only 2 things I've ever wanted: a baby and a friend.

America has laws, a woman my age can't adopt, you have to be under 45 in order to qualify for consideration to adopt a child in America; and the last beaten, left me unable to have children.

That leaves me with only one thing left to hope for in life: a friend, someone to talk to. I've never had that. Not once. More then half my life was spent locked in a cage, with no lights, no heat, total darkness, in a room with no windows, no nothing, just mold and fungus several inches thick on rotten walls, and a dirt ledge floor, bare ground, no floor boards. Alone for weeks on end, not knowing if or when I would ever see a person, if or when I would be given another burned saucepan to claw scrapings off of.

#When the FBI raid happened, I was

* 31 years old, 5'6" and weighed 87lbs. 

* my bones and muscles were (and still are) brittle and falling apart from 2 decades of extreme malnutrition. 

* I was nearly starved to death and the rescuers estimated I would have died with in the next few months had the raid not happened

* the room was filled with the bones of others who had died, been tossed in the room, their flesh eaten by the same rats that chewed on my arms and legs each night... they had all been beheaded, so no heads or skulls were ever found and the FBI continues to excavate the area and dredge local waters in search of the skulls, to this day

* It had been decades since I'd last eaten a meal, with as many as 2 weeks passing between being tossed a burned pan to scrap out. 

* I couldn't see in daylight because I'd spent so many years in total darkness. 

* And I didn't know how to speak human languages, was only able to speak cat and chicken, due to the only ones I had, had to talk to in that time, was the feral cats that snuck in through the cracks in the walls at night, and the chickens who were put in the room in the winter to protect them from the cold.

* I had no social skills, did not know how to communicate with others; was only able to communicate via writing; 

* because the only physical touch I had ever had from anyone was being raped or being beaten... I had (and still have) a massive phobia of humans getting near me and am prone to massive meltdowns of total hysteria if someone gets within 5 feet of me

* I had (and still have) a massive phobia of forks, seeing them as weapons, not food utensils, due to have been stabbed, scarred, and tortured with sharped forks by my uncle Mervin Bruce Atwater, so many dozens of times

* I was 37 years old before I found out I was a human, and not a demon, like I had been raised to believe

* the team of psychologists, psychiatrists, and social workers assigned to me, all agreed that they did not believe I would ever be able to assimilate into HUMAN society, due to my extreme hatred for and fear of HUMANS, and my total 100% belief that I was not a HUMAN, caused by my mother's extreme paranoid schizophrenia, and her having locked me in a cage in that isolation room on my 8th birthday because she believed faeries had stolen her real daughter and replaced her with me, a demon changeling

* the team of psychologists, psychiatrists, and social workers assigned to me, all agreed that I likely will never be able to feel any empathy for or towards HUMANS, due to 3 decades of being raised by violent mentally unstable humans who had severe untreated schizophrenia that they bounced off each other... with them glorifying the glories of them being HUMAN and us children being DEMONS unworthy of living in HUMAN presence

* the thing this group of 24 psychologists, psychiatrists, and social workers found to be the single most disturbing fact of all, was that ...

#my 3 decades of neglect, abuse, and isolation was so extreme that I possess no sympathy, empathy, compassion, pity, or ability to identify with Humans - the only emotion I feel towards humans is loathsome hatred ... and they coined the term "OtherKin" to describe me, because there was no psychosis out there to label me... yes, I'm EelKat the first OtherKin, the child that psychiatrists coined the term for

* among things included in my diagnosis, was the phrase: 

>>>"is a UFO suicide cult survivor"

and

>>>"was raised by radical fundamentalist extremists"

and

>>>"was raised to believe she was not human"

and

>>>"was raised to believe she was a demon"

and

>>>"in interviewing the adults who raised her, 52 of them maintain the belief that she is a demon channeling that they refer to her as 'Her Grandmother's Evil Spirit'", "they claimed the real child ceased to exist after her grandmother's funeral", "they claimed that upon returning from the funeral, the real child was gone and this demon changeling was left in her place"

and

>>>"evidence suggests that her grandmother was murdered and she witnessed this event, resulting in the adults who murdered her grandmother creating the delusion that she was a demon, removing her from public school, and locking her in a cage in order to prevent her from telling anyone about the grandmother's murder"

and

>>>"they said they could not let her out of the cage because she refused to reveal where the faeries had taken the real child to"

and

>>>"they said they had no choice but to beat her daily because of her refusal to reveal the location of the real child she had replaced"

and

>>>"they likewise believe that both grandmothers were not human, citeing they too were demons"

and

>>>"they cited that the girl inherited 'Helen's evil spirit' upon Helen's death and 'Eva's evil spirit' upon Eva's death"

and

>>>"alarmingly every adult involved in her rearing displays severe schizophrenia, total belief in demons, and is fully convinced that this girl is a demon changeling; scarily their delusions fed on each other, giving rise to even more delusions" 

and

>>>"was removed from public school at the age of 8 years old a few hours following her grandmother's funeral; an investigation was made by the superintendent of schools, but social workers never followed up on the girl's sudden disappearance from public eye. These horrific events may never have happened had The Maine State Department of Human Services taken those initial reports from the her teacher, principal, superintendent, school nurse, and the child's pediatrician, all of whom files individual reports regarding concerns for the girl's safety after witnessing several signs of abuse during the weeks prior to her disappearance"

and

>>>"reports were made to the Old Orchard Beach Police Department regarding the girl's disappearance from school. No follow up was done. It has been discovered that members of the family worked in the police department and destroyed the department's record of these reports made by concerned school officials" 

and 

>>>"has never experienced kind, good, or loving relationships"

 and

 >>>"since infancy has never been hugged, held, cuddled, or touched in a good way by other humans" 

and

>>>"displays post traumatic stress disorder symptoms similar to WW2 concentration camp victims"

and

>>>"can not remember her name, answers to the names 'four eyed retard' and 'competition bitch' which appear to be the only names her mother called her since the age of 8 years old"

and 

>>>"has never been taught to view humans as equals" 

* in the weeks following the FBI raid, 3 aunts and 8 uncles, were all diagnosed with schizophrenia... among other things

* the 12 siblings, their 50+ spouses, and 400+ adult children who ran the child prostitution ring, were all diagnosed with sociopathy, 5 were diagnosed with megalomania, more the 3 dozen (including my mother) were diagnosed with Munchausen syndrome by proxy

* the group was classified as the most radical of the compounds that called themselves members of Heaven's Gate - 4 of it's leaders killed themselves in the infamous HaleBop murder/suicide that killed 39 people in California and was what led to the FBI raid a few weeks later

* the FBI raid would result in dozens of Catholic, Mormon, Pentecostal, Baptist, Born Again Holy Roller, New Life, and non-Denominational churches throughout southern Maine and the Greater Boston tri-state area being closed in the weeks/months that followed, in the mid-late 1990s, as hundreds of pedophile priests were arrested for having paid money (often $millions in church funds) to rape the young girls

* wild rumors began to surface, as horrified Americans dubbed the clan leaders involved in the Scottish Gypsy child prostitution ring as "The Scottish Mafia"

* while American movie producers had a field day stereotyping "Scottish Mafia" to mean anything and everything, we 140 survivors, had to fight claw and fang against paparazzi, alongside trying to even learn what the hell an American even was

* the worst of them, Stephen King arrived at the compound, with a huge movie crew and set out to filming a movie "The Thinner" based off what he referred to as "the Gypsies of Saco, Maine, the most REAL Gypsy style Gypsies I have ever encountered"... he and his crew were trespassers, had no permits or permissions, and today are in a legal battle against our clan trying to get the rights to release Thinner on DVD, something we absolutely refuse to sign off on - we are abhorred that he tried to capitalize on our decades of torture, pain, and suffering

* and all of the 140 others like myself, were also raised to believe they were locked in cages because they were demons....

* as of 2020, more than half of the 140 survivors rescued from that FBI raid have commit suicide, due to the pressures of trying to BECOME A HUMAN and to date none have been able to see themselves as HUMANS or successfully assimilate in HUMAN society and most are still 100% convinced they are DEMONS and are unable to identify as HUMAN or live among HUMANS

* while I was 31 at the time of the FBI raid; the eldest of my brothers was only 7 years old - yes, I am old enough to be the grandmother of every one of my brothers; one of them, was so badly traumatised by the abuse he received, he does not talk still to this day

* given the fact that my mother has multi-hundreds of medical records that all list her as infertile and unable to have children, after a brutal "miscarriage" (caused by an overdose of sleeping pills, then having her head cracked open with a brick b an unknown attacker while she was unconscious) she had 4 years after I was born, combined with the dates of the births of my brothers vs the dates of the so-called "miscarriage" beatens, some of the psychiatrists, psychologists, and social workers involved in the case, believe that chances are high that my brothers, may actually be my sons, stolen from me by my own mother, after being beaten unconscious by her brother Mervin Bruce.... this theory was further emphasized by the fact that one of my brothers is a blue eyed blond (everyone in the Atwater family has dark skin, black eyes, and black hair, due to being 3/4 Native American and 1/4 black African) and looks exactly like Ben (a blue eyed blond Austrian), the father of my babies

* my mother suddenly and mysteriously "became infertile again" after the FBI raid and her freak unexplained popping out new babies days after each of my so-called "miscarriages"  (each one caused by being beaten unconscious at around 8 months pregnant, and waking up with the baby gone, followed by my mother's miraculous "giving birth" to a slightly premature baby a few weeks later) suddenly ceased to happen

* I was 37 years old when a team of psychologists, psychiatrists, and social workers set out to training me how to do things like walk on my feet instead of crawl on all 4s like a cat

* I was also 37 years old when a team of psychologists, psychiatrists, and social workers set out to teaching me how to speak in human languages instead of in chicken clucks and cat growls and hisses

* during attempting to teach me to speak, they made an alarming discovery: I spoke via chicken clucks and cat growls and hisses, not because I didn't know human languages or lacked understanding as they originally thought, but rather, because I'd been hit in the face with a brick so many times in my lifetime, that I couldn't open my jaw wide enough to form words

* x-rays and trips to a dentist, revealed massive damage to my jaw bones, cheek bones, sinus region bones, and teeth, from years of being baten in the face with a brick

* at 41 years of age I had reconstructive surgery of my jaw, including 7 root canals... meaning my jawbone and 21 of my teeth are porcelain - not real bone or teeth, resulting in I am now able to eat solid foods for the first time in my life and also am now able to talk normally (before the surgery, the damage to my jawbone was so bad that I was classified as "near-mute" due to an extreme inability to open my jaw enough to be able to form words.

* all of my molars (back teeth) were crumbled shards, with raw pulp exposed

* my jaw was broken and healed improperly, in so many places that doctors could not determine how many times I had suffered a broken jaw in my lifetime

* the broken teeth and jaw bones were a result of having my head held down on a cement cinder block, while a regular red brick was used to smash my jaw - this was a recurring punishment I received a few times a month, from the time I was 8 years old until I was 31 years old

* I stopped talking when I was 14 years old and was classified as mute for the next 16 years - I "refused" to talk, because the searing pain in my jaw was so bad that I could not open my mouth far enough to form words

* the reconstructive surgery at age 41, resulted in my being able to speak normally, for the first time in my life

* I was 42 years old when I found out the concept of things like friends and people talking to other people existed; and my desire to have a friend, someone I could talk to set in

* July 1, 2001 a backhoe with the mural of a big red apple painted on it's side, drove over my house, while me and my brothers were gone to the movie theater... my mom's brother Joey bragged on Facebook that he had hired the man to do it

* February 14, 2003 - I was stuck in traffic and arrived to my doctor's appointment 10 minutes late.... lucky for me, as I arrived in time to see the mushroom cloud as a bomb in my doctor's office blew up First Care Health Clinic on Saco Ave, Old Orchard Beach, Maine, killing my doctor and 3 nurses, and leaving 21 patients in critical condition

* October 16, 2006 a bomb blew up my house and an 8 foot tall Ku Klux Klan cross was left behind in the rubal (keeping in mind, several uncles and cousins are members of the KKK)

* April 2007, the same backhoe returned to drive over my house yet again

* May 15, 2010, my car, the 1964 Dodge 330, was cut in half by a group of radical members of a local church known as The Saco Ward of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints; the Bishop's first counselor went to prison 7 months later

* May 2013 Southern Maine Community College was evacuated when a bomb was found in the back corner of the classroom I was in

* July 2013, while driving home from my job at the Maine Mall, I was pulled off the road to wait, while police closed off the crossroad at my street.... the body of my cousin Murphy was laid out in the middle of the road, minus his head... the police found his head a few miles away at a different crossroad... he was one of the children abused and survivors rescued

* August 8, 2013 the infamous backhoe returned to drive over my house yet again and this now being the 5th house this backhoe had driven over shortly after rebuilding from the previous attack, I gave up rebuilding houses to live under a tent instead

* August 13, 2013, on my birthday, one of my uncles posted on my FaceBook wall "paying that construction worker to demolish your house for your birthday was the best $600 I ever spent, Americans are such boobs, they'll do anything for money"

* November 14, 2013, while in a parking lot putting bags of art supplies in the back of my car 3 unknown people attacked me from behind with 2 metal baseball bats and a metal golf club. This was the first time since the FBI raid of 1997, that I had been pregnant again, and for nw the 7th time, had a "miscarriage" caused by a brutal beaten; but for the first time a beaten by stranger, not one of my uncles or my mother

* 2 of them were women who looked to be about 65 and acted like sisters or best friends, one with long curly orange red hair and cyberpunk looking neon lime green cyclops-style glasses and a off the shoulder sweater of large black and white stripes and screaming "it's my turn to shine"; the other a blond wearing a denim button front work-shirt; the 3rd a bald man who acted like either the blond woman's son or lover, and had a football player muscle build

* the November 14, 2013 attack broke my spine, hips, and knees leaving me paralyzed for 5 months and 18 months to relearn to walk 

* I returned to work in 2015, but now with limited movement and requiring a cane

* November 2015 Scarborough WalMart evacuated when a bomb was found in the department I was stationed to work in

* March 2015 my aunt's husband was arrested  by the FBI on a Boston Mass beach for selling bombs, bomb marking parts, automatic rifles, and machine guns to members of Isis; his bombs were identified both as the bombs that were used in the Boston Marathon attacks AND the bombs in my house, doctors' office, college, and work places; branding my mom's sister as the FBi's number 1 suspect in ALL of the attacks prior

* March 2015 her son was arrested at Scarborough Downs Race Track for selling prescription bottles stolen from the Southern Maine Medical Center (aka The Barbara Bush Foundation Children's Hospital aka the Biddeford Hospital)

* April 10, 2015 - 12 members of my family were kidnapped

* April 12, 2015 - 2 escaped and returned home, both with their jaws broken and nearly all of their teeth knocked out

* May 15, 2015, the heads of 2 of them were returned (8 more heads would be returned in the weeks following)

* May 15, 2015 she posted a message on my FaceBook wall which read: "the next head nailed to a dor will be yours"... she posted it 5 hours before I discovered the heads nailed to my door

* June 2016  Scarborough WalMart evacuated a second time when a bomb was found yet again in the department I was stationed to work in

* July 2016 - a red haired woman, the blond woman, and the bald man, this time in a gold Volvo suv, once again attacked me in a parking lot - this time at WalMart while I was putting groceries in my car... they attacked me from behind yet again, this tie with a shopping cart, while the redhead woman screamed yet again " it's my time to shine", while the blond woman screamed "that's EelKat she tried to kill my husband"

* since the July 2016 attack I have been bedridden with inoperable damage to my spinal column and unable walk unaided with the help of others

#There's your fucking ass Satan worship. Now leave me alone and go burn in hell where you jackass so-called Christians belong!.... while you bastards run around accusing children of Satan worship, the priests you praise in church were raping and torturing those children, and not a one of you ever did a damned thing to help. You people have the gall to call yourselves Christians? The murders of those children is as much on your heads as it is on my uncles.

And now that you know what my uncles did... think about this...

...the vile lewd, streamer bitch and her 200+ VODs and 2,000+ Discord posts... do you know what she said in them?

She took, copy and pasted, line by line, changing nothing, the details of the vile shit my uncles did to me, and made memes, saying Avallac'h did those things to Ciri, and said that THAT was WHY I liked Avallac'h.

She did THAT on top of making up the lies that I was a BDSM dominatrix and spreading that rumor across social networks.

She did THAT on top of hiring for $5,000 men, hit men... she fucking HIRED HIT MEN... to come to my house with guns and baseball bats.

February 2019 ... 5 of her trolls showed up at my house armed with guns and baseball bats... they raped 2 women, killed a 10 year old boy, hospitalized 3 elderly men in critical condition, totaled 3 cars, including doing $30,000 in damages to my daily driver, did $230,000 to the building resulting in the city condemning it resulting in 28 families being made homeless.

There is now an FBI investigation into ALL 800+ trolls from her channel, 2 streamers involved are now in prison, 20+ streamers have been perma banned by Twitch, and more then 700 of her "chat trolls" have received various forms of bans and suspensions, most of them are permabanned.

I thought there NOTHING more evil than my uncles... I was wrong, that filthy slut assed whore of a streamer bitch, was far, far worse.... she took crimes, rape, torture, and murder of children, and made it into a vile running gag.

I'm fed up with people looking to get their 15 minutes of fame, and taking advantage of the shit I lived through to try to get that fame.

I've had it.

I've survived hell that most people can't even stomach hearing about.

I REFUSE to be treated like shit, by a vile piece of trash like this vile, lewd, deviated sex crazed, slutty assed streamer woman who thinks taking the pain and suffering of others is good thing to make fucking BDSM fetish memes about.

This vile, lewd, deviated woman is 24 years old, sitting behind her computer screen, laughing, joking, making sex memes about the suffering of others...

Do where I was when I was 24 years old?

Locked in a cage that a chihuahua wouldn't even fit in. Nearly starved to death.  Hips broken. Jaw broken. Pools of blood gushing from my rectum. The bloody, clotted remains of the six month old unborn baby that had just been beaten out of my belly covering the walls of the cage.

You jackasses who followed her and spent 2 fucking years harassing me and my chat. What the fuck is wrong with you sick, sadistic pieces of shit?

You all ought to be ashamed of yourselves.

#HOW DARE YOU TRY TO TURN THAT INTO A BDSM SEX FETISH MEME, YOU'RE ALL VILE PERVERTED, FUCKED UP PIECES OF SHIT!

You people who took part in this cyber bullying, you are all as cold, cruel, hateful, and heartless, as you are evil.

Are you happy now?

There are some things, you don't want to know about people... but when you bully someone, make rumors about them, play follow the leader and spread lies about them, just because you are lusting after a slutty streamer shaking her boobs in your face... there comes a time, when you should step back, and ask yourself WHY are you helping her spread those lies? Is watching her shake her breasts in your face on Twitch, really worth digging up the past or a night mare hell that someone else lived through?

These wounds run deep and I do not appreciate you digging them up.

I kept this stuff separate from Twitch. And I'm not happy with you people bring it up.

I'm especially not happy, with you taking the vile evil torture that my uncles did to me, and making memes about those things, saying that Avallac'h did them to Ciri.

Had you read the novels, you would have known, Ciri went through a hell of a lot of shit, from a hell of a lot of men. Men who DID do things similar to what my uncles did to me. And because of that, I was able to empathise with Ciri a lot.

Avallac'h took her away from those men, and took her to a place where they couldn't find her. He protected her from men who were hurting her.

I like Avallac'h because I wish there had been someone like him in my life.

No one cared what happened to us children. No one. We desperately needed someone like Avallac'h. Someone who cares. Someone to take us away and keep us safe from the men who hurt us.

Maybe instead of chasing after some little Twitch whore's breasts, you should learn to think before you act.

Maybe, next time cleavage on camera, tells you to harass someone, maybe you'll think to do a background check on the person you are about to harass, and find out if what the boobs on camera tell you about that person, is really true, or are those breast just attached to the chest of an evil cyberbully who gets off on watching her mindless simps hurt others.

Not a one of you, thought to ask yourselves if what she was telling you about me was true.

You just attacked mindlessly or her orders.

Not one of you tried to get to know me.

You just believe her bdsm dominatrix sex lies without question.

You can see how I dress. Do I LOOK like a bdsm dominatrix to you?

We do Bible readings, almost every stream. And you would have known that, had instead of attacking me, you took the time to watch my channel.

Mindless sheep. That's all you are. Following the herd, without asking yourself if you even should.

Are you proud of what you've done?

FAQs: I can barely hear you when you talk, can you do something with the volume?

#FAQs: I can barely hear you when you talk, can you do something with the volume?

No, unfortunately. The audio is already as high as it can go.

I have stacibotrin poisoning and can not speak above a whisper, so no, there is no way to increase voice volume, it is already as loud as it can be turned up. 

It means the lining of my lungs are scarred so badly that speech is difficult for me. I have lived with this my whole life, it is something I have had since I was 8 years old. I have never been able to speak above a whisper.

It was caused by being locked in that "room", which among other things had a black "mildew" looking mold that was over 3 inches thick on the walls... when the FBI raid rescued me out of that room 31 years later, the "mildew" was tested and discovered not to be mildew but rather stacibotrin.

It causes me to cough up blood whenever I laugh or try to raise my voice above a whisper.

The frequent gushing nosebleeds that last for several hours are also caused by this. 

It is one of the first known cases of stacibotrin in America, and it was believed, due to the fact that it was growing 3 inches thick, which is not natural for this type of mushroom, that my uncles were doing biological warfare testing on the children they had imprisoned. They said my uncles were suspected of helping Russia test bio-weapons in North America *(This was during the 1970s and 1980s, so quite a long time ago, now)* I don't know what evidence they had to cause them to think that, but, it was what the agents and officers said during the raid.

I also tested positive for having had small pox, at some point... though the test was done when I was 42, I had it when I was 13... something that again, should not have been in America and further supported the FBI's theory that my uncles were building bio-warfare bombs. *(They built bombs and sold them to various terrorist groups, including the Isis bomb that killed a lot of people in Boston during some race a few years back. The uncle who built that bomb was the first one to go to prison.)*

The thing that has made catching my uncles so difficult was that they are not Americans. They are Canadians. They are illegal aliens from Canada, hiding in America, because it is easier to hide in America than it is to hide in Canada. Their headquarters is in Nova Scotia. I'm not sure where, I've never been to Canada.

The uncle that lived 6 months of the year in Russia, for most of the past 60 years, yes, even when Russia was closed to Americans, was also an Air Force Pilot and an Intelligence Officer at the Pentagon. All of the ID he had through the American military was fake, his age the military had him listed as was a full 10 years wrong, and all his "American citizen" papers *(SSN, birth certificate, etc)* were fake. He worked in the Pentagon for almost 20 years before it was discovered all his documents were fake, and that was what lead to his being discharged from the military, a few days before his expected being given the rank of Colonel. When the news reports came out reporters called him a "Russian spy" involved in "the Iron Curtain" and "the Cold War" . He joined the American military in the 1950s. Apparently it was easy to fake ID back then and once he was in, no one thought to check his documents again until the end of the 1980s.

Because of that particular uncle, who fortunately is now dead, all the "adult" children who were rescued in the FBI raid, had to be tested for everything they could possibly have ever medically had via being given it by men testing bio-weapons on children. I tested positive for Stacibotrin Poisoning, Anthrax, and Small Pox, all 3 of which are why I have the lung problems today, that I have.

But yeah, that's why I can't talk properly. I have massive scaring in my lungs from Stacibotrin Poisoning, Anthrax, and Small Pox, all 3 of which I had 50 years ago, when I was a small child, and I've had to live with the agonizing pain of lungs filled with scar tissue, for almost 60 years now, because my uncles were jackass bastards. Thankfully most of them are now either in prison or dead, and can't hurt anyone anymore. 

I wish the FBI raid had happened sooner. How different my life would have been, had I been rescued as a child or a teenager or even as a young adult. I was locked in that cage and tortured for 31 years. They put me in it when I was 8. The FBI raid let me out 31 years later.

But that is why, my voice is so very quiet. I'm not physically able to speak louder than I do. 

See photos of the "room" I was tortured in, in the panels about the room, you can see the Stacibotrin in the photos.

There were 12 uncles involved in the leadership of the clan. Their are 4,000+ direct family members, this number does not include in-laws and their families. Of those 4,000 only around 400 has American citizenship. All of the rest are Canadians in America illegally, with the exception of the Russian family members, who are Russian, and as far as I know only 2 of them have American citizenship.

The bulk of the men are polygamists, most have 2 to 5 wives, and several of the wives have multiple husbands, most have between 3 to 8 husbands *(these "lesser" husbands, act as "servants" of the primary husband, doing the "jobs" (petty crimes, bank robberies, making the fake IDs, that sort of thing, in addition to helping to raise the children; the lesser husbands are usually castrated to prevent adultery from happening with the lead husband's wives.)*. 

Each female is married between the age of 12 and 16 and will have given birth no fewer then 4 times by the time she reaches 16 years old. Most females give birth to 12 to 20 children. This is WHY, the DIRECT family, not including in-laws, has more then 4,000 members. 

Most of the children will die before reaching the age of 12. 

Most of the women will die before reaching the age of 35. 

Children are not named until they are 3 years old, because chances are high they will not live that long and they are not baptised until they are 8 years old, because again chances are high they will not live that long.  

Average lifespan in Gypsy culture is very, very, very low.

The Air Force Major *(now dead, by suicide, on the final day of the pedophile, child rapist court case brought against him by 86 teen girls all under the age of 16 at the time of the court case, but had all been raped by him under the age of 8... had he not died hours before the end of the trial, he would have gotten 86 sentences for the rapes, plus more charges for the Russian spy stuff, plus more charges for medical experiments on children; he was about to receive a sentence of more then 500 years in prison)*, one of his younger brothers was one of the leaders of Heaven's Gate *(who just died from Covid-19)*, while one of their sister's husbands *(who got life in prison and is still there)* was a supplier to Isis. They were the 3 the FBI was after when the raid happened. The FBI didn't know that these men also had 140+ children, whom had been locked in cages 30+ years, being tortured the entire time. I was one of those children.

The news reports called it "The Worst Child Abuse Case In American History" others called it "Maine's House of Horrors".

Their oldest brother and two of his adult children *(now both in their 60s and him today in his 80s)* were the founders of a branch of the Ku Klux Klan known as "The Loyalist White Knights of the Ku Klux Klan More Loyal then the Loyal White Knights", a group founded for none-whites to "cleanse their DNA and become white". These 3 are still at large, were responcable for the bomb that blew up my house in 2006, where responcable for the kidnapping and beheading of my children in 2015, and are the primary mods of the streamer behind the "deserved to be raped raids" here on Twitch. He is the correct Patriach of the clan. His word is law and when comands orders, then Clan obeies. Many of that streamer's Discord "community" are members of the 4,000 who follow this man. It's WHY she was able to so quickly gather up so many to attack my channel, and if you watch her VODs, you can see the many times one of his sons pays that streamer a $500 donation, with instructions to attack my channel.

In the 30 years since the raid that rescued us, I've had to live with endless interrogations by police and FBI, who refuse to believe I know nothing about my uncles', aunts, and cousins' activities outside of the compound. The same dozens of questions asked over and over again every few months for decades on end. 

Constantly be called into court every time yet another uncle, aunt, or cousin is caught. And endless disappointment from the agents, officers, and lawyers when, once again, they call me in t be a witness and are once again reminded that of the 4,000+ members of the family, I have met face to face fewer then 30 of them and do not know what any of the 4,000+ others look like, nor do I know their names. 

They seem to forget that my being locked in a cage in a closet for 31 years, means, the only people I ever saw, were the ones who tossed food into the cage and the ones who tortured me. They hope against hope that maybe I'll know something about this criminal or that criminal. But why would I? I had one square foot of space, to sit huddled in, my knees to my face. There were no lights, no windows. 

Darkness 24 hours a day for years on end. Even the ones I did see face to face when they came in once every 12 days to toss molded bread and maggot filled rice at me, I couldn't see their faces through the darkness, and didn't know their names. While there were 12 uncles who ran the group, I only ever met 5 of those uncles, though I could hear the fighting and yelling from the next room, and a few times saw the blond American with the German Shepard dog, who was the one who all the money went to, I still don't know who they were, not to this day.

In spite of the money they brought in, my uncles struggled to get by or feed the family most of the time because they only kept a 10% cut... all the rest of the money went to the blond American with the German Shepard dog. HE was the actual leader of the group, and he wasn't a relative. I don't know who he was. They just called him "Mark". They'd rush around in a panic the days he showed up, saying stuff like "We gotta hide these before Mark get's here"... "Mark's coming today, he can't find out we got these." I don't know who Mark was, I could probably ID him if the police or FBI ever caught him, because him, I did see several times. He showed up like clockwork every month to collect the money, the weapons, and the drugs, that my uncles handed over to him. 

But the uncles, the auntes, the cousins... I can't ID most of them, because I never saw them. Most of them were in Utah, Nevada, Arizona, and Wyoming and never even came to Maine at all. Others are in Canada, Russia, and Australia, and again, never came to Maine at all. So none of them I can ID either.

It's frustrating.

I want to just move on and live a normal life. 

I've never been wanted.

Never been loved.

Never been welcomed.

Never been accepted.

Never been included.

Isolated for decades in solitary confinement, since I was 8 years old.

I went years between being allowed to bathe.

Years between any human contact that wasn't a hand wielding a brick to my jaw.

I've never had a friend.

I've never had a real family, just abusers.

31 years in a cage, in a closet with no light.

And when I finally escaped... I found the outside world to be just cold, just as cruel, just as unkind, just as unloving.

I used to think my uncles were the freaks.

But now I know, I'm the freak. Because I'm not violent. I feel pain. I desire love. I desire friendship.

But I've learned that Humans are incapable of those things. 

Humans are cruel.

Humans are incapable of showing love.

Humans are incapable of desplaying friendship.

Because Humans are evil. There is no good in them.

My uncles were not flukes, they were norm of the Human race.

Since my escape, my only goal has been to find love and friendship.

 But every few months the police or FBI will capture yet another uncle, aunt, or cousin and then the whole process starts over again... call me in to ask what I know about this one, can I point them out in a line up. 

No. I never heard of this one either. 

No. I was locked in a cage for 31 years, in total darkness. I never saw anyone but the 5 uncles who tortured me and the handful of adult cousins who helped them.

It's why I play video games so much, so obsessively. I'm trying to forget the endless having to deal with police and FBI and court, month after month, for decades on end. With no break. It's as bad as the first 31 years of my life in the cage! I had no freedom then, but I have no more freedom now, because the police and lawyers and FBI look at me as though I know everything about the criminal relatives in my family, when I know next to nothing about them, and pester me constantly.

The Isis uncle. I'd never even heard of him before. Or Isis. The police showed up after they arrested him. In 2016. That was ever heard of him or Isis. I remember one of the officers asked: "What do you mean, you never heard of Isis? Don't you watch the news? He killed all those people at the Boston Marathon with a bomb!"... I was sitting in my yard, under the tarp that is my house. And response to the officer: "Does it look like I have a place to plug a TV in? One of these trees perhaps? I've been homeless since the bomb blew up my house in 2006." Apparently, I have uncle named Paul. Well, he's not an uncle I ever heard of before. And apparently he builds bombs for someone named Isis, whom I also never hear of before. But apparently, according the officers who arrived in my yard, this Isis dude killed a lot of people in Boston with a bomb built by an uncle Paul, I didn't know I had. 

When the police showed up March 1997, asking about Heaven's Gate. I'd never heard of Heaven's Gate. That's not what any of my uncles ever called the farm. "The Royal Highland Atwater Clan" that's what my uncles called. Except for Richard who called it "Three Swans". Heaven's Gate? No. None them used that term. Only the police ever called it that. They were looking for my uncle Bruce, but he was in Utah. Never did understand why the police were here in Maine looking for him. Mervin Bruce. Leader of Heaven's Gate? Was he? All he ever did was stockpile weapons, rave and rant that God lived on planet Kolob, and was going to fly in on a mothership hidden in the shadow of Comet Wormwood. He fucking insane. He claimed Satan visited him every night and demons talked to im all day. When he was finally arrested... for cutting his wife's foot off at the Saco Dairy Queen... the judge asked him why he cut her foot off, and he told the judge Satan told him to. He was diagnosed with schizophrenia and sentenced to spend the rest of his life in a state run mental institute. He recently died of Covid-19.

And yet, when the police arrived asking question about him. All they wanted to know was, the names of the 39 victims who died in California. How the hell am I supposed to know? I've never been outside of Maine. I have agoraphobia, I don't even leave my yard. California is as far away from Maine as you can get and still be in America. They had all kinds of questions about Heaven's Gate... but in 1997, I'd only been released from my cage, less than a year. I'd never heard of Heaven's Gate. Like I said, just because the new reports and the police said it was Heaven's Gate... no one inside the farm ever called it that.

And Major Richard Merlin? He was in Russia buying little girls. Biggest pedophile in the clan. He had 16 dogs, used buy children from Russia, then make videos of his dogs raping them. He had beastiality child porn website. And yet when the police showed up for him, all their questions were about Russian spies and Iron Curtains and Cold war. They didn't give a shit about the hundreds of little girls he filmed while his Britney Spaniels and Irish Setters raped them. I seriously doubt he ever stopped sexually abusing children long enough to spy for the Russian government. But that's what the police believed and it's what the news reporters printed up in news papers when he got dragged off to court in 2013. He commit suicide day before the trail ended, after 86 of the children he'd raped showed up in court the night before to testify against him.

When the police arrived about the priests who bought time with the children... they only asked questions about Catholic priests from Boston. I've never in my life met a Catholic priest. The priest my uncles were selling little girls to... they were NOT Catholic, nor where they in Boston. Again, I've never been outside of Maine, and I was 42 years old, first time I ever met a non-Mormon. All those men my uncles were selling little girls to, every one of them was a Mormon priest from Cape Elizabeth Ward of the Augusta Stake. Not Catholic. And not Boston. But the police didn't want to listen to that. And when the news reports went out, they connected my uncles to the Catholic Priests of Boston, but once again, the news reporters got it wrong.

And that's the way it always is. The police show up with questions, assuming I know something about some event, that I've never heard of, involving people, I had no clue was related to me, and they are so hung up on getting some big bust in the news, that they ignore the reality of the situation, every time. 

So yeah, there are the news reports, claiming my crazy child abusing uncle was one of Heaven's Gate's leaders, claiming my air force pilot uncle who had a giant full color catalog of photos of little girls whom he bought through the mail via that Russian catalog and making videos of dogs fucking them calling him a Russian spy. And then they come in with some uncle I never heard of working with some other guy I never heard of, who's supposedly famous or something. 

The Clan is huge, yes, but it's based out of Nova Scotia in Canada... in another country. And the bulk of them run their business out of Salt Lake City in Utah... 10s of 1,000s of miles away, half way on the other side of the globe... while the one with the most warrants for him, is in Australia. And I've never meet any of them or their wives or their children or their grand children or their great grand children. I don't even know their names. I've never even seen pictures of them. I've never had any type of contact with a single one of any of them. The ONLY ones I knew, were the ones here in Maine, who worked for that blond "Mark" guy with the German Shepard. 

And YET... every other month, there they are again, the police or the FBI, back again, because hey, we've yet again arrested one of these people you never heard of before and didn't know you were related to, but they are connected with this big case we are working on and we want to sensationalize the news reports, we're here to intergate you about this relative you never meet, never heard of, and didn't know existed, because every other relative of theirs slammed the door in our face and you're the only one who would let us in your house... oh, wait you don't have a house, you live under a tarp, and you didn't actually let us in, we started stopping around your yard without your permission.

I wouldn't mind helping the police and FBI, if I actually knew what the fuck they were talking about, who the fuck they were talking about. But the thing is I don't.

And when I tell them I don't know anything, they point out, well you said you would help... yeah, I did... and if I knew anything I would, but I don't so I can't.

Do you have any idea how annoying this is?

I'm related to 4,000+ fucking criminals, only 30 of whom, I've ever meet, know the names of, or ever even heard of... and because these people who I don't even know, share the same DNA as me, the police think, well I must know them somehow, and they can't find any leads, so let's ask her a million and one questions that we already know she doesn't know the answer to, because we don't have anything better to do right now.

The uncles, I new anything about, were the ones who raised me and they are dead now, except for one. I don't know the others.

Why can't they just let me live in peace.

I mean I get that the police are trying to do their job, but this is borderline harassment. If they were doing their jobs better, they would already know I've never had a connection to those 4,000+ relatives they claim I have. And that's another thing... I only have the police officers' word on that. 

The family I can account for are: my grandfather had 2 wives, 15 children by 1, 3 died in childbirth, 1 died at age 3. 11 reached adulthood. My mother was #8. Of the 7 boys and 4 girls, they had in total 64 children via their 1st spouses. Those 64 children went on to have just over 300 children with their 1st spouses. In total, I can account for 400 people in my family, NOT the 4,000 total that the police give. Who those 4,000 other are, I don't know... because they are NOT related to the original 12. The Atwater Clan has 400 people, not 4,000 like the police claim. And of those 400 I only names of the 30 I've meet.

Do they not take into account how I was raised? In a cage! In a fucking cage! For 31 years! How exactly do they expect me to know anyone other then the 5 uncles who tortured me, and the handful of adult cousins who helped them?

All the police talk about Heaven's Gate, Isis, Russian Spies... I know nothing of those things. What I do know, David demanded memorizing scripture and if I misquoted he's use a shovel to cut off a cat's head, while Bruce fired up his masonry drill to drill a 2 foot long foundation nail through my leg, while Richard pulled out a camcorder to film it. Every Sunday, I was allowed out of the cage, so we could all go to church, Cape Elizabeth Ward of the Church of Jesus Christ of Later Day Saint, Agusta Stake. I was instructed to never say a word. If I got caught talking to anyone, I got a cinder block to the face when we got home. Over those 31 years, I went to 16 Bishops, told them what was happening and begged for help. They never looked into it. From the time I was 14 until the the time I had surgery at age 42, it was believed I was mute, but I wasn't and I couldn't tell anyone, because my jaw was broken so bad, from it having been broken with a cinder block so many times, that I could no longer talk. Bruce was brick layer, he used bricks and mason nails to torture me. That is what I know. 

I didn't even know there were 140 other children there. I found that out from the news reporters after the FBI. I never saw those 140 children. Those 31 years I was locked up, I thought I was the only child there. I had no idea there were others. To this day, I've never even meet the others. The police never even told me their names. My entire life was spent in that cage.

I had chicken pox when I was 6. Small red pimple blisters covered my face and chest. I had a high fever and a week later it was gone.

Then when I was 13, my parents and my uncles, claimed I had chicken pox again. But this time was vastly different. Giant blackish-red wart-like thing, covered the palms of my hands, the souls of my feet, my back, my face, and the inside of my mouth and lungs. I almost died. I was on a liquid diet for 8 months, because the bumble-like blisters in my mouth were over and inch across, and I couldn't open or close my moth to eat. They kept me on the floor in the living room. One of the few times I wasn't left locked in that room. The swelling of my palms and soles was so bad that my hands and feet were not recognizable as either hands or feet. It lasted for months. 

When I was 42, doctors ran bloodwork on me, they said I had strange symptoms. Like I was suffering the after effects of having had a life threatening illness. They asked, if I ever had, and I told them about the 2nd time I had chicken pox.

The doctor went white. She said what I decided, most definitely was not chicken pox. Chicken pox doesn't do that. The next words out of her mouth were: "Have you ever been to Russia?" No. But one of my uncle lived their 6 months of the year. His wife was Russian. Her family lived in America 6 months of the year.

She went to her office and got a book. Huge college text book for medical students, and in it was a chart that should lots of different types of pox. She said: "Point to the one that looks like what you had." I did. She looked like she'd seen a ghost. Put the book away and said: "We need to test your blood." A few weeks later, she was telling me: "You had small pox. It's not possible, but you did. The Major, why was he in Russia?"

I don't know. His office was in the Pentagon. He was an intelligence officer. That's what lead to his being investigated for being a Russian spy. Because I had Small Pox, in America in the 1980s. So in come the police with more questions. And me, I have no answers. I was just child locked in a cage. The guinea pig for my uncles apparently, so I'm now told.

But that's what destroyed my lungs.

That's why I can't talk above a whisper.

That's why you can't hear me well, in spite of good audio equipment.

With my audio equipment you should hear me clear as a bell.

But my lungs are full of scars, and every breath I take hurts like hell.

Small Pox.

That's why I have to be so extra careful to avoid Covid-19.

Someone whose lungs are as damaged as mine, Covid-19 would be a death sentence.

I escaped the hell of living with my uncles, and now live in the hell of being one of the few survivors willing to help the law take them down, so have no moments peace every time any one gets a lead on where one of my uncles, aunts, or cousins might be.

Playing video games is the only escape I have from the nightmare that is my every day life.

I would like to have just one place in my life where I can have some freedom once and for all from the hell of my uncles and their criminal lifestyle.

Twitch was that place.

Twitch was where I came to have a few minutes of freedom from the hell I live with offline.

It's WHY I kept EVERYTHING about my life OFF Twitch.

And you fucking bastards went and brought it here!

Why?

The news reports called it "The Worst Child Abuse Case In American History" others called it "Maine's House of Horrors". And a jackass streamer called it "BDSM fetish".

We were tortured by men who were monsters, and that's why I really don't like it when that streamer ran around saying this stuff was BDSM. Criminal men, torturing children who were only 8 years old, is NOT BDSM. And there is something wrong with you, if you say it is.

And she gathered up 300,000 Discord followers to help her spread that lie around the internet, and with it, a lot of other lies about my past... so now here it is... my past, as so many of you wanted to know about.

Do you understand NOW why I buried my past and kept saying I did not want to talk about it?

I kept everything separate from Twitch. Heaven's Gate, my uncles, my childhood, everything in my offline life, I never brought any of it to Twitch. 

None of it. 

I made my channel all about the game, Witcher 3 and ONLY the game and nothing else. I kept everything from my life separate from Twitch.

And this woman, this streamer, she became obsessed with me, dug up my past, found news reports, interviews, blogs, magazines, newspapers... she dug up everything she could find, and used it to make make 5 hour long daily Twitch streams about me. She flooded Twitch with all the events from my past that I put so much effort into keeping out of Twitch.

I didn't want it here.

I kept Twitch as a safe zone, a place I could go to try to forget.

I can't sleep I have post traumatic stress disorder, night terrors, obsessive compulsive disorder, and agoraphobia.

I have a raging phobia of guns and sex and men. I avoid those things like the plague.

I threw all of my streaming focus into the game, to try to block out everything going on in my life.

Why did she bring all of that here?

Why did she her followers here to torment me about a past, I want to forget?

Why did they think it was something they have fun making sex jokes about?

#It is very messed up to reveal someone's private personal information like that, especial when it is such extremely sensitive and traumatic private information.

What this fucking piece of shit did is below low. She is one fucked up piece of shit. What kind of a person does something like this?

I grew up in a fucking hell, raised by monsterous men who tortured us, and when I escaped that hell, I wanted to leave it and never look back, never think of it again, never be reminded of it, start a new life. 

It's why I never talked about it. 

It's why I never told anyone about it.

I wanted to forget it.

You ill mannered delinquents, you stepped some HUGE boundary lines.

And every one of the 300,000 of you involved in this horrendous attack on me, on every social media, you all out to be ashamed of yourselves.

All 300,000 of you, you are all vile, despicable, evil, horrible people.

It was bad enough that she dug all that up and brought it here to Twitch and sent people to my channel to hound me about it... but then she did all that filthy sex stuff on top of that. She couldn't stop with just digging up my past and my connection to fucking Heaven's Gate... no! No, that wasn't enough for her. Then she had to rub salt in the wound by making up filthy ass sex lies about me and spreading those all over the internet.

What the fuck is wrong with her?

What is wrong with everyone in her community?

It's bad enough she started it, but why the hell did so many people join her in it?

Why did any of them take any part in any of this?

Evil people do evil things. Life is difficult enough on it's own, without evil people coming along and making it worse.

I am deeply distressed and upset over this whole thing.

And if you have any information about my uncles or their clan or their accomplices, don't give it to me, give it to the FBI agent in charge of the investigation: *FBI Agent Andy Drewer out of the Portland, Maine FBI office. He can be reached @ +1-(207)-774-9322*

Wait... you're that freak that brought otherkin to the internet aren't you? You're like the founder of online otherkin awareness movement or something.

Yes.

I am.

I did on some level introduce OtherKin, or rather, ElfKin, to the internet in 1996.

I am considered to be one of, if not the VERY FIRST OtherKin to grace the internet.

Though, I am ElfKin, not OtherKin. They are different.

I completely reject Humanity.

I live my life, as an Elf.

I have done so, since 1987. 

As of 2020, I have lived as an Elf for 33 years.

I hate Humans.

I feel no empathy, sympathy, or compassion for Humans.

I see Humans as vile, evil creatures, whom I share no connection to.

I feel nothing but revulsion for Humans.

There has never been a point in my life when a Human showed me any kindness, love, or compassion.

I have been tortured, beaten, caged, raped, shunned, outcast, ostracized, and bullied endlessly by Humans.

The Humans who raised me, kept me locked in a cage from the time I was 8, until I was 31 years old. They said they did so because I was not a Human and was not allowed to participate in Human activities like eating at the table, sleeping on a bed, using a toilet, or bathing. They said I was a Changeling, brought to them by Demons. They claimed the real Human baby was taken from them, and I was a Demon left in it's place. And while I agreed with them, that I had no similarities to their Human nature, I did not believe myself a Demon either.

I was 31 years old the first time anyone told me I was a Human. But no one has yet been able to prove to me that I possess the evilness of Humans. 

Unlike Humans, I feel love.

Unlike Humans, I feel pain.

Unlike Humans, I shed tears.

Unlike Humans, I feel empathy.

Unlike Humans, I feel sympathy.

Unlike Humans, I feel compassion.

I have tried for 40 years, to live among Humans, but I've yet to meet a Human that will accept me as a part of their society.

I have never been welcomed by any Human.

I have never been accepted by any Human.

The older I get and the more Humans I meet, the crueler I learn that they are, the stronger my hatred for the entirety of Humanity grows.

I searched for years to find out, what I was, where I fit in, where I belonged, for everywhere I went, I was repeatedly told I was too strange, too bizarre, too different, too alien, too not-Human to be welcomed in any group, any church, and community, offline or online.

Since I was a toddler I felt a strong kinship to Eels and Cats, thus my name. My Native American grandmother named me EelKat when I was 3 years old, citing that Eels and Cats were my spirit animals.

My other grandmother called me FarSighted, because I talked to ArchAngels and Faeries in the forest. She said I walked through the veil between the Spirit World. She died when I was 8 years old.

As I grew older, and continued to be ostracized by all of Human society, I started researching the things Grammy Eva and Grammy Helen has said: Spirit Animals, Fairy Sighted, and Walking the Veil. That is when I realized, everyone was right... my parents, my uncles, everyone at every church I ever attended, random strangers I meet on the streets... every one, every single Human, as always said, I either was not Human, didn't act Human, or seemed to be Alien to Human Society, like I came from another world. 

The Humans who raised me, kept me locked in a cage from the time I was 8, until I was 31 years old. They said they did so because I was not a Human and was not allowed to participate in Human activities like eating at the table, sleeping on a bed, using a toilet, or bathing. They said I was a Changeling, brought to them by Demons. They claimed the real Human baby was taken from them, and I was a Demon left in it's place. And while I agreed with them, that I had no similarities to their Human nature, I did not believe myself a Demon either. And decades later, after researching, I feel they were right. 

The more I studied, the more I realized, everything I do that Humans say is strange and bizarre, things like love, feeling pain, shedding tears, empathy, sympathy, or compassion, those things Humans are incapable of doing, that I do and brand me as starkly notHuman, they were all things the Ljósálfar do.

So I researched the Ljósálfar. They do many thing I do, that Humans find to be my most deplorable traits: like growing flowers, being vegan, and not hurting animals, shunning drinking of alcohol, smoking, drugs, or owning weapons. 

I eventually came to believe I am an Elf trapped in the world of Humans, as some sort of test.

No. I do not believe I am Human.

Yes. I do believe I am an Elf.

Yes, I AM that "freak" who introduced the internet to the concept of OtherKin, via ElfKin, in 1996.

Yes, I am the textbook standard, found in actual medical books, used by Psychiatry students, yes, those are photos of me you see in your college textbooks and in the Journal of Psychiatry entry. I am the first one diagnosed and therefore the standard by which all OtherKin are measured. 

Yes, I am the measure by which all OtherKin around the world measure if they too are OtherKin or not. But I wonder how many of them, know the origin of the term OtherKin and how many of them would call themselves that label is the ACTUALLY KNEW, the ACTUAL origin and meaning of the word?

OtherKin is not a label I use to call myself. The term OtherKin was coined by team of Psychiatrists, who didn't know what else to call me. They classified me at first as "a Feral Child with Learned Schizophrenia", citing that while I didn't have Schizophrenia, all 5 of the uncles and their father, who raised me did have Schizophrenia and because I was raised in total isolation with zero contact with anyone outside of these men, I was raised as though what they were was normal because I had no outside source by which to judge that how they raised children was not normal, nor was how they lived their lives normal. I was told by these Psychiatrists, that once I got out in Human society and found out what mainstream society was like, I would see, how different, how unique, how bizarre, and how unusual and not the norm, my uncles were.

I have lived among mainstream society for 33 years now and I have yet to meet a kind, loving, friendly Human. 

This group of Social Workers, Psychologists, and Psychiatrists, coined the term OtherKin, because they said there was nothing I conformed to, no textbook illness that matched what I was. They toyed with the idea of diagnosing me many different ways because they said that on the surface I seemed like this or that, but then, comparing all the symptoms, I never fully matched up.

Schizophrenia didn't stick because there were no voices in my head telling me what to do. After tossing out the option of Schizophrenia, they tried out Multiple Personality Disorder and also Dissociative Identity Disorder. But, I don't have multiple people I become. Both of those have the requirement of becoming someone else, another person. MPD you are unaware of the other people "living in you" while DID you are fully aware of the "other people" and communicate with them and likely have a lot of past life experiences. I don't believe in past lives or reincarnation or being multiple people inside of one mind. I dress up in costumes of characters, but I never try to be that character, I simply like to wear their pretty clothes. 

They tried considering Asperger's for a bit, but I missed many, many, many a mark there.

In the end my official diagnosis is: Actual Autism Kanner's Syndrome, with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, and SchizoAffective or maybe Schizotypal tendencies, I can't tell, and the most bizarre behaviour of refusing to believe she is Human, largely because she was raised in an isolated UFO Cult that raised her as a Demon from infancy to middle age. She has many phobias most notable a severe and disturbing phobia of Humans in general and Men in particular. There is no correct diagnosis for her. She is unique. This is a unique case. I am putting in a request to the State for funding to study her. This is something new. This needs to be studied. We are witnessing the side effect of child who was raised in total isolation. A child that was never loved, never kissed, never hugged, never showed empathy, sympathy, or compassion. She feels nothing for Humans. She does not believe she is Human. There has never been a documented case like this before. This is the worse case of child abuse in American history. 

I did not found any "OtherKin Awareness Groups" as is the common internet misconception. I don't even use the term OtherKin. It's a label OTHERS slap on me, as further proof that I don't belong in Human society, am not Human enough to fit in, not Human enough to be welcomed, not Human enough to be included. That's all the label OtherKin means to me. Yet more proof that Humans hate me, see me as not Human, and feel the need to put a label on me. 

But I am the standard by which all who claim to be OtherKin, measure if each other is OtherKin or not, because I am the textbook case, the original test subject, that caused Psychiatrists to coin the term OtherKin, so most people believe I am the "first" OtherKin, even though groups like The Silver Elves existed in the 1970s, long before the FBI raid that rescued me from one of the Heaven's Gate compounds.

No. I do not try to bring awareness to the "OtherKin Movement". OtherKin is a psychological disorder that for some odd reason, teens and young adults, think of as some sort of roleplaying, cosplaying movement. They don't know what it is. They never looked up any medical journals or psychiatry textbooks. They change what they are on a whim, a Vampire today because they love Twilight, a Witcher tomorrow because they saw the NetFlix series, SpiderMan next week after they watch that movie. They don't know what OtherKin is. It's not a fandom. It's not roleplay. It's not dressing up. And you're a fool if think that's what it is.

People get the misconception that it is roleplaying and cosplaying because I am prone to dress up in elaborate costumes. I like their clothes. It's as simple as that. I'm trying to be them. I don't roleplay them. I don't pretend I am them. I simply like to wear their clothes, in the exact same way, every teenage girl in school has to wear the same t-shirt as her best friend.

When the OtherKin diagnosis was coined, I didn't yet wear costumes. I'd never seen TV or movies or video games. I'd never been to school or doctors. I had no point of reference for what any of these characters would have looked like. The wearing of elaborate costume came about almost a decade AFTER Psychiatrists coined the term OtherKin to describe me.

OtherKin, was referencing my refusal to accept the fact that I was Human, when Social Workers, Psychologists, and Psychiatrists tried to convince me that I was not a Changeling Demon switched at birth like the adults who raised me had taught me to believe.

OtherKin, was referencing the fact that my combined hatred for and phobia of Humans was so great that I had no ability to believe I was a Human, when they told me I was.

OtherKin, it's ACTUAL Journal of Psychiatry definition, is very simply: The belief that one is not Human and is something other than Human. That's what OtherKin means.

Anyone who tells you OtherKin is anything else, has no clue what OtherKin is, knows nothing about it's history, knows nothing about how the term was coined, and is completely clueless about OtherKin in general.

People like to come in saying things like: "Well, because I think OtherKin is about ___ I think we should change the meaning of OtherKin to include ___"

No. OtherKin is an ACTUAL MEDICAL DISORDER... you don't walk into a doctors office and say: 

• "Well, because I think Cancer is about ___ I think we should change the meaning of Cancer to include ___"
• "Well, because I think Asthma is about ___ I think we should change the meaning of Asthma to include ___"
• "Well, because I think being stung by a bee is about ___ I think we should change the meaning of being stung by a bee to include ___"
• "Well, because I think broken bones are about ___ I think we should change the meaning of broken bones to include ___"
• "Well, because I think Influenza is about ___ I think we should change the meaning of Influenza to include ___"
• "Well, because I think Diabetes is about ___ I think we should change the meaning of AIDS to include ___"
• "Well, because I think SmallPox is about ___ I think we should change the meaning of SmallPox to include ___"

Now can you now see how utterly stupid and idiotic people are when they say: "Well, because I think OtherKin is about ___ I think we should change the meaning of OtherKin to include ___"?

And, no, OtherKin is not the thing where, you wake up one morning and feel like wearing a cat ears headband, so that therefore makes you a cat.

The problem with OtherKin is there is far too much misinformation out there about what OtherKin is, written largely by know-nothing 10 year old children who couldn't tell their ass from a hole in the ground, and think that because they want to wear a headband with cat ears, that gives them to authority to rewrite the definition of medical illnesses.

OtherKin is a mental disorder. It's not a movement. Not a trend. Not a fad. But for some reason, in the last 20 years or so, people have thought it "cool" to "be OtherKin" so, they jumped on a bandwagon to try to be something that they really had no idea what it actually was.

Today, because, thanks to Tumblr and Instagram, OtherKin is now interchangeable with Furries and CosPlay, the OFFICIAL diagnosis of the Mental Illness as listed in the Journal of Psychiatry has been changed from OtherKin to Species Dysphoria, to definasciate from the the actual mental illness of not believing one is Human and the current fad trend of dressing up roleplaying.

People who say I started a movement or awareness groups or claim I try to bring awareness to the OtherKin movement, have no clue who or what I am and are talking out their asses. They don't know me. They do not speak for me. And they certainly don't understand me or how I live my life.

What's your thought on fictionkin? Do you think fictionkin is valid? I'm just a bit curious to know. Personally I think it's really neat! Is that what you do?

No.

I am not FictionKin.

I am EelKin turned ElfKin, according to people who believe in Kinship.

I don't move in OtherKin circles, groups, or communities. 

I am considered the "first" or "original" OtherKin, by many in the "OtherKin community" and I hate it, because I have never identified as OtherKin and deeply dislike labels being slapped onto me by vile Humans who try translate what they think I am.

What are labels? A label is simply a way to point at someone and say: "they are not Human enough to be accepted in society". That's all any label is.

And that is all any Human has ever done to me. Label me as this, label me as that.

Never once has ANY Human, ever thought to look at me as another Human, as another member of society, as a potential friend.

Because I am technically "the first" OtherKin, seeing how I was the patient in question, when the team of Social Workers, Psychologists, and Psychiatrists coined the term. I am a patient who was undiagnosable and had "something new", and "OtherKin" was the working title. But because I am technically "the first" OtherKin, I am constantly being contacted by founders, creators, and moderators of groups, forums, subreddits, Discords, FaceBook groups, and other various assorted online communities. I don't know why. I think they see me as a "celebrity" in terms of OtherKin. I'm supposedly the "ideal OtherKin" whom others try to be like.

But... I'm not trying to "be" anything. I don't even call myself OtherKin or ElfKin or EelKin or UnicornKin or CatKin or FoxKin, all of those being types of Kins that people has used to describe me.

I accept the invites and then never post in their communities or groups, because I find myself incredibly uncomfortable around most people who call themselves "OtherKin", because 99.9% of the ones I've encountered are very clearly teenagers and young kids in their 20s who are just trying to be part of a club. They don't actually have post traumatic stress disorder, they know nothing about child abuse or rape, or witnessing multiple murders, or trying to cope with being raised in a cage from the age of 8 years old to 31 years old while also being raised to believe you were a demo, because the adults in your life had schizophrenia and couldn't tell the difference between children and demons. They don't know what it is like to be 31 years old the first time any one ever suggested to you that you might actually be a human, and everything the adults taught you about your lack of Humanity was a lie.

When I accept the invites to join these groups, I go there, hoping to find others like myself, who were never Human, not once from their time of birth. I go there hoping to find others like myself, who were rejected by Humans from the day they were born. But all I ever find are happy go lucky juvenile delinquents rebelling by wearing cat-ear headbands while licking milk out of a bowl.  They ENJOY pretending to be animals. They have fun, partying in their fur tails. They have no trauma. They know nothing about OtherKin and it's origins. What OtherKin is or how the word got coined.

The bulk of them are just a group of kids looking for a party where they can dress up in costumes. Only this and nothing more. And that is not OtherKin. Not even close.

Now, that is not to say there is anything wrong with what you are, no matter what you are or how you identify. Your identity is certainly valid and should be acknowledged. I'm not saying it's invalid or should be pushed aside or ignored. What I'm saying is, chances are very high that what you are classifying as OtherKin, is not in fact OtherKin.

That's the problem with online OtherKin communities. They spread far too much misinformation and leave actual, correct information spread far too thin and this leads to a lot of confusion.

The thing is I AM the ACTUAL MEDICAL, psychiatric definition of OtherKin, and it's incredibly rare to the point that fewer then 100 people have ever, EVER been diagnosed with it EVER. Fewer then 100 people in all of the millions of years of this Earth having existed. That's not many people.

And yet, there are MILLIONS of OtherKin, so called, self proclaimed OtherKin just on Tumblr, and not a one of them has a clue what OtherKin even is and that's painfully obvious.

The problem with the invites to join these groups, is I'm not what they think I am. They expect me to be a roleplaying party animal like them and I'm not.

And the fact remains - I hate Humans, and they are just Humans dressed like cats and dogs. 

Let me repeat this: I HATE HUMANS.

I WISH HUMANS WOULD DIE. ALL OF THEM. I HATE THEM.

And you want me to join your little group of pretenders? I hate every one of you and you think ha-ha oh she's being in character. 

No.

I really do hate Humans.

No Human has EVER given me a reason to think otherwise.

No Human has ever been my friend.

Not one.

Not Ever.

None.

Every Human I have ever met, pretends to be my friend for a few days, then they turn into cruel, hateful, backstabbing bastards.

Humans are incapable of love, friendship, compasion, sympathy.

Humans are evil.

Humans are cruel.

Humans are sadistic.

Humans enjoy hurting others.

Humans are hateful creatures who do nothing hurt everyone in their path.

And if you don't understand THAT, well, Honey, then you CERTAINLY Are NOT OtherKin.

OtherKin is not about your spiritual awakening, your identification with an animal guide... OtherKin is the hatred of Humans, on levels so extreme, that wish all Humans would die.

OtherKin is about you NOT being Human and seperating yourself from Humans because Humans are pieces of shit.

Humans can not be trusted.

Never turn your back on a Human.

Humans lie.

Humans cheat.

Humans steal.

Humans murder.

Humans torture.

There is NOTHING good in a Human.

And if you are ACTUAL, REAL, MEDICALLY DIAGNOSED as OtherKin, then I don't need to tell you that, because you already know evil Humans are.

Humans exist to kill, steal, and destroy. Only this and nothing more. There is nothing else in Humanity.

And the online OtherKin Communities who send me invites to join them.... I've yet to encounter one, single, solitary, actual, real, medically diagnosed OtherKin in any of them. And I've checked them all, and encountered well over a million people who claim to be OtherKin.

I go there are look, in hopes that one day, i will find someone, like myself, who is not Human and has never been accepted by Humans. But there is no one like me. Not surprising, seeing how in all the milinia of the Earth, fewer then 100 people have ever been diagnosed.

 And the online OtherKin Communities who send me invites to join them....They do what everyone does and start rumors about me, gossiping among themselves about what they THINK I am, and they build up fanfiction, fantasy worlds about me, that have no basis in reality. They hyped up and excited, fall in love with the fictional version of me that they created in their heads, and then find themselves deeply disapointed when they actually talk to me for the first time and find out that 100% of everything they liked about me, was just fiction made up them, themselves.

Labels. They label me into a group and they love the IDEA of me as that label in that group, but then, meeting me shatters their fantasies about me, when they realize, I'm not what they told themselves I was.

That's the problem with OtherKin and people who call me OtherKin.

You see, they think I'm joking when I say I hate Humans, but I could show you a copy of my psychological evaluation, and the entire section, where the psychiatrist worried about my server homicidal desire to kill all Humans.

I'm not joking when I tell you, that if you act even remotely Human in my presence, I will pull a brick out of my tote bag and smash your jaw in. I've done it many times.  

My psychological evaluation, has a full section, of worries that I show no empathy for Humans on any level what so ever, to the point of extreme Sociopathy. Yes, that's a word in my evaluation.

Far too many people look at my being the original "OtherKin" patient, and don't read the full report. They giddy with joy, thinking I'm play acting, role playing, pretending. I'm not. I don't joke. I never joke. Do you know why? I'll tell you why.

My uncles, while beating me in the face with a shovel when I was 8, or breaking my jaw with a cinder block brick when I was 14, or stabbing my arms with forks when I was 4, or driving a 2 foot long foundation nail through my hip leaving me crippled ever since I was 6 years old, or cutting the bottoms of my feet with rusted saw blades when I was 13.... or any of the hundreds of similar things they did.... while they did it, they always said the same thing: "It's just a joke, hahahahahahahaha!", "I'm only joking, hahahahahahaha!"

I have scars all over my body.... scars from wounds that bled for days. Wounds that should have been seen by a doctor. Wounds, that they filled with maggots, because they kept maggots in jars for that reason.

Do you know what it feels like to have you hands chained to cinder blocks, and forks driven into your arms with a hammer, that drove the tines in all the way to the bone,  another fork put in, the wound torn open, and maggots poured in, as the adults around you laughed and slapped each other on the back over the good fun joke they were doing, because, the 5 year old girl they are torturing, is not Human, so it doesn't matter, because she's just a changeling left behind by Demons who took the real child. Have you ever watched maggots crawl under your skin then chew their way back out. And finally pass out hours later, and be left there unconscious for days in pools of your own blood. And when you wake up, the adults are disapointed, that you, the Demon Changeling is still alive.

That's what I grew up with.

I was 31 years old when the FBI raid rescued me.

My entire first 31 years of life, was spent being daily tortured, daily told it was okay, because I wasn't Human anyways.

The end result is the only thing in my mind that is more evil then rape and murder, is a joke.

And you'll find out how fast I beat you to a pulp if you dare say word joke in my presence. A joke is the only thing more triggering to me than rape.

Still think you are OtherKin or you know anything about me and my life, how much I hate Humans, or the fact that OtherKin was a term created by Psychiatrists, as a working title to diagnose me, the child who survived "the world child abuse case in American history"?

Yeah. the "OtherKin Community" has a vastly warped view of who I am, and why I'm the way I am.

When you ask me questions about OtherKin and CosPlay and RolePlay... and worse, when you try to sexualize anything about me or make mems about me and say you are just joking... you just make me hate Humans even more. Because you can call yourself OtherKin all you want, but you, running around playing and joking and laughing and smiling, you forget, I don't do any of those things. 

Jokes. Laughing. Smiling..... I see those things as a threat and a reason to fight back. And clearly the OtherKin Community knows nothing of trauma, torture, and abuse at the hands of Humans.

OtherKin, it's ACTUAL Journal of Psychiatry definition, is very simply: The belief that one is not Human and is something other than Human. That's what OtherKin means.

If you believe something, you have no doubts, so you would never ask "Am I OtherKin?".

I have yet to find an OtherKin on any online community, who TRULY BELIEVED they were not Human. They will tell you they feel connected, they say they no longer want to be Human. Most acknowledge themselves as the spirit of a non-Human living in a Human body.

Answer me this... how can you stop being Human if you don't believe you are Human? Only someone who believes they are Human would say they want to stop being Human.

They build character sheets, detailing the backstory of their alternate being. But if the being IS YOU, then your life, your childhood, your experiance ARE your backstory. If you had to write a character backstory, you are not OtherKin, you are Multiple Personality Disorder or Dissociative Identity Disorder.

OtherKin you are YOU. You are just not Human and not accepted by Humans as Human. You live with Humans and your experiences with them, are very simply the experiences you have every day, and you don't need to sit down and write a backstory. There is no backstory in OtherKin.

Me? I wouldn't know the first thing about feeling Human, because I never was Human. I never had a transition. I never shifted. I never felt the need to STOP being Human, because there was never a point from the day I was born, when anyone ever acknowledge me as being Human.

But, let's answer your question. My email inbox is so full of so many OtherKin questions. Someday I'll get around to answering them. Let's start with your's.

When you ask me about what type of OtherKin I am, it is immediately clear that you know nothing about me, my history, or the history of the origins of the word OtherKin.

The first known group of OtherKin was ElfKin and was The Silver Elves, and the group still exists. They were founded in 1978. I joined them in 1987. I did not remain Silver Elf, as I found more of a connection to Elves in general, and they were a bit more "religion focused" (like they wanted people to obey their set of rules and such, with was too restrictive for me and contrary to how I felt Eves were). Because of the connection to spiritual teachings, in America The Silver Elves are considered a "legally recognized religion" by the Federal government (same as Catholic, Wicca, Baptist, LDS/Mormon, Voodoo, etc are considered as such). They are really connected to the spiritual and religious side of OtherKin and I liked that a lot.

The term OtherKin, was coined in 1997 by a group of Social Workers, Psychologists, and Psychiatrists and was the working title of the mental illness that would eventually become known as Species Dysphoria.

So calling groups like The Silver Elves "OtherKin" is questionable at best, but they are considered by most "OtherKin" to be the first "OtherKin Group", even though their compound was founded in 1978 and the term OtherKin was coined in 1997.

Being older (elderly) and an ElfKin for 40+ years now, I've seen the OtherKin movement evolve and change a lot. There is always something in it that makes me go: "What the f...?" 

But there is never a point when I think: "They are not valid because of ____." 

It's always just a reaction of more: "Wow! Boy do they have a completely different take on OtherKin than what I've always thought it was." 

And then after I think about it I'm: "Yeah, yeah, I can see how they feel that way. Yep, that makes sense."

I think, because I'm a lot older, and got into it via The Silver Elves originally, I end up taking a very spiritual/religious outlook on it, where I see Elves sort of as my "spirit animals" so to speak... and it seems like, more recently, especially in teens and 20s age group, their take on OtherKin is more, like Dissociative Identity Disorder, like they actually believe they REALLY ARE an Elf or Wolf or whatever. 

The first time I heard of the new form of OtherKin, the "I'm not a Human, I'm a Dog" type, my mind was: "Wow! That's crazy!" You see, I look at OtherKin as "I'm channeling the spiritual energy of the Dog, not, I literally become a Dog because I don't want to be Human any more." So, at first, I just had a hard time wrapping my mind around the new "Tumblr style" OtherKin. But then, the more I thought about it, the more I realized, no, it's not crazy, because they are doing the same thing I'm ding, they are just doing it differently.

I mean, I use guided meditations and visualizations and oracle cards to connect with the spirit world and it's energy, and for me, connecting to Elf energy and Unicorn energy and ArchAngel energy has always been the best/easiest way for me to do that. And in guided meditation, you often focus on mentally becoming the Elf or Fox or Raven or whatever your spirit guide is, and so yeah, thinking of it that way, suddenly the new style of OtherKin didn't seem crazy to me anymore and I realized, they are just like me, only different.

And then I heard of FictionKin and I was like mind blown. I was like: "OMG, you don't really believe you actually ARE Harry Potter, do you?"

But then almost immediately I was reminded how many times people said to me: "OMG, you don't really believe you actually ARE Lord Sesshomaru, do you?" because I "CosPlayed" him for 9 years... not to conventions, no, I dressed like him 24/7/365 every day for 9 years, around the house, to go shopping, just all day, every day.

People interviewing me about that back in 2005 and 2007 is one of the early things that brought OtherKin to the internet. When people asked why, if I thought I was him, I would say: "No. I'm channeling his energy. I feel more connected to his energy when I dress like him. I'm not trying to be him."

And then I did the same thing with Quaraun for 7 years. And for the past 3 years I've done the same thing with Avallac'h. And yeah, these are fictional characters. Which, I guess, maybe, would cause other people to see me as FictionKin? But they are all Elves, and I am ElfKin and I'm not trying to be or become the Elf in question, rather I feel better able to connect to spiritual Elf energy, when I dress like a fictional Elf from a novel. It's more like I borrowed the Elf's clothes and just wear them.

It's like weighted blankets. They protect you and help you sleep. Same thing. I have PTSD, OCD, Kanner's Syndrome, and Agoraphobia. The longest I have gone without setting foot outside of the house was 15 years.

I was horribly abused by my uncles and several of their male friends from their church as a child and as a result, I developed a crippling fear of Humans in general and Men in particular, and than, as an adult, years later, I was raped and that brought back all the mental trauma memories of what my uncles did, and I don't know what happened, but my mind was just mentally crippled after that, to the point that I locked myself in my room and did not leave it for 15 years.

2006, I went outside for the first time, in 15 years, and I was only able to do so, by wearing a costume of Lord Sesshomaru. When you read the books, he's fearless. He can walk through crowds and he doesn't care who thinks what, and if someone tries to hurt him or his friends, he would never let the attacker hurt them. He's fiercely protective of Rin, the Human girl who travels with him. He has a fearless energy to him. Very powerful fearless energy, and I wanted to feel that.

I wanted to be able to go outside, without being terrified men would hurt me. And I tried for weeks, months, to go outside. I'd get to the door and I'd freeze. A mental block made my body so rigid I couldn't move my feet to get out the door. My agoraphobia was that bad.

So, I started meditating, channel Lord Sesshomaru's energy. And it healed, but it didn't help enough. So I ordered fabric, fur, leather, bolt of silk from Japan, from eBay and Amazon, and I made what went down in history as both the most expensive and most insanely elaborate Lord Sesshomaru CosPlay ever made. And, when I put it on, I was able to walk outside of my house for the first time in 15 years. 

It was like, before I channeling his energy, but now, he was there with me. It's the only way I know how to explain it.

I still have severe agoraphobia today. But since 2006, I can go outside, IF, I dress up like an Elf. The stronger the Elf the better. A powerful protecting spirit.

That's why I now CosPlay Avallac'h. There's no one, more protective then he is. It's what he's known for. His fierce protectiveness of Ciri, the Human girl who travels with him is beyond Lord Sesshomaru's protectiveness of Rin. He won't let anyone hurt her. He'll die to to keep her safe. So I retired the Lord Sesshomaru CosPlay and made the Avallac'h CosPlay, my new protecting spirit. An Elf, but also, a Fictional Character.

He's not real. I'm aware he's not real. But that doesn't change the fact that I can draw on his fierce protective energy, to be able to go outside, go shopping, not have to buy everything online or have others buy things for me and deliver it. I can do it myself, dressed like an Elf, but at least I'm outside.

The fact remains, there's never been a real man in my life who DID NOT hurt me. I grew up with drug dealers. Real life gangsters. They killed people. Throughout my childhood and teen years I had witness multiple murders, Brutal. Violent. I was beaten and locked in cages. I watched them kill people, then turn around and threaten to kill me if I ever told anyone.

Today most of them are dead, in prison, or on the run from the FBI. There was never a time in my life when I felt safe, and around men, I felt less safe. There has never been anyone there for me. No mental support. No emotional support. No one to protect me from the men I grew up with, or the gangs they had shot outs with.

I would read books, while hiding under a blanket to try to blockout the screaming and yelling and gun fire. None of the children were allowed to go to school or doctors. We lived on a farm, in the forest, miles from the nearest anything, fenced in and guarded by riflemen. No one had birth certificates or SSNs. No paper trail. No adults outside the clan to turn to for help. I would read books, while hiding under a blanket and praying for someone to please help me. It was none stop terror every day, all day, my entire childhood. Fictional men in books, where my only friends. I was drawn to men who protected children, especially men who protected little girls.

Lord Sesshomaru protected Rin, an 8 year old girl.

Avallac'h protected Ciri, a 12 year old girl.

That's why I was drawn to them. They are strong men who protect little girls from evil men. 

This is also why I take such a very strong and heavy offense to anyone trying to sexualize my kinship to either Lord Sesshomaru or Avallac'h.

My attraction to them is not sexual and I do not like people trying to translate it that way.

I see them, more along the lines of ArchAngels. Protectors. Someone you can look to to always be there for you. Someone who will never hurt you. Someone who will keep you safe.

Nothing will make you my enemy faster than you trying to sexualze me, my life, or anything I do. I am asexual, on an extreme anti-sex level. I have an extreme hatred for sex. And if you try to sexualize me or anything I do, you will quickly find yourself branded one of my top most hated people on the planet.

But, yeah, I am myself ElfKin, but you can see why I find no issues with FictionKin. Also, while I tend to lurk in OtherKin communities, I don't see myself as OtherKin, because I see ElfKin and OtherKin as being 2 very different, but also very similar things.

I should also point out that I think of ElfKin and FictionKin as both separate and different from OtherKin, that they are 3 completely different things in my mind, but that none is any less valid then the other and that each of the 3 should be supportive of the other 2.

My thought is, you wouldn't be Kin to anything if you had not suffered through extreme trauma and your Kinship, is your way of coping. For is, after all, nothing more than a mental illness. The concept of Kinship, was created by a group of psychiatrists, to explain people who are not Human, but live in Human society. You can not be Kin to anything and not also be insane. That is a medical fact. And therefore, all Kin are Kin to each other through their insanity, regardless of what type of Kin they are or how they explain their Kinship.

I think of all Kinships this way. Each is distinctly different, but, all are similar enough that each should try to learn from one another and be supportive of each other.

FAQs: What is it like living with Autism?

#FAQs: What is it like living with Autism?

I have Kanner's Syndrome (ACTUAL Autism, not Aspergers), which means I'm not good at group things. I'm classified as Savant, meaning I have a few things that I obsess about, big time, and have world records in them as a result, and everything else in my life I still require a caretaker to help me with. 

I was believed to be mute until I was 31 years old, when a college professor whose day job was working with Autism children, meet me at an Autism Awareness event (I own The Autism Awareness Car, which has 2.5million marbles glued to it - took 4 years to build it). He spent several years teaching me to talk and I was able to get a GED at age 37 *(I had never been allowed to go to school as Autism in the 1970s = too retarded to be taught anything so why bother? It was assumed I couldn't be taught, so no one tried to, until I was 31 years old)*, and started college at age 42. 

Today in addition to being a rabid gamer, I'm also an artist (acrylic on canvas and watercolor on rag) sell my art in local galleries, I build art cars and installation art, published over 130 Dark Fantasy novels, and became a retail merchandiser for Macy's, WalMart, and HallMark for 16 years because I'm very good at organizing things... I can't do much else, but I can certainly make sure nothing on the sales floor is out of place. 

On Twitch I'm known for my ability to open up a video game and completely rewrite it removing and making my own... I rewrote Witcher 3, removed Geralt and Roach and the combat system, and build my own player character, made travel companions, wrote a new combat system, made new quests, made new maps... removed all the texture files and made all new ones. There's nothing in Witcher 3 that I have not rewritten. With over 4,000 mods now made for it, you can barely recognize my game as being Witcher 3 anymore.... and yet I can't read C++ code.

I spent my childhood and teen years, being told I would never amount to anything. I proved them all wrong.

People see the things I do very well *(art, writing, my exemplary organization skills in retail stores, and my ability to open up a video game and completely rewrite it and making my own)* but they often don't see past that.

Social skills are a thing I've not yet mastered, which makes streaming very difficult for me as, chat is sensory overload and I have it turned off. I also can't count, do Math, tell time, use calendars, use money, numbers are lost on me.

Basic things - bathing, eating, brushing my hair, etc - that most people have no trouble with, I have caretakers who have to help me do those thing, even though I'm 20, 30, 40 years older than my caretakers. I am VERY low-functioning, but I can write, I can paint, I disect video games, and I can organize things. I just can't do one thing else. Which is very upsetting, because I wish I could. I try too. I don't know why I can't. It's like there are a few things in my brain turned all the way up on super high and everything else is just turned off and won't come on.

And then there are issues with meltdowns, screaming fits, panic attacks, bad ones. Bad enough that I generally avoid contact with the public, simply because I'm tired of dealing with the police. Someone my age, screaming on the floor, people assume I'm on drugs and call the police. It's very frustrating, because I can not control these attacks and I can't stop them once they start.  

It is extremely distressing, I'm insanely good at a few things, but everything else, things most of society doesn't bat an eye at, I can't do them, no matter how hard I try. And I'm not capable of "acting properly" or "behaving in socially acceptable ways".

Most people when they meet me in real life, they are very taken back, by how extremely disabled I am. Fans of my novels, meet me at book signings and ask: "So, what's the joke, what's this retard doing here, where's the author?" 

They refuse to believe, someone as deeply retarded as me, is capable of writing novels. It hurts a lot, people's reactions to meeting me and them finding out the reality of what ACTUAL Autism, Kanner's Syndrome, is really like... and that it's NOTHING like Asperger's, with it's "cute Sheldon Cooper quirks" that they are used to and think of as being Autism. 

They forget, people with Asperger's can live normal lives, they can pass for normal in public if they have too, they get married and have families, and I'm not capable of living on my own or without caretakers, and I never will be. 

I wish more people knew the difference between Aspergers and Autism, and how vastly different they are from each other. 

Far too many people hear that I have Autism, and they automatically assume I have Aspergers, and then they meet me in person, and are shocked, horrified, and they tell me they've meet dozens, sometimes hundreds of Aspies, and when they meet me, they say, they realize, they've NEVER seen Autism before, in spite of all the hundreds of Aspies they've met, and then they tell me, they wish they had known, they wished someone had told them, how starkly different Autism is from Aspergers, because they always say, no matter how many Aspies they worked with, it never prepared them to come face to face with ACTUAL REAL Autism, Kanner's Syndrome, for the first time. 

The problem is these people are also used to interacting with people who 90% of the time are self diagnosed... which is why when they encounter me... **SOMEONE WITH AN ACTUAL MEDICAL DIAGNOSIS**... they are so surprised at how vastly different "MY" Autism is from the so-called "Autism" they are used to encountering with the fake ass self diagnosed Aspies who wouldn't know Autism if it hit them in the face! I hate it when people with “self diagnosed disabilities” talk about how hard being a part of the neurodivergent community is. 

What the fuck? 

What neurodivergent community? 

That's NOT even a thing! 

We who have **ACTUAL REAL MEDICALY DIAGNOSED DISABILITIES AREN'T A PART OF SOME FUCKING CUTSY COMMUNITY! WE HAVE AN ACTUAL MEDICAL DISEASE THAT SERIOUSLY HAMPERS OUR EVERY DAY EXISTANCE! THIS ISN'T SOME CLUB YOU CAN JOIN!**

**MY** Autism is so vastly different from the hundreds of other so-called "Autistics" they are used to, **because MY Autism is FUCKING REAL and not some stupid ass fako with a self diagnosis because they want to be different!**

Also there is **NO SUCH THING AS A SELF-DIAGNOSED AUTISTIC!**

Read the fucking medical journals and kick the damn anti-vacer mommy blogger out the window. They don't know shit. 

In **EVERY DOCUMENTED CASE** of a self-diagnosed Autistic going to a doctor and getting **ACTUALLY DIAGNOSED**, their real diagnosis ALWAYS comes back as one of 2 things:

* Schizophrenia

* Narcissism

#HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS OF SELF-DIAGNOSED AUTISTICS, WHEN THEY FINALLY RECIEVED AN ACTUAL MEDICAL DIAGNOSIS FROM A DOCTOR.... WHERE DIAGNOSED WITH PARINOID GRANDOSE SCHIZOPHRENIA!!!

Think about that.

Think about it, long and hard.

Look up the symptoms of Schizophrenia, then turn around and take a good long look at the actions of the millions of fake ass self diagnosed "autistics" you've encountered online and offline... do you see it now?

Ain't a damned one of those self-diagnosed Aspies who have Autism... they have fucking schizophrenia.

Think about it... scared to go to doctors, paranoid of doctors, so they self-diagnoses, because they have too many paranoid ideas about doctors and vaccinations to go to a doctor.

What are the primary symptoms of schizophrenia?

* Fear of rational, harmless things such as doctors, dentists, and vaccinations

* Social awkwardness, social anxiety, fear of crowds, but has a conflicting desire to be a part of a social group and will go to great extremes to become a part of that group

* Imitation and impersonation, including hypochondria, and pretending to have illnesses that are deemed as popular or cool or trendy

* Self diagnosing themselves as having popular disease to try to fit in with a crowd or social group, in an attempt to gain attention or be more popular

* Seeing themselves as superior to others based on the hypochondriac illnesses they self diagnosed themselves as having

* Pretends to be things they are not, including to pretend to have illnesses that they deem as superior

**A Schizophrenic is scared of everything. **

* They trust no one.

* They see and notice everything going on around them and are terrified of every little sight, sound, or smell. 

* Everything is seen as a threat. 

* Fear rules their lives. 

* They are suspicious of everything and every one and feel an overbearing need to flee from everything.

* They see authority figures such as police, political leaders, or big business owners as "the enemy" and believe those authority figures are always out to get them.

* Paranoia governs their actions. 

* They believe conspiracy theories, think the Illuminati is real, believe aliens are going to abduct them, think the government put mind control drugs in flouride, believe in demon possession, and other such crazy ideas.

* They can do nothing without first thinking out in great detail, every possible outcome, and every possible path they must take to avoid the most fearful of those outcomes. 

* They will frequently avoid doing things they desire to do, out of irrational fears they create about those things. They spend much of their life regretting not trying new things, attending events, or joining others in activities.

* They focus heavily on what others think about them, and will often wear dull, drab, but very conforming to local society, styles of clothing. If every one in their town wears Ts and jeans, they wear Ts and jeans; if everyone wears business suits, they wear business suits... they are terrified to be unique or original, scared of being judged by others, scared of not fitting in with the crowd, and will go overboard in trying to blend in with the local "in crowd".

* They walk quickly, but dutifully. Staying on sidewalks. Always nervously looking around them. Paying careful notice of everyone they see, looking at all strangers with suspicion, suspecting everyone of carrying a gun or knife or being a potential mugger.

* They have trouble making friends because they spend too much time imagining that potential friends will hurt the, so avoid contact with people, due to the conspiracies they build. Their social anxiety is built up by their own irrational fears of everyone around them.

* Because they are so terrified or everything, they fear going to doctors, mostly because they believe doctors, like police and presidents, are part of groups such as the Illuminati, and instead seek out shady conspiracy theorist websites to use to self-diagnoses themselves whenever they find a trendy popular illness that they want to have in order to be part of a group.

* If they do go to a doctor, they are convinced the doctor gave them a false diagnosis to try to trick them, resulting in they take up the hobby of reading mommy blogs of their fellow anti-vaccer conspiracy theorists, and use those shady websites as the basis of self diagnosing themselves with something more socially acceptable than whatever the actual diagnosis their doctor gave them was.

* When someone tells them they are being paranoid, they often fall back on saying something along the lines of: they have to be paranoid because demons, aliens, ghosts, or evil spirits visit them at night and tell them the president is an evil overlord who has stationed minions in every town and the men in black are on every street corner and they must listen to the voices of the spirits in order to know who is plotting with the police against them.

Every part of the above, is a symptom a self-diagnosed Autistic proudly claims as one of their symptoms... and yet...

**A REAL Autistic is the exact opposite. They are scared of nothing.**

* They trust every one.

* They are too lost in the world that exists only inside their head to see and notice anything going on around them and are completely oblivious to the existence of every little sight, sound, or smell.  

* Everything is seen as a learning opportunity. Everything and everyone MUST be studied to see "what makes them tick". They want to know everything there is to know about everything.

* Logic rules their lives. 

* They are curious about everything and every one and feel an overbearing need to study everything.

* They love rules. They see authority figures such as police, political leaders, or big business owners as the greatest people on the planet and believe those authority figures are always doing good and going to help them.

* Fascination and curiosity governs their actions. 

* Eternal skeptics, they will not believe ANYTHING unless you can provide hundreds of documented studies by highly regarded authority figures in leadership positions, and as such they DO NOT believe conspiracy theories, think the Illuminati is a hoax, believe aliens could be real but still require proof, think the government is great because it makes laws to protect them, believes demons are a figment of paranoid imaginations, and think other such crazy ideas are likewise only believed by crazy people.

* They often run into their activities without first thinking out in great detail, and thus are quick to take up things like bungee jumping, mountain climbing, scaling brick smoke stacks, or climbing to the tops of tall trees without any gear, safety nets, or other devices, simply climbing up bare hands and bare feet. They are often seen as careless or daredevils because of their total lack of fear of heights or trying new things. 

* They will NEVER avoid doing things they desire to do, and thus will paint huge murals on cars, buses, or the side of houses, on a whim with no planning aheads of time. They will go out on a limb to try new things. If they feel like dressing up as a fairy with sparkly wings and dancing in the city park's water fountain while tossing pennies to strangers... then they will do exactly that without caring what by passers think of them doing it.

* They do not care what others think about them, and will often wear outlandish clothing, with no thought at all of how society might react to how bizarre they are dressed. They are often see as "hippies" or "free spirited" or "no conformists" or "eccentric" due to how extremely unlike the rest of society they dress. CosPlaying, OtherKin, or dressing like Disney Princesses are common every day outfits for Autistics, even into adulthood.

* They prance and dance, skip and hop, jump over cracks, twirl on their toes, stray of the path, often enter the road or stray onto lawns, finding it difficult to be constrained to sidewalks. They find it difficult to walk and may burst into a sprint and run far ahead of the group if forced to walk too long, they need adult supervision in public places, even as adults, because they are prone to burst into a run, including to run into the road into oncoming traffic, without any fear of the cars on the highway, indeed, they are so lost in the fairy filled world in their head, that they do not even see the road or the cars and only see the fairies they are dancing with.

* They have trouble making friends because most people are too terrified of their seemingly "extremely extroverted" personality. Their outfits, hyper extreme activities, and free spirited prancing and dancing instead of walking often brands them as "crazy" or "insane" or ironically "schizoid", even though schizophrenia is completely the opposite.

* Because they are too busy having fun dancing in water fountains with the fairies only they can see, they often forget to do things like eat or sleep, and require adult supervision, even if they themselves are an adult, to remind them to stop dancing with fairies long enough to eat and sleep. This also contributes to them rarely going to doctors and requiring a caretaker to set up doctor appointments and drive them to the doctor. 

* They are prone to ignoring their illnesses, pain, and diseases because every day of their life is so painful as it is, they find it better to focus on pretty things, bright colours, reading comic books, playing video games, or doing other such things to put their minds in a self-hypnotic-meditative state so they can ignore the pain. 

* They feel no need to try to self-diagnose themselves, because it is pointless to bother at this point, because they've lived with searing pain every day since they were born and now they are used to the pain and use dressing in pink gowns, dancing in water fountains, painting cars, reading comics, and playing video games as coping mechanises to try to find something other than their every day pain and suffering to focus on.

* Because they suffer so many skin pains, allergies, gastrointestinal pains, sensory pains, and their doctor helps to take those pains away, they view their doctor as one of their most trusted friends and can be extremely upset, becoming depressed if their doctor retires or moves and they must start going to a new doctor. 

Now, here is one final thought on the comparisons between Autism and Schizophrenia.

Pay careful attention here.

Because this part, will be very telling, of just exactly how much, you, a self-diagnosed Aspie, REALLY knows about Autism.

Did you know, that up until 1982, ALL children and adults, upon recieving a diagnosis of Autism, the law, in America and most of Europe, REQUIRED that patient to be immediatly straight jacketed, removed from their home, and locked in solitary confinment is a government run insane asylum/mental instatute.

Do you why that changed in 1982?

You know SO MUCH about Autism, that you feel you qualify to self diagnoses yourself, so you should know the answer to this, shouldn't you? I mean, you DID self-diagnose yourself as Autistic, didn't you?

Did you ever read a medical joural?

How about the official guide to psychiatrics? You know the one, that giant 3,000 page book all 12 of the world's Autism doctors are required to have read and memorized, before they could graduate and their Ph.D ... M.D. ... in Psychiatric medicide.

That book, the one which lists all the symptoms of:

* Kannar's Syndrome (a.k.a. Autism)

AND

* Asperger's Syndrome (a.k.a. Childhood Schizophrenia)

I don't suppose while you were reading that book, to self diagnose yourself, that you noticed WHERE you had to look for both those psychosis, did you?

You would have found BOTH of them under the heading: Schizophrenia and Schizotyaple Disorders.

YES, when you run around saying:

* "I'm a proud self-diagnosed Aspie! I have Autism, YAY!"

What you are saying to EVERYONE in the medical field, who knows what Aspergers and Autism are:

* "I'm a proud self-diagnosed Psycho! I have Schizophrenia, YAY!"

Sadly, 99.9% od all self diagnosed Aspies, are fully and completly unaware that Asperger's was known as Childrenhood Schizophrenia, up until 1982, when it was decided to merge the 2 listings into one, and use the "less stygmaed" name of Asperger's instead of the more stygmaed, Childhood Schizophrenia. And THUS HOW AND WHY Asperger's sudden became known as "a type of Autism", because Autism, since it's begin 200 years ago, was ALWAYS classified as "a type of Schizophrenia". 

* Schizophrenia's primary #1 symptom, the symptom it is most known for: "voices in your head" aka "imaginary friends" aka "they talk to demons" or "demons talk to them".

* Autism's primary #1 symptom, the symptom it is most known for: "voices in your head" aka "imaginary friends" aka "they talk to fairies" or "fairies talk to them".

* Asperger's primary #1 symptom, the symptom it is most known for: "voices in your head" aka "imaginary friends" aka "they talk to comic book characters" or "comic book characters talk to them".

Still want to call yourself Autistic or a self-diagnosed Aspie?

Aspergers and Autism, STILL what you thought they were?

Have I ever mentioned Etiole... and... oh look, hey, have you seen my Twitch profile yet? Noticed anything "unusual"... like maybe Avallac'h?

Take a step back, and really, really, REALLY do some REAL, ACTUAL, MEDICAL research into Aspergers and Autism... stop reading mommy bloggers and their anti-vacination conspiracies, and get to know what Asperger's and Autism REALLY are, and what it's like to live with either one of them... because it's NOT fun.

#AUTISM IS A COMPLETE NIGHTMARE TO LIVE WITH!

We who actually HAVE Autism, we ain't running around calling ourselves "proud autistics", because we Auttism is nothing to be proud of. We know, because struggle with it every day of our lives.

And while you self-diagnosed Aspies, get to toss YOUR "autism" aside when get bored with The Big Bang Theory's Sheldon Cooper, and become a fan of something else... we REAL Autistics don't have that luxery. We can't toss Autism aside, because it doesn't come and go when we feel like being "autistic" to be cool and part of the Sheldon Cooper fan club. 

And tell me WHY do you self-diagnosed Aspeies think being Autistic is so "cool"?

Have you SEEN how the media portraies Schizophrenia? Ax murderers. Psycho killers. Gibbering lunatics straight jacketed in an asylum. 

You do realize that MOST of society sees Autistics and Aspies as **EXACTLY WHAT THEY ARE**: a sub group of schizophrenics.

So, tell me WHY, you self-diagnosed Aspies, think **THAT** is "cool?

Have you ever noticed that in recent years, the word "autism" has become used on the internet as a slur?

n Twitter and Reddit you see "autism" used interchangably with "retard" and "schitzoid", and those "proud autistic moms" and "proud self-diagnosed Aspies" get so pissed off because of it, but why? They are NOT wrong. 

#Autism IS a form of mental retardation, so, yes, you ARE retarded if you have Autism.

You didn't think about that when you self-diagnosed yourself did you?

#Autism IS a form of Schizophrenia, so, yes, you ARE a scitzoid if you have Autism.

But poor you, you proud self-diagnosed Aspie, you didn't do your research well enough did you, because you would have know that, if you had.

But the funny thing is... when these self-diagnosed Aspies go to a doctor to get diagnosed, they NEVER get told they have Autism or Aspergers and ALWAYS get told they have full blown Parinod Grandous Schitophrenia.

Why?

Well.... all those years of being too parinoid to go to doctors, and self-diagnosis yourself, had a lot 2 do with it, because, after "hearing voices" the other 2 primary symptoms of schizophrenia are: "irrational parinoid fear" and "hypocondrism"... lucky you. We who has Autism, only have a Schizotypical subset in the Schizophrania spectrum of psychoses, but you, with your beloved prous self-diagnosed Aspie chanting, you proved yourself a 100% blown schizoid. 

Still proud to yourself a self-diagnosed Aspie?

Still being an Aspie or an Autistic is a badge of honor, that'll make society love and accept you?

Honey, there were plenty of illness out their you could have self-diagnosed yourself with to get pity from society, but ANY psychosis on the Schizotypal tree, is NOT going to amung them. So, when you run around telling people you is a proud Aspie or a proud Autistic, 90% of society is fully aware that Aspergers and Autism are BOTH forms of mental retardation with the Schizotypal Psychoses, so all you are doing is convining scoiety that you are insane and should be in a mental institute.

And the ONLY reason you are NOT in a mental institute, is because the law changed in 182, and the government is no longer REQUIRED BY LAW to straight jacket all the sub-sets of Schizophrenia anymore.

Thus why you saw a rise in more children with Aspergers and Autism in public schools in 1987, when the law declared they were allowed to go to public schools for the first time in history.

Your fear of doctors lead you to self-diagnose yourself, and you almost got it right... had you read actual medical journals instead anti-vaccer mommy bloggers, you would have gotten it right... 

#AND, you wouldn't be so proud, to say: "I'm a self-diagnosed, Aspie/Autistic!" and you realized you were actually saying "I'm a self-diagnosed, Schizophrenic!" would you?

It was your fear of doctors that lead to your self-diagnosis... perhhaps you should have started your search, by finding out what illness causes a fear of doctors?

Your fear of doctors is also what makes the self-diagnosed Aspies dramatically differant from an ACTUAL Autistic.

Autistics don't fear doctors. Autistics are not obsessed with being part of a crowd. Autistics don't feel the need to join a group. Autistics are socially DISTANT not socially awkwards... there is a difference you know.

Someone with Autism DOES NOT WANT TO BE SOCIAL... someone with self-diagnosed Asp is desperately trying to be part of a group.

While you were glorifying all the cute, fun, good time, fluffy bunny tummy feelings of Autism, and found yourself wanted to be a part of the "autism club group"... did you also, look up the bad side of Autism? The negative symptoms? The one's that ain't fun or cute or fill your tummy with fluffy bunnies?

No?

You forgot to look into those symptoms didn't you?

Perhaps, if you had, you would not have been so quick to self diagnose.

Being the "prize guest" at so many Auism events, I get to meet thousands of self-diagnosed Aspies every year.

The top thing, they like to say is this:

#"I know I have Autism, because social awkward. I always WANT to join groups and make friends, but have social amxiety, so I MUST be Autistic. That's why I self diagnosed myself."

Well, whoop dee doo, good for you.

Social anxiety is ITSELF it's own, seperate disorder... and MOST who have REAL Autism, don't have it as a symptom.

Soooo, if you have social anxiety, changes are VERY high that you don't have Autism.

Why?

Well, we REAL Autistics, usually are having too much fun with our "imaginary friends"... hey, look, Avallac'h, he's all over my profie for a reason you know... we REAL Autistics, usually are having too much fun with our "imaginary friends" to have any want, need, or desire for social activities or real friends who are real people.

We REAL Autistics, like our "imaginary friends" much, much MORE then we like real people. In fact, in most cases,  we REAL Autistics also have a deep set HATRED for real people.

We REAL Autistics, Do NOT WANT to be part of a group. 

We REAL Autistics, we are not seeking to join a club and hang out with others.

We REAL Autistics, Do NOT WANT to be take part in community activities. 

We REAL Autistics, we don't like people and we don't WANT to be a part of your world.

We REAL Autistics, we don't NEED social interaction with people and we don't WANT to be a part of your world, BECAUSE we have a vastly huge world in our heads, and it's a better world than your real world, and we don't like it when you real people interupt us and pull us out of the world that lives in our heads.

We REAL Autistics, have no desire, ZERO, none at all, to take part in social activities... and THAT is why social anxiety is very, very, very rare to almost none-existant in REAL Autism.

So, when you diagnosed Aspies say:

#"I know I have Autism, because social awkward. I always WANT to join groups and make friends, but have social amxiety, so I MUST be Autistic. That's why I self diagnosed myself."

You've missed the mark big time, and you don't have a fucking clue what Autism is.

Someone with Autism will hiss, growl, shriek, scream, bite, kick, scratch your eyes out if you try to force them into a crowd of people. Someone with self-diagnosed Asp is going to stand their awkwardly and wait to be asked to join the group, when you push them into a crowd.

Yes... you **CAN** see the **HUGE** amounts of vast difference between **REAL, ACTUAL, AUTISM** and the fake ass wannabes with a self diagnosis. And those differences are miles apart from each other.

#THERE HAS NEVER BEEN A CASE OF A SELF-DIAGNOSED AUTISTIC SUCCESSFULLY BEING MEDICALLY DIAGNOSED WITH AUTISM!

And **THAT** is why so many hundreds of people meet me at conventions and say: *"I've worked with hundreds of Autistics over the years and I've never seen anyone with anything like you have before."*

I always ask them: *"Where they self diagnosed or did they have actual medical records proving they had Autism?"*

And the answer is **ALWAYS**: *"Well, it's so hard to get a diagnosis, only 12 psychiatrists in the world are qualified to diagnosis Autism, so they **HAD** to self diagnose themselves. They were all proud self-diagnosed Aspies. Just like me! I'm Autistic too, but, wow are you nothing like me. Are you sure you have Autism? I'm not like you at all and I know I diagnosed myself correctly, because I'm just like Sheldon Cooper and I've watched every episode of Big Bang Theory, so I know I have Autism, just like my hero Sheldon Cooper does."*

I get so sick and tired of jackass Autism-wanna-bes, who call themselves Autistic just because they think it's "cool".

Can you wipe your own ass when you take a shit? If so, you probably don't have Autism.

Are you in your 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s, 70s+ and can live on your own without 24 hour adult supervision? Hey, well, guess what **YOU DO NOT HAVE AUTISM! SO STOP FUKING PRETENDING YOU DO!**

Someone with REAL Autism, will go total psycho on your ass, when you try to force them to interact with others... they will act like a wild rabid animal, tear your skin off your faces, bite chunks of flesh out of your arm, you WILL be seriously injured, and **YOU WILL NEED HOSPITALIZATION FOR YOUR MASSIVE INJURIES**. 

Never underestimate the extreme levels of violence, hostility, and animalistic strength an Autistic possesses when upset.

#THERE IS A REASON MOST PARANTS OF ACTUALLY AUTISTIC CHIDLREN BELIEVE THEIR CHILD IS DEMON POSSESSED AND TAKE THEM TO PRIESTS FOR EXOSISMS!

Believe me... there is a big difference between an upset self-diagnosed aspie pouting in the corner and an upset ACTUAL autistic, breaking your bones, pulling your hair out, ripping your ears offm, and biting your fingers off.

Self diagnosed Aspies, will run and hide with you yell at them... actual real Autistics, will fight back with vicious animal ferocity, and you'll be in an ambulance on your way to get your fingers sewed back on.

There is a hell of a big difference between:

* "Oh my kid has quirks, likes comic books, and won't eat peas or green beans, he must have Autism"

and

* "Ohmigawd! My demon possessed kid just bit my fucking finger off, because I stopped him from laying his comic books out around the edge of the house in rainbow colour order!"

People focus on the "good" or "positive" symptoms of Autism... like quirks and obsessions with cartoons... but they forget, those are just the iceberg tip of Autism that you see on the surface, and MOST of Autism's symptoms are a  true nightmare, horrific, dark, and are very, very, very negative.

The fakers with their self diagnoses, prance around "look at me I got quirks!"... but ask them, about the dark side of Autism, and they'll tell you there is none. 

The fakers with their self diagnoses, will tell you Autism is all good and has no bad... but me with real Autism, I can tell you how easy it is for an 8 year old girl to rip a man's testicals off and force feed them to him... because I did it. I really don't like being touched, and like even less being raped.

The fakers with their self diagnoses, will tell you they read comic books... me with real Autism, I can quite line by line, every pages of more than 10,000 comic books.

A photographic memory, the ability to look inside your mind and see photographic images of EVERYTHING you have ever looked at EVER in your entire life, and quickly file through those photos to read from your head, books line by line... is a primary required symptoms of Autism, and if you don't have that, you don't have Autism.

The fakers with their self diagnoses, will tell you look how pretty the trees are, let's paint pictures of them... me with real Autism, I can tell you the best and fastest way to get to the top of that tree and how many days was the longest I stayed up there 130 feet off the ground.

Oh... did no one ever tell you one of the primary symptoms of Autism is climbing things like telephone poles, water towers, smokestacks, and giant old growth pine and redwood trees?

I thought you said you knew Autism well enough to diagnose yourself with having it?

The fakers with their self diagnoses, will tell you how much fun it is to be a part of the neurodiversity community, where they get to hang out with other none neural typicals... me with real Autism, I'll punch your teeth out with a brick if you try to force me into any community at all. No I'm not joking, I have Autism, I NEVER joke, I am ALWAYS dead serious, look at my uncles, most of them have no front teeth, and most of them lost their teeth before I was 12 years old. I don't like being hit in the face with a brick and my uncles always taught:

*"DO unto others as you want others to do unto you"*... meaning, they would not have broken my jaw with a brick and knocked out 17 of my teeth, unless they wanted me to return the favor and knock out their teeth with the exact same brick they used to knock out mine.

The golden rule... do unto others what you want others to do to you, in other words, I wait to see how you are going to treat me, and I will do to you EXACTLY the same thing you did to me, line by line, word by word, action by action, measure by measure, because by doing it to me, you have informed me that I MUST do it back to you, it's what you wanted me to do to you, otherwise, you would not have done it to me... do to others EXACTLY what they first did to you. So says the Golden Rule in the Bible... my uncles shouldn't have preached it, if they didn't mean it; likewise, they should not have beaten out 17 of my teeth with a brick, if they didn't want me to fight back in self defence and with that self same brick. Just because a child is 8 years old, and 5 men in their 30s are holding her down and raping her, and beating her face with a brick to stop her from crying for help, doesn't mean she ain't strong enough to tear her arm free, pull that brick from their hand, and throw it right back at them.

Did you know Autism is CAUSED by childhood rape? And that if you were NOT raped as a toddler, than it is NOT possible for you to have Autism?

I suppose that would be, yet another thing you overlooked when self-diagnosing yourself, eh?

Do you realize, when your parents say: "I'm a proud mom of an autistic child"... that what she is ACTUALLY saying is: "I'm proud the men in my life raped my toddler and gave her Autism!" 

Yeah.

I'm wondering how many "Proud Autism moms" there would be, if they ACTUALLY READ the ACTUALLY medical diagnosis guide for Autism, and found out that Autism, is a form of childhood post traumatic stress disorder, caused by childhood rape?

Did you know Autism, is a coping mechanis... a way to shut out the real world, because people are evil, mean, and hurtful, and imaginary friends don't hurt you and live in a world, where you are safe and protected, and you can ONLY be hurt if you leave there would and return to the real world... 

...and THAT is WHY Autistics, shut out the real world, ignore it completely, and have no desire, absolutely ZERO desire for social interaction.

Which is WHY it is foolish for self-diagnosed Aspies, to claim to be Autistic because of social anxiety.

We with REAL Autism, don't have social anxiety... we have 100% pure hatred for humanity and the world humans live in and our brain shut down and protects us, by blocking out the real world... that why we don't see it... why don't see cars in the road... why we need 24 hour adult supervision, even into our adulthood and elderly years... because we see the world of the Fae and we can no longer see your real world, because your real world is far too painful to see anymore.

The fakers with their self diagnoses, will tell you they could NEVER hurt anyone, it would hurt their feelings... me with real Autis, I don't give a shit about your feelings and I won't think twice about breaking your nose, arm, leg, if you hurt me, I'm going to hurt you right back. You break my nose, I will immediatly break your nose, and while you are on the ground crying in pain, I'm standing dry eyed, not sheading a tear, not making a sound, because I've been in searing pain so long, that nothing you can do will hurt me worse than I already hurt every day. You are not used to pain, so you cry and scream... me, I stopped crying decades ago, I stopped screaming decades back. I also stopped smiling... I hurt too much to smile. I've not laughed in decades, I've no reason to laugh and laughter only shakes my insides and makes the pain worse.

Common misconseption is that we with ACTUAL Autism, have no feelings... no... we have feelings, we just are in so much agonizing pain, all day, every day, that we learned to stop showing emotions... it was the only way, to learn to stop crying 24 hours a day, stop screaming with every step we take. We had to cancel out outward sings of emotions, otherwise we would never make it from one day to the next.

The agonizing pain, is so bad that we pass out several times a day, whenever the stabbing pain of pinched nerves, bloated bellies, bleeding blisters, splitting eardrums, stabbing pain in our eyes, reaches a point when we can bear it in silence no longer, and we stop breathing, our bodies shut down. And we lay unconscious on the floor for seconds, minutes, hours, sometimes days, before we wake up again.

The physical pain is the worst part of Autism.

The fakers with their self diagnoses, will tell you all their favorite foods, their likes, their dislikes, and how they are picky, finicky eaters who must have everything laid out just so... me with real Autism, I'll tell you about WHY I can not eat most foods... the bloating, the rashes, the hives, the vomiting, the diarrhea... an Autistic's strict "finicky" diet is NOT a cute little quirk like the fake ass self diagnosers say, it's a full blood gastrointestinal allergy that you can die from... the same thing that causes our synapses to misfire also causes our digestive tract to reject every food we eat like it was poison.

If that doesn't happen to you, than you don't have Autism.

The fakers with their self diagnoses, will tell you "I like to read, I'm a deep thinker and like to get lost in thought, thinking about the other worlds"... me with real Autism, I don't get lost in thought thinking about other worlds I've read about in books, I spend hours every day, in what I'm told is called "Astral projection". I don't think about those worlds, I live in them. I don't read about those characters, I interact with them. 

People have recorded this "phenomena" when it happens ... they can't wake me up. I go into a rigid catatonic state, for hours, days, some times weeks. It's almost like a coma, but my body is still functioning so I don't need life support.

When I finally come out of it and they ask where I went, my answer is always: "I went into a book to visit the characters" or "I went into the vide game, to live with the characters" or "I went into the movie, to find out what was going on in their world"

I don't just "think" about characters, I go meet them in their world... and THAT is what makes Autism, Autism, and what makes a REAL Autistic, so vastly different from the faker ass wannabes with their self diagnoses.

Doctors, can't explain catatonia and classify it as "one of the mysteries" of Autism.

#While not all catatonics have Autism... ALL Autistics ALWAYS have catatonia.

Catatonia is the one thing, that makes REAL Autism, REAL Autism... and if you don't have catatonia, you ain't got Autism.

And if you didn't know catatonia is the ONLY symptom that determines if or not you have Autism, then Honey, you really do know absolutely nothing about REAL, ACTUAL Autism.

#IF YOU DO NOT HAVE CATATONIA, YOU DO NOT HAVE AUTISM!

And then there are the senses. The over powering senses. 

Every sound, even the tiniest whisper, is like a cruise ship fog horn going off in my ears. 

If that doesn't happen to you, than you don't have Autism.

I can see in the dark like a cat, and that's a good thing, but the trade off, I can't see at all in light. Sun light, daylight, land light, they blind me. I can not go outside between 10AM and 5PM because the sunlight causes searing pain and I pass out from the pain, then when I wake up, I can't see at all for several minutes, and when I can see again all I can see a rainbow star bursts and black and red polka dots for hours.

If that doesn't happen to you, than you don't have Autism.

The faker ass wanna bes with their self diagnoses, will tell you their eyes hurt if they look at the sun... newsflash... EVERYONE'S eyes hurt if you look at the sun. Stop being an idiot, stop looking at the sun!

People with Autism, don't have to look at the sun to black out ... a 30 watt lamp in a bedroom will cause them to pass out from the searing pain as well. The pain is THAT bad.

When was the last time you felt pain that was so extreme you passed out?

Never? Really? I thought you said you had Autism? 

When was the last time you were blind for hours on end and saw nothing but total blackness, while fireworks starburst of rainbow colours exploded in front of you and black and red polka dots zipped by?

Never? Really? I thought you said you accurately self diagnosed yourself with Autism? Extreme photo sensativity is a primary symptom, classified as, you don't have Autism, if you don't have this symptom.

Still think you diagnosed yourself accurately?

The faker ass wanna bes with their self diagnoses, will tell you they can't wear cloths with tags because "tags are itchy"...

Nothing can touch me. Nothing. No one. Not fabric. Not human skin. I break out in horrifying blisters, huge bubbles that burst and bleed. I can only wear 100% pure silk, pure cotton, pure bamboo fiber cloth, or real fur. Everything burns my skin. Turns my skin bright red. My skin blisters, bubbles, bleeds, and peels if anything else touches it.

If that doesn't happen to you, than you don't have Autism.

As for itchy tags... tags itch EVERYONE, you stupid ass!

People with Autism... tags cause massive blisters, hives, and bleeding.

Far too many people only know the "good", "cute", "funny", "quirky", "socially acceptable" symptoms of Autism, and they want in on that. They want to be cute, funny, quirky, social acceptable... but they completely ignore the dark side of Autism... and very, very, very dark, that dark side is. The bad symptoms, the violent symptoms, the social unaccepted symptoms, are far bigger, far greater, then the good ones. To the extent that a REAL Autistic can't function in society.

And that's how you can tell the fake ass wanna bes with their self diagnoses, from someone with REAL, ACTUAL Autism.

They parade around talking how good and fun Autism is, they make out like having Autism is a badge of honor to be proud of.

It's not, and don't be fooled into thinking it is.

And 90% of all Autistics, can't even talk. Mutism, is one the biggest symptoms.

Yes, Autism gives you good things like making art and literature are big part of your life, but the bad parts of Autism are so overpowering bad, that you can NOT enjoy those good things.

Real Autistics aren't trying to be a part of a group. They are just trying to get from one day to the next without searing pain in their bellies, without their skin bursting open and bleeding all over everything, without mind numbing pain in their eyes from sunlight. They are in far too much pain 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 52 weeks a year, every year for their entire lives, to have any free time to join groups or happily chat about how fun Autism is.

#Autism is not fun to live with, and any one who tells you it is, does not have Autism.

The fakers with their self diagnoses, forget to tell you about the dark side of Autism, because **THEY DO NOT HAVE AUTISM** so they didn't even know the dark side of Autism existed.

If you only know self-diagnosed Aspies, then you don't know Autism, and you are in for one hell of a big surprise when the day comes that you actually meet someone with REAL Autism.

1 in 3 children have Aspergers, it's very common, but only 1 in 1,200,000 children have Autism, it's very rare. In the wake of the mass flood of people calling Asperger's Autism, people forget how incredibly rare actual Autism really is. They aren't the same thing and until you've seen both side by side, you don't realize how different they really are.

People forget WHY I became such a good writer. I was mute for 31 years. Writing was the only way I could communicate with anyone. But I grew up in a family that crumpled up the paper, never even looked at it. In their minds I was too stupid to talk and therefore anything I wrote on paper MUST have been gibberish. They didn't even look at it. So I wrote letters to the cats that lived with us. I started doing that when I was 8 years old. I still do it 50+ years later.

 I'm not likely to be much use in a group, as outside of writing, art, video games, and organizing sale floors of retail stores, I'm too retarded to be able to do anything else. 

I'm rarely welcomed in groups, because I'm too retarded, too Autistic to fit in, or so I'm always told. I'm rarely of any use to anyone.

You want an in depth look at HOW someone becomes Autistic?

The first 31 years of my life was spent sleeping in feces, starving, locked in a cage.

My first experience with Americans was to be plastered by paparazzi all over every newspaper as a feral child who survived "the worst child abuse case in American history".

My 2nd experience with Americans was for Stephen King's film crew to show up, trespassing, unannounced, to film not one, but 2 movies on my farm, without my permission.

Resulted in people flocking to me as fans, pissing their pants to meet me and get my autograph, but never once becoming a friend... they already have friend who they run back to screaming they shook my hand.

I've never had a friend.

Never.

Not one.

My uncles, they only loved the money they could get from having an 8 year old child with 38DDD breasts.

I had my first "miscarriage" at age 14 when one of my uncles decided it was bad for business for me to be pregnant, so tossed me in a shower stall, and kicked my belly until I passed out. I woke up 3 days later, still in the shower stall, the entire bathroom a bloodbath.

ALL 7 so-called "miscarriages" have been that way. Outright murder.

Ben was the father of every murdered baby and he not only doesn't give a shit, he goes so far as to say, none of the babies were his, goes into wild, violent meltdowns accusing me of being "unrighteous and unfaithful", so he doesn't have to care... but when I was 12, he bought the exclusive rights to me, and I've not been with anyone else since.

Ben's cold, callous uncaring about the deaths, murders of his own children, at the hands of my uncles, is the number 1 primary reason why I like Avallac'h... 

Avallac'h loves babies and hates people who kill them. It's rare to find a man who wouldn't kill a baby, even their own. Real men hate babies. Avallac'h doesn't. Real men kill babies. Avallac'h kills baby killers. 

A man who doesn't kill babies is among the rarest thing there is. Real men are evil. All they care about is sex. They don't care about your health. They don't care about your safety. They only care about their dicks. And babies are in the way. Men massacre babies without batting an eye. 

Avallac'h's love for babies, alongside his fierce, violent protection of babies and their mothers, marks him as a rarity among men and a hero beyond any hero out there.

I was only one of the 140 nieces, my uncles regularly chained down, then jumped on their stomachs while they were pregnant. David was the worst. He was a 6'4" weight lifter, he'd tie the girls down, then beat their bellies with his 200lb weights.

That's the reality of child prostitution rings.

Go to my VOD list. Look for the VOD uploaded April 24, 2019, with the phrase "NSFW" in its title. The video includes footage of the sawed up bones, of 31 of those girls, being dug up on my farm.

Not everyone lived through their so-called "miscarriages". Nearly half died with their babies.

The FBI is still looking for more 200 girls between the ages of 4 and 12, who went missing in the 1970s and 1980s. I know where they are. August 16, 1991, uncle Mervin Bruce Atwater, alongside grandpa David Henry Atwater drove a caravan to Canton Lake, Canton Maine... I spent that 7 hour drive, tied up, gaged, and locked in the trunk of one of the several dozen cars involved in that caravan.

They Heaven's Gate murders happened just 5 years later and is what caused the FBI raid that rescued me and 140 others.

But the FBI first showed up at the farm in 1987.

The FBI started hanging around a lot in 1990.

And then, August 16, 1991, the entire clan gathered, from all over Canada, New England, Utah, Arizona, Colorado, Wyoming... thousands of them, in the biggest "family reunion" the Scottish Gypsies ever held... on Canton Lake.

Those 200+ missing girls... are at the bottom of Canton Lake. 

Lead by David Henry, Mervin Bruce, David, and Shem, the oldest of the grandchildren - men in their 30s and 40s - slit the throats of those girls, gutted them, sawed them up, boiled their meat off the bones, and then made a game, with the youngest children - boys all under the age of 12 - a contest to see who could throw bones the farthest, off a high cliff out into the lake...  in what they referred to as a "Moose poaching camp"... a huge hunting camp that they usually used for processing poached moose. ... a moose processing camp, owned, run, and operated by Barbie Jean.... 

They knew the FBI was coming down on them, so they decided to hide the evidence of the child prostitution ring.... thus they spent the night processing the meat of those 200+ young girls, and then, loaded the steaks into the backs of the door-to-door steak trucks that you see all over Maine, and sold them as "deer meat steaks".

That's what happened to the 200+ girls that went missing, and didn't get rescued with the 140 others, during the FBI raid that shut down the biggest child prostitution ring in America.

You see the constant police and backhoes digging up my farm at 146 Portland Ave, Old Orchard Beach, Maine - it's been going on since the first bodies were dug up by coyotes in 2016, ... if you're local, you've seen it, the hundreds of rusty oil barrels the FBI and police are digging up in my yard... the crowds of locals gathering around my farm, and police simply saying: "We are investigating cannibals" and giving no more details.

The oldest barrels they've excavated so far, date to the 1920s.... the bulk of them are from the 1950s to 1970s.... 

In those oil barrels are the bones of children. Little girls, 8, 9, 10, 12 years olds, who dared commit the sin of getting pregnant when white Americans paid $20,000 to rape them.

Americans like to spread all kinds of rumors about the group they call "The Scottish Mafia", but the reality of the so-called Scottish Mafia, is far worse then the stupid ass rumors.... a clan of cannibals, who raised little girls like they cattle, girls who spent their childhoods in cages, let out only long enough to be raped by American men willing to pay the highest prices, then slaughtered eaten as steaks when they turned 14 years old.... that's the REAL Scottish Mafia, a very big far cry from what you see portrayed as "Scottish Mafia" in TV and movies isn't it?

We females were seen as livestock.

Kept in cages, even puppy mills wouldn't dream of using.

Let out long enough to be raped by strangers.

Our rape babies beaten out of our bellies, on the orders of their fathers, who the uncles blackmailed more money out of. Pay money to beat the 8 year old child carrying your rape baby, ensure no one finds out what you do in your spare time.

Then slaughtered for food when you turn 14.

Your bones, sawed up, packed in oil barrels, and buried in the swamps.

They thought the swamps would rot the metal barrels, rot the bones.

They were wrong, weren't they?

The peat bog moss of the swamp preserved them. And now they are being dug up.

Go watch the VOD. See the bones being excavated out of my farm for yourself.

That is what I grew up with.

Daily being raped from the time I was 4 years old

When any of children got pregnant, our bellies were crushed.

And when we reached the age of 14, we were cut up into steaks and sold as fucking deer meat.

Have you noticed that in 2016, the door-to-door deer steak trucks all but vanished in Maine? Yeah. Now you know why. A lot of them are in prison now for selling human not deer steaks.

#If you have any information regarding this case, FBI Agent Andy Drewer out of the Portland, Maine FBI office is in charge of the investigation. He can be reached @ +1-(207)-774-9322

I'm one of the few who survived, because I had papers. When I was 12, a millionaire high priest from Austria, bought exclusive rights to me, and he also got me legal paperwork: American citizenship, a social security number, a birth certificate - things females in this clan were not allowed to have. Ben is the only reason I went on to become one of the few girls still alive today, and not sold as deer steaks when I turned 14.

A lot of people don't know WHY I got so damned mad at ThingyChan, when she took events from my childhood and made BDSM sex fetish memes about it... because unlike ThingyChan, a lot of people don't know the full details of what happened to me, what I saw happen to my cousins.

Half the time they weren't killed humanely... Anastasia... was only 4 years old, when on August 21, 1991, she had her leg pulled off her body.... the intestines came out with the bone .... her breakfast half digested spewed out all over the floor mingled with the blood... it took her 5 damned days to finally bleed to death. And they left her laying their, while the older male cousins, Shem leading them, kicked her, punched her, and rapeded her, over and over again.

#THEY FUCKING TORTURED HER TO DEATH!

Do you know what it feels like to have your head held down on a cement cinder block while a more traditional red brick is slammed into your face?

I do!

It was a common punishment.

I can even begin to count how many times my jaw was broken that way.

#Do you see now how incredibly VILE the sex joke memes ThingChan made about the torture I went through, is?

#HOW DISGUSTING THINGYCHAN IS FOR CALLING A 4 YEAR OLD BEING TIED DOWN, RAPED, AND JAW BROKEN WITH A BRICK, A BDSM SEX FETISH!!!!!

ThingyChan is a bad as the fucking men who did that to us!

How dare she call the torture we went through BDSM sex fetishes!

Over 300 little girls between the ages of 4 and 14 were MURDERED!

What kind of a sick bastard makes sex jokes about THAT?

#WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH HER!!!!!

There has never been a time in my life, when I wasn't suffering in pain from broken bones that never got set, ruptured organs that left me bleeding for weeks on end. Not once being allowed to go to the hospital.

My hip dysplasia was caused by having a 2 foot long foundation nail driven through my hip when I was 4 years old.  

I've heard people say sex was good, fun, happy... I've never had sex that wasn't forced, wasn't rape, wasn't brutal, and didn't leave me without broken bones or torn muscles. Sex is the worse, most evil, most horrible, vile, pain riddin form of torture there is. I can't even image how anyone could enjoy being beaten, having their bones broken, strangled, stabbed with knives, forks, and broken glass plates... sex the most awful thing there is, I can not understand how anyone would want it.

The only good thing about sex is the babies that come from it, but all of mine were murdered before they could be born. I was never allowed to raise any of my babies, and I nearly died after every beaten that killed my babies. 

The most recent one, they beat me with metal baseball bats and golf clubs, left me not only without my baby, but with my spine, hips, and knees broken, I'm crippled for the rest of my left and have spent the last 6 years relearning to walk.

No one has ever been kind to me.

No one has ever hugged me.

No one has ever kissed me.

No one has ever loved me.

There are only 2 things I've ever wanted: a baby and a friend.

America has laws, a woman my age can't adopt, you have to be under 45 in order to qualify for consideration to adopt a child in America; and the last beaten, left me unable to have children.

That leaves me with only one thing left to hope for in life: a friend, someone to talk to. I've never had that. Not once. More than half my life was spent locked in a cage, with no lights, no heat, total darkness, in a room with no windows, no nothing, just mold and fungus several inches thick on rotten walls, and a dirt ledge floor, bare ground, no floor boards. Alone for weeks on end, not knowing if or when I would ever see a person, if or when I would be given another burned saucepan to claw scrapings off of.

#When the FBI raid happened, I was

* 31 years old, 5'6" and weighed 87lbs. 

* my bones and muscles were (and still are) brittle and falling apart from 2 decades of extreme malnutrition. 

* I was nearly starved to death and the rescuers estimated I would have died with in the next few months had the raid not happened

* the room was filled with the bones of others who had died, been tossed in the room, their flesh eaten by the same rats that chewed on my arms and legs each night... they had all been beheaded, so no heads or skulls were ever found and the FBI continues to excavate the area and dredge local waters in search of the skulls, to this day

* It had been decades since I'd last eaten a meal, with as many as 2 weeks passing between being tossed a burned pan to scrap out. 

* I couldn't see in daylight because I'd spent so many years in total darkness. 

* And I didn't know how to speak human languages, was only able to speak cat and chicken, due to the only ones I had, had to talk to in that time, was the feral cats that snuck in through the cracks in the walls at night, and the chickens who were put in the room in the winter to protect them from the cold.

* I had no social skills, did not know how to communicate with others; was only able to communicate via writing; 

* because the only physical touch I had ever had from anyone was being raped or being beaten... I had (and still have) a massive phobia of humans getting near me and am prone to massive meltdowns of total hysteria if someone gets within 5 feet of me

* I had (and still have) a massive phobia of forks, seeing them as weapons, not food utensils, due to have been stabbed, scarred, and tortured with sharped forks by my uncle Mervin Bruce Atwater, so many dozens of times

* I was 37 years old before I found out I was a human, and not a demon, like I had been raised to believe

* I got my driving permit at age 34 and gt my driver's license at age 35

* I started school at age 35 and got my GED at age 37

* many of the children who did not reach adulthood and died in those horrendous conditions, killed themselves before reaching the age of 16... I was the only one rescued who not only reached adulthood, but was in my 30s at the time of the raid

* when the team of psychologists, psychiatrists, and social workers assigned to me asked what kept me from killing myself like the bulk of the others had done... in those 27 years of hell, I held on to 2 memories: when I was 6 years old Grammy Eva had taken me to the Ice Capades, and when I was 7, in the weeks before Grammy Helen's death I had watched The Liberace Show with her every week.

* my 2 grammys - one who lived in Hawaii and wore Muumuu & kimono - the other who in her 80s drove a orange metal flake 3-wheel motorcycle and wore neon purple pantsuits; The Ice Capades, and The Liberace Show were my only memories of the outside world... bright, colourful, and happy... and are why I wear the bright coloured clothes I wear today

* I held onto the memories of my good, kind, loving, compassionate grammys, and that's the only thing that kept me alive, I thought that if I ever escaped, the outside world would be like them... but now that I've met the outside world, I know that my 2 grammys were flukes, and that I was locked up because I was a fluke like them, and humanity hates kindness, compassion, and goodness because the entirety of Humanity is EXACTLY like my uncles - cruel, evil, hateful, abusive, mean, incapable of love, compassionless, and not deserving of the life God gave them - In my years since the FBI, I've yet to met a single, solitary person, who was kind, good, compassionate, or loving

* the team of psychologists, psychiatrists, and social workers assigned to me, all agreed that they did not believe I would ever be able to assimilate into HUMAN society, due to my extreme hatred for and fear of HUMANS, and my total 100% belief that I was not a HUMAN, caused by my mother's extreme paranoid schizophrenia, and her having locked me in a cage in that isolation room on my 8th birthday because she believed faeries had stolen her real daughter and replaced her with me, a demon changeling

* the team of psychologists, psychiatrists, and social workers assigned to me, all agreed that I likely will never be able to feel any empathy for or towards HUMANS, due to 3 decades of being raised by violent mentally unstable humans who had severe untreated schizophrenia that they bounced off each other... with them glorifying the glories of them being HUMAN and us children being DEMONS unworthy of living in HUMAN presence

* the thing this group of 24 psychologists, psychiatrists, and social workers found to be the single most disturbing fact of all, was that ...

#my 3 decades of neglect, abuse, and isolation was so extreme that I possess no sympathy, empathy, compassion, pity, or ability to identify with Humans - the only emotion I feel towards humans is loathsome hatred and the unnerving desire to kill them all

* they said my total lack of any good feelings towards humans, combined with my extreme desire to kill all humans, alongside my having been raised to believe I was not human, marked me as an anomaly that they didn't know how to properly diagnosed because nothing like my case had ever been encountered before and there was no diagnosis for it

* among things included in my diagnosis, was the phrase: 

>>>"is a UFO suicide cult survivor"

and

>>>"was raised by radical fundamentalist extremists"

and

>>>"was raised to believe she was not human"

and

>>>"was raised to believe she was a demon"

and

>>>"in interviewing the adults who raised her, 52 of then maintain the belief that she is a demon channeling that they refer to as 'Her Grandmother's Evil Spirit'", "they claimed the real child ceased to exist after her grandmother's funeral", "they claimed that upon returning from the funeral, the real child was gone and this demon changeling was left in her place"

and

>>>"evidence suggests that her grandmother was murdered and she witnessed this event, resulting in the adults who murdered her grandmother creating the delusion that she was a demon, removing her from public school, and locking her in a cage in order to prevent her from telling anyone about the grandmother's murder"

and

>>>"they said they could not let her out of the cage because she refused to reveal where the faeries had taken the real child to"

and

>>>"they said they had no choice but to beat her daily because of her refusal to reveal the location of the real child she had replaced"

and

>>>"they likewise believe that both grandmothers were not human, cutting they too were demons"

and

>>>"they cited that the girl inherited 'Helen's evil spirit' upon Helen's death and 'Eva's evil spirit' upon Eva's death"

and

>>>"alarmingly every adult involved in her rearing displays severe schizophrenia, total belief in demons, and is fully convinced that this girl is a demon changeling; scarily their delusions fed on each other, giving rise to even more delusions" 

and

>>>"was removed from public school at the age of 8 years old a few hours following her grandmother's funeral; an investigation was made by the superintendent of schools, but social workers never followed up on the girl's sudden disappearance from public eye. These horrific events may never have happened had The Maine State Department of Human Services taken those initial reports from the her teacher, principal, superintendent, school nurse, and the child's pediatrician, all of whom files individual reports regarding concerns for the girl's safety after witnessing several signs of abuse during the weeks prior to her disappearance"

and

>>>"reports were made to the Old Orchard Beach Police Department regarding the girl's disappearance from school. No follow up was done. It has been discovered that members of the family worked in the police department and destroyed the department's record of these reports made by concerned school officials" 

and 

>>>"has never experienced kind, good, or loving relationships"

 and

 >>>"since infancy has never been hugged, held, cuddled, or touched in a good way by other humans" 

and

>>>"displays post traumatic stress disorder symptoms similar to WW2 concentration camp victims"

and

>>>"can not remember her name, answers to the names 'four eyed retard' and 'competition bitch' which appear to be the only names her mother called her since the age of 8 years old"

and 

>>>"has never been taught to view humans as equals" 

* in the weeks following the FBI raid, my mother and her 3 sisters and 8 brothers, were all diagnosed with schizophrenia... 

* the 12 siblings, their 50+ spouses, and 400+ adult children who ran the child prostitution ring, were all diagnosed with sociopathy, 5 were diagnosed with megalomania, more the 3 dozen (including my mother) were diagnosed with Munchausen syndrome by proxy

* the group was classified as the most radical of the compounds that called themselves members of Heaven's Gate - 4 of it's leaders killed themselves in the infamous HaleBop murder/suicide that killed 39 people in California and was what led to the FBI raid a few weeks later

* the FBI raid would result in dozens of Catholic, Mormon, Pentecostal, Baptist, Born Again Holy Roller, New Life, and non-Denominational churches throughout southern Maine and the Greater Boston tri-state area being closed in the weeks/months that followed, in the mid-late 1990s, as hundreds of pedophile priests were arrested for having paid money (often $millions in church funds) to rape the young girls

* wild rumors began to surface, as horrified Americans dubbed the clan leaders involved in the Scottish Gypsy child prostitution ring as "The Scottish Mafia"

* while American movie producers had a field day stereotyping "Scottish Mafia" to mean anything and everything, we 140 survivors, had to fight claw and fang against paparazzi, alongside trying to even learn what the hell an American even was

* the worst of them, Stephen King arrived at the compound, with a huge movie crew and set out to filming a movie "The Thinner" based off what he referred to as "the Gypsies of Saco, Maine, the most REAL Gypsy style Gypsies I have ever encountered"... he and his crew were trespassers, had no permits or permissions, and today are in a legal battle against our clan trying to get the rights to release Thinner on DVD, something we absolutely refuse to sign off on - we are abhorred that he tried to capitalize on our decades of torture, pain, and suffering

* and all of the 140 others like myself, were also raised to believe they were locked in cages because they were demons

* as of 2020, more than half of the 140 survivors rescued from that FBI raid have commit suicide, due to the pressures of trying to BECOME A HUMAN and to date none have been able to see themselves as HUMANS or successfully assimilate in HUMAN society and most are still 100% convinced they are DEMONS and are unable to identify as HUMAN or live among HUMANS

* while I was 31 at the time of the FBI raid; the eldest of my brothers was only 7 years old - yes, I am old enough to be the grandmother of every one of my brothers; one of them, was so badly traumatised by the abuse he received, he does not talk still to this day

* given the fact that my mother has multi-hundreds of medical records that all list her as infertile and unable to have children, after MY 16 YEAR OLD MOTHER - a brutal "miscarriage" (caused by an overdose of sleeping pills, then having her head cracked open with a brick b an unknown attacker while she was unconscious) she had 4 years after I was born, combined with the dates of the births of my brothers vs the dates of the so-called "miscarriage" beatens, some of the psychiatrists, psychologists, and social workers involved in the case, believe that chances are high that my brothers, may actually be my sons, stolen from me by my own mother, after being beaten unconscious by her brother Mervin Bruce.... this theory was further emphasized by the fact that one of my brothers is a blue eyed blond (everyone in the Atwater family has dark skin, black eyes, and black hair, due to being 3/4 Native American and 1/4 black African) and looks exactly like Ben (a blue eyed blond Austrian), the father of my babies

#and yes, my mother was a VERY SMALL CHILD when I was born - she and I are closer in age to each other then most sisters are, which is also why people often mistake us for twin sisters and have difficulty telling us apart

* my father was 39 when I was born, making the age difference between my parents one of the youngest in the clan and one of the few where the father was less than 30 years older then the mother... the biggest age difference between mother and father is 57 years

* at age 14 I hold the record of being the OLDEST female to get pregnant, and was nicknamed by the uncles "the old maid" due to my being "so very old" the first time getting pregnant

* I was 1 of only 2 females to reach the age of 14 with fewer than 4 pregnancies under my belt

* because only 4% of all babies reach the 3 years old, babies are not named until after their 3rd birthday and are given only bare necessity minimum contact (feeding time once every 4 hours and diaper changes twice a day), to avoid emotional attachments to them; this results in most of the parents and adults feeling no emotions at all then the 97% of babies born to the clan die - a rate of about 3 baby deaths per week

* feeding babies and diaper changes are the responsibility of the "non-Human, Demon slaves", some of whom are let out of their cages for the hour long baby feeding and diaper changing sessions

* mothers rarely, if ever, saw their babies - this made it easy to sell excess (male) babies for $20,000 each to infertial American couples through fly-by-night (not legal) "adoption clinics"

* male blue eyed blond newborn babies are highly sought after by infertial American couples and can sell for as high as $200,000; thus wealthy blue-eyed blond priests from Catholic, Mormon, Pentecostal, New Life, and Baptist churches were sought out with offers to pay money to rape little girls

* the child prostitution ring was in operation for 57 years, bringing in multiple millions of dollars per year to the so-called "motel owners of Old Orchard Beach" aka The Cyr Clan, who owned it, before the FBI raid shut most of it down in 1997

* while as of 2020 most of the Atwater Clan men involved with running & managing the child prostitution ring have been arrested, the actual owners of the child prostitution ring (The Cyr Clan) whom the Atwater Clan worked for, have yet to be arrested and are still at large

* I do not know the name of the man who owned it, he rarely showed up on the farm, but when he did show up, he ALWAYS drove a giant backhoe, with a German Shepherd Dog riding in the bucket/scoop; the man looked exactly like Bo Duke from the Dukes of Hazzard, appeared to be TRYING to look like Bo Duke; he wasn't very big; most of the Atwater uncles who ran the clan were over 6'2" the tallest being 6'7" and the man from the Cyr clan barely reached to their shoulders, so he was around 5'7" tall; he was also very skinny and was flighty and nervous acting and seemed to very paranoid, he was loud and demanding and yelled a lot; in spite of his tiny size, my giant brutal, spouse abusing, child torturing uncles were terrified of him, but I never knew why; he reminded me of a chihuahua - small, loud, barking constantly, but scared of his own shadow; he was in his 30s at the time and had taken over "the business" from his father; he'd be around 65 or 70 years old today in 2020; he always spoke of owning a hotel, and every autumn arrived at the farm to hire my uncles to saw the copper pipes off of "competitors' hotels" and to burn down other hotels; throughout the 1980s and into the 2000s, every single year, no fewer than 4 and as many as 20 hotels were stripped of copper pipes and/or burned to the ground by my uncle Mervin Bruce Atwater for the Cyr Clan man, between October and December, in Old Orchard Beach, Maine - Mervin Bruce Atwater was arrested  2016 and Old Orchard Beach has not had a motel stipped of pipes or burned to the ground since; 

* the child prostitution ring was able to operate for such a very long time for 2 reasons: ... 1: there is no limit to the extremes a wealthy infertial American couple will go through to get their hands on a blue-eyed blond male newborn baby.... 2: there is no shortage of wealthy blue-eyed blond American men willing to jump on the opportunity to rape a 10 year old girl and willing to pay tens of thousands to do so

* mothers who protested this, were declared "Demons" and put in cages with the rest of the "Demons"

* the "non-Human, Demon slaves" were let out of their cages once a week for 3 hours; every Sunday to go to church, where they received weekly exorcisms to try to cast out their "Demons" and turn them "back into Humans again"

* the girl with the most babies the youngest, had had 7 pregnancies, including 2 sets of twins, by the time she was 14, making her the mother of 9 by the time she reached her 14th birthday - today she holds the clan record of the mother with the most pregnancies to live, the most babies to reach the age of 3, and the most children to reach the age of 18... with a whopping 37 of her pregnancies not only being born alive, but reaching the age of 3, and then surviving to reach the age of 18; at the age of 40, she had 200 grandchildren and 37 great-grandchildren 

* my mother suddenly and mysteriously "became infertile again" after the FBI raid and her freak unexplained popping out new babies days after each of my so-called "miscarriages"  (each one caused by being beaten unconscious at around 8 months pregnant, and waking up with the baby gone, followed by my mother's miraculous "giving birth" to a slightly premature baby a few weeks later) suddenly ceased to happen

* I was 37 years old when a team of psychologists, psychiatrists, and social workers set out to training me how to do things like walk on my feet instead of crawl on all 4s like a cat

* while today in 2020, I've trained my mind to accept the fact that Humans eat daily, and not once a week, the 27 years of eating what most would consider less than a snack, one day every week or 2, I am today not physically able to eat a daily meal because my digestive track is not big enough or strong enough to hold what ... a side effect of 27 years of extreme malnutrition and starvation

* the extreme starvation went on for so long, that even today 20 years after the FBI raid, I look like I am 9 months pregnant, because of my permanently distended "starvation" abdomen, a side effect of 27 years of scraping burnings off of sauce pans once every 12 days, and never once having a full meal in that 27 year period... I was still only 8 years old when the bloated starvation belly formed...  because it is caused by extreme levels of starvation, no amount of dieting while remove the distended starvation belly, which can only be removed by reconstructive surgery of my entire digestive tract

* the distended starvation belly is the reason I never wear tight fitted clothes, can not wear pants or skirts, and can only wear big loose fitting caftans, muumuu, and kimono as "normal" clothes do not fit over my distended starvation belly, which is so big that even maternity pants don't stretch enough to fit

* I was also 37 years old when a team of psychologists, psychiatrists, and social workers set out to teaching me how to speak in human languages instead of in chicken clucks and cat growls and hisses

* during attempting to teach me to speak, they made an alarming discovery: I spoke via chicken clucks and cat growls and hisses, not because I didn't know human languages or lacked understanding as they originally thought, but rather, because I'd been hit in the face with a brick so many times in my lifetime, that I couldn't open my jaw wide enough to form words

* x-rays and trips to a dentist, revealed massive damage to my jaw bones, cheek bones, sinus region bones, and teeth, from years of being baten in the face with a brick

* at 41 years of age I had reconstructive surgery of my jaw, including 7 root canals... meaning my jawbone and 21 of my teeth are porcelain - not real bone or teeth, resulting in I am now able to eat solid foods for the first time in my life and also am now able to talk normally (before the surgery, the damage to my jawbone was so bad that I was classified as "near-mute" due to an extreme inability to open my jaw enough to be able to form words.

* all of my molars (back teeth) were crumbled shards, with raw pulp exposed

* my jaw was broken and healed improperly, in so many places that doctors could not determine how many times I had suffered a broken jaw in my lifetime

* the broken teeth and jaw bones were a result of having my head held down on a cement cinder block, while a regular red brick was used to smash my jaw - this was a recurring punishment I received a few times a month, from the time I was 8 years old until I was 31 years old

* I stopped talking when I was 14 years old and was classified as mute for the next 16 years - I "refused" to talk, because the searing pain in my jaw was so bad that I could not open my mouth far enough to form words

* the reconstructive surgery at age 41, resulted in my being able to speak normally, for the first time in my life

* I was 42 years old when I found out the concept of things like friends and people talking to other people existed; and my desire to have a friend, someone I could talk to set in

* July 1, 2001 a backhoe with the mural of a big red apple painted on it's side, drove over my house, while me and my brothers were gone to the movie theater... my mom's brother Joey bragged on Facebook that he had hired the man to do it

* February 14, 2003 - I was stuck in traffic and arrived to my doctor's appointment 10 minutes late.... lucky for me, as I arrived in time to see the mushroom cloud as a bomb in my doctor's office blew up First Care Health Clinic on Saco Ave, Old Orchard Beach, Maine, killing my doctor and 3 nurses, and leaving 21 patients in critical condition

* October 16, 2006 a bomb blew up my house and an 8 foot tall Ku Klux Klan cross was left behind in the rubal (keeping in mind, several members of the Atwarer family are members of the KKK)

* April 2007, the same backhoe returned to drive over my house yet again

* May 15, 2010, my car, the 1964 Dodge 330, was cut in half by a group of radical members of a local church known as The Saco Ward of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints; my mother's church; her friend Joel Bailey went to prison 7 months later

* May 2013 Southern Maine Community College was evacuated when a bomb was found in the back corner of the classroom I was in

* July 2013, while driving home from my job at the Maine Mall, I was pulled off the road to wait, while police closed off the crossroad at my street.... the body of my cousin Murphy was laid out in the middle of the road, minus his head... the police found his head a few miles away at a different crossroad... he was one of the children abused and survivors rescued

* August 8, 2013 the infamous backhoe returned to drive over my house yet again and this now being the 5th house this backhoe had driven over shortly after rebuilding from the previous attack, I gave up rebuilding houses to live under a tent instead

* August 13, 2013, on my birthday, my mom's brother Joey posted on my FaceBook wall "paying that construction worker to demolish your house for your birthday was the best $600 I ever spent, Americans are such boobs, they'll do anything for money"

* November 14, 2013, while in a parking lot putting bags of art supplies in the back of my car 3 unknown people attacked me from behind with 2 metal baseball bats and a metal golf club. This was the first time since the FBI raid of 1997, that I had been pregnant again, and for nw the 7th time, had a "miscarriage" caused by a brutal beaten; but for the first time a beaten by stranger, not one of my uncles or my mother

* 2 of them were women who looked to be about 65 and acted like sisters or best friends, one with long curly orange red hair and cyberpunk looking neon lime green cyclops-style glasses and a off the shoulder sweater of large black and white stripes and screaming "I'm Kendra Silvermander, it's my turn to shine"; the other a blond wearing a denim button front work-shirt; the 3rd a bald man who acted like either the blond woman's son or lover, and had a football player muscle build

* the FBI is still trying to identify these 3 attackers; alarmingly they discovered that the username "Kendra Silvermander" appears on the friend lists of 7 of my mother's social network accounts, including Twitter, FaceBook, and Pinterest, and they now suspect that this mysterious Kendra Silvermander, the blond woman, and the bald man, are relatives of my mother's, most likely connected to her brother David

* the November 14, 2013 attack broke my spine, hips, and knees leaving me paralyzed for 5 months and 18 months to relearn to walk 

* I returned to work in 2015, but now with limited movement and requiring a cane

* November 2015 Scarborough WalMart evacuated when a bomb was found in the department I was stationed to work in

* March 2015 Barbie Jean's husband Paul Martel was arrested  by the FBI on a Boston Mass beach for selling bombs, bomb marking parts, automatic rifles, and machine guns to members of Isis; his bombs were identified both as the bombs that were used in the Boston Marathon attacks AND the bombs in my house, doctors' office, college, and work places; branding my mom's sister Barbie Jean as the FBi's number 1 suspect in ALL of the attacks prior

* March 2015 Barbie Jean's son Scott was arrested at Scarborough Downs Race Track for selling prescription bottles stolen from the Southern Maine Medical Center (aka The Barbara Bush Foundation Children's Hospital aka the Biddeford Hospital)

* April 10, 2015 - 12 members of my family were kidnapped

* April 12, 2015 - 2 escaped and returned home, both with their jaws broken and nearly all of their teeth knocked out

* May 15, 2015, the heads of 2 of them were returned (8 more heads would be returned in the weeks following)

* May 15, 2015 Barbie Jean posted a message on my FaceBook wall which read: "the next head nailed to a dor will be yours"... she posted it 5 hours before I discovered the heads nailed to my door

* June 2016  Scarborough WalMart evacuated a second time when a bomb was found yet again in the department I was stationed to work in

* July 2016 - Kendra Silvermander, the blond woman, and the bald man, this time in a gold Volvo suv, once again attacked me in a parking lot - this time at WalMart while I was putting groceries in my car... they attacked me from behind yet again, this tie with a shopping cart, while the redhead woman screamed yet again "I'm Kendra Silvermander it's my time to shine", while the blond woman screamed "that's EelKat she tried to kill my husband"

* since the July 2016 attack I have been bedridden with inoperable damage to my spinal column and unable walk unaided with the help of others

* though I have let's played games online since 2004 (on Myspace until moving to YouTube in 2008) it was a hobby I did only an hour or 2 a week. 

* because of my permanently crippled state for the rest of my life with no hope of ever walking normally again, I joined Twitch and set out to streaming 12 hours a day

And WHY has all this happen? Because my uncles Mervin Bruce Atwater and David Atwater and my aunt Barbra Jean, self proclaimed leaders of the "new" Heaven's Gate, decided I was a demon, not a human. They decided that when I was 8 years old and believe it to this day. And because in their minds, I'm not human, they think that gives them the right to make my life hell. But what can yes expect of someone who believes god is an alien, living on planet Kolob, riding on a mothership, hidden behind a comment, riding to earth, to take his reptilian alien form, and merge it with Trump to become god-king. What the fuck? Who in their right mind believes the Heaven's Gate alien bull crap? In case in you hadn't noticed, David, Bruce, Barbara and their crew are fucking insane... believing children are demons and god is alien reptile who merge with Trump, doesn't tell you they are insane?

And you, you reaction is: "Are you are Satan worshiper?"

What the fuck?

Will you be returning to streaming?

#Will you be returning to streaming?

At some point.

It is rather difficult to stream from the hospital and for some reason people seemed to have forgotten how very bad off my health is the past couple of years, or how much worse it got last summer of 2019, or how it continued to grow progressively worse last winter of 2019, and reached the point where I was no longer able to lift my head, let alone sit up in bed or use the keyboard by spring of 2020.

You forgot I was bedridden and struggle to either breath or even sit up, right?

Also... did you forget too that my family was murdered by the Ku Klux Klan, my 12 children kidnapped, 10 of them their heads nailed to my door, a backhoe drove over my house, 2 of my cars cut in half, my motorhome filled 5,000 gallons of sewage destroying everything inside, and an 8 foot tall white cross now stands in my driveway... because, at some point 500 years ago there was a Jewish person in my family and my 5th great grandmother was a black slave?

And I am currently dealing with a huge police and FBI murder, kidnapping, and hate crime investigation?

**FBI Agent Andy Drewer out of the Portland, Maine FBI office is in charge of the investigation. If you have information about the case, give it to him not me. He can be reached @ +1-(207)-774-9322**

#So, in case you hadn't noticed, I'm little bit busy offline, free time for hobbies no longer exists, and streaming video games is NOT very high on my list of important things to do right now!!!

It has now been 8 months since my last daily stream and that is quite distressing for me.

My health is not well, and as you are likely now aware that one of our 12 kidnapped children has been found alive, you are therefore also now aware that there have been more things happening offline that I was unable to talk about online given the nature of those things, so while you knew I took a break because of my health and because of a stalker attacking me online, you were left unaware of some of the other things that were eating up my time and keeping me not having any free time left to stream.

I love streaming. I won't have done it for 16 years without ever once getting paid a single penny that whole time, if I didn't.

Life is very hectic right now and streaming is something I do as a hobby in my spare time. It's not a career for me. I don't rely on it for money. I have a career outside of Twitch.

Streams were daily, until June 2019, when my health got a lot worse. Something that is now presumed to have been pneumonia, hit my lungs hard and left me with survere COPD, though, doctors are questioning the possibility that I may have had Covid19 in June 2019, long before it was supposedly "discovered", considering I got it at a CosPlay convention where people from China were in attendance. 

Doctors say there are other cases of possible "early" Covid19 in Maine, Massachusetts, and Pennsylvania in June to September 2019, where people had an unidentified flu-like illness that was worse then pneumonia, and crippled their lungs, and made them bedridden for well over a year.

It is still unknown yet, what it was I contracted June 2019, it's similar to Covid19, but worse, apparently, as it does not go away in 14 days like Covid19 and has now been with me 14 months.

It was after that point, June 2019, streams were 3 or 5 days a week.

December 15, 2019 was my last consistently regular stream.  Some sort of weird flu-like illness hit me with a 103F fever, severe lung disease COPD, daily vomiting, and daily diarrhea that stayed me until May 2020. Doctors worry when a fever stays with you more then 3 days, and my fever stayed at 103F or higher for a full 6 months.

January 21, 2020, I fell and tore an abdominal muscle, so had to wait 12 weeks for that to heal.

February 14, 2020, yet another shooting at yet again Scarborough WalMart, left yet another family member in critical condition, this time a cousin who lived down the road from me.

February 27, 2020, stay at home orders went into effect, and stayed in effect until August 21, 2020. *(Today as I write this, it is August 31, 2020, so we are only 10 days out of the stay at home orders here in Maine)*

March 1, 2020, saw the first of 7 Covid19 deaths to take a friend or relative.

August 25, 2020 we had a HUGE update in the 6 year long FBI investigation of the kidnapping and murder of my 12/10 children... who at the time of the kidnapping on April 10, 2015, the oldest was 18 years old and the youngest was 4 years old... August 24, 2020, the youngest, was found alive, and returned to us the next day. She is now 10 and deeply traumatized.

On top of all of that, I'm still dealing with the psycho-bitch streamer and her gang of "deserve to be raped" raider simps, who are harassing me on more than a dozen social networks, in addition to their harassing me on Twitch.

So, as you can see, I've not had a lot of free time, between being in the hospital, being in doctors offices, dealing with the kidnapping/murder investigation.

It's a bit difficult to find free time, when I'm not hurting enough to be able to sit up in bed.

Like I said, I've got much bigger problems to deal with offline in the real world than that slutty assed whore streamer and her rape raid simps. 

I have to deal with offline issues, in my real world life, while shitty assed bitch face and her simps, run around the internet with their stupid ass sex harassment. 

Well I suppose it's good to know she and her simps live in such a safe and healthy lap of luxury that they have nothing better to do with their lives then run their whore mongering asses around the internet causing trouble for others.

I have enough problems to deal with, with real life offline, so the last thing I want is to come online and have fucking ass gangster wannabes harassing me on the internet.

And then, to have to deal with all of that, while also having to deal with my mounting health problems on top of that.

Therefore it is a bit difficult to find enough free time when I'm not in pain and am able to sit up in bed long enough to stream, on a day that is also free of police interviews, court trails, FBI investigations, kidnapping/murder crisis... in short, I've simply not had any free time to do any hobbies at all, thus video games and streaming has had to take a hiatus.

And very discouraging, to FINALLY have free time to stream, only to have my streams invaded by some stupid ass slutty whore psycho bitch and her simpering, whimpering simps.

I stream when I can, and right now, there's not a lot of free time to do so... and when I do have that free time, I don't like having it invaded by some psycho bitch on the internet and her haram herd of sex crazed men who won't leave me alone and refuses to stop harassing me on he