I'd just like to comment on the fact that there is a differance between Monster Porn and Monster Erotica. Monster Porn encompasses, ALL stories invloving a character in a relationship with a monster, wither the story contains sex or not. Monster Erotica is a subgenre of Monster Porn and is Erotica with monsters.
My favorite part of writing?
The actual act of writing. I love to just sit and write. It's so peaceful and relaxing; it's almost like meditation. I like the whole repetitive motion of it. It doesn't really matter to me what I write as long as I'm writing something. Writing is my release from stress, something which I am in bad need of I'm afraid. Besides, I just love reading the stuff I write. Vanity? Yep. Here is an interesting thought. How many would actually want to read their own novel? You have written it out, pouring your very heart and soul into it; with your every fiber you have brought it to light, but would you read it? When you go out and buy a book to read, what kind of book is it? Do you read the same type of books as the one you wrote? Interesting thought. How many writers think about this I wonder?
why Monster Porn specifically? Monsters make me feel safe. I know that mat sound strange, but I've been hurt by a lot of people. Other then my brothers, who I don't see very often, there aren't any humans in my life, whom I trust. Every human I've ever trusted has turned their back on me, abandoned me, beat me, bullied me, and most of them have come right out and told me to my face they wanted me dead. I'm alone all day and all night. I don't have any friends. I have autism and no one wants to be friends with a retard, that's what they say to me. Everyone else, I am a Gypsy and no one wants to be friends with a Gypsy, they are too busy wanting me dead and beating me up.
I spend more time in the hospital from being beat up by humans, then I spend time outside of the hospital. I've been beaten up so bad, so many times, that I'm crippled now. I'll spend the rest of my life on a cane.
I have PTSD and do you know what one of the triggers is? Being in the presence of a human, especially a male human, is all it takes to trigger an attack these days.
Why do I write Monster Porn? Because I can't write human lovers. That's how bad the bullying has gotten. I can not look at a human male without fear taking over my whole body. That's how bad it has gotten. I can't read about human men in Romance books any more, without fear taking over my whole body. That's how bad it has gotten. I can't write a relationship between a human couple anymore, not without sending a monster into the story to tear the human man to shreads and rescue his lover and take her away from the hell that life is in the society of humans.
My cats and my dog are the only friends I have. I have no one else who loves me. I often just want to end my life. I only stay alive for my cats. I don't have any other reason to live. No one else loves me. No one else cares about me. If I died, right now, no one would notice. Not one person. I'd be dead for month, before anyone realized I was even missing.
My favorite part of writing Monster Porn? Being able to write myself as the character of a book, where I can find someone who loves me. I know that humans don't love me. I stopped hoping there was someone who loved me, years ago. I have no hope of ever being loved by anyone. I know that hoping for someone to want to love me, is an impossible dream. That is why I get so lost in writing Monster Porn. Monsters aren't real, so monsters can't hurt me. Monsters are not human, and so there is no barrier to the hope that a monster could love me. Being able to leave this world for a few hours each day, and enter into an imaginary world where humans can't hurt me and monsters protect me from the evil humans, is the only real happiness I've had in years. There is only one happiness in life: To love and to be loved in return. I've loved so much and that love has never been returned. It's nice to go away into a world in a book and feel loved by someone, even if they aren't real.
You see, I have the inability to see men as anything other then men really are: monsters.
Never forget that once upon a time, I was the 12 year old obsession of a pedophile priest. And went I tried to get help, I was told I deserved it because I must have wanted, and he was promoted to a temple worker. Today he is the High Priest Quarum leader of the Sanford Ward of the Exatar Stake Center of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, in Sanford, Maine, and one of the temple priests at the Boston Temple. And the year they made him leader of that congregation was the year I started writing Monster Porn.
And I write Monster Porn, so that I can glorify in watching men have their heads ripped off by the monsters who come in the night to rescue the women and children men hurt. That's why my Monster Porn is so bloody and violent. That's why my Monster Porn is Horror, not Erotica.
That's the thing most people don't understand about me and my books. People, other authors, are always asking me why I don't market my books. saying things like: "why write if not for money?" or "why bother to write if you don't try to get people to read it?"
But the thing of it is, I'm not writing for money, I'm not writing for readers. I'm writing for me.
I'm writing so that I have a place I can go every day, to escape from the world I live in. I'm not writing for money. I'm not writing for readers.
I'm writing, because I have no friends, no one to spend time with, no one to talk to, I have Autism, I have no freedom, I'm trapped living with caretakers who don't take care of me and only take what they want from me, I'm trapped with men who don't care about my feelings, don't care about anything, they don't care about my health or my safety or my cats, I've been this man's property - bought and paid for, to be his sex slave, since I was 12 years old - and the only way I can keep from going mad, is to create imaginary friends to spend time with me in my books and monsters to rid the world of the men I have no escape from.
I'm not writing for money.
I'm not writing to give readers what they want.
I'm writing, because it's the only thing I have to live for. Writing is the only joy there is in my life.
Writing is my only escape from the hell I have to live with every day.
That's why I write every day.
Not because this is a career, but because I need someone to talk to, and the only people I have to talk to are the characters in my books.
People ask me why I'm so damned good at writing the Master/slave relationship so accurately: it's because I live it.
This isn't some stupid, BDSM fetish game for me.
I am a slave. Slaves do exist. I don't have the freedom to come and go as I please.
I can write the terror of forced sex, the heartache of forced sex, the hurt, the pain, the emotion, the agony, with such vivid clarity, because you are looking at my very real emotions.
I don't don't have to pretend and imagine what it must feel like to be the sex slave prisoner of a monster, because, I live it. I've lived it since I was 12 years old.
You REALLY think you want to write Monster Porn like I do? I don't really think you do. I don't think you have any idea what drives me to write the stories I write. Chances are, you couldn't even begin to comprehend me life. Do you know, I've been a prisoner so long, since I was so young, that when I did escape and get away, I was completely unable to function in normal society.
Psychologists called me a feral child.
I was 31 years old and I had no ability to communicate normally or function in American society.
The doctors said they had never seen a case of child abuse so extensive as mine. I'm not able to live on my own. I have no social skills or training in how to interact with humans.
Since I was 12 years old, I've one thing and one thing only: sexually satisfying that man. That and writing are the only two skills I have. They were going to put me in a mental institute, because I'm so extremely unable to take care of myself, and so I went back to him, because what little freedom I do have with him, is a lot more freedom then I would have had in American society where I would have been locked away in hospital and no longer allowed to write or see my cats.
I have learned to accept the fact, that I am useless and serve no purpose in life other then to satisfy this man, that because of what he did to me, I am now unwanted, abandoned, unloved, and hated by American society. I don't write Monster Porn for the money or the fame or the readers, I write it because it's all I have left. It's that or suicide. There's no other options. There's no other escape from this world I live in.
And so, my favorite part of writing Monster Porn, is making new friends, having people to talk to, having someone who cares about me, even if they aren't real. At least it keeps alive. I don't know why I want to stay alive, not really. It's not that I actually want to die, it's just that I want the pain to go away. I want to believe that somewhere out there, is someone who cares about me. Someone who doesn't want me just for sex. Someone who can love me without touching me. I don't like being touched, I really don't.
I always hear people saying they wished they were pretty. You don't want to be pretty. You really don't. It's a curse. Men will always be after you. They won't stop touching you. I know. Everyone tells me I'm the most beautiful person they've ever seen, and it's always quickly followed by talk of wanting to bed with me, hug me, kiss me, touch my hair, touch my face, fuck me... I just wish, that for once, someone could look at me and see past what I look like. I wish someone could love me, without the desire the fuck me. Don't try to be pretty. Believe me, you don't want the life of hell that comes with it. Men won't leave me alone. Ever since I was 8 years old men have been groping me. Since I was 12 they've been fucking me. I write Monster porn, because men are monsters, and I want monsters to be real so they can take men away from me.
In my mind, fictional monsters are far safer then real live Human men.
Have you ever noticed I NEVER write Human couple sex scenes?
Now you know why.
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