EelKat Wendy C Allen - Dark Fantasy Author

UPDATE March 17, 2021: Another death. Waiting for a coffin to be delivered. Funeral the 21st. Unlikely to be streaming for a few weeks.


Update: March 27, 2021: It's not even been a week since the funeral, and now there is another death and another funeral.


UPDATE April 5, 2021: There are still no streams, as, we've now a another (a 3rd) funeral to prepare for.

And that is now 3 deaths in our family, in the past 2 weeks.

This 3rd death hits hard, because it was Pippi.

Our family has now had 13 deaths since March 2020.

April 10, 2015, 12 children were kidnapped.

May 15, 2015, the heads of 10 of them were nailed to my door.

August 24, 2020, one was found still alive. he was just 4 years old when she was kidnapped, but she remembered us, even though 5 years had passed.

August 25, 2020, Pippi came home, but her condition was not well. She had been tortured the entirety of the 5 years she had been held hostage. She was missing limbs and covered with scars, had broken bones many years not set, and suffered serious damage to many of her internal organs. That she was alive at all, in her condition, was a miracle. Doctors had little hope of her survival and she was sent home with Hospice care.

Pippi had cancer in her eye and needed surgery for it, which she was scheduled to have, shortly before she was kidnapped.

In the years they had her, not only did they torture her, but her cancer went untreated and spread to her brain.

By the time she was returned to us, her cancer had reached an inoperable state, so we knew she did not have much time left.

Had her cancer been treated, back when she was a toddler, she probably would have reach adulthood.

She died only 8 months after her return.

Another child, to cry out from the grave, for Etiole's vengeance upon her murderers. Another victim of evil men, who will stoop to no ends, to bury the crimes they committed 50 years ago.  Drug lords. Opium growers. Heroine dealers. Selling little girls 4 to 8 years old for sex to priests. They only care about money.

All hail the mighty tourist ass. Millions come to Old Orchard Beach every year, for one thing and one thing only: heroine. They sell their drugs to the tourists under the pier and off the balconies of that giant motel. Than drag little girls to the bedrooms of the condominiums on Smithwheel Road, behind the school. And any child who dares open their mouth and beg for help, gets tossed in the GooseFare Brooke Ravine.

Bastard drug lords. They've been doing this for 50 years, and the town hall and the police department, turn a blind eye to it, because they get paid $6million a year to not report it to the newspapers, when the body of another child washes down the ravine, into the gulley to be spit out in the ocean. No fewer than 5 bodies are found every summer, but how often does it get in the news?

The corruption of this fucking town needs to end.

Yet another dead at the hands of these criminals who run our town.

How long will the residents continue to turn a blind eye to what is happening in our town.

How many more children will you let them kill, before you stand up to them?

Another child is dead and no one in this town cares. So long as they get their money from the tourists. The blood of another murdered child screams from the graves, begging for justice. Tick tock, tick tock, so begins, yet another of Etiole's 7 year clocks.

This is why there were no/to few streams from May 2020 until now.

May 2020, after 4 years of not hearing from them at all, the FBI returned with a lead, which led to Pip's discovery a few weeks later in August.

Because of the nature of the situation, I could not talk about it, to tell you why streams had stopped.

The kidnappers, were enraged that we had recovered Pip, and that is when the attacks started up again on my home and family September 2020.

Pip's condition continued to grow worse, and she died April 5, 2021.

She was only 10 years old.

This is what it means, to not be white in America.

White men, won't even give a child the chance to grow up.

This is what white people do, to none white families like mine.

We are Gypsies with Jewish blood, for that alone we are hunted like animals.

What the men of Old Orchard Beach, Maine, did to my family, will never be forgotten or forgiven.

#If you have any information on the kidnappers or the murders...

#FBI Agent Andy Drewer out of the Portland, Maine FBI office is in charge of the of the April 10, 2015 kidnapping of my 12 children by 14 Ku Klux Klan men who invaded our home and the subsequent May 15, 2015 murder of 10 of the 12 whom had their heads nailed to my front door. If you have information about the case, give it to him not me. He can be reached @ +1-(207)-774-9322 

Have you forgot the extent of the damage these people did, all because, they wanted to dig up my land and removed bodies buried there, before my house builders found that barrel of bones?

Have you forgotten that 7 town hall workers, 5 public works men, a blond woman, her bald son, and her red haired sister Kendra, and 14 police officers, all lead by a man they referred to as "Mark who needs no last name" were the ones 

I name every one of them, except for the ring leaders: blond woman, her bald son, her sister Kendra, and her husband "Mark who needs no last name". I don't know who those 4 are. I'd never seen any of them, other than the Kendra woman before, and I only knew her fro her attacks beating me up at Panera in 2009, 2010, and 2013.

I can name every one of the others, because all I have to do is go to the Old Orchard Beach town hall and police department website, and their are their faces.

With the exception of blond woman, her bald son, her sister Kendra, and her husband "Mark who needs no last name", every one else involved was government official who works for the state of Maine vis the Old Orchard Beach Town Hall, the Old Orchard Beach Police Department, or the Old Orchard Beach Public Works.

And what exactly did they do?

August 8, 2013 they drove a backhoe over my house. That same backhoe drove over my previous house on the same land April 2007. That same backhoe drove over my poultry barn and horse stables July 2001. July 2001 was the first attack.

March 2015 was the the massive attack, with an entire fleet of trucks, and drove over the Church of the Holy Rhinstone, a church that stood on my land, my garage which is why I no longer have a garage to put my car in, my 2 sheds both of which had my tractors and other garden/crop machinery in them at the time. And of course the razing of the land, the cutting down of the apple orchard - the VERY apple orchard planted in 1530 that this town was named after... he actual "old orchard" of Old Orchard Beach... the very original trees - huge massive apple trees over 400 years old. The grape vineyards, the cherry trees, the pears trees. 

April 10, 2015, they returned, 4 police officer held me a gun point, while 10 other police officers held my children down with long poles with metal wire strangle loops on the end, and beat their faces in with cinder block bricks, knocking out every one of their teeth, breaking their jaws... POLICE OFFICERS DID THAT... while men they referred to as "Mark who needs no last name" and "Dan" stood there and told the police officers what to do, how to beat them, while "Mark who needs no last name" boldly bragged that he paid the Old Orchard Beach police $6million dollars to do this.

May 15, 2015... the heads, hands, feet, and intestines of my children were nailed to my door. Later that same day police officer W. W. came to my home begging for forgiveness and claimed that men he referred to only as "Mark and Dan" were holding his beloved mother-in-law hostage and torturing her, and he helped in the April 10, 2015 attack, only to save her life and get her back. He claimed he had no prior knowledge of what was going to happen, claiming that he'd been told they were only going to "scare" us. He said he had not expected anyone to get hurt, he had not known my children would be tortured and kidnapped, he had not known they were going to be murdered. He said he was scared for his life and lives of his family. And he said: "They form a small army, our department doesn't have enough man power to stop them, and every one in this town is too scared to fight back. You don't know what's going on. And I think they mixed you up with someone else. They didn't know you were the owner of this land. They didn't know that was your motorhome. They thought someone else owned this place. It wasn't even your family they were after. You were the wrong target. You don't know who these people are. What they've done to our families. This is the actual Mafia. The real deal. I'm so sorry. This is the address they sent us to. But they had a different name as the owner. This wasn't supposed to happen. They were after someone else. I'm so sorry. I couldn't let my family died. And now yours is dead instead. This wasn't supposed to happen."

June 19, 2016... I did a very specific livestream. You see... A., D., B., and T. in the 1970s and 1980s, were in the habit of dragging big black trash bags into the forest, crossing my land to do it, and dumping those bags into the Goosefare Brook Ravine. In 1983, 3 snuck into Etiole's swamp and planted 3 acres of Marijuana. Someone found it and called the police, I don't know who... it was Maine's largest drug raid for decades. Many, many millions in plants where dug up and removed from Etiole's swamp. A few weeks later A, & D,s 10 year old daughter ran into my yard, touched my car on a dare from other children - the 1964 Dodge 330 former Old Orchard Beach police car, known by Stephen King fans as the REAL Christine, The World's Most Haunted Car... than jumped her bike, and sped down the road, as fast as she could, head on into a car coming the other way. She died instantly, he brain shattered all over the end of my driveway, and her mother A responded by the Battle of 458 - the biggest mass shooting ever in Maine history, that ended up with 3 Gypsy clans and 2 police departments, in a shoot out between 70+ adults all armed with guns. One of my cousins, an 8 year old boy, standing 3 feet from me, had his eye shot out by one of the bullets. While A ran around the street screaming: "FOUR! FIVE! EIGHT!" than shot another child. 

"FOUR! FIVE! EIGHT!" than shoot another child. 

"FOUR! FIVE! EIGHT!" than shoot another child. 

THOSE are the 31 children, whose bones were sawed up and tossed into the GooseFare Brook Ravine... yes, that DOES mean, police officers KNEW those children were there and covered it up.  And I witnessed that entire event.

And THAT is WHY... when police officers murdered my family in 2015, I did a livestream, walking to the ravine, to show the world, where those bones were... because I'm sick and tired of the police corruption in this fucking town, and those sawed up bones of 31 children are PROOF of what this town government is like.... as are the heads of my children that were nailed to my door.

At the end of The Battle of 4-5-8... A. took 2 gas cans and poured them all over the big dome house, than set a match to it, and no one knew, why when she did her brother B., started running, jumped in his robin egg blue truck and backed down the driveway, hit Portland Ave doing 70 and didn't stop driving until the high speed chase caught him in CT... oh but we knew before he was out of sight, why he started running... the dome house went up like Hiroshima into a mushroom cloud that could be seen across the entire state... turns out there was a Meth lab in that house.

June 19, 2016... the livestream of the bones went viral, it's what made my YouTube channel suddenly explode overnight... and police officer W.W. upset, by the fact that, the livestream included the entire police call and response, and that response was to laugh and do nothing... fed up with the corruption in his department, he forwarded that livestream VOD to the FBI, and the FBI arrived in Old Orchard Beach, to dig up the Reclaim Blueberry Plains, and all hell broke lose in this town, as most of the police officers suddenly found themselves arrested. An entire new police force from out of state was brought in to replace the long time officers who had proven they could be trusted to uphold the law. Many town hall officials and public works employees also found themselves arrested by the FBI.

June 26, 2016... barely a week later... the blond woman and the red haired Kendra woman showed up at my workplace, Scarborough WalMart, and tried to kill me, yet again... these are the same 2 woman who attacked me with golf clubs at Southern Maine Community College November 14, 2013... they left dead in 2013, I was paralized for 5 months. It took me 18 months to relearn to walk. I was out of the wheel chair, and I was without a walker, I was without a cane. I had almost fully covered from their November 14, 2013 attack with golf clubs... June 26, 2016, this time they attacked with shopping carts, and I'm now crippled for the rest of my life. They shattered 3 vertebra this time and it can't be operated on. I had to relearn to walk a second time, and I'm not yet recovered now in 2021. In 2013 they drove away in the 4 door white pickup truck. In 2016 they drove away in a gold Volvo SUV station wagon.

That blond woman and her red haired Kendra sister, they are wanted by the FBI for attempted murder of me and they are also wanted in questioning for being suspected of also being the murderers of my children.

I don't know who these 2 women are.

The blond woman shows up my driveway frequently, screaming and yelling, sometime accompanied by a small child, about 5 years old, that she pulls behind her in a red radio flyer wagon. She looks to be about 60 or 70. She often wears a denim button down shirt and jeans. She's prone to yelling at passing cars, while pointing up my driveway, and saying: "There's EelKat, she tried to kill my husband."

I've never tried to kill anyone, so accusation is baffling at best.

She seems to think I know who she is, and has made the claim, that "I was that brat in school"... the red haired Kendra woman, sometimes with her, claims to be her sister, also appears to be 60 to 70 and also seems to think I know who she is, and frequently says: "You bullied me in school, but no more, I'm Kendra SilverMander it's my turn to shine."

They BOTH make the claim they went to school with me, and yet, I never went to school, a well documented fact... because I'm the child the FBI rescued what the news media called "Maine's House of Horrors". I was locked in a cage when I was 8 years old. I was let out on Sundays, to go to church, and not allowed to speak or make eye contact with anyone, and this was only done infrequently, whenever church goers asked what happened to that girl you had". I was 31 years old when the FBI arrived, because of Heaven's Gate having killed 39 people, and my uncle being one of the members and self proclaiming himself as the leader of Heaven's Gate after Applewhite's death. The FBI was investigating the murder of 39 people in California, and had no idea they'd find children in cages in Maine as a result.

So you see, when the blond woman and her Kendra sister, make the claim they went to school with me and I was the class bully who beat them up, this is easily proven false, because the time period when I should have been in school, I was locked in a cage, being tortured by my sadistic uncle Bruce.

Also, they are in their late 60s to mid 70s... making them older than my parents, so how could I have been in school with them, even if I had gone to school? At best I would have been starting pre-school the year they would have been graduating high school.

These things they say about school, only further agrees with what police officer W. W. said May 15, 2015, when he made the claim, they had gotten me mixed up with someone else.

July 2016, a month after the shopping cart attack... yet another Old Orchard Beach police officer arrived, this one accompanied by 2 Biddeford officers, who had been former OOB officers... these 3 officers, had a vastly eye opening story to tell me.

They had been called to Old Orchard Beach, to my farm, to arrest me, a call made to them, by a man named Mark, whom one of these officers, claimed was his brother in law. This Biddeford officer, said he requested to transfer ot of Old Orchard Beach department years ago, because his sister (whom he claimed he suspected, but could not prove was the blond woman whom had attacked me at WalMart) was quote "trying to control the town" he said "treats Old Orchard Beach like a dynasty, thinks she's a duchess, has severe mental disorders, and thought she could buy the police department". He went on to say, she got in with the real Mafia years ago and went to her head, and now she thinks she IS the Mafia and most of Old Orchard Beach's business owners, especially the motel owners are scared shitless of her, because they believe her claim to be Mafia. He went on to say, she's not Mafia, but she's good at convincing people she is and stated "I wouldn't murder beyond her. She'd do it just to prove she is Mafia." He said he transferred out of OOB department to Biddeford department because he was fed up with how easy it was for her to get every officer to do anything she asked. He said "the corruption in that department runs deep; don't cross her or any officer she controls; they WILL kill you and every around you. You don't know who her husband is. He doesn't just control that town, he controls half the state."

What he was telling me was bizarre on extremes, but even more bizarre was the live feed radio call, that he had me listen too, as it was happening, on my farm in Old Orchard, while I was at my dad's house in Biddeford.

He said: "The Old Orchard Department called me, asked me to come over here. Buddy Will wanted to prove you were not in Old Orchard and that Mark has you mixed up with someone else. That fucking bastard is crying wolf and trying to frame you, we can prove it right now. We are fucking fed up WolfBoy."

He turned on his radio, so I could hear. A what I heard... a man whose voice I do not recognize, yelling at a Officer W.W. and saying: 

"That is Wendy, arrest her now! That is EelKat. She tried to kill me."

While officer W.W. and another officer, told the man: "his isn't Wendy. We have officers with her right now. Who tried to kill you? Wendy? Or THIS woman right here?"

"This woman right here! This is EelKat I tell you! Arrest her! What do you think I pay you for! You aren't allow to defy me! I own this town! You are my slaves. I command you to arrest her!"

W.W.: "This isn't EelKat. This isn't Wendy. I've known her for years. And right now, she's on the other side of the state. With 3 officers, listening to you right now. You are NOT the law. We've had it with you. You don't own me. And you've mixed her up with someone else. You've been harassing the wrong damned person. You dare call us about Wendy ever again, and I will personally arrest you for false reports, than I'll tell them everything. You'll never see the outside a prison for the rest of your life when I get done with you. You fucking leave this woman alone. You destroyed her life, because you couldn't tell her apart from someone else."

I used to aqua jog, mountain climb, horseback riding, and I hiked 13 miles a day. And in the blink of an eye, that lifestyle was taken away, and every day was struggle, just to sit up and breath, with no hope of ever walking again. I defied doctors. It's been 8 years and I can move around the house by holding on to things and I now can walk again, at the moment only short distances outside with a cane, and the hope is to continue to improve. I still have a long road of recovery ahead. But I'm walking again, something that 8 years ago, doctors said would never happen. 

My farm was razed.

My family was murdered.

I was 5 months paralysed, and had to relearn to walk. It was 8 years ago and I'm not yet fully recovered due to 3 inoperable vertebrae and hip dysplasia. November 14, 2013, 10PM, at WalMart, while putting bags of groceries in the back seat of my car, I was attacked by 3 rapists armed with metal golf clubs, who left me parallelized, in a wheel chair, broken spine, broken hip, broken pelvis, broken knees, serve nerve damage to my left side limiting the use of my left hand, my bladder incontinent from nerve damage, they left me for dead, and I had doctors telling me I would never walk again.

There's more that has happened. A lot more. The thousands of gallons of sewage they pumped into my motorhome in 2015. The cats. the Ptarmagin cats. World famous groups of cats. You remember them. If so, you remember what these people did to those cats. Poisoned. All dead the same day. 12 cats. Dead to what the vet described as: "enough poison to kill a great dane". My horse, she had her head beat in with a rock. My bantam roosters... 70 pet roosters, hung by their necks in rope nooses in my rose bushes.

All because this man, this mystery Mark, whose last name seems to be known to the police but is still unknown to me and man whom I've never seen or met - he keeps his face covered whenever he shows up... mistook me for someone else... and police officers and town hall workers and public work employees.

Welcome to Old Orchard Beach... this is NOT the way life should be, you know it.

What these people did to me, should never have happened, and according to the police, it's been happening for 50+ years to hundreds of people, hundreds of families, in this town, and every one is too scare to talk about it or fight back to stop it. That NEEDS to change.

The corruption in our town, needs to stop... but it won't end, until every last person who is being harassed by these people stand up, put their foot down, and say enough is enough, we ain't gonna take this any more.

We the people of Old Orchard Beach need to take back our town.

NOTE: Chat is set to emote only on my Twitch channel and my personal contact information has been removed from my website and every place else, due to the HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS of false reports of "information", along with vile hateful memes about the murder of my family being sent to me by trolls who think mocking the murder of my family is funny.

FBI Agent Andy Drewer out of the Portland, Maine FBI office is in charge of the of the April 10, 2015 kidnapping of my 12 children by 14 Ku Klux Klan men who invaded our home and the subsequent May 15, 2015 murder of 10 of the 12 whom had their heads nailed to my front door. If you have information about the case, give it to him not me. He can be reached @ +1-(207)-774-9322 

If you could recommend I watch one VOD that best represented your channel, which would it be?

This one....

The Princess Bride predicting Covid-19?

Avallac'h's a Good Tutor?
Of What? How to Better Bed Kings?


Please be aware that nearly every page on this website contains spoilers to something. I talk about a lot of fandoms, and go into great detail analyzing them when I do.

If I am talking about The Witcher series, InuYasha, Disney Ducks, the Quaraun series, or any other fandom, you WILL encounter spoilers about it.

If I'm analyzing an author's (Hemingway, Poe, Rowling, etc.) writing style you WILL encounter spoilers for their books.

If I'm talking about movies, cartoons, TV shows, comic books, novels, plays, short stories, video games, or pretty much anything else, you WILL meet spoilers along the way.

No matter who it is or what it is, if I am talking about it, I'm going to be talking about it WITHOUT avoiding spoilers.

This website is full of spoilers and this is your only warning!

Turn back now if you want to avoid seeing spoilers!

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Update: May 22, 2017 Just Went Live!

Update: May 22, 2017 

As I do with all my web sites, I block search engines for the first 3 years, to give the site organic traffic only. We crossed the 3 year mark a few months ago. 

(We changed SpaceDock13's url to September 2013, but the site has been "invisible" to Google that entire time.)

I removed the Bing blockers in September 2016 at the 3 year mark for this url, but kept the Google blockers up to see what kind of traffic we would get from Bing alone. 

August 2016 we were getting 300 visits a month.

With Bing alone, that increased to 77,000 visits a month as of April 2017.

Today, I have just removed the "no index" meta data markup blockers from It took less then 12 hours for Google to find us and start indexing our site. Up until today ALL traffic to this site has been through DIRECT REQUEST ONLY... meaning users had to manually type in the url "".

As of today we are now in search results on Google. It took Google less then 2 hours to start sending us traffic. is officially a "Live" site now! Yay!

May 27, 2017 add on to this update:

Google has determined that the primary keyword for this site is...

wait for it...



"small penis".




Now I wonder how THAT could have happened?


I write Yaoi.

And at least 300 pages of this site are devoted to that topic.

*Just couldn't pooosssibly imagine wheeeere Google came to the conclusion "small penis" is the primary keyword for this site.

It must be so difficult to find random penises on my site.

Not here. :P

Nope. Not here either. ;)


Penises are DEFINITELY not in my YouTube videos...

I never talk about men who've had knives stuffed up inside their foreskins, religious rituals that split men's penises in two, or men who cut their own dicks to create fetish scars... 

I never answer reader questions on the pros and cons of writing circumcised versus uncircumcised men and then have rants about the evils of genital mutilation of babies...

I never talk about men being attacked by alien jelly fish, then being raped by unicorns, and then getting pregnant and giving birth to tentacled unicorn babies...

I never talk about men having sex with sheep...

I defiantly don't write about men who have sex with unicorns...




And... there are no 6 foot tall penises in my driveway.


That's definitely NOT a "family friendly" 6 foot tall fabulous penis shooting out rainbow coloured cum in my driveway:


Can't possibly imagine how Google concluded "small penis" was the primary topic of my website here.

One would get the impression penises are my favorite topic.

For those who don't know, Quaraun, main character of my Yaoi series, has a medical condition known as "micropenis". He also suffered from an injury known as "penal sub incision mutilation" which left the underside of his penis badly scarred. The injury was caused by an enraged Elf ramming a dagger up into his penis, in an attempt to castrate him.

The injury left Quaraun unable to have sex with women due to the fact that intercourse is incredibly painful for him. Thus why he is bottom to gay men, even though he himself is not gay. 

Quaraun has two male lovers (Unicorn [a Unicorn, yes, Quaraun has sex with horses] & GhoulSpawn [a Chaos Demon]) and four wives (two never named, Pippi, and Empress Glacious). His primary lover, Unicorn, has a hemipenis (two penises). Sex scenes in the series thus often include 3 or more characters at once, with Quaraun frequently "triple stuffed" by Unicorn and GhoulSpawn.

While Quaraun maintains that sex is painful thus why he refuses to have sex with females, in actuality, his pain is more psychological then physical, due to his extreme vanity. He believes his scars distract from his beauty and refuses to allow any one to look at him naked. Even his lovers have difficulty getting him to undress for them.

Unicorn is the lover Quaraun is most likely to allow to see him naked. The reasons being that

  • #1, Unicorn has a fetish for scars and
  • #2, Unicorn, an elderly senior, old enough to be Quaraun's grandfather, is almost blind.
  • #3, Unicorn himself also suffers from (or rather enjoys?) his own similar penal deformity: Diphallia (meaning he has 2 penises).

While most men are quick to think a larger penis is better, in actuality, most women, will be quick to say: "You ain't getting that thing near me!" when confronted with a large dick. Simple fact of the matter is, intercourse with a large dicked man is painful for the woman.

Second fact to consider is they sell ridged "penis sleeves" for a reason. The reason being that most men are circumcised which means they no longer have the folds of the foreskin to create pleasurable friction for their female partners. Sex with circumcised men is overall unpleasurable for the female.

On the other hand, a man who not only has his foreskin intact, but also has scars on his penis, causes far more pleasure in his lover then he is aware.

And for those wondering what exactly a "penal sub incision mutilation" penis looks like, you can click this NOT SAFE FOR WORK link to head to wikipedia and see images of "penal sub incision mutilation" penises.

To see what Diphallia (double dicked, 2 penis mutation) looks like, here's the equally NOT SAFE FOR WORK link to a medical photo of that. 

Quaraun, is uncircumcised, has a small penis with a deeply hooded foreskin, and heavy scarring, making him a man whom the average woman would kill to have in her bed. His gentle, non-violent personality and his non-threatening size (most women are taller then him) further makes him highly sought after. His phobia of having sex with women, makes him harder to snag.

In essence, Quaraun becomes the mythical "golden fleece", the man every woman wants, but a man so rare, they are almost non-existent.

His being bottom to other men, further gives him a rare non-predatory air.

The type of women who read the Quaraun series are the ones who know we live in a world where men are violent, brutal, wife beating, child abusing rapists, who glorify their male egos with big muscles, brute force, and giant penises. Real men in our world are the monsters of nightmares. Creatures who strike terror in the hearts of women, vile beasts no woman wants to be near.

Quaraun, is the complete opposite of real men. He's gentle, kind, none predatory, none threatening, non-violent, smaller and weaker then most women, and being with other men instead of women, results in women feeling safe in his company, knowing he will not try to rape them.

It is for these reasons that Quaraun is fetishized, throughout the series, with male and female characters alike viewing him as an ideal lover.

Quaraun is what is known as a "A Twinkie Uke" Twink or Uke for short. Twinks are small men, who are "safe" for women to be friends with without any worry of his pushing his maleness on them.

This is why the series glorifies Quaraun as the sex object. And this is why you see the phrase "small penis" used so frequently through out the series.

Sample chapters from the 130 novels that make up the series are found all over this site, and more then 1,400 pages of this site are devoted to answering reader questions about how I write the series, most of the questions asked by readers looking to get into the career of writing Yaoi themselves.

Thus... the term "small penis" gets used frequently on a majority of the pages on this site, and thus how Google concluded "small penis" is the primary keyword topic of the site. I actually expected the primary keyword to be something to do with Yaoi given the Yaoi nature of most of the site, but, didn't expect it to be "penis".


Apparently the phrase "small penis" is the most used phrase of any phrase on this site.

Who knew?

Yeah... you knew... we all did. Especially the bananas.

The bananas knew. The bananas knew they were not really bananas.

The bananas knew they were just penises in banana suits...

21 “Harry Potter” Quotes
Which Are Made Way More Hilarious
By Replacing “Wand” With “Penis”

May 31, 2017 Update:
Small Penises Aside...
Like All My Other Sites Before This One
We Are Fast Soaring To #1 of Page 1
For Every Keyword We Use...

We now have 51 pages showing on page 1 of Google, for their primary keywords (the primary keyword, being the word, words, or phrase which makes up the url of that page, for example the primary keyword for the page: is "Saco River Curse")

There is a penis here for no reason other then the fact that Google thinks this site's primary topic is "small penis" so now I'm adding penises to every page, just to keep Google happy.... oh, and the quote on the picture matched the topic of this page, but heck... who cares about that, let's just add a penis to every page, because you know how much men think having one gives them the right to dominate every one else... which is the topic of this page after all.

Page 1 means in the Top 10 search results.

  • Four of those pages are #1 on page 1;
  • three of them are #2 on page 1;
  • five are #3 on page 1;
  • five are #4 on page 1;
  • six are #5 on page 1.

26 pages are now ranks on page #2

Page 2, means lower then the Top 10 but in the Top 20.

12 pages are ranked on page 3

Page 3, means lower then the Top 20 but in the Top 30.

So in all, we have 89 pages ranking on the first 3 pages of Google search results, for their primary keyword.

Additionally, there are more pages ranking in the top 3 pages for their secondary and sub keywords.

In the "Saco River Curse" example above, the secondary keyword would be: "Saco River", while "Saco", "River", and "Curse" would be the 3 sub keywords.

Additionally, Google assigns popular organic keywords to each page. (Organic keywords are words I did not assign as keywords, but Google's RankBrain decided should be included as keywords, because people were searching for them and then clicked on my site when making their choices of which site to click for their search.)

Organic keywords Google has assigned for the "Saco River Curse" page  include "Saco deaths", "haunted Maine", "superstition", "ghost stories", "Maine history", "Saco Spirit", and "Saco Maine".

Google assigns 5 to 20 organic keywords to each page.

In all Google has concluded that there are 10,311 keywords which they will be using to send traffic to my site here.

How To Reach #1 On Page 1 Of Google, Even Without Small Penises...

To tell you how I did it... I'm going to give you guys the answer I gave to a fellow SBIer...

Up until recently SBI has promoted the idea of a main keyword for each page, and up to three other keywords. 

Times have changed, and for reasons I'm unsure of, the advice has been to remove these secondary keywords. 

That I've been doing, but traffic has taken a dive. I'm wondering if the they are connected. For the moment I've stopped removing secondary keywords.

Have others also doubts about this new SBI directive? Perhaps they are totally unrelated. 

I still use meta tag keyword (add them manually in each page's header) but not for Google or Bing. They don't pay attention to them. The little directory style search engines like DogPile do still use them, and for some reason I've always had traffic coming from several of those little itty bitty search engines that no one knows exits. (I think it's because my target audience tends to be the geeky types who are more likely to use the obscure geeky search engines, rather then the big corps like Google). I don't put much effort into the meta tag keywords however. 

I rarely add them when I create the page, usually going back to add them days or weeks after creating the page, and then only on the "geeky" topic pages I think will likely be searched for in the little bitty directory-style search engines. (Also, most of those tiny search engines you have to contact directly and request your site be added; it'll then be manually reviewed by a real live human, who decides to add you to the directory or not.)

My website was originally written in DOS code back in 1997, which is how it got listed in most of those tiny search engines to begin with. I think that's the only reason I get traffic from them. I don't think anyone who joined the internet after 2007 would even be aware those directory style search engine are even out there, LOL!   I think if my site wasn't so old and hadn't already been listed with them decades ago (long before I switched hosts to SBI) I probably wouldn't bother with the meta tag keywords at all. I'm only using them as a way to alert those places of new pages, because their crawlers are old school and look for meta tags. DogPile may not be using meta tags soon either, they had an announcement about it a few months ago. The meta tags have no effect in big search engines like Google and Bing and if I was focusing all my traffic ONLY on Google and Bing, I wouldn't add them at all.

Google announced they were going to stop using keyword tags in 2007 and they actually stopped using keyword tags in 2010 or 2011, around same time they came out with Panda.

Yahoo was still using them last I knew, but now that Bing owns Yahoo, that will likely change soon if it hasn't already.

Bing says they still use them, but that it factors in at less then 1% of your page's ranking placement.

... I need that side bar thing Ken uses inserted right here, so I can change topic...   

I find that rather then using meta-tag keywords, however, on page keywords works MUCH better. 

For that I have my specific keyword also be my url name and the title of the page. 

Then, I write an article that is minimum 2,000 words long and strive to use the specific keyword exactly as it is in the url, 1 to 2 times every 100 words (10 to 20 times total in the entire article). 

If the keyword is a phrase (it usually is on my site), I use the individual words of the phrase as my secondary keywords.

We now have 51 pages showing on page 1 of Google, for their primary keywords (the primary keyword, being the word, words, or phrase which makes up the url of that page, for example the primary keyword for the page: is "Saco River Curse")

In the "Saco River Curse" example above, the secondary keyword would be: "Saco River", while "Saco", "River", and "Curse" would be the 3 minor or sub keywords.

So my keywords for that page are:

    Saco River Curse (specific/primary)
    Saco River (secondary)
    Saco (minor/sub-keyword)
    River (minor/sub-keyword)
    Curse (minor/sub-keyword)

I try to use the secondary keyword 1 to 2 times in every 300 to 400 words.

I try to use at least 1 of the minor keywords in every paragraph. (3 minor keywords, would space out as once every 3 paragraphs; a 4 word long phrase would be once every 4 paragraphs instead, for example.)

So it looks like this:

    Saco River Curse (1 to 2 times every 100 words)
    Saco River (1 to 2 times in every 300 to 400 words)
    Saco (1 time every 3 paragraphs)
    River (1 time every 3 paragraphs)
    Curse (1 time every 3 paragraphs)

If in re-reading the article, it starts feeling like a word is becoming redundant, I know I've used it too many times, and will use a dictionary to replace it with a similar word. Be careful of keyword stuffing, though. (Using too many keywords) As it can result in Google dinging your site. Always read your article to make sure it doesn't sound awkward. If it sounds like a words is used too often, then it is. Find a way to rewrite it with a different word that means the same thing. 

Additionally, I make sure every header includes one of the keywords or keyword phrases. And I use all 4 headers types on every page (<h1>, <h2>, <h3>, <h4>).

This is an <h1> header with a small penis stuck in it.

This is an <h2> header with a small penis stuck in it.

This is an <h3> header with a small penis stuck in it.

This is an <h4> header with a small penis stuck in it.

This is what a hemipenis looks like.


Did you really think my site ranks for the keyword penis  without having image files with penis in the name?

Yes, those are actual medical photos of real double dicked penises.

That is what a hemipenis looks like.

Did you notice how, like penises, the headers get smaller and smaller as the number goes up?

I also try to make sure to have photos that are file-titled the same as the keyword (for example "saco-river-curse-location.jpg" or "waterfall-at-site-of-saco-river-curse.png") and then try to include 1 to 2 photos for every 1,000 words.

I also try to use a wide variety of similar words in the article.

For example, at the scene of the murder, is The Saco Falls, which runs off York Hill, on Saco Island, in Saco Maine, and dumps into the Saco River Delta, which sits in the Saco River Estuary.

In 1837 the Bean Murders (a serial killer who murdered 5 mill girls) happened in the same spot 200 years after the original murders (where a woman and her baby were murdered by 3 drunk sailors who threw them in the waterfall in 1537, resulting in the Native American/Indian Chief father putting the curse on the river to punish the white men for killing his wife and baby.) Rumors say the serial killer was a result of the curse 200 years earlier.

That additional bit of information allows me to use...

    murders in Saco, Maine
    Saco River Estuary
    Saco River Delta
    Saco Falls
    Saco Island
    York Hill, Saco, Maine
    Pepperelle Mill, Saco Maine
    Saco train station

in place of the primary keywords "Saco River Curse", etc. ...meaning I use the phrase "Saco River Curse" fewer times then the 2 times per every hundred words, by using one of those similar topic words in it's place.

And so while "Saco River Curse" is the primary keyword, it doesn't become over used, because I bring in the names of all the landmarks involved in the curse as well. People searching for information on the Saco River Curse, may search for:

    "Saco Mill Murders" 
    "Indian baby killed by white settlers on Saco Island" 
    "in what town did an Indian chief send a river demon to kill white sailors in Maine?" 
    "why won't lobstermen put boats in Saco River Delta before June each year?"
    "why does no one swim in Saco River before June?"
    "What is that big fence on York Hill around Saco Island?"

...instead of searching for "Saco River Curse" and by having these other words in the article, that alerts Google to the fact that people searching those other terms are in fact looking for the same event but are using different search terms for it. (those are all search terms people have used to find my page on my site by the way.)

On a page like this one, which is titled small penis, I would add alternate words for penis like:

Octopuses have detachable penises... was't that a song?... off to YouTube to look for the song Detachable Penis...

  • cock
  • dick
  • jobby
  • dobber
  • banana
  • dong
  • pickle

And then throw in some related words like:

  • dildo
  • condom
  • micropenis
  • hemipenis
  • urethra sounding
  • cock rings
  • penis sleeves
  • cock and ball torture
  • strap on

I next head to Amazon, and create a "responsive ad" banner, that displays 8 products. Title that BB2 box "Find Out More About Saco, Maine, Home of The Saco River Curse", then select 8 books about the history of Saco, Maine, to display, making sure each book has the word "Saco" in the title. (The Amazon Associates Affiliate Program, then pays me a % if people buy those books)

Here is what one of those Amazon blocks looks like...

Wonders what I get if I search for "small penis" on Amazon?


Did you think I was gonna put the Saco River Curse one here? This page is titled "small penis" remember? We gotta boost our rank for that. :P

And can I have a side rant here... since I write about penises as part of my career, I also do a lot of research into penises. Yep, you should see my Google search history... anyways... that second book there is titled "5 Inches: The Diary of a Very Small Penis". I have to comment on that.

Did you know, that medically speaking the AVERAGE penis on MOST men is 3 inches flaccid and 5" erect, and is NOT considered to be SMALL unless it is 2 inches flaccid and 3 inches erect?

Also the largest penis (human) is 13 inches and was caused by a rare medical condition. He also had great difficulty finding a woman who would have sex with him because it was so big.

Also, most men, if their penis reaches 8 inches of more when erect it is a sign of blood clotting and could lead to serious damage if not treated.

And, porn star penises are made to "look" big, by use of a penis pump, that induces painful levels of friction for extended periods of time, to cause abnormal swelling. They are further made to look larger, by being rubbed down with oil, causing an optical illusion on camera.

Did you also know that most women prefer a penis in the 5 inch range as it is the size that is a most comfortable fit.

Anyways... back on topic...

I use that formula as a rough guide, but I don't count the words to be exactly those numbers. A few more or a few less, in areas isn't going to hurt as long as the article has an easy natural flow of readability.

But as a general rule, if one was to pay attention to the "layout formula" of my pages, you would see that they are pretty much set up in that same manner - every single one of them, save a few that didn't fit that layout for whatever reason.

Additionally, Google assigns popular organic keywords to each page. (Organic keywords are words I did not assign as keywords, but Google's AI RankBrain decided should be included as keywords, because people were searching for them and then clicked on my site when making their choices of which site to click for their search.)

Organic keywords Google has assigned for the "Saco River Curse" page include:

    "Saco deaths", 
    "haunted Maine", 
    "ghost stories", 
    "Maine history", 
    "Saco Spirit", and 
    "Saco Maine".

Looking back at my page, I found that I did in fact include each of those phrases a couple of times in the article (which is about 9,000 words long.) but none of them features prominently in the article and I don't think any of them was in the article more then 3 or 4 times total.

Google chose those, because when people searched for those words, they ended up click that page of my page, thus Google concluded those keywords are about my page.

Time to add another small penis.

Google assigns 5 to 20 organic keywords to each page.

(You can find all this info about your site's keywords and the search terms Google is recommending your site with in Search Console which is part of Google Analytics, by the way)

If you click around all the links in Google Analytics and Search Console, you'll end up finding a page that lists your site's page ranks.

Google has 407 of my pages indexed right now and they vary in rank from page 1 to page 377 in search results, with the bulk of them (more then 200 pages) ranking on the first 5 pages, and 89 of my pages rank in the first 3 pages... (the ones that are lower ranked, are the ones that are my Zazzle store galleries so are nothing but affiliate links to my art on Zazzle and have no written text article on them. All the links are "no follow" so Google basically considers those pages as "empty" and thus the very low rank; most of my traffic to those pages are from links in my other pages and not from search engines)

4 of my pages are reporting search result #1 on page 1 of Google search results for users using default settings (the "Saco River Curse" page being one of those 4, thus why I picked it for my example here, to show you how I used in-article/on-page keywords to get that particular page ranked #1 on page 1 of Google. that page by-the-way has no meta-tag keywords added to it's headers and reached #1 on page 1 by the on page SEO I explained here alone)

Using this method I have the following results (current as of right now - these change daily - I'm reading the results in Search Console as I write this):

23 pages, right now are showing up on page 1 of Google search results.

Page 1 means in the Top 10 search results.

    4 of those pages are #1 on page 1;
    3 of them are #2 on page 1;
    5 are #3 on page 1;
    5 are #4 on page 1;
    6 are #5 on page 1.

26 pages are now ranked on page #2

Page 2, means lower then the Top 10 but in the Top 20.

12 pages are ranked on page 3

Page 3, means lower then the Top 20 but in the Top 30.

nearly 200 other pages are ranking on page 4 and 5. (in the top 50 search results) I didn't bother counting those though because few people click past the 3rd page of Google, meaning any page not in the top 30 is unlikely to get clicked on by people searching. 

So in all, I have 89 pages (out of the 407 Google has indexed) ranking on the first 3 pages of Google search results, for their primary keyword.

Additionally, there are more pages ranking in the top 3 pages for their secondary and sub keywords.

... I need that side bar thing Ken uses inserted right here, so I can change topic again...   

So, that's how I do it. That's the basic formula I use for on page keywords, which in my experience works far better then meta-tag keywords.

As for why you are seeing a traffic drop... it could be summer. I find that I see HUGE traffic drops seasonally - August for example is my worst month every year. People get out of school, take family vacations, etc, and are doing far less internet browsing in June/July/August. I think most sites see big seasonal dips during certain months depending on site topic. For example a site that focuses on selling gifts, will likely see HUGE traffic spikes October/November/December and them HUGE traffic dips in June/July/August, simply because most of their traffic is made up of people buying Christmas gifts.

Most schools get out this week, so if you have a high rate of high schoolers and college students in your viewership, you'd see a dip because they'd all be out partying and stuff and no using the internet this week. Graduations and such are going on this week too.

I don't think your removing the meta tags has anything to do with it, unless you had an abnormally high rate of traffic coming to you from DogPile, AskJeeves, Digg, or StumbleUpon (places that do still use meta tag keywords when crawling sites). Removing them will have no effect on Google, Bing, and Yahoo traffic... it'll only effect the small directory-style search engines that are still using old school meta-data crawlers.

I'm not sure if this helps you or not. Hopefully it does.

It is! I knew it! 
There is a song called detachable penis!
Here it is!

We are an equal opportunity website...
let's toss a pussy joke in here with the penises...

June 7, 2017 Add On:

Hello again,

Although I am on the side that you don't need more than one keyword it is interesting that one of my competitors for an affiliate, ranks number 1 on several keywords (they used to be below me) and when I look at their keywords I get this:

[color=#FF0000]<meta name="keywords" content="Real Estate agreement, Real Estate arrangements, Real Estate forms, Real Estate templates, Real Estate FAQs, Real Estate contracts, Real Estate documents, Real Estate docs, Real Estate examples, Real Estate laws, Real Estate issues, Real Estate questions, Real Estate problems, Real Estate assistance, Real Estate property, Real Estate properties, real estate purchase, real estate, purchase real estate, property sale, house sale, agreement of purchase and sale[/color]

So although it doesn't mean more is better, it doesn't seem to harm either. Now I do see they are also paying Mother Google money for native ads as well. hmmmm


I still use meta keywords, but not for Google or Bing, both of which haven't used them in years.

The only search engines that still use meta keywords are the teeny-tiny geeky "old school" search engines that still use the "directory style" data bases. My site deals with topics like "cosplay", "yaoi", "steampunk" and other similar geeky stuff. It's not uncommon for viewers of those topics to also avoid using Google or Bing, and instead turn to 1990's style college-run sites still running on DOS and old school java codes.... if you want to target THOSE teeny, tiny, almost unheard of search engines (and there are thousands of them - almost every college has one and most computer geeks make a point of building one just to show off the fact they know how to use DOS code still)... if you want to get picked up by those search engines, in addition to Google and Bing, then you want to be using meta keyword tags still. 

But if your site is not a super geeky topic, that'll be targeting mega geek fans who use search engine no one but the mega geeks even know exist, there's really no reason to use meta keywords, because the big mainstream search engines just ignore them.

June 8, 2017 Add On:

[quote]Whatever happened to keyword stuffing getting slammed?[/quote]

As I understand it, "keyword stuffing" is nothing about stuffing [different] keywords into the meta tag. It's rather about stuffing the same [one or more] all over the place in the body.

But then, what do I know?

Yep... keyword stuffing, means stuffing keywords into the body text of the article, often resulting in the article reading as gibberish. According to one of the articles on Google's official blog, if you have more then 2% keyword to total text ratio, their bot will classify the article as practicing keyword stuffing. That means, don't use your keyword more then 2 times for every 100 words of text in your article, according to Google themselves.

Notice how every time I add more length to this page, I also add more penises to it at a ratio of 2 penises per every 100 words? That's why.

This small penis just keeps getting longer. If it gets too much longer it won't be that small a penis any more now well it?


dancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing banana dancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing banana

Penis bananas on parade!

One can never have too many penises, I mean bananas!

dancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing banana dancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing banana

And so, for those still reading and got this far...
What exactly is our site's primary topic?

And so, for those still reading and got this far...
What exactly is our site's primary topic?

Well, it's most certainly NOT small penis, so how Google came to that conclusion?

Google came to that conclusion because this site is fast closing in on 10,000 pages, but we've kept bot blockers on it for the past 3 years, so Google has not yet indexed many pages.

It'll take a few weeks, possibly a few months, before all 10k pages get indexed, and once that happens, Google will update its results an they'll be more accurate.

Right now only a few pages are indexed, and obviously those pages are the ones where the word small penis is mentions, thus Google concluding that if small penis was on this many pages, this often, and this many pages is this percent of the pages indexed, therefore small penis id the site keyword.

Thus how you can suddenly find your site ranking for unexpected keywords. Any keyword you use a lot on 8 pages, becomes your primary site topic if Google only indexes 10 pages and all 8 of those pages are included, which is what has happened here.

In the end, our site's primary topic is "Novel Writing Tips" which Google should figure out in a few weeks once more pages are in the index.

The pages which mentioned penises, did so because they were pages about writing Erotica and Yaoi novels. However, these pages are few, and most pages deal with writing Elves, creating characters, building fictional worlds for those characters to live in, and so on.

So for the moment we can laugh at Google's mistake and learn a valuable lesson in how Google classifies your site in its index.

I wonder, for every site owner who thinks they know what they primary site topic is... have you ever checked in Google search Console results, to find out it what Google says your site topic it, matches what you want your site topic to be?

Need More Penises?
There's Plenty More On This Page...

The Quaraun Series 
GENRE: Dark Bizzaro Fantasy/Pink Humor/Crude Adult Comedy
SUB-GENRES: Monster Porn; Bizarre CBT Oiroke Yaoi; Unicorn Porn; Seme/Uke Barra;
Japanese Book Rating: M18+ (For strong adult situations, drug use, & suicide)

Articles on this site focus mostly on the hows & whys of the creation process of The Quaraun series, and it's ban by the American government for being "Too Gay For The Family Friendly Town of Old Orchard Beach". Yes, that does mean, that like the books, this site features sex crazed gay unicorns, bi-sexual transvestite Elves, suicidal Faeries, opium addicted wizards, rape fantasy Monster Porn, gay black men fighting back against Ku Klux Klan hate mongers, and cock & ball torture fetishes; hide your weak little white power, gay-hating Christian balls and pass at your own risk.

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