Looking to connect with me on social media? Links to all my official accounts can be found here:

<<<<---  If it is not on that list, it is not me. 

Please note that since 2013, there have shown up several FAKE "EelKat" accounts, often using photos stolen from my website. Those accounts are run by a stalker who also goes by the names Kendra Silvermander & Tom Addams. They are wanted by the FBI, so if you run across one of these fake accounts pretending to be me, please report it to FBI Agent in charge of the case: Andy Drewer.

Update: May 22, 2017 

EelKat.com Just Went Live!

Update: May 22, 2017 

As I do with all my web sites, I block search engines for the first 3 years, to give the site organic traffic only. We crossed the 3 year mark a few months ago. 

(We changed SpaceDock13's url to EelKat.com September 2013, but the site has been "invisible" to Google that entire time.)

I removed the Bing blockers in September 2016 at the 3 year mark for this url, but kept the Google blockers up to see what kind of traffic we would get from Bing alone. 

August 2016 we were getting 300 visits a month.

With Bing alone, that increased to 77,000 visits a month as of April 2017.

Today, I have just removed the "no index" meta data markup blockers from EelKat.com. It took less then 12 hours for Google to find us and start indexing our site. Up until today ALL traffic to this site has been through DIRECT REQUEST ONLY... meaning users had to manually type in the url "eelkat.com".

As of today we are now in search results on Google. It took Google less then 2 hours to start sending us traffic.

EelKat.com is officially a "Live" site now! Yay!

May 27, 2017 add on to this update:

Google has determined that the primary keyword for this site is...

wait for it...



"small penis".




Now I wonder how THAT could have happened?


I write Yaoi.

And at least 300 pages of this site are devoted to that topic.

*Just couldn't pooosssibly imagine wheeeere Google came to the conclusion "small penis" is the primary keyword for this site.

It must be so difficult to find random penises on my site.

Not here. :P

Nope. Not here either. ;)


Penises are DEFINITELY not in my YouTube videos...

I never talk about men who've had knives stuffed up inside their foreskins, religious rituals that split men's penises in two, or men who cut their own dicks to create fetish scars... 

I never answer reader questions on the pros and cons of writing circumcised versus uncircumcised men and then have rants about the evils of genital mutilation of babies...

I never talk about men being attacked by alien jelly fish, then being raped by unicorns, and then getting pregnant and giving birth to tentacled unicorn babies...

I never talk about men having sex with sheep...

I defiantly don't write about men who have sex with unicorns...




And... there are no 6 foot tall penises in my driveway.


That's definitely NOT a "family friendly" 6 foot tall fabulous penis shooting out rainbow coloured cum in my driveway:


Can't possibly imagine how Google concluded "small penis" was the primary topic of my website here.

One would get the impression penises are my favorite topic.

For those who don't know, Quaraun, main character of my Yaoi series, has a medical condition known as "micropenis". He also suffered from an injury known as "penal sub incision mutilation" which left the underside of his penis badly scarred. The injury was caused by an enraged Elf ramming a dagger up into his penis, in an attempt to castrate him.

The injury left Quaraun unable to have sex with women due to the fact that intercourse is incredibly painful for him. Thus why he is bottom to gay men, even though he himself is not gay. 

Quaraun has two male lovers (Unicorn [a Unicorn, yes, Quaraun has sex with horses] & GhoulSpawn [a Chaos Demon]) and four wives (two never named, Pippi, and Empress Glacious). His primary lover, Unicorn, has a hemipenis (two penises). Sex scenes in the series thus often include 3 or more characters at once, with Quaraun frequently "triple stuffed" by Unicorn and GhoulSpawn.

While Quaraun maintains that sex is painful thus why he refuses to have sex with females, in actuality, his pain is more psychological then physical, due to his extreme vanity. He believes his scars distract from his beauty and refuses to allow any one to look at him naked. Even his lovers have difficulty getting him to undress for them.

Unicorn is the lover Quaraun is most likely to allow to see him naked. The reasons being that

  • #1, Unicorn has a fetish for scars and
  • #2, Unicorn, an elderly senior, old enough to be Quaraun's grandfather, is almost blind.
  • #3, Unicorn himself also suffers from (or rather enjoys?) his own similar penal deformity: Diphallia (meaning he has 2 penises).

While most men are quick to think a larger penis is better, in actuality, most women, will be quick to say: "You ain't getting that thing near me!" when confronted with a large dick. Simple fact of the matter is, intercourse with a large dicked man is painful for the woman.

Second fact to consider is they sell ridged "penis sleeves" for a reason. The reason being that most men are circumcised which means they no longer have the folds of the foreskin to create pleasurable friction for their female partners. Sex with circumcised men is overall unpleasurable for the female.

On the other hand, a man who not only has his foreskin intact, but also has scars on his penis, causes far more pleasure in his lover then he is aware.

And for those wondering what exactly a "penal sub incision mutilation" penis looks like, you can click this NOT SAFE FOR WORK link to head to wikipedia and see images of "penal sub incision mutilation" penises.

To see what Diphallia (double dicked, 2 penis mutation) looks like, here's the equally NOT SAFE FOR WORK link to a medical photo of that. 

Quaraun, is uncircumcised, has a small penis with a deeply hooded foreskin, and heavy scarring, making him a man whom the average woman would kill to have in her bed. His gentle, non-violent personality and his non-threatening size (most women are taller then him) further makes him highly sought after. His phobia of having sex with women, makes him harder to snag.

In essence, Quaraun becomes the mythical "golden fleece", the man every woman wants, but a man so rare, they are almost non-existent.

His being bottom to other men, further gives him a rare non-predatory air.

The type of women who read the Quaraun series are the ones who know we live in a world where men are violent, brutal, wife beating, child abusing rapists, who glorify their male egos with big muscles, brute force, and giant penises. Real men in our world are the monsters of nightmares. Creatures who strike terror in the hearts of women, vile beasts no woman wants to be near.

Quaraun, is the complete opposite of real men. He's gentle, kind, none predatory, none threatening, non-violent, smaller and weaker then most women, and being with other men instead of women, results in women feeling safe in his company, knowing he will not try to rape them.

It is for these reasons that Quaraun is fetishized, throughout the series, with male and female characters alike viewing him as an ideal lover.

Quaraun is what is known as a "A Twinkie Uke" Twink or Uke for short. Twinks are small men, who are "safe" for women to be friends with without any worry of his pushing his maleness on them.

This is why the series glorifies Quaraun as the sex object. And this is why you see the phrase "small penis" used so frequently through out the series.

Sample chapters from the 130 novels that make up the series are found all over this site, and more then 1,400 pages of this site are devoted to answering reader questions about how I write the series, most of the questions asked by readers looking to get into the career of writing Yaoi themselves.

Thus... the term "small penis" gets used frequently on a majority of the pages on this site, and thus how Google concluded "small penis" is the primary keyword topic of the site. I actually expected the primary keyword to be something to do with Yaoi given the Yaoi nature of most of the site, but, didn't expect it to be "penis".


Apparently the phrase "small penis" is the most used phrase of any phrase on this site.

Who knew?

Yeah... you knew... we all did. Especially the bananas.

The bananas knew. The bananas knew they were not really bananas.

The bananas knew they were just penises in banana suits...

21 “Harry Potter” Quotes
Which Are Made Way More Hilarious
By Replacing “Wand” With “Penis”

May 31, 2017 Update:
Small Penises Aside...
Like All My Other Sites Before This One
We Are Fast Soaring To #1 of Page 1
For Every Keyword We Use...

We now have 51 pages showing on page 1 of Google, for their primary keywords (the primary keyword, being the word, words, or phrase which makes up the url of that page, for example the primary keyword for the page: https://www.eelkat.com/SacoRiverCurse.html is "Saco River Curse")

There is a penis here for no reason other then the fact that Google thinks this site's primary topic is "small penis" so now I'm adding penises to every page, just to keep Google happy.... oh, and the quote on the picture matched the topic of this page, but heck... who cares about that, let's just add a penis to every page, because you know how much men think having one gives them the right to dominate every one else... which is the topic of this page after all.

Page 1 means in the Top 10 search results.

  • Four of those pages are #1 on page 1;
  • three of them are #2 on page 1;
  • five are #3 on page 1;
  • five are #4 on page 1;
  • six are #5 on page 1.

26 pages are now ranks on page #2

Page 2, means lower then the Top 10 but in the Top 20.

12 pages are ranked on page 3

Page 3, means lower then the Top 20 but in the Top 30.

So in all, we have 89 pages ranking on the first 3 pages of Google search results, for their primary keyword.

Additionally, there are more pages ranking in the top 3 pages for their secondary and sub keywords.

In the "Saco River Curse" example above, the secondary keyword would be: "Saco River", while "Saco", "River", and "Curse" would be the 3 sub keywords.

Additionally, Google assigns popular organic keywords to each page. (Organic keywords are words I did not assign as keywords, but Google's RankBrain decided should be included as keywords, because people were searching for them and then clicked on my site when making their choices of which site to click for their search.)

Organic keywords Google has assigned for the "Saco River Curse" page  include "Saco deaths", "haunted Maine", "superstition", "ghost stories", "Maine history", "Saco Spirit", and "Saco Maine".

Google assigns 5 to 20 organic keywords to each page.

In all Google has concluded that there are 10,311 keywords which they will be using to send traffic to my site here.

How To Reach #1 On Page 1 Of Google, Even Without Small Penises...

To tell you how I did it... I'm going to give you guys the answer I gave to a fellow SBIer...

Up until recently SBI has promoted the idea of a main keyword for each page, and up to three other keywords. 

Times have changed, and for reasons I'm unsure of, the advice has been to remove these secondary keywords. 

That I've been doing, but traffic has taken a dive. I'm wondering if the they are connected. For the moment I've stopped removing secondary keywords.

Have others also doubts about this new SBI directive? Perhaps they are totally unrelated. 

I still use meta tag keyword (add them manually in each page's header) but not for Google or Bing. They don't pay attention to them. The little directory style search engines like DogPile do still use them, and for some reason I've always had traffic coming from several of those little itty bitty search engines that no one knows exits. (I think it's because my target audience tends to be the geeky types who are more likely to use the obscure geeky search engines, rather then the big corps like Google). I don't put much effort into the meta tag keywords however. 

I rarely add them when I create the page, usually going back to add them days or weeks after creating the page, and then only on the "geeky" topic pages I think will likely be searched for in the little bitty directory-style search engines. (Also, most of those tiny search engines you have to contact directly and request your site be added; it'll then be manually reviewed by a real live human, who decides to add you to the directory or not.)

My website was originally written in DOS code back in 1997, which is how it got listed in most of those tiny search engines to begin with. I think that's the only reason I get traffic from them. I don't think anyone who joined the internet after 2007 would even be aware those directory style search engine are even out there, LOL!   I think if my site wasn't so old and hadn't already been listed with them decades ago (long before I switched hosts to SBI) I probably wouldn't bother with the meta tag keywords at all. I'm only using them as a way to alert those places of new pages, because their crawlers are old school and look for meta tags. DogPile may not be using meta tags soon either, they had an announcement about it a few months ago. The meta tags have no effect in big search engines like Google and Bing and if I was focusing all my traffic ONLY on Google and Bing, I wouldn't add them at all.

Google announced they were going to stop using keyword tags in 2007 and they actually stopped using keyword tags in 2010 or 2011, around same time they came out with Panda.

Yahoo was still using them last I knew, but now that Bing owns Yahoo, that will likely change soon if it hasn't already.

Bing says they still use them, but that it factors in at less then 1% of your page's ranking placement.

... I need that side bar thing Ken uses inserted right here, so I can change topic...   

I find that rather then using meta-tag keywords, however, on page keywords works MUCH better. 

For that I have my specific keyword also be my url name and the title of the page. 

Then, I write an article that is minimum 2,000 words long and strive to use the specific keyword exactly as it is in the url, 1 to 2 times every 100 words (10 to 20 times total in the entire article). 

If the keyword is a phrase (it usually is on my site), I use the individual words of the phrase as my secondary keywords.

We now have 51 pages showing on page 1 of Google, for their primary keywords (the primary keyword, being the word, words, or phrase which makes up the url of that page, for example the primary keyword for the page: https://www.eelkat.com/SacoRiverCurse.html is "Saco River Curse")

In the "Saco River Curse" example above, the secondary keyword would be: "Saco River", while "Saco", "River", and "Curse" would be the 3 minor or sub keywords.

So my keywords for that page are:

    Saco River Curse (specific/primary)
    Saco River (secondary)
    Saco (minor/sub-keyword)
    River (minor/sub-keyword)
    Curse (minor/sub-keyword)

I try to use the secondary keyword 1 to 2 times in every 300 to 400 words.

I try to use at least 1 of the minor keywords in every paragraph. (3 minor keywords, would space out as once every 3 paragraphs; a 4 word long phrase would be once every 4 paragraphs instead, for example.)

So it looks like this:

    Saco River Curse (1 to 2 times every 100 words)
    Saco River (1 to 2 times in every 300 to 400 words)
    Saco (1 time every 3 paragraphs)
    River (1 time every 3 paragraphs)
    Curse (1 time every 3 paragraphs)

If in re-reading the article, it starts feeling like a word is becoming redundant, I know I've used it too many times, and will use a dictionary to replace it with a similar word. Be careful of keyword stuffing, though. (Using too many keywords) As it can result in Google dinging your site. Always read your article to make sure it doesn't sound awkward. If it sounds like a words is used too often, then it is. Find a way to rewrite it with a different word that means the same thing. 

Additionally, I make sure every header includes one of the keywords or keyword phrases. And I use all 4 headers types on every page (<h1>, <h2>, <h3>, <h4>).

This is an <h1> header with a small penis stuck in it.

This is an <h2> header with a small penis stuck in it.

This is an <h3> header with a small penis stuck in it.

This is an <h4> header with a small penis stuck in it.

This is what a hemipenis looks like.


Did you really think my site ranks for the keyword penis  without having image files with penis in the name?

Yes, those are actual medical photos of real double dicked penises.

That is what a hemipenis looks like.

Did you notice how, like penises, the headers get smaller and smaller as the number goes up?

I also try to make sure to have photos that are file-titled the same as the keyword (for example "saco-river-curse-location.jpg" or "waterfall-at-site-of-saco-river-curse.png") and then try to include 1 to 2 photos for every 1,000 words.

I also try to use a wide variety of similar words in the article.

For example, at the scene of the murder, is The Saco Falls, which runs off York Hill, on Saco Island, in Saco Maine, and dumps into the Saco River Delta, which sits in the Saco River Estuary.

In 1837 the Bean Murders (a serial killer who murdered 5 mill girls) happened in the same spot 200 years after the original murders (where a woman and her baby were murdered by 3 drunk sailors who threw them in the waterfall in 1537, resulting in the Native American/Indian Chief father putting the curse on the river to punish the white men for killing his wife and baby.) Rumors say the serial killer was a result of the curse 200 years earlier.

That additional bit of information allows me to use...

    murders in Saco, Maine
    Saco River Estuary
    Saco River Delta
    Saco Falls
    Saco Island
    York Hill, Saco, Maine
    Pepperelle Mill, Saco Maine
    Saco train station

in place of the primary keywords "Saco River Curse", etc. ...meaning I use the phrase "Saco River Curse" fewer times then the 2 times per every hundred words, by using one of those similar topic words in it's place.

And so while "Saco River Curse" is the primary keyword, it doesn't become over used, because I bring in the names of all the landmarks involved in the curse as well. People searching for information on the Saco River Curse, may search for:

    "Saco Mill Murders" 
    "Indian baby killed by white settlers on Saco Island" 
    "in what town did an Indian chief send a river demon to kill white sailors in Maine?" 
    "why won't lobstermen put boats in Saco River Delta before June each year?"
    "why does no one swim in Saco River before June?"
    "What is that big fence on York Hill around Saco Island?"

...instead of searching for "Saco River Curse" and by having these other words in the article, that alerts Google to the fact that people searching those other terms are in fact looking for the same event but are using different search terms for it. (those are all search terms people have used to find my page on my site by the way.)

On a page like this one, which is titled small penis, I would add alternate words for penis like:

Octopuses have detachable penises... was't that a song?... off to YouTube to look for the song Detachable Penis...

  • cock
  • dick
  • jobby
  • dobber
  • banana
  • dong
  • pickle

And then throw in some related words like:

  • dildo
  • condom
  • micropenis
  • hemipenis
  • urethra sounding
  • cock rings
  • penis sleeves
  • cock and ball torture
  • strap on

I next head to Amazon, and create a "responsive ad" banner, that displays 8 products. Title that BB2 box "Find Out More About Saco, Maine, Home of The Saco River Curse", then select 8 books about the history of Saco, Maine, to display, making sure each book has the word "Saco" in the title. (The Amazon Associates Affiliate Program, then pays me a % if people buy those books)

Here is what one of those Amazon blocks looks like...

Wonders what I get if I search for "small penis" on Amazon?


Did you think I was gonna put the Saco River Curse one here? This page is titled "small penis" remember? We gotta boost our rank for that. :P

And can I have a side rant here... since I write about penises as part of my career, I also do a lot of research into penises. Yep, you should see my Google search history... anyways... that second book there is titled "5 Inches: The Diary of a Very Small Penis". I have to comment on that.

Did you know, that medically speaking the AVERAGE penis on MOST men is 3 inches flaccid and 5" erect, and is NOT considered to be SMALL unless it is 2 inches flaccid and 3 inches erect?

Also the largest penis (human) is 13 inches and was caused by a rare medical condition. He also had great difficulty finding a woman who would have sex with him because it was so big.

Also, most men, if their penis reaches 8 inches of more when erect it is a sign of blood clotting and could lead to serious damage if not treated.

And, porn star penises are made to "look" big, by use of a penis pump, that induces painful levels of friction for extended periods of time, to cause abnormal swelling. They are further made to look larger, by being rubbed down with oil, causing an optical illusion on camera.

Did you also know that most women prefer a penis in the 5 inch range as it is the size that is a most comfortable fit.

Anyways... back on topic...

I use that formula as a rough guide, but I don't count the words to be exactly those numbers. A few more or a few less, in areas isn't going to hurt as long as the article has an easy natural flow of readability.

But as a general rule, if one was to pay attention to the "layout formula" of my pages, you would see that they are pretty much set up in that same manner - every single one of them, save a few that didn't fit that layout for whatever reason.

Additionally, Google assigns popular organic keywords to each page. (Organic keywords are words I did not assign as keywords, but Google's AI RankBrain decided should be included as keywords, because people were searching for them and then clicked on my site when making their choices of which site to click for their search.)

Organic keywords Google has assigned for the "Saco River Curse" page include:

    "Saco deaths", 
    "haunted Maine", 
    "ghost stories", 
    "Maine history", 
    "Saco Spirit", and 
    "Saco Maine".

Looking back at my page, I found that I did in fact include each of those phrases a couple of times in the article (which is about 9,000 words long.) but none of them features prominently in the article and I don't think any of them was in the article more then 3 or 4 times total.

Google chose those, because when people searched for those words, they ended up click that page of my page, thus Google concluded those keywords are about my page.

Time to add another small penis.

Google assigns 5 to 20 organic keywords to each page.

(You can find all this info about your site's keywords and the search terms Google is recommending your site with in Search Console which is part of Google Analytics, by the way)

If you click around all the links in Google Analytics and Search Console, you'll end up finding a page that lists your site's page ranks.

Google has 407 of my pages indexed right now and they vary in rank from page 1 to page 377 in search results, with the bulk of them (more then 200 pages) ranking on the first 5 pages, and 89 of my pages rank in the first 3 pages... (the ones that are lower ranked, are the ones that are my Zazzle store galleries so are nothing but affiliate links to my art on Zazzle and have no written text article on them. All the links are "no follow" so Google basically considers those pages as "empty" and thus the very low rank; most of my traffic to those pages are from links in my other pages and not from search engines)

4 of my pages are reporting search result #1 on page 1 of Google search results for users using default settings (the "Saco River Curse" page being one of those 4, thus why I picked it for my example here, to show you how I used in-article/on-page keywords to get that particular page ranked #1 on page 1 of Google. that page by-the-way has no meta-tag keywords added to it's headers and reached #1 on page 1 by the on page SEO I explained here alone)

Using this method I have the following results (current as of right now - these change daily - I'm reading the results in Search Console as I write this):

23 pages, right now are showing up on page 1 of Google search results.

Page 1 means in the Top 10 search results.

    4 of those pages are #1 on page 1;
    3 of them are #2 on page 1;
    5 are #3 on page 1;
    5 are #4 on page 1;
    6 are #5 on page 1.

26 pages are now ranked on page #2

Page 2, means lower then the Top 10 but in the Top 20.

12 pages are ranked on page 3

Page 3, means lower then the Top 20 but in the Top 30.

nearly 200 other pages are ranking on page 4 and 5. (in the top 50 search results) I didn't bother counting those though because few people click past the 3rd page of Google, meaning any page not in the top 30 is unlikely to get clicked on by people searching. 

So in all, I have 89 pages (out of the 407 Google has indexed) ranking on the first 3 pages of Google search results, for their primary keyword.

Additionally, there are more pages ranking in the top 3 pages for their secondary and sub keywords.

... I need that side bar thing Ken uses inserted right here, so I can change topic again...   

So, that's how I do it. That's the basic formula I use for on page keywords, which in my experience works far better then meta-tag keywords.

As for why you are seeing a traffic drop... it could be summer. I find that I see HUGE traffic drops seasonally - August for example is my worst month every year. People get out of school, take family vacations, etc, and are doing far less internet browsing in June/July/August. I think most sites see big seasonal dips during certain months depending on site topic. For example a site that focuses on selling gifts, will likely see HUGE traffic spikes October/November/December and them HUGE traffic dips in June/July/August, simply because most of their traffic is made up of people buying Christmas gifts.

Most schools get out this week, so if you have a high rate of high schoolers and college students in your viewership, you'd see a dip because they'd all be out partying and stuff and no using the internet this week. Graduations and such are going on this week too.

I don't think your removing the meta tags has anything to do with it, unless you had an abnormally high rate of traffic coming to you from DogPile, AskJeeves, Digg, or StumbleUpon (places that do still use meta tag keywords when crawling sites). Removing them will have no effect on Google, Bing, and Yahoo traffic... it'll only effect the small directory-style search engines that are still using old school meta-data crawlers.

I'm not sure if this helps you or not. Hopefully it does.

It is! I knew it! 
There is a song called detachable penis!
Here it is!

We are an equal opportunity website...
let's toss a pussy joke in here with the penises...

June 7, 2017 Add On:

Hello again,

Although I am on the side that you don't need more than one keyword it is interesting that one of my competitors for an affiliate, ranks number 1 on several keywords (they used to be below me) and when I look at their keywords I get this:

[color=#FF0000]<meta name="keywords" content="Real Estate agreement, Real Estate arrangements, Real Estate forms, Real Estate templates, Real Estate FAQs, Real Estate contracts, Real Estate documents, Real Estate docs, Real Estate examples, Real Estate laws, Real Estate issues, Real Estate questions, Real Estate problems, Real Estate assistance, Real Estate property, Real Estate properties, real estate purchase, real estate, purchase real estate, property sale, house sale, agreement of purchase and sale[/color]

So although it doesn't mean more is better, it doesn't seem to harm either. Now I do see they are also paying Mother Google money for native ads as well. hmmmm


I still use meta keywords, but not for Google or Bing, both of which haven't used them in years.

The only search engines that still use meta keywords are the teeny-tiny geeky "old school" search engines that still use the "directory style" data bases. My site deals with topics like "cosplay", "yaoi", "steampunk" and other similar geeky stuff. It's not uncommon for viewers of those topics to also avoid using Google or Bing, and instead turn to 1990's style college-run sites still running on DOS and old school java codes.... if you want to target THOSE teeny, tiny, almost unheard of search engines (and there are thousands of them - almost every college has one and most computer geeks make a point of building one just to show off the fact they know how to use DOS code still)... if you want to get picked up by those search engines, in addition to Google and Bing, then you want to be using meta keyword tags still. 

But if your site is not a super geeky topic, that'll be targeting mega geek fans who use search engine no one but the mega geeks even know exist, there's really no reason to use meta keywords, because the big mainstream search engines just ignore them.

June 8, 2017 Add On:

[quote]Whatever happened to keyword stuffing getting slammed?[/quote]

As I understand it, "keyword stuffing" is nothing about stuffing [different] keywords into the meta tag. It's rather about stuffing the same [one or more] all over the place in the body.

But then, what do I know?

Yep... keyword stuffing, means stuffing keywords into the body text of the article, often resulting in the article reading as gibberish. According to one of the articles on Google's official blog, if you have more then 2% keyword to total text ratio, their bot will classify the article as practicing keyword stuffing. That means, don't use your keyword more then 2 times for every 100 words of text in your article, according to Google themselves.

Notice how every time I add more length to this page, I also add more penises to it at a ratio of 2 penises per every 100 words? That's why.

This small penis just keeps getting longer. If it gets too much longer it won't be that small a penis any more now well it?


dancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing banana dancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing banana

Penis bananas on parade!

One can never have too many penises, I mean bananas!

dancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing banana dancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing banana

Need More Penises?
There's Plenty More On This Page...

The Quaraun Series 
GENRE: Dark Bizzaro Fantasy/Pink Humor/Crude Adult Comedy
SUB-GENRES: Monster Porn; Bizarre CBT Oiroke Yaoi; Unicorn Porn; Seme/Uke Barra;
Japanese Book Rating: M18+ (For strong adult situations, drug use, & suicide)

Articles on this site focus mostly on the hows & whys of the creation process of The Quaraun series, and it's ban by the American government for being "Too Gay For The Family Friendly Town of Old Orchard Beach". Yes, that does mean, that like the books, this site features sex crazed gay unicorns, bi-sexual transvestite Elves, suicidal Faeries, opium addicted wizards, rape fantasy Monster Porn, gay black men fighting back against Ku Klux Klan hate mongers, and cock & ball torture fetishes; hide your weak little white power, gay-hating Christian balls and pass at your own risk.

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Books By EelKat
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And why 27 books were deleted off Amazon after being banned by The Old Orchard Beach, Maine Town Hall, an American Government organization, on January 4, 2016, for being "Too Gay For The Family Friendly Town of Old Orchard Beach".

Here... have a banana... internet marketing "guru" Tom Addams thought we didn't have enough of them around here, so, gotta add some more...

heck... take an entire bunch of bananas...

and you might as well take some some banana bread while you're here...

We here at EelKat.com don't like the Ku Klux Klan or any one who supports their domestic terrorist hate crimes in Old Orchard Beach.

Crazy is as Crazy Does

And on that note... people always ask: 

"Are you insane?"

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The Top 202 Most Visited Pages of 2017

Seeing how on October 15, 2017, we reached 10,000 pages, I thought it'd be fun to update the Top 100 List and see where were were now.

Top 202 Most Viewed Pages Of 2017 So Far
(Out of 10,000 pages)

(January 2017 to October 2017)
(Excluding the Home PageAbout Page, and Site Map Page, which were the top 3)

  1. Amphibious Aliens: The Story of Etiole & The World's Most Haunted Car
  2. The GoldenEagle: An Auto-biography of the World's Most Haunted Car
  3. Medieval Servants: Their jobs and their place in historical fiction.
  4. How Long is 50,000 Words?
  5. On being a handicapped CosPlayer at PortCon Maine 2017
  6. Stephen King's The Thinner and The Gypsies Of Old Orchard Beach, Maine
  7. Writing Mute Characters
  8. Flamboyant Nipples: The KKK's New Gay Hating Site About Old Orchard Beach | The Site That Makes Fun of Terrorist Hate Crimes
  9. Writing Dares Random Generator
  10. Don't put flyers on people's cars...
  11. The Saco River Curse
  12. Our Primary Site Topic Is Small Penis? Reaching #1 on Page 1 of Google.
  13. Help FBI End Anti-Gay White Power Terrorist Attacks of Old Orchard Beach
  14. Creating Character Profiles | Meet The Characters | Who Is Quaraun?
  15. Introduction To The Quaraun Series: aka Too Gay For Old Orchard Beach
  16. The Dazzling Razzberry aka EelKat's Autism Awareness Car
  17. Autism, Asperger, PTSD, & Mad Cow: Writing Clinical Insanity Accurately | What is wrong with Quaraun? 
  18. Quaraun Free To Read Online Complete Chapter Index In Chronological Order
  19. Necromancy: Fact Vs Fiction; Or How Can You Be A Necromancer In Real Life?
  20. 600 Pages: Epic Big Super Sized Novels and Why You Should Never Write One
  21. Why Crude Adult Comedy and Pink Humor Yaoi Is Not Erotica
  22. The FBI In Old Orchard Beach, Maine Trying To Capture A Domestic Terrorist
  23. One Gypsy's Review of My Big Fat American Gypsy Wedding
  24. The Gypsies of Old Orchard Beach - page 1 (Online Release of Banned Book)
  25. Autism, Asperger's, And The Danger of The Self-Diagnosis
  26. Spell Casting Side Effects: Magic In Quaraun's Universe | Author Interview
  27. What Type of Music Does A Gypsy Listen To? My Top 10 Favorite Bands
  28. Beware of White Men In Gypsy Clothing: Fake Psychic Scams
  29. How long does it take to hit 1667 words?
  30. How to Write A Kiss
  31. Phookas
  32. Creating Character Profiles | Meet The Characters | Who Is GhoulSpawn?
  33. Albino Races - Moon Elves In The Quaraun Series
  34. Daily Writing Prompts (June 2017 Archive)
  35. My 30th Anniversary of Being Transgender
  36. Why Are The Quaraun Books Rated M18+
  37. How to Write Hot Sex - Tips For Erotic Romance Authors
  38. The Zaharam-Chapelle-Parunas Ethnographical World Building Questionnaire
  39. The Jiggler & The G-String Teddy Bears | The Adventures of Quaraun The Insane
  40. What exactly makes an Elf an Elf? (What is the definition of an Elf?)
  41. Online Income: The Reality vs The Fantasy
  42. World's Most Haunted Car Merchandise
  43. I Am Not GhoulSpawn | Excerpt From Rose Garden of The Pink Necromancer
  44. Old Orchard Beach Hate Crimes
  45. BoomFuzzy Chapter 1 (Novel Excerpt - Quaraun The Insane)
  46. How can your books have gay transvestite characters and not be Erotica? or Why are gay haters beating up elderly woman for wearing pink for breast cancer awareness and saying she's a transexual because only transexuals wear pink?
  47. EelKat's Guide To NaNoWriMo Featuring The 13 Step Method To Writing
  48. Autism and the Stigmas - Why Can’t You Accept Me As Me?
  49. Maine UFO Sightings
  50. Page 11 - The Gypsies of Old Orchard Beach - The Scottish Traveller Crime Family
  51. Psychedelics In A 'High' High Fantasy World (High Elves Getting High)
  52. KBoards, The NaNoWriMo ML Rumor & The Vindictive Stalker
  53. Writing Racist Characters VS The Ku Klux Klan In Old Orchard Beach, Maine
  54. Captured By The Lich Lord | The Night of The Screaming Unicorn
  55. How To Build A Magic System
  56. I've everything but a kitchen sink. Wait, how'd that sink get in my pocket?
  57. Stephen King's Thinner Gypsies & The Ku Klux Klan of Old Orchard Beach
  58. Autistic Characters In Fiction
  59. City of The Slushies | Chapter 7 | Quaraun The Insane
  60. Manuscript Reading Services or Will You Read My Book and Tell Me What You Think?
  61. Suicide, Rape, and Abuse In The Quaraun Series
  62. Wizards vs Witches vs Sorcerers: How are they different? | Writing Fantasy Books
  63. FRED: Google's Most Deadly Update Ever?
  64. How To Write A Novel: Question Everything Before Putting It In Your World
  65. Content writing: How long do you spend creating a quality blog post?
  66. SBI: To Review or Not to Review? That Is The Question
  67. Twerking Dragons: The Joys Of Writing A Novel With A Voice Recorder
  68. A Day At Witch Pond & Fleeing To The Forest | Summoner of Darkness
  69. Transgender, Transsexual, Transvestite, or Intersex: What Is Quaraun?
  70. Sheep | GhoulSpawn The Crazed & The Rose Garden of The Pink Necromancer
  71. Colour Magic - Gypsy Style
  72. Ideas, Ideas, Ideas (Where Do You Get Them?)
  73. Keywords & Pigeons: How I Do Local Business Marketing
  74. Quaraun & Autism In Fantasy Novels
  75. The Signs Of Old Orchard Beach & The FBI Investigation Of The Town Hall
  76. Tom Addams & The Warrior's Forum
  77. A Field of Poppies On The Road To Witch Pond | Summoner of Darkness
  78. An Elf and a Lich in the Gingerbread Pit | The Night of The Screaming Unicorn
  79. Markiplier Jacksepticeye and Pewdiepie Play Resident Evil 7
  80. Santa Claus: Lich Of The North Pole (Includes NSFW 18+ CBT Yaoi scene)
  81. A Motorhome named 'No Hurry' becomes Rosebud & The Story of Ten Kidnapped Cats
  82. Create Original Content aka I Hate Jackass Gutter Scum Thieves
  83. Lost In a Space That Isn't There: Going North To Head South
  84. An Elf Gone Mad: The Rise of The Pink Necromancer
  85. Aspergers is NOT Autism
  86. Is The Quaraun Series Erotica? - No! Here's why...
  87. Summoner of Darkness: GhoulSpawn and Quaraun Trapped With A Phooka
  88. The Dungeon Master & The 1974 AMC Gremlin
  89. The Lich's True Form Revealed | The Night of The Screaming Unicorn
  90. Using work you already started for national novel writing month?
  91. World-building In The Quaraun Series: Creating a Fantasy World
  92. Books in Vacationland 2017
  93. BoomFuzzy's Gingerbread House From Hell
  94. Lets Playing Is No Longer Fun
  95. Santa's Floating Dead Body | A Scene From The Summoner of Darkness
  96. The Banshee Sisters: Bean-Nighe and Ben-Neeyah In the Swamp of Death
  97. The Gypsies of Old Orchard Beach - page 2 (Online Release of Banned Book)
  98. What vlogging equipment is needed to get started as a YouTube vlogger?
  99. April 2015 Update: Too Gay For Old Orchard Beach: The Kidnapped Cats
  100. Betta Fish Aesthetic on Pinterest
  101. Domain Name Branding: Should You Put Your Brand Name In Your URL?
  102. Life As A YouTuber: How To Earn An Income From Making Videos
  103. Making YouTube Videos: How did you decide what content to make?
  104. Page 4 - The Gypsies of Old Orchard Beach
  105. Twighilight Not Twilight
  106. YouTube Index
  107. Amphibious Aliens: My health since the stroke and Etiole . . .
  108. Are You A Satan Worshiper?
  109. Average Typing Speed
  110. Custom Leggings - Designs By EelKat
  111. Ernest Hemingway Style of Writing Literary Fiction Used In Epic Fantasy Novels
  112. Google Flagged Your Site! What To Do? (Help For Web Masters)
  113. How valuable is a writer’s group?
  114. Lives Destroyed: Amphibious Aliens 10th Anniversary Update
  115. Lost In a Space That Isn't There: Santa's Letter To Satan
  116. Summoner of Darkness: Quaraun Meets The Gremlin
  117. The Terrorists of Old Orchard Beach Put My Dad In a Coma
  118. Using Yahoo Answers to promote your book and author website.
  119. What Is This Site?
  120. You Stole My Idea - I was writing a book, but you already wrote it 10 years ago!
  121. City of The Slushies | Chapter 1 | Quaraun The Insane
  122. Creative Writing Story Prompts: September 2017 Edition
  123. Dungeons and Dragons: The Joys Of Calculating Gold Weight In AD&D 2ed
  124. Fabric Designed By EelKat
  125. My Fave YouTubers Play: Dream Daddy - The Yaoi Dad Dating Sim Otome Game
  126. Necromancy: How will resurrection affect society as a whole?
  127. Page 7 - The Gypsies of Old Orchard Beach
  128. Pink Flowers Aesthetic on Pinterest
  129. The Gypsies of Old Orchard Beach - page 12 (Online Release of Banned Book)
  130. What will a traveler encounter on the roads in your world?
  131. Are you insane? Am I? Let's Find Out...
  132. Becoming A Better Writer: How to write interesting dialogue.
  133. Character Creation
  134. Copper Cockeral Cards & Gifts
  135. Elves, Drugs, and Opium: A Look At The Drug Use In The Quaraun Books
  136. How To Stay Motivated To Write | Writing Fantasy Books
  137. Jewelry Fashions in Moon Elf Culture | World Building | Writing Fantasy Books
  138. Keyword Marketing - What to do when your best keywords are low demand
  139. Magic Systems and How to Build Them | Writing Fantasy Books
  140. NaNoWriMo Overachievers: How did you do it?
  141. Quaraun Cover Art Gallery | Fantasy Novel Book Cover Art
  142. Quaraun The Insane : Zebulon's Captive: The Last of The Moon Elves
  143. SEO Advantages of Embedding YouTube Videos On Your Website
  144. Summoner of Darkness: A Tavern Scene - Chastity Cages, and Whores
  145. Summoner of Darkness: The Return of ZooLock (free to read online)
  146. Twighlight Not Twilight Part 2
  147. Vanishing Books Update - Why 27 of my books were deleted off Amazon
  148. What is a God in Your Universe? | World Building | Writing Fantasy Books
  149. Writing Maine: How To Write About Maine Life Accurately
  150. What the Ocean Gives Me (How Things In Your Life Affect Your Writing)
  151. City of The Slushies | Chapter 14 | Quaraun The Insane
  152. February 10, 2008 - Harassment Continues in Old Orchard Beach, Maine
  153. How does a bestselling book become a bestseller?
  154. Marriage in Moon Elf Culture | World Building | Writing Fantasy Books
  155. People are not interested in long winded copy
  156. September 26, 2017 - The Latest Attack By The KKK on The Thinner Gypsies
  157. Spending Money To Make Money Online? Should You Do It?
  158. Summoner of Darkness: The Demon Cultists and The Coming of The Darkness
  159. Summoner of Darkness: The Map of The Town (novel free to read online)
  160. The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt GOTY | Completionist Run: Episode 01
  161. Trespassers: April 2007 Updates
  162. Turning Scenes, Into Stories & Writing Travelogue Style Fantasy Books
  163. Where To Get Endless Ideas For Short Stories, Novels, and Articles
  164. Writing Controversial Books: Political Correctness & White Supremacists
  165. Are Bad Reviews Good For You?
  166. Branding Yourself While Avoiding The Scams | EelKat On Content Writing
  167. Child Sacrifice in Fantasy Novels | Writing Fantasy Books
  168. How to Handle Writing Fantasy-Horror That Features Violence Against Children
  169. How would you explain your Fantasy world to a stranger?
  170. Page 6 - The Gypsies of Old Orchard Beach
  171. Summoner of Darkness: HellBorne The Evil, Lord of Black Tower
  172. The return of Friends Are Forever - Banned and Burned it's about to be reborn!
  173. Why do Lovecraftian beings come to earth?
  174. Writing Prompts Syndrome?
  175. Autism = The Crazy Cat Woman of Maine
  176. Autism: Understanding what is really going on inside the child’s head.
  177. But what exactly IS a full time income?
  178. Content Marketing & writing: How I write content for my website
  179. Do you write a novel start-to-finish?
  180. GhoulSpawn and The Lich Lord's Lover: How To Kill a Lich
  181. How is it that the church leaders are claiming you do not pay tithes?
  182. How To Write A Novel: In what order do you create your world?
  183. I loved my children but I loved BoomFuzzy more | From Quaraun The Insane
  184. My Two Favorite People: FarDarrig and The Baby That Never Should Have Been
  185. Need help writing characters of color | EelKat on racist white readers
  186. Quaraun and the Amazon Adult Filter
  187. Quaraun GhoulSpawn and The Lich Lord's Lover: The Lover's Triangle
  188. Summoner of Darkness: Where Are You Hiding That Horse?
  189. Tired of people who don’t care. :( Tired of the harassment. :(
  190. What would happen if an Elf adopted a Human baby? | Writing Fantasy Books
  191. Page 10 - The Gypsies of Old Orchard Beach
  192. Page 3 - The Gypsies of Old Orchard Beach
  193. Page 8 - The Gypsies of Old Orchard Beach
  194. SCRIPT FRENZY 2010: I WON! & Psycho Stalker Attacks
  195. Wristlets, Wrist Bags, Mini Clutch, Cosmetic Bags, and Designer Mini Purses
  196. Writing Your Novel: Do you save chapters as individual files?
  197. Are old AD&D adventures still any use to current players?
  198. Autistics Have Feelings Too & Diverse Books Rant
  199. Be True To You: YouTube Gamers: "Faking" a personality until you make it?
  200. City of The Slushies | Chapter 10 | Quaraun The Insane
  201. HEA in Erotica (Should You Write Happily Ever Afters?)
  202. Stephen King's Thinner Gypsies

dancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing banana

“Karma comes after everyone eventually. You can't get away with screwing people over your whole life, I don't care who you are. What goes aroMy Two Favorite People: FarDarrig and The Baby That Never Should Have Been

Need help writing characters of color | EelKat on racist white readers

und comes around. That's how it works. Sooner or later the universe will serve you the revenge that you deserve.” 

― Jessica Brody

"By autistic standards, the “normal” brain is easily distractible, is obsessively social, and suffers from a deficit of attention to detail and routine. Thus people on the spectrum experience the neurotypical world as relentlessly unpredictable and chaotic, perpetually turned up too loud, and full of people who have little respect for personal space." 

— Steve Silberman

Attempt Something New Today! – too many people talk about doing this or that but few actually take action, it's the why behind why so few succeed and so many fail.


Fabulous and flamboyant...

who knew?

“If you're horrible to me, I'm going to write a song about it, and you won't like it. That's how I operate.” 

― Taylor Swift

Bullies should never force you to  suffer in silence. If someone has hurt you, let others know.

“One's dignity may be assaulted, vandalized and cruelly mocked, but it can never be taken away unless it is surrendered.” 
― Michael J. Fox

“I would rather be a little nobody, then to be a evil somebody.” 

― Abraham Lincoln


Be the hero, not the bully.

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“1. Bullying is not okay. Period.

2. Freedom of religion does not give you the right to physically or verbally assault people.

3. If your sincerely-held religious beliefs require you to bully children, then your beliefs are fucked up.” 

― Jim C. Hines

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