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Random Thoughts 
On Writing Sex Fetishes In 
Bizarro Dark Fantasy Novels 

Random Thoughts 
On Writing Sex Fetishes In 
Bizarro Dark Fantasy Novels 

I am answering random questions today about very random thoughts on writing sex fetishes in bizarro dark fantasy novels featuring gay & bi-sexual yaoi couples, over on Reddit and decided to take my answers from there and expand upon them even further over here. So that's what this page is. Me rambling on about various aspects of sex fetish writing techniques I use when writing the Quaraun series. The questions I am answering are embedded here. Clicking the link in the embedded question will take you to the original Reddit page where you can see the original answer along with other people's answers. If you wish to comment, you can do so on the Reddit page where a place to do so is provided.

Random Thoughts
On Writing Sex Fetishes In
Bizarro Dark Fantasy Novels 

Safety is something I always worry about. Not for myself so much, as I know the safety "rules", but rather for my readers, because I write CBT Erotica. CBT tends to get into the more extreme areas of BDSM and in real life a LOT of safety precautions need to be taken, otherwise you could seriously and permanently injure or even cripple a guy. But in fiction, going into details about all the safety stuff is boring dry reading that distracts from the story, so a lot of it is left out, as weaving it into the text becomes tedious. You want to write a novel not a textbook, right?

Well, I read this news article once about a couple that decided to try something they read in Erotica. They just jumped in and did it straight as they had read it from the book without stopping to consider the safety precautions and the girl died. It was all over the news (maybe 3 years ago?) And on a different BDSM forum I was on, a lot of people got to talking about the dangers of "newbies" jumping in and frenzy practicing BDSM from stuff they read in Erotica without doing any real research first vs people who took it slow and took the time to learn about the dangers and having a plan of action in case any trouble came up.

In the situation of the girl that died, it was a threesome, teenager experimenting, had no real idea of what they were doing, and soon as she got in trouble, the 2 guys panicked and split. They didn't mean to hurt her and were scared out of their minds that their parents would find out. One of her friends found her a few days later. The reports had said if the guys had thought to uncut the ropes, she'd have probably been okay, but she ended up dying a horrible death because they were just kids trying out something they'd read and had no clue what to do when things went wrong and just ran out of the house and left her unable to call for help or help herself.

It kind of shook me up, you know? Made me realize there are some really immature people out there who act first and think later.

I was like: WOE! They were like 14 years old. How in the heck did these kids get a hold of 18+ info? Then you look at places like fanfic .net where it's mostly 12 year olds writing really extreme BDSM-type stories - things that are not physically possible in real life, and then other kids read it and try it out thinking they are doing BDSM when hey are not actually.

It just made me realize that while those of us who live the lifestyle know the safety precautions, there are so many out there who jump in not realizing how dangerous this stuff can get. Makes me worry about my readers and wonder, should those of us who write BDSM be more careful about including details of safety practices, at the risk of destroying the story, for the sake of the immature readers who ain't got enough sense to research and be safe before trying BDSM out?

>If a female sub doesn't like being called slut, bitch, or whore, what are some good alternatives? I don't need to degrade, but would still love to keep the kink in the language somewhere.

I always find the phrase "my pretty little ___" works best.

• my pretty little Elf
• my pretty little pet
• my pretty little chickadee
• my pretty little lamb

Even when used with harsher words, it still feels loving

for example

• you slut

vs

• my pretty little slut

or

• you whore

vs

• my pretty little whore

"You whore" sounds mean, sounds like you are angry. "My pretty little whore" sounds comforting, gives a sense of safety.

My own Dom uses the term "chickadee". "My chickadee" he says all the time. ALL the time. Our lifestyle is considered a bit extreme by most in BDSM as there is no "normal life" in between "bedroom play". I literally have no freedom. He put locking gas cap on my car, tracks mileages, I have to have permission before going outside (makes having a job difficult, I've lost 3 jobs in the past 2 years because he doesn't always think I need to go outside, even when I have to go to work.) I can not eat without his permission, I'm not always allowed to sleep inside in the house, often have to sleep under a tarp in the yard instead. He's very extreme. Last month was our 30th anniversary, been together since August 17, 1987. We've been doing this a long time. A lot of people in the most "we do BDSM a few times a month before bed" type of BDSM, look at couples like us and think we are weird, others who are only into club scene fetish sex but not the full blown 24/7 lifestyle call him abusive. They do not understand or realize, I in fact have way more control then they realize. You see, all it takes is a word, to "turn him off" and suddenly, I have freedom again to do whatever, without his permission. Words are powerful, even more so in BDSM then anywhere else.

I think that's the part many Doms fail to understand, the fact that, they are only the Dom because the sub lets them be so. And I think, words are important, and if a word makes the sub uncomfortable, a responsible Dom will seek out alternatives.

For example: I don't like the word slut, bitch, and whore, and so... he's not allowed to use them. However, I do like the feeling of belonging to someone who is a protector that makes me feel safe. I grew up with a very abusive childhood. I never felt safe. He grew up bullied, he never felt he had control. He makes me feel safe and protected, I give him the control he desires. And words are an important factor in it.

He likes being called "My Sugar Daddy"

I like being called "my little pet"

You notice how for both of us the word "my" comes into play? Me putting "my" in front of words to him, gives him the sense of power he craves, while his use of "my" before words to me, gives me the sense of having the protector I crave. I belong to him and he relishes that. He's my protector and relish that.

I know, most people look at BDSM and they think harsh, lewd words, whips, chains, rope, leather, spankings, handcuffs... we've been a BDSM couple for 30 years and 1 month, harsh words, whips, chains, rope, leather, spankings, handcuffs..... have never once been a part of our life. BDSM is about control and shits of power, not sex.... there exists asexual BDSM couples who never engage in sex at all.... for them, words are even more important.

I think the words you use (both the Dom and the sub) with each other are the thing that can make or break a relationship. Words are very powerful. Learn to use words to your advantage, learn the words she likes, teach her the words you like, and you'll be a couple for life, completely and totally addicted to each other.

• You've never done something you were neutral towards because your partner was super into it?

What about outside of your sex life?

Do you play first person shooter games because your partner does and says he wants you to do it with him?

Do you watch every single sports show on TV because your partner does and says you must watch them with him or else?

Are you vegan and was forced by your friend to eat meat, or lose their friendship, for example? I've known couples who broke up because the vegan girl refused to eat a hamburger. That had nothing to do with kink. That was just a bully forcing his partner to do something he enjoyed: eating meat.

Did the guy you have a crush on in high school, like shooting birds, and you hated the idea but shot a bird just to show him you could? I knew a girl who was pressured like this once. She was torn between committing murder of an innocent bird or obey the school jock in front of his bully friends. Again, someone forcing their partner to do something and it had nothing to do with sex.

I seriously question your ability to grasp what BDSM even is, if you think it's only about kinky sex. There's a hell of a lot more to BDSM then club scenes and bedrooms and there's a lot of virgins who've never had sex in the BDSM community. It's a selfish person who thinks something is only the way they want it to be and closes their minds to anyone else's way of doing things, which ironically is the topic at hand.

BDSM is a power play. It's about control. It's about allowing someone to have control over your body (sexually and otherwise), but only giving them as much control as you are comfortable giving up.

BDSM works best with couples who've been together a long time... a decade or more... before they start doing it. Why? Because it's about trust. If you don't fully trust someone, you can't fully submit to them.

If you fully trust someone, you can fully submit to them, even if you have a DOM nature.

Sure, exploring something your partner is interested in, is one thing, but there's a difference between exploring an interest and being forced into it against you will via ultimatums.

Here's a thought... what would happen if you learned your partner was secretly a member of the Ku Klux Klan and wanted you to join them in burning down the house of a local Muslim family, because they heel you needed to be more tolerate of their interest in hating non-whites? (Yes, I knew a couple who this was a think, the girl was being told she had to join her partner in doing if she wanted to stay with him. And once again, it had nothing to do with sex.)

Think about THAT, next time you say you'll try anything your partner is interested in.

My point is...

there is a fine line between a Dom and a bully, and that line is easily crossed.

• So basically this person isn't actually into being a sub and you're trying to "force" them because being a Dom is what you're into?

I agree with this.

No means no.

Even in BDSM.

Perhaps this Dom, should try looking at it from the subs perspective.

Would HE like being dominated?

Why is she not tolerant? Is she scared? Does she even know you? If you're relationship is less then 3 years old, you really shouldn't be trying out BDSM. She hasn't had time to get to know you yet. You can't expect her to trust you yet, and in BDSM, you need trust... a lot of it.

Figure out what the issue is. Fix the issue. How can you make her feel less frightened, more relaxed, and better able to trust you?

Talk with her. Ask her. Find out, why is she uncomfortable with this? Was she abused by an uncle? You could be stepping on some serious trauma issues here and if you force the issue, you could do serious psychological damage.

If the Dom really cares about his sub, he'll put her psychological health before his sexual needs. And that'll go a long way to winning her trust.

Want to find out if your Dom is an abuser? There's a very simple way to find out...

Tell your Dom that for the next 30 days you are going to switch places. They are going to be the sub and you are going to be their Dom.

A TRUE BDSM Dom, will quickly submit to the will of their sub and switch places for the next 30 days.

An abuser, will feel that his superiority is being attacked/threatened and will absolutely refuse to be submissive to their sub.

Beware of and Dom who feels threatened at the suggestion s/he sub to their sub... that is an abusive narcissistic person who'll one day beat you to a pulp.

March 6, 2016, my next door neighbour was carried out of her house in a body bag. Her boyfriend in cuffs. Three days before that, the police had been there, trying to get her out of the house. They told her, he was only recently out of prison, out on a technicality, he had raped 27 women. A known abuser. She was standing on the sidewalk, blood gushing from her nose. Stitched across her face. And a black eye, telling the police: "You don't understand, he's not an abuser. It's a lifestyle. Like 50 Shades of Grey. He's not really hurting me."

3 days later she was dead.

Far too many women are like her... submissive to an abuser who convinces them it's okay because it's BDSM.

No.

BDSM, is NOT about beating a girl up, pushing her around, calling her a slut, bitch, and whore, degrading her, making her feel bad, and then beating her to death when she refuses to tolerate the abuse any more.

No still means no, even in BDSM.

• But there's something about the specific phrase "tolerant of" that OP used that just sounds off to me.

Yes. I tend to agree with this.

Not only the word tolerant" but also the fact that he seems to be upset over not being allowed to use the word "slut", "bitch", and "whore"

As a general rule, a man who's first thought is to call a woman a "slut", "bitch", or "whore", is a bully. I've been in the BDSM community 40+ years now. I've never meet a man who's first choice of words was "bitch" unless he was NOT a Dom, but rather an abuser looking to use BDSM as an excuse to hurt women.

While there are women who want to be called "bitch", they are not the norm, and when a woman has to ask a man to not call her a bitch, she probably should also be reaching for the phone to dial 911, because most men who use the word bitch are quick to use their fists to beat her face in when she asks him to stop calling her a bitch.

And THAT, is NOT BDSM.

Next, you have a man, told he can not call her a bitch, so now he's fuming and having himself a boo-hoo-pity-party because "oh she's not tolerant of my desire to beat bitches to a pulp. oh boo-hoo-hoo! Pity me! The bitch won't be tolerant of my verbally abusing her."

You gotta remember, this lifestyle does attract some of the worst scum of the earth: rapists and abusers. Predators who are looking for submissive women they can take advantage of. Women who will "tolerate being abused.

In a true BDSM relationship, there is never a point when the sub is not in full and complete total control of the situation. The Dom only has as much power as the sub lets them have. The moment you encounter a Dom who doesn't know that, you've encountered an abuser.

That said, I'm not saying the OP here is an abuser. If fact, the fact that he came here asking for advice, indicates he is not. An abuser wouldn't care about the sub enough to ask: "so what's the alternative".

Sure, perhaps he used poor choice of words. It happens. But the fact that he's willing to learn, willing to make his sub feel comfortable, that says a lot. It says he's trying to be a good Dom, and that's a good thing.

Learning HOW to make your partner comfortable and safe, is an important part of BDSM after all. If he's willing to learn and willing to take it slow and help his sub gain more comfort in the situation, then that's a good thing.

When I first published this page - the one from the thread below were loading... however, the thread is now a day later, a NSFW thread and so the comments no longer load. The links take you to them still however. Just note the threads are NSFW thus why they no longer show up in the embed feature.

I'm an author of CBT (cock and ball torture) sounding is one of my fave things to write; it' also why my readers keep buying more of my books :)

have you ever googled the search term "hanging by his balls from a chandelier"?

I did once for a novel I was writing... I had this scene where the characters walked in and found the guy hanging from a chandieler by his balls... then I was like... wait a minute, could you actually do that to a guy?

So I googled to find out of it was possible... it's possible... ooooooh is it ever possible! There's a whole fetish around it! OMG! Why! I was doing it for a murder scene in a novel - these guys I found on Google search results were doing it for fun!

I'm this!

Lord Sesshomaru uber fetish

mixed in with some Scrooge McDuck, Darkwing Duck, and My Little Pony, with a touch of Smurfs...

If you ever cruised in InuYasha fanfic circles I'm the uber crazed mega wack job Sesshomaru fanfic writer known as "The Bride of Sesshomaru" .... sshhhh... don't tell any one

I think it started from Necromancer Porn fanfiction didn't it?

I both read and write Necromancer porn fanfic, I run across and think up, some of the strangest danged things out there

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On Writing The Quaraun Series

The Complete Index To Everything You Ever Wanted To Know About Moon Elf Society, But Was Afraid To Ask;

or

The Zaharam-Chapelle-Parunas  Ethnographical World Building Questionnaire

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World-Building In Bizzaro Dark High Fantasy Yaoi

1. Creating a 1400's Fantasy World For Time Traveling Wizards
2. How Your Degree Affects Your World Building
3. How would you explain your Fantasy world to a stranger?
4. In what order do you create your world?
5. Writing Maine: How To Write About Maine Life Accurately
6. The Cover Art Gallery 

Weird-Building In Bizzaro Dark High Fantasy Yaoi

1. Why is there a kitchen sink in my pocket?
2. Twerking Dragons - The Joys Of Writing with A Voice Recorder
3. The Saco River Curse
4. What The Ocean Gives Me (How Things In Your Life Affect Your Writing)

Building A Magic System In Bizzaro Dark High Fantasy Yaoi

1. Wizards vs Witches vs Sorcerers: How are they different?
2. Magic Systems and How to Build Them
   
3. Necromancy: How will resurrection affect society as a whole?
4. Spell-casting Side Effects of Magic
5. Necromancy FAQ - A Real Necromancer Compares Fantasy Necromancy With The Reality
6. Colour Magic - Gypsy Style
7. Beware of White Men In Gypsy Clothing: Fake Psychic Scams
8. Child Sacrifice in Fantasy Novels

Plotting & Writing Bizzaro Dark High Fantasy Yaoi

1. Ernest Hemingway Style of Writing Literary Fiction Used In Epic Fantasy Novels
2. Do you write a novel start-to-finish?
3. Ideas, Ideas, Ideas (Where Do You Get Them?)
4. Should I plan for ending or just keep writing?
5. NaNoWriMo Overachievers: How did you do it?
6. How Long is 50,000 Words?
7. Why Write 50,000 Words In 30 Days?
8. How long does it take to hit 1667 words?
9. Average Typing Speed

Character Creation In Bizzaro Dark High Fantasy Yaoi

1. What exactly makes an Elf an Elf? 
2. Phookas
3. Writing Medieval Servants: Their jobs
4. Writing Albinos With Medical Accuracy
5. FAQs About Quaraun
6. Transgender, Transsexual, Transvestite, or Intersex

Writing Sex In Bizzaro Dark High Fantasy Yaoi

1. How To Write Hot Sex?
2. The Amazon Adult Dungeon
3. Why Quaraun Is Not Erotica (2015 Answer)
4. Why Quaraun Is Not Erotica (2017 Answer)
5. Suicide, Rape, & Abuse 

Disabled Characters In Bizzaro Dark High Fantasy Yaoi

1. On being a handicapped CosPlayer at PortCon Maine 2017
2. Quaraun & Autism In Fantasy Novels
3. On Writing A Clinically Insane Character Accurately, While Avoiding The Psychopath Stereotype
4. Autistics Have Feelings Too & Diverse Books Rant

Drug Use In Bizzaro Dark High Fantasy Yaoi

1. Psychedelics In A 'High' High Fantasy World (High Elves Getting High)
2. High, High Elves: Elves on Opium | Drug Use 

Horror In Bizzaro Dark High Fantasy Yaoi

1. Why do Lovecraftian beings come to earth?
2. Writing Horror That Features Violence Against Children 
3. Writing Stuff That Churns Your Gut
4. Twighilight Not Twilight

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The Quaraun Series On Amazon:

I am wondering why has Amazon moved the Quaraun books to the category "Transgender Romance" and also "Gay Erotica"? The base story is a deeply depressed, suicidal, drug addict Elf who's lover commit suicide and he's trying not to do the same. It's an old Elf in a tavern, monologuing a lot of flashbacks and back story scenes of his youth. These stories are dark, bloody, angsty, full of drug use, murder, rape, Medieval torture, mental/physical/emotional abuse, and references to depression and suicide - no romance in it, unless you count the occasional (and usually brutally violent) rape scenes that show up in nearly every volume - sorry - no clue what Amazon is thinking or why they moved these to Romance and Erotica, but these books are NOT even close to being Romance or Erotica on any level at all. When I published these books I put them in "Dark Fantasy" and "Yaoi". If they show up in any category other then "Dark Fantasy" and "Yaoi", it's because Amazon put them there without my authorization or approval.

~EelKat

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Author Interviews
On Writing The Quaraun Series:

1. Question Everything Before Putting It In Your World 

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Author Interviews
On CosPlaying The Quaraun Characters:

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Author Interviews
Reacting To Old Orchard Beach's
White Power Gay Hating Over Reaction Ban
Of The Quaraun Series:

1. Question Everything Before Putting It In Your World 

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The 4 door white truck continues to sit at the end of my drive way (146 Portland Ave, Old Orchard Beach, Maine) near every night around sunset, reeving it's engine and squealing it's tires, with the driver yelling anti-gay threats and obscenities out the window. He continues to do the same thing at my dad's apartment building (Biddeford Maine) a few times a week, usually in mid to late afternoon time. He continues to follow me to shopping to various stores in various towns throughout the states.

Phrases he yells from the truck include:

"Kill or be killed remember Saco Shaws all transsexuals are alike"

"I keep a gun under the seat of my truck, I'm gonna use it to shoot you in the head, you transvestite freak"

if cars are going by he yells to them: "that thing is Ken's son, look at how's it's dressed; it's insane, it has autism, we can't allow that thing and it's gay cars in our family friend town of Old Orchard Beach"

He often babbles deranged ramblings about something he calls "the gay-pocalypse", raving lunacy about how "all the gays are gathering" on his doorstep. He raves some crazy nonsense about how Armageddon is coming and the war to end all wars will be "the gays against the Christians" and Christians have to be ready to "kill the gays"

My car is the Autism Awareness Car and had 2.5million marbles glued to it (I have Autism - savant - Kanner's syndrome) he claims tat my car "is gay" because of what it looks like. My car has been vandalized several dozen times, including to have the tires slashed 7 times in 6 months.

After dark often around 10PM, he stands at the end of the logging road across the street from me and shoots at my motohome (in February 2014 he shot holes in my neighbour's barn while doing this). I have video footage of 3 of his shootings at me here:  https://youtu.be/NUebzJ9sz9U and here: https://youtu.be/C4dZbgG-Smw

This has gone on since August 2013 now, in addition to all the vandalism, hate crimes, pet beheadings, etc that has happened, including the bomb that blew up our house in 2006.

As you know, that whole time I had not been able to get a plate number on the truck. He as just here again, and I just realized why I could not get a plate number... there are no plates on the truck, either on the front or on the back. However, as he was driving away today... I noticed, there is a plate, stuck up in the back window of the truck, where it can barely be seen, deliberately obscured from view behind a silver tool box.

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If You Like The Quaraun Series You Might Also Like:

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Writing Resources I Use When Writing The Quaraun Books:

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