EelKat Wendy C Allen - Dark Fantasy Author

How I Became Obsessed With Avallac'h 

Image from my very 1st blind playthrough of the game, and the first time I ever saw Avallac'h.

Wow, that was so many years ago and so much has changed since then! 

If you ever wondered how I got so obsessed with Avallac'h, this picture is what started it.

I'm the author of a series that spans 130 novels, celebrates it's 42 anniversary this year, and feature an Elf Wizard main character. I have a 4 decade long love affair with Elven Wizards no matter where I find them.

And people wonder what the hell? Why did you get so crazy obsessed over Avallac'h?

* I love Elves.

* I love wizards.

* I hate torture.

* I have an actual medical diagnosis of having a Florence Nightingale Personality Disorder

*  I have an actual medical diagnosis of having Kanner's Syndrome

*  I have an actual medical diagnosis of having Severe Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.

* I'm the founder of The Procter & Gamble Boycott, meaning vivisection is a pet peeve of mine that I fought 27 years of my life to eradicate

* I really hate torture in all forms but vivisection is the worst of all because it's how P&G killed my 2 dogs.

All images on this page are from:
The Witcher 3: 
Wild Hunt 
|Game of the Year Edition| 
Completionist Run: 
The Avallac'h Playthrough
(Watch It Live HERE)

And the game decided to drop a dying, vivisected, comatose Elf wizard, strapped to a torture table in my path.

I really, really, really HATE vivisection, and well, you can see the end result of the game giving me a vivisected Elf wizard.

Florence Nightingale Personality Disorder: someone suffering from an innate mental and emotional need to rescue victims and heal the sick; prone to developing a strong emotional, romantic, or erotic connection toward the patient being cared for

Vivisection torture: slicing open someone's veins without anesthetics for the purpose of injecting toxins into their bloodstream.


The Draize Eye Test: pouring Draino, Tide, Windex, Mr. Clean, Duracell battery fluid, and other toxic household items into the eyes of cats and dogs then counting the seconds/minutes it takes for the cleaning product to burn their eyes out of their head; on beloved family pets, lost cats and dogs, bought by Procter and Gamble from your local animal shelters. 

In the 1970s and 1980s P&G had no less than 3 animal test labs in each of all 50 states and advertised the Draize Eye Test as a way to put unwanted shelter animals to good medical use.  

I found out about it when 2 of my dogs got lost, and we traced them to an animal shelter, but it took a week for us to raise the money to buy them back and by that time P&G had already bought and killed them. 

I spent 27 years spreading the word of this and April 2013 P&G shut down all of their animal test labs and today are a animal-friendly company.

In a time long before the internet or social networking existed, I gathered together the support and backing of some of the world's largest corporations, politicians, including American presidents, and demanded an all out full stop on the sales of every product made by P&G, until they shut down their animal test labs. 

I hand wrote and mailed out 21,000 letters that first year. Then took secretarial typing, trained to reach a typing speed of 175 words per minute and increased my output by typing those letters.

No, not a class. I never went to school. I was caged since I was 8. My grandmother gave me a textbook on secretarial typing and typewriter, so I could increase my output of letters that she mailed... though I never knew where she mailed them.

Over the course of 27 years I typed up millions of letters, and gained a following of 300 million (three hundred million) people to type up letters with me. Though I did not know it at the time. I was alone. No access to news, TV, none of those things. Grammy Eva mailed the letters. She was the source of the addresses of politicians and businesses... not me. I only wrote the letters. Only this and nothing more.

I was 31 years old before I had the world outside of the clan. So I had no idea, for all those years, just how big of an impact all my hundreds of thousands of letters had, had on the world, on society. 

Unlike the Social Justice warriors of today, whose only real goal is 15 minutes of fame and their face on TV.... I had only one motive: for someone to please, please, please let me out this cage.

They called me "The Voice of the Voiceless" and said I spoke through the eyes of the animals. They didn't know how wrong they were.

When I found out that hundreds of millions of people read my P&G letters over the course of those 27 years I spent locked in a cage... it was heart breaking for me to see, what they THOUGHT those letters were, verse what those letters ACTUALLY were.

They thought the letters were fictional. They thought I was pretending to be a rat, locked in a cage, in an animal test lab, begging to be let out.

Nothing could have been further from the truth. And it horrified people when they found the truth.... that those letters, was not someone pretending to be an animal in a cage.... rather, those letters were written by a real, live, little girl, locked in a cage, only let on Sunday to go to church with the clan, then back in the cage, to wait for the endless line of men, who paid uncles money to rape children.

So many millions of people read my P&G letters, and mistakenly thought I was demanding animals be released from cages, when in fact, I was begging for someone to release me from a cage.

It speaks volumes.... how far, so many millions of people twisted my words, and used my words.... animal test labs were shut down in the name of EelKat Voice of the Voiceless, but not one of them, ever thought to locate the child behind the letters and find out, why she wrote so many millions of letters all begging for one thing: Please help me! Please let me out of this cage.

I wrote those letters for 27 years and no one ever helped me.

The FBI raid wasn't there for the children. They didn't even know we existed They found us while they were there. The FBI raid was for Heaven's Gate. The religious group my uncles belonged to. 39 people died in California, so many miles away from Maine. But the FBI raides every one of the Heaven's Gate Compounds trying to find out who know about the 39 murders in California... and that's how they found us children, now adults.... and world found out how wrong they were, in thinking the P&G letters was someone writing, the letters as though they were written by animals in cages. The discovery that the author of the P&G letters WAS in fact locked in a cage.... was the shock wave, that brought down the P&G Boycott and made people step back and look at how far, they had mistranslated my letters.

A child, locked in a cage, tortured, starved, and vivisected, was writing letters BEGGING FOR HELP... letters always signs "EelKat"... and the world, was so in furry, to rescue animals, they hundreds of millions of people were able to read those letters, and incorrectly assume, they were written by an adult, pretending to be an animal locked in a cage.

And those tens of millions of people, were so driven to rescue animals, that the child writing those letters, never received help and was never let out of the cage, until 27 years later, when her uncles who kept her prisoner, finally got involved with something big enough to bring in the FBI: Heaven's Gate and the murder of 39 people.

And so while, I eventually gained my freedom.... it wasn't because someone ever gave enough of a shit about me to want to help me. It was because, I happened to be found, while the FBI was looking for something else.

So no one ever did try to help me. Whhy? Because they were too busy with their own agendas.

To busy rescuing animals to rescue a child.

I inaccurately get branded as an animal rights activist because of those letters I wrote.


Because people could see past their own thoughts to think that I might not have been what they thought I was.

#YOU<<<thinking about animals in cages when I was asking to be let out of a cage DOES NOT mean I was asking you to rescue animals from cages!





There is no slang, no hidden meanings, no memes, no jokes, no riddles, no pretending .... I have Kanner's Syndrome ACTUAL AUTISM.... not Aspergers. Look it up.

People had it in their heads already that they wanted to rescue animals... they just used my letters as an excuse to take action.







My most radical followers went to extremes blocking delivery trucks from entering store parking lots, taking ice picks to any product on store shelves with P&G on the label, slapping stickers with pictures of cats and dogs still alive with their eyes burned out on the bottles of Draino, and throwing buckets of blood on customers coming out of stores with P&G products in their shopping carts. 

I found out about those things happening years later as I was 31 years old before I ever went outside. Going outside wasn't allowed and my hatred for the animals in cages was more my own cry to be let out of cage then anything else. I only wrote the letters. My grandmother snuck paper in for me to write and mailed the letters. The uncles didn't know. They would have beaten her and moved me to a smaller cage if they had. It shocked people after the FBI raid, when they found out, the girl who wrote the P&G letters, did so while locked in a cage, smaller and less sanitary than the cages the lab animals were in.

I hate cages. I hate them alot. It comes from 27 years locked in one.

I hate vivisection torture... a HUGE LOT... and I've got the scars on my arms and legs, to show you why.

People mistake me for an animal rights activist because of all the P&G letters. They are wrong. I wasn't screaming to let those animals out in those letters.... I I was screaming to be let myself.... and the FBI raid, the P&G letters to a back burner to shutting down every other child prostitution ring my uncles ran, and letting all the girls out of their cages. THAT was my main focus of the P&G letters. But few remember that... they mostly remember that a 12 year old girl went head to head with the largest monopoly in America, and won... and did it all while locked in a cage, sleeping in feces, going 12 days between being thrown food.... my letters went down in history, people calling me "The Voice of the Voiceless" because they said I wrote those letters as though I was one of those animals being tortured in a cage.... and after the FBI raid, they found out how damned true that was.

And still fight the bastards of the world to this day, because children don't belong in cages any more then animals do. Human trafficking takes center stage in my fight for justice today, but the P&G Boycott is the fuel that started that fire in me.

Branded as radical EcoTerrorists, The P&G Boycott was the first animal rights boycott of its kind, people rising up in mass hoards, and reached alarming levels when millions of followers rose up in every country on the planet, targeting not only P&G but EVERY company with any level of animal cruelty.  And they thought they were doing it, because they thought, letting animals out of cages, was what EelKat, Voice of the Voiceless wanted.... when all she wanted was to be let out of a cage herself.

The offline social networking of the 1970s made today's online social networking of the internet, look merger at best.

The P&G Boycott spread like a plague across the planet throughout the 1970s and 1980s.

The P&G Boycott shut down the animal test labs of P&G, Estee Lauder, and Avon, while getting the words "not tested on animals" on products in the stores, and spawning it's even more radical spin off organization PETA.

The P&G Boycott was both the first and the largest Social Justice Warrior movement in history and is why we have SJWs today.

I was dubbed by my tens of millions of followers as "The Voice of The Voiceless" and since the FBI raid that finally let me out of my cage... I went on to found dozens of other boycotts, including to get the law passed that allowed LGBTQA+ citizens in America the right to own businesses.

Today we (now elderly, but still going) P&G Boycotters are currently fighting for the rights of transgender citizens and that is why I own The Transgender Awareness Tour Bus, that is what you see me going to conventions in.

And it all started with the vivisection murder of 2 dogs. An Irish Setter named Sarge and a Springer Spaniel named Bridget. The first letter I wrote.... That one went to Proctor & Gamble. It was the only one that went to them. And all it said:

*Why did you kill my dogs? They were the only friends I had. I had no one else to talk to from my cage.*

They sent me back a $10 package of coupons. A lot of good that did me.

I devoted 27 years of my life to eradicating vivisection torture from the planet... mostly because I just wanted it to stop being done to me.

Nothing is going to light a fire under my ass faster than vivisecting someone.

So... seeing Avallac'h vivisected in the Trial of Grasses, REALLY hit a nerve with me, big time, resulting in, the Avallac'h obsession you see today.

Do you have any idea how much vivisection hurts?

I do.

I lived through it for years.

I hate torture.

You can't even begin to imagine how very, very, very much I hate torture. I was tortured for decades, by monsterous uncles. And I can't stand to see any one tortured.

I've seen other torture scenes in other games, but not vivisection. They vivisected Avallac'h. Vivisection is something I know far too well.

That why I hate things like BDSM and bondage fetishes and dominatrixes so much.

Those things are people play acting torture.... but I guarantee, if they were ever really tortured, they'd never play act it again. They'd run screaming from it. Horrified.

Torture is not a game. BDSM and bondage fetishes and dominatrixes - those things shouldn't exist, because those things inspire vile perverted men to torture children.

I can't even begin to imagine, how horrible a person you would have to be, to like something BDSM and bondage fetishes and dominatrixes. Why would anyone want to take part in pretend torture? Do they not know, how much real torture hurts? 

The mere mention of torture sends nightmares through my brain, bringing back old memories of the torture I went through at the hands of my uncles.

The Ugly Baby quest. It's a torture scene. And it triggered my Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, really bad.

Had they not been vivisecting him in this scene.... I probably would have finished the game, and moved on to our next scheduled game: American Truck Simulator, followed by Skyrim, and FallOut4.

The vivisection scene is why, when we got to the end, instead of playing the next game as scheduled, we replayed Witcher 3, to go back and pay closer attention to this quest (Ugly Baby)... and at the same time we did that, there was a kidnapping and murder in my family, and for some reason, somehow, my brain focused on healing Avallac'h as a way to cope with the murder trial, lawyers, and court dates that became my daily offline life from May 2015 to October 2016.

June 2016, the 3, still unidentified attackers who broke my spine and hip November 2013, (and who are suspected of also being the kidnappers and murderers) returned and did it again, this time damaging my spinal column and doctors can't operate, they say it's too dangerous. Leaving me bedridden.

When the murder trial ended at a stand still because the murderer is not yet identified.... and family members I normally would have played games with weren't there because their heads had been nailed to my door... I just replayed Witcher 3 a third time instead of doing anything else.

Avallac'h had not yet taken center stage...

...and had I not been beaten, crippled, and bedridden just before reading the novels, he probably wouldn't have.

I read the novels near the end of my 3rd playthrough and, the rape scene on page 179 of Lady of the Lake, the scene that leaves Avallac'h brutally beaten, and crippled the rest of his life... with injuries nearly identical to my own... hit yet another nerve with me.... and this time a much bigger nerve then the vivisecting scene had hit.

There were other things too. The baby was another big one. I know what it is to want a baby. To lose a baby. Several parts of chapter 5 of Lady of the Lake, were hitting way too close to home with real life events of my life, each one of them drawing me to empathize with Avallac'h even more.

The vivisection started it is, the baby kept it going, and page 179 really drove the nail home.

Had he not been vivisected in the game, had his desire for baby not been so strong, and had he not been beaten and crippled in the novels... you probably wouldn't be seeing my Avallac'h Playthrough today, because those  events are what inspired me to make the Avallac'h Mod and play the game the way you see me playing it today.

The problem here is... there's been any one I could identify with. How many people do you know who were locked in a cage for 27 years and continually vivisected? I don't have anyone I can talk to about it, because no one understands what it is like, because no one else ever went through it and lived. Worst Child Abuse Case in American History, that what people called it.  It's a thing so rare, that the only person I can find, who knows what it's like to go through it.... isn't even real. He's a fictional character.... Do you know what that's like?

And then people like ThingyChan come along and think it's fun to take the abuse and torture I went through and make jokes and memes about it. Calling me a BDSM Dominatrix with fetishes.... doing that behind my back, while pretending to be my friend, for the full 2 years she did it.

And what happened because of what she did? She had so many people convinced that I was a deviated sex freak, that a big streamer took to raiding my Twitch channel with the raid message "deserve to be raped".

And if that wasn't bad enough, she had people so convinced that I was the BDSM dominatrix she was lying and telling I was, that 5 men showed up at my house to gang rape me. Wasn't that nice of her?

close up on damages to The Dazzling Razzberry, caused by ThingyChan's "just having fun" and spreading vile sexual rumors about me on the internet and convincing thugs is was okay to break into my house for a BDSM gang rape

more damages to the Dazzling Razzberry, done by the BDSM gang bang rapists ThingyChan sent to my house February 2019

ThingyChan, OutsideLane, Zutrix, and NivanaRavenBum  making 200+ VODs and posting 2,000+ Discord posts calling me a dominatrix, saying I was into bondage, BDSM, and foot fetishes, resulted in some incredibly perverted, immoral, deviated men showing up at my house expecting to have sex with me, expecting to find me willing to throw myself on them, expecting they could do anything they wanted to me. 

Do you know why my family moved February 2019? 

At the time I was staying with my dad on his 3rd floor apartment, in a building that had 28 families in it.

To get in the building you have to go through a front entry hall, go through 2 separate sets of doors, and then find your way through the halls and stairways to find which apartment you are looking for.

Because a group of 5 men showed up at 2AM one night. They broke BOTH the 2 front doors off and threw them out into the street. 

They made their way up the stairs, punched the glass and screens out of every window they passed on their way.

With baseball bats they smashed up all o the posts on the stair railings, broke the railings off the stairs and threw them out a window onto one o the resident's cars below.

The ripped the front door off the apartment next door to mine, went into that apartment and gang raped the 2 young mothers (sisters) who lived there with their 2 and 4 year old babies.

After that they went back outside, smashing the walls on their way down, pulling out electrical wiring and plumbing pipes as they went.

Once outside they proceeded to trash the 3 cars parked in the driveway, one of them being my Dazzling Razzberry. They used their bats to smash out the glass, and smash up the metal.

 They did more then $230,000 in damages to our landlord's building, put 2 women in the hospital, put my 82 year old dad in the hospital with a ruptured kidney,  left 28 families homeless, and totaled 3 cars, including my car which they did $30,000 in damages to.

They told the police officers who arrested them, that they were told they could find a "BDSM Gang Bang Dominatrix" living in this building. They said they found posts on Discord that claimed I had an open invitation for men to do this. At the time, I didn't know they were talking about ThingyChan's Discord.

EVERYBODY in the building had to move because the damages were so bad that the city condemned the building.

Go watch the fucking VOD... I was streaming when they showed up. We got the damned thing recorded on camera.

We had half the police in the state of Maine show up because so many of my viewers were calling the police from all over the damned fucking planet.

#I live Maine, USA. After the arrest, the police department said they had calls coming in from Finland, Germany, and Australia, reporting a massive gang attack happening live on stream!

#Yeah... that damn attack happened while I was streaming Witcher 3 and my viewers all saw it happen.


Discord and Twitch BOTH have ToS policies stating you may not make videos or posts that...

*is threatening, abusive, harassing, defamatory, libelous, deceptive, fraudulent, invasive of another’s privacy, tortious, offensive, profane, pornographic or obscene, or promotes hate or incites violence; or misrepresents the source, identity* 

ThingyChan, OutsideLane, Zutrix, and Niv did a hell of a lot of all of the above in their 200+ Twitch VODs and 2,000+ Discord posts about me, defaming my character, slandering my name, making pornographic and obscene statements about me, misrepresenting me and my identify, causing an invasion of my privacy by inciting hate crimes and violence.

I am deeply distressed by this. 

And why did they do this?

I do not know.

Asking them why they did it, I got no answers other than they were "just having some fun" and "we was just fooling around, can't you take a joke?"

A joke?

Seriously... you call raping 2 young mothers, crippling an 82 year old man, killing a small boy, trashing 3 cars, and doing $230,000 in damages to a medical apartment building leaving 28 families homeless... A FUCKING JOKE!!!!!

What the hell is wrong with you people!

This is harassment on extreme levels of insanity!

Harassment is NOT a joke!

Rape is NOT a joke!

Vandalism is NOT a joke!

You people sure have a sick sense of what a "joke" is!

I'm asexual, a minister, have PTSD from having been been raped before... I'm bedridden and crippled from a gang of 3 strangers attacking me with baseball bats in a WalMart parking lot... the last thing I want is anything to do with sex, BDSM, or bondage. What the fuck is wrong with her spreading those malicious gossiping slanderous rumors and lies about me?

And she fucking sent those bastards to my house!

You're annoyed by my playthrough? Well, I'm annoyed by the daily dozens of emails telling me how pissed off you are.

And for those wondering: 

#How many people have contacted me? How many Ciri fans have reached out to say how pissed off they are?

The number is astounding, and way higher then the total amount of views my channel has (62, 000).

Here on Twitch, since May 13, 2018, I have received hate filled chat comments and whisper messages from 7,000+ different Twitch usernames. Many of those being death threats, included 712 Death Threats being posted in my chat, just in a single month (September 2018)

However, you can find screenshots from the Avallac'h Playthrough on nearly every social media platform out there: FaceBook, Twitter, Tumblr, Pinterest, Reddit, Nexus, Instagram, MySpace, LinkedIn, Blogger, WordPress, LiveJournal, and more.... in total 3.4 million usernames follow me in these places.

And though those social networks, I recieve well over 1,000 hate messages from enraged Ciri fans EVERY MONTH.... in total more than 21,000 enraged Ciri fans have contacted me through the social networks.

My website, where you can find the very NSFW nude screenshots from the sex quests that never streamed on Twitch... each image of nude Ciri with nude Avallac'h gets 50,000 to 70,000 views each month. And to contact me from there, you contact via email.

The images they are referring too, I can not post here on Twitch to show you. But I can tell you I have mods that both Ciri and Avallac'h functioning - FUNCTIONING - genitals. And it's THOSE pictures that result in the biggest, longest, most ernage, most infuriated,most hate filled emails of all.... more than 20,000 of them EVERY MONTH.

#In total, since May 13, 2018 I have received hate messages, hate comments, and hate emails from an astounding more than 300,000 different email addresses.

Ask me again why I had to turn chat off here on Twitch?

One thing The Avallac'h Playthrough has taught me is that the bulk of Ciri's fans (not Witcher fans in general - JUST fans of Ciri herself) are obnoxious, deranged, psychotic, violent, hostile men in their 30s, who can not tell the difference between fantasy and reality, believe Ciri is the ACTUAL REAL WORLD wife, and are very vocal about how much they really, really, really hate Avallac'h a lot *(usually for "touching my wife/waifu" as they put it)* and want to kill me, for posting pictures of Ciri and Avallac'h as a couple.

With the level of hostility these men use in contacting me *(a bedridden, crippled, elderly woman)*, I'd hate to see what would happen if you tossed a few of these men in the same room together.... they would most definitely kill each other, because they clearly can't tolerate any "competition for Ciri's affections" (as they term it.

I think the most frightening part of all, is that these men are so deranged, so mentally unstable, that they are unaware Ciri IS A FICTIONAL CHARACTER. Some of them have gone so far as to talk of things they do with Ciri with take her on dates, and how enranged they are to learn that she's been sneaking off with Avallac'h, behind their backs.

Yeah. A surprisingly large amount of the emails, read like that: these are not normal fans. These are clearly mentally disturbed people who are not taking their meds and desperately need to.

And my guess, quite a few of them are former mental institution patients who are walking free only because the hospital they used to be straight jacketed in got shut from lack of government funding.

But damn.... it's not a few.... more then 300,000 of these enraged, hate filled men who believe Ciri is real and is their wife, have contacted me with their vehement hatred for not only Avallac'h, but also for me, for putting Ciri with Avallac'h in the pictures I post online.

That's a REALLY BIG number.

And the bulk of them include the phrase "I'm so pissed off" alongside "poor Ciri". While more than half of them include various death threats.

I don't get it. Is there some sort of internet meme going around, I don't know about, that says if you are talking about Ciri, you have to start every post, comment, email, etc you write with the phrase: "I'm so pissed off"?

That alongside what Claudia did, sending those men to my house, it's very difficult to even want to go on. Especially with the destruction of my car. It took me 4 years to build that car. I wasn't crippled then. My muscles had not started deteriorating yet. I could stand there for hours painting and gluing marbles. I did. It took me 4 years working 8 hours a day, to glue those 2.5 million marbles to that car.

And all that work gone, destroyed by hate mongers. Why did Claudia send those men to my house?

I don't understand what was going through her mind.

Why would you do something like that?

She told them I was a BDSM Dominatrix looking for a gangbang rape and sent them to my house. She thought it would make for a funny joke. Raping 2 women, the attempted murder of an elderly man, totalling 3 cars, and 28 families becoming homeless because the city condemned the apartment building because of the $230,000 in damages.... that's a hell of a BIG "joke". I'm not laughing am I? I see what Claudia did as funny at all.

A lot of people got hurt. How is that funny?

Three people almost died. Tell me how that is funny?

Twenty-eight families were made homeless. Why do you think that is funny?

Because it's something Ciri would do? Yeah, you're right. It IS something Ciri would do. But Ciri's not real. Ciri is a fictional character. 

And Avallac'h, who you hate so much, he's not real either. 

But those people who got hurt at 27 High Street in Biddeford, Maine.... those people who almost died... those people who lost their cars... those people who lost their home... They were real. They are real. 

Those 2 women that got BDSM gang raped by the men Claudia sent to our house... they were young girls in their 20s, sisters sharing an apartment, both with a baby, one 2 years old the other 4 years old. Military wives. Their husbands overseas.

Those 28 families... one was an elderly couple in their 80s taking care of their quadriplegic son. 

Another was a couple, whose wife was bedridden and on oxygen life support.

Another was a couple with 5 children, struggling to make ends meet... one of their sons has Leukemia... or he did... he's dead now.

And you know what? He might still be alive if his family hadn't been homeless for 2 weeks without access to proper care for him

Think about THAt.... especially you Claudia, because you are the one who told those 5 men they could come to my house and find me a BDSM dominatrix waiting for them. Proud of sex lies about me now? A little boy DIED because of you. You know that makes you? A child murderer by proxy. Can you live with yourself, knowing a little boy died because you spread lies about a crippled elderly woman telling men to go to her house to get BDSM bondage sex?

Have you noticed a trend?

It was a medical building. An apartment just outside of the hospital, that house critically crippled patents and their families.

I'm crippled. I need the help of nurse to take a bath, use the toilet, and to get out of bed and sit up here at the computer to stream. Yeah, it's that bad. That's why I lived there.

Children dying from cancer, housed next door to the hospital so their families could be with them during their long months of chemo. They lived there too.

You made them homeless.

Crippled elderly and crippled children. 

You beat them up, raped them, destroyed their cars, and destroyed the building they lived in.

Real, live, crippled elderly and crippled children, beaten, raped, and made homeless, because you want to fuck Ciri's fictional ass.

Are you proud of what you did?

Your little "joke", your little Avallac'h hating, Ciri glorifying, let's rape every body and smash and trash their house.... Do you know how sick that makes you?

And you sent them to my house, telling them that I was a BDSM dominatrix.

Do you even know WHO THE HELL I AM?

I am an ordained Marija Loa!

It's a type of CATHOLIC NUN!

Marija Loa.... it means married to god.

I am an ordained minister, a priestess, my rank and title being Medsen Fey Marija Loa to Damballah Weddo, in service to Erzulie Freda and Erzulie Dantor.

I was ordained a Medsen Fey in 2003 and I'm one of only 3 nuns in the United States to become Marija Loa, which happened in 2013.

It's a fucking rank in the Catholic Church!

Voodoo is a branch of the Catholic Church. 

To be ordained a minister in the Voodoo religion you are ordained by Catholic priests.

Hungans, Mambos, Medsen Fey, Marija Loa - they are Haitian words meaning Priest, Nun, Father Superior, Mother superior.

You are spreading sex rumors and sex lies about a damned nun!

Think about THAT.

Marija Loa.

A type of NUN!

Do you know what a nun is? 

A nun is a woman who is married to God. Yes, as in there is an actual wedding, with wedding dress and marriage vows. She remains celibate. Sex is not a part of her life. No men are allowed to touch her. 

Are you starting to see, how damn EVIL you are Claudia for spreading lies that someone like me was a BDSM dominatrix!

You sent gang bang rapists to the home of a Catholic Nun telling them that she was a BDSM Dominatrix!

Do you know ow many levels of HELL there are for you Claudia!

The absence of the car vlogs is worse than you know. I can't walk anymore, but I could drive. My car was my only ability to get outside, my only contact with people at all outside of Twitch. And with chat having to be shut off due to the hate... I have no one to talk to at all now.

The enraged Ciri fans are not just attacking online. A group of them showed up at my house. They nearly killed 2 of my neighbours, my 82 year old dad, they totaled 3 cars including mine, and left 28 families homeless after doing $230,000 in damages to the apartment building we was living in then. 


Because you are so delusional, that you believe Ciri is you REAL, ACTUAL wife, cheating on you with Avallac'h, because I have pictures of them together on my FaceBook?

What is wrong with you people?

Ciri is NOT your wife. And not she's not cheating on you with Avallac'h. And do you know why?

Because Ciri and Avallac'h are NOT real.

It's just a game and these are fictional characters. Don't you know that?

Why are you people doing this?

I've never done anything to hurt any of you.

What is wrong with you?

You all ought to be ashamed of yourselves.

Not just the 5 of you who showed up at my house, not just the 712 who were chanting "deserve to be raped in my Twitch chat", but every single damned one of you. All 300,000+ of you who have sent me emails telling me how pissed off you are, and poor Ciri this and poor Ciri that, all your death threats, and all you stupid jackassery.

Every damned one of you ought to be ashamed of yourselves.

Have you really got nothing better to do with your lives then send hate mail to a crippled, bedridden elderly woman?

Would you do to your grandmother what you do to me?

You call me obsessed with Avallac'h? Yes, that is true.... but what are you? You are far more obsessed with Ciri, than I am with Avallac'h, and while all I'm doing is playing a video game to alleviate the boredom of being bedridden and crippled, you are actually hurting people. Think about that.

Am I'm not the only one you sickos are doing this too. I'm just the only one speaking out against it.

I didn't used to be the only Witcher exclusive channel on Twitch. I didn't used to have the only heavily modded Witcher playthrough on Twitch. There were dozens of others, just a year ago. And you did the same damned thing to every one of them.

The guy who was playing the game as Radovid, the one who taught me how to build The Avallac'h mod.... the hate you sent him for doing a similar playthrough, playing as Radovid, with Lodge as travel companions, putting Phillipa as the sex quest girls... you fucking chased him off Twitch. That playthrough was amazing. Yeah, Radovid is a jackass and I can't stand hm, but hell that playthrough was awesome!

The girl playing the game as Yennefer and turning Triss into the sex girls, doing a full lesbian romance run of Yen and Triss saying fuck off to Geralt and travel the countryside together... you hate mongered her off Twitch!

Heck, the woman who was doing the Ciri run, playing the game as Ciri, using the fucking Shjall mod - the mod that turns every killable character into Avallac'h... the streamer who posts on Tumblr all those pictures of Ciri murdering Avallac'h... you even harassed her off Twitch! You ought to like her, she had Ciri killing Avallac'h every damned day! It was hysterical. I loved her streams. she found so many ways to kill Avallac'h, it was damed awesome, and now it's gone.

All the guys who were playing the game with WEE and Ghost Mode.... you hate mongered them away too.

The Legolas guy.... playing the game as Legolas; the guy playing the game as Batman, the guy playing the game as FF Cloud, the guy with Henry Cavill Geralt mods,... you chased all of them out too!

What the hell is wrong with you people?

You ain't fans of the Witcher series.

You ain't Ciri fans.

You're just a bunch of hate mongering trolls looking to destroy the Witcher modding community.

The Witcher 3 section of Nexus had 7,000+ mods in December 2018.... it has barely 2,000 mods now in 2020..... because you hate mongered the mod makers on Nexus so bad they deleted their accounts and pulled theirs mods off of Nexus.

You are hurting HUNDREDS of people.

Twitch streamers and Nexus mod makers alike.

And do you ever once step back and stop to think about who these people are, that you are attacking and hurting?

Did you ever once stop and think that you are hurting REAL people?

I can't tell you who the others you are bullying are, but I can tell you who I am:

I am an crippled, bedridden, elderly woman with no one to talk to. Alone 24 hours a day, for weeks to a time, sometimes going months between a 5 minute visit from family or friends. I have no one. And I can't get out of bed to do anything about it. It's why I play this game. 

And after playing the game several times, I started making mods for it.

And because I am crippled, bedridden, elderly woman with no one to talk to. Alone 24 hours a day, for weeks to a time, sometimes going months between a 5 minute visit from family or friends. I have no one. And I can't get out of bed to do anything about it. ... I have 24 hours a day to focus on making mods for this game and in the past 3 years I've made more than 4,000 mods for it. 

I don't have anything else in my life.

I don't have anyone in my life.

I'm alone in bed all day, all night, day after day, week after week, month after month, year after year, since I was attacked in a WalMart parking lot November 14, 2013, by 3 strangers with baseball bats who broke my spine, my hips, my knees, and left me crippled.

Did you think about that before clicking send on your hate? Or before getting in your car and driving all the way to my house, to lash out your hate in person?

I may be obsessed with my love for Avallac'h, but it pales in comparison to your obsession with your illogical and unwarranted hated for me, for Avallac'h, and for other mod makers in the Witcher community. 

I'm not nearly as obsessed with Avallac'h, as you are obsessed with me.

Think about that.

I'm just playing a video game.

You are destroying lives.

I'm just here playing a video game, minding my own business, not bothering anybody.

You are running around like a rabid dog looking for something to kill.

I am a gamer.

You are bully.

Maybe you ought to take a good long look in the mirror - see yourself, the way I see you: for your are pure evil.

The extreme amount of hate and the excess levels of the hate I get from this, something that I do love very much, is depressing, terrifying, and discouraging, to say the least, especially, there is never any good or kind comments and emails to offset the hate, and when there is at the same time not one single person out there who is also a fan of Avallac'h for me to talk to at all.

#The exponential increase of hate mails since the release of the Netflix series, alongside my daily worsening health is why streams are no longer daily and no longer 12 hours. 

My muscles are deteriorating, the pain in my joints is excruciating, and it is increasingly difficult for me to sit up at all, let alone get out of bed, and with the amount of hate I get thrown at me, it gets ever harder to even want try to fight against the pain in my muscles to try to stream at all, when there is little joy in streaming any more.

ThingyChan, OutsideLane, Zutrix, and Niv making 200+ VODs and posting 2,000+ Discord posts calling me a dominatrix, saying I was into bondage, BDSM, and foot fetishes, was incredibly damaging to my reputation, my career, and put my life in extreme danger.

Not only that, but what they did put 3 people in the hospital, made 28 families homeless, totaled 3 cars, and a the landlord and his family without a job. And ThingyChan, not only refused to apologize, she doesn't give a shit "because it's fun!" Well, excuse me if I don't see what is fun about being a dick and hurting people.

What the hell is with people like her? How do people get like that? 

Wasn't my life enough hell without pieces of shit like her adding more hell to it?

She's no different from my uncles. stabbing me with forks, slicing my arms with shards of a broken plate... and pouring Draino into the wounds, to watch my blood bubble and foam. 

Bastards out of hell every one of them.... my uncles and the jackes online who think it's funny to make jokes about what those bastards did to me.

Why do I like Avallac'h so damned much? Because I don't have anyone else and he was tortured with vivisection too.

And that picture here, of Avallac'h strapped down to the torture table, slipping into a coma from being vivisected while Vesimire says Avallac'h's nerves are damaged resulting in trembling fingers and frozen pupils... that's the scene that set me on the path that lead to the creation of The Avallac'h Mod.

I really, really, really hate vivisection and can't stand to see it done to someone, because it was done to me and I know how the hell much that hurts.

If This Video Is Active, I'm Live Streaming Right Now...

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About This Game Play:

This current mod-making playthrough, is prep for a future fully-lore-friendly playthrough....

The ultimate goal of my mod making playthrough, is to make every character as lore-friendly as possible to how they were described in the novels.

Most specifically though we are transforming as much of the game as possible to match Chapter 5 of the novel Lady of the Lake, when Ciri lived with Avallac'h the first time, on The Lake of Avalon.

This current playthrough is largely a lot of test runs of hundreds of mods. It is being played open world with quests rarely happening, to allow us to run tests of various mods as I build them.

Due to the fact that the game engine, scripts, and other files is often open and being edited while I'm playing the game, this current playthrough is very unstable with bugs and glitches happening  daily and game crashes happening, sometimes as often as every few minutes.

You are witnessing a live overhaul and full rewrite of the game, that when finished will be used in a complete (more normal style) playthrough of the game.

However do not expect to see the lore-friendly playthrough any time soon. 

I began building this overhaul mod May 13, 2018 and have worked on it daily for 4 to 12 hours a day, all of it streamed here on Twitch, and... 

...while we've now altered over 2,000 script files, more than 7,000 textures, several hundred meshes, 400+ xml files, dozens of ini files, and have now begun work on changing 3D models...

...this project is far from finished and could see as much as another 3 years of daily work before completion.

Computer  stats: 

Motherboard: Asus Z170

Processor: i7-7000 @4.20GHz

RAM: 16 GB

Graphics Card: NVirdia 1070 GTX

Capture Card: AVerMedia Live Gamer HD

NOTE: Chat is set to emote only on my Twitch channel and my personal contact information has been removed from my website and every place else, due to the HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS of false reports of "information", along with vile hateful memes about the murder of my family being sent to me by trolls who think mocking the murder of my family is funny.

FBI Agent Andy Drewer out of the Portland, Maine FBI office is in charge of the of the April 10, 2015 kidnapping of my 12 children by 14 Ku Klux Klan men who invaded our home and the subsequent May 15, 2015 murder of 10 of the 12 whom had their heads nailed to my front door. If you have information about the case, give it to him not me. He can be reached @ +1-(207)-774-9322 

FAQs: Can I visit you?

FAQs: Can I visit you?


No, I do not allow home visits from anyone for any reason - not any more. 

I used to, but never again.

Reason: I'm a little bit famous, in fact, I'm quiet a lot famous, and in the past, I agreed to a home visit, and that person, didn't recognize my name at first, until they met me face to face and immediately realized who I was, and where they were standing - my farm was in a rather famous movie, so it's easily recognized by anyone who has ever seen that movie, and that movie, it's a BIG movie, written by an even more famous than me Maine author, and while I write under a penname, my face is on my books, and I'm easy to recognize, and that last time I let someone into my home - they realized who I was, what my farm was, what movie I was connected to, and they ran to social media to tell their friends they had meet me, including to publicly post where I live... by the end of the week I had dozens of paparazzi and some 30,000 (yes thirty thousand - yes I am that famous) screaming fanboys from all over the country in my driveway and the local police had to send out 42 officers to try to deal with it - the mass influx of tens of thousands of trespassers did huge amounts of damage to my farm, my property, my crops, my cars... and resulted in the murder of all of my children. 

To this day police don't know who killed them, just that it was likely a crazed fan who saw my home address posted online by some other fan.

With the police and FBI not knowing who murdered my family, I'm left unable to trust anyone.

Who can you trust, in a case like mine?

I've no family to turn to, they were murdered.

I've no friends, what few fans didn't chase away, got hased off after being suspects by the police and FBI.

That's why I'm crippled. That's why I'm alone. That's why I have post traumatic stress disorder. 

You don't know what it's like, to have 10 children children murdered, their heads nailed to your front door, and than try to recover from that. And be left with police shrugging and saying all leads lead to dead ends.

And you, are left with a broken spine. Having to relearn how to walk, not even able to mourn your family being murdered, because you're injured so bad yourself, you're just trying to stay alive.

And than, after years of recovery and physical therapy, alongside years of police investigations, FBI investigations, and being left with no answers. The attackers still a mystery, who they are or why they did it, who are they, no one knows, what was their motive, no one knows.

To go from a large family, to being alone, like that, it's hell to live with. And no one understands. People pity you, feel sorry for you, and move on with their lives. While you are left alone. With no answers and no one to talk to because, everyone you would have talked to is now dead.

How many parents know the pain of a murdered child? Not many.

If you've not lived through it yourself, you can't even begin to understand it.

I'm sick of people's pity. I don't want your fucking pity. 

I want a friend.

I'm tired of hoping there'll be someone out there who understands how I feel.

I like my privacy and thanks to the murder of my entire family, I'm a lot more famous now than I was back than, and social media was uncommon back than but now today everybody has it - that means the risk now is far greater than it was before, I don't want a repeat of that incident, those trespassers did several $million in damages to my farm and members of my family (now dead) were badly hurt, I don't want to go through something like that again, that's why I now have bodyguards and I don't let anyone near my land any more for any reason at all.

The fact remains: 

* I didn't used to have PTSD.

* I didn't used to live alone.

* I used to have a family.

* My entire family was murdered.

* I've spent the past 5 years dealing with police and FBI and lawyers and court... and running into endless deadnends with police and FBI to this day, not knowing who crippled me or murdered my family.

You'll have to excuse me if I'm a little paranoid about people entering my home, but that's one of the side effects of having all your children murdered and police and FBI clueless as to who did it and suspecting that most likely it was a crazy fan who got my home adress off social media after another fan posted it there.

I like my privacy and I do NOT trust psycho-fans to respect it, because I have 4 decades of personal experience with the fact that fans have ZERO respect for the homes/property/pets/family of any famous person they are a fan of and they will ALWAYS run to social media to brag "OMG! Look who I met! Here's their address, go meet them too!"; yes I have become excessively, overly, paranoid about people getting near me, my family, my property, my cars, and my land, but there is a very good and well justified reason for it.

The very reason I no longer allow any one near my home, is the same reason I am now looking for a dog.

I'm tired of being alone, for years on end.

I couldn't go out and get a dog after it happened, I was too busy in the hospital being paralyzed, then then too busy relearning to walk, in between endless weeks of police and FBI interviews.

Now things have stabilized. I'm walking again, more or less; police and FBI come by less and less frequently as the leads grow ever colder. News reporters have more pressing things to talk about like Covid19 so no longer bug me endlessly for interviews.

Life goes back to normal... except, my family is dead and I'm disabled and alone.

I need someone to keep me company, as I am finding the loneliness of an empty home with a family that will never return, unbearable.

I suppose I should have been aware of the covid-19 issue, but, I rather preoccupied with dealing with both the murder of my family and recovering from 3 strangers beating me with golf clubs, so I was a little bit too busy to pay much attention to the news. 

Yes, I would LIKE visitors, but experience has taught me that no one ever wants to be my friend. They always have a motive. They always want something.

So no, you can't come visit me.

Before I'll let you visit me, you need to prove I can trust you.

And for me to trust you, you first have to prove it wasn't YOU who killed my family.

Why should I trust YOU?

Can YOU prove, that YOU did not murder my family?

What evidence can YOU provide, to prove that YOU were not involved?

To everyone talking about gun reform after this week's Colorado shooting, here my thoughts:

To everyone talking about gun reform after this weeks Colorado shooting, here my thoughts:

Mass shootings happen everywhere often, it's rare they make the news... for example ... in Lewiston Maine, exactly 2 hours BEFORE this shooting in Colorado, there was a shooting in Lewiston, Maine - it was not in the news - if I wasn't local, I wouldn't have known about it.

In America, there is an average of 300 mass shootings EACH AND EVERY DAY, as well as shootings of only 1 or 2 people occurring at a rate of more then 500 per day.

That mass shootings do not make news headlines more often, is the ONLY reason so many people are surprised.

An average of only 1 in every 2,000 shootings ever gets reported on national TV.

That YOU did not know this, simply shows that you are someone who does not pay attention to what goes on daily around you in your own home town and home state.

#That so many people are marveling at the mass shooting, simply tells me that the bulk of society has it's head shoved up their own asses and are too blind to see what it happening in their own town every day.

The ONLY time a mass shooting appears in the news is if:

* 1 - it was a school shooting done by a child

* 2 - it resulted in the death of a police officer

* 3 - the shooter was someone famous - and usually only if they are a sports player, while actors, authors, singers, especially rap singers, commit mass shootings on an alarmingly frequent basis, but usually football stars and basketball players are the only ones who make news headlines when they commit mass shooting

Some states, like California, Massachusetts, and Illinois, have so many mass shootings PER DAY, that the daily newspapers have a column that is titled: **"TODAY'S SHOOTINGS"** which is simply a list of street addresses and times. It item on the list reads like this: *"Shooting at 10:38AM on Main Street, 3 wounded, 2 dead."* These lists will often have 10 or 12 or more shootings, for EACH DAY! 

(I worked for Guy Gannett news paper publishing firm for 21 years; they publish many large newspapers, including the Boston Globe)

#DAILY mass shootings are so common in some states, that the newspaper keeps a daily list of today's shootings!

Mass shootings are so common in Maine that I have both witnessed and captured on camera, more than 200 of them JUST since 2015.

March 2020 - 4 men with guns broke into my elderly neighbours house and gunned him down in his bed while he slept - it was not in the news - had the shooting not woken me up and I been standing in my driveway when the police took out his body I would not know it had happened.

February 14, 2019, my cousin was killed in a WalMart shooting in Scarborough, Maine - it was not in the news - I only know it happened because a family member died.

July 2013 - a different cousin was killed in another shooting - it was not in the news - had it not been a family member who died I wouldn't know it happened.

June 2001 another cousin was killed in another shooting - at the San Diego ComicCon - he was shot by a police officer - he was a by stander who got shot by a paranoid, racist police officer shooting at someone who it turned out did not have a gun and was just a black man wearing a hoodie walking by minding his own business - it was not in the news - had it not been a family member who died I wouldn't know it happened.

November 2015 and July 2016 - Scarbughouh WalMart was evacuated because a local white supremist group - a group of about 30 people armed with guns - "took over" the WalMart and started shooting at black and Muslim customers - I was one of the people being shot at because of how I dress, they mistook me as Muslim even though I was not - it was not in the news - had I not been a shopper in the store those 2 days and been one of the people being shot at, I would not know it had happened

In August 2016, there were 5 shootings in a single week in Old Orchard Beach, Maine... one involved a group of 70 people with guns driving through town shooting anyone they suspected of being gay - it was not in the news, I only know it happened because they shot 30 bullets into the front of my house and 50+ bullets into my neighbours house - they claimed I was a male to female transgender gay man even though I'm a natural born woman

My neighbour 2 houses down - a town counsel men of Old Orchard Beach - has had 7 FBI raids on his home the past 4 years - each time removing over 100 illegal assault rifles... he was charged with shooting 4 people in one of the gay shootings done by the group of 70+ people - he was not arrested and is still on the town counsel - had the state police and FBI officers not come to our house to tell us to stay inside during the raid, I would have known about it, because it was not in the news.

Between 2015 and 2021 - I have MORE THAN 100 local mass shootings here in Maine were CAUGHT ON CAMERA during my livestreams on Twitch - not one of them was on any news station.

Maine has one of the LOWEST crime rates in the country.

News stations rely on the police department to forward the reports of these shootings to them, so that the news reporters can reports on the shootings happening.

Gun reform will solve nothing. Because when all is said and done, a gun is nothing but a piece of scrap metal and on it's own all it can do is lay harmlessly on the ground.

A gun can harm no one, unless it is wielded by a dangerous person. The person, not the gun, is the problem.

A person who would shoot somebody, is STILL going to hurt people, even they did not have a gun. They would build a bomb, or wield a knife, or even a wooden fence post. If they want to cause harm, they will, gun or no gun.

Yes, a gun makes it easier for them to hurt more people at once, but take their guns away, and they will just find something else to hurt people with. EVERYTHING is dangerous in their hands because THEY THE PERSON is dangerous.

I live in Maine - the place in the world that has more guns per person than anywhere else on the planet - Maine has just under 2 million residents, and just over 17million leally registered guns and estimated another 5million illegal guns.

Maine is a wild forest region, 3/4s of the population NEED their guns to survive, because they eat deer, moose, squirrel, fox, coywolf, fisher, duck, turkey - every day, and without their guns, their families would starve to death.

Most gun owners ARE responsible people and are NOT running around shooting people.

Look at Maine, Everyone wears fur coats, where do you think the fur came from? It's -40F on a good day. Everyone here in Maine wears furs, because if we didn't, we would freeze to death.

Bear attacks happen daily. Groups of 20 to 50 coywolves gang up on children and tear them to shreds ... here in Maine, you NEED a gun, just go outside and NOT be torn apart by mountain lions, wolves, bear, or coywolves.

Guns keep people alive, warm, and feed, far more often, than guns hurt or kill. There's a lot of people who NEED guns to stay alive, to feed their families, to protect their families.

In the hands of a responsible person a gun is a tool of survival, not a weapon.

Only dangerous people, who would kill even without a gun, make guns a dangerous weapon.

Guns are not the problem - dangerous people are.

Gun reform is NOT the answer.

All gun reform is going to do is punish people who obey the law.

But people who use guns to kill, are not law abiding citizens, so, gun reform will not affect them, because they don't obey laws anyways.

People who use guns to kill, don't care about laws, so changing laws WILL NOT STOP THEM!

If they cared about obeying the law, they wouldn't being killing people in the first place.

My family, we are not white, and THAT is why my family has seen so many mass shootings, because every single mass shooting listed above, was done by a dangerous person, so blinded by racist hate that they felt the need to kill non-whites.

Racism is the problem.

Guns are only dangerous in the hands of haters, racists, and bigots.

But you people obsessing over the Colorado shooting, you act like mass shootings are rare... ad they are NOT... mass shooting happen all the time, they just don't get reported on very often.

We need better awareness to how often mass shootings happen.

it's not gun reform we need - we need police officers willing to do their jobs and #1 arrest the shooters not just take their guns away and #2 tell the news stations how often these near weekly mass shootings happen so the news can report on HOW OFTEN these events happen

#Awareness of how often mass shootings occur and don't get reported on by the news is what is needed

Maybe, if you stopped focusing on self and paid attention to something other than yourself for a change, you'd notice how vastly common gun crime is.

Don't rely on the news media to tell you the whole truth. They tell you pieces of the truth, and only as much of the truth as they think you want to hear, and only than, if they think it'll boost their ratings.

The daily mass shootings of Chicago are rarely in the news, because they happen so often, so many of them every day, that they are deemed "TOO BORING" to be news worthy.

The daily mass shootings of Boston are likewise, rarely in the news, because it's usually gang related and when was the last time you saw the news media report on anything the Mafia did?

The weekly mass shootings of Maine are almost never in the news, because no one in the lower 48 gives 2 shits about Maine.

If it isn't going to bring views or increase ratings, the news station isn't going to cover it, no matter what it is, including, and not limited to, mass shootings.

Gun reform is NOT going to fix the problem.

Responsible gun owners are already obeying the current gun laws.

Gun reform, is ONLY going to punish, responsible people, for things they would never do.

Mass shootings are committed by people who do obey gun laws, so changing gun laws, WILL NOT prevent mass shootings.

People who commit mass shootings, rarely buy their guns legally, so changing laws regarding gun sales, will NOT keep guns out of their hands.

What we need is NOT gun reform, wat we NEED is HONEST NEWS REPORTING.

We NEED news stations who report on ACTUAL daily news.

If people KNEW how many mass shootings occur **EVERY DAY, in ALL 50 STATES**, they would know who truly pointless and a waste of time a resources, gun reform is.

Details about the bomb that blew up my house, and the fireman who stole the bomb from Old Orchard Beach Police Department's evidence locker:

When you say "black lives matter",
do you REALLY mean it?
Are you sure?

When you say "Black Lives Matter"... do you mean the lives of ALL black people? 

Do ALL black lives matter to you? Or JUST the lives of black drug dealers, who beat black pregnant women to death, murder black babies, beat black children, and do 9 separate prison sentences for domestic violence against black women?

Do the lives of the black women and black children he beat to death mean NOTHING to you?

Please tell me why you would rename your school after a man who murdered a pregnant black woman ad her unborn black baby?

#Did HER black life not matter to you?

#Did HER black baby's life not matter to you?

Yes, black lives matter, but a murderer is a murderer no matter what color they are, and you shouldn't be renaming your streets, schools, hospitals, and airports after a monster who murdered a pregnant woman and her baby.

Did you know WHY that a white police officer killed a black murderer? To protect the lives of black women and children.

No, that police officer should not have taken the law into his own hands... but fact remains, he cared more about the lives of black women and black children that YOU do!

Do your research.

Know the facts.

Stop being a brain dead jackass parroting every word you hear others say.

Do your research and stop worshipping a man who devoted his life to murdering pregnant black women and their unborn black babies.

If black lives REALLY mattered to you, you'd STOP disrespecting the black women and black children, murdered by that monster. Every time you glorify his name, you tell are openly telling his black victims that THEIR black lives don't mean shit to you.

If you REALLY believe ALL black lives mattered, you would be renaming everything after the black pregnant woman he murdered, NOT naming your school after her murderer.

What message are you sending?

You are NOT sending the message that black lives matter... far from it in fact.

By renaming your school after a man who murdered pregnant black women, you are TEACHING your children it is okay to murder black women and black children... did you even stop to think about THAT?

Are you really so quick to want to please the crowd that you are willing to completely overlook the more than 900 accounts of rape, domestic violence, drug dealing, drive by shootings, and the murder of a pregnant woman? All committed by the one man, you are now renaming your schools, hospitals, streets, towns, and airports after?

You don't care about black lives, you only care about looking good in front of others.

If you cared about black lives, you'd care MORE about his 900+ black victims than you would him.

You people are fucking hypocrites.

All you care about is looking hip or cool or being part of the in crowd and doing what the popular people do. You don't give a shit about the trail of **BLACK** victims... the 900+ **BLACK LIVES** that were destroyed by the man you people are glorifying.

If you REALLY care about black lives, than prove it, and STOP DISRESPECTING the 1,000's of black families who REJOICE at the death of the terrorist crime lord gangster who terrorized their families for decades... stop worshiping the crime lord that made their BLACK lives a living nightmare.

Every time you glorify his name... you are telling ALL of his BLACK victims that their BLACK LIVES don't mean shit to you.

Look at you sheep, acting all righteous, pretending to care about others, when all you care about is your precious 15 minutes of fame. 

You don't care about black lives, you only care about being part of the in crowd. 

Fucking herd mentality. 

You'll do and say whatever you have to, just to be a part of the biggest, loudest group.

You chant "Black lives matter" with your mouths, but you don't mean it in your heart.

Those of us who aren't white - you don't give a shit about us.

You just want people to THINK you care... so long as it LOOKS like you care, you don't care about anything else.

Those of us who actually suffer at the hands of white bastards, you don't care about us, and you never will. And that can clearly be seen, by WHICH black face you wave on your signs... not a black hero, no, but an inhuman monster who broke into a house to steal drugs, but got the wrong address, and broke into the home of a pregnant black woman. A man who beat his child. A man who committed drive by shootings. A man whom at the time of his death had more than 40 warrants for his arrest. A man who'd already gone to prison for violent crimes 9 times. A man who HATED black lives, beat black lives, tortured black lives, abused black women, beat black children... if you REALLY cared about black lives, you WOULD NOT be glorifying a man like that, who destroyed hundreds of black lives.

Blind, mindless sheep. That's all you are.

You don't care about anyone. And you never will. All you care about is following the in-crowd, and doing and saying whatever they say, WITHOUT doing any research.

If you REALLY cared about black lives, you'd help the victims of crimes against them, NOT glorify the criminal who committed hundreds of crimes against hundreds of black women and black children.

Every time you name a school or street after him, you tell EVERY black person on the planet that their black lives DO NOT matter, because all that matters to you is glorifying the name of a man who was a terrorist to make yourself look good.

You rush to be the first in line so you will get the glory, and you completely overlook the greater harm that you are causing.

Black lives matter, but those words mean nothing to you, because all you're thinking about is your own self glory.

You are NOT seeing, worse, you are ignoring the MILLIONS of black people who are crying out to you idiotic white people, asking you white people to STOP glorifying the monster who terrorised so many black lives.

Your GLORY while you scream "Black lives matter" in front of news cameras, means MORE to you, than the the lives of of actual black people... we KNOW this, BECAUSE, you are ignoring the MILLIONS of black lives who are BEGGING you to stop glorifying the man who terrorised so many black lives.

In you rush to seem black-friendly, you forget to research the facts, and instead of promoting the good in the black community, you promote the scum bag that terrorized and own people, the man whom millions of black people are saying they are GLAD he's finally dead. GLAD that no more black women, no more black children, will be terrorized by that monster. And they are asking you to STOP glorifying him. 

Why won't you listen to what they are saying?

 *Could it be, that they are too BLACK for you to care about what they have to say? 

 *Are they too BLACK for you to listen to them?

 * Are they too BLACK for you to take the time to care about their feelings?

If you REALLY cared about black lives, then WHY are you IGNORING the pleas of his BLACK victims?

There are plenty of good strong, moral, decent, glory-worthy black people out there... so why are you glorifying the terrorist, crime lord, gangster whom black people themselves are BEGGING you to stop glorifying.

#By glorifying a man who devoted his live to hurting black people, you are letting your white superiority fly high.

Why aren't you naming your schools after the BLACK pregnant women he attacked? She's the real hero, not him. 

Why are glorifying HIM and not HER?

You scream "I can't breath" in his honor... what about HER? Could SHE breath while he was strangling her in her own home?

What about her unborn baby? Could IT breath while that monster was strangling it's mother to death?

Why aren't you naming your schools after the BLACK children he terrorised with his drive by shootings? 

Why are you glorifying a monster who thought nothing of shooting the innocent BLACK children, who were playing on the front lawns, completely unsuspecting that that monster was going to drive by shooting at everyone because he was mad at his drug dealer?

Why are you naming your school after a man who shot at children playing in their yards, as if they were bottles on a fence?

Do any of you even take the time to stop and THINK before you do these things?

That man was a monster. Who cares what color he was. Men like him are monsters no matter what color their skin is, they should NEVER be glorified.

Men who beat up pregnant women should NOT have schools named after them.

You people ought to be ashamed of yourselves, naming your schools after a man who terrorized pregnant women and black children.

You say black lives matter, but are you sure you REALLY mean it?

Why than do the lives of black pregnant women and black children, mean NOTHING to you?

How can you hypocrites stand there chanting "black lives matter" while in the same breath glorifying the man who made life hell for so many innocent black women and their children?

#In renaming your school after a man who spent decades raping, shooting, beating, torturing, and killing black people, you are saying that black lives DO NOT matter to you.

Worse, you are teaching the children who attend those schools, that it is OKAY for a man to beat pregnant women, shoot at children, deal drugs, and be a gangster. It that what you REALLY want your children to grow up to be?

#By renaming your school after a man who spent decades raping, shooting, beating, torturing, and killing black people, you are TEACHING YOUR CHILDREN... THAT raping, shooting, beating, torturing, and killing black people IS OKAY.

Children who attend a school named after a famous person, will be taught by the teachers of that school to idolize that person.

What are you going to do, when your child, idolizing that man, takes a gun to school, and shoots his pregnant teacher in honor of the man the school is named after, killing pregnant women in order to be more like the "hero" the school was named after?

#By renaming your school after a man who devoted his entire life to abusing black people, you are TEACHING YOUR CHILDREN... THAT abusing black people IS OKAY.

What are you going to do, when your child, idolizing that man, takes a gun to school, and shoots his classmates in honor of the man the school is named after, running through the halls of the school pretending to be doing a drive by shooting to be just like the "hero" the school was named after?

#in naming your school after a criminal who terrorized black people you are sending the message THAT BLACK LIVES DO NOT MATTER... don't you realize that?

Did you jackasses ever once stop to think about the long term effects of your actions?

Children aren't dumb. They'll do their research, they'll find out what kind of a man he REALLY was and seeing how much their teachers and parents glorify this this criminal, these children will take up guns in his honor, to do the things he did, because they'll think that's what your parents and teachers want.

Children want to please you. And when they see you honor and glorify a monster, they will do everything in their power to become just like that monster, killing in his name, just as he killed, dealing drugs in his name, just like he did, because they want to make you proud, and they are going think, with how much you worship that man, they'll think the ONLY way for you to ever be proud of them, is if they mimic everything he did in his lifetime, and they'll research and they learn, all the crimes he committed, and they'll re-enact every last one of them, just to make you proud.

By glorifying a criminal to hero status, you will teach your very own children, to be criminals, just like him, committing crimes far worse than he committed.

Open your eyes to the truth.

Stop following the fucking herd.

Take a step back and THINK before you act. 

FAQ: What advice would you give to someone looking to get started in streaming? How do I avoid burn out? What should I use to motivate me if I get burned out?

#FAQ: What advice would you give to someone looking to get started in streaming? How do I avoid burn out? What should I use to motivate me if I get burned out?



Stream for fun, because streaming is what you enjoy doing, and always remember that: No one owes you anything.

#Note to streamers: 

Your viewers owe you nothing. 

Just because you stream, does not give you the right to demand your viewers be there every day, watch you every minute, or follow/subscribe/donate just because you asked them to.

Viewers are people. They have lives. Learn to respect that.

#Note to viewers: 

Streamers don't owe you a thing. 

Your views and your money does not give you the right to demand how often someone streams or what content they stream.

Streamers are people. They have lives. Learn to respect that.

#Why do I say that?

A culture of entitlement has risen up on Twitch, which has made it no fun to watch nearly every streamer whom has joined Twitch after May 2020.

You can tell immediately streamers who joined in the days of JustinTV from the ones who joined after the Amazon ownership... 

JustinTV had no monetization, so JustinTV streamers stream for fun, as a hobby, with no expectation of money, and that attitude stays with them to this day.

Amazon's Twitch introduced bits and subscriptions, and brought with it a rise of streamers who started streaming with the hopes of making money, but still doing it for fun and hobby and not looking at it as a career.

September 21, 2019, Twitch introduced ads, which played only on Partnered streams, with a handful of Affiliates also beta testing it. March 27, 2020, the ads reached Affiliates as well.

* January 2005, Twitch had 100 members.

* January 2016 Twitch had 200,000 members

* January 2018, Twitch had 1Million members.

* January 2020, Twitch had 2Million members

* January 2021, Twitch had 10Million members

**While January 2021 now boasts 10million streamers streaming every day on Twitch... there are only 1million active viewer accounts... Twitch's AI defends active viewer accounts as having logged in at least 1 day in the past 12 months and watched 1 stream**

As of January 2021, there are now *(according to Twitch's own stats tracking page)* an estimated 17 streamers for every 1 ACTIVE viewer.... meaning 16 out of every 17 streamers will be sitting at 0 viewers every stream, through no fault of their own, simply because there are not enough viewers to go around.

And THIS is what has caused much of the current problem we see now in 2021.

Between May 2020 and December 2020 8 million people joined Twitch... and many of them are very open in their outrage at the lack of viewers.

It is very difficult to find a channel which started in 2020, that does anything other than bitch about lack of viewers.

Myself, I get 3 to 10 viewers each stream, and Twitch's stats page lists me in the top 10% of the most viewed streamers on Twitch because I reach 3 to 10 viewers nearly every stream.

This is something that should be taken into consideration.

My channel is very tiny. As of today (March 13, 2021) it has: 


* 87,056 total views

* in the past 8 years has had in total 3 subscribers. 

* From ads has made $15.37. 

* In 8 years, has made in total $34 

* and is still $66 away from reaching the $100 threshold to receive the first payout.

* I have no donation options set up and thus have never once received a donation

* when streaming at my normal schedule I stream 6 to 9 hours 7 days a week *(in recent months, my health has disrupted this)*

As you can see from my stats, I do not make money from streaming, and yet I do it more hours per week than the average person works at a 9-5 job.

And Twitch lists me as one of the top 1,000 streamers... that alone should tell you how very difficult it is to gain viewers or followers on Twitch.

I started streaming in 2004 (on MySpace) so 2021 is my 17th year of streaming 60 hour weeks for no pay.

A lot of people ask me how I have done this for so many years, while having so few viewers, so few followers, and no money reward from it?

My answer is... I don't stream for OTHERS.

I stream for ME.

I stream because, I have fun streaming.

I DO NOT stream for YOU. YOU mean nothing to me. YOU are just a faceless username.

>>>I have Autism... ACTUAL Autism. Kanner's Syndrome, NOT Asperger's. Because of this, if I can not SEE YOUR FACE, I have ZERO ability to acknowledge you as a real person.


>>> If you want ME to acknowledge YOUR existence, you MUST be standing in the same room with me talking to me face to face. 


>>>This means that EVERYONE who talks to me online, including streamers who I'm in chat for, or you in my chat... 


>>>I am not capable of mentally acknowledging you as a REAL PERSON... because you are just a face on a screen, you are not sitting in the physical room with me.


>>> If I can not reach out and touch your face while you are talking, I can not acknowledge you as being a real person. 


>>>And because of THIS, YOU, your views, your follows, your money... none of that is important to me.


I DO NOT stream to try to get YOUR attention.

I DO NOT stream to get views. YOUR time spent watching me, is not something I care about.

I DO NOT stream to get followers. YOUR opinion of me does not matter to me.

I DO NOT stream to make friends. I friend REAL friends offline and don't need YOUR fake online pseudo-friendship.

I DO NOT stream to get fame. YOU knowing who I am is not important to me.

I DO NOT stream to entertain YOU.

#I stream for ME and not for YOU and THAT is why I can stream for 17 years to almost no one and not lose motivation.

This is why 403 followers in 8 years, doesn't bother me.

It's why often streaming to 0 viewers and almost never reaching 10 viewers, doesn't bother me.

It's why streaming for 60 hours a week for 17 years to rarely more than 3 people and never once receiving a single penny for it, doesn't bother me or cause me to lose motivation.

This question gets asked to me, a few times a week... how do I keep going and not lose motivations, and it is often asked to me by streamers with 5k+ followers, listing off "only getting $200 a month from subscribers", and after just 3 months of streaming they are burned out and wanting to give up.... they turn to me, a much smaller channel, doing this for nearly 2 decades, and puzzled as to why I did not give up like they are going after not even a full half a year.

The reason, is the motive.

I am NOT motivated by getting attention, so gaining viewers or followers does nothing to motivate me.

I am NOT motivated by being part of a club or group, so joining teams or moving in clique circles of streamers (what most new streamers refer to as "networking") does not motivate me.

I am NOT motivated by money, I have an income outside of streaming, so reaching income goals does not motivate me to stream.

I gain fewer than 10 new followers a month.

I consistently have very few viewers.

And yet... Twitch lists me as one of the top 1,000 most viewed channels on Twitch.


Because I enjoy what I do.

I'm not spending my time begging for followers, begging for subs, begging for bits, begging for viewers, begging for donations... so I don't get burned out.

Yes. I can understand why people get burned out when they spend 2 or 3 hours doing dull boring things like begging.

Think about it... is begging fun? No.

What is fun? Well, for me, picking flowers. Something I spent many hours doing, for the past 50 years, and now I'm crippled and I can't spend hours in the blueberry plains of Maine picking wildflowers like I've done my whole life... so... I seek out video games that let me pick flowers, and thus Witcher, Witcher 3, Don't Starve, and Subnautica, became the 4 video games that I play for many hours every day.

I can sit here and stream to no one for 10 or 12 hours each and every day, because I'm having fun with what I am doing... which for the past 3 years, has been playing Witcher 3 as Avallac'h, running around Skellige picking wildflowers, and not doing quests and not doing anything remotely close to normal gameplay.

If I was worrying about views, I'd have to play other games, games that are not as fun.

If I was seeking followers I would have to be constantly begging and pleading and groveling, asking people to follow.

 And if I wanted people to come back after following, than I'd have to be doing stupid stuff like eating foul jelly beans and drinking various hot sauces.

I love Jelly Bellies... I eat them almost daily, I have since the 1980s. I probably eat more Jelly Bellies in a single week than the average streamer ever will in their lifetime. So I've very familiar with the... bamboozalled beans... heck, I drink 3 to 4 cans of Moxie a day, you think Jelly Bellies "bad tasting" jelly beans is going to faze me? I hold place in the Guinness Book of World Records for how much Moxie I can chug... I wouldn't fun to watch eating those jelly beans, I can knock back an entire box without flitching... I'm a world record holding Moxie drinker... you want a real taste test challenge … you try drinking Moxie, one swig of Moxie and you'll be begging for the safety those so bad tasting beans.

So, for me... taste test challenges, hold no incentive. Those things people do, to gain views, people watch them, to watch them try to swallow something they hate... no one is interested in watching they chow down on something they eat every day.... heck, you see me guzzle down 3 or 4 cans of Moxie every single stream and I don't charge you a penny to watch me do it... it's just a thin I drink... any other streamer would be asking for a $500 donation and expect a week off from streaming just to taste Moxie and not even drink it.

Do you realize how much money I could make and many viewers I'd have, if I started asking people to pay to watch me drink Moxie? But I don't because, I drink Moxie like it was a water. Something you are well aware of if you watch me daily.

I'm not a competitive person. And so even though I'm drinking something others wouldn't touch for anything under a $500 donation, I see no reason to monetize my ability to drink something others call foul.

If viewers or followers or money ever became an incentive to motivate me to stream, all I would have to do is add a donation wheel and slap Moxie and Jelly Bellies on it and spend 10 hours doing what you watch me do on stream anyways... eating Jelly Bellies and drinking Moxie.

But... I think if I took a thing I love and tried to monetize it, I would get bored with that thing and burn out.

Does any of this make sense to you?

Do you understand how it answers your question?

#FAQ: What advice would you give to someone looking to get started in streaming? How do I avoid burn out? What should I use to motivate me if I get burned out?

In my experience, as a viewer, for 17 years... and seeing thousands upon thousands of streamers give up streaming less than 3 months after starting...

...the thing they ALWAYS have in common was this:

* They streamed for OTHERS... they did NOT stream for THEMSELVES.

By this I mean:

* They streamed with a goal of gaining a certain number of followers by a certain date.

* They streamed with the goal of getting so many viewers per stream.


I've seen many who SAY they stream as a hobby, but in watching them, it is quickly clear they say that ONLY to try to sound cool or to try to hide their true goals, and ARE NOT actually streaming as a hobby.

How do I know this?


#A hobby is a thing you do for self-enjoyment; you do it in your free time, when you are alone, by yourself, and no one is watching.

#While a hobby CAN be done with others, a hobby is a thing you do without any goal of sharing with others, because it is a private thing just for you and you love doing it so much that it doesn't matter to you if any one does it with you or not... others doing it with you is just an added bonus and you would still do it even if no one did it with you.

When you SAY that you stream as a hobby, but than you sit there bitching that you have no followers, no viewers, and talk about how disapointed you are to have no one to talk to in chat... you opening admit that you are LYING when you say streaming is a hobby.

There is nothing wrong with streaming for money. If that's your goal, go ahead and admit it. Stop lying to yourself saying streaming is a hobby.

There is nothing wrong with streaming to build a community of friends/followers/viewers... if that is your goal, than say so, stop lying to yourself calling streaming a hobby, when it's not!

Perhaps my culture is showing, seeing how I was born and raised in Maine, a place that has laws forbidden lies and telling a lie comes with the punishment of having one's tounge cut out, so I come from an extraordinarily honest culture that views lying as a grave sin....

...but I'm having a servere amount of culture shock at seeing how many people, partcuarly streamers, tell one lie after another, with dozens of lies rolling out of their mouths every single minute... and they think nothing of it.

I find the general acceptance of this culture of endless lies to be horrifying, vile, and disgusting. And I find both American and European laws to be deplorable for not punishing people for the sin of telling a falsehood.

But I feel it is because their society is so full of such deep degradation, perversion, sin, and immorality, that these streamers are truely unaware they are lying.

I find this level of immoral degradation so astounding, I have no words for it and can feel nothing but shock.

That people tell lies on a regular and daily basis is perhaps the most shocking thing watching Twitch has taught me.

And no where do we see more of this utter lack of morals than we do in newbie streamers who lie to their viewers and say "I stream for a hobby."

If you streamed for a hobby, than you would NOT be asking how to stay motivated.

If you streamed for a hobby - you would not NEED followers, viewers, subscribers, or donations to inspire you to keep on going.

A hobby is a thing that you do for personal satifaction.

If you are streaming for views... you are NOT streaming for a hobby.

Learn to tell the truth for once in your life, and you might find it easier to be honest with your motivation.

When you LIE about what motivates you to stream, you can not focus properly on your motivation.

Don't say streaming is you hobby, if it not.

Admit you stream for views.

Admit you stream for followers.

Admit you stream for money.

Admit you stream to seek out friends.

Stop lying to yourself.

The reason you get burned out if because you say one thing and do another. 

If you want to stream like I do? Well, I stream as a hobby. .. and while MOST streamers say streaming is a hobby, their action while streaming prove them liars.

Following my advice, will NOT work for you, if you stream for any reason other than a hobby.


Because I'm a hobby streamer and my advice will teach you only how to stream hobby stream methods.

I can't teach you to gain followers, because I don't try to gain followers myself.

I can't teach you how to gain viewers because viewers mean nothing to me.

Motivation to stream, for hours every day, for years on end, to no followers and no viewers, well, that I can teach you, but chances are high you won't like what I have to say.


Because when you stream as a hobby, you stream whatever the hell you want to stream, and tell the viewers to fucking go to hell.

The viewers either watch what you stream or they fuck off.

As a hobby streamer, I don't kiss the mighty viewer ass.

As a hobby streamer, I know that the viewers owe me nothing.

As a hobby streamer I expect nothing from my viewers.

As a hobby streamer, I owe my viewers nothing.

As a hobby streamer, I don't whore myself out for view or follows or subs or donations.

As a hobby streamer, I'm not looking to build a community.

As a hobby streamer, I'm not looking to make friends.

As a hobby streamer, I'm not trying to make money.

As a hobby streamer, I'm free to take off a day, a weekend, a week, a month, even a full a year like I did in 2020, just took the entire year off.

If I lose viewers or followers from taking time off, it's not a problem, because as a hobby streamer I know the viewers are real people, who have real lives and real friends offline and real families, and they don't owe me a thing.

If they come back when I return from a long break, great; if not, well, it's a sad lose yes, but, they have their own lives to live and owe me nothing.

I'm not a slave master demanding loyalty of my followers, which sadly is what many streamers today, thing streaming is.

Since May 2020, we've seen a massive rise is a horrifying "culture of entitlement" spreading across Twitch, faster than Covid-19 spread across New York City.

I've never seen anything like this before. Not in all 17 years of streaming. Not on Twitch. Not on YouTube. Not on PornHub. Not on any of the 14 other streaming sites I use. No where.

It's bizarre.

They act like because they created a Twitch channel, now they re the end all be all, God of all creation, and they DESERVE viewers. They DESERVE followers. They DESERVE to have donations thrown at them. 

And they get angry if they aren't at 10,000 followers and 5,000 viewers and earning $1,000 a day, by the end of their first week of streaming.

And the they start hounding "bigger" streamers, like my channel... you know, us HUGE streamers who have 3 to 10 viewers every stream, under 500 followers, and after a decade or more of streaming have yet to reach the $100 payout threshold ... us HUGE streamers... who made it on to Twitch's list of the Top 1,000 most viewed streamers on Twitch, because we are the top 1% of Twitch to gain 3 to 10 viewers per steam...

...they turn to us and bitch and moan and rave and rant their hatred and jealousy for us... they see own names in the Top 1,000 list and make up lies about us claiming we are millionaires ... 

... than they rush to Twitter and try to spread hateful rumors about us hoping to kill our channels because they think we are making so much more money than they are...

.... then, after 3 months of streaming to no one and bashing us "big" streamers on Twitter, they start contacting us "big" top 1,000 list most viewed channels to ask us, how we did it, why don't we burn out, why are we still motivated....

And the reason THEY burn out and I didn't... is I mind my own business, and just stream for fun... I'm not focused on views or follows or subs or money or running around social media trying to bring others down... I just play my video games, turn off view counters, turn off chat, and having fun playing Witcher 3.

I don't burn out because: 

* I don't stress myself out trying to please others.

* I don't stress myself out worrying what other streamers are doing.

* I don't stress myself out trying to compete with others.

* I don't stress myself out worrying about numbers.

**You burn out because you focus on stressful things.**

#If you want to stop burning out, than just stop focusing on stressful things. It really is that simple.

As for motivation? 

You shouldn't NEED motivation.

No matter what you are doing, not just streaming, but ANYTHING in your life... if you ever feel you need outside incentive, aka, motivaton, to do it, than, that's how you know it's time to move on.

If your 9-5 job is such that you are no longer motivated to get up and go to work, than it's time to quit that job, and look for a new job.

If you can't find motivation to stream, just stop streaming.

You don't owe your viewers anything.

Move on. Find something else to do.

There's no shame in that.

If you lack motivation, that means you are bored, stressed, upset, or otherwise not having fun.

If you lack motivation, that means the joy has gone away and what you are doing is no longer fun to do.

Take my chat for example.

I joined Twitch in the days before chat was a thing.

So, my first years of streaming, we streamers talked TO chat, just like a YouTube video... we didn't talk WITH any LIVE chat because live chat had not yet been invented.

At first, live chat was great. Taking to viewers, live, while I streamed, made streaming even more fun than it already was.

But than 2018, the deserve to be raped raids hit my chat and, even 7 chat bots and 78human mods couldn't keep on top of the 2,000+ bullies we had to ban every stream.

Streaming became no longer fun.

But... it wasn't streaming that was the issue. I still loved streaming. I still enjoyed streaming. I was still motivated to stream.

Chat was the problem.

Chat was no longer fun.

Chat had become stressful.

I have post traumatic stress disorder, and chat was refusing to obey the chat rules that asked not to talk about certain topics, topics which were triggers, specifically rape and torture and sex... rape is a trigger for me, torture is a trigger for me, sex is a trigger for me, and BDSM torture-sex is a very bad trigger for me... and yet, suddenly I had 2,000 bullies in chat doing nothing but talking about rape and torture and sex and BDSM and they were creating new accounts as fast as we banned them.

Chat was going out of it's way to TRY to trigger my PTSD panic attacks... they'd seen that they could do it, they triggered a massive seizure one of the very first rape raids... they saw real fast how seriously severe a medical condition this was, that they could put me in a coma live on stream, that they could trigger a catatonic seizure and me with no live in nurse to help and no one to shut the stream down... I could have died on stream... and they thought that was funny and tried actively went out of their way to try to trigger this very life threatening medical emergency again.

Attempted murder... that's what it was... and the law saw it that way, that's why 6 streamer were arrested for instigating these rape raid attacks... 2 of the streamers each got 2 years in prison and the other 4 each got 6 months in jail... and the charge was "attempted murder" because they knew I had a serious medical condition that could be triggered by talking about rape, sex, torture, and BDSM, and tried to trigger it on purpose, with the GOAL of trying to put me in a coma during a livestream.

And so... chat is now emote only.

Chat was the problem.

Streaming was not the problem.

I had not lost motivation to stream.

But I had lost motivate to interact with chat, after chat tried to kill me.

Chat is gone from channel now.

Unfortunately ... a side effect of what they did was a stroke, and my already poor health, becoming much worse, and since the rape raids, which caused not 1 but rather 3 strokes in a single month's time, I'm now struggling to even breath, my lungs suffering greatly from the stroke that the rape raids caused, and while I'm motivated to stream, since the rape raids, I'm no longer able to stream for more than 2 or 3 hours a day and only 1 or 2 days a week at best.

Chat tried to kill me and they almost did, and now in 2021, I'm still struggling to regain use of my lungs.

A side effect of my lungs not functioning properly, is I now sleep 18 to 42 hours to a time.

My low breathing function, puts my brain into a "sleep mode" and entire days pass between me being awake.

That's why I don't stream daily any more. I try to but, often I wake up thinking it's the next morning, and find out I went 2 or 3 days ago, and completely slept through half the week.

When you understand how frail my health is, than you understand, why I don't give 2 shits about views or followers... I have bigger things to worry about - like trying to stay alive from one day to the next.

I can't be bothered to worry about petty meaningless things like how many followers or viewers I got a social network online.

The online world is just that - a virtual world. The real world is the important one.

So while you worry about meaningless virtual world problems, I worry about real world problems.

That's why I don't burn out or lose motivation to stream.

Because I know the difference between the virtual world of the internet and the real world offline.

I know the difference between things that are ACTUALLY important and things that are insignificant.

NOTHING on the internet has any real importance.... some day you'll grow up and you'll understand that too. And when you do, you'll realize all your worry about numbers, view counts, follower goals... it was all for naught.

Don't wait too long to learn that the REAL world, offline, is what is important. Many people wait too long to learn that. And when it's too late, they realize, how very much too late they learned that lesson.

Real people matter. Your family. Your friends. Your pets. Your town. They matter. Put them first.

If you put ANYTHING you do online, before them, than you're a fool.

And that's what I'm seeing spreading across Twitch, right now... millions of streamers who don't give 2 shits about anything or anyone, cruel, cold, heartless, callous people chasing after the glut lust for he who has the most numbers. Attacking every one they see, thinking they have to beat down others to get to the top.

Not only do not have fun while streaming, they also not fun to watch.

Than they wonder WHY they burn out, why they lack motivation?

Because they are not having fun.

When fun is gone, burn out begins.

When fun fleas, motivation goes with it.

Restore the joy, and burn out melts away.

Bring back the fun, and motivation returns.

Why don't I burn out?

Because I do the thing that is fun for me to do.

Right now that's Witcher 3.

I didn't start out playing Witcher 3. I started out with Sonic the Hedgehog 2 and a camera sitting on the table behind me pointed at the TV screen...yeah, I didn't even have screen capture or capture card... because in 2004, screen capture and capture cards had not yet been invented.

I never stuck with one game. Changed games almost daily. Just playing whatever game I felt like playing.

My family was murdered in April & May 2015. The court case went on for almost 2 years. I started playing Witcher 3 in March 2016, as a way to de-stress after long days in court.

The trial finally ended October 2016 and, the fact that my family was dead and I'd never see them again, finally hit me, and I for some reason, because I played Witcher 3, every day after coming home from court, for some reason I couldn't stop playing it after the court trail ended. And I've just played it ever since.

I think the characters in Witcher 3, took the place of my family. 

I had a very large family. 12 children were kidnapped April 10, 2015... 10 of them were murdered May 15, 2015.

The court case dragged on for 2 years.

After court every day, I came home to an empty house.

Witcher 3, was a new game, it had just been released, so it was the game I just happened to pick up and start playing. For no other reason than it was there. Had this all happened a different time, different year, it wouldn't have been Witcher 3, it would have been some other game.

I also think, Witcher 3, is not necessarily anything to do with it... I think I would have done the same thing no matter which game I had played. Whatever game I had played during the court case, I think would have gotten stuck on eternal play, for no other reason that it was the last thing I was doing when my family died.

The Avallac'h obsession, was not a thing early on.

In 2017, I found a very item in the game. Avallac'h's diary, which reveals his horrible childhood, and the murder of his entire family when he was 10 years old... his parents, his siblings, his pets... before than I had no interest in reading the novels. I bought the novels the very next day... I wanted to find out more about Avallac'h... and I did. Oh boy did I. He lost his family again, years later, when his wife left him for another man, and than, lost his family a 3rd time, when she returned, only to be murdered that same day.

I had started playing Witcher 3 to block out the dead silence of a dead family... murdered... there are so few people who survive when their entire family is murdered that there is no one for me to talk to who can even begin to understand what it is like to to survive what happened to me and my family... so I just zoned out to playing video games, and while doing so, found a character, I could identify with, because he'd lost his family as well, also to murder.

You really do need to know the full story behind not only WHY I stream, but WHY I stream Witcher 3 and WHY I made mods to allow me to play as Avallac'h.... to fully understand WHY I don't burn out or lose motivation.

You see... if I stop playing the game... there is nothing for me to do but sit in an empty house and think about every one who died and left me behind, alone.

It's soul crushing.

My drive to stream, my motivation, is very simply, from a need to fill in the silence that fills every corner after my family was murdered.

I don't stream for views.

I don't stream for followers.

I don't stream for money.

I stream to block out the silence that surrounds me.

I stream to block out the memories of laughter that is no longer there.

Stream for fun, because streaming is what you enjoy doing, and always remember that: No one on Twitch owes you anything.

Your viewers owe you nothing. 

Just because you stream, does not give you the right to demand your viewers be there every day, watch you every minute, or follow/subscribe/donate just because you asked them to.

Viewers are people. They have lives. Learn to respect that.

Same goes for viewers.

Streamers don't owe you a thing. 

Your views and your money does not give you the right to demand how often someone streams or what content they stream.

Streamers are people. They have lives. Learn to respect that.

Lack of respect... that’s the biggest problem on Twitch. No one has any respect for any one else. Like I said, a culture of entitlement. 

I suppose that must be what comes from living in 1st world conditions. I wouldn’t know. I live in a 3rd world region. Perhaps that is why I find Twitch culture so bizarre. Things like bitchy demands to join your Discord server, when I live in a region that doesn’t even have access to phones, so I can’t join your precious phone app club house.

I didn’t post your entire question, but I’ll answer even the parts I did not post.

You say you’ve been streaming for almost a month and you find yourself lacking motivation.

Have you ever considered, perhaps the problem is, you have too much and are too used to being pampered?

Here’ some things to try:

* Go outside and dig a trench for this months feces bucket dumping... oh wait, you don’t have to do that do you? You have indoor plumbing and toilets, don’t you? Lucky you. That’s a luxury where I live. Most people in Maine would kill for the option to take a shit on a warm seat inside a building.

* Maybe you should hike a few miles to the nearest brook, creek, or stream, and haul several gallons of water for drinking this week. It’s not clear, straining out all the mud, bugs, and tapeworms is rather difficult, it takes hours to get the firepit hot enough or the fire big enough to boil the tapeworms dead without boiling out the water... just let them settle to the bottom and drink around them... oh that’s right, you have indoor plumbing, and clean water to drink, and you don’t cook outside over an open fire. You have luxuries like a sink and bottled water. Lucky you.

It’s no wonder you are bored and lacking in motivation. You sit in the lap of luxury. You sleep indoors. You have clean water to drink. I bet you get to eat a meal at least once a day and don’t have to make a single sandwich last an entire weeks of meals.

I guarantee if you lived here in Maine, and you were blessed with an extremely rare luxury of having the internet, and a video game set up... you wouldn’t bitching about boredom and needing motivation.

You want my kind of motivation? Well, the first step to that, is living in a 3rd world region in what most call “utter destitution” and “homelessness”. 

I don’t get bored with streaming or lack motivation, because of the life I live.

I doubt you could even begin to comprehend the lifestyle I live, any more than I could even begin to understand you lazing around in the lap of luxury.

You want my type of motivation... I’d tell you to walk a mile in my shoes, if I had any for you to walk in. 

There’s one to try:

* Try shovelling snow, in -40f weather, BAREFOOT.

Can you do that? I’ve been doing it for 50+ years.

You don’t need motivation, you need a reality check.

You need to get off your fucking high horse and take a good long look at the world around you. You with your 1st world pampered boredom and slothful lack of motivation, you are in the top 3% of the world’s population. The rest of the world, lives like I do or worse, and can only dream of your petty 1st world problems, like being bored or lacking motivation.

Starvation, now there’s a good motivation.

When you have to get off your ass and hoe the ground, plant the seeds, pull the weeds, harvest the crops, stock the fire, and cook your own meals... you don’t have time to be bored and the chance to stream is a reward.

Frostbite, is another good motivation.

When you have to set traps, skin corpses, tan hides, and sew your own fur counts and blankets, and pray you have enough layers of fur to wear and sleep on, to keep out the 12 foot blizzards, the -120F wind, and the -40f weather, in a region that gets only 3 hours of sunlight a day... the time you get to spend streaming, is such a good reward, you won’t need any other motivation.

This is how I live.

I grow my own food. Hunt my own cloths. And while the rest of America bemoans a winter of oh look 2 inches of snow and 30F weather, for one week of the year... that’s the weather we get in an August heat wave. We have snow year round here... and Mt Washington, is right next door, with the coldest weather on the entire planet. We are lucky if the weather gets as HIGH as 40F in the summer.

And, no, I’m not complaining. I like where I live. I like this lifestyle. I live here by choose. I don’t like 1st world living conditions any more than I like 1st world society. You people are slaves to your possessions, and when disaster strikes, you won’t survive because you don’t know how to live off the land. You spend you life separated from nature. I live at one with the planet. But the fact remains, you boo-hooed to me, asking WHY I don’t get bored, how can I possibly remain motivated for 17 years of streaming and “getting no where” as you put it. 

I live a harsh life, in a harsh region, in an even harsher society. For me, streaming is a reward. Streaming is precious. I don’t take it for granted like you do. It’s not a “ho hum, I’m bored, I’ll stream” for me. 

I don’t stream to gain views or followers or subscribers or friends or build a community or have a career... I stream after a long hard day of work. I stream to relax. I stream, simply because, I’m done with my chores and have free time for a hobby. Streaming is my hobby. The thing I do, for fun, after work.

You get bored and lose motivation, because you have nothing to fill your time. You don’t appreciate life. You have all your needs met in the blink of an eye. It is because you do no hard work, that you find yourself bored when doing things like streaming or playing games.

Video games are toys.

Toys are rewards.

Rewards are things you receive at the end of the day/week/month/year after you’ve finished your work.

You try to take a reward, and turn it into a career, and that it why streaming is not rewarding for you.

When streaming and playing video games is a rare treat, a reward for work well done, you’ll find you don’t get bored, you don’t lose motivation.

And that is the difference between you and me.

For me: 

* Video games are toys.

* Toys are rewards.

* Rewards are things you receive at the end of the day/week/month/year after you’ve finished your work.

* Streaming and playing video games is a rare treat, a reward for work well done, so I don’t get bored, and I don’t lose motivation.

THAT is why I can stream for 17 years to almost no one and not lose motivation.

This is why 403 followers in 8 years, doesn't bother me.

It's why often streaming to 0 viewers and almost never reaching 10 viewers, doesn't bother me.

It's why streaming for 60 hours a week for 17 years to rarely more than 3 people and never once receiving a single penny for it, doesn't bother me or cause me to lose motivation.

Viewers do not motivate me.

Followers do not motivate me.

The opinion of others, does not motivate me, that is why I can shut off chat and stream without it, and why I can ban 2,000 viewers without batting an eye.

I don’t rely on OTHERS for my happiness.

Happiness and joy are found from within.

If you look for others to make you happy, you will never be happy.

If you rely on others to provide you with joy, you will never feel true joy at all.

I live in 3rd world living conditions, and yet I am always filled with joy... and you in your 1st world luxuries, you can’t find any joy at all.

My family was murdered, and yet I always laugh and smile... and you with your family beside you living in your 1st world luxuries, you can’t find any reason to laugh or smile.

My grandmother died when I was 8 years old, she left me everything, disinherited everyone else... so my 12 enraged uncles, locked me in a cage... a rusted raccoon trap... shoved it in a woodshed... tossed a single salted herring to me to food, once every 12 days... and there I remained until I was 31 years old and an FBI raid rescued me. 

My uncles used me as an income... they charged Mormon high priests $12,000 to rape me. 

I had been raped more then 500 times by the time I was 12 years old.

I became “mute” at age 14, after a cinder block was used to shatter my jaw.... I was 42 years old when I was able to speak again for the first time in decades, thanks to surgery to restore my jaw, and implant 7 false teeth.

I never went to school.

I was 37 years old when I learned how to eat with silverware and walk on my feet not crawl on all 4s, and talk with human words... now speak in cat growls and hisses.

When they rescued me, the social workers, called me a feral child. I’m in 100s of college Psychology test books, thousands of psychiatrists have studied me. They still do to this day. They say they are astounded that I’ve assimilated into society as well as I have.

I suffer from a freak medical condition - I show no outward sign of pain - slice a knife through my arm to the bone and out the other side and I don't flinch, don't cry, don't make a sound. The hallmark of REAL Autism, ACTUAL Autism - how you can prove someone who is REALLY Autistic from the self-diagnosed Aspie who wouldn't know recognize Autism if they saw it.

In spite of 1 in every 3 people CLAIMING to be Autistic, only 1 in every 1,200,000 people ACTUAL has REAL Autism. It's one of the rarest diseases in the world... and you can easily prove REAL Autism from fake ass wannabes with their self diagnoses, by slice their flesh open or breaking their bones, and watching to see if they respond, if they scream.

My uncles, especial that bastard Bruce, thought it was funny, changed people money to watch him stab me and beat me with bricks. He claimed I felt nothing. Not true. I felt everything, I just show no outward signs of pain, but I still feel pain.

Men who stab children with knifes and beat them with bricks, to stand back and laugh, they nothing but cruel heartless monsters.

Since I was a baby I was nothing but a freak show to be put on display.

The FBI rescued me, but the fucking news reporters glorified it. Sensationalized it and than fucking Stephen King saw the news reports and immortalized me far worse than fucking paparazzi did.

I went from being a caged display piece in a Gypsy Carnival Freak Show to being front page news to being plastered all over a Stephen King movie without my permission. 

Since the FBI raid that rescued me, my life has been nothing but being studied by psychiatrists because I'm medical freak, chased down by Stephen King fans because he fucking put me in a movie, harassed by racist white power Gypsy haters again because of Stephen King's fucking Thinner, always having to dodge reporters every time I try to go shopping, and stalked every where I go by my fucking uncles and their clan because they live by fucking Mafia-style laws that say you don't leave family unless you die.

Always on public display.

Never a minute's privacy.

My entire life.

Not a moment's peace.

Not once in 50 years.

Always under every one's spot light like a bug under a fucking microscope.

No one has ever respected my privacy. NO ONE!

I’ve never been loved.

I’ve never been wanted.

I’ve never been hugged.

Not once has a kind word ever been said to me.

Perhaps that contributes to my outlook on life... and why I am so fully aware that video games and streaming are luxuries to be thankful for, not things to take for granted and be bored with.

In the end, nothing I do or say, and nothing any one else does or says, can help you.

I can't help you gain motivation. No one can.

You have to seek motivation from within yourself.

Motivation, like joy and happiness, anger and hate, love and sadness, is a choose you actively make.

No one can give you any of those things.

No one can cause any of those things.

You feel those things by your own choice.

You can only be bored if you CHOOSE to be bored.

You can only be happy if you CHOOSE to be happy.

You can only feel joy if you CHOOSE to feel joy.

You will only motivation if you CHOOSE to be motivated.

I can not help you feel any of those things. No one can.

You CHOOSE your feelings, your reactions, your motivations, all by yourself.

You have to help yourself.

Stop being lazy.

Stop relying on others to feel for you.

You'll forever feel a lack of motivation, for EVERYTHING, if you forever wait for someone else to motivate you.

You'll be bored with EVERYTHING, if you constantly wait for others to inspire you.

If you can not inspire yourself, you'll forever live a life lacking in inspiration. You'll forever be bored. You'll forever sloth your way through endless lack of motivation in all that you do.

My childhood was full of motivation:

* motivation to survive

* motivation to stay alive

* motivation to castrate as many men as possible - I was 8 years old when I learned the best protection from rapists is to slice off their balls with a machete – what were YOU doing when you were 8 years old?

* motivation to claw and bite everyone who beat me with bricks, stabbed me with forks - I was also 8 years old when I learned how to bite hard enough to draw blood and rip off abuser fingers with my teeth

I know motivation better than most.

You want my kind of dedication to motivation... learn to survive the levels of abuse I was subjected to... nothing will teach you motivation, dedication, and discipline faster than fighting for your life every single day your entire childhood.

You don't have time to be bored when you are 8 years old being vivisected by your older cousin on orders from your uncles, and Draino poured into the wounds.

Nothing motivates you like being 8 years old and gang raped by Mormon high priests armed with knives and hammers, slicing your flesh and breaking your bones, for sexual pleasure.

You want my kind of dedicated motivation? I guarantee you don't.

I wasn't the only child they caged and abused. July 19, 2016, the FBI dug up the sawed up bones of 31 other children, in GooseFare Brooke Ravine, in the Reclaim Blueberry Plains, in the Ross Forest, of Old Orchard Beach, Maine, my cousins, most of them dumped there in the 1970s, children who unlike me didn't have the fortitude to fight back, didn't have the will to survive.... were not motivated to spite their abusers and live.

I could have been like the others, too bored, too lacking in motivation to fight back and stay alive.... but my desire to live, motivated me and now I'm free. 

Caged for 27 years, from the time I was 8 years old until I was 31.

I didn't have the luxury of school or friends like you did.

I lived my entire childhood, teen years, and young adult years in a cage... and THAT is why I have the motivation I have in everything I do.

I'm a survivor.

I was motivated to live.

So you can also see, why you see you as pampered and silly, for boo-hooing, your lack of being motivated to play with toys.

Be glad you are blessed to be a child who has toys, has school, has parents who feed you, and are more than just the cash cow of adults who sell you to rapist priests.

Your lack of motivation to play video games, speaks volumes to the pampered lap of luxury you live in.

You want for nothing.

Everything is handed to you on a silver platter.

You don't know hardship.

You don't know starvation.

You don't know abuse.

You don't know rape.

You don't know what it is to fight for your life.

You don't know what it is to lay on a rusted wire cage floor, your arms and legs sliced to the bone, your bones broken, drinking your own blood because it's the only liquid you have to drink... and sleep that way every day, for 27 years, from the time you are 8 years old.

Until you know that kind of torture, that kind of abuse, you'll never know my kind of motivation.

Until you actively help yourself, you’ll continue on in your boredom and lack of motivation.

If you are so bored and so lacking in motivation that you feel the need to ask others how to not be bored and how to be motivated, than I would think that is red flag trying to tell you that streaming just isn’t something you enjoy doing.

Nothing wrong with that. Streaming is not for everyone. There is no reason to force yourself to do a thing you do not enjoy. Find another hobby, one that you DO enjoy. One that doesn't bore you. One that you are naturally motivated to do.

FAQs: How can you like Avallac'h when he....

#TIP: Before asking me a question about Avallac’h:

* Make sure that you ACTUALLY mean AVALLAC’H and not Vilgefortz, Leo, King Auberon, or some other character.

* Make sure your source has ACTUALLY read the Witcher novels.

* Make sure you are ACTUALLY ASKING A QUESTION and are not just spewing mindless hate because a troll worked you up into a frenzy, telling you lies about me and/or Avallac’h then sent you here. 

* Make sure your source for the info is not a troll jebating you into anger.

* Make sure the source of your information is not a 4Chan/QAnon jackass with “Chan” in their username, as 99.99% of everything they have to say about EVERYONE real and fictional is out right lies intended to troll you and laugh at you for making a fool of yourself getting angry over something that never happened at all.

#Know that 99.9% of the stuff you people are accusing Avallac’h of doing, is stuff that was done by other characters. 

#Nearly 99.9% of everything you people attribute to Avallac’h was something done by:

* Vilgefortz

* Leo Bonhart

* King Auberon

* ...and was NOT done by Avallac’h.

#Brain – it’s the thing that keeps you alive. It does other things too. Learn how to use it.

It’s not that difficult to tell Avallac’h from Leo, Avallac’h from Vilgefortz, Avallac’h from King Auberon ... it’s really not. Go back and re-read the Witcher novels again. Focus your eyes on the words instead of speed skimming over the page. Actually pay attention this time. You’ll soon learn the error of your mistakes, and will quickly find, that in all your bitching about Avallac’h, all you’ve done is prove yourself an idiot with poor reading comprehension skills.

* Avallac’h is NOT Leo.

* Leo put Ciri in pits of monsters and charged people money to watch her be tortured.

* Avallac’h DID NOT put Ciri is pits of monsters or charge people money to watch her be tortured.

* Avallac’h is NOT Vilgefortz.

* Vilgefortz is the sadistic mage with a baby breeding program, who keeps little girls, including Ciri in cages in the dungeons of his castle, and sadisticly tortures them with torture devices.

* Avallac’h is NOT a mage, he is a scientist.

* Avallac’h does NOT have a baby breeding program.

* Avallac’h does NOT keep little girls cages.

* Avallac’h does NOT have any dungeons, because he’s does NOT have a castle.

* Avallac’h does NOT own any torture devices.

* Avallac’h is NOT King Auberon.

* King Auberon physically, sexually, and emotionally abused Ciri. King Auberon sexually molested Ciri, every night for weeks. King Auberon, demanded sex from Ciri, then beat the hell out of her if she tried to have sex with him.

* Avallac’h did NOT physically, sexually, and emotionally abuse Ciri. He was however, often in the room when King Auberon abused Ciri and didn’t do a damned thing to stop the King from molesting or beating Ciri....

* ...HOWEVER... we are told, that Avallac’h is the King’s prisoner, has a powerful pendant around his neck that is forcing him to be powerless against his masters *(King Auberon and The Unicorns)*... and that Avallac’h in his true form is a 130ft (40m) serpent forced into Elf form against his will by that same amulet... and that this is WHY he can’t do anything to stop King Auberon from abusing Ciri, nor disobey any order from King Auberon... and Avallac’h is incapable of removing the necklace, which can only be removed by a woman who loves him...

* ...AND... we are also told Avallac’h is plotting to kill King Auberon and has made poisoned fistech to kill the King with because he does not like what King Auberon is doing to Ciri

It is dreadfully annoying to be constantly sent the same few questions over and over and over and over... and they are never questions about DID Avallac’h do the things he’s accused of, they are always instead accusations thrown at me for liking Avallac’h even though he did this or that, but than, the things he is accused of doing are never things he did and are always things some other character did.

The confusion is caused by readers who have ZERO reading comprehension ability, getting confused about what they read, mixing characters up, than running to the internet and CLAIMING character A did things character B did.

The Witcher novels are written in what is known as “The Ernest Hemingway Style/Format”, which is considered to be the worst, most atrocious, least reader friendly style of writing. Every English/Grammar teacher/professor is going to tell you to avoid this writing style like the plague, because nothing is going to confuse your readers faster.

The Ernest Hemingway Style/Format is incredibly rare, seen almost exclusively in use by  The Ernest Hemingway himself (thus the name of it) and is considered to be a pretentious/snooty, style of writing that is only recommended for writing things such as PhD Doctorates, drafts from Bills/Laws/Congress, Law Dockets for court cases, and other legal papers, as only high IQ people are even capable of being able to comprehend how to read The Ernest Hemingway Style/Format and actually understand what it is that they have read.

The Ernest Hemingway Style/Format should NEVER be used in a novel, and one has only to read a novel written by Ernest Hemingway to see why.

* The average person reads on a 3rd grade level.

* Because of this, the average novel is written using 3rd  grade grammar.

* The average college textbook is written using 8th grade grammar and is comprehensible to only 9% of the population.

* The Ernest Hemingway Style/Format is 4th year Doctorate student level and is nearly incomprehensible to EVERYONE with an IQ of anything lower than 135.

* Only .00003% of the world’s population scores at 135IQ or higher.

* Meaning only .00003% of the world’s population is going to be able to read the Witcher novels and come anything close to being able to mental understand what they have read.

It was poor choice on Andrzej Sapkowski’s part to use The Ernest Hemingway Style/Format when writing The Witcher novels, but he is one of the world’s rare few actually high IQ people and he wrote on the same reading level he is capable of reading, and made no attempt to cater to the reading level of the general public, so, it is understandable why so many people get so many characters so very mixed up with one another.

The average person simply is not capable of fully wrapping their mind around the legalize format used by lawyers when writing bills, laws, IRS tax forms, and court dockets, so when that same format shows up in a novel, it’s simply beyond reason to expect the average reader to be able to comprehend what they are reading while reading said novel.

Poor choice that it may be, the fact remains, The Witcher novels are written in The Ernest Hemingway Style/Format and suffer from the following flaws rarely seen in novels:

* big wor