EelKat Wendy C Allen - Dark Fantasy Author

How I Became Obsessed With Avallac'h 

Image from my very 1st blind playthrough of the game, and the first time I ever saw Avallac'h.

Wow, that was so many years ago and so much has changed since then! 

If you ever wondered how I got so obsessed with Avallac'h, this picture is what started it.

I'm the author of a series that spans 130 novels, celebrates it's 42 anniversary this year, and feature an Elf Wizard main character. I have a 4 decade long love affair with Elven Wizards no matter where I find them.

And people wonder what the hell? Why did you get so crazy obsessed over Avallac'h?

* I love Elves.

* I love wizards.

* I hate torture.

* I have an actual medical diagnosis of having a Florence Nightingale Personality Disorder

*  I have an actual medical diagnosis of having Kanner's Syndrome

*  I have an actual medical diagnosis of having Severe Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.

* I'm the founder of The Procter & Gamble Boycott, meaning vivisection is a pet peeve of mine that I fought 27 years of my life to eradicate

* I really hate torture in all forms but vivisection is the worst of all because it's how P&G killed my 2 dogs.

All images on this page are from:
The Witcher 3: 
Wild Hunt 
|Game of the Year Edition| 
Completionist Run: 
The Avallac'h Playthrough
(Watch It Live HERE)

And the game decided to drop a dying, vivisected, comatose Elf wizard, strapped to a torture table in my path.

I really, really, really HATE vivisection, and well, you can see the end result of the game giving me a vivisected Elf wizard.

Florence Nightingale Personality Disorder: someone suffering from an innate mental and emotional need to rescue victims and heal the sick; prone to developing a strong emotional, romantic, or erotic connection toward the patient being cared for

Vivisection torture: slicing open someone's veins without anesthetics for the purpose of injecting toxins into their bloodstream.


The Draize Eye Test: pouring Draino, Tide, Windex, Mr. Clean, Duracell battery fluid, and other toxic household items into the eyes of cats and dogs then counting the seconds/minutes it takes for the cleaning product to burn their eyes out of their head; on beloved family pets, lost cats and dogs, bought by Procter and Gamble from your local animal shelters. 

In the 1970s and 1980s P&G had no less than 3 animal test labs in each of all 50 states and advertised the Draize Eye Test as a way to put unwanted shelter animals to good medical use.  

I found out about it when 2 of my dogs got lost, and we traced them to an animal shelter, but it took a week for us to raise the money to buy them back and by that time P&G had already bought and killed them. 

I spent 27 years spreading the word of this and April 2013 P&G shut down all of their animal test labs and today are a animal-friendly company.

In a time long before the internet or social networking existed, I gathered together the support and backing of some of the world's largest corporations, politicians, including American presidents, and demanded an all out full stop on the sales of every product made by P&G, until they shut down their animal test labs. 

I hand wrote and mailed out 21,000 letters that first year. Then took secretarial typing, trained to reach a typing speed of 175 words per minute and increased my output by typing those letters.

No, not a class. I never went to school. I was caged since I was 8. My grandmother gave me a textbook on secretarial typing and typewriter, so I could increase my output of letters that she mailed... though I never knew where she mailed them.

Over the course of 27 years I typed up millions of letters, and gained a following of 300 million (three hundred million) people to type up letters with me. Though I did not know it at the time. I was alone. No access to news, TV, none of those things. Grammy Eva mailed the letters. She was the source of the addresses of politicians and businesses... not me. I only wrote the letters. Only this and nothing more.

I was 31 years old before I had the world outside of the clan. So I had no idea, for all those years, just how big of an impact all my hundreds of thousands of letters had, had on the world, on society. 

Unlike the Social Justice warriors of today, whose only real goal is 15 minutes of fame and their face on TV.... I had only one motive: for someone to please, please, please let me out this cage.

They called me "The Voice of the Voiceless" and said I spoke through the eyes of the animals. They didn't know how wrong they were.

When I found out that hundreds of millions of people read my P&G letters over the course of those 27 years I spent locked in a cage... it was heart breaking for me to see, what they THOUGHT those letters were, verse what those letters ACTUALLY were.

They thought the letters were fictional. They thought I was pretending to be a rat, locked in a cage, in an animal test lab, begging to be let out.

Nothing could have been further from the truth. And it horrified people when they found the truth.... that those letters, was not someone pretending to be an animal in a cage.... rather, those letters were written by a real, live, little girl, locked in a cage, only let on Sunday to go to church with the clan, then back in the cage, to wait for the endless line of men, who paid uncles money to rape children.

So many millions of people read my P&G letters, and mistakenly thought I was demanding animals be released from cages, when in fact, I was begging for someone to release me from a cage.

It speaks volumes.... how far, so many millions of people twisted my words, and used my words.... animal test labs were shut down in the name of EelKat Voice of the Voiceless, but not one of them, ever thought to locate the child behind the letters and find out, why she wrote so many millions of letters all begging for one thing: Please help me! Please let me out of this cage.

I wrote those letters for 27 years and no one ever helped me.

The FBI raid wasn't there for the children. They didn't even know we existed They found us while they were there. The FBI raid was for Heaven's Gate. The religious group my uncles belonged to. 39 people died in California, so many miles away from Maine. But the FBI raides every one of the Heaven's Gate Compounds trying to find out who know about the 39 murders in California... and that's how they found us children, now adults.... and world found out how wrong they were, in thinking the P&G letters was someone writing, the letters as though they were written by animals in cages. The discovery that the author of the P&G letters WAS in fact locked in a cage.... was the shock wave, that brought down the P&G Boycott and made people step back and look at how far, they had mistranslated my letters.

A child, locked in a cage, tortured, starved, and vivisected, was writing letters BEGGING FOR HELP... letters always signs "EelKat"... and the world, was so in furry, to rescue animals, they hundreds of millions of people were able to read those letters, and incorrectly assume, they were written by an adult, pretending to be an animal locked in a cage.

And those tens of millions of people, were so driven to rescue animals, that the child writing those letters, never received help and was never let out of the cage, until 27 years later, when her uncles who kept her prisoner, finally got involved with something big enough to bring in the FBI: Heaven's Gate and the murder of 39 people.

And so while, I eventually gained my freedom.... it wasn't because someone ever gave enough of a shit about me to want to help me. It was because, I happened to be found, while the FBI was looking for something else.

So no one ever did try to help me. Whhy? Because they were too busy with their own agendas.

To busy rescuing animals to rescue a child.

I inaccurately get branded as an animal rights activist because of those letters I wrote.


Because people could see past their own thoughts to think that I might not have been what they thought I was.

#YOU<<<thinking about animals in cages when I was asking to be let out of a cage DOES NOT mean I was asking you to rescue animals from cages!





There is no slang, no hidden meanings, no memes, no jokes, no riddles, no pretending .... I have Kanner's Syndrome ACTUAL AUTISM.... not Aspergers. Look it up.

People had it in their heads already that they wanted to rescue animals... they just used my letters as an excuse to take action.







My most radical followers went to extremes blocking delivery trucks from entering store parking lots, taking ice picks to any product on store shelves with P&G on the label, slapping stickers with pictures of cats and dogs still alive with their eyes burned out on the bottles of Draino, and throwing buckets of blood on customers coming out of stores with P&G products in their shopping carts. 

I found out about those things happening years later as I was 31 years old before I ever went outside. Going outside wasn't allowed and my hatred for the animals in cages was more my own cry to be let out of cage then anything else. I only wrote the letters. My grandmother snuck paper in for me to write and mailed the letters. The uncles didn't know. They would have beaten her and moved me to a smaller cage if they had. It shocked people after the FBI raid, when they found out, the girl who wrote the P&G letters, did so while locked in a cage, smaller and less sanitary than the cages the lab animals were in.

I hate cages. I hate them alot. It comes from 27 years locked in one.

I hate vivisection torture... a HUGE LOT... and I've got the scars on my arms and legs, to show you why.

People mistake me for an animal rights activist because of all the P&G letters. They are wrong. I wasn't screaming to let those animals out in those letters.... I I was screaming to be let myself.... and the FBI raid, the P&G letters to a back burner to shutting down every other child prostitution ring my uncles ran, and letting all the girls out of their cages. THAT was my main focus of the P&G letters. But few remember that... they mostly remember that a 12 year old girl went head to head with the largest monopoly in America, and won... and did it all while locked in a cage, sleeping in feces, going 12 days between being thrown food.... my letters went down in history, people calling me "The Voice of the Voiceless" because they said I wrote those letters as though I was one of those animals being tortured in a cage.... and after the FBI raid, they found out how damned true that was.

And still fight the bastards of the world to this day, because children don't belong in cages any more then animals do. Human trafficking takes center stage in my fight for justice today, but the P&G Boycott is the fuel that started that fire in me.

Branded as radical EcoTerrorists, The P&G Boycott was the first animal rights boycott of its kind, people rising up in mass hoards, and reached alarming levels when millions of followers rose up in every country on the planet, targeting not only P&G but EVERY company with any level of animal cruelty.  And they thought they were doing it, because they thought, letting animals out of cages, was what EelKat, Voice of the Voiceless wanted.... when all she wanted was to be let out of a cage herself.

The offline social networking of the 1970s made today's online social networking of the internet, look merger at best.

The P&G Boycott spread like a plague across the planet throughout the 1970s and 1980s.

The P&G Boycott shut down the animal test labs of P&G, Estee Lauder, and Avon, while getting the words "not tested on animals" on products in the stores, and spawning it's even more radical spin off organization PETA.

The P&G Boycott was both the first and the largest Social Justice Warrior movement in history and is why we have SJWs today.

I was dubbed by my tens of millions of followers as "The Voice of The Voiceless" and since the FBI raid that finally let me out of my cage... I went on to found dozens of other boycotts, including to get the law passed that allowed LGBTQA+ citizens in America the right to own businesses.

Today we (now elderly, but still going) P&G Boycotters are currently fighting for the rights of transgender citizens and that is why I own The Transgender Awareness Tour Bus, that is what you see me going to conventions in.

And it all started with the vivisection murder of 2 dogs. An Irish Setter named Sarge and a Springer Spaniel named Bridget. The first letter I wrote.... That one went to Proctor & Gamble. It was the only one that went to them. And all it said:

*Why did you kill my dogs? They were the only friends I had. I had no one else to talk to from my cage.*

They sent me back a $10 package of coupons. A lot of good that did me.

I devoted 27 years of my life to eradicating vivisection torture from the planet... mostly because I just wanted it to stop being done to me.

Nothing is going to light a fire under my ass faster than vivisecting someone.

So... seeing Avallac'h vivisected in the Trial of Grasses, REALLY hit a nerve with me, big time, resulting in, the Avallac'h obsession you see today.

Do you have any idea how much vivisection hurts?

I do.

I lived through it for years.

I hate torture.

You can't even begin to imagine how very, very, very much I hate torture. I was tortured for decades, by monsterous uncles. And I can't stand to see any one tortured.

I've seen other torture scenes in other games, but not vivisection. They vivisected Avallac'h. Vivisection is something I know far too well.

That why I hate things like BDSM and bondage fetishes and dominatrixes so much.

Those things are people play acting torture.... but I guarantee, if they were ever really tortured, they'd never play act it again. They'd run screaming from it. Horrified.

Torture is not a game. BDSM and bondage fetishes and dominatrixes - those things shouldn't exist, because those things inspire vile perverted men to torture children.

I can't even begin to imagine, how horrible a person you would have to be, to like something BDSM and bondage fetishes and dominatrixes. Why would anyone want to take part in pretend torture? Do they not know, how much real torture hurts? 

The mere mention of torture sends nightmares through my brain, bringing back old memories of the torture I went through at the hands of my uncles.

The Ugly Baby quest. It's a torture scene. And it triggered my Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, really bad.

Had they not been vivisecting him in this scene.... I probably would have finished the game, and moved on to our next scheduled game: American Truck Simulator, followed by Skyrim, and FallOut4.

The vivisection scene is why, when we got to the end, instead of playing the next game as scheduled, we replayed Witcher 3, to go back and pay closer attention to this quest (Ugly Baby)... and at the same time we did that, there was a kidnapping and murder in my family, and for some reason, somehow, my brain focused on healing Avallac'h as a way to cope with the murder trial, lawyers, and court dates that became my daily offline life from May 2015 to October 2016.

June 2016, the 3, still unidentified attackers who broke my spine and hip November 2013, (and who are suspected of also being the kidnappers and murderers) returned and did it again, this time damaging my spinal column and doctors can't operate, they say it's too dangerous. Leaving me bedridden.

When the murder trial ended at a stand still because the murderer is not yet identified.... and family members I normally would have played games with weren't there because their heads had been nailed to my door... I just replayed Witcher 3 a third time instead of doing anything else.

Avallac'h had not yet taken center stage...

...and had I not been beaten, crippled, and bedridden just before reading the novels, he probably wouldn't have.

I read the novels near the end of my 3rd playthrough and, the rape scene on page 179 of Lady of the Lake, the scene that leaves Avallac'h brutally beaten, and crippled the rest of his life... with injuries nearly identical to my own... hit yet another nerve with me.... and this time a much bigger nerve then the vivisecting scene had hit.

There were other things too. The baby was another big one. I know what it is to want a baby. To lose a baby. Several parts of chapter 5 of Lady of the Lake, were hitting way too close to home with real life events of my life, each one of them drawing me to empathize with Avallac'h even more.

The vivisection started it is, the baby kept it going, and page 179 really drove the nail home.

Had he not been vivisected in the game, had his desire for baby not been so strong, and had he not been beaten and crippled in the novels... you probably wouldn't be seeing my Avallac'h Playthrough today, because those  events are what inspired me to make the Avallac'h Mod and play the game the way you see me playing it today.

The problem here is... there's been any one I could identify with. How many people do you know who were locked in a cage for 27 years and continually vivisected? I don't have anyone I can talk to about it, because no one understands what it is like, because no one else ever went through it and lived. Worst Child Abuse Case in American History, that what people called it.  It's a thing so rare, that the only person I can find, who knows what it's like to go through it.... isn't even real. He's a fictional character.... Do you know what that's like?

And then people like ThingyChan come along and think it's fun to take the abuse and torture I went through and make jokes and memes about it. Calling me a BDSM Dominatrix with fetishes.... doing that behind my back, while pretending to be my friend, for the full 2 years she did it.

And what happened because of what she did? She had so many people convinced that I was a deviated sex freak, that a big streamer took to raiding my Twitch channel with the raid message "deserve to be raped".

And if that wasn't bad enough, she had people so convinced that I was the BDSM dominatrix she was lying and telling I was, that 5 men showed up at my house to gang rape me. Wasn't that nice of her?

close up on damages to The Dazzling Razzberry, caused by ThingyChan's "just having fun" and spreading vile sexual rumors about me on the internet and convincing thugs is was okay to break into my house for a BDSM gang rape

more damages to the Dazzling Razzberry, done by the BDSM gang bang rapists ThingyChan sent to my house February 2019

ThingyChan, OutsideLane, Zutrix, and NivanaRavenBum  making 200+ VODs and posting 2,000+ Discord posts calling me a dominatrix, saying I was into bondage, BDSM, and foot fetishes, resulted in some incredibly perverted, immoral, deviated men showing up at my house expecting to have sex with me, expecting to find me willing to throw myself on them, expecting they could do anything they wanted to me. 

Do you know why my family moved February 2019? 

At the time I was staying with my dad on his 3rd floor apartment, in a building that had 28 families in it.

To get in the building you have to go through a front entry hall, go through 2 separate sets of doors, and then find your way through the halls and stairways to find which apartment you are looking for.

Because a group of 5 men showed up at 2AM one night. They broke BOTH the 2 front doors off and threw them out into the street. 

They made their way up the stairs, punched the glass and screens out of every window they passed on their way.

With baseball bats they smashed up all o the posts on the stair railings, broke the railings off the stairs and threw them out a window onto one o the resident's cars below.

The ripped the front door off the apartment next door to mine, went into that apartment and gang raped the 2 young mothers (sisters) who lived there with their 2 and 4 year old babies.

After that they went back outside, smashing the walls on their way down, pulling out electrical wiring and plumbing pipes as they went.

Once outside they proceeded to trash the 3 cars parked in the driveway, one of them being my Dazzling Razzberry. They used their bats to smash out the glass, and smash up the metal.

 They did more then $230,000 in damages to our landlord's building, put 2 women in the hospital, put my 82 year old dad in the hospital with a ruptured kidney,  left 28 families homeless, and totaled 3 cars, including my car which they did $30,000 in damages to.

They told the police officers who arrested them, that they were told they could find a "BDSM Gang Bang Dominatrix" living in this building. They said they found posts on Discord that claimed I had an open invitation for men to do this. At the time, I didn't know they were talking about ThingyChan's Discord.

EVERYBODY in the building had to move because the damages were so bad that the city condemned the building.

Go watch the fucking VOD... I was streaming when they showed up. We got the damned thing recorded on camera.

We had half the police in the state of Maine show up because so many of my viewers were calling the police from all over the damned fucking planet.

#I live Maine, USA. After the arrest, the police department said they had calls coming in from Finland, Germany, and Australia, reporting a massive gang attack happening live on stream!

#Yeah... that damn attack happened while I was streaming Witcher 3 and my viewers all saw it happen.


Discord and Twitch BOTH have ToS policies stating you may not make videos or posts that...

*is threatening, abusive, harassing, defamatory, libelous, deceptive, fraudulent, invasive of another’s privacy, tortious, offensive, profane, pornographic or obscene, or promotes hate or incites violence; or misrepresents the source, identity* 

ThingyChan, OutsideLane, Zutrix, and Niv did a hell of a lot of all of the above in their 200+ Twitch VODs and 2,000+ Discord posts about me, defaming my character, slandering my name, making pornographic and obscene statements about me, misrepresenting me and my identify, causing an invasion of my privacy by inciting hate crimes and violence.

I am deeply distressed by this. 

And why did they do this?

I do not know.

Asking them why they did it, I got no answers other than they were "just having some fun" and "we was just fooling around, can't you take a joke?"

A joke?

Seriously... you call raping 2 young mothers, crippling an 82 year old man, killing a small boy, trashing 3 cars, and doing $230,000 in damages to a medical apartment building leaving 28 families homeless... A FUCKING JOKE!!!!!

What the hell is wrong with you people!

This is harassment on extreme levels of insanity!

Harassment is NOT a joke!

Rape is NOT a joke!

Vandalism is NOT a joke!

You people sure have a sick sense of what a "joke" is!

I'm asexual, a minister, have PTSD from having been been raped before... I'm bedridden and crippled from a gang of 3 strangers attacking me with baseball bats in a WalMart parking lot... the last thing I want is anything to do with sex, BDSM, or bondage. What the fuck is wrong with her spreading those malicious gossiping slanderous rumors and lies about me?

And she fucking sent those bastards to my house!

You're annoyed by my playthrough? Well, I'm annoyed by the daily dozens of emails telling me how pissed off you are.

And for those wondering: 

#How many people have contacted me? How many Ciri fans have reached out to say how pissed off they are?

The number is astounding, and way higher then the total amount of views my channel has (62, 000).

Here on Twitch, since May 13, 2018, I have received hate filled chat comments and whisper messages from 7,000+ different Twitch usernames. Many of those being death threats, included 712 Death Threats being posted in my chat, just in a single month (September 2018)

However, you can find screenshots from the Avallac'h Playthrough on nearly every social media platform out there: FaceBook, Twitter, Tumblr, Pinterest, Reddit, Nexus, Instagram, MySpace, LinkedIn, Blogger, WordPress, LiveJournal, and more.... in total 3.4 million usernames follow me in these places.

And though those social networks, I recieve well over 1,000 hate messages from enraged Ciri fans EVERY MONTH.... in total more than 21,000 enraged Ciri fans have contacted me through the social networks.

My website, where you can find the very NSFW nude screenshots from the sex quests that never streamed on Twitch... each image of nude Ciri with nude Avallac'h gets 50,000 to 70,000 views each month. And to contact me from there, you contact via email.

The images they are referring too, I can not post here on Twitch to show you. But I can tell you I have mods that both Ciri and Avallac'h functioning - FUNCTIONING - genitals. And it's THOSE pictures that result in the biggest, longest, most ernage, most infuriated,most hate filled emails of all.... more than 20,000 of them EVERY MONTH.

#In total, since May 13, 2018 I have received hate messages, hate comments, and hate emails from an astounding more than 300,000 different email addresses.

Ask me again why I had to turn chat off here on Twitch?

One thing The Avallac'h Playthrough has taught me is that the bulk of Ciri's fans (not Witcher fans in general - JUST fans of Ciri herself) are obnoxious, deranged, psychotic, violent, hostile men in their 30s, who can not tell the difference between fantasy and reality, believe Ciri is the ACTUAL REAL WORLD wife, and are very vocal about how much they really, really, really hate Avallac'h a lot *(usually for "touching my wife/waifu" as they put it)* and want to kill me, for posting pictures of Ciri and Avallac'h as a couple.

With the level of hostility these men use in contacting me *(a bedridden, crippled, elderly woman)*, I'd hate to see what would happen if you tossed a few of these men in the same room together.... they would most definitely kill each other, because they clearly can't tolerate any "competition for Ciri's affections" (as they term it.

I think the most frightening part of all, is that these men are so deranged, so mentally unstable, that they are unaware Ciri IS A FICTIONAL CHARACTER. Some of them have gone so far as to talk of things they do with Ciri with take her on dates, and how enranged they are to learn that she's been sneaking off with Avallac'h, behind their backs.

Yeah. A surprisingly large amount of the emails, read like that: these are not normal fans. These are clearly mentally disturbed people who are not taking their meds and desperately need to.

And my guess, quite a few of them are former mental institution patients who are walking free only because the hospital they used to be straight jacketed in got shut from lack of government funding.

But damn.... it's not a few.... more then 300,000 of these enraged, hate filled men who believe Ciri is real and is their wife, have contacted me with their vehement hatred for not only Avallac'h, but also for me, for putting Ciri with Avallac'h in the pictures I post online.

That's a REALLY BIG number.

And the bulk of them include the phrase "I'm so pissed off" alongside "poor Ciri". While more than half of them include various death threats.

I don't get it. Is there some sort of internet meme going around, I don't know about, that says if you are talking about Ciri, you have to start every post, comment, email, etc you write with the phrase: "I'm so pissed off"?

That alongside what Claudia did, sending those men to my house, it's very difficult to even want to go on. Especially with the destruction of my car. It took me 4 years to build that car. I wasn't crippled then. My muscles had not started deteriorating yet. I could stand there for hours painting and gluing marbles. I did. It took me 4 years working 8 hours a day, to glue those 2.5 million marbles to that car.

And all that work gone, destroyed by hate mongers. Why did Claudia send those men to my house?

I don't understand what was going through her mind.

Why would you do something like that?

She told them I was a BDSM Dominatrix looking for a gangbang rape and sent them to my house. She thought it would make for a funny joke. Raping 2 women, the attempted murder of an elderly man, totalling 3 cars, and 28 families becoming homeless because the city condemned the apartment building because of the $230,000 in damages.... that's a hell of a BIG "joke". I'm not laughing am I? I see what Claudia did as funny at all.

A lot of people got hurt. How is that funny?

Three people almost died. Tell me how that is funny?

Twenty-eight families were made homeless. Why do you think that is funny?

Because it's something Ciri would do? Yeah, you're right. It IS something Ciri would do. But Ciri's not real. Ciri is a fictional character. 

And Avallac'h, who you hate so much, he's not real either. 

But those people who got hurt at 27 High Street in Biddeford, Maine.... those people who almost died... those people who lost their cars... those people who lost their home... They were real. They are real. 

Those 2 women that got BDSM gang raped by the men Claudia sent to our house... they were young girls in their 20s, sisters sharing an apartment, both with a baby, one 2 years old the other 4 years old. Military wives. Their husbands overseas.

Those 28 families... one was an elderly couple in their 80s taking care of their quadriplegic son. 

Another was a couple, whose wife was bedridden and on oxygen life support.

Another was a couple with 5 children, struggling to make ends meet... one of their sons has Leukemia... or he did... he's dead now.

And you know what? He might still be alive if his family hadn't been homeless for 2 weeks without access to proper care for him

Think about THAt.... especially you Claudia, because you are the one who told those 5 men they could come to my house and find me a BDSM dominatrix waiting for them. Proud of sex lies about me now? A little boy DIED because of you. You know that makes you? A child murderer by proxy. Can you live with yourself, knowing a little boy died because you spread lies about a crippled elderly woman telling men to go to her house to get BDSM bondage sex?

Have you noticed a trend?

It was a medical building. An apartment just outside of the hospital, that house critically crippled patents and their families.

I'm crippled. I need the help of nurse to take a bath, use the toilet, and to get out of bed and sit up here at the computer to stream. Yeah, it's that bad. That's why I lived there.

Children dying from cancer, housed next door to the hospital so their families could be with them during their long months of chemo. They lived there too.

You made them homeless.

Crippled elderly and crippled children. 

You beat them up, raped them, destroyed their cars, and destroyed the building they lived in.

Real, live, crippled elderly and crippled children, beaten, raped, and made homeless, because you want to fuck Ciri's fictional ass.

Are you proud of what you did?

Your little "joke", your little Avallac'h hating, Ciri glorifying, let's rape every body and smash and trash their house.... Do you know how sick that makes you?

And you sent them to my house, telling them that I was a BDSM dominatrix.

Do you even know WHO THE HELL I AM?

I am an ordained Marija Loa!

It's a type of CATHOLIC NUN!

Marija Loa.... it means married to god.

I am an ordained minister, a priestess, my rank and title being Medsen Fey Marija Loa to Damballah Weddo, in service to Erzulie Freda and Erzulie Dantor.

I was ordained a Medsen Fey in 2003 and I'm one of only 3 nuns in the United States to become Marija Loa, which happened in 2013.

It's a fucking rank in the Catholic Church!

Voodoo is a branch of the Catholic Church. 

To be ordained a minister in the Voodoo religion you are ordained by Catholic priests.

Hungans, Mambos, Medsen Fey, Marija Loa - they are Haitian words meaning Priest, Nun, Father Superior, Mother superior.

You are spreading sex rumors and sex lies about a damned nun!

Think about THAT.

Marija Loa.

A type of NUN!

Do you know what a nun is? 

A nun is a woman who is married to God. Yes, as in there is an actual wedding, with wedding dress and marriage vows. She remains celibate. Sex is not a part of her life. No men are allowed to touch her. 

Are you starting to see, how damn EVIL you are Claudia for spreading lies that someone like me was a BDSM dominatrix!

You sent gang bang rapists to the home of a Catholic Nun telling them that she was a BDSM Dominatrix!

Do you know ow many levels of HELL there are for you Claudia!

The absence of the car vlogs is worse than you know. I can't walk anymore, but I could drive. My car was my only ability to get outside, my only contact with people at all outside of Twitch. And with chat having to be shut off due to the hate... I have no one to talk to at all now.

The enraged Ciri fans are not just attacking online. A group of them showed up at my house. They nearly killed 2 of my neighbours, my 82 year old dad, they totaled 3 cars including mine, and left 28 families homeless after doing $230,000 in damages to the apartment building we was living in then. 


Because you are so delusional, that you believe Ciri is you REAL, ACTUAL wife, cheating on you with Avallac'h, because I have pictures of them together on my FaceBook?

What is wrong with you people?

Ciri is NOT your wife. And not she's not cheating on you with Avallac'h. And do you know why?

Because Ciri and Avallac'h are NOT real.

It's just a game and these are fictional characters. Don't you know that?

Why are you people doing this?

I've never done anything to hurt any of you.

What is wrong with you?

You all ought to be ashamed of yourselves.

Not just the 5 of you who showed up at my house, not just the 712 who were chanting "deserve to be raped in my Twitch chat", but every single damned one of you. All 300,000+ of you who have sent me emails telling me how pissed off you are, and poor Ciri this and poor Ciri that, all your death threats, and all you stupid jackassery.

Every damned one of you ought to be ashamed of yourselves.

Have you really got nothing better to do with your lives then send hate mail to a crippled, bedridden elderly woman?

Would you do to your grandmother what you do to me?

You call me obsessed with Avallac'h? Yes, that is true.... but what are you? You are far more obsessed with Ciri, than I am with Avallac'h, and while all I'm doing is playing a video game to alleviate the boredom of being bedridden and crippled, you are actually hurting people. Think about that.

Am I'm not the only one you sickos are doing this too. I'm just the only one speaking out against it.

I didn't used to be the only Witcher exclusive channel on Twitch. I didn't used to have the only heavily modded Witcher playthrough on Twitch. There were dozens of others, just a year ago. And you did the same damned thing to every one of them.

The guy who was playing the game as Radovid, the one who taught me how to build The Avallac'h mod.... the hate you sent him for doing a similar playthrough, playing as Radovid, with Lodge as travel companions, putting Phillipa as the sex quest girls... you fucking chased him off Twitch. That playthrough was amazing. Yeah, Radovid is a jackass and I can't stand hm, but hell that playthrough was awesome!

The girl playing the game as Yennefer and turning Triss into the sex girls, doing a full lesbian romance run of Yen and Triss saying fuck off to Geralt and travel the countryside together... you hate mongered her off Twitch!

Heck, the woman who was doing the Ciri run, playing the game as Ciri, using the fucking Shjall mod - the mod that turns every killable character into Avallac'h... the streamer who posts on Tumblr all those pictures of Ciri murdering Avallac'h... you even harassed her off Twitch! You ought to like her, she had Ciri killing Avallac'h every damned day! It was hysterical. I loved her streams. she found so many ways to kill Avallac'h, it was damed awesome, and now it's gone.

All the guys who were playing the game with WEE and Ghost Mode.... you hate mongered them away too.

The Legolas guy.... playing the game as Legolas; the guy playing the game as Batman, the guy playing the game as FF Cloud, the guy with Henry Cavill Geralt mods,... you chased all of them out too!

What the hell is wrong with you people?

You ain't fans of the Witcher series.

You ain't Ciri fans.

You're just a bunch of hate mongering trolls looking to destroy the Witcher modding community.

The Witcher 3 section of Nexus had 7,000+ mods in December 2018.... it has barely 2,000 mods now in 2020..... because you hate mongered the mod makers on Nexus so bad they deleted their accounts and pulled theirs mods off of Nexus.

You are hurting HUNDREDS of people.

Twitch streamers and Nexus mod makers alike.

And do you ever once step back and stop to think about who these people are, that you are attacking and hurting?

Did you ever once stop and think that you are hurting REAL people?

I can't tell you who the others you are bullying are, but I can tell you who I am:

I am an crippled, bedridden, elderly woman with no one to talk to. Alone 24 hours a day, for weeks to a time, sometimes going months between a 5 minute visit from family or friends. I have no one. And I can't get out of bed to do anything about it. It's why I play this game. 

And after playing the game several times, I started making mods for it.

And because I am crippled, bedridden, elderly woman with no one to talk to. Alone 24 hours a day, for weeks to a time, sometimes going months between a 5 minute visit from family or friends. I have no one. And I can't get out of bed to do anything about it. ... I have 24 hours a day to focus on making mods for this game and in the past 3 years I've made more than 4,000 mods for it. 

I don't have anything else in my life.

I don't have anyone in my life.

I'm alone in bed all day, all night, day after day, week after week, month after month, year after year, since I was attacked in a WalMart parking lot November 14, 2013, by 3 strangers with baseball bats who broke my spine, my hips, my knees, and left me crippled.

Did you think about that before clicking send on your hate? Or before getting in your car and driving all the way to my house, to lash out your hate in person?

I may be obsessed with my love for Avallac'h, but it pales in comparison to your obsession with your illogical and unwarranted hated for me, for Avallac'h, and for other mod makers in the Witcher community. 

I'm not nearly as obsessed with Avallac'h, as you are obsessed with me.

Think about that.

I'm just playing a video game.

You are destroying lives.

I'm just here playing a video game, minding my own business, not bothering anybody.

You are running around like a rabid dog looking for something to kill.

I am a gamer.

You are bully.

Maybe you ought to take a good long look in the mirror - see yourself, the way I see you: for your are pure evil.

The extreme amount of hate and the excess levels of the hate I get from this, something that I do love very much, is depressing, terrifying, and discouraging, to say the least, especially, there is never any good or kind comments and emails to offset the hate, and when there is at the same time not one single person out there who is also a fan of Avallac'h for me to talk to at all.

#The exponential increase of hate mails since the release of the Netflix series, alongside my daily worsening health is why streams are no longer daily and no longer 12 hours. 

My muscles are deteriorating, the pain in my joints is excruciating, and it is increasingly difficult for me to sit up at all, let alone get out of bed, and with the amount of hate I get thrown at me, it gets ever harder to even want try to fight against the pain in my muscles to try to stream at all, when there is little joy in streaming any more.

ThingyChan, OutsideLane, Zutrix, and Niv making 200+ VODs and posting 2,000+ Discord posts calling me a dominatrix, saying I was into bondage, BDSM, and foot fetishes, was incredibly damaging to my reputation, my career, and put my life in extreme danger.

Not only that, but what they did put 3 people in the hospital, made 28 families homeless, totaled 3 cars, and a the landlord and his family without a job. And ThingyChan, not only refused to apologize, she doesn't give a shit "because it's fun!" Well, excuse me if I don't see what is fun about being a dick and hurting people.

What the hell is with people like her? How do people get like that? 

Wasn't my life enough hell without pieces of shit like her adding more hell to it?

She's no different from my uncles. stabbing me with forks, slicing my arms with shards of a broken plate... and pouring Draino into the wounds, to watch my blood bubble and foam. 

Bastards out of hell every one of them.... my uncles and the jackes online who think it's funny to make jokes about what those bastards did to me.

Why do I like Avallac'h so damned much? Because I don't have anyone else and he was tortured with vivisection too.

And that picture here, of Avallac'h strapped down to the torture table, slipping into a coma from being vivisected while Vesimire says Avallac'h's nerves are damaged resulting in trembling fingers and frozen pupils... that's the scene that set me on the path that lead to the creation of The Avallac'h Mod.

I really, really, really hate vivisection and can't stand to see it done to someone, because it was done to me and I know how the hell much that hurts.

If This Video Is Active, I'm Live Streaming Right Now...

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About This Game Play:

This current mod-making playthrough, is prep for a future fully-lore-friendly playthrough....

The ultimate goal of my mod making playthrough, is to make every character as lore-friendly as possible to how they were described in the novels.

Most specifically though we are transforming as much of the game as possible to match Chapter 5 of the novel Lady of the Lake, when Ciri lived with Avallac'h the first time, on The Lake of Avalon.

This current playthrough is largely a lot of test runs of hundreds of mods. It is being played open world with quests rarely happening, to allow us to run tests of various mods as I build them.

Due to the fact that the game engine, scripts, and other files is often open and being edited while I'm playing the game, this current playthrough is very unstable with bugs and glitches happening  daily and game crashes happening, sometimes as often as every few minutes.

You are witnessing a live overhaul and full rewrite of the game, that when finished will be used in a complete (more normal style) playthrough of the game.

However do not expect to see the lore-friendly playthrough any time soon. 

I began building this overhaul mod May 13, 2018 and have worked on it daily for 4 to 12 hours a day, all of it streamed here on Twitch, and... 

...while we've now altered over 2,000 script files, more than 7,000 textures, several hundred meshes, 400+ xml files, dozens of ini files, and have now begun work on changing 3D models...

...this project is far from finished and could see as much as another 3 years of daily work before completion.

Computer  stats: 

Motherboard: Asus Z170

Processor: i7-7000 @4.20GHz

RAM: 16 GB

Graphics Card: NVirdia 1070 GTX

Capture Card: AVerMedia Live Gamer HD

You don't post in my chat any more. Did I do something wrong?

**NOTE: This also answers the question "What happened to the Dazzling Razzberry? It's been months since I've seen it."**

*You don't post in my chat any more. Did I do something wrong?*


You? No. 

Another streamer? Yes. 

And I was so utterly disgusted with it that I simply stopped using Twitch chat. 

April 2018, yes, a month before we started the Avallac'h Playthrough and 5 months before a single Avallac'h screenshot had ever been uploaded to my profile, while I was in the final weeks of the 3rd Geralt Playthrough, a 3D art streamer contacted me.

At the time, I was known around Twitch as the person to contact if you were about to play Witcher 3 and wanted help with anything. Because of her, I no longer do this.

She explained to me that she would soon be taking a vacation to Finland, and had stolen her brother's copy of Witcher 3, made an illegal copy of it, put it on her computer, and when she returned from Finland, she was going to start playing it n stream... and asked would I please lurk in her stream in case she needed help with the game.

I went to her channel the same day she contacted me, and she was making 3D models of a rack, a killing pear, and a Judas chair... medieval torture devices... which she explained to me she hoped to put in Witcher 3 as new game elements. She knew nothing of the Witcher series, she claimed, but had been told it was an easy game to add mods for, and she wanted to add a torture chamber to a game and felt this would be a good game to do it with.

A week later, still in April 2018, she had directly contacted me, said she had returned home from her vacation in Finland, and asked me to visit her stream, and when I did, she asked me a question about how to make mods for Witcher 3, claiming that she wanted to make a "dungeon torture chamber mod" using a set of 3d models of torture devices that she has made in Maya 3D software program, asking how to port such things as torture devices into Witcher 3, because she wanted to make a BDSM mod. I answered the question explaining how to build a mod like this and she, unknown to me, then took a snippet of what I said, took it out of context, and used it to make a meme about Avallac'h calling him a BDSM Fetish freak, while simultaneously calling me a BDSM Dominatrix. She did that August 2018, but I did not find out she did it until October 2019. 

It was what started the Deserve to be Raped raids and why 5 of her followers showed up at my house February 2019, beating up family members, doing $30k damages to my car, $230k damages to our home, hospitalizing 8 people, and raping 2 women.

The rape raids were sending 700 to 2,000 rape raiders to my channel daily. I turned off raids, banned usernames, added more words to autobot and nightbot, and turned on followers only. But they started doing "youtube style" raids once raids were turned off. They started following to by pass follower only, and  when "rape" became a banned word they started getting around it with "r@pe" or "rap3" or "r.a.p.e" etc. And they created new throwaway accounts as fast as me and my 78 mods banned them. At it's worst we were banning more than 2,000 usernames per stream.

Twitch support was not helpful. Their advice was "turn on emote only" while advising that I could get banned if I didn't stay on top of keeping the harassers out of my chat, because it was my responsibility to keep trolls out.

I turned on emote only August 2018.  I turn it off when a stream starts and with 15 to 20 minutes I have to turn it on again... right to this day.

Once someone gets fixated on you, they won't stop, and they'll use their Discord and the power of Twitter's cancel culture to gang up on you and gather huge hoards to help attack. 

I've not been able to have my chat turned on in almost 2 years. It's deeply distressing because, well the primary reason to use Twitch over YouTube IS chat interaction and sexcrazed men harassing female streamers like this is an enormous problem on Twitch.

I'm crippled. Bedridden. Because 3 bastard from that psycho bitch streamer's attack showed up at my house and beat me up with golf clubs and baseball bats. 

I used to do daily 9 hour streams. I'm an elderly senior citizen, for a long time I was the oldest stream on Twitch. I was already crippled from muscle disease, that made it near impossible for me to do anything, so didn't need rape crazed bastards with baseball bats and golf clubs to break my spine, crush my vertebrae, break my hip, and break both legs, and leave me paralyzed in bed for the rest of my life. I'm too weak to sit upright or hold my head up for more then 2 or 3 hours a day, and doing so caused extreme exhaustion with me blacking out for 12 hours or more afterwards. I'm not yet able to get up out of bed or sit up for very long, so it is still difficult for me to stream daily and streams are not very long yet, many have been only 40minutes long. Getting up to 3 hours has been incredibly difficult.

I can barely move my hands, do you have any idea how difficult it is for me to type? And every username has to be typed in to ban them, and with thousands and hour, you literally as a viewer, do absolutely nothing but watch me type ban username for hours on end.... for every single daily stream since August 2018. 

She made 200+ VODs and posted 2,000+ Discord posts calling me a dominatrix, saying I was into bondage, BDSM, and foot fetishes, including to post my home address in her Discord, telling her perverted, immoral, deviated followers to go my house to have sex with me, and some of her followers, did just that, expecting to find me willing to throw myself on them, expecting they could do anything they wanted to me.

Do you know why my family moved February 2019?

Because she and her followers were banned from harassing my chat, she sent her simps to my house, telling them to rape me.

At the time I was staying with my 82 year old disabled dad on his 3rd floor apartment, in a building that had 28 families in it.

To get in the building you have to go through a front entry hall, go through 2 separate sets of doors, and then find your way through the halls and stairways to find which apartment you are looking for.

Because a group of 5 men showed up at 2AM one night. They broke BOTH the 2 front doors off and threw them out into the street.

They made their way up the stairs, punched the glass and screens out of every window they passed on their way.

With baseball bats they smashed up all of the posts on the stair railings, broke the railings off the stairs and threw them out a window onto one of the resident's cars below.

They ripped the front door off the apartment next door to mine, went into that apartment and gang raped the 2 young mothers (sisters) who lived there with their 2 and 4 year old babies.

After that they went back outside, smashing the walls on their way down, pulling out electrical wiring and plumbing pipes as they went.

Once outside they proceeded to trash the 3 cars parked in the driveway, one of them being my Dazzling Razzberry. They used their bats to smash out the glass, and smash up the metal. This is why you've not seen The Dazzling Razzberry since February 2019. The Dazzling Razzberry no longer exists. And you know, it as one of the world's top ten most haunted cars, that's why I bought it December 2006. I still have it and it is being restored. The damages were very extensive and included the wheels being sawed off the axels, the metal bars that hold up the engines and the ones holding up the transmission, were also all sawed off. 

Do you remember the crazy church group lead by the mystery Mark, who sawed up The Golden Eagle, the World's Most Haunted Car, the real Christine that Stephen King based his fictional Christine off of... do you remember how much damage they did to that car May 15, 2010?

Well, this group did even more damage than that to The Dazzling Razzberry. Both cars are very rare antiques and difficult to get parts for. The Dodge, is one of only 5,000 ever made and one of fewer then 100 known to exist today, all parts have to be hand made, there are no parts out there for it, that's why we couldn't restore it, though we do still have it... the Volvo, while rare today, wasn't rare when it was new, and so parts exist for it, if you search far and wide and have enough money to buy them when you find them. The Dazzling Razzberry as such is being restore, but we need so many parts and they are so very expensive, that her we are now 2 years later and my daily driver is still not yet drivable.

They did more than $230,000 in damages to our landlord's building, put 2 women in the hospital, put my 82 year old dad in the hospital with a ruptured kidney, left 1 little 10 year old boy dead, left 28 families homeless, and totaled 3 cars, including my car The Dazzling Razzberry which they did $30,000 in damages to. EVERYBODY in the building had to move because the damages were so bad that the city condemned the building.

#FBI Agent Andy Drewer out of the Portland, Maine FBI office is in charge of the investigation of all of this. If you have information about the case, give it to him not me. He can be reached @ +1-(207)-774-9322

My channel went several years with never banning anyone. There was never a need to. Today, because of the deserve to be raped raids, my channel is ban heavy on extreemes ... you step out of line even an inch and you are gone, no warning, no time out, no grace period, no second chances... total zero tolerance for anything now

3 years ago I struggled to ban anyone, felt guilty about doing so; now I ban a dozen or more people every stream without batting an eye.

The deserve to be raped raids started out when she posted that meme she made on DisCord telling her DisCord followers a huge amounts of sex fanfiction lies she had made up about me as though it was actual fact. 800+ of her Discord followers started reposting her lies about me on Twitter, causing a group of radical right-wing, anti-sex extreemists to attack my Twitch channel, my Reddit profile, my Twitter account, and my FaceBook account.

Once she found out how easy it was to instigate people into these violent attacks, she started make 5hr long VODs about me, making up wild stories about my so-called "BDSM Dominatrix" career, with further enraged her DisCord followers, who gathered up even more of their Twitter followers to continue the attack.

Suddenly a mass flood of 300,000 -THREE HUNDRED THOUSAND- extreme radical anti-BDSM radical Christians mass attacked my Twitch channel, my Twitter, my FaceBook, and other places, with thousands of death threats and rape threats.

In total she made 200+ of these fanfiction BDSM fetish freak videos about me, and posted variations of her meme as a running gag in her Discord more than 2,000 times, inciting her followers to pure outrage and extreme levels of both online and offline violence.

I don't use Discord, as Discord is a phone app and I do not own a phone, so I have no way to use things like Discord or Tik-Tok or SnapChat that are phone only apps, and thus do not have accounts with any of those 3 or any other apps like them... I've not had a phone since Old Orchard shut down the switch board operator in 1979... I used to walk to the town hall to use the switchboard to call anyone, and after that was gone I've not access to a phone since... never put a land line in, and when cell phones came out, I never got one... phones, like TVs are very expensive and my income has never been more then $4,000 in any single year of my entire life... a phone service costs more per month than I make in 3 months. I can't afford a phone. So I don't have a DisCord account because I don't have enough money to even buy a phone let alone subscribe to a phone service, plus I'm in Maine, it's not like we have any cell phone towers here... there is no phone service up here unless we set up a satilight dish in own yard... I simple have no way at all to use Discord, because phone are not an option around here even if I did have enough money to buy one... so me not having phone means, me also not having a Discord account which also meant I was unaware of what she was doing and for nearly 2 years was unaware of the source of the deserve to be raped attackers.

As I am an extremist Christian myself (a 5th generation FLDS Mormon) who shuns all things related to sex, I was continually baffled by the steady daily influx of sex accusations, BDSM accusations, fetish freak accusations, and other highly sexual slander that was being accused of me in my Twitch chat.

November 10, 2018, I turned off chat. It returned February 2020 as emote only.

I tried to turn chat back on February 2020, and immediately her rape raid crew showed up. It's why I took a year off from streaming starting February 27, 2020. I not only stopped streaming, but I stopped watching streams as well. I just left Twitch. I got sick of being harassed. 

Now it's 2021 and I've been trying to come back to streaming but, I have post traumatic stress disorder a result of being raped and paralyzed with golf clubs November 14, 2013... and her rape raids have triggered severe PTSD anxiety attacks every time I try to click the "go live" button. 

I've streamed twice since January 1, 2021, and my attempt to return to daily streaming. The anxiety levels of trying to stream is through the roof. Her attacks not only did a lot of damage to my channel numbers (viewers/followers, subs, as her group lashed out at my viewers and followers, sending them death threats if they didn't unfollow and stop watching me) and the physical damage to my home, car, family, and neighbours, it's also done huge amounts of mental and emotional damage, and has set back years of theory, bringing to the surface once again my agoraphobia, I've not left my room in almost 2 years, I sometimes go weeks too scared to get off the bed... I had agoraphobia before because of being raped... and it took a team of psychiatrists and psychologists huge amounts of effort to help me to be able to go outside, and now I'm back to square one and can't go outside again... just too terrified to get near doors or windows... pointing out here, that she knew before she did this, that I had been raped, and that's, another thing she does... all the streamers she attack are rape survivors.

I had hoped taking a year off from streaming, I would able to go back to streaming... I used to stream daily but because of her attacks, it became sporadic, weekly, too scared to click "go live" any more. o I took a year off, hoping, she'd forget about me and leave me alone... I tried to do a test stream December 2020, didn't tell anybody, no announcements, nothing,just a test to see, if I could emotionally go live... I turned off emote only when I did it. 

The stream lasted under 15 minutes, and I turned it off because her followers attacked almost as soon as I had gone live. 

So emote only again, and though I was supposed to return to daily streams Jan 2021, there've only been 2 streams so far because, opening OBS triggers server PTSD anxiety attacks and I can't bring myself to click on the "go live" button.

I discovered what she was doing October 21, 2019, when she did a livestream on Twitch titled: **"Making Bjorn a BDSM Bondage Fetish Freak Just Like EelKat"**... seeing my name in the title of a stream baffled me, and I opened the stream to find her, yet again making 3D models of torture devices, this time, making a male BDSM Dominatrix named Bjorn who looked and dressed near identical to Avallac'h, and watched as she and 37 members of her chat, spent 5 hours with the running gag "Just like EelKat" which involved someone saying something highly sexual, followed by the next person answering with "Just like EelKat"... the stream ended abruptly when a male voice from her Discord voice chat said: "EelKat's in your viewer list, she's watching this, better take it to Discord."

One of her mods, immediately sent me an invite to the Discord and said "You should probably see this, it's really bad. I'm sorry. I don't think she thought you'd ever find out."

And when I opened the DisCord, I saw, and downloaded and watched all 200+ of her VODs about me - which I still have copies of. And I read all 2,000+ of her posts about me.

Her Discord has a NSFW BDSM section and in it is a massive running gag, which involved those same 800+ people who near daily attacked my Twitch chat... there were 2 years of the running gag "Just Like EelKat", where every few minutes, all day and all night, to the tune of several hundred thousand posts over the course of 2 years... one person would post a vile sex act, and the next person would reply "Just like EelKat".

A large majority of the posts involved the commenter detailing how they would rape and kill me, by using BDSM to rape me to death. The more violent the rape details were, the more she encouraged them.

This is a HUGE streamer with a HUGE Discord and she attacked my tiny 300 follower channel, because that's what she does. She's a bully.

And since it happened to me, I've found 68 others she did this same thing to, some before me, some after me, some the same time as me. Most of them gave up streaming and deleted their channels because of her rape raids on their channels. And I've since learned that her username, in certain underground circles of the internet, is a "secret code word" that group used for "rape" in order to bypass NightBot bans of the word "rape" in Twitch chats. By posting her username in chat, they are saying "rape" without actually saying "rape".

Basically, her entire group is devoted to attacking small female streamers, specifically small female streamers who are survivors of rape, with rape threats.

And if you are wondering, why "deserve to be raped" is what they chanted...

Once upon a time, there was a very healthy person, very athletic... hiked 13 miles every day through rough uphill terrain, went mountain climbing, bench pressed 78lbs even though being only 5'6", raised horses and went horseback riding, had a very active social life with dozens of friends, played tennis and golf, got invited to a lot of "high society" dinners and events... and had a partner, always by their side, for 32 years... they were seen in many social circles as the ideal couple...

and then one day... unexpectedly, while groceries into the back seat of the car at 10PM on the way home from work, in a dark corner of the parking lot that had no lights... 3 men carrying metal golf clubs and metal baseball bats, appeared out of the bushes beside the parking lot and attacked.

They left when they thought the person was dead... but they were not dead, they were still alive, against all odds... but their spine was broken, their nerves crushed and severed by the shattered bones of their vertebrae... their pelvis bones crushed, their hips bones obliterated, their knees shattered... they were paralyzed completely for 5 months, and then spent 18 months relearning to walk... but, the spinal column was damage beyond repair, and even after being sent to the best neurosurgeon in the country, the diagnosis was it couldn't be operated on... these particular nerves, it's a miracle this person can still speak or move their arms, that they ONLY lost movement from the chest down, defies medical logic, and no doctor dares touch those nerves, because of 74% chance, doing so, will make that person a vegetable.

They are bedridden now, crippled forever. Regaining movement in one leg but not the other, so can get up and walk, IF the dead dragging leg was the ONLY problem... but nerves control so much of your body, and a damaged spinal column, controls for more than just your legs.

This person no longer has control of bodily functions and has to wear adult diapers, that they can't change themselves... they have no way of knowing if they need to piss or shit and need a caretaker to change their diaper a few times a day.

Nerves in your spinal column also control things like heart and lungs, so breathing is now difficult and the heart needs monitoring because, well, it doesn't always work right anymore.

Nerves also control muscles, so tremors and twitches and seizures are all daily events now that make things like writing and typing very difficult.

There is so much more... but you get the idea... this person, once very active and very healthy, was suddenly and unexpectedly, brutally attacked, left for dead, and is now paralyzed for the rest of their life and left with many millions of hospital bills and countless health issues they they had no idea could be cause by a severed spinal column.

Yes, I am the person with the broken spine. 

That happened to me.

I'm crippled because 3 rapists with golf clubs, attacked me in a parking lot November 14, 2013. I was 8 months pregnant, they killed my baby, broke my spine, and the man I lived with for 32 years, said it was too much to deal with. 

He said it didn't look good if he didn't have a hot woman on his arm when he arrived at tennis matches. He said he had to "keep up public appearances".

I can no longer hike 13 miles a day, no longer bench press 78lbs something most men twice my size can't even do, can’t mountain climb or ride horses. I can't even get out of bed to take a piss in my bathroom 6 feet away.

THAT is the event she was mocking and making jokes about, and is what she and her Discord crew were talking about when they were chanting "deserve to be raped" in my chat.

She is a vile, evil, witch hunting cyberbully, who takes sadistic delight in obliterating the reputations of small streamers, by spreading hateful, malicious, slanderous sex lies about them. She is an absolutely horrible person.

Since the discovery of what she did (October 21, 2019) I no longer post anything in anyone's chat, at all. Chat on my channel is off and I don't post in any one else's chat either. I completely want nothing to do with Twitch chat at all anymore. 

I have severe anxiety attacks now just seeing a Twitch chat on any channel. Thankful Twitch has the open to hide chat and just watch the stream's video player now. I've not used Twitch chat in well over a year and I have no plans to go back to doing so.

So, yeah. There you have it. That's why haven't posted in your chat in a very long time. It's not you. I'm just having a very difficult time recovering from the deserve to be raped raids.

#FAQs: Are you a Satan worshiper?

Why? Because I help a homeless man, who you are scared of, because his entire body is covered with acid burns?

Do you even know your own religion?

Judge not lest ye too be judged by the same measuring rod with which you have judged.

As for the question of Satan Worship, I've already answered that elsewhere... I'll move those panels closer to the top so you can find them.

But before that, let me ask your so-called Christian mind, a few questions, let's see how well you know your Bible.

#1... Did you know Satan is NOT in the Bible? Nor does Satan originate from the Christian religion at all?

Had you ACTUALLY read your Bible and not just parroted back the CliffNote inaccuracies your pastor incorrectly preached to you on Sunday, you would have known, that Satan is NOT a character who appears in the Bible, nor nor does he originate from Christianity at all.

Satan first appeared in the novel "Paradise Lost" and was a "Christonized" version of the Pagan Horned God.

There is no reason for any Christian, who was ACTUALLY a Christian, and ACTUALLY knew their Bible, to believe in the existence of Satan at all, seeing how Satan is not part of Christian foundations.

If you CLAIM to be Christian, you can NOT also claim to believe in Satan and STILL be a Christian.

And all those famous people who have "near death experiences" and visit Heaven or Hell... and tell you Jesus, told them about Satan ... well... you can prove every one of them to be fake ass phones, the minute they mention Satan and make the claim that Jesus warned them about Satan.... because Jesus KNOWS Satan is not a part of his religion, so He wouldn't say he was, would he?

Do your research, you'll uncover a LOT of scams in Satan's name, in modern day Christianity, simply because 99% of so-called Christians these days, can't tell the difference between their Bibles and their own ass.

#2... the devil.... did you know, the devil, whom Christians, claim to be the "alternate name" of Satan... is a type of Ghoul and comes from the Koran, and is a type of daemon found in the Muslim religion, and nothing to do with Christianity at all?

The devs and the gauls, or devils and ghouls, are types of spirits of people who died either by murder or suicide, and haunt graves, houses, junkyards, and various objects, until someone releases their soul.

Had read you read the Koran, you would have known that. 

Had you read the Bible, you would have known too, there is no devil in it.

#Here's a thought...

Before you make an ass of yourself by accusing someone of anything... you better make damned sure you can back up your claim.

I am simply a different culture, a different race, and a different religion from you. That is all. Only this and nothing more. 

But because I am different from you, you feel the need to bully and harass, and attack and accuse.


Why do attack me?

Why do you fling your accusations?

Why do you feel threatened by my culture?

Why do you feel threatened by my race?

Why do you feel threatened by my religion?

Why do you feel threatened by the color of my skin?

Why do you feel threatened by a square of fabric on my head?

Why do these things about me, cause you to falsely accuse me of being a witch?

Why do these things about me, cause you to falsely accuse me of casting curses?

Why do these things about me, cause you to falsely accuse me of being a Satan worshiper?

And even if I was any of those things, what business would it be of yours?

I keep to myself and mind my own business, I'm not bothering you, so why are you bothering me?

You my friend, are a busy body, and the Bible had a lot to say about busy bodies and how evil they are and how much Jesus hates them. May I suggest you read Proverbs. 

You love your Bible so much, that you feel the need to throw your fake ass Christian accusations in my face, but perhaps, you would do well, to stop worrying about the mote in my eye, and be more concerned about the log in your own... or did that section of the Bible escape you as well? 

Here's some tips for the next time you think someone isn't Christian enough to exist...

Why do you feel threatened by my culture... it's same culture Jesus had... he was Semitic Hebrew, or did you forget that?

Why do you feel threatened by my race?

Why do you feel threatened by my religion... Jesus was NOT a Christian. The Christian religion was founded by Roman Emperor Constantine 800 years AFTER Jesus died.

Why do you feel threatened by the color of my skin... Jesus had darker skin than me. He wasn't white. Your white power hatred, means you hate Jesus too.

Why do you feel threatened by a square of fabric on my head... jesus wore a cloth on his head. There are more 100 verses in the New Testament which say as much. Jesus also said it was a sin for a man to cut either his hair or his beard, and that neither men nor women should go outside without their head covered. Did you just overlook those teaches from Jesus. Jesus not Christian enough for you?

You feel threatened by curses? What about Balam's ass, you know Jesus's talking donkey? Or how about the water that turned to wine? Walking on the ocean waves? Taking 2 loaves of bread, breaking them into enough pieces to fill 5,000 baskets? The fig tree that refused to feed Jesus in winter when figs don't grow? The 12 year old boy eaten by a bear that Jesus sent to it, because the boy threw a rock at Jesus? Maybe you should read your Bible more.

Let me ask you another question... do you think Jesus was a carpenter? Silly jackass, had you read your Bible, you would have known Mary was a temple prostitute who got pregnant at age 12 and was forced to marry the carpenter, Jesphe, accused of getting her pregnant. That baby was Jesus, he had 3 brothers, and 5 sisters born after, and Jesus grew up to be a fashion designer, a tailor, and a dyer of cloth. Not a carpenter. Had you read the Bible, you would have known that. Had your minister read the Bible and not children's picture books, he would have known that too, and preached it to you correctly.

You idiot. You're just like everyone else who claims to be a Christian these days, following the mindless herd, without actually knowing the foundation behind your faith.

What was it Jesus said about many coming and preaching in his name, but they will be nothing more then the blind leading the blind?

By trying to prove how much of a great big super Christian you are, all you've done is prove you know nothing about your religion at all.

If you take part in harassing and bullying someone, YOU are a mean person.

No, someone abusing you does NOT make you mean. I guarantee I've received way more abuse then you ever have, and I choose to be kind and helpful to everyone... even mean people like YOU.

It's YOUR CHOICE to be mean.

No one makes you be mean.

To be a better person, you have to first CHOOSE to be better then you are now.

Everything you do makes a difference in the lives of others.

Are you a GOOD impact on their lives or a BAD one?

Did your words and actions HELP someone today or HURT someone today?

Are you a GOOD person?

Or are you EVIL?

Look in the mirror and find out.

FAQs: Are you a Satan Worshiper? 

All 12 of my uncles were high ranked men in the church. Mission leaders, Bishops, Boy Scout Leaders, Quorum presidents, Stake Presidents, Branch Presidents... every one of them. And they sold children for sex to other priests in the church. It's where they got their fucking money. And most of those children didn't reach adulthood. Most of then were beaten to death before they were even 10 years old. Beaten to death by the priests who paid $12,000 for 15 minutes alone with a child to rape them. 

The whole REASON people call me a Satan Worshiper is BECAUSe those same uncles, thought ahead of time, to go to MUFUN and spread rumors and lies about those children. 

It was a fucking scam.

The whole damned thing.

Every bit of it.

The alien abductions, the haunted car... it was ALL a fucking scam, created by my uncles to discredit toddlers 3, 4, and 5 years old, to make sure no one would believe them, should those toddlers ever tell any adults about the priests that were raping them.

That's all it was.

My uncles scammed you all, and millions of idiots all over the world believed them.

Stupid ass people, believing in demons and aliens and haunted cars.... when the stories my uncles told you about those demons, aliens, and haunted cars was nothing but their fake ass cover up story to hide the fact that they were running a child prostitution ring.

You see the constant police and backhoes digging up my farm at 146 Portland Ave, Old Orchard Beach, Maine - it's been going on since the first bodies were dug up by coyotes in 2016, ... if you're local, you've seen it, the hundreds of rusty oil barrels the FBI and police are digging up in my yard... the crowds of locals gathering around my farm, and police simply saying: "We are investigating cannibals" and giving no more details.

The oldest barrels they've excavated so far, date to the 1920s.... the bulk of them are from the 1950s to 1970s.... 

In those oil barrels are the bones of children. Little girls, 8, 9, 10, 12 years olds, who dared commit the sin of getting pregnant when white Americans paid $20,000 to rape them.

Americans like to spread all kinds of rumors about the group they call "The Scottish Mafia", but the reality of the so-called Scottish Mafia, is far worse then the stupid ass rumors.... a clan of cannibals, who raised little girls like they cattle, girls who spent their childhoods in cages, let out only long enough to be raped by American men willing to pay the highest prices, then slaughtered eaten as steaks when they turned 14 years old.... that's the REAL Scottish Mafia, a very big far cry from what you see portrayed as "Scottish Mafia" in TV and movies isn't it?

We females were seen as livestock.

Kept in cages, even puppy mills wouldn't dream of using.

Let out long enough to be raped by strangers.

Our rape babies beaten out of our bellies, on the orders of their fathers, who the uncles blackmailed more money out of. Pay money to beat the 8 year old child carrying your rape baby, ensure no one finds out what you do in your spare time.

Then slaughtered for food when you turn 14.

Your bones, sawed up, packed in oil barrels, and buried in the swamps.

They thought the swamps would rot the metal barrels, rot the bones.

They were wrong, weren't they?

The peat bog moss of the swamp preserved them. And now they are being dug up.

Go watch the VOD. See the bones being excavated out of my farm for yourself.

That is what I grew up with.

Daily being raped from the time I was 4 years old

When any of children got pregnant, our bellies were crushed.

And when we reached the age of 14, we were cut up into steaks and sold as fucking deer meat.

Have you noticed that in 2016, the door-to-door deer steak trucks all but vanished in Maine? Yeah. Now you know why. A lot of them are in prison now for selling human not deer steaks.

#If you have any information regarding this case, FBI Agent Andy Drewer out of the Portland, Maine FBI office is in charge of the investigation. He can be reached @ +1-(207)-774-9322

I'm one of the few who survived, because I had papers. When I was 12, a millionaire high priest from Austria, bought exclusive rights to me, and he also got me legal paperwork: American citizenship, a social security number, a birth certificate - things females in this clan were not allowed to have. Ben is the only reason I went on to become one of the few girls still alive today, and not sold as deer steaks when I turned 14.

A lot of people don't know WHY I got so damned mad at this vile, lewd, deviated sex crazed, slutty assed streamer woman, when she took events from my childhood and made BDSM sex fetish memes about it... because unlike this vile, lewd, deviated sex crazed, slutty assed streamer woman, a lot of people don't know the full details of what happened to me, what I saw happen to my cousins.

Half the time they weren't killed humanely... Anastasia... was only 4 years old, when on August 21, 1991, she had her leg pulled off her body.... the intestines came out with the bone .... her breakfast half digested spewed out all over the floor mingled with the blood... it took her 5 damned days to finally bleed to death. And they left her laying their, while the older male cousins,  leading them, kicked her, punched her, and rapeded her, over and over again.


Do you know what it feels like to have your head held down on a cement cinder block while a more traditional red brick is slammed into your face?

I do!

It was a common punishment.

I can even begin to count how many times my jaw was broken that way.

#Do you see now how incredibly VILE the sex joke memes this vile, lewd, deviated, piece of shit woman made about the torture I went through, is?

#HOW DISGUSTING this vile, lewd, deviated sex crazed, slutty assed streamer woman IS FOR CALLING A 4 YEAR OLD BEING TIED DOWN, RAPED, AND JAW BROKEN WITH A BRICK, A BDSM SEX FETISH!!!!!

This vile, lewd, deviated sex crazed, slutty assed streamer woman is a bad as the fucking men who did that to us!

How dare she call the torture we went through BDSM sex fetishes!

Over 300 little girls between the ages of 4 and 14 were MURDERED!

What kind of a sick bastard makes sex jokes about THAT?


There has never been a time in my life, when I wasn't suffering in pain from broken bones that never got set, ruptured organs that left me bleeding for weeks on end. Not once being allowed to go to the hospital.

My hip dysplasia was caused by having a 2 foot long foundation nail driven through my hip when I was 4 years old.  

I've heard people say sex was good, fun, happy... I've never had sex that wasn't forced, wasn't rape, wasn't brutal, and didn't leave me without broken bones or torn muscles. Sex is the worse, most evil, most horrible, vile, pain riddin form of torture there is. I can't even image how anyone could enjoy being beaten, having their bones broken, strangled, stabbed with knives, forks, and broken glass plates... sex the most awful thing there is, I can not understand how anyone would want it.

The only good thing about sex is the babies that come from it, but all of mine were murdered before they could be born. I was never allowed to raise any of my babies, and I nearly died after every beaten that killed my babies. 

The most recent one, they beat me with metal baseball bats and golf clubs, left me not only without my baby, but with my spine, hips, and knees broken, I'm crippled for the rest of my left and have spent the last 6 years relearning to walk.

No one has ever been kind to me.

No one has ever hugged me.

No one has ever kissed me.

No one has ever loved me.

There are only 2 things I've ever wanted: a baby and a friend.

America has laws, a woman my age can't adopt, you have to be under 45 in order to qualify for consideration to adopt a child in America; and the last beaten, left me unable to have children.

That leaves me with only one thing left to hope for in life: a friend, someone to talk to. I've never had that. Not once. More then half my life was spent locked in a cage, with no lights, no heat, total darkness, in a room with no windows, no nothing, just mold and fungus several inches thick on rotten walls, and a dirt ledge floor, bare ground, no floor boards. Alone for weeks on end, not knowing if or when I would ever see a person, if or when I would be given another burned saucepan to claw scrapings off of.

#When the FBI raid happened, I was

* 31 years old, 5'6" and weighed 87lbs. 

* my bones and muscles were (and still are) brittle and falling apart from 2 decades of extreme malnutrition. 

* I was nearly starved to death and the rescuers estimated I would have died with in the next few months had the raid not happened

* the room was filled with the bones of others who had died, been tossed in the room, their flesh eaten by the same rats that chewed on my arms and legs each night... they had all been beheaded, so no heads or skulls were ever found and the FBI continues to excavate the area and dredge local waters in search of the skulls, to this day

* It had been decades since I'd last eaten a meal, with as many as 2 weeks passing between being tossed a burned pan to scrap out. 

* I couldn't see in daylight because I'd spent so many years in total darkness. 

* And I didn't know how to speak human languages, was only able to speak cat and chicken, due to the only ones I had, had to talk to in that time, was the feral cats that snuck in through the cracks in the walls at night, and the chickens who were put in the room in the winter to protect them from the cold.

* I had no social skills, did not know how to communicate with others; was only able to communicate via writing; 

* because the only physical touch I had ever had from anyone was being raped or being beaten... I had (and still have) a massive phobia of humans getting near me and am prone to massive meltdowns of total hysteria if someone gets within 5 feet of me

* I had (and still have) a massive phobia of forks, seeing them as weapons, not food utensils, due to have been stabbed, scarred, and tortured with sharped forks by my uncle Mervin Bruce Atwater, so many dozens of times

* I was 37 years old before I found out I was a human, and not a demon, like I had been raised to believe

* the team of psychologists, psychiatrists, and social workers assigned to me, all agreed that they did not believe I would ever be able to assimilate into HUMAN society, due to my extreme hatred for and fear of HUMANS, and my total 100% belief that I was not a HUMAN, caused by my mother's extreme paranoid schizophrenia, and her having locked me in a cage in that isolation room on my 8th birthday because she believed faeries had stolen her real daughter and replaced her with me, a demon changeling

* the team of psychologists, psychiatrists, and social workers assigned to me, all agreed that I likely will never be able to feel any empathy for or towards HUMANS, due to 3 decades of being raised by violent mentally unstable humans who had severe untreated schizophrenia that they bounced off each other... with them glorifying the glories of them being HUMAN and us children being DEMONS unworthy of living in HUMAN presence

* the thing this group of 24 psychologists, psychiatrists, and social workers found to be the single most disturbing fact of all, was that ...

#my 3 decades of neglect, abuse, and isolation was so extreme that I possess no sympathy, empathy, compassion, pity, or ability to identify with Humans - the only emotion I feel towards humans is loathsome hatred ... and they coined the term "OtherKin" to describe me, because there was no psychosis out there to label me... yes, I'm EelKat the first OtherKin, the child that psychiatrists coined the term for

* among things included in my diagnosis, was the phrase: 

>>>"is a UFO suicide cult survivor"


>>>"was raised by radical fundamentalist extremists"


>>>"was raised to believe she was not human"


>>>"was raised to believe she was a demon"


>>>"in interviewing the adults who raised her, 52 of them maintain the belief that she is a demon channeling that they refer to her as 'Her Grandmother's Evil Spirit'", "they claimed the real child ceased to exist after her grandmother's funeral", "they claimed that upon returning from the funeral, the real child was gone and this demon changeling was left in her place"


>>>"evidence suggests that her grandmother was murdered and she witnessed this event, resulting in the adults who murdered her grandmother creating the delusion that she was a demon, removing her from public school, and locking her in a cage in order to prevent her from telling anyone about the grandmother's murder"


>>>"they said they could not let her out of the cage because she refused to reveal where the faeries had taken the real child to"


>>>"they said they had no choice but to beat her daily because of her refusal to reveal the location of the real child she had replaced"


>>>"they likewise believe that both grandmothers were not human, citeing they too were demons"


>>>"they cited that the girl inherited 'Helen's evil spirit' upon Helen's death and 'Eva's evil spirit' upon Eva's death"


>>>"alarmingly every adult involved in her rearing displays severe schizophrenia, total belief in demons, and is fully convinced that this girl is a demon changeling; scarily their delusions fed on each other, giving rise to even more delusions" 


>>>"was removed from public school at the age of 8 years old a few hours following her grandmother's funeral; an investigation was made by the superintendent of schools, but social workers never followed up on the girl's sudden disappearance from public eye. These horrific events may never have happened had The Maine State Department of Human Services taken those initial reports from the her teacher, principal, superintendent, school nurse, and the child's pediatrician, all of whom files individual reports regarding concerns for the girl's safety after witnessing several signs of abuse during the weeks prior to her disappearance"


>>>"reports were made to the Old Orchard Beach Police Department regarding the girl's disappearance from school. No follow up was done. It has been discovered that members of the family worked in the police department and destroyed the department's record of these reports made by concerned school officials" 


>>>"has never experienced kind, good, or loving relationships"


 >>>"since infancy has never been hugged, held, cuddled, or touched in a good way by other humans" 


>>>"displays post traumatic stress disorder symptoms similar to WW2 concentration camp victims"


>>>"can not remember her name, answers to the names 'four eyed retard' and 'competition bitch' which appear to be the only names her mother called her since the age of 8 years old"


>>>"has never been taught to view humans as equals" 

* in the weeks following the FBI raid, 3 aunts and 8 uncles, were all diagnosed with schizophrenia... among other things

* the 12 siblings, their 50+ spouses, and 400+ adult children who ran the child prostitution ring, were all diagnosed with sociopathy, 5 were diagnosed with megalomania, more the 3 dozen (including my mother) were diagnosed with Munchausen syndrome by proxy

* the group was classified as the most radical of the compounds that called themselves members of Heaven's Gate - 4 of it's leaders killed themselves in the infamous HaleBop murder/suicide that killed 39 people in California and was what led to the FBI raid a few weeks later

* the FBI raid would result in dozens of Catholic, Mormon, Pentecostal, Baptist, Born Again Holy Roller, New Life, and non-Denominational churches throughout southern Maine and the Greater Boston tri-state area being closed in the weeks/months that followed, in the mid-late 1990s, as hundreds of pedophile priests were arrested for having paid money (often $millions in church funds) to rape the young girls

* wild rumors began to surface, as horrified Americans dubbed the clan leaders involved in the Scottish Gypsy child prostitution ring as "The Scottish Mafia"

* while American movie producers had a field day stereotyping "Scottish Mafia" to mean anything and everything, we 140 survivors, had to fight claw and fang against paparazzi, alongside trying to even learn what the hell an American even was

* the worst of them, Stephen King arrived at the compound, with a huge movie crew and set out to filming a movie "The Thinner" based off what he referred to as "the Gypsies of Saco, Maine, the most REAL Gypsy style Gypsies I have ever encountered"... he and his crew were trespassers, had no permits or permissions, and today are in a legal battle against our clan trying to get the rights to release Thinner on DVD, something we absolutely refuse to sign off on - we are abhorred that he tried to capitalize on our decades of torture, pain, and suffering

* and all of the 140 others like myself, were also raised to believe they were locked in cages because they were demons....

* as of 2020, more than half of the 140 survivors rescued from that FBI raid have commit suicide, due to the pressures of trying to BECOME A HUMAN and to date none have been able to see themselves as HUMANS or successfully assimilate in HUMAN society and most are still 100% convinced they are DEMONS and are unable to identify as HUMAN or live among HUMANS

* while I was 31 at the time of the FBI raid; the eldest of my brothers was only 7 years old - yes, I am old enough to be the grandmother of every one of my brothers; one of them, was so badly traumatised by the abuse he received, he does not talk still to this day

* given the fact that my mother has multi-hundreds of medical records that all list her as infertile and unable to have children, after a brutal "miscarriage" (caused by an overdose of sleeping pills, then having her head cracked open with a brick b an unknown attacker while she was unconscious) she had 4 years after I was born, combined with the dates of the births of my brothers vs the dates of the so-called "miscarriage" beatens, some of the psychiatrists, psychologists, and social workers involved in the case, believe that chances are high that my brothers, may actually be my sons, stolen from me by my own mother, after being beaten unconscious by her brother Mervin Bruce.... this theory was further emphasized by the fact that one of my brothers is a blue eyed blond (everyone in the Atwater family has dark skin, black eyes, and black hair, due to being 3/4 Native American and 1/4 black African) and looks exactly like Ben (a blue eyed blond Austrian), the father of my babies

* my mother suddenly and mysteriously "became infertile again" after the FBI raid and her freak unexplained popping out new babies days after each of my so-called "miscarriages"  (each one caused by being beaten unconscious at around 8 months pregnant, and waking up with the baby gone, followed by my mother's miraculous "giving birth" to a slightly premature baby a few weeks later) suddenly ceased to happen

* I was 37 years old when a team of psychologists, psychiatrists, and social workers set out to training me how to do things like walk on my feet instead of crawl on all 4s like a cat

* I was also 37 years old when a team of psychologists, psychiatrists, and social workers set out to teaching me how to speak in human languages instead of in chicken clucks and cat growls and hisses

* during attempting to teach me to speak, they made an alarming discovery: I spoke via chicken clucks and cat growls and hisses, not because I didn't know human languages or lacked understanding as they originally thought, but rather, because I'd been hit in the face with a brick so many times in my lifetime, that I couldn't open my jaw wide enough to form words

* x-rays and trips to a dentist, revealed massive damage to my jaw bones, cheek bones, sinus region bones, and teeth, from years of being baten in the face with a brick

* at 41 years of age I had reconstructive surgery of my jaw, including 7 root canals... meaning my jawbone and 21 of my teeth are porcelain - not real bone or teeth, resulting in I am now able to eat solid foods for the first time in my life and also am now able to talk normally (before the surgery, the damage to my jawbone was so bad that I was classified as "near-mute" due to an extreme inability to open my jaw enough to be able to form words.

* all of my molars (back teeth) were crumbled shards, with raw pulp exposed

* my jaw was broken and healed improperly, in so many places that doctors could not determine how many times I had suffered a broken jaw in my lifetime

* the broken teeth and jaw bones were a result of having my head held down on a cement cinder block, while a regular red brick was used to smash my jaw - this was a recurring punishment I received a few times a month, from the time I was 8 years old until I was 31 years old

* I stopped talking when I was 14 years old and was classified as mute for the next 16 years - I "refused" to talk, because the searing pain in my jaw was so bad that I could not open my mouth far enough to form words

* the reconstructive surgery at age 41, resulted in my being able to speak normally, for the first time in my life

* I was 42 years old when I found out the concept of things like friends and people talking to other people existed; and my desire to have a friend, someone I could talk to set in

* July 1, 2001 a backhoe with the mural of a big red apple painted on it's side, drove over my house, while me and my brothers were gone to the movie theater... my mom's brother Joey bragged on Facebook that he had hired the man to do it

* February 14, 2003 - I was stuck in traffic and arrived to my doctor's appointment 10 minutes late.... lucky for me, as I arrived in time to see the mushroom cloud as a bomb in my doctor's office blew up First Care Health Clinic on Saco Ave, Old Orchard Beach, Maine, killing my doctor and 3 nurses, and leaving 21 patients in critical condition

* October 16, 2006 a bomb blew up my house and an 8 foot tall Ku Klux Klan cross was left behind in the rubal (keeping in mind, several uncles and cousins are members of the KKK)

* April 2007, the same backhoe returned to drive over my house yet again

* May 15, 2010, my car, the 1964 Dodge 330, was cut in half by a group of radical members of a local church known as The Saco Ward of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints; the Bishop's first counselor went to prison 7 months later

* May 2013 Southern Maine Community College was evacuated when a bomb was found in the back corner of the classroom I was in

* July 2013, while driving home from my job at the Maine Mall, I was pulled off the road to wait, while police closed off the crossroad at my street.... the body of my cousin Murphy was laid out in the middle of the road, minus his head... the police found his head a few miles away at a different crossroad... he was one of the children abused and survivors rescued

* August 8, 2013 the infamous backhoe returned to drive over my house yet again and this now being the 5th house this backhoe had driven over shortly after rebuilding from the previous attack, I gave up rebuilding houses to live under a tent instead

* August 13, 2013, on my birthday, one of my uncles posted on my FaceBook wall "paying that construction worker to demolish your house for your birthday was the best $600 I ever spent, Americans are such boobs, they'll do anything for money"

* November 14, 2013, while in a parking lot putting bags of art supplies in the back of my car 3 unknown people attacked me from behind with 2 metal baseball bats and a metal golf club. This was the first time since the FBI raid of 1997, that I had been pregnant again, and for nw the 7th time, had a "miscarriage" caused by a brutal beaten; but for the first time a beaten by stranger, not one of my uncles or my mother

* 2 of them were women who looked to be about 65 and acted like sisters or best friends, one with long curly orange red hair and cyberpunk looking neon lime green cyclops-style glasses and a off the shoulder sweater of large black and white stripes and screaming "it's my turn to shine"; the other a blond wearing a denim button front work-shirt; the 3rd a bald man who acted like either the blond woman's son or lover, and had a football player muscle build

* the November 14, 2013 attack broke my spine, hips, and knees leaving me paralyzed for 5 months and 18 months to relearn to walk 

* I returned to work in 2015, but now with limited movement and requiring a cane

* November 2015 Scarborough WalMart evacuated when a bomb was found in the department I was stationed to work in

* March 2015 my aunt's husband was arrested  by the FBI on a Boston Mass beach for selling bombs, bomb marking parts, automatic rifles, and machine guns to members of Isis; his bombs were identified both as the bombs that were used in the Boston Marathon attacks AND the bombs in my house, doctors' office, college, and work places; branding my mom's sister as the FBi's number 1 suspect in ALL of the attacks prior

* March 2015 her son was arrested at Scarborough Downs Race Track for selling prescription bottles stolen from the Southern Maine Medical Center (aka The Barbara Bush Foundation Children's Hospital aka the Biddeford Hospital)

* April 10, 2015 - 12 members of my family were kidnapped

* April 12, 2015 - 2 escaped and returned home, both with their jaws broken and nearly all of their teeth knocked out

* May 15, 2015, the heads of 2 of them were returned (8 more heads would be returned in the weeks following)

* May 15, 2015 she posted a message on my FaceBook wall which read: "the next head nailed to a dor will be yours"... she posted it 5 hours before I discovered the heads nailed to my door

* June 2016  Scarborough WalMart evacuated a second time when a bomb was found yet again in the department I was stationed to work in

* July 2016 - a red haired woman, the blond woman, and the bald man, this time in a gold Volvo suv, once again attacked me in a parking lot - this time at WalMart while I was putting groceries in my car... they attacked me from behind yet again, this tie with a shopping cart, while the redhead woman screamed yet again " it's my time to shine", while the blond woman screamed "that's EelKat she tried to kill my husband"

* since the July 2016 attack I have been bedridden with inoperable damage to my spinal column and unable walk unaided with the help of others

#There's your fucking ass Satan worship. Now leave me alone and go burn in hell where you jackass so-called Christians belong!.... while you bastards run around accusing children of Satan worship, the priests you praise in church were raping and torturing those children, and not a one of you ever did a damned thing to help. You people have the gall to call yourselves Christians? The murders of those children is as much on your heads as it is on my uncles.

And now that you know what my uncles did... think about this...

...the vile lewd, streamer bitch and her 200+ VODs and 2,000+ Discord posts... do you know what she said in them?

She took, copy and pasted, line by line, changing nothing, the details of the vile shit my uncles did to me, and made memes, saying Avallac'h did those things to Ciri, and said that THAT was WHY I liked Avallac'h.

She did THAT on top of making up the lies that I was a BDSM dominatrix and spreading that rumor across social networks.

She did THAT on top of hiring for $5,000 men, hit men... she fucking HIRED HIT MEN... to come to my house with guns and baseball bats.

February 2019 ... 5 of her trolls showed up at my house armed with guns and baseball bats... they raped 2 women, killed a 10 year old boy, hospitalized 3 elderly men in critical condition, totaled 3 cars, including doing $30,000 in damages to my daily driver, did $230,000 to the building resulting in the city condemning it resulting in 28 families being made homeless.

There is now an FBI investigation into ALL 800+ trolls from her channel, 2 streamers involved are now in prison, 20+ streamers have been perma banned by Twitch, and more then 700 of her "chat trolls" have received various forms of bans and suspensions, most of them are permabanned.

I thought there NOTHING more evil than my uncles... I was wrong, that filthy slut assed whore of a streamer bitch, was far, far worse.... she took crimes, rape, torture, and murder of children, and made it into a vile running gag.

I'm fed up with people looking to get their 15 minutes of fame, and taking advantage of the shit I lived through to try to get that fame.

I've had it.

I've survived hell that most people can't even stomach hearing about.

I REFUSE to be treated like shit, by a vile piece of trash like this vile, lewd, deviated sex crazed, slutty assed streamer woman who thinks taking the pain and suffering of others is good thing to make fucking BDSM fetish memes about.

This vile, lewd, deviated woman is 24 years old, sitting behind her computer screen, laughing, joking, making sex memes about the suffering of others...

Do where I was when I was 24 years old?

Locked in a cage that a chihuahua wouldn't even fit in. Nearly starved to death.  Hips broken. Jaw broken. Pools of blood gushing from my rectum. The bloody, clotted remains of the six month old unborn baby that had just been beaten out of my belly covering the walls of the cage.

You jackasses who followed her and spent 2 fucking years harassing me and my chat. What the fuck is wrong with you sick, sadistic pieces of shit?

You all ought to be ashamed of yourselves.


You people who took part in this cyber bullying, you are all as cold, cruel, hateful, and heartless, as you are evil.

Are you happy now?

There are some things, you don't want to know about people... but when you bully someone, make rumors about them, play follow the leader and spread lies about them, just because you are lusting after a slutty streamer shaking her boobs in your face... there comes a time, when you should step back, and ask yourself WHY are you helping her spread those lies? Is watching her shake her breasts in your face on Twitch, really worth digging up the past or a night mare hell that someone else lived through?

These wounds run deep and I do not appreciate you digging them up.

I kept this stuff separate from Twitch. And I'm not happy with you people bring it up.

I'm especially not happy, with you taking the vile evil torture that my uncles did to me, and making memes about those things, saying that Avallac'h did them to Ciri.

Had you read the novels, you would have known, Ciri went through a hell of a lot of shit, from a hell of a lot of men. Men who DID do things similar to what my uncles did to me. And because of that, I was able to empathise with Ciri a lot.

Avallac'h took her away from those men, and took her to a place where they couldn't find her. He protected her from men who were hurting her.

I like Avallac'h because I wish there had been someone like him in my life.

No one cared what happened to us children. No one. We desperately needed someone like Avallac'h. Someone who cares. Someone to take us away and keep us safe from the men who hurt us.

Maybe instead of chasing after some little Twitch whore's breasts, you should learn to think before you act.

Maybe, next time cleavage on camera, tells you to harass someone, maybe you'll think to do a background check on the person you are about to harass, and find out if what the boobs on camera tell you about that person, is really true, or are those breast just attached to the chest of an evil cyberbully who gets off on watching her mindless simps hurt others.

Not a one of you, thought to ask yourselves if what she was telling you about me was true.

You just attacked mindlessly or her orders.

Not one of you tried to get to know me.

You just believe her bdsm dominatrix sex lies without question.

You can see how I dress. Do I LOOK like a bdsm dominatrix to you?

We do Bible readings, almost every stream. And you would have known that, had instead of attacking me, you took the time to watch my channel.

Mindless sheep. That's all you are. Following the herd, without asking yourself if you even should.

Are you proud of what you've done?

FAQs: I can barely hear you when you talk, can you do something with the volume?

#FAQs: I can barely hear you when you talk, can you do something with the volume?

No, unfortunately. The audio is already as high as it can go.

I have stacibotrin poisoning and can not speak above a whisper, so no, there is no way to increase voice volume, it is already as loud as it can be turned up. 

It means the lining of my lungs are scarred so badly that speech is difficult for me. I have lived with this my whole life, it is something I have had since I was 8 years old. I have never been able to speak above a whisper.

It was caused by being locked in that "room", which among other things had a black "mildew" looking mold that was over 3 inches thick on the walls... when the FBI raid rescued me out of that room 31 years later, the "mildew" was tested and discovered not to be mildew but rather stacibotrin.

It causes me to cough up blood whenever I laugh or try to raise my voice above a whisper.

The frequent gushing nosebleeds that last for several hours are also caused by this. 

It is one of the first known cases of stacibotrin in America, and it was believed, due to the fact that it was growing 3 inches thick, which is not natural for this type of mushroom, that my uncles were doing biological warfare testing on the children they had imprisoned. They said my uncles were suspected of helping Russia test bio-weapons in North America *(This was during the 1970s and 1980s, so quite a long time ago, now)* I don't know what evidence they had to cause them to think that, but, it was what the agents and officers said during the raid.

I also tested positive for having had small pox, at some point... though the test was done when I was 42, I had it when I was 13... something that again, should not have been in America and further supported the FBI's theory that my uncles were building bio-warfare bombs. *(They built bombs and sold them to various terrorist groups, including the Isis bomb that killed a lot of people in Boston during some race a few years back. The uncle who built that bomb was the first one to go to prison.)*

The thing that has made catching my uncles so difficult was that they are not Americans. They are Canadians. They are illegal aliens from Canada, hiding in America, because it is easier to hide in America than it is to hide in Canada. Their headquarters is in Nova Scotia. I'm not sure where, I've never been to Canada.

The uncle that lived 6 months of the year in Russia, for most of the past 60 years, yes, even when Russia was closed to Americans, was also an Air Force Pilot and an Intelligence Officer at the Pentagon. All of the ID he had through the American military was fake, his age the military had him listed as was a full 10 years wrong, and all his "American citizen" papers *(SSN, birth certificate, etc)* were fake. He worked in the Pentagon for almost 20 years before it was discovered all his documents were fake, and that was what lead to his being discharged from the military, a few days before his expected being given the rank of Colonel. When the news reports came out reporters called him a "Russian spy" involved in "the Iron Curtain" and "the Cold War" . He joined the American military in the 1950s. Apparently it was easy to fake ID back then and once he was in, no one thought to check his documents again until the end of the 1980s.

Because of that particular uncle, who fortunately is now dead, all the "adult" children who were rescued in the FBI raid, had to be tested for everything they could possibly have ever medically had via being given it by men testing bio-weapons on children. I tested positive for Stacibotrin Poisoning, Anthrax, and Small Pox, all 3 of which are why I have the lung problems today, that I have.

But yeah, that's why I can't talk properly. I have massive scaring in my lungs from Stacibotrin Poisoning, Anthrax, and Small Pox, all 3 of which I had 50 years ago, when I was a small child, and I've had to live with the agonizing pain of lungs filled with scar tissue, for almost 60 years now, because my uncles were jackass bastards. Thankfully most of them are now either in prison or dead, and can't hurt anyone anymore. 

I wish the FBI raid had happened sooner. How different my life would have been, had I been rescued as a child or a teenager or even as a young adult. I was locked in that cage and tortured for 31 years. They put me in it when I was 8. The FBI raid let me out 31 years later.

But that is why, my voice is so very quiet. I'm not physically able to speak louder than I do. 

See photos of the "room" I was tortured in, in the panels about the room, you can see the Stacibotrin in the photos.

There were 12 uncles involved in the leadership of the clan. Their are 4,000+ direct family members, this number does not include in-laws and their families. Of those 4,000 only around 400 has American citizenship. All of the rest are Canadians in America illegally, with the exception of the Russian family members, who are Russian, and as far as I know only 2 of them have American citizenship.

The bulk of the men are polygamists, most have 2 to 5 wives, and several of the wives have multiple husbands, most have between 3 to 8 husbands *(these "lesser" husbands, act as "servants" of the primary husband, doing the "jobs" (petty crimes, bank robberies, making the fake IDs, that sort of thing, in addition to helping to raise the children; the lesser husbands are usually castrated to prevent adultery from happening with the lead husband's wives.)*. 

Each female is married between the age of 12 and 16 and will have given birth no fewer then 4 times by the time she reaches 16 years old. Most females give birth to 12 to 20 children. This is WHY, the DIRECT family, not including in-laws, has more then 4,000 members. 

Most of the children will die before reaching the age of 12. 

Most of the women will die before reaching the age of 35. 

Children are not named until they are 3 years old, because chances are high they will not live that long and they are not baptised until they are 8 years old, because again chances are high they will not live that long.  

Average lifespan in Gypsy culture is very, very, very low.

The Air Force Major *(now dead, by suicide, on the final day of the pedophile, child rapist court case brought against him by 86 teen girls all under the age of 16 at the time of the court case, but had all been raped by him under the age of 8... had he not died hours before the end of the trial, he would have gotten 86 sentences for the rapes, plus more charges for the Russian spy stuff, plus more charges for medical experiments on children; he was about to receive a sentence of more then 500 years in prison)*, one of his younger brothers was one of the leaders of Heaven's Gate *(who just died from Covid-19)*, while one of their sister's husbands *(who got life in prison and is still there)* was a supplier to Isis. They were the 3 the FBI was after when the raid happened. The FBI didn't know that these men also had 140+ children, whom had been locked in cages 30+ years, being tortured the entire time. I was one of those children.

The news reports called it "The Worst Child Abuse Case In American History" others called it "Maine's House of Horrors".

Their oldest brother and two of his adult children *(now both in their 60s and him today in his 80s)* were the founders of a branch of the Ku Klux Klan known as "The Loyalist White Knights of the Ku Klux Klan More Loyal then the Loyal White Knights", a group founded for none-whites to "cleanse their DNA and become white". These 3 are still at large, were responcable for the bomb that blew up my house in 2006, where responcable for the kidnapping and beheading of my children in 2015, and are the primary mods of the streamer behind the "deserved to be raped raids" here on Twitch. He is the correct Patriach of the clan. His word is law and when comands orders, then Clan obeies. Many of that streamer's Discord "community" are members of the 4,000 who follow this man. It's WHY she was able to so quickly gather up so many to attack my channel, and if you watch her VODs, you can see the many times one of his sons pays that streamer a $500 donation, with instructions to attack my channel.

In the 30 years since the raid that rescued us, I've had to live with endless interrogations by police and FBI, who refuse to believe I know nothing about my uncles', aunts, and cousins' activities outside of the compound. The same dozens of questions asked over and over again every few months for decades on end. 

Constantly be called into court every time yet another uncle, aunt, or cousin is caught. And endless disappointment from the agents, officers, and lawyers when, once again, they call me in t be a witness and are once again reminded that of the 4,000+ members of the family, I have met face to face fewer then 30 of them and do not know what any of the 4,000+ others look like, nor do I know their names. 

They seem to forget that my being locked in a cage in a closet for 31 years, means, the only people I ever saw, were the ones who tossed food into the cage and the ones who tortured me. They hope against hope that maybe I'll know something about this criminal or that criminal. But why would I? I had one square foot of space, to sit huddled in, my knees to my face. There were no lights, no windows. 

Darkness 24 hours a day for years on end. Even the ones I did see face to face when they came in once every 12 days to toss molded bread and maggot filled rice at me, I couldn't see their faces through the darkness, and didn't know their names. While there were 12 uncles who ran the group, I only ever met 5 of those uncles, though I could hear the fighting and yelling from the next room, and a few times saw the blond American with the German Shepard dog, who was the one who all the money went to, I still don't know who they were, not to this day.

In spite of the money they brought in, my uncles struggled to get by or feed the family most of the time because they only kept a 10% cut... all the rest of the money went to the blond American with the German Shepard dog. HE was the actual leader of the group, and he wasn't a relative. I don't know who he was. They just called him "Mark". They'd rush around in a panic the days he showed up, saying stuff like "We gotta hide these before Mark get's here"... "Mark's coming today, he can't find out we got these." I don't know who Mark was, I could probably ID him if the police or FBI ever caught him, because him, I did see several times. He showed up like clockwork every month to collect the money, the weapons, and the drugs, that my uncles handed over to him. 

But the uncles, the auntes, the cousins... I can't ID most of them, because I never saw them. Most of them were in Utah, Nevada, Arizona, and Wyoming and never even came to Maine at all. Others are in Canada, Russia, and Australia, and again, never came to Maine at all. So none of them I can ID either.

It's frustrating.

I want to just move on and live a normal life. 

I've never been wanted.

Never been loved.

Never been welcomed.

Never been accepted.

Never been included.

Isolated for decades in solitary confinement, since I was 8 years old.

I went years between being allowed to bathe.

Years between any human contact that wasn't a hand wielding a brick to my jaw.

I've never had a friend.

I've never had a real family, just abusers.

31 years in a cage, in a closet with no light.

And when I finally escaped... I found the outside world to be just cold, just as cruel, just as unkind, just as unloving.

I used to think my uncles were the freaks.

But now I know, I'm the freak. Because I'm not violent. I feel pain. I desire love. I desire friendship.

But I've learned that Humans are incapable of those things. 

Humans are cruel.

Humans are incapable of showing love.

Humans are incapable of desplaying friendship.

Because Humans are evil. There is no good in them.

My uncles were not flukes, they were norm of the Human race.

Since my escape, my only goal has been to find love and friendship.

 But every few months the police or FBI will capture yet another uncle, aunt, or cousin and then the whole process starts over again... call me in to ask what I know about this one, can I point them out in a line up. 

No. I never heard of this one either. 

No. I was locked in a cage for 31 years, in total darkness. I never saw anyone but the 5 uncles who tortured me and the handful of adult cousins who helped them.

It's why I play video games so much, so obsessively. I'm trying to forget the endless having to deal with police and FBI and court, month after month, for decades on end. With no break. It's as bad as the first 31 years of my life in the cage! I had no freedom then, but I have no more freedom now, because the police and lawyers and FBI look at me as though I know everything about the criminal relatives in my family, when I know next to nothing about them, and pester me constantly.

The Isis uncle. I'd never even heard of him before. Or Isis. The police showed up after they arrested him. In 2016. That was ever heard of him or Isis. I remember one of the officers asked: "What do you mean, you never heard of Isis? Don't you watch the news? He killed all those people at the Boston Marathon with a bomb!"... I was sitting in my yard, under the tarp that is my house. And response to the officer: "Does it look like I have a place to plug a TV in? One of these trees perhaps? I've been homeless since the bomb blew up my house in 2006." Apparently, I have uncle named Paul. Well, he's not an uncle I ever heard of before. And apparently he builds bombs for someone named Isis, whom I also never hear of before. But apparently, according the officers who arrived in my yard, this Isis dude killed a lot of people in Boston with a bomb built by an uncle Paul, I didn't know I had. 

When the police showed up March 1997, asking about Heaven's Gate. I'd never heard of Heaven's Gate. That's not what any of my uncles ever called the farm. "The Royal Highland Atwater Clan" that's what my uncles called. Except for Richard who called it "Three Swans". Heaven's Gate? No. None them used that term. Only the police ever called it that. They were looking for my uncle Bruce, but he was in Utah. Never did understand why the police were here in Maine looking for him. Mervin Bruce. Leader of Heaven's Gate? Was he? All he ever did was stockpile weapons, rave and rant that God lived on planet Kolob, and was going to fly in on a mothership hidden in the shadow of Comet Wormwood. He fucking insane. He claimed Satan visited him every night and demons talked to im all day. When he was finally arrested... for cutting his wife's foot off at the Saco Dairy Queen... the judge asked him why he cut her foot off, and he told the judge Satan told him to. He was diagnosed with schizophrenia and sentenced to spend the rest of his life in a state run mental institute. He recently died of Covid-19.

And yet, when the police arrived asking question about him. All they wanted to know was, the names of the 39 victims who died in California. How the hell am I supposed to know? I've never been outside of Maine. I have agoraphobia, I don't even leave my yard. California is as far away from Maine as you can get and still be in America. They had all kinds of questions about Heaven's Gate... but in 1997, I'd only been released from my cage, less than a year. I'd never heard of Heaven's Gate. Like I said, just because the new reports and the police said it was Heaven's Gate... no one inside the farm ever called it that.

And Major Richard Merlin? He was in Russia buying little girls. Biggest pedophile in the clan. He had 16 dogs, used buy children from Russia, then make videos of his dogs raping them. He had beastiality child porn website. And yet when the police showed up for him, all their questions were about Russian spies and Iron Curtains and Cold war. They didn't give a shit about the hundreds of little girls he filmed while his Britney Spaniels and Irish Setters raped them. I seriously doubt he ever stopped sexually abusing children long enough to spy for the Russian government. But that's what the police believed and it's what the news reporters printed up in news papers when he got dragged off to court in 2013. He commit suicide day before the trail ended, after 86 of the children he'd raped showed up in court the night before to testify against him.

When the police arrived about the priests who bought time with the children... they only asked questions about Catholic priests from Boston. I've never in my life met a Catholic priest. The priest my uncles were selling little girls to... they were NOT Catholic, nor where they in Boston. Again, I've never been outside of Maine, and I was 42 years old, first time I ever met a non-Mormon. All those men my uncles were selling little girls to, every one of them was a Mormon priest from Cape Elizabeth Ward of the Augusta Stake. Not Catholic. And not Boston. But the police didn't want to listen to that. And when the news reports went out, they connected my uncles to the Catholic Priests of Boston, but once again, the news reporters got it wrong.

And that's the way it always is. The police show up with questions, assuming I know something about some event, that I've never heard of, involving people, I had no clue was related to me, and they are so hung up on getting some big bust in the news, that they ignore the reality of the situation, every time. 

So yeah, there are the news reports, claiming my crazy child abusing uncle was one of Heaven's Gate's leaders, claiming my air force pilot uncle who had a giant full color catalog of photos of little girls whom he bought through the mail via that Russian catalog and making videos of dogs fucking them calling him a Russian spy. And then they come in with some uncle I never heard of working with some other guy I never heard of, who's supposedly famous or something. 

The Clan is huge, yes, but it's based out of Nova Scotia in Canada... in another country. And the bulk of them run their business out of Salt Lake City in Utah... 10s of 1,000s of miles away, half way on the other side of the globe... while the one with the most warrants for him, is in Australia. And I've never meet any of them or their wives or their children or their grand children or their great grand children. I don't even know their names. I've never even seen pictures of them. I've never had any type of contact with a single one of any of them. The ONLY ones I knew, were the ones here in Maine, who worked for that blond "Mark" guy with the German Shepard. 

And YET... every other month, there they are again, the police or the FBI, back again, because hey, we've yet again arrested one of these people you never heard of before and didn't know you were related to, but they are connected with this big case we are working on and we want to sensationalize the news reports, we're here to intergate you about this relative you never meet, never heard of, and didn't know existed, because every other relative of theirs slammed the door in our face and you're the only one who would let us in your house... oh, wait you don't have a house, you live under a tarp, and you didn't actually let us in, we started stopping around your yard without your permission.

I wouldn't mind helping the police and FBI, if I actually knew what the fuck they were talking about, who the fuck they were talking about. But the thing is I don't.

And when I tell them I don't know anything, they point out, well you said you would help... yeah, I did... and if I knew anything I would, but I don't so I can't.

Do you have any idea how annoying this is?

I'm related to 4,000+ fucking criminals, only 30 of whom, I've ever meet, know the names of, or ever even heard of... and because these people who I don't even know, share the same DNA as me, the police think, well I must know them somehow, and they can't find any leads, so let's ask her a million and one questions that we already know she doesn't know the answer to, because we don't have anything better to do right now.

The uncles, I new anything about, were the ones who raised me and they are dead now, except for one. I don't know the others.

Why can't they just let me live in peace.

I mean I get that the police are trying to do their job, but this is borderline harassment. If they were doing their jobs better, they would already know I've never had a connection to those 4,000+ relatives they claim I have. And that's another thing... I only have the police officers' word on that. 

The family I can account for are: my grandfather had 2 wives, 15 children by 1, 3 died in childbirth, 1 died at age 3. 11 reached adulthood. My mother was #8. Of the 7 boys and 4 girls, they had in total 64 children via their 1st spouses. Those 64 children went on to have just over 300 children with their 1st spouses. In total, I can account for 400 people in my family, NOT the 4,000 total that the police give. Who those 4,000 other are, I don't know... because they are NOT related to the original 12. The Atwater Clan has 400 people, not 4,000 like the police claim. And of those 400 I only names of the 30 I've meet.

Do they not take into account how I was raised? In a cage! In a fucking cage! For 31 years! How exactly do they expect me to know anyone other then the 5 uncles who tortured me, and the handful of adult cousins who helped them?

All the police talk about Heaven's Gate, Isis, Russian Spies... I know nothing of those things. What I do know, David demanded memorizing scripture and if I misquoted he's use a shovel to cut off a cat's head, while Bruce fired up his masonry drill to drill a 2 foot long foundation nail through my leg, while Richard pulled out a camcorder to film it. Every Sunday, I was allowed out of the cage, so we could all go to church, Cape Elizabeth Ward of the Church of Jesus Christ of Later Day Saint, Agusta Stake. I was instructed to never say a word. If I got caught talking to anyone, I