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An author's guide to stalkers: Erotica Writers Dealing With CosPlaying Groupies and Perverted Men

(The original email this was answering has been misplaced. If I locate it, I'll add it here.)

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You mentioned something about cosplaying groupies and erotica fans being dangerous. 

Some fans are great. Most fans are wonderful. as a general rule I like my fans. But, sometimes, you are going to have fans who you really don't want anything to do with and you need to be ready to go to the police. In most genres you aren't gonna run into this sort of problem fan, but in Erotica, especially Monster Erotica and Monster Porn, you are goig to run into this sort of fan quite a lot and you need to be prepared for how to deal with them, otherwise they are going to rape you and going to do it in EXACTLY whatever way you wrote the scene they are playing out in one of you books.

These kind of fans, have no respect for your privacy at all, so keep that in mind if you ever do reach my level of success. I’m not very famous at all, and yet, I’m famous enough to have fans following my around in walMart. I’m famous enough to have fans show up in my driveway. I’m famous enough to have fans spend 7 hours following me from one place to the next, while I do my chores. And I’m not famous. If it's this bad, for someone who's as unheard of as I am, how bad do you think it'll be for an author who is famous?

Think of what it would be like if you was really, really famous. You have to ask yourself: Is the money worth it? Because your stalker fans will make your life hell. Believe me, fans crazy enough to follow you from WalMart to McDonalds, to your doctors appointment, to the library and not stop following you all day long, even after you ask over and over again for them to leave you alone, and then when you ask them to leave because it’s time for you to go home and he says “Great I wanted to see where you live!” instead of getting off your ass...and that one just happened a week ago - and this is the 5th time in the last 3 years that this guy has done this, and he's one of 7 guys I regularly have to deal with doing this to me. This guy followed me all over the town for 7 freaking hours, and he’s one of 3 men who I've had to take a restraining order out on in the past year alone.

Why? Because when you write about sex, start following you around, requesting to try out all the sex things you write about. Men just assume you are a slut ready to spread you legs to every male reader who ever read one of your books. Be prepared for THAT too. Because it comes with the territory. Be prepared to spend a lot of time in the police station filing protection from harassment complaints and in the court house getting restraining orders.

Be prepared to spend a lot of time in the court house. You are probably going to have to have them arrested and that means going to court to testify.

I never used to write under my real name. I never told any one my home address either. But did that stop them from finding out who I was and where I lived? No! In 2007 a "professional hacker" (a man whose job it was to hack company computers to test security) became so obsessed with me (and my book The Pearl Necklace) that he hacked my computer and all of my online accounts to try to find out who I was. He then sold his house in Massachusetts, and bought a house in Saco, Maine, because his information said I lived in Saco. In 2008, I meet this man when he showed up at my church to give me hell, for lying to him and telling him I lived in Saco. I had no idea who this guy was. I'd never heard of him before. He'd been stalking me for 2 years before I found out he even existed. Turns out in his hacking, what he traced was the home address of my internet provider. Once he found that out, he sold his house in Saco to buy a house 4 houses down the road from me. And he was married with a wife and 3 children. You remember the grease fryer bomb that took out my house and left my family crippled and homeless? Yeah, that was this guy. When he was finally arrested in 2011, the police found out he ran a website trying to legalize polygamy, and on it, he had a list of all the women who were going to be his next 6 wives (his goal was 7 because of some Bible verse) and my name was #2 on the list, and when they checked to find out who the other "future wives" were: they were all Erotica authors. 

Do you know how my name and home address got out there? This guy. Joel Bailey. He went a built a website listing the real names and home addresses of his favorite Eriotica authors. In it he encouraged other men, to go to these women's homes, break in dressed as CosPlay Monsters and rape them, because he said they wanted to be raped by monsters, because of the books they wrote.

That's the kind of fans you are going to get in this genre.

It doesn't matter how disconnected you are from your penames, any person crazy enough to want to rape you because of a book you wrote, is crazy enough to do whatever it takes to find your real name and your home address.

You are going to need a lot of restraining orders and protection from harassment orders, if you write Monster Porn and one of your fans finds out your real name and home address, because there are a LOT of psychotic men in the world, who when they read Monster Porn, they imagine that they are the Monster and you the author are the victim, and they get it in their heads, that you wrote that book, JUST FOR THEM, and you wrote it because you were sending them hidden messages to find you and rape you.

I've had to take out 3 restraining orders on three separate men, just this year alone (2012). Once that first guy put my real name and home address out on the web, it's been no turning back. These men, know ALL of my pen names. They not only know my home address, they know the home addresses of my friends and my family, and they go after them to.

This is the harsh reality of what your readers are like and what they will do, if they ever find out who you are and where you live. I've been trying for years to get my name and home address off of these sites, blogs, and forums. Did you know that since 2009, if I Google my name and home address, I can find it listed on various sex sites, posted in sex fetish forums, where men are posting it and telling other men, to go to my house in CosPlay costumes and rape me, because according to thm, I want that, otherwise I wouldn't be writing Monster Porn.

Do you have any idea how scary it is, knowing there are men out there posting messages like that about me on forums like that?

And I'm not the only one. Last year I was talking to an author, who said it got so bad, that she unpublished all her books, changed her name and moved her family, multiple times. he was considering leaving the country because her stalker was so out of control. And did you know that laws PROTECT stalkers and the police can't do anything UNTIL somebody gets hurt? Yeah. 

Erotica authors get stalked more then any other genre. And when you write Monster erotica, be prepared to come home some night and find a man wearing nothing but an Otherkin/Furry mask sitting in your house with an erection, waiting to fuck the hell out of you the minute you walk through the door.

There are only a few hundred Monster Porn authors out there and more then a dozen of them have had men in CosPlay costumes, nude from the waist down, break into their homes and try to rape them. More then 10% of the Monster Porn authors have been attacked in their homes, by men in monster costumes. More then half of them have received letters in the mail, requesting to meet with them so he and the author can "re-enact" this or that scene for this or that book. Most of them get fan mail asking for dinner dates, and "let's play monster afterwards". Think about THAT before you start writing Monster Porn. Don't think you can avoid it. It doesn't matter how distant you are from you penname - if they want to find you, they WILL. And once they find you, they will start contacting you every month, every week, some will be writing to you every day, a few are going to be knocking on your door, while the most persistent, and going to be doing monster masks and sitting nude on your bed waiting for you to get home so they can "surprise" you with you "getting your wish" to be raped by a monster.

Oh, yeah, this is the harsh reality of what life is like for a Monster Porn author. You are not going to be able to step out in public without every man you meet who knows what you write, wanting to fuck you sideways. And they ALL believe that because you write monsters raping victims, that those books are an open invitation for them to rape you.

If you want to write this genre, you need to know what you are getting into before you start, because you write it, you can't go back. These fans will stalk you for the rest of your life, even if you stop writing it and move out of state, they will follow you.

Did you know, that men stalking female Erotica authors is so bad, that there are entire forums and groups devoted to JUST that topic. Groups for Erotica authors who've been stalked, raped, battered, and beaten by their fans.

That's the thing I hate most about all the scam books, out there telling you how great it is to write Erotica, how you are going to be a millionaire in 6 weeks, blah, blah, blah...because not only are they lying to you about the money you'll make, they are also not telling you what the REAL behind the scenes life of an Erotica author is like. They are not telling you the danger you put yourself in the moment your write sex for a living. They are not telling you that 30% of all erotica authors get raped AT LEAST ONCE by one of their fans. 30% is a big number. There are millions of erotica authors, that there are tens of thousands of Erotica authors who have been raped by their fans. That's not a small number. And that's only a small fraction of the amount of unsuccessful attempted rapes on Erotica authors.

Those scammers writing those get-rich-quick in Erotica books, don't know the real world of erotica writiung. Not only are they not doing what they claim, but they are endangering your life by not warning you of the harsh realities of what your life will be like, WHEn (not if) your fans uncover your real name and home address.

In the past 3 years, there has been a stark increase of Erotica authors, and with it, the number of Erotica authors raped each year has more then doubled. 

You want to write Erotica for money? Fine. But arm yourself with mace and use your money to get damned good security systems on your house and car, because, Honey, in this business, you're gonna need it.

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