Do Black Lives REALLY Matter
to the BLM Rioters?

No.

If Black Lives REALLY Mattered,
to the BLM Protesters,
they would stop and think
about the consequences their actions have...


UPDATE: June 24, 2020: Much sadness, the painting of Erzulie Danta aka The Black Madonna, one of Vudo's Primary Loas was destroyed by BLM vandals :( , she along with her sister Erzulie Freda are my patron saints.

Much sadness, the painting of Erzulie Danta aka The Black Madonna, one of Vudo's Primary Loas was destroyed by BLM vandals :( only 2 days after the destruction of Erzulie Freda aka Immaculate Conception, she along with her sister Erzulie Freda are my patron saints.

Erzulie Danta & Erzulie Freda are 2 of the primary Loa of Voodoo.

They are the 2 wives of Damballah Weddo, The One God,  The Great Serpent, The Creator of Life.

White slave owners, would not allow black slaves to worship the Loa. Slave owners brought in Catholic Priests and Nuns to convert the slaves. The slaves took the icons, prayer cards, and paintings the priests and nuns gave them, and gave the Loa, "Catholic names"

Thus Damballah Weddo began to be represented by images of Moses carrying a Brass Serpent, and his wives Erzulie Danta & Erzulie Freda began to be represented by The Black Madonna and The Lady of The Immaculate Conception.

All of the Loa, have Catholic Saints and Martyrs to represent them. It was a way for the slaves to trick the Masters into thinking the slaves were converted to Catholicism, when in fact, Voodoo, or Vuvu as it was called in the 1400 to 1700s, stayed strong in their hearts and the mysteries of the Loa stayed alive.

Today Voodoo is a branch of the Catholic church, and while most Christians call us Pagans or Heathens or worse, we are in fact Christian, and branch of Catholicism.

It's why you see me always with a rosary, which I wear like a necklace, much to the horrors of many Catholics, and why I have so many statues of Mary, Jesus, and the Saints all over my room and my car, and why I have crosses and crucifixes all over my walls, and why I wear veils, mantilla, and hijab.

If you walked in my room, you would immediately assume I was an extremely devout orthodox Catholic, and you'd be wrong.

I am a Voodoo Priestess rank of Medsan Fey Marija Loa to Damballah Weddo and serve the local shrine to Papa Damballah and Erzulies Freda and Danta. This painting was very dear to me.

It means I am married to God, something for which there was an actual wedding, with a wedding dress and everything. 

In simpler terms: I'm a nun.

I am married to my god the same way a Catholic nun is married to Christ.

Which is also why sex is not a part of my life.

This painting is a painting that we Voodoo practitioners hold with deep reverence.

The Black Madonna, Erzulie Dantar, Our Dear Sweet Lady of Retribution. 

Voodoo Practitioners, follow many things, many paths, many roads, many branches. But with every branch, every form of Voodoo, one thing remains constant: The Black Madonna. There is no Voodoo Practitioner on the planet, who does not have a statue or a prayer card or her dagger through the heart veevee on their prayer alter. She is the mother of life. The mother of us all. The goddess who created life, with Papa Damballah. 

This painting is dearly beloved in the Voodoo Community, and now she is destroyed.

The painting was made in 1433, based off of the description of Jesus in the Bible.

The book of Revelations describes Jesus as having roped locks of hair like lambs wool and feet the colour of brass. Jesus was from the southern region of Judea which is in Africa. 

Jesus was black. The Bible itself tells us this.

Most images of Jesus and Mary paint them white, blond, blue eyed... but that's not how the Bible described them.

This is one of the few historical images of a Black Jesus and a Black Mother Mary. And most Black people love it dearly. So why would followers of a movement to bring equality to black lives, destroy it?

Or did they? Was it people who hate the BLM movement and so destroyed a symbol near and dear to the hearts of millions in the black community?

Who destroyed this painting? 

And why?

BLM graffiti is the only clue.

But is it, BLM because it was done by someone in the BLM movement? 

Or was it done by someone against the BLM movement?

No one knows.

No one knows who did this.

My grandmother was half Black *(yes, I am 1/4 Black)* and she loved this painting. She didn't call it The Black Madonna like most people do, she called her Black Baby Jesus. She took a trip over there to see it in person.

Whoever did it, these people should pay heed to history, and to what happened to the pirates who slashed her face. It didn't end well for them.

Our dear Lady of Retribution, wielder of vengeance upon the unjust, may your curse of iniquity fall upon all who cause harm.

She was one of my 2 faves, along with The Immaculate Conception... 

Erzulie Danta aka The Black Madonna

Erzulie Freda aka The Immaculate Conception

...and to see them both destroyed 2 days apart from each other is heartbreaking.

Why is the BLM movement attacking the Patron Saint of Slaves? Our Dear Lady of Retribution. Vicious Punisher of the Masters who take away freedom.

She is the symbol of everything the Black Lives Matter movement stands for, so why destroy her?

Do you idiots know nothing?

Do you not know the history of this painting?

Or how it got destroyed by Nazis in World War II... and it remains, rebuilt, in Poland, by Jewish Concentration Camp Survivors.

How many times has she been destroyed since her creation in 1433?

Freed Black Slaves, rebuilt her.

Freed Jews, rebuilt her again.

Why would you destroy the symbol of freedom? The symbol of escape from oppression? The symbol of survival against all odds? 

Ignorance and arrogance is a dangerous pairing. This just proves their lack of intelligence. Destroying anything and everything, without knowing what it is.

Do you know, that without this painting, you even have the Black Lives Matter Foundation? Are you aware of the history of the organization you are screaming the name of from the rooftops?

Has anyone else noticed the similarities in behavior with this movement and ISIS or The Ku Klux Klan or The Nazis... destroying anything they don't like, taking control of portions of cities... doing it all in the name of a call to lord over others?

When you destroy history, try to erase it, you will allow it to happen again in future generations. Instead of burying bad parts of history, you should be teaching your children to learn from the mistakes of that history, so history doesn't repeat itself.

Funny thing is... this particular painting... she was hated by the Nazis too. They destroyed her. This is a reproduction that was made in 1945, because Nazis destroyed the original 1433 one.

She was rebuilt, to stand as a testament AGAINST fucking White Power bastards who murdered millions of Jews, Blacks, Gays, and Gypsies. 

We Gypsies hail her as our Patron Saint, because she is a strong woman of colour, who survived one of the worst White Power atrocities in history.

If there is any painting out there that should be used as the fucking logo of the BLM movement... THIS IS IT! And you destroy her?

Why?

Regardless of which side destroyed it, you are both acting like ill mannered children.

One side smash and trashes items, then the other side retaliates back with more smash and trash, so the first side smashes more, then then 2nd side smashes back... when will it end? Both sides are acting like idiots right now. Neither side is making the other side look bad, because both sides are too busy making themselves look bad.

The Ku Klux Klan is parading up and down streets in Maine calling BLM protestors monkeys, and, I gotta say... they are kind of right. I mean, monkeys don't have enough brains to know not to smash things, so monkeys run around smashing things. Humans know better then to destroy things, because Humans know how to use their brains.

Think about that!

There should NEVER be a point, when we can say "The Ku Klux Klan is right."

The Ku Klux Klan are horrible people, and right now THEY are the ones in the right! That shouldn't happen! The villain shouldn't be better than the hero, and right now that is what's happening!

Come on people... 2 wrongs don't make a right. 

Don't be like them!

Do not lower yourselves to their level.

We are better then this.

You ALL are better then this.

Stand up and prove you are better.

Smashing everything, because they smash everything, how does that make you any better than them?

It doesn't!

It makes you JUST LIKE THEM!

And they are standing out there calling black people monkeys! And I wish I could say they were wrong, but it's kind of hard to do, when you are running around, making mindless grunts, waving spray cans, smashing things up, and FUCKING ACTING LIKE MONKEYS!

You are giving the racists POWER OVER YOU!

That's all the rioting and vandalism is doing.

You are giving power to the fucking white power bastards.

STOP GIVING THEM POWER OVER YOU!

The whole point of the BLM Protests is the SHOW that black people ARE NOT monkeys! To prove that black people ARE humans and deserve to be treated like humans.

They should not be out there chanting "monkey" like that. Yes, they are wrong and it is horrible that they are doing it... but at WHY they are saying it.

They are saying that BECAUSE you are giving them reason to.

Don't prove the Ku Klux Klan to be right about black people... prove them WRONG!

#PROVE THEM WRONG!

Stop giving them power to hate. Stop feeding then fuel to fan their hatred with.

Are you people all so caught up in the frenzy of rioting that you not see yourselves, the way the white power haters see you, right now?

Go to Twitter and look for the hashtag "BLMTerrorists" and spend an hour or two, reading those Tweets.

You really, REALLY, need to look at what you are doing. Look at the message your rioting is sending. LOOK at what they saying about the rioters, the vandals.

They're scared. And that's bad. That's really bad. Because sooner or later, they'll lash back. And it won't be good. It never is.

And look at what the rioters are doing.

It's not just statues anymore.

Did you see the video footage of a mob of rioters who ran into Target, and started smashing up the store with baseball bats, and when an elderly man in his 90s, ran from the store to avoid getting hurt, the mod dragged him to the ground, torn off his Covid19 facemask, starting spitting in his face, while kicking him. That happened this morning.

How about the one that happened Sunday. Another elderly man, this one his 80s, leaving church, heading across the parking lot, going to his car... when a BLM mob, came storming across the parking lot, grabbing anyone they saw and throwing them to the ground. Three men, mauled the old man. Beat unconscious. For no reason. He didn't even see or hear them coming.

That's not right.

That's not protesting.

That's being a gangster.

Mobster.

You know what mobster means, right? It means, being part of mob and beating people up for the fun of it.

That's all this has become. A mob of rioters, beating people up for the fun of it.

It's wrong.

You know it is.

Hurting people is never right.

Violence is not going to solve anything.

Violence is just going to make, people who hate minorities, start to hate minorities even more! That the opposite of what we need or want.

Think!

Use your brains.

Every time you act like mindless animals, you just give the white power lunatics MORE POWER over you! 

Don't give them that power. They don't deserve it.

Look at what is happening.... You destroy their works of art, so they fight back, by destroying ours.

Can't you see what you are doing?

LOOK at the swastika across The Black Madonna's face, and the words BLM underneath.

This is wrong on so many levels.

These riots, all vandalism... you'll gain one or two victories, small ones, meaningless ones, you'll get statues moved... but what is the fucking point? 

You've lost focus of the BIG PICTURE... which is saving lives.

Taking down a statue is NOT going to save lives.

You people should be in courthouse, filing paperwork, writing dockets, reading law books, and getting laws passed.

You can do that. You don't NEED politicians to do those things. All you need is the make your case, in front of a judge who agrees with you.

That's it.

You don't need violence.

You don't need riots.

You don't need vandalism.

You need law books and enough education to know how to write a docket and word it persuasively, so that you can convince a judge, to sign off on that law and get it passed. 

Why are none of you doing THAT?

Violence is NOT the answer.

Hate crimes are not the answer.

Riots are not the answer.

Criminal acts are not the answer.

You'll be no help to anyone if you get arrested and are behind bars. 

These protests are NOT peaceful, and you're deluded if you think they are.

Yes, there are dirty cops out there. I've met plenty in my lifetime.

But for every bad cop I've ever meet, I've met dozens of officers who were good.

Taking over police stations, setting fire to police cruisers, beating up police officers, just because they are police officers.... none of this is right. It's terrorism.

Yes, action needs to be taken, but not violent action. Look in the mirror... you people are using acts of terrorism to protest acts of terrorism. That's not right.

You don't fight fire with fire.... all that does is make the fire bigger. You are fanning the flames of hate and making them grow.

You fight fire with water. You put the fire out. 

You need to tame the lion of hate, make it a lamb of peace. Sooth it. Teach it to see the error of it's ways. Show it that it can trust you, let it know you won't hurt it. That's win the lion over. 

But if you attack the lion, threaten it, hurt it, it'll lash back, fiercer, meaner, far worse than it was to begin with.

Can you not see that?

Can you not see, how all this violence is only stirring the haters up more and teaching them to say to themselves "We was right about them minorities"...

You should be showing the haters, that they are wrong, not that they are right.

Every act of violence committed in the name of "Black Lives Matter" only teaches white people, to hate black people even more.

Don't prove the haters they are right, prove them wrong instead.

What the hell is wrong with you people?

Have you all got your heads shoved so damned far up your asses that you are just going to destroy anything and everything you get near now, even symbols like THIS, that you should be hailing as one of the greatest memorials in tribute to people of colour?

She is a tribute AGAINST fucking White Supremacists.... don't you idiots know that?

Or is that EXACTLY the point?

No one saw who did this.

And it happened after so many statues were torn down, statues of white men, torn down by black men.

Are we now seeing here White Supremacists "fighting back"?

It's possible.

But I wonder... how many of the BLM Protesters have ever faced REAL racism face to face?

How many of them, have ever been attacked by the REAL and ACTUAL Ku Klux Klan?

Look at the memes on Twitter, showing supposed KKK pictures... people in white pillow cases with holes cut out.

That is NOT the REAL Ku Klux Klan... you know right?

GOOGLE THE FUCKING BASTARDS! Find out what they REALLY look like, what they REALLY wear.

They wear miter hats, with veils on the front, and long heavily embroidered and beaded white robes, with large red crosses on their capes. Their outfits are EXACT REPLICAS of the Catholic Pope's robes and hat.

It's not a white pointy pillowcase.

Also, ONLY the leaders wear white.

The rest of the members, wear colours based on rank. Green Robes, Red Robes, Blue Robes, Yellow Robes, Black Robes... the REAL card-carrying members of the Ku Klux Klan, DO NOT WEAR WHITE!

There are 200,000 active card-carrying members of the REAL Ku Klux Klan, living in Maine. The largest concentration of them in one place, on the entire planet.

And they are actual terrorists. They build bombs. They murder children. They skin people alive, hang them in trees, and leave them there to bleed to death and long slow death that takes weeks to happen.

And they DO NOT WEAR WHITE!

The fakes as white robes and pillow case hoods, are a thing that was created by Hollywood Movies... it's NOT a thing that exists in the REAL world.

Fake ass wanna-bes, wear white robes and white pillow cases, because they never saw a REAL KKK member and they don't know shit about the REAL Ku Klux Klan. They dress up in white robes and put pillow cases on their heads, because that is what MOVIES tell people the Ku Klux Klan does.

That's how you can tell the fake ass wanna-bes from the REAL Ku Klux Klan. And if you have ever seen them face to face, you'd have known that.

My first encounter with the Ku Klux Klan... I was 14 years old. Me and 5 other children were kidnapped and tortured.

Anastasia was just 4 years old. A toddler. They ripped off her leg. Doing so, pulled her intestines out, and spilled her partly digested breakfast all over the floor.

Then they just left her there.

It took her a week to die.

Tajid... they beat his chest, crushed his lungs. He saved my life. Those blows were meant for me. He got between me and them. He died 2 days later.

I survived.

July 1, 2001. A backhoe drove my house while my family was gone to the movies. We rebuilt.

February 14, 2003, my doctor's office, First Care Health Clinic, Saco Ave, Old Orchard Beach, Maine... was blown up with a bomb. My doctor died. 3 of his nurses died. 21 patients were hospitalized in critical condition.  The Ku Klux Klan left an 8 foot tall white cross in the parking lot.

It wasn't in the news.

I was there. It was the first Ku Klux Klan bomb, I survived.

May 9, 2006, they beat up my dad, he is in a coma for 2 months, and an additional 6 months in the hospital recovering.

October 16, 2006, a bomb blew up my house, and the Ku Klux Klan left an 8 foot tall white cross in my rose garden.

It wasn't in the news.

It was 1AM. I was asleep in my bed. The bomb was put in the doorway of my bedroom. I was on fire. My hair and my clothes were burned off of me. It was the second Ku Klux Klan bomb, I survived.

We rebuilt again.

April 7, 2007, a backhoe drove over my house, again. We rebuilt again.

Also in 2007, the headless body of a teenage girl was found in the parking lot of Scarborough, Shaw's. Her head was found on the Payne Road, 3 months later, with a circle of 7 dead black labrador retriever dogs around her head.

May 9, 2010, they saw 1964 Dodge 330 car in half.

Also, 2010, a 90-year-old black man, was beaten to death with a shopping cart, in Westbrook Shaw's parking lot, while dozens of white onlookers cheered on his murderer.

May 2013, Southern Maine Community College was evacuated when a bomb was found under my desk, a desk I sat at every day. It was the 3rd bomb I survived.

June 4, 2013, my cousin Murphy's headless body was left in the crossroad of Ross Road and Cascade Road, Old Orchard Beach, Maine.

June 8, 2013, my cousin Murphy's head was left in the crossroad of Portland Ave and Road Road, Old Orchard Beach, Maine, a 1/4 mile away from where his body had been left.

I live on Portland Ave, 5 houses from that crossroad. I found his body while driving home from work at the Maine Mall.

August 8, 2013, a backhoe drove over my house, again.

November 14, 2013, while putting my art easel in the back of my car, after art studio class at Southern Maine Community College, a man and 2 women, with a metal golf club and 2 metal baseball bats, attacked. They were waiting behind my car. I didn't see them. They broke my legs, my hip, my knee. I was paralyzed for 5 months. It took me 18 months to relearn to walk. 

#You think you know racism... I guarantee you don't know it half as well as I do.

August 2014... Saco Shaw's made national news when a woman's head was found in the ice cream freezer.

A week later another head was found in their dumpster.

April 10, 2015, 12 members of my family were kidnapped, by 14 Ku Klux Klan members, all of them police officers at the Scarborough, Maine Police Department, and Old Orchard Beach, Maine Police Department.

Do you remember Bela? She used to be in all my videos. A police officer beat her head in with a cinder block. Ripped her jaw clean off her face. April 10, 2015. That's why she's not in streams anymore.

Do you remember Georgie? Same thing. Same brick. Split the whole side of his head open.

While a pole with an electric taser neck hold held them down.

12 members of my family, had that happen. April 10, 2015.

How old were they?

The oldest was 14.

The youngest was 4.

Three were 7.

Two were 5.

Yeah. They were very young.

Still think you know what racism is?

But why would white people care about children? Children are disposable in America, remember? Americans murder 5,000 babies every day. Ninety Million babies have been murdered in America, since 1991. It's no wonder, white power terrorists think nothing is wrong with killing children. Murdering babies is, after all the American way.

Two escaped. They lived, but both have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, and both are missing all their teeth and most of their jaws.

The other 10?

May 15, 2015, their heads were nailed to my door. Their intestines wrapped around my windows.

It wasn't in the news.

Maine law, only a police officer can report a crime to the news stations or newspapers.

But when the police officers, are marching around wearing white robes and white hoods and erected white crosses in the front yards of the people they torment... there are no police officers too who will file the reports.

THAT is REAL racism.

THAT is REAL police brutality.

But we're just Gypsies, so no one cares.

And this is Maine, the state that is proud to call itself: 99.9% white.

And this is The Town of Old Orchard Beach, a town run by the Ku Klux Klan. They took over our town in 2001. Now they run the Town Hall, the Police Department, the Fire Department, and Dispatch. 

Heaven help you if you live in Old Orchard Beach, and you need to call 911, but you ain't white enough for them to respond.

Heaven help you if they do respond... and you're not white enough... because whatever help you called them for, they'll beat the shit out of you.

November 2015, Scarborough Walmart was evacuated, because a bomb was left in my department, under one of the HallMark card displays. I worked at WalMart at the time. It was the 4th bomb I survived.

July 24, 2016, Scarborough Walmart was evacuated, yet again, because a bomb was left in my department, under one of the HallMark card displays. I worked at WalMart at the time. It was the 5th bomb I survived.

July 26, 2016, while putting groceries in my car, at Scarborough Walmart, the same attackers from 2013, beat me with a shopping cart and left me for dead. They broke my spine. Severed the nerves in my spinal column. I've never walked again. 

5 times in 2018... you saw my live streams interrupted, as the Ku Klux Klan arrived in my driveway, a shot bullet holes through the walls... you saw them on the live streams. The VODs are still up. I didn't take them down.

October 2019... local Jewish Synagogue was bombed. They blew the whole side off the building. You saw it in my live streams... I drove there and showed you what they did...

It wasn't in the news.

February 12, 2020, yet another of my cousins was gunned down. This time in Scarborough, Maine WalMart, while putting groceries in his car.

Biddeford, Maine's Rotary Park, used to have the Guinness World Record for the tallest, largest flag pole. They took it down 5 years ago. Do you know why?

Because in the dead of winter, Old Orchard Beach Officers, thought it would be funny, the strip a 14 year old boy naked, tie his ankles to the back bumper of a police car, and drive 14 miles from Old Orchard Beach, to that flag pole, and tie the child to the rope, like he was a lag, host him to the top, and left him there. 3 days of blizzard later, a dog walker found him, nearly frozen to death, unconscious, hanging upside down from the flagpole.

They assumed him to be gay, he wasn't, but they thought he was because he was wearing a pink coat.

It wasn't in the news. So if you didn't know the family, you didn't know it happened.

2 weeks ago, Black Lives Matter protestors arrived in Biddeford, Maine... they were meet face to face with white hoods carrying assault rifles, machine guns, and Gatlin guns... the protesters, didn't have the balls to stand up to REAL racists, so they fled to Sanford, Maine... but one of the Ku Klux Klan's primary "club" buildings is in Sandford, Maine, so the protestors were met with even more white hoods carrying assault rifles, machine guns, and Gatlin guns... the protesters, didn't have the balls to stand up to REAL racists, so the protestors fled to Monmouth, Maine, and after 5 hours there... they fled Maine entirely.

It wasn't in the news. 

Why wasn't it in the news?

All us locals here in Maine, we saw it happen. We saw the protesters turn tail and run, as soon as the White Hoods marched out with their assault rifles.

The BLM protestors CLAIM they have lived with racism, but when they came to Maine, they found out fast, that they really had no clue, what REAL racists are like.

You don't know racism until you've lived with the fucking Ku Klux Klan terrorizing your town, terrorizing your family.

They kidnapped 12 members of my family. April 10, 2015. Tortured them. Killed 10 of them. And nailed their heads to my door.

#THAT IS FUCKING REAL RACISM!!!

You people don't know shit!

The BLM protestors are attacking statues and paintings because they are cowards who don't have the balls to fight REAL racists. They proved that when they arrived in Maine and got chased out within 5 hours, by the fucking Ku Klux Klan.

Yeah, you want to decry police brutality?

Do you remember a few years ago, a black boy while standing in line, at San Diego Comic-Con, waiting to buy tickets for the convention, was gunned down by a police officer... 

Do you know who that black boy was? He was cousin Matt. The one I used to play multiplayer video games with... the reason I don't play multiplayer video games anymore.

His mother was so distraught over his death, that she remarried his father and 7 other men. Yeah, my aunt with the 8 husbands. That's WHY she has the 8 husbands. Her son gunned down by a police officer because he was the only coloured person standing in a line of white people, and the police officer thought that was suspicious.

Attacking statues and paintings doesn't help anybody.

You aren't bringing awareness, you are just making yourselves look like idiots.

Don't be haters.

There are enough haters in the world already. Don't add to the hate.

And those of us, who live with REAL racists in our towns, and are families are being brutalized, tortured, and murdered by those fucking racists... you are making life worse for US... 

...because while you can go back home, and be safe, we still have the Ku Klux Klan lording over our town. And no amount of torn down statues or destroyed paintings is going to stop them.

And all you people have done is made things worse, for those of us, who live with the daily constant threat of violence at the hands of REAL White Supremacists.

You people running around calling politicians, actors, singers, white supremacists because of something they said on Twitter... you haven't got a fucking clue what a REAL White Supremacists is like.

And let me ask you this: how are YOU any different, from the racist white people who destroy all things non-white?

You're not. You are just the same.

You are acting just like them.

Violence is only going to breed more violence. Don't you people know that?

You who are destroying things... you don't care about the consequences of your actions, but you will not suffer any harm.

But what about my family?

Persian Gypsies. 1/2 Jewish, 1/4 Native American, and 1/4 Black. Not one drop of white blood in us ... living in Old Orchard Beach... the whitest town, of the whitest state in America... and town that got taken over by the Ku Klux Klan June 2001.

Do you care?

Do you care what they will do to us, in retaliation, for what you people are doing to statues on the other side of the world from us?

Do you care, at all?

You people say you care... but I don't see it.

I don't see it at all.

All I see is a herd of mindless sheep, jumping on a bandwagon, following the herd, and not once stopping to think about the consequences of their actions.

You people keep asking me "Why Avallac'h?", "Why are you so obsessed?", "Why did this fandom take over your life?"... look at the date it started. 

* Did you know I'm on 24 hour suicide watch, and I have been since January 4, 2016?

* Did you know I was hospitalized for a nervous breakdown, after 10 members of my family had their heads nailed to the door?

* Did you know I have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder?

* Did you know Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is not itself an illness, but rather is a symptom and a coping mechanism for dealing with extreme emotional trauma?

* Did you know, a team of doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists, social workers, and FBI agents, had me hooked up to tons of medical monitors, heart monitors, blood monitors, a portable EKG... for weeks, so they monitor what activities I did, so they determine a lifestyle change prescription, that would get my resting heart rate under 131 and my blood pressure over 70 over 60?

* Did you know that the doctors discovered that the ONLY time my body relaxes on any level at all is when I'm playing Witcher 3?

* Did you know, I have an actual prescription, which says, to play Witcher 3 as much as possible every day?

* Did you know, playing Witcher 3 is the only thing keeping me alive right now, and my doctors says the worst I could do right now, is STOP playing it?

The Ku Klux Klan took everything from me. My home. My family. My health. 

I have no one now. I have 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year, of the rest of my life, to be crippled, bedridden, and alone.

"Why Avallac'h?", "Why are you so obsessed?", "Why did this fandom take over your life?"... because I used to be able to walk. I used to have a family. I used to have a home. And I'm having a very difficult time trying to find a reason to live. And I needed something to take away the pain. I needed someone who had lost everything as brutalily as I had, to talk to, because only someone who had been through what I had been through, would understand how I feel. I needed something to see, other then 10 heads nailed to my door. It's all I can see. I can't sleep. I can't eat. I can't close my eyes. I can't get the image of their bloody heads out of my mind.

Playing this video game, researching every detail, writing articles, and sewing the costume, it's the only thing I can do that blots out the images of their heads. And as soon as I stop playing the game, stop rereading the novels, stop making screenshots, stop writing the articles, stop sewing the costume, the images of their heads are back.

I can't function at all any more. I haven't been able to function since April 10, 2015. 

This obsession with Avallac'h... it's not about him. He's just the tool that right now keeping me from killing myself, until I can find something else, some reason to live.

And you people, you think because someone called you a hate slur, that you know racism is. You have no clue.

Until the Ku Klux Klan, kills your entire family and nails their heads to your door... you'll never know what it like to live with real racism.

You who don't know REAL racism, you think you are being funny with your acts of hate and violence, smashing statues? If you ACTUALLY knew REAL racism, you'd be so mentally broken that you wouldn't be able to see the statues, because all you can see is the horror of your murdered families's remains.

And because you don't know REAL racism, after you get done destroying things, you can safely go home, because while you THINK, someone is racist, because they called you a "nigga"... it's just a word. These people who murdered my family and destroyed my home, and left me crippled, they call me a "nigga" all the time. I don't even look black. I'm not even close to being able to pass for black. Heck, half the people who call me "nigga" 10 or 12 shades of brown darker than me. I'm 1/4 black, but you wouldn't know it to look at me. I'm physically whiter than most white people. But that doesn't matter to White Power people like the Ku Klux Klan. They don't care about skin colour. They care about blood. 

If you think, you know what racism is because someone used hate slurs to describe you, then you don't know a thing about racism. Words can't hurt you. But bombs can. As can golf clubs. Guns can. Shopping carts can.

Look at yourselves... destroying property, vandalism... why? What good does it do? Do you think about those of us who live here and are left behind after you get done trashing things, and you back to the safety of your homes, where the worst thing you have to deal with is people calling you dirty words?

... we are left behind when you leave, and we are the one who will be hanging from flagpoles, our heads nailed to doors, our homes and churches bombed, by REAL racists, who don't just spout off hate slurs, because they are too busy loading their assault rifles and building bombs.

You don't know what REAL racism is.... if you did, you wouldn't be doing these thing, because you'd know how badly every non-white who lives in a town where there are active Ku Klux Klan members, is going to suffer, because of what you people are doing.

If you REALLY wanted to make a difference... you'd do something to make life safe for families like mine, instead of attacking statues and paintings that are never going to hurt anybody.

#STOP THE HATE!

They hate you.

You hate them.

When does it end?

Stop destroying things and start helping people.

Stop spreading hate and start spreading peace.

We who live with actual racism, we desperately need your help... but what you are doing right now... you are making things even worse for us.

Stop making things worse.

Start making things better.

Spread love and peace, not hate and violence.

I have Kanner's Syndrome (ACTUAL Autism, not Aspergers), which means I'm not good at group things. I'm classified as Savant, meaning I have a few things that I obsess about, big time, and have world records in them as a result, and everything else in my life I still require a caretaker to help me with. 

I was believed to be mute until I was 31 years old, when a college professor whose day job was working with Autism children, meet me at an Autism Awareness event (I own The Autism Awareness Car, which has 2.5million marbles glued to it - took 4 years to build it). He spent several years teaching me to talk and I was able to get a GED at age 37 (I had never been allowed to go to school as Autism in the 1970s = too retarded to be taught anything so why bother? It was assumed I couldn't be taught, so no one tried to, until I was 31 years old), and started college at age 42. 

Today in addition to being a rabid gamer, I'm also an artist (acrylic on canvas and watercolor on rag) sell my art in local galleries, I build art cars and installation art, published over 130 Dark Fantasy novels, and became a retail merchandiser for Macy's, WalMart, and HallMark for 16 years because I'm very good at organizing things... I can't do much else, but I can certainly make sure nothing on the sales floor is out of place. 

On Twitch I'm known for my ability to open up a video game and completely rewrite it removing and making my own... I rewrote Witcher 3, removed Geralt and Roach and the combat system, and build my own player character, made travel companions, wrote a new combat system, made new quests, made new maps... removed all the texture files and made all new ones. There's nothing in Witcher 3 that I have not rewritten. With over 4,000 mods now made for it, you can barely recognize my game as being Witcher 3 anymore.... and yet I can't read C++ code.

I spent my childhood and teen years, being told I would never amount to anything. I proved them all wrong.

People see the things I do very well (art, writing, my exemplary organization skills in retail stores, and my ability to open up a video game and completely rewrite it and making my own) but they often don't see past that.

Social skills are a thing I've not yet mastered, which makes streaming very difficult for me as, chat is sensory overload and I have it turned off. I also can't count, do Math, tell time, use calendars, use money, numbers are lost on me.

Basic things - bathing, eating, brushing my hair, etc - that most people have no trouble with, I have caretakers who have to help me do those thing, even though I'm 20, 30, 40 years older than my caretakers. I am VERY low-functioning, but I can write, I can paint, I disect video games, and I can organize things. I just can't do one thing else. Which is very upsetting, because I wish I could. I try too. I don't know why I can't. It's like there are a few things in my brain turned all the way up on super high and everything else is just turned off and won't come on.

And then there are issues with meltdowns, screaming fits, panic attacks, bad ones. Bad enough that I generally avoid contact with the public, simply because I'm tired of dealing with the police. Someone my age, screaming on the floor, people assume I'm on drugs and call the police. It's very frustrating, because I can not control these attacks and I can't stop them once they start.  

It is extremely distressing, I'm insanely good at a few things, but everything else, things most of society doesn't bat an eye at, I can't do them, no matter how hard I try. And I'm not capable of "acting properly" or "behaving in socially acceptable ways".

Most people when they meet me in real life, they are very taken back, by how extremely disabled I am. Fans of my novels, meet me at book signings and ask: "So, what's the joke, what's this retard doing here, where's the author?" They refuse to believe, someone as deeply retarded as me, is capable of writing novels.

It hurts a lot, people's reactions to meeting me and them finding out the reality of what ACTUAL Autism, Kanner's Syndrome, is really like... and that it's NOTHING like Asperger's, with it's "cute Sheldon Cooper quirks" that they are used to and think of as being Autism.

They forget, people with Asperger's can live normal lives, they can pass for normal in public if they have too, they get married and have families, and I'm not capable of living on my own or without caretakers, and I never will be. 

I wish more people knew the difference between Aspergers and Autism, and how vastly different they are from each other. Far too many people hear that I have Autism, and they automatically assume I have Aspergers, and then they meet me in person, and are shocked, horrified, and they tell me they've meet dozens, sometimes hundreds of Aspies, and when they meet me, they say, they realize, they've NEVER seen Autism before, in spite of all the hundreds of Aspies they've met, and then they tell me, they wish they had known, they wished someone had told them, how starkly different Autism is from Aspergers, because they always say, no matter how many Aspies they worked with, it never prepared them to come face to face with ACTUAL REAL Autism, Kanner's Syndrome, for the first time.

1 in 3 children have Aspergers, it's very common, but only 1 in 1,200,000 children have Autism, it's very rare. In the wake of the mass flood of people calling Asperger's Autism, people forget how incredibly rare actual Autism really is. They aren't the same thing and until you've seen both side by side, you don't realize how different they really are.

People forget WHY I became such a good writer. I was mute for 31 years. Writing was the only way I could communicate with anyone. But I grew up in a family that crumpled up the paper, never even looked at it. In their minds I was too stupid to talk and therefore anything I wrote on paper MUST have been gibberish. They didn't even look at it. So I wrote letters to the cats that lived with us. I started doing that when I was 8 years old. I still do it 50+ years later.

But I'm not likely to be much use in a group, as outside of writing, art, video games, and organizing sale floors of retail stores, I'm too retarded to be able to do anything else. I'm rarely welcomed in groups, because I'm too retarded, too Autistic to fit in, or so I'm always told. I'm rarely of any use to anyone.