EelKat Wendy C Allen - Dark Fantasy Author


UPDATE March 17, 2021: Another death. Waiting for a coffin to be delivered. Funeral the 21st. Unlikely to be streaming for a few weeks.


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Update: March 27, 2021: It's not even been a week since the funeral, and now there is another death and another funeral.



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UPDATE April 5, 2021: There are still no streams, as, we've now a another (a 3rd) funeral to prepare for.


And that is now 3 deaths in our family, in the past 2 weeks.


This 3rd death hits hard, because it was Pippi.


Our family has now had 13 deaths since March 2020.








April 10, 2015, 12 children were kidnapped.

May 15, 2015, the heads of 10 of them were nailed to my door.

August 24, 2020, one was found still alive. he was just 4 years old when she was kidnapped, but she remembered us, even though 5 years had passed.

August 25, 2020, Pippi came home, but her condition was not well. She had been tortured the entirety of the 5 years she had been held hostage. She was missing limbs and covered with scars, had broken bones many years not set, and suffered serious damage to many of her internal organs. That she was alive at all, in her condition, was a miracle. Doctors had little hope of her survival and she was sent home with Hospice care.

Pippi had cancer in her eye and needed surgery for it, which she was scheduled to have, shortly before she was kidnapped.

In the years they had her, not only did they torture her, but her cancer went untreated and spread to her brain.

By the time she was returned to us, her cancer had reached an inoperable state, so we knew she did not have much time left.

Had her cancer been treated, back when she was a toddler, she probably would have reach adulthood.

She died only 8 months after her return.

Another child, to cry out from the grave, for Etiole's vengeance upon her murderers. Another victim of evil men, who will stoop to no ends, to bury the crimes they committed 50 years ago.  Drug lords. Opium growers. Heroine dealers. Selling little girls 4 to 8 years old for sex to priests. They only care about money.

All hail the mighty tourist ass. Millions come to Old Orchard Beach every year, for one thing and one thing only: heroine. They sell their drugs to the tourists under the pier and off the balconies of that giant motel. Than drag little girls to the bedrooms of the condominiums on Smithwheel Road, behind the school. And any child who dares open their mouth and beg for help, gets tossed in the GooseFare Brooke Ravine.

Bastard drug lords. They've been doing this for 50 years, and the town hall and the police department, turn a blind eye to it, because they get paid $6million a year to not report it to the newspapers, when the body of another child washes down the ravine, into the gulley to be spit out in the ocean. No fewer than 5 bodies are found every summer, but how often does it get in the news?

The corruption of this fucking town needs to end.

Yet another dead at the hands of these criminals who run our town.

How long will the residents continue to turn a blind eye to what is happening in our town.

How many more children will you let them kill, before you stand up to them?

Another child is dead and no one in this town cares. So long as they get their money from the tourists. The blood of another murdered child screams from the graves, begging for justice. Tick tock, tick tock, so begins, yet another of Etiole's 7 year clocks.

This is why there were no/to few streams from May 2020 until now.

May 2020, after 4 years of not hearing from them at all, the FBI returned with a lead, which led to Pip's discovery a few weeks later in August.

Because of the nature of the situation, I could not talk about it, to tell you why streams had stopped.

The kidnappers, were enraged that we had recovered Pip, and that is when the attacks started up again on my home and family September 2020.

Pip's condition continued to grow worse, and she died April 5, 2021.

She was only 10 years old.

This is what it means, to not be white in America.

White men, won't even give a child the chance to grow up.

This is what white people do, to none white families like mine.

We are Gypsies with Jewish blood, for that alone we are hunted like animals.

What the men of Old Orchard Beach, Maine, did to my family, will never be forgotten or forgiven.




#If you have any information on the kidnappers or the murders...


#FBI Agent Andy Drewer out of the Portland, Maine FBI office is in charge of the of the April 10, 2015 kidnapping of my 12 children by 14 Ku Klux Klan men who invaded our home and the subsequent May 15, 2015 murder of 10 of the 12 whom had their heads nailed to my front door. If you have information about the case, give it to him not me. He can be reached @ +1-(207)-774-9322 


Have you forgot the extent of the damage these people did, all because, they wanted to dig up my land and removed bodies buried there, before my house builders found that barrel of bones?

Have you forgotten that 7 town hall workers, 5 public works men, a blond woman, her bald son, and her red haired sister Kendra, and 14 police officers, all lead by a man they referred to as "Mark who needs no last name" were the ones 

I name every one of them, except for the ring leaders: blond woman, her bald son, her sister Kendra, and her husband "Mark who needs no last name". I don't know who those 4 are. I'd never seen any of them, other than the Kendra woman before, and I only knew her fro her attacks beating me up at Panera in 2009, 2010, and 2013.

I can name every one of the others, because all I have to do is go to the Old Orchard Beach town hall and police department website, and their are their faces.

With the exception of blond woman, her bald son, her sister Kendra, and her husband "Mark who needs no last name", every one else involved was government official who works for the state of Maine vis the Old Orchard Beach Town Hall, the Old Orchard Beach Police Department, or the Old Orchard Beach Public Works.

And what exactly did they do?

August 8, 2013 they drove a backhoe over my house. That same backhoe drove over my previous house on the same land April 2007. That same backhoe drove over my poultry barn and horse stables July 2001. July 2001 was the first attack.

March 2015 was the the massive attack, with an entire fleet of trucks, and drove over the Church of the Holy Rhinstone, a church that stood on my land, my garage which is why I no longer have a garage to put my car in, my 2 sheds both of which had my tractors and other garden/crop machinery in them at the time. And of course the razing of the land, the cutting down of the apple orchard - the VERY apple orchard planted in 1530 that this town was named after... he actual "old orchard" of Old Orchard Beach... the very original trees - huge massive apple trees over 400 years old. The grape vineyards, the cherry trees, the pears trees. 

April 10, 2015, they returned, 4 police officer held me a gun point, while 10 other police officers held my children down with long poles with metal wire strangle loops on the end, and beat their faces in with cinder block bricks, knocking out every one of their teeth, breaking their jaws... POLICE OFFICERS DID THAT... while men they referred to as "Mark who needs no last name" and "Dan" stood there and told the police officers what to do, how to beat them, while "Mark who needs no last name" boldly bragged that he paid the Old Orchard Beach police $6million dollars to do this.

May 15, 2015... the heads, hands, feet, and intestines of my children were nailed to my door. Later that same day police officer W. W. came to my home begging for forgiveness and claimed that men he referred to only as "Mark and Dan" were holding his beloved mother-in-law hostage and torturing her, and he helped in the April 10, 2015 attack, only to save her life and get her back. He claimed he had no prior knowledge of what was going to happen, claiming that he'd been told they were only going to "scare" us. He said he had not expected anyone to get hurt, he had not known my children would be tortured and kidnapped, he had not known they were going to be murdered. He said he was scared for his life and lives of his family. And he said: "They form a small army, our department doesn't have enough man power to stop them, and every one in this town is too scared to fight back. You don't know what's going on. And I think they mixed you up with someone else. They didn't know you were the owner of this land. They didn't know that was your motorhome. They thought someone else owned this place. It wasn't even your family they were after. You were the wrong target. You don't know who these people are. What they've done to our families. This is the actual Mafia. The real deal. I'm so sorry. This is the address they sent us to. But they had a different name as the owner. This wasn't supposed to happen. They were after someone else. I'm so sorry. I couldn't let my family died. And now yours is dead instead. This wasn't supposed to happen."

June 19, 2016... I did a very specific livestream. You see... A., D., B., and T. in the 1970s and 1980s, were in the habit of dragging big black trash bags into the forest, crossing my land to do it, and dumping those bags into the Goosefare Brook Ravine. In 1983, 3 snuck into Etiole's swamp and planted 3 acres of Marijuana. Someone found it and called the police, I don't know who... it was Maine's largest drug raid for decades. Many, many millions in plants where dug up and removed from Etiole's swamp. A few weeks later A, & D,s 10 year old daughter ran into my yard, touched my car on a dare from other children - the 1964 Dodge 330 former Old Orchard Beach police car, known by Stephen King fans as the REAL Christine, The World's Most Haunted Car... than jumped her bike, and sped down the road, as fast as she could, head on into a car coming the other way. She died instantly, he brain shattered all over the end of my driveway, and her mother A responded by the Battle of 458 - the biggest mass shooting ever in Maine history, that ended up with 3 Gypsy clans and 2 police departments, in a shoot out between 70+ adults all armed with guns. One of my cousins, an 8 year old boy, standing 3 feet from me, had his eye shot out by one of the bullets. While A ran around the street screaming: "FOUR! FIVE! EIGHT!" than shot another child. 

"FOUR! FIVE! EIGHT!" than shoot another child. 

"FOUR! FIVE! EIGHT!" than shoot another child. 

THOSE are the 31 children, whose bones were sawed up and tossed into the GooseFare Brook Ravine... yes, that DOES mean, police officers KNEW those children were there and covered it up.  And I witnessed that entire event.

And THAT is WHY... when police officers murdered my family in 2015, I did a livestream, walking to the ravine, to show the world, where those bones were... because I'm sick and tired of the police corruption in this fucking town, and those sawed up bones of 31 children are PROOF of what this town government is like.... as are the heads of my children that were nailed to my door.

At the end of The Battle of 4-5-8... A. took 2 gas cans and poured them all over the big dome house, than set a match to it, and no one knew, why when she did her brother B., started running, jumped in his robin egg blue truck and backed down the driveway, hit Portland Ave doing 70 and didn't stop driving until the high speed chase caught him in CT... oh but we knew before he was out of sight, why he started running... the dome house went up like Hiroshima into a mushroom cloud that could be seen across the entire state... turns out there was a Meth lab in that house.

June 19, 2016... the livestream of the bones went viral, it's what made my YouTube channel suddenly explode overnight... and police officer W.W. upset, by the fact that, the livestream included the entire police call and response, and that response was to laugh and do nothing... fed up with the corruption in his department, he forwarded that livestream VOD to the FBI, and the FBI arrived in Old Orchard Beach, to dig up the Reclaim Blueberry Plains, and all hell broke lose in this town, as most of the police officers suddenly found themselves arrested. An entire new police force from out of state was brought in to replace the long time officers who had proven they could be trusted to uphold the law. Many town hall officials and public works employees also found themselves arrested by the FBI.

June 26, 2016... barely a week later... the blond woman and the red haired Kendra woman showed up at my workplace, Scarborough WalMart, and tried to kill me, yet again... these are the same 2 woman who attacked me with golf clubs at Southern Maine Community College November 14, 2013... they left dead in 2013, I was paralized for 5 months. It took me 18 months to relearn to walk. I was out of the wheel chair, and I was without a walker, I was without a cane. I had almost fully covered from their November 14, 2013 attack with golf clubs... June 26, 2016, this time they attacked with shopping carts, and I'm now crippled for the rest of my life. They shattered 3 vertebra this time and it can't be operated on. I had to relearn to walk a second time, and I'm not yet recovered now in 2021. In 2013 they drove away in the 4 door white pickup truck. In 2016 they drove away in a gold Volvo SUV station wagon.

That blond woman and her red haired Kendra sister, they are wanted by the FBI for attempted murder of me and they are also wanted in questioning for being suspected of also being the murderers of my children.

I don't know who these 2 women are.

The blond woman shows up my driveway frequently, screaming and yelling, sometime accompanied by a small child, about 5 years old, that she pulls behind her in a red radio flyer wagon. She looks to be about 60 or 70. She often wears a denim button down shirt and jeans. She's prone to yelling at passing cars, while pointing up my driveway, and saying: "There's EelKat, she tried to kill my husband."

I've never tried to kill anyone, so accusation is baffling at best.

She seems to think I know who she is, and has made the claim, that "I was that brat in school"... the red haired Kendra woman, sometimes with her, claims to be her sister, also appears to be 60 to 70 and also seems to think I know who she is, and frequently says: "You bullied me in school, but no more, I'm Kendra SilverMander it's my turn to shine."

They BOTH make the claim they went to school with me, and yet, I never went to school, a well documented fact... because I'm the child the FBI rescued what the news media called "Maine's House of Horrors". I was locked in a cage when I was 8 years old. I was let out on Sundays, to go to church, and not allowed to speak or make eye contact with anyone, and this was only done infrequently, whenever church goers asked what happened to that girl you had". I was 31 years old when the FBI arrived, because of Heaven's Gate having killed 39 people, and my uncle being one of the members and self proclaiming himself as the leader of Heaven's Gate after Applewhite's death. The FBI was investigating the murder of 39 people in California, and had no idea they'd find children in cages in Maine as a result.

So you see, when the blond woman and her Kendra sister, make the claim they went to school with me and I was the class bully who beat them up, this is easily proven false, because the time period when I should have been in school, I was locked in a cage, being tortured by my sadistic uncle Bruce.

Also, they are in their late 60s to mid 70s... making them older than my parents, so how could I have been in school with them, even if I had gone to school? At best I would have been starting pre-school the year they would have been graduating high school.

These things they say about school, only further agrees with what police officer W. W. said May 15, 2015, when he made the claim, they had gotten me mixed up with someone else.

July 2016, a month after the shopping cart attack... yet another Old Orchard Beach police officer arrived, this one accompanied by 2 Biddeford officers, who had been former OOB officers... these 3 officers, had a vastly eye opening story to tell me.

They had been called to Old Orchard Beach, to my farm, to arrest me, a call made to them, by a man named Mark, whom one of these officers, claimed was his brother in law. This Biddeford officer, said he requested to transfer ot of Old Orchard Beach department years ago, because his sister (whom he claimed he suspected, but could not prove was the blond woman whom had attacked me at WalMart) was quote "trying to control the town" he said "treats Old Orchard Beach like a dynasty, thinks she's a duchess, has severe mental disorders, and thought she could buy the police department". He went on to say, she got in with the real Mafia years ago and went to her head, and now she thinks she IS the Mafia and most of Old Orchard Beach's business owners, especially the motel owners are scared shitless of her, because they believe her claim to be Mafia. He went on to say, she's not Mafia, but she's good at convincing people she is and stated "I wouldn't murder beyond her. She'd do it just to prove she is Mafia." He said he transferred out of OOB department to Biddeford department because he was fed up with how easy it was for her to get every officer to do anything she asked. He said "the corruption in that department runs deep; don't cross her or any officer she controls; they WILL kill you and every around you. You don't know who her husband is. He doesn't just control that town, he controls half the state."

What he was telling me was bizarre on extremes, but even more bizarre was the live feed radio call, that he had me listen too, as it was happening, on my farm in Old Orchard, while I was at my dad's house in Biddeford.

He said: "The Old Orchard Department called me, asked me to come over here. Buddy Will wanted to prove you were not in Old Orchard and that Mark has you mixed up with someone else. That fucking bastard is crying wolf and trying to frame you, we can prove it right now. We are fucking fed up WolfBoy."

He turned on his radio, so I could hear. A what I heard... a man whose voice I do not recognize, yelling at a Officer W.W. and saying: 

"That is Wendy, arrest her now! That is EelKat. She tried to kill me."

While officer W.W. and another officer, told the man: "his isn't Wendy. We have officers with her right now. Who tried to kill you? Wendy? Or THIS woman right here?"

"This woman right here! This is EelKat I tell you! Arrest her! What do you think I pay you for! You aren't allow to defy me! I own this town! You are my slaves. I command you to arrest her!"

W.W.: "This isn't EelKat. This isn't Wendy. I've known her for years. And right now, she's on the other side of the state. With 3 officers, listening to you right now. You are NOT the law. We've had it with you. You don't own me. And you've mixed her up with someone else. You've been harassing the wrong damned person. You dare call us about Wendy ever again, and I will personally arrest you for false reports, than I'll tell them everything. You'll never see the outside a prison for the rest of your life when I get done with you. You fucking leave this woman alone. You destroyed her life, because you couldn't tell her apart from someone else."

I used to aqua jog, mountain climb, horseback riding, and I hiked 13 miles a day. And in the blink of an eye, that lifestyle was taken away, and every day was struggle, just to sit up and breath, with no hope of ever walking again. I defied doctors. It's been 8 years and I can move around the house by holding on to things and I now can walk again, at the moment only short distances outside with a cane, and the hope is to continue to improve. I still have a long road of recovery ahead. But I'm walking again, something that 8 years ago, doctors said would never happen. 

My farm was razed.

My family was murdered.

I was 5 months paralysed, and had to relearn to walk. It was 8 years ago and I'm not yet fully recovered due to 3 inoperable vertebrae and hip dysplasia. November 14, 2013, 10PM, at WalMart, while putting bags of groceries in the back seat of my car, I was attacked by 3 rapists armed with metal golf clubs, who left me parallelized, in a wheel chair, broken spine, broken hip, broken pelvis, broken knees, serve nerve damage to my left side limiting the use of my left hand, my bladder incontinent from nerve damage, they left me for dead, and I had doctors telling me I would never walk again.

There's more that has happened. A lot more. The thousands of gallons of sewage they pumped into my motorhome in 2015. The cats. the Ptarmagin cats. World famous groups of cats. You remember them. If so, you remember what these people did to those cats. Poisoned. All dead the same day. 12 cats. Dead to what the vet described as: "enough poison to kill a great dane". My horse, she had her head beat in with a rock. My bantam roosters... 70 pet roosters, hung by their necks in rope nooses in my rose bushes.

All because this man, this mystery Mark, whose last name seems to be known to the police but is still unknown to me and man whom I've never seen or met - he keeps his face covered whenever he shows up... mistook me for someone else... and police officers and town hall workers and public work employees.

Welcome to Old Orchard Beach... this is NOT the way life should be, you know it.

What these people did to me, should never have happened, and according to the police, it's been happening for 50+ years to hundreds of people, hundreds of families, in this town, and every one is too scare to talk about it or fight back to stop it. That NEEDS to change.

The corruption in our town, needs to stop... but it won't end, until every last person who is being harassed by these people stand up, put their foot down, and say enough is enough, we ain't gonna take this any more.

We the people of Old Orchard Beach need to take back our town.


NOTE: Chat is set to emote only on my Twitch channel and my personal contact information has been removed from my website and every place else, due to the HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS of false reports of "information", along with vile hateful memes about the murder of my family being sent to me by trolls who think mocking the murder of my family is funny.

FBI Agent Andy Drewer out of the Portland, Maine FBI office is in charge of the of the April 10, 2015 kidnapping of my 12 children by 14 Ku Klux Klan men who invaded our home and the subsequent May 15, 2015 murder of 10 of the 12 whom had their heads nailed to my front door. If you have information about the case, give it to him not me. He can be reached @ +1-(207)-774-9322 



If you could recommend I watch one VOD that best represented your channel, which would it be?

This one....




The Princess Bride predicting Covid-19?

Avallac'h's a Good Tutor?
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EXTREME SPOILER WARNING!

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The KBoards BDSM Rant

As requested, the return of the 2011 KBoards Article known simply as "The BDSM Rant"




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I think the problem is so very few people have an inkling of a clue what BDSM is. They read satirical parody BDSM mocking heaping pieces of bullcrap like 50 Shades and think "Oh that must be BDSM! yay! my boyfriend is an ass that beats the crap out of my I'm BDSM! woo-hoo!" GOD! I spit on every one of them! 

Those of us that ACTUALLY LIVE in BDSM relationships know that ELJames couldn't tell her a$$ from a hole in the ground when it comes to BDSM. That book is an absolute piece of shit mockery! How dare anyone even think to call that BDSM! I'm absolutely appalled that people are so clueless about what BDSM is, that they call trash like that which does nothing but promote abusive relationships BDSM!

NEWSFLASH: At no point in a BDSM relationship is the sub thinking "OMG what's he doing?" Why? Because she knows ahead of time step by step what's going to happen. there are no surprises. 50 Shades does nothing but promote abuse. It has NOTHING to do with REAL ACTUAL BDSM. And THAT is the problem.

I have a love/hate relationship with 50 Shades, because on one hand it opened the world up to a lifestyle that few mainstream folks were aware was out there, but the on the other hand, it is nothing but one false stereotype after another about the lifestyle, so it does as much to hurt the lifestyle as it does to make people aware of it.

Now, thanks to 50 Shades, we have millions of books calling themselves BDSM and not a one of them written by somebody who has ever actual practiced BDSM.

Seriously, I have read books listed as BDSM, that included an 18 year old girl kidnapped by a group of thugs, locked in a dog cage, chained up, and the gang raped over and over again, the girl is crying and begging and trying to escape, and people read stuff like that and think it's BDSM! That's rape fantasy, that's not BDSM.

Stories like 50 Shades are every where - selfish ego big shot, gets off on beating up innocent wide eyed girl who has no clue what's going on. And they sell it as BDSM! That's abuse fantasy, it's not BDSM!

I have lived in a BDSM relationship, for 28 years. We just had our 28th anniversary 2 weeks ago. We are 2 years from our 30th anniversary.  We have what is called a slave and Master relationship. He has full control of everything. Literally everything. You all know I have a huge fleet of cars, I talk about them all the time. Here's what you don't know: they have locking gas caps on them and I don't have the keys - he does. He keeps track of mileage and gas usage, to the extreme. If I want to go somewhere, I have to get his permission first. He will then calculate the millage, and put ONLY the EXACT amount of gas, to get to and from, where I intend to go. Lock the gas cap and keep the key. And hell on me if I get stuck in traffic or a detour because I do not have enough gas in my car to sit in traffic or take a few feet out of the way to get around  construction. I also sleep outside. We have 3 properties, one of which is a big mansion across the street from Pres. Bush's house.

The living room in one of our houses is 48'x32' - that's one room, bigger then the average apartment. And I sleep outdoors. Sometimes under a tarp-tent-thing, other times in a car. Lately in a motorhome, now that I have one. Slave, by every definition of the word. I am not allowed indoors without permission - and it doesn't matter if it's a hurricane, a blizzard, or a deep freeze ice storm going on outside - I'm not allow to sleep indoors at night. My income boggles the minds of most people and yet I do not have access to my bank accounts, and I have to get permission to access any of my money. I can not walk up to the front door and go in the house whenever I want to - I don't even have a key to house - I have to ring the doorbell and wait, for him to decide whether or not he wants to answer the door.

You see I am well trained - like a dog. Exactly. Obedient, loyal, and devoted. I do nothing without his permission. I don't even go online without his permission. He knows every move I make. Every day. I do not own a phone, because it's not allowed. I do not go out in public, without him with me. It's why when people meet me, "OMG it's you!" they also respond "OMG! is that him? he really is old enough to be your grandfather!"...

...the funniest ones are, like a few months ago a fan ran into us at WalMart - and he's waving a stack of unpublished poems and yapping about wanting me to read them tell him what I think. We are shopping and the guy just follows us. Full hour, he's going on and on. And then he stops talking and says:

 "You don't just dress Japanese you act Japanese too." [i]{I was in full kimono - as I often am}[/i] I wasn't quiet sure what he meant by that, but he kept talking so I soon found out. "You always walk a few paces behind him, Japanese women do that, they fall back behind their husbands. But you're not Japanese, why do you do that?"

Here's where it got funny...

my husband answers: "She knows to respect her elders."

"I wasn't talking to you, I was asking her."

"You've been talking to me all day."

"No, I've been talking to her."

"No, you've been talking to me."

The guy stops and thinks for a minute. "Yeah I have, you've answered every question I asked her, haven't you." Turned back to me "Why are letting him answer for you?"

This guy has been talking to us a full 2 hours, I've yet to open my mouth and say a word. My husband's answered everything. Screaming fanboy here, just notices.

Husband answers: "I didn't give her permission to speak to you and she knows she's not allowed to speak to men without my permission."

"Not allowed? Really?" stares at me. I'm still not talking.

"Really. She will not disobey me."

The guy is silent for a few moments then says: "The bond between you two is amazing, I've never seen a woman with so much respect for her husband, that she'll not say a word without his permission. She doesn't disobey you on anything?"

"Nothing. She's well trained. She's bought and paid for. I own her."

"Like ... a ... a.. slave?"

"Yes. Exactly."

That bothers people. A lot. 

It bothers people that I sleep outside, like a dog, I even have a dogloo (a type of doghouse).

It bother people that I dress as cartoon characters 24 hours a day, or in full kimono 24 hours a day. I do not own any normal clothes. It's not allowed.

It bothers people that I eat when I'm told, what I'm told, and have gone as many as 12 days without food at all, because I was not given permission to eat.

It bothers people to the extent that police and social workers are commonly knocking on the door, saying they got complaints that I'm being abused. Frequently, I've had to deal with being dragged into court and told I had to testify against my husband. And yet, if I don't talk on the witness stand, they can do nothing, and if he doesn't give me permission to talk, I can sit on the witness stand, literately for DAYS without saying a word. As he says himself - I am well trained.

I have been dragged to the hospital and psychiatrists so social workers could attempt to gain evidence of physical and emotional abuse. But he's never hit me. Not once. He's never even raised his voice. And I'm with him willingly.  I live like this willingly. 

I can walk out at any time. I have walked out before. There have been times when I didn't want to live this lifestyle any more and told him so, he gave the keys, took the locking gas caps off the cars, stopped demanding obedience. We were separated for 3 years, about 15 years ago. I do have a lot more freedom and control in this relationship then most people think I do. He does back down if I say "No. I don't agree to this." There is never a time when can't walk out of this. There is never a time when I feel I have no control, or feel that I lack the freedom to say "No".

That's the difference between BDSM and abuse - in abuse, the victim is afraid and feels they have lost control, they feel they have no choice, they feel threatened. That NEVER happens in BDSM. EVER! And yet, read books like 50 Shades - they are filled with girls having inner thoughts about being scared of the guy, feeling they have no choice, feeling he will hurt them if they say "No." That is NOT BDSM - that is abuse. As soon as the character becomes afraid, it's stops being BDSM and become time to call the police, and sadly a lot of authors, don't know that. Far too many authors falsely assume BDSM is all about a big man pushing a little girl around and getting his way.. It's not. It's not that at all!

I am also both bigger and stronger then him. I can and have picked him up and walked off with him. I actually think he's scared to even try to push me around, because he does know how easy it is for me to just toss him over my shoulder.

What you have here is a guy who really is not very big, he only weighs 140lbs. He has a long history of being pushed around by other men. He faints all the time - blood, needles, milk, cats, noise on the roof that might be aliens....he's scared of his freaking shadow. Outside of his family, he really has no control over anything. The absolute complete opposite of an alpha on any level. You are seeing a man who feels he's no control in anything at all, and when he found a wife willing to just let him take control he ran with that.

Me? I came from a bad background. My grandfather, went out with one hell of a bang when he took his alien cult buddies on a mass murder suicide that is still all over the news all these many years later. Oh yeah, ask me why my husband thinks aliens are coming to take him away. Not everyone in Heaven's Gate is dead, only the ones who gathered together that night. The rest are still firmly waiting for alien to take them away, and my husband is one of them. He missed Hailbop and is waiting for the next, whatever comet or something. Fun living in the shadow of my psycho grandfather. People know that I as a child witnessed a big mass murder suicide, they don't often realize how big it was, or why I retreated to hide from the freaking paparazzi...oh your THAT EelKat, the one who wrote the alien abduction books - oh your family all murdered each other - you're that girl who survived Heaven's Gate! Yeah - that's me. You have any idea how sick and tired I got of reporters and newspapers and photographers and lawyers and courtrooms and "tell us again what happened?"

You know...I need to escape from the masses of unwanted media attention after, you know, everyone around me was suddenly dead all at once. Do you have any idea what that's like? One day you have all these people, friend, family, and the next day they are all dead. Every one of them. all at once? ALL of them!

The situation was quite simple:

He had no control of anything...he wanted control of something

And I wanted out...just out...I didn't want to ever see another cultist or relative or reporter or comet again...I wanted silence. I wanted to not have to talk to the media any more. I wanted to not have to think about death anymore. I desperately needed someone to step in and say "No interviews! No comment! She ain't talking to you. Get that camera out of her face!"

He was happy to take control and not allow any one near me.

And I was happy to have some one take over the situation and give me permission to not have to talk.

Turned out to be a very good situation for both of us. Freaky sex and all.

And when people call the police and send social workers to the house, they are assuming that he beats me up and I obey him out of fear. They assume that what they are seeing, with him giving rather outlandish orders and me obeying without question, that there must be some level of abuse, and yet there is none at all.

The thing of it is, these people, they don't know the story behind how we got like this. They just assume - she doesn't talk in public, he won't let her, he must be hitting her. And how do I explain to them, WHY I don't talk, WHY he doesn't let people talk to me, with opening another media circus can of worms? Oh, well, you see I survived Heaven's Gate and the media went crazy, he stepped in to get the media out of my face...wait Heaven's Gate, isn't that like the crazy who killed everybody over aliens or something...yeah, that was my grandfather...OMG! You're THAT girl? Yeah, you know what? I'm tired of being that girl who the media can't stop shoving cameras in her face! I'm tired of answering reporters questions. I'm tired of answering spectator questions. I'm just plan tired of talking to anyone about anything, and I WANT to be told I don't have to talk!

And that is why BDSM works for us. We both NEED it. He needs to control something and I need someone to take control so I can free my mind and not have to think anymore. There is no abuse, not hitting, no beating to submission...there is a man in need of control and a wife in need of being controlled, which results in a deep mutual respect for one another. 

He makes me feel safe, in a world that I have a hard time facing. I make him feel needed in a world where he feels unimportant. I need him to control things to keep the chaos in order and he needs to control my life to feel needed.

You see, people falsely assume BDSM is all about sex. And it's not. Sex is only a very small sliver of a fraction of BDSM. And that's why I said all this...to show you that there is WAY more going on in a BDSM relationship, then just freaky sex. There is a much, much deeper emotional underlying going on to BDSM, then what Erotica books let on.

If you was to believe Erotica books, you'd think BDSM was not but a woman being beaten into submission and that's not even close to the truth of actual BDSM.

I've known tons of BDSM couples and nearly every one of them has a story similar to ours, where one part of the couple (the submissive/slave) felt they had lost control of their lives and was spiraling out of control and the other (the dom/master) had nothing they could command control over. 

One (the dom/master) needed to control something while the other (the submissive/slave) needed to have someone take over control so they could feel safe again.

There is NEVER fear or abuse or people acting like jerks, like Christian Grey, in a true BDSM relationship. 50 Shades of Grey is a farce. It's a pitiful mockery that makes fun of a lifestyle that ELJames clearly knew NOTHING about at all. And thanks to the stereotyping of 50 Shades, now their are HUNDREDS of authors who NEVER had a BDSM relationship, writing so-called BDSM and farther spreading the black eye continuing to push BDSM into an ever darker light.

There are people who play act at pretending to be BDSM, dressing up in leather and swinging whips for a hour or 2 a week, and then they go back to their "normal" life, and then there are people for whom BDSM is [b]NOT[/b] a game,  [b]NOT[/b] a hobby to do in their spare time, but a way of life, lived every minute, of every hour, of every day, year after year.

There is more to BDSM then sex. A lot more. And in TRUE BDSM, you don't have freaky sex in leather with funky toys a couple a times a week, and then go back to living a "normal" every day life in public.

THAT is the problem with books like 50 Shades. They treat BDSM like it is nothing but freaky sex acted out by people who to the outside world, live otherwise normal lives, and that's just play acting, that's [b]NOT[/b] BDSM. Fetish sex without the lifestyle is JUST fetish sex and nothing else. It's [b]NOT[/b] BDSM.

50 Shades and BDSM books like it, NEVER touch on the true deep emotional underpinning behind BDSM.  They NEVER focus on the deep love and respect the couple have for each other.

Every author who wants to write BDSM, should first find an actual real live BDSM couple - not costumed clubbers who play act BDSM after work, but ACTUAL BDSM couple who live this life all day every day, year after year, and interview them. Find out what the lifestyle is REALLY like. Find out the truth behind it.

And then, take this poster, print it up, and put it on their writing desk, and use it as a guide line, for what is and IS NOT BDSM:

[img width=585]http://www.bdsmtrainingacademy.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/TheDifferenceBetweenBDSMAndAbuse.jpg[/img]

In direct answer to your question: What gives?

I'll tell you what gives: people have this "idea" about what they "think" BDSM is. And they fantasize about it and confuse it with rape fantasies and DubCon. Not the same thing at all. 

People hear about BDSM couples who have been in long lasting relationships, 10, 20, 30 or more years, and then they look at "normal" relationships where the average marriage is divorced before 3 years. They think "I want a lasting relationship, like those BDSM folks got" Then they, not knowing what BDSM is, think it must be that one party stays because they are being beaten up and are scared to leave. Next they start thinking "I need to be beaten up in order to have a long marriage"

Next they seek out books about abusive relationships, falsely think it's BDSM, and then get upset when it hits them "but I don't really want a guy to treat me like that!" I'm gonna leave this book a bad review, because it's got a bad guy beating her up in it.

The problem is - putting an alpha male in a BDSM story isn't going to work out, because most ACTUAL real live men in DBSM relationships are beta males not alpha males which is presciently WHY they are into BDSM.

Real live BDSM men tend to be shy, quiet, short, thin, geeky, "Big Bang Theory" type guys, who are scared of everything, faint at the sight of blood, are NOT in leadership positions in their career, and feel they have no control over life, thus WHY they get into BDSM relationships with women [b]WILLING[/b] to submit to them. 

And as long as BDSM Erotica books keep putting alpha males in the dom/master role, BDSM books ARE NOT going to be a true reflection of the reality of BDSM, and readers will continue to be disappointed, because often the readers who are disappointed are the ones who ARE living a BDSM relationship, and they are NOT looking for alpha males, but beta males that match the reality of what BDSM is really like in the real world, outside of Erotica fiction.

Readers who are clueless as to what BDSM is actually like, will keep right on reading it and think nothing of it. It's the BDSM lifestyle folks who read and get upset at the arrogant, egotistical, unlifelike alpha male CEOs in control.

I think you are seeing disappointment not from the vanillas who are reading BDSM (they don't know they are not reading actual BDSM, so have no reason to complaint about the jerk), but instead are seeing disappointment from the BDSMers who are increasingly disappointed by the fact that their lifestyle is seen as fair game to make a mockery of. People who know the lifestyle know there is no way this side of hell an alpha male is going to be in a long term loving BDSM relationship. It ain't possible, because he WILL abuse the girl, he WILL hurt her, whereas a beta male won't. Alpha males are only about themselves, beta males are about caring for their partner. That's the difference between fictional BDSM and the real deal. In real life a dom/master is kind, loving, and caring and would NEVER injure his/her sub/slave, because the first time s/he did, they'd lose the trust of the sub/slave and the relationship would end. 

Let me put it this way: you won't have white characters painted black to act out your African American characters right? So why do you think nothing of putting an arrogant alpha in the role of a beta needing to be needed? It's no different. 

It depends on your target market: Are you aiming at clueless vanillas who want a rude, crude, alpha caveman beating them senseless or are you targeting actual BDSMers who want to read actual BDSM?

If you don't want actual BDSM couples complaining about jerks in Erotica, then don't falsely advertise your books as BDSM, it's as simple as that. Rape fantasy and DubCon is NOT BDSM and someday authors will figure that out, until then, they are just gonna have to live with the fact that BDSMers are going to complain at having their lifestyle treated like some sort of exotic fish to slap around without any respect to the feelings of people who are being misrepresented by clueless vanilla authors who couldn't be bothers to do any real research into what is and is not BDSM.







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