EelKat Wendy C Allen - zdark Fantasy Author


2018 April/May/June Update:

As you know, most of the year I publish 2 to 3 articles a day.

However, every year during convention season, I take a break from that to go full swing CosPlay.

From early April 2018 to late June 2018, article posting schedule will be sporadic, while CosPlay Season and Convention events are going full swing.

During this time period, you can expect most, possible all new articles to be focused on costume making, CosPlay, and the characters I'm CosPlaying.

UPDATE: It's now divided into 7 pages. The primary page "Meet Avallach" is now over 20,000 words long. At this rate, it'll cross 60,000 long before the costume is finished, and that's not including the other 5 pages. The primary page has now crossed 60,000 89,000 words and counting, the whole set of Avallac'h pages are now more than 200,000 words long, and more then 500 pictures of Avallac'h and his friends have now been uploaded on these pages, plus there are now 400+ hour-long videos f the costume making process as we record live, every second of this insanely elaborate, over the top CosPlay project.

As of May 19, just 29 days to PortCon we are embroidering his blue coat in a countdown against the clock to finish in time for the event, while we pray that The Dazzling Razzberry will be re-weilded back together and drivable in time for PortCon, after it's recent vandalism by Old Orchard Beach's ever growing Ku Klux Klan problem.

There will still be daily updates, but the BULK of the daily updates will be limited to the pages linked here:

  1. The Avallac'h CosPlay: Who is Avallac'h?
  2. Obsession: Meet Avallac'h
  3. [NSFW] Avallac'h & His Nude Women | Witcher 3 Game Screenshots
  4. Historical Accuracy vs Avallac'h (to go live later this summer)
  5. The Avallac'h CosPlay Costume Making Vlogs (will go live AFTER finishing the costume)
  6. How To Make The Avallac'h CosPlay (will go live AFTER PortCon)
  7. How Much Did It Cost? ($800+ will run to around $3,000) Budgeting The Avallac'h CosPlay (eing written as the costume is being made, will go live after completion of the costume)
  8. Why do children CosPlay rapists & rape victims? & WHY Avallac'h is a M18+ character. 
  9. PortConMaine 2018
  10. On Being a Handicapped CosPlayer: A Look At Events of PortConMaine 2017 That Resulted In 3 Disabled CosPlayers Getting hurt at The Convention and How These Things Could Have Been Avoided


After PortCon Update:

PortCon 2018 is over... but the making of the Avallac'h CosPlay is not. It is not possible to make a costume as detailed as I'm making in fewer then 400 hours, and only 129 hours went into the simplified first run version you saw at PortCon'18. The complete version will not be seen until PortCon'19

If you want to see this costume in person and watch it's progression onward as I continue to expand it... I'll be wearing it at the monthly Maine Association of CosPlay Enthusiasts (M.A.C.E.) events, throughout 2018 and 2019, you are welcome to join us. The list of current events can be found here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/293470827423558/events/ This list is updated monthly, so be sure to check back often to find all the dates, locations, and details of events.


The KBoards BDSM Rant

As requested, the return of the 2011 KBoards Article known simply as "The BDSM Rant"




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I think the problem is so very few people have an inkling of a clue what BDSM is. They read satirical parody BDSM mocking heaping pieces of bullcrap like 50 Shades and think "Oh that must be BDSM! yay! my boyfriend is an ass that beats the crap out of my I'm BDSM! woo-hoo!" GOD! I spit on every one of them! 

Those of us that ACTUALLY LIVE in BDSM relationships know that ELJames couldn't tell her a$$ from a hole in the ground when it comes to BDSM. That book is an absolute piece of shit mockery! How dare anyone even think to call that BDSM! I'm absolutely appalled that people are so clueless about what BDSM is, that they call trash like that which does nothing but promote abusive relationships BDSM!

NEWSFLASH: At no point in a BDSM relationship is the sub thinking "OMG what's he doing?" Why? Because she knows ahead of time step by step what's going to happen. there are no surprises. 50 Shades does nothing but promote abuse. It has NOTHING to do with REAL ACTUAL BDSM. And THAT is the problem.

I have a love/hate relationship with 50 Shades, because on one hand it opened the world up to a lifestyle that few mainstream folks were aware was out there, but the on the other hand, it is nothing but one false stereotype after another about the lifestyle, so it does as much to hurt the lifestyle as it does to make people aware of it.

Now, thanks to 50 Shades, we have millions of books calling themselves BDSM and not a one of them written by somebody who has ever actual practiced BDSM.

Seriously, I have read books listed as BDSM, that included an 18 year old girl kidnapped by a group of thugs, locked in a dog cage, chained up, and the gang raped over and over again, the girl is crying and begging and trying to escape, and people read stuff like that and think it's BDSM! That's rape fantasy, that's not BDSM.

Stories like 50 Shades are every where - selfish ego big shot, gets off on beating up innocent wide eyed girl who has no clue what's going on. And they sell it as BDSM! That's abuse fantasy, it's not BDSM!

I have lived in a BDSM relationship, for 28 years. We just had our 28th anniversary 2 weeks ago. We are 2 years from our 30th anniversary.  We have what is called a slave and Master relationship. He has full control of everything. Literally everything. You all know I have a huge fleet of cars, I talk about them all the time. Here's what you don't know: they have locking gas caps on them and I don't have the keys - he does. He keeps track of mileage and gas usage, to the extreme. If I want to go somewhere, I have to get his permission first. He will then calculate the millage, and put ONLY the EXACT amount of gas, to get to and from, where I intend to go. Lock the gas cap and keep the key. And hell on me if I get stuck in traffic or a detour because I do not have enough gas in my car to sit in traffic or take a few feet out of the way to get around  construction. I also sleep outside. We have 3 properties, one of which is a big mansion across the street from Pres. Bush's house.

The living room in one of our houses is 48'x32' - that's one room, bigger then the average apartment. And I sleep outdoors. Sometimes under a tarp-tent-thing, other times in a car. Lately in a motorhome, now that I have one. Slave, by every definition of the word. I am not allowed indoors without permission - and it doesn't matter if it's a hurricane, a blizzard, or a deep freeze ice storm going on outside - I'm not allow to sleep indoors at night. My income boggles the minds of most people and yet I do not have access to my bank accounts, and I have to get permission to access any of my money. I can not walk up to the front door and go in the house whenever I want to - I don't even have a key to house - I have to ring the doorbell and wait, for him to decide whether or not he wants to answer the door.

You see I am well trained - like a dog. Exactly. Obedient, loyal, and devoted. I do nothing without his permission. I don't even go online without his permission. He knows every move I make. Every day. I do not own a phone, because it's not allowed. I do not go out in public, without him with me. It's why when people meet me, "OMG it's you!" they also respond "OMG! is that him? he really is old enough to be your grandfather!"...

...the funniest ones are, like a few months ago a fan ran into us at WalMart - and he's waving a stack of unpublished poems and yapping about wanting me to read them tell him what I think. We are shopping and the guy just follows us. Full hour, he's going on and on. And then he stops talking and says:

 "You don't just dress Japanese you act Japanese too." [i]{I was in full kimono - as I often am}[/i] I wasn't quiet sure what he meant by that, but he kept talking so I soon found out. "You always walk a few paces behind him, Japanese women do that, they fall back behind their husbands. But you're not Japanese, why do you do that?"

Here's where it got funny...

my husband answers: "She knows to respect her elders."

"I wasn't talking to you, I was asking her."

"You've been talking to me all day."

"No, I've been talking to her."

"No, you've been talking to me."

The guy stops and thinks for a minute. "Yeah I have, you've answered every question I asked her, haven't you." Turned back to me "Why are letting him answer for you?"

This guy has been talking to us a full 2 hours, I've yet to open my mouth and say a word. My husband's answered everything. Screaming fanboy here, just notices.

Husband answers: "I didn't give her permission to speak to you and she knows she's not allowed to speak to men without my permission."

"Not allowed? Really?" stares at me. I'm still not talking.

"Really. She will not disobey me."

The guy is silent for a few moments then says: "The bond between you two is amazing, I've never seen a woman with so much respect for her husband, that she'll not say a word without his permission. She doesn't disobey you on anything?"

"Nothing. She's well trained. She's bought and paid for. I own her."

"Like ... a ... a.. slave?"

"Yes. Exactly."

That bothers people. A lot. 

It bothers people that I sleep outside, like a dog, I even have a dogloo (a type of doghouse).

It bother people that I dress as cartoon characters 24 hours a day, or in full kimono 24 hours a day. I do not own any normal clothes. It's not allowed.

It bothers people that I eat when I'm told, what I'm told, and have gone as many as 12 days without food at all, because I was not given permission to eat.

It bothers people to the extent that police and social workers are commonly knocking on the door, saying they got complaints that I'm being abused. Frequently, I've had to deal with being dragged into court and told I had to testify against my husband. And yet, if I don't talk on the witness stand, they can do nothing, and if he doesn't give me permission to talk, I can sit on the witness stand, literately for DAYS without saying a word. As he says himself - I am well trained.

I have been dragged to the hospital and psychiatrists so social workers could attempt to gain evidence of physical and emotional abuse. But he's never hit me. Not once. He's never even raised his voice. And I'm with him willingly.  I live like this willingly. 

I can walk out at any time. I have walked out before. There have been times when I didn't want to live this lifestyle any more and told him so, he gave the keys, took the locking gas caps off the cars, stopped demanding obedience. We were separated for 3 years, about 15 years ago. I do have a lot more freedom and control in this relationship then most people think I do. He does back down if I say "No. I don't agree to this." There is never a time when can't walk out of this. There is never a time when I feel I have no control, or feel that I lack the freedom to say "No".

That's the difference between BDSM and abuse - in abuse, the victim is afraid and feels they have lost control, they feel they have no choice, they feel threatened. That NEVER happens in BDSM. EVER! And yet, read books like 50 Shades - they are filled with girls having inner thoughts about being scared of the guy, feeling they have no choice, feeling he will hurt them if they say "No." That is NOT BDSM - that is abuse. As soon as the character becomes afraid, it's stops being BDSM and become time to call the police, and sadly a lot of authors, don't know that. Far too many authors falsely assume BDSM is all about a big man pushing a little girl around and getting his way.. It's not. It's not that at all!

I am also both bigger and stronger then him. I can and have picked him up and walked off with him. I actually think he's scared to even try to push me around, because he does know how easy it is for me to just toss him over my shoulder.

What you have here is a guy who really is not very big, he only weighs 140lbs. He has a long history of being pushed around by other men. He faints all the time - blood, needles, milk, cats, noise on the roof that might be aliens....he's scared of his freaking shadow. Outside of his family, he really has no control over anything. The absolute complete opposite of an alpha on any level. You are seeing a man who feels he's no control in anything at all, and when he found a wife willing to just let him take control he ran with that.

Me? I came from a bad background. My grandfather, went out with one hell of a bang when he took his alien cult buddies on a mass murder suicide that is still all over the news all these many years later. Oh yeah, ask me why my husband thinks aliens are coming to take him away. Not everyone in Heaven's Gate is dead, only the ones who gathered together that night. The rest are still firmly waiting for alien to take them away, and my husband is one of them. He missed Hailbop and is waiting for the next, whatever comet or something. Fun living in the shadow of my psycho grandfather. People know that I as a child witnessed a big mass murder suicide, they don't often realize how big it was, or why I retreated to hide from the freaking paparazzi...oh your THAT EelKat, the one who wrote the alien abduction books - oh your family all murdered each other - you're that girl who survived Heaven's Gate! Yeah - that's me. You have any idea how sick and tired I got of reporters and newspapers and photographers and lawyers and courtrooms and "tell us again what happened?"

You know...I need to escape from the masses of unwanted media attention after, you know, everyone around me was suddenly dead all at once. Do you have any idea what that's like? One day you have all these people, friend, family, and the next day they are all dead. Every one of them. all at once? ALL of them!

The situation was quite simple:

He had no control of anything...he wanted control of something

And I wanted out...just out...I didn't want to ever see another cultist or relative or reporter or comet again...I wanted silence. I wanted to not have to talk to the media any more. I wanted to not have to think about death anymore. I desperately needed someone to step in and say "No interviews! No comment! She ain't talking to you. Get that camera out of her face!"

He was happy to take control and not allow any one near me.

And I was happy to have some one take over the situation and give me permission to not have to talk.

Turned out to be a very good situation for both of us. Freaky sex and all.

And when people call the police and send social workers to the house, they are assuming that he beats me up and I obey him out of fear. They assume that what they are seeing, with him giving rather outlandish orders and me obeying without question, that there must be some level of abuse, and yet there is none at all.

The thing of it is, these people, they don't know the story behind how we got like this. They just assume - she doesn't talk in public, he won't let her, he must be hitting her. And how do I explain to them, WHY I don't talk, WHY he doesn't let people talk to me, with opening another media circus can of worms? Oh, well, you see I survived Heaven's Gate and the media went crazy, he stepped in to get the media out of my face...wait Heaven's Gate, isn't that like the crazy who killed everybody over aliens or something...yeah, that was my grandfather...OMG! You're THAT girl? Yeah, you know what? I'm tired of being that girl who the media can't stop shoving cameras in her face! I'm tired of answering reporters questions. I'm tired of answering spectator questions. I'm just plan tired of talking to anyone about anything, and I WANT to be told I don't have to talk!

And that is why BDSM works for us. We both NEED it. He needs to control something and I need someone to take control so I can free my mind and not have to think anymore. There is no abuse, not hitting, no beating to submission...there is a man in need of control and a wife in need of being controlled, which results in a deep mutual respect for one another. 

He makes me feel safe, in a world that I have a hard time facing. I make him feel needed in a world where he feels unimportant. I need him to control things to keep the chaos in order and he needs to control my life to feel needed.

You see, people falsely assume BDSM is all about sex. And it's not. Sex is only a very small sliver of a fraction of BDSM. And that's why I said all this...to show you that there is WAY more going on in a BDSM relationship, then just freaky sex. There is a much, much deeper emotional underlying going on to BDSM, then what Erotica books let on.

If you was to believe Erotica books, you'd think BDSM was not but a woman being beaten into submission and that's not even close to the truth of actual BDSM.

I've known tons of BDSM couples and nearly every one of them has a story similar to ours, where one part of the couple (the submissive/slave) felt they had lost control of their lives and was spiraling out of control and the other (the dom/master) had nothing they could command control over. 

One (the dom/master) needed to control something while the other (the submissive/slave) needed to have someone take over control so they could feel safe again.

There is NEVER fear or abuse or people acting like jerks, like Christian Grey, in a true BDSM relationship. 50 Shades of Grey is a farce. It's a pitiful mockery that makes fun of a lifestyle that ELJames clearly knew NOTHING about at all. And thanks to the stereotyping of 50 Shades, now their are HUNDREDS of authors who NEVER had a BDSM relationship, writing so-called BDSM and farther spreading the black eye continuing to push BDSM into an ever darker light.

There are people who play act at pretending to be BDSM, dressing up in leather and swinging whips for a hour or 2 a week, and then they go back to their "normal" life, and then there are people for whom BDSM is [b]NOT[/b] a game,  [b]NOT[/b] a hobby to do in their spare time, but a way of life, lived every minute, of every hour, of every day, year after year.

There is more to BDSM then sex. A lot more. And in TRUE BDSM, you don't have freaky sex in leather with funky toys a couple a times a week, and then go back to living a "normal" every day life in public.

THAT is the problem with books like 50 Shades. They treat BDSM like it is nothing but freaky sex acted out by people who to the outside world, live otherwise normal lives, and that's just play acting, that's [b]NOT[/b] BDSM. Fetish sex without the lifestyle is JUST fetish sex and nothing else. It's [b]NOT[/b] BDSM.

50 Shades and BDSM books like it, NEVER touch on the true deep emotional underpinning behind BDSM.  They NEVER focus on the deep love and respect the couple have for each other.

Every author who wants to write BDSM, should first find an actual real live BDSM couple - not costumed clubbers who play act BDSM after work, but ACTUAL BDSM couple who live this life all day every day, year after year, and interview them. Find out what the lifestyle is REALLY like. Find out the truth behind it.

And then, take this poster, print it up, and put it on their writing desk, and use it as a guide line, for what is and IS NOT BDSM:

[img width=585]http://www.bdsmtrainingacademy.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/TheDifferenceBetweenBDSMAndAbuse.jpg[/img]

In direct answer to your question: What gives?

I'll tell you what gives: people have this "idea" about what they "think" BDSM is. And they fantasize about it and confuse it with rape fantasies and DubCon. Not the same thing at all. 

People hear about BDSM couples who have been in long lasting relationships, 10, 20, 30 or more years, and then they look at "normal" relationships where the average marriage is divorced before 3 years. They think "I want a lasting relationship, like those BDSM folks got" Then they, not knowing what BDSM is, think it must be that one party stays because they are being beaten up and are scared to leave. Next they start thinking "I need to be beaten up in order to have a long marriage"

Next they seek out books about abusive relationships, falsely think it's BDSM, and then get upset when it hits them "but I don't really want a guy to treat me like that!" I'm gonna leave this book a bad review, because it's got a bad guy beating her up in it.

The problem is - putting an alpha male in a BDSM story isn't going to work out, because most ACTUAL real live men in DBSM relationships are beta males not alpha males which is presciently WHY they are into BDSM.

Real live BDSM men tend to be shy, quiet, short, thin, geeky, "Big Bang Theory" type guys, who are scared of everything, faint at the sight of blood, are NOT in leadership positions in their career, and feel they have no control over life, thus WHY they get into BDSM relationships with women [b]WILLING[/b] to submit to them. 

And as long as BDSM Erotica books keep putting alpha males in the dom/master role, BDSM books ARE NOT going to be a true reflection of the reality of BDSM, and readers will continue to be disappointed, because often the readers who are disappointed are the ones who ARE living a BDSM relationship, and they are NOT looking for alpha males, but beta males that match the reality of what BDSM is really like in the real world, outside of Erotica fiction.

Readers who are clueless as to what BDSM is actually like, will keep right on reading it and think nothing of it. It's the BDSM lifestyle folks who read and get upset at the arrogant, egotistical, unlifelike alpha male CEOs in control.

I think you are seeing disappointment not from the vanillas who are reading BDSM (they don't know they are not reading actual BDSM, so have no reason to complaint about the jerk), but instead are seeing disappointment from the BDSMers who are increasingly disappointed by the fact that their lifestyle is seen as fair game to make a mockery of. People who know the lifestyle know there is no way this side of hell an alpha male is going to be in a long term loving BDSM relationship. It ain't possible, because he WILL abuse the girl, he WILL hurt her, whereas a beta male won't. Alpha males are only about themselves, beta males are about caring for their partner. That's the difference between fictional BDSM and the real deal. In real life a dom/master is kind, loving, and caring and would NEVER injure his/her sub/slave, because the first time s/he did, they'd lose the trust of the sub/slave and the relationship would end. 

Let me put it this way: you won't have white characters painted black to act out your African American characters right? So why do you think nothing of putting an arrogant alpha in the role of a beta needing to be needed? It's no different. 

It depends on your target market: Are you aiming at clueless vanillas who want a rude, crude, alpha caveman beating them senseless or are you targeting actual BDSMers who want to read actual BDSM?

If you don't want actual BDSM couples complaining about jerks in Erotica, then don't falsely advertise your books as BDSM, it's as simple as that. Rape fantasy and DubCon is NOT BDSM and someday authors will figure that out, until then, they are just gonna have to live with the fact that BDSMers are going to complain at having their lifestyle treated like some sort of exotic fish to slap around without any respect to the feelings of people who are being misrepresented by clueless vanilla authors who couldn't be bothers to do any real research into what is and is not BDSM.




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